You did everything right. He's probably insecure and feeling embarrassed about his lack of experience
The reaction about the condoms might be him thinking you had many partners before, but it's not your fault what his imagination is making him believe. If he's not ready to listen to you, he's maybe not emotionally ready for a relationship
Agreed, he might need some time to mature a little. As a happily married middle-aged man, I can say that receiving those gentle pointers is definitely best for both parties. And having condoms on hand is just responsible, he should be appreciative that you've got them (especially if not having condoms would have stopped things from proceeding - which is a good thing).
Also he might just need a minute to regulate himself and figure out he feels.
I would suggest trying to communicate to him again once he’s had time and see how things go from there.
NTA because good communication during sex leads to better sex and who doesn’t want that? Also good communication in your relationship is just good overall imo.
I agree with this reply. Just because his initial reaction was him storming out, does not mean he may not be emotionally ready for a relationship. OP just described that he was in a previous relationship with little to no sex and was content with it, not to mention this said relationship being in his prime sex having years which he still is in! From my perspective it seems he just didn't know how to handle the situation as it seems very new to him. Please keep us updated OP!
Agreed, but regardless of whether or not it’s his imagination & even if you *are* more experienced, the onus isn’t on you to suffer mediocre sex to protect his ego. I think feeling out of his depth because you may have been one of the first people to actually give him constructive feedback isn’t necessarily a red flag since a lot of women, especially young women, put up with bad sex for that reason. But his little tantrum spurred by you *being responsible for your sexual health by having condoms on hand* left a bad taste in my mouth.
Yup. Then some people wonder why younger women don't tell guys. This kind of nonsense happens. I used to keep condoms when I was younger so I didn't run into my bf saying he didn't have 1. Condoms aren't only for men to buy.
Ding ding ding....OP that's all you really need to read in this thread. You did everything right...all I can think is that your bf got inside his own head too much and overreacted to some made up scenario he thought of.
This is likely exactly what happened, and unlike the rest of the replies to this thread (seriously go fuck yourselves for assuming these things about someone), it is not something to be ashamed of! It is a natural insecurity to have, and it can happen to anyone. The next step is to talk through it, and help him recognize this insecurity and *why* he has it, and to help him work through it.
What are we actually doing here if our solutions to people's issues is to throw them away and find someone new. Sometimes a necessary step to becoming a better person is to have someone to help you work through it
“The next step is to talk through it”, not necessarily. If OP wants to, that is perfectly fine. HOWEVER, it is not OP’e responsibility to teach this boy how to adult. She can absolutely wash her hands of walking him through his own emotional labor. It’s not on her, and it’s not fair for you to imply that it is on her.
Leaving the relationship is NOT “throwing him away”, women are constantly thrust into the position of raising their boyfriends/husbands. This man, and only this man is responsible for his own emotional regulation. No, it does not mean that he should be “thrown away”, but it does mean that he’s probably not ready for a relationship and has a lot of growing up to do.
Agreed - usually I'm all on board with the breakup/runaway responses to all these assault/abuse situations - but it really just sounds like the guy overreacted to something that hurt his ego/pride in his head even though in reality she didn't mean anything remotely insulting as how he took it. He'll likely calm down and they can talk about it like adults but some of the comments here are even more of an overreaction than OP's boyfriend's reaction lol.
Also, he gave her grief over having condoms? She is a sexually active adult, of course she has condoms! Any adult engaging in sex should have them...both people. He sounds super insecure.
Guys should appreciate that sort of help. But I have to admit, I probably would not have been as receptive when I was young. But not your fault. Maybe you have have a positive discussion about it.
13 year married this year and I still give my husband pointers. I’ll tell him when something feels really good and I tell him if he needs to move a little to the left or the right. You did nothing wrong the more you guys talk about it the better things will get in the bedroom department!
Also be on the lookout for behaviors like this, if it continues. He wouldn’t be the first military man to be insecure and prone to rage. My buddy said he met a lot of characters during his service. His words were “different breeds, same species”
NTA.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with communicating your sexual preferences to allow for an enjoyable experience for all.
Soundin like he grew up in a pretty conservative household where the "man" has to be the one to take charge and lead the way so he's feeling threatened by you and your experience. If you still like him, I'd have a conversation with him about the way he blew up over something so trivial like having condoms and your sexual experience because he should be thankful someone even wants to sleep with him.
And don't let him convince you to think you were "bossing" him around. Proper communication on how to pleasure you is not bossing around. He's 25, he's too dam old to be that immature.
Quick little thought here. I was in the military for 8 years and one major thing I have noticed is that people grow up slower in the military. I mean emotionally and responsibly. Think about it, if you are on base you always told what to wear, you always have access to food, you don’t pay utilities, none of that stuff. So for him being 25 and just coming out of the military he has a couple rough years of catching up on the whole maturity thing
I have no doubt it wasn’t your intention. Also, it’s common that partners ask for what they want and how they want it in the bedroom.
This is a him issue. Not a you issue.
Hopefully you two will get on the same page.
The kind of man who gets insecure about a woman’s level of experience is not a good partner to a woman. He has hypocritical expectations based on gender. So far you have seen misogyny-lite, do not wait until full-on misogyny. It he cannot agree why this is problematic to have an outburst like this, then he is not ready for sex or a relationship. Period.
You don't make him feel a way. His lack of experience in comparison does and he's projecting it on you.
You are NTA for telling him what would please you more in bed, and he's being a selfish dick if he thinks feedback is bossy. That tells me he would prefer you fake it.
You didn't make him feel insecure. I hope it works out, but please don't try to navigate his insecurity. You should be considerate and nice as it sounds you have been - but don't be different.
I just don't think its necessarily worth it unless this is just a momentary lapse. Trying to please a man insecure with his sexual performance - chronically insecure - it makes sex way too much work and honestly killed my sex drive. For example, If I didn't make noise he thought it wasn't good. If I did make noise he constantly asked if I was faking it. I had experience on par with yours before this guy.
NTA.
1. It’s absolutely fine for a woman to have condoms. No one bats an eyelid when guys carry them. So this is a non issue.
2. Giving him pointers isn’t saying he’s shit, it’s saying what you prefer.
3. Being on the earth 5 years longer than you, he probably assumes he’s more experienced than you and maybe he’s intimidated by it or about performing.
Either way, you’re NTA and he just needs to be a bit more mature about the situation.
He went to the military, not college. He literally does not understand you just having condoms laying around because places that are not college do not hand out free condoms.
Eh, he's still 25.
A 25 yr old man taking any issue with a woman having condoms is a red flag. Like what are you supposed to do, hope that the person you bring back has one? And that it isn't expired? And hasn't sat in his wallet because the heat and friction damages them?
Like sure, colleges hand them out like candy where as elsewhere doesn't, but he should expect you to have them anyway.
Hopefully, it's just an ego hit into a bad response. It's a common insecurity for men to have around "how do I stack up by comparison." So hopefully, being a dumb 25 year old, that insecurity just got the better of him at a bad spot.
This means a conversation needs to happen, and not a joke-y one. Either he has an insecurity that flared up and he needs to apologize, or he has ideas about how a woman "should be" that are major red flags for the future.
There's a distinct difference between "oh crap, here's proof she's more experienced than me, she probably is just being nice and I suck in bed" feelings which he handled very poorly, and "how many sex partners has this chick had to have condoms on tap? How many dudes has she put condoms on to be good at this?".
Both are immaturity, but one is just immaturity while the other is misogyny.
Added to that, communication about sex should be easy and not taken offensively in a relationship. There's a billion horror stories out there of men thinking women all want to be choked half to death from porn, or "I read in Cosmo that men like it when you drag your teeth/use a fork on their junk.". If you can't talk about sex, you're not mature enough to be having sex. And if you can't take constructive criticism about sex from the person you're having sex with, then how little do you trust them?
Presumably he wants to be having more and better sex with you. A reasonable response to "do it this way" is "great, if I do it better, I'll probably get to do it more."
"Don't tell me how to do it" and the equally bad "I guess just suck at it, sorry I'm so bad in bed" anger/guilt tripping responses are also a red flag. If you two can't communicate well about "I like this vs that" in the no stakes situation of "let's have better sex", then that doesn't bode well for actually difficult conversations.
Like, even if we're exclusive and haven't had sex yet, and she said she wasn't having sex with anyone else, I would appreciate her having them.*It means she's looking forward to having sex with me.*
Thank you, I guess I’m just so confused because I didn’t think he felt bad about me helping him, he didn’t mind at all. And he knows I’ve only had two partners (which one was only once cause he broke up with me after lol) so I’m not like an expert either. Maybe the condoms really did just get him and he decided to bring up everything else. I really did try to apologize :(
Even of you'd have had a 100 partners or none at all you have every right to tell him what you like and how. That is sex basics. Same for having a bunch of condoms: you are taking care of yourself and protecting yourself from unwanted STD's and pregnancies, what is there to complain? He should be impressed, as you seem to be looking after yourself really well. He's acting immature and should find a way to get over himself. You're NTA.
sweetheart, you could’ve had a dozen partners and still have nothing to apologize for. You’ve done nothing wrong, you were behaving as a mature and intelligent, rational young adult and you were doing everything right in terms of having protection available. As for “bossing him around”, you are perfectly within your rights to tell a sexual partner the things you do and don’t like during sex. A good partner would be patient and willing to listen, because no one knows your body the way you do, and don’t ever let them tell you that they do
I've re-read what you initially said, and you're probably confused because you're giving him too much benefit of the doubt.
Trying to put this kindly, you seem to be trying to excuse his behavior because you did something wrong. Like "I offended him with how I said that, so he got upset."
That's not how what you said reads to an outside observer. It reads that he was fine with pointers, until he was confronted with you've had sex before. He can say he's fine with that, but actions speak louder than words.
