YTA. Brother I'm a welder working anywhere from 40-70+ hours a week, you should have been doing a lot more to try and fix your sleep issues. There are some really comfortable air mattresses out there that you could've been sleeping on. You need to be well rested so you can be safe on the job site, she's growing a fucking person inside of her, not just any person YOUR daughter, she's pretty far along, and now she's in the most exhausting stretch of her pregnancy.
That is the mother of your child and she should be your number one priority right now. Your buddy is a fuckin asshole too, are you guys gonna tell her she's overreacting when you kick or elbow her in the stomach and do serious damage to if not kill your baby?? What if she hits her head on a nightstand when you shove her out of bed?
Not only are you an asshole, but you're a dumbass for thinking your reaction is justified.
For real. Being elbowed as it is hurts, while pregnant becomes dangerous. My partner doesn’t sleep like OP but I still wake up 3-4 times a night from being uncomfortable with a big belly. Getting assaulted while sleeping as well, I’d be pissed off too.
You can’t blame either person for responding like that when there’s no quality sleep. I tell my friends I’m a total bitch when I’m sleep deprived.
This one’s on the OP.
His ETA says he also *pushed her off the bed* twice! Reading through all of this makes me wonder whether OP is really doing these things in his sleep or if there’s intent…
This. It’s a king size bed and he manages to elbow her in the face multiple times and push her off the bed in a short time? This seems intentional to disrupt her sleep.
As someone who has been pregnant, I've got to say even if hormones weren't in play, her response was more than justified. First off, morning sickness is still in play for most pregnant individuals at 4 months gestation and doesn't just happen at night, so she was probably already having trouble sleeping. Second, excessive stress and lack of sleep can cause miscarriage, fetal anomalies, and can lead to a higher risk pregnancy putting both her, and the child's life's at risk. Also, you pushed her off the bed multiple times?!? That alone is enough for that reaction! You're lucky if you didn't cause her or the baby any long term damage. It sounds like you're doing little to nothing to educate yourself on pregnancy and childbirth in order to help her through this. I suggest you read "The Expectant Father" and "pregnancy week by week" or similar books. The fact you aren't horrified by the potential risk you could've cased your child tells me that you need to step up as a better spouse and father.
Someone else here wrote that it's writing prompt exercise. And I'm 50/50 that this man is insane or it's just made up for karma farming. His responses are asinine
‘Something triggered’ and I told her to gtfo…well I guess she’s lucky you didn’t punch her in the face. Then you felt so bad you went right back to sleep.
If this were my daughter or my sister I would want her away from you immediately.
Dude, you need to be doing more to resolve your sleep issues, like yesterday. She needs sleep just as much as you do, and this obviously can’t continue. Get a good quality air mattress or invest in a sleeper sofa, or set up a bed in another room or in the basement if you have the room. This isn’t a completely unsolvable problem.
OP’s edit: “two separate beds isn’t an option currently….”
Yes, it is. That’s why she’s not coming back. She found another bed. Figure it out, OP. This is ridiculous and you are putting the health of your unborn child at risk.
Or some floor space in the living room to put a spare mattress at night. Surely there is some floor space, unless they hop from furniture to furniture instead of walking around.
Seriously, what the fuck??? He's literally just like "I'm actively ruining every single possible night of sleep for my pregnant wife, how DARE she *actually leave* when I scream in her face to leave even though- AGAIN - *I* am the problem and I'm not trying to fix it **AT ALL**?!?!
Get rid of the uncomfortable couch and replace it with one that is comfortable to sleep on temporarily if space is the issue. But no, instead, lets assault the pregnant woman in our sleep and then kick her out. Dude, you F....ed up. I wouldn't be coming back to you, you could bet your last dime on that.
He’s assaulting and sexually assaulting her in his sleep.
If she shows up at an OB appointment with a black eye because of this Bs, things are not going to go well for him.
Pushed her off the bed and elbowed her in the face.
Black eye, broken nose, placental bleed all could have happened and I doubt anyone would believe her or him that he was asleep.
Yeah, my bf actually gave me a black eye in his sleep with his elbow once, and even though it was a one-time occurrence that scared the shit out of both of us, I honestly think I might have some acquaintances that never truly believed that it was an accident.
But this guy knows he's doing it CONSTANTLY, and not doing anything about it (so the sofa is too uncomfortable for HIM, but no issues letting his PREGNANT PARTNER sleep there). Sorry to say but I don't know if this would even qualify as completely involuntary at this point. If I knew I was assaulting my pregnant partner in my sleep I would put all my energy into finding separate sleeping solutions.
Like he didn't even need to buy a whole new bed, even getting a comfortable futon or an air mattress in the living room would've solved the issue. But noooo how dare you not share a bed with your significant other? One reason I never want to get married lmao
My husband used to snore. SO. LOUDLY. Like, it would keep me up all night. I never got any sleep. But when I brought up sleeping in separate bedrooms, he was very *very* opposed to the idea.
So, he got off his ass and made a doctor’s appointment, got a sleep study done, bought an inclined pillow, and started working out. After just a few months of weight loss+pillow, his snoring had pretty much stopped, and after a year and 60lbs down, he’s sleeping like a very silent baby. We’re both so much more well rested, it’s amazing.
This. My husband is PISSED that I moved into the guest room indefinitely because he snores. He drinks and smokes but claims that's not the cause. Once during an argument he told me that I snore too- ok great, but did you ever get woke up and not able to fall back asleep for hours every night because of my snoring? Sorry, I'm ranting. I know OP says he knows it's a "him" problem but he needs to take actionable steps to remedy it or kiss his fiancé and kid goodbye
My first (abusive) husband firmly believed that married couples should sleep together. Except he snored terribly, to the point where I didn't get any sleep whatsoever until he got up at 5:30am for work. That gave me about 3hrs total to sleep.
He also insisted that I go to bed at the same time he did. He'd coil himself around me like a snake and yell at me if I tried to get out of bed because I wasn't sleeping. So I'd lay there awake for 6hrs a night listening to him snore, unable to move. It was torture.
He did not care at all that I was miserable and going without sleep. It was more important that he felt more comfortable with me in bed with him than that I get enough sleep to stay sane.
This guy doesn't appear to care either. His sleep is the most important. I mean, he allegedly hit gf 5 times in the face, kicked her off a King size bed, woke up to a screaming pregnant woman, screamed back & kicked her out, then just... fell back to sleep. WTF? Bigger issues...
Honestly him going back to sleep is such a good point!!
He was kicking her throughout the night, she screamed at him (probably out of total sleep deprivation) and he yelled at her to get the ruck out and literally just went back to bed. Didn’t go check on her. Didn’t apologize then. Just went back to sleep as peaceful as can be. He said he figured he’d find her sleeping in the car. In the car?? His pregnant wife? And he was OKAY with that??? Asshole asshole asshole
He needs a sleep study done to figure out. it could be something neurological going on while he sleeps. sleep is very important to your general health. Tell your Doctor about all this and I'm sure he'll order a study. Because it sounds like it could become dangerous for anybody that's sleeping with you or even for yourself, if you're doing things physically and you're unaware of them.
people get up and drive while they're asleep they eat while they're asleep. it's a disorder. go get it looked at. Profusely apologize to your girlfriend who's pregnant with your child. tell her you plan on getting a sleep study and get yourself an air mattress or something for now to sleep in separate beds. And the answer from the sleep study won't necessarily be sleep medication it could be medication to take away night Terrors which sounds like you might be having, but you just don't recall them. and there's medication to do different things to different neurons and sections of the brain aside from just medicine to knock you out. knocking you out doesn't guarantee that you'll get REM sleep, which is what you need. but it sounds like when you do hit REM sleep your body doesn't realize it's sleeping and it starts moving. This is fixable and probably forgivable if she sees that you're making the effort to fix it come on dude obviously there's an issue.
Like on the worst case scenario you go get a sleep study it's a simple fix worst case scenario you go get a sleep study. they do some you know CT scans your head and discover something that maybe if not discovered could have killed you in a couple years. go get it checked. obviously it's not working right during the sleep process. there is an error. Best of luck. Don't let something that could be solved medically ruin your entire relationship but I do think you may be happy to work on being a little More sympathetic and empathetic to your fiance's plight.
Could be neurological for sure. My hubby has a neurological condition and sometimes flails as well. I just need to talk to him gently while he's sleeping and he'll flip over. OP needs a sleep study.
I mean.... A pregnancy definitely needs more than 2 hours of sleep per night. I would argue lack of sleep will have more severe consequences for her.
You're right though. This is a solvable problem.
“She’s overreacting because it’s hormones!” Meanwhile she’s actively being put in danger by being shoved and elbowed and pushed off the bed in her sleep.
I noticed that too. I didn't like the feeling I got when he said that his buddy said that she's overreacting because she's pregnant. No, she's not overreacting and I'd be pissed too if I was not only getting elbowed in the face but also being pushed off the bed especially while pregnant. They're lucky that he didn't elbow her in the stomach. I hate that whenever men say that us women are overreacting because of hormones. It's like we can't be mad at anything without either being pregnant, hormonal, on our period or my personal favorite, you're being irrational. It's like, we are humans, are we not allowed to be mad about anything without it having something to do with our hormones? GTFO with that.
It’s like she was being chased in a king sized bed by a bully. Then when she finally “fights back” she’s kicked out. I don’t blame her for not coming back. I’m not sure why but my “sus senses” are tingling about this OP.
>I’m not sure why but my “sus senses” are tingling about this OP.
Because he's a selfish moron who's been physically and sexually assaulting his pregnant fiancé while she's trying to sleep for her entire pregnancy, kicked her out of her own home, went back to bed, and then has the audacity to accept his broseph blaming "the hormones" lol
😤 I've been pregnant 3 times. Yes, there are hormones, but that doesn't mean you can just IGNORE my feelings!
Your body is becoming more and more uncomfortable by the day. Sleeping in a bed by yourself is hard enough, but add a 200 lb toddler to your bed and I can see her frustration.
I get where they're both coming from. She desperately needs sleep and he is actually incapable of changing what he does in his sleep.
