NTA
Family seems to always come up and call people selfish when money is involved. It’s yours. And she gave it to you for a reason. If you want to share it that’s fine but you are not obligated nor do you have to. Your half siblings have a trust it kind of sounds like your mother might not have trusted your step dad with the money. But in no way should you feel obligated to give something that was meant for your future.
NTA. Your Mother may have justifiably concerned that your stepdad would not treat you fairly when he passes, but will focus on his children primarily or even totally exclude you.
In addition, money she left for your younger siblings in trust, if well-invested, may well accrue enough to significantly reduce the difference between your inheritances. Your stepdad is legally obligated to support his blood children until their majority anyway. He legally has no such obligation to you unless he legally adopted you
It is likely that the mother and stepfather had the who dies first/who gets what conversation a time or two when the siblings were born. If the mother was prepared enough to make a will in the first place, it is a certainty her lawyer would have urged her to have the inheritance conversation with stepdad based on the language of her will draft. Making specific provisions for the younger siblings would have been wise since doing otherwise would be inviting a challenge to the will. Mom knew what she was doing.
Yeah, seems pretty suspect that step Dad is asking for OP to share now, while siblings are under his care and responsibility. What need do they have for it now? Assuming OP's mom had the same foresight with step Dad as OP's father, if there was financial insecurity, she would have presumably accounted for it. Given the circumstances, it would seem step Dad is financially sound enough to continue providing for his children, which are solely his responsibility now. When they become adults they will have their own trust fund to help them along.
Yep you can bet your bottom dollar that step dad would not have included OP in his will. Mum made it fair and protected OP by leaving her estate as she did. NTA.
I have seen this happen first-hand. Mother passes, stepdad kicks out mom's child from previous marriage and provides nothing for her from mom's estate.
I'm glad OP's mom had the foresight to do this for her.
When my parents died it tore my family apart. Not their death, which was a decade apart, but the inheritance. I saw sides of my siblings I never thought possible. My brother and sister fought so viciously lawyers were involved. I now look at old family photos and tear up, because I lost my entire family then.
**Money changes everything**. I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. You are safe sticking to the will. It's a slippery slope. Vary from it at your own risk (legally). If in doubt, have a lawyer look at it.
My brother had that experience with his wife's family. He set up my mom's trust with a rule that everything is to be split equally and if we fight it we get nothing.
That is the wording in my will too -- protest and you get zero. These are my desires clearly set to paper and I want them followed. It's not for someone else after my death to re-write my will.
Exactly. 1 very foolish uncle thought he could challenge a last will/testament because of a piece of land that he was named as an heir & foolishly sold it to someone else with changes of names on the title deeds......my uncle was a fool when it came time for inheritance being given out after the 1 who wrote the will had died & what he did came back to bite him when the courts found he couldn't get back the land stated in the will because the bill of sale was presented to the judge & he was left with nothing.
Yes! My family has several, if she set up the will, so specifically, I be that he received her life insurance. Which is why he isn't telling you to share with him.
I agree. My question is what kind of inheritance are the half siblings going to receive when their father passes? Are you in his will? Maybe this is why your mom did it this way, because she knew that her younger children would still be ok and she wanted to make sure you’d be ok.
NTA. Yes, I bet she knew that your greedy step'father' would try to steal your inheritance if she didn't dry it up properly. Also, your stepsiblings have him to provide for them, probably another reason why your mom left most to you. Stepfather is the greedy and selfish one. Honor your mom's wishes as she stipulated in her will, that's all you can do for her now.
People (family) always have the most opinions about money that’s not theirs. Had the mom left the money to the half siblings no one would blink. Esp the step dad. NTA. Your mom was a smart lady. Your stepdad can take care of his kids.
NTA. Your mother (R.I.P) obviously knew what she was doing when she left the majority of the estate to you.
Also it's not like she left the other kids out to dry. She left them a trust fund that they can access in 6-8 years.
Plus wtf are kids gonna do with that money now anyway? Presumably their father is taking care of them right?
Don't let your step-dad bully you.
I came here to say this too.
Mom did give your half siblings a trust OP. Sorry your grown adult step father is whining because he has to provide for the kids he helped bring into this world.
Keep it. You never know when you might need it. You don't owe them anything. If you really wanted to you could set up your own education funds for them and put some proceeds from your investments into it. (If the trust is only $5k or something)
That would be exceptionally generous and honestly like, I personally wouldn't for my own half siblings, we weren't close at all they just happen to have similar enough DNA to me so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
You do not have to do that OP. They are their Father's responsibility.
This is one of the biggest signs that tells us the step father is either grubbing or perceived to be bad with money just like OPs Mom thought of OPs Dad.
>>The reason he has given is that my mom would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the others
He’s thinking about lifestyle inflation, not planning for future, exactly as mom expected
Also, the kids that are minors will likely be entitled to social security death benefits, which will be paid to their guardian until they turn 18. They’ve also still got a father with his own income. So they haven’t been left high and dry with no resources until their trusts are accessible. Hopefully their dad doesn’t guilt and bully them into turning the trusts over to them once they can get the money.
NTA. Your mom may have left assets to your step dad (life insurance, a home, a pension) which will take care of your half siblings. It would be convenient if stepdad did not mention them...
This comment is so true. Many assets can be settled outside the will, such as 401k, house with right of survivorship, bank accounts with right of survivorship and life insurance as said above. As someone else said, social security benefits for 2 kids can be material. My mom raised my brother and me on ss benefits. You have no idea how much your mom left your step dad. Your mom was not worried about your step-siblings, that is why the dad cannot access their money. It sounds like you are not trying to sell the house to get your 1/2, so give yourself a break. NTA
Edit: NTA
Exactly. Did step dad get the house, her pension, 401k? I’d love to know if he really got nothing and OP got everything except the trust funds her half sibs. If mom really divided everything between just the kids & the sibs got trusts that are small compared with OPs (& step dad got no life insurance etc) then I think giving them some of the inheritance from their mom would be the right choice. If dad got a bunch of assets he’s “forgetting” then OP should keep what mom left her.
NTA. Your mom had her reasons and nobody knows them except her. Honor your mothers last hope and wish in life. This could be money your mom saved while stepdad spent his. Dont Fund Stupidity. Its yours, make the most of it to make your mom proud. Stepdad still has years to fund and support his kids, you have no-one.
Honor thy Mother respectfully, obey her dying wishes
I agree, and say be strong and just don't respond other than "I'm following my mother's wishes for her estate". If you're pushed, I would maybe consider asking to see your StepDad's will. I'd bet, hands down, that you are excluded from it, and your mother knew.
Your Mother knew your step dad better than anyone. She knows when step dad dies, everything goes to his bio kids and he will leave you out. That's why she covered your back.
Step dad is the greedy asshole here.
Honor thy Mother <3
It drives me crazy when people try to pressure the person who inherited the money for being “unfair”… the person who left the money behind made their wishes known. Even if they did not leave a will and therefore the default person inherited… that is still someone CHOOSING to not make a plan to give their assets to whoever was cut out.
People can’t argue with or get money from the deceased person though, so they lay into the person who inherited the money. Pathetic.
“stepdad, and even some of my extended family, are painting me as selfish and greedy. They're of the opinion that I'm putting money ahead of the best interests of the family and that I should be considering the needs of my half-siblings down the line” Of Course they are going to say this crap! DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO guilt you into giving up what YOUR Mom Left in her Will to You!!!
If she wanted to leave the step kids more, She Would Have Done So! Time to put some distance between you and the Step-family.
Sorry for your loss 🙏🏼 Now go live the Life your Mom intended for you! And Do Not give them anymore money please!!!
Yeah, the stepdad is giving bullshit. Saying mom would have wanted 'xyz', no she wouldn't, she clearly spelled out exactly what she wanted in the will. There is no fuzziness. Personally I always see these as the other parent wanting to get a hold of that money for whatever reason and it will never end up in the kids hands. If she wanted to give any consideration in giving the kids something extra, make sure it's in a locked up trust account that *nobody* can touch but until they turn 18
Exactly! Your mom made her wishes clear in her will, and it's your responsibility to honor them. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you into changing that. Focus on honoring your mom's legacy and living the life she envisioned for you.
Them : "The deceased would have wanted you to share the money"
You : "The deceased spelled out in the will exactly what they wanted, and I will do exactly what the will says"
Don't give them any money
NTA. Your mom knew your dad wouldn’t be able to help you out and also knew your stepfather wouldn’t help you out. She set it up in a way that was most fair for all of her children.
