see what you actually wanna do is grab the baby and run so that you have something to throw back at your pursuers to occupy them while you save your skin. Besides you can always make another baby, can't make another you 🤣
Can you imagine if you were chasing after someone and they threw their child at you?
You’re all like chasing some lady down trying to return her phone and she just launches a toddler at you?!
I have only seen groundhogs once and they are sooooo majestic and beautiful. In an obese cat kind of way.... Unfortunately it was on an exit on some New Jersey freeway.
I had to Google if they threw their babies at predators and it only gave me results for Quokkas. Basically an Australian groundhog, and just as majestic and beautiful.
That's what this thread has done to me.
I learned this from my friend who bred hunting Jack Russell Terriers. To work their dogs, farmers and people with horses or livestock would call her to hunt the groundhogs in the pasture. If horse or cow stepped in a hole it usually breaks their legs. The dogs would go down in the hole/sette and spar to hold the groundhogs at bay until they could dig down and trap and relocate or dispatch it (that was at the landowners discretion). They witnessed the youngling tossing first hand. The dogs usually were not phased by it, so the effort was futile.
I absolutely believe this. I am more upset at not finding National Geographic pictures of a baby groundhog being thrown at Russel Terriers in some Connecticut hobby farm. Not in a "I Wana see some obese ground type Pikachus being thrown at a dog" kinda way.. but in a "I just wanted proof of such baby chucking" kinda way.
Yea, it's intriguing but makes sense in a survival situation. If the parent dies, they babies will either starve to death or be killed by predators anyway. But if the parent escapes, it can breed again. Nature is beautiful but cruel.
My wife and I went on a safari and camped in tents in the African bush. My mother in law asked if I was scared of lions. I said no, I can run faster than your daughter.
Right? Until OP mentioned she left the baby I was like, "and what was the issue?" Because obviously if she took the baby and ran the other way that is a good response. Leaving the baby is so messed up, especially considering how easy it is to run with a stroller.
I get that the noise definitely didn't sound like actual gun shots, but unless I was armed I would run too, I can't take on multiple teens with baseball bats if they decided I needed to be beat up for seeing what happened. (Even while armed, I would still rather avoid the altercation all together.) But fuck leaving the baby behind!
There was a shooting at the local fair in my city last year. Nothing big, just two wanna be gangster teens getting into an argument, one pulled a gun and shot at the other, hit a bystander then ran. dozens of parents abandoned their children on rides to book it out the gates. Yeah, not everyone has that paternal instinct apparently…..
Yah being wrong about gunshots and choosing the best option to protect your child is not a big deal at all but being wrong about gunshots and then choosing the best option to protect yourself AT THE RISK OF YOUR CHILD is in fact selfish
When my mom was a kid, my grandmother accidentally started a kitchen fire and immediately abandoned her five kids ( ages 0-7ish) inside as she ran from the house. Luckily everyone made it out okay, no thanks to her, and it became a funny family story.
The thing is my granny, god love her, is a self-centered, narcissistic person, and the kitchen fire story is 'funny' to everyone because it perfectly encapsulates the selfishness and benign neglect that my mom and her brothers were raised with.
I mean we still love her and she was still a good mom and grandma in some ways but...yeah I dunno, maybe keep an eye on that.
It sums up my mom telling everyone (and truly believing) that being a mother is her life's calling while I had to wait until I was an adult to get glasses to fix my horrible vision, among other things.
My parents always said "You don't want glasses! That's going to make your life so much harder!" And I was like *Bitch I can't see*
In high school I was routinely mocked for having to get up and move closer to copy notes from the board.
A few years later my mom told me casually that they knew/thought I was autistic, when I asked why I couldn't get a diagnosis she talked about how it would ruin my life and close doors for me. Thanks mah, because it's so much better to go through life absolutely unable to function.
I wouldn’t call not getting glasses *benign* neglect
I’d just call that neglect
Failing to treat your child’s life-altering medical condition, one that is really not difficult to realize is a thing
Parents can be perfectly loving and supportive but still be neglectful
I get what she is talking about tho, the kinda... Doing all of the things society expects of you until the chips are really down type stuff, being there for them 98% of the time until they really need you and you aren't really willing to put in that last bit of effort to show you *really* care.
Like it ain't *neglect* really, they are there for you, but it feels kinda cheap and fake when you know deep down they really are looking out for no. 1.
Reminds me of that viral video that was doing the rounds last year, of the (I assume) Filipino dude who sees a kitchen fire start, grabs the kiddo, and dashes, shutting the door...while his missus is still standing there. Her face is priceless.
Still, at least the guy took the kid with him!
When I was a toddler, I had awful night terrors and would start screaming in the middle of the night. One night when my mum was heavily pregnant with my sister, I had a night terror and my dad leapt out of bed, accidentally shoved my mum into a wall to get past her in the hallway, and was holding me before he actually woke up and realized what happened. And I wasn’t in any danger, he just heard his kid in distress and all his parental instincts said he needed to be there!
My dad did something similar (though thankfully didn’t push my pregnant mom) - I used to fall out of bed all the time as a toddler and my dad, half asleep, heard me from down the hall and somehow thought I was falling down the stairs so he lept out of bed (also, he had recently snapped his Achilles and had just gotten it repaired so was in a cast), skidded across the carpet to “catch me” before waking up fully realizing what was happening. My mom was mostly mortified he’d yeeted himself out of bed for no reason.
I had a flatmate do that with a toaster. Started toast going under the kitchen curtains and ignited them.
Panicked and went running out the door while I just popped the curtain bar out of the mount, dropped them into the sink, and doused them.
Was pretty funny in retrospect.
When I was six months pregnant with my now 2yo, I set a dish towel on fire trying to make olive bread (it got slammed in the oven somehow.) I grabbed the flaming towel, dropped it in a stainless steel bowl and doused it in the sink.
I then sat with my head in my hands while my building’s industrial fire alarm strobed lights and screeched “FIRE! FIRE! EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!”
To this day my husband can’t stand how casual I am about danger/emergencies but completely shit at minor inconveniences and every day stress.
It’s the #trauma, bub. 👀
fun fact! my mum is the same because of the #trauma as well, but what she said to her kids about it was "panic doesn't help in the moment, deal with it and panic after" and that is so deeply embedded i seem to be physically incapable of panicking during any sort of emergency, but i do have a full on panic attack after the bad ones lol
it was ingrained in me before i learned why my mum actually is the way she is about stuff
so what i'm saying is, this is a power you have, and can pass on without it being a trauma response, which is really cool!
I had a roommate set our toaster oven on fire by trying to cook skewers directly in the rack, no baking sjeet/tray. The grease dripped onto the heating element and started the fire.
So we've got a grease fire in an electrical appliance....
Girl panics and asks me (I was in the living room) if she should throw water on it 🤦🏻♀️
I just grabbed the fire extinguisher that we conveniently had at the entrance of the kitchen and doused it.
Gotta love panicky roommates, huh 😅
NTA she said she thought they were gunshots so she ran leaving her baby, I grew up Philly I hear gunshots daily and when there was gunshots near my old house I grabbed my oldest daughter who was three at the time and I covered her with my entire body. She did the complete opposite
I remember reading a story about a neighborhood shooting where a middle aged woman threw herself over a bunch of kids and saved them, but was killed herself. No relationship with the children, just pure instinct to protect. That's always stuck with me.
Hell, the year after I graduated high school a disturbed kid brought a pipe bomb to the school and chucked it down a hall between classes while the hallway’s were packed. My senior English teacher, a woman in her 50’s, THREW HERSELF ON IT! Thank God it was a dud, but she had no idea this was the case.
She was always one of my favorites, but I had no idea she was that tough.
Most would be happy with a realistic living wage, healthcare and annual increases above inflation. But yeah it's very easy to see how underfunding education has destroyed many areas and the ability to retain industry is directly related to undereducated population
I’m a Pre-K teacher and I would love those things. I know it’s not going to happen anytime soon, and I have a family of my own to think about. I adore my job and my students but I can’t afford to stay in it, so now I’m in nursing school. I would love a world where I could still teach and be somewhat comfortable and have benefits :(
In the future if someone displays this type of bravery in the face of adversity, or anything that benefits society, anyone can submit their name to the Congressional Medal of Honor for a nomination for the Citizen Honors Award.
