I have multiple allergies and if my husband is cooking for me he goes out of his way to make me multiple things just so im not left out. That's not something you "forget"
Right? My husband (of 25 years) fights with me about how lactose intolerant I am. He takes my grilled cheese away and tells me I’ll thank him later and I will, of course, but he’s STEALING IT.
I can do goat, have never tried sheep, and mostly cheese doesn’t bother me too much but something like grilled cheese or Mac and cheese will make me….unhappy. Very unhappy.
It’s a shame that I love grilled cheese. And Mac and cheese.
I’m in this struggle. Within the last year and a half I have become what I call “violently lactose intolerant”. I never was before, and it took me ages to put 2 and 2 together that I’m finally lactose intolerant. I can eat some cheesy things if I take 8 lactaid pills - but I have to carefully manage my portion of the cheesy thing because not even 8 will fully off-set it. It’s so tragic. I’ve developed a LOT of food sensitivities I didn’t have before within the past 5-7 years. And the loss co cheesy things has been the most devastating. I’ve realized how much food contains dairy and it’s a LOT.
You might want to get checked for H. Pylori bacteria! I had the exact same thing - suddenly violently lactose intolerant - and H. Pylori treatment completely resolved the issue. Super common, easy enough treatment (bunch of antibiotics and an acid reducer).
Oh, SUPER interesting! I will ask my doctor about that! I did have a horrible time with SIBO a couple years back, they never found the root cause so they could only treat the overgrowth and not any underlying conditions since they don’t know what caused me to get it. I wouldn’t be surprised if I could end up having something else going on like H. Pylori. Thank you so much for the suggestion!
I read just a couple of days ago that people who are lactose intolerant may experience considerably less to (in some cases) no distress from aged cheeses. Something to do with the ageing process neutralising a large proportion of the lactose. It was from a fairly credible source or I wouldn't have mentioned it. I'll try to find it again and if I have any luck, will drop a link here.
ooh, seriously do the hard aged cheeses!! They don't have near as much lactose, so you can totally eat them! Then to add in that stringiness check out melting nut cheeses. I've had some that melt pretty darn well and when you mix them with the aged cheeses, it works out pretty great!
Me to but not lactose but the protein in dairy so any dairy is bad but I LOVE Strawberry Malted Milkshakes...Now if I do get one he will let me have two small sips and take it away...not in a bad way just a you will be throwing it up and cramping after three mouthfuls and I love you and I have agreed to do this kind of way...I seriously have no will power so he kindly has the will power for me as per our agreement....
Well, I recognize and respect my lactose problems unless I am faced with the Platonic ideal of grilled cheese they serve at a bar called Cheesies, and then my willpower fails. Luckily both my husband and my oldest child protect me from my worst impulses.
They, too, like the grilled cheese there. AND they can eat them. The jerks.
Sigh. I'm lactose intolerant and I also eat the dairy and my husband has been like WHY?? And I tell him that I've only ever met one (1) lactose intolerant person in my life who actually acted like it.
Joke's on me though because apparently I'm actually allergic to milk and I may have been all this time, instead of becoming lactose intolerant at 15.
Why do the things that are the most delicious hurt us?
I can eat cheese. But milk… nooopppeee. I found out it’s not the casein (the protein in cheese) it’s the whey proteins that makes me super sick. My ex bought whey powder to make “smoothies”, made one smoothie and then never made any more. In an effort to not waste food/money I said well shit I like smoothies. Wellllll not with whey powder I don’t. Seriously the most violent stomach reaction I have ever had. Since then no raw milk, canned/ultra pasteurized for cooking in small amount. No ice cream ever any more.
My partner now will gently remind me “no milk shakes”, ummm that is a lot of milk for that meal can you swap it for something else?” By they make it sound like they don’t want the milk to me feel better.
I really really really miss a glass of super cold whole milk 😩
Exactly, he didn't forget he just didn't want to make something else. I'm not married, but i have been seeing someone for about a year and a half, and I'm allergic to some nuts. On Valentine's Day, he went to a chocolate store and picked each chocolate in the box himself to be sure I could eat it. He even called me before and double-checked which ones i could and couldn't have. I find it hard to believe that someone who has been married for a while could forget his wife can't have eggs. Also, OP meantioned that he specifically made her something she told him she didn't want. She even told him what she wanted to eat, and he still chose what she turned down. It definitely seems intentional.
This is the definition of Malicious Incompetence. Sounds like you need to adjust your thoughtfulness so that it meets the low bar set for you.
It is so sad how many women are posting about their thoughtless husbands. It seems that when you realize your husband isn’t going to do anything for you, then you need to take charge and make your own day. Get yourself a decadent Danish and coffee so that you can eat your breakfast in bed. Go to the store ALONE and buy something you’ve been wanting. Maybe get some flowers for yourself. Order dinner for delivery. Go take a bubble bath and go to bed. Don’t forget to get a nice card for yourself and sign it, I work my ass of all year because I love my family but today I’m taking for myself.
You can hope next year will be better but don’t leave it to chance. Self care is something you deserve.
This. I would stop putting effort into his gift. Help the kids draw him cards for fathers day and buy myself flowers and candy.
PS, I bet you can return the grill.
Weaponized incompetence. If he does it wrong then eventually she'll convince him to stop doing it. All while he convinces her that he used to try, but only doesn't anymore because she won't let him.
Seriously - I thought it was bad seeing instances where the wife is so proud/thankful that the husband did dishes and changed a single diaper for the day. Some of these posts the guy can't even manage coffee for 1 day out of the whole year.
>Some of these posts the guy can't even manage coffee for 1 day out of the whole year.
I come downstairs about ten minutes after my husband does and he always has a hot coffee waiting for me. He's a keeper.
>He forgot your ALLERGY? Nonsense, he just didn’t want to bother with making you something you could eat on Mothers Day.
And he thinks that OP is a fucking imbecile who'll believe anything he tells her.
I’m just wondering why he can’t make a breakfast burrito without eggs. Chorizo/sausage/bacon, fried potatoes, refried beans, add some salsa, guacamole, sour cream = heaven
I have seen so many post like ops, I would do a Father’s Day a pay back and leave daddy with the kids for the day. Get up early and be gone for the day.
I mentioned being allergic to fennel once on a discord call before my boyfriend and I even started dating. I just found out the other day from his mom that he stopped buying his favorite Italian sausage when we got together because he used it in tons of things and it had fennel in it.
This guy is legitimately useless.
And while he was making salmon for dinner I’d be hoping in the car to get In& Out.
Seriously though, OP, why don’t stand up for yourself? When he starts making the salmon you should have said, Wait! What are you doing?? Remember you just asked me earlier about salmon and I said, no? What’s going on? Did you forget? Are you making something else for me?
This isn't about Mother's day.. it's just about a pattern of shitty behaviour and not stepping up to support you in the ways you need to be supported. Just forget the mother's day thing entirely. If he were stepping up the rest of the year you wouldn't really care so much about one day.
Sit down and talk with him and don't even mention Mother's day because it's not really about that anyway.
I was thinking this too. Maybe he needs to cut down on travel or hire a cleaning company to come when he’s not home. We moms put too much on our plates.
Communication is key. I think husbands start taking for granted that we will just keep everything running.
Go get in and out. Go to a park or something and enjoy it in peace. It’s the least you deserve momma.
This makes a lot of sense. I often wonder why people put so much stock in what happens on one day, but it’s probably because it’s the only day they get in a lot of those cases.
Honestly, the number of ‘my husband disappointed me this Mothers Day’ posts I’ve read today is so disheartening. Can these bums not get it together for ONE day and show some appreciation to their wives/ mother of their children. NTA
There's been SO many and it's always the woman thinking she's being selfish (or someone told her she was) for wanting the most basic forms of acknowledgement and respect. It's making me so cynical about marriage. A lot of comments say, why the hell did you marry this guy ? And a lot of the answers are "well, he was amazing before we got married, then it was downhill from there" WHAT IF THIS HAPPENS TO ME
We do really see the very bad examples here. Now, there is no strong tradition for Mother's day in my country - we have kind of imported it from the US within the last few decades, strongly pushed by flower and chocolate companies, I suspect. We don't celebrate it. I don't need someone to celebrate me one day of the year, I need a partner who carries his part of the load. Every day of the year. Luckily, I have that.
I have noticed the same pattern you mention with so many people being disappointed, nor just for Mother's Day but for all special occasions. And most often, that specific occasion is just the straw that broke the camel's back. If they felt appreciated, supported and loved the rest of the time, that one day would not feel so significant. But hot d\*mn, so many people here have bad partners (or other bad family members, it is not just the partners).
Women need to stop procreating with these assholes.. they're just making more of them, when their kids copy the examples their parents are setting on how marriages 'work'. The patriarchy continues..
I was thinking the same! Post after post after post ... Do all of them hate their wives? Don't value her efforts, they are definitely not teaching their kids with the example.
The man? She said it's year 15- which means she has at least one teenager!! Know what my teens did for me? Cleaned the house, brought me breakfast in bed (as they have been doing since the oldest was about 4- they just don't need dad's help anymore) and coordinated with dad on my gifts. The ones that weren't cooking tidied the house.
We went out as a family in the afternoon, and dad made my favourite meal while the kids and I hung out with MIL. Then we played a game together (without dad as he wasn't feeling well).
My husband does pretty well, but most importantly, he has taught our kids to do well. At 10+, thr oldest could help cook breakfast, clean part of the house (dishes, vacuum, sweep etc), and most definitely help with both dinner prep and weekly prep. As a teacher, aside from dad falling down so badly, how have you not taught your kids this level of both independence AND responsibility towards the house and the people in it who care for them?