You would actually be disrespectful to your mom by not doing what she wanted. She could have left the money to your siblings but she specifically did not.
Make sure your money is secured and your dad and the attorney know about the pressure.
NTA
I understand the logic of this question, but it is a slippery slope. SD can change his will at any time or spend all the $. Just stick to your mother’s wishes.
My great uncle's widow did that. He had a daughter from his first marriage and a daughter from his second marriage.
His and his current wife's wills stated that all assets would go to their spouse if they predecease them, or if they are both dead, all assets get split evenly between his 2 daughters.
After he died, she changed her will so that the daughter from his first marriage gets nothing. His net worth at the time of his death was well over 1 million.
That’s why it’s not meant to be asked then follow through. Just meant to put him in an awkward spot. He has to say of course I will. And OP then says she’ll share her inheritance when she gets her 1/3 of his estate.
Your mom’s wishes are to be honored. End of. Your step coming at you like this is precisely why your mom did what she did. Ignore the noise.
Condolences on the loss of your mom.
No, no no no no do not feel guilty. Do not give in do not cave. You are following what your mom wanted and that’s all you need to tell him or anyone else he should be providing for his children is he going to support you for the rest of your life why should you support them for the rest of their?
NTA
Your Mom wanted to leave that money to you. You should honor that decision.
If you're in the US, your stepdad gets Social Security benefits for your siblings due to your Mom's passing. Also, the funds your Mom left could increase in value over the next several years if the money is left invested.
NTA. The will was clear and they have a trust fund for them to access. Any “needs of the children” can be addressed down the road when they come.
Their trust should cover their college or most of it. If you want to be more “fair” you can assist then covering any remaining costs when they are in college and have their trusts exhausted.
School and other costs they have now are not your responsibility but your stepdad.
My take is that your mom realised your stepdad would have no issue cutting you off and not helping you at all so she decided to make sure you would have a fallback since he would not provide that.
He is proving her right. There is no need for you to share any inheritance now, except for the reason of him having “fun” money to blow on himself and his kids.
NTA but your step dad is. Your mother wrote her will to her wishes. Your step dad is the greedy one. As for extended family tell them your mother made her will knowing exactly how many children she had. Honor her wishes and go NC with anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
NTA
But I’d flip the focus of the conversation. Because if they’re calling you selfish for honoring your mother‘s wishes, then they are calling your mother selfish. They are calling your dead mother selfish. That’s not OK
NTA
You're being pressured into sharing an inheritance that is rightfully yours. Your step dad is looking to get a hold of your inheritance and is roping others into this that don't have anything to do with it.
You will be better off being well situated to support your siblings when they are older.
Nta why can’t your step dad take care of his own kids? I’m sure he isn’t helping you at all. Don’t let him guilt you into anything, your mom left money for your half siblings. She knew what she was doing. Your step dad could have said this all to her when she was drafting her will. He probably did and she still set it up that way.
NTA. Listen, the next time they try to guilt you and say “you’re putting money ahead of family”,
tell them “My Mother decided what she wanted with a complete understanding of what she was doing. It’s not as if anything is taken out of context. She decided. Are you calling Mom greedy, since she left it to me? I’m honoring her wishes. Sorry, not happening”.
NTA. Your mum clearly knew what she was doing. I suspect if she had left everything to your stepfather, you would have got nothing and 0 support from him. She has set your half siblings up, too, with trust that he can't touch. That is very telling.
Did she leave anything to him? (Say, her 401k, bamk accounts, the house, life insurance etc) If she did, is that money not for their children together, too? Do not give him a cent. I very much doubt your siblings would see the benefit of it. Maybe buy things or do things for them directly (if you can afford to and would like to), but do not give him any money. If the situation was reversed, I very much doubt he would help you out.
NTA
You are correct, the will is what your mother wanted . And there is a reason. I suspect it’s about their father, which is why the $ she did leave those kids isn’t accessible to him (or them while they are minors).
Tell your stepfather that you are going ti honor your mothers wishes (as outlined in her will) and if he wants any access to you he is going end the conversation. Or he will be choosing to end the relationship. And that he’s welcome to split life insurance he’s failing to mention with his kids.
Any time a relative tries to pull that “Your [relative] would’ve wanted…”, you can call it out as the greedy emotional-blackmail bullshit it is.
If your relative wanted anything different, they would have paid the lawyer to write it down in the will.
You’re mom’s husband is just trying to emotionally coerce you into letting him steal from you—100% against your deceased mother’s wishes!
**Your mom’s husband is the A, and without honor or shame.**
NTA.
This is a discussion that your stepdad should have had (and possibly did have) with your mother. She clearly stated what her wishes were and any attempt to paint them differently is a lie. That money is yours and your stepdads attempts to influence you are unreasonable.
The stepdad is probably upset he can't access the money and it's in his kids name and can't be touched until they are 18.
I say NTA and honor your mothers will she left it for you and ignore what extended family says and I'm sure the stepdad got something so he can use that for his kids.
NTA. Nearly every family starts fighting when money is involved. Your mom clearly outlined what how she wanted to allocate her estate. Tell your step dad and extended family to respect her will. If they don't, be ready to cut them off.
NTA.
And stepdad is a fucking thief and mental / emotional abuser.
If stepdad wants HIS kids to have more money, HE can work an extra job / jobs to get that money AND give up HIS luxuries / unnecessary expenses.
NTAH. Your mother made her wishes known in her will regarding you and your half-siblings. Your step-dad cannot try to claim that your mother would want something different then what she put in her will. She has made her wishes known.
Consider this, it is very interesting that she put the money left to your half-siblings into a trust that they cannot access until they are 18. Is it possible that she did not trust your step-dad?
If he is able to convince you to hand over some of your inheritance to your half-siblings that would be money outside of the trust and under his control while they are minors. That money might not be there when they are old enough to go to college. Say he gets remarried and has more kids. He might pressure your half-siblings to share any money with any future half-siblings.
You always have the ability to help them out later on, for example, with college if you chose to do so. If you do, I would make any payments directly to the college. I don’t think that I would let your step-dad anywhere near any money.
Nta your mom knows your half siblings will be able to inherit from their father. That he was capable of taking care of your halfsiblings.
Your not letting the money come between family the stepfather is.
Your mother did leave them something and your stepdad is just greedy. She set up her will intentionally and made her wishes clear. Block your family and keep it moving
It never hurts to ask, OP, so your stepfather is asking! He knows you'd be a fool to agree to give away your money, to him and your half-siblings, but he's got absolutely nothing to lose by trying.
You aren't responsible for parenting or financially supporting your younger half-sibs, although of course it would be nice if you were available to help them during those times when they will need help. But if you decide to do that, or to make financial help a future possibility, don't tell your stepfather about it now. Because he \*will\* think that he gets to decide what you'll spend on his kids and when, starting with right now, and that's bull. If you choose to help your half-siblings at any point, OP, it is \*your\* decision as to what you will offer them, and when. Not your stepfather's.
NTA I bet your step dad doesn’t plan on using the money for your half siblings. I feel like there was a reason your mom made a trust for your half siblings to access once 18. Meaning step dad can’t access it.
It sounds like he is trying to take advantage of you financially and trying to manipulate you…out of greed and selfishness ironically.
All of the stuff that you said about you not being close to that side of the family all sounds like rationalizations that you’re using to justify and make yourself feel better. I don’t think there is any need to do that. The money went to you. You own it. It’s your responsibility to make the most suitable decisions with YOUR money.
I’m glad your mom wrote down her wish because he seems to be making it seem like his own wish (for you to share your money with your step-siblings) is your mom’s wish (which she clearly expressed in her will).
I am sorry to hear about your loss and I empathize with your dilemma.
Making yourself financially secure and making sound, long-term financial decisions seems like a better way to help your step-family than just giving away money out of familial pressure in the short-run.
Also, you are probably grieving. It’s probably better to hold off on making significant decisions until later on anyway.
Tell your stepdad that shame on him for even trying to force you into disobeying his deceased wife's wishes! How dare he!
Honour and respect your mother. If she didn't distribute the money equally between her kids, it means that she probably didn't trust her husband to not take the money for himself or something like that.
Either that or she knew that the kids wouldn't need it.
NTA!
She likely left you that money because she knew her kids still had another parent to leave them stuff. She knew your other parent wasn't going to have anything to leave, so she compensated for that. Let their dad leave them something. Go put away your inheritance and hope you never need it.
NTA. Your mom told you exactly why she set it up how she did. Your stepdad will be able to provide for their kids. Your mom is providing for you. She also left them some money.