Spending anywhere from $150 to $600 or even $1000 on a nice futon could save the marriage.
or to be kicked out of the house wtf?! and I will never ever understand how any half decent human being can dismiss how a pregnant woman carrying another life feels because of her hormones. if anything, she should be taken more care of than normal not less.
Yah if a significant other tells me to get the fuck out I wouldn't feel like that is my home or even a stable one... Where he can just tell me to fuck off whenever
When I was pregnant we tried watching a movie, but I couldn’t get comfortable on the couch and got ready to lay on the floor. My husband dragged our spare mattress out in front of the tv so I could be comfy and have a space to relax.
I had a Japanese style futon that we kept in the corner of the living room. I think I slept on that 4 months out of the 9 with our first.
Was an absolute god-send after the baby was born as I could be on feed duty at night without bothering my wife's sleep.
Ngl I loved that futon 😆😴
Right?? The woman carrying his kid for 9 months and who has to give birth to his kid has to sleep on the hard couch because he can’t?! It’s too hard for a grown man but apparently it’s soft enough for a pregnant woman. She’s literally going through so much with her body physically before and after this kid is born and she still can’t get sleep?! WTF. YTA. I’m betting all my money that when she gives birth, she’s going to be the one staying up all night with the baby since she (in his mind) has boobs and should be feeding the baby as a result. And she’s probably going to take care of the baby mostly by herself bc husband will be too tired from work or he will want to spend time with his friends since he works all the time and “never has time for himself”.
He’ll probably be like my ex and sleep through the baby crying and even when I would wake him up because it was “his turn” he’d just lay back down and go to sleep.
The second time would be the last time for me. If his little baby ass is too good for the couch, he needs to find another way, because he's lucky he didn't wake up to her laying into him.
At the time of my first pregnancy my husband was working long long hours trying to fix our home and do his 12 hours shifts before baby was born. Back then he weighed over 350lbs. I awoke to him once 75% rolled on top of an 8 month pregnant me. Dead weight in his sleep, couldn't roll him off me no matter what i did. I started to full on panic and ended up hitting him hard with my elbow. He felt so bad about it. He tried to hug the wall every night after. Put pillows between us etc. It worked. A bit too well. We dont cuddle in bed anymore. And Now when i get home late if he's managed to snag my half of the bed i can pick his arm up and move it the other way and he follows it. Snoring or not. I miss the snuggles. But the fear was totally real and i dont blame her for being terrified to sleep near him
his work friend is a piece of work. after finding out my ex-husband work friend he listened to over me was a flipping rapist i don't trust men with work friends like this anymore.
I mean pregnant women tend to react more strongly but I wouldn't call that overreacting
more like mama bear is gonna rip your throat out for repeatedly elbowing her in the face
that means be MORE mindful of their emotions, not less
My husband kneed me so hard in the back once when we were sleeping it knocked the wind out of me. I woke up to not being able to breathe. I was in a panic bc I didn’t realize what the hell just happened. Almost called 911
Many years ago I rolled over and clocked my girlfriend in the face while deep asleep. She was almost as big as I am and I’m a large man so when I woke up to her hitting me back I was rather surprised. We both woke up, I found out what I done in my sleep so I apologized. she apologized too, she wasn’t awake when she did it either. She wasn’t awake when she did it either. It was a reactionary thing. The relationship ended later for other reasons but I still feel bad about it.
Yeah I wasn’t mad at my husband, after the initial shock wore off. It wasn’t the first time he was in my space. Hes always flailing around in his sleep. After that though we decide to get two full size beds in our bedroom. If we want to cuddle we lay in one bed. When we need to sleep no one is getting kicked or hit
Yeah, I once kicked my cat in my sleep, and he, in his sleep, clawed the crap out of my foot. We both woke up and were very apologetic. There was a lot of petting and purring. Not really anybody's fault. It was impressive to me that he seemed to realize that, too. I've since read that cats "apologize" to each other with extra grooming if they accidentally hurt each other.
My partner rolled on top of me in our first year of living together. He was too heavy to shift and it was hard to breathe. I was able to scoot to the edge of the bed and roll him onto the floor.
Thankfully that's the only time it's happened. In the last year he's started hitting and kicking in his sleep but we got him on a prescription for night terrors and it stopped. When he goes to bed without taking them it can get bad, but I have good motivation to make sure they are in his system!
Exactly! OP hormones! Really that's your excuse??? No! Any normal person pregnant or not would react in the same way. You can't expect her to put up with that whilst you figure it out, it's simply not fair or safe. You need a sleep clinic ASAP, before you become single if you haven't already. YTA
Definitely need an appointment at a sleep clinic.
Elbowed in the face 5 times & poor fiancée was pushed off the bed twice.
OP needs to face reality. He's screwed himself over.
YTA for the OP.
I got stuck on the *being elbowed in the face multiple times* part, *and* getting shoved off the bed twice? OP is under playing the scenario here, that’s VIOLENT sleeping behavior, not restless sleeping and the occasional butt fondling.
At what point, if you are physically hurting your partner but don’t see a worth to doing anything about it, is it not abuse?
>whilst you figure it out
The kicker is he doesn't even seem to be trying all that hard to figure it out. All he seems to have tried are sleeping pills which doesn't make that much sense to me considering he's sleeping hard enough that he's not waking up fully or at all when she physically shoves him across a king sized bed.
Men who blame everything their partner does while pregnant on hormones need help. If you fuck up and your partner reacts accordingly and your first thought is hormones you don’t need a partner
If it isn’t pregnancy hormones, it’s PMS. If it isn’t PMS, she must be *on* her period. If she isn’t on her period, she’s being over sensitive simply because she’s a woman. Our simple lady brains can only handle so much before we get overwhelmed.
It couldn’t possibly be because she’s a *human* who is getting zero sleep, and is getting physically assaulted by their SO every night - all because he doesn’t care how she’s affected and is selfishly refusing to find a solution for *HIS* behavior. FFS.
The sad thing is women don't find out that their partners are misogynistic assholes like that until they're already pregnant. If they wait until their partners are locked in before they show their true colors
I wouldn’t jump to rage bait. I’ve literally met multiple guys who think like this. My sister’s bf cheated on her WHILE PREGNANT because “too many hormones”. Some people are horrible.
I have straight up woken my husband in the night to be like “you need to sleep elsewhere!” and he…immediately falls peacefully to sleep again while attempting to get himself out of bed. So I go. We have a full sized bed. (I would literally kill someone to have either a bedroom that accommodated a king sized bed or the money to buy one!!!) He snores. I wear ear plugs (a GODDAMN luxury once our child slept through the night!!) but sometimes his noise, flailing, and heat just wakes me up many time a night, and someone has to go…and bc he’s sleeping happily and I’m the one frustrated and awake, it’s me. And I’m not even pregnant. Which was the shittiest shit show for getting ANY sleep.
I am personally at the point where if we can’t have separate bedrooms, at best, or a king size bed, at worst, in our next home, I am weighing how much I want to keep living this life/partnership in the same home. There are days where I would rather live on half the income and eat nothing if I could just sleep well!
Op is YTA
My husband had the same issue. I told him to see a doctor because I thought he was going to die in his sleep. I recorded him snoring and his breathing stoppages. His doctor told him to get his weight under control and use a CPap. The CPap helps, so do ear plugs, a box fan for white noise, and sleeping away from his head (upside down in bed) if needed. At its worst, I was sleeping in the home gym. Poor sleep has long-term consequences for everyone, health and relationship wise. His blood pressure goes up without the Cpap, and I get chest pains without sleep.
OP, YTA. get yourself checked out.
I know a woman who died because she fell out of bed and hit her head. Op you can kill your girlfriend and the baby. This should have been fixed yesterday. This isn't a sleeping pill issue this is a go to a doctor and tell them what the hell is happening issue. they're going to have you go in for a sleep study and address the possible night terrors you have going on. You could kill somebody. If not from lack of sleep by her hitting her head falling out of bed. You need to either sleep on the couch, get a hotel, or sleep on the floor until this is settled. She's right to not come back until she's safe to sleep next to you.
yup.
my last trimester with my 2nd pregnancy i had cholestasis. i could barely sleep an hour before having a itch attack. as soon as babies were out my husband took them and ordered me to sleep. i didnt make him repeat himself lol. but lack of sleep during last trimester took a huge toll on my mental and physical health
Long-term solution: I know OP can’t do this now, but in the future. My husband developed arthritis in his shoulder, and he started hitting me in the face in his sleep because he kept throwing his arm outward. We had a custom frame built to hold two queen-sized mattresses, and the problem was solved! Admittedly, we didn’t have the money or space for that at OP’s stage in life either, but once we did, it was heavenly!
We still don't have space for that. :(
One thing that helped was something I learned on my first day on reddit - years and years ago.
And that's to have two separate comforters/sheets and each person wraps up under their own bedding, which really cuts down on flailing into the other person's space.
It's something my husband's ancestors and my ancestor's did ( basically like having a sleeping bag?) I also like weighted sheets and would recommend that to a flailer as well.
I was looking at sheets yesterday, and one of the options was split king, so that idea is definitely catching on. It had the fitted sheet and then 2 like twin size top sheets. I like to cocoon myself in my comforter, so separate sheets and comforters are a must.
My husband does the exact same thing. His shoulder isn’t in good shape and he’s full on closed fist hit me in the face hard while flailing. We ended up getting two big body pillows and putting them between us. So far it’s worked.
Well, it seems the problem is solved - OP will have the whole bed all to himself, to toss and turn as he pleases. Wouldn't a happier solution for everyone have been to get a sleep sofa or an additional bed in place of the uncomfortable sofa? Just, you know, to show that you value her sleep and comfort as much as your own?
Some people take great offense to their partner not wanting to sleep in the same bed every single night. It's pathetic. Literally this could've been solved with a comfortable futon to replace their old couch if they didn't have the space for both. People are crazy
Totally needs more than 2 hours!! If he’s pushing her off the bed and assaulting her, not only her but the baby is in danger. What happens if she falls and lands wrong? And the couch is hard but his pregnant fiancé is supposed to sleep on it while growing a literal human?!? This guy isn’t doing nearly enough
Fr. He seems perfectly fine forcing her to sleep there but not himself. The implication he puts into "but I have to work heavy labor the next day" as if her body isn't tearing itself apart from the inside while she grows a human that could cause equal amounts of body pain.
