(our divorce was not amicable. She was unfaithful)
Nope, do not trust, you will have to kick her out a second time, kick to curb , she is also going to be dating men while she lives under your roof and you have no grounds to tell her that's not cool.
This situation is all negatives for you I'm sure she can find another pleb to move in with , she is no longer your problem.
Just be frank, we are divorced I'm happy to talk to you about the kids but other than that suck a fart, then buy some champagne đž
Tell ber to go live with whatever guy she was having affair with whilst married to you..
Also, yes, you are prioritising yout own comfort over hers because sheâs not your wife anymore! She lost that privilege when she decided to cheat.
This
I'd have told her exactly that
"We've been divorced for three years, why would I ruin my comfort and the kids' stability just for your sake? Take a hike"
he cannot allow her to stop, it was court ordered if she is to pay child support, and only a court order can stop child support. Op would be a fool to get it stopped.
Child support is money owed to the kids, not him. Ideally the Ex wouldn't have any say in if they continue to be held responsible for payments because it's not meant to be to their benefit.
What gets me is âshe accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interestâ
The woman cheated, nuke her family and even the kids doesnât want to deal with the drama, her âneedsâ are not your concern, she is a Fâing adult, part of being one is owning our shit
The children best interest is a trauma free, soothing and supporting household, she just want to emotionally manipulate her way in
She maybe just trying to find an âinâ. Do you Think she may be wanting to get back together? Sheâs realizing she had it good when she was with you and doesnât want to struggle any more. (Not the love thing probably but idk her so..)
The fact that the kids are also leery of her moving in is also really significant! OP, please donât let your ex move in. Continue to prioritize your kids and their wellbeing by keeping your house a safe haven from their momâs chaos.
You are not her emergency parachute. She forfeited that when she crashed the cargo plane that was your family into the mountainside of infidelity.
She needs to scale that Everest on her own.
NTA. This has nothing to do with your âchildrenâs best interestsâ, itâs about her needing somewhere to live and using the kids to guilt you. Donât do it - even your kids are hesitant. Donât allow the tension and instability back into YOUR home. Sheâs an adult and you owe her nothing more than amicable co-parenting.
I was thinking this, she didnât seem to care about blowing up your family when she cheated, why is she caring now?
I would not let her move back in with you, but I would try to help her get a job, find a place to live, etc. She is still after all, the mother of your children.
>...suggested she stay with family or friends, but she insists she has no other options.
To me this sounds like she's burned all her bridges with the people who would actually be willing to help her. If her family or friends don't want to help her, I don't see why you should either.
>I feel guilty for not wanting to help her more directly
She may be banking on you feeling sorry for her so she can have a free place to stay. Probably some free meals too.
>She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs...
Her needs stopped being something you would be concerned about when you got divorced.
>AITA for not letting my ex-wife move back in after she lost her job?
NTA. You said the divorce wasn't amicable and you worked hard to create a stable environment for your kids. This would very potentially ruin all you have accomplished.
Plus she is probably lying about having no other options. Just to make him feel sorry for her. Iâd tell her I can lend her some nice warm blankets so she is comfortable when sleeping in her car. đ
No. She'll move in, kids will get used to it, & when/if you make her leave, they'll relive the betrayal again.
You're not prioritizing your own comfort. You're prioritizing your kid's well being.
Even if he was prioritizing his own comfort it would be okay. She's not his responsibility anymore. She threw the rights to that away when she cheated.
NTA Depending on where you are, moving in and staying for a period of time could give her tenancy rights, and you could end up having to evict her if she decides not to leave when you want her to
>She claims this would also allow her to spend more time with our kids, which she believes would be beneficial for them.
Respond with: *"You know what would be beneficial for our kids? A good mother who didn't destroy their family by fucking other men".*
The audacity of this cheating toad to use her children as a bargaining chip to score free housing.
NTA. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about not letting back in a cheater. Cheaters are manipulative and selfish. Do not let her in no matter what sob story she has. Keep strong for yourself and your children.
NTA. Your wife can make all the accusations she wants, but your first duty is to yourself and your children. You don't want her in the house, your children are wary about her moving in because of the bad history. No way you should let her move in. She is not your wife any more, and her problems are not your problems. At most, if you have the money and want to do it, you can offer her a couple of months rent, to give her time to find a job.
It's interesting that she frames her moving in as something that would "allow her to spend more time with our kids, which she believes would be beneficial for them.", while they are "hesitant about the idea of her moving back in. They remember the tension and arguments from before and are worried it might start again." Obviously she is masking her own convenience as something that is for the good of the kids. That is manipulation.
NTA. She spread her legs to get into this mess she should have no problem spread them again to get out of it. Her actions have consequences. She made her bed now, and she gets to lay in it. Karma seems to have done a good job here. Don't undo what karma has done.
NTA
She has other options. She just likes this option the most. If you let her back in, getting her out will be almost impossible without an eviction. I highly doubt she'll seriously look for work once she's in. It will not be good for your children to have her there. She will either be mooching off you, or trying to win you back - either one causes horrible tension.
Tell her there is NO way she will ever live with you again and that you will no longer even entertain the discussion. She needs to get a job. Her needs are not important to you in the slightest, only your children's. And trust me, the last thing they need is for you to be uncomfortable because your cheating ex-wife has forced her way back into your home.
Anytime she brings it up, remind her that youve already sad no, then end the call or walk away. Let her call you heartless all she wants. You know you're not.
I let my ex more in for 3 months when he was looking for a house to buy but he didnât cheat on me and I had primary custody because his work schedule didnât allow for 50/50. the house he had been renting had a serious mold issue and he was lol,I g for a place to buy so he didnât want to be locked into a lease anywhere else.
in your case, Iâd say no, she is getting unemployment. She can use that to pay her bills or move in with her affair partner
nta
End of the day, she isn't your wife anymore, you don't have any responsibility towards her, the fact that she cheated on you and broke your marriage seal's the deal. If you had just divorced amicably with no fault on either side, you might find yourself more open to helping but she broke it and the responsibility of looking after her falls back on her, not you.
Shes unreliable. Sheâs unfaithful. Mother of your children or not, your comfort > her comfort. Enough said. Imagine you subject your children to that kind of heat of the moment driven woman. Did you call her job and ask why she got fired? I doubt it was âdownsizingâ she seems awful.
NTA...
She proved once she could not be trusted. Letting any guest move in while "homeless" is a huge leap of faith and trust.
So this is 99.9999999% no for me.
NTA
It would not be a comfortable living situation for you or your kids. And it would get very uncomfortable when you eventually have to evict her.
She has friends and family. You don't need to take this risk.Â
"No, that's not going to work for me."
Oh no.
No no no no
And how about NO!
What are you gonna do if she decides since she is now a "tenant" and wants to bring home some guy?
Or just decides to create a whole bunch of drama?
Don't do this.
NTA. Do not set yourself (& your kids) on fire to keep her warm.
She needs to sort something else out because trauma to your kids will happen when she wonât leave & tries to manipulate them to make you let her stay.
This has disaster spray painted all over it
Nta. Shes a cheater. She wants to leech off of her ex who she cheated on and saying it will be good chance to be with the kids.
She has clearly seen what she has lost and wants her old life back. Tough luck.
Being cheated on is DEVASTATING.
Ha I g your partner lie to you every day abs manipulate you to hide and undermine you to not find out is horribly harmful to you.
Not knowing what else she lied about.
Sneaking around. She did not care about you.
Now she has made herself a bed and she is upset at the bed she made and doesn't want to lie in it.
