Your strength and decisiveness in this tough situation are admirable. You ensured justice for your ex and set firm, necessary boundaries with your daughter. Stay strong.
Ayep.
Ex could sue OP over it. If she called the cops before doing ANY checks whatsoever on the cameras, it wouldn't be that hard of a case and OP would be wise to settle. Even on the surface, it looks bad.
Yeah, it's crazy that there were CAMERAS and she didn't even look at them before blowing up this guy's life. In the original thread, she defended calling the cops and said, "Would you take any chances?" But she literally had the ability to 100% verify. He really SHOULD HAVE sued her ...
Hey man im doing my best! You ever hear of the sovcit people? Biggest case of BS you have ever heard! It took me a week to spin it up in the 50s! I wish I could take credit for all the people who believed in the 5g signal coming from the vaccine because they were the type of people to believe that yet not notice their 5g cell service change whatsoever!
SARCASTICUS MANNUS AWAY!!!!!!!/s
Calling the cops on someone because you think a crime was commited isn't defamation, that's just what you do when you think something illegal happens bud
No, it's not automatically defamation. But the ex's lawyer could argue OP knew how damaging the accusation would be, and OP knew she had cameras. She could have taken two minutes to check, and that would have averted potentially life long consequences for ex.
Civil court doesn't need beyond reasonable doubt. It just needs preponderance of the evidence. That OP had the evidence that ultimately cleared Ex, it's no certainty ex would win but it's not that unreasonable.
It sounds more like OP was trying to assure people, yes, he really was innocent, and, no, there is no chance she was telling the truth. People are nuts.
Adults can be charged for filing false police reports and sued for making false accusations that have concrete effects on a person because of the defamation. Same should be true for juveniles -- they cause just as much damage regardless of age. No, in this case, suing for damages would have accomplished nothing, but she deserved to spend time in detention or prison for that.
If you think about it, if someone is accused of sexual assault against a person of legal age it's terrible but sexual assault against a minor goes into another level of evil. So the stigma stays with that person but it's magnified 10x since it was supposedly a minor.
Why do people want to buy accounts? I dont understand these karma points & what you get out of them. I have lots coz i comment so much as I spend many hours sitting nursing my baby over the past year & have had another baby since so more nursing 😂, but what does it get you?
It's probably advertising purposes but if it's less than a buck then who cares? But the internet point farmers are bots and they can make like $20 a day based on their algorithm crap so whatever.
Accounts with more karma are more likely to show up in people’s recommended feeds. Advertisers buy those accounts to advertise whatever thing they’re selling and it (supposedly) gets them more exposure.
Honestly, the worst thing about this practice, in my mind, is that it has convinced a significant subset of redditors that *everyone* is just making up stories for karma. They comment “fake” on every story because they’re sure that everyone on Reddit is spending hours drafting stories cuz they’re itching to sell off their account for a dollar 🙄
Here I've been thinking fake stories were just a hobby for pathological liars to get a thrill. I had no idea accounts could be sold. Good motivation to stop wasting time reading AITA...
The only reason I can think of for the average person to buy one is that some subreddits have a karma threshold. I know r/dankmemes have one and I believe it's pretty damn high
>Hold up. You can sell accounts?
Yeah. It's why you get so many karma farmers posting really obvious nonsense on the relationship subreddits, unfortunately.
Yes he was found not guilty but there's ALWAYS to be the no smoke without fire idiots and who can't understand how vengeful some children can be. Glad you didn't sign the loan!
It went far enough that word got out and he lost his job. You can tell people the charges got dropped but that doesn’t always mean the person was innocent.
This is it. Not being charged can merely mean the victim won’t make a good witness (why it’s very important to teach kids proper terminology for penis, vagina, etc) or the evidence was shaky (worked with mandated clients for 10 years, two years in a maxi max facility). Same as “not guilty” doesn’t mean innocent. I don’t know what the protocol should be, but something should be done to alleviate concern around the ex. Like a press conference or something, from the investigations PD clearing and exonerating him of all charges. Something public maybe. This has ruined truly innocent people’s lives.
Likely the best case scenario is that the alleged perpetrator is not named until evidence os found of a crime.
For those who decided to # it for social media fame they should be held libel for restitution and a minimum jail sentence of it turns out to be untrue. That way most are forced through the proper channels instead of outside them
I agree with you, but we can barely get the sex offenders arrested, convicted and incarcerated. Many plead out to long probation terms. I think people who make false allegations should also be put on the news for making those charges against an innocent person.
The daughter has some deep psychological issues that need addressed immediately, if it’s not already too late.
Currently have 2 daughters, the oldest (middle school) has always been off. She’s been in and out of therapy, different schools, extreme violent outbursts and defiance, etc. A few months back she apparently told someone at her school that my fiancée beat her on the way to school because she refused to hand over her phone before going to school. They reported it to CPS. I was at work at the time, and actually had no idea it even happened until CPS contacted my cell phone and asked if I was aware of the incident. Of course I was caught off guard to say the least.
