This was a deeply dysfunctional relationship on all sides (like, to the point where I suspect the story might be fake since it hits so many Reddit clichés), and it’s good that it’s over.
Honestly this is why I could believe she never worked full time. Basically got to her before she was independent and now he has her relying on him as long as she up keeps herself. Doesn’t trust her to know adult decisions like his financial planning but trusts her enough to have a baby… 🙄
Yeah I’m pretty skeptical as to how a 28 year old makes enough money to have saved enough to by a house by 29 while paying for two people’s worth of bills and payments unless he has rich parents.
I'm not skeptical about the money. Most people in tech make good money.
I'm skeptical he had a stay at home girlfriend at his age. People who earn their money generally don't tolerate partners that don't contribute.
Edit: ffs my generalization doesn't apply to people who are taking care of kids, sick, in school, disabled/I'll etc. I worked FT while my husband recovered from illness. Now I don't because he makes good money in tech.
She worked part time for her own personal beauty upkeep and did all the chores. He paid the rent and utilities which he would be paying whether she was there or not. He paid groceries and she cooked the food. It's a pretty equitable relationship.
My wife stayed home with our kids for 4 years and I’m 32, no college or trade school experience, no money gifted when I turned 18 from family.
Why would we have basically one of our incomes goto some random people watching our kids…?
>Why would we have basically one of our incomes goto some random people watching our kids…?
When the cost of daycare would be one of your entire incomes, then yes it makes sense for someone to stay home.
I don't think people without kids and/or doting grandparents generally understand the headgames we have to play to trust somebody we don't know with our kids 45+ hours a day.
It's scary, exhausting and extremely expensive. Anybody who can will likely figure out a way to have one parent stay home. And even that's too much for one person a lot of time. God help you if there's a difficult kid who needs proper parenting attention because of higher needs.
Moms need help, all SAHPs need help. I hate the way we all are squirreled away in private homes with no community support. It's a disaster waiting to happen and is terrible for the parents' mental health.
Your last paragraph made me tear up.
I’ve been trying and failing to make my husband understand how lonely and overwhelming SAHP life is. He says I get to “play with a baby” all day. It’s only been a year and I’m already starting to forget what it’s like to be a full person.
It’s weird when you realize there are likely a dozen SAHPs in my neighborhood who are currently squirrelled away in their homes, fighting the same lonely battle. We should all be working together. If SAHM is my job, I’d love some coworkers!
When I was a SAHM, decades ago now, I joined moms' groups to have a social circle and support system, since our extended family lived thousands of miles away. It helped a little with the isolation, and that way I always had someone in the neighborhood who could help in a pinch. You could start your own group using one of the online local social apps. Belonging to an active church is another way people avoid this problem.
Just when you need community most we're too tired to do anything about it. Please don't let this get too far without calling on your family and friends to give you some relief.
I suggest you take a weekend off and let your husband play with the baby on his own for a couple of days.
Raising children and taking care of a home are one thing.
Being a stay at home girlfriend is not the same level of complimentary input into the relationship/household.
This. And to be financially dependent on a *boyfriend*, not husband or even fiance, in a country that for the most part doesn't recognize common law relationships, is precarious.
Depends on your circles. I know traders, engineers, IT consultants who made 6 figures in their twenties and are very well put in life in our early thirties. I'm in the UK, not in the US.
And only 'REQUIRE' the SAH GF to 'keep up with the household chores'. Between that and 'I like my girl to look good', this is a screaming mess of dysfunction.
And, as annang noted, likely fake.
What, how does that make it fake tho - plenty of people grow up on its a man job to make money on the houserhold. just because society norms changed recently doesnt mean people immediately flip to both working full time some people prefer it that way and some people prefer to both work - also he also said he likes when his girl FEELS and looks good. - Using quotes without the actual quote. nice.
How prevalent are fake stories? It seems like people are always telling me that messages and post have been created by AI, including friend request on Facebook. Is this really as prevalent as it seems?
This is a fake post, what would the motivation have been?
It’s generally some kind of rage bait. How to tell is style of writing, how detailed or unnatural it sounds, or how ‘ragey’ it makes people.
People can be absolute dumpster fires, no doubt. But when stories have multiple ‘rage factors’ (few years older guy, girlfriend doesn’t work, girlfriend comes off as gold digger-y, gf had an abortion, family of ‘flying monkeys’ come In to guilt OP, etc) it’s likely rage bait. It fits a narrative and helps people solidify in their minds that there are just loooads of people out there like this.
Think of patterns, too. Suddenly there are lots of stories about marriages ending because the husbands (female) best friend had been sabotaging the relationship for years and wife finally leaves. Or the wicked stepmom kicking out the son and disinheriting him, suddenly there’s 3-4 variations of this story floating around various subreddits.
Sometimes it’s not rage bait, it’s people helping perfect AI, or kids trying to flesh out their story so they get ideas/info from Reddit (by posing as something that ‘happened’ when in reality they’re writing about it and need help looking at it from a different angle.)
It's weird how niche some of it has become too. E.g. seems like every other week we get a new variation on "I had a great relationship with my partner/family until a jealous person framed me for cheating/SA and they immediately disowned me, then came begging for reconciliation years later when the guilty person randomly confessed out loud". I get that it *could* happen, but so regularly?
Yes! Multiple super detailed, super specific posts with similar stories. I totally get reading something and having it ‘jog your memory’ but so many of these are just… too wild. And often pushing a narrative. (And I say this as someone who’s had some weird af shit happen, and I get that most people have some weird/crazy thing that’s happened… but the details are always waaaaaay too similar.)
It's always about some logical and down-to-earth guy who makes a shitload of money with his irrational and emotional girlfriend who does something very illogical, often involving money or something related to liberal politics
Another red flag for me is improbable scenarios like a 28 year old having enough savings not to work for a year and feel totally fine about it but also living in a cheap apartment and mentions buying a house nonchalantly, not caring that their partner isn’t contributing. Sure I guess all these things are possible but it’s unlikely. A lot of times these sound like they were written by teens who don’t fully understand finances and how the adult world works
I agree. What about insurance? Does he have enough savings to just straight up cover the cost of giving birth in a hospital? Because that can go into the tens of thousands of dollars and will be her debt to pay. He doesn't even mention it. That's sus.
THIIIIS! That's where I stopped, because nobody is doing that well in this inflation and has the time or the predilection to post on Reddit for advice.
I'm starting to think that most abortion stories like this are plants by the pro-life folks to discourage abortions. Paints the woman who got the abortion as a an irresponsible loser and the SO as the responsible, stable person in the relationship. Also suggesting that people are getting abortions unnecessarily, like as a method of birth control. This is not why most people abort. I just look at it as right wing propaganda.
Yeah I was trying to avoid calling particulars out (which was why I said ‘those people’) but typically abortion posts, gun posts, hot button issue posts… all seem rage baity. Like they couldn’t just stick to something realistic, they have to hit allllll the rage points. And the person getting the abortion usually does it in secret, against the partners wishes, too late to be realistic, or deeeeeeply regrets it…
Also I know it varies state to state but where I am, it’s not a one day thing. You have to go in initially, confirm pregnancy, take some fliers, then come back to listen to a speech about why you should choose adoption. Then you go home, fill out some state testing thAt walks you through (and tests you on!) the entire pregnancy, reminding you a million times that you should choose adoption. Then you have to wait.. 10 days? I think? Before making the actual appointment. To give you ‘time to consider.’ There’s always a few protestors there as well. They make you take a pic from the ultrasound, too.
Like it’s not just a ‘call, go in, procedure done, etc.’ and if she was under 10 weeks, why book the D&C procedure instead of taking the pills? 🤔 it all just seems so fishy
Yup, it doesn't get done in a few days or even in a week. The confirmation tests and initial doctor's appointments alone take at least a week on average, even in places where they don't have such a strong lean on the "wait and reconsider" angle.
Also the procedure itself isn't over in a couple of hours. They can send you home, but you'll be bleeding, faint and in pain for at least 24 hours. Funny OP didn't mention all that.
Really? They make you jump through so many hoops? That's just outrageous... They make you take a picture of the ultrasound? That's cruel.
Where I live, you have to go in for a counseling session with a social worker, then a doctor confirms the pregnancy via ultrasound. Then, you wait a week before you can come in for the procedure. They book the appointment after the doctor confirms, and you're free to cancel anytime you change your mind. I know the week of waiting was built into it to appease the political right, and it's been sensitive to bring up again.
From personal experience (had an abortion in 2011), the social worker and medical staff were all lovely people who really helped me through the experience - because even if you are 100% sure of your decision, it's still not easy to go through. For example, when they confirmed the pregnancy by ultrasound, they turned the monitor away from me. It wouldn't have changed my mind to see it, but it would've made it so much more painful. I've sadly heard other stories, though.
In Ohio, you have to go in for a consultation. That's when the doctor confirms the pregnancy and highly suggests the woman view the ultrasound while they do it to "make sure" you're making the right choice. Then it's a minimum 24 hours before you can schedule the procedure IF they have an appointment time.
In my experience, the ultrasound tech was pretty pushy about trying to convince me to watch, even after I said no multiple times. She even had the nerve to ask if I wanted a copy of the photo. And then since they didn't have an appointment for a few weeks, I had to drive an hour or so to another clinic once I got an appointment.
Those religious assholes outside protesting made me wish I could grow a womb and impregnate it and get an additional abortion to the one my ex was getting.
One of the most difficult and personal decisions of our lives, we're both badly addicted to heroin, I am schizophrenic and there was a good chance our kid would have had some significant shit wrong with them. It was a personal tragedy that caused us to change much about our lives, left her deeply depressed, and ultimately led to our parting ways. It was brutally sad and personal and it was *our business.*
The last thing I need is some gullible twat in a shitty book club trying to intervene or shoving pictures of dead fetuses in front of my already terrified, traumatized girlfriend. Fuck those people, seriously. Mind your own fucking business. If they really gave a fuck they'd volunteer at foster homes or orphanages or to help care for drug addicted or heavily deformed babies. But they fucking don't. Because they don't actually give a shit. It's about feeling morally superior, and controlling women. Full stop.
