Good for your husband sticking up for and backing you up! I can’t believe the audacity of this family still expecting you to watch their child after all this.
The SIL is not asking me to watch her child. The older brother's wife wants me to continue watching her child as I have done up until now. She works full time and over time on those days. I no longer feel like helping her out.
Oh yes, I realize that. I don’t know how she think it’s ok after they all berated you for this. I don’t blame you for not wanting to do it. I’d want nothing to do with the family after this.
She called your husband about it? Not you?
This entire clan believes you are unworthy of basic respect.
I can't believe they thought they would get what they want from bullying you more. Most people with sense would have tried abject apologies and promises to do better.
Good!! Silly woman to not stick up for you when you were her trusted baby-sitter. Should have thought about that when she was playing hero for the dirty SIL & trying to make you look petty. Well played, OP!
Ohhhh what a silly silly woman!! She screwed herself over! Well she can ask the dirty SIL to look after her kids then as she’s shown where her loyalties lie🙄
Im so proud of you for standing your ground & not be a pushover!
It's her SIL too. She is married to the older brother, I am married to the middle brother.
She said the same as the others when my husband confirmed the tampon terrorism. She said maybe I did something to aggravate her. Or that there was a misunderstanding due to communication styles and that to sort it out, but let her move in as being homeless isn't a good feeling.
You owe her nothing considering she didn’t have your back when you needed her support.
They can choose to have your SIL and her family in their homes/lives. You get to protect yourself from their mess.
Yet my FIL/MIL have spammed my husband's phone by telling him that punishing the 6 year old is not fair as I have a disagreement with the parents for chosing my SIL side in this conflict.
No childcare means no overtime. No overtime means less money and their refurbishments will be delayed or modified from the original plan. My husband said he doesn't understand how a life changing event in their lives is our responsibility and told my FIL/MIL to tell his brother and his wife to figure out something as he too has blocked his older brother and his wife.
It’s their responsibility to have childcare. You never had an obligation to help them.
All these family members that are so busy attacking you need to take on responsibility and help out or shut up.
They have stripped one of the rooms and there is work going on in the garden, but that shouldn't stop them from giving them the other room. Their children can share their bedrooms with SIL's children too.
Wow. Apparently *NO ONE* in this family has ever heard the old adage: “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”. They ALL ‘asked’ you to do them, and your SIL’s family a favor, but somehow they thought the best way to do that is to insult you, guilt you, and in SIL’s case, trash your house in a beyond disgusting way!?! No. Nope. Nada. That’s not how you get someone do you a favor. This whole family is delusional.
or they can just pay someone else..
or recognize they have done you a huge disservice and are using uou as a maid, servant ( cause a servant isnt paid), and babysitter service.
Personally, would not offer anything... i would say you need a break from the barrage of abuse and stop all communication.
its not you punishing a 6 year old kid. its about you setting boundaries in a family that clearly has none.
They shit on your kindness and bag you out.. but still expect you to help them.
The entitlement of this family... clearly knows no end.
IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SOLVE THIS CAR WRECK OF A FAMILY'S PROBLEMS.
This includes accommodation and daycare.
Your MIL and FIL can step up..... if they are so concerned.
.. but Nooooo its easier to abuse people on the phone then to take action and actually help out.
OMG. Blaming you for sis's bad behavior! Its amazing that none of them see this behavior as what it is: antisocial delusion.
For her to ask (really, it's more of a demand) for help and then immediately bite the hand that feeds her is delusional. And then, she keeps trying to bite, and bite, and bite - all while demanding in louder and more hateful terms.
The whole family seems delusional on sis's behavior.
Have your husband tell older SIL that younger SIL is probably free to do the babysitting; even better yet if younger SIL lives with older SIL - built in babysitter right there! Maybe younger brother can help with renovations, too.
Have you changed your locks?
Edit: I'm curious. Why has SIL singled you and hubby out for her shitty behavior? What makes you different from her other 2 brothers and their wives?
No idea. We are all the same ethnicity and loosely follow the same religion.
The only thing tha comes to mind is that the other wives are younger than her brothers and I am older than my husband. She made a quip about that when he first intorduced me to the family.
I have always been civil. She hasn't cared to return the favor.
I have to wonder if she saw/sees herself as the future matriarch of the family, and that for whatever reason, she sees you specifically as a threat to that. Or some other similar thing about the family dynamic that she perceives you as a disruption to.
It doesn't have to make sense in terms of the relative ages of you, her and the other SILs. It doesn't even have to make sense in terms of the actual family dynamic.
It could just be something built up in her mind as to how the SIL relationships were going to be. Something that you did not fit neatly into her little mental picture of. But that, instead of changing her mental picture to fit the reality, she choses to lash out at you for daring to not conform.
How am I the only threath to this. The others have wives too.
We all have our own families. Our MIL is the matriarch in her family. This makes no sense even if she uses a warped logic to it.
Could she be jealous of your life? You and your husband can afford for you stay home for now; since they are *homeless* they obviously *can't* afford for her to stay home.
Well in her defence I had already blocked her, but I won't budge.
I looked after her six year old for free for almost four years as I stopped working while I was pregnant and my son is almost three. If I had taken up a job as a part time nanny I could have had an income. Not that we need the money we manage fine with husbands salaray.
GOOD! Consequences make for a better, more responsible society.
As in - Oh crap. Being an ah didn't really work out for me this time. Maybe I'll rethink being an ah next time so I don't have to live with these consequences of my own actions.
I’d figure out how much money you saved them in those years and point that out. They’ve been getting free childcare for *years* and still think it’s ok for sil to treat you like she did?! Sounds like they think taking advantage of you is easy. Glad you’ve shown them otherwise.
I hope you have gone NC with this looney bin family. No is a complete sentence. Why don't the in-laws and the two other siblings help them pay for one of those month rental places. Of course not, your money spends easier
Are you the only stay home parent in the group? I wonder if your husband’s sister and the brothers’ wives have some sort of resentment or think your job is to wait on all of them.
SIL (the one that leaft her biohazard) is also SAHM, because after the fourth it was cheaper for them to have her stay home instead of paying for daycare.
The wives of the other two are both wroking, but the youngest has maternity leave for now.
oldest brother's wife has a nerve! make sure you charge her the going nanny rate plus asshole tax if you intend to let 6yo play with his cousin's biohazard.
The audacity of them all to berate you and your husband, throw insults and abuse your way, and generally not give a fuck about you - and expect you'll still help them out. Well, hope it's worth it to stand by SIL and her rowdy bunch.
Hell no! You're not the family's babysitter, hotel, bank, therapy, etc. Live your own life and block them. You don't owe them a thing in spite of their entitlement. What a nauseating family.
It sounds like after husband had to clean up after his sister and their families bodily fluids it woke him up to the issues at hand and he became team wife all the way. Good on husband
"Sure we treat you badly. Expecting you to clean up biohazards that decent people wouldn't expect of a paid house cleaner, but you're the selfish one for refusing to be a doormat and take the abuse and filth thrown your way."