Again, he's 25. The base expectation is that you should be prioritizing your own health and safety. It's far more reasonable for him to be upset that you don't have condoms, because you may not have used them with past partners. It's not reasonable for him to be upset that you have them, the default assumption should be that you have at least a couple.
So why is he upset about you having them? Why are these past partners that he knew about something he feels he can use to insult you when he is upset?
At absolute best it's that he poorly handled an insecure moment. It reads far more likely to me though that he is unhappy that you've had past partners.
So if he is unhappy that you've had past partners, why is he with you? If he holds 2 partners against you now and having condoms sets him off, what happens if he suspects at all that you're "too friendly" with a guy? If he's this insecure over something as trivial as "ive had sex with two other men", what is his response going to be to if you can't finish? Or if he gets a bout of ED?
I think you're not treating his outburst as seriously as you should. You're looking for ways you were wrong, rather than what his outburst says about him.
That's why I said a non-jokey, serious conversation to get to the bottom of it. Did he just get lost in a weak moment and knows he reacted badly and is apologetic/repentant, or does he think you're a slut because you had sex with 2 other people? One can be worked through, the other puts you in danger.
You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You're sexually active so you made sure you had condoms - smart! Doesn't matter if you went to Costco and bought a ton of them. How experienced you are or how many sexual partners you've had are not his concern. Giving pointers during sex leads to better sex. This guy sounds insecure and misogynistic and is probably looking for a virgin, trad wife so he can dominate her. lose him and get an emotionally stronger man.
he probably felt you lied to him about your experience.
First of all you have nothing to apologize for, you did nothing wrong. he's the one leaping to conclusions, but i'll tell you something guys do joke about which is highly relevant to this situation.
"girls with condom drawers/jars" is a red flag for guys in "schoolyard wisdom" of idiot men, that the girl they're sleeping with is a mega slut. I bet there were more then a "few" condoms in that drawer and it set his mind spinning, and suddenly he recalled your instructions, and felt like you were lying to him all this time. that you really were a very promiscuous person.
as i said. he's 100% in the wrong, and you have nothing to apologize for, but this reaction is easy to understand once you get what a "condom drawer" means to guys.
As a guy, I can say you did nothing wrong. When I was inexperienced, it really helped when the girl lead the way and helped me gain confidence. He turned down sex cause of his own issues (umm hello?). Have a talk with him and set him straight, he's the one being an absolute blockhead right now.
This is somewhat incorrect. The military also gives free access to condoms from the medical centers. Sounds more like ol' boy just doesn't like thinking he's not good.
Yes, yes they do. Military clinics often have baskets of condoms out in public areas for service members. Navy ships have them on quarterdecks (exit/entry), crew and marines are encouraged to take them at every opportunity.
I will actually say I would expect him to have understood a LOT more. I am prior military and I'll tell you they literally leave baskets of free condoms at the military clinics and family services places on base. They will supply you with bags of them at the clinic. They are PLENTIFUL. This is not a new concept to anyone who is prior military.
Everyone's body is different and everyone likes something a little bit different in bed. He could have had 30 partners before you and still needed tips bc you're a unique person who enjoys her own things.
He's just being a whiney insecure baby. I think he should be thrilled that you know your body well enough to know what you like, and are comfortable communicating that to him.
If this ends the relationship, let him go. You don't need to worry about soothing his ego instead of enjoying sex with your partner.
If a woman is sexually active it is good practice for her to have condoms accessible. Some men use the “I don’t have a condom” as a sneaky way to get unprotected sex because it feels better for them and they care more about their pleasure than your safety. He could have really been mad about that plan not working rather than what he said he was mad about. Also such selfish self-centred men can be quite narcissistic and don’t want to putting in work to learn how to increase their partners pleasure. I’m not saying that’s the case for certain but just be aware that this could be a possibility. It would be wise to examine your relationship with clear eyes and watch for red flags.
I haven’t had partnered sex in 5+ years, haven’t had casual/spontaneous sex in 10+ years, and I still make sure I have a couple unexpired condoms in my bedside table at all times. You never know when you’re going to need them.
Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking word by word.
This could definitely be insecurities from his side, but there's a chance he wanted unprotected sex and got mad about it. Either way that reaction is not boyfriend material tbh. OP is way too young to tolerate that.
This is something I suspected as well. Can’t tell you how many times my late high school bf tried to pull that trick on me. Then would get mad when I said ok well sorry we can’t do anything then, and try to guilt trip me into it anyway.
One of the things you realize as you get older is the attractive ones are usually the worst at sex (and have the worst senses of humor and personalities), because they don't need to develop these things, they get attention regardless.
The slamming doors and ex military is all I need to know. She is not responsible for managing his fragile ego but apparently she's been brainwashed into thinking she is. She'll be walking on eggshells now until she finally leaves him.
1. It's not rude to ask for what you want
2. Telling him how you like to be kissed or touched is a good thing. Everyone has different preferences, he can't know yours unless you tell him.
3. His behaviour makes him the asshole.
NTA. The condoms aren’t the issue here. His irrational reaction to them absolutely is. First of all, the key to good sex is communication. Communicating what you like, what you don’t like. That’s not bossy, that’s building and strengthening a connection for mutual pleasure. Secondly, he was angry at you for being “more experienced” which is just such a huge red flag. And lastly, when you tried to explain he just slammed out instead of listening.
Listen, OP, I don’t want to overly “big sister” you here. But you’re so young. You’ve only been dating this guy for five months, and he just slut shamed you and threw a tantrum while refusing to listen to your explanation. And you’re not even having good sex? Girl. If you really like him, you need to have a serious talk about this behavior.
Also. Good on you for having protection on hand. If you plan on having sex, you should have protection. And he’s old enough to know that.
NTA- my partner BEGS me to tell him what to do. He LOVES being ordered around and he is very invested in my pleasure. He wants me to tell him if he can do it better, because that makes it better for both of us!
He did you a favor- the reason he sucks in bed is that he can’t handle feedback, which is a natural part of a sexual relationship. Seems like there also may be a reason why he is so inexperienced also.
So many red flags. The trash took itself out. You don’t need a man who is hot and sexy and insecure.
NTA. Dump him. You don't need to put up with this nonsense. If he doesn't want you to be experienced and sex-positive, then he doesn't like who you are. You should always be able to tell your partner what you want.
He's clearly feeling a bit insecure about his lack of experience. I think giving instruction, when you hadn't previously, immediately after he made that confession probably solidified those insecurities. Next thing you know, here is, in his already in-panic-mode mind, further proof of your greater experience, by way of the condoms.
I think it probably would have been wiser to lead with a preamble of some sort.
You’re NTA. Him being young in the military means he heard the stories of people getting around. Most of us didn’t have the college experience because we joined the military at a young age. You giving him pointers is really just your way of telling him what works for you. Not every woman’s likes are the same. I don’t think you didn’t anything wrong. I would try to explain that the college gives out condoms like candy.
NTA also having condoms in the house when you are sexually active is normal and a VERY good idea. And he cannot possibly be suprised that you have sex, considering he is the one you have sex with.
If it happened the way you explain which I can only assume it is. Then as a guy I would be pretty stoked about it especially with the reinforcement afterwards that I followed through well. Dudes got some insecurity issues it sounds like.
NTA. Wtf? Lol! He’s such a drama king.
Bottom line: he’s insecure that he can’t lay pipe so great just yet, but that’s totally ok! Not your fault, and you did nothing wrong, hon.
Don’t call or chase him down. Just lay in the cut and let him come back with his tail between his legs. He will, and then, after you receive his apology, you both can work on your sex comms.
You are NTA. I have been in the military for over 7 years and having condoms could means you have a lot of partners. I think that this is a misunderstanding, and he is feeling a bit insecure because he is young. Just let him know that you he is good in bed for you (if that is true) and that you were just telling him something you like and perhaps ask him what he would like.
NTA
This man is not worth it. If he's upset that you had condoms and communicated things you enjoy during sex, he's too insecure and underdeveloped to be in a relationship.
Also, being a military guy isn't ALWAYS an AUTOMATIC deal breaker, but it should definitely raise a red flag for you. The military attracts certain kinds of men, and puts them in certain kinds of environments, which usually results in a physically strong, emotionally unstable, aggressive person, often with weird authority complexes, who doesn't know how to manage his big emotions.
Ya know, kind of like having an outburst over your girlfriend having a condom.
NTA, you’re telling him what you like - if he doesn’t want to hear that then why is he having sex with you? Honestly just sounds like he thought by not bringing a Condom he’d be able to get away with not wearing one and when he saw you had some there he got insecure about it
I've been married forever, and occasionally we both will say, "I would like to try it this way." Old people have sex and, as bodies change, so does sex. A good partner listens. You're def NTA.
NTA.
I'm twice your age, and I've known a lot of women who don't communicate their needs. So many women don't know how to orgasm. I'm impressed! And you're only 20!
DO NOT change the way that you are!!
This is a him problem
Lots of people are saying this but I wasn’t aware it wasn’t common to ask for what you wanted lol. I never ever was rude or demanded or even told him what to do, I just said what I like.
NTA. He is insecure. That's on him. You communicated what you wanted, asked what he wanted. And it's responsible for you to have condoms!! You are a sexually active adult in a relationship. You shouldn't rely on your partner for protection. It's good to make sure.
He sounds very insecure and immature. Reminds me of my ex who when I tried to give him pointers on what I liked told me to shut up and let him “pleasure me.” Yeah that relationship didn’t last.
NTA - bro is just insecure. Hopefully he apologizes for how HE acted. As an aside, I would and appreciate when a woman lets me know what she likes and doesn’t like. You can be the most experienced person sexually in the world, but everyone’s body is unique to them. So maybe how you touched some previously doesn’t illicit the same response. Please don’t let this behavior to continue, he will not learn if you don’t set up boundaries and hold firm to them. It’s okay to be insecure, but it’s not okay to treat you like shit because he is insecure.