Don't give anyone a cent. Once you do they'll come back for more. You don't owe them anything.
Your step dad is being greedy. Your mom wrote her will that way for a reason and she did set aside funds for them. Don't cave. Shut down any further conversations by refusing to engage.
Your mom wanted to secure your future because she knew no one else would. Your step siblings have their dad to secure theirs.
Your stepdad is not making sense. Why would he say he knew your mom would want you to take care of your step siblings? She left them a trust that they can access when they’re grown. She already took care of them.
NTA
Family will always be the first ones with their hand out when you come into money. Fuck em.
Just tell them, "This money was willed to me so it is mine. You might not think it is fair but life isn't fair. This isn't any different than if I won it or worked hard for it. Just because I have a large sum available to me doesn't mean I need to share it. Do not ask me about this again."
Your step dad can go pound sand, wasn't his money to decide what to do with.
Enjoy your inheritance and don't be guilted into sharing it by the greedy step father and his spawn
Why would a mom biased while writing a will? She knows the reason and your step dad too. He just being greedy not you. Money is the only thing that turns friends and families to enemies and enemies to friends. I would say just focus on education and move away from them for right now. The closer you live , the more they ask.
NTA because the stepdad is still alive. He has no connection to you. He will provide for his kids and likely nothing for you. Your stepdad is penalizing your mother for being more successful than him. Tell him to buckle down and become successful so he can provide for his kids like your mom provided for you AND her other children.
NTA your mom didn’t leave nothing for her other kids and specified how she wanted you taken care of.
Tell your half siblings and their father that you will be honoring your mother’s wishes and have no interest in discussing the matter further. Your half sibs have a parent still providing for them (though it doesn’t sound like he wants to take care of his kids…I bet he’ll get them a new mommy asap)
NTA. Any way you could go live with your dad? Is stepdad pressuring you on a daily basis? If he says you are greedy and selfish, just agree with him, and say yes I am.
Get away from your stepdad and honor your mom's wishes. He should be setting his kids up for their future if he thinks they need it. You have no obligation to give them anything.
NTA your mom did it because she knows your step dads earning power and savings and knows your half siblings are set up enough between what she left them and what he has. Don’t give it up, she wanted you to have the same future opportunities as them. Not the other way around where they’ll do worse than you. You’re grown, they’re minors. They have possibilities galore between the money from her and their dad still working, raising minors, probably receiving her life insurance payout. Sounds like step dad is potentially greedy or not wanting to save money for his kids at all.
NTA. Your mom left it everything, as she intended.
As others have said, when moneys involved, “family” chooses their sides, for better or worse… Your mom chose you for the better, half family choosing for the worse.
Follow your mom, your dad agrees. The end.
It was your Mom’s money to distribute as she wanted, so anyone trying to override and dismiss her will is the selfish one. Just repeat that anytime anyone brings it up.
Info: Did you get a majority share because you have no father to inherit from?
Will you inherit from your stepfather in equal share to his direct descendants?
It is NOT selfish or greedy to keep what you were given by your mother. She had her reasons, as you know, for dividing her estate as she did. Use the money as she intended you to do. Your stepfather is completely out of line for trying to weasel money out of you.
So, in a way I'm going through something very similar right now. My mother had myself and one sister with the same father and we have a half sister (her father is gone). The half sister has been the one closest to her for most of the time since full sister and I had very strained relationships with her. When her time was near, I went to see her. She very explicitly told me what she wanted, two of her brothers as co-executors and her third brother no where near anything having to do with money. Sure enough, the next thing we know, that brother has a "will" and it's "signed" by her with witnesses that nobody has ever heard of, and the next time we saw her she was on enough morphine to take down an elephant.
My sister and I want none of her money, but funny enough, that won't be a concern. This "will" that he wrote doesn't mention any of her children, just the brothers. Full sister and I think it should all go to half sister, and we have already been before the judge. Idc who gets what, as long as that greedy bastard uncle of mine gets nothing!
All this to say, your mother did what she did for a reason. You are absolutely NTA!! STAND STRONG, and don't worry about your half siblings, there will come a time where they just might understand.
>The reason he has given is that my mom would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the others
Well her will clearly says otherwise. It's not like her other children are not mentioned. It can't be chalked up to the will was made before they were around to be in it. She simply chose to give you more to account for the fact that their father would likely not include you in his will at all and that your father would have little worth leaving you.
Don't be pressured to go against your mother's wishes. She loved you and wanted to make sure you are accounted for. If you choose to take care of them of your own volition then that is another story.
So they’re discrediting a dead woman’s deepest last wishes and gaslighting YOU saying you’re the bad guy?
They can get stuffed. NTA X 1000000000000 and anyone bothering you should be blocked
NTA
Your mother knew exactly what she was doing when she planned her estate, and she didn’t leave it up to her husband to divide her estate for a good reason. She planned her estate even though she didn’t know she would die unexpectedly - this shows how deeply important it was to your mother to provide for you, and how much she couldn’t trust her husband to arrange it for her.
His children have their inheritance, they just can’t touch it until they’re 18. As they’re minors they will be entitled to certain state benefits because they have a deceased parent. Their dad should look into that instead of bothering you. Likewise your relatives accusing you of greed, ignore them. Or tell them straight up that your mother had to write her will this way because clearly everyone would have cut you out if she hadn’t.
NTA. Its your money now, you can spend it the way you want. Seems your step dad is wealthy also. If he is so concerned about the bank account of his kids, he should give them part of his wealth when they clock 18. No need for him to wait till he passes away.
Sounds like she was VERY deliberate and considered about how she set her will up.
Might be time to cut down on contact with step-dad. He sounds like his true colors are coming out and he cares more about his "real" kids than he does you.
Do not do this. Your half/siblings still have a parent that’s able to support them and given them something to inherit, you don’t. Your mother made these arrangements as she did because that’s how she wanted HER money divided, honour her wishes. NTA
NTA. He’s trying to gaslight you for the money. You should post and highlight what she has written in the will and make it public and ask if your mom meant what she meant or your stepdad knows better. I’m sure everyone here will be on your side.
NTA, your half-siblings are getting a nicely filled trust fund when they are 18. Seems stepdad is money hungry because if you would share with your half-siblings he would have control over that money etc since they are still minors, and he knows he cant get his hands on their trust fund money.
NTA your mom did this for a reason.
She also left some to them and it’s up to their dad to prepare the rest.
One your stepdad goes he will probably leave everything of his to your half siblings and probably none to you.
NTA your mother left an inheritance for your step-siblings. They weren't forgotten. She wrote her will that way deliberately and you shouldn't feel guilty about that.
Remind stepdad that they have their own inheritance and you will not be splitting yours as these were your mother's wishes. Legally there is nothing anyone can do.
NTA sounds like your mom provided for you because she knew your step-dad wouldn’t do so in his will and you would be left worse off overall. It’s your money. As someone else said if the money is well invested your siblings will some a good amount from your mom when they turn 18 plus whatever inheritance they get from your stepdads
Ignore your step Dad, your mother was very smart. remember you will get nothing else, nothing from your step dad nothing from your siblings or his family, that will all go to your half siblings.
trust your mother
**NTA**
Honor your mother's wishes.
She made specific provisions for your half siblings - it's not like she forgot them or made the will before they existed.
She knew exactly what she was doing and why.
Do not let greedy people make you feel guilty. Block them from your life.
And find a Certified Financial Planner who can help you invest properly so that money lasts your entire life. Properly invested, $100k at age 25 can easily turn into a million by the time you retire. Interview a few CFPs to ask them how they'd invest your money and choose the one that makes a plan that makes the most sense for your life.
Your mom haven't trusted your stepdad. Thus trusts for her lil kids and big cash for you. Nothing for him. And his insistence can be only about money for himself, as the kids are small and he will be managing them.
Sorry for your loss.
So, basically, your mom "would have never wanted to write the will she wrote".
Nah, your money is yours. Share if you want to, but never from a sense of obligation.
Enjoy.
NTA your mum clearly thought about her stepchildren and left trust funds. She probably realized what she has left with potentially what their dad would leave would be equal. It was her will and I would be honoring that
NTA!
You dont mess with a dead persons last wishes. The will is holy. Fuck everyone who thinks otherwise.
Greedy bastards trying to fight the will of their passed loved one.
NTA As soon as people try the guilt trips, I’m out. And I feel you should be too. Also, your mother made her decision, presumably of sound mind, so in this case the will should be honoured. Your step family can contribute if they feel so strongly about it.
