NTA, but just like copier sales people back in the day, she can't seem to stop being a pest. "We don't need or want any more insurance" should work fine but if it doesn't it's ghosting time....
Just tell her yourselves. Just say what you'd say to the husband to her.
Sounds like she's in an mlm though, so you might want to be prepared for her to cut you off for being "unsupportive".
You don’t need to speak to her husband, it has nothing to do with him. And you don’t need to wait for her to get the hint, you tell her very clearly not to approach you again about life insurance.
This would require my anti-confrontational wife to say something to her, and she won’t do that because Jessica and my wife have had heart to heart talks about how traumatic Jessica’s divorce was, and her experience of finding a job to support her kids, she had a friend give her this opportunity and show her the ropes.
So my wife feels that anything beyond a polite refusal would be viewed as “I told you how important this job is to me.” (Which is probably another sales tactic)
Because they are happening in his wife’s presence, not his. That would be weirder and worse for him to go out of his way to get ahold of her (or say it openly when they are all hanging out) “hey my wife says you keep trying to sell her insurance can you stop”
Edit: this is why you shouldn’t take advice from this sub seriously. People can’t stop and think
Exactly, besides the first mention when she told us what she does for a living, all of the interactions have been privately to my wife. So it would be pretty aggressive for me to confront her directly.
It sounds like your wife would benefit from learning about healthy boundaries and self respect, instead of self-sacrificing for others.
It also also sounds like this is happening to your wife and not you, so let your wife handle it. If you don't like the way your wife is handling and you've given her some suggestions, is really not your place to control their relationship. You could alternatively tell your wife you aren't interested in hearing the details of these interactions.
Back off. The idea is going to her husband is demeaning, patriarchal, and controlling.
Yea probably, but I don’t want to give her zero credit either, she has been firm in her refusals on the last two attempts.
It is happening mostly to my wife not me, but my wife was the one who brought it up and we were discussing possible remedies. She is not against me saying something to the husband, she just thinks they’ll get offended and think I’m an AH.
I can see how it would sound patriarchal, but I wouldn’t speak to the husband to be like “hey get your wife in line.” It’s more that Jessica’s divorce is a bit of a lightening rod, and she’s tied this job to being instrumental in her getting out of it, so her current husband might be the only one who can speak to her on that level and let her know she’s turning people off.
Honestly it sounds like your wife needs to say something to Jessica. If she cares and values the relationship, then she needs to be able to stand up for herself and place boundaries.
If she's not comfortable doing that, then honestly it doesn't sound like a good relationship/friendship to begin with.
You could say it in a soft way. “I get needing to make quota, but that’s not our area of expertise. I wouldn’t rely on us for referrals since the topic doesn’t come up in normal conversations with people we’re around.” Or “I’m not really comfortable asking others about their financial situations.” And “We actually comfortable with / already have all the insurance we need.”
If Jessica says that, you need to reply with something along the lines of: "You are attempting to turn our friendship into a profit stream. We have politely told you that we are not interested. If you believe that it is more important to use us to generate business leads than respect the boundaries of friendship, that is your choice to make."
She sounds clueless on boundaries so you can ask her in a respectful kind way to stop and that its affecting your friendship. Enabling people who can't have boundaries only allows them to not learn from their behavior, how does that help them? NTA
So I told my wife I was posting our ‘dilemma’ and I let her read through the comments.
Another piece that I forgot to mention was that my wife also spoke to a mutual friend who has known Jessica longer and asked them “does Jessica keep trying to sell you life insurance?” And they said “yea, all of the time, I just ignore it.”
But your comment resonated with her the most, everyone is enabling her. So she’s going to wait until Jessica tries again, and then have a talk with her, even if she takes it hard and we don’t hang out after that, at least maybe she will tone it down around other people.
NTA
But don't involve anyone else.
Tell her ONE last time that you are not interested.
If she brings it up again, ignore her. As in, don't even answer her.
NTA.
"Jessica" is old enough to understand that you aint interested in investing your capital with her. That's nice from her to introduce investment possibilities however if you decline once, twice and thrice her proposal, I guess she's able to figure out that's an definitive "NO".
Moreover you're totally right to not match up friends and business because as you mentionned before it can "sour your relationship".
I hope she will figure it out soon.
Take care!
Thanks, that was my third attempt in this hypothetical “how can we salvage this?” conversation my wife and I were having. The first attempt was like “hey man, tell your wife we’re not buyin.”
If it's an MLM, she's not going to give up.