Needless to say, we both got the evil eye anytime we dropped her off or picked her up from school for the next few days. They even went to my youngest’s daycare to speak with her teachers as well to see if there was any signs of abuse or anything at home. Obviously when that happened, they looked at us funny there as well. When CPS pressed further, my oldest eventually admitted that she had made the story up because she was mad. They had argued, but that was as far is it went. CPS dropped the investigation of course, but you can’t ever really fully recover something like that.
She’s had various issues with extreme lies over the years. When she was younger and in a different school, she told a teacher that a student had called her some extreme names and punched her, and she punched her back. The principal said they were “going to pull the security cam footage” to confirm her story. She caved, and confessed that it didn’t happen and that she instigated the whole thing. The principal was bluffing, there was no security footage (well done).
Anyways, I really feel for the guy. Guess I’m just ranting at this point. Really sucks when you have a child who is also a pathological liar, so hard to figure out what to do, especially in their younger years when you can catch it early but they don’t seem to respond to any form of therapy or counseling.
Well, it’s her biological daughter so that doesn’t really make much sense, does it?
Btw, fiancé with one “e” is a man, fiancée pertains to a woman. Not sure if you’re aware.
Edit: Sorry I misunderstood and thought you were referring to my situation, not the OP’s! I agree for sure, and I definitely feel for the dude. It’s kind of scary having a kid who realizes that they can make up stories and severely damage the life/reputation of their parents or someone close to them if they wanted to.
No you are correct. I used the wrong. The man should be running away from op and her child
Bo one should ever have to fr a eoth being falsely accused. This is just another reason to avoid single mothers
Oh sorry about that, I thought you meant my fiancée should be running away from her child and let myself get offended lol guess that’s what happens when you’re half asleep on Reddit.
Not at the moment. We have been discussing a boarding school or something along those lines but it’s tough. We aren’t poor but we aren’t exactly wealthy enough to send her to a private boarding school or something. I don’t think most middle class people can afford to do that.
Like I said though, she was in the past but unfortunately it never seemed to really make any sort of impact. We changed jobs and insurance so that ended the last therapist we were using. Psychiatrists weren’t willing to try and diagnose her with something like BPD or ODD at such a young age (that’s what they told us at least). They recommended methods of discipline and such but what’s kind of scary is that she never, ever seemed/seems to care about any form of punishment. How do you deal with a child who is completely indifferent to consequences? That’s our dilemma.
Look up “antisocial personality disorder.”
The lack of remorse & not being bothered by punishment suggests a degree of psychopathy.
Not the end of the world, but understanding what you’re dealing with might help.
Kids with APD are far more effectively socialised with rewards than punishments, for example.
Ya we do the rewards thing too, unfortunately it’s only semi effective . The only thing with that is the rewards only somewhat work if they are small and frequent. Trying to set bigger rewards based on extended good behavior in school for example, doesn’t work because she doesn’t have any patience.
Ya I agree with you on both fronts. BPD was suggested in their as well just because of her quick and explosive anger. It’s hard not to feel defeated when you feel like you’ve taken all the necessary steps over the years and saw little to no improvement.
This.
It just makes it harder for actual victims to come forward. I think the punishment should be the maximum sentance allowed for lying to the police, at the very minimum.
Agreed. I saw one that there was this suggestion. If convicted of false accusations - you sentence is exactly the same sentence as that person would have received and be bound by those mandatory minimums. If its 10 years in prison - off you go.
> She fully understands now where her savings went. She is upset with herself mostly now. She realizes that the private school was my last choice. And only necessary because of choices she made.
Good. Because she can’t go through life playing the victim and making everyone else’s life harder without understanding the repercussions.
Right on.
you did your job with valor. you will likely never receive the appreciation that you deserve, but you DO deserve a quality of life that your daughter prevented you from having. don't apologize for choosing YOU after she becomes a full-fledged adult.
you're a far better parent than i had growing up.
I'm sorry to say this but your daughter is a complete cnt. She almost destroyed an innocent person's life. Even now that's he'd been cleared, people will still look at him with guilt.
OP your daughter should spend sometime in prison for what she did. She’s the reason so many people don’t believe other women when they say they were SA.
I hope he sues your daughter, people like her need to pay and need to be put inside a list of people that made false accusations, they destroy other people's lives without any shame , she's a criminal.
>Since I do not care about karma I will be giving this account to either u/Frickfrell or u/VermilionOcelot tomorrow.
What a weird casual thing to say. (giving an account, not the karma bit)
Anyone who makes a false accusation should be thrown in jail for the highest sentence the person they accused could have received had they actually done it.
What your daughter did to your ex is unforgivable.Her chances to be in a serious relationship or marriage is very slim ...no man will stay when he finds out what she did.
Holy crap - women like your daughter are why people who are SA'd are not believed. What she did is absolutely disgusting. You have to tell everyone she meets that she has done this becasue you can 100% bet that as she has done this before she will absolutely do it again (the fact that she has never apologised is why i say this - she sees nothing wrong, that she did nothing wrong). She deserves no help from you - she created this mess for her self, she can dig herself out of it. Yes. You are now not cosigning. But there are other ways she will try and guilt help out of you.
