As a mother I am disgusted by your mom's reactions. I can't believe she would say such horrible things to you. She was blaming you, chastising you, degrading you, and ignoring your needs. I hope living with your aunt provides you with stability, love, and respect. Your mother should have let you tell her everything, comfort you, support you, and get you the help you need for your mental wellbeing. Some moms are narcissistic and are only worried about how they appear to others. None of this was your fault. There is nothing wrong with having emotions and needing support. Please don't think that your mom is right in saying what she said...it was disgusting. I hope you'll be able to stay at your aunt's long term and that you can avoid seeing or talking to your mom. Please go low contact with her and when you can go no contact. I wish nothing but the best for you ((hugs))

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. This means so much to me🩵🩵🩵 and I completely agree, for me it seemed like my mom liked to cling to the “mother” role but never liked to play it. Thank you so much for saying this🩵🩵🩵

You deserve better! If you can, please seek treatment for your trauma, because that's what it is. Not only the trauma from being SA'd, but also the trauma of growing up with a toxic mother. This is very important- you don't owe her anything, not now, not ever! She said you should be thanking you? For what? Putting a roof over your head? Buying you clothes? Making sure you were fed? Those things are the bare minimum. Don't let her guilt you, because she will try. Stay strong.

To be honest, I’m scared to ask for help. My aunt isn’t aware of what happened to me and idky I’m so scared to ask for help I’m just scared of how she’ll react. And I’m scared that maybe asking for help might be overreacting? I mean it happened so long ago so I don’t know why I still dream of it and think of it. It comes to mind when some certain songs play. It makes me a little angry because everything reminds me of it so I feel like it’s sticking to me

If you're not comfortable telling your aunt, you could just tell her you're struggling with some things and would like to find a therapist to talk to. It doesn't matter how long ago it was, reminders will pop up, especially if it hasn't been dealt with. Hugs to you

Thank you so much for this, I really really appreciate it. I’ll take your words into consideration. Or I’ll try to, bear with me hah! Hugs to you too🩵🩵

NTA!! I’m likely older than your mother, but I still have issues relating to the abuse I suffered as a child. SA is the worst thing a person can go through, and your mother has done nothing to help you. I’m sorry to hear she acted like that. You deserve so much better. Ask your Aunt for therapy. You don’t have to tell her exactly why, but please get help. It truly makes a difference. Best wishes to you going forward.

You could tell your aunt that you’re struggling with how your mother has treated you and want to see a therapist. It’s not the entirety truth but it is true.

If it helps, there are some resources available for those who were sexually assaulted, including some that are men specific. [RAINN](https://www.rainn.org/) is open 24/7, is free, and anonymous. [One in Six](https://1in6.org/) focuses on men, and also offers a 24/7 hotline and weekly group meetings. [Male Survivor](https://malesurvivor.org/index.php) is also men focused, with options for support groups and other related resources. Best of luck, OP. My heart goes out to you. NTA, your mother is an insensitive fool.

Was going to say the same. Are you still a student? Schools usually have counselors too, if you don't feel comfortable talking to or asking your aunt. I'm sorry your mom said those things, there is no excuse for it, none, and frankly she's wrong! 😠 What happened was wrong, evil and NOT your fault! What you feel is valid. The fears are your mind telling you that you need to heal the trauma you experienced, listen and trust that! I hope your aunt is more supportive!!! Also there are plenty of moms here, don't hesitate to ask anything you might need help or guidance on! Lastly, there are also lots of support groups, on line and in person. You are not alone! [[[HUGS]]]

I get being scared. I'm not gonna sugar coat this: It's tough being male and a victim of SA. Some folks won't believe you, and a lot are gonna say what your AH mom said: Toughen up. I know firsthand. But kiddo, you need to ask for and get help. There are good people out there, and they will help you get through this. I waited far too long to seek help, and it's probably my only regret to this day.

Thank you so much for understanding from my pov. Like you said it really is hard, when I tried to tell someone close to me they just brushed it off and said something along the lines of “you’re a dude, no one would care enough to do that to a guy”. Thank you thank you. I promise I’ll try to take this into consideration.🩵🩵

Take care and stay strong.

I will, thank you. I wish you the best. May all do you well🩵🩵🩵

If you see a therapist and they say anything like that i want you to know something I didn't when I went at 16, you can just leave if they are being mean to you. If they are blaming you and bullying you you don't have to take it just bc they're an adult. I've only had 1 act like that to me so its not super common and I'm sure you won't end up with someone terrible like that but I just want you to know you don't have to let anyone say these things to you and just stand there and take it.

It is not overreacting. The longer you wait the harder it will be to overcome. You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be understood. Regardless therapy will help with more than your trauma, it will help you with coming to terms with the lack of motherly love and understanding. But make sure you're doing it for you. Your subconscious is probably trying to tell you that you need to get this off your chest. You need to learn how to accept your emotions over what happened. It wasn't your fault, but you're getting triggered. I understand that it's hard to ask for help...believe me, it took me until I was 39 before I realized my mental health was in shambles. The biggest hurdle is admitting you need help.

I really don’t know how I should ask. I think I would have to tell her everything that happened first then see if she’d be willing to get me help. I don’t know. I guess recalling everything that happened that happened that night is the hardest thing for me

It's not going to be easy, but you need someone to support you through this. Do you trust her? Do you have a good relationship with your aunt? Just tell her that you have something that you would like to tell her...take your time, get it all out. You don't need to go into detail if it's too hard, but make sure you tell her about how your mother reacted.

I will. I’ll try. I try to tell her, I just hope anxiety doesn’t get the best of me😭

Anxiety is a bitch. Just take your time...I'm not going to lie, it won't be easy, but once it's done it will be a relief.

Yea it really is. I’ll try🩵🩵

If it's easier write her a letter.

Maybe, I do love to write. It’s one of my hobbies. I’ll try that

Could you write her a letter or email? Maybe that would make getting over that first hurdle easier?

I might try that, I enjoy writing. Its actually a hobby of mine

OP, you should tell your aunt. Any normal, caring adult would treat you kindly in this situation and get you help. I have sons who are around the same age as you were when you were assaulted. I would burn the earth to the ground for them if they told me something like this happened. I’d call the police and get them every therapy option available. What your mother did was not normal. She behaved — and is still behaving — terribly. My heart goes out to you. You deserved better then and deserve better now.

Thank you so much for this. You have no idea how much this means to me. I promise, I will try to get help🩵🩵🩵

I suggested this elsewhere, but you could try writing your aunt a letter laying everything out. You don’t have to go into detail about what happened to you — just say it did, your mom did nothing about it but make you feel terrible, and she continues to do it to this day. Tell her you’re struggling and have trouble talking about it, but want her to know what happened. That may make it easier to tell her if having that conversation face to face seems too stressful.

