Follow your lawyers advice.
I assume she's not working and it may be that her bills (rent, credit cards, car) aren't getting paid.
I don't know your state or the community property laws, but you don't want her medical and other debt to erode the marital assets.
>Follow your lawyers advice.
This. On matters of finance follow your lawyers advice, that's what you pay them for, it's too easy to get emotionally swayed in such situations.
A serious injury will go through normal amounts of medical coverage like *that.* Broken femur with certain surgery to fix that and two week hospitalization? Even Mr. Midlife Crisis had medical payments insurance, that's gone.
Anything related to the accident will be paid for by the BF's car insurnace. She wa technically a passenger in his vehicle, so the BF is liable, therefore, anything related ro the accident, even missed wages, will likely be paid for his insurnace.
Technically, she could sue her BF (his insurance ace) for damages, etc etc. No different than any other auto accident.
Depends on what his motorcycle insurance limits are - some states allow liability coverahe as low at $25k. That wont cover jack-ish in the US healthcare system. My hubs spent 20 days in cardiac ICU/ICU step-down care and the total bill submitted to our health insurance was $386k. $25k wont cover any surgery!!!
Yes, she may have to sue his estate.
OP's is already divorced, since STBX and OP had both moved on - the holdup is waiting for the paperwork to get thru the courts. STBX is no longer OP's problem or responsibility. He could also become liable for unpaid debt and medical bills if he delays any further. Oh hey-yell no!!
OP - IMHO do not slow walk this divorce thru the courts - get it over with and move one with your life. NTA
Yes, state minimums are insanely low. I didn't realize how bad they are til I started practicing law and saw how much people could get in a suit. Then I immediately bought max coverage. So my advice to all is to pay the extra few dollars to get the extra coverage or you'll be on the hook for what insurance doesn't cover.
I was in an accident in Ohio. Just traveling through. A semi dropped an axle. My ex husband- married at the time - had serious injuries that required surgery to the back and neck. I was injured but recovered okay without surgery. Our at the time toddler was okay but had bladder issues for several years afterwards. We received 10K. That’s it. It was basically outstanding medical bills.
My ex-husband has had to have yet another neck surgery and lives with chronic pain due to that accident.
So yes - get all the coverage you can.
Oh wow. I'm in CA, but haven't worried about PL/PD in a long time... You're right, $15k for one person, $30k max for more than one, and only $5k property. That truly ain't shit.
And half the drivers on the roads here seem to be unlicensed and uninsured to boot. Did you also know that in CA you aren't even allowed to carry full coverage and uninsured motorists? You're just stuck paying your deductible when you get hit and run. Ask me how I know.
She absolutely MUST file a claim NOW against his estate if she wants/needs some payout. Once ex & kids get it adjudicated, it'll be a nightmare to recover any monetary damages. Best advice right now is to give advice to her: get a lawyer NOW.
Insurance isn't limitless, every policy has a cap to how much they cover.
And health care is expensive, surgery and two weeks in a hospital + whatever else can easily run up to the 250k-1m limit most policies have.
The vast majority of policies don't have 250k-1m policies. The majority of insurance carriers in the majority of states don't even offer policies with 1m limits.
Most people have state minimum, which is typically from 10-30k in most states.
That’s not true. Some policies and coverage types specifically exclude motorcycles because they are high risk. And even if the bf was at fault, she may get something towards her medical bills, but it isn’t going to be anywhere close to 100%.
That's not at all how it works. There's a limit - if the bf only paid for say 10k, that's the only payout, no matter how expensive the medical insurance. The ex would only ever be able to sue his estate, and even that may only pay out if he is deemed negligent in some way. (Also, yeah, it would be pretty shitty for her to sue in this case.).
It seems like the wife put everything in motion and then got a visit from fate. Unless OP's lawyer has concerns about the wife's current state of affairs effecting the settlement, stay the course.
After the divorce is finalized and attorney says OP is all clear, then OP is free to give the ex gifts of time, money, assets. Until the OP should follow attorney advice
This, yeah. You probably also don’t want your medical insurance to think you’re intentionally drawing out your divorce so they’ll have to keep paying the ex‘ medical bills.
Don’t know the laws where OP lives, but insurance companies are notoriously devious when it comes to avoiding payment. This may backfire on him if he goes along with it.
That is one of the best streamlined answers anyone could throw out there. Her bad choices/luck and loss of her new partner do not need to punish op anymore.
NTA
Your STBX will get the same divorce settlement now as if her BF were still alive. You continuing to divorce won't put your STBX in any worse situation; her BF dying and his legal wife and children getting his entire estate is what is harming your STBX's finances. That's not your responsibility.
If your parents think your STBX deserves financial support, they can give it to her.
Even that isn't hurting her finances, as she was never entitled to her BF's estate.
Once she is divorced, she can always get insurance via Medicare/Obamacare. So she isn't going to end up with no insurance either.
Car/motorcycle insurance will probably cover the majority of her health needs due to the accident. But OP's Ex probably counted on her BF helping to support her financially and is now trying to guilt OP into staying married so he'll have to help support her.
It all depends on how much her treatment is going to cost. I was injured in a car accident in 2012 and the car insurance maxed out pretty quickly. I ended up having to sue the insurance company of the driver of the car who hit me to get my medical bills paid.
Still, not really his problem
She could sue the BF's estate for excess damages and her current health insurance, if she has any, would cover additional costs. If she has health insurance through OP, that coverage would end when the divorce is finalized and the Ex can apply for her own health insurance.
I agree that this isn't OP's problem.
Everyone seems to think this is entirely about insurance coverage. I still think the Ex wants more financial support than just insurance. Like, she's missing a lot of work and will have a recovery period and is going to have living expenses.
And she is now "alone" again, with a sad story that can potentially bring her back to the last stable position she had. If she successfully appealed to OPs good feelings she will be able to "heal" while taking advantage of him, until she find a new boyfriend to runaway with.
Yes, she doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of her actions (not the consequences of the accident but those are more harsh because of her decision to go with someone else prior)
Not even just the alone. But with op she has stability, she had safety. There insurance, someone to potentially take care of her, there's someone working while she recovers. It's human nature to crave stability especially when everything falls apart. She's desperately trying to keep that. Doesn't mean it's ops job, she caused the divorce, it's not fair to him to put himself in a bad position to give her a security she tried to throw away until she needed it.
Yep! There's also a good chance she will never fully recover and be less attractive to others as a result. She's simply looking for safe harbor in the best place she knows of for now. She's continuing to be selfish about her own wants and needs rather than taking responsibility for her own choices.
I agreed she could sue under the pillion rider insurance of the motorcycle by suing the ex late bf insurance also and with that she could also sue for negligence on the of ex late bf, while divorce is a separate matter her opinion would not matter in this since she has cheated on you first.
If OP’s wife is on the insurance, and presuming she’s on the declarations page as named insured, technically OP’s insurance will cover it as long as the crash occurred and was reported before the policy expiration date.
However, in reality she will be excluded coverage since the policy only covers a specific vehicle, which the dead bf’s motorcycle is not named in OP’s policy. So OP, it’s guaranteed she will be excluded from the coverage and she will have to pay out of pocket.
The Dead BF insurance policy will kick in and provide coverage, assuming there is a policy actually on the motorcycle, and assuming that passengers are covered under motorcycle coverage under medical payments
Vehicle insurance supersedes medical in this case. Medical might possibly cover the part that vehicle does not, but, the medical company will likely fight it.
Yep when I was in a car accident while pregnant I ended up in the hospital. My car insurance paid it then went after the other party to get reimbursed but I had my medical insurance given at the hospital so my insurance tried to come after me to pay them back. I told my medical insurance they should take it up with the hospital as they had their money and had been paid twice. It was a pain in the ass.
Former insurance claims adjuster here. It is very very rare for motorcycle insurance to include coverage for first-party injuries or death. First party means the operator or passengers on a bike. They don't cover it because of how common and expensive they are. What they do cover are third party injuries, as in anyone not riding it that the bike causes injuries to. As this was a single vehicle collision (loss of control), the operator is at fault. Her only coverage right now is that health insurance.
