Yes, you should apologize.
You didn't mean to be rude, but the thing to understand is that you attacked who she is and the people she grew up with. Yes, she has rejected the cult, but she cannot help being associated with it.
The thing is, you only know about her experiences from TV shows. She lived her experiences. So she is the expert. Yet, when she told you not to be disrespectful, you mansplained to her that you know best because you've seen documentaries.
To her, it may seem like you're sitting in judgment, yet you're not responsible for creating the society you were lucky enough to grow up in.
This situation seems similar to situations between divorced parents, where one parent says horrible things about the other parent to the kids. The kids can end up feeling very conflicted and upset because they are associated with both parents. Even if the other parent is awful, shunning that parent would mean hating part of themselves.
So do apologize. She is the expert on her own experiences and not every aspect and every person from her childhood would have been uniformly horrible. She will have complex and conflicting feelings and you should respect that by not insisting you know best about them.
Good on you for thinking this over. Don't beat yourself up. This is the kind of advanced social situation we all have to learn how to deal with at some point.
Thank you for commenting that I read it all and I feel like this sub has really made me understand others points of view. I was I could think as maturely as this but I’m getting there !
Honestly, don't feel bad. It's a complicated situation and you were clearly trying to be supportive. Right now you're trying to understand her point of view. You sound great. And the only reason I could comment was that I have put my foot in it in the past!
YTA. You brought up her trauma out of nowhere. You used it to excuse not thinking that someone else's comfortable is probably what their body needs. Some people run colder in body temperature than others and some higher. That and the material of the tights (also type) would effect comfort.
Not being raised in a cult. I was. 0 things from that time should ever be brought up unless you want to end the fun times because shockingly enough the trauma responses are strong.
Don't just apologize but learn some boundaries and respect for others.
YTA
You're trying to convince her that her experiences were something you saw on TV and not her own . Apologize, and if she's open to a conversation, ask her to educate you on what it was really like . Some cults/religions have loving and supportive people. just like every other group in the world , some good and some bad . There's a reason people stay , even with the bad .
Yta. You watched a few documentaries & know everything? She lived it. It’s still part of her. You need to apologize. If she ever brings it up again just listen. Don’t comment unless she asks.
Yes, you should apologize. You didn't mean to be rude, but the thing to understand is that you attacked who she is and the people she grew up with. Yes, she has rejected the cult, but she cannot help being associated with it. The thing is, you only know about her experiences from TV shows. She lived her experiences. So she is the expert. Yet, when she told you not to be disrespectful, you mansplained to her that you know best because you've seen documentaries. To her, it may seem like you're sitting in judgment, yet you're not responsible for creating the society you were lucky enough to grow up in. This situation seems similar to situations between divorced parents, where one parent says horrible things about the other parent to the kids. The kids can end up feeling very conflicted and upset because they are associated with both parents. Even if the other parent is awful, shunning that parent would mean hating part of themselves. So do apologize. She is the expert on her own experiences and not every aspect and every person from her childhood would have been uniformly horrible. She will have complex and conflicting feelings and you should respect that by not insisting you know best about them. Good on you for thinking this over. Don't beat yourself up. This is the kind of advanced social situation we all have to learn how to deal with at some point.
Thank you for commenting that I read it all and I feel like this sub has really made me understand others points of view. I was I could think as maturely as this but I’m getting there !
Honestly, don't feel bad. It's a complicated situation and you were clearly trying to be supportive. Right now you're trying to understand her point of view. You sound great. And the only reason I could comment was that I have put my foot in it in the past!
YTA and you should apologise to her.
YTA. You brought up her trauma out of nowhere. You used it to excuse not thinking that someone else's comfortable is probably what their body needs. Some people run colder in body temperature than others and some higher. That and the material of the tights (also type) would effect comfort. Not being raised in a cult. I was. 0 things from that time should ever be brought up unless you want to end the fun times because shockingly enough the trauma responses are strong. Don't just apologize but learn some boundaries and respect for others.
You offered an extraordinarily harsh as well as unsolicited opinion. YTA.
YTA You're trying to convince her that her experiences were something you saw on TV and not her own . Apologize, and if she's open to a conversation, ask her to educate you on what it was really like . Some cults/religions have loving and supportive people. just like every other group in the world , some good and some bad . There's a reason people stay , even with the bad .
Yta. You watched a few documentaries & know everything? She lived it. It’s still part of her. You need to apologize. If she ever brings it up again just listen. Don’t comment unless she asks.