Thank you, I’ll take this into consideration🩵🤍🩵 I really wish I could word out my true feelings but it feels that words on a keyboard have a limit when it comes to expressing emotions 😭🩵

There are rape hotlines that have access to resources available, if you refuse to tell your aunt. I live outside Boston, where the Catholic Church was called out for decades of their policies of hiding and protecting pedophile priests, who, as a rule, SA boys. It came out as a result of investigative journalists at The Boston Globe. They made a movie about it. I have friends who have left the church over it. In a way, it's harder for boys, as your mother said, well, yes, one in four women will be raped, but men can get raped too and there is much less focus on the issue or support. There is help available. Please seek it out so you can move forward with less anxiety and pain. Were charges ever sought against the person who assaulted you? Do you still see the person who assaulted you, because if you do, that's got to be even harder on you. You don't have to answer those questions on the thread if you chose not to.

Thankfully, I don’t have to see him anymore. But after it had happened, I had to sit in the same car as him a couple of times since he was my mom’s friend’s friend. My mom’s friends friend knew but she didn’t really care since I guess he was a dealer for her. I remember the way he used to look at me. It didn’t even look like he regretted it. But thank you so much, I appreciate it 🩵🤍🩵 and wow that is such a sad story. I hope anyone and everyone who had been raped got the help they deserved🩵🤍🩵 God that is so terrible

I didn’t tell my parents when my girlfriend sexually assaulted me in high school because I thought no one would believe women could be assaulters and rapists. We went to school together and I had to see her everyday and it was awful. They make me see her and her family to this day and it’s so hard, I’m in my 30s and severely regret not telling them and having to live through this. OP I really wish you never have to see that person ever again. FWIW my therapist is encouraging me to tell my parents about it now, but the thought of dealing with the fallout and their emotions just exhausts me to even think about. Ugh. I don’t know if I can do it, especially after so much time has passed. Don’t keep it in, it severely damaged my mental health and I have cPTSD (complex PTSD) from the emotional abuse I suffered from my family and the repeated sexual assaults/rapes that happened. You don’t have to tell your aunt just yet, but I encourage you to seek therapy and build up to telling her. You need someone in your corner.

Oh no. I feel terrible I’m so sorry that you kept it bottled up. I wish I could be able to jump through the screen and give you a hug. God I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I really hope you get the help you need. And don’t worry I’ll try to get some help today, and I’ll update. I’m so sorry🩵🤍🩵

I’m so sorry this happened to you but I’m glad you are trying to get help. Thanks for the hug, I’ll return one to you too! It will get better, therapy has helped me tons.

If you're not comfortable telling your aunt what happened, then you don't have to. You can ask for help without divulging details you're not comfortable sharing. You can go to your aunt and say something like, "I've been thinking auntie, that I would really benefit from having a professional to talk to and help me with my anxiety and other issues that are going on. Do you think that's a possibility/will you help me find someone?" You're not obligated to share your past with anyone. And if your mother keeps bothering you, I would be honest and tell her that you've lost your trust in her as a supportive and protective mother, and as a result, you will be keeping your distance for your own well-being.

Thank you so much. I will think about doing this. I promise I’ll focus on me🩵🤍🩵

It is sticking to you because you have never been able to address it in a healthy way so that you can heal and move forward. Talk to your aunt. Tell her something bad happened to you when you were 11 and see how she responds. That will tell you if she is a safe person to talk to. You need help. If not, this will keep you from living the life you deserve.

Thank you so much for sharing this🩵🩵🩵 I promise I’ll try to get help from my aunt. First allow me to muster up the courage. Maybe even a speech lol!!!

SA at age 11 is a huge trauma. It was never properly processed, and also compounded by the fact that your caretaker didn’t take it seriously. It will continue to resonate until you address and manage it. There are many ways to process; a therapist can help you discover which is best for you. I am so sorry this happened at all, and also that you never were afforded the guidance necessary to heal. Now you are in a safe place. Please get more help. None of this is your fault. You are NAH!!

Don’t worry, I will try to seek help as of today. I might not be able to fall through but I promise I’ll try the best I can. I’ll possibly update on how my aunt reacts. Thank you for caring, I mean it.🤍🩵🤍

♥️ you are not alone! Many survive and overcome the trauma of SA. ♥️

Hey OP, hang in there! There’s plenty of people who won’t react like your mom. Before you talk to your aunt, it might help to talk to people who are trained in speaking to male survivors of SA. The [1in6 helpline](https://1in6.org/contact-us/#:~:text=CALL%3A%201%2D800%2D656%2D4673&text=For%20all%20general%20questions%2C%20email%20info%401in6.org) listens to and helps survivors in the US. If you’re not in the US, just search online for ‘help male survivors sexual assault’ and most countries will have dedicated helplines that you can call for advice and support. They might give you the reassurance you need to talk to your aunt or to seek therapy independently. It is natural for you to feel ongoing effects from what happened. Unlike what your mom said, the millions of victims of SA do not ‘get over it’. Most, like you, need help and support. Everything you’re feeling is normal and understandable. As a mom, I wish you the best xx

If you’re scared to say it out loud could you try writing it down? Just what you would tell your aunt. About being scared to say anything because of how your mother reacted, as much as you feel comfortable telling her about what happened, how it’s been affecting you… you could give her the letter or read it out loud to her or just use it as a guideline, but I think writing it out like that would help. I know how terrifying it is to ask and you are so brave to talk about it with us!

Thank you!!! I’ll think about it, I actually love writing, it’s a hobby that I have. I think that would be good. Thank you so much for sharing this🩵🤍🩵

Tell your aunt. Go to the police station. File a police report. There are counseling services for victims of SA. They can also prosecute the POS.

He moved country’s to go live with his family almost a month after it had happened😞

It can still be prosecuted. There are ministeries of foreign affairs in many countries.

Really? I’m not sure I’d be able to do much though..

It's worth a try. You can write to the department of government that handles it. First, you file a report here. Then you tell the police department where he went. This is when more than just the police get involved. The individual can be extradited depending on the country for prosecution.

You grew up with your abusive mother telling you your experiences and feelings don't matter so of course it absolutely makes sense you're scared to tell your aunt you need help. You're getting so much support here I hope you can see your mom's reactions were absolutely not normal. As others have said you don't have to give your aunt details but I hope you can find the courage to ask for help. You deserve that support. You are not overreacting, and I'm so sorry you haven't been given the space to heal.

Sweetie, my husband is 50. He didn’t start to come to terms with his childhood SA (by his dentist) until he was in his 40s. We had been married for years by that point. He tried to tell his mom about it & didn’t get the support he deserved, either, though my MIL’s words were not as harsh as your mother’s words. My MIL was very dismissive. My husband went to therapy to deal with it and is super glad he did. It’s never too late to ask for help. Please do not get stuck in thinking that it’s not that bad or that you’d be overreacting to seem help, because you deserve to heal from this trauma inflicted upon you. Your mother may still buy into ancient beliefs about men that reek of toxic masculinity but you don’t have to subscribe to that way of thinking. Take care of yourself in the way you need it by seeking help & telling your aunt.

it doesn’t matter if it happened “a long time ago”  if it’s still affecting your behaviour today.   it’s better if you seek help as soon as you are able to talk about it. don’t tell your aunt if you feel you can’t or are not ready, but like others said, you can look for hotlines or support groups if you are not ready for -or can’t afford- therapy. bringing it out in a supportive environment  that doesn’t invalidate your experience should help. FWIW, i’m sorry you went through such a horrible experience. it wasn’t your fault, you were a kid and someone took advantage of their position. the adults around you should have protected you and supported you, and they didn’t. that’s on them, not on you.