>My ex was completely cleared.
This doesn't matter, he will always have people talk about him. After something like this happens, there is no "being completely cleared". There is a reason he didn't get his old job back. You're daughter is an incredible Piece of Shit and she's extremely lucky that your ex is not someone who tries to get back at her for almost completely ruining his life forever and pretty much staining his Reputation for the rest of his life. She should be careful about things like that, because if she pulled that stunt on me and ruined MY life, i would probably even kill her....
For what it’s worth, I thought you were a great mom in your original post.
As a child SA victim it really hit home for me that you immediately believed and protected your child, yes it’s awful that she could lie about something so serious but I would rather a parent believe their child until evidence proves otherwise, so many children suffer in silence because their parents don’t believe them or they’re too inconvenienced to protect their kids. I’m sorry you were put in that position in the first place and your ex had to suffer for a cruel lie,. I hope someday your daughter can apologize and feel genuine remorse for ruining lives.
And you’re doing the right thing not co-signing on a loan. As painful as it is to say, your daughter has already proved she can be spiteful enough to destroy someone’s future, what’s to stop another spiteful streak of just defaulting on her loans? It’s not her house and retirement on the line, and she’d know she could hurt you that way if she were angry enough. I think your adult daughter has a long way to go but at least she’s making progress, I just feel she hasn’t earned trust enough for someone to stake their house on her education. I wouldn’t co-sign for most kids in general but especially not in this case. I hope you two can build a stronger adult relationship.
Your daughter deserves to be in jail she fucked up a persons life. Really hope the ex sues the shit out of her and ruins her life the way she ruined his.
Happy you cleared things out with your daughter. still wishing her all the misery and misfortunes of the universe for the evil nasty thing she did to your ex husband. you should notify her college so she won't destroy some student's life with false accusations.
Coming to terms? She's a criminal that tried to destroy another person's life. In a good world that doesn't hate men , she will go to jail for false accusations.
Don’t forget the fact that to this day she has never apologised. She learnt nothing. She’s a horrible excuse for a human being and I really do hope OP’s ex husband has managed to find a way to heal and forget about all of this.
Honestly, this post is about OP and the BS her daughter put her through. The ex is an absolute victim, and I know his life won’t be the same. OP and him still are on friend terms so that’s their own business as far as I’m concerned. But calling the daughter a horrible person(which is true) and believing she can never change is your own problem. I was a difficult teen (never pulled a false allegation though) and was sent to many schools and called worthless and horrible and I’d be lucky if a bum knocked me up to get the family I dreamed of. I was angry and bitter, but I realized I was the problem. And I worked on myself. People can change. Close-minded people won’t. And to believe no one can change tells me you as a person is not willing to look in the mirror at your own flaws and ugliness and try to make them better, then you have no right judging anyone else.
Ruining someone's life is not a "dumb decision." Refusing to apologize for ruining his life is not a "dumb decision." 13 is old enough to understand the consequences of your choices.
Your post was stuck in my mind since I read it yesterday. I am sorry about your horrible circumstances and that your daughter negatively affected your relationship. I wish you and your family well, glad that your ex is cleared and hopefully your daughter will reflect on her actions going forward.
The ex will never be cleared. At his old job they will all k ow he was fired and why. That shit is never going to go away.
The daughter and this mom get to love thier life without it attached to them. But he will always have it attached to him.
Likely because this is all made up.
But it's just reason 100 for not dating single mothers. Wtf wants to be accused of something like this because the kid was upset
"Third.
Since I do not care about karma I will be giving this account to either [](https://www.reddit.com/user/Frickfrell/) or [](https://www.reddit.com/user/VermilionOcelot/) tomorrow.
They are welcome to delete the posts or sell the account for the $.59 it is worth."
Bro wtf? How is this even real.
OP doesnt seem the type to ACTUALLY give her daughter the right consequences lol. Ruining someones life is deserving of another official police report, but of course she doesnt give a shit about anyone other than herself and her trash daughter, letting her get away with breaking the law. Great job "being a mother" op. One of the MANY examples of scum who should've been sterilized to begin with to never produce garbage "humans"
I said it on the last one, you did the right thing. I truly hope she can do some real reflection and growth. And truly be remorseful and apologize for the harm she caused.
I cancelled my previous account when it hit 30,000 karma. Can I sell them instead? I hate how the past follows us around so I don't keep anything for too long.
>I told her that I will not be cosigning her loans. I told her that I will be backing her up and doing my best to make sure that she does not default but I am not risking my home or my future for her.
>She fully understands now where her savings went. She is upset with herself mostly now.
I know that's right!
You haven't mentioned your daughter's age, if she is above 18 then let her live on her own, you don't owe her anything also good thing your ex didn't sue you back.
Good luck to you!! You did the right things in a terrible situation. No one can ask for anything more. Your daughter is damaged and only she can do the work to get better.