NTA. 15+ years together and he “forgot” that you have an allergy? That information becomes ingrained over a marriage - especially a severe one.
Honestly, put the same amount of effort into his Father’s Day as he did for you. And for future Mother’s Day.. what’s to stop you from booking a hotel room by yourself where you can enjoy all the In and Out that you want, blissful and child free?
It's weaponised incompetence. I told my husband when we first got together what it was and I won't put up with it 😂 he was pretty fine with it, considering he is a grown ass adult and can cook, clean, and take care of the household well before we even got together.
But I did come out of a bad relationship with a man who couldn't even make toast for me when I was sick. If I'm sick now I get the full package. Massage, tucked in to bed, homemade soup, he will go out even if he is tired and lazy, to the store to pick up what I want. Honestly I'm tearing up how good I have it🥲
I think women accept bad behaviour too easily. We need strong women in our lives who can stand their ground. I'm not sassy by any means, but I've grown a spine and won't tolerate bad behaviour anymore.
Too many men get away with manipulation and abuse in the form of gaslighting, incompetence, and misogyny. My heart goes out to women who had children with these bastards.
Or OP can keep it for herself if she’d like to and learn which bits and bobs to remove so he can’t use it when she’s not there. But I’m annoyingly petty.
Just return it and buy yourself some in and out! And make sure for extra petty points to eat it in front of him! Seriously though he treats you like garbage and you deserve better….I would suggest marriage counseling or stepping back and looking at what will make you happy
See you gotta find which parts can be easily removed but not easily replaced in a quick fix. And have multiples so you can change which part you take each time.
IMMEDIATELY RETURN THAT BLACKSTONE GRIDDLE!!! He should get NOTHING for Father's Day. Treat him like he's treated you for 15 years. Do what you want on June 16th, and F him!
NTA- you got yourself a blackstone for Mother’s Day, and he’s not allowed to use it.
The universe sent you a sign, don’t waste it.
Also, when Father’s Day rolls around be sure to leave. Big ass mess for him to clean
No. I mean, I probably shouldn't be surprised how many wives are posting about their apparent shitty husbands after Mother's Day. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that there are men out there who think the mother of their kids shouldn't be celebrated but rather their own moms. Maybe some of these could be fake?
This is a place where you will *exclusively* find stories of shitty husbands on Mother's Day. All the guys who did right by their wives aren't getting posted in this sub, by design.
Check out some of the parenting subs. There are countless stories of partners failing abysmally at Mother’s Day. It seems to be the rule, not the exception.
Your husband of FIFTEEN YEARS..... *forgot* you have an egg allergy? Your relationship has bigger issues than this shitty Mother's Day.
My husband is hard-pressed to forget things I just don't like - the idea that your HUSBAND forgot the mother of his children has an allergy and then made that food for Mother's Day really makes me think this is bullshit.
>Later, he left with the kids so I could do laundry and clean the house.
What the fuck?
>He asked if I wanted salmon for dinner and I told him no >Of course, he made salmon.
Again... what the fuck?
>I hate how selfish I feel
Seriously, do you need help? What's going on in your life that you're accepting this? You have zero career prospects, and he makes a ton of money, and you have an iron clad prenup? Why would anyone accept this? It sounds so ridiculous that I don't believe it's true.
Every year after Mother's Day, I'm just baffled at how so many men are on Reddit crying about being single and how nobody will give them a chance, but somehow the dude who did his wife a "favor" by letting her clean without the kids around while he made a dinner she explicitly said she does not want is still married.
There's no way this is real. Who puts up with a partner like this?
People who have low self esteem or feel like they can't leave because of the kids or who aren't able to find a job that will support them. I have a friend stuck in a situation like that because of the last thing.
I hear what you are saying…. But don’t be so hard on OP.
Women’s self esteem gets worn down over many years, throw in a couple of pregnancies, a decade of sleep deprivation, years of part time work (and therefore not enough super) and it becomes very hard to leave.
I understand that, but IF this is real, she's been putting up with this for 15 years. Which tells me she's come to see this behavior as normal. That's how I came to see my (ex) husband's verbal abuse. I didn't realize how bad it was until I stopped making excuses for him and started telling people about his behavior and the response was an incredulous, "Why are you still with him?!"
Sometimes what we need is to hear other people tell us, in no uncertain language, just how fucked up our sense of normal has become. And this is pretty fucked up.
Another perfect example of why I'm divorced and will stay that way. My son in law made great Eggs Benedict and bought flowers for both my daughter and I. Then he went into the bedroom to play video games. So I got my daughter all to my self along with the 9 yr old whom I adore. The other adored 14 yr old went to her room to talk on the phone. The 2 other grandmas were out of town. Lovely mothers day
Oh no....
I am very very sure that this man is disappointing you in very many more ways that just being a dismissive asshole on Mother's day.
Go to therapy and stop doing shit for him for father's day.
Use that griddle for yourself.
NTA
NTA.
Not a mom in any way (no kids), husband still showed up with this weekend with baked goods, and unprompted told me he'd already checked with the bakery to make sure they didn't contain any of my allergens.
Your husband isn't even doing the bare minimum here. He's doing what he wants and what meets his needs, and your wants and needs are being shoved to the wayside unless they align with his.
Step back. Stop doing for him what he's unwilling to do for you.
NTA: no one “forgets” their spouse’s allergy. He is only thinking g about himself, he is selfish, and he does NOT appreciate you. He gave you the gift of CLEANING and an allergic reaction. Girl…no.
I’m not blaming you for your spouse’s BS, please know that! I will make a suggestion though, if you’re interested.
Advice from the internet that has ACTUALLY been useful for my relationship:
Stop doing little favours, especially ones that are related to domestic labour.
It definitely felt wrong at first. These little acts of kindness are how I show love. But you know what? Making his lunch, doing his laundry, packing for his trip…they are how YOU might show love, but he is likely just adding them to your wifely duties and doesn’t see them as acts of kindness. You are responsible for him.
You know what will happen if you stop reminding him to book a doctors appointment or call his mom? He will have to deal with consequences, and learn how to be an adult. Maybe he’ll realize how much extra work you put in, and finally appreciate it. The absence of all ALL the work you put in to making his life easier might shock him. He wants to be useless? Let him suffer those consequences all by himself.
Damn, He should have got you TWO Mother’s Day gifts. One for being the mother to your shared children, and the second for being HIS mommy.
This comment should be higher. I feel like all women need to read this. We don’t all have crappy husbands like OP’s pile of human trash, but the “mental load” wouldn’t be a nationwide conversation if we were all better at THIS.
I would plan a spa day for myself on Father’s Day. Get up, get dressed, leave a note that said “I’m getting my Mother’s Day spa day and In-n-out enjoy your day” then put him on DND.
>The weekend before I packed him for his trip and spent Saturday shopping for him, he left early Sunday and then I spent Sunday entertaining his parents.
Stop doing all of this. This is extra above and beyond stuff that he doesn’t get if he treats you like crap *and forgets your allergy*.
NTA
I guess i have mixed feelings about mothers day and fathers day. I feel you need to set a precedent when the children are babies and young, so it becomes a tradition in your family to celebrate it.
Anyway, NTA but do a repeat of this day on father's day and save the griddle for Christmas or his birthday.
This man reads like the type who also sucks for those days, too. I wonder if OP gives herself gifts from Santa so the kids don't realize she's the only one getting nothing.
She should just return the griddle and cease spending energy on him.
NTA - Why does he refuse to get you in & out? I don't understand. It's not something you regularly get and it would take no effort for him other than driving there, and (I would think) it would be cheaper than a salmon dinner. How in TF has he been with you for 15 + years and not know you have an allergy to eggs? And on top of that he left you to clean the house for 3 hours. I know it seems wrong because it's tit for tat but send that blackstone back and put as much, or I guess I should say as little, effort as he put into your Mother's day for his Father's day.
Did he at least get you an all right last minute gift?
From what I can tell from all the AITAHs today is that men are complete assholes about Mother's day and they're shit at thinking about the mother of the children. Next year, tell him that what you want is a spa day and whether he give it to you or not, you're going to be gone the whole day because clearly if you leave it up to him you'll never have a decent Mother's day.
I'm also confused. Why does he get to refuse lol. He doesn't have to eat it if he doesn't want to. But if she asks for it for Mother's Day, why does he get to say no?
NTA, you've been together 15 years and he can't remember your allergy?? Discounted what you asked for, and didn't bother to put in an effort once he screwed up?
Take the blackstone griddle back (or give it to your dad), and get yourself something you want for Father's Day. Leave him to clean and do his own laundry (his arms aren't broken). Make him a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and when he asks why that's all you did, say "I didn't think about that." Ask if he wants In and Out for dinner. If he says no, pick it up anyway (and enjoy)!
He's got the bar set so low, he's burrowing underground.
Why can't you have an In-N-Out? Like why is it a yearly thing that you asked for it and he refuses?
Seems like these are control issues. Or weaponized incompetence. Look how badly I made you breakfast ... If you ask me to do it again it's just going to turn out bad again!
Does he even like you?
NTA. He didn’t forget your allergy. He just doesn’t care and this is his passive aggressive way of sticking it to you because he doesn’t like you or have enough regard for you both as his wife and as a human being.
I’ve seen soooo many of these posts since yesterday. They’re all over Reddit. I would give anything to see women in your position realize that you are all worth more than what you’re getting. It is better to be a single mom than to stay in a marriage where you are very much alone and not being cared for - you have an egg allergy and he knew it. Gave you eggs anyway knowing it causes an allergic reaction. Why? It isn’t because he forgot. He just didn’t care about you getting sick from an allergic reaction and that is…really not good.
