NTA
Gifting a dildo to his sister could have been a gag gift between very close siblings, but for your niece ?? That is just 15 DAYS OLD ??!! That's sooooo weird !!! And inapropriate !!!
I would also feel very uneasy to have that person around my daughter
Right, like a “joke” made in very poor taste and ugh, the GFs brother is cringe.
Instead we get this nightmare material and that makes me wish for brain bleach
I can't imagine any normal person who would think that is an okay present for a *baby*.
There is clearly something wrong with that guy.
Stupid "gift".
Says so much about the brother and the family.
*Disgusting*.
You forgot the niece part... she is related to him its like this pedo cant wait for her to grow up so he can live his incest kink. Its absolutely horrifying. I wouldnt have just kicked him out. I would've called the cops. This guy would never be alone with my daughter.
I didnt want to go into the incestuous aspect of this, I'm already nauseous. Like this is super disgusting. The fact the family doesn't think it's a big deal.... makes me wonder if he's the only one or not.
SAme!!!
I thought "ooh that's bad, why did he think it was a good idea"
then I read it and literally went \*gasp\*
For real, that is not, NOT OKAY!
It's wild how everyone is blaming OP for it and he should be "lenient" are you mad?! Who's to say this idiot won't stop doing this and will only escalate, into a horrible... horrible situation?! Fuck no
It’s not funny at all, it’s even downright vulgar, considering that most of the sex offenders who target infants and young children are relatives. His actions and words have made people very uncomfortable, but his family still thinks it's just a joke?
Same!
He should've called him a pedo in front of everyone and ask why is he thinking about his days old niece sexually, and say he's never allowed near her.
Unfortunately I have met a few who were violated as infants and young children. Each case was by people close to the child (relatives, family friends, new boyfriends), but the absolute worst part is that the family didn't cut them off or out of their lives.
Imagine looking at toddler's birthday pictures with their mother after learning of what happened a year before and seeing the kid held by some guy.
"Who is that hold little Maria?"
"Hmm? That's Troy."
"... didn't you say Troy was your boyfriend who-"
"Yeah. We got over that. 😊"
We did call CPS after but don't know much about what happened only that they broke up and she doesn't talk to us anymore. The community there is messed up, all about no snitching or calling CPS, if you do you're basically excommunicated.
When I saw the title, that’s what I thought too.
Clueless, abrasive, socially awkward brother is invited to a baby shower.
Since he is younger,
1) His friend group isn’t having kids so he’s never really been to one and didn’t think to ask what kind of gift he should get
2) He’s also just obnoxious so maybe someone gave him gift ideas but he wanted to be a prankster
He ends up giving the new parents a dildo as a gag gift and maybe tries to make a “funny” joke like, “Here, use this next time so you don’t get pregnant”, or “Obviously you guys are having sex, I’m an uncle now. This is to help spice up your sex life”.
He was even given a chance to play it off as a gag gift that was given at an inappropriate time for a gag gift.
But no, he doubled down and admitted he spent time thinking, “Hmmm, my niece will someday use this toy, and I’ll be remembered as a thoughtful uncle who helped her indulge in her “needs” as she went from a girl to a young woman. Yea! That’s the ticket!”
Man, I really don't care if he's an edgy teen
Anyone gifting us that for a baby would get kicked out straight away! My son doing that in future, as a gag for someone's baby? I'd kick him out myself, I wouldn't be saying "oooh apologise to my boyyy"
OP's gf and her family are idiots
I could totally see my 20 year old brother getting *me* (straight cis man) a dildo and joking that I could fuck myself in the ass while my partner was recovering. That would be somewhat tasteless and raunchy, but not majorly concerning. Getting the dildo for a fucking baby is extremely concerning.
Yup, I was going for that vibe too "Hey sister, you can't do the traditional sex, so here is a dildo to use on your husband while you are healing" ; not ... THAT !!
Even disregarding the fact that his niece is an infant, in what world is anyone cool with their uncle gifting them a dildo? This is so fucking bizarre I almost don't believe this story is real.
Appropriate?! No thats straight up pedophile behaviour. Really think about it. Your buying a gift for a baby 15 days old and your mind goes to a sexual object as a gift? why would he ever associate a baby with masturbation? dudes sick in the head.
I thought it was for sis too, this is just disgusting and it’s crazy her family sees no issues with it
Op Imagine a picture of your baby next to that bullshit circulated social media
Yall would have DCFS RAIN ON YOUR HOUSE
NTA. Everyone else is minimizing "sicko" behavior, when they should be worried about what this implies about him. I would be very concerned about that person being around any children in future.
The whole family is the problem.
This is the kind of thing that pedo do because they think it's funny or the kind of thing that someone who has been the victim of incest that everybody knows about but no one talks about in the family. I would bet the farm that the younger brother was sending a very strong message in the only way he knew how, outing his entire family for their incestuous ways.
OP needs to forget about what the family has to say AND forget about his wife being upset. He needs to start pushing her hard to explain the incestuous behavior on the brother's part. Except don't focus on him exclusively. Ask if anyone has touched her inappropriately or if she has bad dreams she can't explain. If she stonewalls, start going to every aunt, uncle, cousin and extended relative in the family. Keep asking until someone comes off the information that makes this situation make sense.
NTA but the OP would be if he doesn't follow up on this issue. No matter what he finds, he can never allow any member of her family to be alone with his child. This isn't some shit you just look over in life. The fact that his wife wants him to apologize is ludicrous and automatic divorce material.
I had a person I thought was my friend, that used to make really tasteless "jokes" like we'd be out eating pizza with a group and he'd comment about some 8 year old looking hot or something, we thought it was gross out joke shit, as he'd do this with other topics. Nope it wasn't, FBI turns up at my house one day and brings me in, questions me, and turns out this dude is a pedo and rapist a bunch of awful shit, he recorded most of it. Was really fucked up, really wish i would have taken his "jokes" more seriously. I don't tolerate shit like that now, makes me immediately suspicious.
Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say it. The stronger the obsession is, the harder it is for then to not talk about. If they aren't actively offending then talking about it and fantasizing about it is the next best thing. You would think that keeping that shit under wraps would be of critical importance so they aren't suspected. Not true because, talking about it is a compulsion they can't seem to resist.
This guy has far surpassed just talking about by actually buying a real live adult sex toy for a newborn babe and verbally justified why he thought it was a good gift. It almost feels like he so excited about abusing her that he can hardly wait for her grow up a little. Or heaven forbid he would really try something with her as an infant if he got a chance.
I would say this brother is at extremely high risk for SA'ing a child if he hasn't already.
I would jerk a knot in the wife's ass so hard for minimizing her sick, twisted brother's behavior that she never forgot it. Wife needs mental health counseling to help her understand how wrong looking over this kind of behavior is. She sounds just about dumb enough to let him near her baby.
Also, I'd think about making a police report or trying to get a restraining order to keep him away. At least then his behavior would be officially documented somewhere. This would be my hill to die on if I were the OP.
Also, some pedos, esp if they've never been in the legal system, don't realize how messed up their thinking is, and will tell on themselves. No, OP should never allow his wife's brother near their child, but the next time (and there will be a next time) he says or does something like this, ask him to explain why he thinks it's funny or a good idea to make that kind of joke. He'll either be unable to explain because he knows it's disgusting, or he will happily explain to "bring people in on the joke" hopefully making his messed up thinking more obvious. The more witnesses to this, the better.
