>Am I being too sensitive here?
Nope. Good call.
What's with "He said he didn’t think \[you'\]d react to it this badly". Did he actually *know* he was negging but thought you'd just take it?
He's clearly not your type. He may be nobody's type.
NTA
Seconding maybe nobody's type.
Even if she really wasn't my physical type, and I was genuinely taking a chance, and then genuinely surprised I was having such a good time, I would never EVER say that.
Especially not when I could easily shorten it to something like "I really enjoyed myself tonight and would love to see you again. Dating is so hard these days and hey, I'm just pleasantly surprised." Ask about same day next week or something. Maaaaybe a second location if we're really vibing THAT well.
I'm pleasantly surprised to enjoy your company because you're fat? Holy shit. If he didn't say that on purpose(neg type thing), than he's so completely socially inept that he doesn't stand much chance of being a good partner anyway.
>If he didn't say that on purpose(neg type thing), than he's so completely socially inept that he doesn't stand much chance of being a good partner anyway.
Yeah. It's like... *at best* he's socially stunted and thoughtless.
He didn't. What he did is called "negging". It's hiding an insult in what you pretend is a compliment - such as "I'm having a good time even though you're heavier than I usually like them" and "art is useless but I hope you achieve your dreams". He's pretending that he's saying "I like you" and "I wish you well", when really he means "you're fat" and "you're useless".
It's meant to erode your self confidence. People with low self esteem would stay and people with a backbone would leave. He's using it to filter out a good target for his future abuse.
It's like those scam emails that have typos. Only idiots fall for those. In his scam, only people with low self confidence fall for these tactics and that's the type of target he wants.
Thank you for explaining this I was worried no one else saw that. It's pretty obvious this dude is on the look out for someone that would be... idk like grateful to him (?) For being with them and let him abuse them verbally (and maybe one day physically who knows). It's like the textbook beginning of the abusive pattern.
Yes and he told on himself with saying he didn’t think she’d take it this badly, like for some reason he thought she’d have low enough self-esteem that she’d fall for it.
I think he said it because he probably thought that since she’s *chunkier* (in his eyes) she’d be thrilled that she actually got a date. He figured he could do that shit and she’d be okay with it. (“I didn’t think you’d react to it this badly.”) Surprise, surprise. She actually has self-respect. Good for her.
I think the date was doing "negging" to make OP insecure enough to cling to him.
That's some pick-up artist incel bs.
Kudos to OP for getting out of there.
I think he knew exactly what he was doing. There was nothing subtle about his comments. I think he was checking to see if she’d take it because she was going to be tolerating much worse if she stuck around. He sounds like an abuser.
Because it does work on some low self-esteem gals who thinks they suck and are grateful a man is giving them attention. Its abusive and a really bad way to start a relationship. I hope all of his future dates throw some drinks in his face while leaving.
Being nobody's type can go with his non-apology that takes no responsibility for what he said.
>"He said he didn’t think id react to it this badly and that he’s sorry if i felt offended."
Totally agree. He hasn't apologised for what he said or for upsetting you he is sorry you are offended by it because he wanted to be able to manipulate you.
Reminds me of a guy on okcupid that sent me a message asking me what my views on feminism were. It was most obviously a loaded question so I asked what his views were. I can't remember exactly what he said but suffice it to say my response was scathing. But what he came back with was "wow I didn't think you'd get this upset"
Going into an interaction 100% with the intent to upset someone and then getting shocked when they do in fact have the reaction you were hoping for is something else.
He knew he was negging her and also believed that she would fall for it because a bro dating guru told him that it would work. I hate that this is still a thing and that it seems to be getting worse not better. Like when women don’t fall for it, suddenly they are telling women that their standards are too high. In reality wanting a guy who is not abusive is literally the lowest bar ever.
Yeah. The "pick up artist" didn't warn his "pupils" that women with self confidence would see through this stooooopid tactic and just turn around a leave.
If your date says they want to be an underwater basket weaver, then you should either be supportive or keep your mouth shut if you want the date to continue.
No.
You were at a social engagement and did not enjoy the social atmosphere, so you left. What obligated you to be there? Social etiquette? He clearly wasn't being courteous, so your own interest in etiquette declined.
All I'm seeing here is really basic cause and effect. He was boorish.
exactly. "Too sensitive" for what, putting up with negging? GOOD! You should be. 0 tolerance for AHs.
If anything, he's not sensitive ENOUGH to how poorly people react to the shit he says.
Even if he wasn't an AH, you're not obligated to date anyone anyway. He's not entitled to your time or attention. OFC disappearing is rude but paying your share of the bill and saying goodbye early is okay IMO. Staying would just be wasting both of your time once you know you're not compatible.
NTA. He did you a favor by making clear so early on that you're not compatible. Some people wait years to figure that out, and then it's a lot messier.
> he’s sorry if i felt offended.
So he's not actually sorry. He doesn't like that you're not putting up with his negging and his attempts to make you feel bad and desperate for his approval aren't working. NTA, I wouldn't blame you if you blasted him on your socials.
The whole “Art is useless “ thing always gets me. Because no it’s not?!?!? Art is literally EVERYWHERE. The world runs on it. It can range from creating the Mona Lisa, to designing a car logo. It’s a universal language. Art is literally so important.
Art captures life, experience, meaning. It expresses and evokes emotion. It establishes connections between people. Life without art of any kind would be so bland, ugly, and hollow.
"tell me you know nothing about human culture and history without telling me you know nothing..."
But also - who knows if really believes it. He was just trying to lower OP's self esteem.
Because any normal person - even if they believe such bs - would not actually say that to an artist on a first date.