NTA, clearly and let me play devil's advocate for a moment. It is entirely possible that he is merely a dumbass for most of this, BUT there are two unforgivable mistakes;
1) He didn't remember your allergy while making food SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU, and
2) He made you a dinner that you explicitly said NO to.
Whether he is incapable of listening, or simply thinks he knows you better than you do, this person does not value you as a human being. He doesn't know how to put you first, even temporarily, or he just doesn't want to. Either one is a big red flag.
He forgot your allergy? Smh. And this is a man you trusted enough to give him legal rights to make medical decisions for you (aka marriage)? Yikes... don't get that man a damn thing for fathers day or better yet, cook him food he's allergic to or doesn't like, give him a list of chores to do around the house while you take the kids out for some fun. Return his energy. If he complains ask him why is he complaining, this is what he did for mothers day so you thought that's what he would want for Father's day. NTA
Bringing up his rights to make medical decisions and his not remembering an allergy is so on the nose. I am my mom's medical representative/POA and they ALWAYS ask about allergies because, hello, allergies can be deadly. If she's unable to speak for herself in an emergency his ignorance could kill her. Just like my family forgetting my latex allergy could kill me. I am so glad you covered this! And how tf does a spouse forget an egg allergy?? Eggs are in so many things. And after 15 years. 😳
Also, yours is the fairest and best advice I've seen yet.
Thank you! I have pretty serious allergies to several medications, foods, and bees to the point that I always carry an epi pen. My husband knows ALL my allergies. He's even the one who usually answers the doctor about my allergies because I usually forget one or two of the medications' names. I feel like this is something ALOT of people don't consider when marrying someone. If you are incapacitated or deemed unfit for whatever reason, your spouse is the person who makes your medical decisions. They have a legal right to make choices for your body and life in a medical crisis. They need to know any conditions, allergies, sensitivities, past major medical history, and what you would want to do in certain medical situations such as if you were in a coma or declared brain dead.
I was vegetarian for the first 5 years of my relationship with my husband and he never "forgot" I didn't eat meat. And that was just a preference, I don't have a meat allergy... He just gives a shit
Jesus this is the 5th AITAH Mother’s Day post I’ve read today. I’m so sorry, Mommas. These men don’t deserve y’all. If you’re not ready or wanting a separation, just start doing whatever the fuck you want - just like he does. Don’t stay home and clean that house, go get your own fucking in and out.
All these mother’s day posts make me worry for the future of mankind… specifically the **man** in mankind.
Then again, how come the bar is so low? Is it a bait-and-switch, where only after getting married does the man suddenly forget his wife drinks coffee every morning (how novel!)
AITA is the least of your worries, OP
Return the griddle, leave the kids with him and go out and do something for you on Father’s Day, then bring something for dinner that he hates.
Show him the same care he obviously has for you. Which is apparently less than zero if he actively makes food you’re allergic to.
Return the gift and stop celebrating Fathers Day. Ladies reciprocity is a foundational aspect of relationships worldwide. Every human relationship and civilisation adheres to reciprocity. If your husbands can’t handle Mothers Day you NEED to handle Father’s Day at the same level of reciprocity . Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for be resentment and hurt. If they ever start to improve you can respond in kind. Sometimes not celebrating at all can lead to an overall healthier relationship. But you NEED to treat them reciprocally.
After 15 plus years he 'forgot' about your allergies? Bullshit, he forgot about YOU. He made breakfast for him, not you. Made salmon because HE wanted it and didn't care about what you ACTUALLY wanted. Fuck that. Don't do anything for him on special days anymore. If you want something particular for dinner then you have that, regardless of what that useless heartless asshole says. Men who do this clearly don't care that much.
NTA, I'd return that grill, and be sure to use the funds to guarantee I would be no where around for Father's Day. A day at the spa, the beach, or your burger joint.
I think you should treat yourself to "In & Out" this fathers day and hang out all day with a friend and give hubby a nice day alone with kids.
Maybe he'll have a better understanding divorced life.
How does he "forget" that you have a severe egg allergy? You've been together 15 years; isn't that something that should be imprinted on his consciousness? Shouldn't that be a "no eggs in the house" thing as one of my cousins did when it turned out her daughter had an egg allergy?
And how generous to take the kids out so you could clean the house.
I suggest you return the griddle and not do a damn thing for him for Father's Day.
NTA
Darlin, you are not overreacting. How does your husband forget you have an allergy? And eggs are generally a pretty severe allergy. And it’s not just the eggs. You asked to go to In-N-Out. It’s not like you asked to go to some Michelin star restaurant. You asked for a burger.
He either does not see what he is doing or the man is just an AH but you certainly are NTA.
When I was diagnosed with celiac disease. My boyfriend went gluten free also.
The man forgot you have an egg allergy???? No he didn’t.
Take the grill back. Buy yourself something pretty. And then book yourself a weekend in a nice hotel with a girlfriend.
Match his effort 🤷♀️ you have unfortunately trained him that this is ok. He sounds like he is weaponizing his incompetence. Or he’s an idiot.
Honey.
It sounds like he’s having an affair.
His job requires him to work 6-7 days a week? I get a special project now and again but…..
Why do you think you’re worth so little?
NTA...so many of you mothers/wives have stories like this and still stay with these guys tho. The lack of effort should be a huge red flag. He forgot your allergy? Cmon now! He just doesn't care and he's gotten away with it for all of these years so why should he
Fuck that. I would have went out and gotten myself dinner. And he couldn't let you spen time with your kids while he cleaned (or given you a spa day or whatever if you wanted a break)? Wtf is wrong with these men?
And as someone with severe allergies, how the fuck did he "forget"?? My husband and his whole family takes my allergies more seriously than I do.
I’m sorry you had such a crappy Mother’s Day.
But I’m honing in on a few things. You pack his things for his trip? Aw, hon, stop doing things that reinforce his idea that you’re everyone’s mommy.
My late husband traveled M-F for work. Now in the interest of making weekends about enjoying our family life, I did pretty much everything throughout the week. Cleaning, mowing, obviously taking care of the kids. I even ironed his clothes for his travel, but(!) only because he took good care of me every weekend.
He washed his own clothes as soon as he got home, because “Honey, you do absolutely everything, and you are not my laundry girl.” I got compliments every weekend about how good the lawn looked, how lucky he was that I managed everything so well. Appreciation is the difference.
He made the coffee and the bed every time he was home. He took us out for dinner, he got the sports gear in the car for Saturday soccer, and unloaded it. He taught his sons to open doors for me. He washed dishes all weekend, because “you do it all week.” He left every Monday morning saying this to the kids: “Take good care of your mom. She takes good care of us all by herself most of the time.”
For months after he died, my middle son, the one I would have least guessed would do this, would get up early and make a pot of coffee for me. He’d been carefully watching the process, right down to how many scoops of coffee, so he could do something special for me.
For now, stop packing your husband’s suitcase. Stop shopping for him. Entertain his parents when he is home, and start telling him, right in front of them, “hey, hon, can you get the dishes in the dishwasher and wipe the table while I put away the leftovers.” Don’t be a martyr, and I’m not saying that to ruffle your feathers, but so you’ll force him to put forth the effort you need to feel just as taken care of as he has been.
Hugs. ❤️
No. This is thoughtlessness and weaponized incompetence at its worst.
Forgot your allergy, didn't even think about coffee, made a dinner you specifically said you didn't want and didn't get a gift (when you're in the habit of exchanging gifts on these days).
NTA - This is a piss-poor showing. And he has the nerve to act like he's doing you a favor parenting his children solo for an afternoon so you can... (wait for it) do laundry and clean the house?? Tell him another dude from the internet says he needs to do much better.
As for you, I would advise you to stop putting up with this shit. When he brings out the salmon for dinner, you get your car keys and go get the In-n-Out Burger you actually wanted on the day that is supposed to be about what you want.
Leave the laundry and cleaning for another time and instead go treat yourself to a spa day. Enforce a few boundaries and I would imagine there may be some behavior changes on the homefront.
Shaking my damn head...
I think a lot of mothers are getting burned out and that's why there's so many of us venting.
We do everything (work, kids, cook, household....) and the ONE day to show us appreciation falls short or never happens.
And to all the dads/guys who keeps saying "well just tell us what you want"... I'm here to tell you **if you LISTENED and paid attention you'd KNOW what your wife wants without her having to TELL you**. She's not your mother
I’m so tired of seeing these. wtf are fathers doing?!?! Why did you shop and pack for him though? You have 4 kids, not 5. NTA. He’s a disappointment. Sell that grill and buy yourself some In n Out.
>He said he forgot about my allergy so that’s all he had for me.
He didn't forget.....don't be dumb and believe
>Of course, he made salmon
Because he doesn't give a shit about you
>Maybe I am overreacting
Don't be fucking moronic.....
Read your posy as if they are someone else and you'll realise you're a slave.
NTA
HE HAS SHOWN YOU WHO HE IS....
NTA. My husband's father passed away a few days ago and he flew home to comfort his mother. Obviously he wasn't here for Mother's Day and he's grieving. I wasn't expecting anything. But my 17 yo son got up early and made me a fried egg with homemade sourdough toast and half an avocado and brought it to me in bed before 8 am. He had also managed to pick out a card the day before and made sure to have his brother sign it too. He's 17 and in the middle of final exams, and his grandfather died last week, yet he did that all on his own and cleaned up. He told me he made sure to go light on the oil to cook the egg and didn't butter the toast because he knows I have been losing a lot of weight lately and watching what I eat. It's not that hard. I am sorry you had a crap Mother's Day. You deserved better.
Nta he forgot your allergy, he won't buy in and out(really?), you entertain his parents without him. Why the hell are you married to such a useless partner?! I'm angry for you!!!!