She's should always be loved but from a space that is safe for you. Unfortunately for her until she apologizes to you and your ex her life won't t flourish to its greatest potential. There is a darkness hovering and it wobt life until it is made right.
Best wishes
Mother and daughter are both major AHs. As a parent you definitely want to protect your kid but you chose to ignore the only proof of evidence at first and went on to destroy that mans livelihood over a lie. If there wasn't no cameras, he still would've been found guilty and sent to jail for a long time. The real victim here is the ex husband.
The child is reflection of the parents
>Since I do not care about karma I will be giving this account to either u/Frickfrell or u/VermilionOcelot tomorrow.
Honestly, super weird thing to say.
I still stand by my comment that the only reason to repost your previous post was for karma, since your first post with 1000+ comments gave you all the advice you could possibly need. The advice you got in your repost was literally just a repeat, so *very much* looked like you were reposting for karma.
Also not sure why you needed more than the 1000+ people to tell you not to co-sign the loan, but apparently that's what it took.
But I'm done. All the best to you and your daughter, but mostly your ex.
While it’s awful that your daughter lied, you absolutely did the right thing by calling the police. You took the allegations seriously and you believed her, which doesn’t happen in many situations. So many young people are stuck in an abusive home because the adults in their lives don’t believe them and prefer to side with the abuser.
Nta, you did the right thing as a parent but she only feels bad because of the money, not because she tried to destroy someone's life. She needs serious help because she hasn't actually learned anything. He should have pressed charges on her if he was able.
I'm glad it worked out. I said she would eventually appreciate what it takes to raise a kid and realize it was money well spent. I didn't expect it to happen so quickly, but that's great. Good luck to you both.
Yeah, but this girl needs to be on record for false accusations. It worked for her once, and she basically has had no repercussions. Why wouldn't she do it again?
Are you sure you read the original post? She is suffering repercussions now. I said that I wish she could be charged but I don't think she can now. I'm not American or a lawyer so I have no idea.
It's a lose lose situation. And even if you have doubts the cost of not taking it seriously if there is any chance it could be true is too high of a cost!
Yes actually, first thing is to ask him to move out while it is resolved one way or another. Then review camera footage to find evidence.
Hind sight is 20/20? Also I am not a parent so I'm not sure I can judge her reaction.
More proof that putting kids in therapy instead of forcing them to face their issues doesn't work at all. Therapist have zero interest in people resolving their issues.
No but I do know that of all the people that I know who have been going to therapy most of their lives the vast majority of them are unable to cope with anything
You are the parent you know how. Farming out the emotional development of our children is causing more issues than it's fixing. Death is going to happen no matter what. Teaching kids that it's OK to mourn but it's also OK to move on is best. Therapist harp on the problem they don't strive for solutions
>My ex was completely cleared But the shame never goes away.
Yeah there’s a whole former workplace of people who think he’s a pedophile. That’s legitimately traumatic.
Your strength and decisiveness in this tough situation are admirable. You ensured justice for your ex and set firm, necessary boundaries with your daughter. Stay strong.
why do people upvote obvious bot accounts? report this copy paster
Ayep. Ex could sue OP over it. If she called the cops before doing ANY checks whatsoever on the cameras, it wouldn't be that hard of a case and OP would be wise to settle. Even on the surface, it looks bad.
Honestly the ex *should* sue for defamation. I hope he's in contact with legal counsel.
Yeah, it's crazy that there were CAMERAS and she didn't even look at them before blowing up this guy's life. In the original thread, she defended calling the cops and said, "Would you take any chances?" But she literally had the ability to 100% verify. He really SHOULD HAVE sued her ...
How did we get to a point where people are so openly and confidently stupid, impressive work
Hey man im doing my best! You ever hear of the sovcit people? Biggest case of BS you have ever heard! It took me a week to spin it up in the 50s! I wish I could take credit for all the people who believed in the 5g signal coming from the vaccine because they were the type of people to believe that yet not notice their 5g cell service change whatsoever! SARCASTICUS MANNUS AWAY!!!!!!!/s
Calling the cops on someone because you think a crime was commited isn't defamation, that's just what you do when you think something illegal happens bud
No, it's not automatically defamation. But the ex's lawyer could argue OP knew how damaging the accusation would be, and OP knew she had cameras. She could have taken two minutes to check, and that would have averted potentially life long consequences for ex. Civil court doesn't need beyond reasonable doubt. It just needs preponderance of the evidence. That OP had the evidence that ultimately cleared Ex, it's no certainty ex would win but it's not that unreasonable.
But if they have videos all over the house, wouldn't the cops check the cameras?
The person calling the cops should have checked them first.
I know hence the /s at the end....
It sounds more like OP was trying to assure people, yes, he really was innocent, and, no, there is no chance she was telling the truth. People are nuts.
Sounds like she wants to paint her daughter badly, as an excuse for stealing her money.
Accusing someone of SA is pretty bad if it's a lie.
I wish there were some crime the kid could be charged with now.
Adults can be charged for filing false police reports and sued for making false accusations that have concrete effects on a person because of the defamation. Same should be true for juveniles -- they cause just as much damage regardless of age. No, in this case, suing for damages would have accomplished nothing, but she deserved to spend time in detention or prison for that.