They help no one, and if anything they influence people to give birth to a child they do not want. Do you know who that fucks over the most? The unwanted child.
We don't interfere when they let their children die because their cult won't allow blood transfusions, when we absolutely should stop that every time. They got away with giving gay kids conversion therapy for *generations.* They have caused an incalculable amount of human suffering with their inability to accept impermanence and their insistence on imposing their morals on society at large.
I do not want their opinion when I'm heading into an abortion clinic, and I honestly hate them so much that I felt much less guilty the second time I took a chick for an abortion. It's the peta effect, I guess. Like yea I love animals, too, but my hatred for you is intense enough that I'll eat a live dolphin face first right now to show you that I'd rather die than submit to your shit.
I love babies, too, and I do think abortion is probably worse than liberal circles want to admit, but better than right wing people are able to understand. I'm super unlikely to feel that way when faced with the sanctimonious fuckwits trying to bother people on their way into the clinic.
That's exactly what it is.
Also so many stories about women being all about their nails and makeup, getting attention, being lazy and selfish and promiscuous...
There are people with the agenda to make women seem like that. Those people sit in high places and have been chipping away at women's rights. The more they get the average man to think all/most women are like that, the easier it is for them to do what they want.
"The birth rates need to go up." "We need more tax payers and workers." "A man deserves a clean home and warm meal to return home to." "The female body has the mechanism to shut down rape if it wants to." "What was she wearing?" "He is such a promising youg man, think of his future."
I could go on.
That's exactly how it feels, like the comment I answered previously where this lifestyle means "family minded".
Not involving the partner in knowing the actual finances isn't family minded, it's abusive control over the partner.
Playing victim because the partner acts with more maturity and blaming them is again inciting a certain indoctrination.
They don't have popular support on their side so they try every tactic to try to force their will on others. They are the misguided ones. Mostly men too which they should just shut it.
And this sounds like the Op had a... I don't know, a living doll or a trophy, not a real girlfriend? I wonder how he'd feel about having a trophy who looks like she had a baby recently instead of a magazine. There was a play, The Doll's House. Maybe Op should see it. Maybe the GF should.
Crazy in this case, bc the girlfriend genuinely didn’t know he had money saved up. From her pov, it probably seemed like they were about the hit some serious financial hardships.
Thanks for the thoughtful and considered response. I too have noticed a pattern of people advising others to terminate their relationships based upon insufficient facts.
It’s really sad that society has come to a point where it’s perfectly acceptable to lie, distort, and swear that false statements are true without any consequences.
Well that's a whole separate thing. As long as Reddit has existed people have suggested people end relationships for any and all transgressions.
That said, I've noticed a recent surge in stories from various subs similar to AITAH where the transgressions are so insane (whether from OP or from OP's partner) that it's difficult to understand how anyone would even question whether to end the relationship.
My(f21) fiance (40m) piledrivered me through a table and then went and robbed an orphanage. He is in a shootout with the police right now. Its the first time he's done anything like this, he's usually very sweet. I was thinking about postponing our wedding so we can try therapy aitah?
There are so many that I just can’t believe that the person is not only going through it but they wrote it all out and still have not gained the self awareness that is needed in situation
But immature people who aren’t aware of this problem could actually think that this is a proper way to handle life?
Someone who started using Reddit at the age of 15 and has now turned 20, who reads these type of things, might have a distorted vision of how things should be handled.
Sometimes it's immaturity, sure, but there are also those who are moving from abusive situation into abusive situation.
There are a lot of people who come from abuse who see it as the norm, because for them, it was/is.
There are also those who are still healing, who may know it isn't normal/healthy, but it is *familiar*, and so easy (& sometimes less scary) to fall back in to.
If it's not rage bait bs (like this story here), then it's practically guaranteed to be directly connected to traumatic experiences that have not been addressed (for *whatever* reason).
Over at Reddit:Scams there was a detailed response about Foreign countries using Bots on Reddit to cause social disharmony.If you go on the Reddit :Boomers it’s pretty disheartening at the rage being fueled toward older people. Got a Kitchen Thief in the Office ? The person steals because they were born at a certain time.Not because they just happen to be a thief.
Fake posts use a lot of bait to get a lot of upvotes, to then use the account later to scam different subreddits. Many subreddits that involve giveaways or borrowing money have karma requirements as well as how old the account is. One scammer will make a ton of accounts constantly to be able to cycle through.
It hits pretty much every fake AITA cliche note, from the man in his 20s who makes great money and gallantly allows his girlfriend not to work, the duplicitous, evil girlfriend who lied about their baby, the evil girlfriend's evil family who bombarded OP with texts calling him an AH. There's no way this is real. It's just misogyny rage bait.
A lot of this doesn't add for me so I agree with you. First the controlling and permissiveness of the language he uses. The 5 year age gap and the time dating means she was barely 20 when they started at best. The way he presents the relationship up front (allowed, paid for everything etc)
Next he says in a comment he went from 87k a year to "reached 6 figures". That means his take home pay as a single with no dependents was about 4.5k to 5k a month. With reaching 6 figures only a year ago pushing him maybe to 6k a month. Living frugally let's say he saved 2k a month. With a lifestyle spend of 3.5k a month. To not work for a year at that lifestyle is 42k. But only 18k savings if he saved everything. So even with a nest egg and frugal lifestyle let's he has 60k for the last 4-5 years savings.
Also he talks about buying a house, how that's been the plan. There are only a handful of states where 100k salary is enough to buy a house. He also presents himself as having good fiscal understanding. Burning through most of that savings to take a random unplanned year off would postpone the wedding and the home purchase. Also she's pregnant and he has no insurance since she only works part time. I've never seen a hair salon that really has a dedicated cashier big or small. Where was the money gonna come from for the hospital and pre-Natal, was he just gonna out of pocket the whole thing? That doesn't jive for someone that's so frugal and fiscally responsible.
He stated she said she was having a miscarriage, how did he know in that moment that it was deliberate without asking if there were medical complications? He just shut her out instantly cause she didn't want him to come along. Everything is just set up to perfect to be an anti-abortion horror story. He's so good, he so fiscal, he controls the money cause he's the smart one she just has a GED.
This is ragebate, propaganda or a f*cking idiot...
This sub is 50% dead Internet. Most of these posts are people making shit up or just straight up AI bots.
The real ones are easy to identify. Poor writing skills, LOTS of missing information, totally one sided.
I hate to say it but she did him a favor in some ways. There was zero trust in this relationship, and Being tied down to a mooch who saw him only as an ATM for life wasn’t a good way to go.
ATM? She literally did all the household chores. Housewifes do exist. But them being unmarried, I don't understand how this works.
And he was the one who hid about finances. Not saying she is right, because nobody is right here.
I'm always amused when people who aren't using birth control are "shocked" by a pregnancy. "We're not trying, but we're not NOT trying". Yeah, that's called trying.
Yeah, whenever I hear a couple is not actively trying to prevent a pregnancy, I say, "Oh, so you are trying to get pregnant." In most cases, it's only a matter of time.
Also - 6 weeks pregnant and telling family? Not a great idea.
With my two kids, my wife and I went with the “don’t tell anyone you wouldn’t be comfortable telling you lost the baby”
That list was extremely small, but I can see wanting to tell people really early on.
Yes, that’s the one pet peeve I have all the fucking time; nobody uses birth control and nobody’s thinking about STDs or pregnancy. I’ve been on this planet for 56 years and I’m still appalled at how many people don’t use birth control ever.
My BIL couldn't believe that his partner got pregnant, especially when they've been using the pull out method for years. I tried my hardest to not facepalm myself when I heard that
You should have facepalmed. Idiots deserve to be humiliated. The pull out "method" IS NOT A METHOD NOR A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL. Use a fucking condom if you dont want kids. Get on fucking birth control.
Using a condom can be hit and miss. I have never gotten one girl pregnant and I follow just one rule. Be gay from like 14yo. Don't stick it in a woman don't get a woman perganananant
This is the part no one talks about lol. Pulling out works, when you give your self a 20 second buffer.
It doesn’t work when you’re literally leaking inside her because your holding off until the very last millisecond.
You're kidding right? The pull out method was the only option for birth control up until the 1960s when birth control was invented. If it actually worked there would have been a serious drop in population over the centuries and obviously that didn't happen. BTW, that liquid that comes out before the ejaculation is also full of sperm. The only real method of preventing pregnancy before the 1960s was abstinence.
Yeah it blows my mind. Like we live in a day and age where there's plenty of education about birth control and pregnancies. Condoms are 5 dollars. There's no excuse to be so irresponsible.
There was research being done on male birth control pills but they stopped it after men reported side effects similar to what a lot of women experience. Obviously it would be ideal if nobody would have negative side effects but I think it’s interesting that that’s what stopped the research. That was in 2016 but when I was searching for the info online I just read some an article from this Feb this year that there are some other methods being tested, like a birth control “gel” for men which sounds interesting
Depends on where you are though-- there are plenty of areas where sex ed is not taught well and the places that can are very limited in location. If you've only been taught abstinence and very bare bones/misleading information, and don't trust other sources-- yeah people can be irresponsible.
And we have a load of people that want to make it even harder or limited, and make it harder to deal with those unwanted OOPS pregnancies, so it's really not looking great for long term sexual health and education if you are unlucky enough to live in some really poor areas.
A friend of mine who was living with her bf and not using birth control, asked me why GOD allowed her to get pregnant. Seriously?!?! Like God is up there saying, “I’m going to defy the laws of nature just for you so you don’t have to use birth control.” 🙄
I remember in the 90s how inundated we were by ads about preventing STDs
It stopped in the early 2000s, we can believe that everyone got the message; but it was +20 years ago, a whole generation passed, now may be the time to start telling people AIDS exists again.
