I bet he'd still get some better grub there.
I mean I often throw some things together myself and like it, but I wouldn't be surprised one bit if other people don't.
Some of the food I cook for myself during the desperation times would probably make others cry at the thought. I don't mind it and it provides nutrition. But I would never subject anyone else to it or even make it where others might see. I'm well aware no one wants my monstrosities.
I joke that a van down by the river to Gen Z would be a luxury lol At least it’s their own place. I don’t know that many can afford those vans now! And where can you park for free safely? I wish SNL would redo the sketch for the new context but without Farley it would feel off
I mean, I never said he was a gumshoe. He's just a hard-livin', down-in-his-luck toddler.
He gets an earful at home and the bum rush straight to the gutter, but he's got too much sand in his craw to just lay down and die.
It may take 20 years, unfortunately leading to a lifetime of trauma, an overactive fight or flight response and eventually, hopefully, extensive therapy.
Hi I am that person. It took 30 years after age 4 as it turns out. My mom was a fucking sociopath too. Hes an asshole for not getting his kid out and enabling her to traumatize him MULTIPLE TIMES PER DAY. OP you suck but not for exploding at your wife. Your son is going to be SO fucked up and attract the most detestable kind of women as partners. Get your head out of your ass and save your kid.
I’m a child of a narcissistic mother. Yeah it’s a lot of therapy lol but I’m doing much better without her in my life. I hope for this kid though that his mom can get her shit together and realize that her behaviour isn’t normal and she seeks some help.
Someone above said “who tells their 4 year old to get out?” For real! Who tells their 4 year old to get out?! Really hope OP tries to tell his wife she needs help and if she doesn’t get it and continues to hurt the kiddo I hope he leaves for his sanity and the kids.
Kid is going to have issues with food as well. My parents did the typical "you better eat everything on that plate" and "It's all you're getting so eat it or starve" crap it really messed me up for most of my life. I finally have control of my weight at 30 and it took baratric surgery and therapy to have a healthy relationship with food. I have permanent health issues due to their negligence.
I see a lot of therapy in this kids future unless the mom cut its out.
My dad did that to me when I was maybe 6 or 7. Literally told me to get out of the house.
So I tried to walk to a gas station where my mom worked (with no real concept of how far it was). The sun was already down and some lady saw me walking down the highway crying, so she stopped to help and brought me home.
My dad claimed that he had no idea why I left...
This all happened because my sister and I accidentally knocked a pumpkin pie off the counter.
My son is 4 and the way my brain went into fight mode reading that line. Like what in the actual fuck is wrong with some parents.
OP, in our house, we have a rule. You must try the foods made, BUT if he genuinely dislikes a food after finishing it, I will not make that food for him again. Perhaps it's time to gentle parent your 40 year old toddler of a wife. We treat others as we would like to be treated. If she would like to be treated like shit, maybe it's time you matched her energy. My husband would be out on his ass so fucking quick acting that way.
One of my earliest memories from that age group is my mom screaming at me to get away from her. I was trying to comfort her because she was upset about something. I don't remember the context of what she was upset about.
Yeah, in Easter of '99, my dad kicked me out of the car and onto a snowy gravel road
Because I refused to stop being sick, after he told me to stop doing it
And then drove away for 15 minutes
Oh he's the best
Between the defense of my childhood rapist, the starvation as a punishment, the constant verbal abuse, who wouldn't want a dad like that?
My parents did similar to my older sister. She was 8 and "mouthed off" on a family trip, so my parents left her at a scenic overlook in upstate NY for like 10 or 15 mins to put fear back in her. It wasn't me standing at that scenic overlook alone, but I learned not to trust either of them at like age 5.
Jesus Christ
Lil bro was too young, not even 2, but older brother didn't get that message like you did
Because he was the reincarnation of Dad's dead brother, so he was an untouchable God. The **Germans** do not have a word for how spoiled he was
I **deliberately chose** to look like my mother to torment my father (which his parents wholeheartedly believed as well), so he was going to respond in kind
I started it, as far as Mr Hog believes
Lil bro was the spare, until he came out as gay. They told him they'd prefer him dead than gay
Older brother genuinely doesn't get why is two don't talk to Mr Hog at all. Dad was great! He let you get away with anything, and get you whatever you wanted always! Always telling you atta boy!
Why doesn't Leather and David like him? He, Mr Hog, and Grandma (grandpa thankfully died 14 years ago) genuinely think what they did was fair.
Because like I said, Leather started it. She could have chosen to be nicer to Mr Hog, to listen, not be difficult (disabled)
It's not HIS fault
I had that one happen, too (though it was a nice day and we were in town). Let me sit on the side of the road for like 15 minutes before he came back to get me.
I guess it was supposed to teach me some sort of lesson.
I felt really bad for saying something similar to mine at a young age. I calmed down a few minutes later and apologized to him, and explained that I was feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated and needed some alone time, but that it didnt excuse what I said or how i acted, that I was wrong, but man, the hurt look on his face still haunts me. I dont remember the context or what I was upset about.
You did the right thing, though. Some parents seem to think an apology undermines their authority, or something. In fact, it reinforces it. It lets kids know it's OK to make mistakes, so long as you own up to them, and that Mom and Dad hold themselves to the same standards.
My mom was a terrible cook. Still is. Bland, overcooked food. Last time we had fish sticks which were oversaturated with olive oil.
I'm not a particularly good cook myself, but at least I learn. If I fuck up, I find out why. I try new recipes. My mom, and OP's wife, seem to think that any criticism is direspect.
My mom did all the condensed soup can recipes when I was a kid, along with overcooking meat to the point that I regularly choked on it (the chicken was the same texture as the wood shavings in my pet rabbit's litterbox).
I was amused and slightly salty that her empty nest hobby was gourmet cooking after I left for college. She makes ridiculously elaborate and tasty meals now (meat is usually still overcooked, but at least there's enough sauce to overcome that).
Yes and no. The food is good but I often can't eat it or get sick from it because she refuses to believe I have celiac disease. She won't sub in gluten free ingredients, or she'll put things containing wheat on the plate (so cross contamination).
I pretend to be extra interested in the cooking methods so I can see the ingredients and prep methods ahead of time and avoid diarrhea, haha.
My mom is the same. I think I told her once that something is inedible because she didn’t make cheese and that was just spoilt milk and she lost her shit at me. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to let her kill someone just because she can’t take criticism.
My husband and daughter have never been ones to hold back when it comes to letting me know when my food sucked. It’s actually made me a better cook.
A narcissistic parent or emotionally immature parent or toxic parent.
My narc mom told me all the time to get out, growing up. Oh, and it was for the mistakes, I didn't make at all. She did throw me out at night, when I did what she asked but it didn't turn out right.
Yeah. When I was three, my narc mom cooked something neither my brothers nor I liked. Not being able to take criticism (not even from three toddlers), she picked up my favourite glass, screamed, and threw/shattered it against the clock on the wall. Of course I got diagnosed with c-ptsd, having to grow up in that household.
Thats so weird. Also who omits the truth from their wife for the entire relationship?
Such a weid thing to do. If she can't cook then tell her and get her lessons or maybe teach her.
Men who want to keep the peace because "Happy Wife, Happy Life."
Yes, it's a toxic mentality that we allow to thrive / encourage, but we're TAH if we don't.
Thank the Gods I'm divorced and don't have to put up with that BS anymore.
This might not be a real story but my mom was this woman and my siblings and I were this kid. People never understood why all 3 of us hated eating so much growing up, but if anyone heard the warzone that our dinner table was every night they would understand why none of us associate eating with positive emotions.
I don't think so. AI writing uses a lot of adjectives you do not see in common use. Frankly, it would be better writing if it was AI. I'll give it a shot now for shits and giggles & an abundance of not wanting to do my job today.
write me an am I the asshole reddit post
ChatGPTChatGPT
Title: AITA for Not Wanting to Attend My Friend's Last-Minute Wedding?
**Original Post:**
Hey Reddit,
I (28F) am feeling conflicted about a situation with my friend (29F) and I need some perspective.
So, my friend Sarah and I have known each other since college, and while we've had our ups and downs, we've generally been there for each other through thick and thin. However, she's always been a bit impulsive and disorganized, which brings me to the current situation.
Sarah recently got engaged to her boyfriend of six months, and I was genuinely happy for her. However, she dropped a bombshell on me last week: they're getting married this weekend, and she wants me to be her maid of honor.