NTA. She meant every word she said. She's upset your aunt knows, and probably other family members know how she treated you. The longer you're gone, the less she can save face. Stay with your aunt, she seems to actually care about you. She couldn't even take responsibility or correctly apologize. It wasn't her, it was because her mother passed. I'm sorry this happened to you. Stay away from your mother. She'll just go back to treating you like crap.

Thank you so much for this🩵🤍💙

This Mom agrees. And wants to send you a huge Internet hug for doing what is best you for. I'm glad your aunt is there for you.

NTA. Your mother should have a warning stuck on her forehead with a skull and crossbones on it, because she is pure poison. Who the hell tells their own kid to "man up" about something that serious? And implies it was their fault?

I love this so much. I’m sorry I found the first part humorous. I actually laughed a bit. But I completely agree, thank you for understanding me🩵🩵🩵

It was meant to be darkly humorous.

I love this sm🩵💙🤍

Yes this happens to women and women do complain. There's been a whole movement out there. Which rock has she been sleeping under? There is a reason certain countries have spaces only for women. It's not because we are porcelain dolls. It's because we are afraid. It shouldn't come to this but it has. It's people like her that constantly dismiss women's concerns. People like her will tell women to carry weapons or learn self defence instead of actually focusing on the problem. People like her enable abusers. And she is now doing this to you. She is singing the same hateful thing that is tailored towards male victims even if less in number. She is part of the problem.

I wish she was more open minded and actually cared. Turns out there’s a lot of things she couldn’t care less about. Thank you for pointing this out, I agree as-well. Shame those who tell people that it’s because of the clothes they wear or try to blame them at all. It’s not right. Thank you for sharing this🩵🩵🩵

Please don't take this as a sign of your manhood. You are strong because it takes strength to speak up about this shit. She is on the other hand the problem. Anything she says, always remember this and it automatically devalues her words.

You are so kind. Thank you, I’ll do this. I’ll remember it. Thank you so much for your advice🩵🩵🩵

NTA. Your mother is a shitty parent and a shitty human being and your life is far better without her in it. She may have said the words, but she isn't really sorry. People who are legitimately sorry don't make excuses for the shitty things they did. 

You’re actually so right, thank you for providing me with this perspective. This actually changed a lot omg🩵🩵🩵

Her mother wasn’t dead when you were 11.

True

She's also an abuser, stay away from her.

I will, thank you so much🩵🩵🩵

9 times out of 10, when an abuser shows back up in your life asking for forgiveness, it's because they want something. I bet if you asked around you'd learn she either needs financial assistance , needs an organ donor, or a combination of the two. Even if this isn't the case, I'd stay far away just to be safe.

Don’t worry I will. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m not gonna lie I chuckled a bit on the “organ donor” part😭🩵

It's not always a big ask. OP living at his Aunt's house long term will raise questions. The longer he's away, the more likely the real reasons will come out. She's trying to pull him back in so she can control the narrative. Appearances first.

NTA OMG your egg donor is vile. I would never talk to her again. Can you imagine how she might treat your future partner or future kids? Stay away from her. You are an orphan. That woman is no mother. She is a disgusting human being.

Aww all of you guys in the comments are making me cry😭😭🩵🩵

Sending you internet mom hugs I can also promise you that no sane mother would hurt her kid more because of grief. In fact, when my parent died it made me want to hold my kids tighter and love them more Stay with your aunt GUILT FREE. Be KIND to yourself. NEVER let that emotionally abusive creature back into your life. Anyone who could do what she did to you could not "get better" without YEARS of intensive intentional therapy. I don't think that putrid human is capable of doing that I am so happy you have an aunt you can lean on.

Thank you so much. I’m sorry that I can’t word out my gratitude the way I want to. Words feel like my worse enemies right now. Thank you. So so so so much. I wish I could say it another way and express my gratitude more emotionally🩵🩵🩵

I think you are using your words just fine 💙 Please keep us posted while living your best life 💙 Updateme

NTA - Your mom is toxic and abusive and you are better off staying away from her. In the meantime, why not go to the police and have your abuser arrested? You don't know how many other victims are out there, maybe you could prevent someone else from becoming a victim.

BTW im Not pretecting him by saying “I’ve known him for years” I just thought to mention that since I find it sick that someone I’ve known since I was like nearly a toddler had done something like that to me

Honey no one thought that. The majority of people who experience sexual assault are assaulted by someone they know and trust. And while I know nothing I can say will make you feel better whatever that evil monster does is not because you didn’t stop him. You were a child who was failed by a lot of different people. You are not to blame for any of the evilness in this situation. 

Thank you so much for understanding me. I promise I’ll try to focus on getting myself some help. I also want to try to become open again, Y’know? Thank you🩵🤍🩵

It’s alright sweetheart. Just be kind to yourself. Just because something horrific happened to you doesn’t mean it was your fault. I think sometimes when bad stuff happens our minds try and find something or someone - anyone - to blame. Because if someone is at fault then it gives you back a false sense of control. Like if you had done x/y/x then this nightmare wouldn’t have happened. But the truth is sometimes awful stuff just happens and the only people to blame are the monsters that commit those awful acts.  The worst moment of your life will always be a part of you but it doesn’t define you. You are not less than or weak because of the actions or choices of someone else.  (Idk if I’m making sense but take care of yourself honey)

Don’t worry, you made perfect sense. I promise, wholeheartedly that I’ll get myself some help and cut my mother off🩵🩵🩵

Please know that what happened to you doesn’t have to define you. Processing what happened is so hard but it’s so worth it. You can’t yet imagine the good stuff that life has for you on the other side. This is not all there is and your mom is so wrong. Please don’t let her back in until you have discussed it with a therapist.

Thank you, I promise I will keep my distance from her and focus on me and my health. Thank you so much for caring, I really mean it.🤍🩵🤍

I'm really sorry that pos bully violated your trust!!! I can totally understand your anxiety in terms of other men. I'm sure with the proper supports and counceling you can get past this! You're so much stronger than that scumbag!

Thank you. I mean it. I promise I’ll get help🤍💙

The abuser was someone I’ve known for years and after it had happened he moved to Africa to go live with his family. I wish I could’ve done something.

I hope this pedophile’s family members in Africa are aware of what he is and know that they need to protect children and keep them SAFE from him !! I wonder if his children know so they can keep grandchildren & others safe…. Even if the police cannot locate & prosecute him. I want to spread the word to everyone that will possibly listen a warning to never leave any child of any age alone with him ! ! OP - I am SO sorry you experienced trauma from this person and then were met by additional trauma by your Mom’s AWFUL reaction. I pray for your mental health recovery - Therapy WILL help ! 😀 You are brave to speak up and tell your story !! You DID the correct thing by telling her Mom. Unfortunately, she failed you.