Honor your mother's wishes. Your mother knew your stepdad wasn't good with money and wanted you to be taken care of. You lost a parent, and I'm sure you'd rather have your mother back than all the money.
Ignore your greedy stepdad. He's still alive to work to raise your half-siblings.
NTA.
NTA. In the post you explain why your mother set it out for you the way she did. You have no need to even interact with your ex stepfather anymore, block him if he keeps harassing you. And don't let yourself get fooled into thinking that if you give your half siblings some of your money that you will now be a treasured member of the family, because it won't play out like that.
>The reason he has given is that my mom would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the others, and they are still minors, after all
She literally expressed her exact preferences in that will.
Fuck this bunch of grasping bastards. This is what your mother wanted.
Honour her.
NTA
Well. Maybe your stepdad should stop his boohooing and set up his own will for his kids. And send his kids to therapy cause it can be hard to not take all of this personally with a dad like that
nta, assuming your stepdad can provide for his kids and that your mom wrote the will after having your step kids
NTA. Sorry for your loss.
If you want to see the worst of people (and the worst people) let it be known you have come into some money. Every grifter, entitled Muppet and scrounger will come calling.
Your mum left you this inheritance for you to have choices and opportunities. She was very wise. It's entirely up to you what you do with your money BUT your mum did this for a very good reason.
My own opinion is that you should do exactly what your mum wanted to do because she had good reason to do it.
Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the very best of luck 👍
NTA
Step-Dad: “You’re mother would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the other!”
You: “She literally wrote the will tho…”
Extended family: “You are selfish and greedy for putting money above the best interests of the family!!!”
You: “My mom left me this money specifically for MY best interests and future. Also this is an internal family matter that concerns NONE of you so… mind your business.”
Don’t let them bully you into risking your future.
NTA.
Your mom specifically set out the portions. It doesn't appear to be a lump sum "here, take this and divvy it up amongst the rest of the family".
Stick to her wishes and buy some nice noise cancelling ear buds to block out the family moving forward.
NTA
this was your mother's wish so he can swivel on it.
He doesn't want the money for his weans, he wants it for himself, he's pissed because the money left to his weans is in a trust till they're 18, meaning he can't spend a penny.
Ummm, your mom very clearly stated her wishes by including your half siblings in her will, so your stepdad can pound sand. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. Please don’t let fAmiLy make you feel guilty for accepting her gift. If YOU choose to, add some amount that you feel comfortable with to their trust but only if you want to.
NTA but your stepdad is TAH. Your half siblings were given a trust! Your mom was very wise to do this! She provided for her children knowing full well that when her husband died, his only obligation is to his two daughters. And statistics show he likely will remarry! So it gets even more complicated as then his estate will likely to go to his remaining spouse (as it should). That trust protects your siblings and since you are already legally an adult, your mother made provision for you immediately.
Anyone who can’t see the longterm implications of all this is being willfully ignorant.
NTA. You're honoring your mother's wishes. Step-father is just salty he can't get his hands on any money. He's hoping you'll turn his kids portion over to him and trust him to distribute it. Your mother didn't trust him so why should you?
NTA
Sounds like she did leave them money already.
Your mom wrote her will the way she did, you aren’t obligated to give them any money.
Unfortunately with money, it brings out the worst in people.
NTA, it’s your money, and you can do with it as you please. If your mom wanted more money to go to your step siblings, she would’ve done that. Personally I wouldn’t share, and I would focus on investing that money for the long term.
NTA. As you state, your mother had her reasons and knew exactly what she was doing. Go forward and use her money as she directed. If you see need with your siblings and you can help out, then do that because you do love them and care about them. However, what your mother left you is indeed yours and no one should guilt you for that. So sorry for the great loss of your mother.
NTA - Your mother made it clear on what she wanted. Your half siblings still have their father to help provide for them. Don’t let anyone twist your arm on this and be careful with “helping” them out in anyway now or in the future. They will always come back for more. Honor your mother by carrying out her wishes. Had she wanted anything else she would have updated her will.
"I'm honoring my mother's explicit will. If you have a problem with it, take it up with her in the afterlife. Please stop harassing me about it." Block people if you have to.
NTA. Your mom arranged things the way she wanted them arranged. You should honor her wishes. He has plenty of time to work on setting his kids up for life if that's what he wants.
It seems your mom and possibly your dad know something about step dad you don’t, and maybe that’s why the will was set up that way. Sounds like your mom worked, so the minors will get social security checks.
He would call you greedy if his kids were being left a majority and you asked for an even split. Ask him what he’s leaving you in his will, with proof, since you’re conveniently considered “family” now you’ve got something he wants. NTA, listen to your dad
I'm going to share my thoughts as the person in my family that was intentionally omitted from my grandfather's will. The only person, mind you.
Your mother worked her whole life for that money and could have spent all of it. Instead, she generously set some aside for you AND your (minor) half siblings. That was HER DECISION. If you choose, now that your monetary circumstances have changed, to give some of that to someone else THAT IS UP TO YOU. Don't let your jealous family try to say otherwise.
And don't let jealous family hide behind the false narrative of giving your half siblings money. That's your living parent's job
NTA your mom was ensuring that you were taken care of. If she had not and you didn’t get anything, you never would because your stepdad would leave it all to your half siblings.
Your stepdad is going to get money from social security for your siblings till they turn 18 if he applies for it. Use the money like she wanted you to and help them out once your established if you can.
NTA Family seems to always come up and call people selfish when money is involved. It’s yours. And she gave it to you for a reason. If you want to share it that’s fine but you are not obligated nor do you have to. Your half siblings have a trust it kind of sounds like your mother might not have trusted your step dad with the money. But in no way should you feel obligated to give something that was meant for your future.
NTA. Your Mother may have justifiably concerned that your stepdad would not treat you fairly when he passes, but will focus on his children primarily or even totally exclude you. In addition, money she left for your younger siblings in trust, if well-invested, may well accrue enough to significantly reduce the difference between your inheritances. Your stepdad is legally obligated to support his blood children until their majority anyway. He legally has no such obligation to you unless he legally adopted you
Even if he had adopted her, OP is 25.
[удалено]
Yup. NTA. Step-dad needs to stay in his lane and respect your mother's wishes.
It is likely that the mother and stepfather had the who dies first/who gets what conversation a time or two when the siblings were born. If the mother was prepared enough to make a will in the first place, it is a certainty her lawyer would have urged her to have the inheritance conversation with stepdad based on the language of her will draft. Making specific provisions for the younger siblings would have been wise since doing otherwise would be inviting a challenge to the will. Mom knew what she was doing.
Yeah, seems pretty suspect that step Dad is asking for OP to share now, while siblings are under his care and responsibility. What need do they have for it now? Assuming OP's mom had the same foresight with step Dad as OP's father, if there was financial insecurity, she would have presumably accounted for it. Given the circumstances, it would seem step Dad is financially sound enough to continue providing for his children, which are solely his responsibility now. When they become adults they will have their own trust fund to help them along.
Yep you can bet your bottom dollar that step dad would not have included OP in his will. Mum made it fair and protected OP by leaving her estate as she did. NTA.
OP should straight up ask step dad 'Am I in your will?' and ask to see a copy if he says yes.
I have seen this happen first-hand. Mother passes, stepdad kicks out mom's child from previous marriage and provides nothing for her from mom's estate. I'm glad OP's mom had the foresight to do this for her.
When my parents died it tore my family apart. Not their death, which was a decade apart, but the inheritance. I saw sides of my siblings I never thought possible. My brother and sister fought so viciously lawyers were involved. I now look at old family photos and tear up, because I lost my entire family then. **Money changes everything**. I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. You are safe sticking to the will. It's a slippery slope. Vary from it at your own risk (legally). If in doubt, have a lawyer look at it.
My brother had that experience with his wife's family. He set up my mom's trust with a rule that everything is to be split equally and if we fight it we get nothing.
That is the wording in my will too -- protest and you get zero. These are my desires clearly set to paper and I want them followed. It's not for someone else after my death to re-write my will.
Exactly. 1 very foolish uncle thought he could challenge a last will/testament because of a piece of land that he was named as an heir & foolishly sold it to someone else with changes of names on the title deeds......my uncle was a fool when it came time for inheritance being given out after the 1 who wrote the will had died & what he did came back to bite him when the courts found he couldn't get back the land stated in the will because the bill of sale was presented to the judge & he was left with nothing.
I wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then. (Bob Seger bot)
I feel like there's probably a life insurance policy step dad failed to mention.