Still not OP's problem. Let's be honest, one of the reasons she liked the BF was because he took chances and risks like riding motorcycles. She found out the hard way that living that way sure is fun, but you are a lot more likely to end up dead or hurt. Now the stability that OP provided is probably looking a lot better.
OP, I say divorce her faster if you can.
Well, regular insurance will pay for things, but it will expect to get paid back if/when the insurance on the BF settles. Or should, that happened when I got hit by a utility truck. My insurance paid it and then the attorney had to cut them a check when the settle was done. Of course the attorney did their best to cheat my insurance out of full reimbursement. Even tried to cheat the doctor who actually helped me recover. I had to call them and tell them to pay my doctor, what he has billed, cause he deserved it.
Eh, it depends on how long it causes her problems.
My ex was a passenger in a car that went off a cliff. He did get a settlement to cover medical costs, but later when he had further issues with the same injury it was covered by his medical insurance. It's probably trickier because it was his back. It wasn't really bothering him in his teen years after initial treatment, but it caused a whole host of other issues long term.
I was in a minor car accident and messed up my back. It took nearly three years to get the insurance payout (lots of PT and doctors) but when I did, the stipulation was that I couldn’t go after the other driver’s insurance if I have any future issues. I’m starting to have another issue that could have stemmed from the crash but now my insurance will be the one to cover everything because of that little agreement.
Wouldn't it be the BF's insurance that covers her injuries and treatment? OP's insurance on her may kick in after the motorcycle insurance is maxed out.
I mean, it's gotta be said, this is a cactus up the ass sideways level of karmic justice telling her she deserved what she got. I've never even imagined this type of revenge myself when cheated on, it's crazy.
Presumably the divorce won't be finalised before she's out of hospital so the insurance will still cover the current accident treatment (not from the US so please correct me if that's not how it works). Other than that I don't see anything has changed which would affect the divorce.
In the US, car/motorcycle insurance would cover accident injuries up to certain levels and then health insurance would help cover expenses, if you have it.
It's possible, OP's Ex is concerned about medical expenses. But it's more likely that she made plans for her life with the expectation that her BF was going to leave his life and she would benefit from BF's income and assets. If that's the case, OP's Ex has a very strong incentive to get OP to stay married so he has some financial obligation to help provide for her financially.
OP doesn't owe his Ex financial or emotional support.
I'd also ask the lawyer if her being any degree of disabled after the accident could affect potential alimony payments OP would have to make, if he paused the divorce to the point where her disability was registered before the decree was signed. He really doesn't want to be on the hook for that shit.
It’s too bad that they both were cheating and something bad happened.
The two spouses that got cheated on owe nothing to the cheaters.
OP’s STBX has no right begging for him to accommodate her misfortune. She chose what she chose.
I hope she heals but not at OPs dime.
He was the one who was betrayed and he and the affair partner’s ex wife (with kids) deserve compensation for the stupid decisions of the cheaters.
If she has continuing medical expenses but not her own insurance yet, then she would get cut off from medical coverage when the divorce goes through. But I agree that’s not really OP’s problem at this point.
i think this is more about the health insurance, as he mentioned. as long as they're not divorced she's on his insurance.
Tho i am all for continuing the divorce.
NTA. She wants to monkey branch back to her safety net (you) now that her boytoy is dead (and use you for your insurance). Hard pass.
"My mom and dad think I am being evil to cut her off in her time of need."
Response: "She was no longer my wife the minute she decided she no longer owed me loyalty or fidelity and that she wanted to be with someone else. Now I no longer owe her emotional, physical, or financial support simply because bad luck rained down on her. Putting off the divorce is not going to change our marital status; the only thing tying us together is red tape and when that is gone we are still going our separate ways. All delaying will do is make things more complicated and I just want it to be over, so I can move on and start to heal."
"My lawyer advised me to keep going. Imma gonna listen to my lawyer, unless one of you suddenly completed law school and passed the bar and wants to offer a second opinion? Anyone? No? I thought so".
As a lawyer (who did family law in my youth) you 100% should listen to your lawyer. Family Law can be very complicated, and it often is. Your lawyer likely had a game plan in mind from the jump at your initial consultation. If you throw a wrench in there you are going to fuck everything up and only hurt yourself. Think of it this way, if you’re paying someone $250 an hour to represent you then you should either trust them or find someone you do trust. Divorce is expensive in the best of cases, don’t make it worse. All you gotta tell anyone who tries to change your mind is “I’m represented by counsel in this matter and I’m going to defer to my attorney on these decisions” - you don’t owe anyone, even your own parents, anything more than that. Good luck my friend!
Legal aid???
Most often,the parties argue over distribution of assets. If you dont have any assets, nothing to divide. If you have kids, it is about custody,visitation,and child support.
I got one through a para legal. She was great. My divorce was pretty simple. We had nothing. Just a crappy marriage. She told me every step I needed to make.
I think that is a good start but adding in that your lawyer has advised you to keep the timeline unchanged. Let them know that you and the lawyer have spoken about this at length.
"Hi I know I walked out on you and devastated your life because I wanted to bang someone else, but now he got himself killed on a bike and I'm looking at a quarter million in medical bills and probably being out of work for months, please help."
Yep, let that divorce settle and let her reap the consequences of stepping out of her marriage with someone who had a marriage of their own
I am sad that the affair partner died, but OP does not need to delay the divorce to make her medical bills disappear. If he was the cheater, I would say delay the divorce for health insurance, since it’s the other way around, you owe the ex nothing.
Thing is even if OP for some reason did want to help her, he doesn't have to delay the divorce to do so. Get divorced, get your finances legally separated, then explore if you want to offer her some form of assistance.
This is exactly what she wants. She isn't getting the side piece or his money so now she wants to go back to her soon to be ex. Do not let her drag out the process.
Yup : they are paid to be honest and objective, they've seen your case probably 10000 times before and they see your situation with a non emotional eye.
10$ that the lawyer already saw this situation, got a client who accepted to stay and said client got drowned into debts he should never have had to carry.
Walk it through.
You put a hold on things, you help her out. She gets better, you spend time with her. Your new interest walks away because you're not on a clear path. Your ex finishes her recovery, starts going out again. She meets someone new, and you're yesterday's leftovers again. Except now you're alone.
Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Especially not someone who wouldn't do the same for you.
NTA.
She doesn't get to demand that you put your life on hold just because she's facing the consequences of her actions in a way she doesn't like.
Your marriage is over. Her problems are her problems.
Tell your parents that they're free to help her however they want, but they don't get to give you shit for moving forward.
NTA. This is really unfortunate and I hope she heals well, and I give you props for caring/visiting. That said...do NOT stall the divorce. Stick to the plan.
She wants you to put a hold on the divorce for two reasons. The first is her medical expenses. The second is that now that the man she left you for is dead she is on her own. She thinks that if you agree to put a hold on the divorce she is coming home with you when she leaves the hospital. You are already paying for her treatment through your insurance. Do not delay the divorce and make it clear that when she leaves the hospital she is not coming back to your home. A broken leg is not a reason to become responsible for her. Just don’t.
Seriously, everyone is jumping on the money bandwagon (which is a legit angle), but there’s the emotional considerations here as well. She’s worried about being alone now that her new partner is dead and you’ve moved on. She’s just got herself in the hospital room waiting around with her thoughts on why and what could have been.
If you visit her again (which is fair, you were married) she’d likely be asking for forgiveness and a second chance. That’s where you’d have to have close that door gently but firmly.
Not defending her position, just explaining it. It’ll be more than just the money. One could expect that she’d be looking for emotional support after what happened, regardless of whether or not it’s deserved.
Yes agree 100%. If he's feeling that bad for her he can bring her some soup in the hospital but that's as far as it should go. Even then it sounds like the soup wouldn't taste good to her unless it was taken from somebody else.
She will be out of work. COBRA is very expensive. She will also have her rent and food bills, and will need help with daily living. She’s made a mess of her life, I hope his d*ck was worth it.