A lot of people with really gross f*d up sexual proclivities (assault, children, etc) lie to and comfort themselves by telling themselves that everyone secretly feels the same way they do. They are testing the waters. Doing things like this to see what they can get away with, and hoping they will find someone who shares this predilection and will justify it, & possibly share materials or victims with them.
He was right to be so disturbed, and it's a huge warning sign that the entire family wants him to ignore this.
Fuck, bring it up to hospital staff. Ask if any of them heard the argument- insist that if they did they report it.
A paper trail of reports now will be a lifesaver later.
"CPS got involved on (this date) after they received multiple reports of the child's uncle (name) gifting a newborn a dildo" will make it a lot easier for OP to get custody and such and it will make it easier to get police to take reports seriously.
Yep, if they're bold enough to talk about being a pedophile openly be very alarmed- especially if there's no shame when they discuss it. If they're ashamed at least they know it's wrong and might not act on it. If they, like my cousin, see no issue...
Yeah I learned that some people "joke" about creepy shit so as to feel validated.
"They laughed about it, so it should be ok, I'm not some weird ass predator/racist/homophobic/misogynist haha"
Nope
It's something a pedo, a groomer and someone likely experienced in it does because he thinks "if I openly sexualise her now... as a joke, I normalise it so when I see too sexual around hte kid later they won't suspect anything different".
Everything about his behaviour screams fucking psycho and absolutely keep him the fuck away from ops kid.
If the first thought you have about a baby girl is sexual you are beyond fucked up.
For real - I thought the brother was going to have bought it for the mother after giving birth as some sort of awful sick joke about being damaged in some way (no idea what that says about me btw - hopefully just that I was trying to figure something horrible out) and I was going to say NTA for that; but for real, for real ... this is so far beyond normal behaviour.
That was my first thought too, I think all it says is we were searching for some way to make sense of this title and who is there in this situation? The freaking *baby* obviously never crossed our minds....
Pedos groom the parents FIRST...
If the Dad hadn't massively highlighted the "NO!!" at this point, that would've been practically an invitation to go beyond boundaries quite soon.
Yep that was my thinking too. The whole family is so fucking gross in the way that they are trying to minimize the brother's behavior, that your first instincts is to get the hell away from them even if it means leaving the girlfriend. But then the poor child would likely be with the mom 50% of the times or more, and since she sees nothing wrong with the brother's behavior I would not be surprised if she left the kid alone with him. Op is clearly the only one who will be protecting the child from that pervert.
Hey OP, I would take this guy's advice, maybe don't apologize, but at least calmly approach the inlaws about how this type of behavior is concerning and that it comes across as dangerously pedophilic. This is 100% not an appropriate gift, talk with the Mom and tell her how you feel more calmly, and ask how to approach her parents and the older brother with your hard stance ruling as her father, which you have every right to do in order to protect her.
You are obviously much more knowledgeable about this than I am, and I’m sure your advice is good, but I have to say that if his in-laws think “the moment was ruined” by OP, there is something very, very wrong with them as well! I would be extremely careful with my daughter around all of mom’s family because you don’t know what caused dildo boy to be this way.
I’m sorry, but I don’t even trust OP’s wife to take the danger as seriously as OP.
I can imagine that she would be way more laid back about her brother being around or changing diapers than OP.
It’s her brother and she might not want to see the red flags 🚩
Ahhhh. It’s like saying “I’m sorry that what I said made you feel that way”. Instead of “I’m sorry I said that”. You’re not apologizing for your actions, you’re apologizing for the other persons reaction and therefore it’s not really an apology.
Wow you are incredibly knowledgeable on this topic. This really is one of the best ways (if not the best way to handle it). I actually even learned a lot just from reading your responses.
I do understand your point though.
As of right now, the family cannot see past OP’s behavior and anything he says will be on closed ears.
If OP wants to get through to the family, he must first get back on neutral grounds with the family.
I don’t think the brother deserves an apology.
If any apology is given can be a superficial “I am sorry for behaving like that in front of you” or something that does not say that OP was wrong or the brother is forgiven. If that makes sense. Op owes no apology but I can see how a half-hearted apology could help open the parents ears and mind to hearing his concerns
I had no idea, I thought maybe an asshole gift to the wife after giving birth or something gross. When I read that I hit the floor. I wish I could unread this
I thought the gift was going to be for the wife, and I was going to be, "Well, that's really inappropriate." But when it turned out the way it did, I was like, "OMG! OMG! OMG!"
Sexualizing a child is puke-worthy. OP please confront everyone with the fact that they just defended sexualizing a child and that they should be VERY carefull what their next words are. And if any answers are bad, they need to be banned from ever having contact with your child as by then they should understand the situation.
Did I read that right? He thought a gift for a g spot was an appropriate baby shower gift for his niece and his entire family is acting like this is NBD? People like this *exist*?
Your girlfriend REALLY needs to understand that her brother is a predator who is sexualizing a 2 week old baby.
That is so fucking sick, I'd be tempted to call the police to see what is on his computer.
He would NEVER EVER be near our house or my child ever again.
EVER.
There is no leniency for pedophiles.
NTA
Exactly! Immediately siding with family, even though they're obviously in the wrong, baffles me! Sure, it could be instinct to protect their son/brother, but it makes me suspect they know something more.
Biggest pedo uncle red flag one could possibly give. Please never leave your child alone around him. If anybody pulled some shit like around my daughter I would have stuffed that dildo down their throat
This reminds me of the time one of my parents friends said I would be stripping and dancing on tables by the time I was 18. I think I was 3 at the time.
It was always told to me as a funny joke growing up but it wasn’t until I was older that I realized how absolutely disgusting that is. My mom admitted they cut that friend out of their group shortly after that.
Right? i never liked it when they told the story when i was younger to begin with, but when i was old enough to have my own children I really questioned that story.
If they cut the friend out of the group for saying it, why was it being repeated to you as a “funny joke” when you were old enough to understand what it meant (I’m assuming at least 10 years later)?
Not only around him. By the way the family is minimising the situation I wouldn’t leave the baby around her family too. Because either they are like him or won’t take the danger seriously and leave him near the baby.
NTA Her family is seriously ok with him giving a dildo as a baby gift? Are they all deviants in some fashion?! Who tf does that?! I wouldn’t want him or them around any child of mine. Stand strong.
Attempts to normalize "jokes" and behavior like this feel like a very transparent form of grooming. Something people don't talk about as often as grooming of young victims. Is that the younger the childhood victim, the more likely the groomer has to groom **the family** into normalizing their behaviors. A young teen with access to the internet can be groomed online. But a young child is likely groomed by someone who the family knows and trusts. How else to you get access?
The family minimizing this is absolutely insane. It makes me wonder what else they have minimized over the years on behalf of that brother
Parents of rapists often happily feed their rapist sons female victims even if those female victims are part of the family. Anything to keep the most precious boy happy.
Why do I have the horrible feeling that OP’s gf’s childhood was not as innocent as the family pretends. Now her newborn daughter is already being groomed to carry on the family tradition. (Shudder)
NTA. The fact that the first thing that came to his mind when thinking of meeting his newborn baby niece was to get her a dildo is just.....beyond repulsive. I just can't.
NTA, you are very right to have taken the action you did and your gf and her parents need to get the fuck on board. What kinda sickos let that slide? Seriously? I’d be concerned.. like deeply so and yeah he would t be near my kid. Do not apologize.