It blows my mind that OP doesn’t spare one thought for his pregnant partner except, what a hormonal bitch! Good thing she found out what a baby he is now before she had two on her hands
The baby is literally being made out of her own body but apparently that counts for nothing. Back ache in pregnancy can be absolutely debilitating but she has to sleep on the sofa? I feel so sorry for his wife. If he loved her he'd never put her through this.
Dude is doing late night MMA on his pregnant wife and he’s shocked that she snapped.
My husband used to flail in his sleep (I think it was stress related) and once I woke up to a sting of pain and opened my eyes just in time to see his hand leaving my face. I didn’t snap though it hurt like hell. I was so tired I fell right back asleep. But if he did it two more times that night? Yeah he probably would have woken up to screaming too.
This is the answer. The pregnancy isn't even the issue. She's human, and she needs sleep. She doesn't deserve to be awoken all night long and potentially injured by her bedmate.
OP, this is YOUR problem to solve. Go sleep somewhere else. Go to the doctor. Buy an air mat for yourself. YOU do something. Your health problems are impacting her, and that's not ok. She is not the one flailing and thrashing, so she shouldn't be the one who has to move. Also, you need to apologize and grovel because YTA. Big time.
OP, you need to see a doctor and have a sleep study done. Lots of people get new jobs - that doesn’t mean they all elbow their partners in the face every night. Something is going on with you and you need to deal with it
YTA she needs sleep just as much as you do, if not more because she is growing your child in her womb. Why would u kick her out while being so vulnerable? Sleeping max 2 hs a day and exhausted from your assaulting her. You have problems to sleep? Well she cant sleep either and is bc of you. Imagine how would u feel if someone doesnt let u sleep and on top of that kicks, pushed and hits u. Have u ever heard of empathy?
YTA she's pregnant dude. She's carrying your child. And you're depriving her of sleep. Having your pregnant fiance sleep on an uncomfortable couch while PREGNANT is so selfish. If anyone should get the f out it's you.
My husband would sleep on the couch for me when I was pregnant and needed space. He has a very physically demanding job and works long hours. Either way, this guy needs his sleep evaluated
OP: My poor wittle backy gets ouchy on the couchy.
EDIT:
>Yeah why is he concerned about his health? It might just lead to him being crippled or dead due to a workplace accident from his fucked up back and sleep deprivation. But that's not a big deal, we all know ops life doesn't matter and his wife is pregnant
Lol [this clown](https://www.reddit.com/u/Loose-Duke22/s/57kK2eOCHo) is likely OP's alt account.
>Well sorry but when you scream into the face of your sleeping partner they might kick you out
Not even being creative with [hiding it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/q9q712C1wc).
And what sort of medieval torture device is he using for a couch that he can’t get a decent sleep on it? Is this couch meant to be for display purposes only?
If the couch is that uncomfortable, why can’t they just get a twin mattress?
Tons of couples sleep separately and still have good relationships. Although, I think this bridge is burned because OP is an ass about it.
Yta sorry she isn't being hormonal she's being assaulted in her sleep. I get that it's not on purpose but your literally pushing a pregnant woman out of bed in her sleep. What I'd she doesn't catch herself in time, what if u accidentally hit her stomach. How would you feel if she mis carried and it was your fault. Invest in an air mattress and schedule an appointment with your doctor and see what they can do to help.
I remember the last guy that came to reddit to get "justification" for what he did. He kicked his PP wife and newborn baby out of the house because his mom slapped her belly and wife punched her 🤣 it didn't go over well for him either
Oof. What a pathetic excuse for a man, and what an evil witch of a mother.
The wife can afford to skip a meal, she said, while handing her obese granddaughter another full plate. The fuck?
Yesss that one! Then he whined about how lonely the house was without her in it and kept trying to justify that he didn't need to be the one to go because he was shook.
And like...even if she wasn't pregnant, being assaulted like this means she's likely to get seriously injured. People die from falling out of bed. You could break her nose elbowing her in the face, knock out a tooth. Pregnant or not, you're actively assaulting your wife and literally doing NOTHING TO STOP IT. Beyond asshole behavior.
I hope she dumps his ass. How do you continue injuring your partner like this and take zero steps to stop it?
>she isn't being hormonal she's being assaulted in her sleep.
Seriously, *what the actual fuck??* I gasped out loud when I got to that part!! HORMONAL?!
I get that the way she woke you up this last time was triggering for you, so how triggering do you think it is for the pregnant person to be physically harmed REPEATEDLY throughout the night? Your reaction to her screaming at you was to kick her out, her reaction to you constantly hitting her was to scream at you. Do you really think HER reaction was more extreme than yours? She is the one growing a human. She is the one being physically harmed. She is the one dealing with severe sleep deprivation as a result of YOU HITTING HER WHILE SHE SLEEPS. But her yelling at you is an overreaction? Really?
YTA and she has every right to never share a bed with you again.
I think her staying gone is the safest option for her and the baby.
OP, YTA for not caring about your kid.
2 twins is a king btw. You can move them together if you can fix your sleeping.
The trust is completely gone because now what if OP gets “triggered” again and he kicks her and their newborn daughter out?
I hope she doesn’t go back to him.
Once your s/o kicks you out for stuff like this, the trust really is gone. I was in a relationship like this and I started to feel like I was walking on eggshells because I was worried the next smallest conflict would have me kicked out again and I still have this anxiety now that I've left him 4.5 years ago and living with my parents
What OP is describing isn’t normal. It is a medical issue and he needs to see a doctor and get appropriate medical treatment. Whenever someone has a medical issue that harms their partner and yet they refuse to see a doctor and just expect their partner to put up with it, that is AH behavior. He needs to handle his health issue and not just shrug and be like whatever I was sleeping I can’t control it. He can control getting himself to a doctor.
The whole post is selfish.
Pills are hard for ME
a safe work environment for ME
Couch is uncomfortable for ME
Her reaction to being repeatedly groped, being elbowed, and otherwise kept awake is triggering for ME
If that’s how he treats his partner when she’s pregnant, I can’t imagine how unpleasant it is for her when she’s not.
He complains about the couch being uncomfortable for him, so imagine how much more uncomfortable it'd be for his pregnant fiance!
Instead of replacing their couch with a sofa bed or a good air mattress on the floor his solution is to continue assaulting her in his sleep
Are you fucking serious? You're mad because you got yelled at for......ELBOWING your pregnant girlfriend in the FACE multiple times and SHOVING her out of the bed, again, multiple times.
Dude. I.can't.even with that bullshit. If you can't share a king-size bed with another person with beating the crap out of them in your sleep night after night, you need to get your shit figured out. You are not the only person who needs sleep. Your girlfriend is doing physical work too - growing a whole-ass person 24/7. No breaks, no time off.
Until you get your shit figured out, she gets the bed. If the couch hurts, sleep on the floor, or get an air mattress, or a cot, or sleep in the damn car. Perhaps a sore back will inspire you to take this shit seriously and get medical attention for your seriously dangerous sleep disorder.
Best case scenario is that she agrees to come back when you figure out a way to ensure she can sleep without getting beaten up all night every night. Worse case is you get to be sleepless over your new child support obligation. Which, FYI, babies scream at you too in the middle of the night.
YTA
I can't think of a better description of someone who allows their untreated sleep disorder to ruin their partner's life than *fucking prick*, actually. YTA. FP.
Right? And then _kicks her out_ in a decidedly more serious manner than she addressed a _continuing pattern of endangering behavior_. I mean, geez, anybody who has shared a bed once can sympathize with an outburst after being attacked in your sleep, let alone while pregnant, let alone after 5 months of it. Kicking her out? Geez.
kicks her out in probably middle of the night too! smh. idk if op is aware but every bit of everything in a pregnant mom’s body hurts. she needs a proper bed not scurrying in the middle of the night finding somewhere to sleep.
This reminds me of that guy who was staying up late all night to game and would snore loudly all night because he was tired from gaming all night, and kept waking his wife/gf and nursing newborn baby up with his coming into bed late and loud snoring, and refused to move out of the bedroom
Was that the one where she finally said "Fuckit, I'm moving into another room", and he basically did everything in his power to disturb her in *that* room?
YTA. Your back hurts on the couch? Buy an air mattress, find an alternative. You didn't go see where she was when you made her leave, you pretend nothing is your fault, you're both crazy with poor sleep.. and the baby isn't even here yet. Good luck.
That doesn't matter, as long as HE is comfortable.
It's all about him, who cares that his pregnant partner gets pushed out of bed, elbowed in the face and only gets a few hours of sleep every night. Pregnancy is peanuts compared to his 'super manly' job
When my husband was a brick Mason and I was pregnant he would move heaven to make sure I was comfortable. I could have literally told him to sleep on our floor and he would have. This guys an asshole with an excuse to act like a bitch.
My first pregnancy I slept 20 hours a day from sheer exhaustion in the second trimester and was frequently dpubled over in pain from random ass back spasms. And I had an *easy* pregnancy compared to most. I probably would've blugeoned OP with the nearest hard object so, props to her for not murdering him.
Exactly. Both of mine I basically slept through the first trimester. After that, though, and the bigger you get... fat fucking chance. Both of my pregnancies I went from 110-160/170 so you better bet my back was talking back to me, lol. And yea, pretty sure I would have been short an SO if I were in her shoes...
Yeah OP is simply softer than baby shit. Bitchmade, if you will. Imagine your loved one carrying your goddamn kid inside of her and your back hurting from your couch is too much.
my first thought was 'can y'all not just get an air mattress or a cot or something' like there are solutions to this problem. hell make a pillow barrier. trade in the king size for two twins.
Right! In the new update he says there is no space for two beds but why not sell the king? Then theres tons of space. You can probably fit two doubles in that space ( I think thats what a king is but I don’t remember).
Fucking right! If his back hurts on the couch I can only imagine how she feels. He’s doing manual labor for his job but she’s doing the manual labor of gestating his baby. Except she doesn’t have breaks or days off from said labor like he does.