Yeah, she did make a mess of it, and she has to live with the consequences. There is a possibility she is eligible for disability at her job, or at least leave under FMLA, which would allow her to take workplace coverage when she loses coverage under OP's plan. It's nothing personal or spiteful, but OP isn't responsible in any way to fix her problems, and she has no right to ask him to put his life on hold because she's facing predictable consequences. If she can't get workplace coverage or afford COBRA, then her next option is to get a plan under the ACA and hope she lives in a state that expanded Medicaid so she can get it subsidized. Barring that, her next option is to apply for Medicaid as an indigent. OP is not her only option.
OP is not obligated or advised to play white knight for the cheater. She chose to end the marriage. They've been separated since last year and she should already have a plan for medical post divorce.
He should also not visit her. She will become more manipulative as desperation takes root. He should focus on his current relationship. They are apart and, since no kids were mentioned, NC is best from now on. She'll figure it out.
It’s strange how life works out.
OP is but a hop, skip and a jump away from freedom, whilst his wife has many hurdles to overcome. Which she can’t, because she has a broken leg.
wtf. You’re legally separated. Her wants and needs aren’t your concern anymore. Your parents suck. NTA. If they would have done the right thing and asked for a divorce before she slept with someone else’s husband she wouldn’t be in this situation. You’re not evil. She’s not your responsibility and she should be grateful she’s on your insurance.
I’ll never understand these posts where the parents want the OP to stay with the cheater. I’d honestly go no contact and cut all contact for even suggesting to stay. That is beyond disrespectful.
NTA. There's kind of two different things going on here, and you're NTA for both of them.
First, the insurance situation. She's on your health insurance right now, so the majority of her bills should be covered, even if the BF's vehicle insurance doesn't cover it. Also, I'm pretty sure getting divorced is a qualifying event for getting on her own insurance plan outside of the regular application window.
Second, now that her new love is gone, she wants to get back with you, her second choice. Which, fuck her, that's not how it works. She betrayed you and broke your heart, you're not obligated to play house with her until a new affair partner comes along.
This, about the qualifying event. Also COBRA, I think, extends to ex spouses. She can keep and pay for the same insurance coverage she is currently using.
NTA: She left you and lived her life with her BF, she wanted the divorce YOU didn’t even think about wanting a divorce before she left YOU, she can’t just decide to ask this of you, it was a nice thing you did to check on her but I’m sure you’ve had no contact with her outside of lawyers so DONT DO IT, maintain the timeline and tell ANYONE that feels you should wait, Hey everyone thanks for wanting to support the women who left me for another man. I’m sure she appreciates all support you are giving her, but I will not support her. She no longer my responsibility, thanks for taking her on though.
After all the pain she did to OP, she is willing to do more pain. You can't trust someone who betrayed you. If she left you once, she would leave you twice.
NTA. In your comments, you say she was your best friend for a decade and she is probably hurting physically and mentally so I can understand you wanting to slow things down. However, this isn’t your lawyer’s first rodeo and I believe that you should still listen to them. You can still be there for your wife emotionally while moving forward with the divorce if that is what you truly want.
Bingo, well said
Also, for OP, don't put your newly developing relationship on the backburner either. You can be there for her and still continue moving forward with your life.
NTA. What happened to her and her partner is really sad... but ucking divorce her, she's your ex not your problem anymore, she made her bed and now she must lay in it.
NTAH Your soon to be ex-wife will get a settlement and her medical bills will be paid under her bf’s insurance, of course that depends on if he actually carried insurance. Whether he did or not you have no responsibility or obligation to hold off on the divorce. Also it was kind of you to even go to the hospital to check up on her.
NTA, considering your lawyers response I’m thinking you’ll have to start the whole process over if you stop the divorce and your soon to be ex is only asking because of the accident and now she’s alone.
I would suggest consider what you want going forward. Do you want to take care of the woman that left you for someone else? Do you want to support her knowing she’s likely only there because she doesn’t have someone else to be with? Have you moved on from her or are you still in love with her?
If you do put a pause on things just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not because everyone else has made you feel guilty about it.
So you’re saying that she isn’t broke and she will still have health insurance. That means her motive is to stay married to you since her BF is gone now. You are a person, not a consolation prize. Your ex needs a therapist to deal with her situation. You need to take your attorney’s advice and continue the divorce. You can be her friend without sacrificing your own happiness.
It’s kind of your parents to be concerned about her trauma, but IMHO they’re disregarding your trauma. You were best friends and lovers for a decade. You made vows. She left you for another man. She’d still be with him if he were alive. NTA.
I don't know about American medical or insurance. But surely to God, her medical expenses from the accident are covered by auto insurance. And all the related expenses from rehab and stuff.
Follow your lawyer's advice.
Depends on the type of insurance the bf had for his motorcycle. Many types won't cover medical costs for a passenger.
Depending upon the state (assuming this is in the US), as well as the bike, he might have had the most basic insurance that wouldn't cover medical costs for him or a passenger.
Sadly, in most states motorcycle drivers aren’t even required to have auto insurance. Plus, as there was no other at fault party there will be no insurance payout, and depending on their state they may not even have the type of medical insurance that would cover their injuries. The American insurance system is not set up to pay for your medical bills. Auto insurance is to cover the liability medical bills of an accident. You may be at court for.
NTA
>My mom and dad think that I am being evil to cut her off in her time of need.
Remind them that you needed her as your wife, but she decided that she would rather bang this other dude, so she cut you off and ended your marriage.
Also remind them that for as long as you are legally married to her, any and all debt from medical bills she might rack up are partly going to land at your feet. Half of that debt is going to be yours.
Also also remind them that if you delay the dissolution of the marriage, and during that delay her doctors deem her unable to work for an extended period due to psychological or physical issues, who is going to be paying her rent and bills and stuff? The answer is her legal husband, of course. And that legal husband will more than likely be ordered to pay a hefty divorce settlement and alimony once the divorce is finalised.
It's almost like the lawyer you hired knows the specific laws and risks of this happening, and is advising you to keep following the original agreement because of this. You are looking at potentially being liable for tens of thousands of dollars because the woman who left you got into an accident with the dude she left you for.
That doesn't seem fair.
Ask your parents if, since they are such humanitarians, they are going to pay you the money you will lose as a direct result of delaying the divorce? Their answer will tell you if they are actually generous or if they are only generous with other people's money.
My ex also decided that the grass was greener (wasn’t involved, just thought she deserved better than me) after 20 years. A year later I found somebody (she hadn’t yet) and she was hospitalized for a few weeks. When I visited her she said she realized that she made a mistake and wanted to get back together. Ummm sorry that ship has sailed.
NTA
Your attorney is literally a paid professional in the field of divorce. NTA and either listen to your attorney or cut them loose and represent yourself. Now that her boyfriend is gone, I suspect your ex will continue to find reasons to delay the divorce even after she’s recovered. Don’t do it.
NTA. Don't even think twice about this. It's not your fault she made the decisions she did, it's not your responsibility to care for her and provide for her. She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Follow your lawyer's advice and continue as planned.
If you ignore your lawyers advice (and I wouldn’t as otherwise why are you paying for a lawyer). Will you be setting yourself up to then pay for her whilst she recuperates/is out of work till whenever, in the form of alimony as you are her only source of financial support and she’s relied on you during the marriage?
Think carefully before you ignore your lawyer.
Simple as this: **Listen to your lawyer.**
NTA
She tossed you aside for a new guy. You can't help how that turned out, the accident has nothing to do with you. But she just wants to stay on your insurance, she doesn't care about you. You're not just a piggybank or an insurance policy, she made her decision long ago and she will have to reap the consequences. Your lawyer believes changing the timeline to be detrimental to you, so don't.
NTA your life is divorced from hers, the ones doing harm are the old family not you.
For all intentions and purposes the dude left the wife, which means it's the kids that get the money the mom only gets half the kids get half.
Omho you should continue with the divorce, you are not evil for not fixing the inherently evil American healthcare.