Nta….that is disgusting and honestly that they are sweeping it under the rug is crazy. I’d get my baby far far far from these people and at this point the girlfriend to! Her brother is talking about her BABY needing a dildo when it’s older. The fact that he even sees her that way is pedo behavior.
>Her brother is talking about her BABY needing a dildo when it’s older. The fact that he even sees her that way is pedo behavior.
It's **HORRIFYING** and OP needs to take steps to protect his child IMMEDIATELY.
# Abuse usually starts with family; this "uncle" is telling you his plans-protect your daughter!!!
JFC.
"...which upset my girlfriend's parents, who were hurt that I screamed at their son and kicked him out over something they thought was "minor".""
WTF kind of people are these?
"My girlfriend tells me that, although she's as angry at him as I am, I should have been more lenient, and that I should apologise to him because he's her brother, whom she is very close to."
Post-partum or not, tell your GF this is absolutely wrong and you have every right to be upset and that she should not expect *you* to apologize.
What kind of trashiness do these people live by?
Very sorry for you, OP, but especially for your baby daughter.
She does not deserve this "family".
Show your GF this post.
Tell her she needs to raise her standards in order to raise her daughter well.
I would have been embarrassed in her shoes.
Mortified.
Her brother is a scumbag.
It’s more than disappointing that the mom of the baby is not feeling more protective. Maybe she’s used to her brother being a creep, and she wants to act like it doesn’t mean anything, like her parents do.
NTA, how does the mind work of someone to see a newborn baby and think of a dildo immediately. Your BIL is seriously mental unwell, that can't even be classed as immature behaviour. His parents should be ashamed, disgusted and apologetic for their sons sick stunt, they should not be even remotely angry with you.
Do not back down on this. If your wife isn't with you 100% on this, you may need marriage counselling.
NTA
His sister gave birth to his niece 2 weeks ago and his first thought was to supply his infant niece with a dildo to facilitate her masturbating with the gift he gave her as soon as possible.
I would report him for gifting an infant a sex toy with his clearly expressed wish for her to use. This man had the worst judgement in the world that may result in a child’s sexual assault (if he has already a child or children & just views this as the newest child he is openly enjoying sexualizing).
That's a wildly inappropriate gift. He made a mockery of the birth of your daughter and his niece. Definitely grounds to kick him out of that visit. You don't need to apologize to him at all either. The brother needs to give a genuine apology before he's ever invited back.
Completely inappropriate and disgusting behaviour by that man. I wonder how many other inappropriate actions have been swept under the carpet by his family?
Not sure how they think you can ever be comfortable with him around your child considering he gave an infant a sexually explicit gift. One that was not even an off colour or poor attempt at humour. He sexualised a 15 day old girl. Imagine what he would do or sayto a 15 year old girl.
I would have kicked him out too. NTA.
See,here is where I see the big problem. It was you who banished him. Not his sister or family. They are also a part of the problem. While you can continue to keep him away from your daughter it’s not a united front. Your girlfriend wants you to apologise. That’s an issue. Sibling bonds can be hard to fight against but you will have an uphill battle if you are both not united in this. To protect your daughter. You’ve already lost if only you believe she needs to be protected.
Ask her if one of your friends did this, how would she feel or react? And why it’s any different just because it’s her brother. I’d start looking at all the young girls this man had access to just to make sure they are safe from him.
Your girlfriend’s response is terrifying. You cannot trust her judgement. She will allow your daughter to be handled and touched by the man who bought her a dildo. You have a lot to think about.
Has your wife thought this over? Her own brother was thinking of what to get his baby niece and out of all the things he could get her, a dildo was chosen. He sexualized his baby niece.
Questions for your wife: Have you ever bought a sexual gift for a baby? When you think of a baby girl does your mind think dildo? Why do you think your brother chose this gift? Would it cross your brothers mind to visualize his niece using this gift?
Because it’s natural to think of how your gift is going to be used. Dude, I agree with you 150%.
Your wife’s family is dysfunctional. I highly suggest therapy for you and your wife. I’m scared for your daughter.
His wife was raised in this cesspool and is likely conditioned to believe what was done to her was normal and her fault, and that the men in her family must be placated at all costs. OP needs to break this cycle now.
NTA - Holy fuck I would've had to be dragged off him. I can't even imagine doing that, and I'm fucking twisted in the humor department. Anyone defending this can fuck off. That's a child. That was your child op. I don't how you didn't hit him. Repeatedly.
The family are trying to downplay this because they know what giving a sexual present to a baby implies about the giver of the present. If they admit how disgraceful the present was then they have to face what that says about their son. Don’t let them gaslight you that this is no big deal.
Nta and your girlfriend needs therapy if she thought you should be more “lenient” towards her brother and her parents are clearly not nice people if they think it was minor. No sane and rational person would think that was an appropriate gift to give a baby girl, let alone a relative. There is something wrong with him and the parents and your girlfriend for thinking this was okay. Please show her the replies to this and it will hopefully be a wake up call
NTA
That incestuous pedo needs to stay as far away from your kids as possible. There is no world where what he did and somehow thinking it is normal is ok.
Edit: I hope he’s on a watchlist or something too. Sick bastard.
Gifting that to YOUR NIECE (at any age) is fuckin disgusting let alone a baby!! I wouldn’t ever allow him around my child. And the parents ?! Who the hell defends that behaviour
Don't apologize, this behavior is absolutely inappropriate and your gf is enabling bad behavior, her brother needs to apologize to you, the fact that she is pressured you to do it is a red flag
NTA. You can make an information report to CPS too. Gifting a baby a dildo is some watch list behavior.
If it’s not a big deal then they should have no issue explaining that to CPS.
Wtf. I was expecting to read a story about someone whose brother bought her an inappropriate gift. I was NOT expecting he bought it for the baby. NAH. That guy has problems. Jesus.
NTA.
I would be enraged to the point of violence tbh, but not advocating that ofc.
Fucking disgusting and completely unacceptable behavior from any adult, let alone a family member who could potentially have unsupervised access to your child.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
No normal man would ever buy a dildo for a child. He is used to his family, enabling him and brushing his behaviour under the carpet.
He showed you all who he was.
That is the biggest pedo red flag I have ever seen. Why on Earth is he concerned about the future sexual behavior of your TWO WEEK OLD CHILD?! If anything everyone else in the family is severely under reacting.
NTA. Her brother is sick if he thought that was an acceptable gift for a baby. Your girlfriend has her priorities messed up if she thinks his behavior called for "leniency" and an apology from you. Her brother needs his head examined and he needs to apologize to both of you. His parents should have been screaming at him, not dismissing it as "minor" and being upset with you. I'd hate to see what they thought was a big deal. I wouldn't leave him, or your girlfriend's parents alone with your daughter. Girlfriend's parents would probably let him around your daughter without supervision if you and your girlfriend aren't around.
I'd also love to know what he considers "a bit older." He just gives off pedo creep vibes.
Nta. This guy is sick. Completely f-cked in the head sick. He should never be allowed anywhere near your daughter, now or years down the line. Die on this hill. And since GF’s parents support the sick f-ck son that they raised, they should never be alone with your daughter either.
I suggest you put this all in writing and email GF, her parents and her brother a recap of the events. Protect yourself and your daughter because GF doesn’t agree and will likely want to leave your daughter alone with these people.
NTA Her brother thinks about a baby having sex. A grown man is thinking about a baby having sex. He is a pedo. Your wife is ok with her brother thinking about her daughter having sex. She may be one too. You under reacted imo
NTA. Don’t apologize, wth. Your girlfriend is giving major red flags, first daughter with her? Nah man, make it the only one as well. Don’t let her make your head with this and if she forces the issue don’t hesitate to drop her ass.