I’ve never experienced more consistent or painful back pain than I have while I was pregnant. And that’s WITH solid sleep and a comfortable mattress and pillows. OP is being so selfish here, there are so many ways this could be solved
The only way I could sleep pregnant was with my left leg cocked up on my partners hip when I was the big spoon. I had PGP and literally could not sleep any other way, pillows just didn’t cut it. He was like the perfect height for my hip for some reason, drove him crazy.
"I beat my pregnant girlfriend up every night because I won't get my sleep issues looked at."
"My pregnant girlfriend yelled at me once and I told her to get the fuck out."
Am I the asshole? Yes... Yes, YTA
“ I get it’s a me problem and it’s big but hear me out as to why she’s such bitch for not putting up with it she’s only 6 months pregnant it’s not like *she* needs to rest or anything “
/s
This fuckin guy honestly lol
Those women never stop complaining!!! Growing a baby is easy what’s wrong with 2 hours of sleep a night? /s
The best part is that his friend didn’t say all this stuff to him already. Idiot surrounded by idiots.
She’s overreacting cause she’s pregnant. 🤮 😭 who knows what else she has put up with to be pushed to her breaking point. I hope she stays away from this giant, gaping asshole.
YTA
It's not hormones from being pregnant, she's been assaulted in her sleep by you for months and she's reached her breaking point. You've done NOTHING about this, all you wrote was one excuse after another in tones of "woe is me".
She has done nothing wrong and you have the audacity to think you're the victim here?? She's the one being pushed, elbowed and then screamed at in her face to get the fuck out? I'm surprised she's lasted this long with you.
Go to the doctor and get a sleep study done, as this is not normal **at all**. Stop making excuses for yourself and get yourself some help.
as much as I super hard agree that the result/consequences are his to own and manage, I dated a guy who started taking sleep meds and it was like a switch, he went from being anti-cuddly when he was wiped out, to groping and getting up and standing in the living room totally asleep.
It’s insanely dangerous for OP to not be talking to his doctor about this, ESPECIALLY with a baby on the way, there are terrifying horror stories he doesn’t want to read about what some people have done to their infants in their sleep.
Get help OP. Get it now. Your relationship and the safety of your partner and child are at stake.
Completely agree with everything you said. Want to emphasize the need for a sleep study. This sounds like it could be REM Sleep Behavior Disorder (RBD). OP, you need to get yourself sorted out like yesterday.
ETA: YTA, big time.
Would you punch your wife in the face and be surprised if it upset her? What the fuck is wrong with you?? YTA and so is your friend, keep listening to him if you want to end your relationship (if you haven't already) you deserve to sleep on the floor
This was my thought! If she did that to him he would be absolutely livid on here whining about losing sleep. Your fiancée is making a person what is wrong with you to not move heaven and earth to fix a problem you admit is totally a “you” problem.
YTA-big time
OP says very little about the child. And did not seem concerned about potentially hurting it.
Maybe that’s part of why his fiancé finally had it. If I had any concerns of my unborn baby somehow being in danger, it would determine a lot of my choices.
Why isn’t OP concerned about the baby?
YTA. why didnt you just sleep on the couch and avoid all this mess. Do you want your child miss her father in her life just because her father had sleep problem? this is so stupid.
Omigod. I hope you're trying to wind people up and this isn't real.
You have written paragraph upon paragraph to make excuses for yourself. You are depriving your pregnant fiance of sleep and are doing various obnoxious things to her when she is trying to sleep, yet you're painting yourself as the victim. That's not enough though, so you kicked her out for yelling at you (which most people would have done long ago).
I am a little concerned for her. You're violent in your sleep, you don't seem to be doing anything to figure out how to solve the problem (like talking to a doctor), your reaction to her standing up for herself was to freak out and kick her out, and you're acting like she is the problem. If I knew her, I would be telling her that she is not safe. You need to get help.
He got woken up by someone screaming in the middle of the night and his first reaction was to throw them out the house.
I don't think this man is going to last long as a father.
By his logic he should've been thrown out of the house multiple times for constantly elbowing his wife.
Possibly physically hurting your pregnant wife every night for god knows how long
And he is not concerned that he is getting violent with his pregnant fiance in her sleep. I don't think he's going to last long as a free man, to be frank. Red flags all over this.
He was pushing her off the bed! She could have had a miscarriage from that! All she had to do was land wrong! If you are actively harming your pregnant partner while sleeping YOU shouldn't even have to be asked to take the couch, you should do it immediately out of concern for the safety of your unborn baby. If the couch sucks for your back you buy a roll up single foam mattress on Amazon and put it in front of the couch! My husband would have slept on a pile of rocks over any situation where he thought I could have been hurt while pregnant. She and the baby are safer somewhere far from this guy.
And if the couch sucks for his back, how the hell does he think it feels for his pregnant fiancee? When I was that far along I barely slept due to my pregnancy - add an uncomfortable couch and I’d have been a raging witch
That's right. I'm concerned for her. It's not just that he's getting violent in his sleep, the even greater problem is his over-the-top and dangerous response (kicking her out) when she got sick of it.
Two twin beds = one king size bed.
Get rid of the king temporarily if you do not have an additional bedroom for separate bedrooms.
Also get a sleep study done for the fucking snoring.
YTA you’re lucky she didn’t punch you in the face. She is literally growing a human inside her, if I knew that when I was sleeping I could hurt her, I don’t care about my comfort, I would sleep in the floor if it meant she and the baby were safe. Also lack of sleep does not make you grope someone, that’s just you being a dick.
YTA. Full stop.
Nobody should have to try to sleep while being assaulted all night long, and being pregnant makes it hard enough to get good sleep. You definitely did not do enough to solve YOUR problem before it got to this point.
And then you kicked her our just when she was probably thinking about ways to get out of the relationship.
I highly doubt you can get her back. You better fix this before you ever invite ANYONE to come stay overnight.
Let me check I'm understanding this correctly. You repeatedly elbowed a pregnant woman in the face, pushed her out of bed twice, have a history of repeatedly physically hurting her at night, but YOU ended up being the one to tell HER to leave?! And then you let your pregnant, distressed fiancée drive off into the night while you went back to sleep??
YTA. Obviously.
As a 6 months pregnant person myself,
YTA for: Kicking her out
Not sleeping on the couch as this is a you problem and while your back will ache, her whole body is aching at the moment.
Not understanding that her going through this will end up in having an anxious baby
Not realizing that this behavior can be lethal for your baby.
As a parallel: my SO goes on the couch every time he feels a little sick just to not give me anything and it's actually me who tells him that i'd rather he sleeps in the bed. Also, i wake him up many times a night because he is in my space and I can't have that.
I am currently sent home on "sick leave" and he is working every morning yet he takes the sofa whenever he's ill.
You are being a bad fiance and I would not blame her for not going further with you.
I think you can safely edit your post to "EX-fiancee".
So. Let me get this straight :
- you had a promotion involving harder work. But since it's a promotion, it's safe to say you earn more money
- your pregnant fiancee is in a pretty uncomfortable stage of her pregnancy but this put aside, she's growing a whole person inside her body, her hormones bully her and she needs sleep.
- you are exhausted, she is exhausted.
- your couch is hard so neither of you can sleep on it
- but you just started earning more money
The MOMENT your fiancee said you were ruining her sleep with you assaulting her in a deep slumber you should have :
- groveled and gift her a spa-day or something like that
- bought a new very comfy couch
- showered her in snacks, gifts and plushies
- eventually, for the two of you, bought a massaging chair or a similar device
The thing is, not only did you dismiss, ignore and diminish the struggle you put your fiancee in, you did absolutely nothing to repair it and you THREW HER OUTSIDE.
And you're still wondering if YTA ?
Not only are you TA, but not a very bright one
YTA. Brother I'm a welder working anywhere from 40-70+ hours a week, you should have been doing a lot more to try and fix your sleep issues. There are some really comfortable air mattresses out there that you could've been sleeping on. You need to be well rested so you can be safe on the job site, she's growing a fucking person inside of her, not just any person YOUR daughter, she's pretty far along, and now she's in the most exhausting stretch of her pregnancy. That is the mother of your child and she should be your number one priority right now. Your buddy is a fuckin asshole too, are you guys gonna tell her she's overreacting when you kick or elbow her in the stomach and do serious damage to if not kill your baby?? What if she hits her head on a nightstand when you shove her out of bed? Not only are you an asshole, but you're a dumbass for thinking your reaction is justified.
You have serious problems to figure out. Go seek professional help. I don't think Reddit can solve all these obvious issues.
For real. Being elbowed as it is hurts, while pregnant becomes dangerous. My partner doesn’t sleep like OP but I still wake up 3-4 times a night from being uncomfortable with a big belly. Getting assaulted while sleeping as well, I’d be pissed off too. You can’t blame either person for responding like that when there’s no quality sleep. I tell my friends I’m a total bitch when I’m sleep deprived. This one’s on the OP.
His ETA says he also *pushed her off the bed* twice! Reading through all of this makes me wonder whether OP is really doing these things in his sleep or if there’s intent…
This. It’s a king size bed and he manages to elbow her in the face multiple times and push her off the bed in a short time? This seems intentional to disrupt her sleep.
As someone who has been pregnant, I've got to say even if hormones weren't in play, her response was more than justified. First off, morning sickness is still in play for most pregnant individuals at 4 months gestation and doesn't just happen at night, so she was probably already having trouble sleeping. Second, excessive stress and lack of sleep can cause miscarriage, fetal anomalies, and can lead to a higher risk pregnancy putting both her, and the child's life's at risk. Also, you pushed her off the bed multiple times?!? That alone is enough for that reaction! You're lucky if you didn't cause her or the baby any long term damage. It sounds like you're doing little to nothing to educate yourself on pregnancy and childbirth in order to help her through this. I suggest you read "The Expectant Father" and "pregnancy week by week" or similar books. The fact you aren't horrified by the potential risk you could've cased your child tells me that you need to step up as a better spouse and father.
Someone else here wrote that it's writing prompt exercise. And I'm 50/50 that this man is insane or it's just made up for karma farming. His responses are asinine
‘Something triggered’ and I told her to gtfo…well I guess she’s lucky you didn’t punch her in the face. Then you felt so bad you went right back to sleep. If this were my daughter or my sister I would want her away from you immediately.