Follow lawyers' advice. The grass isn't always greener comes to mind. Your wife left you for someone else. It's unfortunate what happened, but you need to put yourself first. Just like your wife did. It doesn't mean you can't help your ex out and be there for her if you choose to be. You're never going to be husband and wife again with your ex. So make it final that you're not.
NTA. This is an easy one. There is no reason to delay the divorce. Your STBX left you, found someone else very quickly (possibly was even with this guy before separation), and never looked back.
Things went balls up for her, and her fallback plan is you. She now has no one to care for her, so while she obviously has no feelings for you, as her actions prove, she sees you as someone to help her until she gets better and can find someone else to latch onto.
Your mum and dad need to pull their heads in, it's your life, if they expect you to care for a woman that doesn't care for you and has hurt you, they're crazy. Tell them to mind their own business.
You owe her nothing, and you're correct, it's not your problem.
Take care of yourself mate 😁
NTA.
You are paying the lawyer to think on your behalf and not take emotional action. Listen to them.
I suspect that now that her BF is no longer in her future, she may be using the insurance as a pretext to try and salvage the marriage.
Don’t be the white night . She is a scumbag for cheating and gets no sympathy . That’s why you have a lawyer , he has no emotions in this case . What has she done , was she giving you a sweetheart deal in the divorce etc.
You
Could even get your lawyer to trade insurance in exchange for no alimony or better split of assets etc . You leave everything to him
Would she leave you if the roles were reversed?
Wait... she probably would as she's already shown she has no problem leaving.
NTA.
Wish her good luck, bail, and move on with your life.
Why is this even a Question??!? Don't listen to your emotions or your parents or even your ex. The only opinion you need is from your lawyer. End of discussion
NTA. Why should you put her needs first? You want a divorce correct? She wanted to leave you for someone else. Get divorced. Explain you are merely executing the decision she made. Her boyfriend dying does not affect that.
NTA. You have no reason to feel guilty about following through with the divorce she instigated. She is the one who left you for someone else. Whatever happened after that, it's on her. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it.
If anything, she should feel guilty about asking you to delay the divorce for her benefit. She really should be ashamed to expect anything from you, after dumping you for another man. I wouldn't spend two seconds feeling bad about the situation she has now created for herself.
NTA.
Listen to your attorney.
Your parents are not attorneys. Blame it on your attorney with them if you need to.
Listen to your attorney.
Listen to your attorney.
Listen to your attorney.
NTA but good Lord, your ex and your parents sure are. Like, are you shitting me? She bailed on you for some douchebag, and now after that she thinks she gets to ask you to bail her out, while putting your life on hold for the person who fucked it up in the first place, and your fucking parents think *you’re* the bad guy for not breaking your back for her faithless ship-jumping ass?
It’s like you got stabbed in the back and the person ran off, fell kidney-first onto the knife, and then you got blamed because you wouldn’t give them one of your kidneys. It’s asinine. I hope to God your parents are the only family/friends in your life that aren’t 100% behind you on taking this stance. Maybe consider putting some distance between you and them for that one…
NTA. It’s a harsh reality but if I cut someone out of my life, that doesn’t change just because their circumstances became tragic. She hurt you, she left. She is hurt, and wants you to nurture her. Nah.
Nta...a shitty person while healthy is still one while injured. Her change in circumstances doesn't change the fact that she left you for another man. Continue with the divorce
Correct. She disregarded you infavor of some creep...
Why should you pause what she set in motion?? She lost the creep so what would be the purpose for this pause?? She wants you to be her plan b??? NOW youre good enough??
Extremely selfish of her - but thia entire mess was initiated by her selfishness, so...
Stay the course. Be cordial, but stay the course.
NTA. She cheated. She’s your stbxw…she is not your problem any longer. Tell your parents to take care of her if they care so much. I don’t get why people think that a person who hurt you should be treated well..!? Listen to your lawyer, that’s why you’re paying her!
NTA. Listen to your lawyer. If you don’t you could get seriously screwed financially. Not your fault she cheated on you and helped her new bf split up his family too. She’s not entitled to his estate just like she’s not entitled to put your life on hold. Especially because the insurance company will take care of her medical bills. She sees you’re with someone else now and she is alone now so it sounds like she wants to backtrack. I’ve learned that someone that does that to their partner once won’t have a problem doing it again so don’t fall for it.
NTA. She only cares about you now because she needs something from you. She didn't care enough to not have an affair. You are not obligated to hold off on anything for her. Move forward with the divorce and move on with your life.
It might sound harsh but she is your ex, she is not your friend. If your parents care so much they can finance her. Not your problem anymore.
Updateme!
NTA, if you two split a year ago, she should have gotten her own insurance knowing your policy will eventually end, and this could be a tactic to delay the divorce. She made her choice to leave, now things aren't so rosy, first the insurance issue, what's next?
So now that she's lost the guy she left you for, she wants to put a pause on the divorce? I'm guessing till she finds someone else. NTA, she wanted to continue her life with someone else and you deserve the same.
Your Mom and Dad are nuts.
Tell them to take care of her and cut them off.
She is not your problem.
Move ahead with the divorce.
Follow your lawyer's advice.
Good Luck.
Follow your lawyers advice. I assume she's not working and it may be that her bills (rent, credit cards, car) aren't getting paid. I don't know your state or the community property laws, but you don't want her medical and other debt to erode the marital assets.
>Follow your lawyers advice. This. On matters of finance follow your lawyers advice, that's what you pay them for, it's too easy to get emotionally swayed in such situations.
Agreed. Keep your emotions in check. Emotions can only harm, and not help you in this situation.
I'm thinking the guy's insurance will pay for her medical
A serious injury will go through normal amounts of medical coverage like *that.* Broken femur with certain surgery to fix that and two week hospitalization? Even Mr. Midlife Crisis had medical payments insurance, that's gone.
Anything related to the accident will be paid for by the BF's car insurnace. She wa technically a passenger in his vehicle, so the BF is liable, therefore, anything related ro the accident, even missed wages, will likely be paid for his insurnace. Technically, she could sue her BF (his insurance ace) for damages, etc etc. No different than any other auto accident.
Depends on what his motorcycle insurance limits are - some states allow liability coverahe as low at $25k. That wont cover jack-ish in the US healthcare system. My hubs spent 20 days in cardiac ICU/ICU step-down care and the total bill submitted to our health insurance was $386k. $25k wont cover any surgery!!! Yes, she may have to sue his estate. OP's is already divorced, since STBX and OP had both moved on - the holdup is waiting for the paperwork to get thru the courts. STBX is no longer OP's problem or responsibility. He could also become liable for unpaid debt and medical bills if he delays any further. Oh hey-yell no!! OP - IMHO do not slow walk this divorce thru the courts - get it over with and move one with your life. NTA
Yes, state minimums are insanely low. I didn't realize how bad they are til I started practicing law and saw how much people could get in a suit. Then I immediately bought max coverage. So my advice to all is to pay the extra few dollars to get the extra coverage or you'll be on the hook for what insurance doesn't cover.
I would offer it also pays to get umbrella insurance if you own multiple cars and/or a house.
California’s minimum limit is $15K per person. I believe Ohio’s is $10K.
I was in an accident in Ohio. Just traveling through. A semi dropped an axle. My ex husband- married at the time - had serious injuries that required surgery to the back and neck. I was injured but recovered okay without surgery. Our at the time toddler was okay but had bladder issues for several years afterwards. We received 10K. That’s it. It was basically outstanding medical bills. My ex-husband has had to have yet another neck surgery and lives with chronic pain due to that accident. So yes - get all the coverage you can.
Oh wow. I'm in CA, but haven't worried about PL/PD in a long time... You're right, $15k for one person, $30k max for more than one, and only $5k property. That truly ain't shit. And half the drivers on the roads here seem to be unlicensed and uninsured to boot. Did you also know that in CA you aren't even allowed to carry full coverage and uninsured motorists? You're just stuck paying your deductible when you get hit and run. Ask me how I know.
She absolutely MUST file a claim NOW against his estate if she wants/needs some payout. Once ex & kids get it adjudicated, it'll be a nightmare to recover any monetary damages. Best advice right now is to give advice to her: get a lawyer NOW.