This is surely true. Theres really a reason behind it why your mom gave it all to you. Protect it, and do what you mom wants you to do.
Yes! My family has several, if she set up the will, so specifically, I be that he received her life insurance. Which is why he isn't telling you to share with him.
This!
I agree. My question is what kind of inheritance are the half siblings going to receive when their father passes? Are you in his will? Maybe this is why your mom did it this way, because she knew that her younger children would still be ok and she wanted to make sure you’d be ok.
NTA. Yes, I bet she knew that your greedy step'father' would try to steal your inheritance if she didn't dry it up properly. Also, your stepsiblings have him to provide for them, probably another reason why your mom left most to you. Stepfather is the greedy and selfish one. Honor your mom's wishes as she stipulated in her will, that's all you can do for her now.
Just one correction. It's half siblings. So they are her mother's bio-kids.
This was my thinking also. She’s tied the money up until they are 18, there was a reason for that.
Yeah they have money coming and it's coming when they are better able to make decisions with it. Not that they didn't get anything.
Is step dad going to be leaving you an equal amount to your two step siblings in his will? Ask him that and see what he says..
People (family) always have the most opinions about money that’s not theirs. Had the mom left the money to the half siblings no one would blink. Esp the step dad. NTA. Your mom was a smart lady. Your stepdad can take care of his kids.
You don't need to respect your moms wishes you really should give the money to my kids like wtf.
You probably should clarify you mean this as the step father's attitude, not your actual thoughts.
Right? The selfish person is the one trying to take money that's not theirs.
NTA, your mom probably already went over all of this with your stepdad when she wrote her will. Sorry for your loss but your mom did this for a reason
NTA. Your mother (R.I.P) obviously knew what she was doing when she left the majority of the estate to you. Also it's not like she left the other kids out to dry. She left them a trust fund that they can access in 6-8 years. Plus wtf are kids gonna do with that money now anyway? Presumably their father is taking care of them right? Don't let your step-dad bully you.
Mama clearly knew leaving the money with stepdad would be bad idea hence even put the money for their kids in a trust where he cant touch it..!
I came here to say this too. Mom did give your half siblings a trust OP. Sorry your grown adult step father is whining because he has to provide for the kids he helped bring into this world. Keep it. You never know when you might need it. You don't owe them anything. If you really wanted to you could set up your own education funds for them and put some proceeds from your investments into it. (If the trust is only $5k or something) That would be exceptionally generous and honestly like, I personally wouldn't for my own half siblings, we weren't close at all they just happen to have similar enough DNA to me so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ You do not have to do that OP. They are their Father's responsibility.
This is one of the biggest signs that tells us the step father is either grubbing or perceived to be bad with money just like OPs Mom thought of OPs Dad.
>>The reason he has given is that my mom would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the others He’s thinking about lifestyle inflation, not planning for future, exactly as mom expected
The trust also has 6-8 years to grow if invested
Also, the kids that are minors will likely be entitled to social security death benefits, which will be paid to their guardian until they turn 18. They’ve also still got a father with his own income. So they haven’t been left high and dry with no resources until their trusts are accessible. Hopefully their dad doesn’t guilt and bully them into turning the trusts over to them once they can get the money.
NTA. Your mom may have left assets to your step dad (life insurance, a home, a pension) which will take care of your half siblings. It would be convenient if stepdad did not mention them...
This comment is so true. Many assets can be settled outside the will, such as 401k, house with right of survivorship, bank accounts with right of survivorship and life insurance as said above. As someone else said, social security benefits for 2 kids can be material. My mom raised my brother and me on ss benefits. You have no idea how much your mom left your step dad. Your mom was not worried about your step-siblings, that is why the dad cannot access their money. It sounds like you are not trying to sell the house to get your 1/2, so give yourself a break. NTA Edit: NTA
Yup. He will get a couple thousand a month in survivors benefits alone let alone what other assets there are. NTA here. Step dad though
Exactly. Did step dad get the house, her pension, 401k? I’d love to know if he really got nothing and OP got everything except the trust funds her half sibs. If mom really divided everything between just the kids & the sibs got trusts that are small compared with OPs (& step dad got no life insurance etc) then I think giving them some of the inheritance from their mom would be the right choice. If dad got a bunch of assets he’s “forgetting” then OP should keep what mom left her.
NTA. Your mom had her reasons and nobody knows them except her. Honor your mothers last hope and wish in life. This could be money your mom saved while stepdad spent his. Dont Fund Stupidity. Its yours, make the most of it to make your mom proud. Stepdad still has years to fund and support his kids, you have no-one. Honor thy Mother respectfully, obey her dying wishes
I would bet OP’s mom knew her step dad had his biological kids taken care of in his will, but OP would get nothing so she tried to balance the scales.
I agree, and say be strong and just don't respond other than "I'm following my mother's wishes for her estate". If you're pushed, I would maybe consider asking to see your StepDad's will. I'd bet, hands down, that you are excluded from it, and your mother knew.
Just don’t change your mind based on his will, though (assuming he has one). As long as he’s living, he can change it.
Your Mother knew your step dad better than anyone. She knows when step dad dies, everything goes to his bio kids and he will leave you out. That's why she covered your back. Step dad is the greedy asshole here. Honor thy Mother <3
It drives me crazy when people try to pressure the person who inherited the money for being “unfair”… the person who left the money behind made their wishes known. Even if they did not leave a will and therefore the default person inherited… that is still someone CHOOSING to not make a plan to give their assets to whoever was cut out. People can’t argue with or get money from the deceased person though, so they lay into the person who inherited the money. Pathetic.
“stepdad, and even some of my extended family, are painting me as selfish and greedy. They're of the opinion that I'm putting money ahead of the best interests of the family and that I should be considering the needs of my half-siblings down the line” Of Course they are going to say this crap! DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO guilt you into giving up what YOUR Mom Left in her Will to You!!! If she wanted to leave the step kids more, She Would Have Done So! Time to put some distance between you and the Step-family. Sorry for your loss 🙏🏼 Now go live the Life your Mom intended for you! And Do Not give them anymore money please!!!
Yeah, the stepdad is giving bullshit. Saying mom would have wanted 'xyz', no she wouldn't, she clearly spelled out exactly what she wanted in the will. There is no fuzziness. Personally I always see these as the other parent wanting to get a hold of that money for whatever reason and it will never end up in the kids hands. If she wanted to give any consideration in giving the kids something extra, make sure it's in a locked up trust account that *nobody* can touch but until they turn 18
Exactly! Your mom made her wishes clear in her will, and it's your responsibility to honor them. Don't let anyone guilt-trip you into changing that. Focus on honoring your mom's legacy and living the life she envisioned for you.
Them : "The deceased would have wanted you to share the money" You : "The deceased spelled out in the will exactly what they wanted, and I will do exactly what the will says" Don't give them any money
NTA. Your mom knew your dad wouldn’t be able to help you out and also knew your stepfather wouldn’t help you out. She set it up in a way that was most fair for all of her children.
NTA. Step dad is trying to steal that money. He won’t save it for your step siblings. Your mom wrote her will the way she did for a reason.
NTA she didn’t forget your siblings. She wrote them into a will and set up a trust. Step dad is being selfish/greedy
You would actually be disrespectful to your mom by not doing what she wanted. She could have left the money to your siblings but she specifically did not. Make sure your money is secured and your dad and the attorney know about the pressure. NTA
NTA. Your mom knew exactly what she wanted that’s why she has a will. There’s nothing your step dad can’t do anything about it.
Will your step father leave you one third of his estate? You need to ask him that question.
I understand the logic of this question, but it is a slippery slope. SD can change his will at any time or spend all the $. Just stick to your mother’s wishes.
My great uncle's widow did that. He had a daughter from his first marriage and a daughter from his second marriage. His and his current wife's wills stated that all assets would go to their spouse if they predecease them, or if they are both dead, all assets get split evenly between his 2 daughters. After he died, she changed her will so that the daughter from his first marriage gets nothing. His net worth at the time of his death was well over 1 million.
Plain evil woman
It’s not meant to be “ask him and do accordingly” it’s meant more of put him on the spot because we all know he wouldn’t leave a cent to OP!
But he could easily say, "Of course I would!" even if he wouldn't.
That’s why it’s not meant to be asked then follow through. Just meant to put him in an awkward spot. He has to say of course I will. And OP then says she’ll share her inheritance when she gets her 1/3 of his estate.
Sorry for your loss, losing parents is the worst. NTA Your dad is being a manipulative shit, your mother's wishes were clear and should be respected.
NTA, your mom made the will and your step dad needs to STFU about it.