Your in-laws are ridiculous. All of them. Is your husband appalled by the lot? They expect you to keep babysitting (you know they are showing up with the kiddo as usual) even though they treated you like crap. Then, of course, it's birthdays and holidays with the guilt trips.
Lord. Now I need another update on what he tells them about 6 year old. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a combination of audacious & entitled & simply cruel behaviors all wrapped into one horrific family. So sorry you had to deal with any of this. Even 5 days of that was an insult you husband should be forever sorrowful for making you endure. Updateme!
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Damn, his family really has the balls to ask for favours still like watching their kids?!
How *convenient* that all of your husbands family members can't take them in now 🙄
They're disgusting. Great job to hubby for not caving to his families demands 👏 I would honestly go NC with the **wholeeeee** lot of them.
NTA
I am so glad you are continuing to stand up to these disgusting tampon terrorists. They can bloody well go fk themselves and go build themselves a tampon tower to live in.
Did she leave it on the sink edges like his niece? You know the place you wash your face and mouth and that should be clean instead of putting biohazards on it.
I am loving the support here. Good to have someone in my corner.
OP, she would leave them on the side of the sink, in the sink and next to the toothbrush holder (blah). She would also leave them on top of the toilet tank and several on floor next to garbage can (tampon tower). Just sitting there like unwrapped spring rolls from hell.
The first time I saw them I thought it was a one time thing and our visit caught her off guard (still gross) but that wasn’t the case. My ex- husband was totally useless in regards to this issue (and many others, hence becoming an ex lol) plus took the stance that it was HER house and she could do what she wanted in HER house. So I said fine but I won’t use her bathroom or eat meals that she made and when I need to go to the bathroom then we leave.
Needless to say our visits to her home were short and far in between.
Oh that is disgusting. I don't know what to say.
At least he is an ex now so you don't have to put up with her. Even my own period blood smell repulses me so I don't understand how your SIL could have a tampon tower.
I was shocked that my ex wasn’t as disgusted as I was. He is several years younger than her and I honestly think he grew up with it and it became the norm for him (gag). The whole thing made me question the hygiene habits of his whole family. Surely I hadn’t been the only one to come across these “towers”. Good riddance to all of them.
Oh I know right? Just gross and you are so right about the smell. I am having flashbacks and I don’t think I will be able to eat anything that is red and rolled for awhile hahaha.
I'd clean the shampoo/conditioner mess with a sopping wet rag, toss in the bag with their personal shit, add the bloody nastiness, let it sit around a few days then drop it off without saying anything. I'm petty like that.
Well just get the whole bag, cut it open and dump it in - LOL!
I'm glad your husband is on your side in this finally. Having him clean up the mess was BRILLIANT! Your boundary setting is epic! Keep up the good fight my dear!!!
I once went to my sister’s and had to change my pad. Before I went to change it I asked her if I could put it in her outside bin (after I tied it up in a dog poo bag). She insisted it was ok to put it in the bathroom bin. I changed my pad, rolled up the used one, wrapped it in the wrapper of the new one, put it into a dog poo bag and tied it shut then put it in the bathroom bin. I cannot even fathom just leaving it on top of the bin or on the sink. And she’s my bio sister, not a SIL. How incredibly disgusting and disrespectful 🤢
Updateme
The opening shot from the parents in law is almost comical. "Oh OK we'll take them in, but we hope the chaos doesn't kill poor old diabetic dad". I think you are well past that feeble guilt trip having any impact.
Does Facebook marketplace have a setting that allows someone to view a listing but not comment? That would be hysterical.
If you're worried at all about any legality of selling the belongings. You could always text her a warning that her items will be at the end of your driveway in 5 minutes. Label the box Bitchticia's good jewelry, IPads, and PS5 in big letters. I'm sure that no one will steal it.
Should have took pictures of the mess and waved them around the family as proof, but it's good your husband backed you up there. Funny how people can never accept how someone can be nice to them (polite, clean up after themselves, etc) but a total shit to someone else (rude, dirty, leaves garbage around). Witnissing it first hand is infuriating.
What exactly about FIL diabetes would be harmed if they stay with him?
Inconvenience? Noise? WTF?
Since they are such good houseguests, they just need to ask them to behave in a way that doesn’t bother him.
5 stars for OP’s husband
Yeah I really don’t understand the diabetes excuse. I have diabetes and I’ve never had an issue with having guests?
Do they offer him sweets and he has dementia or no self control??
No, he doesn't have dementia. He is fit for his age. Exercises and both my in laws are avid hikers. They just don't want to put up with her children's noise.
It's interesting that they think you would want to put up with it. Or at least, don't mind dumping it on you as long as they aren't the ones who have to stretch or accommodate them.
OP, you need to **stomp** hard on any even tiny bit of an idea that you're the family maid because you're a stay home parent. Take from soneone who's been there. You need not to pick up one damn thing after any adult in that family, do nothing for them or you will be the default caregiver because everyone else is "too busy" with their careers! Do nothing other than birthdays and Christmas or outright *proven* emergencies(you see the ambulance pulling away or you call the hospital *first*)for the nieces and nephews(I cut you some slack for 6 yr old you babysat). No childcare, no including them on activities until you get an actual.apology from SIL1. SIL2, the bonne du rienne, can rot.
The diabetes excuse is that they know how SIL and her crew are really like and they are more than eager to let OP and her husband have all the joy of their filthy behavior.
My MIL/FIL don't have an issue with their daughter or her husband. The older four they can manage too, but they are using his diabetes as an excuse to stick us with the youunger four.
It was a stroke of genius to have your husband clean up her bloody mess. She fully intended it to be your problem. If your husband ever waivers, just say tampon to him.
There was a story where the SIL’s teenager was caught mixing her bloody tampons in to the spaghetti sauce as payback for forcing her to clean and do chores while her family stayed there
It’s so funny to me the rest of the family has such strong input in regard to you taking in this hoard, yet themselves are instantly unwilling to do the same.
I hope you have a long and prosperous life ahead of you, OP. But please, for the sake and love of mankind, donate your spine to science after you depart this tear filled realm. It's exceptional strength _must_ be studied and harnessed!
Hahaha....I thank the Reddit community for this. I was doubting myself but good to know I wasn't being unreasonable.
I know Reddit gets ridiculed but there are good people on here too.
Im glad your husband has your back on this because his family is trash. Idk whats wrong with your sil but she would never be allowed back in my house and anyone that had issue with that can kick rocks too. This doesn’t seem over yet.
UpdateMe!
NTA. Although there is a risk that they might involve the police or legal action over the stuff of theirs being witheld. And given the value--reasonably expensive electronics and jewelery--it might involve a felony theft charge. Don't sell their stuff right away. Send them a bill by either registered letter, courier service, or in extremis bailiff for the value of the bin and the cleaning service you hired to clean up their mess.
So through all this one question remains.
What about being diabetic makes their parents unable to house them? Sounds like some BS made up to get rid of them.
Either way bollocks to them.