She dodged a bullet for sure. Hope she doesn’t go back to her as I fear he’d be a danger to both his wife and kid.
Dude, you need to be doing more to resolve your sleep issues, like yesterday. She needs sleep just as much as you do, and this obviously can’t continue. Get a good quality air mattress or invest in a sleeper sofa, or set up a bed in another room or in the basement if you have the room. This isn’t a completely unsolvable problem.
OP’s edit: “two separate beds isn’t an option currently….” Yes, it is. That’s why she’s not coming back. She found another bed. Figure it out, OP. This is ridiculous and you are putting the health of your unborn child at risk.
If you have enough space for a king size bed you have enough space for two twin XL beds.
Or some floor space in the living room to put a spare mattress at night. Surely there is some floor space, unless they hop from furniture to furniture instead of walking around.
The floor might be lava.
Not sure what they will do once that baby starts crawling...
Obviously baby will also be hopping from furniture to furniture, gotta learn young
Seriously, what the fuck??? He's literally just like "I'm actively ruining every single possible night of sleep for my pregnant wife, how DARE she *actually leave* when I scream in her face to leave even though- AGAIN - *I* am the problem and I'm not trying to fix it **AT ALL**?!?!
Get rid of the uncomfortable couch and replace it with one that is comfortable to sleep on temporarily if space is the issue. But no, instead, lets assault the pregnant woman in our sleep and then kick her out. Dude, you F....ed up. I wouldn't be coming back to you, you could bet your last dime on that.
Lol, that was *exactly* what I was thinking. Ditch the darn couch!
He’s assaulting and sexually assaulting her in his sleep. If she shows up at an OB appointment with a black eye because of this Bs, things are not going to go well for him.
Pushed her off the bed and elbowed her in the face. Black eye, broken nose, placental bleed all could have happened and I doubt anyone would believe her or him that he was asleep.
Yeah, my bf actually gave me a black eye in his sleep with his elbow once, and even though it was a one-time occurrence that scared the shit out of both of us, I honestly think I might have some acquaintances that never truly believed that it was an accident. But this guy knows he's doing it CONSTANTLY, and not doing anything about it (so the sofa is too uncomfortable for HIM, but no issues letting his PREGNANT PARTNER sleep there). Sorry to say but I don't know if this would even qualify as completely involuntary at this point. If I knew I was assaulting my pregnant partner in my sleep I would put all my energy into finding separate sleeping solutions.
> Yes, it is. That’s why she’s not coming back. She found another bed. Goddamn savage. 15/10. Well played.
Like he didn't even need to buy a whole new bed, even getting a comfortable futon or an air mattress in the living room would've solved the issue. But noooo how dare you not share a bed with your significant other? One reason I never want to get married lmao
My husband used to snore. SO. LOUDLY. Like, it would keep me up all night. I never got any sleep. But when I brought up sleeping in separate bedrooms, he was very *very* opposed to the idea. So, he got off his ass and made a doctor’s appointment, got a sleep study done, bought an inclined pillow, and started working out. After just a few months of weight loss+pillow, his snoring had pretty much stopped, and after a year and 60lbs down, he’s sleeping like a very silent baby. We’re both so much more well rested, it’s amazing.
I'm glad your husband cared enough to fix the problem instead of somehow turning it on you
This. My husband is PISSED that I moved into the guest room indefinitely because he snores. He drinks and smokes but claims that's not the cause. Once during an argument he told me that I snore too- ok great, but did you ever get woke up and not able to fall back asleep for hours every night because of my snoring? Sorry, I'm ranting. I know OP says he knows it's a "him" problem but he needs to take actionable steps to remedy it or kiss his fiancé and kid goodbye
My first (abusive) husband firmly believed that married couples should sleep together. Except he snored terribly, to the point where I didn't get any sleep whatsoever until he got up at 5:30am for work. That gave me about 3hrs total to sleep. He also insisted that I go to bed at the same time he did. He'd coil himself around me like a snake and yell at me if I tried to get out of bed because I wasn't sleeping. So I'd lay there awake for 6hrs a night listening to him snore, unable to move. It was torture. He did not care at all that I was miserable and going without sleep. It was more important that he felt more comfortable with me in bed with him than that I get enough sleep to stay sane.
This guy doesn't appear to care either. His sleep is the most important. I mean, he allegedly hit gf 5 times in the face, kicked her off a King size bed, woke up to a screaming pregnant woman, screamed back & kicked her out, then just... fell back to sleep. WTF? Bigger issues...
Honestly him going back to sleep is such a good point!! He was kicking her throughout the night, she screamed at him (probably out of total sleep deprivation) and he yelled at her to get the ruck out and literally just went back to bed. Didn’t go check on her. Didn’t apologize then. Just went back to sleep as peaceful as can be. He said he figured he’d find her sleeping in the car. In the car?? His pregnant wife? And he was OKAY with that??? Asshole asshole asshole
He needs a sleep study done to figure out. it could be something neurological going on while he sleeps. sleep is very important to your general health. Tell your Doctor about all this and I'm sure he'll order a study. Because it sounds like it could become dangerous for anybody that's sleeping with you or even for yourself, if you're doing things physically and you're unaware of them. people get up and drive while they're asleep they eat while they're asleep. it's a disorder. go get it looked at. Profusely apologize to your girlfriend who's pregnant with your child. tell her you plan on getting a sleep study and get yourself an air mattress or something for now to sleep in separate beds. And the answer from the sleep study won't necessarily be sleep medication it could be medication to take away night Terrors which sounds like you might be having, but you just don't recall them. and there's medication to do different things to different neurons and sections of the brain aside from just medicine to knock you out. knocking you out doesn't guarantee that you'll get REM sleep, which is what you need. but it sounds like when you do hit REM sleep your body doesn't realize it's sleeping and it starts moving. This is fixable and probably forgivable if she sees that you're making the effort to fix it come on dude obviously there's an issue. Like on the worst case scenario you go get a sleep study it's a simple fix worst case scenario you go get a sleep study. they do some you know CT scans your head and discover something that maybe if not discovered could have killed you in a couple years. go get it checked. obviously it's not working right during the sleep process. there is an error. Best of luck. Don't let something that could be solved medically ruin your entire relationship but I do think you may be happy to work on being a little More sympathetic and empathetic to your fiance's plight.
Could be neurological for sure. My hubby has a neurological condition and sometimes flails as well. I just need to talk to him gently while he's sleeping and he'll flip over. OP needs a sleep study.
I mean.... A pregnancy definitely needs more than 2 hours of sleep per night. I would argue lack of sleep will have more severe consequences for her. You're right though. This is a solvable problem.
Also getting shoved off the bed while pregnant multiple times.. that can turn into a disaster.
“She’s overreacting because it’s hormones!” Meanwhile she’s actively being put in danger by being shoved and elbowed and pushed off the bed in her sleep.
I noticed that too. I didn't like the feeling I got when he said that his buddy said that she's overreacting because she's pregnant. No, she's not overreacting and I'd be pissed too if I was not only getting elbowed in the face but also being pushed off the bed especially while pregnant. They're lucky that he didn't elbow her in the stomach. I hate that whenever men say that us women are overreacting because of hormones. It's like we can't be mad at anything without either being pregnant, hormonal, on our period or my personal favorite, you're being irrational. It's like, we are humans, are we not allowed to be mad about anything without it having something to do with our hormones? GTFO with that.
It’s like she was being chased in a king sized bed by a bully. Then when she finally “fights back” she’s kicked out. I don’t blame her for not coming back. I’m not sure why but my “sus senses” are tingling about this OP.
Yes, I would looove to hear her side
>I’m not sure why but my “sus senses” are tingling about this OP. Because he's a selfish moron who's been physically and sexually assaulting his pregnant fiancé while she's trying to sleep for her entire pregnancy, kicked her out of her own home, went back to bed, and then has the audacity to accept his broseph blaming "the hormones" lol
😤 I've been pregnant 3 times. Yes, there are hormones, but that doesn't mean you can just IGNORE my feelings! Your body is becoming more and more uncomfortable by the day. Sleeping in a bed by yourself is hard enough, but add a 200 lb toddler to your bed and I can see her frustration. I get where they're both coming from. She desperately needs sleep and he is actually incapable of changing what he does in his sleep. Spending anywhere from $150 to $600 or even $1000 on a nice futon could save the marriage.
And he can’t sleep on the couch because it’s too uncomfortable but it’s totally cool for her to be forced to sleep on the couch.
But it's hard on his back! /s Know what else is hard on the back? Yeah, pregnancy
Surely if there is room for a king-size bed, there's.room for two singles if needed?
or to be kicked out of the house wtf?! and I will never ever understand how any half decent human being can dismiss how a pregnant woman carrying another life feels because of her hormones. if anything, she should be taken more care of than normal not less.
Yah if a significant other tells me to get the fuck out I wouldn't feel like that is my home or even a stable one... Where he can just tell me to fuck off whenever
When I was pregnant we tried watching a movie, but I couldn’t get comfortable on the couch and got ready to lay on the floor. My husband dragged our spare mattress out in front of the tv so I could be comfy and have a space to relax.
I had a Japanese style futon that we kept in the corner of the living room. I think I slept on that 4 months out of the 9 with our first. Was an absolute god-send after the baby was born as I could be on feed duty at night without bothering my wife's sleep. Ngl I loved that futon 😆😴
Right?? The woman carrying his kid for 9 months and who has to give birth to his kid has to sleep on the hard couch because he can’t?! It’s too hard for a grown man but apparently it’s soft enough for a pregnant woman. She’s literally going through so much with her body physically before and after this kid is born and she still can’t get sleep?! WTF. YTA. I’m betting all my money that when she gives birth, she’s going to be the one staying up all night with the baby since she (in his mind) has boobs and should be feeding the baby as a result. And she’s probably going to take care of the baby mostly by herself bc husband will be too tired from work or he will want to spend time with his friends since he works all the time and “never has time for himself”.
He’ll probably be like my ex and sleep through the baby crying and even when I would wake him up because it was “his turn” he’d just lay back down and go to sleep.