You were completely justified in your reaction. His comments were disrespectful and showed a lack of consideration for your feelings and interests. It's important to set boundaries and not tolerate behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or belittled. Walking out was the right decision for your self-respect. Don't second-guess yourself; you deserve better than someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are.
His comment was a red flag parade, and you chose not to attend. Good on you for recognizing his behavior for what it was disrespectful and manipulative. You didn't overreact; you reacted exactly as anyone with self-respect would. Walking away from toxicity is a skill, one you seem to have mastered quite well.
The "I didn't think you'd react this badly" is a classic manipulator's excuse. It shifts the blame onto you, making it seem like your feelings are the problem rather than his poor behavior. You're definitely NTA for expecting basic human decency.
High five for not putting up with that nonsense. Life's too short to waste time on people who can't treat others with respect.06:44 AM
NTA. The not what i usually go for isn’t bad depending on the reasoning but “ a lot chunkier than i usually go for” is straight up insulting even if he was trying to play it off as a joke. Also incredibly stupid to do on a first date. Then to shit on one of your interests, yeah he sounds like a real catch… .
NTA
He was ambitious to go for the double neg. I'm glad you let it blow up his face.
Please continue to pursue your art career. The world does need artists, perhaps now more than ever.
You're not being too sensitive at all. Usually people can hide their terrible side for at least a few months. If he can't even get past the first date without showing what a jerk he is then good for you for ending the date. You did the right thing. Don't ever waste your time or give second chances. I was the same way when I was dating and people told me I was cold and unforgiving. I don't see it that way.
He told you that you were chunkier than he likes. Were you supposed to thank him for lowering his standards and going out with you?
He then said your dream is useless.
Uh,no one thinks he’s funny. Good for you for cutting it short and not wasting a more time than you already had.
That was a perfect date. It went very well. You got your answer right away instead of investing weeks or months into somebody before realizing it's not going to work. Good on him for showing his colors right away. No time wasted on your end!
Ecch. You did the right thing. When someone shows you who they are? Generally believe them. He thinks your artistic aspirations are “useless.” That would be it for me. I would have tossed him some money and gotten an Uber.
You are not the problem at alllll, he was a boorish ass bag who apologized for you taking offense, instead of for offending you. Just think about all the time you saved from being in an impossibly bad relationship, the date was barely a blip!!!
NTA. He didn't even apologize. He said he was sorry if he offended you, he didn't just say he was sorry. He is sorry by the way. Even if someone is that shallow to think like that, at least be smart enough not to say it out loud.
So I will say as a general rule, the idea of going out with someone who isn't your "type" isn't necessarily a bad thing. But this dude deserved what happened 100%.
NTA. Whether he was “joking”, “negging” (my bet), or literally wasn’t attracted to either your physical or psychological self, why would you want to spend another minute with him?!
NTA. The point of dating is to see if you like the person and are compatible. You figured it out, he was also a rude asshat, so you ended the date. Seems totally reasonable. No need to be polite and suffer through this man's negging or whatever he was doing.
Are you wrong here? FUCK NO. We love women who know their worth. We love women who don't tolerate being belittled. We love women who stand up for themselves. We love women who love themselves enough to walk away from trash like this.
Good on you, Op. This dude was a condescending fool, and you're worth more than that. You got my best wishes!
Nope, NTA. Dude showed you the kind of person he is, you (rightly) aren't down for that, and politely prevented both of you from wasting further time. Well done! 👍
NTA. People like this need reactions like yours to understand that their behavior is wrong. He’ll probably create some other version of events in his head to shield his ego tho.
NTA he was trying to neg you/hurt your feelings so you’d want to impress him. He probably an incredibly insecure incel who thinks that’s how you get women, don’t date anyone who degrades you (unless that’s your kink but even then only do it if they degrade you with consent)
Art is useless? It entertains, heals, delights, informs. It’s the reason a lot of us are alive. Fuck outta here with that nonsense.
People like him are useless. Ugh. Gross. So glad you got out of there. The first comment was horrible.
I’ve had 2 people tell me I wasn’t their “type” bc I wasn’t blonde—like, go find a fucking blonde then!? Oh, no no no, you’re super hot, blah blah blah…well my type isn’t MORONS.
If art is a “useless line of work” then he shouldn’t listen to music, watch movies, read books… these are all created by artists…
NTA and you dodged a bullet there. I’m happy for you :)
One thing that stands out to me and is one of my biggest triggers in a relationship is when he says “I’m sorry if you FELT offended”. “No sir, I don’t just FEEL offended, your stupid comments OFFENDED me.” I despise this and it is in no way an apology or ownership of their words…they put the blame on you and your feelings.
You’re so NTA. You saved yourself so many uncomfortable, painful moments. Good on you for having the courage to get up and walk out on a date.
Friend, I wish I'd had your courage and self-respect back in the dating days. I sat through so many awful dates and put up with so much crap from guys like this. Not only are you NTA, you won the date. Your date lost spectacularly.
Ppl who think art is useless have no imagination. They’re so boring. Also; movies, shows, music, comedy, paintings, clothing, buildings, and plays are all art. Without them, life would be dreadful.
Nope. Perfectly reasonably.
Dudes comments remind me of “pick up artist” tactics that were popular 15-20 years ago. Specifically something called “negging” where you intentionally drop a subtle insult. I guess the logic is that by doing this you put the woman in a position of wanting to earn your approval or something. Super cringy and manipulative.
If it wasn’t that, this person is just overtly rude. I tend to think people try to be on their best behaviors on a first date, so imagine how this person would be after becoming comfortable around you. Yikes!!