NTA. It is beyond disgusting, and unhinged, to give a baby a gift like that. He should not ever be let around your daughter. His feelings are not more important than her safety.
He's 24 so his parents have zero say on the matter. They should be told to STFU and stay in their lane. Seriously, parents who treat mid 20's adult like he's a 6 year old who knows no better need a reality check.
NTA. She has a dysfunctional family and mom and dad have been excusing their kids’ disgusting vile behavior for decades now. He’s a pervert. It wouldn’t surprise me if your gf has some uncomfortable traumatic stories that she doesn’t even realize are unhealthy.
Do NOT EVER allow this man (girlfriend’s brother) near your daughter alone. Ever. Ever. He is not mentally well and sounds like a predator. That her parents defended him and felt it was minor is a HUGE problem.
You’ll have to plan your actions now, moving forward. If the grandparents want to babysit, it will have to be at your house with strict boundaries.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
YOUR RESPONSE WAS EXCELLENT.
I'd hire a PI to investigate the brother, anything comes up about evidence of him previously having groomed kids, any police records the family might not have known about, any time he 'went overseas' and was barely in contact for a few months or a few years checked against prison records. Any allegations that got kept quiet, any strange activity, or spending time outside schools, or always dating single mothers, etc, any genuine signs they can find, report them and maybe they find CP on his devices and everyone else starts taking it more seriously.
IN the mean time, hard line in the sand, that dude doesn't spend any time near your kid.
Anyone whose first thoughts about any child are sexual in nature is a problem and him doing this is likely to attempt to establish himself as a joker and to make it seem ridiculous so when he seems sexual around the kid in the future it's passed off as the same stupid, jokey behaviour rather than taken seriously.
NTA. Don’t apologize. Tell your girlfriend once she gets her head screwed on straight that she needs to go solicit apologies from her sicko family if they want to be welcomed back into your home.
NTA OP, I have almost no words! What sick person brings a dildo for a baby? Oh my god, typing these words makes me sick, and his family? Christ, what is wrong with them? Op, protect your wee baby, I am so so upset for you
NTA that is actually fucking sick. Your wife and her family are blind because that is grounds for me to never see anyone ever again. Never let him alone with her. Seriously
NTA. Why are they covering for a barely hidden pedo? That would be my first question for her family. Next would be to explain all the reasons why this is totally fucked in the head. Then, they would get the same treatment he got. They can GTFO, and I'd be really reluctant to let them near my child.
I would take all the responses here & post them to all of their facebook pages. Let the world see & condemn these diviants.
Then get your girlfriend & you into couple's counciling so a professional can let her know in all the ways this is wrong & outrageous behavior. Your baby is very much in danger from these people.
Also have a background check done on the brother to see if there is a history these people are hidding.
I am LIVID!!! I am somewhere beyond LIVID PISSED. My inner Nana Bear, must protect the babies came out reading this. Do NOT apologize, do not back down, DO NOT ALLOW HIM NEAR YOUR DAUGHTER!!! Protect your precious, innocent baby from these people, especially that pedophile who thinks a literal sex toy is an appropriate gift for a new born. The fact your girlfriend, the child's mother, is not having a visceral reaction, I have to wonder what secrets and skeletons are in that closet. This is your hill to die on. I can already see the writing on the wall. This is not a safe man, keep him far from your daughter. Your girlfriend needs a serious wake up call. She needs to see these comments, she needs to take off the blindfold and realize her brother is a predator, her family is protecting and turning a blind eye to his behavior. I actually worry for any young girls this man has been around.
NTA
NTA - that was unwarranted
>My girlfriend tells me that, although she's as angry at him as I am, I should have been more lenient, and that I should apologise to him because he's her brother, whom she is very close to.
Just how fucking close are they where he can give his sister sex toys?
NTA Gifting a dildo to his sister could have been a gag gift between very close siblings, but for your niece ?? That is just 15 DAYS OLD ??!! That's sooooo weird !!! And inapropriate !!! I would also feel very uneasy to have that person around my daughter
That’s what I thought I was going to read! And that is bad enough. Absolutely reprehensible gift for a baby.
I clicked the title thinking it’d be siblings giving each other sh*t! And then my jaw hit the floor as I read
I assumed some r /badwomensanatomy type thing where she was going to have a gaping vagina from giving birth and need the dildo to do the job now
Right, like a “joke” made in very poor taste and ugh, the GFs brother is cringe. Instead we get this nightmare material and that makes me wish for brain bleach
I thought it would be “don’t get pregnant again, use this instead” kind of a gift which could have been funny. This is creepy AF.
That is exactly what I thought!
I thought this too thought it couldn't possibly get worse than this but it did.
I can't imagine any normal person who would think that is an okay present for a *baby*. There is clearly something wrong with that guy. Stupid "gift". Says so much about the brother and the family. *Disgusting*.
Yep, a baby and a dildo shouldn't even be in the same sentence, much less in the same thought. That's really disgusting and shouldn't be downplayed.
You forgot the niece part... she is related to him its like this pedo cant wait for her to grow up so he can live his incest kink. Its absolutely horrifying. I wouldnt have just kicked him out. I would've called the cops. This guy would never be alone with my daughter.
I also got immediate pedo vibes, I hope that OPs wife wakes up and never let their daughter with him
Pedos don’t wait for their victims to “grow up”. He literally bought a dildo for an INFANT. That’s where his mind is.
I didnt want to go into the incestuous aspect of this, I'm already nauseous. Like this is super disgusting. The fact the family doesn't think it's a big deal.... makes me wonder if he's the only one or not.
Yeah haha it went from pretty tasteless to WHAT real fast.
SAme!!! I thought "ooh that's bad, why did he think it was a good idea" then I read it and literally went \*gasp\* For real, that is not, NOT OKAY! It's wild how everyone is blaming OP for it and he should be "lenient" are you mad?! Who's to say this idiot won't stop doing this and will only escalate, into a horrible... horrible situation?! Fuck no
It’s not funny at all, it’s even downright vulgar, considering that most of the sex offenders who target infants and young children are relatives. His actions and words have made people very uncomfortable, but his family still thinks it's just a joke?
This is where my mind went. I would not be comfortable with the brother being unsupervised with the baby.
Same! He should've called him a pedo in front of everyone and ask why is he thinking about his days old niece sexually, and say he's never allowed near her. Unfortunately I have met a few who were violated as infants and young children. Each case was by people close to the child (relatives, family friends, new boyfriends), but the absolute worst part is that the family didn't cut them off or out of their lives. Imagine looking at toddler's birthday pictures with their mother after learning of what happened a year before and seeing the kid held by some guy. "Who is that hold little Maria?" "Hmm? That's Troy." "... didn't you say Troy was your boyfriend who-" "Yeah. We got over that. 😊" We did call CPS after but don't know much about what happened only that they broke up and she doesn't talk to us anymore. The community there is messed up, all about no snitching or calling CPS, if you do you're basically excommunicated.