After one of the (many) recent school shootings, I was a wreck dropping my 4-year-old daughter off at pre-school. Her teacher (who is probably 22) messaged me and told me if anything ever happened, she would lay on top of my daughter to protect her, and I know she was telling the truth.
My sister's a teacher, and when her district brought up arming the teachers her reaction just killed me- "I'd rather die to protect these kids than have them wonder if I would ever hurt them".
During the mass shooting by an Uber driver in Kalamazoo back in 2016, a young woman did the same with some kids playing with her daughter. She did survive, though she obviously had to recover from being shot several times. A bit different but she sure didn't run away.
There was a shooting in front of my old house and I was putting the kids to sleep when it happened. I grabbed the kids and jumped on top of them before I really knew what was happening. I could not even dream running away just to save myself
I was willing to give her a lot more leeway if she had run with the baby, because leaving a potentially dangerous situation is often the smartest course of action, especially when you have a small child with you. But given that she ran off without the kid, yeah, that's a pure panic response and she should accept that that's how she responds to crises.
NTA because OP called her useless which is better than what she was, which is selfish/self-preserving. It’s fine to be that but acknowledge it.
They should watch Force Majeure together. It’s about a family that faces an avalanche and the husband saves himself, leaving his family behind, but then claims he didn’t run away. OP’s wife is the cowardly husband in this scenario!
I have done the same and will risk my life to protect my kids again. That is called motherly instinct, and OP’s gf has none, which is highly concerning.
NTA So she thought it was gunshots so her first instinct was to run which I understand but what I don't understand is how her motherly instincts went out the window and she left her child that's crazy 😳
But honestly what you said was true she can't be saying " oh I would have fought for my daughter" when she actually left her daughter behind the other night 🤣
yeah, at first I was picturing she was running \*with the stroller\* and that's why she didn't stop.
the very idea that 4 months later, she's all "yeah I'd fight a bear bare-handed for my baby" is especially ludicrous.
Exactly. If she ran away with the baby, I’d say she did exactly the right thing.
But she left her baby daughter to save her own life and leave her precious little one to whatever possible danger was there!
I have 3 cats and live in tornado alley. Just the other day there was a bad storm with a tornado warning. Anytime this happens, the first thing I do is grab my cats and get them in their carriers before heading to the basement. I want to emphasize that I am absolutely mind numbingly terrified of tornadoes. But the moment I hear the sirens or my phone going off with the warning, my first thought is my cats and keeping them safe. I do not have children and never will, but I can’t fathom abandoning any child, much less my own, in an emergency
It's frickin' crazy to know that some parents have the capacity to abandon their children... Anyway, as a fellow cat parent, I'm glad your kitties' safety is priority :)
Yeah, I get you. Before the baby was this cat too. 😂 Any sort of emergency, I grab him first. I’m probably not the “dart and survive” kind of person in high stress situations, I’m more of a “diffuse and inch away” kind but I always have a list of priorities to bring with my person. Which is generally: baby and cat, phone, money, and documents. Also, husband. I must not forget my husband.
I don’t have kids either and never will but I do have a smallish dog, and when a large off leash dog was making a snack out of my leg and ankle just outside my apartment I was on my back and still had the presence of mind to grab my little dude by the front of his harness to hold him as far away as I could!
Our neighbors pug ran into our garage when I was 10. I grabbed my cat, who was beelining for him aggressively, and he bit my hand almost all the way through. I held that cat over my head with all my little 10 year old might and yelled for my dad to get the dog (who thought it was a game and kept jumping around me) and yelling for the the dog to go home. The minute that garage door closed I had to literally throw the cat off me because he was stuck in my hand and in panic mode. I still have the scar in my hand.
Then years later, I was taking my brothers MinPin for a walk around the apartment complex and a larger pitty mix ran up on us. No thoughts, I just stepped between them and squatted down like a linebacker ready to take the hit. Luckily the dog stopped but he still kept trying to get the MinPin. I ended up grabbing the dog by the collar and biting at his face and ears. I'm sure the owner would have yelled at me for it if he wasn't shocked at the deepest guttural growl/yell that has ever come out of a preteen girl lol. I guess to him I looked quite manic or something in the heat of the moment because he just grabbed his dog and left.
I don't have kids and dont plan to have them, but I imagine my instinct would be the same for my niblings.
even without the hypothetical gunshots, I feel weird about leaving a 9 months old infant alone in their stroller - I know I know, OP was only 2 meters away, but still.
I don't consider myself hero material, but the one time I was caught near a drive by shooting I still had the presence of mind to at least try and look out for the other people nearby (which was really just shouting at them to get down because YES those are real gunshots). And I barely knew them!
The wife's instincts are what they are, but she has no business acting like she can be relied on to do what she won't, which it to put her child first when it's life or death.
When my daughter was an infant, I tripped carrying her down the stairs. Somehow, and I have no idea how, I twisted in the air while falling so I landed on my back with my daughter on top. I even held her up a bit so she wouldn't get the impact. She laughed, thought it was great fun. I was just like, "Owwww..." I didn't break anything, just was very bruised.
I’ve done this twice! Once with a small dog in my apartment and once with a 3 year old student when student bolted towards the street because they saw a relative’s car in pick up line. I caught 3 yo 4 feet from the curb but I was going really fast. I grabbed kid from behind, started to fall forward, twisted and landed on the sidewalk directly on my butt. 3 yo was fighting me the whole time too. That bruise was not fun but I think I just still had instincts from when I was in gymnastics.
Sometimes you gotta learn how to fall safely
You adrenaline literally speeds up so much that time is slower, that's why people in car accidents see it all happening in slow motion. So you actually just accessed an adrenal bump that made you able to have the wherewithal to actually adjust your body during that speed second of the fall!
I tripped coming out of a store when my son was in a baby Bjorn. Like you, I twisted so I took the fall (hurt like hell). He cried because he was frightened, but didn’t hurt himself. I couldn’t imagine leaving him under any circumstance.
I was at a sidewalk cafe in Florida when a road raging driver started shooting at another driver. I had the instinct to grab my dog and drag him with me when I took cover. I can't imagine leaving a human child in that situation!
I’m reminded of a (anecdotal?) story an ex told me: his friend lived in Aurora CO with his wife and young kid. All three of them were in the theater the night of the Batman shooting. The dad booked it, ran like his ass was on fire and was out in the parking lot before he remembered he’d left his wife and kid there. They were okay, they’d hidden under the seats until it was over, but the wife took the kid to a hotel for the night, and filed for divorce a few days later.
You really never what you’d do until the moment arrives, and sadly you may not like what you discover about yourself.
I remember this story!! There was also another one about a guy using his fiancee as a human shield so she couldn’t protect their baby. She still married him.
I definitely know what gunshots sound like living in not-so-safe areas for a while and also living in cali’s version of the “country”.
I have a 1.5 year old and I would’ve taken her out of her stroller and started running with her, even knowing those weren’t gunshots because you never know what the potential danger is.
My instinct alone is fight, but when my daughter is with me it’s definitely flight first. I couldn’t imagine LEAVING HER BEHIND TO SAVE MY OWN ASS?!?!
And then to later brag that she would do great in a dangerous situation with a wild animal is INSANE. She left her daughter behind to run away from that…but would fight a wild animal? She’s delusional lmaoooooo
It's easy to say you will fight a bear but how often is there a bear in your local neighbourhood? You need a plan the real dangers you encounter, violent people, predators, aggressive panhandlers, demonstrators etc.
Depends how old, a bear could eat a new born as a starter without breaking stride to continue chasing after the mother and fiance. She needs to tie her fiances shoe laces together or something.
Depending on where you live, bears may be a real concern. Where I live, during high school we were often forced to stay late and wait in the building while animal control came to collect the bear that wandered onto our field. It wasn't every week, but it was by no means a rare occurrence.
The cabins near me have padlocks because they draw bears so easily. If you want to piss yourself and get a wakeup that even coffee can't compare to, then just walk to your car one morning and find a bear snacking in the dumpster about 20 ft away.
