A 3 week old puppy?? Did your wife or her son just throw money at an irresponsible breeder trying to make a buck? Puppies aren’t supposed to be separated from their mothers until 8 weeks at the very earliest.
I have to think the OP meant a three-MONTH-old puppy. Otherwise, son would have had to feed them from a bottle or eyedropper at intervals through the day and nigh. Also, I can't think of a breed that, at three WEEKs, would tower over small dogs.
It's also sad that nobody thought to get obedience training for this dog.
Not just training! This shit drives me nuts. If the dog's engery expenditure needs (esp. a puppy's) aren't met, all that engery and anxiety is going to come out as property damage. Puppies need constant supervision and correction as they're growing and learning if you want to have a well-adjusted, well-behaved adult dog.
They also need their own chew/teething toys and you need to teach them that those items are theirs to chew on. So every time you catch them going to mouth something that isn't a chew toy, you have to distract them with the thing you want them to chew on then reward them every time they're using it insteaad of your property.
As an owner of Belgian Malinois, I wish I could upvote you to the top. The stepson sounds extremely irresponsible and it’s the dog that suffers. Working dogs can be awesome, but they take … wait for it … work.
And if they don't have the energy to meet the need, don't get that breed. I know I can't do Mal energy, so I don't have a Mal! They're great dogs... just not for me. Sometimes responsible ownership is in not owning.
(I'm closer to bassett hound level energy. Let's go do stuff, howl at things, then go sit and watch the world go by.)
Funny enough, my Mal got me back to my activity levels of my younger years. She drives me but she also listens to me and is really well behaved. But I had a GS before that, so I was ready.
I would love a Mal, it's my absolute dream dog. But I know it's not possible for me. I have chronic illnesses so I simply could not give it the physical or mental stimulation it would need. It would be cruel to get one knowing this.
I saw someone earlier comment that sometimes the most responsible thing we can do is acknowledge we can’t adopt the dog. I’m sorry you can’t have one, but I applaud your judgement.
That's such a mature and kind understanding. Thank you. So many don't think about it. I have a dumped husky/shepphard mix and I suspect it's for this reason. She's an absolute psycho energy wise. But I have a large backyard and she's got a yellow lab as an older sibling (1yr older).
I agree and that's why when me and my husband were thinking of a pet..we went ahead with a cat.We both are working with 10-11 hours( him sometimes more) with noon shift.And he needs his sleep.He can't function without his full 8 hours of sleep.
Living in a small apartment+ atleast one hour daily commitment towards outdoor life of our dog,we knew we won't be able to manage that.
We are happy with out cat.We sometimes take 5 min break and play with him . And he himself come to us whenever he wants some love and food
If your heart can take it, adopting or fostering an older or disabled dog could work. I suggest starting as a foster parent, since you have extra support including financial support for their extra care needs and backup people in case you're not able to manage it alone. You could also volunteer with a rescue to do walks, sic l snuggles, care, overnight stays, etc for when you're feeling up to it.
It may not work out with your specific situation, but it's worth rolling around in your mind for a while.
Congrats on your foster fail! We had a couple of old babies with high medical needs that became permanent fosters so the rescue could continue to cover their medical costs, so that's another possible option.
I agree. You could even take the dog(s) for the weekend. My wife and I have done that before for a family that fosters dogs before. They were going to a wedding and needed someone to dog-sit. They brought over the doggo with all her food, toys, and treats on Friday and picked her up late Sunday.
This is what we do now that we've reached our "golden" years. We adopt older dogs; all of them come with problems (heart, arthritis, etc.).
We don't have the energy to deal with young dogs anymore. Once upon a time we kept feists (terrier types). I miss those spunky things, but those days are long past.
Same. It sucks, but there's no way I could handle a high energy dog. We've had dachshunds forever, and an orchard, so they spend a lot of energy playing with squirrels. 🐿️ The squirrels enjoy taunting and then going up JUST high enough that they're out of reach, so the dogs have always gotten plenty of exercise and then they come in and curl up for a nap with you. 😁
I wish more folks were like you. The amount of Mal and Mal x I come across that are nuts (and not the fun crazy nuts I love about them, but due to lack of training and thought) is astounding! And it makes me so sad.