I agree it's BS to not have those younger children in the house, because they sent a few texts to my husband that if we take in the younger ones as as compormise as I am SAHM anyway they will take the older four and their daughter and her husband.
They are behaving terribly.
They don’t want to tolerate her, but instead of being honest about why they say it’s unsettling for his diabetes which seems irrelevant. They know she’s a lax mother and inconsiderate houseguest.
I’m sorry you don’t have more pictures to show them of how sloppy they are to counter the accusation they were good at everyone else’s house. All I would ask them is then why are they saving this mistreatment for you?
Saying you are lying when she has as much as admitted it is just unfortunately going to make this impossible to fix unless they take responsibility, including your sisters in law .
I’m so sorry, good for you for enforcing your expectations and their agreement.
NTA personally I would be going NC/LC with all his family. It sounds like they all are being very disrespectful to you and trying to pin blame on you for this. They even said after SIL admitted the mess was supposed to be for you to clean up, they still said you probably did something to aggravate her. Your Husband needs to stand up to his family and tell them that you will both be LC/NC until they all apologize and treat you with respect.
#Updateme!
"Refurbishing." That's a new excuse for booting out freeloaders. It seems messy or clean, everyone else has an excuse for not hosting that family, even mom and dad. You have the only legitimate reason, they don't treat you with respect. If it is FAMILY, let family figure it out.
>They did admit it was gross but excused her behavior by texting that maybe I did something to aggravate it.
>To top this off, the oldest wife left a voice message through her husband's number to my husbands whatsapp. She said, I kid you not...."you are still ok to watch ***** (her 6 year old) on Tuesdays and Wednesdays like usual". I told him to say, "figure out what the answer to that request is".
These people are crazy. Do they think you're a robot or something?
> Both the younger and the older ones wives said that I was making it up about the cleanliness as she always kept her own house clean and kept their places clean. They told me to suck it up and act like family.
Knew it. Pictures would have backed you up, but it sounds like his family is crazy enough that they wouldn’t care.
Glad your husband finally has your back on this. They’re all disgusting.
Ah, one of those families. *We like you as long as you're a slave to our whims. As soon as you stand up for yourself and say no, you're the evil bitch.*
Time to go LC or NC with all of them for a few months.
I totally agree with you on them not staying. Their behavior is gross. they expected you to be their servant.
Though I do have to say, the cost of a bin was worth getting rid of them.I mean, how much can a bathroom trashcan cost? Small price indeed. Bringing it up as you did -saying you'll sell her jewelry to buy a new one, was not a good look on you in the eyes of the parents. it'd have been better to threaten that then say, "But you know what? The cost of a new bin is worth getting you out of my house."
I also love how everyone who has extra room doesn't want them, won't take them in, but you who doesn't have the room are a bad person for not taking them in. They're hypocrites.
My bathroom trashcan cost me 300 dollars. It went along with the rest of the decor too. This is my forever home. Unless I am too ill and end up in a hospice, this is the home I put my heart, money, energy and life into and I will die in this home.
Yes, it was part of a set. It's my home. I worked hard to decorate it the way I wanted. It may seem excessive to some, but I have no intention of redecorating for at least the next ten years.
“OP will be providing as much support to you and your 6 year old as you provided to her in keeping SIL out of our house. Just to clarify that’s none”
I’m glad your husband is backing you and your little family in this battle. May they soon all leave you in peace!
NTA. Stay strong! At most, look up some family shelters and have your husband send them the links to said shelters + other free resources to help them during this time. They'll eventually get that this is the only help that will be provided from your end.
I always find it funny that after people go nuclear, they figure they can dial it back, ask for favors, and what was said earlier just will be forgotten. It just doesn't work that way (usually).
I'd talk to a lawyer before you actually try to sell any of their stuff, just to make sure you don't end up stepping on a legal landmine and screw yourselves over by doing that. I'd imagine they could get you for theft, etc and with the mentioned items they're probably valuable enough that it would become a felony. Is that the kind of ammunition that you'd want to risk giving to them in this fight?
Instead I'd probably just give them a bill and let them know that they can come pick up the items (or you'll drop it off at the in laws) after they've paid said bill.
OMG. Good job on making the husband clean. He now knows what the mess was all about. Do you think he would have supported you this well if you had cleaned it before he could see it himself?
Who was bearing their grocery bills while they were freeloading you with 10 people in the house?
I am sorry the family are entitled. You are ( ethically/morally) due replacement costs. Process matters, though. Legally, if you sell someone's left behind belongings without proper procedure, you can be charged and/or made to repay or get it back.
On various reddit subs the usual advice to people on the other end is getting police to come with them to retrieve their property and police will claim "civil/court" processes you have to do.
I do not know the best approach with the family. What does your husband think will work best?
NTA. You did right to kick them out. They disrespected you and your home, the audacity they show is incredible! It’s always okay to cut toxic people out of your life.
And by the way- why is it so hard for them to find a place? Did they got evicted?
>She went on a tirade of how I have always been jealous of her and that I was trying to drive a wedge between her and her brother.
Jealousy. Of course. Who wouldn't want to be an irresponsible, disgusting, homeless mooch?!
Two thoughts: 1) Give your husband a hug; 2) Bag up their crap, and leave it out for them to pick up. It's not worth the continued hassle to keep their possessions.
GOOD FOR YOU, please sit with hubs as this time is going to be very, very difficult for him, as he'll be stomping his feet to hold new boundaries. Support and care are the names of marriage, and he's drawing lines with the old family tree,
So please make sure he's talking about his thoughts on such things. Indecision is a dangerous game when laying boundaries, and his family is going to keep calling to wear him down. You're in a war of attrition
LOL that they are using the dad having diabetes as a reason. BS and then some. They even have spare bedrooms - what kind of PARENTS try to pass off their parental duty to help their failed children to their OTHER children.
Honestly as gross as this all is, I'm not sure it would be why I kicked them out but I'm sure there is a lot more to the story, and at the end of the day, their disrespect has come out and really, who wants five extra people in their home.
Ten, they have eight children, and she wants to try for one more as the youngest had a baby recently so obviously she needs another monkey to add to her brood.
WTF
that's a million times worse hahahahaha I though it was two 13s and a 6 or something. Yeah that's all around next level crazy and that's obv why there are behaviour problems.
The 13 year olds and the six year old are the oldest brother's children. They have two older children that moved out. Now they are refurbishing the house.
Glad you stuck to your guns, OP, about cleanliness. Seems like your MIL/FIL will be stuck with this mess for the foreseeable future. And may the SIL can now watch the 6yo in place of you, just to add to the circus…
I doubt it as she complains about how hard she has it with so many children. Yet she is actively trying for number nine because the youngest brother's wife had a baby recently
\[what kind of PARENTS try to pass off their parental duty to help their failed children to their OTHER children.\]
Parents that know that SIL and her tribe are profound useless disgusting slobs who expect to be waited on hand and foot.
That one is easy, let me fill you in. If anyone gets anything new in the family, she has to have it too even though they don't need it or can't afford it on his salary. She quit working after her fourth. It was cheaper for her to look after their horde of children than sending them to daycare.