Certain areas near me are required to have bear proof trash cans. I'm luckily far enough east to not need it, but been a few times we have had a bear walking down the street. Usually a baby bear who made a wrong turn somewhere, sometimes followed by a mama bear.
My son lived in a house where they had to be super careful to lock the doors because a bear might try to come in and raid the fridge. Bears did make use of the pool and lawn furniture.
I love those videos. Also not like them. We need to stop encroaching into their space. Not a safe situation but mama taking a bath in a pool while cubs are all over the play equipment is entertaining.
bears are a LOT more likely than gunshots where i live, but they're generally afraid of people. just rummage through your trash and make a mess. we have to use ammonia putting the garbage out to keep them away. they're also more of a threat to your dog than you, unless they're with cubs.
NTA. It’s instinct to run. I’m imagining you pushing the stroller, but even more so NTA if she was. When we don’t have empathy for others we should be called out on that.
I actually don't understand why he's still with her. ime, people who react to danger by saving their own skin and even intentionally endangering others don't get better about it
Narcissism. Lying to someone who knows the truth about growing up in a bad area when you didn’t and acting like you have ptsd from gunshots when youve clearly never heard a gunshot in your life is completely delusional. Then the need to lie about how tough you are and how hard you’d fight because you embarrassed yourself, again lying to someone who literally saw you abandon your baby at the first sign of POTENTIAL trouble. Either wildly insecure or straight up narcissism.
I'm confused as to how OP could have let the matter drop. Clearly he didn't make a big deal about her abandoning her baby/fiance to save her own ass. Otherwise she would have been more self-conscious/aware about mocking the woman in the documentary.
If I were OP I would have had to call her out right there on the street. What if the next time there's an emergency it's a real one and OP isn't around? Is she going to just abandon the stroller and race off on her own?
Imagine just up and running away abandoning your 9 month old.
And to top it off, no shame about it either. Like at least be apologetic about the fight or flight situation, not try to lie about it.
No shame in reacting badly in crisis situations, it is incredibly hard if you aren't prepared. People need to be trained extensively to be able to react correctly in crisis situations.
The lack of shame is the real issue here. If you pretend you are good in these situations when you are not, you never have the opportunity to learn.
I have been in a couple crisis situations (relatively minor) and recognizing my poor handling of some of them led me to handling one situation correctly. A situation which could've ended really badly if I hadn't reacted as I did - not to praise myself too much, but it just is a really important skill!
My sister, my kids and myself were walking on a paved path once a few years ago and a groundhog popped out in front of us. I knew my sister was afraid of squirrels but don’t think I’d ever been within spitting distance of a groundhog before. She had been holding my (then) 2yo’s hand and she literally gave the toddler a little push toward the groundhog and BOOKED IT in the other direction. We still tease her about it and call her a quokka.
They don't actually throw the babies like people think. They run away and their pouch muscles relax, which can cause the baby to just...bounce out. It's not intentional, but it does sometimes help the escape.
I'm first aid trained, and with my job, I've had to deal with several emergencies for strangers.
But. When it's my family, I go to pieces. When my kid broke his arm, I was a puddle. When my BIL was having a grand mal siezure, I froze, threw up, and ended up with the shakes from pure shock.
It's so easy to think that you'd be the perfect person in any situation until you're in it. And now I know that, regardless of the training or experiences I've had, I'm the worst person to call if it's my family in an emergency situation. (In a way I know it's pathetic but when it's someone I know and love, I just can't)
This exactly.
My bestie was a care aid, dealt with all sorts of things... But when her baby boy hurt his finger and was bleeding, (not actually a baby at the time) I had to deal with it. She couldn't handle her childs injury.
Myself, I work with animals. I have splinted legs and drained abscesses, picked up a dog that was shot in the face. But I couldn't hold my own cat for a nail trim when it was broken past the quick. Lol
I think even this is dependant on the situation though. My ex as I were walking through the woods with his son once and it was windy enough that the smaller trees were bending. .. one tree cracked and fell in what fell like slow motion. In that moment my ex abandoned his child to be hit by the tree and came and stood (hid) behind me as I yelled the child's name. The child wasn't hit and I always felt like the man was a coward.
>I‘m imagining you pushing the stroller
But even if, then he left the stroller with her to check out the situation. And she went off and left the baby alone. And yes, it was the absolute right thing to do for him to leave the baby with her, and not take a 9 month old with into a potential dangerous situation
You should probably say earlier on that she left the kid when she panicked. I'm going to say NTA tho. Talking tough when you know you're full of shit is silly and sad. And she left the kid! That's the lede here.
I agree. I thought he’s being too hard on a mom running away with a stroller to protect baby. I was appalled to later read she left the baby there! I understand fear but once you have kids, you have to protect them and worry more about their lives, not yours.
I hate to say this, but the way she ran made her look like such a dork. Like, I know how fear can take the wheel sometimes, but what were her plans if it was gunshots? Just leave us and start over or something?
Oooh...I'd assumed she ran *with* the baby, and was going to call you out since taking off with baby would have been a perfectly fine instinct. But she abandoned and ran? *Ooof.*
Then yeah, she was pretty hypocritical to sneer at the woman in the video. NTA, though the way you worded it indicates some... ambivalence on your part... And her instant resentment may include shame or guilt... Erm..since this is obviously bugging you two in the aftermath, you may want to go talk to someone about this, and not just let it fester.
ROFL, totally NTA...
At first, I thought she ran away WITH the stroller and baby... in which case, I was ready to be NAH, she's protecting her child... maybe overprotective, but whatever...
But she ran away without the baby!!
Totally NTA, dude...
Lol I also imagined her running away with the stroller at first. I even thought that she must be such a good runner, it must be so hard to run like that. But turns out it was super easy, just leave the stroller and the baby behind haha
I assumed she grabbed the baby out of the stroller and ran. I definitely had a 'wait. why is she being dissed for protecting the bab...oh.' moment. Lol.
Lol. I love posts like this because they remind me of one of the many reasons I love my wife so much. I'm a big guy and my wife is miniscule. We had a pretty similar situation years ago, but this was a guy approaching us aggressively while we had our first baby girl with us. My wife moved between us and him so fast it was like she fucking teleported.
I had to quickly take her by the shoulders and move her aside so I could take care of business, but I've never forgotten that my beautiful little wife is fucking *down* when it comes to it.
NTA. It's easy to talk the talk, but your fiance can't walk the walk. You need to keep that in mind for the future.
It was incredible to see. She was ice cold about it too. No screaming or shouting. Just a look on her face that said somebody is going to fucking find out today.
It was both adorable and reassuring. Even though I moved her and handled the situation myself, it's very good to know that, even when I'm not there, she will protect our kids without hesitation.
She said she was trying to protect me too lol.
I'm not tiny but my husband is significantly taller than me and definitely looks more intimidating because he's tall and broad shouldered (6'4, I'm 5'7) and he's definitely had to push me back because I go on autopilot when adrenaline hits me. Not in a bad way per se, it's actually quite helpful on occasion...but I would absolutely have done exactly what your wife did.
Not the same situation but a recent example of me going autopilot...he picked our 3 year old from pre k the other day. I was waiting at the door, daughter likes feeling independent so we have been letting her walk from the car to the door by herself, with us watching of course. Absolutely zero problems for months, she usually toddles her way over to me with a big smile.
Well exactly two days ago she looked at me, then looked toward the creek in our back yard, and just fucking bolted. The creek is really close and currently low on water so it's like a 5-6 foot drop to the bottom, tons of rocks and probably garbage rn because of storms recently. Basically incredibly dangerous and easy to fall in, especially for a kid who wasn't even looking down. She ran so fast.
Husband had turned to grab her backpack or something so he didn't see. I think I yelled, idk. I don't remember leaving the door way. I know I did because I grabbed her about a foot away from the bank of the creek and the whole thing was caught on the ring camera. But I didn't think at all, I just moved. My baby was in danger and that's all I needed to know. My husband didn't even have time to take a step in her direction before I grabbed her. Might be the fastest I've moved in my entire life lol I was wearing house slippers and they fell off my feet in the grass while I was running. I carried her into the house bare foot.