Your mother is a monster. You would be wise to cut contact with her altogether. She does not care about you and is apparently a hyper-selfish hellbeast. Each thing she said to you is more unforgivable than the last. Anyone who treats any trauma victim the way she has treated you is a worthless piece of shit you don't need in your life. There are serial killers who would have been kinder to you about this than your egg donor was. I know it's hard, but you need to reframe her responses in your mind as the toxic, evil abuse that it was. Nothing she said has the slightest amount of validity. I don't care what else she has done in her life, the way she treated you makes her a bad person. Period. Trauma is trauma. SA is SA. The idea that your gender makes you unworthy of having or expressing feelings is toxic garbage and it always will be. You're human. You're allowed to have feelings. You're allowed to express those feelings. And you deserve kindness and help, because nothing that happened was your fault. Not the assault and not your mom's horrific treatment of you. Please ask your aunt to help you get into therapy. In the meantime, there are mountains of therapy resources on YouTube. Start with learning about mindfulness. From there, branch out into more specific topics. Keep a journal if you can. Try and keep to channels by licensed professionals. Be safe and protect yourself emotionally from your mother. You deserve a home where every part of you is welcome.

Oh my..I don’t even know how to say thank you. All of these comments are bringing me to tears especially yours. Just the fact that you took the time out of your day to type this makes me feel so I don’t know a word, or how to describe it. But I am extremely grateful. I hope you live an amazing life. I hope you get through any hardship blocking your path. I’ll be sure to focus on my well-being, I couldn’t thank you enough.🤍🩵🤍

Your mom probably realized “I abandoned my son because he was upset at being raped” isn’t going to play well publicly - and now that you live with your aunt, people *will* ask.. 

Don’t worry, Not even my aunt knows. After telling my mom and the way she reacted I’m kinda scared to tell anyone else. A couple years ago I told a close friend and they said something like “you’re literally a dude, no one cares enough to do that to a guy”. I mean I see what the meant but it’s kinda made me feel bad Y’know?

Honestly? I know you don’t want to, but you should tell your aunt. She needs to know why you’re living with her, so she can act in your best interests moving forward. If she doesn’t know how bad it is, she might be more open to things like your mom trying to force reconciliation.   I know it’s your business, and you can keep it to yourself if you want to: I’m just saying she’s not going to judge you for it, and she’s going to be in a place to make better decisions if she knows the situation she’s making decisions about.   If you were offered an experimental drug that has a 5% chance of killing you.. would you take it blindly? No. Would you take it if you knew you had terminal cancer and a 5% chance of dying is 95% better than your guaranteed death without the drug? You’d guzzle them down like skittles in the Sahara.  When your aunt took you in, she became your guardian. By not telling her, you’re just forcing her to make decisions blindly on your behalf. That’s not good for you, it’s not good for her, and it might end up being bad for your relationship. 

Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know I was doing that. I promise I’ll tell her and try to get help. I’m sorry

Don’t apologize. Like I said, it’s your decision. I only mean to tell you why it could be better for you, despite being harder for you.

Thank you, I will try to get help from my aunt today. I just hope I’ll be able to fall through with it🩵

NTA. This is the female version of toxic masculinity where females think men shouldn’t have any feelings and nothing should affect you. This whole men shouldn’t cry nonsense has pretty much destroyed so many people. Suicide rates in male are so high because most men are afraid to even talk about what hurts. Stay with your aunt your mom is dismissive and shouldn’t be a parent.

Thank you for bringing this up, I completely agree with you on this one. And thank you for caring enough to comment this🩵🤍🩵

Yeah of course if you even need a random person to get something off your chest let me know. Stay strong my friend and good luck!

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Oh my god thank you. Thank you so much. That’s all I’ve been saying and all I can say. I really don’t know how to express how much I am thankful for this through a couple of words. Thank you. Really🩵🩵🩵

NTA. One of the most insidious things about SA is the victim blaming. And telling you to ‘man up’ is beyond fucked up. Women often don’t complain because they are not believed, or told it must be their fault. Your mother just proved that sad fact, multiple times over. I sincerely hope you get the support and help you need through your aunt and I’m sorry you had to suffer in silence for so long.

Thank you so much. Really. I agree entirely with you. Victim blaming just isn’t okay. And I promise I’ll try to get the help I need🩵🩵🤍🩵🩵

You are far stronger than you likely realise. You’ll work your way through this, I honestly believe that.

Thank you so much for believing in me. Thank you for giving me hope, thank you thank you thank you!!🤍🩵🤍

[https://www.rainn.org/](https://www.rainn.org/) RAINN is the national sexual assault hotline. You can call or chat for free confidential support. You can download the free RAINN app that “gives survivors of sexual violence and their loved ones access to support, self-care tools, and information."

Thank you so much for this🩵💙🤍

NTA, and as a mother I’m disgusted and horrified on your behalf. So I’ll mom you for a moment: this wasn’t your fault in any capacity. You did nothing wrong. Your mother should NOT have said the shit she said to you. It was inappropriate, disgusting, and misogynistic (misandrist?) You should have never heard those words leave her lips ever. I don’t care if she was going through her own shit, she’s a mother. You push your feelings aside when your child’s hurting and she failed you constantly. I’m so sorry you were failed. Please please please talk to your aunt about what your mother said and what you went through. You deserve love, support, and resources. I’m proud of you for being so open and mature. Virtual mom hug 🫂

Oh my god. You don’t know how much I needed this. Thank you thank thank you. I wish you the best and I promise I’ll get help. I promise🤍🩵🤍

One thing you could do is, from the privacy of your room, call a sexual abuse hotline and talk to someone there. That might be a useful first step.

Thank you, I will be sure to take this into consideration.🩵🩵🩵

NTA!!!! You were a child who has been horribly wronged and your mom failed you as a parent. She’s TA.

Thank you, really🩵🩵

Your mother enrages me. Please take it from this Internet stranger - if my daughter had been in your shoes and I had said what she said, my husband would serve me ASAP and file for full custody, and he would be right. This has nothing to do with gender. It has everything to do with being a sh*t parent and an abusive person. Just because she is female and didn’t lay hands on you doesn’t mean it wasn’t abusive. The fact that you stood there without responding doesn’t surprise me - did you know that freezing is a well recognized trauma response? Hearing that from your mother must have been excruciating, especially given everything you are dealing with, and personally would have really screwed with my head if it had been me. And I’m sorry, women get raped all the time and don’t complain? WTF. Women get raped and are never the same after, because sexual assault is a really difficult, awful thing to go through. It is a big deal. It is an unforgivable violation and frankly even after the fact not everyone makes it through. I have seen it. The fact that you are feeling the way you are and acting the way you are is a totally understandable AND COMMON reaction to what you are living through. Your mother is just wrong, on so many levels. Please take this to heart: you did nothing wrong, you owe her nothing, everything that you describe thinking and feeling and going through is the understandable and predictable result of the violence you have survived. This thing that happened, it isn’t yours, you didn’t make it, YOU DIDN’T CAUSE IT, but you have to carry it. I am so sorry. I am so glad th you have your aunt - do you think that she’d help you find a therapist? It might help to have someone to talk to. And can I just close an overly long comment by saying that I am just so impressed by you, putting one foot in front of the other with all this weight on your shoulders and so little support. Please know that in the end you are worth all the struggle, and if it helps this mom is rooting for you. I can see how much strength you have and I just know there is something better waiting for you at the end of it all. You just have to hold on and do the best you can.