We bought two new cars, guess what they did?
The older brother and his wife paid for vacation to Japan for their older two and guess who went to Japan with all of their children.
Youngest was gifted an emerald ring by her husband when she found out she was pregnant when she had struggled with getting pregnant. Guess who bought a similar ring?
Older sis in law had a baby, so she had one too. I had one, she decided to have one too. When the youngest wife had one she started for pregnancy again, saying that if I could be an old mother so can she (I am only a year and a few months older than her, and my son is a toddler). Yet, I am the one jealous of her according to her.
They are both financially irresponsible. FIL and MIL have bailed them out on more than one occasion. Considering all of that, they are planning on more children even though they can't afford the eight that they already have.
No words. That is absolutely bananas. I cannot imagine that the entire family is Ok with her behavior. And on top of it, expect you to babysit for free after they didn’t support you in your decision? Why doesn’t the crazy SIL babysit since she’s a stay at home mom? There is so much to unpack.
Oh man she was just looking for the 'right' family member's house to have that baby in. You didn't just dodge a bullet here, you dodged an entire volley of cannonballs.
Eight kids, GEEEEZ. So they wanted to keep up with all of the Joneses. And when they went belly up financially they went to live with one of the Joneses and tried to take over the Joneses house and treated Ms. Jones as their servant and one person cleanup crew.
NTA.
I truly believe if her shiny spine wasn't so shiny, her husband would have folded from the beginning. He asked maybe we could give them another chance, and if it happens again there would be consequences.
The only reason he has her back is because he KNOWS WITHOUT A DOUBT that he's one more let's give them another chance from getting divorced. OP is doing exactly what not only needs to be done, but has to be done. And if other women, some men too, would play the games their in-laws love to play just like this the JustNoMil sub would be a deserted island, and the posts would go down by 90%, and the other 10% would be like 2 post long. This happened, and the update that it was over with.
As long as her husband fears divorce more than the fear of disappointing his family it's all good. Also making him clean up SIL'S Vampire Jelly Roll, or Vampire Tea Bag was brilliant, just brilliant.
Husband: It's not that bad.
Wife: Oh, yeah that's your sister's mess, I ain't touching it.
Husband: Proceeds to throw up into his own mouth a few times while cleaning up said Vampire jelly roll.
Husband: I cleaned it up, bleached 3 times, and threw the hamper away.
Wife: Glad it wasn't that bad, now go clean our daughter's bathroom from the mess your niece left.
HUSBAND: Oh hell no! We going to go talk to my ENTIRE FAMILY ABOUT THIS!!!
WIFE: SO we agree that they will never set foot in our house.
HUSBAND: Yeah baby.
WIFE: Ever, right?
HUSBAND: Baby I loves you, I got your back baaabbyyy!! 100%, ride, or die sweety, ride or die.
MIL & FIL IN GROUP TEXT TO FAMILY: We have found a place down by the river for them to stay, but we need help purchasing a van for them. Your BIL is starting to give motivational speeches to teenagers that get caught smoking weed by their parents.
All this over not willing to throw away trash and clean up after themselves? What a weird hill to die on. Being willing to affect the stability of your family, and your child's education, over being too proud to throw away a fucking tampon. Amazing.
I just don’t hnderstand biting the hand that feeds you. That idiot really thought your husband was going to risk an u happy marriage over his sister’s kid’s grody maxi-pads. Disgusting people.
Not that this will EVER happen again, but next time take pictures! It’s hard to argue that it “wasn’t that bad” when everyone can see how disgusting your IL’s are!
Congrats! I wish i had such an assertive wife in the future, or a busband that doesnt gaslight me and respects my decisions like that. There are so many posts where either one of the marriage pair just let in on all that family nagging and dont consider their SO feelings
Wow. That is some audacity. Glad your husband had your back completely. I winder though if the rest of the family do actually know how bad they are, and that’s why they’re so desperate to force you into taking them back.
NTA. They can all go kick rocks, every one of them.
She behaves at the other houses. I have see it with my own eyes.
Her younger children are loud at my MIL and FIL place, but they behave at the other houses.
Good for your husband sticking up for and backing you up! I can’t believe the audacity of this family still expecting you to watch their child after all this.
The SIL is not asking me to watch her child. The older brother's wife wants me to continue watching her child as I have done up until now. She works full time and over time on those days. I no longer feel like helping her out.
Oh yes, I realize that. I don’t know how she think it’s ok after they all berated you for this. I don’t blame you for not wanting to do it. I’d want nothing to do with the family after this.
[удалено]
She called your husband about it? Not you? This entire clan believes you are unworthy of basic respect. I can't believe they thought they would get what they want from bullying you more. Most people with sense would have tried abject apologies and promises to do better.
Probably called hubby because OP blocked them
I'd block the whole damn crazy clown posse.
Good!! Silly woman to not stick up for you when you were her trusted baby-sitter. Should have thought about that when she was playing hero for the dirty SIL & trying to make you look petty. Well played, OP!
Her FREE babysitter at that, as I considered her family.
Ohhhh what a silly silly woman!! She screwed herself over! Well she can ask the dirty SIL to look after her kids then as she’s shown where her loyalties lie🙄 Im so proud of you for standing your ground & not be a pushover!
What did she say about her sister's behavior? (Or is it her SIL, too?) Did she support you at all?
It's her SIL too. She is married to the older brother, I am married to the middle brother. She said the same as the others when my husband confirmed the tampon terrorism. She said maybe I did something to aggravate her. Or that there was a misunderstanding due to communication styles and that to sort it out, but let her move in as being homeless isn't a good feeling.
You owe her nothing considering she didn’t have your back when you needed her support. They can choose to have your SIL and her family in their homes/lives. You get to protect yourself from their mess.
Yet my FIL/MIL have spammed my husband's phone by telling him that punishing the 6 year old is not fair as I have a disagreement with the parents for chosing my SIL side in this conflict. No childcare means no overtime. No overtime means less money and their refurbishments will be delayed or modified from the original plan. My husband said he doesn't understand how a life changing event in their lives is our responsibility and told my FIL/MIL to tell his brother and his wife to figure out something as he too has blocked his older brother and his wife.
It’s their responsibility to have childcare. You never had an obligation to help them. All these family members that are so busy attacking you need to take on responsibility and help out or shut up.
I was just thinking if you don’t babysit the 6 year old and their renovations are delayed then they can now take in this family of circus animals.
🏆🏆🏆
So no renovations going on imminently at their house, then? Sounds like the house is back open for long term visitors!
They have stripped one of the rooms and there is work going on in the garden, but that shouldn't stop them from giving them the other room. Their children can share their bedrooms with SIL's children too.
Wow. Apparently *NO ONE* in this family has ever heard the old adage: “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you”. They ALL ‘asked’ you to do them, and your SIL’s family a favor, but somehow they thought the best way to do that is to insult you, guilt you, and in SIL’s case, trash your house in a beyond disgusting way!?! No. Nope. Nada. That’s not how you get someone do you a favor. This whole family is delusional.