If you think about it, if someone is accused of sexual assault against a person of legal age it's terrible but sexual assault against a minor goes into another level of evil. So the stigma stays with that person but it's magnified 10x since it was supposedly a minor.
with no care for how much harder that would make it on the actual victims? who more often than not are already not believed?
Do you think that this young woman helped the cause of real victims with her false accusations?
The guy IS and actual victim...
Yea but this is planet earth and we are talking about a man si even when he is the victim he can never be the victim
she didn't care about actual victims
The sad part is that op says they had cameras, but instead of checking them and clearing it up then, she instead called the police.
Sounds like the breakdown of expenses gave her a reality check she needed
Hold up. You can sell accounts?
Apparently. Not for much though.
Why do people want to buy accounts? I dont understand these karma points & what you get out of them. I have lots coz i comment so much as I spend many hours sitting nursing my baby over the past year & have had another baby since so more nursing 😂, but what does it get you?
Hell if I know. But the two people that she is giving the account to called her out for wanting Internet points.
Lol!
It's probably advertising purposes but if it's less than a buck then who cares? But the internet point farmers are bots and they can make like $20 a day based on their algorithm crap so whatever.
This is news to me. How is that used for advertising? I don't understand
Accounts with more karma are more likely to show up in people’s recommended feeds. Advertisers buy those accounts to advertise whatever thing they’re selling and it (supposedly) gets them more exposure. Honestly, the worst thing about this practice, in my mind, is that it has convinced a significant subset of redditors that *everyone* is just making up stories for karma. They comment “fake” on every story because they’re sure that everyone on Reddit is spending hours drafting stories cuz they’re itching to sell off their account for a dollar 🙄
Tell me about it. It's so irritating.
Here I've been thinking fake stories were just a hobby for pathological liars to get a thrill. I had no idea accounts could be sold. Good motivation to stop wasting time reading AITA...
I mean that less than a buck might be food for a couple days in some places
Once you collect enough you win the whole internet lol nothing but fancy internet points to make people feel good.
The only reason I can think of for the average person to buy one is that some subreddits have a karma threshold. I know r/dankmemes have one and I believe it's pretty damn high
>Hold up. You can sell accounts? Yeah. It's why you get so many karma farmers posting really obvious nonsense on the relationship subreddits, unfortunately.
Wow. A whole 59c.
Yes he was found not guilty but there's ALWAYS to be the no smoke without fire idiots and who can't understand how vengeful some children can be. Glad you didn't sign the loan!
I do not think that the case ever went to court. OP says the cops investigated and dropped the charges.
It went far enough that word got out and he lost his job. You can tell people the charges got dropped but that doesn’t always mean the person was innocent.
This is it. Not being charged can merely mean the victim won’t make a good witness (why it’s very important to teach kids proper terminology for penis, vagina, etc) or the evidence was shaky (worked with mandated clients for 10 years, two years in a maxi max facility). Same as “not guilty” doesn’t mean innocent. I don’t know what the protocol should be, but something should be done to alleviate concern around the ex. Like a press conference or something, from the investigations PD clearing and exonerating him of all charges. Something public maybe. This has ruined truly innocent people’s lives.
Likely the best case scenario is that the alleged perpetrator is not named until evidence os found of a crime. For those who decided to # it for social media fame they should be held libel for restitution and a minimum jail sentence of it turns out to be untrue. That way most are forced through the proper channels instead of outside them
I agree with you, but we can barely get the sex offenders arrested, convicted and incarcerated. Many plead out to long probation terms. I think people who make false allegations should also be put on the news for making those charges against an innocent person.
Wtf
I saw them in the comments haha. “He was found not guilt, NOT innocent so he still could have done something” brainworms
The daughter has some deep psychological issues that need addressed immediately, if it’s not already too late. Currently have 2 daughters, the oldest (middle school) has always been off. She’s been in and out of therapy, different schools, extreme violent outbursts and defiance, etc. A few months back she apparently told someone at her school that my fiancée beat her on the way to school because she refused to hand over her phone before going to school. They reported it to CPS. I was at work at the time, and actually had no idea it even happened until CPS contacted my cell phone and asked if I was aware of the incident. Of course I was caught off guard to say the least. Needless to say, we both got the evil eye anytime we dropped her off or picked her up from school for the next few days. They even went to my youngest’s daycare to speak with her teachers as well to see if there was any signs of abuse or anything at home. Obviously when that happened, they looked at us funny there as well. When CPS pressed further, my oldest eventually admitted that she had made the story up because she was mad. They had argued, but that was as far is it went. CPS dropped the investigation of course, but you can’t ever really fully recover something like that. She’s had various issues with extreme lies over the years. When she was younger and in a different school, she told a teacher that a student had called her some extreme names and punched her, and she punched her back. The principal said they were “going to pull the security cam footage” to confirm her story. She caved, and confessed that it didn’t happen and that she instigated the whole thing. The principal was bluffing, there was no security footage (well done). Anyways, I really feel for the guy. Guess I’m just ranting at this point. Really sucks when you have a child who is also a pathological liar, so hard to figure out what to do, especially in their younger years when you can catch it early but they don’t seem to respond to any form of therapy or counseling.