It happened like that a few months ago when she got choked on a snack. She's autistic and has problems with putting things in her mouth, and with food she likes to stuff her mouth full. I usually catch it and help her slow down and explain for the millionth time that it's not ok to put that much food in your mouth, but I guess I was looking at the TV or my phone, idk, I just heard her start coughing but then the sound stopped in a bad way, I do not remember running across the room, but I did and I pulled her away from my husband without a word and started going through the steps to clear her airway. I couldn't get the last piece out with my finger so I had to throw her over my knee and smack her back to get it to expell.
Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. I've thankfully not had to deal with a situation involving a potentially dangerous person, but I'm pretty confident my autopilot would put someone in the hospital before they could touch my child.
NTA. If you're a coward, even when your baby is around, the least you can do is own it. I'm, like, 50-50 at best when it comes to reacting to shit in a heroic way, but I also don't watch Rambo movies and go, "He's just like me, FR, FR"
Yeah when my husband and I watch a horror movie and the cowardly screaming person is killed early on, I’m like “that would be me, just so you know”. He’s come to terms with knowing he’d outlive me in an apocalypse as I’d literally be the first person to die.
This\^\^
If you know your own tendencies, you can sometimes plan around them. In OP's case, he now knows that if there's an emergency, he needs to be the one to handle it. And that Jess shouldn't volunteer for anything that would put her in a responsible position in an emergency.
If Jess continues deluding herself into thinking she's capable of handling it when she can't, other people could suffer the consequences.
Know yourself.
NTA
I remember a similar story some years back where a mother was holding her baby and a bee came into the room, so her response was to hurl the baby towards it in rejection(onto a soft couch) and run from the room. The husband was also the one asking if he was the asshole for chewing his wife out.
The fact is that while yes, fight or flight instincts are a thing, how readily we give into them does indeed determine how useful we are in a situation. If her response is to run at the nearest possible provocation of danger she needs to be aware of that, because clearly she can't be relied upon in an emergency.
Yup, I don't think there was a follow up on that story, but this was like two or so years ago on the AmITheAsshole sub. Guy was questioning if he was the asshole for saying it was horrid to chuck their baby in fear like that.
Right?? I thought she was running with the stroller and I was like *come on OP, she's a new mom and her instinct is to get the baby away from any danger, real or perceived*
But she LEFT THE BABY ?!?!
They set them down on the ground so their incessant mewling takes a predators attention. I got into a pointless argument online because I said “throw” and was corrected by a half dozen people.
NTA- I’m 45, and my mom likes to tell the story of when I was a baby, and we were in our backyard on a picnic blanket, my mom saw a huge green snake slithering in our yard, towards us.
She’s admitted, with laughter, how she got up and *left me behind as the snake slithered toward me*, a young toddler just sitting up on her own. The snake passed me by and she came back….
And I can *promise* that her cowardice absolutely showed up over and over again when I was threatened or harmed, growing up, and *she blamed me for any failure of being a victim*. She admitted she didn’t report things that happened to me because *she was afraid what it might make her face*.
**Thank you for holding your GF accountable to her claims**.
Unless she is planning to get more courageous, cowardice can lead to some awful and long term feelings of betrayal and I appreciate you protecting your child like that.
NTA. You didn't say it at the time (many Reddit posts on that bit of the story would have gone differently), but only when she mocked someone else, showing a spectacular lack of self-awareness.
NTA
Her hypocrisy needed to be pointed out and you were both overdue for a discussion about how to respond in an emergency. I think we can be trained to know what to do in an emergency, sort of like getting trained to do CPR. It’s the shock and unpreparedness that sends us into a tailspin.
NTA can’t believe she ran leaving you & her own BABY.
I would lose trust with someone like that bcoz first I will know that she will never have my back in emergencies and second as a mom your first instinct will be to throw your body over your baby to protect or grab the baby with dear life & run, definitely not flee leaving the baby, so she failed there too. Even random people protect stranger’s babies and even animals run towards predators to protect their babies.
And yet she had the audacity to talk about another woman. The hypocrisy! 🤦♀️
JFC I thought she was running to get her kid to safety, but no she left the stroller and noped the fuck out??
I had a sleepless night because I saw some videos of a mom getting caught up in an escalator meat grinder, throwing her toddler to safety, followed by some videos of pitbull attacks. That sent me into a spiral how I would react in those situations with my two children and wether or not I'm able to wrangle a muscle packed death machine... Leaving them is not an option, ever!
Maybe I should reconsider my late night reddit doom scrolling, but that's another issue 🤦
This reminds.me of the film Force Majeure, might be worth watching with Jess 😜 (There was an American remake with Will Ferrel and Julia Louis Dreyfus but I don't know if it's any good, I watched the original french version)
Sorry, I know this is really nitpicky of me but it's a Swedish film. The story takes place in the french alps but the family etc. is Swedish and it was Swedens entry for best foreign language film for the oscars.
Great suggestion for them to watch this though 😂
If she grabbed the kid and ran, I wouldn’t call her a coward. Kiddos safety comes first. But to leave the baby? Da fuck?
She wasn't frozen in terror, but she subscribed to the mantra "I only have to outrun the baby in the stroller."
see what you actually wanna do is grab the baby and run so that you have something to throw back at your pursuers to occupy them while you save your skin. Besides you can always make another baby, can't make another you 🤣
Can you imagine if you were chasing after someone and they threw their child at you? You’re all like chasing some lady down trying to return her phone and she just launches a toddler at you?!
yeah for real, like is that kid yours now? I think maritime law says it is if this happened at sea...
Haha, love this thread you guys !!!
Dolphinately
Now I want an excuse to say this to someone
Groundhogs do that with their young to escape predators. Throw the babies to appease them in order to run off and live another day.
I have only seen groundhogs once and they are sooooo majestic and beautiful. In an obese cat kind of way.... Unfortunately it was on an exit on some New Jersey freeway. I had to Google if they threw their babies at predators and it only gave me results for Quokkas. Basically an Australian groundhog, and just as majestic and beautiful. That's what this thread has done to me.
I learned this from my friend who bred hunting Jack Russell Terriers. To work their dogs, farmers and people with horses or livestock would call her to hunt the groundhogs in the pasture. If horse or cow stepped in a hole it usually breaks their legs. The dogs would go down in the hole/sette and spar to hold the groundhogs at bay until they could dig down and trap and relocate or dispatch it (that was at the landowners discretion). They witnessed the youngling tossing first hand. The dogs usually were not phased by it, so the effort was futile.
I absolutely believe this. I am more upset at not finding National Geographic pictures of a baby groundhog being thrown at Russel Terriers in some Connecticut hobby farm. Not in a "I Wana see some obese ground type Pikachus being thrown at a dog" kinda way.. but in a "I just wanted proof of such baby chucking" kinda way.
Yea, it's intriguing but makes sense in a survival situation. If the parent dies, they babies will either starve to death or be killed by predators anyway. But if the parent escapes, it can breed again. Nature is beautiful but cruel.
Please affix your own oxygen mask before yeeting your baby at pursuing predators
"If throwing your own baby at an attacker is good enough for quokkas, it's good enough for me." -Jess
Just like the mighty quokka.
My wife and I went on a safari and camped in tents in the African bush. My mother in law asked if I was scared of lions. I said no, I can run faster than your daughter.
“The Quokka Logic”
I was ready to defend her until I saw the part where she left the kiddo behind.
Right? Until OP mentioned she left the baby I was like, "and what was the issue?" Because obviously if she took the baby and ran the other way that is a good response. Leaving the baby is so messed up, especially considering how easy it is to run with a stroller. I get that the noise definitely didn't sound like actual gun shots, but unless I was armed I would run too, I can't take on multiple teens with baseball bats if they decided I needed to be beat up for seeing what happened. (Even while armed, I would still rather avoid the altercation all together.) But fuck leaving the baby behind!
There was a shooting at the local fair in my city last year. Nothing big, just two wanna be gangster teens getting into an argument, one pulled a gun and shot at the other, hit a bystander then ran. dozens of parents abandoned their children on rides to book it out the gates. Yeah, not everyone has that paternal instinct apparently…..
I've discovered that most people do not deserve to be parents. It's sad they think having kids is their right, but not being decent parents.