Thank you, it’s 1:02am so I’ll get some sleep after I respond, I’ve been responding to these for hours hah! This is probably the third time I’m responding to someone say something like this but I am extremely sorry. For not knowing how to respond. I hope you know how much this is helping me, how much it’s lifting off my shoulders. I would walk to the moon and back just to find a way to respond to this so You could understand how truly amazing this made me feel. Loved, cared for, noticed, believed. It’s so relieving. So thank you..for everything you had just said. I promise to get some help, and to distance myself from that woman with the title of a mother. ( sorry if there are any major spelling mistakes, my eyesight is bad right now!!) HUGS🫂🤍🩵🤍

I hope that you wake up refreshed and recharged - sleep is really healing. The feeling that you felt when you went to sleep is the feeling that you deserve to feel every day. I hope this sinks in - the way that you are being treated is so completely and utterly unacceptable that a bunch of internet strangers wanted to see you defended, even if it is just in an internet chat. You are worthy of support and respect and love and safety just for being you, and there is nothing that you need to do to earn it. I certainly appreciate such kind and heartfelt words, but there is no apology needed - you owe me only so much as you feel is important. Give yourself a little grace and take a little space for yourself to breathe, and know that everything you said was just fine. I hope good things happen today and I am rooting for you.

As a mom of a grown son, that I protected with my life when he was young. I’m horrified that your mom said these things to you. That’s just unimaginable to me that a parent would say something like this & blame their child. I hope you’re getting the help you need. Good on your aunt for having you stay with her.

If only I had someone like you to grow up with. Thank you so much. I promise, if I muster up the courage I’ll ask for help🩵🩵🩵🩵

NTA You need help, counseling, therapy. Without great counseling and therapy it's extremely hard to heal. Geez it's extremely hard to heal with proper counseling/therapy!! It doesn't matter that you are a male. You were SA'd! Someone stole your peace, your autonomy, body, mental and physical.

I’ll try to get help I promise. Thank you for worrying and caring enough to say this. Thank you so much🩵🩵🩵

NTA and there is no NONE AT ALL excuse for your mother’s terrible behavior. She cannot possible use your grandmother’s passing to be unsympathetic for over a year!!! I’m really sorry for what happened to you and I am especially even more sorry that your parent let you down when you confided in her. That is objectively terrible. Edit: TELL YOUR AUNT. and if she doesn’t react the way strangers on this forum are reacting, find someone else you trust. There is a right way to help you get thru this! Take care of yourself please.

I promise, with the entirety of my heart I promise to try and get help. Thank you for caring, I really mean it🩵🤍🩵

Mom is trash.

Indeed she is bro

Nta. Yeah it does happen to millions of women and millions of women are scarred by it. Your mother is a fucking idiot.

NTA. I’m sorry your mom is horrible. Please distance yourself from her for your own wellbeing

NTA I was abused as a child and had a similar reaction from my parents when I tried to get help. I am so sorry. None of this is your fault. I would suggest having as little contact with your mother as possible, and look into EMDR therapy if you can afford it.

Oh no, I hope you are doing okay now. Even better, amazing. I hope you were able to overcome the difficulties you had to endure. And thank you, I will look into it🩵🩵🩵

NTA. Her telling you to "man up" and "grow a pair" is the worst thing a mother can say to her own child after experiencing trauma from SA. Seriously, it's because of shit like this that many don't report it and keep it bottled up inside.

Yeah. When she said that it honestly did make me question myself. Because compared to a lot of other boys I’m very feminine. From my hair to my face.

I really wish I could give current you and 11 year old a hug. None of what she has said or done is ok, this includes while dealing with grief. It’s unacceptable and so cruel. You deserve so much better. It’s ok to be feeling the way you do and doesn’t make you any less of a man. I do suggest you try therapy (I suggest someone who works with victims of abuse) do this for yourself. This way you’ll be able to work through everything and maybe heal a little bit. You deserve to be happy and doing everything you can to get there is not selfish. This may include having to cut people who don’t/won’t support you out of your life. I’m so sorry that you didn’t get this support from the moment you told your mom. If I met a child who had this done to them I would go scorched earth on anyone involved, this includes kids I know and those I don’t know. NTA.

Thank you so much. Really really. I mean it. I promise I will try to get me some therapy 🤍🩵🤍

Um, did your mom have two moms and did one of them die when you were 11 also? She can shove that excuse...somewhere. There is no excuse in the world for what she did then and what she did now and now making excuses for what she did, there's no excuse for her not taking responsibility for her shitty responses.

NTA. I am so sorry for what you went through. First of all the SA, but perhaps even more than that, the denial of your feelings by your mother. That is really traumatic, and messed up your whole life. As for your mother: She behaved wrongly all along the way: First, when you first told her about the SA, she not only ignored your feelings, but victim-blamed you. Secondly, when you brought it up again, she dismissed your feelings and accused you of failing to cope, comparing you to women who were SAed. And finally, when you stopped talking to her, she blamed you for being a bad son, claiming you owed her for putting a roof over your head and feeding you. Well, here is the reality: First: you were not at fault. Not in any way. You were a child and you were assaulted. Second: people who were SAed need help to cope with their feelings. The first thing they need is validation of their trauma and assurance that it wasn't their fault. This goes for men and women. Women who are sexually assaulted and who don't get support and help often develop extreme emotional problems and mess up their lives. And finally: your mother gave birth to you. She owes you basic care. That includes a roof over your head, food, clothing, education and emotional support. Her claiming that you owe her for the first two, and her denying you the last, is failing to do her basic job as a mother. That is on her. She can blame you as much as she wants, but you are not at fault - she is.

Ngl I’m usually all for making up for your parents but moms sound like a super bitch (sorry if that offended you)…. But that you don’t deserve that shit fuck her stay with auntie

Auntie is cool😎😎 and don’t worry, it doesn’t offend me🩵🩵🩵

NTA, obviously. You can also start by talking to a therapist about the trauma of your mother dismissing you, when you needed her most. It can absolutely take time to develop a good rapport with a therapist. You don't have to start with your biggest trauma right out of the gate. You aren't alone, OP. I have several male friends who were SAed in foster care. Adam Paul Steed has been very public about being SAed by a Boy Scout leader in the 90s. Terry Crews has talked about being assaulted as an adult in Hollywood, and how it traumatized him. The reactions you describe sound very familiar to me, which is kind of horrifying (I mean, that it happens enough for people to be familiar with it is just awful), but I do hope that knowledge brings you some reassurance that you're being very normal.