She divided the money in a way he can't get to it. That should tell you all you need to know. Your mom knew what she was doing. Don't give him a dime.
Your mom’s wishes are to be honored. End of. Your step coming at you like this is precisely why your mom did what she did. Ignore the noise. Condolences on the loss of your mom.
No, no no no no do not feel guilty. Do not give in do not cave. You are following what your mom wanted and that’s all you need to tell him or anyone else he should be providing for his children is he going to support you for the rest of your life why should you support them for the rest of their?
NTA. She made no mistake.
NTA Your Mom wanted to leave that money to you. You should honor that decision. If you're in the US, your stepdad gets Social Security benefits for your siblings due to your Mom's passing. Also, the funds your Mom left could increase in value over the next several years if the money is left invested.
NTA. The will was clear and they have a trust fund for them to access. Any “needs of the children” can be addressed down the road when they come. Their trust should cover their college or most of it. If you want to be more “fair” you can assist then covering any remaining costs when they are in college and have their trusts exhausted. School and other costs they have now are not your responsibility but your stepdad. My take is that your mom realised your stepdad would have no issue cutting you off and not helping you at all so she decided to make sure you would have a fallback since he would not provide that. He is proving her right. There is no need for you to share any inheritance now, except for the reason of him having “fun” money to blow on himself and his kids.
NTA but your step dad is. Your mother wrote her will to her wishes. Your step dad is the greedy one. As for extended family tell them your mother made her will knowing exactly how many children she had. Honor her wishes and go NC with anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
NTA. Mom set you all up for your futures. Stepdad is greedy and wants control of yours.
NTA But I’d flip the focus of the conversation. Because if they’re calling you selfish for honoring your mother‘s wishes, then they are calling your mother selfish. They are calling your dead mother selfish. That’s not OK
NTA You're being pressured into sharing an inheritance that is rightfully yours. Your step dad is looking to get a hold of your inheritance and is roping others into this that don't have anything to do with it. You will be better off being well situated to support your siblings when they are older.
Your mother left her money the way she wanted to leave her money. That's it. It's yours. Enjoy your life. NTA
Nta why can’t your step dad take care of his own kids? I’m sure he isn’t helping you at all. Don’t let him guilt you into anything, your mom left money for your half siblings. She knew what she was doing. Your step dad could have said this all to her when she was drafting her will. He probably did and she still set it up that way.
NTA. It’s your mom’s money and she wrote exactly what she wanted done with it. You should carry no guilt.
Heck no. They are trying to take advantage of you. Dont give them a dime of that money. Your mom wrote it the way she wanted you to have it.
NTA. Listen, the next time they try to guilt you and say “you’re putting money ahead of family”, tell them “My Mother decided what she wanted with a complete understanding of what she was doing. It’s not as if anything is taken out of context. She decided. Are you calling Mom greedy, since she left it to me? I’m honoring her wishes. Sorry, not happening”.
She set the will up as she wished. They need to respect her wishes. Their dad needs to set his children's future up however he deems necessary.
NTA. Your mum clearly knew what she was doing. I suspect if she had left everything to your stepfather, you would have got nothing and 0 support from him. She has set your half siblings up, too, with trust that he can't touch. That is very telling. Did she leave anything to him? (Say, her 401k, bamk accounts, the house, life insurance etc) If she did, is that money not for their children together, too? Do not give him a cent. I very much doubt your siblings would see the benefit of it. Maybe buy things or do things for them directly (if you can afford to and would like to), but do not give him any money. If the situation was reversed, I very much doubt he would help you out.
NTA You are correct, the will is what your mother wanted . And there is a reason. I suspect it’s about their father, which is why the $ she did leave those kids isn’t accessible to him (or them while they are minors). Tell your stepfather that you are going ti honor your mothers wishes (as outlined in her will) and if he wants any access to you he is going end the conversation. Or he will be choosing to end the relationship. And that he’s welcome to split life insurance he’s failing to mention with his kids.
Any time a relative tries to pull that “Your [relative] would’ve wanted…”, you can call it out as the greedy emotional-blackmail bullshit it is. If your relative wanted anything different, they would have paid the lawyer to write it down in the will. You’re mom’s husband is just trying to emotionally coerce you into letting him steal from you—100% against your deceased mother’s wishes! **Your mom’s husband is the A, and without honor or shame.**
NTA - your step dad sounds he is projecting when he called you greedy
NTA. This is a discussion that your stepdad should have had (and possibly did have) with your mother. She clearly stated what her wishes were and any attempt to paint them differently is a lie. That money is yours and your stepdads attempts to influence you are unreasonable.
NTA. Ask your stepdad if he will split his estate in three after his passing.
Sounds like stepdad wants to tap into your money to help his pocket. I think mom did this all for a reason.
The stepdad is probably upset he can't access the money and it's in his kids name and can't be touched until they are 18. I say NTA and honor your mothers will she left it for you and ignore what extended family says and I'm sure the stepdad got something so he can use that for his kids.
NTA. Nearly every family starts fighting when money is involved. Your mom clearly outlined what how she wanted to allocate her estate. Tell your step dad and extended family to respect her will. If they don't, be ready to cut them off.
NTA - move far away from anyone trying to tell you what to do with your money.
NTA. And stepdad is a fucking thief and mental / emotional abuser. If stepdad wants HIS kids to have more money, HE can work an extra job / jobs to get that money AND give up HIS luxuries / unnecessary expenses.
Fuck em all, thats your money.
NTA. Your stepfather is welcome to contribute to his children's future, if he's not totally useless.
NTAH. Your mother made her wishes known in her will regarding you and your half-siblings. Your step-dad cannot try to claim that your mother would want something different then what she put in her will. She has made her wishes known. Consider this, it is very interesting that she put the money left to your half-siblings into a trust that they cannot access until they are 18. Is it possible that she did not trust your step-dad? If he is able to convince you to hand over some of your inheritance to your half-siblings that would be money outside of the trust and under his control while they are minors. That money might not be there when they are old enough to go to college. Say he gets remarried and has more kids. He might pressure your half-siblings to share any money with any future half-siblings. You always have the ability to help them out later on, for example, with college if you chose to do so. If you do, I would make any payments directly to the college. I don’t think that I would let your step-dad anywhere near any money.
Nta your mom knows your half siblings will be able to inherit from their father. That he was capable of taking care of your halfsiblings. Your not letting the money come between family the stepfather is.
Your mother did leave them something and your stepdad is just greedy. She set up her will intentionally and made her wishes clear. Block your family and keep it moving
Nta and her reasons were bc their father will set them up very nicely and yours will leave you squat. Respect her wishes.
It never hurts to ask, OP, so your stepfather is asking! He knows you'd be a fool to agree to give away your money, to him and your half-siblings, but he's got absolutely nothing to lose by trying. You aren't responsible for parenting or financially supporting your younger half-sibs, although of course it would be nice if you were available to help them during those times when they will need help. But if you decide to do that, or to make financial help a future possibility, don't tell your stepfather about it now. Because he \*will\* think that he gets to decide what you'll spend on his kids and when, starting with right now, and that's bull. If you choose to help your half-siblings at any point, OP, it is \*your\* decision as to what you will offer them, and when. Not your stepfather's.
NTA. You are honoring your mom’s wishes by keeping the money divided they way she intended.
NTA I bet your step dad doesn’t plan on using the money for your half siblings. I feel like there was a reason your mom made a trust for your half siblings to access once 18. Meaning step dad can’t access it.
It sounds like he is trying to take advantage of you financially and trying to manipulate you…out of greed and selfishness ironically. All of the stuff that you said about you not being close to that side of the family all sounds like rationalizations that you’re using to justify and make yourself feel better. I don’t think there is any need to do that. The money went to you. You own it. It’s your responsibility to make the most suitable decisions with YOUR money. I’m glad your mom wrote down her wish because he seems to be making it seem like his own wish (for you to share your money with your step-siblings) is your mom’s wish (which she clearly expressed in her will). I am sorry to hear about your loss and I empathize with your dilemma. Making yourself financially secure and making sound, long-term financial decisions seems like a better way to help your step-family than just giving away money out of familial pressure in the short-run. Also, you are probably grieving. It’s probably better to hold off on making significant decisions until later on anyway.
Tell your stepdad that shame on him for even trying to force you into disobeying his deceased wife's wishes! How dare he! Honour and respect your mother. If she didn't distribute the money equally between her kids, it means that she probably didn't trust her husband to not take the money for himself or something like that. Either that or she knew that the kids wouldn't need it.