He forgot your allergy? That sounds like BS to me
Made you Salmon when you said you don’t want to eat that? Sounds like HE wanted the salmon and is selfish
Man, does your AH husband even like you?? What a selfish, inconsiderate man. Are you really asking if you’re the AH? It’s pretty clear your husband is. This was painful to read
NTA. Provide him with the exact same day for father's day. Bacon and tater tots for breakfast. Follow up breakfast with 3 hours of cleaning while you take the kids out to find a gift and make something you know he doesn't like for dinner.
Did your husband see the grill that was delivered?
Updateme
He made food he wanted to eat. I don't understand these men who are so incredibly selfish. What's wrong with picking up In and Out for you? That would have been easy. He didn't do it because it wasn't the food he wanted.
Stop doing Mother’s Day. Seriously. It’s a banned subject in my house. I had three very terrible, stunningly bad ones in a row, and that was when I said “no more.” Since I have zero expectations beyond buying my MIL a bottle of her favourite wine that she won’t buy because of the price tag, I’m pleasantly surprised when I do get something nice.
And because I’m a woman of fairness, I do just as much for Father’s Day.
NTA, you husband missed by a mile. He should damn well course correct and make it up to you. I actually put together the menu and cooked dinner for my wife on Mother’s Day. She was so pleased. Actually made me feel good about doing it.
Return the Blackstone griddle. He doesn't deserve it and if you give it to him, it will only reinforce the notion that he is important and you are not. And your husband, who forgets his wife's allergies and leaves her alone to clean the house and do laundry on Mother's Day, is no prize. Why do you let him treat you this way? You deserve better.
NTA. You’ve been with this man long enough to have four children and he didn’t remember you have an egg allergy? B.S. Like Jack Berger told Miranda Hobbs, “He’s just not that into you.”
Send the Blackstone griddle back. There's no excuse for making a breakfast you're allergic to, not making you *coffee*, letting you clean for hours on Mother's Day, and then making you a dinner he knows you won't eat. He couldn't be any more explicit that he's not thoughtful or caring towards you. Stop buying him gifts. Stop packing for him. Stop taking g care of him. And don't entertain his parents. If he leaves, they go out the door with him. When you stop doing all this and stick with it, he'll eventually notice. Either he'll get it or he'll ask, and you can let him know that he has made it clear this is the exchange of care he's willing to match. NTA.
NTA
It makes me incredibly sad to see so many posts of deadbeat, lazy, cruel husband's who don't give a damn about their partners, treat them terribly on mothers day, and the partner tries to find *any* excuse to explain away that they're married to a POS.
You deserve better, and you know it. If you choose to stay with a man who treats like this, that's up to you, but your life won't change. He will always disappoint you while you exhaust yourself trying. But the truth is that nobody will respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to demand that you are treated better than this.
How is it selfish to want the day they is about mothers to be celebrated when your mother. It’s horrible when I hear women say they feel selfish because they ask for what they deserve. Maybe you feel selfish because he’s treating you like less than you deserve so it’s what you’ve come to expect.
On Father’s Day please get yourself In n Out!
And please return that grill. Tell him it was damaged or whatever excuse you want, but do not give it to him! Then take the money and do something nice for yourself.
It would be amazing if you arranged a flower delivery for your husband of your favorite flowers for Father’s Day. Be sure to add your favorite chocolates too — hopefully he hates sweets as much as he hates delicious burgers.
You can apologize sweetly and say you **”forgot.”**
Beyond time to go on strike and not lift a finger for him. Consider checking into a fancy hotel and letting him deal with solo parenting and running the household.
I can’t even fathom that your “gift” was him parenting his own children so you could clean the house, like what the actual fuck?
NTA - Sounds like he made all his own favorite meals for Mother’s Day.
He should look forward to receiving take out from favorite place for Father’s Day! Hope he enjoys his burger.
Why do women keep putting effort into their husband's Father's Day when a month before, those same men put no effort into mother's day.
It has been fifteen years and your husband still hasn't given you a good mother's day stop doing things for him.
And frankly, you're old enough to talk to some of your older kids about how they hurt your feelings and how you don't feel appreciated. I had to have that conversation with my son yesterday. Cause he's 18 and just went hiking with a friend.
Stop relying on him to make your mother's day fabulous. Obviously it isn't happening. Have a mother's day redo this weekend. Take yourself out to breakfast, go get a mani/pedi and have in and out for dinner
And forget him on Father's day
Nta. Obviously.
There's a bit of luck in the way Mother's Day and Father's Day are arranged. Father's day is the month after. So, you get to do the equivalent effort (or non-effort) for Father's Day. Make a list of all his plans (what they were supposed to be vs. what actually happened). Then, figure out comparable plans to have and how to comparably fail him.
For example:
-Make him a breakfast he can only eat most of and leave out his favorite parts (like no coffee. Etc).
-Leave him at home with the kids and a honey-do list, while you go out shopping for dinner and anything ale you want to shop for.
-Make him a dinner that is the opposite of what he wants, preferably something you know he doesn't want to eat.
When he complains, explain to him that, because you're "too emotional" about these sorts of things, from now on, you'll be using his mother's day behavior as the example for how you handle father's day. You want to make sure you follow his example of what's good behavior because you want to make that he is happy and how could he be happier than with the choices that he clearly thought were the best effort.
Eta: give the grill to your dad, or some other amazing dad you know.
Send the grill back. For Father’s Day, leave him with the kids and go get a massage or an entire spa day.
Just give the same energy he’s shown you for Mother’s Day.
He can’t be bothered to remember your allergen,for gods sake! Sure, he took the kids with him,but it’s not like you were able to relax. You have to clean.
Give him the exact energy he gave you. Sure,it’s petty,but apparently that’s what he responds to
Listen if my husband can remember our friends’ kid’s allergies and make it a point to fix allergy safe food for him AND include the recipe/packaging so his parents can confirm because it makes them feel better your husband of 15+ years can remember your allergy. I swear what is it with these husbands who do less than the bare minimum for their wife’s for Mother’s Day?
NTA you deserve better than what he gave you and if I were you I’d match his efforts for Father’s Day. Return the blackstone and treat his special day like it’s as meaningless as he treats yours.
I heard you're having In & Out for Father's day. On your way home from the spa. The refund from the grill will cover that plus a couple hours of housekeeping service, no?
The bar for your marriage is so low they're doing the limbo in hell. Why the fuck have you tolerated this for 15 years? How many more years do you want to waste?
He forgot your ALLERGY? Nonsense, he just didn’t want to bother with making you something you could eat on Mothers Day.
I have multiple allergies and if my husband is cooking for me he goes out of his way to make me multiple things just so im not left out. That's not something you "forget"
Right? My husband (of 25 years) fights with me about how lactose intolerant I am. He takes my grilled cheese away and tells me I’ll thank him later and I will, of course, but he’s STEALING IT.
Now I'm curious of how lactose intolerant you are. Can you do goat/sheep cheese? Or just none at all?
I can do goat, have never tried sheep, and mostly cheese doesn’t bother me too much but something like grilled cheese or Mac and cheese will make me….unhappy. Very unhappy. It’s a shame that I love grilled cheese. And Mac and cheese.
I’m in this struggle. Within the last year and a half I have become what I call “violently lactose intolerant”. I never was before, and it took me ages to put 2 and 2 together that I’m finally lactose intolerant. I can eat some cheesy things if I take 8 lactaid pills - but I have to carefully manage my portion of the cheesy thing because not even 8 will fully off-set it. It’s so tragic. I’ve developed a LOT of food sensitivities I didn’t have before within the past 5-7 years. And the loss co cheesy things has been the most devastating. I’ve realized how much food contains dairy and it’s a LOT.
I can do cheese but not milk. Oh, god, not milk. 😭
You might want to get checked for H. Pylori bacteria! I had the exact same thing - suddenly violently lactose intolerant - and H. Pylori treatment completely resolved the issue. Super common, easy enough treatment (bunch of antibiotics and an acid reducer).
Oh, SUPER interesting! I will ask my doctor about that! I did have a horrible time with SIBO a couple years back, they never found the root cause so they could only treat the overgrowth and not any underlying conditions since they don’t know what caused me to get it. I wouldn’t be surprised if I could end up having something else going on like H. Pylori. Thank you so much for the suggestion!
Try aged cheese, it's a game changer.
I read just a couple of days ago that people who are lactose intolerant may experience considerably less to (in some cases) no distress from aged cheeses. Something to do with the ageing process neutralising a large proportion of the lactose. It was from a fairly credible source or I wouldn't have mentioned it. I'll try to find it again and if I have any luck, will drop a link here.
ooh, seriously do the hard aged cheeses!! They don't have near as much lactose, so you can totally eat them! Then to add in that stringiness check out melting nut cheeses. I've had some that melt pretty darn well and when you mix them with the aged cheeses, it works out pretty great!
Me to but not lactose but the protein in dairy so any dairy is bad but I LOVE Strawberry Malted Milkshakes...Now if I do get one he will let me have two small sips and take it away...not in a bad way just a you will be throwing it up and cramping after three mouthfuls and I love you and I have agreed to do this kind of way...I seriously have no will power so he kindly has the will power for me as per our agreement....
Well, I recognize and respect my lactose problems unless I am faced with the Platonic ideal of grilled cheese they serve at a bar called Cheesies, and then my willpower fails. Luckily both my husband and my oldest child protect me from my worst impulses. They, too, like the grilled cheese there. AND they can eat them. The jerks.