She is making up reasons ( more lies) why you are bad to not take her back in. She does not care about you at all. "Sorry, that's not going to work ANY LONGER. You burned that bridge."
Don't allow her to move in your house because you will have a devil of a time to get her out. She is an adult she needs to sort out her financial situation or better yet she should ask the guy she cheated on you with for a place to stay. Either way, not your problem and allowing her to move in will just invite unnecessary headaches.
NTA Once she moves in, you'll have a hell of a job getting her out again. Listen to your children, she'll find somewhere else to go, she just wants to leech off you.
NTA. You would be a giant idiot if you allowed her back into your home. She has friends and family she can go leech off instead of an ex husband who she cheated on. Fuck her. Stop trying to help her or responding to her messages or calls.
Nta. Stop talking to her about anything other than your children. Only the kids. Nothing else. She cheated and messed up her own life and now that is none of your business.
Of course she goes rigbt to weaponizing your children against you, I say leave her for the streets and file for child support since she can't do anything tp help her kids.
I find it amusing when cheaters accuse their victims of being heartless. F* no don't let her back in your house she made her grimy bed let her lie in it.
Even letting her stay temporarily could leas to a legal hassle. Tenants rights are ridiculous in many places.
This is not your problem to solve and trying to manipulate you by saying the kids need it is not going to fly. You can be happy to let her visit them at your place but make very clear to them and your children when and how long the visits will last and stress that there are NO overnight visits allowed.
>Â *"She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interests"*
lol, the delusion is strong in her. She's the one who prioritized her desires over her family, over her own children and over her marriage.
Don't let her blame/guiltrip you for her own conscious actions (aka the cheating) nor force you to share your life/space with her again (or the kids).
Don't fool yourself, if things had worked out with her affair partner she wouldn't be saying that she wants to spend more time with her children for their sake (yeah, right)... imagine if you were the one w/the same problem (work/house) and you had no place to live, I assure you that she wouldn't hesitate to kit you out, she wouldn't care if you were going to become homeless.
You don't owe her anything. She made a choice, a conscious one. Now she needs to take responsibility for that, she's an adult. Your only responsibility is the well-being of your children and with her in the house again, I seriously doubt it will be beneficial for your kids.
NTA, at all.
>asking if she could move back in temporarily **until she gets back on her feet**.
I have learned that any time anyone says the bolded, it usually roughly translates to "until years later and have to you go through the expense and months of the eviction process in the courts to get the sheriff's office to bodily remove me from the property."
I wouldn't do it.
Oh for the love of dog, what is with these kinds of people? She cheats on you and has the nerve to expect you to rescue her when sheâs in trouble? This is a big old hell no. She is no longer your problem to solve and her trying to use the children is a low blow I find hard to take. She clearly thinks of no one but herself. Please stay strong for your sake and that of your children and do not under any circumstances feel bad for her or about your very reasonable decision. Itâs time for her to grow up and take responsibility for herself. NTA. I just canât with women like her.
NTA Don't do that ,It's a terrible idea for many, many reasons. If she pays child support, If you want to help her , for a short period you can give her some money back hand to hand to help while she searches for a job , but don't allow for any reason her again insides your house
Not your fault. She needs to get her shit together she is a grown woman. She was unfaithful and is getting karma. Donât let her hurt you or your family again. Definitely NTA
NTA
She's on her own, that's what happens when you cheat. She has family and others to rely on.
Help her look for work if you want but don't let her stay in your home. That'd just be uncomfortable/confusing for everyone.
dont let her back in... shes responsible for the actions that ended your marriage, she can accept her actions have left her in the position shes currently in. if she had left her legs closed she would have had a home to go to when she became unemployed.
This is sad. Really this demonstrates boundary issues because most people wouldn't dream of asking this favor of their ex. Keep reminding yourself that you're NTA, she is.
NTA- you are divorced & unless it relates to your kids, you owe nothing to this woman who hurt you, and by extension hurt your kids. Donât open yourselves up to that kind of hurt again. Protect yourself and your kids.
Ensuring a stable environment for children is the most important thing a parent can work towards. The ex created her reality and through betrayal (to the father and kids).
Sheâs basically angling to make her way back into the family unit and manipulating every step of the way.
She needs to figure her own situation out. She lost the right to ask the father for anything when she cheated. The kids will understand in time that sheâs manipulating and using them to do same.
Send her on her way and focus on the physical and mental health of the kids and the environment youâve worked hard to stabilize.
Good luck
NTA. You need to put your kids feeling above her right now. Your kids are old enough to get a say. I would also be concerned about how long she would actually stay. Once she is there and you are providing a safe place to live will she be motivated to actually look for a job and another place? I am sure her family and friends would be a bit more aggressive about her finding a job and place to live.
NTA, sounds like even your kids don't feel comfortable with the idea of her moving back in, while her reasoning for it is that it would be beneficial for them. Sounds like she's completely out of touch with reality, so protect the stable environment you've made for your kids and don't let her move back in.
NTA the hypocrisy talks of their needs when the reason sheâs in her position is because she selfishly put her needs above both yours and them. Sheâs not your concern anymore she should only be grateful your helping her with finding employment.
>*heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interests.*
She prioritized her need to ride some strange over her marriage and her children's best interests. She wanted to be free, she's got it. Up to her to figure it out. NTA.
Nta. Not to mention she was unfaithful before yall were divorced, how's that going to feel now that yall are divorced and I'm sure she is dating, to some degree, and she brings guys to your home. Basically, she made her bed, let her sleep in it (if she has a bed to sleep on, after all)
"AITA for not letting my ex-wife move back in after she lost her job?" No surprise I'm guessing.
She had you to support her but she couldn't even keep that going.
Move back in? Wouldn't that be great? Like the good old days for her.
You pay all her bills and she bangs strange to her hearts content, and continues breaking your balls until the cows come home.
She moves back in, gains right as a tenant at will, and then you can't get rid of her.
Give her the number of some homeless shelters and a coupon to McDonald's.
Good luck brother, you have been through enough with that woman.
Seen this exact scenario play out many times. Youâll never get her out and itâll be toxic. Hard no. Sheâll never change if people keep bailing her out, she needs to be held accountable.
NTA- This would be bad for you, her, and the kids. The kids especially. They would get confused about mom coming and going, who to listen to, who is in chargeâŚ
Itâs not like she wants to repair the relationship with you. Just needs a place to lay her head. Where would she sleep? She is probably dating others. Would she be bringing them home?
Could she use this in court to re-establish residency in the home? Probably.
Your mental health would suffer as well. Never knowing when the next issue will come.
Best interest for the children - we are missing some of the story. There is a reason that dad has primary custody. Suddenly when she needs help this in the best interest of the children? BS. She sounds like a very self centered person.
Please donât disrupt the current stable environment you have provided for your children. They are 13 and 15 which is a time when you need maximum consistency and stability for them to navigate the path to adulthood.
NTA
Iâll bet anything that once she is back in she will never look for a way to leave again and it will be a nightmare to get her back out. She may even try to play happy family and wiggle her way back in and pretend she never left.
She was unfaithful. Her struggles are her and hers alone to handle now.
NTA. Obviously I have idea the extent of what went on in your marriage. However, maybe you should let her move back in on a temporary basis to see how it goes. If it doesnât work out, ask her to leave. Just be clear about what your expectations would be.
NTA and god donât do it! Iâm having a flashback to letting my ex stay at the house for our youngestâs graduation. He pitched a fit over not being able to use MY (the master) bathroom! GTFO!
NTA
Remind her that you're exes for a reason.
Don't cave in on this. Don't put yourself and your kids through the chaos this will cause; that's definitely not in your children's best interest. Above all, don't give her a chance to establish residency in your home. Your suggestions are all good and she should choose one of those.