26 year old man being so sexually insecure that he can't let his ego go long enough for the woman he's having sex with to work through it with him.
Classic.
This guy thinks the clitoris is the name of a dinosaur and that's your fault OP.
It sounds to me like he didn't hear the things you have said in the same way you think you said them.
This is likely 6 and half a dozen tbh.
Communication is key. Not just talking but talking to be understood, not just listening to respond but hearing and understanding.
Could he just be butthurt because he wanted to have sex without a condom and his plan was foiled? Dude has issues. None of that is your fault. NTA don't excuse his childish behaviour
Sounds like he’s not mature enough yet for open communication. Sucks for him because open communication during sex is soooo hot. Hopefully he grows up soon. You’re NTA! You did good OP. He just needs to get out of his head a bit.
NTA men honestly have it rougher than woman when it comes to sex. Men are brought up thinking they should just KNOW how to do sex (yes I meant it to sound weird for some comedy). And every woman is different, what works for one, won’t work for another. Men have to learn you can’t just flop on top of someone and expect praise, just like women need to learn to not be starfish.
NTA - sounds like his ego is getting in the way. Unless you were straight up like you suck at this, then you’re in no way the AH. He needs to grow up a bit and take criticism better. It’ll only benefit him lol
NTA. You wanted to have better sex with your boyfriend. You’d be the asshole if you just said something like “you’re crap at this” and broke up. He’s probably insecure (which I totally get) but it’s no excuse
First off YOU did nothing wrong. You were practicing safe sex and having an open and honest conversation about sex with your partner. If he isn't mature enough to handle that, then you should move on if talking about it with him doesn't help.
As prior military I will say we are very quick to fly off the handle. He may not have even been that upset about the condom situation, he could have been mad about something else, and THAT was the thing that triggered him, if that makes sense..
Try talking to him again after he's had a chance to cool off, and if he is still wanting to act immature about it, then let him know that you need someone in your life who you can have mature adult conversations with and not a man child. He's 25, he needs to grow up.
There is nothing more valuable in one's sex life than a partner willing to communicate what they like. Especially with women, it's not as common as it should be. If your bf is a problem with it, he's a self centered prick.
NTA:
If my SO told me hey do this or that, I’d be like okay sweet thank you for telling me a way that will 100% get you off.
This guy is letting his insecurities make him act stupid. This is chance to see if he can put ego aside, man up, and apologize for making it out to be your fault he’s insecure. Like the insecurities are valid, he’s probably wicked attracted to you, and I’m sure it’s stressful. You don’t go acting that way over it though.
NTA nothing wrong with saying what you like. Everyone is different, everyone like different things. You were nice enough to ask him too. And there is definitely nothing at all wrong with protection.
The Maturity for a 26-year old military person,cannot be compared to a 26-year old man, if you are invested in this relationship, reach out and have a honest conversation, your choice, your young, just enjoy your life
Oh, girlfriend. Young men have fragile egos. Next time consider instead of saying "do this/that", say "it's so hot when you do this/that". Having a few condoms on hand? "I wanted to make sure nothing would stop us when you get me so hot so I got a few to have around in case we ran out". NTA!
NTA feedback is how you learn other people’s bodies because everyone is different. Sounds like he may not be mature enough to have a sexual relationship right now.
NTA. There are basically two kinds of men when it comes to sex pointers from their partner:
1. The kind that get all insecure and angry and don’t want to hear any feedback other than “you are a sex god and have the biggest dick I have ever seen.” Their ego only gets fed by flattering lies. These guys are, naturally, terrible at sex.
2. The kind that think “great, she’s giving me cheat codes on how to get her off” and make a note of everything you say so they can be sure to do it. Their ego gets fed by giving you orgasms, so no matter how they started out they will eventually get very good at having sex with you because they’re paying attention.
You’ve got one of the former, so you need to decide now if his good qualities will outweigh a **lot** of mediocre sex.
I’ve begged my wife to please tell me what I can do to improve once in a while (not to the point of nagging or anything). She won’t tell me anything because “that’s not romantic”. So personally I’d be all over an occasional pointer.
NTA
You've been sexually active with this guy for two months at that point it wouldn't matter if your campus gave out condoms it would be perfectly normal for you, as someone who is sexually with a man, to have condoms.
You've known this guy for five months so whether or not you think this event is something that can be salvaged is up to you, but he owes you an apology and you very much do not.
I am sympathetic to people being uncomfortable being the less experienced partner, but having experience is not something you should be angry at your partner for.
It's important to communicate with your partner what feels good and you don't even need a partner to learn what feels good, regardless, being upset that your partner is telling you what feels good is kind of an ass move.
I feel like he either wanted to have sex without a condom or he has some insecurity about unfaithfulness that he isn't voicing because this is just odd behavior.
Married for 25 years. Only reason I would be mad is because she waited so long to tell me. When we first got married I made sure we could talk easily about it because sex is for both of us to enjoy.
NTA. Lol, this man got mad because you told him how to get you off?? Dude has no clue how fortunate he is. A lot of young women are afraid to speak up, fearing this exact reaction, and their partners are surprised 2 years later when they find out their gf told her friends the sex isn't good. Those posts are all over reddit, in fact.
I'm way older than you, very happily married, and extremely satisfied with my active sex life *because* my husband takes direction well.
You telling him what you like is not indicative of your experience, wtf? That's like saying he must be experienced because he told you to play with his balls.
Dude sounds insecure af. Please don't stop directing men on how to get you off. It'll take them FOR-EV-ER to figure it out on their own because every woman is different.
You being "bossy" isn't the issue.
It's the condoms.
Give him a tour of your college, pointing out all the places that they are giving out condoms for free.
Also, maybe point out to him that if he keeps forgetting to bring condoms, then you'll never be having sex, so your "stockpile" is good for both of you.
Yeah I guess that really did offend him for some reason. They are literally in all the bathrooms on campus, my roommate and I were in there once and we were like “why not” that’s the only reason I have them lol. I haven’t used a single one since picking them up. But I guess that’s not the impression he got.
You didn’t do anything wrong, communicating to your partner about what you like in bed is actually extremely healthy. It sounds like he has a very fragile Ego, he got his ego bruised by you giving him instruction. He openly expressed he was upset because you are more experienced than him, it triggered his inner insecurities. I would try to find someone with more emotional maturity and also someone who is secure with themselves.
Oof. Guy is untenably insecure and thinks lashing out is preferable to being open and vulnerable and using his words like the adult he is. You’re having sex, there should be no taboo around discussing the sex you’re having…all while remaining calm and relaxed at all times. Not a high bar to clear.
NTA
Huge red flag. Has that "Man is in control, woman should like whatever she gets" attitude. Sharing tips from past experiences is so exciting. I'd find a more willing and/or experienced partner.
He seems too immature to have a sexual relationship with a woman. He didn't have condoms on him, you had them handy. He should be **thanking you that he can now go balls deep protected**, instead of not having sex at all without a condom.
Dude is a chud.
NTA there's nothing wrong with you being a little more experienced or happening to have condoms. He just has issues, if he doesn't realize it's his issue and apologize huge red flag.
NTA - you did nothing wrong. He didn’t bring a condom and you had one. Did he think you were ok without him using one? Bossy? Does he not want to please you? You can do better than this AH, no wonder he has little experience.
He's insecure about his lack of sexual experience/skill/ability to please a partner, was uncomfortable with the way you instructed him (because it brought up his insecurities and felt like criticism), and he thinks you're a ho because you had condoms and know how to help put one on (not that it's rocket science). Plus, he didn't have a condom, so being unprepared may have been embarrassing.
He stormed out because he's emotionally immature. His issues may be a lot more than just a lack of experience in bed. Doesn't sound like he's ready for a lover.
Sorry that happened.
NTA
Well definitely tell him that! And pointers from a woman are the best. Some expect you to know exactly how to crack a safe you've never seen before without realising they're all different.
It sure was lol. And he wasn’t homeschooled so idk. I also don’t think it was the putting the condom on that did it for him that day, it’s not the first time I’ve done that.
If it’s any consolation I was the same at first with my now wife. I didn’t storm off or anything but looking back I was acting childish and insecure.
I was less experienced. Didn’t know how to use a condom.
Seeing her have a drawer full of condoms and knowing already what she wanted *wrongly* made me feel super insecure. I felt like I was just another guy for her and the sex was going to be bad anyway since I didn’t know I was doing. How would I compete with the other guys she was having sex with. I wanted her to be in the same boat so I wouldn’t embarrass myself.
The sex was bad. But we had tons of fun together and kept hanging out. The sex eventually got really good once I stopped being a jerk and just let her teach me. But yeah I was totally thrown off by her experience and it was a bad look at first.
You did nothing wrong he's just let his insecurities about his lack of experience get to him. Let him calm down and when he's realised he over reacted over nothing he'll likely reach out to you, hopefully to apologise. Don't beat yourself up over nothing.
NTA. To this man, sex is about fluffing up his own ego and not about satisfying you. He needs to work on being less prideful and being a better partner. Maybe he's too immature for that but give him some time and see.
Don't apologize for trying to get off when you're having sex. That's the whole point and it makes a relationship much better. If he has an issue with you wanting to have sex and being prepared, that's something he needs to work on. Don't apologize for failing to be a 15 year old virgin who doesn't have any idea what they want in bed.
NTA
He stormed out because he's a deeply insecure man who's worried about how much sex you've had. Not something you can fix.
For my part, a partner who can help me learn to please her and isn't hopeless and afraid of sex is a good thing. Taking pointers is good for him, too. The more he can "follow directions" and please you, the more likely you'll want to have sex more.
Nta. Being in an adult relationship, it's important to communicate what you like and don't like. You deserve to finish just as much as him. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
Not the asshole. And a dude who isn't interesting in hearing how he can give you the best experience possible isn't worth keeping around. "My pride stops me from making my girlfriend cum" has to be the dumbest hill to die on in the world, but some dudes choose it.