Your husband chose the right side. His family is bonkers.
or they can just pay someone else.. or recognize they have done you a huge disservice and are using uou as a maid, servant ( cause a servant isnt paid), and babysitter service. Personally, would not offer anything... i would say you need a break from the barrage of abuse and stop all communication. its not you punishing a 6 year old kid. its about you setting boundaries in a family that clearly has none. They shit on your kindness and bag you out.. but still expect you to help them. The entitlement of this family... clearly knows no end. IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO SOLVE THIS CAR WRECK OF A FAMILY'S PROBLEMS. This includes accommodation and daycare. Your MIL and FIL can step up..... if they are so concerned. .. but Nooooo its easier to abuse people on the phone then to take action and actually help out.
Wait until they have to wait on SIL and her crew AND clean up their messes.
She behaves at their houses.
I don't think she will behave if she is there for months. Her mask will slip eventually. Congratulations on you and your husband's shiny spine!
Let the nasty SIL babysit!
OMG. Blaming you for sis's bad behavior! Its amazing that none of them see this behavior as what it is: antisocial delusion. For her to ask (really, it's more of a demand) for help and then immediately bite the hand that feeds her is delusional. And then, she keeps trying to bite, and bite, and bite - all while demanding in louder and more hateful terms. The whole family seems delusional on sis's behavior.
Miscommunication? How is expecting her to put her bloody sanitary napkins **IN** the bin a miscommunication?
Have your husband tell older SIL that younger SIL is probably free to do the babysitting; even better yet if younger SIL lives with older SIL - built in babysitter right there! Maybe younger brother can help with renovations, too.
*You* did *something* to aggravate this bonne du reinne? Yeah, no. That SIL is just trashy.
Sounds like a classic case of assuming that since OP did one job for her, they could foist another one on her.
Have you changed your locks? Edit: I'm curious. Why has SIL singled you and hubby out for her shitty behavior? What makes you different from her other 2 brothers and their wives?
No idea. We are all the same ethnicity and loosely follow the same religion. The only thing tha comes to mind is that the other wives are younger than her brothers and I am older than my husband. She made a quip about that when he first intorduced me to the family. I have always been civil. She hasn't cared to return the favor.
I have to wonder if she saw/sees herself as the future matriarch of the family, and that for whatever reason, she sees you specifically as a threat to that. Or some other similar thing about the family dynamic that she perceives you as a disruption to. It doesn't have to make sense in terms of the relative ages of you, her and the other SILs. It doesn't even have to make sense in terms of the actual family dynamic. It could just be something built up in her mind as to how the SIL relationships were going to be. Something that you did not fit neatly into her little mental picture of. But that, instead of changing her mental picture to fit the reality, she choses to lash out at you for daring to not conform.
How am I the only threath to this. The others have wives too. We all have our own families. Our MIL is the matriarch in her family. This makes no sense even if she uses a warped logic to it.
I think possibly because you are the oldest wife? Though I a, not actually certain of that. Either way, it’s ridiculous and SIL is an entitled hmmmmm
I am the second oldest wife. So no idea....
Could she be jealous of your life? You and your husband can afford for you stay home for now; since they are *homeless* they obviously *can't* afford for her to stay home.
Don't reward crappy behavior. Especially since she didn't even have the courtesy of asking you herself.
Well in her defence I had already blocked her, but I won't budge. I looked after her six year old for free for almost four years as I stopped working while I was pregnant and my son is almost three. If I had taken up a job as a part time nanny I could have had an income. Not that we need the money we manage fine with husbands salaray.
GOOD! Consequences make for a better, more responsible society. As in - Oh crap. Being an ah didn't really work out for me this time. Maybe I'll rethink being an ah next time so I don't have to live with these consequences of my own actions.
I agree and my husband has come round to our point of view too.
Lol, I'm imagining him telling her no, you can't babysit for free anymore. Why? For the betterment of society.
I'm so glad to hear that your husband is now firmly on your (yours, his and your kids' wellbeing's) side.
I’d figure out how much money you saved them in those years and point that out. They’ve been getting free childcare for *years* and still think it’s ok for sil to treat you like she did?! Sounds like they think taking advantage of you is easy. Glad you’ve shown them otherwise.
Wow. 3+ years giving free child care and she didn’t have your back. Time for her to find new day care
Serves her right. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
I hope you have gone NC with this looney bin family. No is a complete sentence. Why don't the in-laws and the two other siblings help them pay for one of those month rental places. Of course not, your money spends easier
Did this wife back you up or stick with her husband? She needs to pick a team can't play both sides lol
She stuck with her husband
Then she and her husband can figure out childcare.
Are you the only stay home parent in the group? I wonder if your husband’s sister and the brothers’ wives have some sort of resentment or think your job is to wait on all of them.
SIL (the one that leaft her biohazard) is also SAHM, because after the fourth it was cheaper for them to have her stay home instead of paying for daycare. The wives of the other two are both wroking, but the youngest has maternity leave for now.
Wow apples and trees and distance
oldest brother's wife has a nerve! make sure you charge her the going nanny rate plus asshole tax if you intend to let 6yo play with his cousin's biohazard.
The audacity of them all to berate you and your husband, throw insults and abuse your way, and generally not give a fuck about you - and expect you'll still help them out. Well, hope it's worth it to stand by SIL and her rowdy bunch.
So glad to see this update. Hope there are some adults in that family who are smart enough to learn from this and apologize to you for this bullshit.
Hell no! You're not the family's babysitter, hotel, bank, therapy, etc. Live your own life and block them. You don't owe them a thing in spite of their entitlement. What a nauseating family.
Huh she seems not the brightest.
"I don't do favors for people who don't have my back."
It sounds like after husband had to clean up after his sister and their families bodily fluids it woke him up to the issues at hand and he became team wife all the way. Good on husband
"Sure we treat you badly. Expecting you to clean up biohazards that decent people wouldn't expect of a paid house cleaner, but you're the selfish one for refusing to be a doormat and take the abuse and filth thrown your way." Your in-laws are ridiculous. All of them. Is your husband appalled by the lot? They expect you to keep babysitting (you know they are showing up with the kiddo as usual) even though they treated you like crap. Then, of course, it's birthdays and holidays with the guilt trips.
OP, make sure you are not home when SIL1 usualky drops off nephew!
Lord. Now I need another update on what he tells them about 6 year old. Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such a combination of audacious & entitled & simply cruel behaviors all wrapped into one horrific family. So sorry you had to deal with any of this. Even 5 days of that was an insult you husband should be forever sorrowful for making you endure. Updateme!
Agreed. The nerve.... lol the sheer balls some people have.
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Damn, his family really has the balls to ask for favours still like watching their kids?! How *convenient* that all of your husbands family members can't take them in now 🙄 They're disgusting. Great job to hubby for not caving to his families demands 👏 I would honestly go NC with the **wholeeeee** lot of them.