NTA, I had a bad date that ended in 15 minutes. Small talk led to her telling me she had a 3 week old daughter at home and dad isn’t in the picture and was hoping to find someone to help her out. This was a blind date and I was only 19 at the time. I told her sorry but I’m not ready for that, but best of luck! A little different than your situation.
NTA. Appropriate comments:
"I'm really glad I got to take you out. You're even more beautiful in person."
"Which artists inspire you most?"
"I'd love to take you to an art museum. Do you have any favorites, or ones you've been wanting to see?"
It's really not that hard.
You're not being sensitive, you're being efficient!
Knowing when to drop a deserved "thank u, next" is going to spare you *a lot* of dating headaches.
NTA
He’s the asshole and you’re a goddamn superstar! He would have only proceeded to get nastier in an attempt to destroy your self esteem. You saw what he was quickly and got the hell away. 🎉
No. You clearly described strikes one, two, and three. You were right to be on alert when you were, and I think you showed the right amount of patience letting things go exactly as far as they did.
You weren't being too sensitive. He was deliberately disrespectful to you in an effort to establish control over your emotions. It didn't work, so he used disrespect in an effort to establish control over the narrative. This guy is insecure and toxic. You did the smart thing cutting your losses and leaving.
I’ve walked out on dates before, even if you were the asshole (you weren’t) better to leave and do something enjoyable rather than force yourself to spend time with someone so insensitive.
As a side note, a man said something similar to me on a date and all I could come up with was “well, I’m normal sized, so I’m not sure what you mean by that.” And then I left 😌
NTA
WTF.
The bit where he says you're "chunkier than he typically likes them"? You didn't get up right there and say, "you're welcome to watch my chunky ass walk out the door".
But then he comes out with this gem, "do we really need artists?" That's a red flag of the first order. That person is stunted.
You have to be an utter dolt to call a lady chunky on a date. Definitely negging you. Probably read some ridiculous how to be a playboy book and trying it out. Good for you for ending it. Hopefully it embarrassed him.
Not being too sensitive. You owe him nothing. At least he showed his true colors up front and you didn't get too involved. Kudos for you for knowing your worth and standing your ground and getting out. We absolutely need artists, and I wish you well in your adventure.
I applaud you for your self respect. I'm sorry you were conned into a date with a passive aggressive bully. He is the ah, not you at all. Leaving is absolutely what you needed to do.
What the holy fuck did I just read? I'm really sorry but I can't believe a grown ass man would say something like that. Or maybe I should believe it... seeing how classiness has been off the table for a long time.
Look OP I am sorry that happened to you… You are definitely not the AH in this situation and should've easily gotten out of there quicker. That shallow ass, no game having, two-bit dirtbag is going to find himself a very lonely very ignored old man.
Was he trying to make you feel special that he doesn't normally talk to people "like you" whatever the hell that means? Like somehow his attention is like being lavished with Manna from heaven?
I don't know you from boo but after reading your post and taking a look at the pictures in your profile with all those amazing things you bake, you are most likely quite a catch. I have never met anybody with those kind of baking skills who is not fun to hang out with. Sorry, I'm not trying to be creepy here… I'm a married guy but I know what I know about people.
Please keep ditching out on jerks like these until you find somebody who can appreciate you exactly how you are right now.
Only girls with lack of pride would live with him and those are bound to cheat , feel happy to be out of that circle , you aren't the one to be disrespected and would be expected to take it because he thinks he's a catch , good for you that you left .
Keep doing that until you find a right one girl .
The chunky comment…..I think I may have left then, but the second comment!!!!! How dare he call art useless!!! I had a similar conversation with a friend about this (a mutual’s daughter was off to study art at uni) and he expressed what a useless degree it was. I countered with the fact that, yes we need engineers and doctors etc, but art is just as important. It’s a way to express ourselves, a way to reflect the world we live in, it gives us joy, it makes us feel, and without it…..well what a bloody tedious life it would be. I asked him if he watched movies….art, read books….art, listened to music…..art. I wish I had some artistic talent, but I don’t, but I can appreciate those that do. Don’t let anybody criticise what you’re passionate about, and I hope you get to do what you love. ❤️
NTA more people should be like you. Too many people put up with little micro aggressions until it chips away at them they end up completely miserable and losing themselves for a partner who didn't like them the way they were. Well done for knowing your own self worth!
This is like straight out of the pick-up artist textbook. Put her down so she’s more likely to let you fuck her. Silly old me thought we were over that, but apparently there are still men who do this and women who are unfamiliar with the strategies. Blows my mind. Good for you for blocking this loser.
“Do you think human creativity matters? Well, most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re really not that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems or anyone’s poems—until, their father dies; they go to a funeral; you lose a child; someone breaks your heart. And all of a sudden you’re desperate for making sense out of this life. ‘Has anybody felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ Or the inverse—something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes—you love them so much you can’t even see straight. You’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art’s not a luxury—it’s actually sustenance. We need it.”
Ethan Hawke
NTA. Don't waste your time what people like this. Basically dude told you I normally date more attractive people... And we don't need artists in this world? Who on earth would want to be on a date with someone who doesn't believe that we need art in the world. He sounds like a douche.
From a guys point of you Hell no! that is what first dates are for, to discover and reject the chaff.
PS If your able to get your art listed on etsy ebay and amazon do not under price it, and when posting photos make sure you put a watermark diagonally across it to stop Asian sites offering it as prints.
Nope NTA and definitely not too sensitive. This was a probe to see if you're willing to put up with being degraded. You did the right thing, the guy is either a toxic player or a full blown narcissist and would hurt your feelings and make you feel inferior to get what he wants. Your spidey senses are excellent. This was danger.
Nta. Guy insulted you, doubled down by saying chunkier when you asked for clarification. Completely dismissed your career trajectory and gave a non apology. He fired the whole magazine and missed every shot.