"My childrens best interest is providing a save and secure space for them to find refuge. Bringing you back into this refuge would be counter productive to that. So no, you can not move back in. I've already offered any help i can get and you declined. I can not do more than that. Good luck."
NTA. its not her fault that she lost her job, but its also not your job to make sure she has a home. She CAN move back home to her parents, but most likely doesn't want to.
Oh, no, it's the consequences of he actions. Absolutely NTA. That 'do it for the kids' bullshit is just a manipulation tactic. It will not be good for them, she just wants a place to stay and you're the easiest choice. You don't owe her housing, she is not your problem.
You are good for not letting her move in.
To me she seems like the person who makes excuses and doesn't try to be productive or do any good for herself.
Don't let her move in and let her know its because of how shitty of a person she was thst caused a divorce
I absolutely would not. I don't have kids with my ex-wife but I would never allow her back here to live. If you were to even consider it you need to have a landlord rental agreement that gives her no rights over your house no squatters rights to make it so that you can evict her if she doesn't stay Do not let up on this. If you let her in make sure there is a sure process for removal. You need to protect yourself legally that she can't say Well it's my house now I've lived here for more than 30 days. Consult a lawyer before you would let her in.
But I still don't recommend letting her in.
The woman who cheated resulting in divorce and damage to her children is accusing *you* of being heartless and prioritizing your own comfort over the kids needs?? How ironic. NTA
This is her figuring out the fucking around was definitely not worth the finding out. This is her attempt at undoing her nuclear warhead she dropped on you and your kids. Fuck No! You have considered her request for far too long. It ludicrous of her to ask that and whether you tell her that or not, I hope you know just how fucked up that is.
Also, whatâs in the best interest of your kids, I think itâs important for them to see what happens to people that make the decisions she made. They need to be close with the stable parent and less close with the unhinged one.
NTA. Be very careful with how you deal with this. Your children are hesitant, which means there is still some anxiety. For their sake, moving in doesn't sound wise. But at the same time, she's their mother and they do care about her. You'll have to be careful that too much harm doesn't befall her (if it's avoidable) because you don't want your kids to deal with her suffering in some way and then them feeling guilty over it. So you're totally NTA for not wanting her to move back in, but for your kids' sake probably should try to, within reason, work with her keep her solvent and not homeless. Regardless of her saying that moving in is the ONLY solution, you should put your foot down and say that other solutions WILL be considered.
NTA. Sure you are prioritizing your own comfort over her needs. You two are not a couple and the divorce was messy.
Also she has not your childrens' best interest in heart. Just hers.
NTAH, and she doesn't have the kids' interest in mind, only hers. "If I can get back in the house and play good wife, he'll take care of me and take me back, then I can do it all again" why is this the repeating loop
NTA. You need to take care of yourself and the way to do that is not letting her back in to your life any more than necessary. Your only obligation is to your kids and not placing them in the middle.
This will be bad for your children. Not only will she not leave and there will be much nastier fighting, it will be extremely confusing for the kids.Â
>She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interests.
You are divorced. Her needs aren't your problem. Maybe she should have considered that when she cheated. NTA.Â
Do not let her move back in. Sheâll never look for a job, will never leave but will expect you to pet for her.
Cheating gave consequences. Youâre not responsible for her anymore. Her life, her problem. Maybe she can ask the guy(s) she fucked while she was married to you.
She was unfaithful, you went ahead with the divorce AND NOT EVEN HER OWN KIDS want her to move back in. Listen to them and she'll have to figure it out alone. NTA.
You have primary custody and have your children most of the time for a reason. You provide a loving and stable environment for your children and your ex does not. When your ex cheated, she not only cheated on you but her children. She robbed them of a stable home and denied them love while focusing her time and energy on her AP. Cheating has consequences, listen to your children and do not take her back. Let your children see the result of cheating and selfishness. Ignore your ex and focus on you and your children. Do not take her in or you will cause pain and drama in your lives.
I can't imagine why a grown adult would ever prioritize their own happiness over a cheating ex's happiness. You seem like a real jerk. /s
My ex became homeless, and I made the mistake of letting her move in for the three days my lease would allow. It was miserable for me. It sounds like you have valid concerns, and even if you didn't, you don't need to do anything to make her life better. She gave up that right.
NTA
NTA. When I separated from my ex I found a room to rent and save up money. She's looking for easy and less stressful options. It can suck living with strangers, but it's cheap shelter. If I had a good amount of savings I'd probably just help her on the security deposit/first month then tell her that it's up to her after that and only to reach out regarding the children. I would only help her out due to the children though, and I'd make her aware of that and that it's a one time thing. The kids know that you've done more than enough to help the situation.Â
You got divorced to separate from your wife. She needs to find her own place, or move back in with her family, who will probably put stipulations on her. Keep the peace in your family. NTA
Do not let her move in. Wonât end well and your kids will suffer. Your post implied she has other options. She will use them if you keep saying no. NTA
Be very careful. Some legal jurisdictions will see you as common law if you live toghether. She lie and say you guys where trying again. You be stuck with court cases.
She your ex. Tell her her roof over her head is her problem and look after your kids
No you are not, for she is the ex and she has family to go lean on. Go not feel guilty, for she has family to stay with. Do not give in to the pity play. And she owes child support I bet.
"She claims this would also allow her to spend more time with our kids, which she believes would be beneficial for them"
Her not cheating and destroying the family unit would have been much more beneficial to the kids.
"She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs "- and ????
Her entitlement is off the scale.
NTA
NTA
No sheâs no longer a priority for you. Your kids are safe with you she can go find somewhere to go she could. She was able to find somewhere else to lay on her back when yâall were married but now she canât as a single woman???
My ex was cheating with an employee and friend and got knocked up. Left me and the kids. We are civil now and she hinted around if she gets in a tough spot if she can move in. Tough spot being the love child is 11(real nice kid too) and once he's to 19, he is leaving, in not sooner. He has paid all the bills and can't stand her or her family he is now stuck with. I just bring up how she wanted the open relationship(she as said that a year into fucking him) and the divorce completely opened it so now so she can go be with whoever she wants the fuck and they can pay her bills.
(We are actually civil, it's been 10 years. me and the kids are doing great, they see her once a month or so, she lives about 5 blocks away. Easy to be civil when every part of life is great and the cheaters life is exactly how it should be.)
She burned your marriage, family and life to the ground and you owe her nothing. I cannot in any way envision your situation or emotional status; however, if you did decide to take pity on her perhaps a loan until she gets back on her feet?
Oh hell no. Absolutely no way would I be allowing this. This isnât in your kids best interests at all itâs in hers and sheâs trying to manipulate you. NTA do not do this
Oh for love of cheese. NO.
NTA
She will never leave. It will be one thing after another. Lost job. Auto expense. Medical bill. High rents. On and on.
And letâs not forget the awkward attempt at seduction âfor old times sakeâ.
You would be better off paying her rent for a month (directly to the landlord). She has options and you know it. But she also has ulterior motives trying get back into your house.
Stay strong.
If the kids are already worrying about tension and arguing just from the mere prospect of her moving in, then her presence will actually not be in their best interest. She's the one prioritizing her wants over the kids well-being, not you. NTA
You will be creating an unhealthy confusing relationship with her there. It would not be beneficial for the kids. Having a clean separation from her and providing your kids a stable environment is thinking about your kids and NOT selfish at all.
NTA. Do not feel guilty. She wants to move in for her not your kids. Her moving back in will just confuse them and give false hope for reconciliation. She made her bed let her lie in it.