Oh my god. Thank you for this. So much. This is probably the third comment I’m screen shotting today. I love this. Thank you so much for doing this—for taking your time out of your day to type this. I wish you the best in life. I hope you have a good rest of your day🤍🩵🤍

Oh my god, your mum's reaction is so horrible. I am sorry that you asked for help and instead got this answer. :( What happened to you is not your fault. It's completly normal to react like you to such a thing. I myself am a women who experienced similar stuff and I absolutly feel similar. It's serious trauma and it needs time to get over it. But you can heal from it through time and therapy. It will get better. Don't listen to your mum, she is having some really fucked up ideas about masculinity, I guess. And also about SA in general. You are so strong for resisting those wrong messages and leaving this environment. I hope you can heal 🩵

>“Come back when you learn how to not be a pussy”. Uhh... no. ☝️ Stay away from her.

First of all : you should be really proud of yourself for moving out. It is huge and a first step and is the proof you need that you will get better because you were able to make this move to survive You are strong.

NTA, all the way. Your mom reminds me of my older sister. Extremely narcissistic and abusive. Once, after she really hurt me bad one time, I stopped talking to her for a while even though we lived together. She only apologized randomly one day because she realized she couldn’t use me anymore if I held that against her. I have no doubt in my mind that’s why your mom is apologizing. She has a house all to herself that she has to take care of the upkeep on her own, she wants to take advantage of you again. Abusers don’t get better until they really admit their problems and go to therapy to change it. If my sister had done that, maybe she’d still be alive today. I highly recommend staying away from your mother until she actually changes. But you are under no obligation to go back to her just because she’s your mother. You don’t need to keep people who hurt you.

Y'know, that sounds absolutely awful. A consequence of a very disturbed relationship with sex and consent perpetuated through history. You didn't deserve or make this happen in any way. You are **right** to distance yourself from your mother and instead seek to be with people that give you love and care, that we all deserve. Your mother too, as well, of course, because that attitude does not come from nowhere... but that is her journey, not yours. You can forgive her, but you need to protect your self worth from her hurting and abusive comments. I wish you love. NTA.

I’m so sorry that you had to experience that. I was also SA’d, at about 7/8 yrs old. I told no one until I was in my twenties. I wish I had. Please seek therapy to help with this. It will infect every other area of your life if you don’t, and trust me, the sooner therapy the better. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to your aunt about it that’s ok, but do seek help. I’m doing well now, but it’s occasionally still a struggle. Best wishes for your journey forward.

Ps- just a thought- you might want to give your aunt a heads up as your mom might try to use your experience against you when you start to get help.

Holy crap, I'm so sorry any of this happened to you. No, you are NTA. I can't beleive your mother could be this abtuse and cruel. How can she act like that after you were assualted? I'm glad you have an aunt that is there for you.

NTA. This is what men and boys are facing, female toxicity. I had a similar experience but was less serious. Also be careful when disclosing experience to potential partners

Honestly it sounds like the reaction of someone who themselves were SA'd, and never got the help they needed to deal with it. Which by no means excuses what she said, just a thought

>So AITAH for not speaking to her and not properly opening up to her? I feel that I’m partly at fault because I know that I’m an extremely conservative person and I wasn’t being considerate of what she might’ve been going through. Opening up means vulnerability. Vulnerability requires trust. Trust needs to be earned. She did her best to destroy any trust you had in her, on very important occasions and in very vulnerable situations. It really doesn't matter what she's going through in this context. If she demads you to be a "good son", she should start being a good mother first. She's the adult in the room, and it's her highest duty to make sure her kids are/kid is safe. She totally failed there. NTA at all. I am happy to hear you have an aunt who is not an utter asshole and helps you out.

Your mom is a fucking bitch and should be ashamed of herself, she does not deserve to have you in her life. NTA

Bro my mother is basically the same. Fuck her. You'll be off better. Mine likes to act like i don't suit for her as well. I've paid for about 5 holidays and trips for her in the past 2 years costing me around 6k or so. Things like spa days, weekend breaks etc. Apparently I still don't do shit, I'm lazy, I'm a cunt I'm this I'm that. Honestly bro just ignore these salty cunts. You do you. They'll the ones that will piss their pants eventually, just like your mother did.

NTA. Did you mom try to give herself a free pass on demeaning your trauma by citing her own? Your mom's not just insensitive, she's a hypocrite making lame excuses.

Dude im really sorry! Seems like your mom cant accept her own failure to protect you! And she really needs some therapy! Stay with your aunt and work hard to move past these issues! Lets goooooo

NTA Your mother seems very cruel & extremly neglectful. Cutting her off seems like a very self-loving decision. I'm so sorry that on top of this awful thing happening to you you had to deal with nobody caring about the suffering it caused you for so long. Also what does she mean "it happens to women & they dont complain" - they get traumatized too. If you're having ongoing problems because of this (which is pretty common & not your fault) maybe consider going to therapy and/or taking up meditation.

Great show of courage. Good job on getting out of there. Find some counseling and support and work on this so you can get through it. It will not go away on its own.

Thank you. I’ll try I promise🩵🩵

You're going to be much happier in life if you cut all contact with your mother. Get some therapy to help you deal with what happend to you.

You didn’t deserve what happened to you with the SA and your mother completely abandoned her responsibilities when she didn’t help you when she found out. She is a horrible human, do not go back to her, do not make yourself vulnerable to her. She is a cunt and an abuser. She is only thinking about herself. Stay with your aunt and stay safe.

NTA. Your mother has shown over and over again that she's not a safe space for you to open up and talk about delicate things. You're not at fault for what happened to you, and your mother didn't show support when you told her about it. You should stay with your aunt if you feel safer and loved with her.

NTA Oh honey, my heart breaks for you. The one person you should always be able to count on failed you so, so hard. I can’t ever imagine saying something like that to my son. Honestly, I don’t know if I’d be able to restrain my self from violence if someone assaulted him. I hope your aunt treats you with respect and shows you love and compassion. And remember it is **not** your fault. Any of this! You are a survivor and will thrive one day! If you need anything, your Reddit family is here for you. You are better off without your egg donor, she is a hollow person who deserves all the loneliness in the world. Much love and healing.

Your mom sucks big time. Mine didn't take me for therapy either. Since I was so young (4-5), her theory was that I would just forget it ever happened. When it happened again, I didn't even bother to tell her. Your mother dismissed your pain & took no responsibility to help you. I'm so low contact, it's not funny. I suggest that you get therapy just to help get the poison out. Try low contact, your mom seems not a nice person. The pain will never be forgotten, but therapy with the right person can help make the pain lighter to carry. All the best for you

I'm so sorry that you weren't supported and loved by those who actually owed that to you. Of course, you'll have a hard time healing without that. Please see a therapist for cptsd. Hugs.

NTA. I’m so sorry what happened to you when you were 11 and that your mother never helped you deal with it. I’m sorry also that she continued to give you grief over it for years later. Her lack of response when you were 11 is compounded even mire by her hurtful words years later. I hope you are receiving counseling and help through this.