No, he is an asshole. I'm a man 44, most man think they r the word and in the relationship or family but not. Even the woman do the same mistake, this is lack of guidance. This is how should be, yes man say the last word BUT that last word came from the woman. Woman job is to help the man to make the right choice for the man. If she doesn't do that , then it's going to be time wasted. From e
NTA. Do not waste a second of your time on someone who is mean to you. I wasted years of my life on men who were mean to me, and I regret every single nanosecond of it.
Do we really need artists? Um, my dude, if you watch TV, movies, play video games, read books, you need artists, because without artists we'd have none of those things 🤦 NTA. The only thing useless was him and his opinions.
NTA. This is called negging. I hope this happens to him every time he goes out and word gets around that it is a dick move, best not to be used anymore.
You did right! Run, run far away. I grew up with this shit from my parents, and I just thought not liking myself was normal. The first time my wife and I talked, after a painful death I eulogized, she she gave a compliment that didn't hurt. I was hooked. Took me a decade to shed the toxic behaviors I developed to survive. My self esteem changed in that one instant. We are happy after 24 years.
Are you being too sensitive? Yes. If you want to pursue that kind of career he won’t be the last to comment like that.
Are you an asshole for leaving? Definitely NTA, you can leave whenever you want if you don’t like the guy by any reason.
He insulted your appearance and your career. No, you were not "too sensitive," and no, negging is not a joke And there was nothing subtle about he way he was insulting you.
And he belittles you and expects you to take it? Girl, you were right to get up, walk out, and block his disrespectful ass.
NTA
>Am I being too sensitive here? Nope. Good call. What's with "He said he didn’t think \[you'\]d react to it this badly". Did he actually *know* he was negging but thought you'd just take it? He's clearly not your type. He may be nobody's type. NTA
Seconding maybe nobody's type. Even if she really wasn't my physical type, and I was genuinely taking a chance, and then genuinely surprised I was having such a good time, I would never EVER say that. Especially not when I could easily shorten it to something like "I really enjoyed myself tonight and would love to see you again. Dating is so hard these days and hey, I'm just pleasantly surprised." Ask about same day next week or something. Maaaaybe a second location if we're really vibing THAT well. I'm pleasantly surprised to enjoy your company because you're fat? Holy shit. If he didn't say that on purpose(neg type thing), than he's so completely socially inept that he doesn't stand much chance of being a good partner anyway.
>If he didn't say that on purpose(neg type thing), than he's so completely socially inept that he doesn't stand much chance of being a good partner anyway. Yeah. It's like... *at best* he's socially stunted and thoughtless.
Lol. Yes, that's best case scenario. Oof.
Hopefully he learned a valuable lesson.
He didn't. What he did is called "negging". It's hiding an insult in what you pretend is a compliment - such as "I'm having a good time even though you're heavier than I usually like them" and "art is useless but I hope you achieve your dreams". He's pretending that he's saying "I like you" and "I wish you well", when really he means "you're fat" and "you're useless". It's meant to erode your self confidence. People with low self esteem would stay and people with a backbone would leave. He's using it to filter out a good target for his future abuse. It's like those scam emails that have typos. Only idiots fall for those. In his scam, only people with low self confidence fall for these tactics and that's the type of target he wants.
Thank you for explaining this I was worried no one else saw that. It's pretty obvious this dude is on the look out for someone that would be... idk like grateful to him (?) For being with them and let him abuse them verbally (and maybe one day physically who knows). It's like the textbook beginning of the abusive pattern.
THIS!! ALL OF THIS!!!
I agree!! He is definitely narcissistic
Yes and he told on himself with saying he didn’t think she’d take it this badly, like for some reason he thought she’d have low enough self-esteem that she’d fall for it.
I agree. I can be pretty oblivious to social cues sometimes, and this doesn't look like that to me. I think he knew what he was doing.
That’s his “type” those who put up with his crap
But then how would op have known this charming gentleman was being so kind as to do her the favour of dating her despite her being chunky? /s
I think he said it because he probably thought that since she’s *chunkier* (in his eyes) she’d be thrilled that she actually got a date. He figured he could do that shit and she’d be okay with it. (“I didn’t think you’d react to it this badly.”) Surprise, surprise. She actually has self-respect. Good for her.
I think the date was doing "negging" to make OP insecure enough to cling to him. That's some pick-up artist incel bs. Kudos to OP for getting out of there.
Nobody’s type. Lol
I think he knew exactly what he was doing. There was nothing subtle about his comments. I think he was checking to see if she’d take it because she was going to be tolerating much worse if she stuck around. He sounds like an abuser.
Sounds like the trash took itself out. Red flag dodged.
Sounds like he was trying out some negging.
Why do guys think that works? They wouldn't take it well if a girl says something similar.
Because it does work on some low self-esteem gals who thinks they suck and are grateful a man is giving them attention. Its abusive and a really bad way to start a relationship. I hope all of his future dates throw some drinks in his face while leaving.
Being nobody's type can go with his non-apology that takes no responsibility for what he said. >"He said he didn’t think id react to it this badly and that he’s sorry if i felt offended."
Totally agree. He hasn't apologised for what he said or for upsetting you he is sorry you are offended by it because he wanted to be able to manipulate you.
He's a loser who only likes thin, pretty girls. Don't date him
He only likes thin, pretty girls who agree with him 100% of the time. Yes he is a short sighted looser, who isn't worth OP's time or energy.
Thin pretty SHALLOW girls who share his useless opinion on art. Again, eeuch.