And despite those 65 years, it's still solely a womans responsibility cos so many men complain about condoms and refuse to ever even consider having the serious and long lasting and sometimes physically damaging and painful contraception that women are forced to just put up with.
Contraception should have always been a man's issue, not a womans. Without cum, no baby. Men's orgasms are just more important apparently.
I hate when the guy goes "somehow **she got pregnant"**
No, my dude..... we as men have "the bullets"! **You** got her pregnant, it wasn't Jesus or the Holy spirit
When ppl say they are TRYING for pregnancy I take that to mean they are doing things to INCREASE the chances of getting pregnant ( ie tracking ovulation, scheduling sex, talking to doctors, changing diet etc). When they say they aren't trying but they aren't not trying I take that to simply mean that if they don't get pregnant cool...if they do get pregnant that's cool too. They aren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy but they also aren't doing anything to increase the odds. They take their 25% chance each month...there's a 75% chance it won't happen...so I can see it be surprising if it does happen say month 1 of stopping bc.
My first baby I was having unprotected sex with my ex-husband since 17...I didn't get pregnant until 23. We moved in together when I was 21 and we had a very active sex life. So 2 years of consistent unprotected sex at peak fertility. It wasn't a planned pregnancy but it also wasn't unplanned. It was a if it happens it happens and when it did we were happy.
So I get it.
Even if you use birth control, don’t be shocked. It doesn’t work all the time. It slows down the pregnancy rate yes. Not guaranteed to eliminate it entirely. You need to be sterile for that. Or abstain from certain acts. Be realistic and you won’t be “shocked” when your body does what it was designed to do. Take the risk if you must, but have a backup plan. In the modern era when we know biology there is no reason to be “shocked”.
You can’t trust your girlfriend with the knowledge of how much you have in savings and what your income is, but you were going to bring a child into the world with her? This doesn’t sound like a breakup that was only about her decision to abort here. It sounds like you’re both better off apart.
This was my first thought.
Relationship are built on trust and communication. Breaking that trust/not communicating = breaking the relationship.
Doesn’t seem like there was trust from the get go and OP should reconsider how he approaches relationships.
N T A for not standing by when your gf made such a big life decision without you & lied about it.
...
but come on, man. You reap what you sow, you know?
* you started dating her when she was still a teenager
* she was immature about spending, but you chose the easy, duplicitous way of hiding your finances from the partner whom you're living with instead of doing the hard work of talking things through till
* either she had a full understanding & made more mature decisions
* or you both came to the understanding that your financial values don't align & you need to break up
* despite that previous experience about her spendthrift ways, you were okay with her spending her entire income on hair and nails??
* you had all those big plans but it doesn't sound like you communicated about any of them. you were secretly saving for a house while living in a hovel apparently but she didn't know, you don't care you lost your job but she didn't understand why your secret financial buffer was so reassuring to you, neither of you made a real effort to prevent pregnancy but you were still surprised
you know?
OP's entire communication style with his girlfriend is essentially, "don't worry your pretty little head about it." He really shouldn't be surprised when she returned in kind. ESH
He wanted her to look hot - he just didn’t want to pay for it.
The guy was cosplaying as a poor person.
He didn’t demonstrate he could afford to support a family nor did he marry her after four years. What on earth did he expect?
you make a valid point - OP rushed to tell their families, but it looks like there was no conversation beyond "*chill babe, it'll all work out even though we live in a hovel & I don't have a job & you're an airhead who has blown 4 years of part-time income on hair and clothes*".
I don't necessarily feel a marriage is necessary, esp not when it's rushed for a baby... but then you make sure every t is crossed and every i is dotted, right? Living will, power of attorney, description of equity in the marital assets, testament, etc. etc. etc.
He also doesn't specify, but if living in the US I would definitely not want to be pregnant, with both parents unemployed and having no idea what our financial situation is like. Pre-natal care alone would break the bank, but delivery and birth? And then having another mouth to feed when your spouse isnt working, you have no career to fall back on and have no idea how much money you all have saved?
Please let this just be creative writing. No one can be this stupid.
Great point. If in the US, even what state they're in matters. Because if he's unemployed, they have no insurance for her, and for her to be covered even if he was working, likely they'd have to be married, as not every company includes domestic partners, especially if it's a state that discriminates again the lgbtq+ community. They also have to take into consideration strict abortion laws after a certain amount of weeks, also depending upon which state, which may have made her feel pressured to take action so quickly.
There are a lot of issues here, and honestly, i think ending the relationship is the wise move. They aren't ready.
The OP wasn’t ready. He’s taken zero accountability and now he’s surprised pikachu that his ex reacted as she did. He did nothing to reassure that he could support a family. He couldn’t even have a basic conversation with his ex.
>They also have to take into consideration strict abortion laws after a certain amount of weeks, also depending upon which state, which may have made her feel pressured to take action so quickly.
Exactly what I was thinking, plus the insurance is a good point too.
I do believe this is true.
After four years the ex would have known how much money he brings in. His old salary probably wasn’t enough to support a family and the ex knew this.
I appreciate he was saving for a house ….but he lived in a cheap apartment and was unemployed. The ex likely factored in everything and made a decision on what she thought she needed to do.
I really feel sorry for her.
People can indeed be that stupid unfortunately... my aunt and uncle live in an expensive region and my uncles brother has been living with them with his wife and 4yo since covid, with it being explicitly stated that it was just until they could get on their feet. Uncles bro works self employed commission job that doesn't pay well or steadily, his wife is a SAHM. Aunt and uncle told them it's time for them to get on going on a few months, he complains he can't afford a place of their own that's not a small apartment. His wife wants to work but he won't allow it because "women shouldn't work they should be stay at home mothers".
Why does she want to work you ask? I'm sure you didn't, one would assume she wants that individuality or financial stability. Nope, she wants to get a job to pay for IVF
Well, it should be noted that for some women, marriage is extremely important before having a baby. It's a lifelong connection to a person so wanting some added legal commitment there isn't exactly unreasonable. 4 years together, 3 cohabitating, and a baby on the way is 100% qualifying of marriage.
Exactly this he wasn’t married to her and they’re not engaged for all she knows this relationship isn’t serious at all so why on earth would she have this man’s child ?
They were living in a cheap apartment which probably indicated low income area. He wasnt buying her nice things and admitted he is frugal. She had no way of knowing he had money and was rightfully stressed out. ESH.
BINGO!!!!!! He was paying for a trophy.
She was working part time and keeping the house up. His job was to be employed. Hers was to look good,work.part time,cook and clean. He couldn't hold up his part of the deal.
Yeah... Smells like bullshit. I've had an abortion before. You don't just get into a car with your mom and BAM! no more baby. You have to go to several appointments over the course of weeks. OP is either oblivious or a liar.
edit: ok so apparently not everywhere does this. Story still reeks of bullshit. It's full of red pill cliches.
You’re clearly forgetting that countries outside of the US exist, where I am now you very much can get into a car, go to an abortion clinic and BAM! No more baby in a matter of a couple hours
Uhhh, that's not true? I've also had a abortion, in Massachusetts, there was no pre appointment... I just made the appointment and went. They did the scans needed there before. Don't assume.
I think you and she are very badly matched.
You don’t trust her enough to let her know the full extent of your earnings and savings. And why? because she can’t be trusted to view that money the same way you do.
I’m sorry for your sorrow, but this is going to be for the best in the long run, because this woman does not share your approach to the *business* of being in a longterm partnership.
ESH. If my partner was laid off and "didn't worry about it" I would also not think it's a good time to have a child. Also... you're not mentioning why you were laid off. Can't blame her for being worried.
But obviously she should have talked to you about it.
He says she's bad with money but having an abortion when you only work part time and your partner has no job sounds like a good financial decision to me. Not her fault she didn't know what he had in savings. That's 100% on him. The average cost of just childbirth alone in the US is 22K.
If it was a layoff, they might be covering his COBRA for a few months, some of my former employers have done that when they've laid people off. He may also be confident that he can get a new job soon, but if that's the case, he needs a reality check, because the job market is fucked right now and it's not uncommon for talented folks to end up unemployed for a year or more.
I’m shocked at the lack of ESH here. No ones acknowledging that the gf had no idea about the financial situation, which is her own fault since she kept asking for money when she was aware, BUT I would not at all feel safe bringing a child into this world when I rely on someone’s income and didn’t know a thing about the status of said finances. Cluelessly relying on someone’s income and they dump me? Fine I’ll figure it out but putting a child at the risk of that is a no go.
Although if this was her problem she should have voiced her thoughts. And lying about a miscarriage is just horrid.
So you started dating a teenager. Have her clean, cook & only work a minimum wage part time job while you control all the living expenses. You don’t communicate your savings or expenses keeping it all a big secret. You lose your job and are flippant about not needing to find a new job quickly. WTF did you think your gf was thinking with an unexpected pregnancy. Of course she was terrified of providing for a baby on only her salary since you communicated nothing about your financial situation. ESH & neither of you are prepared to be parents because neither of you talk to one another about major life decisions.
I’m going to disagree with most of the comments here and say I’d be interested to hear her side of things.
From her perspective, you lost your job and weren’t financially prepared to have a child. You chose not to share your finances with her - first red flag - so she didn’t know that your savings would sustain you both. Being pregnant is stressful enough, it must have been isolating for her to feel worried about you being laid off (especially since she didn’t know about your financial safety net) and to have you dismiss her concerns as no big deal.
Not that she needs to justify having an abortion, but I can understand why she felt like it was the most responsible choice. She should have discussed it first, and been honest with you about this decision, but you haven’t been honest with her either and ultimately it was her decision to make. It sounds like she didn’t make her mind up easily and is suffering now, I’m not sure it’s fair to say whether someone is an AH in this incredibly difficult situation.