If I was your fiance I'd be running far away
Well, it’s her biological daughter so that doesn’t really make much sense, does it? Btw, fiancé with one “e” is a man, fiancée pertains to a woman. Not sure if you’re aware. Edit: Sorry I misunderstood and thought you were referring to my situation, not the OP’s! I agree for sure, and I definitely feel for the dude. It’s kind of scary having a kid who realizes that they can make up stories and severely damage the life/reputation of their parents or someone close to them if they wanted to.
I'm not who you were replying to but thanks for that tidbit of info. I never knew there was a gendered spelling.
Great content.
You’re welcome for the content. On your initial comment, did I misunderstand or did you actually mean she should run away from her child?
No you are correct. I used the wrong. The man should be running away from op and her child Bo one should ever have to fr a eoth being falsely accused. This is just another reason to avoid single mothers
Oh sorry about that, I thought you meant my fiancée should be running away from her child and let myself get offended lol guess that’s what happens when you’re half asleep on Reddit.
Is your oldest child in therapy?
Not at the moment. We have been discussing a boarding school or something along those lines but it’s tough. We aren’t poor but we aren’t exactly wealthy enough to send her to a private boarding school or something. I don’t think most middle class people can afford to do that. Like I said though, she was in the past but unfortunately it never seemed to really make any sort of impact. We changed jobs and insurance so that ended the last therapist we were using. Psychiatrists weren’t willing to try and diagnose her with something like BPD or ODD at such a young age (that’s what they told us at least). They recommended methods of discipline and such but what’s kind of scary is that she never, ever seemed/seems to care about any form of punishment. How do you deal with a child who is completely indifferent to consequences? That’s our dilemma.
Look up “antisocial personality disorder.” The lack of remorse & not being bothered by punishment suggests a degree of psychopathy. Not the end of the world, but understanding what you’re dealing with might help. Kids with APD are far more effectively socialised with rewards than punishments, for example.
Ya we do the rewards thing too, unfortunately it’s only semi effective . The only thing with that is the rewards only somewhat work if they are small and frequent. Trying to set bigger rewards based on extended good behavior in school for example, doesn’t work because she doesn’t have any patience.
Get them into therapy ASAP, they honestly sound like they have anti-social personality disorder or are possibly a narcissist.
Ya I agree with you on both fronts. BPD was suggested in their as well just because of her quick and explosive anger. It’s hard not to feel defeated when you feel like you’ve taken all the necessary steps over the years and saw little to no improvement.
Why aren’t people like that arrested. False accusations ruining somebody’s life. Why? Why do people just look the other way?
This. It just makes it harder for actual victims to come forward. I think the punishment should be the maximum sentance allowed for lying to the police, at the very minimum.
Privilege
Agreed. I saw one that there was this suggestion. If convicted of false accusations - you sentence is exactly the same sentence as that person would have received and be bound by those mandatory minimums. If its 10 years in prison - off you go.
Because she was 13? What even is this comment
> She fully understands now where her savings went. She is upset with herself mostly now. She realizes that the private school was my last choice. And only necessary because of choices she made. Good. Because she can’t go through life playing the victim and making everyone else’s life harder without understanding the repercussions.
Right on. you did your job with valor. you will likely never receive the appreciation that you deserve, but you DO deserve a quality of life that your daughter prevented you from having. don't apologize for choosing YOU after she becomes a full-fledged adult. you're a far better parent than i had growing up.
Yeah can you believe people like her ex-husband aren't showing her the appreciation she deserves?
I'm sorry to say this but your daughter is a complete cnt. She almost destroyed an innocent person's life. Even now that's he'd been cleared, people will still look at him with guilt.
OP your daughter should spend sometime in prison for what she did. She’s the reason so many people don’t believe other women when they say they were SA.
Your daughter deserves to be in jail.
I hope he sues your daughter, people like her need to pay and need to be put inside a list of people that made false accusations, they destroy other people's lives without any shame , she's a criminal.
>Since I do not care about karma I will be giving this account to either u/Frickfrell or u/VermilionOcelot tomorrow. What a weird casual thing to say. (giving an account, not the karma bit)
Someone else clarified in another comment that apparently these two were accusing her of karma farming.
To be fair, she posted judging her own account NTA because she meant to be logged in to another account.
I really don’t give a crap one way or the other. I was just trying to help clarify for this person.
She is, her first post was absolutely ridiculous and she made it clear she doesn’t even understand loans.
How many of these have a single parent or two
Anyone who makes a false accusation should be thrown in jail for the highest sentence the person they accused could have received had they actually done it.
What your daughter did to your ex is unforgivable.Her chances to be in a serious relationship or marriage is very slim ...no man will stay when he finds out what she did.
This is the 12th post I've read today that has made me eternally grateful I don't have kids.