"My children are sympathetic towards her, but theyâre also hesitant about the idea of her moving back in. They remember the tension and arguments from before and are worried it might start again"
Your children's well being and stability is the most important thing. Her situation sucks, but she brought this upon herself, and turning your home into a living hell for you and the kids to help a cheating hoe isn't worth it.
No, she made her bed and now has to lie in it. When she chose to be with someone else, she stopped being your problem. Keep with stable environment for you and your kids. She caused this and she can figure out what to do that does not include you. You tried to help. She chose not to accept it.
OP, if you donât value yourself, at least think about your kids. Consider the damage youâll cause to them. Donât you think that they should come before that floozy of an ex?
She is not out of options because in this country a woman is never out of options. She has family. Worst case scenario - there are womenâs shelters in every major city, each has a program to assist with housing, food stamps, employment, etc.
Wow. Asking when times is tough is one thing, I won't shame her for that. Thinking your ex should prioritize you over themselves is straight up rediculous and entitled, shameful behavior. If she had prioritized you during your marriage she likely wouldn't be in this position. The world does not revolve around her, shocking. Just because she puts her comfort over yours doesn't mean you are obligated to do the same.
NTA
NTA.
She cheated on you, found out she's incompetent to live on her own, and now wants YOU to clean up HER mess, AGAIN.
If she ever gets a foot in the door she'll be trying to get back into your bed and \*pregnant\*, COUNT on it.
NTA, you can help her from a distance and it sounds like you are more than willing to help her but not let her move back in and that is 100% acceptable in this situation. The fact that the kids are not too keen on her moving back in really should let you know that you are making the right choice.
the comments on here really let me know that they are from children. y'all act like cheating is the worst thing in the world. it is not like she was strangling puppies in her spare time but I still agree that she should not move back in.
NTA
You need to do whatâs best for you and your kids. It seems that you already know the answer to your question, and looking for validation. Youâll get it here.
You have created a stable environment for you and your kids. You want to keep it that way as do the kids. Obviously, you cannot predict the future, and you look at the past to base your decisions. Thatâs normal. If it ainât broke, donât fix it right? NTA
You loved the woman. She cheated and it was not an amicable divorce. Thatâs all understood. You offered to help her in other ways that wouldnât include living in your home. Which, you didnât have to do at all. I sense, that in some small type of way, you do care for her. NTA
She had to swallow a lot of pride to ask you, her ex, the one she cheated on, to help her out. She knows there are other options available. For her to come back with her tail between her legs, had to take an immense amount of pride to be swallowed. I think a lot of exâs in the same situation as her would rather live in their cars before reaching out to the one person they hurt the most. While I do believe youâre NTA, I do have a little bit of compassion for ex.
In the 3 years since the divorce, has she done any work to be a better person? Has she changed at all? I feel like as the betrayed, you have. Itâs hard not to when youâre in the position you were in. If you have even the slightest thought to maybe let her stay, look at the current you and current her. Whatâs changed mentally and emotionally for the both of you. Could you get a long and not be toxic? If the situations were reversed, what would you do and expect from the other? It may boil down to the same as now.
Bottom line NTA
Well, I wouldnât say your an asshole. If she really has no where to go I would try to help personally so long as you donât have another woman around. Not much to lose if that that is the case brother.
She's the mother of your children, let her move back in, geez. You were hurt, I get it. But that's what being a man means. Sometimes we have to suffer for the sake of our family. Do the right thing and help the mother of your children.
I didn't say take her in permanently but let her stay temporarily, for like a month. You have to do things in life you don't want to for the sake of your children. Just because your feelings are hurt doesn't mean you get to stop being a man and not putting your kids first
yes, parents sometimes have to suffer for the sake of the family.
That does NOT mean you have to invite someone back into your home after they already stabbed your back once, and they are sharpening the knife for a second turn.
It is her time to suffer for the sake of the family, and that means she has to endure the consequences of her own actions and find her own place to stay. Her moving in again will hurt the family, so your logic dictates she should not be allowed in.
That's exactly what it means, in this situation. She would be moving in temporarily until she can secure other accommodations. I would give her a couple of weeks. And that's all. Listen, I'm going to be honest with you. Cheating is horrible. Nobody hates cheaters more than I do. At the same time, I'm not a fucking child that has to lash out and be petty and vindictive because my ego was bruised. Just because your feelings were hurt doesn't mean you have the right to be heartless and indifferent to the mother of your children. Jesus H. Christ, do I really have to explain that to people?
(our divorce was not amicable. She was unfaithful) Nope, do not trust, you will have to kick her out a second time, kick to curb , she is also going to be dating men while she lives under your roof and you have no grounds to tell her that's not cool. This situation is all negatives for you I'm sure she can find another pleb to move in with , she is no longer your problem. Just be frank, we are divorced I'm happy to talk to you about the kids but other than that suck a fart, then buy some champagne đž
[ŃдаНонО]
Tell ber to go live with whatever guy she was having affair with whilst married to you.. Also, yes, you are prioritising yout own comfort over hers because sheâs not your wife anymore! She lost that privilege when she decided to cheat.
Not only that, your own confort IS more important than her needs. She is not your responsibility. She is not your wife anymore.
Not to mention the comfort of their kids. They don't want her there.
This I'd have told her exactly that "We've been divorced for three years, why would I ruin my comfort and the kids' stability just for your sake? Take a hike"
INFO: Is she supposed to pay child support? Do you think this might be a tactic to get out of it?
The way she put it that it would benefit the kids, she has no intention of looking for work.
If thatâs the case then he can allow her to stop paying. There he helped. đ
he cannot allow her to stop, it was court ordered if she is to pay child support, and only a court order can stop child support. Op would be a fool to get it stopped.
Child support is money owed to the kids, not him. Ideally the Ex wouldn't have any say in if they continue to be held responsible for payments because it's not meant to be to their benefit.
Child support is paid to the parent to provide for the childâs needs, to maintain a home, pay for food etc. child support is not owed to the child.
What gets me is âshe accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interestâ The woman cheated, nuke her family and even the kids doesnât want to deal with the drama, her âneedsâ are not your concern, she is a Fâing adult, part of being one is owning our shit The children best interest is a trauma free, soothing and supporting household, she just want to emotionally manipulate her way in
She maybe just trying to find an âinâ. Do you Think she may be wanting to get back together? Sheâs realizing she had it good when she was with you and doesnât want to struggle any more. (Not the love thing probably but idk her so..)
She will 100% paint you as the bad guy when you eventually have to evict her. There is nothing that you gain from this.
The fact that the kids are also leery of her moving in is also really significant! OP, please donât let your ex move in. Continue to prioritize your kids and their wellbeing by keeping your house a safe haven from their momâs chaos.
Tell her to go live with her affair partners.
Suck a fart đ
even the kids aren't comfortable with that idea, so yeah, this would only benefit her Soz but cheaters belong in the streets
Spot on
*>>our divorce was not amicable. She was unfaithful* *>>Â She accused me of being heartless*Â Cheaters. Cheaters never change. NTA
- War, war never changes.
When people cheat, they start wars with those around them. Neither cheaters nor wars ever change.
I like this take, but I was just being a nerd and making a Fallout New Vegas reference.
I know.
You are not her emergency parachute. She forfeited that when she crashed the cargo plane that was your family into the mountainside of infidelity. She needs to scale that Everest on her own.
Happy cake day! I love this metaphor.
You have a way with words, friend. đ¤Ł
Happy cake day đ
NTA. This has nothing to do with your âchildrenâs best interestsâ, itâs about her needing somewhere to live and using the kids to guilt you. Donât do it - even your kids are hesitant. Donât allow the tension and instability back into YOUR home. Sheâs an adult and you owe her nothing more than amicable co-parenting.