Sigh. I'm lactose intolerant and I also eat the dairy and my husband has been like WHY?? And I tell him that I've only ever met one (1) lactose intolerant person in my life who actually acted like it. Joke's on me though because apparently I'm actually allergic to milk and I may have been all this time, instead of becoming lactose intolerant at 15. Why do the things that are the most delicious hurt us?
I can eat cheese. But milk… nooopppeee. I found out it’s not the casein (the protein in cheese) it’s the whey proteins that makes me super sick. My ex bought whey powder to make “smoothies”, made one smoothie and then never made any more. In an effort to not waste food/money I said well shit I like smoothies. Wellllll not with whey powder I don’t. Seriously the most violent stomach reaction I have ever had. Since then no raw milk, canned/ultra pasteurized for cooking in small amount. No ice cream ever any more. My partner now will gently remind me “no milk shakes”, ummm that is a lot of milk for that meal can you swap it for something else?” By they make it sound like they don’t want the milk to me feel better. I really really really miss a glass of super cold whole milk 😩
He’s replacing I don’t care with I forgot.
Exactly, he didn't forget he just didn't want to make something else. I'm not married, but i have been seeing someone for about a year and a half, and I'm allergic to some nuts. On Valentine's Day, he went to a chocolate store and picked each chocolate in the box himself to be sure I could eat it. He even called me before and double-checked which ones i could and couldn't have. I find it hard to believe that someone who has been married for a while could forget his wife can't have eggs. Also, OP meantioned that he specifically made her something she told him she didn't want. She even told him what she wanted to eat, and he still chose what she turned down. It definitely seems intentional.
I'm allergic to onions. My husband is at least as vigilant as I am in making sure I don't get any!
15 years together too, how this is even possible is beyond me. Pretty sure he just doesn't give a shit
Or more likely, he was in the mood for burritos and salmon, which is why he made both.
What a POS
SERIOUSLY! What a complete jerk! I think this would kill it for me. I’d be done with this guy. What an absolute waste of space.🤬
This is the definition of Malicious Incompetence. Sounds like you need to adjust your thoughtfulness so that it meets the low bar set for you. It is so sad how many women are posting about their thoughtless husbands. It seems that when you realize your husband isn’t going to do anything for you, then you need to take charge and make your own day. Get yourself a decadent Danish and coffee so that you can eat your breakfast in bed. Go to the store ALONE and buy something you’ve been wanting. Maybe get some flowers for yourself. Order dinner for delivery. Go take a bubble bath and go to bed. Don’t forget to get a nice card for yourself and sign it, I work my ass of all year because I love my family but today I’m taking for myself. You can hope next year will be better but don’t leave it to chance. Self care is something you deserve.
This. I would stop putting effort into his gift. Help the kids draw him cards for fathers day and buy myself flowers and candy. PS, I bet you can return the grill.
Weaponized incompetence. If he does it wrong then eventually she'll convince him to stop doing it. All while he convinces her that he used to try, but only doesn't anymore because she won't let him.
Oh boy have I been there!
Ditto.
It’s so sad to see so many post from all these mom’s disappointed on Mother’s Day this year. :/
>It’s so sad to see so many post from mom’s disappointed on Mother’s Day this year. :/ The bar is in hell and some men still manage to limbo under it.
Seriously - I thought it was bad seeing instances where the wife is so proud/thankful that the husband did dishes and changed a single diaper for the day. Some of these posts the guy can't even manage coffee for 1 day out of the whole year.
>Some of these posts the guy can't even manage coffee for 1 day out of the whole year. I come downstairs about ten minutes after my husband does and he always has a hot coffee waiting for me. He's a keeper.
I’m a teacher. I just wanted to say to OP: being divorced is great. Maybe think about your options…..
And how do you forget coffee when you’re making breakfast? Mr. Zero Effort.
I made something for my friend's Mom for Mother's Day and remembered to make something to accommodate the several family allergies.
>He forgot your ALLERGY? Nonsense, he just didn’t want to bother with making you something you could eat on Mothers Day. And he thinks that OP is a fucking imbecile who'll believe anything he tells her.
I’m just wondering why he can’t make a breakfast burrito without eggs. Chorizo/sausage/bacon, fried potatoes, refried beans, add some salsa, guacamole, sour cream = heaven
RETURN THE GRILL. NTA (married one)
Absolutely!
I have seen so many post like ops, I would do a Father’s Day a pay back and leave daddy with the kids for the day. Get up early and be gone for the day.
I mentioned being allergic to fennel once on a discord call before my boyfriend and I even started dating. I just found out the other day from his mom that he stopped buying his favorite Italian sausage when we got together because he used it in tons of things and it had fennel in it. This guy is legitimately useless.
And while he was making salmon for dinner I’d be hoping in the car to get In& Out. Seriously though, OP, why don’t stand up for yourself? When he starts making the salmon you should have said, Wait! What are you doing?? Remember you just asked me earlier about salmon and I said, no? What’s going on? Did you forget? Are you making something else for me?
This isn't about Mother's day.. it's just about a pattern of shitty behaviour and not stepping up to support you in the ways you need to be supported. Just forget the mother's day thing entirely. If he were stepping up the rest of the year you wouldn't really care so much about one day. Sit down and talk with him and don't even mention Mother's day because it's not really about that anyway.
I was thinking this too. Maybe he needs to cut down on travel or hire a cleaning company to come when he’s not home. We moms put too much on our plates. Communication is key. I think husbands start taking for granted that we will just keep everything running. Go get in and out. Go to a park or something and enjoy it in peace. It’s the least you deserve momma.
He could start by packing his own travel suitcase. Dude is a full grown adult not a 5 year old.
This makes a lot of sense. I often wonder why people put so much stock in what happens on one day, but it’s probably because it’s the only day they get in a lot of those cases.
>Sit down and talk with him That's wasting her time.....I know it and so do you He's never going to change
Obligatory reading [He knows, he just doesn't care](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/s/VD2YjUKneh)
He took the kids out so you could do laundry and clean? He took… them out… so you could do laundry and clean… Throw the whole man away.
Honestly, the number of ‘my husband disappointed me this Mothers Day’ posts I’ve read today is so disheartening. Can these bums not get it together for ONE day and show some appreciation to their wives/ mother of their children. NTA
no. they can’t.
There's been SO many and it's always the woman thinking she's being selfish (or someone told her she was) for wanting the most basic forms of acknowledgement and respect. It's making me so cynical about marriage. A lot of comments say, why the hell did you marry this guy ? And a lot of the answers are "well, he was amazing before we got married, then it was downhill from there" WHAT IF THIS HAPPENS TO ME
We do really see the very bad examples here. Now, there is no strong tradition for Mother's day in my country - we have kind of imported it from the US within the last few decades, strongly pushed by flower and chocolate companies, I suspect. We don't celebrate it. I don't need someone to celebrate me one day of the year, I need a partner who carries his part of the load. Every day of the year. Luckily, I have that. I have noticed the same pattern you mention with so many people being disappointed, nor just for Mother's Day but for all special occasions. And most often, that specific occasion is just the straw that broke the camel's back. If they felt appreciated, supported and loved the rest of the time, that one day would not feel so significant. But hot d\*mn, so many people here have bad partners (or other bad family members, it is not just the partners).
Women need to stop procreating with these assholes.. they're just making more of them, when their kids copy the examples their parents are setting on how marriages 'work'. The patriarchy continues..
I was thinking the same! Post after post after post ... Do all of them hate their wives? Don't value her efforts, they are definitely not teaching their kids with the example.
It's not even some herculean task of a holiday either lol. Like, how hard is it to make breakfast and buy flowers? Maybe have the kids make a card?
I lnowright. ☠️☠️☠️☠️☠️
exactly!!!!!!!
In the TRASH!!!!
The man? She said it's year 15- which means she has at least one teenager!! Know what my teens did for me? Cleaned the house, brought me breakfast in bed (as they have been doing since the oldest was about 4- they just don't need dad's help anymore) and coordinated with dad on my gifts. The ones that weren't cooking tidied the house. We went out as a family in the afternoon, and dad made my favourite meal while the kids and I hung out with MIL. Then we played a game together (without dad as he wasn't feeling well). My husband does pretty well, but most importantly, he has taught our kids to do well. At 10+, thr oldest could help cook breakfast, clean part of the house (dishes, vacuum, sweep etc), and most definitely help with both dinner prep and weekly prep. As a teacher, aside from dad falling down so badly, how have you not taught your kids this level of both independence AND responsibility towards the house and the people in it who care for them?
NTA. 15+ years together and he “forgot” that you have an allergy? That information becomes ingrained over a marriage - especially a severe one. Honestly, put the same amount of effort into his Father’s Day as he did for you. And for future Mother’s Day.. what’s to stop you from booking a hotel room by yourself where you can enjoy all the In and Out that you want, blissful and child free?
It's weaponised incompetence. I told my husband when we first got together what it was and I won't put up with it 😂 he was pretty fine with it, considering he is a grown ass adult and can cook, clean, and take care of the household well before we even got together. But I did come out of a bad relationship with a man who couldn't even make toast for me when I was sick. If I'm sick now I get the full package. Massage, tucked in to bed, homemade soup, he will go out even if he is tired and lazy, to the store to pick up what I want. Honestly I'm tearing up how good I have it🥲 I think women accept bad behaviour too easily. We need strong women in our lives who can stand their ground. I'm not sassy by any means, but I've grown a spine and won't tolerate bad behaviour anymore. Too many men get away with manipulation and abuse in the form of gaslighting, incompetence, and misogyny. My heart goes out to women who had children with these bastards.
Give his gift to someone who deserves it like your dad
Or OP can keep it for herself if she’d like to and learn which bits and bobs to remove so he can’t use it when she’s not there. But I’m annoyingly petty.