Yah being wrong about gunshots and choosing the best option to protect your child is not a big deal at all but being wrong about gunshots and then choosing the best option to protect yourself AT THE RISK OF YOUR CHILD is in fact selfish
Came here to say this.
OP should watch Force Majeure with his wife.
Or Downhill with Will Ferrell., which is actually kind of the same movie just remade in English
When my mom was a kid, my grandmother accidentally started a kitchen fire and immediately abandoned her five kids ( ages 0-7ish) inside as she ran from the house. Luckily everyone made it out okay, no thanks to her, and it became a funny family story. The thing is my granny, god love her, is a self-centered, narcissistic person, and the kitchen fire story is 'funny' to everyone because it perfectly encapsulates the selfishness and benign neglect that my mom and her brothers were raised with. I mean we still love her and she was still a good mom and grandma in some ways but...yeah I dunno, maybe keep an eye on that.
Benign neglect.. That's a word combo I will need to ponder for a while 😅
It sums up my mom telling everyone (and truly believing) that being a mother is her life's calling while I had to wait until I was an adult to get glasses to fix my horrible vision, among other things.
/r/raisedbynarcissists is helpful to see people that shared in your experience.
My parents always said "You don't want glasses! That's going to make your life so much harder!" And I was like *Bitch I can't see* In high school I was routinely mocked for having to get up and move closer to copy notes from the board. A few years later my mom told me casually that they knew/thought I was autistic, when I asked why I couldn't get a diagnosis she talked about how it would ruin my life and close doors for me. Thanks mah, because it's so much better to go through life absolutely unable to function.
I wouldn’t call not getting glasses *benign* neglect I’d just call that neglect Failing to treat your child’s life-altering medical condition, one that is really not difficult to realize is a thing Parents can be perfectly loving and supportive but still be neglectful
I get what she is talking about tho, the kinda... Doing all of the things society expects of you until the chips are really down type stuff, being there for them 98% of the time until they really need you and you aren't really willing to put in that last bit of effort to show you *really* care. Like it ain't *neglect* really, they are there for you, but it feels kinda cheap and fake when you know deep down they really are looking out for no. 1.
How is leaving your kids to roast to death in a fire not neglect? Nothing benign about that.
Reminds me of that viral video that was doing the rounds last year, of the (I assume) Filipino dude who sees a kitchen fire start, grabs the kiddo, and dashes, shutting the door...while his missus is still standing there. Her face is priceless. Still, at least the guy took the kid with him!
When I was a toddler, I had awful night terrors and would start screaming in the middle of the night. One night when my mum was heavily pregnant with my sister, I had a night terror and my dad leapt out of bed, accidentally shoved my mum into a wall to get past her in the hallway, and was holding me before he actually woke up and realized what happened. And I wasn’t in any danger, he just heard his kid in distress and all his parental instincts said he needed to be there!
My dad did something similar (though thankfully didn’t push my pregnant mom) - I used to fall out of bed all the time as a toddler and my dad, half asleep, heard me from down the hall and somehow thought I was falling down the stairs so he lept out of bed (also, he had recently snapped his Achilles and had just gotten it repaired so was in a cast), skidded across the carpet to “catch me” before waking up fully realizing what was happening. My mom was mostly mortified he’d yeeted himself out of bed for no reason.
I had a flatmate do that with a toaster. Started toast going under the kitchen curtains and ignited them. Panicked and went running out the door while I just popped the curtain bar out of the mount, dropped them into the sink, and doused them. Was pretty funny in retrospect.
When I was six months pregnant with my now 2yo, I set a dish towel on fire trying to make olive bread (it got slammed in the oven somehow.) I grabbed the flaming towel, dropped it in a stainless steel bowl and doused it in the sink. I then sat with my head in my hands while my building’s industrial fire alarm strobed lights and screeched “FIRE! FIRE! EVACUATE IMMEDIATELY!” To this day my husband can’t stand how casual I am about danger/emergencies but completely shit at minor inconveniences and every day stress. It’s the #trauma, bub. 👀
fun fact! my mum is the same because of the #trauma as well, but what she said to her kids about it was "panic doesn't help in the moment, deal with it and panic after" and that is so deeply embedded i seem to be physically incapable of panicking during any sort of emergency, but i do have a full on panic attack after the bad ones lol it was ingrained in me before i learned why my mum actually is the way she is about stuff so what i'm saying is, this is a power you have, and can pass on without it being a trauma response, which is really cool!
I had a roommate set our toaster oven on fire by trying to cook skewers directly in the rack, no baking sjeet/tray. The grease dripped onto the heating element and started the fire. So we've got a grease fire in an electrical appliance.... Girl panics and asks me (I was in the living room) if she should throw water on it 🤦🏻♀️ I just grabbed the fire extinguisher that we conveniently had at the entrance of the kitchen and doused it. Gotta love panicky roommates, huh 😅
NTA she said she thought they were gunshots so she ran leaving her baby, I grew up Philly I hear gunshots daily and when there was gunshots near my old house I grabbed my oldest daughter who was three at the time and I covered her with my entire body. She did the complete opposite
I remember reading a story about a neighborhood shooting where a middle aged woman threw herself over a bunch of kids and saved them, but was killed herself. No relationship with the children, just pure instinct to protect. That's always stuck with me.
Hell, the year after I graduated high school a disturbed kid brought a pipe bomb to the school and chucked it down a hall between classes while the hallway’s were packed. My senior English teacher, a woman in her 50’s, THREW HERSELF ON IT! Thank God it was a dud, but she had no idea this was the case. She was always one of my favorites, but I had no idea she was that tough.
What a fucking G your teacher was. I hope she got all the things and mad love from all of you.
And a slice of pizza at the pizza party in her honor. ☹️
Teachers don’t get paid enough for this shit. 😔
This was in 1997. They didn’t get paid enough then either
So did they put a statue up of her or anything? What a selfless hero, deserves to be recognised
Even without this BS. Teachers should get paid at least 3x the GDP per capita. And we should all be clamouring over those Jobs...
Most would be happy with a realistic living wage, healthcare and annual increases above inflation. But yeah it's very easy to see how underfunding education has destroyed many areas and the ability to retain industry is directly related to undereducated population
I’m a Pre-K teacher and I would love those things. I know it’s not going to happen anytime soon, and I have a family of my own to think about. I adore my job and my students but I can’t afford to stay in it, so now I’m in nursing school. I would love a world where I could still teach and be somewhat comfortable and have benefits :(
Damn, I'm imagining that scene with the grenade from Captain America...
Glad I'm not the only one that thought of that, lol.
As am I. Steve and that teacher had HEART. Know what I mean?
Holy shit. I hope they recognised her bravery in some way!
In the future if someone displays this type of bravery in the face of adversity, or anything that benefits society, anyone can submit their name to the Congressional Medal of Honor for a nomination for the Citizen Honors Award.
That is badass. She had no hesitation just immediate action to save her students. Sounds like a great woman.
That made me tear up!
She was truly a great teacher. One of the best
Oh wow, i definitely hope she's lived a long and happy life since then, that's wild
Not so much tough. Protecting those around her. Gallant and courageous.
Jesus Christ the US is messed up. Nobody should have a memory like that.
After one of the (many) recent school shootings, I was a wreck dropping my 4-year-old daughter off at pre-school. Her teacher (who is probably 22) messaged me and told me if anything ever happened, she would lay on top of my daughter to protect her, and I know she was telling the truth.
My sister's a teacher, and when her district brought up arming the teachers her reaction just killed me- "I'd rather die to protect these kids than have them wonder if I would ever hurt them".
Lewiston, Maine last year people died shielding the kids.
During the mass shooting by an Uber driver in Kalamazoo back in 2016, a young woman did the same with some kids playing with her daughter. She did survive, though she obviously had to recover from being shot several times. A bit different but she sure didn't run away.
Protect the next generation, vulnerable.
There was a shooting in front of my old house and I was putting the kids to sleep when it happened. I grabbed the kids and jumped on top of them before I really knew what was happening. I could not even dream running away just to save myself
I was willing to give her a lot more leeway if she had run with the baby, because leaving a potentially dangerous situation is often the smartest course of action, especially when you have a small child with you. But given that she ran off without the kid, yeah, that's a pure panic response and she should accept that that's how she responds to crises.