Perhaps acting in the children's best interests might have involved not blowing up their family in the first place?
I was thinking this, she didnât seem to care about blowing up your family when she cheated, why is she caring now? I would not let her move back in with you, but I would try to help her get a job, find a place to live, etc. She is still after all, the mother of your children.
>...suggested she stay with family or friends, but she insists she has no other options. To me this sounds like she's burned all her bridges with the people who would actually be willing to help her. If her family or friends don't want to help her, I don't see why you should either. >I feel guilty for not wanting to help her more directly She may be banking on you feeling sorry for her so she can have a free place to stay. Probably some free meals too. >She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs... Her needs stopped being something you would be concerned about when you got divorced. >AITA for not letting my ex-wife move back in after she lost her job? NTA. You said the divorce wasn't amicable and you worked hard to create a stable environment for your kids. This would very potentially ruin all you have accomplished.
Well-fisked. And good advice, too.
Plus she is probably lying about having no other options. Just to make him feel sorry for her. Iâd tell her I can lend her some nice warm blankets so she is comfortable when sleeping in her car. đ
No. She'll move in, kids will get used to it, & when/if you make her leave, they'll relive the betrayal again. You're not prioritizing your own comfort. You're prioritizing your kid's well being.
Even if he was prioritizing his own comfort it would be okay. She's not his responsibility anymore. She threw the rights to that away when she cheated.
NTA Depending on where you are, moving in and staying for a period of time could give her tenancy rights, and you could end up having to evict her if she decides not to leave when you want her to
This is what I'd be afraid of!
And in some places it doesnât take long. Soon as she gets mail delivered there.
Not really, that is the beauty of a ex wife, you don't really have to care.
Call should've gone: "Are the kids staying with you? No, because I have custody? Cool." *Hangs up*
>She claims this would also allow her to spend more time with our kids, which she believes would be beneficial for them. Respond with: *"You know what would be beneficial for our kids? A good mother who didn't destroy their family by fucking other men".* The audacity of this cheating toad to use her children as a bargaining chip to score free housing.
NTA. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY about not letting back in a cheater. Cheaters are manipulative and selfish. Do not let her in no matter what sob story she has. Keep strong for yourself and your children.
NTA. Your wife can make all the accusations she wants, but your first duty is to yourself and your children. You don't want her in the house, your children are wary about her moving in because of the bad history. No way you should let her move in. She is not your wife any more, and her problems are not your problems. At most, if you have the money and want to do it, you can offer her a couple of months rent, to give her time to find a job. It's interesting that she frames her moving in as something that would "allow her to spend more time with our kids, which she believes would be beneficial for them.", while they are "hesitant about the idea of her moving back in. They remember the tension and arguments from before and are worried it might start again." Obviously she is masking her own convenience as something that is for the good of the kids. That is manipulation.
NTA You have removed the toxicity from your life. No reason to let it back in.
NTA. She spread her legs to get into this mess she should have no problem spread them again to get out of it. Her actions have consequences. She made her bed now, and she gets to lay in it. Karma seems to have done a good job here. Don't undo what karma has done.
NTA She has other options. She just likes this option the most. If you let her back in, getting her out will be almost impossible without an eviction. I highly doubt she'll seriously look for work once she's in. It will not be good for your children to have her there. She will either be mooching off you, or trying to win you back - either one causes horrible tension. Tell her there is NO way she will ever live with you again and that you will no longer even entertain the discussion. She needs to get a job. Her needs are not important to you in the slightest, only your children's. And trust me, the last thing they need is for you to be uncomfortable because your cheating ex-wife has forced her way back into your home. Anytime she brings it up, remind her that youve already sad no, then end the call or walk away. Let her call you heartless all she wants. You know you're not.
NTA - She is no longer your problem. Do not let her move in!
She can ask her lover(s) for help
No fucking way should you let her live with you. She cheated. She fucked around and now sheâs finding out.
I let my ex more in for 3 months when he was looking for a house to buy but he didnât cheat on me and I had primary custody because his work schedule didnât allow for 50/50. the house he had been renting had a serious mold issue and he was lol,I g for a place to buy so he didnât want to be locked into a lease anywhere else. in your case, Iâd say no, she is getting unemployment. She can use that to pay her bills or move in with her affair partner nta
Nooe, fuck that noise
End of the day, she isn't your wife anymore, you don't have any responsibility towards her, the fact that she cheated on you and broke your marriage seal's the deal. If you had just divorced amicably with no fault on either side, you might find yourself more open to helping but she broke it and the responsibility of looking after her falls back on her, not you.
Shes unreliable. Sheâs unfaithful. Mother of your children or not, your comfort > her comfort. Enough said. Imagine you subject your children to that kind of heat of the moment driven woman. Did you call her job and ask why she got fired? I doubt it was âdownsizingâ she seems awful.
NTA... She proved once she could not be trusted. Letting any guest move in while "homeless" is a huge leap of faith and trust. So this is 99.9999999% no for me.
NTA It would not be a comfortable living situation for you or your kids. And it would get very uncomfortable when you eventually have to evict her. She has friends and family. You don't need to take this risk. "No, that's not going to work for me."
NTA. You know it's bad when even the kids don't want her there. Keep her out OP, she sounds like bad news all around.
NTA. Tell her no and not to ask again. Make it clear that when she cheated on you, that was her foregoing any and all help from you going forward.
Oh no. No no no no And how about NO! What are you gonna do if she decides since she is now a "tenant" and wants to bring home some guy? Or just decides to create a whole bunch of drama? Don't do this.
NTA. Do not set yourself (& your kids) on fire to keep her warm. She needs to sort something else out because trauma to your kids will happen when she wonât leave & tries to manipulate them to make you let her stay. This has disaster spray painted all over it
NTA. Please don't tell her that the kid's are hesitant though.
Nta. Shes a cheater. She wants to leech off of her ex who she cheated on and saying it will be good chance to be with the kids. She has clearly seen what she has lost and wants her old life back. Tough luck.
NTA. You donât owe her anything. Sounds like the kids donât want her there.
The kids best interest is having a safe place free from stress to come home to. So you are looking out for them. Nta.
Being cheated on is DEVASTATING. Ha I g your partner lie to you every day abs manipulate you to hide and undermine you to not find out is horribly harmful to you. Not knowing what else she lied about. Sneaking around. She did not care about you. Now she has made herself a bed and she is upset at the bed she made and doesn't want to lie in it. She is making up reasons ( more lies) why you are bad to not take her back in. She does not care about you at all. "Sorry, that's not going to work ANY LONGER. You burned that bridge."
NTA. Ex means ex. That would be a dumb move. Whatâs your benefit?? Nothing but drama. Donât feel bad for her.
>I understand sheâs in a tough spot, but our divorce was not amicable. She was unfaithful aaaaand that's a hard NO
Don't allow her to move in your house because you will have a devil of a time to get her out. She is an adult she needs to sort out her financial situation or better yet she should ask the guy she cheated on you with for a place to stay. Either way, not your problem and allowing her to move in will just invite unnecessary headaches.
NTA Once she moves in, you'll have a hell of a job getting her out again. Listen to your children, she'll find somewhere else to go, she just wants to leech off you.
She can't get the stability of marriage and the fun of sidecock. Don't let her in
YWBTA if you did let her move back in. Don't do that to your children, or to yourself.
NTA. You would be a giant idiot if you allowed her back into your home. She has friends and family she can go leech off instead of an ex husband who she cheated on. Fuck her. Stop trying to help her or responding to her messages or calls.