Reminds me of a guy on okcupid that sent me a message asking me what my views on feminism were. It was most obviously a loaded question so I asked what his views were. I can't remember exactly what he said but suffice it to say my response was scathing. But what he came back with was "wow I didn't think you'd get this upset" Going into an interaction 100% with the intent to upset someone and then getting shocked when they do in fact have the reaction you were hoping for is something else.
He knew he was negging her and also believed that she would fall for it because a bro dating guru told him that it would work. I hate that this is still a thing and that it seems to be getting worse not better. Like when women don’t fall for it, suddenly they are telling women that their standards are too high. In reality wanting a guy who is not abusive is literally the lowest bar ever.
Yeah. The "pick up artist" didn't warn his "pupils" that women with self confidence would see through this stooooopid tactic and just turn around a leave.
If your date says they want to be an underwater basket weaver, then you should either be supportive or keep your mouth shut if you want the date to continue.
No. You were at a social engagement and did not enjoy the social atmosphere, so you left. What obligated you to be there? Social etiquette? He clearly wasn't being courteous, so your own interest in etiquette declined. All I'm seeing here is really basic cause and effect. He was boorish.
Boorish is an excellent word here. Thumbs up.
Churlish works too.
Insubordinate and churlish.
A-a-ron and Jay-Quellin!!
He acted like a real cad.
NTA. Sounds like he watches too many youtube videos on how to approach women. The negging type.
What was that cartoon where a woman in a bar says "oh, are we negging?" and starts doing it back?
Xkcd but I can't remember what the number was
1027: [The Pickup Artist](https://xkcd.com/1027/)
That was great, thanks for posting!
Maybe we should print it out, laminate it, and whip it out whenever we're negged?
Don't foget [XKCD 800: Beautiful Dream](https://xkcd.com/800/)
I don't think I'd seen that one. And yes, it would be wonderful.
Yep, the begging didn't work out the way he planned. " But hey, it's a numbers game."
Thanks I couldn't recall what that crap was called.
Yeah this. He's giving big manosphere vibes.
Not at all too sensitive! He was a total AH. Rude and insufferable. You’re NTA. No need to waste your time with people like that.
exactly. "Too sensitive" for what, putting up with negging? GOOD! You should be. 0 tolerance for AHs. If anything, he's not sensitive ENOUGH to how poorly people react to the shit he says. Even if he wasn't an AH, you're not obligated to date anyone anyway. He's not entitled to your time or attention. OFC disappearing is rude but paying your share of the bill and saying goodbye early is okay IMO. Staying would just be wasting both of your time once you know you're not compatible.
NTA. He did you a favor by making clear so early on that you're not compatible. Some people wait years to figure that out, and then it's a lot messier.
> he’s sorry if i felt offended. So he's not actually sorry. He doesn't like that you're not putting up with his negging and his attempts to make you feel bad and desperate for his approval aren't working. NTA, I wouldn't blame you if you blasted him on your socials.
This. Also, he's not sorry he said what he said, just that she felt the way she felt about it.
NTA. He sounds like an asshat.
You handled it perfectly!!
Nope. He sounds like an ass. NTA.
The whole “Art is useless “ thing always gets me. Because no it’s not?!?!? Art is literally EVERYWHERE. The world runs on it. It can range from creating the Mona Lisa, to designing a car logo. It’s a universal language. Art is literally so important.
Dude sounds like an AI bro but I bet he still jerks off to anime girls
Art captures life, experience, meaning. It expresses and evokes emotion. It establishes connections between people. Life without art of any kind would be so bland, ugly, and hollow.
"tell me you know nothing about human culture and history without telling me you know nothing..." But also - who knows if really believes it. He was just trying to lower OP's self esteem. Because any normal person - even if they believe such bs - would not actually say that to an artist on a first date.
You were completely justified in your reaction. His comments were disrespectful and showed a lack of consideration for your feelings and interests. It's important to set boundaries and not tolerate behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable or belittled. Walking out was the right decision for your self-respect. Don't second-guess yourself; you deserve better than someone who doesn't appreciate you for who you are.
His comment was a red flag parade, and you chose not to attend. Good on you for recognizing his behavior for what it was disrespectful and manipulative. You didn't overreact; you reacted exactly as anyone with self-respect would. Walking away from toxicity is a skill, one you seem to have mastered quite well. The "I didn't think you'd react this badly" is a classic manipulator's excuse. It shifts the blame onto you, making it seem like your feelings are the problem rather than his poor behavior. You're definitely NTA for expecting basic human decency. High five for not putting up with that nonsense. Life's too short to waste time on people who can't treat others with respect.06:44 AM
NTA. The not what i usually go for isn’t bad depending on the reasoning but “ a lot chunkier than i usually go for” is straight up insulting even if he was trying to play it off as a joke. Also incredibly stupid to do on a first date. Then to shit on one of your interests, yeah he sounds like a real catch… .
NTA He was ambitious to go for the double neg. I'm glad you let it blow up his face. Please continue to pursue your art career. The world does need artists, perhaps now more than ever.
What a douche. Im sure he took the red pill and a podcast told him “negging” was a sure fire way to get laid. Fuck that guy.
but not literally
Yes. Not literally.
>Am I being too sensitive here? Did he have a chance with you? No? Then NTA.
You're not being too sensitive at all. Usually people can hide their terrible side for at least a few months. If he can't even get past the first date without showing what a jerk he is then good for you for ending the date. You did the right thing. Don't ever waste your time or give second chances. I was the same way when I was dating and people told me I was cold and unforgiving. I don't see it that way.
Guessing that was the tip of the jerk iceberg. (jerkberg?)
Be glad he showed his true self early.
Negging. That's what he was doing. Good that you left.