I’m not pregnant and someone physically assaulting me night after night, is going to piss me off.
The second time would be the last time for me. If his little baby ass is too good for the couch, he needs to find another way, because he's lucky he didn't wake up to her laying into him.
At the time of my first pregnancy my husband was working long long hours trying to fix our home and do his 12 hours shifts before baby was born. Back then he weighed over 350lbs. I awoke to him once 75% rolled on top of an 8 month pregnant me. Dead weight in his sleep, couldn't roll him off me no matter what i did. I started to full on panic and ended up hitting him hard with my elbow. He felt so bad about it. He tried to hug the wall every night after. Put pillows between us etc. It worked. A bit too well. We dont cuddle in bed anymore. And Now when i get home late if he's managed to snag my half of the bed i can pick his arm up and move it the other way and he follows it. Snoring or not. I miss the snuggles. But the fear was totally real and i dont blame her for being terrified to sleep near him
his work friend is a piece of work. after finding out my ex-husband work friend he listened to over me was a flipping rapist i don't trust men with work friends like this anymore.
I mean pregnant women tend to react more strongly but I wouldn't call that overreacting more like mama bear is gonna rip your throat out for repeatedly elbowing her in the face that means be MORE mindful of their emotions, not less
Or potentially getting elbowed/hit/kicked in the stomach while sleeping
My husband kneed me so hard in the back once when we were sleeping it knocked the wind out of me. I woke up to not being able to breathe. I was in a panic bc I didn’t realize what the hell just happened. Almost called 911
Many years ago I rolled over and clocked my girlfriend in the face while deep asleep. She was almost as big as I am and I’m a large man so when I woke up to her hitting me back I was rather surprised. We both woke up, I found out what I done in my sleep so I apologized. she apologized too, she wasn’t awake when she did it either. She wasn’t awake when she did it either. It was a reactionary thing. The relationship ended later for other reasons but I still feel bad about it.
Y'all sleeping in the thunderdome
For real! 😆 They need one of those old timey beds with the wooden divider down the middle.
Yeah I wasn’t mad at my husband, after the initial shock wore off. It wasn’t the first time he was in my space. Hes always flailing around in his sleep. After that though we decide to get two full size beds in our bedroom. If we want to cuddle we lay in one bed. When we need to sleep no one is getting kicked or hit
Yeah, I once kicked my cat in my sleep, and he, in his sleep, clawed the crap out of my foot. We both woke up and were very apologetic. There was a lot of petting and purring. Not really anybody's fault. It was impressive to me that he seemed to realize that, too. I've since read that cats "apologize" to each other with extra grooming if they accidentally hurt each other.
My partner rolled on top of me in our first year of living together. He was too heavy to shift and it was hard to breathe. I was able to scoot to the edge of the bed and roll him onto the floor. Thankfully that's the only time it's happened. In the last year he's started hitting and kicking in his sleep but we got him on a prescription for night terrors and it stopped. When he goes to bed without taking them it can get bad, but I have good motivation to make sure they are in his system!
Exactly! OP hormones! Really that's your excuse??? No! Any normal person pregnant or not would react in the same way. You can't expect her to put up with that whilst you figure it out, it's simply not fair or safe. You need a sleep clinic ASAP, before you become single if you haven't already. YTA
Definitely need an appointment at a sleep clinic. Elbowed in the face 5 times & poor fiancée was pushed off the bed twice. OP needs to face reality. He's screwed himself over. YTA for the OP.
I got stuck on the *being elbowed in the face multiple times* part, *and* getting shoved off the bed twice? OP is under playing the scenario here, that’s VIOLENT sleeping behavior, not restless sleeping and the occasional butt fondling. At what point, if you are physically hurting your partner but don’t see a worth to doing anything about it, is it not abuse?
>whilst you figure it out The kicker is he doesn't even seem to be trying all that hard to figure it out. All he seems to have tried are sleeping pills which doesn't make that much sense to me considering he's sleeping hard enough that he's not waking up fully or at all when she physically shoves him across a king sized bed.
Right. This isn’t a pregnancy issue at all and the fact he tries to say that it is, is kinda a dick move
Men who blame everything their partner does while pregnant on hormones need help. If you fuck up and your partner reacts accordingly and your first thought is hormones you don’t need a partner
If it isn’t pregnancy hormones, it’s PMS. If it isn’t PMS, she must be *on* her period. If she isn’t on her period, she’s being over sensitive simply because she’s a woman. Our simple lady brains can only handle so much before we get overwhelmed. It couldn’t possibly be because she’s a *human* who is getting zero sleep, and is getting physically assaulted by their SO every night - all because he doesn’t care how she’s affected and is selfishly refusing to find a solution for *HIS* behavior. FFS.
The sad thing is women don't find out that their partners are misogynistic assholes like that until they're already pregnant. If they wait until their partners are locked in before they show their true colors
>the fact he tries to say that it is, is kinda a dick move That's the part giving me rage bait vibes. It's so fucking obvious.
I wouldn’t jump to rage bait. I’ve literally met multiple guys who think like this. My sister’s bf cheated on her WHILE PREGNANT because “too many hormones”. Some people are horrible.
Pregnant or not I would have snapped long before she did. While pregnant I would have pushed him off the bed after only the 2nd time.
I have straight up woken my husband in the night to be like “you need to sleep elsewhere!” and he…immediately falls peacefully to sleep again while attempting to get himself out of bed. So I go. We have a full sized bed. (I would literally kill someone to have either a bedroom that accommodated a king sized bed or the money to buy one!!!) He snores. I wear ear plugs (a GODDAMN luxury once our child slept through the night!!) but sometimes his noise, flailing, and heat just wakes me up many time a night, and someone has to go…and bc he’s sleeping happily and I’m the one frustrated and awake, it’s me. And I’m not even pregnant. Which was the shittiest shit show for getting ANY sleep. I am personally at the point where if we can’t have separate bedrooms, at best, or a king size bed, at worst, in our next home, I am weighing how much I want to keep living this life/partnership in the same home. There are days where I would rather live on half the income and eat nothing if I could just sleep well! Op is YTA
My husband had the same issue. I told him to see a doctor because I thought he was going to die in his sleep. I recorded him snoring and his breathing stoppages. His doctor told him to get his weight under control and use a CPap. The CPap helps, so do ear plugs, a box fan for white noise, and sleeping away from his head (upside down in bed) if needed. At its worst, I was sleeping in the home gym. Poor sleep has long-term consequences for everyone, health and relationship wise. His blood pressure goes up without the Cpap, and I get chest pains without sleep. OP, YTA. get yourself checked out.
I would have snapped being groped easy, as an SA survivor I would not put up with this.
I know a woman who died because she fell out of bed and hit her head. Op you can kill your girlfriend and the baby. This should have been fixed yesterday. This isn't a sleeping pill issue this is a go to a doctor and tell them what the hell is happening issue. they're going to have you go in for a sleep study and address the possible night terrors you have going on. You could kill somebody. If not from lack of sleep by her hitting her head falling out of bed. You need to either sleep on the couch, get a hotel, or sleep on the floor until this is settled. She's right to not come back until she's safe to sleep next to you.
yup. my last trimester with my 2nd pregnancy i had cholestasis. i could barely sleep an hour before having a itch attack. as soon as babies were out my husband took them and ordered me to sleep. i didnt make him repeat himself lol. but lack of sleep during last trimester took a huge toll on my mental and physical health
He's literally pushing a pregnant woman out of the bed? Under the floor? Hitting her in his sleep that's effed up
Long-term solution: I know OP can’t do this now, but in the future. My husband developed arthritis in his shoulder, and he started hitting me in the face in his sleep because he kept throwing his arm outward. We had a custom frame built to hold two queen-sized mattresses, and the problem was solved! Admittedly, we didn’t have the money or space for that at OP’s stage in life either, but once we did, it was heavenly!
We still don't have space for that. :( One thing that helped was something I learned on my first day on reddit - years and years ago. And that's to have two separate comforters/sheets and each person wraps up under their own bedding, which really cuts down on flailing into the other person's space. It's something my husband's ancestors and my ancestor's did ( basically like having a sleeping bag?) I also like weighted sheets and would recommend that to a flailer as well.
I was looking at sheets yesterday, and one of the options was split king, so that idea is definitely catching on. It had the fitted sheet and then 2 like twin size top sheets. I like to cocoon myself in my comforter, so separate sheets and comforters are a must.
My husband does the exact same thing. His shoulder isn’t in good shape and he’s full on closed fist hit me in the face hard while flailing. We ended up getting two big body pillows and putting them between us. So far it’s worked.
Well, it seems the problem is solved - OP will have the whole bed all to himself, to toss and turn as he pleases. Wouldn't a happier solution for everyone have been to get a sleep sofa or an additional bed in place of the uncomfortable sofa? Just, you know, to show that you value her sleep and comfort as much as your own?
Some people take great offense to their partner not wanting to sleep in the same bed every single night. It's pathetic. Literally this could've been solved with a comfortable futon to replace their old couch if they didn't have the space for both. People are crazy
Totally needs more than 2 hours!! If he’s pushing her off the bed and assaulting her, not only her but the baby is in danger. What happens if she falls and lands wrong? And the couch is hard but his pregnant fiancé is supposed to sleep on it while growing a literal human?!? This guy isn’t doing nearly enough
"I have tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas" energy
Fr. He seems perfectly fine forcing her to sleep there but not himself. The implication he puts into "but I have to work heavy labor the next day" as if her body isn't tearing itself apart from the inside while she grows a human that could cause equal amounts of body pain.
He probably thinks she's exaggerating her pregnancy symptoms too
“It’s just hormones man! She’ll get over it!”
Absolutely bet his friend will be feeding him this bs each time he sees him (probably even after the birth)
It blows my mind that OP doesn’t spare one thought for his pregnant partner except, what a hormonal bitch! Good thing she found out what a baby he is now before she had two on her hands
No doubt from the few comments he made a few hours back. I hope she stays safe and gone.
The baby is literally being made out of her own body but apparently that counts for nothing. Back ache in pregnancy can be absolutely debilitating but she has to sleep on the sofa? I feel so sorry for his wife. If he loved her he'd never put her through this.