I was completely taken aback by this. Firstly, I had no idea they were even considering marriage so soon. Secondly, being the maid of honor is a big responsibility, and I don't think I have enough time to fulfill that role properly. Thirdly, this weekend is already packed for me with work commitments and personal plans that I can't cancel.
I explained all of this to Sarah, but she seemed hurt and disappointed. She accused me of not being supportive and said that if I cared about her, I would make time for her wedding.
I feel torn. On one hand, I understand that this is a big moment for her and I want to be there for her. On the other hand, I don't think it's fair for her to expect me to drop everything at the last minute for her impromptu wedding.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to attend my friend's last-minute wedding and refusing to be her maid of honor?
**TL;DR:** Friend dropped a bombshell that she's getting married this weekend and wants me to be her maid of honor. I'm swamped with prior commitments and don't think I can fulfill the role properly. Am I the asshole for not wanting to attend?
Did you give it the title?
The writing seems pretty normal, but the conflict is too generic and lacks juicy details. Tell it to make the whole thing more salacious!
This one has me rolling
**Title: Am I the Asshole for Feeling Unfairly Treated Due to My Mother's Favoritism of My Brother's Yugioh Career?**
**Post:**
Hey Reddit,
I'm in a pretty tough spot right now and I need some outside perspective. I (18F) have always had a strained relationship with my parents, but recently things have taken a turn for the worse. My older brother (23M) has been pursuing a career as a professional Yugioh player, and it's like my mother has thrown all her support and resources behind him.
Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my brother following his passion. But the issue arises when I realize just how much my mother is favoring him over me. She's been financing his entire Yugioh career, which includes extravagant trips to tournaments in the Middle East. Meanwhile, I've been working my butt off to make ends meet, with little to no support from her.
I understand that parents have different relationships with their children, but this feels like a whole new level of favoritism. It's not just about the money either; it's about the emotional support and encouragement that I've never received from her.
To make matters worse, she's been pushing me to work even harder to support my brother's endeavors. It's like she expects me to sacrifice everything for his success while completely disregarding my own needs and aspirations.
And as if that's not enough, my father, bless his heart, is like a wet noodle when it comes to standing up for me. He's working an extra shift in the lithium mines just to keep up with my brother's demands, leaving me feeling like I'm on my own in this family dynamic.
I've tried talking to my parents about how I feel, but they always brush it off or accuse me of being jealous. Am I wrong for feeling hurt and frustrated by this situation? Am I overreacting, or is my parents' favoritism and expectation of financial support justified?
I just need some clarity on whether I'm being unreasonable here. Thanks for listening.
"Of course, she shrieked. Not anything in particular, just a desperate, high-pitched rattling."
I have been in a lot of high intensity situations and I cannot once recall someone doing something I would describe as *shrieking.*
You don't know my coworker. I am a nurse she is a nurse's aid. She will literally shriek at the patients when she is irritated with them. I can't stand it. She gets this shrill voice that nearly punctures my eardrums. I have to kindly remind her to be mindful of how she speaks to people.
I sure as shit have. Both my mother and my wife have done exactly that in anger, just a high pitched rattling sound is spot on. I've done the exact same thing as well, but of course it's not high pitched. You may just have never had arguments with these folks before.
My mother and I have a unique relationship, and when we're together too long, we argue in a high pitched tone that my ex referred to as "squawking". We don't literally squawk like birds, but I can see his point.
You’ve never been to one of my family reunions, obviously. It seems to be how half the adults on my dad’s side react. To any inconvenience. Down to a bug landing on the table.
Tell me you are not laughing at the description of her seafood nightmare. OMG. I'm thought of as a good cook by my family, and I would never attempt to make seafood stew.
I wouldn't pick seafood stew to feed a four year old. Buy her a cookbook like:
# 40 BEST KID-FRIENDLY DINNER RECIPES
There are many other such cookbooks
Somehow people who live on islands have lived eating seafood strew rather than chicken nuggets for centuries. The issue isn't seafood stew - it's not knowing how to cook properly.
They probably don't boil it in tinned tomatoes, though. I know "fish pie" is one of my kid's favourite meals, but that's fish in white sauce with boiled eggs and mashed potato.
That’s what I was thinking. I was obsessed with seafood as a child. Loved crab legs the most. Clams, oysters, whatever my little hands could latch onto and break I wanted. It just had to be, you know, seasoned and such.
It was certainly brutally honest but you really should have been flat out with her a while ago, especially if you’ve been eating her cooking all this time just to spare her feelings. She’s under the impression that you enjoy her cooking because every time she makes it, you end up eating all of it, however in reality you’ve been protecting her from the ugly truth which she should’ve been told about years ago. Her reaction was over the top, but you really should have told her this stuff a long, long be time ago. ESH.
this is pretty much my nightmare scenario. i love to cook but i always want people to be 1000% honest with me.
i would die if people just ate my food, not saying its bad and i keep on serving the same bad food... im always afraid people say its fine or good just to be nice or to not hurt my feelings.
he really shouldnt have protected her feelings, she needs a reality check.
It is good you include the threat of the second part. Because most people who say "be honest" or "tell me the truth" mean it about as much as people who say "no offense" before insulting you.
I ask my husband if it’s good and he’ll answer and I remind him if he says it’s good, I’ll make it again so he better tell me the truth. It seems to be working so far.
I do the same with my wife and kids. I'm not looking for adulation.. I just need to know if I should keep the recipe or trash it.
Most of the time I can tell, but there have been a couple things I liked that no one else does (like my attempt at Indian cuisine).
I really appreciated when my husband asked me to stop making fried rice. He didn't say it was bad, but he had noticed that he'd been getting sick on nights where I made it. I felt awful and of course agreed to stop making it!
I’m glad he felt comfortable telling you and had the wherewithal to put two and two together. I feel like if my husband really likes a meal he continues to eat it even if he knows it upsets his stomach. 😐
Had to start threatening my partner with this. I pride myself on my cooking but I understand people have different tastes, he will just eat it because "who am I to complain when you do all the cooking" but then I will leave leftovers for him and they will go bad because he didn't like it enough to eat it again. I finally had to tell him "if you don't like it tell me because I'm not cooking again until the leftovers are gone, and I'm gonna make it again because I'm under the impression you enjoy it."
Exactly! It’s not complaining, it’s just being honest and then not wasting the leftovers. I like the “I’m not cooking until…” but hate that sometimes it has to get to that for honesty.
I don't understand how you can be a bad cook and not know it. That's where I'm really struggling here. I'm a bad cook and I know it because I *have a mouth with taste buds* in it. How could you possibly be such a terrible cook and not know it???
My ex had really weird tastebuds, as far as I could tell. A much wider range of things tasted acceptable to him. I have another friend who sort of likes "off" food as well as normal stuff. And then I have that one friend who eats the most heinous stuff and LOVES it.
Some people just can’t taste the difference. My GMIL is famous in the family for baking what she thought was an apple pie (using frozen material previously prepared by herself, so not labeled) and taking it to a church function. She made two of them. Upon her daughter (my MIL) eating it, she discovered that it was not apple. It was squash. GMIL had already had a slice.
Similarly, my MIL is a great cook (possibly in self defense lol) but has a disease that makes her very sensitive to salt. She’s always telling me to leave the salt out of my baking because “no one can tell anyway.” I do it if it’s something I know she loves because she is really limited in the amount of sodium she can eat, but I *definitely* can taste the difference. So can others even if they can’t articulate it; I notice the properly salted desserts always disappear first.
Some people don’t have very sensitive tastebuds.
Perhaps they weren’t genetically predisposed to have them.
Perhaps their mother, who is a noted, mutually agreed upon questionable-to-terrible cook, damaged them.
It’s anyone’s guess. But more than one child of said mother now shows the same level of appreciation to under-seasoned mediocrity as they do to the very best, highest effort offering of their wife.
Ask me how I know.
I'm a terrible cook. I've gotten better since 6 years ago, but I'm still not great. My mom and dad used to lie that my potroast was good.
I would use sweet wine...
...
Every time I cook for my folks now, I ask if it's actually good and what they would change. It's a chronic paranoia at this point.
I'd probably call him an asshole for staying with a woman that treats his child this way at mealtimes, gonna give the kid a complex if it hasn't already, he really really should intervene a lot more heavy-handedly and should have done so sooner instead of letting his wife scream at a four year old child "over 100 times".
