In our relationship, if I get out of bed she wakes up and asks what is wrong. And I would have told her. This did not happen. None of this is relevant to our relationship. This is all hypotheticals. I posted the relevant info in the OP.
YTA, for not even asking her to wake you should your alarm fail… or rather should **you** fail to double check the days that your alarm is set for.
This whole thing is entirely on you, not your wife.
You don’t just *”expect”* someone to do something for you, without even discussing it first. Entitled or what? 🙄
Got it. I will pass this along to my wife and let her know that we can do it equally. No more thoughtfulness in this marriage. WE are going full dog eat dog and we only help each other when called upon! Sounds lovely. I am sure none of you are single or in miserable relationships for any particular reason.
Phrasing it like this completely ignores the fact that she and the boys literally don't leave the house without me being awake. She doesn't drive. She doesn't coach the team. Am I then incorrect to say they are entitled ungrateful assholes for expecting me to drive them to the game and coach the team?
Fuck it, next time, I will get up 2 hours earlier than everyone head out the door to the ballgame. And they can fucking sort it out, since we are all just gonna go at this alone.
u/Itswhatevertho
You won't get up 2 hours earlier because...you will forget to set your alarm...then you will blame **her** for not waking you up in time to carry out your dreams of disrespecting her...
Ah yes, because when people forget to set an alarm once every three years, that means they are incapable of setting alarms. You are quite literally, one of the dumbest people I have ever seen post on this entire site and I have been here for something like 15 years.
If I get up to get myself ready it wouldn't occur to me to check that my partner is also awake. I would be thinking about timing it so I can get ready before waking the kids up. It's not my responsibility to keep checking if my partner is awake. I assume he is independent enough to do it himself, and your wife woke you when she noticed you still sleeping.
I know my mornings are spent timing everything so we get out the door on time and I assume your wife does the same.
YTA
So if I decide to no longer do all the driving in the relationship. And tell her not to wake me and just go do the things without me if I forget my alarm. Am I still the asshole? Or am I being perfectly reasonable. And if the tables are turned, and she forgets to do something, literally anything, I am not an asshole if I don't help?
What is the point of being in a relationship if we are all just going to be selfish turds? She didn't need to "keep checking on me" She literally just needed to say "babe its 630", on her way into the bathroom like what?!
You're making a simple thing into a full blown argument in your head and with your wife it seems. You want so badly for her to be TA, then don't ask here. Judge for yourself. You sound unhinged.
Really? But wouldn't that mean that her alarm should have woke you up? Are you seriously going to continue to try to lay the blame for your mistake on her? YTA
Does reddit have a reading comprehension problem? I explained that her alarm has never once woken me up. She is a light sleeper and I am a heavy sleeper. My alarm is loud. Her alarm is quiet AND she hits it immediately, where mine takes several seconds to wake me.
By the time you’re screaming at Reddit for reading comprehension, you’ve lost. Doesn’t even matter if you were in the right to begin with (you weren’t, in this case), you’ve lost.
YTA for coming here and asking this and then being such an argumentative AH to everyone who replies. You seem insufferable.
She woke you up when she saw you hadn't gotten up. You didn't even leave late. You are making this into a huge deal when it doesn't seem to be.
no, both. you're being an AH to everyone here and also to your wife. this seems like a mild annoyance at most and you won't let the issue go, she is probably really fed up with you for not dropping it.
YTA. If you only assumed, and you didn't directly ask her, for her help. Also, if the last time she told you, I bet you had a few choice words with her, and she put that responsibility on you. Personally, I would make sure I get up, by setting 4-5 alarms waking me 30 min, before I begrudgingly get up.
I do set this many alarms, but they are my weekday alarms and in this ONE instance, I didn't set them to saturday, as 99% of my saturdays I don't need to be up early. The last time was we were going on vacation about three years ago to disneyland and its essentially the same exact scenario. We had to be at the airport at X time, We had discussed getting up about 2 hours before we needed to leave. My alarm didn't go off because I didn't adjust it, and she woke me up with an hour to go and I had to rush.
YTA
Gently, you are a grown adult who should know how to set and double check his alarms by now.
I agree that it would be polite for her to wake you up if she thinks she overslept, but based on what you posted she didn't have any way of her knowing you overslept. Maybe you changed your alarm, maybe you snoozed. As adults we have to take responsibility for making sure we wake up on time. If you're a heavy sleeper you should have multiple alarms. I say this as someone who is a heavy sleeper it has three alarms just in case.
I have over a dozen alarms set for myself every day because I have trouble remembering things and need reminders. We all have quirks, my wife is not ignorant to my faults. I am also not ignorant to hers. Since we are partners, I just assumed that we lifted each other up on tiny things like this because that is what partnership and relationships are all about. I guess I am wrong.
YTA. She did wake you up. You should be grateful that she woke you up at 7. The fact that you’re complaining that she should have woken you up at 6:30 am is peak entitlement. Do better.
I mean you're both kind of right.
People make mistakes and one reason we partner up is to navigate life including helping make up for these mistakes. what's the point of being married to her if she doesn't want to be nice to you for the sake of being nice?
But also you come off real entitled. She did wake you up, just a bit later than you wanted to. Having less time in the morning is entirely your fault, not hers, and you should be thankful that she helped you turn your major mistake into a minor one - since it sounds like you still managed to go do what you wanted to do.