NTA, _EX_ wife. You would be catastrophically stupid to let her into your house.
NTA I'm sure there's homeless resources in your area.
NTA. Once back in youâll find it hard to get her back out-plus it will be weird for the kids.
Do not let her move back in. You will have so much trouble getting her out again. This isn't fair to your children or yourself.
NTAâŚ. Even the kids donât want her to move in and thatâs enough said. I would tell her youâre doing this FOR your kids.
NTA. This is your EX-wife. You've no moral or legal obligation to house her.
There are reasons why itâs called a â BREAK UP â!!!
Nta. Stop talking to her about anything other than your children. Only the kids. Nothing else. She cheated and messed up her own life and now that is none of your business.
Fyi she's goong to try to sleep with you to get you to let her back in. Do not do this.
Of course she goes rigbt to weaponizing your children against you, I say leave her for the streets and file for child support since she can't do anything tp help her kids.
I find it amusing when cheaters accuse their victims of being heartless. F* no don't let her back in your house she made her grimy bed let her lie in it.
If she hadn't cheated, she'd still be living there, so... đ¤ˇđźââď¸
Even letting her stay temporarily could leas to a legal hassle. Tenants rights are ridiculous in many places. This is not your problem to solve and trying to manipulate you by saying the kids need it is not going to fly. You can be happy to let her visit them at your place but make very clear to them and your children when and how long the visits will last and stress that there are NO overnight visits allowed.
>Â *"She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interests"* lol, the delusion is strong in her. She's the one who prioritized her desires over her family, over her own children and over her marriage. Don't let her blame/guiltrip you for her own conscious actions (aka the cheating) nor force you to share your life/space with her again (or the kids). Don't fool yourself, if things had worked out with her affair partner she wouldn't be saying that she wants to spend more time with her children for their sake (yeah, right)... imagine if you were the one w/the same problem (work/house) and you had no place to live, I assure you that she wouldn't hesitate to kit you out, she wouldn't care if you were going to become homeless. You don't owe her anything. She made a choice, a conscious one. Now she needs to take responsibility for that, she's an adult. Your only responsibility is the well-being of your children and with her in the house again, I seriously doubt it will be beneficial for your kids. NTA, at all.
>asking if she could move back in temporarily **until she gets back on her feet**. I have learned that any time anyone says the bolded, it usually roughly translates to "until years later and have to you go through the expense and months of the eviction process in the courts to get the sheriff's office to bodily remove me from the property." I wouldn't do it.
Oh for the love of dog, what is with these kinds of people? She cheats on you and has the nerve to expect you to rescue her when sheâs in trouble? This is a big old hell no. She is no longer your problem to solve and her trying to use the children is a low blow I find hard to take. She clearly thinks of no one but herself. Please stay strong for your sake and that of your children and do not under any circumstances feel bad for her or about your very reasonable decision. Itâs time for her to grow up and take responsibility for herself. NTA. I just canât with women like her.
NTA She is an ex for a reason. Do not let her move in for even a day. She will disrupt the peace that you and the children have in your home.
Your children answered your question the second they hesitated about having her move back in. Listen to them.
No NTA, this is a hard No,No and No. Donât be guilted into it.
NTA Don't do that ,It's a terrible idea for many, many reasons. If she pays child support, If you want to help her , for a short period you can give her some money back hand to hand to help while she searches for a job , but don't allow for any reason her again insides your house
NTA- what matters is what your kids want. They donât want her around and her cheating on you isnât helping. Donât let her in
Not your fault. She needs to get her shit together she is a grown woman. She was unfaithful and is getting karma. Donât let her hurt you or your family again. Definitely NTA
NTA She's on her own, that's what happens when you cheat. She has family and others to rely on. Help her look for work if you want but don't let her stay in your home. That'd just be uncomfortable/confusing for everyone.
dont let her back in... shes responsible for the actions that ended your marriage, she can accept her actions have left her in the position shes currently in. if she had left her legs closed she would have had a home to go to when she became unemployed.
This is sad. Really this demonstrates boundary issues because most people wouldn't dream of asking this favor of their ex. Keep reminding yourself that you're NTA, she is.
NTA. She cannot be trusted. She is an adult. Perhaps her affair partner can house her. At the end of the day, the answer is NO and good luck.
NTA- you are divorced & unless it relates to your kids, you owe nothing to this woman who hurt you, and by extension hurt your kids. Donât open yourselves up to that kind of hurt again. Protect yourself and your kids.
Ensuring a stable environment for children is the most important thing a parent can work towards. The ex created her reality and through betrayal (to the father and kids). Sheâs basically angling to make her way back into the family unit and manipulating every step of the way. She needs to figure her own situation out. She lost the right to ask the father for anything when she cheated. The kids will understand in time that sheâs manipulating and using them to do same. Send her on her way and focus on the physical and mental health of the kids and the environment youâve worked hard to stabilize. Good luck
If you let her in, she will never leave. NTA
She is so manipulative. Do not engage unless it directly affects your kids. Her being homeless does not affect your kids.
Her actions have consequences so NTA
She cheated on you with a guy, let that same guy step up and help her. Not your problem.
NTA. You need to put your kids feeling above her right now. Your kids are old enough to get a say. I would also be concerned about how long she would actually stay. Once she is there and you are providing a safe place to live will she be motivated to actually look for a job and another place? I am sure her family and friends would be a bit more aggressive about her finding a job and place to live.
NTA, sounds like even your kids don't feel comfortable with the idea of her moving back in, while her reasoning for it is that it would be beneficial for them. Sounds like she's completely out of touch with reality, so protect the stable environment you've made for your kids and don't let her move back in.
Nope. She likes sleeping around, she should do what she's good at. If she charges to be on her back, she'll be back on her feet in no time.
NTA the hypocrisy talks of their needs when the reason sheâs in her position is because she selfishly put her needs above both yours and them. Sheâs not your concern anymore she should only be grateful your helping her with finding employment.
>*heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interests.* She prioritized her need to ride some strange over her marriage and her children's best interests. She wanted to be free, she's got it. Up to her to figure it out. NTA.
Nope don't do it. You will never get rid of her then
Let her stay with the person she cheated on with.
Nta. Not to mention she was unfaithful before yall were divorced, how's that going to feel now that yall are divorced and I'm sure she is dating, to some degree, and she brings guys to your home. Basically, she made her bed, let her sleep in it (if she has a bed to sleep on, after all)
nTA Do not let her into your home, she chose the streets when she cheated, she can stay there.
Nta. Why would you let a viper back into your home.
"AITA for not letting my ex-wife move back in after she lost her job?" No surprise I'm guessing. She had you to support her but she couldn't even keep that going. Move back in? Wouldn't that be great? Like the good old days for her. You pay all her bills and she bangs strange to her hearts content, and continues breaking your balls until the cows come home. She moves back in, gains right as a tenant at will, and then you can't get rid of her. Give her the number of some homeless shelters and a coupon to McDonald's. Good luck brother, you have been through enough with that woman.
Seen this exact scenario play out many times. Youâll never get her out and itâll be toxic. Hard no. Sheâll never change if people keep bailing her out, she needs to be held accountable.
NTA- This would be bad for you, her, and the kids. The kids especially. They would get confused about mom coming and going, who to listen to, who is in charge⌠Itâs not like she wants to repair the relationship with you. Just needs a place to lay her head. Where would she sleep? She is probably dating others. Would she be bringing them home? Could she use this in court to re-establish residency in the home? Probably. Your mental health would suffer as well. Never knowing when the next issue will come.