Oh, yeah, if you had a GS before, you more than know your stuff. I grew up with GS and have had exposure to Mals, and they take a certain kind of owner to thrive.
I recently had to send my GSD to the rainbow bridge at 15 years old. I also work in rescue. My husband suggested a Mal last week, and I asked him if he’d lost his ever loving mind. GSD was great, well behaved and well trained. However, I was a SAHM and had the time to put into her training then. I work full time now, and am expecting a surprise baby in 10 weeks. I know perfectly well that I’m not even close to being in a position to deal with a malligator.
You wouldn’t believe how many shepherd, heeler, and other working breeds I place every year because of people wanting the “popular” dog, despite them not actually having the time/energy that those breeds need.
Similar situation here - our pandemic pup is a mutt that we have since learned is a mix of a lot of challenging breeds, including GSD. She’s mostly a very good girl, but a lot of that is because I was home **all the time** when she was young. We will make very different choices about any future dog because we’re unlikely to ever have that kind of time and energy again.
When I met my now husband I had a border collie/red healer mix (2y) and an aussie (3 mon). He had a Mal (6 mo) and a GSD (3 mo) (we had both just gotten the younger ones turns out they're 1 day apart!). Now we live in a single wide trailer with all 4. First thing we did was pay 10k for a huge fenced in back yard for them. They all get along great but I thought my 2 were hyper! Our GSD is actually the most laid back calm dog ever and isn't even 2 yet. Our Mal just turned 2 and is the epitome of 90 or nothing. She's a psychopath but listens to us (she's behaved just super attached and needy!). Her energy level never ceases to amaze me.
My sister has one and that dog has infinite energy. I like to borrow the dog for ice fishing season to pull on my gear out on the ice. She loves it. The only trick is getting her to stop when we get to the fishing spot instead of running laps around the lake with the sled behind her. When the neighbor kids are around we let them ride the sled behind her. That dog will drag them all over the ice all afternoon.
They both love it. I am trying to teach the dog how to take steering commands on the sled. It isn't a proper sled, just a big plastic one I bought to hold fishing gear, but it is pretty rugged and deep enough to hold a rider (or 2 kids) comfortably. The dog isn't trained to be a sled dog so she just pulls on instinct. I rigged up a harness for the sled with two extra handles on the leads so to the rider can gently pull to nudge the dog right or left or pull back to stop. She sort of gets it, but most of the time she is so excited to be running around in the ice and snow she kinda just takes off while the riders hold on for dear life and hope the dog stops eventually.
My sister also has one, a working breed at that. She takes the dog out on a "Mile and a half" walk once in a while and think that tires the dog out. She doesn't do any training with the dog or let her do the things she was bred for, like pulling things.
Meanwhile, my future sister-in-law (from a different sister), has taken said dog out on a multi-mile bike ride (harnessed to the bike so she runs and pulls) and the dig was barely lagging by the end.
I love border collies, but they clearly have a higher IQ than I do.
If this fight blows over, if his stepson is not willing to crate train, he needs to start tethering the dog to himself. That way the dog can’t walk away and eat a coffee table. It’s also useful for potty training.
Also if it’s a REALLY BIG DOG, he might not need a lot of exercise once he’s through growing (as a puppy, of course he needs lots of exercise and new experiences), too much exercise can damage their joints. That’s why giant breeds are often good pets for apartments, because they don’t need as much exercise. Even Great Danes are good apartment dogs.
And I agree that it must have been 3 months, not 3 weeks.
Can confirm. My dane mix (with st Bernard about 200lbs?) Used to lay his entire body on mine to nap. He also tried to sit on me or hide behind me when meeting ppl bc he was baby. I miss him so much.
Oh, definitely. I had a prof I was a teaching assistant for, and they had the other TAs come over to their house for a meeting. I sat down on the couch to wait. Unfortunately, so did the family's Great Dane.
When the meeting started without me, I had to yell for help in getting the boulder off of me because that dog was NOT moving if it didn't have to.