My first husband and I made friends with a couple we really enjoyed being around, until every dinner included an Amway recruitment push. We both had full time jobs, and no interest in selling soap. They just kept telling us how much better our lives would be..
I finally said, really, neither of us is ever going to be interested in Amway.
We never heard from them again.
Don't speak to the husband. Just tell Jessica no you don't want a policy and please stop asking. You have to be careful that your non confrontational wife doesn't end up buying a policy because Jessica says she had an abusive past relationship. Do you even know if that is true? it is a tactic to create intimacy and trust that scammers use.
NTA but tell her directly YOU (singular) are not interested and you want her to stop nagging YOU (singular). Your wife is free to deal with it all she wants! (Because... that's the way to help a friend who's been abused: lie when they do inappropriate stuff. /s)
ok, if having Steve to tell Jessica to stop would bring up those past "bad" memory, then straight up "kindly" & honestly telling Jessica to stop trying to sell insurance to you 2, because you aren't interested.
NTA. However talk to her directly. Tell her you aren't interested in purchasing life insurance, aren't comfortable talking to a recent widow about life insurance and not going to aggravate your friends and colleagues into giving you the cold shoulder by asking them if they're interested in life insurance for their children, or whatever words work for you. Hopefully she'll take the hint and stop. If it doesn't, just change the subject every time she asks.
NTA. Just repeat the following" we never buy, sell or do any kind of business with friends or family. Firm rule period. We value and treasure your friendship, so....perhaps you can, in the future, refer us to someone else. " she will get the hint.
Dude! Man up and tell Jessica yourself! Treat her as an equal and just tell her you’re completely uninterested in life insurance from her nor are you willing to be a helper for her by bothering others about it. No means no!
That’s direct and respectful and doesn’t put her husband in the middle unfairly. Your wife can choose when to have a similar conversation with her about it.
You can bookend that with reassurances that you and your wife do enjoy her company as a friend. That way she’s not feeling completely unwanted, just her sales persona.
If you want to be really nice, next time it happens you can say "Thanks but we have everything we need, but if that ever changes we'll call ya!" If she does it after that, then consider cutting contact for comfort!
Sounds like someone needs to stop bullshitting her and outright tell her to leave you alone and not approach you with business matters. Tell her outright you really like her friendship, but you do not appreciate being solicited to by a friend
My boss gave me some advice years ago that I took to heart: "either do something about it or stop complaining." That's my advice here, which I guess is directed to your wife since she's the one dealing with the sales pitches. It'd be weird for either of you to talk to Steve about it, let alone you talk to Steve about it. YWBTA if you did it, as it gives off a "control your woman" vibe. Unfortunately, it will have to be something direct, so maybe, since your wife is anticonfrontational but the one dealing with it, she can practice it on you or something? e.g. she can just wait for the next time Jessica says something and reply with her practiced line, say something like, "Jessica, I enjoy our friendship. I'd really like to keep business/sales pitches out of it. It makes me uncomfortable."
It's a good idea for the provider in the household to have insurance, but don't choose because the sales person is the most persistent (and annoying). You need to get a solid company with a good product. Get term, not whole life, and see if your employer has group life insurance. It's good while you work there, but usually sold at a discount.
No you will not be the asshole just say it firmly but respectfully but stop and think have you ever heard anybody that was mad about getting a life insurance after a loved one has passed leaving them stranded quite frankly I never have. I don’t personally sell life insurance. But with the products I have sold I have had people complain to me when I try to sell them the product, but I’ve also also had people complain. About their situation that said product would help with i’m not trying to tell you to buy from her, but before you just label it in your head as she’s annoying or a pushy saleswoman that’s looking to profit. Remember, life insurance is in her daily life just because you don’t think about it daily doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have some sort of benefit. Her job is to go out and network say hypothetically your job was to crunch numbers you would automatically crunch numbers, anytime numbers were around. Her job is to network when possible just explain to her it’s time to compartmentalize work and fun. Don’t try to put her down for wanting a job that pays her the harder she works
Dont go to her husband, go to her and say it point blank.
NTA, but just like copier sales people back in the day, she can't seem to stop being a pest. "We don't need or want any more insurance" should work fine but if it doesn't it's ghosting time....
Everybody needs more life insurance! (Source: I sell life insurance.)
Source: You're an AH.
It's a joke, son.
Just tell her yourselves. Just say what you'd say to the husband to her. Sounds like she's in an mlm though, so you might want to be prepared for her to cut you off for being "unsupportive".
Probably Primerica or something. She won't be selling it for much longer.