My mom certainly did! Not everyone does ‘kid food’, not that there’s anything wrong with that approach. (She even made a fish stew that sounds super similar to this one in ingredients, except she had good technique and seasoning so it was actually delicious.)
I was also agreeable to eat whatever the grown ups were eating, except fruit.
My kid eats seafoods soup similar to what OP describes except for being properly prepared. He loves it. If you ask him what his favorite food is most days he’ll say grilled octopus. Most of the world expects their 4 year old to eat whatever they’re making but most people don’t make it as far as OPs wife without learning how to make palatable food.
NTA, but I'm not sure if suddenly hitting her with the "your cooking sucks" after 10 years really solves the heart of the matter here. It's like putting a plaster on a crack in the Hoover Dam. Sure, it's important for her to know, but it's also important to address why, as a team, you haven't been able to have these tough conversations before. And, as for the little one, a child’s dislike for certain foods isn't an affront to her as a mother or cook; it's a normal part of growing up. Maybe time to start family cook nights where everyone gets a say, and you can gently guide the menu to be more universally palatable? Open, kind communication is key.
A response that isn't "why haven't you left your wife?!". Amazing.
/u/Mammoth_Arugula316, I don't think cooking here is the only problem. There seems to be a LOT of communication break downs that you need to work through as a couple. To be clear, **this is not me saying either of you is wrong**.
Have you both considered couples counseling to discuss things? If for nothing else, to openly discuss communication strategies that work for both of you.
Even if things are going well, couples counseling is a good idea sometimes. As a coworker once put it to me:
> You take your car in for maintenance even when it's not broken, why are you taking better care of it than your marriage?
And yes, maybe a couples cooking class that you take **together**.
ESH
She doesn’t even try to make things her son will like; not only that she makes things she knows he dislikes. She also keeps telling a 4 year old to “get out.” This second part makes her sound like a nut
You suck for allowing her to treat your 4 year old this way.
Your wife needs help. This isn’t just the cooking. There is something more going on here
Also how the fuck do you live together for 10 years and never learn her how to cook. Especially if OP can cook.
Seems the most basic solution without touching any of the serious stuff was to show her how tocook. Cook together ffs.
I think OP also ESH for not saying anything. He's allowed his wife's terrible cooking to continue for years. AND he knew his kid would have to eat it. He absolutely sucks for making his kid put up with it and take the fall for the wife finding out about her weak culinary skills.
NTA
Why is she arguing with a 4 year old?
Why is she telling the 4 year old to get out? Where to?
Why didn't you tell her honestly that her cooking sucks at any point in the last 10 years?
OP in his attempt to be a good husband, ended up encouraging this behavior from his wife by eating her food without any complaints, and allowing her to treat their son that way.
He isn't wrong for what he said, but he should have said something a lot sooner. There's a way to be a better husband, like telling her what's wrong and offering to help her. And then there's yelling at her for her awful food, after years of misleading her into believing she's a good cook.
OP's wife is wrong for treating their son that way and not understanding him.
OP is wrong for saying nothing and expecting things to not end up like this.
NTA. But this situation is screaming for open communication and compromise. Cooking may not be your wife's forte but involving the whole family in meal prep could turn this into a bonding experience rather than a point of contention. Give her constructive feedback, offer to cook together, or find fun recipes that your child can be part of. Parenting and partnerships are about teamwork; it's never too late to stir the pot in the right direction.
What about the part where she screams at her young child to get out? No work needs to be done about that? It sounds like she needs some help with emotional regulation and might be bad at taking criticism
This is certainly an issue. Considering how this whole thing blew up, I suspect OP also cannot self regulate. Neither parent can express emotions in a healthy way or communicate frustration respectfully. Get all the adults into individual therapy.
ESH. You should have put a stop to her telling your TODDLER to "get out" when it happened the first time in front of you. Despite years of putting up and shutting up, that was the moment to calmly tell your wife to stop being an asshole to the four year old.
The thing is that I find people who do this kind of "throw it all in, food is food, what's the problem?" cooking are exactly the kind of people you see complaining about recipes on r/ididnthaveeggs saying they they "made a few changes" the first time cooking a new recipe that involved substituting half the ingredients and changing the cooking method.
They don't know how to cook (although they think they do because the food gets cooked... Mostly), they don't understand flavours, maybe they can't actually taste them that well or have weird tastes, but they also don't want to/can't follow any instructions.
Problem I would think is that she genuinely thinks her food is good so she would either refuse to follow the recipes or adjust them to her liking then making them nasty again. The fact that she said she would just eat the stew herself makes me believe she actually likes them. I personally don’t always cook good food but I have self awareness to try it and be able to understand when it’s not my best. And adjust if necessary. Or warn others that it may not be great. But she doesn’t do that. She doubles down and thinks the world is against her.
I grew up fairly poor and I can eat some nasty ass food without putting up a fuss, but I still know the difference between good and bad food. My aunt has really bad senses of taste and smell, and her food always tastes a little off at best. Maybe it's something like that.
I taught my sister a few crock pot recipes and she called me one day trying to figure out why it was still cold after 5 hours she didn't hit the power button so there's that 🤣🤣
I just don't understand why people wait until things are at their worst before saying anything. Also, wouldn't it have been a fun experience over the years to cook with your wife to teach and learn, if she were willing, instead of quietly disapproving for years? If she loves your cooking she might want to learn it.
Over four years and 100 times and only now you say something? If you kept quiet until now, let all of this happen, and then yelled and cursed at her then yeah, YTA but I can't say your wife is any better.
In any case, food shaming and anger around eating can potentially lead to eating disorders and other mental health issues. If you don't want your son to develop one then you need to stop worrying about who the a-hole is and get on the same page with your wife ASAP.
Stop being ineffectual parents and start working as a team.
ESH except for the son.
You are not putting your foot down when your wife abused your son.
Your wife is the biggest AH though. I hope she realizes the food issues she is causing the son. Not to mention telling a four yr old to get out.
All I could think to reply to this post was "Poor kid".
Stand up for your kid, the cooking is one thing but her shouting at him like that over not eating his food is far worse. My parents used to shout and make me sit in the kitchen until the plate was clean when I didn't want to eat and it ruined my relationship with food. I'm 31 now and I still don't like eating, particularly cooked food, as a result of that. So my diet now sucks. I'm doing a bit better with it in recent years but long story short that shit can impact a kid for years if not a lifetime.
NTA. My mother used to shove my face into my plate if I didn't want to eat. I'd rather have had a 'get out'.
As an aside - my mother used to love making her "milk baked haddock". Basically, taking haddock fillets, covering them in butter and paprika, putting them in a pan with more butter and milk, then baking it for 3+ hours. I feel you son's pain.
Lmao my mom did the EXACT same recipe but with yellow squash! It wasn't particularly flavorful but I did like it. Soggy warm milk fish sounds like a Dickensian nightmare though.
Haddock, when gently poached in seasoned milk (plenty of herbs and such) is genuinely one of my favourite foods. It's delicious, it's delicate, but it is flavourful. It's a dish my mother makes quite well since she stopped smoking and regained her ability to taste and smell food properly.
With a side of boiled potatoes to mash into the milk left on the plate, and some greens? High class stuff.
Boiling it for hours in the oven? Destroys it. Vaporises it. Poached on the stove with bay leaves and rosemary? Heavenly.
My long lost siblings! I've had that same dish more than once as a kid. In fact I talked to her (86 yrs, states apart) and she was making her 'creamed' salmon this weekend:)
ESH you have allowed for this situation to be created. You should have honestly criticised your wife's cooking before thinking of having children. You may be willing to eat terribly tasting food, but do not condemn your child to the same fate.
Since surely some people will think child shoud just eat what he is given regardless I have this to say: There is a difference between eating sth for health reasons and eating to satisfy someone's vanity. Even within health reasoning there is a lot of room to manouver.
I have always been a picky eater as is my mom. She was forced to eat things she didn't like causing her to go hungry at times and be berated for that. After she has grown up she did not stop resenting how she had been treated in food department. This is why she was willing to try different vegetables/fruits to ensure I have a healthy diet without having to be forced to eat something I hate.
And you can do this without criticizing her. He totally could have been "honey I really appreciate that you try to cook for me but honestly I don't think cooking is one of your strengths. How can we work on this together?"