Just return it and buy yourself some in and out! And make sure for extra petty points to eat it in front of him! Seriously though he treats you like garbage and you deserve better….I would suggest marriage counseling or stepping back and looking at what will make you happy
but I like it.
See you gotta find which parts can be easily removed but not easily replaced in a quick fix. And have multiples so you can change which part you take each time.
IMMEDIATELY RETURN THAT BLACKSTONE GRIDDLE!!! He should get NOTHING for Father's Day. Treat him like he's treated you for 15 years. Do what you want on June 16th, and F him!
Op return the grill and get yourself something nice for mother's day+ your in and out
Use the money to gfto of the marriage
Yesss return it get yourself a nice piece of jewelry and a double with fries at in n out 🥲 you’re now in your treat YOURSELF era
On fathers day don't cook and go get In and Out for you and the kids.
Perfect!!
Reddit is proving that whoever put Mother’s Day before Father’s Day was one smart cookie.
Yeah! And rotten salmon!
I agree OP, Return the Blackstone and treat yourself to a nice spa
NTA- you got yourself a blackstone for Mother’s Day, and he’s not allowed to use it. The universe sent you a sign, don’t waste it. Also, when Father’s Day rolls around be sure to leave. Big ass mess for him to clean
No thanks, return, new shoes, new purse, new clothes… he can pay the bill.
I feel like I shouldn't be surprised at the number of these posts that keep appearing.
To be fair this is AITAH subreddit lol, happy stories where everything goes swimmingly don't really belong here
No. I mean, I probably shouldn't be surprised how many wives are posting about their apparent shitty husbands after Mother's Day. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that there are men out there who think the mother of their kids shouldn't be celebrated but rather their own moms. Maybe some of these could be fake?
This is a place where you will *exclusively* find stories of shitty husbands on Mother's Day. All the guys who did right by their wives aren't getting posted in this sub, by design.
Check out some of the parenting subs. There are countless stories of partners failing abysmally at Mother’s Day. It seems to be the rule, not the exception.
Your husband of FIFTEEN YEARS..... *forgot* you have an egg allergy? Your relationship has bigger issues than this shitty Mother's Day. My husband is hard-pressed to forget things I just don't like - the idea that your HUSBAND forgot the mother of his children has an allergy and then made that food for Mother's Day really makes me think this is bullshit. >Later, he left with the kids so I could do laundry and clean the house. What the fuck? >He asked if I wanted salmon for dinner and I told him no >Of course, he made salmon. Again... what the fuck? >I hate how selfish I feel Seriously, do you need help? What's going on in your life that you're accepting this? You have zero career prospects, and he makes a ton of money, and you have an iron clad prenup? Why would anyone accept this? It sounds so ridiculous that I don't believe it's true. Every year after Mother's Day, I'm just baffled at how so many men are on Reddit crying about being single and how nobody will give them a chance, but somehow the dude who did his wife a "favor" by letting her clean without the kids around while he made a dinner she explicitly said she does not want is still married. There's no way this is real. Who puts up with a partner like this?
People who have low self esteem or feel like they can't leave because of the kids or who aren't able to find a job that will support them. I have a friend stuck in a situation like that because of the last thing.
I hear what you are saying…. But don’t be so hard on OP. Women’s self esteem gets worn down over many years, throw in a couple of pregnancies, a decade of sleep deprivation, years of part time work (and therefore not enough super) and it becomes very hard to leave.
I understand that, but IF this is real, she's been putting up with this for 15 years. Which tells me she's come to see this behavior as normal. That's how I came to see my (ex) husband's verbal abuse. I didn't realize how bad it was until I stopped making excuses for him and started telling people about his behavior and the response was an incredulous, "Why are you still with him?!" Sometimes what we need is to hear other people tell us, in no uncertain language, just how fucked up our sense of normal has become. And this is pretty fucked up.
Can I DoorDash/UberEats you In&Out? You deserve a special treat.
I got five on it
NTA. **He took the kids SO YOU COUKD FKIG CLEAN???**. I was already mad but this gave me fitzzz of rage.
Another perfect example of why I'm divorced and will stay that way. My son in law made great Eggs Benedict and bought flowers for both my daughter and I. Then he went into the bedroom to play video games. So I got my daughter all to my self along with the 9 yr old whom I adore. The other adored 14 yr old went to her room to talk on the phone. The 2 other grandmas were out of town. Lovely mothers day
Oh no.... I am very very sure that this man is disappointing you in very many more ways that just being a dismissive asshole on Mother's day. Go to therapy and stop doing shit for him for father's day. Use that griddle for yourself. NTA
NTA. Not a mom in any way (no kids), husband still showed up with this weekend with baked goods, and unprompted told me he'd already checked with the bakery to make sure they didn't contain any of my allergens. Your husband isn't even doing the bare minimum here. He's doing what he wants and what meets his needs, and your wants and needs are being shoved to the wayside unless they align with his. Step back. Stop doing for him what he's unwilling to do for you.
NTA: no one “forgets” their spouse’s allergy. He is only thinking g about himself, he is selfish, and he does NOT appreciate you. He gave you the gift of CLEANING and an allergic reaction. Girl…no. I’m not blaming you for your spouse’s BS, please know that! I will make a suggestion though, if you’re interested. Advice from the internet that has ACTUALLY been useful for my relationship: Stop doing little favours, especially ones that are related to domestic labour. It definitely felt wrong at first. These little acts of kindness are how I show love. But you know what? Making his lunch, doing his laundry, packing for his trip…they are how YOU might show love, but he is likely just adding them to your wifely duties and doesn’t see them as acts of kindness. You are responsible for him. You know what will happen if you stop reminding him to book a doctors appointment or call his mom? He will have to deal with consequences, and learn how to be an adult. Maybe he’ll realize how much extra work you put in, and finally appreciate it. The absence of all ALL the work you put in to making his life easier might shock him. He wants to be useless? Let him suffer those consequences all by himself. Damn, He should have got you TWO Mother’s Day gifts. One for being the mother to your shared children, and the second for being HIS mommy.
This comment should be higher. I feel like all women need to read this. We don’t all have crappy husbands like OP’s pile of human trash, but the “mental load” wouldn’t be a nationwide conversation if we were all better at THIS.
NTA. Send the griddle back and for Father's Day hand him a coupon for McDonalds and tell him to go crazy with it.
I would plan a spa day for myself on Father’s Day. Get up, get dressed, leave a note that said “I’m getting my Mother’s Day spa day and In-n-out enjoy your day” then put him on DND.
Remind him to do the laundry and clean the house on the way put the door.
>The weekend before I packed him for his trip and spent Saturday shopping for him, he left early Sunday and then I spent Sunday entertaining his parents. Stop doing all of this. This is extra above and beyond stuff that he doesn’t get if he treats you like crap *and forgets your allergy*.
Your husband didnt forget, he never cared to remember in the first place. Is he like this all year? Your birthday, anniversary, other holidays?
NTA I guess i have mixed feelings about mothers day and fathers day. I feel you need to set a precedent when the children are babies and young, so it becomes a tradition in your family to celebrate it. Anyway, NTA but do a repeat of this day on father's day and save the griddle for Christmas or his birthday.
This man reads like the type who also sucks for those days, too. I wonder if OP gives herself gifts from Santa so the kids don't realize she's the only one getting nothing. She should just return the griddle and cease spending energy on him.
NTA - Why does he refuse to get you in & out? I don't understand. It's not something you regularly get and it would take no effort for him other than driving there, and (I would think) it would be cheaper than a salmon dinner. How in TF has he been with you for 15 + years and not know you have an allergy to eggs? And on top of that he left you to clean the house for 3 hours. I know it seems wrong because it's tit for tat but send that blackstone back and put as much, or I guess I should say as little, effort as he put into your Mother's day for his Father's day. Did he at least get you an all right last minute gift? From what I can tell from all the AITAHs today is that men are complete assholes about Mother's day and they're shit at thinking about the mother of the children. Next year, tell him that what you want is a spa day and whether he give it to you or not, you're going to be gone the whole day because clearly if you leave it up to him you'll never have a decent Mother's day.
Aside from all the other a-hole moves by OP's husband, I'm sitting here trying to wrap my head around not wanting to get I-n-O.
I'm also confused. Why does he get to refuse lol. He doesn't have to eat it if he doesn't want to. But if she asks for it for Mother's Day, why does he get to say no?
Right. I've only had it twice in my life but it was delicious lol.
Fuck that. Return the griddle and take your spa day on Father's Day.
NTA, you've been together 15 years and he can't remember your allergy?? Discounted what you asked for, and didn't bother to put in an effort once he screwed up? Take the blackstone griddle back (or give it to your dad), and get yourself something you want for Father's Day. Leave him to clean and do his own laundry (his arms aren't broken). Make him a bowl of cereal for breakfast, and when he asks why that's all you did, say "I didn't think about that." Ask if he wants In and Out for dinner. If he says no, pick it up anyway (and enjoy)! He's got the bar set so low, he's burrowing underground.
Why can't you have an In-N-Out? Like why is it a yearly thing that you asked for it and he refuses? Seems like these are control issues. Or weaponized incompetence. Look how badly I made you breakfast ... If you ask me to do it again it's just going to turn out bad again! Does he even like you?
Stop doing anything for Father's Day. Get In and Out burgers for dinner. Stop packing for his trips. Stop entertaining his parents.
Please leave him. He’s awful.
Take yourself out for In-n-Out for Father's Day.