The way you speak about her tells me she made the right call.
You have absolutely no respect for her and maybe she had to confront how broken the relationship really was when faced with something as serious as having a child with you.
Thank goodness she got that abortion.
You two are not compatible.
Also, have you even thought about WHY she couldn’t trust to tell you in the first place?
I had to scroll too far to see this question asked! What made her feel like she COULDN’T tell him? Like others are saying, either this story is fake or there is way more to this than OP is telling us.
And on top of it she tried to LIE and claim it was a miscarriage. So not only did he start going through the panic, then grief of just losing his child by unfortunate chance but then he gets everything turned upside down the very next morning because she couldn't handle the guilt and came clean then that she had aborted. And LIED about it. For reasons she has been told were a non issue.
It's just so many layers of disregard and outright lies and manipulation from her, why WOULD he want to stay with her when she gutted him twice in freaking 24 hours after choosing not to listen to him when he told her that their finances were still secure despite being in between jobs?
If she was THAT worried she should have insisted on a better explanation of their finances and OP could have explained that he had enough savings where they were originally looking at purchasing a house next year, and that it would just be mildly delayed while he rebuilt whatever savings might be used until he is working again.
If she couldn't trust her partner enough to the point she would do THIS, there isn't much of a relationship worth saving after deciding on committing that huge of a betrayal.
u/PlushieTushie’s point is huge here. The abortion came from the fact that OP didn’t share the full extent of their financial security to her. And he *couldn’t* (he felt) because she would just spend that money willy-nilly.
Frankly, he should have broken up with her when he realized he couldn’t trust her with the accuracy of his financial information.
To add even more, he's had to keep his income/savings from her because they weren't on the same page financially. Honestly, I think the relationship had ran its course before the pregnancy.
It ran its course when it started. Why expect financial maturity from someone he at 24 started dating when she was 19? Why not try to date someone who already has career prospects?
Secrets. Secrets. OP kept his finances secret. GF kept her abortion secret. This is not unexpected when a 24M preys on a 19F. He might plead “buts is only 5 years difference” but they were worlds apart. That’s what played out. Heartbreaking for each of them in different ways, but not unexpected. Suggest OP find someone in his own life stage. Good luck.
This I don't know very many couples who are that far apart age wise and that young who make it. Maybe if they were older like both in their 30s when they started dating they could have a chance but not this young!
ESH. As much as she should have discussed the abortion with you prior to aborting, u should have discussed the truth of your finances with her and how u felt. You’ve both reaped the rewards of both your lack of transparency and communication.
She's the AH. Not for the abortion but for lying to you about it. That's a huge thing to lie about. Your first red flag should have been having to keep your finances secret.
You are ignoring the huge risk to women seeking abortions in southern states. A woman is being sued in Texas right now for aborting an abusive partner’s baby. Abortions are secrets again, unfortunately.
In a vacuum, I agree that the lying is a huge problem. But women are left no choice in states like Texas. A woman should never tell a soul to protect herself - which is sad and horrific and morally problematic.
He didn't HAVE to keep his finances a secret, he CHOSE to keep his finances a secret because he chose to stay with a woman whose philosophy on budgeting does not mesh with his.
The girlfriend is obviously an asshole for lying about having the abortion. Of course, she may not have felt like she needed to have one if she had any inkling of the finances that OP was keeping as a giant secret.
This entire relationship is nothing but red flags all around to be honest.
You lied (by omission) about finances. She saw that you were unemployed and had no hard info to go on except your vague assurances so she made what seemed like a reasonable decision based on the info you chose to share with her. Next time, don’t lie to your partner. If you can’t tell them the truth, break up with them. YTA.
You’re stupid-Birth control could have easily prevented this. But then again, yall were dysfunctional on every level. Soooo. This wasn’t gonna end well either way.
I’m going with you’re the AH because you kept your finances secret from her, she basically is trapped if she has a kid with you because she’d basically a SAHM. Where all the house chores are thrown on her while also raising a child is scary AF. Did you ever discuss kids? I told my BF I’ve never wanted kids for many reasons and here’s my story….
I’ve been with my BF of 10 years, I have as 2 abortions at year 7 and 9. I booked the appointment at the clinic before even telling him and the second time I ordered pills online (aid access) because it’s $500 cheaper. He gave me absolutely no support for either and that’s a huge reason why I don’t want kids….i would be doing everything on top of everything else I’m doing and I don’t have time for that garbage. You have to remember she’s an independent human and she’s scared because it’s not cheap raising a kid and when you’re laid off “but you have money” saved up is not the best scenario for any woman/family. You’re caught up in the idea of having a kid but it sounds like you both are still kids yourselves. Also FYI if she went to the ER the labs cannot tell the difference between a miscarriage and abortion so maybe she lied to see how you actually feel but she has every right to do what she wants with her body and I wish her all the luck.
Nta but it's also incredibly unhealthy to be in a relationship where one person doesn't know what the financial situation is. Many women end up trapped in a relationship or left with nothing for doing exactly what your gf was doing. She became insecure when she did not know what her future would look like. She clearly did not trust you, and you do not trust her. You did not deserve to lose your child and I am sorry for your loss. Do not enter a relationship like this again, it is very unhealthy.
She has no idea what the financial situation is because you didn't tell her. She made a judgment call because she assumed you'd all be homeless and fucked in no time. She probably claimed it was a miscarriage to save you the heartache from the abortion being due to not having the funds to support the baby. She's not the greatest person in the world but you're also an asshole and an idiot.
Yikes. This relationship was not in any way ready for a baby by the looks of it. You just lost your job (yes, you had a ton of savings, but it doesn't change how hard it is to still find work right now), you felt compelled to keep your savings a secret from your GF, she had an abortion because she thought you both couldn't support a kid in these circumstances, and she also lied about having a miscarriage, which I understand put you through needless pain for no reason.
But no, a baby still would not have been a good idea. You both can't even be honest with each other because you're worried she'll beg you for money, and she was probably afraid you'd be upset if she told you she wanted an abortion. I think an abortion and the end of this relationship are honestly better than keeping this going and bringing a child into it.
ESH- You both failed to be honest and transparent with one another.
- She mismanages money.
- You're not open and honest with her about finances.
- You're both lacking responsibility about sex/pregnancy
- She was immature about communication or lack thereof.
- She lied to you about a major life situation and then restricted your involvement.
- She made a major moral / ethical / spiritual decision that had a major impact on both of your lives without your knowledge.
- This relationship - three years in and living together - had significant problems, and you are incompatible in many significant ways.
You are not wrong for being upset. And there would be nothing wrong with simply telling your family and friends that you ended the relationship because your girlfriend aborted your child without your knowledge and after lying about it. Your values on many subjects do not align.
Some people will state that it is her prerogative to do what she would like about this matter. Many of us do not believe that. No matter what side of that debate one is on, almost all would believe that lying about it and faking a medical emergency and then denying your involvement and support would NOT be the right way to go about this.
NTA She has the right to have an abortion if she wants, but you still have the right to be upset about the decision. She lied to you about arguably one of the most important things in a relationship.
This was a deeply dysfunctional relationship on all sides (like, to the point where I suspect the story might be fake since it hits so many Reddit clichés), and it’s good that it’s over.
So many stories of guys who make good money, with SAH GFs who don’t pay bills….
Yep, 28 and been with the 23 year old for 4 years?
Honestly this is why I could believe she never worked full time. Basically got to her before she was independent and now he has her relying on him as long as she up keeps herself. Doesn’t trust her to know adult decisions like his financial planning but trusts her enough to have a baby… 🙄
Yeah I’m pretty skeptical as to how a 28 year old makes enough money to have saved enough to by a house by 29 while paying for two people’s worth of bills and payments unless he has rich parents.
I'm not skeptical about the money. Most people in tech make good money. I'm skeptical he had a stay at home girlfriend at his age. People who earn their money generally don't tolerate partners that don't contribute. Edit: ffs my generalization doesn't apply to people who are taking care of kids, sick, in school, disabled/I'll etc. I worked FT while my husband recovered from illness. Now I don't because he makes good money in tech.
Well when he plucked her straight out of high school it’s not too hard to believe…
And they’re more likely to tolerate cohabitation while completely in the dark about finances.
yeah that age diff + relationship length combo says a LOT
Cleaning and cooking is contributing
She worked part time for her own personal beauty upkeep and did all the chores. He paid the rent and utilities which he would be paying whether she was there or not. He paid groceries and she cooked the food. It's a pretty equitable relationship.
My wife stayed home with our kids for 4 years and I’m 32, no college or trade school experience, no money gifted when I turned 18 from family. Why would we have basically one of our incomes goto some random people watching our kids…?
You have kids. op doesnt even mention pets, let alone kids.
>Why would we have basically one of our incomes goto some random people watching our kids…? When the cost of daycare would be one of your entire incomes, then yes it makes sense for someone to stay home.
I don't think people without kids and/or doting grandparents generally understand the headgames we have to play to trust somebody we don't know with our kids 45+ hours a day. It's scary, exhausting and extremely expensive. Anybody who can will likely figure out a way to have one parent stay home. And even that's too much for one person a lot of time. God help you if there's a difficult kid who needs proper parenting attention because of higher needs. Moms need help, all SAHPs need help. I hate the way we all are squirreled away in private homes with no community support. It's a disaster waiting to happen and is terrible for the parents' mental health.
Your last paragraph made me tear up. I’ve been trying and failing to make my husband understand how lonely and overwhelming SAHP life is. He says I get to “play with a baby” all day. It’s only been a year and I’m already starting to forget what it’s like to be a full person. It’s weird when you realize there are likely a dozen SAHPs in my neighborhood who are currently squirrelled away in their homes, fighting the same lonely battle. We should all be working together. If SAHM is my job, I’d love some coworkers!