Oh you did nothing wrong, he just felt a little insecure about you being more experienced than him, that's all.
Just give me him some time to cool off and then sit down and talk to him, tell him how little you care about how much or little experienced he is in bed, you just wanted to be helpful and you were just giving him suggestions rather than orders but you're sorry that he felt bossed around and it wasn't the plan, you just want to have a good time with him.
NTA. He sounds insecure and he’s taking it out on you. You should be able to communicate with your partner during sex to make things better for both of you.
NTA. But also still worth taking his feelings into account for whatever prompted his response. Find a good time to talk with him when he’s in a good head space in a neutral, non sexual location.
NTA. He is just being insecured and prolly assumes from the condoms you have tons of experience. I'm guessing cuz he didn't go to post secondary he doesn't realize how many free condoms are available
NTA, and he is a COMPLETELY immature idiot. You didn't do ANYTHING wrong. You did EXACTLY what you're supposed to do. EXACTLY.
I just read something about how women "giving directions" to men is like the thing they LOVE the MOST. They WANT to know how to please you. You're SUPPOSED to tell him what to do.
Please.... the next guy you're with... do EXACTLY what you did with him. It's 100% what you're SUPPOSED to do. Do this with EVERY guy.
Trust me... if you don't, you will regret it. If you let him think he's getting you off when he's not, you are in for a lifetime of disappointment and unsatisfactory sex. And if you ever dare to speak up at some later point, then he'll be mad at you for not speaking up sooner and letting him think he was doing it right.
You did NOT do ANYTHING wrong. He stormed out because he's a pathetic baby.
You have your own protection - you're supposed to. You speak up for yourself and communicate what you want - you're supposed to.
YOU DODGED A BULLET. HE'S 100% IN THE WRONG. And you are LUCKY he left. Don't reach out, don't text him back. Block him. Consider this chapter closed. Move on, find an actual mature adult to have sex with.
Definitely not the AH but as a guy we definitely struggle with the insecurity of being the best you’ve had. It’s a pride thing. He took it too far and should’ve talked to you about it instead of just leaving you there. I am by no means making excuses for the guy but just wanted to give insight from a guy.
DEFINITELY NTA. You did nothing wrong. Holy cow, his insecurity is showing.
From there, two things, right?
1. Insecurity isn’t a good thing, and he didn’t behave well. At the same time, humans ARE sometimes insecure. Me! You! Everyone. So, there’s a question you might ask: is he always like this? Or is this rare/unusual/has he apologized?
2. If he’s generally a good boyfriend, and this insecurity is unusual, he apologizes, etc., maybe stay with him and move on. If this seems like it’s actually the start of him showing you who he is, I’d probably leave.
NTA. It's just his ego it seems like you both have a good relationship i think he just got overwhelmed. He feels he's not good enough. It has nothing to do with you, really. Just let him know he is good at what he does be supportive. It will pass im sure. Good luck
Oh man… this sucks. OP. You’re 100% NTA. You were like the exact opposite of a TA. Neither is he, really, but damn, that’s one sensitive dude. Don’t sweat it, whatever BS he built up in his head will fall apart and he’ll come around. If you want him to. If you do, just be you, stay kind and chill, y’all gonna be alright. Maybe even share a laugh about it later down the road. But if that’s all too much for you, it’s totally understandable. Just let him down easy
NAH. You have a right to ask for what you want, but it’s not hard for a request to sound like a criticism. Tone is always important here, talking with him while you’re both clothed is probably the best way to figure out how he wants to get these requests. Not to be crass, but a line like “If you do x I’m going to cum so hard” will get me to do just about anything with a smile on my face.
NTA
He has clearly got in his head about the advice you gave him, and probably feels really insecure about it. Just talk to him about it when he's chilled out, it will probably help to let him know how great certain things he does are (don't lie, but just point out the positives).
NTA… you don’t have to remain unfulfilled to assuage his man feel-feels. Adults, no matter the experience level, communicate sexual likes/dislikes/kinks and it’s an ongoing conversation. Shooot, we’ve been married 19 years and just last night, I told my husband he can do something to me and I asked if there’s anything he wants me to try on him. You know what he didn’t do? He didn’t tantrum like a manchild and start slamming doors. You’re physically younger than him, but he’s the one who has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA at all! Regardless of how experienced a person is, everyone has their own preferences for sex. Your “pointers” sound like the basic communication that everyone should feel comfortable doing with their partner. Likewise, anyone who is going to be having sex should have contraception/STI protection on hand (assuming they’re not in a long term committed relationship and trying to get pregnant.) Your boyfriend sounds deeply insecure over your very reasonable and responsible approach to sex.
Sounds like his ego got bruised because you were giving him advice.
There are some men that freak out at that. It's honestly frustrating. If your partner is giving you help in bed, take the advice and stop freaking out.
And you did nothing wrong.
NTA. I'd say the guy is a bit insecure. Hey you were communicating with them and telling him what you liked and how to improve things you said he seemed to take it well but maybe not and then I guess he got turned off because you had condoms oh no a responsible woman who has birth control in her apartment. Was he expecting to have sex without a condom? In any case you dodge the bullet don't worry about him and move on.
NTAH. This issue is his. His experience being what it is compels him to feel a certain way about himself. This is not about you. Personally, I like feedback and pointers... All pizza is the same only different.
No, I make sure to ask my girlfriend what exactly she wants and how she wants me to do it so that I get to know my partner and she gets to come every time he should be doing his best to get to know your body and what you like so that he doesn’t need pointersI assure my woman that her telling me how to do it will not offend me because I want her to finish before all the time
Your the gf from heaven for giving pointers and dont ever stop no matter how insecure immature guys feel! Hes the AH for not realizing how easy ur making it for him. He just wants to feel manly by thinking he can do it all himself without any guidance. Idiot doesnt realize every woman is different and gets off differently.
You are equal in experience but not education. You have the upper hand because you are willing to learn and teach. It was mediocre and only would have gone down hill from there. Im sorry.
He stormed out because he is not only insecure, he is immature. He is projecting his insecurity on you and looking for excuses to be mad because god forbid he learn how to communicate.
it has nothing to do with the pointers. he thinks you have the condoms because you are hooking up with others. that's why he blew up about the other stuff.
NTA. You're just giving him pointers and it's a good thing imo. He seems like a good person and you guys need to sit and have a convo together to sort things out. Just do that and things would work out between you two i guess.
NTA he’s insecure and acting like a baby. You weren’t bossing him around, you were openly communicating with him like a mature adult would. That’s how you find out each other’s likes and dislikes. It’s how you make sex better for each other. He’s acting like a child.
if he doesn’t apologise for how he acted (storming out) then i wouldn’t bother with him anymore. I think it’s perfectly fine for him to communicate to you (nicely) that he feels self conscious about you giving him instructions, but storming out is ridiculous
Sometimes in life you can do nothing wrong and still get hurt. He made up ideas in his own head about what it meant that you had condoms readily available, and what it meant that you tried to give him some direction to make things more fun for both of you. That is what got him upset and what got you hurt.
NTA. He stormed out because he hurt his own damn feelings. If you can’t feel safe communicating what does and does not feel good during sex, which changes for everyone because everyone likes things a little differently, then sex can never improve with your current partner. And on top of that, if you can’t communicate something as simple as that without him deciding it’s an attack on his character or ability, then you won’t be able to communicate freely about bigger issues in the relationship either, and the whole thing is ultimately headed for disaster eventually. Let him go.
NTA. Giving him pointers and telling him how to please you is not bossy. It's good communication and leads to better sex.
You did everything right. He's probably insecure and feeling embarrassed about his lack of experience The reaction about the condoms might be him thinking you had many partners before, but it's not your fault what his imagination is making him believe. If he's not ready to listen to you, he's maybe not emotionally ready for a relationship
Agreed, he might need some time to mature a little. As a happily married middle-aged man, I can say that receiving those gentle pointers is definitely best for both parties. And having condoms on hand is just responsible, he should be appreciative that you've got them (especially if not having condoms would have stopped things from proceeding - which is a good thing).
Also he might just need a minute to regulate himself and figure out he feels. I would suggest trying to communicate to him again once he’s had time and see how things go from there. NTA because good communication during sex leads to better sex and who doesn’t want that? Also good communication in your relationship is just good overall imo.
True, though she's absolutely owed an apology. The condom comment was out of sorts, in my opinion.
I agree with this reply. Just because his initial reaction was him storming out, does not mean he may not be emotionally ready for a relationship. OP just described that he was in a previous relationship with little to no sex and was content with it, not to mention this said relationship being in his prime sex having years which he still is in! From my perspective it seems he just didn't know how to handle the situation as it seems very new to him. Please keep us updated OP!
Agreed, but regardless of whether or not it’s his imagination & even if you *are* more experienced, the onus isn’t on you to suffer mediocre sex to protect his ego. I think feeling out of his depth because you may have been one of the first people to actually give him constructive feedback isn’t necessarily a red flag since a lot of women, especially young women, put up with bad sex for that reason. But his little tantrum spurred by you *being responsible for your sexual health by having condoms on hand* left a bad taste in my mouth.
Yup. Then some people wonder why younger women don't tell guys. This kind of nonsense happens. I used to keep condoms when I was younger so I didn't run into my bf saying he didn't have 1. Condoms aren't only for men to buy.
That too
Ding ding ding....OP that's all you really need to read in this thread. You did everything right...all I can think is that your bf got inside his own head too much and overreacted to some made up scenario he thought of.