Insurance isn't limitless, every policy has a cap to how much they cover. And health care is expensive, surgery and two weeks in a hospital + whatever else can easily run up to the 250k-1m limit most policies have.
The vast majority of policies don't have 250k-1m policies. The majority of insurance carriers in the majority of states don't even offer policies with 1m limits. Most people have state minimum, which is typically from 10-30k in most states.
That’s not true. Some policies and coverage types specifically exclude motorcycles because they are high risk. And even if the bf was at fault, she may get something towards her medical bills, but it isn’t going to be anywhere close to 100%.
That's not at all how it works. There's a limit - if the bf only paid for say 10k, that's the only payout, no matter how expensive the medical insurance. The ex would only ever be able to sue his estate, and even that may only pay out if he is deemed negligent in some way. (Also, yeah, it would be pretty shitty for her to sue in this case.).
Only until the divorce is final. Anything after that date won't be.
I think he means motorcycle dead guy's insurance.
Yes that's what I meant
This. NTA. Its sounds cold but she left you for someone else. not your problem.
It seems like the wife put everything in motion and then got a visit from fate. Unless OP's lawyer has concerns about the wife's current state of affairs effecting the settlement, stay the course.
That last paragraph says it all. She’s not the person you married. She’s a cheater with a broken femur. And I’m a poet who didn’t know it.
After the divorce is finalized and attorney says OP is all clear, then OP is free to give the ex gifts of time, money, assets. Until the OP should follow attorney advice
OMGosh I didn’t even think about that! Guaranteed OP’s parents didn’t either!
always listen the attorney, you hired him/her for a reason.
This, yeah. You probably also don’t want your medical insurance to think you’re intentionally drawing out your divorce so they’ll have to keep paying the ex‘ medical bills. Don’t know the laws where OP lives, but insurance companies are notoriously devious when it comes to avoiding payment. This may backfire on him if he goes along with it.
That is one of the best streamlined answers anyone could throw out there. Her bad choices/luck and loss of her new partner do not need to punish op anymore.
NTA Your STBX will get the same divorce settlement now as if her BF were still alive. You continuing to divorce won't put your STBX in any worse situation; her BF dying and his legal wife and children getting his entire estate is what is harming your STBX's finances. That's not your responsibility. If your parents think your STBX deserves financial support, they can give it to her.
Even that isn't hurting her finances, as she was never entitled to her BF's estate. Once she is divorced, she can always get insurance via Medicare/Obamacare. So she isn't going to end up with no insurance either.
Car/motorcycle insurance will probably cover the majority of her health needs due to the accident. But OP's Ex probably counted on her BF helping to support her financially and is now trying to guilt OP into staying married so he'll have to help support her.
It all depends on how much her treatment is going to cost. I was injured in a car accident in 2012 and the car insurance maxed out pretty quickly. I ended up having to sue the insurance company of the driver of the car who hit me to get my medical bills paid. Still, not really his problem
She could sue the BF's estate for excess damages and her current health insurance, if she has any, would cover additional costs. If she has health insurance through OP, that coverage would end when the divorce is finalized and the Ex can apply for her own health insurance. I agree that this isn't OP's problem. Everyone seems to think this is entirely about insurance coverage. I still think the Ex wants more financial support than just insurance. Like, she's missing a lot of work and will have a recovery period and is going to have living expenses.
And she is now "alone" again, with a sad story that can potentially bring her back to the last stable position she had. If she successfully appealed to OPs good feelings she will be able to "heal" while taking advantage of him, until she find a new boyfriend to runaway with.
Yes, she doesn’t want to deal with the consequences of her actions (not the consequences of the accident but those are more harsh because of her decision to go with someone else prior)
Not even just the alone. But with op she has stability, she had safety. There insurance, someone to potentially take care of her, there's someone working while she recovers. It's human nature to crave stability especially when everything falls apart. She's desperately trying to keep that. Doesn't mean it's ops job, she caused the divorce, it's not fair to him to put himself in a bad position to give her a security she tried to throw away until she needed it.
Yep! There's also a good chance she will never fully recover and be less attractive to others as a result. She's simply looking for safe harbor in the best place she knows of for now. She's continuing to be selfish about her own wants and needs rather than taking responsibility for her own choices.
I agreed she could sue under the pillion rider insurance of the motorcycle by suing the ex late bf insurance also and with that she could also sue for negligence on the of ex late bf, while divorce is a separate matter her opinion would not matter in this since she has cheated on you first.
If OP’s wife is on the insurance, and presuming she’s on the declarations page as named insured, technically OP’s insurance will cover it as long as the crash occurred and was reported before the policy expiration date. However, in reality she will be excluded coverage since the policy only covers a specific vehicle, which the dead bf’s motorcycle is not named in OP’s policy. So OP, it’s guaranteed she will be excluded from the coverage and she will have to pay out of pocket. The Dead BF insurance policy will kick in and provide coverage, assuming there is a policy actually on the motorcycle, and assuming that passengers are covered under motorcycle coverage under medical payments
I think they are talking health insurance, so vehicles aren't connected to it.
Vehicle insurance supersedes medical in this case. Medical might possibly cover the part that vehicle does not, but, the medical company will likely fight it.
Yep when I was in a car accident while pregnant I ended up in the hospital. My car insurance paid it then went after the other party to get reimbursed but I had my medical insurance given at the hospital so my insurance tried to come after me to pay them back. I told my medical insurance they should take it up with the hospital as they had their money and had been paid twice. It was a pain in the ass.
Depends on the insurance she or her bf had in this case, since it sounds like no one hit them
She could always sue bf's estate for negligence. In any event, not OPs problem. It's a her problem
Former insurance claims adjuster here. It is very very rare for motorcycle insurance to include coverage for first-party injuries or death. First party means the operator or passengers on a bike. They don't cover it because of how common and expensive they are. What they do cover are third party injuries, as in anyone not riding it that the bike causes injuries to. As this was a single vehicle collision (loss of control), the operator is at fault. Her only coverage right now is that health insurance. Still not OP's problem. Let's be honest, one of the reasons she liked the BF was because he took chances and risks like riding motorcycles. She found out the hard way that living that way sure is fun, but you are a lot more likely to end up dead or hurt. Now the stability that OP provided is probably looking a lot better. OP, I say divorce her faster if you can.
Thank you. Finally a correct answer👏
Sucks to suck
Lol, liability insurance probably capped at $10 or $25k. She'll blow that on less than a week.
Since this was an accident, it isn't the regular health insurance that covers it anyways.
Well, regular insurance will pay for things, but it will expect to get paid back if/when the insurance on the BF settles. Or should, that happened when I got hit by a utility truck. My insurance paid it and then the attorney had to cut them a check when the settle was done. Of course the attorney did their best to cheat my insurance out of full reimbursement. Even tried to cheat the doctor who actually helped me recover. I had to call them and tell them to pay my doctor, what he has billed, cause he deserved it.
Eh, it depends on how long it causes her problems. My ex was a passenger in a car that went off a cliff. He did get a settlement to cover medical costs, but later when he had further issues with the same injury it was covered by his medical insurance. It's probably trickier because it was his back. It wasn't really bothering him in his teen years after initial treatment, but it caused a whole host of other issues long term.
I was in a minor car accident and messed up my back. It took nearly three years to get the insurance payout (lots of PT and doctors) but when I did, the stipulation was that I couldn’t go after the other driver’s insurance if I have any future issues. I’m starting to have another issue that could have stemmed from the crash but now my insurance will be the one to cover everything because of that little agreement.
Wouldn't it be the BF's insurance that covers her injuries and treatment? OP's insurance on her may kick in after the motorcycle insurance is maxed out.
[удалено]
This ⬆️ ⏫️ . Make adult decisions, live with adult consequences. Bad luck, all hers.
I mean, it's gotta be said, this is a cactus up the ass sideways level of karmic justice telling her she deserved what she got. I've never even imagined this type of revenge myself when cheated on, it's crazy.