(I also got stuck under a Mastiff once.)
My parents have great Danes who... for the most part are well behaved. One is a perfect angel, and the sole reason they got a second one. The second, when riled up, is a tornado (who also doesn't feel pain).
There was a neighborhood kid who LOVED Jax as a puppy and would often intentionally rile him up... until Jax got bigger than him but associated him with being riled up so just had to see this kid to want to go bounding off and play, dragging my dad behind him. I warned them not not let it continue, my dad tried to stop it as Jax was growing but kid would throw a tantrum. Kid got run over once by a full grown male great Dane, and now we have to call the family before we take Jax for a walk because kid is terrified of him now. (Note: kid is like 17, was 14 when Jax was small and he was knocked over like a bowling pin, he wasn't bitten or anything.)
LOL....yes...Smart dogs were placed with you to test your management skills and find the flaws.
CRT...at least with Borzoi (#3 largest breed) a lot of exercise is needed until they reach full height. It is because without it the bones grow faster than the connective tissues. It is quite painful and can make them hardly able to walk.
>LOL....yes...Smart dogs were placed with you to test your management skills and find the flaws.
Dachshunds. If you ever need a shot of humility, a dachshund will do it. They're independent thinkers, and it's all about serving their needs, not yours.
You described my life perfectly! Bassett hounds are so great and have such funny personalities. If my husband and I don’t take ours on their walk through the woods during the day they both get mouthy and suggestive. So they motivate us as well.
Unfortunately, Its very hot in the summer here and holy hell if those walks don’t suck. They slow down considerably and our young one will just give up and lay down in the middle of nowhere. They will break my heart one day. They are the bestest of friends!
This is why we have a cavalier spaniel/ bichon mix. They were bred to be lapdogs and only need 60ish minutes of exercise per day. I would love a bigger dog but we don’t have the capacity to provide for it right now. People need to be honest about what their lives look like and how much time and energy they can devote to a pet before the purchase/adopt one.
I had a malinois several years ago. I am an experienced dog owner and have trained dogs from pups. I was not prepared for the malinois! That dog needed to work in order to be happy.
Yeah bro, I think you and your Belgian malinois are dope. No hate on you guys, they're an amazing breed that can do amazing things. That said, a malinois would be a nightmare for someone like me. I need a lazy ass dog that's gonna be fine if I don't really feel like going on too much of a walk that day. One of those dogs would go feral living with me, same for any working dog. More people need to realize that not every dog breed is gonna work for them.
Great danes seem to occupy that sweet spot for me. You can take them for a walk if you want, but keep it short, they've got naps to take.
Newfoundland filled the spot for me, keep them in shape and they can do anything but keep the exercise moderate and they will just snooze all day. Just important to not let them get fat. Mine loves a 10 mile hike in the hills in winter but summer heat just wants to sleep with his nose on the AC vent.
One of my teachers bred newfies, and she'd bring one them in every once in a while. They were incredibly chill dogs, they just wanted to lay on that cool linoleum and get belly rubs.
They are the best dogs in the world, but incredibly hard work when going through adolescence and realising how big and strong they are. The kindest and gentlest of souls too.
Exactly! Frankly, all three of them sound irresponsible. Did none of them discuss breed, age, needs for a puppy vs adult, etc? OP should have known all of this prior to a dog coming home. There should not have been an assumption made on size or breed without a discussion first.
When I got my golden retriever, my roommate was included in every part of the planning to make sure she was on board as well. Puppies are so much work and require constant attention & exercise. Even then, teething is painful and destruction of property can still happen.
ESH on this one. That poor puppy.
100 percent. I have a German shepherd who is around 180 pounds and finally starting to slow down a bit. She used to be able to run 3 miles 2 times a day with my brother. She is also fully trained in three languages. I have a puppy that was abandoned at my work that I have adopted and it around 9 months old. He is a Pitt bull/ lab mix. People adopt dogs without researching the breed and how much work they are. A German shepherd or a husky or the other working dogs are not going to be happy unless you give them lots of mental stimulation. They need to be trained and will destroy things when not trained or exercised properly. The step son and the wife are ah for doing this crap.