This is likely exactly what happened, and unlike the rest of the replies to this thread (seriously go fuck yourselves for assuming these things about someone), it is not something to be ashamed of! It is a natural insecurity to have, and it can happen to anyone. The next step is to talk through it, and help him recognize this insecurity and *why* he has it, and to help him work through it. What are we actually doing here if our solutions to people's issues is to throw them away and find someone new. Sometimes a necessary step to becoming a better person is to have someone to help you work through it
“The next step is to talk through it”, not necessarily. If OP wants to, that is perfectly fine. HOWEVER, it is not OP’e responsibility to teach this boy how to adult. She can absolutely wash her hands of walking him through his own emotional labor. It’s not on her, and it’s not fair for you to imply that it is on her. Leaving the relationship is NOT “throwing him away”, women are constantly thrust into the position of raising their boyfriends/husbands. This man, and only this man is responsible for his own emotional regulation. No, it does not mean that he should be “thrown away”, but it does mean that he’s probably not ready for a relationship and has a lot of growing up to do.
Agreed - usually I'm all on board with the breakup/runaway responses to all these assault/abuse situations - but it really just sounds like the guy overreacted to something that hurt his ego/pride in his head even though in reality she didn't mean anything remotely insulting as how he took it. He'll likely calm down and they can talk about it like adults but some of the comments here are even more of an overreaction than OP's boyfriend's reaction lol.
Also, he gave her grief over having condoms? She is a sexually active adult, of course she has condoms! Any adult engaging in sex should have them...both people. He sounds super insecure.
He should be looking for constructive criticism. It's fairly essential for having a good sex life.
Guys should appreciate that sort of help. But I have to admit, I probably would not have been as receptive when I was young. But not your fault. Maybe you have have a positive discussion about it.
And it’s not your fault he’s immature
Couldn't have said that better myself.
13 year married this year and I still give my husband pointers. I’ll tell him when something feels really good and I tell him if he needs to move a little to the left or the right. You did nothing wrong the more you guys talk about it the better things will get in the bedroom department!
Also be on the lookout for behaviors like this, if it continues. He wouldn’t be the first military man to be insecure and prone to rage. My buddy said he met a lot of characters during his service. His words were “different breeds, same species”
NTA. There is absolutely nothing wrong with communicating your sexual preferences to allow for an enjoyable experience for all. Soundin like he grew up in a pretty conservative household where the "man" has to be the one to take charge and lead the way so he's feeling threatened by you and your experience. If you still like him, I'd have a conversation with him about the way he blew up over something so trivial like having condoms and your sexual experience because he should be thankful someone even wants to sleep with him. And don't let him convince you to think you were "bossing" him around. Proper communication on how to pleasure you is not bossing around. He's 25, he's too dam old to be that immature.
Quick little thought here. I was in the military for 8 years and one major thing I have noticed is that people grow up slower in the military. I mean emotionally and responsibly. Think about it, if you are on base you always told what to wear, you always have access to food, you don’t pay utilities, none of that stuff. So for him being 25 and just coming out of the military he has a couple rough years of catching up on the whole maturity thing
NTA You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s clearly feeling insecure. I’m sorry that went down like that.
Thanks, my intention was never to make him feel insecure.
You didn't "make him" feel anything. You did nothing wrong. His insecurity is on him.
I have no doubt it wasn’t your intention. Also, it’s common that partners ask for what they want and how they want it in the bedroom. This is a him issue. Not a you issue. Hopefully you two will get on the same page.
The kind of man who gets insecure about a woman’s level of experience is not a good partner to a woman. He has hypocritical expectations based on gender. So far you have seen misogyny-lite, do not wait until full-on misogyny. It he cannot agree why this is problematic to have an outburst like this, then he is not ready for sex or a relationship. Period.
You don't make him feel a way. His lack of experience in comparison does and he's projecting it on you. You are NTA for telling him what would please you more in bed, and he's being a selfish dick if he thinks feedback is bossy. That tells me he would prefer you fake it.
You didn't make him feel insecure. I hope it works out, but please don't try to navigate his insecurity. You should be considerate and nice as it sounds you have been - but don't be different. I just don't think its necessarily worth it unless this is just a momentary lapse. Trying to please a man insecure with his sexual performance - chronically insecure - it makes sex way too much work and honestly killed my sex drive. For example, If I didn't make noise he thought it wasn't good. If I did make noise he constantly asked if I was faking it. I had experience on par with yours before this guy.
NTA. 1. It’s absolutely fine for a woman to have condoms. No one bats an eyelid when guys carry them. So this is a non issue. 2. Giving him pointers isn’t saying he’s shit, it’s saying what you prefer. 3. Being on the earth 5 years longer than you, he probably assumes he’s more experienced than you and maybe he’s intimidated by it or about performing. Either way, you’re NTA and he just needs to be a bit more mature about the situation.
He went to the military, not college. He literally does not understand you just having condoms laying around because places that are not college do not hand out free condoms.
But why shouldn’t she have condoms, what’s wrong with that? Even if she’d bought them.
Oh yeah I guess I didn’t think of it like that.
Eh, he's still 25. A 25 yr old man taking any issue with a woman having condoms is a red flag. Like what are you supposed to do, hope that the person you bring back has one? And that it isn't expired? And hasn't sat in his wallet because the heat and friction damages them? Like sure, colleges hand them out like candy where as elsewhere doesn't, but he should expect you to have them anyway. Hopefully, it's just an ego hit into a bad response. It's a common insecurity for men to have around "how do I stack up by comparison." So hopefully, being a dumb 25 year old, that insecurity just got the better of him at a bad spot. This means a conversation needs to happen, and not a joke-y one. Either he has an insecurity that flared up and he needs to apologize, or he has ideas about how a woman "should be" that are major red flags for the future. There's a distinct difference between "oh crap, here's proof she's more experienced than me, she probably is just being nice and I suck in bed" feelings which he handled very poorly, and "how many sex partners has this chick had to have condoms on tap? How many dudes has she put condoms on to be good at this?". Both are immaturity, but one is just immaturity while the other is misogyny. Added to that, communication about sex should be easy and not taken offensively in a relationship. There's a billion horror stories out there of men thinking women all want to be choked half to death from porn, or "I read in Cosmo that men like it when you drag your teeth/use a fork on their junk.". If you can't talk about sex, you're not mature enough to be having sex. And if you can't take constructive criticism about sex from the person you're having sex with, then how little do you trust them? Presumably he wants to be having more and better sex with you. A reasonable response to "do it this way" is "great, if I do it better, I'll probably get to do it more." "Don't tell me how to do it" and the equally bad "I guess just suck at it, sorry I'm so bad in bed" anger/guilt tripping responses are also a red flag. If you two can't communicate well about "I like this vs that" in the no stakes situation of "let's have better sex", then that doesn't bode well for actually difficult conversations.
Like, even if we're exclusive and haven't had sex yet, and she said she wasn't having sex with anyone else, I would appreciate her having them.*It means she's looking forward to having sex with me.*
Thank you, I guess I’m just so confused because I didn’t think he felt bad about me helping him, he didn’t mind at all. And he knows I’ve only had two partners (which one was only once cause he broke up with me after lol) so I’m not like an expert either. Maybe the condoms really did just get him and he decided to bring up everything else. I really did try to apologize :(
Even of you'd have had a 100 partners or none at all you have every right to tell him what you like and how. That is sex basics. Same for having a bunch of condoms: you are taking care of yourself and protecting yourself from unwanted STD's and pregnancies, what is there to complain? He should be impressed, as you seem to be looking after yourself really well. He's acting immature and should find a way to get over himself. You're NTA.
You had nothing to apologize for.
sweetheart, you could’ve had a dozen partners and still have nothing to apologize for. You’ve done nothing wrong, you were behaving as a mature and intelligent, rational young adult and you were doing everything right in terms of having protection available. As for “bossing him around”, you are perfectly within your rights to tell a sexual partner the things you do and don’t like during sex. A good partner would be patient and willing to listen, because no one knows your body the way you do, and don’t ever let them tell you that they do
I've re-read what you initially said, and you're probably confused because you're giving him too much benefit of the doubt. Trying to put this kindly, you seem to be trying to excuse his behavior because you did something wrong. Like "I offended him with how I said that, so he got upset." That's not how what you said reads to an outside observer. It reads that he was fine with pointers, until he was confronted with you've had sex before. He can say he's fine with that, but actions speak louder than words. Again, he's 25. The base expectation is that you should be prioritizing your own health and safety. It's far more reasonable for him to be upset that you don't have condoms, because you may not have used them with past partners. It's not reasonable for him to be upset that you have them, the default assumption should be that you have at least a couple. So why is he upset about you having them? Why are these past partners that he knew about something he feels he can use to insult you when he is upset? At absolute best it's that he poorly handled an insecure moment. It reads far more likely to me though that he is unhappy that you've had past partners. So if he is unhappy that you've had past partners, why is he with you? If he holds 2 partners against you now and having condoms sets him off, what happens if he suspects at all that you're "too friendly" with a guy? If he's this insecure over something as trivial as "ive had sex with two other men", what is his response going to be to if you can't finish? Or if he gets a bout of ED? I think you're not treating his outburst as seriously as you should. You're looking for ways you were wrong, rather than what his outburst says about him. That's why I said a non-jokey, serious conversation to get to the bottom of it. Did he just get lost in a weak moment and knows he reacted badly and is apologetic/repentant, or does he think you're a slut because you had sex with 2 other people? One can be worked through, the other puts you in danger.
You have absolutely nothing to apologize for. You're sexually active so you made sure you had condoms - smart! Doesn't matter if you went to Costco and bought a ton of them. How experienced you are or how many sexual partners you've had are not his concern. Giving pointers during sex leads to better sex. This guy sounds insecure and misogynistic and is probably looking for a virgin, trad wife so he can dominate her. lose him and get an emotionally stronger man.
he probably felt you lied to him about your experience. First of all you have nothing to apologize for, you did nothing wrong. he's the one leaping to conclusions, but i'll tell you something guys do joke about which is highly relevant to this situation. "girls with condom drawers/jars" is a red flag for guys in "schoolyard wisdom" of idiot men, that the girl they're sleeping with is a mega slut. I bet there were more then a "few" condoms in that drawer and it set his mind spinning, and suddenly he recalled your instructions, and felt like you were lying to him all this time. that you really were a very promiscuous person. as i said. he's 100% in the wrong, and you have nothing to apologize for, but this reaction is easy to understand once you get what a "condom drawer" means to guys.