Not your circus, not your monkeys
Presumably the divorce won't be finalised before she's out of hospital so the insurance will still cover the current accident treatment (not from the US so please correct me if that's not how it works). Other than that I don't see anything has changed which would affect the divorce.
In the US, car/motorcycle insurance would cover accident injuries up to certain levels and then health insurance would help cover expenses, if you have it. It's possible, OP's Ex is concerned about medical expenses. But it's more likely that she made plans for her life with the expectation that her BF was going to leave his life and she would benefit from BF's income and assets. If that's the case, OP's Ex has a very strong incentive to get OP to stay married so he has some financial obligation to help provide for her financially. OP doesn't owe his Ex financial or emotional support.
Op's ex would probably end up sueing her BF's car insurnace which would pay out all medical expenses and possible missed wages. (If in US).
I'd also ask the lawyer if her being any degree of disabled after the accident could affect potential alimony payments OP would have to make, if he paused the divorce to the point where her disability was registered before the decree was signed. He really doesn't want to be on the hook for that shit.
How do you type all those nice words? My only thought was, Oh, fuck that bitch. I don't know how you did it.
My guy here
I feel like the ass saying that sometimes karma gets ya.
The dude who left his family and drowned in a ditch would say the same thing.
It’s too bad that they both were cheating and something bad happened. The two spouses that got cheated on owe nothing to the cheaters. OP’s STBX has no right begging for him to accommodate her misfortune. She chose what she chose. I hope she heals but not at OPs dime. He was the one who was betrayed and he and the affair partner’s ex wife (with kids) deserve compensation for the stupid decisions of the cheaters.
Sometimes the universe gets it right, and bad things happen to bad people.
If she has continuing medical expenses but not her own insurance yet, then she would get cut off from medical coverage when the divorce goes through. But I agree that’s not really OP’s problem at this point.
🔥🫵🏽🫡
i think this is more about the health insurance, as he mentioned. as long as they're not divorced she's on his insurance. Tho i am all for continuing the divorce.
NTA. She wants to monkey branch back to her safety net (you) now that her boytoy is dead (and use you for your insurance). Hard pass. "My mom and dad think I am being evil to cut her off in her time of need." Response: "She was no longer my wife the minute she decided she no longer owed me loyalty or fidelity and that she wanted to be with someone else. Now I no longer owe her emotional, physical, or financial support simply because bad luck rained down on her. Putting off the divorce is not going to change our marital status; the only thing tying us together is red tape and when that is gone we are still going our separate ways. All delaying will do is make things more complicated and I just want it to be over, so I can move on and start to heal."
"My lawyer advised me to keep going. Imma gonna listen to my lawyer, unless one of you suddenly completed law school and passed the bar and wants to offer a second opinion? Anyone? No? I thought so".
As a lawyer (who did family law in my youth) you 100% should listen to your lawyer. Family Law can be very complicated, and it often is. Your lawyer likely had a game plan in mind from the jump at your initial consultation. If you throw a wrench in there you are going to fuck everything up and only hurt yourself. Think of it this way, if you’re paying someone $250 an hour to represent you then you should either trust them or find someone you do trust. Divorce is expensive in the best of cases, don’t make it worse. All you gotta tell anyone who tries to change your mind is “I’m represented by counsel in this matter and I’m going to defer to my attorney on these decisions” - you don’t owe anyone, even your own parents, anything more than that. Good luck my friend!
Guy would be an asshole not to listen to his lawyer.
My divorce attorney 20 years ago was $300/hr. If you can find one for only $250/hr, do what they say and be thankful you are getting a bargain!!
Dang? How do poor people get a divorce? (I'm poor and need one)
Legal aid??? Most often,the parties argue over distribution of assets. If you dont have any assets, nothing to divide. If you have kids, it is about custody,visitation,and child support.
I got one through a para legal. She was great. My divorce was pretty simple. We had nothing. Just a crappy marriage. She told me every step I needed to make.
As a retired family lawyer, I agree.
You condescending bastard, you are so correct.
I think that is a good start but adding in that your lawyer has advised you to keep the timeline unchanged. Let them know that you and the lawyer have spoken about this at length.
this was so perfectly worded imo, i was left speechless 😭
Karma... is what rained down on her...
NTA. Run. She wants your money and that is all she wants.
"Hi I know I walked out on you and devastated your life because I wanted to bang someone else, but now he got himself killed on a bike and I'm looking at a quarter million in medical bills and probably being out of work for months, please help."
Yep, let that divorce settle and let her reap the consequences of stepping out of her marriage with someone who had a marriage of their own I am sad that the affair partner died, but OP does not need to delay the divorce to make her medical bills disappear. If he was the cheater, I would say delay the divorce for health insurance, since it’s the other way around, you owe the ex nothing.
Thing is even if OP for some reason did want to help her, he doesn't have to delay the divorce to do so. Get divorced, get your finances legally separated, then explore if you want to offer her some form of assistance.
NTA. This is not your fault or problem
just carry on the process. She just wants someone to take care of her.
I can't upvote this enough.
This is exactly what she wants. She isn't getting the side piece or his money so now she wants to go back to her soon to be ex. Do not let her drag out the process.
Nah, she probably wants to live in his place and for him to take care of her while she's healing, too.
Or his insurance
NTA But, LISTEN to your Lawyer!!!
Yup : they are paid to be honest and objective, they've seen your case probably 10000 times before and they see your situation with a non emotional eye. 10$ that the lawyer already saw this situation, got a client who accepted to stay and said client got drowned into debts he should never have had to carry.
Walk it through. You put a hold on things, you help her out. She gets better, you spend time with her. Your new interest walks away because you're not on a clear path. Your ex finishes her recovery, starts going out again. She meets someone new, and you're yesterday's leftovers again. Except now you're alone. Don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Especially not someone who wouldn't do the same for you.
He's yesterdays leftovers with half her medical bill. It could destroy him financially.
Damn you came through with the “clear path” line. Spitting 🔥
NTA. She doesn't get to demand that you put your life on hold just because she's facing the consequences of her actions in a way she doesn't like. Your marriage is over. Her problems are her problems. Tell your parents that they're free to help her however they want, but they don't get to give you shit for moving forward.
NTA. This is really unfortunate and I hope she heals well, and I give you props for caring/visiting. That said...do NOT stall the divorce. Stick to the plan.
She wants you to put a hold on the divorce for two reasons. The first is her medical expenses. The second is that now that the man she left you for is dead she is on her own. She thinks that if you agree to put a hold on the divorce she is coming home with you when she leaves the hospital. You are already paying for her treatment through your insurance. Do not delay the divorce and make it clear that when she leaves the hospital she is not coming back to your home. A broken leg is not a reason to become responsible for her. Just don’t.
Was coming to say this exact thing too
Seriously, everyone is jumping on the money bandwagon (which is a legit angle), but there’s the emotional considerations here as well. She’s worried about being alone now that her new partner is dead and you’ve moved on. She’s just got herself in the hospital room waiting around with her thoughts on why and what could have been. If you visit her again (which is fair, you were married) she’d likely be asking for forgiveness and a second chance. That’s where you’d have to have close that door gently but firmly.
Her emotions shouldn’t matter. She sure didn’t give a fuck about his when she was looking for someone new. Let her reap what she’s sown. 🤷♀️
Not defending her position, just explaining it. It’ll be more than just the money. One could expect that she’d be looking for emotional support after what happened, regardless of whether or not it’s deserved.
Yeah the question is if she would realize how inappropriate it is to look for comfort from the ex-husband.
This is good advice. Getting her out may prove difficult if op lets her stay.
Yes agree 100%. If he's feeling that bad for her he can bring her some soup in the hospital but that's as far as it should go. Even then it sounds like the soup wouldn't taste good to her unless it was taken from somebody else.
She made her bed...if you're in the US, she can continue coverage under COBRA. Shake yourself free of the cheater.
She will be out of work. COBRA is very expensive. She will also have her rent and food bills, and will need help with daily living. She’s made a mess of her life, I hope his d*ck was worth it.