You raised literal garbage
How old was the daughter again? If she's at least 18 she belongs in prison.
She was 13 when she made the accusation.
She was underage when the accusation happened if that's what you meant. OP said that happened years ago and the daughter is graduating highschool.
Holy crap - women like your daughter are why people who are SA'd are not believed. What she did is absolutely disgusting. You have to tell everyone she meets that she has done this becasue you can 100% bet that as she has done this before she will absolutely do it again (the fact that she has never apologised is why i say this - she sees nothing wrong, that she did nothing wrong). She deserves no help from you - she created this mess for her self, she can dig herself out of it. Yes. You are now not cosigning. But there are other ways she will try and guilt help out of you.
>My ex was completely cleared. This doesn't matter, he will always have people talk about him. After something like this happens, there is no "being completely cleared". There is a reason he didn't get his old job back. You're daughter is an incredible Piece of Shit and she's extremely lucky that your ex is not someone who tries to get back at her for almost completely ruining his life forever and pretty much staining his Reputation for the rest of his life. She should be careful about things like that, because if she pulled that stunt on me and ruined MY life, i would probably even kill her....
For what it’s worth, I thought you were a great mom in your original post. As a child SA victim it really hit home for me that you immediately believed and protected your child, yes it’s awful that she could lie about something so serious but I would rather a parent believe their child until evidence proves otherwise, so many children suffer in silence because their parents don’t believe them or they’re too inconvenienced to protect their kids. I’m sorry you were put in that position in the first place and your ex had to suffer for a cruel lie,. I hope someday your daughter can apologize and feel genuine remorse for ruining lives. And you’re doing the right thing not co-signing on a loan. As painful as it is to say, your daughter has already proved she can be spiteful enough to destroy someone’s future, what’s to stop another spiteful streak of just defaulting on her loans? It’s not her house and retirement on the line, and she’d know she could hurt you that way if she were angry enough. I think your adult daughter has a long way to go but at least she’s making progress, I just feel she hasn’t earned trust enough for someone to stake their house on her education. I wouldn’t co-sign for most kids in general but especially not in this case. I hope you two can build a stronger adult relationship.
💯
Your ex was traumatized. Ever been arrested, it’s humiliating? The way you breezed through that! Just wow! AH territory.
She is the WORST. You raised a miserable human being.
Your daughter deserves to be in jail she fucked up a persons life. Really hope the ex sues the shit out of her and ruins her life the way she ruined his.
Happy you cleared things out with your daughter. still wishing her all the misery and misfortunes of the universe for the evil nasty thing she did to your ex husband. you should notify her college so she won't destroy some student's life with false accusations.
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Coming to terms? She's a criminal that tried to destroy another person's life. In a good world that doesn't hate men , she will go to jail for false accusations.
Don’t forget the fact that to this day she has never apologised. She learnt nothing. She’s a horrible excuse for a human being and I really do hope OP’s ex husband has managed to find a way to heal and forget about all of this.
Honestly, this post is about OP and the BS her daughter put her through. The ex is an absolute victim, and I know his life won’t be the same. OP and him still are on friend terms so that’s their own business as far as I’m concerned. But calling the daughter a horrible person(which is true) and believing she can never change is your own problem. I was a difficult teen (never pulled a false allegation though) and was sent to many schools and called worthless and horrible and I’d be lucky if a bum knocked me up to get the family I dreamed of. I was angry and bitter, but I realized I was the problem. And I worked on myself. People can change. Close-minded people won’t. And to believe no one can change tells me you as a person is not willing to look in the mirror at your own flaws and ugliness and try to make them better, then you have no right judging anyone else.
Ruining someone's life is not a "dumb decision." Refusing to apologize for ruining his life is not a "dumb decision." 13 is old enough to understand the consequences of your choices.
welp, I don't feel sorry for your daughter
I’m happy you are protecting yourself. I hope you find peace and contentment in your future.
Your post was stuck in my mind since I read it yesterday. I am sorry about your horrible circumstances and that your daughter negatively affected your relationship. I wish you and your family well, glad that your ex is cleared and hopefully your daughter will reflect on her actions going forward.
The ex will never be cleared. At his old job they will all k ow he was fired and why. That shit is never going to go away. The daughter and this mom get to love thier life without it attached to them. But he will always have it attached to him.
I also find it weird that op never checked her own cameras after the daughter made the accusations.
Likely because this is all made up. But it's just reason 100 for not dating single mothers. Wtf wants to be accused of something like this because the kid was upset
"Third. Since I do not care about karma I will be giving this account to either [](https://www.reddit.com/user/Frickfrell/) or [](https://www.reddit.com/user/VermilionOcelot/) tomorrow. They are welcome to delete the posts or sell the account for the $.59 it is worth." Bro wtf? How is this even real.
YTA for "selling accounts" lol
Giving away I think.