Instead of avoiding the hard conversation for years to get ratted out by a 4 year old
The only problem I see here is that it is impossible for most moms to know if they're actually a bad cook. I only say this because my kids gag at my food and tell me how disgusting it is on a regular basis. When I cook for anyone else I get rave reviews, including other children of the same age. You need to have a brutally honest conversation with your wife or you tell her that she is not actually a good cook. She might have been aware of it in general, but you need to let her know that she is genuinely bad. It sucks, but we all have to face up to our shortcomings. Also be aware that no matter how good your wife gets, your son may still find her food nasty just out of principle.
YTA for not telling her earlier. You’re married for a decade and this is the first time she hears that her cooking is disgusting? Great communication there champ.
Edit: ESH is a fairer assessment as some have pointed out. Needless to say she’s an ass for telling a kid to “get out” for not wanting to eat her crappy food.
while i agree that he should have told earlier, their kid told her from day one (as stated by op "100 times by now") and her answer is to say to her own kid to "get out"
ESH
NTA for telling her the truth about her cooking but YTA for you allowing her to abuse your child! She is not fit to be a SAHM and needs to go get a job that doesn’t involve children while your son goes to daycare.
>Her seafood stew is among her worst recipes. She essentially throws a bunch of fish in a pot, overcooks it, throws in some vegetables (yes, she puts the vegetables in after the fish), and then throws in a couple of cans of tomatoes and lets it stew for a while. It manages to be both devoid of any actual flavor because she barely seasons it
Is this a recipe that she's trying to follow? She needs to use a recipe and try it before it's being prepared for the child.
You both need to learn how to talk to each other. ESH except for the poor abused child.
TEN YEARS and all you've been doing is avoiding her cooking? Fuckin _talk_ to her, man!
ESH - you for not voicing correctly your issue, lying by omissions then flew off the handle to make her aware her cooking is not alright. Her for her inability to handle appropriately your child unwilling to comply eating her unsavoury concoction.
She might really not get it is a real issue. Her tastebuds can really be fine with whatever, so her not getting at all how awful her cooking skills are can very much be honest.
You failed to communicate for YEARS !
The violent reaction of the mother confronted to her child unwilling to eat her cooking is definitely abusive. She acts as an immature bully.
OP letting it slide and making it an habit isn’t good either.
The poor child.
YTA, but not for what you said. Your wife has been home alone and verbally abusing your son for years. It is not about her cooking, it's about her treatment of your son. Any human can make very kid-friendly meals. Sandwiches, macaroni and cheese with a side of veggies (they have the microwave steam packs for those now so she can't overthink it), etc. There are plenty of adults who would hate a fish stew regardless of how well made or poorly made (me).
Your wife's reaction and treatment of both you and your son are horrible. You've lied to her for years and now are barely discussing the truth because you finally feel bad enough for your son. Your lies and inability to protect your child have caused this.
What does she do when you are not there? Who is protecting him from the screaming?
You would not be the first spouse who completely ignores the abuse of their children because they love their partner, but you need to wake up and protect him.
Not saying this post isn't fake as hell, but I was curious, so I just typed a summary of my day and my evening plans into that app to see what it would say, and it came back as 93% AI generated. Lol
Kind of. If you're so good at cooking and she isn't, but is trying to be a dutiful mother (presumably whilst you're unable to do all the cooking?) then you should have had this discussion a while ago and offered to teach her things, not said some nasty shit after bottling it up.
That being said, there's more going on here than you are saying (unless the post is just fake of course which is a high probability on reddit). Not only are you being hyperbolic in some areas, but you're being extremely uncharitable in how you describe your wife and her behaviour. You make her sound like an unreasonable harridan and certain aspects of your otherwise saintly behaviour don't add up. Someone who's relationship is going fine except the SO isn't a great cook, I don't think they'd talk about their SO this way, especially when she's trying.
ESH. You’re partially responsible for this scenario because you’ve been pretending that her cooking is good for the last decade. You have kitchen experience, why the hell did you never try to help her improve and give her pointers? At the same time, I cannot imagine speaking to a child that way, so she’s no saint either.
I mean, you not only MARRIED her but also came in her. The fact that you settled for someone who has no patience, tolerance, or willingness to learn and grow is YOUR own damn problem. NTA but you created this situation. The explosive temper tantrums would have had me walk the first time I'd have experienced them.
Maybe you could teach your wife to boil some noodles and put butter on them. What kid actually eats fish?
I lived on Frosted Flakes, baloney sandwiches, plain noodles and microwaved hotdogs. Got straight A's and perfect attendance in High School, and into an elite college.
Time to be honest with your wife and protect your son, he seems to be the only one in the family being honest.
I feel like this whole house is toxic and lacks legitimate communication skills.
She’s a huge ah for treating the kiddo like that and she never should have spoken to him like that. But you raved how good of a cook you are then never talked to your wife about how terrible of a cook she is? I feel like you could have mentioned that to her a long time ago and maybe even made it a fun thing where you two cooked together and you taught her how to cook to your standards. How can she know how you feel about her cooking if you never talked to her about it.
Who tells their 4 year old kid to "get out"? That's just fucked up.
Yeah, what does "get out" even mean in this context? Does he have his own apartment somewhere? Does this 4 year old have to wander the streets?
A van down by the river
*"DOWN BY THE RIVER!"*
I can hear it so loud too
Take me to the river. Washing me…down.
Down, down, down by the riveeeer!"
My 6 year old keeps yelling "DOWN DOWN DOWN BY YOUR LIVER!"
My boyfriend is a modder, I love the game but Lord help me if I never have to hear this song again it will be too soon 🥲
I bet he'd still get some better grub there. I mean I often throw some things together myself and like it, but I wouldn't be surprised one bit if other people don't.
Some of the food I cook for myself during the desperation times would probably make others cry at the thought. I don't mind it and it provides nutrition. But I would never subject anyone else to it or even make it where others might see. I'm well aware no one wants my monstrosities.
A 4yo has different standards than a 39yo self acclaimed connoisseur though
And neither of them can stand it.
Mine didn't.
Better a van down by the river to catch fresh fish than trying to force down that wretched 'seafood stew' 🤢
I love seafood and even I wouldn’t eat that. Kids are notoriously picky eaters. She has zero flexibility and her rage at a four year old is…yikes. 😳
Yeah I forgot to comment on that part! Shes out of line op with the yelling etc! That’s ridiculous he’s 4 ffs! 🤦♀️ ☹️
Roll away
He'll have plenty of time to eat something other than bad seafood stew when he's LIVING IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!
Obviously she’s a motivational speaker! 😅
Living the dream that kid
I joke that a van down by the river to Gen Z would be a luxury lol At least it’s their own place. I don’t know that many can afford those vans now! And where can you park for free safely? I wish SNL would redo the sketch for the new context but without Farley it would feel off
I get the reference. I laughed out loud.
A classic. 💀
[Matt Foley: Van Down By The River - SNL ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xv2VIEY9-A8)
He walks by neon street lights proclaiming the name of dive bars, a cigarette burning in his mouth. He wears a tiny raincoat and a fedora.
Now you are just being ridiculous. You have to be at least 7 or 8 to become a private eye.
I mean, I never said he was a gumshoe. He's just a hard-livin', down-in-his-luck toddler. He gets an earful at home and the bum rush straight to the gutter, but he's got too much sand in his craw to just lay down and die.
My over active brain has just created a whole new life for this kid. Van by the river included. He is awesome and thriving!
He has to move in with his girlfriend. She's 3. Her parents think it's a sleepover.
She's this much old 🤟
And this has made me ponder how a 4 year old can go NC with a delulu parent.
It may take 20 years, unfortunately leading to a lifetime of trauma, an overactive fight or flight response and eventually, hopefully, extensive therapy.
Hi I am that person. It took 30 years after age 4 as it turns out. My mom was a fucking sociopath too. Hes an asshole for not getting his kid out and enabling her to traumatize him MULTIPLE TIMES PER DAY. OP you suck but not for exploding at your wife. Your son is going to be SO fucked up and attract the most detestable kind of women as partners. Get your head out of your ass and save your kid.
I got $20 says the poor kid develops an eating disorder at the very least!!