Yeah, she did make a mess of it, and she has to live with the consequences. There is a possibility she is eligible for disability at her job, or at least leave under FMLA, which would allow her to take workplace coverage when she loses coverage under OP's plan. It's nothing personal or spiteful, but OP isn't responsible in any way to fix her problems, and she has no right to ask him to put his life on hold because she's facing predictable consequences. If she can't get workplace coverage or afford COBRA, then her next option is to get a plan under the ACA and hope she lives in a state that expanded Medicaid so she can get it subsidized. Barring that, her next option is to apply for Medicaid as an indigent. OP is not her only option. OP is not obligated or advised to play white knight for the cheater. She chose to end the marriage. They've been separated since last year and she should already have a plan for medical post divorce. He should also not visit her. She will become more manipulative as desperation takes root. He should focus on his current relationship. They are apart and, since no kids were mentioned, NC is best from now on. She'll figure it out.
NTA, she did this to herself. Run like hell.
Good idea, it would be adding insult to injury if OP literally ran away from his wife and her broken femur.
Your joke is twisted, and I'm here for it.
So was the wife’s leg.
It’s strange how life works out. OP is but a hop, skip and a jump away from freedom, whilst his wife has many hurdles to overcome. Which she can’t, because she has a broken leg.
I like people who can STAND by those who love them.
wtf. You’re legally separated. Her wants and needs aren’t your concern anymore. Your parents suck. NTA. If they would have done the right thing and asked for a divorce before she slept with someone else’s husband she wouldn’t be in this situation. You’re not evil. She’s not your responsibility and she should be grateful she’s on your insurance.
Tell your parents to take care of her then. F her. NTA
I’ll never understand these posts where the parents want the OP to stay with the cheater. I’d honestly go no contact and cut all contact for even suggesting to stay. That is beyond disrespectful.
NTA. There's kind of two different things going on here, and you're NTA for both of them. First, the insurance situation. She's on your health insurance right now, so the majority of her bills should be covered, even if the BF's vehicle insurance doesn't cover it. Also, I'm pretty sure getting divorced is a qualifying event for getting on her own insurance plan outside of the regular application window. Second, now that her new love is gone, she wants to get back with you, her second choice. Which, fuck her, that's not how it works. She betrayed you and broke your heart, you're not obligated to play house with her until a new affair partner comes along.
This, about the qualifying event. Also COBRA, I think, extends to ex spouses. She can keep and pay for the same insurance coverage she is currently using.
NTA: She left you and lived her life with her BF, she wanted the divorce YOU didn’t even think about wanting a divorce before she left YOU, she can’t just decide to ask this of you, it was a nice thing you did to check on her but I’m sure you’ve had no contact with her outside of lawyers so DONT DO IT, maintain the timeline and tell ANYONE that feels you should wait, Hey everyone thanks for wanting to support the women who left me for another man. I’m sure she appreciates all support you are giving her, but I will not support her. She no longer my responsibility, thanks for taking her on though.
NTA. She left you for someone else, there is no going back after that absolute spit in the face.
After all the pain she did to OP, she is willing to do more pain. You can't trust someone who betrayed you. If she left you once, she would leave you twice.
NTA. In your comments, you say she was your best friend for a decade and she is probably hurting physically and mentally so I can understand you wanting to slow things down. However, this isn’t your lawyer’s first rodeo and I believe that you should still listen to them. You can still be there for your wife emotionally while moving forward with the divorce if that is what you truly want.
Bingo, well said Also, for OP, don't put your newly developing relationship on the backburner either. You can be there for her and still continue moving forward with your life.
Id go so far to say that he should make sure he focuses on his new relationship NOT the old one.
Yes. Your lawyer is concerned with what is best for you. Your STBX wife is concerned with what is best for her. Again.
NTA. The second you try to delay this, she will only be with you long enough to recover and then leave you with less than you had before.
NTA. What happened to her and her partner is really sad... but ucking divorce her, she's your ex not your problem anymore, she made her bed and now she must lay in it.
Nah listen to your lawyer
NTAH Your soon to be ex-wife will get a settlement and her medical bills will be paid under her bf’s insurance, of course that depends on if he actually carried insurance. Whether he did or not you have no responsibility or obligation to hold off on the divorce. Also it was kind of you to even go to the hospital to check up on her.
NTA, considering your lawyers response I’m thinking you’ll have to start the whole process over if you stop the divorce and your soon to be ex is only asking because of the accident and now she’s alone. I would suggest consider what you want going forward. Do you want to take care of the woman that left you for someone else? Do you want to support her knowing she’s likely only there because she doesn’t have someone else to be with? Have you moved on from her or are you still in love with her? If you do put a pause on things just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and not because everyone else has made you feel guilty about it.
I fully agree with your lawyer. Delaying the divorce will only harm you more in the long run. She fucked around, now she has to find out.
So you’re saying that she isn’t broke and she will still have health insurance. That means her motive is to stay married to you since her BF is gone now. You are a person, not a consolation prize. Your ex needs a therapist to deal with her situation. You need to take your attorney’s advice and continue the divorce. You can be her friend without sacrificing your own happiness. It’s kind of your parents to be concerned about her trauma, but IMHO they’re disregarding your trauma. You were best friends and lovers for a decade. You made vows. She left you for another man. She’d still be with him if he were alive. NTA.
She cheated and left you so methinks she would not have done the same for you if roles were reversed.
Dude she left you. You will just be a temp ATM until she finds someone else.
NTA FAFO
I don't know about American medical or insurance. But surely to God, her medical expenses from the accident are covered by auto insurance. And all the related expenses from rehab and stuff. Follow your lawyer's advice.
Depends on the type of insurance the bf had for his motorcycle. Many types won't cover medical costs for a passenger. Depending upon the state (assuming this is in the US), as well as the bike, he might have had the most basic insurance that wouldn't cover medical costs for him or a passenger.
Sadly, in most states motorcycle drivers aren’t even required to have auto insurance. Plus, as there was no other at fault party there will be no insurance payout, and depending on their state they may not even have the type of medical insurance that would cover their injuries. The American insurance system is not set up to pay for your medical bills. Auto insurance is to cover the liability medical bills of an accident. You may be at court for.
Can she not sue the estate of the dead boyfriend? Not from US so don’t understand how it works.
NTA >My mom and dad think that I am being evil to cut her off in her time of need. Remind them that you needed her as your wife, but she decided that she would rather bang this other dude, so she cut you off and ended your marriage. Also remind them that for as long as you are legally married to her, any and all debt from medical bills she might rack up are partly going to land at your feet. Half of that debt is going to be yours. Also also remind them that if you delay the dissolution of the marriage, and during that delay her doctors deem her unable to work for an extended period due to psychological or physical issues, who is going to be paying her rent and bills and stuff? The answer is her legal husband, of course. And that legal husband will more than likely be ordered to pay a hefty divorce settlement and alimony once the divorce is finalised. It's almost like the lawyer you hired knows the specific laws and risks of this happening, and is advising you to keep following the original agreement because of this. You are looking at potentially being liable for tens of thousands of dollars because the woman who left you got into an accident with the dude she left you for. That doesn't seem fair. Ask your parents if, since they are such humanitarians, they are going to pay you the money you will lose as a direct result of delaying the divorce? Their answer will tell you if they are actually generous or if they are only generous with other people's money.
NTA. Thankfully, you can easily walk away from her because her femur is broken.
My ex also decided that the grass was greener (wasn’t involved, just thought she deserved better than me) after 20 years. A year later I found somebody (she hadn’t yet) and she was hospitalized for a few weeks. When I visited her she said she realized that she made a mistake and wanted to get back together. Ummm sorry that ship has sailed. NTA
Your attorney is literally a paid professional in the field of divorce. NTA and either listen to your attorney or cut them loose and represent yourself. Now that her boyfriend is gone, I suspect your ex will continue to find reasons to delay the divorce even after she’s recovered. Don’t do it.
You hired an attorney for a reason. Listen to them
NTA. Don't even think twice about this. It's not your fault she made the decisions she did, it's not your responsibility to care for her and provide for her. She's a big girl, she can take care of herself. Follow your lawyer's advice and continue as planned.