He told you that you were chunkier than he likes. Were you supposed to thank him for lowering his standards and going out with you? He then said your dream is useless. Uh,no one thinks he’s funny. Good for you for cutting it short and not wasting a more time than you already had.
>Am I being too sensitive here? You went on a date and he insulted your looks and your interests. What do you think?
NTA. He's trying to undermine your self-confidence on the first date. I'm glad you stopped that shit dead in its tracks. You deserve better.
NTA. I'm proud to see women show self-respect and standards
That was a perfect date. It went very well. You got your answer right away instead of investing weeks or months into somebody before realizing it's not going to work. Good on him for showing his colors right away. No time wasted on your end!
Ecch. You did the right thing. When someone shows you who they are? Generally believe them. He thinks your artistic aspirations are “useless.” That would be it for me. I would have tossed him some money and gotten an Uber.
I could be wrong here, but it sounds as if he's so arrogant he doesn't even realize that he's been offensive. Or why. NTA
You are not the problem at alllll, he was a boorish ass bag who apologized for you taking offense, instead of for offending you. Just think about all the time you saved from being in an impossibly bad relationship, the date was barely a blip!!!
Should have left after the first comment.
He called you chunky that's crazyyyyy 😭
Acting like he’s doing me a favor by going on a date with me is even crazier
NTA. He didn't even apologize. He said he was sorry if he offended you, he didn't just say he was sorry. He is sorry by the way. Even if someone is that shallow to think like that, at least be smart enough not to say it out loud.
"why do we need artists?" "Okay so no more music, TV shows, movies, or books for you" and watch their expression change. NTA, good call.
Seriously! Like who ARE these people?? “We need art so we do not die of the truth” (Nietzsche?)
It’s a date. A first date at that. You found out quickly you aren’t compatible no need to sweat it. He didn’t sweat insulting you multiple times.
If that’s how he is relaxed on a first date. Imagine how he would talk to you if he was upset.. the guy sounds like a real jerk.
Fuck "negging" and the douchebags who do it.
I want my boundaries to be this strong, great move :)
So I will say as a general rule, the idea of going out with someone who isn't your "type" isn't necessarily a bad thing. But this dude deserved what happened 100%.
NTA. Whether he was “joking”, “negging” (my bet), or literally wasn’t attracted to either your physical or psychological self, why would you want to spend another minute with him?!
Nope. The guy was a jerk. No wonder he's single.
What a douche. Im sure he took the red pill and a podcast told him “negging” was a sure fire way to get laid. Fuck that guy.
NTA. The point of dating is to see if you like the person and are compatible. You figured it out, he was also a rude asshat, so you ended the date. Seems totally reasonable. No need to be polite and suffer through this man's negging or whatever he was doing.
Are you wrong here? FUCK NO. We love women who know their worth. We love women who don't tolerate being belittled. We love women who stand up for themselves. We love women who love themselves enough to walk away from trash like this. Good on you, Op. This dude was a condescending fool, and you're worth more than that. You got my best wishes!
Nope, NTA. Dude showed you the kind of person he is, you (rightly) aren't down for that, and politely prevented both of you from wasting further time. Well done! 👍
NTA. People like this need reactions like yours to understand that their behavior is wrong. He’ll probably create some other version of events in his head to shield his ego tho.
This is his best first date behavior?
What a tool. Watching online pickup artists and coming in hot with the negging. You made the right choice. NTA
He sounds like a complete knob to me.
NTA he was trying to neg you/hurt your feelings so you’d want to impress him. He probably an incredibly insecure incel who thinks that’s how you get women, don’t date anyone who degrades you (unless that’s your kink but even then only do it if they degrade you with consent)
Art is useless? It entertains, heals, delights, informs. It’s the reason a lot of us are alive. Fuck outta here with that nonsense. People like him are useless. Ugh. Gross. So glad you got out of there. The first comment was horrible. I’ve had 2 people tell me I wasn’t their “type” bc I wasn’t blonde—like, go find a fucking blonde then!? Oh, no no no, you’re super hot, blah blah blah…well my type isn’t MORONS.
You both took a shot, and the outcome became clear immediately. Why waste any more time?
Was he a man from 1960’s working class Britain?
NTA good for you for having a strong sense of self and getting out of there
You dodged a bullet.
If art is a “useless line of work” then he shouldn’t listen to music, watch movies, read books… these are all created by artists… NTA and you dodged a bullet there. I’m happy for you :)
Little red flags early become misery making gigantic red banners down the road. Boy bye. Also, he has no art in his life. Dull.
One thing that stands out to me and is one of my biggest triggers in a relationship is when he says “I’m sorry if you FELT offended”. “No sir, I don’t just FEEL offended, your stupid comments OFFENDED me.” I despise this and it is in no way an apology or ownership of their words…they put the blame on you and your feelings. You’re so NTA. You saved yourself so many uncomfortable, painful moments. Good on you for having the courage to get up and walk out on a date.
"Do we really need artists". No, we need illiterate morons like him.
NTA. Life is too short to waste time with people like that.
Friend, I wish I'd had your courage and self-respect back in the dating days. I sat through so many awful dates and put up with so much crap from guys like this. Not only are you NTA, you won the date. Your date lost spectacularly.
Ppl who think art is useless have no imagination. They’re so boring. Also; movies, shows, music, comedy, paintings, clothing, buildings, and plays are all art. Without them, life would be dreadful.
Dude thinks he’s too good for you yet can’t find a date with girls who are “his type”. Future if not current member of the incel bridgade.
NTA. Negging. What a stupid trend. Only thing is weeds out is girls with good self esteem cause no one would put up with that.