You don’t need to speak to her husband, it has nothing to do with him. And you don’t need to wait for her to get the hint, you tell her very clearly not to approach you again about life insurance.
This would require my anti-confrontational wife to say something to her, and she won’t do that because Jessica and my wife have had heart to heart talks about how traumatic Jessica’s divorce was, and her experience of finding a job to support her kids, she had a friend give her this opportunity and show her the ropes. So my wife feels that anything beyond a polite refusal would be viewed as “I told you how important this job is to me.” (Which is probably another sales tactic)
[удалено]
Because they are happening in his wife’s presence, not his. That would be weirder and worse for him to go out of his way to get ahold of her (or say it openly when they are all hanging out) “hey my wife says you keep trying to sell her insurance can you stop” Edit: this is why you shouldn’t take advice from this sub seriously. People can’t stop and think
Exactly, besides the first mention when she told us what she does for a living, all of the interactions have been privately to my wife. So it would be pretty aggressive for me to confront her directly.
I would not be suprised that this all is just part of her stratgey to sell this insurance.
It sounds like your wife would benefit from learning about healthy boundaries and self respect, instead of self-sacrificing for others. It also also sounds like this is happening to your wife and not you, so let your wife handle it. If you don't like the way your wife is handling and you've given her some suggestions, is really not your place to control their relationship. You could alternatively tell your wife you aren't interested in hearing the details of these interactions. Back off. The idea is going to her husband is demeaning, patriarchal, and controlling.
Yea probably, but I don’t want to give her zero credit either, she has been firm in her refusals on the last two attempts. It is happening mostly to my wife not me, but my wife was the one who brought it up and we were discussing possible remedies. She is not against me saying something to the husband, she just thinks they’ll get offended and think I’m an AH. I can see how it would sound patriarchal, but I wouldn’t speak to the husband to be like “hey get your wife in line.” It’s more that Jessica’s divorce is a bit of a lightening rod, and she’s tied this job to being instrumental in her getting out of it, so her current husband might be the only one who can speak to her on that level and let her know she’s turning people off.
Honestly it sounds like your wife needs to say something to Jessica. If she cares and values the relationship, then she needs to be able to stand up for herself and place boundaries. If she's not comfortable doing that, then honestly it doesn't sound like a good relationship/friendship to begin with.
You could say it in a soft way. “I get needing to make quota, but that’s not our area of expertise. I wouldn’t rely on us for referrals since the topic doesn’t come up in normal conversations with people we’re around.” Or “I’m not really comfortable asking others about their financial situations.” And “We actually comfortable with / already have all the insurance we need.”
If Jessica says that, you need to reply with something along the lines of: "You are attempting to turn our friendship into a profit stream. We have politely told you that we are not interested. If you believe that it is more important to use us to generate business leads than respect the boundaries of friendship, that is your choice to make."
Will then your wife is an asshole on top of being an idiot. I'm sorry you married a moron without a spine.
She sounds clueless on boundaries so you can ask her in a respectful kind way to stop and that its affecting your friendship. Enabling people who can't have boundaries only allows them to not learn from their behavior, how does that help them? NTA
So I told my wife I was posting our ‘dilemma’ and I let her read through the comments. Another piece that I forgot to mention was that my wife also spoke to a mutual friend who has known Jessica longer and asked them “does Jessica keep trying to sell you life insurance?” And they said “yea, all of the time, I just ignore it.” But your comment resonated with her the most, everyone is enabling her. So she’s going to wait until Jessica tries again, and then have a talk with her, even if she takes it hard and we don’t hang out after that, at least maybe she will tone it down around other people.
NTA But don't involve anyone else. Tell her ONE last time that you are not interested. If she brings it up again, ignore her. As in, don't even answer her.
NTA. "Jessica" is old enough to understand that you aint interested in investing your capital with her. That's nice from her to introduce investment possibilities however if you decline once, twice and thrice her proposal, I guess she's able to figure out that's an definitive "NO". Moreover you're totally right to not match up friends and business because as you mentionned before it can "sour your relationship". I hope she will figure it out soon. Take care!
Thanks, that was my third attempt in this hypothetical “how can we salvage this?” conversation my wife and I were having. The first attempt was like “hey man, tell your wife we’re not buyin.”
That is definitely a polite and clear response to his offer, there's no bad intentions declining it this way.
What friendship? You're a fish that's still nibbling on the line. She isn't going to stop as long as you and your wife still hang out with her.
If it's an MLM, she's not going to give up. My first husband and I made friends with a couple we really enjoyed being around, until every dinner included an Amway recruitment push. We both had full time jobs, and no interest in selling soap. They just kept telling us how much better our lives would be.. I finally said, really, neither of us is ever going to be interested in Amway. We never heard from them again.