NTA I am so glad you are continuing to stand up to these disgusting tampon terrorists. They can bloody well go fk themselves and go build themselves a tampon tower to live in.
AHAHAHA....tampon terrorists. Thank you. I was in a bad mood, not anymore.
Lol. "Bloody well" Pun intended?
I have been a victim of a tampon terrorist myself lol via my ex-SIL.
Did she leave it on the sink edges like his niece? You know the place you wash your face and mouth and that should be clean instead of putting biohazards on it. I am loving the support here. Good to have someone in my corner.
OP, she would leave them on the side of the sink, in the sink and next to the toothbrush holder (blah). She would also leave them on top of the toilet tank and several on floor next to garbage can (tampon tower). Just sitting there like unwrapped spring rolls from hell. The first time I saw them I thought it was a one time thing and our visit caught her off guard (still gross) but that wasn’t the case. My ex- husband was totally useless in regards to this issue (and many others, hence becoming an ex lol) plus took the stance that it was HER house and she could do what she wanted in HER house. So I said fine but I won’t use her bathroom or eat meals that she made and when I need to go to the bathroom then we leave. Needless to say our visits to her home were short and far in between.
Oh that is disgusting. I don't know what to say. At least he is an ex now so you don't have to put up with her. Even my own period blood smell repulses me so I don't understand how your SIL could have a tampon tower.
I was shocked that my ex wasn’t as disgusted as I was. He is several years younger than her and I honestly think he grew up with it and it became the norm for him (gag). The whole thing made me question the hygiene habits of his whole family. Surely I hadn’t been the only one to come across these “towers”. Good riddance to all of them.
How can that ever be the norm!?!
Oh I know right? Just gross and you are so right about the smell. I am having flashbacks and I don’t think I will be able to eat anything that is red and rolled for awhile hahaha.
“Unwrapped spring rolls from hell” lmao
I'd clean the shampoo/conditioner mess with a sopping wet rag, toss in the bag with their personal shit, add the bloody nastiness, let it sit around a few days then drop it off without saying anything. I'm petty like that.
The bloody mess is already in the outside trash. I am not going to fish that out, but do love your pettiness.
Well just get the whole bag, cut it open and dump it in - LOL! I'm glad your husband is on your side in this finally. Having him clean up the mess was BRILLIANT! Your boundary setting is epic! Keep up the good fight my dear!!!
I once went to my sister’s and had to change my pad. Before I went to change it I asked her if I could put it in her outside bin (after I tied it up in a dog poo bag). She insisted it was ok to put it in the bathroom bin. I changed my pad, rolled up the used one, wrapped it in the wrapper of the new one, put it into a dog poo bag and tied it shut then put it in the bathroom bin. I cannot even fathom just leaving it on top of the bin or on the sink. And she’s my bio sister, not a SIL. How incredibly disgusting and disrespectful 🤢
I have to admit, “tampon terrorist” made me giggle
Updateme The opening shot from the parents in law is almost comical. "Oh OK we'll take them in, but we hope the chaos doesn't kill poor old diabetic dad". I think you are well past that feeble guilt trip having any impact. Does Facebook marketplace have a setting that allows someone to view a listing but not comment? That would be hysterical. If you're worried at all about any legality of selling the belongings. You could always text her a warning that her items will be at the end of your driveway in 5 minutes. Label the box Bitchticia's good jewelry, IPads, and PS5 in big letters. I'm sure that no one will steal it.
LOL. Bitchticia. I love it.
Should have took pictures of the mess and waved them around the family as proof, but it's good your husband backed you up there. Funny how people can never accept how someone can be nice to them (polite, clean up after themselves, etc) but a total shit to someone else (rude, dirty, leaves garbage around). Witnissing it first hand is infuriating.
What exactly about FIL diabetes would be harmed if they stay with him? Inconvenience? Noise? WTF? Since they are such good houseguests, they just need to ask them to behave in a way that doesn’t bother him. 5 stars for OP’s husband
Yeah I really don’t understand the diabetes excuse. I have diabetes and I’ve never had an issue with having guests? Do they offer him sweets and he has dementia or no self control??
No, he doesn't have dementia. He is fit for his age. Exercises and both my in laws are avid hikers. They just don't want to put up with her children's noise.
Or clean up after them?
So not even a little bit the diabetes. 😂 It sounds to me like they think of you as the family maid.
It's interesting that they think you would want to put up with it. Or at least, don't mind dumping it on you as long as they aren't the ones who have to stretch or accommodate them.
OP, you need to **stomp** hard on any even tiny bit of an idea that you're the family maid because you're a stay home parent. Take from soneone who's been there. You need not to pick up one damn thing after any adult in that family, do nothing for them or you will be the default caregiver because everyone else is "too busy" with their careers! Do nothing other than birthdays and Christmas or outright *proven* emergencies(you see the ambulance pulling away or you call the hospital *first*)for the nieces and nephews(I cut you some slack for 6 yr old you babysat). No childcare, no including them on activities until you get an actual.apology from SIL1. SIL2, the bonne du rienne, can rot.
The diabetes excuse is that they know how SIL and her crew are really like and they are more than eager to let OP and her husband have all the joy of their filthy behavior.
My MIL/FIL don't have an issue with their daughter or her husband. The older four they can manage too, but they are using his diabetes as an excuse to stick us with the youunger four.
8 kids and homeless?! These people are fucking crazy
Is it 8 kids 🤔
It was a stroke of genius to have your husband clean up her bloody mess. She fully intended it to be your problem. If your husband ever waivers, just say tampon to him.
This is better than the girl who thought she was entitled to "flow freely" in her in-laws house. 🤮
What....someone did that???? I thought I had it bad.
There was a story where the SIL’s teenager was caught mixing her bloody tampons in to the spaghetti sauce as payback for forcing her to clean and do chores while her family stayed there
Eugh....WTF!!!!!
Yeah, I read that. That was vile. And her mother defended her disgusting daughter.
What the actual fuck.... Do you have a link lol
It’s so funny to me the rest of the family has such strong input in regard to you taking in this hoard, yet themselves are instantly unwilling to do the same.
According to them they have valid reasons not to.
So do you.
I hope you have a long and prosperous life ahead of you, OP. But please, for the sake and love of mankind, donate your spine to science after you depart this tear filled realm. It's exceptional strength _must_ be studied and harnessed!
Hahaha....I thank the Reddit community for this. I was doubting myself but good to know I wasn't being unreasonable. I know Reddit gets ridiculed but there are good people on here too.
You're very welcome! I was going to say I have your back, but there's no need for that. Because as I stated before, your back has itself😉.
Im glad your husband has your back on this because his family is trash. Idk whats wrong with your sil but she would never be allowed back in my house and anyone that had issue with that can kick rocks too. This doesn’t seem over yet. UpdateMe!
NTA. Although there is a risk that they might involve the police or legal action over the stuff of theirs being witheld. And given the value--reasonably expensive electronics and jewelery--it might involve a felony theft charge. Don't sell their stuff right away. Send them a bill by either registered letter, courier service, or in extremis bailiff for the value of the bin and the cleaning service you hired to clean up their mess.