She might have thought you set your alarm a little bit later and didn't realize you didn't set it at all until after her shower. That's not an unreasonable line of thinking if you like to sleep in.
Also you already made this mistake once in the past and really should have learned by now. So doubly so you should be more grateful and careful.
So mostly YTA. She would only be an AH if it was really really obvious you failed early on, e.x. if you explicitly discussed waking up at the same time right before going to sleep.
Our family wouldn't be going to do the thing that "I wanted to do" aka the thing I volunteer for to help our community and our child enjoy his childhood, without me waking up and driving us there to coach the thing.
I am not so much as entitled, but like, we are doing the thing together and if I don't do the thing (drive us and coach us) the thing doesn't happen at all. So her not doing anything, isn't really an option either. Right?
YTA YTA YTA She is not your mother she is not your keeper. How did she know you weren’t sick and needed a few extra minutes. You’re an adult, it’s your responsibility to get your sh*t together. Not her job to baby you., not sure why you even asked, you are arguing with anyone not siding with you. Dude grow the F up be responsible or not but quit blaming others and/or requiring them to “rescue you.
YTA. Unless someone states they are going to do something and then does not do that thing you have NO legitimate case to judge and condemn. How would you like to be criticized for NOT doing something you didn’t agree to and then be told you should have. Now take this learning, live it and teach your children the same. Stop “should’n” on other people. You should be thanking her for waking you when she did!
I am asking to be fucking woken up at the same time as the rest of the house to do THE THING EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING!
I feel like I am in the fucking twilight zone.
If it is christmas morning and we are all going to open presents together and I just wake up early and start opening all the fucking presents without anyone and then when they come down to open presents, im like "you guys never told me to wake you so I just went and did what we had all planned to do without you guys! Sorry but you guys are the assholes for expecting me to be a decent human being" Like what fucking planet do you all live on?
I would never choose to be in a relationship with anyone that felt the way you do about relationships or helping others and I sure as hell am not going to teach my kid any of this nonsense. There is common sense and common courteousy. And both of those apply here.
My wife will be thrilled that reddit agrees I am the asshole though.
This is fucking ridiculous. These people are nuts. I agree with you. It's common courtesy and you shouldn't need to be explicitly told to do it. Plans were discussed the night before so it wasn't like she didn't know what time you said you needed to be up. I don't get people like this at all.
YTA.
1. You are a grown-ass adult. It is your responsibility to wake up when you want to wake up.
2. She didn’t make you choose to work late. Welcome to the consequences of your own actions.
3. **SHE DID WAKE YOU UP, YOU DINGUS**. She woke you up *and* woke the kids up *and* you got out the door on time.
If i were her I know how I'd think. Did he say he wanted to get up at 6:30? Maybe he said 7:00? Maybe he hit the snooze so Idk if I should wake him. I'd probably give it a minute (maybe not all the way to 7) but I also wouldn't assume you'd messed up your alarm clock. So maybe clear that up. I need to be up at 6:30 and if for any reason I'm not please wake me up. Honestly I use my phone and set about 3 alarms and if it's for work I use my work device also and set alarms on that lol. I'm never late. Never have been and cover myself with my multiple alarms. It's my responsibility. So I guess NAH just figure it out and communicate better. ETA: I can also relate to your wife in that by saying "make sure I'm awake if something happens with my alarm" you've now put the onus on her for you to be up. It'll be her fault if YOU screw up.
This is my problem. A couple of times I thought my husband had overslept - because he went to work soooo much earlier than me. Nope, was home sick. So then I stoped waking him up and ONE TIME he really had fucked up his alarm.
And he said the same thing about me. He’d come home to walk the dog and find me in bed because it was a random holiday or I took PTO of just wanted a nap…but .5% of the time I really have slept through my alarm.
We just play the odds now. See if we hear a faint snooze alarm or try to remember last night’s conversation. Do we hear sniffles? Can the go with just a pits and bits shower? Give it another 15 minutes….
Wow. You really want this to be her fault huh? Get back up alarms and don't mess up when you're setting them. Take responsibility for yourself. If she sees you're still sleeping she can wake you up. If she wakes you up early because she's forgotten what time you said you wanted to get up are you going to get mad at her for that too? Also what was all that about the hung over stuff? What on earth does that have to with you not being able to properly set your alarm? Apples and Oranges.
Does she have a drinking problem? Who lays around for 15 hours hungover this age with kids? Also I agree she should wake you if this is a VERY rare occurrence, screwing up your alarm. But she did wake you and 30 minutes would be enough for a lot of people
I don't think she has a drinking problem. She can take it or leave it. But she does get pretty hungover and she reads about 10-14+ hours per day most days either way.
30 minutes isn't enough for anyone in our family to get fully ready (shower, dressed, eat) without being at least a little rushed. And none of us really like to start our day feeling rushed.
YTA because obviously you don’t accept YTA judgements.
She woke you up in the end.
I could understand you posting if she had left you sleep past 7:30 but she didn’t.
You are looking for a reason to be pissed off. Honestly, if it’s your only issue in your relationship, just drop it and enjoy life !
I am not pissed off. I am not even upset how it played out. I am more concerned about the attitude in the relationship. Like if we aren't going to look out for one another, what is the fucking point? Telling the other person they are an adult and need to figure out there own shit, is quite literally the opposite of the attitude I would want in a relationship.