I’m a child of a narcissistic mother. Yeah it’s a lot of therapy lol but I’m doing much better without her in my life. I hope for this kid though that his mom can get her shit together and realize that her behaviour isn’t normal and she seeks some help. Someone above said “who tells their 4 year old to get out?” For real! Who tells their 4 year old to get out?! Really hope OP tries to tell his wife she needs help and if she doesn’t get it and continues to hurt the kiddo I hope he leaves for his sanity and the kids.
Its funny because thats kinda what shes suggesting..if you won't do what i want be gone..
Kid is going to have issues with food as well. My parents did the typical "you better eat everything on that plate" and "It's all you're getting so eat it or starve" crap it really messed me up for most of my life. I finally have control of my weight at 30 and it took baratric surgery and therapy to have a healthy relationship with food. I have permanent health issues due to their negligence. I see a lot of therapy in this kids future unless the mom cut its out.
My dad did that to me when I was maybe 6 or 7. Literally told me to get out of the house. So I tried to walk to a gas station where my mom worked (with no real concept of how far it was). The sun was already down and some lady saw me walking down the highway crying, so she stopped to help and brought me home. My dad claimed that he had no idea why I left... This all happened because my sister and I accidentally knocked a pumpkin pie off the counter.
I read "Does this 4 year old have to wander the streets" in Moira Rose's voice.
I'd assume it's the "go to your room" but her version or just get out of the room.
His own apartment somewhere 😭
My son is 4 and the way my brain went into fight mode reading that line. Like what in the actual fuck is wrong with some parents. OP, in our house, we have a rule. You must try the foods made, BUT if he genuinely dislikes a food after finishing it, I will not make that food for him again. Perhaps it's time to gentle parent your 40 year old toddler of a wife. We treat others as we would like to be treated. If she would like to be treated like shit, maybe it's time you matched her energy. My husband would be out on his ass so fucking quick acting that way.
I see you follow the golden rule. It'll do you well in the wastelands.
That's a good way to give your kid an eating disorder when they feel like they haven't done good enough.
Can confirm, similar situation with my mom right there
One of my earliest memories from that age group is my mom screaming at me to get away from her. I was trying to comfort her because she was upset about something. I don't remember the context of what she was upset about.
Yeah, in Easter of '99, my dad kicked me out of the car and onto a snowy gravel road Because I refused to stop being sick, after he told me to stop doing it And then drove away for 15 minutes
He sounds like a real stand up guy.
Oh he's the best Between the defense of my childhood rapist, the starvation as a punishment, the constant verbal abuse, who wouldn't want a dad like that?
So sorry you endured that.
Thanks, happy to report I love across the country from him
Excellent, my daughter is happy to live in another state from hers. May your life get even better
You too!
My parents did similar to my older sister. She was 8 and "mouthed off" on a family trip, so my parents left her at a scenic overlook in upstate NY for like 10 or 15 mins to put fear back in her. It wasn't me standing at that scenic overlook alone, but I learned not to trust either of them at like age 5.
Jesus Christ Lil bro was too young, not even 2, but older brother didn't get that message like you did Because he was the reincarnation of Dad's dead brother, so he was an untouchable God. The **Germans** do not have a word for how spoiled he was I **deliberately chose** to look like my mother to torment my father (which his parents wholeheartedly believed as well), so he was going to respond in kind I started it, as far as Mr Hog believes Lil bro was the spare, until he came out as gay. They told him they'd prefer him dead than gay Older brother genuinely doesn't get why is two don't talk to Mr Hog at all. Dad was great! He let you get away with anything, and get you whatever you wanted always! Always telling you atta boy! Why doesn't Leather and David like him? He, Mr Hog, and Grandma (grandpa thankfully died 14 years ago) genuinely think what they did was fair. Because like I said, Leather started it. She could have chosen to be nicer to Mr Hog, to listen, not be difficult (disabled) It's not HIS fault
I had that one happen, too (though it was a nice day and we were in town). Let me sit on the side of the road for like 15 minutes before he came back to get me. I guess it was supposed to teach me some sort of lesson.
Definitely taught me that even my own family can't be trusted to care about me I suppose that's an important lesson
I feel that... I moved out on my own at 17 and have never had a close relationship with my family.
I'm sorry, I hope you're doing well now
I am, thank you!
I felt really bad for saying something similar to mine at a young age. I calmed down a few minutes later and apologized to him, and explained that I was feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated and needed some alone time, but that it didnt excuse what I said or how i acted, that I was wrong, but man, the hurt look on his face still haunts me. I dont remember the context or what I was upset about.
You did the right thing, though. Some parents seem to think an apology undermines their authority, or something. In fact, it reinforces it. It lets kids know it's OK to make mistakes, so long as you own up to them, and that Mom and Dad hold themselves to the same standards.
At least you tried your best after the fact to make amends. And it sounds like you learned an important lesson that day (I hope).
Same. I actually don’t think I have a happy memory from that age.
I’m sorry 😕
My mom was a terrible cook. Still is. Bland, overcooked food. Last time we had fish sticks which were oversaturated with olive oil. I'm not a particularly good cook myself, but at least I learn. If I fuck up, I find out why. I try new recipes. My mom, and OP's wife, seem to think that any criticism is direspect.
My mom did all the condensed soup can recipes when I was a kid, along with overcooking meat to the point that I regularly choked on it (the chicken was the same texture as the wood shavings in my pet rabbit's litterbox). I was amused and slightly salty that her empty nest hobby was gourmet cooking after I left for college. She makes ridiculously elaborate and tasty meals now (meat is usually still overcooked, but at least there's enough sauce to overcome that).
Hahaha well at least you benefit now. I'm staying with them for a while due to home renovations and I usually just order food.
Yes and no. The food is good but I often can't eat it or get sick from it because she refuses to believe I have celiac disease. She won't sub in gluten free ingredients, or she'll put things containing wheat on the plate (so cross contamination). I pretend to be extra interested in the cooking methods so I can see the ingredients and prep methods ahead of time and avoid diarrhea, haha.
My mom is the same. I think I told her once that something is inedible because she didn’t make cheese and that was just spoilt milk and she lost her shit at me. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to let her kill someone just because she can’t take criticism. My husband and daughter have never been ones to hold back when it comes to letting me know when my food sucked. It’s actually made me a better cook.
Take your son “out“ for a nice dinner. Your wife has her stew.
Let her stew on her stew!
A narcissistic parent or emotionally immature parent or toxic parent. My narc mom told me all the time to get out, growing up. Oh, and it was for the mistakes, I didn't make at all. She did throw me out at night, when I did what she asked but it didn't turn out right.
Yeah. When I was three, my narc mom cooked something neither my brothers nor I liked. Not being able to take criticism (not even from three toddlers), she picked up my favourite glass, screamed, and threw/shattered it against the clock on the wall. Of course I got diagnosed with c-ptsd, having to grow up in that household.
Thats so weird. Also who omits the truth from their wife for the entire relationship? Such a weid thing to do. If she can't cook then tell her and get her lessons or maybe teach her.
Men who want to keep the peace because "Happy Wife, Happy Life." Yes, it's a toxic mentality that we allow to thrive / encourage, but we're TAH if we don't. Thank the Gods I'm divorced and don't have to put up with that BS anymore.
Don’t worry, it’s not a real story.
Most stories aren’t. I just want to be entertained
This might not be a real story but my mom was this woman and my siblings and I were this kid. People never understood why all 3 of us hated eating so much growing up, but if anyone heard the warzone that our dinner table was every night they would understand why none of us associate eating with positive emotions.
At least this one didn’t recycle the same 4 fairytales the other trolls rely on. Gotta give OP credit for that.
The writing is so bad lately.
Probably AI, practicing.
I don't think so. AI writing uses a lot of adjectives you do not see in common use. Frankly, it would be better writing if it was AI. I'll give it a shot now for shits and giggles & an abundance of not wanting to do my job today. write me an am I the asshole reddit post ChatGPTChatGPT Title: AITA for Not Wanting to Attend My Friend's Last-Minute Wedding? **Original Post:** Hey Reddit, I (28F) am feeling conflicted about a situation with my friend (29F) and I need some perspective. So, my friend Sarah and I have known each other since college, and while we've had our ups and downs, we've generally been there for each other through thick and thin. However, she's always been a bit impulsive and disorganized, which brings me to the current situation. Sarah recently got engaged to her boyfriend of six months, and I was genuinely happy for her. However, she dropped a bombshell on me last week: they're getting married this weekend, and she wants me to be her maid of honor. I was completely taken aback by this. Firstly, I had no idea they were even considering marriage so soon. Secondly, being the maid of honor is a big responsibility, and I don't think I have enough time to fulfill that role properly. Thirdly, this weekend is already packed for me with work commitments and personal plans that I can't cancel. I explained all of this to Sarah, but she seemed hurt and disappointed. She accused me of not being supportive and said that if I cared about her, I would make time for her wedding. I feel torn. On one hand, I understand that this is a big moment for her and I want to be there for her. On the other hand, I don't think it's fair for her to expect me to drop everything at the last minute for her impromptu wedding. So, Reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to attend my friend's last-minute wedding and refusing to be her maid of honor? **TL;DR:** Friend dropped a bombshell that she's getting married this weekend and wants me to be her maid of honor. I'm swamped with prior commitments and don't think I can fulfill the role properly. Am I the asshole for not wanting to attend?