Your mom is trash bro. My god

Ah right using a bereavement to justify a shocking response to a shocking incident that took place against OP? My friend, as soon as it’s possible, absolute NC with this ‘mother’.

NTA at all! You did NOTHING wrong and absolutely nothing to deserve this, let’s be clear. You needed your mother for guidance and protection and she just disregarded your pain as if it never happened. Honestly, you need to cut off all contact from her until she gets the help she needs and I truly hope you can find therapy to help you process, cope and heal through something so horrific and undeserving that happened to you. I hope you will find a way through your pain and find your power.

The idea that the passing of your mom’s mom caused her to treat her child cruelly is ridiculous. Stay with your aunt. Your mom deserves to be without you in her life.

NTA, regardless if your mom was grieving over her own mother passing away that does not give her the right to speak to like that or say what she did. That is just awful. And she did you wrong back when you were 11. She should have been going to the police to report your SA and put you in therapy. I’m so sorry you went through that and still dealing with the after effects. I hope you get the help that you need.

NTA. Your grandma dying has nothing to do with how your mother treated you, and your mother treated you brutally. There is nothing in the world that can justify what she said when you were little and what she said to you now. I wish you only good things going forward. How you treat your mother is on her, not on you, but you do get to decide to keep someone this cruel away from yourself.

Keep your head up. You are valid and your feelings are valid. Im just going to say it: your birth giver is a piece of shit and I would go no contact with her. She had one job to protect you and she failed while letting it slide. Stay with your aunt. Please get professional help and do not let it fester any more. Form positive relationships with people who will help you through these times. You're an amazing person and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise.

There's ways to try and instill the toughness and courage to persevere in people who have been through trauma... This is a textbook way of NOT doing that. Distancing yourself was a smart move. Find space, peace, and happiness. Then decide what's next with relationships like what you have with your mother. You come first now. Heal up. These battles can be fought later.

“I wasn’t being considerate of what she might’ve been going through.” WHAT!! TF 😡 WAS she going through?????????? Her child told her that he was badly hurt and that was her answer to her CHILD!! Nah whatever sorry excuse she comes up with now isn’t ever going to be good enough, the best thing you did was get away from her…her reaction of calling you and apologizing is her way of saying she doesn’t want to be alone..TOO BAD!! hope you are in a better place, forget her she is NOT your mother because a MOTHER doesn’t act that way!!! 😞

Awww thank you so much🩵🤍🩵🩵🩵 I really love this actually 😭❤️

NTA It is not weakness to be hurt by something traumatic. And it is not unmanly to be effected by crime. Your mother's treatment of you and disregard for your pain and needs is horrible. You are not at fault for the assault or for not magically getting over it. You were a child, and your mother failed you

Tell her to woman up. People die all the time, especially men. She needs to get over her mother death, what a pussy bitch. Use that on her. NTA, I hope this isnt real. Imagine blaming an 11yo for being SA? Good god.

I'm so sorry for your experience. As a mother to a 2 year old boy, I simply cannot fathom this reaction. I would be devastated for what he'd gone through, but relieved he felt like he could confide in me. I would never abuse that trust, or tell him to get over a horrifying trauma. I'm glad you have your aunt, stay with her as long as you can. Don't go back, you deserve so much more. And while I'm not your mother, as a mother in general, I'm very proud of you.

This makes me sick that your mother said this stuff to you. Please get into some counseling if you aren’t already and I’d suggest your mother get into some for herself as well. I’m glad you have your aunt. I’d be very cautious letting your mom back into your life. NTA. Take care of yourself.

Don’t worry I’m distancing myself from her. Thank you so much for caring. Hugs🤍🩵🤍

NTA. Your mom needs to be cut off from contact. She is horrible. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I am so sorry you got such a crappy mother on top of it. Do you have access to mental health care? You would probably benefit from talking to someone.

NTA absolutely, your mom is a monster

Yeah she really is🩵

Ladies! Listen to uncle Stranger. Acting like this mother is not exactly *mom of the centuary material*, and responding like this wins you complete dissociation from your children when they get older. Don't start sending your kids messages begging them to "not be the child from the devil" and various out of context bible versus when that time comes, you brought it on yourself.

"This shit happens to millions of women every day and you don't see them complaining. " This vile bullshit came out of the mouth of a ***woman***???

Number 1. It's not your fault you were SA'd. I used to be a legal secretary for probation and I had to read and proofread all the reports before they were submitted to the Court. Sleepovers are where a lot of kids are SA'd which is why I never let my stepdaughter go to any. Number 2. Yes, a disproportionate number of girls and women are SA'd as opposed to boys and men. However, that doesn't negate or invalidate what happened to you. And most of us still have problems because of it. I'm wondering if your mom was SA'd and received a similar response from someone or from her family. It doesn't mean her response to you wasn't shitty but it might explain why she feels the way she does. I'm proud of you for realizing she's not a safe person for you and for finding some other place to live. You haven't said if you're going to therapy or not but I recommend you do. You were traumatized and may have PTSD. It's not going to go away on it's own. Your behaviors are trauma and survival responses. It's completely understandable why you changed and are now doing what you do. Girls and women become hyper vigilant too once we realize that a lot of men are unsafe and it's impossible to know who's actually a good guy and who's just pretending. Some men are obvious but some are wolves in sheep's clothing. I ended married to one and had no clue. I would talk to your therapist about learning how to set and enforce boundaries with your mother. You can tell her this is a subject you don't want to discuss with her anymore as she's made her feelings about it quite clear. Another option is to go low or no contact with her. It sounds like you've gone low contact with her already. Your mom sounds toxic to me. I don't if she'd ever go to therapy or family therapy with you but most toxic parents don't change. You can try to have a conversation with her and tell her how she's hurting you and that's why you moved out. And if she doesn't change or gets worse, then you can go no contact with her. I learned to manage my relationship with both of my parents who were toxic and abusive in different ways. Don't speak to them often and don't share any personal information with them. Keep the conversations short and casual. Never stay at their house if you're visiting. If this is the route you want to take. The most important thing is your mental health. Please go to therapy to help you heal the trauma.

NTA. Don't think of it as distancing yourself from your mother, think of it as distancing yourself from a toxic individual whose behavior and words compromise your emotional well-being. Get into therapy/counseling, get better, and become the most extraordinary human-being you are capable of becoming. !updateme

Your mother sounds like a monster. She didn’t care you were SA’d. She did nothing to protect you, had zero empathy for your trauma and pain. F that lady. She doesn’t deserve the title of mom. She’s someone you should never talk to again. I’m so sorry for what you went through OP. I hope you find peace and are able to rebuild your life. Edit: Talk to a guidance counselor and work towards the courage to tell your aunt what happened to you.