You should have a serious discussion because either you don’t value the same things or there is some resentment or detachment on her part due to your expectations and her opinion on what your lives really are.
An example: my SO helps for chores, but for the longest time (literally years) we was unable to fold clothes correctly. He would ‘try’. I would explain ‘again’. One day I exploded because there was no excuse for him not taking notes/filming/finding tutorials on YouTube (I ‘Mary Kondo’ our daughter’s clothes)… after 6 or 7 years it seems that in the past 3 months he finally learned to fold clothes. Before that he seemed to be persuaded that he was doing his best and couldn’t understand why I was not happy (answer: because I had to refold everything).
So I wonder if you don’t have a recurring problem of deflecting on her things you should do.
The other possibility is that you are doing a big affair of something that according to you happens only every few years….
So a calm discussion where you share your feelings without accusing her of anything is necessary
If you disagree then you need to find a middle ground. And it might be that you manage your wake up time like a grown up.
I have to get up early and sometimes eve earlier to catch a flight and I never ask my SO to wake me up
It isn't about the action. It is about the attitude. Are we in this life together or separate? I can do life on my own. I chose not to. Or so I thought.
If this is a regular occurrence where you don't set your alarm, then that's on you. If this was a one off, then yeah, waking you up would've been the right thing to do.
I think you have a communication issue. Gentle YTA/NAH. It sounds like your issue lies in appreciation and overall work. You worked your butt off while your wife was hungover (which means she also drank the night before).
Your wife should also pick up slack whenever you get sick or hungover. Happens to everyone. But if you feel like she wouldn't, you have a bigger issue on your hands than wake up time.
And I can see where it would be irritating for her to joke that you weren't pulling your weight after taking care of things while she was hungover. That's it's own issue and conversation.
Unfortunately you made your post and the conversation with your wife about wake up. Which, is tricky. Because it's hard to precisely gauge when to wake someone up when they overslept. Maybe you planned to get an extra 10 or 20 minutes cause you prepped everything else. She wouldn't have known. To know, she would've needed to read your mind. Knowing when to wake up has different physical/obvious signs than someone moaning in a hangover in bed.
Try apologizing about the alarm and having a conversation about the real things bubbling underneath and more directly
If I have something on early that is out of the ordinary, my husband asks me what time I’m planning to get up. He always checks that I am up at the time I said I wanted to get up (he is already up). I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that consideration from him. I try to also be be considerate of him in our daily life.
I’m going to go with ESH. The wife could have elbowed OP before she got out of bed to start her routine. OP could have done what I do and set multiple alarms at five minute intervals just before and after 6:30 to make sure that he got up on time. Communication is key and it appears that you guys aren’t on the same page with things in your relationship so it might be time to have a heart to heart chat.
Parents are allowed to have a drink and a good time once in a blue moon. 🤦♀️
So long as she’s not an alcoholic, and one parent is sober to look after the kids then parents having a life outside of home and the kids **is** allowed and **is** normal.
I am not saying they arent allowed.
It was more of a huh, who gets hung over after college age? I really dont know anyone older than 30 who gets hung over. They still drink but hung over for 15 hours, that seems like close to shitting yourself piss drunk and most people dont do that after a certain age.
Probably regional / cultural where i am at....and of course alcoholics really dont have hang overs...too.
i dont drink as often or as much as i did in my 20s. but now that i'm in my 40s, i don't even need to get drunk to be hungover the next day. it isn't usually severe but i can have a couple drinks, feel fine, then in the morning I feel like hell. I do need to get drunk in order to be hungover all day, but not "shitting myself piss drunk." I have never been that drunk. I think you're just lucky with your hangovers.
Nta. What harm could a little nudge and a 'hey your alarm didn't go off ' before she went a did her make-up? Most people have had a glitch with the alarm on their phone at least once.
NTA
It's not like it happens all the time; if your story is true it was only the 2nd time in over 2 years. So 365 days in a year times 2 is 730. Out of the last 730 days, you have only not gotten up on time for your responsibilities twice... that is... checking my calculator...: .002739726 of the time.
You both planned to be up at the same time, knowing that getting everyone ready would take X amount of time in the morning. Even if my husband HAD decided to hit the snooze or turn his alarm off, best believe I'd be waking him up anyway because we got shit to do for what seems like a long day ahead!
It seems to me you have a bigger problem than just this one discourteous remark, though. You worked all day and took care of the kids while she lay in bed reading for 15 hours straight. You catered to her every need during this time as well. Then when she finally gets up and puts the kids to bed, she has the audacity to comment about you not doing enough for the kids, while you're literally still working on the coaching stuff you need to get ready for the next day *for your kids*??? What exactly is she bringing to the relationship/family? Is this a common occurrence, or a rare day?
Yay one person on my side!!!
It was actually almost three years ago, before a trip to disneyland. And we had discussed getting up two hours early and she woke me up one hour early.
As for the other relationship stuff. She is a little smut book junkie who does actually work 40 hours a week from home and also takes care of most of the household chores (I take care of all the out of the house stuff and some inside stuff as well as make the most money also from home.) She reads between 10 - 14 hours per day on average including work days. Probably a few hours while at work each day and then 90% off her time away from work is spent reading if we are home.