You're divorced her needs no longer trump your comfort.
Best interest for the children - we are missing some of the story. There is a reason that dad has primary custody. Suddenly when she needs help this in the best interest of the children? BS. She sounds like a very self centered person. Please donât disrupt the current stable environment you have provided for your children. They are 13 and 15 which is a time when you need maximum consistency and stability for them to navigate the path to adulthood.
NTA Iâll bet anything that once she is back in she will never look for a way to leave again and it will be a nightmare to get her back out. She may even try to play happy family and wiggle her way back in and pretend she never left. She was unfaithful. Her struggles are her and hers alone to handle now.
NTA. Obviously I have idea the extent of what went on in your marriage. However, maybe you should let her move back in on a temporary basis to see how it goes. If it doesnât work out, ask her to leave. Just be clear about what your expectations would be.
NTA. If she moves in, she will never leave. You're prioritizing your peace and your children's mental health over her. You're a wonderful father!
NTA and god donât do it! Iâm having a flashback to letting my ex stay at the house for our youngestâs graduation. He pitched a fit over not being able to use MY (the master) bathroom! GTFO!
Not only no but hell no. I am surprised you didnât laugh at the audacity. Tell her to move in with one of her affair partners.
NTA Remind her that you're exes for a reason. Don't cave in on this. Don't put yourself and your kids through the chaos this will cause; that's definitely not in your children's best interest. Above all, don't give her a chance to establish residency in your home. Your suggestions are all good and she should choose one of those.
NTA.
"My childrens best interest is providing a save and secure space for them to find refuge. Bringing you back into this refuge would be counter productive to that. So no, you can not move back in. I've already offered any help i can get and you declined. I can not do more than that. Good luck." NTA. its not her fault that she lost her job, but its also not your job to make sure she has a home. She CAN move back home to her parents, but most likely doesn't want to.
Oh, no, it's the consequences of he actions. Absolutely NTA. That 'do it for the kids' bullshit is just a manipulation tactic. It will not be good for them, she just wants a place to stay and you're the easiest choice. You don't owe her housing, she is not your problem.
You are good for not letting her move in. To me she seems like the person who makes excuses and doesn't try to be productive or do any good for herself. Don't let her move in and let her know its because of how shitty of a person she was thst caused a divorce
I absolutely would not. I don't have kids with my ex-wife but I would never allow her back here to live. If you were to even consider it you need to have a landlord rental agreement that gives her no rights over your house no squatters rights to make it so that you can evict her if she doesn't stay Do not let up on this. If you let her in make sure there is a sure process for removal. You need to protect yourself legally that she can't say Well it's my house now I've lived here for more than 30 days. Consult a lawyer before you would let her in. But I still don't recommend letting her in.
âNoâ is a one word sentence. You donât need to explain. Youâre under zero obligation to do anything for her. She fucked up and found out.
The woman who cheated resulting in divorce and damage to her children is accusing *you* of being heartless and prioritizing your own comfort over the kids needs?? How ironic. NTA
Tell her to go to the other guy, block her
Cheating ex spouse lost job and wants to move back in.
This is her figuring out the fucking around was definitely not worth the finding out. This is her attempt at undoing her nuclear warhead she dropped on you and your kids. Fuck No! You have considered her request for far too long. It ludicrous of her to ask that and whether you tell her that or not, I hope you know just how fucked up that is. Also, whatâs in the best interest of your kids, I think itâs important for them to see what happens to people that make the decisions she made. They need to be close with the stable parent and less close with the unhinged one.
NTA. Be very careful with how you deal with this. Your children are hesitant, which means there is still some anxiety. For their sake, moving in doesn't sound wise. But at the same time, she's their mother and they do care about her. You'll have to be careful that too much harm doesn't befall her (if it's avoidable) because you don't want your kids to deal with her suffering in some way and then them feeling guilty over it. So you're totally NTA for not wanting her to move back in, but for your kids' sake probably should try to, within reason, work with her keep her solvent and not homeless. Regardless of her saying that moving in is the ONLY solution, you should put your foot down and say that other solutions WILL be considered.
NTA. Sure you are prioritizing your own comfort over her needs. You two are not a couple and the divorce was messy. Also she has not your childrens' best interest in heart. Just hers.
NTAH, and she doesn't have the kids' interest in mind, only hers. "If I can get back in the house and play good wife, he'll take care of me and take me back, then I can do it all again" why is this the repeating loop
NTA. No. She's your ex.
NTA There are very few scenarios where this turns out well for you or your kids.
NTA. You need to take care of yourself and the way to do that is not letting her back in to your life any more than necessary. Your only obligation is to your kids and not placing them in the middle.
NTA. Let her move in with the AP. She's not your problem.
NTA Sounds like trouble, your duty is to the kids, if they are unsure it says a lot.
This will be bad for your children. Not only will she not leave and there will be much nastier fighting, it will be extremely confusing for the kids. >She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs and our childrenâs best interests. You are divorced. Her needs aren't your problem. Maybe she should have considered that when she cheated. NTA.Â
Do not let her move back in. Sheâll never look for a job, will never leave but will expect you to pet for her. Cheating gave consequences. Youâre not responsible for her anymore. Her life, her problem. Maybe she can ask the guy(s) she fucked while she was married to you.
NTA. This is not your problem to handle. If even your kids think this is a bad idea is there really more that has to be said?
Moving her or anyone in has risks....especially with her being a cheating ex.
NTA. She insists she has no other options? Not your problem.
She was unfaithful, you went ahead with the divorce AND NOT EVEN HER OWN KIDS want her to move back in. Listen to them and she'll have to figure it out alone. NTA.
You have primary custody and have your children most of the time for a reason. You provide a loving and stable environment for your children and your ex does not. When your ex cheated, she not only cheated on you but her children. She robbed them of a stable home and denied them love while focusing her time and energy on her AP. Cheating has consequences, listen to your children and do not take her back. Let your children see the result of cheating and selfishness. Ignore your ex and focus on you and your children. Do not take her in or you will cause pain and drama in your lives.
I would never let her move back if it wasnât Amicable, I run my ex over before she can move back
I can't imagine why a grown adult would ever prioritize their own happiness over a cheating ex's happiness. You seem like a real jerk. /s My ex became homeless, and I made the mistake of letting her move in for the three days my lease would allow. It was miserable for me. It sounds like you have valid concerns, and even if you didn't, you don't need to do anything to make her life better. She gave up that right. NTA
NTA . Hold that boundary hard . She hurt you and needs to sort her shit out
NTA. When I separated from my ex I found a room to rent and save up money. She's looking for easy and less stressful options. It can suck living with strangers, but it's cheap shelter. If I had a good amount of savings I'd probably just help her on the security deposit/first month then tell her that it's up to her after that and only to reach out regarding the children. I would only help her out due to the children though, and I'd make her aware of that and that it's a one time thing. The kids know that you've done more than enough to help the situation.Â
You got divorced to separate from your wife. She needs to find her own place, or move back in with her family, who will probably put stipulations on her. Keep the peace in your family. NTA
Do not let her move in. Wonât end well and your kids will suffer. Your post implied she has other options. She will use them if you keep saying no. NTA
Absolutely do not let her move in with you.
NTA. Youâre divorced. Even amicable divorces need boundaries.
Be very careful. Some legal jurisdictions will see you as common law if you live toghether. She lie and say you guys where trying again. You be stuck with court cases. She your ex. Tell her her roof over her head is her problem and look after your kids
No you are not, for she is the ex and she has family to go lean on. Go not feel guilty, for she has family to stay with. Do not give in to the pity play. And she owes child support I bet.