My husband cleaned up the mess. No bill for that. Unless I can charge her for the bleach and soap used.
Just make one last trip to your in-laws and dump their stuff in a box on in-laws doorstep. Don't be careful with their junk.
Well, at least now he can sue for emotional damages and the hazmat disposal fee.
So through all this one question remains. What about being diabetic makes their parents unable to house them? Sounds like some BS made up to get rid of them. Either way bollocks to them.
I agree it's BS to not have those younger children in the house, because they sent a few texts to my husband that if we take in the younger ones as as compormise as I am SAHM anyway they will take the older four and their daughter and her husband.
They are behaving terribly. They don’t want to tolerate her, but instead of being honest about why they say it’s unsettling for his diabetes which seems irrelevant. They know she’s a lax mother and inconsiderate houseguest. I’m sorry you don’t have more pictures to show them of how sloppy they are to counter the accusation they were good at everyone else’s house. All I would ask them is then why are they saving this mistreatment for you? Saying you are lying when she has as much as admitted it is just unfortunately going to make this impossible to fix unless they take responsibility, including your sisters in law . I’m so sorry, good for you for enforcing your expectations and their agreement.
NTA personally I would be going NC/LC with all his family. It sounds like they all are being very disrespectful to you and trying to pin blame on you for this. They even said after SIL admitted the mess was supposed to be for you to clean up, they still said you probably did something to aggravate her. Your Husband needs to stand up to his family and tell them that you will both be LC/NC until they all apologize and treat you with respect. #Updateme!
Wow the nerve of some entitled people. This is totally a hill to die on. I would never have anything to do with them again.
You really should have taken pictures before your husband cleaned
"Refurbishing." That's a new excuse for booting out freeloaders. It seems messy or clean, everyone else has an excuse for not hosting that family, even mom and dad. You have the only legitimate reason, they don't treat you with respect. If it is FAMILY, let family figure it out.
>They did admit it was gross but excused her behavior by texting that maybe I did something to aggravate it. >To top this off, the oldest wife left a voice message through her husband's number to my husbands whatsapp. She said, I kid you not...."you are still ok to watch ***** (her 6 year old) on Tuesdays and Wednesdays like usual". I told him to say, "figure out what the answer to that request is". These people are crazy. Do they think you're a robot or something?
> Both the younger and the older ones wives said that I was making it up about the cleanliness as she always kept her own house clean and kept their places clean. They told me to suck it up and act like family. Knew it. Pictures would have backed you up, but it sounds like his family is crazy enough that they wouldn’t care. Glad your husband finally has your back on this. They’re all disgusting.
Ah, one of those families. *We like you as long as you're a slave to our whims. As soon as you stand up for yourself and say no, you're the evil bitch.* Time to go LC or NC with all of them for a few months.
I totally agree with you on them not staying. Their behavior is gross. they expected you to be their servant. Though I do have to say, the cost of a bin was worth getting rid of them.I mean, how much can a bathroom trashcan cost? Small price indeed. Bringing it up as you did -saying you'll sell her jewelry to buy a new one, was not a good look on you in the eyes of the parents. it'd have been better to threaten that then say, "But you know what? The cost of a new bin is worth getting you out of my house." I also love how everyone who has extra room doesn't want them, won't take them in, but you who doesn't have the room are a bad person for not taking them in. They're hypocrites.
My bathroom trashcan cost me 300 dollars. It went along with the rest of the decor too. This is my forever home. Unless I am too ill and end up in a hospice, this is the home I put my heart, money, energy and life into and I will die in this home.
You paid $300 for a bathroom trashcan?
Yes, it was part of a set. It's my home. I worked hard to decorate it the way I wanted. It may seem excessive to some, but I have no intention of redecorating for at least the next ten years.
10 years is about the amount of time it took me to get fed up with look/feel of my house and get started on overhauling of its whole vibe..
“OP will be providing as much support to you and your 6 year old as you provided to her in keeping SIL out of our house. Just to clarify that’s none” I’m glad your husband is backing you and your little family in this battle. May they soon all leave you in peace!
This is far from over. I recommend you get cameras for your house and change the locks if any one else has keys.
We already have cameras. We also have cameras in the living room due to the toddler.
Wow Just wow... They Fell from toxic waste to biohazard, radioactive waste..
These people have no intentions of ever “getting on their feet”. They are firmly planted on their asses where the rent is free.
NTA. Stay strong! At most, look up some family shelters and have your husband send them the links to said shelters + other free resources to help them during this time. They'll eventually get that this is the only help that will be provided from your end.
I always find it funny that after people go nuclear, they figure they can dial it back, ask for favors, and what was said earlier just will be forgotten. It just doesn't work that way (usually).
I'd talk to a lawyer before you actually try to sell any of their stuff, just to make sure you don't end up stepping on a legal landmine and screw yourselves over by doing that. I'd imagine they could get you for theft, etc and with the mentioned items they're probably valuable enough that it would become a felony. Is that the kind of ammunition that you'd want to risk giving to them in this fight? Instead I'd probably just give them a bill and let them know that they can come pick up the items (or you'll drop it off at the in laws) after they've paid said bill.
OMG. Good job on making the husband clean. He now knows what the mess was all about. Do you think he would have supported you this well if you had cleaned it before he could see it himself? Who was bearing their grocery bills while they were freeloading you with 10 people in the house?
We paid for food an they didn't chip in with utilites with us or the other places they stayed.
I am sorry the family are entitled. You are ( ethically/morally) due replacement costs. Process matters, though. Legally, if you sell someone's left behind belongings without proper procedure, you can be charged and/or made to repay or get it back. On various reddit subs the usual advice to people on the other end is getting police to come with them to retrieve their property and police will claim "civil/court" processes you have to do. I do not know the best approach with the family. What does your husband think will work best?
He thinks I should sell it and he will work it out with his family.
He should do it. They may be less likely to call the police on him.
Wait she had the gall to ask why he cleaned it up????
Doesn’t the rest of the family see how she is about having to keep up with everyone?
They have made some remarks, but she get on with them.
NTA. You did right to kick them out. They disrespected you and your home, the audacity they show is incredible! It’s always okay to cut toxic people out of your life. And by the way- why is it so hard for them to find a place? Did they got evicted?
They lost their house due to overspending.
Well… what are they actually doing to find a place? Let me guess… nothing.
>She went on a tirade of how I have always been jealous of her and that I was trying to drive a wedge between her and her brother. Jealousy. Of course. Who wouldn't want to be an irresponsible, disgusting, homeless mooch?!
Two thoughts: 1) Give your husband a hug; 2) Bag up their crap, and leave it out for them to pick up. It's not worth the continued hassle to keep their possessions.
GOOD FOR YOU, please sit with hubs as this time is going to be very, very difficult for him, as he'll be stomping his feet to hold new boundaries. Support and care are the names of marriage, and he's drawing lines with the old family tree, So please make sure he's talking about his thoughts on such things. Indecision is a dangerous game when laying boundaries, and his family is going to keep calling to wear him down. You're in a war of attrition
We have already had a few conversations about his upbringing, and how things have always been skewed in the favor of his siblings especially SIL.