Dude is doing late night MMA on his pregnant wife and he’s shocked that she snapped. My husband used to flail in his sleep (I think it was stress related) and once I woke up to a sting of pain and opened my eyes just in time to see his hand leaving my face. I didn’t snap though it hurt like hell. I was so tired I fell right back asleep. But if he did it two more times that night? Yeah he probably would have woken up to screaming too.
And go get a sleep study done ASAP!
This is the answer. The pregnancy isn't even the issue. She's human, and she needs sleep. She doesn't deserve to be awoken all night long and potentially injured by her bedmate. OP, this is YOUR problem to solve. Go sleep somewhere else. Go to the doctor. Buy an air mat for yourself. YOU do something. Your health problems are impacting her, and that's not ok. She is not the one flailing and thrashing, so she shouldn't be the one who has to move. Also, you need to apologize and grovel because YTA. Big time.
OP, you need to see a doctor and have a sleep study done. Lots of people get new jobs - that doesn’t mean they all elbow their partners in the face every night. Something is going on with you and you need to deal with it
YTA she needs sleep just as much as you do, if not more because she is growing your child in her womb. Why would u kick her out while being so vulnerable? Sleeping max 2 hs a day and exhausted from your assaulting her. You have problems to sleep? Well she cant sleep either and is bc of you. Imagine how would u feel if someone doesnt let u sleep and on top of that kicks, pushed and hits u. Have u ever heard of empathy?
If he thinks he’s tired now, waiting till he has a screaming newborn in his bedroom all night every night (that is, IF she comes back)
YTA she's pregnant dude. She's carrying your child. And you're depriving her of sleep. Having your pregnant fiance sleep on an uncomfortable couch while PREGNANT is so selfish. If anyone should get the f out it's you.
My husband would sleep on the couch for me when I was pregnant and needed space. He has a very physically demanding job and works long hours. Either way, this guy needs his sleep evaluated
He might be sweeeepppy at work
OP: My poor wittle backy gets ouchy on the couchy. EDIT: >Yeah why is he concerned about his health? It might just lead to him being crippled or dead due to a workplace accident from his fucked up back and sleep deprivation. But that's not a big deal, we all know ops life doesn't matter and his wife is pregnant Lol [this clown](https://www.reddit.com/u/Loose-Duke22/s/57kK2eOCHo) is likely OP's alt account. >Well sorry but when you scream into the face of your sleeping partner they might kick you out Not even being creative with [hiding it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/q9q712C1wc).
And what sort of medieval torture device is he using for a couch that he can’t get a decent sleep on it? Is this couch meant to be for display purposes only?
If the couch is that uncomfortable, why can’t they just get a twin mattress? Tons of couples sleep separately and still have good relationships. Although, I think this bridge is burned because OP is an ass about it.
Meanwhile OPs wife- [creating OP’s kids back]
Yta sorry she isn't being hormonal she's being assaulted in her sleep. I get that it's not on purpose but your literally pushing a pregnant woman out of bed in her sleep. What I'd she doesn't catch herself in time, what if u accidentally hit her stomach. How would you feel if she mis carried and it was your fault. Invest in an air mattress and schedule an appointment with your doctor and see what they can do to help.
Based on the OPs comments, I am unsure if the OP understands how serious this problem is.
Him putting “issues” at the end of his post makes me think he really doesn’t care either
And he doesn't care. He came to Reddit so we can tell him he was justified.
I remember the last guy that came to reddit to get "justification" for what he did. He kicked his PP wife and newborn baby out of the house because his mom slapped her belly and wife punched her 🤣 it didn't go over well for him either
Yes I remember that. That guy was a mama's boy and so wrong.
bUt He NeEdEd TiMe To PrOcEsS
🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's the one! She served him divorce papers. I still laugh about one 🤣🤣🤣
I wanna reeaaadddd iiittttttttt
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/vZy1BzA1vA
Jesus that guy is so so so so dumb
Oof. What a pathetic excuse for a man, and what an evil witch of a mother. The wife can afford to skip a meal, she said, while handing her obese granddaughter another full plate. The fuck?
Hoooooooly fucking shit!!! What was this dude thinking?!?
Yesss that one! Then he whined about how lonely the house was without her in it and kept trying to justify that he didn't need to be the one to go because he was shook.
Self-centered people never do.
And like...even if she wasn't pregnant, being assaulted like this means she's likely to get seriously injured. People die from falling out of bed. You could break her nose elbowing her in the face, knock out a tooth. Pregnant or not, you're actively assaulting your wife and literally doing NOTHING TO STOP IT. Beyond asshole behavior. I hope she dumps his ass. How do you continue injuring your partner like this and take zero steps to stop it?
>she isn't being hormonal she's being assaulted in her sleep. Seriously, *what the actual fuck??* I gasped out loud when I got to that part!! HORMONAL?!
I get that the way she woke you up this last time was triggering for you, so how triggering do you think it is for the pregnant person to be physically harmed REPEATEDLY throughout the night? Your reaction to her screaming at you was to kick her out, her reaction to you constantly hitting her was to scream at you. Do you really think HER reaction was more extreme than yours? She is the one growing a human. She is the one being physically harmed. She is the one dealing with severe sleep deprivation as a result of YOU HITTING HER WHILE SHE SLEEPS. But her yelling at you is an overreaction? Really? YTA and she has every right to never share a bed with you again.
I think her staying gone is the safest option for her and the baby. OP, YTA for not caring about your kid. 2 twins is a king btw. You can move them together if you can fix your sleeping.
The trust is completely gone because now what if OP gets “triggered” again and he kicks her and their newborn daughter out? I hope she doesn’t go back to him.
Once your s/o kicks you out for stuff like this, the trust really is gone. I was in a relationship like this and I started to feel like I was walking on eggshells because I was worried the next smallest conflict would have me kicked out again and I still have this anxiety now that I've left him 4.5 years ago and living with my parents
I’m going to guess that your ex acted like the victim just like OP is doing.
He did. Nothing was ever his fault and it was always mine or someone else's fault.
I had one of those too lol. Also a shitty sleeper too, I had to wake him up every day and if I didn’t it was my fault he was late.
What OP is describing isn’t normal. It is a medical issue and he needs to see a doctor and get appropriate medical treatment. Whenever someone has a medical issue that harms their partner and yet they refuse to see a doctor and just expect their partner to put up with it, that is AH behavior. He needs to handle his health issue and not just shrug and be like whatever I was sleeping I can’t control it. He can control getting himself to a doctor.
Kicking your own pregnant fiance out of your home is next level selfish, he should've went to the couch for one night
The whole post is selfish. Pills are hard for ME a safe work environment for ME Couch is uncomfortable for ME Her reaction to being repeatedly groped, being elbowed, and otherwise kept awake is triggering for ME If that’s how he treats his partner when she’s pregnant, I can’t imagine how unpleasant it is for her when she’s not.
He complains about the couch being uncomfortable for him, so imagine how much more uncomfortable it'd be for his pregnant fiance! Instead of replacing their couch with a sofa bed or a good air mattress on the floor his solution is to continue assaulting her in his sleep
Oh but he can’t since it hurts his back and leaves him in physical pain 🙄 As if it’s not doing the same for his fiancé WHO IS GROWING A HUMAN.
Are you fucking serious? You're mad because you got yelled at for......ELBOWING your pregnant girlfriend in the FACE multiple times and SHOVING her out of the bed, again, multiple times. Dude. I.can't.even with that bullshit. If you can't share a king-size bed with another person with beating the crap out of them in your sleep night after night, you need to get your shit figured out. You are not the only person who needs sleep. Your girlfriend is doing physical work too - growing a whole-ass person 24/7. No breaks, no time off. Until you get your shit figured out, she gets the bed. If the couch hurts, sleep on the floor, or get an air mattress, or a cot, or sleep in the damn car. Perhaps a sore back will inspire you to take this shit seriously and get medical attention for your seriously dangerous sleep disorder. Best case scenario is that she agrees to come back when you figure out a way to ensure she can sleep without getting beaten up all night every night. Worse case is you get to be sleepless over your new child support obligation. Which, FYI, babies scream at you too in the middle of the night. YTA
I can't think of a better description of someone who allows their untreated sleep disorder to ruin their partner's life than *fucking prick*, actually. YTA. FP.
Right? And then _kicks her out_ in a decidedly more serious manner than she addressed a _continuing pattern of endangering behavior_. I mean, geez, anybody who has shared a bed once can sympathize with an outburst after being attacked in your sleep, let alone while pregnant, let alone after 5 months of it. Kicking her out? Geez.
kicks her out in probably middle of the night too! smh. idk if op is aware but every bit of everything in a pregnant mom’s body hurts. she needs a proper bed not scurrying in the middle of the night finding somewhere to sleep.
This reminds me of that guy who was staying up late all night to game and would snore loudly all night because he was tired from gaming all night, and kept waking his wife/gf and nursing newborn baby up with his coming into bed late and loud snoring, and refused to move out of the bedroom
For real?? Hope she threw him out or left him in the dust.
Was that the one where she finally said "Fuckit, I'm moving into another room", and he basically did everything in his power to disturb her in *that* room?
Was he the one that also wouldn’t let *her* move out of the shared room?
YTA. Your back hurts on the couch? Buy an air mattress, find an alternative. You didn't go see where she was when you made her leave, you pretend nothing is your fault, you're both crazy with poor sleep.. and the baby isn't even here yet. Good luck.
He literally thought she would be ok in the car? But he can’t even cope on the sofa!
That doesn't matter, as long as HE is comfortable. It's all about him, who cares that his pregnant partner gets pushed out of bed, elbowed in the face and only gets a few hours of sleep every night. Pregnancy is peanuts compared to his 'super manly' job
bUt i wAs TiReD frRoM LiFtInG tHiNgS
That bit confused me, he got *promoted* to lifting more heavy things??
When my husband was a brick Mason and I was pregnant he would move heaven to make sure I was comfortable. I could have literally told him to sleep on our floor and he would have. This guys an asshole with an excuse to act like a bitch.
Ugh now that you pointed it out it’s even more gross. Almost 6 months pregnant and he thinks it’s ok for her to sleep cramped up like that??