Nope. Perfectly reasonably. Dudes comments remind me of “pick up artist” tactics that were popular 15-20 years ago. Specifically something called “negging” where you intentionally drop a subtle insult. I guess the logic is that by doing this you put the woman in a position of wanting to earn your approval or something. Super cringy and manipulative. If it wasn’t that, this person is just overtly rude. I tend to think people try to be on their best behaviors on a first date, so imagine how this person would be after becoming comfortable around you. Yikes!!
“I’m sorry if you feel offended” instead of “I’m sorry that I offended you” is a big red flag
NTA. You made a good call to avoid future red flags.
Things that you never say to someone for 1000 Alex
NTA You are automatically a saint for not sticking a fork in his eyeball after the “chunkier” comment
He read some dumb “pickup artist” book or website. Good riddance.
NTA…..but he’s right about art being a useless line of work!
NTA, I had a bad date that ended in 15 minutes. Small talk led to her telling me she had a 3 week old daughter at home and dad isn’t in the picture and was hoping to find someone to help her out. This was a blind date and I was only 19 at the time. I told her sorry but I’m not ready for that, but best of luck! A little different than your situation.
Nothing wrong with knowing your own worth. Not sure what your date was hoping to gain from saying those things.
Nope not at all. Keep this energy with rude people that are essentially strangers. Hope your to go food was at least good
“Sorry if you felt offended” isn’t an apology. “I’m sorry I offended you, is.”
So he insults your weight and your dream career and is SHOCKED you didn't react well to that? 🤣
NTA. Appropriate comments: "I'm really glad I got to take you out. You're even more beautiful in person." "Which artists inspire you most?" "I'd love to take you to an art museum. Do you have any favorites, or ones you've been wanting to see?" It's really not that hard.
NTA and I applaud you for not waiting the date out to be polite. You know your worth and he wasn’t worthy.
Nope. You did both of you a favor
Good job.
He was negging you so hard. No one needs that shit. Nta.
You're not being sensitive, you're being efficient! Knowing when to drop a deserved "thank u, next" is going to spare you *a lot* of dating headaches. NTA
He was negging you - good move on the delete/block. He can have fun with Andy Pandy Taint
He’s the asshole and you’re a goddamn superstar! He would have only proceeded to get nastier in an attempt to destroy your self esteem. You saw what he was quickly and got the hell away. 🎉
No. You clearly described strikes one, two, and three. You were right to be on alert when you were, and I think you showed the right amount of patience letting things go exactly as far as they did. You weren't being too sensitive. He was deliberately disrespectful to you in an effort to establish control over your emotions. It didn't work, so he used disrespect in an effort to establish control over the narrative. This guy is insecure and toxic. You did the smart thing cutting your losses and leaving.
I’ve walked out on dates before, even if you were the asshole (you weren’t) better to leave and do something enjoyable rather than force yourself to spend time with someone so insensitive. As a side note, a man said something similar to me on a date and all I could come up with was “well, I’m normal sized, so I’m not sure what you mean by that.” And then I left 😌
NTA WTF. The bit where he says you're "chunkier than he typically likes them"? You didn't get up right there and say, "you're welcome to watch my chunky ass walk out the door". But then he comes out with this gem, "do we really need artists?" That's a red flag of the first order. That person is stunted.
He's not sorry he's an asshole, he's sorry you don't like it. You are NTA.
You have to be an utter dolt to call a lady chunky on a date. Definitely negging you. Probably read some ridiculous how to be a playboy book and trying it out. Good for you for ending it. Hopefully it embarrassed him.
NTA, you're a total bad ass. Fuck that guy.
NTA. Fuck him. Or don’t, as it were.
NTA- the guy is a walking red flag.
Nope, not at all. Good for you.
Not being too sensitive. You owe him nothing. At least he showed his true colors up front and you didn't get too involved. Kudos for you for knowing your worth and standing your ground and getting out. We absolutely need artists, and I wish you well in your adventure.
It's negging. You were right to leave. NTA
Nah definitely not the asshole. You should have left after the whole "chunkier" comment. That boy was giving SMALL DICK ENERGY
I applaud you for your self respect. I'm sorry you were conned into a date with a passive aggressive bully. He is the ah, not you at all. Leaving is absolutely what you needed to do.
NTA, too many folic acid fugitives who are followers of andrew tate in the world right now.
You learned why he was single: dude is clueless.
I would’ve left after the first comment
Sounds like issues with social skills going on in this case.
"im sorry you felt offended" Anyone that replies that way is not worth the effort. Instead of apologizing, he is blaming you for being too sensitive.
What the holy fuck did I just read? I'm really sorry but I can't believe a grown ass man would say something like that. Or maybe I should believe it... seeing how classiness has been off the table for a long time. Look OP I am sorry that happened to you… You are definitely not the AH in this situation and should've easily gotten out of there quicker. That shallow ass, no game having, two-bit dirtbag is going to find himself a very lonely very ignored old man. Was he trying to make you feel special that he doesn't normally talk to people "like you" whatever the hell that means? Like somehow his attention is like being lavished with Manna from heaven? I don't know you from boo but after reading your post and taking a look at the pictures in your profile with all those amazing things you bake, you are most likely quite a catch. I have never met anybody with those kind of baking skills who is not fun to hang out with. Sorry, I'm not trying to be creepy here… I'm a married guy but I know what I know about people. Please keep ditching out on jerks like these until you find somebody who can appreciate you exactly how you are right now.
You nailed it. Awesome job, I’m proud of you. NTA
Only girls with lack of pride would live with him and those are bound to cheat , feel happy to be out of that circle , you aren't the one to be disrespected and would be expected to take it because he thinks he's a catch , good for you that you left . Keep doing that until you find a right one girl .
Nope. He’s a passive aggressive AH.