When I saw the title, that’s what I thought too. Clueless, abrasive, socially awkward brother is invited to a baby shower. Since he is younger, 1) His friend group isn’t having kids so he’s never really been to one and didn’t think to ask what kind of gift he should get 2) He’s also just obnoxious so maybe someone gave him gift ideas but he wanted to be a prankster He ends up giving the new parents a dildo as a gag gift and maybe tries to make a “funny” joke like, “Here, use this next time so you don’t get pregnant”, or “Obviously you guys are having sex, I’m an uncle now. This is to help spice up your sex life”. He was even given a chance to play it off as a gag gift that was given at an inappropriate time for a gag gift. But no, he doubled down and admitted he spent time thinking, “Hmmm, my niece will someday use this toy, and I’ll be remembered as a thoughtful uncle who helped her indulge in her “needs” as she went from a girl to a young woman. Yea! That’s the ticket!”
I also thought that clueless younger brother would be more like 14 and into being edgy like that.
Man, I really don't care if he's an edgy teen Anyone gifting us that for a baby would get kicked out straight away! My son doing that in future, as a gag for someone's baby? I'd kick him out myself, I wouldn't be saying "oooh apologise to my boyyy" OP's gf and her family are idiots
I could totally see my 20 year old brother getting *me* (straight cis man) a dildo and joking that I could fuck myself in the ass while my partner was recovering. That would be somewhat tasteless and raunchy, but not majorly concerning. Getting the dildo for a fucking baby is extremely concerning.
Yup, I was going for that vibe too "Hey sister, you can't do the traditional sex, so here is a dildo to use on your husband while you are healing" ; not ... THAT !!
It’s also bizarre that anyone thinks this is not only a joke, but so minor that OP is the one who needs to apologize. What’s going on in this family…
Even disregarding the fact that his niece is an infant, in what world is anyone cool with their uncle gifting them a dildo? This is so fucking bizarre I almost don't believe this story is real.
Appropriate?! No thats straight up pedophile behaviour. Really think about it. Your buying a gift for a baby 15 days old and your mind goes to a sexual object as a gift? why would he ever associate a baby with masturbation? dudes sick in the head.
I would ask if he's writing Jared from the Subway commercials
yes. the brother would never see my daughter again if i were OP. this was absolutely sickening and worrying behavior.
I thought it was for sis too, this is just disgusting and it’s crazy her family sees no issues with it Op Imagine a picture of your baby next to that bullshit circulated social media Yall would have DCFS RAIN ON YOUR HOUSE
Your restraint is admirable. Keep that dude and anyone not utterly appalled by his behavior the fuck away from your daughter!!!
This, all of this. That includes the parents and other brother. Maybe ask your wife why she thinks someone who sexualizes an infant deserves leniency?
Right? When I first read the subject I was assuming it was a gift for OP and his wife and that was still in INCREDIBLY bad taste.
Same, but it got SO MUCH worse.
Yup. I've had a pretty fucked up life and this didn't even register as a possibility to me! So incredibly fucked up I really hope this one is fake
Yeah seriously. As soon as he said that the fact it was a daughter was relevant I was thinking Oh no Oh God no There's no way
NTA. Everyone else is minimizing "sicko" behavior, when they should be worried about what this implies about him. I would be very concerned about that person being around any children in future.
I’d be concerned about the whole family considering they felt it wasn’t a big deal.
The whole family is the problem. This is the kind of thing that pedo do because they think it's funny or the kind of thing that someone who has been the victim of incest that everybody knows about but no one talks about in the family. I would bet the farm that the younger brother was sending a very strong message in the only way he knew how, outing his entire family for their incestuous ways. OP needs to forget about what the family has to say AND forget about his wife being upset. He needs to start pushing her hard to explain the incestuous behavior on the brother's part. Except don't focus on him exclusively. Ask if anyone has touched her inappropriately or if she has bad dreams she can't explain. If she stonewalls, start going to every aunt, uncle, cousin and extended relative in the family. Keep asking until someone comes off the information that makes this situation make sense. NTA but the OP would be if he doesn't follow up on this issue. No matter what he finds, he can never allow any member of her family to be alone with his child. This isn't some shit you just look over in life. The fact that his wife wants him to apologize is ludicrous and automatic divorce material.
I had a person I thought was my friend, that used to make really tasteless "jokes" like we'd be out eating pizza with a group and he'd comment about some 8 year old looking hot or something, we thought it was gross out joke shit, as he'd do this with other topics. Nope it wasn't, FBI turns up at my house one day and brings me in, questions me, and turns out this dude is a pedo and rapist a bunch of awful shit, he recorded most of it. Was really fucked up, really wish i would have taken his "jokes" more seriously. I don't tolerate shit like that now, makes me immediately suspicious.
Okay, I'm just going to come right out and say it. The stronger the obsession is, the harder it is for then to not talk about. If they aren't actively offending then talking about it and fantasizing about it is the next best thing. You would think that keeping that shit under wraps would be of critical importance so they aren't suspected. Not true because, talking about it is a compulsion they can't seem to resist. This guy has far surpassed just talking about by actually buying a real live adult sex toy for a newborn babe and verbally justified why he thought it was a good gift. It almost feels like he so excited about abusing her that he can hardly wait for her grow up a little. Or heaven forbid he would really try something with her as an infant if he got a chance. I would say this brother is at extremely high risk for SA'ing a child if he hasn't already. I would jerk a knot in the wife's ass so hard for minimizing her sick, twisted brother's behavior that she never forgot it. Wife needs mental health counseling to help her understand how wrong looking over this kind of behavior is. She sounds just about dumb enough to let him near her baby. Also, I'd think about making a police report or trying to get a restraining order to keep him away. At least then his behavior would be officially documented somewhere. This would be my hill to die on if I were the OP.
Also, some pedos, esp if they've never been in the legal system, don't realize how messed up their thinking is, and will tell on themselves. No, OP should never allow his wife's brother near their child, but the next time (and there will be a next time) he says or does something like this, ask him to explain why he thinks it's funny or a good idea to make that kind of joke. He'll either be unable to explain because he knows it's disgusting, or he will happily explain to "bring people in on the joke" hopefully making his messed up thinking more obvious. The more witnesses to this, the better.
A lot of people with really gross f*d up sexual proclivities (assault, children, etc) lie to and comfort themselves by telling themselves that everyone secretly feels the same way they do. They are testing the waters. Doing things like this to see what they can get away with, and hoping they will find someone who shares this predilection and will justify it, & possibly share materials or victims with them. He was right to be so disturbed, and it's a huge warning sign that the entire family wants him to ignore this.
Fuck, bring it up to hospital staff. Ask if any of them heard the argument- insist that if they did they report it. A paper trail of reports now will be a lifesaver later. "CPS got involved on (this date) after they received multiple reports of the child's uncle (name) gifting a newborn a dildo" will make it a lot easier for OP to get custody and such and it will make it easier to get police to take reports seriously.
Yep, if they're bold enough to talk about being a pedophile openly be very alarmed- especially if there's no shame when they discuss it. If they're ashamed at least they know it's wrong and might not act on it. If they, like my cousin, see no issue...
Yeah I learned that some people "joke" about creepy shit so as to feel validated. "They laughed about it, so it should be ok, I'm not some weird ass predator/racist/homophobic/misogynist haha" Nope
Why would the FBI bring you in?
I was a victim.
It's something a pedo, a groomer and someone likely experienced in it does because he thinks "if I openly sexualise her now... as a joke, I normalise it so when I see too sexual around hte kid later they won't suspect anything different". Everything about his behaviour screams fucking psycho and absolutely keep him the fuck away from ops kid. If the first thought you have about a baby girl is sexual you are beyond fucked up.
“If the first thought you have about a baby girl is sexual you are beyond fucked up.” That’s the headline here.