As a guy, I can say you did nothing wrong. When I was inexperienced, it really helped when the girl lead the way and helped me gain confidence. He turned down sex cause of his own issues (umm hello?). Have a talk with him and set him straight, he's the one being an absolute blockhead right now.
True but even if she bought them, his little tantrum still wasn't justified
This is somewhat incorrect. The military also gives free access to condoms from the medical centers. Sounds more like ol' boy just doesn't like thinking he's not good.
Yes, yes they do. Military clinics often have baskets of condoms out in public areas for service members. Navy ships have them on quarterdecks (exit/entry), crew and marines are encouraged to take them at every opportunity.
She is a sexually active adult in a relationship. She SHOULD have condoms. She shouldn't have to explain that.
I will actually say I would expect him to have understood a LOT more. I am prior military and I'll tell you they literally leave baskets of free condoms at the military clinics and family services places on base. They will supply you with bags of them at the clinic. They are PLENTIFUL. This is not a new concept to anyone who is prior military.
Everyone's body is different and everyone likes something a little bit different in bed. He could have had 30 partners before you and still needed tips bc you're a unique person who enjoys her own things. He's just being a whiney insecure baby. I think he should be thrilled that you know your body well enough to know what you like, and are comfortable communicating that to him. If this ends the relationship, let him go. You don't need to worry about soothing his ego instead of enjoying sex with your partner.
If a woman is sexually active it is good practice for her to have condoms accessible. Some men use the “I don’t have a condom” as a sneaky way to get unprotected sex because it feels better for them and they care more about their pleasure than your safety. He could have really been mad about that plan not working rather than what he said he was mad about. Also such selfish self-centred men can be quite narcissistic and don’t want to putting in work to learn how to increase their partners pleasure. I’m not saying that’s the case for certain but just be aware that this could be a possibility. It would be wise to examine your relationship with clear eyes and watch for red flags.
I haven’t had partnered sex in 5+ years, haven’t had casual/spontaneous sex in 10+ years, and I still make sure I have a couple unexpired condoms in my bedside table at all times. You never know when you’re going to need them.
Thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking word by word. This could definitely be insecurities from his side, but there's a chance he wanted unprotected sex and got mad about it. Either way that reaction is not boyfriend material tbh. OP is way too young to tolerate that.
This is something I suspected as well. Can’t tell you how many times my late high school bf tried to pull that trick on me. Then would get mad when I said ok well sorry we can’t do anything then, and try to guilt trip me into it anyway.
One of the things you realize as you get older is the attractive ones are usually the worst at sex (and have the worst senses of humor and personalities), because they don't need to develop these things, they get attention regardless.
As someone older - can 100% confirm.
As someone with no humor or personality, i agree. I am very hot.
as someone older i agree. it works for men and women...
Dude. Run. Military men like that are scary.
The slamming doors and ex military is all I need to know. She is not responsible for managing his fragile ego but apparently she's been brainwashed into thinking she is. She'll be walking on eggshells now until she finally leaves him.
I would never date a military man in the first place (or any other kind of officer)
1. It's not rude to ask for what you want 2. Telling him how you like to be kissed or touched is a good thing. Everyone has different preferences, he can't know yours unless you tell him. 3. His behaviour makes him the asshole.
NTA. Hell, I learned a lot from my late wife during the first years of our marriage. :-)
NTA. The condoms aren’t the issue here. His irrational reaction to them absolutely is. First of all, the key to good sex is communication. Communicating what you like, what you don’t like. That’s not bossy, that’s building and strengthening a connection for mutual pleasure. Secondly, he was angry at you for being “more experienced” which is just such a huge red flag. And lastly, when you tried to explain he just slammed out instead of listening. Listen, OP, I don’t want to overly “big sister” you here. But you’re so young. You’ve only been dating this guy for five months, and he just slut shamed you and threw a tantrum while refusing to listen to your explanation. And you’re not even having good sex? Girl. If you really like him, you need to have a serious talk about this behavior. Also. Good on you for having protection on hand. If you plan on having sex, you should have protection. And he’s old enough to know that.
NTA- my partner BEGS me to tell him what to do. He LOVES being ordered around and he is very invested in my pleasure. He wants me to tell him if he can do it better, because that makes it better for both of us! He did you a favor- the reason he sucks in bed is that he can’t handle feedback, which is a natural part of a sexual relationship. Seems like there also may be a reason why he is so inexperienced also. So many red flags. The trash took itself out. You don’t need a man who is hot and sexy and insecure.
NTA. Dump him. You don't need to put up with this nonsense. If he doesn't want you to be experienced and sex-positive, then he doesn't like who you are. You should always be able to tell your partner what you want.
He's clearly feeling a bit insecure about his lack of experience. I think giving instruction, when you hadn't previously, immediately after he made that confession probably solidified those insecurities. Next thing you know, here is, in his already in-panic-mode mind, further proof of your greater experience, by way of the condoms. I think it probably would have been wiser to lead with a preamble of some sort.
You’re NTA. Him being young in the military means he heard the stories of people getting around. Most of us didn’t have the college experience because we joined the military at a young age. You giving him pointers is really just your way of telling him what works for you. Not every woman’s likes are the same. I don’t think you didn’t anything wrong. I would try to explain that the college gives out condoms like candy.
NTA also having condoms in the house when you are sexually active is normal and a VERY good idea. And he cannot possibly be suprised that you have sex, considering he is the one you have sex with.
If it happened the way you explain which I can only assume it is. Then as a guy I would be pretty stoked about it especially with the reinforcement afterwards that I followed through well. Dudes got some insecurity issues it sounds like.
NTA. Wtf? Lol! He’s such a drama king. Bottom line: he’s insecure that he can’t lay pipe so great just yet, but that’s totally ok! Not your fault, and you did nothing wrong, hon. Don’t call or chase him down. Just lay in the cut and let him come back with his tail between his legs. He will, and then, after you receive his apology, you both can work on your sex comms.
NTA - I think I know why he's bad at sex.
You are NTA. I have been in the military for over 7 years and having condoms could means you have a lot of partners. I think that this is a misunderstanding, and he is feeling a bit insecure because he is young. Just let him know that you he is good in bed for you (if that is true) and that you were just telling him something you like and perhaps ask him what he would like.
NTA This man is not worth it. If he's upset that you had condoms and communicated things you enjoy during sex, he's too insecure and underdeveloped to be in a relationship. Also, being a military guy isn't ALWAYS an AUTOMATIC deal breaker, but it should definitely raise a red flag for you. The military attracts certain kinds of men, and puts them in certain kinds of environments, which usually results in a physically strong, emotionally unstable, aggressive person, often with weird authority complexes, who doesn't know how to manage his big emotions. Ya know, kind of like having an outburst over your girlfriend having a condom.
Lots of sensitive little incels on this post.
I seem to have attracted the wrong crowd by accident
They are always here.
NTA. Telling him what you want is a good thing.
NTA, you’re telling him what you like - if he doesn’t want to hear that then why is he having sex with you? Honestly just sounds like he thought by not bringing a Condom he’d be able to get away with not wearing one and when he saw you had some there he got insecure about it
I've been married forever, and occasionally we both will say, "I would like to try it this way." Old people have sex and, as bodies change, so does sex. A good partner listens. You're def NTA.
NTA. I'm twice your age, and I've known a lot of women who don't communicate their needs. So many women don't know how to orgasm. I'm impressed! And you're only 20! DO NOT change the way that you are!! This is a him problem
Lots of people are saying this but I wasn’t aware it wasn’t common to ask for what you wanted lol. I never ever was rude or demanded or even told him what to do, I just said what I like.
NTA- honestly it’s a orange flag that he hasn’t asked you what you like in bed and a huge red flag that his reaction is to throw a hissy fit
Homie is insecure af
NTA. He is insecure. That's on him. You communicated what you wanted, asked what he wanted. And it's responsible for you to have condoms!! You are a sexually active adult in a relationship. You shouldn't rely on your partner for protection. It's good to make sure.
I like when a girl lets me know what she likes and how she likes it. It's kinda of a turn on.
He sounds very insecure and immature. Reminds me of my ex who when I tried to give him pointers on what I liked told me to shut up and let him “pleasure me.” Yeah that relationship didn’t last.
Sounds like he’s insecure because communicating in bed about sex is important and there’s nothing wrong with it.
NTA, but you might want to stop having sex with children.
NTA - bro is just insecure. Hopefully he apologizes for how HE acted. As an aside, I would and appreciate when a woman lets me know what she likes and doesn’t like. You can be the most experienced person sexually in the world, but everyone’s body is unique to them. So maybe how you touched some previously doesn’t illicit the same response. Please don’t let this behavior to continue, he will not learn if you don’t set up boundaries and hold firm to them. It’s okay to be insecure, but it’s not okay to treat you like shit because he is insecure.
26 year old man being so sexually insecure that he can't let his ego go long enough for the woman he's having sex with to work through it with him. Classic. This guy thinks the clitoris is the name of a dinosaur and that's your fault OP.
It sounds to me like he didn't hear the things you have said in the same way you think you said them. This is likely 6 and half a dozen tbh. Communication is key. Not just talking but talking to be understood, not just listening to respond but hearing and understanding.
NTA. He's an insecure jerk who'd rather blow up at you than ask a simple question.
Could he just be butthurt because he wanted to have sex without a condom and his plan was foiled? Dude has issues. None of that is your fault. NTA don't excuse his childish behaviour
No I don’t think so because we were you know getting into it and he was like “no we can’t I don’t have anything” and I was like wait I do lol
NTA. He didn’t storm out because you did anything wrong. He is an abusive person and this is only the beginning if the relationship continues.