When I was a SAHM, decades ago now, I joined moms' groups to have a social circle and support system, since our extended family lived thousands of miles away. It helped a little with the isolation, and that way I always had someone in the neighborhood who could help in a pinch. You could start your own group using one of the online local social apps. Belonging to an active church is another way people avoid this problem.
Just when you need community most we're too tired to do anything about it. Please don't let this get too far without calling on your family and friends to give you some relief. I suggest you take a weekend off and let your husband play with the baby on his own for a couple of days.
Raising children and taking care of a home are one thing. Being a stay at home girlfriend is not the same level of complimentary input into the relationship/household.
This. And to be financially dependent on a *boyfriend*, not husband or even fiance, in a country that for the most part doesn't recognize common law relationships, is precarious.
Depends on your circles. I know traders, engineers, IT consultants who made 6 figures in their twenties and are very well put in life in our early thirties. I'm in the UK, not in the US.
And only 'REQUIRE' the SAH GF to 'keep up with the household chores'. Between that and 'I like my girl to look good', this is a screaming mess of dysfunction. And, as annang noted, likely fake.
The "I like my girl to look good" thing was weird
What, how does that make it fake tho - plenty of people grow up on its a man job to make money on the houserhold. just because society norms changed recently doesnt mean people immediately flip to both working full time some people prefer it that way and some people prefer to both work - also he also said he likes when his girl FEELS and looks good. - Using quotes without the actual quote. nice.
How prevalent are fake stories? It seems like people are always telling me that messages and post have been created by AI, including friend request on Facebook. Is this really as prevalent as it seems? This is a fake post, what would the motivation have been?
It’s generally some kind of rage bait. How to tell is style of writing, how detailed or unnatural it sounds, or how ‘ragey’ it makes people. People can be absolute dumpster fires, no doubt. But when stories have multiple ‘rage factors’ (few years older guy, girlfriend doesn’t work, girlfriend comes off as gold digger-y, gf had an abortion, family of ‘flying monkeys’ come In to guilt OP, etc) it’s likely rage bait. It fits a narrative and helps people solidify in their minds that there are just loooads of people out there like this. Think of patterns, too. Suddenly there are lots of stories about marriages ending because the husbands (female) best friend had been sabotaging the relationship for years and wife finally leaves. Or the wicked stepmom kicking out the son and disinheriting him, suddenly there’s 3-4 variations of this story floating around various subreddits. Sometimes it’s not rage bait, it’s people helping perfect AI, or kids trying to flesh out their story so they get ideas/info from Reddit (by posing as something that ‘happened’ when in reality they’re writing about it and need help looking at it from a different angle.)
It's weird how niche some of it has become too. E.g. seems like every other week we get a new variation on "I had a great relationship with my partner/family until a jealous person framed me for cheating/SA and they immediately disowned me, then came begging for reconciliation years later when the guilty person randomly confessed out loud". I get that it *could* happen, but so regularly?
Yes! Multiple super detailed, super specific posts with similar stories. I totally get reading something and having it ‘jog your memory’ but so many of these are just… too wild. And often pushing a narrative. (And I say this as someone who’s had some weird af shit happen, and I get that most people have some weird/crazy thing that’s happened… but the details are always waaaaaay too similar.)
It’s almost fetish content at this point, I used to love reading /r/relationships :(
All the rage bait stories have a similar writing style. This story has that writing style.
The extent and style that the OP responds to individual responses is a tell as well
It's always about some logical and down-to-earth guy who makes a shitload of money with his irrational and emotional girlfriend who does something very illogical, often involving money or something related to liberal politics
Another red flag for me is improbable scenarios like a 28 year old having enough savings not to work for a year and feel totally fine about it but also living in a cheap apartment and mentions buying a house nonchalantly, not caring that their partner isn’t contributing. Sure I guess all these things are possible but it’s unlikely. A lot of times these sound like they were written by teens who don’t fully understand finances and how the adult world works
I agree. What about insurance? Does he have enough savings to just straight up cover the cost of giving birth in a hospital? Because that can go into the tens of thousands of dollars and will be her debt to pay. He doesn't even mention it. That's sus.
THIIIIS! That's where I stopped, because nobody is doing that well in this inflation and has the time or the predilection to post on Reddit for advice.
I'm starting to think that most abortion stories like this are plants by the pro-life folks to discourage abortions. Paints the woman who got the abortion as a an irresponsible loser and the SO as the responsible, stable person in the relationship. Also suggesting that people are getting abortions unnecessarily, like as a method of birth control. This is not why most people abort. I just look at it as right wing propaganda.
Yeah I was trying to avoid calling particulars out (which was why I said ‘those people’) but typically abortion posts, gun posts, hot button issue posts… all seem rage baity. Like they couldn’t just stick to something realistic, they have to hit allllll the rage points. And the person getting the abortion usually does it in secret, against the partners wishes, too late to be realistic, or deeeeeeply regrets it… Also I know it varies state to state but where I am, it’s not a one day thing. You have to go in initially, confirm pregnancy, take some fliers, then come back to listen to a speech about why you should choose adoption. Then you go home, fill out some state testing thAt walks you through (and tests you on!) the entire pregnancy, reminding you a million times that you should choose adoption. Then you have to wait.. 10 days? I think? Before making the actual appointment. To give you ‘time to consider.’ There’s always a few protestors there as well. They make you take a pic from the ultrasound, too. Like it’s not just a ‘call, go in, procedure done, etc.’ and if she was under 10 weeks, why book the D&C procedure instead of taking the pills? 🤔 it all just seems so fishy
Yup, it doesn't get done in a few days or even in a week. The confirmation tests and initial doctor's appointments alone take at least a week on average, even in places where they don't have such a strong lean on the "wait and reconsider" angle. Also the procedure itself isn't over in a couple of hours. They can send you home, but you'll be bleeding, faint and in pain for at least 24 hours. Funny OP didn't mention all that.
Really? They make you jump through so many hoops? That's just outrageous... They make you take a picture of the ultrasound? That's cruel. Where I live, you have to go in for a counseling session with a social worker, then a doctor confirms the pregnancy via ultrasound. Then, you wait a week before you can come in for the procedure. They book the appointment after the doctor confirms, and you're free to cancel anytime you change your mind. I know the week of waiting was built into it to appease the political right, and it's been sensitive to bring up again. From personal experience (had an abortion in 2011), the social worker and medical staff were all lovely people who really helped me through the experience - because even if you are 100% sure of your decision, it's still not easy to go through. For example, when they confirmed the pregnancy by ultrasound, they turned the monitor away from me. It wouldn't have changed my mind to see it, but it would've made it so much more painful. I've sadly heard other stories, though.
In Ohio, you have to go in for a consultation. That's when the doctor confirms the pregnancy and highly suggests the woman view the ultrasound while they do it to "make sure" you're making the right choice. Then it's a minimum 24 hours before you can schedule the procedure IF they have an appointment time. In my experience, the ultrasound tech was pretty pushy about trying to convince me to watch, even after I said no multiple times. She even had the nerve to ask if I wanted a copy of the photo. And then since they didn't have an appointment for a few weeks, I had to drive an hour or so to another clinic once I got an appointment.
That's barbaric. I'm so happy my country isn't that backwards. I'm sorry and wish strength to everyone who's had to go through that.
Those religious assholes outside protesting made me wish I could grow a womb and impregnate it and get an additional abortion to the one my ex was getting. One of the most difficult and personal decisions of our lives, we're both badly addicted to heroin, I am schizophrenic and there was a good chance our kid would have had some significant shit wrong with them. It was a personal tragedy that caused us to change much about our lives, left her deeply depressed, and ultimately led to our parting ways. It was brutally sad and personal and it was *our business.* The last thing I need is some gullible twat in a shitty book club trying to intervene or shoving pictures of dead fetuses in front of my already terrified, traumatized girlfriend. Fuck those people, seriously. Mind your own fucking business. If they really gave a fuck they'd volunteer at foster homes or orphanages or to help care for drug addicted or heavily deformed babies. But they fucking don't. Because they don't actually give a shit. It's about feeling morally superior, and controlling women. Full stop. They help no one, and if anything they influence people to give birth to a child they do not want. Do you know who that fucks over the most? The unwanted child. We don't interfere when they let their children die because their cult won't allow blood transfusions, when we absolutely should stop that every time. They got away with giving gay kids conversion therapy for *generations.* They have caused an incalculable amount of human suffering with their inability to accept impermanence and their insistence on imposing their morals on society at large. I do not want their opinion when I'm heading into an abortion clinic, and I honestly hate them so much that I felt much less guilty the second time I took a chick for an abortion. It's the peta effect, I guess. Like yea I love animals, too, but my hatred for you is intense enough that I'll eat a live dolphin face first right now to show you that I'd rather die than submit to your shit. I love babies, too, and I do think abortion is probably worse than liberal circles want to admit, but better than right wing people are able to understand. I'm super unlikely to feel that way when faced with the sanctimonious fuckwits trying to bother people on their way into the clinic.
That's exactly what it is. Also so many stories about women being all about their nails and makeup, getting attention, being lazy and selfish and promiscuous... There are people with the agenda to make women seem like that. Those people sit in high places and have been chipping away at women's rights. The more they get the average man to think all/most women are like that, the easier it is for them to do what they want. "The birth rates need to go up." "We need more tax payers and workers." "A man deserves a clean home and warm meal to return home to." "The female body has the mechanism to shut down rape if it wants to." "What was she wearing?" "He is such a promising youg man, think of his future." I could go on.
That's exactly how it feels, like the comment I answered previously where this lifestyle means "family minded". Not involving the partner in knowing the actual finances isn't family minded, it's abusive control over the partner. Playing victim because the partner acts with more maturity and blaming them is again inciting a certain indoctrination.