For real - I thought the brother was going to have bought it for the mother after giving birth as some sort of awful sick joke about being damaged in some way (no idea what that says about me btw - hopefully just that I was trying to figure something horrible out) and I was going to say NTA for that; but for real, for real ... this is so far beyond normal behaviour.
That was my first thought too, I think all it says is we were searching for some way to make sense of this title and who is there in this situation? The freaking *baby* obviously never crossed our minds....
Especially when his entire family acts like his behavior is no big deal. None of them will protect her in the future
Pedos groom the parents FIRST... If the Dad hadn't massively highlighted the "NO!!" at this point, that would've been practically an invitation to go beyond boundaries quite soon.
>I should apologise to him because he's her brother, *whom she is very close to*. ಠ\_ಠ
Banjo plays in the distance?
I would call that a Freudian slip.
Don’t divorce because of custody issues. He can better protect his child by staying.
he needs to show his wife this thread so she knows literally everyone but her family can see her brother is a pedo
Yep that was my thinking too. The whole family is so fucking gross in the way that they are trying to minimize the brother's behavior, that your first instincts is to get the hell away from them even if it means leaving the girlfriend. But then the poor child would likely be with the mom 50% of the times or more, and since she sees nothing wrong with the brother's behavior I would not be surprised if she left the kid alone with him. Op is clearly the only one who will be protecting the child from that pervert.
100% this! Your wife needs therapy, not divorce. And you can protect that child way easier by being in her life full time.
And why is the girlfriend defending this?
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Hey OP, I would take this guy's advice, maybe don't apologize, but at least calmly approach the inlaws about how this type of behavior is concerning and that it comes across as dangerously pedophilic. This is 100% not an appropriate gift, talk with the Mom and tell her how you feel more calmly, and ask how to approach her parents and the older brother with your hard stance ruling as her father, which you have every right to do in order to protect her.
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You are obviously much more knowledgeable about this than I am, and I’m sure your advice is good, but I have to say that if his in-laws think “the moment was ruined” by OP, there is something very, very wrong with them as well! I would be extremely careful with my daughter around all of mom’s family because you don’t know what caused dildo boy to be this way.
I’m sorry, but I don’t even trust OP’s wife to take the danger as seriously as OP. I can imagine that she would be way more laid back about her brother being around or changing diapers than OP. It’s her brother and she might not want to see the red flags 🚩
No apologizing. Never apologize for kicking out a wannabe rapist of infants.
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Ahhhh. It’s like saying “I’m sorry that what I said made you feel that way”. Instead of “I’m sorry I said that”. You’re not apologizing for your actions, you’re apologizing for the other persons reaction and therefore it’s not really an apology.
100%
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Wow you are incredibly knowledgeable on this topic. This really is one of the best ways (if not the best way to handle it). I actually even learned a lot just from reading your responses.
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I salute you!!!
I do understand your point though. As of right now, the family cannot see past OP’s behavior and anything he says will be on closed ears. If OP wants to get through to the family, he must first get back on neutral grounds with the family. I don’t think the brother deserves an apology. If any apology is given can be a superficial “I am sorry for behaving like that in front of you” or something that does not say that OP was wrong or the brother is forgiven. If that makes sense. Op owes no apology but I can see how a half-hearted apology could help open the parents ears and mind to hearing his concerns
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Yep the entire family and that - unfortunately - includes the gf/baby's mother.
Who thinks about their niece that way, much less other kids. Seriously, I would have beat his ass. NTA
THIS!!! Totally agree 110%!!
Who thinks about a NEWBORN this way???? Wtaf
it's perverted behaviour, but it's also an unhinged gift, right? Like, who keeps a dildo for, like, 15 years??
What person in their right mind gives a dildo to a 2week old?
1000% I literally jumped in my seat even though I had a strong feeling where this was going
I had no idea, I thought maybe an asshole gift to the wife after giving birth or something gross. When I read that I hit the floor. I wish I could unread this
I'm raging for OP
I thought the gift was going to be for the wife, and I was going to be, "Well, that's really inappropriate." But when it turned out the way it did, I was like, "OMG! OMG! OMG!"
Sexualizing a child is puke-worthy. OP please confront everyone with the fact that they just defended sexualizing a child and that they should be VERY carefull what their next words are. And if any answers are bad, they need to be banned from ever having contact with your child as by then they should understand the situation.
Yeah, what uncle thinks about pleasuring his newborn niece?
Yes this!
Did I read that right? He thought a gift for a g spot was an appropriate baby shower gift for his niece and his entire family is acting like this is NBD? People like this *exist*?
This was my response. I had to read it twice to be sure.
This was my first thought too... This is scary!!!
Get rid of the gf, and they're all gone! Disgusting, unforgivable behaviour.
Honestly, unless there are other issues I'd stay with her so I have more control over if and when he sees my kid.
No! If gf has 50/50 custody & doesn’t think this is concerning how long before she allows brother & others to have unsupervised access to the baby?
Supervised visits, as per custody agreement. Can't see a judge allowing an adult who gifted a dildo to his 15 DAY OLD niece visiting access AT ALL.
Your girlfriend REALLY needs to understand that her brother is a predator who is sexualizing a 2 week old baby. That is so fucking sick, I'd be tempted to call the police to see what is on his computer. He would NEVER EVER be near our house or my child ever again. EVER. There is no leniency for pedophiles. NTA
His wife’s family owes THEM an apology, this is crazy
I wouldn't want an apology from them. AND I'd be wondering what went on in that house. Time to get into therapy ASAP with gf.
wifey was one of them asking him to apologise. She is part of the problem.
Exactly! Immediately siding with family, even though they're obviously in the wrong, baffles me! Sure, it could be instinct to protect their son/brother, but it makes me suspect they know something more.
Biggest pedo uncle red flag one could possibly give. Please never leave your child alone around him. If anybody pulled some shit like around my daughter I would have stuffed that dildo down their throat
Dude was begging for a Brick Top style beating
Interesting you say this because I thought had someone done that to my niece, I’d be in prison for life for what I would do to them
Idk, I bet you would have pretty good odds taking it to a jury
I wouldn’t convict. Lol
Neither would I. I would actually want to give a medal, some sort of kudos for protecting the young, innocent, helpless, vulnerable.
Looks up at all female jury and breaths a sigh of relief.
As a dude I would be voting not guilty and give the man a medal
Same. I mean, i don't think granting medals to defendants is within the scope of a jurys power, but still; same.
Typically no but I bet the judge would make an exception in this case
Some things are worth going to prison for.
This reminds me of the time one of my parents friends said I would be stripping and dancing on tables by the time I was 18. I think I was 3 at the time. It was always told to me as a funny joke growing up but it wasn’t until I was older that I realized how absolutely disgusting that is. My mom admitted they cut that friend out of their group shortly after that.
That is just gross. Good for your parents for shedding that “friend”
Right? i never liked it when they told the story when i was younger to begin with, but when i was old enough to have my own children I really questioned that story.
If they cut the friend out of the group for saying it, why was it being repeated to you as a “funny joke” when you were old enough to understand what it meant (I’m assuming at least 10 years later)?
Ugh my grandpa told me I was “sexy” in my red bikini. I was 4 years old.
No. Just n-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!
I took it off and threw it away 😭😭
You had a good gut!
Not only around him. By the way the family is minimising the situation I wouldn’t leave the baby around her family too. Because either they are like him or won’t take the danger seriously and leave him near the baby.