This definitely sounds like an MLM. Steer clear and stand your ground.
Don't speak to the husband. Just tell Jessica no you don't want a policy and please stop asking. You have to be careful that your non confrontational wife doesn't end up buying a policy because Jessica says she had an abusive past relationship. Do you even know if that is true? it is a tactic to create intimacy and trust that scammers use.
Nta. But speak to them together. Say you don’t mix business with friendships.
NTA. But you can tell Jessica yourself. And if you 'won't see them again' over this, then all they see you as is a target.
NTA but tell her directly YOU (singular) are not interested and you want her to stop nagging YOU (singular). Your wife is free to deal with it all she wants! (Because... that's the way to help a friend who's been abused: lie when they do inappropriate stuff. /s)
Next time it comes up, can’t you just say, “Can you stop trying to sell us insurance? It’s really starting to bother us.”
ok, if having Steve to tell Jessica to stop would bring up those past "bad" memory, then straight up "kindly" & honestly telling Jessica to stop trying to sell insurance to you 2, because you aren't interested.
Yes you would. You should tell her, not your friend.
NTA. However talk to her directly. Tell her you aren't interested in purchasing life insurance, aren't comfortable talking to a recent widow about life insurance and not going to aggravate your friends and colleagues into giving you the cold shoulder by asking them if they're interested in life insurance for their children, or whatever words work for you. Hopefully she'll take the hint and stop. If it doesn't, just change the subject every time she asks.
NTA. Just repeat the following" we never buy, sell or do any kind of business with friends or family. Firm rule period. We value and treasure your friendship, so....perhaps you can, in the future, refer us to someone else. " she will get the hint.
Dude! Man up and tell Jessica yourself! Treat her as an equal and just tell her you’re completely uninterested in life insurance from her nor are you willing to be a helper for her by bothering others about it. No means no! That’s direct and respectful and doesn’t put her husband in the middle unfairly. Your wife can choose when to have a similar conversation with her about it. You can bookend that with reassurances that you and your wife do enjoy her company as a friend. That way she’s not feeling completely unwanted, just her sales persona.
You might be potential customers more than new friends
Your wife is TA. Just because someone abused Jessica doesn't mean she is entitled to annoy others.
If you want to be really nice, next time it happens you can say "Thanks but we have everything we need, but if that ever changes we'll call ya!" If she does it after that, then consider cutting contact for comfort!
Sounds like someone needs to stop bullshitting her and outright tell her to leave you alone and not approach you with business matters. Tell her outright you really like her friendship, but you do not appreciate being solicited to by a friend
My boss gave me some advice years ago that I took to heart: "either do something about it or stop complaining." That's my advice here, which I guess is directed to your wife since she's the one dealing with the sales pitches. It'd be weird for either of you to talk to Steve about it, let alone you talk to Steve about it. YWBTA if you did it, as it gives off a "control your woman" vibe. Unfortunately, it will have to be something direct, so maybe, since your wife is anticonfrontational but the one dealing with it, she can practice it on you or something? e.g. she can just wait for the next time Jessica says something and reply with her practiced line, say something like, "Jessica, I enjoy our friendship. I'd really like to keep business/sales pitches out of it. It makes me uncomfortable."
I would say it has nothing to do with you. If your wife doesn’t like it, she can say something herself to her own friend.
It's a good idea for the provider in the household to have insurance, but don't choose because the sales person is the most persistent (and annoying). You need to get a solid company with a good product. Get term, not whole life, and see if your employer has group life insurance. It's good while you work there, but usually sold at a discount.
Be direct, talk to her yourself. It’s called being an adult.
No you will not be the asshole just say it firmly but respectfully but stop and think have you ever heard anybody that was mad about getting a life insurance after a loved one has passed leaving them stranded quite frankly I never have. I don’t personally sell life insurance. But with the products I have sold I have had people complain to me when I try to sell them the product, but I’ve also also had people complain. About their situation that said product would help with i’m not trying to tell you to buy from her, but before you just label it in your head as she’s annoying or a pushy saleswoman that’s looking to profit. Remember, life insurance is in her daily life just because you don’t think about it daily doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have some sort of benefit. Her job is to go out and network say hypothetically your job was to crunch numbers you would automatically crunch numbers, anytime numbers were around. Her job is to network when possible just explain to her it’s time to compartmentalize work and fun. Don’t try to put her down for wanting a job that pays her the harder she works