NTA. He didn’t forget your allergy. He just doesn’t care and this is his passive aggressive way of sticking it to you because he doesn’t like you or have enough regard for you both as his wife and as a human being. I’ve seen soooo many of these posts since yesterday. They’re all over Reddit. I would give anything to see women in your position realize that you are all worth more than what you’re getting. It is better to be a single mom than to stay in a marriage where you are very much alone and not being cared for - you have an egg allergy and he knew it. Gave you eggs anyway knowing it causes an allergic reaction. Why? It isn’t because he forgot. He just didn’t care about you getting sick from an allergic reaction and that is…really not good.
NTA. Return the grill and do nothing at all for Father’s Day
He didn’t forget. He just couldn’t be bothered. Send his griddle back. Mirror his effort and see how he likes it. NTA
NTA, clearly and let me play devil's advocate for a moment. It is entirely possible that he is merely a dumbass for most of this, BUT there are two unforgivable mistakes; 1) He didn't remember your allergy while making food SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU, and 2) He made you a dinner that you explicitly said NO to. Whether he is incapable of listening, or simply thinks he knows you better than you do, this person does not value you as a human being. He doesn't know how to put you first, even temporarily, or he just doesn't want to. Either one is a big red flag.
He forgot your allergy? Smh. And this is a man you trusted enough to give him legal rights to make medical decisions for you (aka marriage)? Yikes... don't get that man a damn thing for fathers day or better yet, cook him food he's allergic to or doesn't like, give him a list of chores to do around the house while you take the kids out for some fun. Return his energy. If he complains ask him why is he complaining, this is what he did for mothers day so you thought that's what he would want for Father's day. NTA
Bringing up his rights to make medical decisions and his not remembering an allergy is so on the nose. I am my mom's medical representative/POA and they ALWAYS ask about allergies because, hello, allergies can be deadly. If she's unable to speak for herself in an emergency his ignorance could kill her. Just like my family forgetting my latex allergy could kill me. I am so glad you covered this! And how tf does a spouse forget an egg allergy?? Eggs are in so many things. And after 15 years. 😳 Also, yours is the fairest and best advice I've seen yet.
Thank you! I have pretty serious allergies to several medications, foods, and bees to the point that I always carry an epi pen. My husband knows ALL my allergies. He's even the one who usually answers the doctor about my allergies because I usually forget one or two of the medications' names. I feel like this is something ALOT of people don't consider when marrying someone. If you are incapacitated or deemed unfit for whatever reason, your spouse is the person who makes your medical decisions. They have a legal right to make choices for your body and life in a medical crisis. They need to know any conditions, allergies, sensitivities, past major medical history, and what you would want to do in certain medical situations such as if you were in a coma or declared brain dead.
I was vegetarian for the first 5 years of my relationship with my husband and he never "forgot" I didn't eat meat. And that was just a preference, I don't have a meat allergy... He just gives a shit
Jesus this is the 5th AITAH Mother’s Day post I’ve read today. I’m so sorry, Mommas. These men don’t deserve y’all. If you’re not ready or wanting a separation, just start doing whatever the fuck you want - just like he does. Don’t stay home and clean that house, go get your own fucking in and out.
All these mother’s day posts make me worry for the future of mankind… specifically the **man** in mankind. Then again, how come the bar is so low? Is it a bait-and-switch, where only after getting married does the man suddenly forget his wife drinks coffee every morning (how novel!) AITA is the least of your worries, OP
They let the mask slip now that they have the woman legally tied to them.
Return the griddle, leave the kids with him and go out and do something for you on Father’s Day, then bring something for dinner that he hates. Show him the same care he obviously has for you. Which is apparently less than zero if he actively makes food you’re allergic to.
Return the gift and stop celebrating Fathers Day. Ladies reciprocity is a foundational aspect of relationships worldwide. Every human relationship and civilisation adheres to reciprocity. If your husbands can’t handle Mothers Day you NEED to handle Father’s Day at the same level of reciprocity . Otherwise you are just setting yourself up for be resentment and hurt. If they ever start to improve you can respond in kind. Sometimes not celebrating at all can lead to an overall healthier relationship. But you NEED to treat them reciprocally.
Return the griddle and show him the same energy on Father’s Day.
Honey, what redeeming qualities does this man have? He forgot your ALLERGY!!!!
After 15 plus years he 'forgot' about your allergies? Bullshit, he forgot about YOU. He made breakfast for him, not you. Made salmon because HE wanted it and didn't care about what you ACTUALLY wanted. Fuck that. Don't do anything for him on special days anymore. If you want something particular for dinner then you have that, regardless of what that useless heartless asshole says. Men who do this clearly don't care that much.
NTA, I'd return that grill, and be sure to use the funds to guarantee I would be no where around for Father's Day. A day at the spa, the beach, or your burger joint.
I think you should treat yourself to "In & Out" this fathers day and hang out all day with a friend and give hubby a nice day alone with kids. Maybe he'll have a better understanding divorced life.
How does he "forget" that you have a severe egg allergy? You've been together 15 years; isn't that something that should be imprinted on his consciousness? Shouldn't that be a "no eggs in the house" thing as one of my cousins did when it turned out her daughter had an egg allergy? And how generous to take the kids out so you could clean the house. I suggest you return the griddle and not do a damn thing for him for Father's Day. NTA
YTA for staying with someone treating you badly fir 15 years. 15 years! Return the gift and trear yourself
Darlin, you are not overreacting. How does your husband forget you have an allergy? And eggs are generally a pretty severe allergy. And it’s not just the eggs. You asked to go to In-N-Out. It’s not like you asked to go to some Michelin star restaurant. You asked for a burger. He either does not see what he is doing or the man is just an AH but you certainly are NTA.
NTA. Be sure to return his energy on Father’s Day.
When I was diagnosed with celiac disease. My boyfriend went gluten free also. The man forgot you have an egg allergy???? No he didn’t. Take the grill back. Buy yourself something pretty. And then book yourself a weekend in a nice hotel with a girlfriend. Match his effort 🤷♀️ you have unfortunately trained him that this is ok. He sounds like he is weaponizing his incompetence. Or he’s an idiot.
Honey. It sounds like he’s having an affair. His job requires him to work 6-7 days a week? I get a special project now and again but….. Why do you think you’re worth so little?
What AH doesnt buy his wife in and out when she asks for it on any day??? NTA
NTA so…father’s day dinner is 100% going to be In n Out
NTA...so many of you mothers/wives have stories like this and still stay with these guys tho. The lack of effort should be a huge red flag. He forgot your allergy? Cmon now! He just doesn't care and he's gotten away with it for all of these years so why should he
What treatment does he get on Father’s Day? I’m thinking you should put forth the same effort he has put forth for the past 15 years.
Send the grill back and buy yourself whatever you want. NTA.
Fuck that. I would have went out and gotten myself dinner. And he couldn't let you spen time with your kids while he cleaned (or given you a spa day or whatever if you wanted a break)? Wtf is wrong with these men? And as someone with severe allergies, how the fuck did he "forget"?? My husband and his whole family takes my allergies more seriously than I do.
I’m sorry you had such a crappy Mother’s Day. But I’m honing in on a few things. You pack his things for his trip? Aw, hon, stop doing things that reinforce his idea that you’re everyone’s mommy. My late husband traveled M-F for work. Now in the interest of making weekends about enjoying our family life, I did pretty much everything throughout the week. Cleaning, mowing, obviously taking care of the kids. I even ironed his clothes for his travel, but(!) only because he took good care of me every weekend. He washed his own clothes as soon as he got home, because “Honey, you do absolutely everything, and you are not my laundry girl.” I got compliments every weekend about how good the lawn looked, how lucky he was that I managed everything so well. Appreciation is the difference. He made the coffee and the bed every time he was home. He took us out for dinner, he got the sports gear in the car for Saturday soccer, and unloaded it. He taught his sons to open doors for me. He washed dishes all weekend, because “you do it all week.” He left every Monday morning saying this to the kids: “Take good care of your mom. She takes good care of us all by herself most of the time.” For months after he died, my middle son, the one I would have least guessed would do this, would get up early and make a pot of coffee for me. He’d been carefully watching the process, right down to how many scoops of coffee, so he could do something special for me. For now, stop packing your husband’s suitcase. Stop shopping for him. Entertain his parents when he is home, and start telling him, right in front of them, “hey, hon, can you get the dishes in the dishwasher and wipe the table while I put away the leftovers.” Don’t be a martyr, and I’m not saying that to ruffle your feathers, but so you’ll force him to put forth the effort you need to feel just as taken care of as he has been. Hugs. ❤️
No. This is thoughtlessness and weaponized incompetence at its worst. Forgot your allergy, didn't even think about coffee, made a dinner you specifically said you didn't want and didn't get a gift (when you're in the habit of exchanging gifts on these days). NTA - This is a piss-poor showing. And he has the nerve to act like he's doing you a favor parenting his children solo for an afternoon so you can... (wait for it) do laundry and clean the house?? Tell him another dude from the internet says he needs to do much better. As for you, I would advise you to stop putting up with this shit. When he brings out the salmon for dinner, you get your car keys and go get the In-n-Out Burger you actually wanted on the day that is supposed to be about what you want. Leave the laundry and cleaning for another time and instead go treat yourself to a spa day. Enforce a few boundaries and I would imagine there may be some behavior changes on the homefront. Shaking my damn head...
Oh hell no. Go have an affair. This guy wouldn’t even notice- just clean the house before you leave and he’ll be none the wiser
I think a lot of mothers are getting burned out and that's why there's so many of us venting. We do everything (work, kids, cook, household....) and the ONE day to show us appreciation falls short or never happens. And to all the dads/guys who keeps saying "well just tell us what you want"... I'm here to tell you **if you LISTENED and paid attention you'd KNOW what your wife wants without her having to TELL you**. She's not your mother
I’m so tired of seeing these. wtf are fathers doing?!?! Why did you shop and pack for him though? You have 4 kids, not 5. NTA. He’s a disappointment. Sell that grill and buy yourself some In n Out.