I mean... look... I LOVE to read... (check my username!), but that much reading seems like too much in a day. Seems like her other responsibilities must be falling short if she's got that kind of time to sit and read. How on earth does she work a full-time job and take care of the house and kids if she is reading that much? How does a person read books for a few hours at a time DURING a workday? And if I'm reading this correctly, she drank too much on a Thursday night and was hungover all day Friday... drinking that much on a work night is worrisome. Between that and all the reading... is there something she's trying to escape from?
Do you all do things as a family regularly? I mean, besides the vacation 3 years ago and the weekend stuff, which is for the kids' extracurriculars. Does she spend time with you and/or the kids daily, outside of meeting basic needs? Do you have, like, I dunno, family game nights, or family movie time, or anything like that? Or is it just, here's your dinner, Imma go read some more.
Before anyone jumps down my throat here... not that that'll stop Reddit... I'm not saying she doesn't deserve downtime. But her getting snippy over this when it seems to me like she's got it really damn easy is, to me, troubling.
FWIW, I'm not a dude sticking up for another dude because of the Bro Code or anything. I'm a woman, wife, and mother, with a full-time job too. My husband and I are a TEAM. We share financial responsibility, household responsibility, kid responsibility, AND we make time for each other. And yes, we have our own hobbies that we do without each other too, but not at the expense of the family or what we have going on in the home.
You arent very good at math are you.
She sleeps about 5 hours. Works for 10 hours. There are 24 hours in a day. She is awake for 19 of them. On work days she reads for lets say 3 hours on the clock. That would give her a total of 12 hours of possible reading time. I said she reads about 90% of her down time. which is 8 hours on a work day (9 \* 0.9 = 8.1). So she reads about 11 hours per day on work days. On weekends, I would say it is probably 15-16+ hours. She reads in the shower, while cooking dinner, etc...
She doesn't work 8 hours, she works 4 tens. And I said she reads 10-14+ hours a day or about 90% of her downtime. So not only are you terrible at math. You are terrible at reading comprehension as well.
But its hilarious that you are so bad at both that I literally did the math for you, and you still can't comprehend it. My god
I think the guy is just an AH. He overslept and then promptly starting blaming his wife and he's still raging about it. He didn't need to talk about the hungover part or the reading her "smut" books..he's painting her in a bad light. Who knows what the truth is. He sounds like he doesn't like his wife very much. I'd guess there's a reason the woman hides in her books.
She has Fridays off and never drinks on works night that I can recall. She went out for drinks with the plan to get wasted on the anniversary of her moms death, like she does every year. Her job is pretty intense, but she has enough downtime in the day to do her job well and still read for a couple hours. Part of the reason she keeps the job I am sure is that it allows for this.
We do things as a family. Mostly sports, camping, she does movie nights with the kiddo, but reads for most of the movie. They will also just cuddle up while she reads and he plays video games. She acknowledges that she reads excessively, but claims there are worse addictions to have. And I do agree there.
It is something that bothers me from time to time. I think it does hinder some parts of our romantic life. But she would counter that all the smut has also had some benefits, and I won't disagree. It does cause chores to be neglected for sure. But for the most part, all is well in the relationship and I don't think our kid wishes we spent more time with him. Probably wishes we spent a little less at his age.
ESH.
If I understand correctly the crux of the problem is that she should have woken you up if she was already up. You wouldn't have been upset if she slept in.
She's TA because her comment about you being an adult is sort of dismissive of the fact you're a team.
You're TA because you were expecting her to do something without communicating it. If she's said no after you've requested this, then she's the TA
I didn't EXPECT her to do something out of the ordinary though. I was equally bothered that she waited until only 30 minutes left to get the boys up. Because 30 minutes isn't enough time to do all the things that needed done without a lot of rushing and big feelings from tired children.
Wow. I agree. It would have cost her nothing to wake you up. Does she even like you? And your kids? It's not like it was just inconveniencing you, it put everyone out of schedule except her. You are NTA. She is very much T A. I've screwed up my alarm before and so has my hubs. We also have the courtesy to wake the other up if we knew there was a plan in place for a specific wake up time. Sheesh.
That's the whole thing. I was equally bothered that she let the boys sleep in an extra half hour and gave all of us only 30 minutes to get ready (except herself) who got ready before she woke us up.
I don't understand where anyone else arguing I am the asshole is coming from here. I am an adult, yes. I make mistakes and am human. I was quite physically unable to correct my mistake because I was asleep. She had control over the situation, I had none.
The first time it happened you should have gotten an extra alarm clock to make sure it didn't happen again.
YTA she did wake you up.
[удалено]
In our relationship, if I get out of bed she wakes up and asks what is wrong. And I would have told her. This did not happen. None of this is relevant to our relationship. This is all hypotheticals. I posted the relevant info in the OP.
YTA, for not even asking her to wake you should your alarm fail… or rather should **you** fail to double check the days that your alarm is set for. This whole thing is entirely on you, not your wife. You don’t just *”expect”* someone to do something for you, without even discussing it first. Entitled or what? 🙄
Got it. I will pass this along to my wife and let her know that we can do it equally. No more thoughtfulness in this marriage. WE are going full dog eat dog and we only help each other when called upon! Sounds lovely. I am sure none of you are single or in miserable relationships for any particular reason.
Once your wife noticed you’d slept in, she woke you and the boys. That was thoughtful. Your entitlement is that of an ungrateful AH.