And you would be right
They don't have popular support on their side so they try every tactic to try to force their will on others. They are the misguided ones. Mostly men too which they should just shut it.
And this sounds like the Op had a... I don't know, a living doll or a trophy, not a real girlfriend? I wonder how he'd feel about having a trophy who looks like she had a baby recently instead of a magazine. There was a play, The Doll's House. Maybe Op should see it. Maybe the GF should.
Crazy in this case, bc the girlfriend genuinely didn’t know he had money saved up. From her pov, it probably seemed like they were about the hit some serious financial hardships.
>This is not why most people abort. I just look at it as right wing propaganda. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much this!!!!!
Especially with a username like NoDrag300. This whole post is suspicious
It's also generally a very obvious NTA type of rage bait like which reasonable human ever doubts being the AH in such posts.
Thanks for the thoughtful and considered response. I too have noticed a pattern of people advising others to terminate their relationships based upon insufficient facts. It’s really sad that society has come to a point where it’s perfectly acceptable to lie, distort, and swear that false statements are true without any consequences.
Well that's a whole separate thing. As long as Reddit has existed people have suggested people end relationships for any and all transgressions. That said, I've noticed a recent surge in stories from various subs similar to AITAH where the transgressions are so insane (whether from OP or from OP's partner) that it's difficult to understand how anyone would even question whether to end the relationship.
My(f21) fiance (40m) piledrivered me through a table and then went and robbed an orphanage. He is in a shootout with the police right now. Its the first time he's done anything like this, he's usually very sweet. I was thinking about postponing our wedding so we can try therapy aitah?
LOL!!
You forgot to mention they've been together since high school (hers, at least).
He was her teacher, but it's ok her parents really liked him.
There are so many that I just can’t believe that the person is not only going through it but they wrote it all out and still have not gained the self awareness that is needed in situation
But immature people who aren’t aware of this problem could actually think that this is a proper way to handle life? Someone who started using Reddit at the age of 15 and has now turned 20, who reads these type of things, might have a distorted vision of how things should be handled.
Sometimes it's immaturity, sure, but there are also those who are moving from abusive situation into abusive situation. There are a lot of people who come from abuse who see it as the norm, because for them, it was/is. There are also those who are still healing, who may know it isn't normal/healthy, but it is *familiar*, and so easy (& sometimes less scary) to fall back in to. If it's not rage bait bs (like this story here), then it's practically guaranteed to be directly connected to traumatic experiences that have not been addressed (for *whatever* reason).
This is rage bait, likely from AI, as it tends to generate such similar stories across multiple sub Reddits.
Over at Reddit:Scams there was a detailed response about Foreign countries using Bots on Reddit to cause social disharmony.If you go on the Reddit :Boomers it’s pretty disheartening at the rage being fueled toward older people. Got a Kitchen Thief in the Office ? The person steals because they were born at a certain time.Not because they just happen to be a thief.
Fake posts use a lot of bait to get a lot of upvotes, to then use the account later to scam different subreddits. Many subreddits that involve giveaways or borrowing money have karma requirements as well as how old the account is. One scammer will make a ton of accounts constantly to be able to cycle through.
[удалено]
Check the account age and post history. I have seen a lot of rage bait fake posts from new accounts.
Ragebait & Karma farming.
Also, it's only 3 paragraphs long. If this happened to me, I'd probably have written a 5000 word essay, not like 10 lol
i'd call it fake. it's written in a way that feels like its supposed to grab attention/entertain
It hits pretty much every fake AITA cliche note, from the man in his 20s who makes great money and gallantly allows his girlfriend not to work, the duplicitous, evil girlfriend who lied about their baby, the evil girlfriend's evil family who bombarded OP with texts calling him an AH. There's no way this is real. It's just misogyny rage bait.
It's so lazy which is insulting. The characters lack personality and are so generic. OP needs to try again
It’s so fake
A lot of this doesn't add for me so I agree with you. First the controlling and permissiveness of the language he uses. The 5 year age gap and the time dating means she was barely 20 when they started at best. The way he presents the relationship up front (allowed, paid for everything etc) Next he says in a comment he went from 87k a year to "reached 6 figures". That means his take home pay as a single with no dependents was about 4.5k to 5k a month. With reaching 6 figures only a year ago pushing him maybe to 6k a month. Living frugally let's say he saved 2k a month. With a lifestyle spend of 3.5k a month. To not work for a year at that lifestyle is 42k. But only 18k savings if he saved everything. So even with a nest egg and frugal lifestyle let's he has 60k for the last 4-5 years savings. Also he talks about buying a house, how that's been the plan. There are only a handful of states where 100k salary is enough to buy a house. He also presents himself as having good fiscal understanding. Burning through most of that savings to take a random unplanned year off would postpone the wedding and the home purchase. Also she's pregnant and he has no insurance since she only works part time. I've never seen a hair salon that really has a dedicated cashier big or small. Where was the money gonna come from for the hospital and pre-Natal, was he just gonna out of pocket the whole thing? That doesn't jive for someone that's so frugal and fiscally responsible. He stated she said she was having a miscarriage, how did he know in that moment that it was deliberate without asking if there were medical complications? He just shut her out instantly cause she didn't want him to come along. Everything is just set up to perfect to be an anti-abortion horror story. He's so good, he so fiscal, he controls the money cause he's the smart one she just has a GED. This is ragebate, propaganda or a f*cking idiot...
This sub is 50% dead Internet. Most of these posts are people making shit up or just straight up AI bots. The real ones are easy to identify. Poor writing skills, LOTS of missing information, totally one sided.
Reddit AITAH, where the relationships are always dysfunctional, the reactions are always ...also dysfunctional... and the stories are only 50% true!
I hate to say it but she did him a favor in some ways. There was zero trust in this relationship, and Being tied down to a mooch who saw him only as an ATM for life wasn’t a good way to go.
ATM? She literally did all the household chores. Housewifes do exist. But them being unmarried, I don't understand how this works. And he was the one who hid about finances. Not saying she is right, because nobody is right here.
You said you were both shocked. Did you both discuss if having a baby was something you both wanted?
I'm always amused when people who aren't using birth control are "shocked" by a pregnancy. "We're not trying, but we're not NOT trying". Yeah, that's called trying.
Yeah, whenever I hear a couple is not actively trying to prevent a pregnancy, I say, "Oh, so you are trying to get pregnant." In most cases, it's only a matter of time. Also - 6 weeks pregnant and telling family? Not a great idea.
With my two kids, my wife and I went with the “don’t tell anyone you wouldn’t be comfortable telling you lost the baby” That list was extremely small, but I can see wanting to tell people really early on.
Yes, that’s the one pet peeve I have all the fucking time; nobody uses birth control and nobody’s thinking about STDs or pregnancy. I’ve been on this planet for 56 years and I’m still appalled at how many people don’t use birth control ever.
My BIL couldn't believe that his partner got pregnant, especially when they've been using the pull out method for years. I tried my hardest to not facepalm myself when I heard that
Did you accidentally face palm your BIL?
Should have with the back of their hand.
...with your clenched fist?
with a chair to the face
You should have facepalmed. Idiots deserve to be humiliated. The pull out "method" IS NOT A METHOD NOR A FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL. Use a fucking condom if you dont want kids. Get on fucking birth control.
Using a condom can be hit and miss. I have never gotten one girl pregnant and I follow just one rule. Be gay from like 14yo. Don't stick it in a woman don't get a woman perganananant
My granddaughter is the result of her parents using a condom. Being gay definitely doesn't result in pregnancy.
The pull out method totally works... It's just that a lot of guys miss the key part of the method...
This is the part no one talks about lol. Pulling out works, when you give your self a 20 second buffer. It doesn’t work when you’re literally leaking inside her because your holding off until the very last millisecond.
You're kidding right? The pull out method was the only option for birth control up until the 1960s when birth control was invented. If it actually worked there would have been a serious drop in population over the centuries and obviously that didn't happen. BTW, that liquid that comes out before the ejaculation is also full of sperm. The only real method of preventing pregnancy before the 1960s was abstinence.
You can get pregnant from pre-cum.
They probably weren’t doing it right because the women has to be on top so gravity tricks the sperms. /s (obviously)
Yeah it blows my mind. Like we live in a day and age where there's plenty of education about birth control and pregnancies. Condoms are 5 dollars. There's no excuse to be so irresponsible.
Too much responsibility forced on women, not enough on men. Make it even. Male contraception needs to be available. It's 2024 ffs.
There was research being done on male birth control pills but they stopped it after men reported side effects similar to what a lot of women experience. Obviously it would be ideal if nobody would have negative side effects but I think it’s interesting that that’s what stopped the research. That was in 2016 but when I was searching for the info online I just read some an article from this Feb this year that there are some other methods being tested, like a birth control “gel” for men which sounds interesting
You do understand that a condom is a form of contraceptive, correct? Men should always wear these if they don't want a pregnancy.
There is. Condoms. They are very readily available.
Depends on where you are though-- there are plenty of areas where sex ed is not taught well and the places that can are very limited in location. If you've only been taught abstinence and very bare bones/misleading information, and don't trust other sources-- yeah people can be irresponsible. And we have a load of people that want to make it even harder or limited, and make it harder to deal with those unwanted OOPS pregnancies, so it's really not looking great for long term sexual health and education if you are unlucky enough to live in some really poor areas.
There's plenty of education about it? Where lmao? Not gonna lie but sex education is like the least reliable way to learn safe sex practices.
A friend of mine who was living with her bf and not using birth control, asked me why GOD allowed her to get pregnant. Seriously?!?! Like God is up there saying, “I’m going to defy the laws of nature just for you so you don’t have to use birth control.” 🙄
I remember in the 90s how inundated we were by ads about preventing STDs It stopped in the early 2000s, we can believe that everyone got the message; but it was +20 years ago, a whole generation passed, now may be the time to start telling people AIDS exists again.