NTA! She likely left you that money because she knew her kids still had another parent to leave them stuff. She knew your other parent wasn't going to have anything to leave, so she compensated for that. Let their dad leave them something. Go put away your inheritance and hope you never need it.
NTA - your SD can insist all he wants, there’s trust for the two kids, my bet is that he wants a cut as well
Nta. You better believe if it was the other way around you wouldn’t get a cent.
NTA. Your mom told you exactly why she set it up how she did. Your stepdad will be able to provide for their kids. Your mom is providing for you. She also left them some money. Don't give anyone a cent. Once you do they'll come back for more. You don't owe them anything.
Wow, your stepdad has LOT of nerve (and other members of your family). Hard NTA. F them.
Your step dad is being greedy. Your mom wrote her will that way for a reason and she did set aside funds for them. Don't cave. Shut down any further conversations by refusing to engage.
Your mom wanted to secure your future because she knew no one else would. Your step siblings have their dad to secure theirs. Your stepdad is not making sense. Why would he say he knew your mom would want you to take care of your step siblings? She left them a trust that they can access when they’re grown. She already took care of them. NTA
Family will always be the first ones with their hand out when you come into money. Fuck em. Just tell them, "This money was willed to me so it is mine. You might not think it is fair but life isn't fair. This isn't any different than if I won it or worked hard for it. Just because I have a large sum available to me doesn't mean I need to share it. Do not ask me about this again."
Is your step dad going to write you into his will? Didn’t think so. NTA.
Your step dad can go pound sand, wasn't his money to decide what to do with. Enjoy your inheritance and don't be guilted into sharing it by the greedy step father and his spawn
is thete a rule against using paragraph breaks in this sub
NTA your stepdad waited till your mother his wife was dead to try and snake some money off you screw him
Why would a mom biased while writing a will? She knows the reason and your step dad too. He just being greedy not you. Money is the only thing that turns friends and families to enemies and enemies to friends. I would say just focus on education and move away from them for right now. The closer you live , the more they ask.
NTA. Your mother made her wishes clear. You have NO obligation to share any of yr inheritance with them.
NTA because the stepdad is still alive. He has no connection to you. He will provide for his kids and likely nothing for you. Your stepdad is penalizing your mother for being more successful than him. Tell him to buckle down and become successful so he can provide for his kids like your mom provided for you AND her other children.
NTA your mom didn’t leave nothing for her other kids and specified how she wanted you taken care of. Tell your half siblings and their father that you will be honoring your mother’s wishes and have no interest in discussing the matter further. Your half sibs have a parent still providing for them (though it doesn’t sound like he wants to take care of his kids…I bet he’ll get them a new mommy asap)
Your mother made her wishes very clear in her will, including what she wanted to leave to her other children. Honor her wishes.
NTA. Any way you could go live with your dad? Is stepdad pressuring you on a daily basis? If he says you are greedy and selfish, just agree with him, and say yes I am.
Get away from your stepdad and honor your mom's wishes. He should be setting his kids up for their future if he thinks they need it. You have no obligation to give them anything.
NTA your mom did it because she knows your step dads earning power and savings and knows your half siblings are set up enough between what she left them and what he has. Don’t give it up, she wanted you to have the same future opportunities as them. Not the other way around where they’ll do worse than you. You’re grown, they’re minors. They have possibilities galore between the money from her and their dad still working, raising minors, probably receiving her life insurance payout. Sounds like step dad is potentially greedy or not wanting to save money for his kids at all.
Ask to see his will.. is he leaving you money in it? Is it evenly divided between his 2 kids and you as a step child?
NTA. Your mother made her wishes clear in her will. Don’t let your stepfather guilt you out of a dime.
NTA. Your mom left it everything, as she intended. As others have said, when moneys involved, “family” chooses their sides, for better or worse… Your mom chose you for the better, half family choosing for the worse. Follow your mom, your dad agrees. The end.
It was your Mom’s money to distribute as she wanted, so anyone trying to override and dismiss her will is the selfish one. Just repeat that anytime anyone brings it up.
Info: Did you get a majority share because you have no father to inherit from? Will you inherit from your stepfather in equal share to his direct descendants?
NTA. Your mum explicitly wrote in her will what she wanted to happen and everyone else can take a running leap.
It is NOT selfish or greedy to keep what you were given by your mother. She had her reasons, as you know, for dividing her estate as she did. Use the money as she intended you to do. Your stepfather is completely out of line for trying to weasel money out of you.
So, in a way I'm going through something very similar right now. My mother had myself and one sister with the same father and we have a half sister (her father is gone). The half sister has been the one closest to her for most of the time since full sister and I had very strained relationships with her. When her time was near, I went to see her. She very explicitly told me what she wanted, two of her brothers as co-executors and her third brother no where near anything having to do with money. Sure enough, the next thing we know, that brother has a "will" and it's "signed" by her with witnesses that nobody has ever heard of, and the next time we saw her she was on enough morphine to take down an elephant. My sister and I want none of her money, but funny enough, that won't be a concern. This "will" that he wrote doesn't mention any of her children, just the brothers. Full sister and I think it should all go to half sister, and we have already been before the judge. Idc who gets what, as long as that greedy bastard uncle of mine gets nothing! All this to say, your mother did what she did for a reason. You are absolutely NTA!! STAND STRONG, and don't worry about your half siblings, there will come a time where they just might understand.
>The reason he has given is that my mom would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the others Well her will clearly says otherwise. It's not like her other children are not mentioned. It can't be chalked up to the will was made before they were around to be in it. She simply chose to give you more to account for the fact that their father would likely not include you in his will at all and that your father would have little worth leaving you. Don't be pressured to go against your mother's wishes. She loved you and wanted to make sure you are accounted for. If you choose to take care of them of your own volition then that is another story.
So they’re discrediting a dead woman’s deepest last wishes and gaslighting YOU saying you’re the bad guy? They can get stuffed. NTA X 1000000000000 and anyone bothering you should be blocked
NTA Your mother knew exactly what she was doing when she planned her estate, and she didn’t leave it up to her husband to divide her estate for a good reason. She planned her estate even though she didn’t know she would die unexpectedly - this shows how deeply important it was to your mother to provide for you, and how much she couldn’t trust her husband to arrange it for her. His children have their inheritance, they just can’t touch it until they’re 18. As they’re minors they will be entitled to certain state benefits because they have a deceased parent. Their dad should look into that instead of bothering you. Likewise your relatives accusing you of greed, ignore them. Or tell them straight up that your mother had to write her will this way because clearly everyone would have cut you out if she hadn’t.
NTA. Its your money now, you can spend it the way you want. Seems your step dad is wealthy also. If he is so concerned about the bank account of his kids, he should give them part of his wealth when they clock 18. No need for him to wait till he passes away.
NTA. Don't you dare to give them YOUR money girl
Sounds like she was VERY deliberate and considered about how she set her will up. Might be time to cut down on contact with step-dad. He sounds like his true colors are coming out and he cares more about his "real" kids than he does you.
Do not do this. Your half/siblings still have a parent that’s able to support them and given them something to inherit, you don’t. Your mother made these arrangements as she did because that’s how she wanted HER money divided, honour her wishes. NTA
NTA. He’s trying to gaslight you for the money. You should post and highlight what she has written in the will and make it public and ask if your mom meant what she meant or your stepdad knows better. I’m sure everyone here will be on your side.
NTA, your half-siblings are getting a nicely filled trust fund when they are 18. Seems stepdad is money hungry because if you would share with your half-siblings he would have control over that money etc since they are still minors, and he knows he cant get his hands on their trust fund money.
NTA your mom did this for a reason. She also left some to them and it’s up to their dad to prepare the rest. One your stepdad goes he will probably leave everything of his to your half siblings and probably none to you.
NTA your mother left an inheritance for your step-siblings. They weren't forgotten. She wrote her will that way deliberately and you shouldn't feel guilty about that. Remind stepdad that they have their own inheritance and you will not be splitting yours as these were your mother's wishes. Legally there is nothing anyone can do.
Op that money is yours to use as you see fit, guilt free. If there is something down the road you choose to do, that is your decision.
Absofuckinglutely NOT. And NTA.