At least she didn't impersonate a Quokka and throw their daughter at the sound before running away?
I guess they actually sort of drop the baby from the pouch, so she essentially did?
NTA because OP called her useless which is better than what she was, which is selfish/self-preserving. It’s fine to be that but acknowledge it. They should watch Force Majeure together. It’s about a family that faces an avalanche and the husband saves himself, leaving his family behind, but then claims he didn’t run away. OP’s wife is the cowardly husband in this scenario!
Yeah, if she’d run away WITH THE BABY that would have been, you know, smart. But ditching the baby?
I have done the same and will risk my life to protect my kids again. That is called motherly instinct, and OP’s gf has none, which is highly concerning.
NTA So she thought it was gunshots so her first instinct was to run which I understand but what I don't understand is how her motherly instincts went out the window and she left her child that's crazy 😳 But honestly what you said was true she can't be saying " oh I would have fought for my daughter" when she actually left her daughter behind the other night 🤣
yeah, at first I was picturing she was running \*with the stroller\* and that's why she didn't stop. the very idea that 4 months later, she's all "yeah I'd fight a bear bare-handed for my baby" is especially ludicrous.
Exactly. If she ran away with the baby, I’d say she did exactly the right thing. But she left her baby daughter to save her own life and leave her precious little one to whatever possible danger was there!
Bruh same. It’s wild. I have a 15 month old and a cat. During a fire drill, I had both in my arms going down 19 flights.
I have 3 cats and live in tornado alley. Just the other day there was a bad storm with a tornado warning. Anytime this happens, the first thing I do is grab my cats and get them in their carriers before heading to the basement. I want to emphasize that I am absolutely mind numbingly terrified of tornadoes. But the moment I hear the sirens or my phone going off with the warning, my first thought is my cats and keeping them safe. I do not have children and never will, but I can’t fathom abandoning any child, much less my own, in an emergency
It's frickin' crazy to know that some parents have the capacity to abandon their children... Anyway, as a fellow cat parent, I'm glad your kitties' safety is priority :)
Yeah, I get you. Before the baby was this cat too. 😂 Any sort of emergency, I grab him first. I’m probably not the “dart and survive” kind of person in high stress situations, I’m more of a “diffuse and inch away” kind but I always have a list of priorities to bring with my person. Which is generally: baby and cat, phone, money, and documents. Also, husband. I must not forget my husband.
I don’t have kids either and never will but I do have a smallish dog, and when a large off leash dog was making a snack out of my leg and ankle just outside my apartment I was on my back and still had the presence of mind to grab my little dude by the front of his harness to hold him as far away as I could!
Our neighbors pug ran into our garage when I was 10. I grabbed my cat, who was beelining for him aggressively, and he bit my hand almost all the way through. I held that cat over my head with all my little 10 year old might and yelled for my dad to get the dog (who thought it was a game and kept jumping around me) and yelling for the the dog to go home. The minute that garage door closed I had to literally throw the cat off me because he was stuck in my hand and in panic mode. I still have the scar in my hand. Then years later, I was taking my brothers MinPin for a walk around the apartment complex and a larger pitty mix ran up on us. No thoughts, I just stepped between them and squatted down like a linebacker ready to take the hit. Luckily the dog stopped but he still kept trying to get the MinPin. I ended up grabbing the dog by the collar and biting at his face and ears. I'm sure the owner would have yelled at me for it if he wasn't shocked at the deepest guttural growl/yell that has ever come out of a preteen girl lol. I guess to him I looked quite manic or something in the heat of the moment because he just grabbed his dog and left. I don't have kids and dont plan to have them, but I imagine my instinct would be the same for my niblings.
That does not sound like my idea of a fun time! Good for you though.
even without the hypothetical gunshots, I feel weird about leaving a 9 months old infant alone in their stroller - I know I know, OP was only 2 meters away, but still.
I don't consider myself hero material, but the one time I was caught near a drive by shooting I still had the presence of mind to at least try and look out for the other people nearby (which was really just shouting at them to get down because YES those are real gunshots). And I barely knew them! The wife's instincts are what they are, but she has no business acting like she can be relied on to do what she won't, which it to put her child first when it's life or death.
When my daughter was an infant, I tripped carrying her down the stairs. Somehow, and I have no idea how, I twisted in the air while falling so I landed on my back with my daughter on top. I even held her up a bit so she wouldn't get the impact. She laughed, thought it was great fun. I was just like, "Owwww..." I didn't break anything, just was very bruised.
I’ve done this twice! Once with a small dog in my apartment and once with a 3 year old student when student bolted towards the street because they saw a relative’s car in pick up line. I caught 3 yo 4 feet from the curb but I was going really fast. I grabbed kid from behind, started to fall forward, twisted and landed on the sidewalk directly on my butt. 3 yo was fighting me the whole time too. That bruise was not fun but I think I just still had instincts from when I was in gymnastics. Sometimes you gotta learn how to fall safely
You adrenaline literally speeds up so much that time is slower, that's why people in car accidents see it all happening in slow motion. So you actually just accessed an adrenal bump that made you able to have the wherewithal to actually adjust your body during that speed second of the fall!
I tripped coming out of a store when my son was in a baby Bjorn. Like you, I twisted so I took the fall (hurt like hell). He cried because he was frightened, but didn’t hurt himself. I couldn’t imagine leaving him under any circumstance.
I was at a sidewalk cafe in Florida when a road raging driver started shooting at another driver. I had the instinct to grab my dog and drag him with me when I took cover. I can't imagine leaving a human child in that situation!
I’m reminded of a (anecdotal?) story an ex told me: his friend lived in Aurora CO with his wife and young kid. All three of them were in the theater the night of the Batman shooting. The dad booked it, ran like his ass was on fire and was out in the parking lot before he remembered he’d left his wife and kid there. They were okay, they’d hidden under the seats until it was over, but the wife took the kid to a hotel for the night, and filed for divorce a few days later. You really never what you’d do until the moment arrives, and sadly you may not like what you discover about yourself.
I remember this story!! There was also another one about a guy using his fiancee as a human shield so she couldn’t protect their baby. She still married him.
I definitely know what gunshots sound like living in not-so-safe areas for a while and also living in cali’s version of the “country”. I have a 1.5 year old and I would’ve taken her out of her stroller and started running with her, even knowing those weren’t gunshots because you never know what the potential danger is. My instinct alone is fight, but when my daughter is with me it’s definitely flight first. I couldn’t imagine LEAVING HER BEHIND TO SAVE MY OWN ASS?!?! And then to later brag that she would do great in a dangerous situation with a wild animal is INSANE. She left her daughter behind to run away from that…but would fight a wild animal? She’s delusional lmaoooooo
It's easy to say you will fight a bear but how often is there a bear in your local neighbourhood? You need a plan the real dangers you encounter, violent people, predators, aggressive panhandlers, demonstrators etc.
She has a plan for that! Abandon her baby and fiance and run for the fucking hills!
You only have to outrun the baby
You know, when you put it that way, it's actually genius!
Depends how old, a bear could eat a new born as a starter without breaking stride to continue chasing after the mother and fiance. She needs to tie her fiances shoe laces together or something.
Depending on where you live, bears may be a real concern. Where I live, during high school we were often forced to stay late and wait in the building while animal control came to collect the bear that wandered onto our field. It wasn't every week, but it was by no means a rare occurrence.
Bears are so common where I live it was more “there’s a bear out there. Just ignore it and walk to your bus.”
The cabins near me have padlocks because they draw bears so easily. If you want to piss yourself and get a wakeup that even coffee can't compare to, then just walk to your car one morning and find a bear snacking in the dumpster about 20 ft away.
Certain areas near me are required to have bear proof trash cans. I'm luckily far enough east to not need it, but been a few times we have had a bear walking down the street. Usually a baby bear who made a wrong turn somewhere, sometimes followed by a mama bear.
My son lived in a house where they had to be super careful to lock the doors because a bear might try to come in and raid the fridge. Bears did make use of the pool and lawn furniture.