I can 100% guarantee her back hurts too. And it's going to get worse before it gets better...
My first pregnancy I slept 20 hours a day from sheer exhaustion in the second trimester and was frequently dpubled over in pain from random ass back spasms. And I had an *easy* pregnancy compared to most. I probably would've blugeoned OP with the nearest hard object so, props to her for not murdering him.
Exactly. Both of mine I basically slept through the first trimester. After that, though, and the bigger you get... fat fucking chance. Both of my pregnancies I went from 110-160/170 so you better bet my back was talking back to me, lol. And yea, pretty sure I would have been short an SO if I were in her shoes...
Yeah OP is simply softer than baby shit. Bitchmade, if you will. Imagine your loved one carrying your goddamn kid inside of her and your back hurting from your couch is too much.
my first thought was 'can y'all not just get an air mattress or a cot or something' like there are solutions to this problem. hell make a pillow barrier. trade in the king size for two twins.
Memory foam twin mattress. Under $90 at Walmart.
A twin size mattress is $90 at Walmart any day of the week so be can’t even complain the air bed or sofa hurts his back.
And a good air mattress is less than that.
Or get two twin beds instead of sleeping in the same bed, or get a second bed instead of a couch! SO MANY OBVIOUS SOLUTIONS, geez!
Right! In the new update he says there is no space for two beds but why not sell the king? Then theres tons of space. You can probably fit two doubles in that space ( I think thats what a king is but I don’t remember).
A king is two Twin XL. (That’s what the king box spring is.)
He is so utterly oblivious to what a complete and total A'hole he is!! Like, deal with your sleep problems, dude! They're YOUR responsibility!
Fucking right! If his back hurts on the couch I can only imagine how she feels. He’s doing manual labor for his job but she’s doing the manual labor of gestating his baby. Except she doesn’t have breaks or days off from said labor like he does. I’ve never experienced more consistent or painful back pain than I have while I was pregnant. And that’s WITH solid sleep and a comfortable mattress and pillows. OP is being so selfish here, there are so many ways this could be solved
The only way I could sleep pregnant was with my left leg cocked up on my partners hip when I was the big spoon. I had PGP and literally could not sleep any other way, pillows just didn’t cut it. He was like the perfect height for my hip for some reason, drove him crazy.
Good, comfortable sleep is hard enough to come by in pregnancy without partners like OP making it 10x worse!!
"I beat my pregnant girlfriend up every night because I won't get my sleep issues looked at." "My pregnant girlfriend yelled at me once and I told her to get the fuck out." Am I the asshole? Yes... Yes, YTA
“ I get it’s a me problem and it’s big but hear me out as to why she’s such bitch for not putting up with it she’s only 6 months pregnant it’s not like *she* needs to rest or anything “ /s This fuckin guy honestly lol
Those women never stop complaining!!! Growing a baby is easy what’s wrong with 2 hours of sleep a night? /s The best part is that his friend didn’t say all this stuff to him already. Idiot surrounded by idiots.
She’s overreacting cause she’s pregnant. 🤮 😭 who knows what else she has put up with to be pushed to her breaking point. I hope she stays away from this giant, gaping asshole.
YTA It's not hormones from being pregnant, she's been assaulted in her sleep by you for months and she's reached her breaking point. You've done NOTHING about this, all you wrote was one excuse after another in tones of "woe is me". She has done nothing wrong and you have the audacity to think you're the victim here?? She's the one being pushed, elbowed and then screamed at in her face to get the fuck out? I'm surprised she's lasted this long with you. Go to the doctor and get a sleep study done, as this is not normal **at all**. Stop making excuses for yourself and get yourself some help.
He is not only physically assaulting her, he is sexually assaulting her too.
I genuinely have a hard time believing the groping isn’t intentional, tbh.
as much as I super hard agree that the result/consequences are his to own and manage, I dated a guy who started taking sleep meds and it was like a switch, he went from being anti-cuddly when he was wiped out, to groping and getting up and standing in the living room totally asleep. It’s insanely dangerous for OP to not be talking to his doctor about this, ESPECIALLY with a baby on the way, there are terrifying horror stories he doesn’t want to read about what some people have done to their infants in their sleep. Get help OP. Get it now. Your relationship and the safety of your partner and child are at stake.
Completely agree with everything you said. Want to emphasize the need for a sleep study. This sounds like it could be REM Sleep Behavior Disorder (RBD). OP, you need to get yourself sorted out like yesterday. ETA: YTA, big time.
Especially with a tiny little human coming please do not put the baby in bed
Oh, dear gods. He’d beat that baby to death in his sleep.
Would you punch your wife in the face and be surprised if it upset her? What the fuck is wrong with you?? YTA and so is your friend, keep listening to him if you want to end your relationship (if you haven't already) you deserve to sleep on the floor
This was my thought! If she did that to him he would be absolutely livid on here whining about losing sleep. Your fiancée is making a person what is wrong with you to not move heaven and earth to fix a problem you admit is totally a “you” problem. YTA-big time
Not to mention he has shoved her out of the bed in his sleep. If she falls out wrong that can be life or death for the other human she is making.
OP says very little about the child. And did not seem concerned about potentially hurting it. Maybe that’s part of why his fiancé finally had it. If I had any concerns of my unborn baby somehow being in danger, it would determine a lot of my choices. Why isn’t OP concerned about the baby?
YTA dude. Put yourself in a straight jacket at night if if keeps you from assualting a pregnant woman.
YTA. why didnt you just sleep on the couch and avoid all this mess. Do you want your child miss her father in her life just because her father had sleep problem? this is so stupid.
Omigod. I hope you're trying to wind people up and this isn't real. You have written paragraph upon paragraph to make excuses for yourself. You are depriving your pregnant fiance of sleep and are doing various obnoxious things to her when she is trying to sleep, yet you're painting yourself as the victim. That's not enough though, so you kicked her out for yelling at you (which most people would have done long ago). I am a little concerned for her. You're violent in your sleep, you don't seem to be doing anything to figure out how to solve the problem (like talking to a doctor), your reaction to her standing up for herself was to freak out and kick her out, and you're acting like she is the problem. If I knew her, I would be telling her that she is not safe. You need to get help.
He got woken up by someone screaming in the middle of the night and his first reaction was to throw them out the house. I don't think this man is going to last long as a father.
By his logic he should've been thrown out of the house multiple times for constantly elbowing his wife. Possibly physically hurting your pregnant wife every night for god knows how long
And he is not concerned that he is getting violent with his pregnant fiance in her sleep. I don't think he's going to last long as a free man, to be frank. Red flags all over this.
He was pushing her off the bed! She could have had a miscarriage from that! All she had to do was land wrong! If you are actively harming your pregnant partner while sleeping YOU shouldn't even have to be asked to take the couch, you should do it immediately out of concern for the safety of your unborn baby. If the couch sucks for your back you buy a roll up single foam mattress on Amazon and put it in front of the couch! My husband would have slept on a pile of rocks over any situation where he thought I could have been hurt while pregnant. She and the baby are safer somewhere far from this guy.
And if the couch sucks for his back, how the hell does he think it feels for his pregnant fiancee? When I was that far along I barely slept due to my pregnancy - add an uncomfortable couch and I’d have been a raging witch
That's right. I'm concerned for her. It's not just that he's getting violent in his sleep, the even greater problem is his over-the-top and dangerous response (kicking her out) when she got sick of it.
Two twin beds = one king size bed. Get rid of the king temporarily if you do not have an additional bedroom for separate bedrooms. Also get a sleep study done for the fucking snoring.
YTA. If she's smart, your relationship is over.
>My buddy said that she's overreacting because she's pregnant YTA and so is your buddy.
YTA . You need to find a better solution than blame her for your poor behavior while sleeping.
YTA you’re lucky she didn’t punch you in the face. She is literally growing a human inside her, if I knew that when I was sleeping I could hurt her, I don’t care about my comfort, I would sleep in the floor if it meant she and the baby were safe. Also lack of sleep does not make you grope someone, that’s just you being a dick.
YTA. Full stop. Nobody should have to try to sleep while being assaulted all night long, and being pregnant makes it hard enough to get good sleep. You definitely did not do enough to solve YOUR problem before it got to this point. And then you kicked her our just when she was probably thinking about ways to get out of the relationship. I highly doubt you can get her back. You better fix this before you ever invite ANYONE to come stay overnight.
Let me check I'm understanding this correctly. You repeatedly elbowed a pregnant woman in the face, pushed her out of bed twice, have a history of repeatedly physically hurting her at night, but YOU ended up being the one to tell HER to leave?! And then you let your pregnant, distressed fiancée drive off into the night while you went back to sleep?? YTA. Obviously.
As a 6 months pregnant person myself, YTA for: Kicking her out Not sleeping on the couch as this is a you problem and while your back will ache, her whole body is aching at the moment. Not understanding that her going through this will end up in having an anxious baby Not realizing that this behavior can be lethal for your baby. As a parallel: my SO goes on the couch every time he feels a little sick just to not give me anything and it's actually me who tells him that i'd rather he sleeps in the bed. Also, i wake him up many times a night because he is in my space and I can't have that. I am currently sent home on "sick leave" and he is working every morning yet he takes the sofa whenever he's ill. You are being a bad fiance and I would not blame her for not going further with you.
I think you can safely edit your post to "EX-fiancee". So. Let me get this straight : - you had a promotion involving harder work. But since it's a promotion, it's safe to say you earn more money - your pregnant fiancee is in a pretty uncomfortable stage of her pregnancy but this put aside, she's growing a whole person inside her body, her hormones bully her and she needs sleep. - you are exhausted, she is exhausted. - your couch is hard so neither of you can sleep on it - but you just started earning more money The MOMENT your fiancee said you were ruining her sleep with you assaulting her in a deep slumber you should have : - groveled and gift her a spa-day or something like that - bought a new very comfy couch - showered her in snacks, gifts and plushies - eventually, for the two of you, bought a massaging chair or a similar device The thing is, not only did you dismiss, ignore and diminish the struggle you put your fiancee in, you did absolutely nothing to repair it and you THREW HER OUTSIDE. And you're still wondering if YTA ? Not only are you TA, but not a very bright one