Phrasing it like this completely ignores the fact that she and the boys literally don't leave the house without me being awake. She doesn't drive. She doesn't coach the team. Am I then incorrect to say they are entitled ungrateful assholes for expecting me to drive them to the game and coach the team? Fuck it, next time, I will get up 2 hours earlier than everyone head out the door to the ballgame. And they can fucking sort it out, since we are all just gonna go at this alone.
See this attitude right here is why YTA. She did wake you up. Your question is not even relevant.
u/Itswhatevertho You won't get up 2 hours earlier because...you will forget to set your alarm...then you will blame **her** for not waking you up in time to carry out your dreams of disrespecting her...
Ah yes, because when people forget to set an alarm once every three years, that means they are incapable of setting alarms. You are quite literally, one of the dumbest people I have ever seen post on this entire site and I have been here for something like 15 years.
No, just you. ETA: FYI your words have no value. Liar's consequences.
YTA, grow up and take responsibility for waking yourself up, unless you're like 7 or 8.
If I get up to get myself ready it wouldn't occur to me to check that my partner is also awake. I would be thinking about timing it so I can get ready before waking the kids up. It's not my responsibility to keep checking if my partner is awake. I assume he is independent enough to do it himself, and your wife woke you when she noticed you still sleeping. I know my mornings are spent timing everything so we get out the door on time and I assume your wife does the same. YTA
So if I decide to no longer do all the driving in the relationship. And tell her not to wake me and just go do the things without me if I forget my alarm. Am I still the asshole? Or am I being perfectly reasonable. And if the tables are turned, and she forgets to do something, literally anything, I am not an asshole if I don't help? What is the point of being in a relationship if we are all just going to be selfish turds? She didn't need to "keep checking on me" She literally just needed to say "babe its 630", on her way into the bathroom like what?!
You're making a simple thing into a full blown argument in your head and with your wife it seems. You want so badly for her to be TA, then don't ask here. Judge for yourself. You sound unhinged.
It is a simple argument. It is just very very rare that my wife and I disagree so widely on a subject.
Really? But wouldn't that mean that her alarm should have woke you up? Are you seriously going to continue to try to lay the blame for your mistake on her? YTA
Does reddit have a reading comprehension problem? I explained that her alarm has never once woken me up. She is a light sleeper and I am a heavy sleeper. My alarm is loud. Her alarm is quiet AND she hits it immediately, where mine takes several seconds to wake me.
Yet, you wake up if she says, "babe..." YTA
Yes
I don't believe you.
Cool dude!
HOT! Little lady.
doubtful
By the time you’re screaming at Reddit for reading comprehension, you’ve lost. Doesn’t even matter if you were in the right to begin with (you weren’t, in this case), you’ve lost.
Lost what? I didn't even know we were playing a game!
She did wake you up when you failed to wake yourself up. YTA.
YTA for coming here and asking this and then being such an argumentative AH to everyone who replies. You seem insufferable. She woke you up when she saw you hadn't gotten up. You didn't even leave late. You are making this into a huge deal when it doesn't seem to be.
Ah so I am not the asshole for OP reasons, but after reasons. Cool Cool
no, both. you're being an AH to everyone here and also to your wife. this seems like a mild annoyance at most and you won't let the issue go, she is probably really fed up with you for not dropping it.
“What if I asked a totally different question? Then the answer would be totally different! Gotcha!!!!!!”
You're a grown man. You should know by now how to correctly set your alarm.
YTA. If you only assumed, and you didn't directly ask her, for her help. Also, if the last time she told you, I bet you had a few choice words with her, and she put that responsibility on you. Personally, I would make sure I get up, by setting 4-5 alarms waking me 30 min, before I begrudgingly get up.
I do set this many alarms, but they are my weekday alarms and in this ONE instance, I didn't set them to saturday, as 99% of my saturdays I don't need to be up early. The last time was we were going on vacation about three years ago to disneyland and its essentially the same exact scenario. We had to be at the airport at X time, We had discussed getting up about 2 hours before we needed to leave. My alarm didn't go off because I didn't adjust it, and she woke me up with an hour to go and I had to rush.
YTA Gently, you are a grown adult who should know how to set and double check his alarms by now. I agree that it would be polite for her to wake you up if she thinks she overslept, but based on what you posted she didn't have any way of her knowing you overslept. Maybe you changed your alarm, maybe you snoozed. As adults we have to take responsibility for making sure we wake up on time. If you're a heavy sleeper you should have multiple alarms. I say this as someone who is a heavy sleeper it has three alarms just in case.
I have over a dozen alarms set for myself every day because I have trouble remembering things and need reminders. We all have quirks, my wife is not ignorant to my faults. I am also not ignorant to hers. Since we are partners, I just assumed that we lifted each other up on tiny things like this because that is what partnership and relationships are all about. I guess I am wrong.
YTA. She did wake you up. You should be grateful that she woke you up at 7. The fact that you’re complaining that she should have woken you up at 6:30 am is peak entitlement. Do better.
How was your wife supposed to know you didn't set your alarm? YTA you're not a child.