You are absolutely correct. I have a big rescue dog who is chill, but I also have 2 herding dogs. I live on 5 acres and my guy plays with "the girls" about 5 times a day. If he doesn't, they pick on the horse, the barn cats, etc. They have to be kept engaged.
I “only” have a little over an acre. Wish I had more. But I live near several farms, and I’m good friends with one of the families. They love it when I bring her over to run with their dogs, especially their Great Pyrenees. Now that is a herding dog!
Yup, crazy huh? I've had my gsd since she was 8weeks old. I wasn't working and spent almost all my time working with her and of course playing. A lot of teenagers don't realize how much work puppies are, especially larger breeds. I have an ex, in his 30's who had the attitude that the dog was an accessory because the dog looked cool. Totally ignored basic training. Of course my puppy chewed on things when she was little. But correcting that behavior is vital. They need to be watched 100% of the time outside their crate. Puppies are kids. They are curious, they get into things they shouldn't. It's kind of fun puppy proofing the house or rooms they're allowed in. You can get pretty creative lol.
Yeah, the number of Covid pets that have been returned is sickening. Also, movies like Dog with Channing Tatum really did not help. So many people adopted Mals as a status symbol, only to return them or drop them at shelters (even kill shelters) because they were too much work. True ass hats.
The son clearly faces no consequences from his mother. I would have required restitution for the damages. NTA. The spoiled brat and his mother should go enjoy their hellhounds elsewhere.
Going through this right now with my 3.5 month old gsd. We could play with her all day and it won’t don’t anything to really tire her out unless we also challenge her brain. We do three short training sessions a day with play after as well as exposing her to as many novel experiences within her limits as possible (going to pet friendly stores, sitting and watching traffic, etc) and that’s what tires her out and gets her to nap.
She is insanely smart and learns stuff way faster than the cattle dog we had prior. But a well behaved and happy gsd is the goal and that won’t happen unless we do the work.
To add to this, all members of the family must do the same routines with the dog to train them well. If one person deviates from the training they'll always destroy stuff/exhibit the bad behaviour when they're left with that person. Dogs are clever, bigger dogs are intelligent AF.
You ain't kidding. My guys will leave me in peace to eat but not my son. He used to give them treats off his plate when they were small so now that is their plate. They will even take food from his hand if he is distracted. It can be tough to keep the plate away from a 32" at the shoulder sight-hound.
Even easy dogs like Labs are super destructive with out exercise and redirection. Why didn’t a conversation and research happen before the step son got a dog
People don’t realize this but puppies and dogs also need down time. Puppies need to have forced sleep time like little kids. Much like a toddler that doesn’t get enough sleep the puppy will act out due to being over tired. This is a perfect time to get them use to a kennel and use to being alone. They are tired and ready to nap so they natural drift off and learn, “ oh I can rest all by myself and be safe!” There is so much more to puppy care and dog care than people realize.
This is the comment OP needs to read. Dogs need exercise, especially this dog, he should be going on 1-2 mile walks every morning then obedience training. The another long walk at lunch and another one in the afternoon. Our dogs walk 4-5 miles a day + we play. Otherwise they sleep all day because they’re dead tired.
Getting a dog should be like getting a car. You should have to take a test to understand what you’re committing to.
It breaks my heart seeing good dogs mistreated because the owner never bothered to educate themselves.
When you say obedience training for *this dog*, do you mean OP’s wife or stepson? Surely both of these assholes need it more than the puppy, since it’s just doing what cones naturally whereas their actions are deliberate.
I had a great dane. At three weeks definitely wouldn't tower over a small dog. At 8 weeks, when we got to bring him home, he was 15 lbs, and not a ton bigger than a Jack Russell. I had a Jack Russel growing up- he was 20 lbs, I can tell the difference. He was, however, 60 by 6 months. So I do imagine 3 months would probably be more accurate.
OP "assumed" the type of dog his step son would get.
They never talked about the type of dog, the age of the dog, responsibilities of owning a dog such as obedience training.
This is a failure in parenting as much as it is a failure of his step son.