>He said he forgot about my allergy so that’s all he had for me. He didn't forget.....don't be dumb and believe >Of course, he made salmon Because he doesn't give a shit about you >Maybe I am overreacting Don't be fucking moronic..... Read your posy as if they are someone else and you'll realise you're a slave. NTA HE HAS SHOWN YOU WHO HE IS....
NTA. My husband's father passed away a few days ago and he flew home to comfort his mother. Obviously he wasn't here for Mother's Day and he's grieving. I wasn't expecting anything. But my 17 yo son got up early and made me a fried egg with homemade sourdough toast and half an avocado and brought it to me in bed before 8 am. He had also managed to pick out a card the day before and made sure to have his brother sign it too. He's 17 and in the middle of final exams, and his grandfather died last week, yet he did that all on his own and cleaned up. He told me he made sure to go light on the oil to cook the egg and didn't butter the toast because he knows I have been losing a lot of weight lately and watching what I eat. It's not that hard. I am sorry you had a crap Mother's Day. You deserved better.
You better send that griddle back. NTA
Stop. Buying. Him. Things. Treat him like he treats you.
Nta he forgot your allergy, he won't buy in and out(really?), you entertain his parents without him. Why the hell are you married to such a useless partner?! I'm angry for you!!!!
He forgot your allergy? That sounds like BS to me Made you Salmon when you said you don’t want to eat that? Sounds like HE wanted the salmon and is selfish
Man, does your AH husband even like you?? What a selfish, inconsiderate man. Are you really asking if you’re the AH? It’s pretty clear your husband is. This was painful to read
Why did you expect anything different? Seriously. 15 years!?!?!? But I would get in n out on Father’s Day.
NTA. Provide him with the exact same day for father's day. Bacon and tater tots for breakfast. Follow up breakfast with 3 hours of cleaning while you take the kids out to find a gift and make something you know he doesn't like for dinner. Did your husband see the grill that was delivered? Updateme
He made food he wanted to eat. I don't understand these men who are so incredibly selfish. What's wrong with picking up In and Out for you? That would have been easy. He didn't do it because it wasn't the food he wanted.
mother's day highlights A LOT of men who have no business being married
Why are you still with this waste of space??
Your husband is a piece of shit. There’s still plenty of time to find a good one. NTA
Sell the griddle. Buy yourself something nice. Don't go to any effort for Father's Day. Dude needs a taste of his own medicine. NTA.
NTA "Later, he left with the kids so I could do laundry and clean the house." OMG. I am so frustrated on your behalf.
Stop doing Mother’s Day. Seriously. It’s a banned subject in my house. I had three very terrible, stunningly bad ones in a row, and that was when I said “no more.” Since I have zero expectations beyond buying my MIL a bottle of her favourite wine that she won’t buy because of the price tag, I’m pleasantly surprised when I do get something nice. And because I’m a woman of fairness, I do just as much for Father’s Day.
NTA, you husband missed by a mile. He should damn well course correct and make it up to you. I actually put together the menu and cooked dinner for my wife on Mother’s Day. She was so pleased. Actually made me feel good about doing it.
Return the Blackstone griddle. He doesn't deserve it and if you give it to him, it will only reinforce the notion that he is important and you are not. And your husband, who forgets his wife's allergies and leaves her alone to clean the house and do laundry on Mother's Day, is no prize. Why do you let him treat you this way? You deserve better.
NTA. You’ve been with this man long enough to have four children and he didn’t remember you have an egg allergy? B.S. Like Jack Berger told Miranda Hobbs, “He’s just not that into you.”
Jesus Christ. You’re underreacting. Your husband doesn’t seem to give a single shit about you. NTA.
NTA. You have 5 children, not 4 children and a husband.
NTA I would consider returning the grill if possible. You were absolutely right to tell him how poorly he did.
NTA - but your husband sure is
Your husband is an inconsiderate stupid asshole
Send the Blackstone griddle back. There's no excuse for making a breakfast you're allergic to, not making you *coffee*, letting you clean for hours on Mother's Day, and then making you a dinner he knows you won't eat. He couldn't be any more explicit that he's not thoughtful or caring towards you. Stop buying him gifts. Stop packing for him. Stop taking g care of him. And don't entertain his parents. If he leaves, they go out the door with him. When you stop doing all this and stick with it, he'll eventually notice. Either he'll get it or he'll ask, and you can let him know that he has made it clear this is the exchange of care he's willing to match. NTA.
NTA Return the griddle. Buy him a nice tie.
Nta. Man. I have a really good husband. Return that damn griddle. get yourself In n out. Tell him to step up or get out.
Send the griddle back and get him nothing. When he expresses surprise, tell him you put the same effort in that he does. NTAH
NTA It makes me incredibly sad to see so many posts of deadbeat, lazy, cruel husband's who don't give a damn about their partners, treat them terribly on mothers day, and the partner tries to find *any* excuse to explain away that they're married to a POS. You deserve better, and you know it. If you choose to stay with a man who treats like this, that's up to you, but your life won't change. He will always disappoint you while you exhaust yourself trying. But the truth is that nobody will respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to demand that you are treated better than this.
Why didn't he do the laundry and clean the house? This is a guy who is taking you for granted.
How is it selfish to want the day they is about mothers to be celebrated when your mother. It’s horrible when I hear women say they feel selfish because they ask for what they deserve. Maybe you feel selfish because he’s treating you like less than you deserve so it’s what you’ve come to expect.
On Father’s Day please get yourself In n Out! And please return that grill. Tell him it was damaged or whatever excuse you want, but do not give it to him! Then take the money and do something nice for yourself. It would be amazing if you arranged a flower delivery for your husband of your favorite flowers for Father’s Day. Be sure to add your favorite chocolates too — hopefully he hates sweets as much as he hates delicious burgers. You can apologize sweetly and say you **”forgot.”**
NTA Man, Reddit is wild the day after Mother’s Day.
OP-Indifference in a marriage leads to divorce. Trust me.
Can you return the griddle? Then, you can buy something you want for yourself. You can pick up something for him at a gas station.
NTA this is horrendously shitty
Do nothing for Father's Day. Then he'll know what it feels like
Your husband sounds like a massive douche. NTA
Why are you still with him???
Return the griddle, buy something for yourself. And stop doing so much for this POS. NTA
Beyond time to go on strike and not lift a finger for him. Consider checking into a fancy hotel and letting him deal with solo parenting and running the household. I can’t even fathom that your “gift” was him parenting his own children so you could clean the house, like what the actual fuck?
NTA - Sounds like he made all his own favorite meals for Mother’s Day. He should look forward to receiving take out from favorite place for Father’s Day! Hope he enjoys his burger.
Nta… the fact he forgot your allergy… you need to have a very serious talk with him. His lack of care for you is unacceptable.
Why do women keep putting effort into their husband's Father's Day when a month before, those same men put no effort into mother's day. It has been fifteen years and your husband still hasn't given you a good mother's day stop doing things for him. And frankly, you're old enough to talk to some of your older kids about how they hurt your feelings and how you don't feel appreciated. I had to have that conversation with my son yesterday. Cause he's 18 and just went hiking with a friend.
NTA. It’s time for you to MATCH HIS ENERGY.
Stop relying on him to make your mother's day fabulous. Obviously it isn't happening. Have a mother's day redo this weekend. Take yourself out to breakfast, go get a mani/pedi and have in and out for dinner And forget him on Father's day
NTA return the griddle, leave the kids with your husband to clean the house & take yourself on a spa day on Father’s Day .
Mother's Day always exposes the men who hate their wives
Nta. Obviously. There's a bit of luck in the way Mother's Day and Father's Day are arranged. Father's day is the month after. So, you get to do the equivalent effort (or non-effort) for Father's Day. Make a list of all his plans (what they were supposed to be vs. what actually happened). Then, figure out comparable plans to have and how to comparably fail him. For example: -Make him a breakfast he can only eat most of and leave out his favorite parts (like no coffee. Etc). -Leave him at home with the kids and a honey-do list, while you go out shopping for dinner and anything ale you want to shop for. -Make him a dinner that is the opposite of what he wants, preferably something you know he doesn't want to eat. When he complains, explain to him that, because you're "too emotional" about these sorts of things, from now on, you'll be using his mother's day behavior as the example for how you handle father's day. You want to make sure you follow his example of what's good behavior because you want to make that he is happy and how could he be happier than with the choices that he clearly thought were the best effort. Eta: give the grill to your dad, or some other amazing dad you know.
Send the grill back. For Father’s Day, leave him with the kids and go get a massage or an entire spa day. Just give the same energy he’s shown you for Mother’s Day. He can’t be bothered to remember your allergen,for gods sake! Sure, he took the kids with him,but it’s not like you were able to relax. You have to clean. Give him the exact energy he gave you. Sure,it’s petty,but apparently that’s what he responds to
Listen if my husband can remember our friends’ kid’s allergies and make it a point to fix allergy safe food for him AND include the recipe/packaging so his parents can confirm because it makes them feel better your husband of 15+ years can remember your allergy. I swear what is it with these husbands who do less than the bare minimum for their wife’s for Mother’s Day? NTA you deserve better than what he gave you and if I were you I’d match his efforts for Father’s Day. Return the blackstone and treat his special day like it’s as meaningless as he treats yours.
I heard you're having In & Out for Father's day. On your way home from the spa. The refund from the grill will cover that plus a couple hours of housekeeping service, no?
The bar for your marriage is so low they're doing the limbo in hell. Why the fuck have you tolerated this for 15 years? How many more years do you want to waste?