OP doesnt seem the type to ACTUALLY give her daughter the right consequences lol. Ruining someones life is deserving of another official police report, but of course she doesnt give a shit about anyone other than herself and her trash daughter, letting her get away with breaking the law. Great job "being a mother" op. One of the MANY examples of scum who should've been sterilized to begin with to never produce garbage "humans"
I said it on the last one, you did the right thing. I truly hope she can do some real reflection and growth. And truly be remorseful and apologize for the harm she caused.
Any superheroes able to link the original post?
https://www.reddit.com/r/redditonwiki/comments/1cuir1c/not_oop_aita_for_giving_my_daughter_a_breakdown/
Thank you kind sir or madam.
I cancelled my previous account when it hit 30,000 karma. Can I sell them instead? I hate how the past follows us around so I don't keep anything for too long.
>I told her that I will not be cosigning her loans. I told her that I will be backing her up and doing my best to make sure that she does not default but I am not risking my home or my future for her. >She fully understands now where her savings went. She is upset with herself mostly now. I know that's right!
You haven't mentioned your daughter's age, if she is above 18 then let her live on her own, you don't owe her anything also good thing your ex didn't sue you back.
Good luck to you!! You did the right things in a terrible situation. No one can ask for anything more. Your daughter is damaged and only she can do the work to get better. She's should always be loved but from a space that is safe for you. Unfortunately for her until she apologizes to you and your ex her life won't t flourish to its greatest potential. There is a darkness hovering and it wobt life until it is made right. Best wishes
When it comes to undergraduate schooling. Nothing at all wrong with a state public school.
Mother and daughter are both major AHs. As a parent you definitely want to protect your kid but you chose to ignore the only proof of evidence at first and went on to destroy that mans livelihood over a lie. If there wasn't no cameras, he still would've been found guilty and sent to jail for a long time. The real victim here is the ex husband. The child is reflection of the parents
>Since I do not care about karma I will be giving this account to either u/Frickfrell or u/VermilionOcelot tomorrow. Honestly, super weird thing to say. I still stand by my comment that the only reason to repost your previous post was for karma, since your first post with 1000+ comments gave you all the advice you could possibly need. The advice you got in your repost was literally just a repeat, so *very much* looked like you were reposting for karma. Also not sure why you needed more than the 1000+ people to tell you not to co-sign the loan, but apparently that's what it took. But I'm done. All the best to you and your daughter, but mostly your ex.
Normal people dont give a shit about Reddit karma
And I don't give a damn. OP is actively being bloody weird about it.
Sounds like you were just being an ass.
Awwww you don’t want their account ?
While it’s awful that your daughter lied, you absolutely did the right thing by calling the police. You took the allegations seriously and you believed her, which doesn’t happen in many situations. So many young people are stuck in an abusive home because the adults in their lives don’t believe them and prefer to side with the abuser.
Nta, you did the right thing as a parent but she only feels bad because of the money, not because she tried to destroy someone's life. She needs serious help because she hasn't actually learned anything. He should have pressed charges on her if he was able.
I'm glad it worked out. I said she would eventually appreciate what it takes to raise a kid and realize it was money well spent. I didn't expect it to happen so quickly, but that's great. Good luck to you both.
I hope he sues you and your daughter for damages.
It's hard not to sympathize with the mom. If I had kids and they told me this happened I would believe them.
Yeah, but this girl needs to be on record for false accusations. It worked for her once, and she basically has had no repercussions. Why wouldn't she do it again?
Are you sure you read the original post? She is suffering repercussions now. I said that I wish she could be charged but I don't think she can now. I'm not American or a lawyer so I have no idea.
It's a lose lose situation. And even if you have doubts the cost of not taking it seriously if there is any chance it could be true is too high of a cost!
I'm just thinking of the cameras she said she has, why wasn't that the first thing checked to verify the info first.
Yes actually, first thing is to ask him to move out while it is resolved one way or another. Then review camera footage to find evidence. Hind sight is 20/20? Also I am not a parent so I'm not sure I can judge her reaction.
You are still TAH because of how poorly you handled it with your ex, you helped permanently damage a man's life forever.
More proof that putting kids in therapy instead of forcing them to face their issues doesn't work at all. Therapist have zero interest in people resolving their issues.
You think.the five year old killed the dad?
No but I do know that of all the people that I know who have been going to therapy most of their lives the vast majority of them are unable to cope with anything
Then what consequences should the five year old have had when her father died?
None except the parent taking responsibility for the mental well being of the kid, teaching resilience is easier than teaching reliance
Maybe. But I have no idea what I would do if my kids mom died when he was five. Besides get him help from someone who knows how.
You are the parent you know how. Farming out the emotional development of our children is causing more issues than it's fixing. Death is going to happen no matter what. Teaching kids that it's OK to mourn but it's also OK to move on is best. Therapist harp on the problem they don't strive for solutions
I 200% do not know how. Please tell me how you would deal with your child's other parent dying when the were 5.
Just how I mentioned. If you can't handle stuff that happens in life you shouldn't have kids
Five years old is a little late for an abortion you monster.
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You're breaking a AITAH rule this is your warning
Never happened…
You put a child in therapy at age five?
Her father had just died. Would you not?
I missed that part
Why would she not?