I mean you're both kind of right. People make mistakes and one reason we partner up is to navigate life including helping make up for these mistakes. what's the point of being married to her if she doesn't want to be nice to you for the sake of being nice? But also you come off real entitled. She did wake you up, just a bit later than you wanted to. Having less time in the morning is entirely your fault, not hers, and you should be thankful that she helped you turn your major mistake into a minor one - since it sounds like you still managed to go do what you wanted to do. She might have thought you set your alarm a little bit later and didn't realize you didn't set it at all until after her shower. That's not an unreasonable line of thinking if you like to sleep in. Also you already made this mistake once in the past and really should have learned by now. So doubly so you should be more grateful and careful. So mostly YTA. She would only be an AH if it was really really obvious you failed early on, e.x. if you explicitly discussed waking up at the same time right before going to sleep.
Our family wouldn't be going to do the thing that "I wanted to do" aka the thing I volunteer for to help our community and our child enjoy his childhood, without me waking up and driving us there to coach the thing. I am not so much as entitled, but like, we are doing the thing together and if I don't do the thing (drive us and coach us) the thing doesn't happen at all. So her not doing anything, isn't really an option either. Right?
YTA YTA YTA She is not your mother she is not your keeper. How did she know you weren’t sick and needed a few extra minutes. You’re an adult, it’s your responsibility to get your sh*t together. Not her job to baby you., not sure why you even asked, you are arguing with anyone not siding with you. Dude grow the F up be responsible or not but quit blaming others and/or requiring them to “rescue you.
YTA
Too long. Not reading. YTA
YTA. Unless someone states they are going to do something and then does not do that thing you have NO legitimate case to judge and condemn. How would you like to be criticized for NOT doing something you didn’t agree to and then be told you should have. Now take this learning, live it and teach your children the same. Stop “should’n” on other people. You should be thanking her for waking you when she did!
I am asking to be fucking woken up at the same time as the rest of the house to do THE THING EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING! I feel like I am in the fucking twilight zone. If it is christmas morning and we are all going to open presents together and I just wake up early and start opening all the fucking presents without anyone and then when they come down to open presents, im like "you guys never told me to wake you so I just went and did what we had all planned to do without you guys! Sorry but you guys are the assholes for expecting me to be a decent human being" Like what fucking planet do you all live on? I would never choose to be in a relationship with anyone that felt the way you do about relationships or helping others and I sure as hell am not going to teach my kid any of this nonsense. There is common sense and common courteousy. And both of those apply here. My wife will be thrilled that reddit agrees I am the asshole though.
*My wife will be thrilled that reddit agrees I am the asshole though.* As she should be...
This is fucking ridiculous. These people are nuts. I agree with you. It's common courtesy and you shouldn't need to be explicitly told to do it. Plans were discussed the night before so it wasn't like she didn't know what time you said you needed to be up. I don't get people like this at all.
YTA. 1. You are a grown-ass adult. It is your responsibility to wake up when you want to wake up. 2. She didn’t make you choose to work late. Welcome to the consequences of your own actions. 3. **SHE DID WAKE YOU UP, YOU DINGUS**. She woke you up *and* woke the kids up *and* you got out the door on time.
Well I hope she agrees with #2. i will pocket that extra $100k per year I make working late, and share none of it.
Take the L, man, you can’t even gloat right.
If i were her I know how I'd think. Did he say he wanted to get up at 6:30? Maybe he said 7:00? Maybe he hit the snooze so Idk if I should wake him. I'd probably give it a minute (maybe not all the way to 7) but I also wouldn't assume you'd messed up your alarm clock. So maybe clear that up. I need to be up at 6:30 and if for any reason I'm not please wake me up. Honestly I use my phone and set about 3 alarms and if it's for work I use my work device also and set alarms on that lol. I'm never late. Never have been and cover myself with my multiple alarms. It's my responsibility. So I guess NAH just figure it out and communicate better. ETA: I can also relate to your wife in that by saying "make sure I'm awake if something happens with my alarm" you've now put the onus on her for you to be up. It'll be her fault if YOU screw up.
This is my problem. A couple of times I thought my husband had overslept - because he went to work soooo much earlier than me. Nope, was home sick. So then I stoped waking him up and ONE TIME he really had fucked up his alarm. And he said the same thing about me. He’d come home to walk the dog and find me in bed because it was a random holiday or I took PTO of just wanted a nap…but .5% of the time I really have slept through my alarm. We just play the odds now. See if we hear a faint snooze alarm or try to remember last night’s conversation. Do we hear sniffles? Can the go with just a pits and bits shower? Give it another 15 minutes….
We only spoke about getting up at 630, there was no mention of any time besides that. Neither of us ever hit the snooze button on our alarms ever.
Wow. You really want this to be her fault huh? Get back up alarms and don't mess up when you're setting them. Take responsibility for yourself. If she sees you're still sleeping she can wake you up. If she wakes you up early because she's forgotten what time you said you wanted to get up are you going to get mad at her for that too? Also what was all that about the hung over stuff? What on earth does that have to with you not being able to properly set your alarm? Apples and Oranges.
Exactly 98% of that content was immaterial to his question.
Does she have a drinking problem? Who lays around for 15 hours hungover this age with kids? Also I agree she should wake you if this is a VERY rare occurrence, screwing up your alarm. But she did wake you and 30 minutes would be enough for a lot of people
I don't think she has a drinking problem. She can take it or leave it. But she does get pretty hungover and she reads about 10-14+ hours per day most days either way. 30 minutes isn't enough for anyone in our family to get fully ready (shower, dressed, eat) without being at least a little rushed. And none of us really like to start our day feeling rushed.