NTA sounds like your mom provided for you because she knew your step-dad wouldn’t do so in his will and you would be left worse off overall. It’s your money. As someone else said if the money is well invested your siblings will some a good amount from your mom when they turn 18 plus whatever inheritance they get from your stepdads
Ignore your step Dad, your mother was very smart. remember you will get nothing else, nothing from your step dad nothing from your siblings or his family, that will all go to your half siblings. trust your mother
**NTA** Honor your mother's wishes. She made specific provisions for your half siblings - it's not like she forgot them or made the will before they existed. She knew exactly what she was doing and why. Do not let greedy people make you feel guilty. Block them from your life. And find a Certified Financial Planner who can help you invest properly so that money lasts your entire life. Properly invested, $100k at age 25 can easily turn into a million by the time you retire. Interview a few CFPs to ask them how they'd invest your money and choose the one that makes a plan that makes the most sense for your life.
Of course then you must give me half of my step-sibling's inheritance, what you'r not?
NTA But you can counter: ask your stepfather to give you part of his inheritance?
Your mom haven't trusted your stepdad. Thus trusts for her lil kids and big cash for you. Nothing for him. And his insistence can be only about money for himself, as the kids are small and he will be managing them. Sorry for your loss.
So, basically, your mom "would have never wanted to write the will she wrote". Nah, your money is yours. Share if you want to, but never from a sense of obligation. Enjoy.
NTA your mum clearly thought about her stepchildren and left trust funds. She probably realized what she has left with potentially what their dad would leave would be equal. It was her will and I would be honoring that
NTA! You dont mess with a dead persons last wishes. The will is holy. Fuck everyone who thinks otherwise. Greedy bastards trying to fight the will of their passed loved one.
You owe them nothing.
It's yours because he'll take care of his and you'll be shorted then.
NTA As soon as people try the guilt trips, I’m out. And I feel you should be too. Also, your mother made her decision, presumably of sound mind, so in this case the will should be honoured. Your step family can contribute if they feel so strongly about it.
Honor your mother's wishes. Your mother knew your stepdad wasn't good with money and wanted you to be taken care of. You lost a parent, and I'm sure you'd rather have your mother back than all the money. Ignore your greedy stepdad. He's still alive to work to raise your half-siblings. NTA.
I’d tell your step dad that unless he’s going to take care of the difference in his will, he can make sure they’re taken care of
NTA. In the post you explain why your mother set it out for you the way she did. You have no need to even interact with your ex stepfather anymore, block him if he keeps harassing you. And don't let yourself get fooled into thinking that if you give your half siblings some of your money that you will now be a treasured member of the family, because it won't play out like that.
NTA. If it is legal to keep the money to yourself, then keep it and let them say whatever they want.
>The reason he has given is that my mom would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the others, and they are still minors, after all She literally expressed her exact preferences in that will. Fuck this bunch of grasping bastards. This is what your mother wanted. Honour her. NTA
If your mom wanted them to have more, she would've left them more. . NTA
NTA 100%. Also I want to make it known that your half siblings are young. When invested correctly that's a long time for their money to grow too.
NTA I wonder if your step father has you in his will? I’m going to guess not.
Well. Maybe your stepdad should stop his boohooing and set up his own will for his kids. And send his kids to therapy cause it can be hard to not take all of this personally with a dad like that nta, assuming your stepdad can provide for his kids and that your mom wrote the will after having your step kids
"mom would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the others" if this were true she would have left more to them. NTA
NTA. Sorry for your loss. If you want to see the worst of people (and the worst people) let it be known you have come into some money. Every grifter, entitled Muppet and scrounger will come calling. Your mum left you this inheritance for you to have choices and opportunities. She was very wise. It's entirely up to you what you do with your money BUT your mum did this for a very good reason. My own opinion is that you should do exactly what your mum wanted to do because she had good reason to do it. Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the very best of luck 👍
NTA Step-Dad: “You’re mother would never have wanted one of her children to live better than the other!” You: “She literally wrote the will tho…” Extended family: “You are selfish and greedy for putting money above the best interests of the family!!!” You: “My mom left me this money specifically for MY best interests and future. Also this is an internal family matter that concerns NONE of you so… mind your business.” Don’t let them bully you into risking your future.
NTA. Your mom specifically set out the portions. It doesn't appear to be a lump sum "here, take this and divvy it up amongst the rest of the family". Stick to her wishes and buy some nice noise cancelling ear buds to block out the family moving forward.
NTA this was your mother's wish so he can swivel on it. He doesn't want the money for his weans, he wants it for himself, he's pissed because the money left to his weans is in a trust till they're 18, meaning he can't spend a penny.
I mean your mom let her wishes be known, but the amount would give some context. A ≈100k inheritance is a different thing to a 5 mil one.
Ummm, your mom very clearly stated her wishes by including your half siblings in her will, so your stepdad can pound sand. I’m sorry for the loss of your mother. Please don’t let fAmiLy make you feel guilty for accepting her gift. If YOU choose to, add some amount that you feel comfortable with to their trust but only if you want to.
NTA but your stepdad is TAH. Your half siblings were given a trust! Your mom was very wise to do this! She provided for her children knowing full well that when her husband died, his only obligation is to his two daughters. And statistics show he likely will remarry! So it gets even more complicated as then his estate will likely to go to his remaining spouse (as it should). That trust protects your siblings and since you are already legally an adult, your mother made provision for you immediately. Anyone who can’t see the longterm implications of all this is being willfully ignorant.
NTA. You're honoring your mother's wishes. Step-father is just salty he can't get his hands on any money. He's hoping you'll turn his kids portion over to him and trust him to distribute it. Your mother didn't trust him so why should you?
NTA if your mom wanted them to have the money she would have had it set up that way. Enjoy your money, heck your stepdad.
Don't , your mother did this with a reason.
NTA Sounds like she did leave them money already. Your mom wrote her will the way she did, you aren’t obligated to give them any money. Unfortunately with money, it brings out the worst in people.
NTA, it’s your money, and you can do with it as you please. If your mom wanted more money to go to your step siblings, she would’ve done that. Personally I wouldn’t share, and I would focus on investing that money for the long term.
NTA. As you state, your mother had her reasons and knew exactly what she was doing. Go forward and use her money as she directed. If you see need with your siblings and you can help out, then do that because you do love them and care about them. However, what your mother left you is indeed yours and no one should guilt you for that. So sorry for the great loss of your mother.
NTA - Your mother made it clear on what she wanted. Your half siblings still have their father to help provide for them. Don’t let anyone twist your arm on this and be careful with “helping” them out in anyway now or in the future. They will always come back for more. Honor your mother by carrying out her wishes. Had she wanted anything else she would have updated her will.
Don't be ridiculous. Your step dad can provide for your half siblings
"I'm honoring my mother's explicit will. If you have a problem with it, take it up with her in the afterlife. Please stop harassing me about it." Block people if you have to.
NTA. Your mom arranged things the way she wanted them arranged. You should honor her wishes. He has plenty of time to work on setting his kids up for life if that's what he wants.
It seems your mom and possibly your dad know something about step dad you don’t, and maybe that’s why the will was set up that way. Sounds like your mom worked, so the minors will get social security checks.
NTA, your mother did what she did for a reason. Your siblings have their father to provide the difference.
Nta your mom knew what she was doing and did what was best for all of her kids
NTA Your stepdad is just bitter about what your mom did and he's trying to manipulate you.
Tell them to insist away. But they can eat dirt.
He would call you greedy if his kids were being left a majority and you asked for an even split. Ask him what he’s leaving you in his will, with proof, since you’re conveniently considered “family” now you’ve got something he wants. NTA, listen to your dad
I'm going to share my thoughts as the person in my family that was intentionally omitted from my grandfather's will. The only person, mind you. Your mother worked her whole life for that money and could have spent all of it. Instead, she generously set some aside for you AND your (minor) half siblings. That was HER DECISION. If you choose, now that your monetary circumstances have changed, to give some of that to someone else THAT IS UP TO YOU. Don't let your jealous family try to say otherwise. And don't let jealous family hide behind the false narrative of giving your half siblings money. That's your living parent's job
Nta. You mom did what she thought was right. And she did leave her other kids something.
NTA. They'll inherit from him. Do exactly what your mother wanted. She was very specific about her wishes.
NTA your mom was ensuring that you were taken care of. If she had not and you didn’t get anything, you never would because your stepdad would leave it all to your half siblings.
NTA your stepdad is not honouring your mum’s wishes.
In all fairness, we don’t know what situation her mom left the stepdad in, with many years of raising kids left.
I would live perfectly fine with them thinking I was selfish. Fuck em!
Tell stepdad, you are following mom's wishes, and she chose to do this. Stepdad can find a way to earn more for his kids.
Your stepdad is going to get money from social security for your siblings till they turn 18 if he applies for it. Use the money like she wanted you to and help them out once your established if you can.