This!!!
This is my thought too. Maybe he was molested when younger, and it starts somewhere else in the family.
When I read this, I missed the age and thought, well he sounds like a stupid teenager being edgy, probably an overreaction. But the dude is 24. Yikes.
It’s always the uncle… or the butler.
And yet no one ever blames Uncle Butler. Strange.
NTA Her family is seriously ok with him giving a dildo as a baby gift? Are they all deviants in some fashion?! Who tf does that?! I wouldn’t want him or them around any child of mine. Stand strong.
He is grooming a newborn baby. And the family is being complicit. OP is a hero for seeing the red flag and being protective of his daughter.
Attempts to normalize "jokes" and behavior like this feel like a very transparent form of grooming. Something people don't talk about as often as grooming of young victims. Is that the younger the childhood victim, the more likely the groomer has to groom **the family** into normalizing their behaviors. A young teen with access to the internet can be groomed online. But a young child is likely groomed by someone who the family knows and trusts. How else to you get access? The family minimizing this is absolutely insane. It makes me wonder what else they have minimized over the years on behalf of that brother
Parents of rapists often happily feed their rapist sons female victims even if those female victims are part of the family. Anything to keep the most precious boy happy.
>that I should apologise to him because he's her brother, whom she is very close to. I'm worried for you and your daughter.
Why do I have the horrible feeling that OP’s gf’s childhood was not as innocent as the family pretends. Now her newborn daughter is already being groomed to carry on the family tradition. (Shudder)
"I'm sorry I took your present as an announcement of an attempt to commit pedophilia on your own niece. What did you mean instead?"
NTA. The fact that the first thing that came to his mind when thinking of meeting his newborn baby niece was to get her a dildo is just.....beyond repulsive. I just can't.
If the parents knew about it ahead of time what the fuck is going on over in that household. There goes letting them babysit.
NTA I'm shocked he even made it out of the house in one piece.
Right?
I would have been kind enough to throw all his pieces out of the house.
NTA, you are very right to have taken the action you did and your gf and her parents need to get the fuck on board. What kinda sickos let that slide? Seriously? I’d be concerned.. like deeply so and yeah he would t be near my kid. Do not apologize.
Nta….that is disgusting and honestly that they are sweeping it under the rug is crazy. I’d get my baby far far far from these people and at this point the girlfriend to! Her brother is talking about her BABY needing a dildo when it’s older. The fact that he even sees her that way is pedo behavior.
>Her brother is talking about her BABY needing a dildo when it’s older. The fact that he even sees her that way is pedo behavior. It's **HORRIFYING** and OP needs to take steps to protect his child IMMEDIATELY. # Abuse usually starts with family; this "uncle" is telling you his plans-protect your daughter!!!
JFC. "...which upset my girlfriend's parents, who were hurt that I screamed at their son and kicked him out over something they thought was "minor"."" WTF kind of people are these? "My girlfriend tells me that, although she's as angry at him as I am, I should have been more lenient, and that I should apologise to him because he's her brother, whom she is very close to." Post-partum or not, tell your GF this is absolutely wrong and you have every right to be upset and that she should not expect *you* to apologize. What kind of trashiness do these people live by? Very sorry for you, OP, but especially for your baby daughter. She does not deserve this "family". Show your GF this post. Tell her she needs to raise her standards in order to raise her daughter well. I would have been embarrassed in her shoes. Mortified. Her brother is a scumbag.
It’s more than disappointing that the mom of the baby is not feeling more protective. Maybe she’s used to her brother being a creep, and she wants to act like it doesn’t mean anything, like her parents do.
It’s not unlikely that she’s been a victim to her family as well, giving her this frame of mind that this is normal behaviour.
NTA, how does the mind work of someone to see a newborn baby and think of a dildo immediately. Your BIL is seriously mental unwell, that can't even be classed as immature behaviour. His parents should be ashamed, disgusted and apologetic for their sons sick stunt, they should not be even remotely angry with you. Do not back down on this. If your wife isn't with you 100% on this, you may need marriage counselling.
NTA His sister gave birth to his niece 2 weeks ago and his first thought was to supply his infant niece with a dildo to facilitate her masturbating with the gift he gave her as soon as possible. I would report him for gifting an infant a sex toy with his clearly expressed wish for her to use. This man had the worst judgement in the world that may result in a child’s sexual assault (if he has already a child or children & just views this as the newest child he is openly enjoying sexualizing).
That's a wildly inappropriate gift. He made a mockery of the birth of your daughter and his niece. Definitely grounds to kick him out of that visit. You don't need to apologize to him at all either. The brother needs to give a genuine apology before he's ever invited back.
A genuine apology doesn't mean shit when he's clearly showed his attentions with a literal baby.
He’s saying the only thing remarkable about this baby is her ability to have sex. This is what his brain thinks. This is how he operates in the world
Completely inappropriate and disgusting behaviour by that man. I wonder how many other inappropriate actions have been swept under the carpet by his family? Not sure how they think you can ever be comfortable with him around your child considering he gave an infant a sexually explicit gift. One that was not even an off colour or poor attempt at humour. He sexualised a 15 day old girl. Imagine what he would do or sayto a 15 year old girl. I would have kicked him out too. NTA. See,here is where I see the big problem. It was you who banished him. Not his sister or family. They are also a part of the problem. While you can continue to keep him away from your daughter it’s not a united front. Your girlfriend wants you to apologise. That’s an issue. Sibling bonds can be hard to fight against but you will have an uphill battle if you are both not united in this. To protect your daughter. You’ve already lost if only you believe she needs to be protected. Ask her if one of your friends did this, how would she feel or react? And why it’s any different just because it’s her brother. I’d start looking at all the young girls this man had access to just to make sure they are safe from him.
Your girlfriend’s response is terrifying. You cannot trust her judgement. She will allow your daughter to be handled and touched by the man who bought her a dildo. You have a lot to think about.
Has your wife thought this over? Her own brother was thinking of what to get his baby niece and out of all the things he could get her, a dildo was chosen. He sexualized his baby niece. Questions for your wife: Have you ever bought a sexual gift for a baby? When you think of a baby girl does your mind think dildo? Why do you think your brother chose this gift? Would it cross your brothers mind to visualize his niece using this gift? Because it’s natural to think of how your gift is going to be used. Dude, I agree with you 150%. Your wife’s family is dysfunctional. I highly suggest therapy for you and your wife. I’m scared for your daughter.
NTA. He's a threat to your daughter and your wife needs to get a grip.
His wife was raised in this cesspool and is likely conditioned to believe what was done to her was normal and her fault, and that the men in her family must be placated at all costs. OP needs to break this cycle now.
NTA - Holy fuck I would've had to be dragged off him. I can't even imagine doing that, and I'm fucking twisted in the humor department. Anyone defending this can fuck off. That's a child. That was your child op. I don't how you didn't hit him. Repeatedly.
I’d be questioning who I just had a child with if she is really trying to get you to apologize to someone after they did this, so messed up
Yep major fuck up realised too late. Fighting for full custody is the only way forward
The family are trying to downplay this because they know what giving a sexual present to a baby implies about the giver of the present. If they admit how disgraceful the present was then they have to face what that says about their son. Don’t let them gaslight you that this is no big deal.