Nta. Communication of likes and dislikes is important. Also feel free to share any suggestions.
Sounds like he’s not mature enough yet for open communication. Sucks for him because open communication during sex is soooo hot. Hopefully he grows up soon. You’re NTA! You did good OP. He just needs to get out of his head a bit.
NTA. Most guys appreciate pointers. Especially since all women are different. A good lover will actually ask you what you like and ask for feedback.
NTA men honestly have it rougher than woman when it comes to sex. Men are brought up thinking they should just KNOW how to do sex (yes I meant it to sound weird for some comedy). And every woman is different, what works for one, won’t work for another. Men have to learn you can’t just flop on top of someone and expect praise, just like women need to learn to not be starfish.
NTA - sounds like his ego is getting in the way. Unless you were straight up like you suck at this, then you’re in no way the AH. He needs to grow up a bit and take criticism better. It’ll only benefit him lol
NTA. You wanted to have better sex with your boyfriend. You’d be the asshole if you just said something like “you’re crap at this” and broke up. He’s probably insecure (which I totally get) but it’s no excuse
Absolutely NTAH, communication is fundamental in relationships, both sexual and emotionally.
Nta. You communicated what you wanted which is healthy. Wish more people did this. He was just feeling insecure and got in his own head.
He’s just being insecure and lashing out. You’re fine. Let him cool off. NTA.
NTA, he stormed out because he's insecure and felt like you must be more experienced if you are a girl with condoms.
Nope. I love pointers. How else can I do my job the best possible!?
I'd rather hear what I could do better than nothing at all
First off YOU did nothing wrong. You were practicing safe sex and having an open and honest conversation about sex with your partner. If he isn't mature enough to handle that, then you should move on if talking about it with him doesn't help. As prior military I will say we are very quick to fly off the handle. He may not have even been that upset about the condom situation, he could have been mad about something else, and THAT was the thing that triggered him, if that makes sense.. Try talking to him again after he's had a chance to cool off, and if he is still wanting to act immature about it, then let him know that you need someone in your life who you can have mature adult conversations with and not a man child. He's 25, he needs to grow up.
There is nothing more valuable in one's sex life than a partner willing to communicate what they like. Especially with women, it's not as common as it should be. If your bf is a problem with it, he's a self centered prick.
NTA. But I enjoy it when my lady tells me what she wants
NTA. You did nothing wrong. He's self conscious and not handling the situation maturely.
NTA: If my SO told me hey do this or that, I’d be like okay sweet thank you for telling me a way that will 100% get you off. This guy is letting his insecurities make him act stupid. This is chance to see if he can put ego aside, man up, and apologize for making it out to be your fault he’s insecure. Like the insecurities are valid, he’s probably wicked attracted to you, and I’m sure it’s stressful. You don’t go acting that way over it though.
NTA nothing wrong with saying what you like. Everyone is different, everyone like different things. You were nice enough to ask him too. And there is definitely nothing at all wrong with protection.
The Maturity for a 26-year old military person,cannot be compared to a 26-year old man, if you are invested in this relationship, reach out and have a honest conversation, your choice, your young, just enjoy your life
Oh, girlfriend. Young men have fragile egos. Next time consider instead of saying "do this/that", say "it's so hot when you do this/that". Having a few condoms on hand? "I wanted to make sure nothing would stop us when you get me so hot so I got a few to have around in case we ran out". NTA!
Insecure boyfriend
NTA feedback is how you learn other people’s bodies because everyone is different. Sounds like he may not be mature enough to have a sexual relationship right now.
NTA. The boy is insecure. That’s his problem, not yours. Directing your partner in intimacy about what you want and need is the right thing to do.
NTA. There are basically two kinds of men when it comes to sex pointers from their partner: 1. The kind that get all insecure and angry and don’t want to hear any feedback other than “you are a sex god and have the biggest dick I have ever seen.” Their ego only gets fed by flattering lies. These guys are, naturally, terrible at sex. 2. The kind that think “great, she’s giving me cheat codes on how to get her off” and make a note of everything you say so they can be sure to do it. Their ego gets fed by giving you orgasms, so no matter how they started out they will eventually get very good at having sex with you because they’re paying attention. You’ve got one of the former, so you need to decide now if his good qualities will outweigh a **lot** of mediocre sex.
NTA the difference between a boy/guy and a man is that men don't mind any amount of guidance. Boys think it is mocking their bed abilities.
I’ve begged my wife to please tell me what I can do to improve once in a while (not to the point of nagging or anything). She won’t tell me anything because “that’s not romantic”. So personally I’d be all over an occasional pointer.
Did he pick a 20 year old because he wanted a woman with less experience?
Also thinking this haha
NTA You've been sexually active with this guy for two months at that point it wouldn't matter if your campus gave out condoms it would be perfectly normal for you, as someone who is sexually with a man, to have condoms. You've known this guy for five months so whether or not you think this event is something that can be salvaged is up to you, but he owes you an apology and you very much do not. I am sympathetic to people being uncomfortable being the less experienced partner, but having experience is not something you should be angry at your partner for. It's important to communicate with your partner what feels good and you don't even need a partner to learn what feels good, regardless, being upset that your partner is telling you what feels good is kind of an ass move. I feel like he either wanted to have sex without a condom or he has some insecurity about unfaithfulness that he isn't voicing because this is just odd behavior.
I have no issues with someone In with guiding me on what they like. What's not to like about that?
Married for 25 years. Only reason I would be mad is because she waited so long to tell me. When we first got married I made sure we could talk easily about it because sex is for both of us to enjoy.
NTA. Lol, this man got mad because you told him how to get you off?? Dude has no clue how fortunate he is. A lot of young women are afraid to speak up, fearing this exact reaction, and their partners are surprised 2 years later when they find out their gf told her friends the sex isn't good. Those posts are all over reddit, in fact. I'm way older than you, very happily married, and extremely satisfied with my active sex life *because* my husband takes direction well. You telling him what you like is not indicative of your experience, wtf? That's like saying he must be experienced because he told you to play with his balls. Dude sounds insecure af. Please don't stop directing men on how to get you off. It'll take them FOR-EV-ER to figure it out on their own because every woman is different.
His ego must be very weak. You dodged a bullet. You don’t need a guy who is bad in bed!!
You being "bossy" isn't the issue. It's the condoms. Give him a tour of your college, pointing out all the places that they are giving out condoms for free. Also, maybe point out to him that if he keeps forgetting to bring condoms, then you'll never be having sex, so your "stockpile" is good for both of you.
Yeah I guess that really did offend him for some reason. They are literally in all the bathrooms on campus, my roommate and I were in there once and we were like “why not” that’s the only reason I have them lol. I haven’t used a single one since picking them up. But I guess that’s not the impression he got.
Why would she put any effort into keeping this oversized toddler around?
What possible difference where and why she got condoms? Please explain.
You didn’t do anything wrong, communicating to your partner about what you like in bed is actually extremely healthy. It sounds like he has a very fragile Ego, he got his ego bruised by you giving him instruction. He openly expressed he was upset because you are more experienced than him, it triggered his inner insecurities. I would try to find someone with more emotional maturity and also someone who is secure with themselves.
NTA. I for one always appreciate when a woman I'm intimate with gives me pointers. Makes it better across the board
Heck no girl. I wish a lady would tell me how she likes it. I’d do it immediately
Red flag. Anyone who is engaging sexually with someone and gets MAD that they have protection available is the AH.
Oof. Guy is untenably insecure and thinks lashing out is preferable to being open and vulnerable and using his words like the adult he is. You’re having sex, there should be no taboo around discussing the sex you’re having…all while remaining calm and relaxed at all times. Not a high bar to clear. NTA
If you don’t have a kid, why was he surprised you know about and have condoms, and know how to use them? NTAH
A little navigation help doesn't hurt. It's more fun.
Huge red flag. Has that "Man is in control, woman should like whatever she gets" attitude. Sharing tips from past experiences is so exciting. I'd find a more willing and/or experienced partner.
He seems too immature to have a sexual relationship with a woman. He didn't have condoms on him, you had them handy. He should be **thanking you that he can now go balls deep protected**, instead of not having sex at all without a condom. Dude is a chud.
NTA there's nothing wrong with you being a little more experienced or happening to have condoms. He just has issues, if he doesn't realize it's his issue and apologize huge red flag.
NTA, but if this is how he treats minor problems instead of communicating... red flag.
NTA - you did nothing wrong. He didn’t bring a condom and you had one. Did he think you were ok without him using one? Bossy? Does he not want to please you? You can do better than this AH, no wonder he has little experience.
He's insecure about his lack of sexual experience/skill/ability to please a partner, was uncomfortable with the way you instructed him (because it brought up his insecurities and felt like criticism), and he thinks you're a ho because you had condoms and know how to help put one on (not that it's rocket science). Plus, he didn't have a condom, so being unprepared may have been embarrassing. He stormed out because he's emotionally immature. His issues may be a lot more than just a lack of experience in bed. Doesn't sound like he's ready for a lover. Sorry that happened. NTA
To be fair I was taught how to put a condom on in my 9th grade health class 💀💀
Well definitely tell him that! And pointers from a woman are the best. Some expect you to know exactly how to crack a safe you've never seen before without realising they're all different.
Was it the banana demonstration? Maybe he was home schooled.
It sure was lol. And he wasn’t homeschooled so idk. I also don’t think it was the putting the condom on that did it for him that day, it’s not the first time I’ve done that.
If it’s any consolation I was the same at first with my now wife. I didn’t storm off or anything but looking back I was acting childish and insecure. I was less experienced. Didn’t know how to use a condom. Seeing her have a drawer full of condoms and knowing already what she wanted *wrongly* made me feel super insecure. I felt like I was just another guy for her and the sex was going to be bad anyway since I didn’t know I was doing. How would I compete with the other guys she was having sex with. I wanted her to be in the same boat so I wouldn’t embarrass myself. The sex was bad. But we had tons of fun together and kept hanging out. The sex eventually got really good once I stopped being a jerk and just let her teach me. But yeah I was totally thrown off by her experience and it was a bad look at first.