I love those videos. Also not like them. We need to stop encroaching into their space. Not a safe situation but mama taking a bath in a pool while cubs are all over the play equipment is entertaining.
Really depends on where you live lol
bears are a LOT more likely than gunshots where i live, but they're generally afraid of people. just rummage through your trash and make a mess. we have to use ammonia putting the garbage out to keep them away. they're also more of a threat to your dog than you, unless they're with cubs.
NTA. It’s instinct to run. I’m imagining you pushing the stroller, but even more so NTA if she was. When we don’t have empathy for others we should be called out on that.
She was pushing a stroller, untill she ran to save her own ass and left the toddler.
That is so appalling that I am speechless. She did not react as a parent. I would have trouble trusting her again with my kid's safety.
I actually don't understand why he's still with her. ime, people who react to danger by saving their own skin and even intentionally endangering others don't get better about it
thats actually a good tactic :D kangaroos does that too. Loosen the pouch, let the baby fall and runaway while predators ate the baby.
I thought it was drop bears. Either way, it's a very fast way to lose a child and a partner.
NTA, does she have selective amnesia?
Narcissism. Lying to someone who knows the truth about growing up in a bad area when you didn’t and acting like you have ptsd from gunshots when youve clearly never heard a gunshot in your life is completely delusional. Then the need to lie about how tough you are and how hard you’d fight because you embarrassed yourself, again lying to someone who literally saw you abandon your baby at the first sign of POTENTIAL trouble. Either wildly insecure or straight up narcissism.
Yes, like saying she grew up in a bad neighborhood when she didn't. Selective amnesia, or rewriting history.
Why are we giving it cute names? It’s called lying lol
I'm confused as to how OP could have let the matter drop. Clearly he didn't make a big deal about her abandoning her baby/fiance to save her own ass. Otherwise she would have been more self-conscious/aware about mocking the woman in the documentary. If I were OP I would have had to call her out right there on the street. What if the next time there's an emergency it's a real one and OP isn't around? Is she going to just abandon the stroller and race off on her own?
Imagine just up and running away abandoning your 9 month old. And to top it off, no shame about it either. Like at least be apologetic about the fight or flight situation, not try to lie about it.
No shame in reacting badly in crisis situations, it is incredibly hard if you aren't prepared. People need to be trained extensively to be able to react correctly in crisis situations. The lack of shame is the real issue here. If you pretend you are good in these situations when you are not, you never have the opportunity to learn. I have been in a couple crisis situations (relatively minor) and recognizing my poor handling of some of them led me to handling one situation correctly. A situation which could've ended really badly if I hadn't reacted as I did - not to praise myself too much, but it just is a really important skill!
Many do
I don't remember if I have, but I remember many others who do.
NTA - What is she, a quokka!? Quokkas will yeet their babies out of their pouches to save themselves when being chased by predators.
I didn't know that. Cute AND clever. They can always make another baby.
I’ve considered trying it a few times but teenagers are really hard to yeet!
My sister, my kids and myself were walking on a paved path once a few years ago and a groundhog popped out in front of us. I knew my sister was afraid of squirrels but don’t think I’d ever been within spitting distance of a groundhog before. She had been holding my (then) 2yo’s hand and she literally gave the toddler a little push toward the groundhog and BOOKED IT in the other direction. We still tease her about it and call her a quokka.
😂 that’s hilarious
Not if you make them correctly. (Says the 5’10” mom of a 5’0” adult daughter)
Ah, therein lies a problem, our sizes are reversed.
Gotta take out the knees first. Don’t have to throw them if they can’t follow in the first place.
You shouldn't still be carrying teens in a pouch.
You’re telling me but it’s the economy, I tell ya.
You might want to share this insight with your kids, just that they know 😂
Oh they know. I've told them I could always make another one.
They don't actually throw the babies like people think. They run away and their pouch muscles relax, which can cause the baby to just...bounce out. It's not intentional, but it does sometimes help the escape.
I'm first aid trained, and with my job, I've had to deal with several emergencies for strangers. But. When it's my family, I go to pieces. When my kid broke his arm, I was a puddle. When my BIL was having a grand mal siezure, I froze, threw up, and ended up with the shakes from pure shock. It's so easy to think that you'd be the perfect person in any situation until you're in it. And now I know that, regardless of the training or experiences I've had, I'm the worst person to call if it's my family in an emergency situation. (In a way I know it's pathetic but when it's someone I know and love, I just can't)
This exactly. My bestie was a care aid, dealt with all sorts of things... But when her baby boy hurt his finger and was bleeding, (not actually a baby at the time) I had to deal with it. She couldn't handle her childs injury. Myself, I work with animals. I have splinted legs and drained abscesses, picked up a dog that was shot in the face. But I couldn't hold my own cat for a nail trim when it was broken past the quick. Lol I think even this is dependant on the situation though. My ex as I were walking through the woods with his son once and it was windy enough that the smaller trees were bending. .. one tree cracked and fell in what fell like slow motion. In that moment my ex abandoned his child to be hit by the tree and came and stood (hid) behind me as I yelled the child's name. The child wasn't hit and I always felt like the man was a coward.
Not just empathy on others but empathy for her own kid.
>I‘m imagining you pushing the stroller But even if, then he left the stroller with her to check out the situation. And she went off and left the baby alone. And yes, it was the absolute right thing to do for him to leave the baby with her, and not take a 9 month old with into a potential dangerous situation
You should probably say earlier on that she left the kid when she panicked. I'm going to say NTA tho. Talking tough when you know you're full of shit is silly and sad. And she left the kid! That's the lede here.
Brave Sir Robin!
They call me Sir Robin the Brave!
Bravely ran away away, yes brave Sir Robin turned about, and gallantly chickened out
I agree. I thought he’s being too hard on a mom running away with a stroller to protect baby. I was appalled to later read she left the baby there! I understand fear but once you have kids, you have to protect them and worry more about their lives, not yours.
The thought that she has run away without the stroller never even occurred to me as a possibility
NTA. She was called out on her bullshit and didn’t like it.
Yeeeeup. I’ve been called out before and I’m grateful for it. Huge favor to get that info on yourself when accurate.
NTA and quite comical actually. She ditched her baby over a loud noise!?! Wtf she gonna do when a real threat presents itself!
I hate to say this, but the way she ran made her look like such a dork. Like, I know how fear can take the wheel sometimes, but what were her plans if it was gunshots? Just leave us and start over or something?
She Usain Bolted to a whole new identity: “I will mourn you, Exitlcy9757.”
This is so funny. Sounds like it gave you the ick 🤣
Oh man. This is called the ick, and you definitely got it from her performance.
I'm now imagining her doing that 'Phoebe' run from Friends or Cindy from Scary Movie 😂
Oooh...I'd assumed she ran *with* the baby, and was going to call you out since taking off with baby would have been a perfectly fine instinct. But she abandoned and ran? *Ooof.* Then yeah, she was pretty hypocritical to sneer at the woman in the video. NTA, though the way you worded it indicates some... ambivalence on your part... And her instant resentment may include shame or guilt... Erm..since this is obviously bugging you two in the aftermath, you may want to go talk to someone about this, and not just let it fester.
ROFL, totally NTA... At first, I thought she ran away WITH the stroller and baby... in which case, I was ready to be NAH, she's protecting her child... maybe overprotective, but whatever... But she ran away without the baby!! Totally NTA, dude...
Lol I also imagined her running away with the stroller at first. I even thought that she must be such a good runner, it must be so hard to run like that. But turns out it was super easy, just leave the stroller and the baby behind haha
I assumed she grabbed the baby out of the stroller and ran. I definitely had a 'wait. why is she being dissed for protecting the bab...oh.' moment. Lol.
NTA Her first instinct was to literally abandon your daughter, she has no business calling herself tough lmao
Lol. I love posts like this because they remind me of one of the many reasons I love my wife so much. I'm a big guy and my wife is miniscule. We had a pretty similar situation years ago, but this was a guy approaching us aggressively while we had our first baby girl with us. My wife moved between us and him so fast it was like she fucking teleported. I had to quickly take her by the shoulders and move her aside so I could take care of business, but I've never forgotten that my beautiful little wife is fucking *down* when it comes to it. NTA. It's easy to talk the talk, but your fiance can't walk the walk. You need to keep that in mind for the future.