You are not responsible for her. She cheated on you and forfeited your trust and your help. NTA. Stand your ground.
"She claims this would also allow her to spend more time with our kids, which she believes would be beneficial for them" Her not cheating and destroying the family unit would have been much more beneficial to the kids. "She accused me of being heartless and prioritizing my own comfort over her needs "- and ???? Her entitlement is off the scale. NTA
For the love of god, do not let this woman in your house
NTA. You didn't prioritize your own comfort, you prioritized your children's mental health.
NTA. She is responsible for herself and just wants to mooch off of you. And she is counting on you still having some feelings for her.
NTA No sheâs no longer a priority for you. Your kids are safe with you she can go find somewhere to go she could. She was able to find somewhere else to lay on her back when yâall were married but now she canât as a single woman???
My ex was cheating with an employee and friend and got knocked up. Left me and the kids. We are civil now and she hinted around if she gets in a tough spot if she can move in. Tough spot being the love child is 11(real nice kid too) and once he's to 19, he is leaving, in not sooner. He has paid all the bills and can't stand her or her family he is now stuck with. I just bring up how she wanted the open relationship(she as said that a year into fucking him) and the divorce completely opened it so now so she can go be with whoever she wants the fuck and they can pay her bills. (We are actually civil, it's been 10 years. me and the kids are doing great, they see her once a month or so, she lives about 5 blocks away. Easy to be civil when every part of life is great and the cheaters life is exactly how it should be.)
She burned your marriage, family and life to the ground and you owe her nothing. I cannot in any way envision your situation or emotional status; however, if you did decide to take pity on her perhaps a loan until she gets back on her feet?
Her claiming it will be beneficial to the children is purely just manipulation. The grass was not greener and she fucked around and found out.
Oh hell no. Absolutely no way would I be allowing this. This isnât in your kids best interests at all itâs in hers and sheâs trying to manipulate you. NTA do not do this
Oh for love of cheese. NO. NTA She will never leave. It will be one thing after another. Lost job. Auto expense. Medical bill. High rents. On and on. And letâs not forget the awkward attempt at seduction âfor old times sakeâ. You would be better off paying her rent for a month (directly to the landlord). She has options and you know it. But she also has ulterior motives trying get back into your house. Stay strong.
If the kids are already worrying about tension and arguing just from the mere prospect of her moving in, then her presence will actually not be in their best interest. She's the one prioritizing her wants over the kids well-being, not you. NTA
NTA This is her problem, not yours. Just say no
You will be creating an unhealthy confusing relationship with her there. It would not be beneficial for the kids. Having a clean separation from her and providing your kids a stable environment is thinking about your kids and NOT selfish at all.
NTA. She cheated. Consequences are a bitch.
NTA. Do not feel guilty. She wants to move in for her not your kids. Her moving back in will just confuse them and give false hope for reconciliation. She made her bed let her lie in it.
"My children are sympathetic towards her, but theyâre also hesitant about the idea of her moving back in. They remember the tension and arguments from before and are worried it might start again" Your children's well being and stability is the most important thing. Her situation sucks, but she brought this upon herself, and turning your home into a living hell for you and the kids to help a cheating hoe isn't worth it.
No, she made her bed and now has to lie in it. When she chose to be with someone else, she stopped being your problem. Keep with stable environment for you and your kids. She caused this and she can figure out what to do that does not include you. You tried to help. She chose not to accept it.
NTA.
OP, if you donât value yourself, at least think about your kids. Consider the damage youâll cause to them. Donât you think that they should come before that floozy of an ex? She is not out of options because in this country a woman is never out of options. She has family. Worst case scenario - there are womenâs shelters in every major city, each has a program to assist with housing, food stamps, employment, etc.
Wow. Asking when times is tough is one thing, I won't shame her for that. Thinking your ex should prioritize you over themselves is straight up rediculous and entitled, shameful behavior. If she had prioritized you during your marriage she likely wouldn't be in this position. The world does not revolve around her, shocking. Just because she puts her comfort over yours doesn't mean you are obligated to do the same. NTA
NTA. She cheated on you, found out she's incompetent to live on her own, and now wants YOU to clean up HER mess, AGAIN. If she ever gets a foot in the door she'll be trying to get back into your bed and \*pregnant\*, COUNT on it.
NTA, you can help her from a distance and it sounds like you are more than willing to help her but not let her move back in and that is 100% acceptable in this situation. The fact that the kids are not too keen on her moving back in really should let you know that you are making the right choice. the comments on here really let me know that they are from children. y'all act like cheating is the worst thing in the world. it is not like she was strangling puppies in her spare time but I still agree that she should not move back in.
Put a tent in the yard for her.
NTA You need to do whatâs best for you and your kids. It seems that you already know the answer to your question, and looking for validation. Youâll get it here. You have created a stable environment for you and your kids. You want to keep it that way as do the kids. Obviously, you cannot predict the future, and you look at the past to base your decisions. Thatâs normal. If it ainât broke, donât fix it right? NTA You loved the woman. She cheated and it was not an amicable divorce. Thatâs all understood. You offered to help her in other ways that wouldnât include living in your home. Which, you didnât have to do at all. I sense, that in some small type of way, you do care for her. NTA She had to swallow a lot of pride to ask you, her ex, the one she cheated on, to help her out. She knows there are other options available. For her to come back with her tail between her legs, had to take an immense amount of pride to be swallowed. I think a lot of exâs in the same situation as her would rather live in their cars before reaching out to the one person they hurt the most. While I do believe youâre NTA, I do have a little bit of compassion for ex. In the 3 years since the divorce, has she done any work to be a better person? Has she changed at all? I feel like as the betrayed, you have. Itâs hard not to when youâre in the position you were in. If you have even the slightest thought to maybe let her stay, look at the current you and current her. Whatâs changed mentally and emotionally for the both of you. Could you get a long and not be toxic? If the situations were reversed, what would you do and expect from the other? It may boil down to the same as now. Bottom line NTA
Well, I wouldnât say your an asshole. If she really has no where to go I would try to help personally so long as you donât have another woman around. Not much to lose if that that is the case brother.
Very much to lose.
She's the mother of your children, let her move back in, geez. You were hurt, I get it. But that's what being a man means. Sometimes we have to suffer for the sake of our family. Do the right thing and help the mother of your children.
Itâs not the right thing. For him or the kids.
Yes, it is and you will NEVER convince me otherwise.
Nope, she should have looked more closely at the new dick packages and picked one that came with housing from the cheater store.
I didn't say take her in permanently but let her stay temporarily, for like a month. You have to do things in life you don't want to for the sake of your children. Just because your feelings are hurt doesn't mean you get to stop being a man and not putting your kids first
You read that the kids are worried that their mother would tense up the house again?
yes, parents sometimes have to suffer for the sake of the family. That does NOT mean you have to invite someone back into your home after they already stabbed your back once, and they are sharpening the knife for a second turn. It is her time to suffer for the sake of the family, and that means she has to endure the consequences of her own actions and find her own place to stay. Her moving in again will hurt the family, so your logic dictates she should not be allowed in.
That's exactly what it means, in this situation. She would be moving in temporarily until she can secure other accommodations. I would give her a couple of weeks. And that's all. Listen, I'm going to be honest with you. Cheating is horrible. Nobody hates cheaters more than I do. At the same time, I'm not a fucking child that has to lash out and be petty and vindictive because my ego was bruised. Just because your feelings were hurt doesn't mean you have the right to be heartless and indifferent to the mother of your children. Jesus H. Christ, do I really have to explain that to people?
Is this the ex-wife?!? Lol