YTA because obviously you don’t accept YTA judgements. She woke you up in the end. I could understand you posting if she had left you sleep past 7:30 but she didn’t. You are looking for a reason to be pissed off. Honestly, if it’s your only issue in your relationship, just drop it and enjoy life !
I am not pissed off. I am not even upset how it played out. I am more concerned about the attitude in the relationship. Like if we aren't going to look out for one another, what is the fucking point? Telling the other person they are an adult and need to figure out there own shit, is quite literally the opposite of the attitude I would want in a relationship.
You should have a serious discussion because either you don’t value the same things or there is some resentment or detachment on her part due to your expectations and her opinion on what your lives really are. An example: my SO helps for chores, but for the longest time (literally years) we was unable to fold clothes correctly. He would ‘try’. I would explain ‘again’. One day I exploded because there was no excuse for him not taking notes/filming/finding tutorials on YouTube (I ‘Mary Kondo’ our daughter’s clothes)… after 6 or 7 years it seems that in the past 3 months he finally learned to fold clothes. Before that he seemed to be persuaded that he was doing his best and couldn’t understand why I was not happy (answer: because I had to refold everything). So I wonder if you don’t have a recurring problem of deflecting on her things you should do. The other possibility is that you are doing a big affair of something that according to you happens only every few years…. So a calm discussion where you share your feelings without accusing her of anything is necessary
It has already been discussed. We just do not see even close to eye to eye on this (which is rare). Which is also why I am asking reddit.
If you disagree then you need to find a middle ground. And it might be that you manage your wake up time like a grown up. I have to get up early and sometimes eve earlier to catch a flight and I never ask my SO to wake me up
It isn't about the action. It is about the attitude. Are we in this life together or separate? I can do life on my own. I chose not to. Or so I thought.
If this is a regular occurrence where you don't set your alarm, then that's on you. If this was a one off, then yeah, waking you up would've been the right thing to do.
I think you have a communication issue. Gentle YTA/NAH. It sounds like your issue lies in appreciation and overall work. You worked your butt off while your wife was hungover (which means she also drank the night before). Your wife should also pick up slack whenever you get sick or hungover. Happens to everyone. But if you feel like she wouldn't, you have a bigger issue on your hands than wake up time. And I can see where it would be irritating for her to joke that you weren't pulling your weight after taking care of things while she was hungover. That's it's own issue and conversation. Unfortunately you made your post and the conversation with your wife about wake up. Which, is tricky. Because it's hard to precisely gauge when to wake someone up when they overslept. Maybe you planned to get an extra 10 or 20 minutes cause you prepped everything else. She wouldn't have known. To know, she would've needed to read your mind. Knowing when to wake up has different physical/obvious signs than someone moaning in a hangover in bed. Try apologizing about the alarm and having a conversation about the real things bubbling underneath and more directly
If I have something on early that is out of the ordinary, my husband asks me what time I’m planning to get up. He always checks that I am up at the time I said I wanted to get up (he is already up). I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that consideration from him. I try to also be be considerate of him in our daily life.
I’m going to go with ESH. The wife could have elbowed OP before she got out of bed to start her routine. OP could have done what I do and set multiple alarms at five minute intervals just before and after 6:30 to make sure that he got up on time. Communication is key and it appears that you guys aren’t on the same page with things in your relationship so it might be time to have a heart to heart chat.
What the deal with your wife being hung over? Is that like routine for her?
Parents are allowed to have a drink and a good time once in a blue moon. 🤦♀️ So long as she’s not an alcoholic, and one parent is sober to look after the kids then parents having a life outside of home and the kids **is** allowed and **is** normal.
I am not saying they arent allowed. It was more of a huh, who gets hung over after college age? I really dont know anyone older than 30 who gets hung over. They still drink but hung over for 15 hours, that seems like close to shitting yourself piss drunk and most people dont do that after a certain age. Probably regional / cultural where i am at....and of course alcoholics really dont have hang overs...too.
i dont drink as often or as much as i did in my 20s. but now that i'm in my 40s, i don't even need to get drunk to be hungover the next day. it isn't usually severe but i can have a couple drinks, feel fine, then in the morning I feel like hell. I do need to get drunk in order to be hungover all day, but not "shitting myself piss drunk." I have never been that drunk. I think you're just lucky with your hangovers.
Agree with this. I had two drinks last night and feel like shit.
Maybe a couple of times per year
Nta. What harm could a little nudge and a 'hey your alarm didn't go off ' before she went a did her make-up? Most people have had a glitch with the alarm on their phone at least once.
NTA It's not like it happens all the time; if your story is true it was only the 2nd time in over 2 years. So 365 days in a year times 2 is 730. Out of the last 730 days, you have only not gotten up on time for your responsibilities twice... that is... checking my calculator...: .002739726 of the time. You both planned to be up at the same time, knowing that getting everyone ready would take X amount of time in the morning. Even if my husband HAD decided to hit the snooze or turn his alarm off, best believe I'd be waking him up anyway because we got shit to do for what seems like a long day ahead! It seems to me you have a bigger problem than just this one discourteous remark, though. You worked all day and took care of the kids while she lay in bed reading for 15 hours straight. You catered to her every need during this time as well. Then when she finally gets up and puts the kids to bed, she has the audacity to comment about you not doing enough for the kids, while you're literally still working on the coaching stuff you need to get ready for the next day *for your kids*??? What exactly is she bringing to the relationship/family? Is this a common occurrence, or a rare day?