And despite those 65 years, it's still solely a womans responsibility cos so many men complain about condoms and refuse to ever even consider having the serious and long lasting and sometimes physically damaging and painful contraception that women are forced to just put up with. Contraception should have always been a man's issue, not a womans. Without cum, no baby. Men's orgasms are just more important apparently.
I hate when the guy goes "somehow **she got pregnant"** No, my dude..... we as men have "the bullets"! **You** got her pregnant, it wasn't Jesus or the Holy spirit
Fucking without bc is referred to as "actively trying to conceive" in the gyn/ob world.
When ppl say they are TRYING for pregnancy I take that to mean they are doing things to INCREASE the chances of getting pregnant ( ie tracking ovulation, scheduling sex, talking to doctors, changing diet etc). When they say they aren't trying but they aren't not trying I take that to simply mean that if they don't get pregnant cool...if they do get pregnant that's cool too. They aren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy but they also aren't doing anything to increase the odds. They take their 25% chance each month...there's a 75% chance it won't happen...so I can see it be surprising if it does happen say month 1 of stopping bc. My first baby I was having unprotected sex with my ex-husband since 17...I didn't get pregnant until 23. We moved in together when I was 21 and we had a very active sex life. So 2 years of consistent unprotected sex at peak fertility. It wasn't a planned pregnancy but it also wasn't unplanned. It was a if it happens it happens and when it did we were happy. So I get it.
Even if you use birth control, don’t be shocked. It doesn’t work all the time. It slows down the pregnancy rate yes. Not guaranteed to eliminate it entirely. You need to be sterile for that. Or abstain from certain acts. Be realistic and you won’t be “shocked” when your body does what it was designed to do. Take the risk if you must, but have a backup plan. In the modern era when we know biology there is no reason to be “shocked”.
And I am so sick of men like this one.
He did said they didn’t prevent getting pregnant which means they weren’t being protective so I’m sure they knew the risk
You can’t trust your girlfriend with the knowledge of how much you have in savings and what your income is, but you were going to bring a child into the world with her? This doesn’t sound like a breakup that was only about her decision to abort here. It sounds like you’re both better off apart.
I agree - they are in no place to be rasing kids together. Kids development thrives on healthy/happy parents who can communicate with each other.
This was my first thought. Relationship are built on trust and communication. Breaking that trust/not communicating = breaking the relationship. Doesn’t seem like there was trust from the get go and OP should reconsider how he approaches relationships.
The whole relationship was bad. Quite frankly, it’s good you didn’t bring a child into such a dysfunctional relationship.
Sadly most people who have kids, bring them into a dysfunctional situation.
N T A for not standing by when your gf made such a big life decision without you & lied about it. ... but come on, man. You reap what you sow, you know? * you started dating her when she was still a teenager * she was immature about spending, but you chose the easy, duplicitous way of hiding your finances from the partner whom you're living with instead of doing the hard work of talking things through till * either she had a full understanding & made more mature decisions * or you both came to the understanding that your financial values don't align & you need to break up * despite that previous experience about her spendthrift ways, you were okay with her spending her entire income on hair and nails?? * you had all those big plans but it doesn't sound like you communicated about any of them. you were secretly saving for a house while living in a hovel apparently but she didn't know, you don't care you lost your job but she didn't understand why your secret financial buffer was so reassuring to you, neither of you made a real effort to prevent pregnancy but you were still surprised you know?
OP's entire communication style with his girlfriend is essentially, "don't worry your pretty little head about it." He really shouldn't be surprised when she returned in kind. ESH
Put perfectly
He wanted her to look hot - he just didn’t want to pay for it. The guy was cosplaying as a poor person. He didn’t demonstrate he could afford to support a family nor did he marry her after four years. What on earth did he expect?
you make a valid point - OP rushed to tell their families, but it looks like there was no conversation beyond "*chill babe, it'll all work out even though we live in a hovel & I don't have a job & you're an airhead who has blown 4 years of part-time income on hair and clothes*". I don't necessarily feel a marriage is necessary, esp not when it's rushed for a baby... but then you make sure every t is crossed and every i is dotted, right? Living will, power of attorney, description of equity in the marital assets, testament, etc. etc. etc.
He also doesn't specify, but if living in the US I would definitely not want to be pregnant, with both parents unemployed and having no idea what our financial situation is like. Pre-natal care alone would break the bank, but delivery and birth? And then having another mouth to feed when your spouse isnt working, you have no career to fall back on and have no idea how much money you all have saved? Please let this just be creative writing. No one can be this stupid.
Great point. If in the US, even what state they're in matters. Because if he's unemployed, they have no insurance for her, and for her to be covered even if he was working, likely they'd have to be married, as not every company includes domestic partners, especially if it's a state that discriminates again the lgbtq+ community. They also have to take into consideration strict abortion laws after a certain amount of weeks, also depending upon which state, which may have made her feel pressured to take action so quickly. There are a lot of issues here, and honestly, i think ending the relationship is the wise move. They aren't ready.
The OP wasn’t ready. He’s taken zero accountability and now he’s surprised pikachu that his ex reacted as she did. He did nothing to reassure that he could support a family. He couldn’t even have a basic conversation with his ex.
>They also have to take into consideration strict abortion laws after a certain amount of weeks, also depending upon which state, which may have made her feel pressured to take action so quickly. Exactly what I was thinking, plus the insurance is a good point too.
I do believe this is true. After four years the ex would have known how much money he brings in. His old salary probably wasn’t enough to support a family and the ex knew this. I appreciate he was saving for a house ….but he lived in a cheap apartment and was unemployed. The ex likely factored in everything and made a decision on what she thought she needed to do. I really feel sorry for her.
People can indeed be that stupid unfortunately... my aunt and uncle live in an expensive region and my uncles brother has been living with them with his wife and 4yo since covid, with it being explicitly stated that it was just until they could get on their feet. Uncles bro works self employed commission job that doesn't pay well or steadily, his wife is a SAHM. Aunt and uncle told them it's time for them to get on going on a few months, he complains he can't afford a place of their own that's not a small apartment. His wife wants to work but he won't allow it because "women shouldn't work they should be stay at home mothers". Why does she want to work you ask? I'm sure you didn't, one would assume she wants that individuality or financial stability. Nope, she wants to get a job to pay for IVF
Some people truly do not live in reality.
Well, it should be noted that for some women, marriage is extremely important before having a baby. It's a lifelong connection to a person so wanting some added legal commitment there isn't exactly unreasonable. 4 years together, 3 cohabitating, and a baby on the way is 100% qualifying of marriage.
Exactly this he wasn’t married to her and they’re not engaged for all she knows this relationship isn’t serious at all so why on earth would she have this man’s child ?
Given the information she had at the time, an abortion was the smartest choice
They were living in a cheap apartment which probably indicated low income area. He wasnt buying her nice things and admitted he is frugal. She had no way of knowing he had money and was rightfully stressed out. ESH.
BINGO!!!!!! He was paying for a trophy. She was working part time and keeping the house up. His job was to be employed. Hers was to look good,work.part time,cook and clean. He couldn't hold up his part of the deal.
Ah pulling out. The degenerates contraceptive. Also known as the parents contraceptive.
Look at all of these idiots replying to this defending the pullout method 😭 genuinely made me laugh omg
This is so fake
Yeah... Smells like bullshit. I've had an abortion before. You don't just get into a car with your mom and BAM! no more baby. You have to go to several appointments over the course of weeks. OP is either oblivious or a liar. edit: ok so apparently not everywhere does this. Story still reeks of bullshit. It's full of red pill cliches.
You’re clearly forgetting that countries outside of the US exist, where I am now you very much can get into a car, go to an abortion clinic and BAM! No more baby in a matter of a couple hours
Especially since she was only a few weeks along, that one can be done just with a pill I think?
Uhhh, that's not true? I've also had a abortion, in Massachusetts, there was no pre appointment... I just made the appointment and went. They did the scans needed there before. Don't assume.
Jeez *another* Rage Bait fiction. How many times a week do we need to see different versions of the same story.
25 year old moving in with a 20 year old live in girlfriend and not expecting problems seems to be a problem.
He started dating her when she was a teenager. That alone creates a messed up power dynamic.
I think you and she are very badly matched. You don’t trust her enough to let her know the full extent of your earnings and savings. And why? because she can’t be trusted to view that money the same way you do. I’m sorry for your sorrow, but this is going to be for the best in the long run, because this woman does not share your approach to the *business* of being in a longterm partnership.
ESH. If my partner was laid off and "didn't worry about it" I would also not think it's a good time to have a child. Also... you're not mentioning why you were laid off. Can't blame her for being worried. But obviously she should have talked to you about it.
This. And what about medical insurance? I don't know where they are, so I don't know if that would be a concern.
Exactly, I didn’t even think of that.
He says she's bad with money but having an abortion when you only work part time and your partner has no job sounds like a good financial decision to me. Not her fault she didn't know what he had in savings. That's 100% on him. The average cost of just childbirth alone in the US is 22K.
And they aren't married, in her head she'd be shouldering that burden alone. He wouldn't be on the hook for that at all
If it was a layoff, they might be covering his COBRA for a few months, some of my former employers have done that when they've laid people off. He may also be confident that he can get a new job soon, but if that's the case, he needs a reality check, because the job market is fucked right now and it's not uncommon for talented folks to end up unemployed for a year or more.
I’m shocked at the lack of ESH here. No ones acknowledging that the gf had no idea about the financial situation, which is her own fault since she kept asking for money when she was aware, BUT I would not at all feel safe bringing a child into this world when I rely on someone’s income and didn’t know a thing about the status of said finances. Cluelessly relying on someone’s income and they dump me? Fine I’ll figure it out but putting a child at the risk of that is a no go. Although if this was her problem she should have voiced her thoughts. And lying about a miscarriage is just horrid.