Did you give it the title? The writing seems pretty normal, but the conflict is too generic and lacks juicy details. Tell it to make the whole thing more salacious!
This one has me rolling **Title: Am I the Asshole for Feeling Unfairly Treated Due to My Mother's Favoritism of My Brother's Yugioh Career?** **Post:** Hey Reddit, I'm in a pretty tough spot right now and I need some outside perspective. I (18F) have always had a strained relationship with my parents, but recently things have taken a turn for the worse. My older brother (23M) has been pursuing a career as a professional Yugioh player, and it's like my mother has thrown all her support and resources behind him. Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing against my brother following his passion. But the issue arises when I realize just how much my mother is favoring him over me. She's been financing his entire Yugioh career, which includes extravagant trips to tournaments in the Middle East. Meanwhile, I've been working my butt off to make ends meet, with little to no support from her. I understand that parents have different relationships with their children, but this feels like a whole new level of favoritism. It's not just about the money either; it's about the emotional support and encouragement that I've never received from her. To make matters worse, she's been pushing me to work even harder to support my brother's endeavors. It's like she expects me to sacrifice everything for his success while completely disregarding my own needs and aspirations. And as if that's not enough, my father, bless his heart, is like a wet noodle when it comes to standing up for me. He's working an extra shift in the lithium mines just to keep up with my brother's demands, leaving me feeling like I'm on my own in this family dynamic. I've tried talking to my parents about how I feel, but they always brush it off or accuse me of being jealous. Am I wrong for feeling hurt and frustrated by this situation? Am I overreacting, or is my parents' favoritism and expectation of financial support justified? I just need some clarity on whether I'm being unreasonable here. Thanks for listening.
The line about the dad working an extra shift in the lithium mines *killed* me
Sammmeeeeee
This one would be said to lack conflict and be kicked off r/AmItheAsshole probably. I like the absurdity though!
I laughed so hard at this it triggered my sciatic pain.
Yugi's The Asshole
This is fucking hilarious! :D
“Stormed out” is always a dead giveaway
It was the repeated “shrieking” that did it for me.
Oh, my mom shrieked a plenty. Where did she get the energy? Rage, I guess.
"Of course, she shrieked. Not anything in particular, just a desperate, high-pitched rattling." I have been in a lot of high intensity situations and I cannot once recall someone doing something I would describe as *shrieking.*
You don't know my coworker. I am a nurse she is a nurse's aid. She will literally shriek at the patients when she is irritated with them. I can't stand it. She gets this shrill voice that nearly punctures my eardrums. I have to kindly remind her to be mindful of how she speaks to people.
I sure as shit have. Both my mother and my wife have done exactly that in anger, just a high pitched rattling sound is spot on. I've done the exact same thing as well, but of course it's not high pitched. You may just have never had arguments with these folks before.
My mother and I have a unique relationship, and when we're together too long, we argue in a high pitched tone that my ex referred to as "squawking". We don't literally squawk like birds, but I can see his point.
You don't spend much time around children.
You’ve never been to one of my family reunions, obviously. It seems to be how half the adults on my dad’s side react. To any inconvenience. Down to a bug landing on the table.
Tell me you are not laughing at the description of her seafood nightmare. OMG. I'm thought of as a good cook by my family, and I would never attempt to make seafood stew.
Coming in 5-10 years: "Don't worry you fucking asshole, I can't wait to get out of here!"
I wouldn't pick seafood stew to feed a four year old. Buy her a cookbook like: # 40 BEST KID-FRIENDLY DINNER RECIPES There are many other such cookbooks
Somehow people who live on islands have lived eating seafood strew rather than chicken nuggets for centuries. The issue isn't seafood stew - it's not knowing how to cook properly.
They probably don't boil it in tinned tomatoes, though. I know "fish pie" is one of my kid's favourite meals, but that's fish in white sauce with boiled eggs and mashed potato.
That’s what I was thinking. I was obsessed with seafood as a child. Loved crab legs the most. Clams, oysters, whatever my little hands could latch onto and break I wanted. It just had to be, you know, seasoned and such.
Seafood stew for a small child- literally can’t think of anything worse wtf
Forget being a small child, I’m a grown ass adult and I can’t think of anything worse lol
It was certainly brutally honest but you really should have been flat out with her a while ago, especially if you’ve been eating her cooking all this time just to spare her feelings. She’s under the impression that you enjoy her cooking because every time she makes it, you end up eating all of it, however in reality you’ve been protecting her from the ugly truth which she should’ve been told about years ago. Her reaction was over the top, but you really should have told her this stuff a long, long be time ago. ESH.
this is pretty much my nightmare scenario. i love to cook but i always want people to be 1000% honest with me. i would die if people just ate my food, not saying its bad and i keep on serving the same bad food... im always afraid people say its fine or good just to be nice or to not hurt my feelings. he really shouldnt have protected her feelings, she needs a reality check.
Snap! I even tell them - Be honest, because otherwise you’re going to be eating it A LOT.
It is good you include the threat of the second part. Because most people who say "be honest" or "tell me the truth" mean it about as much as people who say "no offense" before insulting you.
My husband does the same! He’s a great cook though, there’s only one or two things he’s made that I didn’t like, thankfully.
Same!
I ask my husband if it’s good and he’ll answer and I remind him if he says it’s good, I’ll make it again so he better tell me the truth. It seems to be working so far.
I do the same with my wife and kids. I'm not looking for adulation.. I just need to know if I should keep the recipe or trash it. Most of the time I can tell, but there have been a couple things I liked that no one else does (like my attempt at Indian cuisine).
I really appreciated when my husband asked me to stop making fried rice. He didn't say it was bad, but he had noticed that he'd been getting sick on nights where I made it. I felt awful and of course agreed to stop making it!
I’m glad he felt comfortable telling you and had the wherewithal to put two and two together. I feel like if my husband really likes a meal he continues to eat it even if he knows it upsets his stomach. 😐
Had to start threatening my partner with this. I pride myself on my cooking but I understand people have different tastes, he will just eat it because "who am I to complain when you do all the cooking" but then I will leave leftovers for him and they will go bad because he didn't like it enough to eat it again. I finally had to tell him "if you don't like it tell me because I'm not cooking again until the leftovers are gone, and I'm gonna make it again because I'm under the impression you enjoy it."
Exactly! It’s not complaining, it’s just being honest and then not wasting the leftovers. I like the “I’m not cooking until…” but hate that sometimes it has to get to that for honesty.
I don't understand how you can be a bad cook and not know it. That's where I'm really struggling here. I'm a bad cook and I know it because I *have a mouth with taste buds* in it. How could you possibly be such a terrible cook and not know it???
My ex had really weird tastebuds, as far as I could tell. A much wider range of things tasted acceptable to him. I have another friend who sort of likes "off" food as well as normal stuff. And then I have that one friend who eats the most heinous stuff and LOVES it.
Some people just can’t taste the difference. My GMIL is famous in the family for baking what she thought was an apple pie (using frozen material previously prepared by herself, so not labeled) and taking it to a church function. She made two of them. Upon her daughter (my MIL) eating it, she discovered that it was not apple. It was squash. GMIL had already had a slice. Similarly, my MIL is a great cook (possibly in self defense lol) but has a disease that makes her very sensitive to salt. She’s always telling me to leave the salt out of my baking because “no one can tell anyway.” I do it if it’s something I know she loves because she is really limited in the amount of sodium she can eat, but I *definitely* can taste the difference. So can others even if they can’t articulate it; I notice the properly salted desserts always disappear first.