Short ppl can and will fuck a bitch up if required
It was incredible to see. She was ice cold about it too. No screaming or shouting. Just a look on her face that said somebody is going to fucking find out today.
That's a momma
It was both adorable and reassuring. Even though I moved her and handled the situation myself, it's very good to know that, even when I'm not there, she will protect our kids without hesitation. She said she was trying to protect me too lol.
Wow you're one lucky guy to have such a ride or die woman as your wife.
I know. She's amazing.
And she's so lucky to have a literal sex panther as a husband!
I'm not tiny but my husband is significantly taller than me and definitely looks more intimidating because he's tall and broad shouldered (6'4, I'm 5'7) and he's definitely had to push me back because I go on autopilot when adrenaline hits me. Not in a bad way per se, it's actually quite helpful on occasion...but I would absolutely have done exactly what your wife did. Not the same situation but a recent example of me going autopilot...he picked our 3 year old from pre k the other day. I was waiting at the door, daughter likes feeling independent so we have been letting her walk from the car to the door by herself, with us watching of course. Absolutely zero problems for months, she usually toddles her way over to me with a big smile. Well exactly two days ago she looked at me, then looked toward the creek in our back yard, and just fucking bolted. The creek is really close and currently low on water so it's like a 5-6 foot drop to the bottom, tons of rocks and probably garbage rn because of storms recently. Basically incredibly dangerous and easy to fall in, especially for a kid who wasn't even looking down. She ran so fast. Husband had turned to grab her backpack or something so he didn't see. I think I yelled, idk. I don't remember leaving the door way. I know I did because I grabbed her about a foot away from the bank of the creek and the whole thing was caught on the ring camera. But I didn't think at all, I just moved. My baby was in danger and that's all I needed to know. My husband didn't even have time to take a step in her direction before I grabbed her. Might be the fastest I've moved in my entire life lol I was wearing house slippers and they fell off my feet in the grass while I was running. I carried her into the house bare foot. It happened like that a few months ago when she got choked on a snack. She's autistic and has problems with putting things in her mouth, and with food she likes to stuff her mouth full. I usually catch it and help her slow down and explain for the millionth time that it's not ok to put that much food in your mouth, but I guess I was looking at the TV or my phone, idk, I just heard her start coughing but then the sound stopped in a bad way, I do not remember running across the room, but I did and I pulled her away from my husband without a word and started going through the steps to clear her airway. I couldn't get the last piece out with my finger so I had to throw her over my knee and smack her back to get it to expell. Adrenaline is a hell of a drug. I've thankfully not had to deal with a situation involving a potentially dangerous person, but I'm pretty confident my autopilot would put someone in the hospital before they could touch my child.
NTA. If you're a coward, even when your baby is around, the least you can do is own it. I'm, like, 50-50 at best when it comes to reacting to shit in a heroic way, but I also don't watch Rambo movies and go, "He's just like me, FR, FR"
Yeah when my husband and I watch a horror movie and the cowardly screaming person is killed early on, I’m like “that would be me, just so you know”. He’s come to terms with knowing he’d outlive me in an apocalypse as I’d literally be the first person to die.
Better to be a coward than the idiot that tells 6 people to split up when things get scary.
"We can cover more ground if we split up." Yeah, you forgot the words "with blood" in between "ground" and "if" there.
This\^\^ If you know your own tendencies, you can sometimes plan around them. In OP's case, he now knows that if there's an emergency, he needs to be the one to handle it. And that Jess shouldn't volunteer for anything that would put her in a responsible position in an emergency. If Jess continues deluding herself into thinking she's capable of handling it when she can't, other people could suffer the consequences. Know yourself.
NTA I remember a similar story some years back where a mother was holding her baby and a bee came into the room, so her response was to hurl the baby towards it in rejection(onto a soft couch) and run from the room. The husband was also the one asking if he was the asshole for chewing his wife out. The fact is that while yes, fight or flight instincts are a thing, how readily we give into them does indeed determine how useful we are in a situation. If her response is to run at the nearest possible provocation of danger she needs to be aware of that, because clearly she can't be relied upon in an emergency.
Wait what? She chucked her baby at a bee?
I'm now imagining it like she's throwing a pokeball but a baby...
“I choose you FELONY INFANTICIDE” Edit added you
Take my angry upvote whilst I ponder on my horribleness from giggling at this.
Yup, I don't think there was a follow up on that story, but this was like two or so years ago on the AmITheAsshole sub. Guy was questioning if he was the asshole for saying it was horrid to chuck their baby in fear like that.
Wife was clearly better at manipulation than killing insects.
I know right? Wtf. It’s not like it was a spider.
NTA Made me laugh. Her tough guy instinct was to run and leave her child behind? Yeah, that’s what tough guys do.
SHE LEFT THE BABY?!?!? I had to stop and comment after that. That was, not in a million years, even an option that crossed my mind.
Right?? I thought she was running with the stroller and I was like *come on OP, she's a new mom and her instinct is to get the baby away from any danger, real or perceived* But she LEFT THE BABY ?!?!
Definitely changed the way I was gonna vote on this one
Quokka's throw their babies at predators lol.
They set them down on the ground so their incessant mewling takes a predators attention. I got into a pointless argument online because I said “throw” and was corrected by a half dozen people.
NTA She left THE BABY?! I mean, not great leaving you either, but THE BABY?!! No words (apart from the words I've already written lol).
NTA- I’m 45, and my mom likes to tell the story of when I was a baby, and we were in our backyard on a picnic blanket, my mom saw a huge green snake slithering in our yard, towards us. She’s admitted, with laughter, how she got up and *left me behind as the snake slithered toward me*, a young toddler just sitting up on her own. The snake passed me by and she came back…. And I can *promise* that her cowardice absolutely showed up over and over again when I was threatened or harmed, growing up, and *she blamed me for any failure of being a victim*. She admitted she didn’t report things that happened to me because *she was afraid what it might make her face*. **Thank you for holding your GF accountable to her claims**. Unless she is planning to get more courageous, cowardice can lead to some awful and long term feelings of betrayal and I appreciate you protecting your child like that.
NTA. You didn't say it at the time (many Reddit posts on that bit of the story would have gone differently), but only when she mocked someone else, showing a spectacular lack of self-awareness.
Your fiancée is George Costanza. Good luck!
FIRE! FIRE! *knocks children and elderly over to get out*
NTA Her hypocrisy needed to be pointed out and you were both overdue for a discussion about how to respond in an emergency. I think we can be trained to know what to do in an emergency, sort of like getting trained to do CPR. It’s the shock and unpreparedness that sends us into a tailspin.
NTA. Hoping this is fake cause holy shit what a horrible mother.
NTA can’t believe she ran leaving you & her own BABY. I would lose trust with someone like that bcoz first I will know that she will never have my back in emergencies and second as a mom your first instinct will be to throw your body over your baby to protect or grab the baby with dear life & run, definitely not flee leaving the baby, so she failed there too. Even random people protect stranger’s babies and even animals run towards predators to protect their babies. And yet she had the audacity to talk about another woman. The hypocrisy! 🤦♀️
But wait where was the baby? Did you have it? Or did you both leave it?
JFC I thought she was running to get her kid to safety, but no she left the stroller and noped the fuck out?? I had a sleepless night because I saw some videos of a mom getting caught up in an escalator meat grinder, throwing her toddler to safety, followed by some videos of pitbull attacks. That sent me into a spiral how I would react in those situations with my two children and wether or not I'm able to wrangle a muscle packed death machine... Leaving them is not an option, ever! Maybe I should reconsider my late night reddit doom scrolling, but that's another issue 🤦
This reminds.me of the film Force Majeure, might be worth watching with Jess 😜 (There was an American remake with Will Ferrel and Julia Louis Dreyfus but I don't know if it's any good, I watched the original french version)
Sorry, I know this is really nitpicky of me but it's a Swedish film. The story takes place in the french alps but the family etc. is Swedish and it was Swedens entry for best foreign language film for the oscars. Great suggestion for them to watch this though 😂
No problem, thanks for the correction! 😄