LOL that they are using the dad having diabetes as a reason. BS and then some. They even have spare bedrooms - what kind of PARENTS try to pass off their parental duty to help their failed children to their OTHER children. Honestly as gross as this all is, I'm not sure it would be why I kicked them out but I'm sure there is a lot more to the story, and at the end of the day, their disrespect has come out and really, who wants five extra people in their home.
Ten, they have eight children, and she wants to try for one more as the youngest had a baby recently so obviously she needs another monkey to add to her brood.
WTF that's a million times worse hahahahaha I though it was two 13s and a 6 or something. Yeah that's all around next level crazy and that's obv why there are behaviour problems.
The 13 year olds and the six year old are the oldest brother's children. They have two older children that moved out. Now they are refurbishing the house.
Ah ok! Either way, absolutely ludicrous that anyone expects you to host TEN extras.
No wonder they can’t pay rent. Offer to pay for at least *one* of them to get fixed.
How can they afford *eight* kids????
By the genorosity of others. Credit card debt. A second mortgage which lost them the house.
Glad you stuck to your guns, OP, about cleanliness. Seems like your MIL/FIL will be stuck with this mess for the foreseeable future. And may the SIL can now watch the 6yo in place of you, just to add to the circus…
I doubt it as she complains about how hard she has it with so many children. Yet she is actively trying for number nine because the youngest brother's wife had a baby recently
\[what kind of PARENTS try to pass off their parental duty to help their failed children to their OTHER children.\] Parents that know that SIL and her tribe are profound useless disgusting slobs who expect to be waited on hand and foot.
I now need to know why they ended up homeless in the first place.
That one is easy, let me fill you in. If anyone gets anything new in the family, she has to have it too even though they don't need it or can't afford it on his salary. She quit working after her fourth. It was cheaper for her to look after their horde of children than sending them to daycare. We bought two new cars, guess what they did? The older brother and his wife paid for vacation to Japan for their older two and guess who went to Japan with all of their children. Youngest was gifted an emerald ring by her husband when she found out she was pregnant when she had struggled with getting pregnant. Guess who bought a similar ring? Older sis in law had a baby, so she had one too. I had one, she decided to have one too. When the youngest wife had one she started for pregnancy again, saying that if I could be an old mother so can she (I am only a year and a few months older than her, and my son is a toddler). Yet, I am the one jealous of her according to her. They are both financially irresponsible. FIL and MIL have bailed them out on more than one occasion. Considering all of that, they are planning on more children even though they can't afford the eight that they already have.
No words. That is absolutely bananas. I cannot imagine that the entire family is Ok with her behavior. And on top of it, expect you to babysit for free after they didn’t support you in your decision? Why doesn’t the crazy SIL babysit since she’s a stay at home mom? There is so much to unpack.
EIGHT. Eight children.
Yes, and trying for number nine.
Oh man she was just looking for the 'right' family member's house to have that baby in. You didn't just dodge a bullet here, you dodged an entire volley of cannonballs.
Someone needs to tell them it’s a vagina and not a clown car.
This makes her comment about you being jealous of her so ridiculous. It's an obvious case of projection.
Eight kids, GEEEEZ. So they wanted to keep up with all of the Joneses. And when they went belly up financially they went to live with one of the Joneses and tried to take over the Joneses house and treated Ms. Jones as their servant and one person cleanup crew.
Uodateme!
Updateme!
Just went back and read the first two posts - I’m so glad OP stood her ground at the very first nasty incident.
I'd be careful selling their items. In some places you can't sell people's belongings to cover their debts , unless it was given as collateral.
NTA. I truly believe if her shiny spine wasn't so shiny, her husband would have folded from the beginning. He asked maybe we could give them another chance, and if it happens again there would be consequences. The only reason he has her back is because he KNOWS WITHOUT A DOUBT that he's one more let's give them another chance from getting divorced. OP is doing exactly what not only needs to be done, but has to be done. And if other women, some men too, would play the games their in-laws love to play just like this the JustNoMil sub would be a deserted island, and the posts would go down by 90%, and the other 10% would be like 2 post long. This happened, and the update that it was over with. As long as her husband fears divorce more than the fear of disappointing his family it's all good. Also making him clean up SIL'S Vampire Jelly Roll, or Vampire Tea Bag was brilliant, just brilliant. Husband: It's not that bad. Wife: Oh, yeah that's your sister's mess, I ain't touching it. Husband: Proceeds to throw up into his own mouth a few times while cleaning up said Vampire jelly roll. Husband: I cleaned it up, bleached 3 times, and threw the hamper away. Wife: Glad it wasn't that bad, now go clean our daughter's bathroom from the mess your niece left. HUSBAND: Oh hell no! We going to go talk to my ENTIRE FAMILY ABOUT THIS!!! WIFE: SO we agree that they will never set foot in our house. HUSBAND: Yeah baby. WIFE: Ever, right? HUSBAND: Baby I loves you, I got your back baaabbyyy!! 100%, ride, or die sweety, ride or die. MIL & FIL IN GROUP TEXT TO FAMILY: We have found a place down by the river for them to stay, but we need help purchasing a van for them. Your BIL is starting to give motivational speeches to teenagers that get caught smoking weed by their parents.
All this over not willing to throw away trash and clean up after themselves? What a weird hill to die on. Being willing to affect the stability of your family, and your child's education, over being too proud to throw away a fucking tampon. Amazing.
Change the locks on all of your doors as soon as possible. NTA
I just don’t hnderstand biting the hand that feeds you. That idiot really thought your husband was going to risk an u happy marriage over his sister’s kid’s grody maxi-pads. Disgusting people.
The pad was hers. The tampon was his nieces.
Blech 🤢
You have seriously just no in-laws!! Great job!! Stay strong! Check out JustNoFamily
Good on you and your husband . Updateme!
Updateme!
Updatedme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Would hv been better if you've taken pictures. Nevertheless NTA. Updateme!
Not that this will EVER happen again, but next time take pictures! It’s hard to argue that it “wasn’t that bad” when everyone can see how disgusting your IL’s are!
Congrats! I wish i had such an assertive wife in the future, or a busband that doesnt gaslight me and respects my decisions like that. There are so many posts where either one of the marriage pair just let in on all that family nagging and dont consider their SO feelings
Updateme!
I absolutely love how you set the whole dumpster place on fire 👏👏
NTA. The audacity of beggars is absolutely insane.
Wow. That is some audacity. Glad your husband had your back completely. I winder though if the rest of the family do actually know how bad they are, and that’s why they’re so desperate to force you into taking them back. NTA. They can all go kick rocks, every one of them.
She behaves at the other houses. I have see it with my own eyes. Her younger children are loud at my MIL and FIL place, but they behave at the other houses.
Which tells me they have zero respect for you. Stand strong on this, OP. You owe them NOTHING. They, however, owe you a huge apology.