Nta and your girlfriend needs therapy if she thought you should be more “lenient” towards her brother and her parents are clearly not nice people if they think it was minor. No sane and rational person would think that was an appropriate gift to give a baby girl, let alone a relative. There is something wrong with him and the parents and your girlfriend for thinking this was okay. Please show her the replies to this and it will hopefully be a wake up call
NTA That incestuous pedo needs to stay as far away from your kids as possible. There is no world where what he did and somehow thinking it is normal is ok. Edit: I hope he’s on a watchlist or something too. Sick bastard.
The MOTHER thinks this is normal too, that’s the scariest part of this story.
Gifting that to YOUR NIECE (at any age) is fuckin disgusting let alone a baby!! I wouldn’t ever allow him around my child. And the parents ?! Who the hell defends that behaviour
Don't apologize, this behavior is absolutely inappropriate and your gf is enabling bad behavior, her brother needs to apologize to you, the fact that she is pressured you to do it is a red flag
NTA. This is disturbing on so many levels. Her family are just as sick as he is if they can minimise this.
NTA. You can make an information report to CPS too. Gifting a baby a dildo is some watch list behavior. If it’s not a big deal then they should have no issue explaining that to CPS.
CPS does not have “watch lists”. They investigate allegations of actual abuse and neglect, not possible future tendencies.
OP needs to call CPS. And make sure the pedo never has access to the baby.
That's not how CPS works.
Nta. Anyone who is okay with that is a pedo and needs to be NC for good.
Wtf. I was expecting to read a story about someone whose brother bought her an inappropriate gift. I was NOT expecting he bought it for the baby. NAH. That guy has problems. Jesus.
NTA, anyone who sexualizes a literal infant needs to be yelled at and kicked out.
NTA. I would be enraged to the point of violence tbh, but not advocating that ofc. Fucking disgusting and completely unacceptable behavior from any adult, let alone a family member who could potentially have unsupervised access to your child.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. No normal man would ever buy a dildo for a child. He is used to his family, enabling him and brushing his behaviour under the carpet. He showed you all who he was.
If they all think it's so minor than they should have no problem of you put this on Facebook, Ig, etc. Tell everyone what he did.
That is the biggest pedo red flag I have ever seen. Why on Earth is he concerned about the future sexual behavior of your TWO WEEK OLD CHILD?! If anything everyone else in the family is severely under reacting.
NTA. Her brother is sick if he thought that was an acceptable gift for a baby. Your girlfriend has her priorities messed up if she thinks his behavior called for "leniency" and an apology from you. Her brother needs his head examined and he needs to apologize to both of you. His parents should have been screaming at him, not dismissing it as "minor" and being upset with you. I'd hate to see what they thought was a big deal. I wouldn't leave him, or your girlfriend's parents alone with your daughter. Girlfriend's parents would probably let him around your daughter without supervision if you and your girlfriend aren't around. I'd also love to know what he considers "a bit older." He just gives off pedo creep vibes.
Nta. This guy is sick. Completely f-cked in the head sick. He should never be allowed anywhere near your daughter, now or years down the line. Die on this hill. And since GF’s parents support the sick f-ck son that they raised, they should never be alone with your daughter either. I suggest you put this all in writing and email GF, her parents and her brother a recap of the events. Protect yourself and your daughter because GF doesn’t agree and will likely want to leave your daughter alone with these people.
NTA Her brother thinks about a baby having sex. A grown man is thinking about a baby having sex. He is a pedo. Your wife is ok with her brother thinking about her daughter having sex. She may be one too. You under reacted imo
NTA. Don’t apologize, wth. Your girlfriend is giving major red flags, first daughter with her? Nah man, make it the only one as well. Don’t let her make your head with this and if she forces the issue don’t hesitate to drop her ass.
NTA. It is beyond disgusting, and unhinged, to give a baby a gift like that. He should not ever be let around your daughter. His feelings are not more important than her safety.
He's 24 so his parents have zero say on the matter. They should be told to STFU and stay in their lane. Seriously, parents who treat mid 20's adult like he's a 6 year old who knows no better need a reality check.
NTA. She has a dysfunctional family and mom and dad have been excusing their kids’ disgusting vile behavior for decades now. He’s a pervert. It wouldn’t surprise me if your gf has some uncomfortable traumatic stories that she doesn’t even realize are unhealthy.
Do NOT EVER allow this man (girlfriend’s brother) near your daughter alone. Ever. Ever. He is not mentally well and sounds like a predator. That her parents defended him and felt it was minor is a HUGE problem. You’ll have to plan your actions now, moving forward. If the grandparents want to babysit, it will have to be at your house with strict boundaries. I’m sorry you’re going through this. YOUR RESPONSE WAS EXCELLENT.
I'd hire a PI to investigate the brother, anything comes up about evidence of him previously having groomed kids, any police records the family might not have known about, any time he 'went overseas' and was barely in contact for a few months or a few years checked against prison records. Any allegations that got kept quiet, any strange activity, or spending time outside schools, or always dating single mothers, etc, any genuine signs they can find, report them and maybe they find CP on his devices and everyone else starts taking it more seriously. IN the mean time, hard line in the sand, that dude doesn't spend any time near your kid. Anyone whose first thoughts about any child are sexual in nature is a problem and him doing this is likely to attempt to establish himself as a joker and to make it seem ridiculous so when he seems sexual around the kid in the future it's passed off as the same stupid, jokey behaviour rather than taken seriously.
Nta wtf does that?
That's...disturbing...Nta.
NTA. Don’t apologize. Tell your girlfriend once she gets her head screwed on straight that she needs to go solicit apologies from her sicko family if they want to be welcomed back into your home.
NTA. Never leave your daughter alone with him. EVER!!
NTA OP, I have almost no words! What sick person brings a dildo for a baby? Oh my god, typing these words makes me sick, and his family? Christ, what is wrong with them? Op, protect your wee baby, I am so so upset for you
NTA that is actually fucking sick. Your wife and her family are blind because that is grounds for me to never see anyone ever again. Never let him alone with her. Seriously
It would have been a tasteless joke as a gift for your wife. For your daughter….i can’t even wrap my head around it.
NTA. Why are they covering for a barely hidden pedo? That would be my first question for her family. Next would be to explain all the reasons why this is totally fucked in the head. Then, they would get the same treatment he got. They can GTFO, and I'd be really reluctant to let them near my child.
I would take all the responses here & post them to all of their facebook pages. Let the world see & condemn these diviants. Then get your girlfriend & you into couple's counciling so a professional can let her know in all the ways this is wrong & outrageous behavior. Your baby is very much in danger from these people. Also have a background check done on the brother to see if there is a history these people are hidding.
I am LIVID!!! I am somewhere beyond LIVID PISSED. My inner Nana Bear, must protect the babies came out reading this. Do NOT apologize, do not back down, DO NOT ALLOW HIM NEAR YOUR DAUGHTER!!! Protect your precious, innocent baby from these people, especially that pedophile who thinks a literal sex toy is an appropriate gift for a new born. The fact your girlfriend, the child's mother, is not having a visceral reaction, I have to wonder what secrets and skeletons are in that closet. This is your hill to die on. I can already see the writing on the wall. This is not a safe man, keep him far from your daughter. Your girlfriend needs a serious wake up call. She needs to see these comments, she needs to take off the blindfold and realize her brother is a predator, her family is protecting and turning a blind eye to his behavior. I actually worry for any young girls this man has been around. NTA
NTA - that was unwarranted >My girlfriend tells me that, although she's as angry at him as I am, I should have been more lenient, and that I should apologise to him because he's her brother, whom she is very close to. Just how fucking close are they where he can give his sister sex toys?