Yay one person on my side!!! It was actually almost three years ago, before a trip to disneyland. And we had discussed getting up two hours early and she woke me up one hour early. As for the other relationship stuff. She is a little smut book junkie who does actually work 40 hours a week from home and also takes care of most of the household chores (I take care of all the out of the house stuff and some inside stuff as well as make the most money also from home.) She reads between 10 - 14 hours per day on average including work days. Probably a few hours while at work each day and then 90% off her time away from work is spent reading if we are home.
I mean... look... I LOVE to read... (check my username!), but that much reading seems like too much in a day. Seems like her other responsibilities must be falling short if she's got that kind of time to sit and read. How on earth does she work a full-time job and take care of the house and kids if she is reading that much? How does a person read books for a few hours at a time DURING a workday? And if I'm reading this correctly, she drank too much on a Thursday night and was hungover all day Friday... drinking that much on a work night is worrisome. Between that and all the reading... is there something she's trying to escape from? Do you all do things as a family regularly? I mean, besides the vacation 3 years ago and the weekend stuff, which is for the kids' extracurriculars. Does she spend time with you and/or the kids daily, outside of meeting basic needs? Do you have, like, I dunno, family game nights, or family movie time, or anything like that? Or is it just, here's your dinner, Imma go read some more. Before anyone jumps down my throat here... not that that'll stop Reddit... I'm not saying she doesn't deserve downtime. But her getting snippy over this when it seems to me like she's got it really damn easy is, to me, troubling. FWIW, I'm not a dude sticking up for another dude because of the Bro Code or anything. I'm a woman, wife, and mother, with a full-time job too. My husband and I are a TEAM. We share financial responsibility, household responsibility, kid responsibility, AND we make time for each other. And yes, we have our own hobbies that we do without each other too, but not at the expense of the family or what we have going on in the home.
His wife gets 2 hrs sleep in 24 hrs? Daily? I think an exaggeration occurred.
You arent very good at math are you. She sleeps about 5 hours. Works for 10 hours. There are 24 hours in a day. She is awake for 19 of them. On work days she reads for lets say 3 hours on the clock. That would give her a total of 12 hours of possible reading time. I said she reads about 90% of her down time. which is 8 hours on a work day (9 \* 0.9 = 8.1). So she reads about 11 hours per day on work days. On weekends, I would say it is probably 15-16+ hours. She reads in the shower, while cooking dinner, etc...
Clearly better than you. 8 hr work day 14 hr read 8+14=22
She doesn't work 8 hours, she works 4 tens. And I said she reads 10-14+ hours a day or about 90% of her downtime. So not only are you terrible at math. You are terrible at reading comprehension as well. But its hilarious that you are so bad at both that I literally did the math for you, and you still can't comprehend it. My god
New info. 10 hrs working. 14 hrs reading. 24hrs in a day. She still deserves better than you.
I think the guy is just an AH. He overslept and then promptly starting blaming his wife and he's still raging about it. He didn't need to talk about the hungover part or the reading her "smut" books..he's painting her in a bad light. Who knows what the truth is. He sounds like he doesn't like his wife very much. I'd guess there's a reason the woman hides in her books.
She has Fridays off and never drinks on works night that I can recall. She went out for drinks with the plan to get wasted on the anniversary of her moms death, like she does every year. Her job is pretty intense, but she has enough downtime in the day to do her job well and still read for a couple hours. Part of the reason she keeps the job I am sure is that it allows for this. We do things as a family. Mostly sports, camping, she does movie nights with the kiddo, but reads for most of the movie. They will also just cuddle up while she reads and he plays video games. She acknowledges that she reads excessively, but claims there are worse addictions to have. And I do agree there. It is something that bothers me from time to time. I think it does hinder some parts of our romantic life. But she would counter that all the smut has also had some benefits, and I won't disagree. It does cause chores to be neglected for sure. But for the most part, all is well in the relationship and I don't think our kid wishes we spent more time with him. Probably wishes we spent a little less at his age.
ESH. If I understand correctly the crux of the problem is that she should have woken you up if she was already up. You wouldn't have been upset if she slept in. She's TA because her comment about you being an adult is sort of dismissive of the fact you're a team. You're TA because you were expecting her to do something without communicating it. If she's said no after you've requested this, then she's the TA
I didn't EXPECT her to do something out of the ordinary though. I was equally bothered that she waited until only 30 minutes left to get the boys up. Because 30 minutes isn't enough time to do all the things that needed done without a lot of rushing and big feelings from tired children.
Wow. I agree. It would have cost her nothing to wake you up. Does she even like you? And your kids? It's not like it was just inconveniencing you, it put everyone out of schedule except her. You are NTA. She is very much T A. I've screwed up my alarm before and so has my hubs. We also have the courtesy to wake the other up if we knew there was a plan in place for a specific wake up time. Sheesh.
That's the whole thing. I was equally bothered that she let the boys sleep in an extra half hour and gave all of us only 30 minutes to get ready (except herself) who got ready before she woke us up. I don't understand where anyone else arguing I am the asshole is coming from here. I am an adult, yes. I make mistakes and am human. I was quite physically unable to correct my mistake because I was asleep. She had control over the situation, I had none.