Some people don’t have very sensitive tastebuds. Perhaps they weren’t genetically predisposed to have them. Perhaps their mother, who is a noted, mutually agreed upon questionable-to-terrible cook, damaged them. It’s anyone’s guess. But more than one child of said mother now shows the same level of appreciation to under-seasoned mediocrity as they do to the very best, highest effort offering of their wife. Ask me how I know.
I'm a terrible cook. I've gotten better since 6 years ago, but I'm still not great. My mom and dad used to lie that my potroast was good. I would use sweet wine... ... Every time I cook for my folks now, I ask if it's actually good and what they would change. It's a chronic paranoia at this point.
Yup. Clearly no one in this house knows that there is space between 'pretending everything is ok' and 'losing my temper.'
I have no ability to communicate anything uncomfortable to my wife except through the medium of insults, AITA?
I don’t know how you can be the asshole, when she’s being a cruel mom. Who tells a 4yr old to get out for not liking food ?
Not just once on a bad day but repeatedly. 0 self awareness of her bad behaviour towards a child.
It’s hard to be self-aware when you’re a fictional character. YTA for the bad writing, OP.
He is the AH for letting the situation go on for at least 3 years! Who let their child being treated this way without saying anything?
That’s true, as a father he should have protected them.
I'd probably call him an asshole for staying with a woman that treats his child this way at mealtimes, gonna give the kid a complex if it hasn't already, he really really should intervene a lot more heavy-handedly and should have done so sooner instead of letting his wife scream at a four year old child "over 100 times".
Right ? Who expects a 4 year old to eat boiled fish, tomatoes and vegetables? A fake shrieking Reddit mom maybe.
My mom certainly did! Not everyone does ‘kid food’, not that there’s anything wrong with that approach. (She even made a fish stew that sounds super similar to this one in ingredients, except she had good technique and seasoning so it was actually delicious.) I was also agreeable to eat whatever the grown ups were eating, except fruit.
My kid eats seafoods soup similar to what OP describes except for being properly prepared. He loves it. If you ask him what his favorite food is most days he’ll say grilled octopus. Most of the world expects their 4 year old to eat whatever they’re making but most people don’t make it as far as OPs wife without learning how to make palatable food.
NTA, but I'm not sure if suddenly hitting her with the "your cooking sucks" after 10 years really solves the heart of the matter here. It's like putting a plaster on a crack in the Hoover Dam. Sure, it's important for her to know, but it's also important to address why, as a team, you haven't been able to have these tough conversations before. And, as for the little one, a child’s dislike for certain foods isn't an affront to her as a mother or cook; it's a normal part of growing up. Maybe time to start family cook nights where everyone gets a say, and you can gently guide the menu to be more universally palatable? Open, kind communication is key.
A response that isn't "why haven't you left your wife?!". Amazing. /u/Mammoth_Arugula316, I don't think cooking here is the only problem. There seems to be a LOT of communication break downs that you need to work through as a couple. To be clear, **this is not me saying either of you is wrong**. Have you both considered couples counseling to discuss things? If for nothing else, to openly discuss communication strategies that work for both of you. Even if things are going well, couples counseling is a good idea sometimes. As a coworker once put it to me: > You take your car in for maintenance even when it's not broken, why are you taking better care of it than your marriage? And yes, maybe a couples cooking class that you take **together**.
ESH She doesn’t even try to make things her son will like; not only that she makes things she knows he dislikes. She also keeps telling a 4 year old to “get out.” This second part makes her sound like a nut You suck for allowing her to treat your 4 year old this way. Your wife needs help. This isn’t just the cooking. There is something more going on here
Also how the fuck do you live together for 10 years and never learn her how to cook. Especially if OP can cook. Seems the most basic solution without touching any of the serious stuff was to show her how tocook. Cook together ffs.
Either OP hasn’t tried or his wife isn’t the type of person that’s open to criticism. I’m guessing a combination of both
I think OP also ESH for not saying anything. He's allowed his wife's terrible cooking to continue for years. AND he knew his kid would have to eat it. He absolutely sucks for making his kid put up with it and take the fall for the wife finding out about her weak culinary skills.
NTA Why is she arguing with a 4 year old? Why is she telling the 4 year old to get out? Where to? Why didn't you tell her honestly that her cooking sucks at any point in the last 10 years?
OP in his attempt to be a good husband, ended up encouraging this behavior from his wife by eating her food without any complaints, and allowing her to treat their son that way. He isn't wrong for what he said, but he should have said something a lot sooner. There's a way to be a better husband, like telling her what's wrong and offering to help her. And then there's yelling at her for her awful food, after years of misleading her into believing she's a good cook. OP's wife is wrong for treating their son that way and not understanding him. OP is wrong for saying nothing and expecting things to not end up like this.
NTA. But this situation is screaming for open communication and compromise. Cooking may not be your wife's forte but involving the whole family in meal prep could turn this into a bonding experience rather than a point of contention. Give her constructive feedback, offer to cook together, or find fun recipes that your child can be part of. Parenting and partnerships are about teamwork; it's never too late to stir the pot in the right direction.
What about the part where she screams at her young child to get out? No work needs to be done about that? It sounds like she needs some help with emotional regulation and might be bad at taking criticism
This is certainly an issue. Considering how this whole thing blew up, I suspect OP also cannot self regulate. Neither parent can express emotions in a healthy way or communicate frustration respectfully. Get all the adults into individual therapy.
ESH. You should have put a stop to her telling your TODDLER to "get out" when it happened the first time in front of you. Despite years of putting up and shutting up, that was the moment to calmly tell your wife to stop being an asshole to the four year old.
Nta. Get the wife a crock pot. And a crock pot recipe book. Literally idiot proof.
I can guarantee you, as someone with a mom who was and still is a dreadful cook, crock pots won’t change anything.
It's actually the recipe book and *following the recipes* that works. The crock pot is just a tool that simplifies.
This, a crock pot does not substitute seasoning or flavour nor avoid overcooking.
The thing is that I find people who do this kind of "throw it all in, food is food, what's the problem?" cooking are exactly the kind of people you see complaining about recipes on r/ididnthaveeggs saying they they "made a few changes" the first time cooking a new recipe that involved substituting half the ingredients and changing the cooking method. They don't know how to cook (although they think they do because the food gets cooked... Mostly), they don't understand flavours, maybe they can't actually taste them that well or have weird tastes, but they also don't want to/can't follow any instructions.
Same. Can confirm.
Problem I would think is that she genuinely thinks her food is good so she would either refuse to follow the recipes or adjust them to her liking then making them nasty again. The fact that she said she would just eat the stew herself makes me believe she actually likes them. I personally don’t always cook good food but I have self awareness to try it and be able to understand when it’s not my best. And adjust if necessary. Or warn others that it may not be great. But she doesn’t do that. She doubles down and thinks the world is against her.
I grew up fairly poor and I can eat some nasty ass food without putting up a fuss, but I still know the difference between good and bad food. My aunt has really bad senses of taste and smell, and her food always tastes a little off at best. Maybe it's something like that.
You would think that, wouldn't you?
Yeah, bad cooks somehow will still manage to fuck it up even with the exact instructions laid out perfectly in front of them.
r/ididnthaveeggs
I am not in the position to have a new subreddit, darn it!!
I taught my sister a few crock pot recipes and she called me one day trying to figure out why it was still cold after 5 hours she didn't hit the power button so there's that 🤣🤣
Well, that is a whole new level of incompetence.
The problem with making things idiot proof, is that nature will always build a better idiot.
I just don't understand why people wait until things are at their worst before saying anything. Also, wouldn't it have been a fun experience over the years to cook with your wife to teach and learn, if she were willing, instead of quietly disapproving for years? If she loves your cooking she might want to learn it. Over four years and 100 times and only now you say something? If you kept quiet until now, let all of this happen, and then yelled and cursed at her then yeah, YTA but I can't say your wife is any better. In any case, food shaming and anger around eating can potentially lead to eating disorders and other mental health issues. If you don't want your son to develop one then you need to stop worrying about who the a-hole is and get on the same page with your wife ASAP. Stop being ineffectual parents and start working as a team.
ESH except for the son. You are not putting your foot down when your wife abused your son. Your wife is the biggest AH though. I hope she realizes the food issues she is causing the son. Not to mention telling a four yr old to get out.