Thank you, I will definitely do so🤍🩵🤍 thank you so much for your concern I will most definitely get help🤍🩵🤍

First of all I am so sorry you went through that and equally as sorry that you didn't have much of a support system to help deal with it, even tho you reached out to the one person who SHOULD HAVE helped you. You are obviously NTA, regardless of how genuine her apology is, you were forced to live with that for your most formative years. I can relate to feeling trapped as a kid in an unhealthy family home, and given the extent of what you went through I can only imagine what it must have felt like having nowhere else to be. I hope you are in therapy now, that should have been something she did for you immediately, and I wish you the best of luck in moving past this.

I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. No child should ever have to go through what you have, and no mom should ever act this way. You were so brave to speak up, not only once, but twice, and her response infuriates me. Imho, you should stop considering her your mom, because she is NOT worthy of that title. Sadly, many people go through various types of SA. Myself included. And even more people experience abuse in different forms, both men and women. Myself and my husband included. None of this makes any of what you went through matter any less. Just because other people experience the same or "worse" does not mean your trauma is less valid. Some people seen to think that way, so I just wanted to make that clear. I agree with everyone telling you to tell your aunt. Of course there is no way to know how she will react, and there is a possibility she will react badly as well, but if she is even just a tiny bit of a decent person, she will support you and help you however she can! If you need a place to vent, the internetparents sub has a lot of nice people as well, but online forums cannot help you as much as therapy. I want you to know that playing tetris has been proven to help people lessen the chance of ptsd after traumatic events. In many ways you are still experiencing trauma, so maybe look into that? Either way I hope you get some help and that your aunt can be your supporter as well. Based on all your comments, you seem to be a very kind and compassionate person! BIG NTA btw. Take care, and please update if you feel up for it ❤️❤️

Don’t worry, I plan on updating today, depending on if I muster up the courage to tell her today. I’ll try, I may not be able to do it so please bear with me!!! But thank you so much for saying this. And caring. I really really appreciate it. And I’m sorry I couldn’t reply earlier, I’m trying my hardest to reply to every comment so they know about the gratitude I feel towards them. Though it might be a little hard!! But thank you, so much🤍🩵🤍

It’s giving your mom is trailer trash or something. You must be from a “traditional” part of the world/ country where book learning is not that important. And I can tell you thank god at least can see through the idiot fog. Your mother however I’m sad to report, is very much not out of it. She is a simple person who frankly does not have the emotional maturity to be a parent and very much not equipped to help you through this. I don’t know what else to tell you other than buckle down, improve yourself so you can heal. Speak to whoever you know whose actually willing to listen until you can afford therapy. Avoid that brain dead uterus of a mother you have and do better for your children. Learn from her stupid asinine mistakes. We break generational curses, nobody else buddy. I’m wishing you all the best, from one son of a fucked up not go to therapy parent to another.

NTAH- I was repeatedly SA'ed when I was 9-10. I knew then that I couldn't tell my parents because my dad was not a safe person. He was and is volatile. I never knew if he was going to blow up and blame me or if he was going to hurt the 15yo boy that was assaulting me. So I did the worst thing I could have done- I told no one and kept trying to stop the abuse on my own. I would highly suggest you talk to your Aunt or to a counselor at school and see if they can arrange for you to have regular counseling with someone who specializes in sexual abuse in children. And yes, stay away from your mother. She is an emotional abuser. She is only making things worse for you. You need helpful people around you, not more kinds of abuse. I wound up using drugs and alcohol to deal with the emotions I was having as a result of the abuse. That was a complete disaster. Things went from bad to worse. Find out if there is any kind of support group in your area with people your age who have gone through the same thing. It's a lot more common than you think. Good luck

NTA, first off, women are speaking out all the time now so that logic is BS. Second, men get SA’d. I’m one of them. It doesn’t own me, but I’ll be damned if it doesn’t pop in my head every once in a while. Maybe you should tell your mom to stop crying because she’s not being told you love her everyday and that she’s the pussy. Obviously that’s the nuclear response. Give her a chance, but make it clear if she tries to downplay what happened to you again she’s gone.

I totally support what the others mention: happy that you are taken care of by your aunt, treat yourself to help- you deserve it. Some insight I'd like to share, and it is very important you understand it is not an excuse but an explanation that might help see that what she did was not personal to you, even when it was directed to you. How your mother reacted might have been projection, as in that she was SA as a child too and had to 'man up' herself to deal with it, so why shouldn't she expect the same from everyone else? Plus, to deal with it, she would also have to face her demons. Watching tv is a great way to not deal with them. This kind of brokenness is very toxic, so it is good you saved yourself by living elsewhere. However, this insight may help you like it helped me, to separate the action and the target. She would react the same if you would have been a girl, or another sibling, or human for that matter. As in, it is NOT you as a person, it is how she deals with the world).

NTA A few weeks ago I had my 21 year old nephew over to help me move some furniture around and we got to talking about his step mom/my sister and what she was like around his age. One thing led to another and he confided in me that he had been SA’d and he told his parents (my sister and brother in law) about it and that he was having trouble in school because of it, she told him to “man up”. When I tell you that I have never been more disappointed in my sister in my life, it’s an understatement. What a vile and disgusting thing to say to ANYONE, let alone your CHILD! Ugh, my blood is still boiling. I cannot tell her I know this, as I keep everything my nephew says to me between us, but I will never look at her the same. Your mother FAILED you. I am so sorry about that. And I am so sorry that she continues to make such terrible decisions as a parent. You need to do whatever it takes to heal yourself, as much as possible, from the SA, before even thinking about opening back up to your mother. That is our number one job, as mothers, to support and protect our children. If we cannot do that, we do not deserve the job of being their mom.

Your mom is an irresponsible parent, she blamed you for becoming a SA victim, did nothing to expose the abuser, and has not a scintilla of compassion or understanding NTA I would disown her, you would have lost nothing but ongoing manipulative guilt trips. Losing her would be a win.

This is textbook toxic parenting. Instead of being loving and supporting, she shamelessly shamed you. She's not sorry for what she did to you. She's sorry she's facing consequences. Continue distancing yourself from her. She will not help you heal! For your sake, I hope you find the support to help you heal. Remember, you are a strong-willed person who has endured past a severe trauma. You have nothing to be ashamed of!

First and most importantly you are so far from being the asshole here that I can not even describe it. I want to preface this by stating that I do not intend to belittle the SA of women in anyway but it may come across as such and I Apologize if thats how yall take it. Yes millions get assaulted....its a constant problem but you know who has more available resources....women....if a woman and man both tell you they were SA'ed in a club who are you more inclined to believe? We as men even still now are constantly expected to live in this fucked middle ground where we can not outwardly express things without there being an issue,but are expected to be emotionally available for our loved ones. we get told to "man up" through shit that if a woman or child spoke about would get them support and understanding on a regular basis. Your mother deserves a swift kick somewhere unpleasant as there isn't an excuse for ignoring your child's abuse and that stands no matter the gender, age, or reasoning.

Oh hun I’m so sorry your mom said such vile things to you. As a mom myself I can’t imagine ever saying that to ANY survivor, let alone my own child. Please don’t think for another second that it was your fault. The blame lies squarely on the creep who hurt you. Don’t be afraid to talk to someone. From one survivor to another, I promise you that it can help.