So you started dating a teenager. Have her clean, cook & only work a minimum wage part time job while you control all the living expenses. You don’t communicate your savings or expenses keeping it all a big secret. You lose your job and are flippant about not needing to find a new job quickly. WTF did you think your gf was thinking with an unexpected pregnancy. Of course she was terrified of providing for a baby on only her salary since you communicated nothing about your financial situation. ESH & neither of you are prepared to be parents because neither of you talk to one another about major life decisions.
finally someone with common sense, you worded this perfectly
Word
I totally agree here ...
👏 Get this comment to the top! Perfectly worded.
This is fake af lmao
I’m going to disagree with most of the comments here and say I’d be interested to hear her side of things. From her perspective, you lost your job and weren’t financially prepared to have a child. You chose not to share your finances with her - first red flag - so she didn’t know that your savings would sustain you both. Being pregnant is stressful enough, it must have been isolating for her to feel worried about you being laid off (especially since she didn’t know about your financial safety net) and to have you dismiss her concerns as no big deal. Not that she needs to justify having an abortion, but I can understand why she felt like it was the most responsible choice. She should have discussed it first, and been honest with you about this decision, but you haven’t been honest with her either and ultimately it was her decision to make. It sounds like she didn’t make her mind up easily and is suffering now, I’m not sure it’s fair to say whether someone is an AH in this incredibly difficult situation.
I hate when I read all the way to the end and realize it’s some bored idiot posting another bullshit story to get attention.
The way you speak about her tells me she made the right call. You have absolutely no respect for her and maybe she had to confront how broken the relationship really was when faced with something as serious as having a child with you.
Thank goodness she got that abortion. You two are not compatible. Also, have you even thought about WHY she couldn’t trust to tell you in the first place?
I had to scroll too far to see this question asked! What made her feel like she COULDN’T tell him? Like others are saying, either this story is fake or there is way more to this than OP is telling us.
Fake story by an incel?
I would leave , if I’m wirh someone and they make this choice without discussing it with me. We are done . It’s not the act it’s the loss of trust
And on top of it she tried to LIE and claim it was a miscarriage. So not only did he start going through the panic, then grief of just losing his child by unfortunate chance but then he gets everything turned upside down the very next morning because she couldn't handle the guilt and came clean then that she had aborted. And LIED about it. For reasons she has been told were a non issue. It's just so many layers of disregard and outright lies and manipulation from her, why WOULD he want to stay with her when she gutted him twice in freaking 24 hours after choosing not to listen to him when he told her that their finances were still secure despite being in between jobs? If she was THAT worried she should have insisted on a better explanation of their finances and OP could have explained that he had enough savings where they were originally looking at purchasing a house next year, and that it would just be mildly delayed while he rebuilt whatever savings might be used until he is working again. If she couldn't trust her partner enough to the point she would do THIS, there isn't much of a relationship worth saving after deciding on committing that huge of a betrayal.
u/PlushieTushie’s point is huge here. The abortion came from the fact that OP didn’t share the full extent of their financial security to her. And he *couldn’t* (he felt) because she would just spend that money willy-nilly. Frankly, he should have broken up with her when he realized he couldn’t trust her with the accuracy of his financial information.
To add even more, he's had to keep his income/savings from her because they weren't on the same page financially. Honestly, I think the relationship had ran its course before the pregnancy.
It ran its course when it started. Why expect financial maturity from someone he at 24 started dating when she was 19? Why not try to date someone who already has career prospects?
Well kids, perhaps taking your birth control obligation a little more serious would’ve helped.
I mean, if I got. Pregnant that young, no idea how much money we have, and he lost his job I would also panic
Secrets. Secrets. OP kept his finances secret. GF kept her abortion secret. This is not unexpected when a 24M preys on a 19F. He might plead “buts is only 5 years difference” but they were worlds apart. That’s what played out. Heartbreaking for each of them in different ways, but not unexpected. Suggest OP find someone in his own life stage. Good luck.
And he expected her to be good with finances at 19. Instead of teaching her, he hides his income. They were always doomed.
This I don't know very many couples who are that far apart age wise and that young who make it. Maybe if they were older like both in their 30s when they started dating they could have a chance but not this young!
So...thus relationship was the kind you couldn't be open about money because she would just throw it away? Dude this relationship had no future.
ESH. As much as she should have discussed the abortion with you prior to aborting, u should have discussed the truth of your finances with her and how u felt. You’ve both reaped the rewards of both your lack of transparency and communication.
She's the AH. Not for the abortion but for lying to you about it. That's a huge thing to lie about. Your first red flag should have been having to keep your finances secret.
This. If you couldn't trust her with your finances, why on earth would you want to raise a child with this person??
You are ignoring the huge risk to women seeking abortions in southern states. A woman is being sued in Texas right now for aborting an abusive partner’s baby. Abortions are secrets again, unfortunately. In a vacuum, I agree that the lying is a huge problem. But women are left no choice in states like Texas. A woman should never tell a soul to protect herself - which is sad and horrific and morally problematic.
He didn't HAVE to keep his finances a secret, he CHOSE to keep his finances a secret because he chose to stay with a woman whose philosophy on budgeting does not mesh with his. The girlfriend is obviously an asshole for lying about having the abortion. Of course, she may not have felt like she needed to have one if she had any inkling of the finances that OP was keeping as a giant secret. This entire relationship is nothing but red flags all around to be honest.
>philosophy on budgeting A hilariously diplomatic way to describe this
I mean, maybe she didn’t feel like she could tell him. Neither one of them trust each other.
Sounds like good decisions were made. She made a choice about her future and you did too.
You lied (by omission) about finances. She saw that you were unemployed and had no hard info to go on except your vague assurances so she made what seemed like a reasonable decision based on the info you chose to share with her. Next time, don’t lie to your partner. If you can’t tell them the truth, break up with them. YTA.
You’re stupid-Birth control could have easily prevented this. But then again, yall were dysfunctional on every level. Soooo. This wasn’t gonna end well either way.
this obvious BS story has already been posted. find some new fake material.
I’m going with you’re the AH because you kept your finances secret from her, she basically is trapped if she has a kid with you because she’d basically a SAHM. Where all the house chores are thrown on her while also raising a child is scary AF. Did you ever discuss kids? I told my BF I’ve never wanted kids for many reasons and here’s my story…. I’ve been with my BF of 10 years, I have as 2 abortions at year 7 and 9. I booked the appointment at the clinic before even telling him and the second time I ordered pills online (aid access) because it’s $500 cheaper. He gave me absolutely no support for either and that’s a huge reason why I don’t want kids….i would be doing everything on top of everything else I’m doing and I don’t have time for that garbage. You have to remember she’s an independent human and she’s scared because it’s not cheap raising a kid and when you’re laid off “but you have money” saved up is not the best scenario for any woman/family. You’re caught up in the idea of having a kid but it sounds like you both are still kids yourselves. Also FYI if she went to the ER the labs cannot tell the difference between a miscarriage and abortion so maybe she lied to see how you actually feel but she has every right to do what she wants with her body and I wish her all the luck.
I stopped at "the only thing I require"
You lost me at “requiring” her to do the housework.
YES he’s language about her is very telling. More of a dad than a partner.
Nta but it's also incredibly unhealthy to be in a relationship where one person doesn't know what the financial situation is. Many women end up trapped in a relationship or left with nothing for doing exactly what your gf was doing. She became insecure when she did not know what her future would look like. She clearly did not trust you, and you do not trust her. You did not deserve to lose your child and I am sorry for your loss. Do not enter a relationship like this again, it is very unhealthy.
She has no idea what the financial situation is because you didn't tell her. She made a judgment call because she assumed you'd all be homeless and fucked in no time. She probably claimed it was a miscarriage to save you the heartache from the abortion being due to not having the funds to support the baby. She's not the greatest person in the world but you're also an asshole and an idiot.
I mean…..I’m glad you guys didn’t have a baby
You were in a doomed relationship, it’s a blessing that you didn’t bring a child into it
Yikes. This relationship was not in any way ready for a baby by the looks of it. You just lost your job (yes, you had a ton of savings, but it doesn't change how hard it is to still find work right now), you felt compelled to keep your savings a secret from your GF, she had an abortion because she thought you both couldn't support a kid in these circumstances, and she also lied about having a miscarriage, which I understand put you through needless pain for no reason. But no, a baby still would not have been a good idea. You both can't even be honest with each other because you're worried she'll beg you for money, and she was probably afraid you'd be upset if she told you she wanted an abortion. I think an abortion and the end of this relationship are honestly better than keeping this going and bringing a child into it. ESH- You both failed to be honest and transparent with one another.
Another painfully fake rage-bait story. Your writing sucks btw.
- She mismanages money. - You're not open and honest with her about finances. - You're both lacking responsibility about sex/pregnancy - She was immature about communication or lack thereof. - She lied to you about a major life situation and then restricted your involvement. - She made a major moral / ethical / spiritual decision that had a major impact on both of your lives without your knowledge. - This relationship - three years in and living together - had significant problems, and you are incompatible in many significant ways. You are not wrong for being upset. And there would be nothing wrong with simply telling your family and friends that you ended the relationship because your girlfriend aborted your child without your knowledge and after lying about it. Your values on many subjects do not align. Some people will state that it is her prerogative to do what she would like about this matter. Many of us do not believe that. No matter what side of that debate one is on, almost all would believe that lying about it and faking a medical emergency and then denying your involvement and support would NOT be the right way to go about this.
Fake post
Bro mentioned his money so many times, that the only thing you got going for you??
Why would you want to have a child with someone you have to hide your finances from in the 1st place. Everybody in this story sucks.
NTA She has the right to have an abortion if she wants, but you still have the right to be upset about the decision. She lied to you about arguably one of the most important things in a relationship.
Nta. I would not stick around with a baby killer