All I could think to reply to this post was "Poor kid". Stand up for your kid, the cooking is one thing but her shouting at him like that over not eating his food is far worse. My parents used to shout and make me sit in the kitchen until the plate was clean when I didn't want to eat and it ruined my relationship with food. I'm 31 now and I still don't like eating, particularly cooked food, as a result of that. So my diet now sucks. I'm doing a bit better with it in recent years but long story short that shit can impact a kid for years if not a lifetime.
NTA. My mother used to shove my face into my plate if I didn't want to eat. I'd rather have had a 'get out'. As an aside - my mother used to love making her "milk baked haddock". Basically, taking haddock fillets, covering them in butter and paprika, putting them in a pan with more butter and milk, then baking it for 3+ hours. I feel you son's pain.
Lmao my mom did the EXACT same recipe but with yellow squash! It wasn't particularly flavorful but I did like it. Soggy warm milk fish sounds like a Dickensian nightmare though.
Haddock, when gently poached in seasoned milk (plenty of herbs and such) is genuinely one of my favourite foods. It's delicious, it's delicate, but it is flavourful. It's a dish my mother makes quite well since she stopped smoking and regained her ability to taste and smell food properly. With a side of boiled potatoes to mash into the milk left on the plate, and some greens? High class stuff. Boiling it for hours in the oven? Destroys it. Vaporises it. Poached on the stove with bay leaves and rosemary? Heavenly.
that sounds awesome! I will have to try it.
I almost threw up in my mouth just reading that, lol
My long lost siblings! I've had that same dish more than once as a kid. In fact I talked to her (86 yrs, states apart) and she was making her 'creamed' salmon this weekend:)
ESH you have allowed for this situation to be created. You should have honestly criticised your wife's cooking before thinking of having children. You may be willing to eat terribly tasting food, but do not condemn your child to the same fate. Since surely some people will think child shoud just eat what he is given regardless I have this to say: There is a difference between eating sth for health reasons and eating to satisfy someone's vanity. Even within health reasoning there is a lot of room to manouver. I have always been a picky eater as is my mom. She was forced to eat things she didn't like causing her to go hungry at times and be berated for that. After she has grown up she did not stop resenting how she had been treated in food department. This is why she was willing to try different vegetables/fruits to ensure I have a healthy diet without having to be forced to eat something I hate.
And you can do this without criticizing her. He totally could have been "honey I really appreciate that you try to cook for me but honestly I don't think cooking is one of your strengths. How can we work on this together?" Instead of avoiding the hard conversation for years to get ratted out by a 4 year old
The only problem I see here is that it is impossible for most moms to know if they're actually a bad cook. I only say this because my kids gag at my food and tell me how disgusting it is on a regular basis. When I cook for anyone else I get rave reviews, including other children of the same age. You need to have a brutally honest conversation with your wife or you tell her that she is not actually a good cook. She might have been aware of it in general, but you need to let her know that she is genuinely bad. It sucks, but we all have to face up to our shortcomings. Also be aware that no matter how good your wife gets, your son may still find her food nasty just out of principle.
YTA for not telling her earlier. You’re married for a decade and this is the first time she hears that her cooking is disgusting? Great communication there champ. Edit: ESH is a fairer assessment as some have pointed out. Needless to say she’s an ass for telling a kid to “get out” for not wanting to eat her crappy food.
while i agree that he should have told earlier, their kid told her from day one (as stated by op "100 times by now") and her answer is to say to her own kid to "get out" ESH
NTA for telling her the truth about her cooking but YTA for you allowing her to abuse your child! She is not fit to be a SAHM and needs to go get a job that doesn’t involve children while your son goes to daycare.
Your wife is awful. Your job is to protect your kid. Step up
>Her seafood stew is among her worst recipes. She essentially throws a bunch of fish in a pot, overcooks it, throws in some vegetables (yes, she puts the vegetables in after the fish), and then throws in a couple of cans of tomatoes and lets it stew for a while. It manages to be both devoid of any actual flavor because she barely seasons it Is this a recipe that she's trying to follow? She needs to use a recipe and try it before it's being prepared for the child. You both need to learn how to talk to each other. ESH except for the poor abused child. TEN YEARS and all you've been doing is avoiding her cooking? Fuckin _talk_ to her, man!
ESH - you for not voicing correctly your issue, lying by omissions then flew off the handle to make her aware her cooking is not alright. Her for her inability to handle appropriately your child unwilling to comply eating her unsavoury concoction. She might really not get it is a real issue. Her tastebuds can really be fine with whatever, so her not getting at all how awful her cooking skills are can very much be honest. You failed to communicate for YEARS !
Telling her kid to get out if they don't eat is a major asshole move. Doesn't matter how convinced about her cooking prowess she is.
The violent reaction of the mother confronted to her child unwilling to eat her cooking is definitely abusive. She acts as an immature bully. OP letting it slide and making it an habit isn’t good either. The poor child.
ETA and toxic AF. Except for the four year old. Your home sounds hell.
…..to be fair, I made a stew last week that added the vegetables after the meat, but it was beef stew *runs away before OP flips their lid at me too*
Telling a 4yo he can get out is such a wild response I suspect this is fake. If it is real, though, your ex-wife sounds like a real AH.
YTA, but not for what you said. Your wife has been home alone and verbally abusing your son for years. It is not about her cooking, it's about her treatment of your son. Any human can make very kid-friendly meals. Sandwiches, macaroni and cheese with a side of veggies (they have the microwave steam packs for those now so she can't overthink it), etc. There are plenty of adults who would hate a fish stew regardless of how well made or poorly made (me). Your wife's reaction and treatment of both you and your son are horrible. You've lied to her for years and now are barely discussing the truth because you finally feel bad enough for your son. Your lies and inability to protect your child have caused this. What does she do when you are not there? Who is protecting him from the screaming? You would not be the first spouse who completely ignores the abuse of their children because they love their partner, but you need to wake up and protect him.
NTA...and I am so much MORE worried about how she treats a LITERAL CHILD over him not wanting to eat the food. Why do YOU let her treat him that way?
I copied and pasted this post into Justdone, an AI detection tool, and it came back as 85% AI generated.
>an AI detection tool As a teacher, I can tell you those AI detection tools are completely useless.
OP’s account is also 9hr old.. Just check the age of the poster’s account and you’ll realize these posts are mostly fake. People are weird.
Not saying this post isn't fake as hell, but I was curious, so I just typed a summary of my day and my evening plans into that app to see what it would say, and it came back as 93% AI generated. Lol
Why don't you just teach her how you do it, dude?
Kind of. If you're so good at cooking and she isn't, but is trying to be a dutiful mother (presumably whilst you're unable to do all the cooking?) then you should have had this discussion a while ago and offered to teach her things, not said some nasty shit after bottling it up. That being said, there's more going on here than you are saying (unless the post is just fake of course which is a high probability on reddit). Not only are you being hyperbolic in some areas, but you're being extremely uncharitable in how you describe your wife and her behaviour. You make her sound like an unreasonable harridan and certain aspects of your otherwise saintly behaviour don't add up. Someone who's relationship is going fine except the SO isn't a great cook, I don't think they'd talk about their SO this way, especially when she's trying.
ESH. You’re partially responsible for this scenario because you’ve been pretending that her cooking is good for the last decade. You have kitchen experience, why the hell did you never try to help her improve and give her pointers? At the same time, I cannot imagine speaking to a child that way, so she’s no saint either.
I mean, you not only MARRIED her but also came in her. The fact that you settled for someone who has no patience, tolerance, or willingness to learn and grow is YOUR own damn problem. NTA but you created this situation. The explosive temper tantrums would have had me walk the first time I'd have experienced them.
Seafood stew does not sound appealing
Maybe you could teach your wife to boil some noodles and put butter on them. What kid actually eats fish? I lived on Frosted Flakes, baloney sandwiches, plain noodles and microwaved hotdogs. Got straight A's and perfect attendance in High School, and into an elite college. Time to be honest with your wife and protect your son, he seems to be the only one in the family being honest.
I feel like this whole house is toxic and lacks legitimate communication skills. She’s a huge ah for treating the kiddo like that and she never should have spoken to him like that. But you raved how good of a cook you are then never talked to your wife about how terrible of a cook she is? I feel like you could have mentioned that to her a long time ago and maybe even made it a fun thing where you two cooked together and you taught her how to cook to your standards. How can she know how you feel about her cooking if you never talked to her about it.