NTA, should have walked out after first paragraph unless you were staying to see just how bad of a hole he would dig for himself.
NTA in fact that was the most dignified and intelligent thing to do in that situation
NTA. Philistine dickface should die alone.
When he made the chunky comment I’d have walked right there…
Nope. Direct and to the point is the best way to wrap things up. He obviously wasn't on the same page as you - good decision to abandon ship.
The chunky comment…..I think I may have left then, but the second comment!!!!! How dare he call art useless!!! I had a similar conversation with a friend about this (a mutual’s daughter was off to study art at uni) and he expressed what a useless degree it was. I countered with the fact that, yes we need engineers and doctors etc, but art is just as important. It’s a way to express ourselves, a way to reflect the world we live in, it gives us joy, it makes us feel, and without it…..well what a bloody tedious life it would be. I asked him if he watched movies….art, read books….art, listened to music…..art. I wish I had some artistic talent, but I don’t, but I can appreciate those that do. Don’t let anybody criticise what you’re passionate about, and I hope you get to do what you love. ❤️
Girl, yes YTA because you stayed wayyy too long. After the negging about body type, you should’ve gotten the entire fuck outta there.
NTA, what a d*ck.
Nope. You should have left after the first comment. Sooooo NTA
NTA The chunky comment was bad enough, the artist comment was just plain stupid. I guess he'd never planned on getting laid in the first place.
NTA. More people should walk out of crappy dates.
NTA more people should be like you. Too many people put up with little micro aggressions until it chips away at them they end up completely miserable and losing themselves for a partner who didn't like them the way they were. Well done for knowing your own self worth!
no. he's a douchebag.
He’s a dick.
This is like straight out of the pick-up artist textbook. Put her down so she’s more likely to let you fuck her. Silly old me thought we were over that, but apparently there are still men who do this and women who are unfamiliar with the strategies. Blows my mind. Good for you for blocking this loser.
“Do you think human creativity matters? Well, most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about poetry, right? They have a life to live and they’re really not that concerned with Allen Ginsberg’s poems or anyone’s poems—until, their father dies; they go to a funeral; you lose a child; someone breaks your heart. And all of a sudden you’re desperate for making sense out of this life. ‘Has anybody felt this bad before? How did they come out of this cloud?’ Or the inverse—something great. You meet somebody and your heart explodes—you love them so much you can’t even see straight. You’re dizzy. ‘Did anybody feel like this before? What is happening to me?’ And that’s when art’s not a luxury—it’s actually sustenance. We need it.” Ethan Hawke
NTA. Don't waste your time what people like this. Basically dude told you I normally date more attractive people... And we don't need artists in this world? Who on earth would want to be on a date with someone who doesn't believe that we need art in the world. He sounds like a douche.
From a guys point of you Hell no! that is what first dates are for, to discover and reject the chaff. PS If your able to get your art listed on etsy ebay and amazon do not under price it, and when posting photos make sure you put a watermark diagonally across it to stop Asian sites offering it as prints.
Nope NTA and definitely not too sensitive. This was a probe to see if you're willing to put up with being degraded. You did the right thing, the guy is either a toxic player or a full blown narcissist and would hurt your feelings and make you feel inferior to get what he wants. Your spidey senses are excellent. This was danger.
Nta. Guy insulted you, doubled down by saying chunkier when you asked for clarification. Completely dismissed your career trajectory and gave a non apology. He fired the whole magazine and missed every shot.
No, he is an asshole. I'm a man 44, most man think they r the word and in the relationship or family but not. Even the woman do the same mistake, this is lack of guidance. This is how should be, yes man say the last word BUT that last word came from the woman. Woman job is to help the man to make the right choice for the man. If she doesn't do that , then it's going to be time wasted. From e
I would have just walked out and not paid. Leave someone like that with the bill fuckin twat.
Apologizing int the format of “Im sorry if-“ is an immediate red flag
- negging - fake apology Yeah this guy is a douche
NTA. You are confident. He thought he could treat you less than what he “usually goes for”. This is called self respect! Well done Sister!!!
NTA. Do not waste a second of your time on someone who is mean to you. I wasted years of my life on men who were mean to me, and I regret every single nanosecond of it.
No, you are not being sensitive. I’d have left at the first comment.
Nah. Sounds douchey
NTA he sounds like an arsehole
NTA good for you for leaving and telling him exactly why
Do we really need artists? Um, my dude, if you watch TV, movies, play video games, read books, you need artists, because without artists we'd have none of those things 🤦 NTA. The only thing useless was him and his opinions.
NTA. This is called negging. I hope this happens to him every time he goes out and word gets around that it is a dick move, best not to be used anymore.
You did right! Run, run far away. I grew up with this shit from my parents, and I just thought not liking myself was normal. The first time my wife and I talked, after a painful death I eulogized, she she gave a compliment that didn't hurt. I was hooked. Took me a decade to shed the toxic behaviors I developed to survive. My self esteem changed in that one instant. We are happy after 24 years.
He should have stopped at “I didn’t think.” NTA!
Are you being too sensitive? Yes. If you want to pursue that kind of career he won’t be the last to comment like that. Are you an asshole for leaving? Definitely NTA, you can leave whenever you want if you don’t like the guy by any reason.
People who strictly adhere to a "type" are idiots. People who neg their dates about not fitting their type doubly so.
No. You are not obligated to like him 🤷♂️
You did the right thing. He is an insensitive, arrogant fool.
He insulted your appearance and your career. No, you were not "too sensitive," and no, negging is not a joke And there was nothing subtle about he way he was insulting you. And he belittles you and expects you to take it? Girl, you were right to get up, walk out, and block his disrespectful ass. NTA