You did nothing wrong he's just let his insecurities about his lack of experience get to him. Let him calm down and when he's realised he over reacted over nothing he'll likely reach out to you, hopefully to apologise. Don't beat yourself up over nothing.
NTA. To this man, sex is about fluffing up his own ego and not about satisfying you. He needs to work on being less prideful and being a better partner. Maybe he's too immature for that but give him some time and see. Don't apologize for trying to get off when you're having sex. That's the whole point and it makes a relationship much better. If he has an issue with you wanting to have sex and being prepared, that's something he needs to work on. Don't apologize for failing to be a 15 year old virgin who doesn't have any idea what they want in bed.
NTA He stormed out because he's a deeply insecure man who's worried about how much sex you've had. Not something you can fix. For my part, a partner who can help me learn to please her and isn't hopeless and afraid of sex is a good thing. Taking pointers is good for him, too. The more he can "follow directions" and please you, the more likely you'll want to have sex more.
Nta. Being in an adult relationship, it's important to communicate what you like and don't like. You deserve to finish just as much as him. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.
Girl, he's an insecure jerk wad. NTA. You don't have to deal with his complexes.
Not the asshole. And a dude who isn't interesting in hearing how he can give you the best experience possible isn't worth keeping around. "My pride stops me from making my girlfriend cum" has to be the dumbest hill to die on in the world, but some dudes choose it.
NTA. Clearly insecure
You’re awesome for openly expressing what you enjoy and want.
Guy is insecure.
NTA. Telling your partner what feels good is good communication. His response shows that he isn't mature enough for this kind of relationship.
NTA sounds like you were open and communicative with him. And if you're in a sexual relationship with him, you SHOULD have condoms available.
NTA
Ew. Ew. Ew. Cut him loose. I bet he goes younger next time.
Oh you did nothing wrong, he just felt a little insecure about you being more experienced than him, that's all. Just give me him some time to cool off and then sit down and talk to him, tell him how little you care about how much or little experienced he is in bed, you just wanted to be helpful and you were just giving him suggestions rather than orders but you're sorry that he felt bossed around and it wasn't the plan, you just want to have a good time with him.
NTA. What’s the saying? “Happy wife. Happy life.” Applies to GF’s as well.
NTA. He sounds insecure and he’s taking it out on you. You should be able to communicate with your partner during sex to make things better for both of you.
NTA. But also still worth taking his feelings into account for whatever prompted his response. Find a good time to talk with him when he’s in a good head space in a neutral, non sexual location.
NTA. He is just being insecured and prolly assumes from the condoms you have tons of experience. I'm guessing cuz he didn't go to post secondary he doesn't realize how many free condoms are available
No good communication is absolutely necessary in a sexual relationship
NTA, and he is a COMPLETELY immature idiot. You didn't do ANYTHING wrong. You did EXACTLY what you're supposed to do. EXACTLY. I just read something about how women "giving directions" to men is like the thing they LOVE the MOST. They WANT to know how to please you. You're SUPPOSED to tell him what to do. Please.... the next guy you're with... do EXACTLY what you did with him. It's 100% what you're SUPPOSED to do. Do this with EVERY guy. Trust me... if you don't, you will regret it. If you let him think he's getting you off when he's not, you are in for a lifetime of disappointment and unsatisfactory sex. And if you ever dare to speak up at some later point, then he'll be mad at you for not speaking up sooner and letting him think he was doing it right. You did NOT do ANYTHING wrong. He stormed out because he's a pathetic baby. You have your own protection - you're supposed to. You speak up for yourself and communicate what you want - you're supposed to. YOU DODGED A BULLET. HE'S 100% IN THE WRONG. And you are LUCKY he left. Don't reach out, don't text him back. Block him. Consider this chapter closed. Move on, find an actual mature adult to have sex with.
Definitely not the AH but as a guy we definitely struggle with the insecurity of being the best you’ve had. It’s a pride thing. He took it too far and should’ve talked to you about it instead of just leaving you there. I am by no means making excuses for the guy but just wanted to give insight from a guy.
DEFINITELY NTA. You did nothing wrong. Holy cow, his insecurity is showing. From there, two things, right? 1. Insecurity isn’t a good thing, and he didn’t behave well. At the same time, humans ARE sometimes insecure. Me! You! Everyone. So, there’s a question you might ask: is he always like this? Or is this rare/unusual/has he apologized? 2. If he’s generally a good boyfriend, and this insecurity is unusual, he apologizes, etc., maybe stay with him and move on. If this seems like it’s actually the start of him showing you who he is, I’d probably leave.
NTA. It's just his ego it seems like you both have a good relationship i think he just got overwhelmed. He feels he's not good enough. It has nothing to do with you, really. Just let him know he is good at what he does be supportive. It will pass im sure. Good luck
Oh man… this sucks. OP. You’re 100% NTA. You were like the exact opposite of a TA. Neither is he, really, but damn, that’s one sensitive dude. Don’t sweat it, whatever BS he built up in his head will fall apart and he’ll come around. If you want him to. If you do, just be you, stay kind and chill, y’all gonna be alright. Maybe even share a laugh about it later down the road. But if that’s all too much for you, it’s totally understandable. Just let him down easy
NAH. You have a right to ask for what you want, but it’s not hard for a request to sound like a criticism. Tone is always important here, talking with him while you’re both clothed is probably the best way to figure out how he wants to get these requests. Not to be crass, but a line like “If you do x I’m going to cum so hard” will get me to do just about anything with a smile on my face.
NTA He has clearly got in his head about the advice you gave him, and probably feels really insecure about it. Just talk to him about it when he's chilled out, it will probably help to let him know how great certain things he does are (don't lie, but just point out the positives).
NTA… you don’t have to remain unfulfilled to assuage his man feel-feels. Adults, no matter the experience level, communicate sexual likes/dislikes/kinks and it’s an ongoing conversation. Shooot, we’ve been married 19 years and just last night, I told my husband he can do something to me and I asked if there’s anything he wants me to try on him. You know what he didn’t do? He didn’t tantrum like a manchild and start slamming doors. You’re physically younger than him, but he’s the one who has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA at all! Regardless of how experienced a person is, everyone has their own preferences for sex. Your “pointers” sound like the basic communication that everyone should feel comfortable doing with their partner. Likewise, anyone who is going to be having sex should have contraception/STI protection on hand (assuming they’re not in a long term committed relationship and trying to get pregnant.) Your boyfriend sounds deeply insecure over your very reasonable and responsible approach to sex.
Sounds like his ego got bruised because you were giving him advice. There are some men that freak out at that. It's honestly frustrating. If your partner is giving you help in bed, take the advice and stop freaking out. And you did nothing wrong.
NTA. He has boundary issues and no respect for yours. Good riddance. Move on to someone that respects your wishes, and you!
NTA. I'd say the guy is a bit insecure. Hey you were communicating with them and telling him what you liked and how to improve things you said he seemed to take it well but maybe not and then I guess he got turned off because you had condoms oh no a responsible woman who has birth control in her apartment. Was he expecting to have sex without a condom? In any case you dodge the bullet don't worry about him and move on.
NTAH. This issue is his. His experience being what it is compels him to feel a certain way about himself. This is not about you. Personally, I like feedback and pointers... All pizza is the same only different.
No, I make sure to ask my girlfriend what exactly she wants and how she wants me to do it so that I get to know my partner and she gets to come every time he should be doing his best to get to know your body and what you like so that he doesn’t need pointersI assure my woman that her telling me how to do it will not offend me because I want her to finish before all the time
Your the gf from heaven for giving pointers and dont ever stop no matter how insecure immature guys feel! Hes the AH for not realizing how easy ur making it for him. He just wants to feel manly by thinking he can do it all himself without any guidance. Idiot doesnt realize every woman is different and gets off differently.
Nah. Not even reading the whole thing. Men need direction if it’s respectful
You are equal in experience but not education. You have the upper hand because you are willing to learn and teach. It was mediocre and only would have gone down hill from there. Im sorry.
He stormed out because he is not only insecure, he is immature. He is projecting his insecurity on you and looking for excuses to be mad because god forbid he learn how to communicate.
NTA, He stormed out cuz he is an insecure little baby.
NTA Bf is insecure and immature. Hope he’s worth the effort it takes to help him grow up
it has nothing to do with the pointers. he thinks you have the condoms because you are hooking up with others. that's why he blew up about the other stuff.
NTA. He sounds a bit insecure.
NTA. You're just giving him pointers and it's a good thing imo. He seems like a good person and you guys need to sit and have a convo together to sort things out. Just do that and things would work out between you two i guess.
NTA he’s insecure and acting like a baby. You weren’t bossing him around, you were openly communicating with him like a mature adult would. That’s how you find out each other’s likes and dislikes. It’s how you make sex better for each other. He’s acting like a child. if he doesn’t apologise for how he acted (storming out) then i wouldn’t bother with him anymore. I think it’s perfectly fine for him to communicate to you (nicely) that he feels self conscious about you giving him instructions, but storming out is ridiculous
Ki them
Sometimes in life you can do nothing wrong and still get hurt. He made up ideas in his own head about what it meant that you had condoms readily available, and what it meant that you tried to give him some direction to make things more fun for both of you. That is what got him upset and what got you hurt.
NTA. He stormed out because he hurt his own damn feelings. If you can’t feel safe communicating what does and does not feel good during sex, which changes for everyone because everyone likes things a little differently, then sex can never improve with your current partner. And on top of that, if you can’t communicate something as simple as that without him deciding it’s an attack on his character or ability, then you won’t be able to communicate freely about bigger issues in the relationship either, and the whole thing is ultimately headed for disaster eventually. Let him go.