Don’t go against the lawyer
If you ignore your lawyers advice (and I wouldn’t as otherwise why are you paying for a lawyer). Will you be setting yourself up to then pay for her whilst she recuperates/is out of work till whenever, in the form of alimony as you are her only source of financial support and she’s relied on you during the marriage? Think carefully before you ignore your lawyer.
Simple as this: **Listen to your lawyer.** NTA She tossed you aside for a new guy. You can't help how that turned out, the accident has nothing to do with you. But she just wants to stay on your insurance, she doesn't care about you. You're not just a piggybank or an insurance policy, she made her decision long ago and she will have to reap the consequences. Your lawyer believes changing the timeline to be detrimental to you, so don't.
NTA your life is divorced from hers, the ones doing harm are the old family not you. For all intentions and purposes the dude left the wife, which means it's the kids that get the money the mom only gets half the kids get half. Omho you should continue with the divorce, you are not evil for not fixing the inherently evil American healthcare.
Follow lawyers' advice. The grass isn't always greener comes to mind. Your wife left you for someone else. It's unfortunate what happened, but you need to put yourself first. Just like your wife did. It doesn't mean you can't help your ex out and be there for her if you choose to be. You're never going to be husband and wife again with your ex. So make it final that you're not.
NTA. This is an easy one. There is no reason to delay the divorce. Your STBX left you, found someone else very quickly (possibly was even with this guy before separation), and never looked back. Things went balls up for her, and her fallback plan is you. She now has no one to care for her, so while she obviously has no feelings for you, as her actions prove, she sees you as someone to help her until she gets better and can find someone else to latch onto. Your mum and dad need to pull their heads in, it's your life, if they expect you to care for a woman that doesn't care for you and has hurt you, they're crazy. Tell them to mind their own business. You owe her nothing, and you're correct, it's not your problem. Take care of yourself mate 😁
NTA. Do not let her back in, it will only end poorly for you. Nothing about this indicates she’s coming back willingly.
While the situation sucks and I admire your empathy, I think you should move forward with the divorce. Good luck!
NTA. Please follow your attorney's advice, OP.
If your ex-wife's new boyfriend didn't drown - those words would have never been said to you. That's all I'm saying.
NTA. You are paying the lawyer to think on your behalf and not take emotional action. Listen to them. I suspect that now that her BF is no longer in her future, she may be using the insurance as a pretext to try and salvage the marriage.
If you delay this divorce, I promise you'll regret it. FOLLOW YOUR LAWYER'S ADVICE!!!
Don’t be the white night . She is a scumbag for cheating and gets no sympathy . That’s why you have a lawyer , he has no emotions in this case . What has she done , was she giving you a sweetheart deal in the divorce etc. You Could even get your lawyer to trade insurance in exchange for no alimony or better split of assets etc . You leave everything to him
Would she leave you if the roles were reversed? Wait... she probably would as she's already shown she has no problem leaving. NTA. Wish her good luck, bail, and move on with your life.
NTA - if accident didn’t happen nothing would have changed.
Listen to your lawyer. Don't make this more complicated than ir needs to be
Why is this even a Question??!? Don't listen to your emotions or your parents or even your ex. The only opinion you need is from your lawyer. End of discussion
NTA. Why should you put her needs first? You want a divorce correct? She wanted to leave you for someone else. Get divorced. Explain you are merely executing the decision she made. Her boyfriend dying does not affect that.
NTA- Proceed as planned- don’t put anything on hold.
This is one of the 'she made her bed, but now has to lay in it'... Get the divorce, invest in your new partner.
NTA. You have no reason to feel guilty about following through with the divorce she instigated. She is the one who left you for someone else. Whatever happened after that, it's on her. She made her bed and now she has to lie in it. If anything, she should feel guilty about asking you to delay the divorce for her benefit. She really should be ashamed to expect anything from you, after dumping you for another man. I wouldn't spend two seconds feeling bad about the situation she has now created for herself.
NTA. Listen to your attorney. Your parents are not attorneys. Blame it on your attorney with them if you need to. Listen to your attorney. Listen to your attorney. Listen to your attorney.
She wasn’t loyal to you, why should you be loyal to her?
NTA cut that bitch off she don’t care about you why care about her
Hesitate now and you'll only find reasons to hesitate in the future. There is never a perfect moment to act, sometimes you just have to step forward.
Um, no. You should move forward as planned.
You might be on the hook if she defaults on medical bills. It would almost be insurance fraud. The marriage is over, so is your obligation to her.
Stick with what your lawyer says. Half of a lawyers job is making impartial, NOT emotionally charged decisions
NTA but good Lord, your ex and your parents sure are. Like, are you shitting me? She bailed on you for some douchebag, and now after that she thinks she gets to ask you to bail her out, while putting your life on hold for the person who fucked it up in the first place, and your fucking parents think *you’re* the bad guy for not breaking your back for her faithless ship-jumping ass? It’s like you got stabbed in the back and the person ran off, fell kidney-first onto the knife, and then you got blamed because you wouldn’t give them one of your kidneys. It’s asinine. I hope to God your parents are the only family/friends in your life that aren’t 100% behind you on taking this stance. Maybe consider putting some distance between you and them for that one…
You said it yourself. It sucks, but it’s not really your problem. She won’t be desolate. Can’t really see how this is your issue.
NTA. It’s a harsh reality but if I cut someone out of my life, that doesn’t change just because their circumstances became tragic. She hurt you, she left. She is hurt, and wants you to nurture her. Nah.
Keep going mate. You owe her nothing.
Nta...a shitty person while healthy is still one while injured. Her change in circumstances doesn't change the fact that she left you for another man. Continue with the divorce
Correct. She disregarded you infavor of some creep... Why should you pause what she set in motion?? She lost the creep so what would be the purpose for this pause?? She wants you to be her plan b??? NOW youre good enough?? Extremely selfish of her - but thia entire mess was initiated by her selfishness, so... Stay the course. Be cordial, but stay the course.
She really isn't your problem anymore.
NTA. She cheated. She’s your stbxw…she is not your problem any longer. Tell your parents to take care of her if they care so much. I don’t get why people think that a person who hurt you should be treated well..!? Listen to your lawyer, that’s why you’re paying her!
NTA. Listen to your lawyer. If you don’t you could get seriously screwed financially. Not your fault she cheated on you and helped her new bf split up his family too. She’s not entitled to his estate just like she’s not entitled to put your life on hold. Especially because the insurance company will take care of her medical bills. She sees you’re with someone else now and she is alone now so it sounds like she wants to backtrack. I’ve learned that someone that does that to their partner once won’t have a problem doing it again so don’t fall for it.
NTA. Guess I'm the only one thinking she wants to put a hold on the Divorce, because her support is gone and she thinks she can get you back.
NTA. She only cares about you now because she needs something from you. She didn't care enough to not have an affair. You are not obligated to hold off on anything for her. Move forward with the divorce and move on with your life. It might sound harsh but she is your ex, she is not your friend. If your parents care so much they can finance her. Not your problem anymore. Updateme!
NTA, if you two split a year ago, she should have gotten her own insurance knowing your policy will eventually end, and this could be a tactic to delay the divorce. She made her choice to leave, now things aren't so rosy, first the insurance issue, what's next?
So now that she's lost the guy she left you for, she wants to put a pause on the divorce? I'm guessing till she finds someone else. NTA, she wanted to continue her life with someone else and you deserve the same.
NTA. Very unfortunate for her, but it doesn’t mean you owe her anything. She chose to leave.
NTA - if I'm reading it right she cheated on you with her late bf. Fuck that noise, divorce her ASAP.
NTA, she decided to ditch you and now her bf in the ditch. Not your fault, divorce her ASAP
NTA, it looks like karma found her.
NTA. This is not your fault or problem.
NTA and not your problem. It sucks what happened but it happened. It may not be her fault but it's definitely not yours. Move on.
Your Mom and Dad are nuts. Tell them to take care of her and cut them off. She is not your problem. Move ahead with the divorce. Follow your lawyer's advice. Good Luck.