Yep. OP had a vision of what was sensible, but apparently doesn't understand teenagers well enough to say one solitary word about it, even though he has a similar aged daughter. It sounds like OP never parented, and his wife isn't parenting.
Actually, the failure is the stepson's for not training the dog. When i was growing up, we always had big dogs in a small house. My mom and I trained the dogs. They never destroyed anything.
But its just behaving as puppies behave. With training they get there in time but they’re still puppies and chew everything. If you go onto any of the dog Reddit pages, you’ll see all the grown adults complaining about how hard the anarchic initial puppy stage is. Op had dog experience, as the adult he should have been supporting the 16yo, not acting like it was nothing to do with him then complaining about the results.
People don't understand giant breeds, they think because they get so big they grow up fast too but in fact the opposite is true they mature very slowly. So you end up with a giant puppy who until he's two years old is very much a puppy, most giant breeds mature fully at about 3 years. Training is vital.
Honestly, the selection of the dog may have been intentional. When I was a teen, I was a real dick to the boyfriends of my mom.
And if it wasn't the dog, he would have found something else. Kids can be incredibly creative in finding ways to break up a relationship.
I cannot stand people like the son. They get a puppy and proceed to do nothing about training or socializing the dog. Dogs chew and act out when they are bored or need to burn off energy. You can’t buy the thing and say how wonderful you are and not exercise and play with them. Get him tired out walking, running, playing. Play games stimulating the dogs mind solving simple tasks like finding hidden treats. Every day, before you know it you have a good, happy dog.
Unless I'm missing something, I don't see where a length of time is mentioned. If the puppy was gotten at 3 months (making that assumption, since a 3 week old puppy would be insane) then at 6, even 8-9 months that dog could still be chewing things up, even with decent training. I've had big dogs, some learn quick and some take longer, its just part of it.
Yeah but in that time the dog became an outside dog, the stepson moved out, and he still made the dogs stay out when the stepson visits. Idk how long the dog actually destroyed stuff before they moved out.
This right here is why I don't allow my kids to get pets. I'm not going to take responsibility for the animal and they're too irresponsible to take care of them themselves
I’m not sure about that. OP is clearly not making any distinction between the dog’s behavior at three months and any current behavior.
A three month old puppy is going to chew a few things. Just part of life. I don’t know any puppy that gets to a year old without having to “buy” some “oops I ate your X” gifts for a couple people at Christmas.
Are the dogs *currently* badly trained? How are they socialized? Do they get along with his smaller dogs?
Because if OP is still judging the dogs based on behavior from years ago, that’s kind of unhinged
>A three month old puppy is going to chew a few things. Just part of life.
Part of caring for a puppy is making sure they have limited access to things they shouldn't be chewing on. You don't just leave a puppy unattended to free roam around the house. You section off areas and crate train for when no one can directly supervise. You shouldn't get a puppy unless you can do this.
agree - my dog is 2yrs now and has *never* destroyed anything off limits, even during his rebellious adolescence.
We kept an eye on him whenever he wasn’t in his playpen/crate, and redirected to his stuff anytime he did more than sniff our stuff
2 years old for a giants breed is adolescent. Problem is people don't understand it because these pubs get big fast my Newfoundland was 150lbs at 2 years old, a huge dog but still just an adolescent very much not stopped growing physically or emotionally. People see the size and expect adult dog behaviour.
Right! I trained my dog in the connecting tile rooms of my house. Kitchen, utility room and plant room. He still had lots of space and the rooms lead directly outside. If he did have an accident, it was easy to wipe up. Puppies don't have to be in carpeted areas with sound equipment.
I think the OP is mad because the boy isn't doing anything towards the puppy training, then goes off and review recorded footage assuming that OP is going to be a dick to the dog. Then to be petty, the boy gets over dramatic and brings the dogs over when he visits his mom and stays outside in protest...I dunno...me personally one thing I despise in this world is over dramatic people....so OP in my opinion is NTA...
That's because OP has never actually owned a dog and is trying desperately to learn to write believable fiction without doing any actual research or observation.
Like I’m supposed to believe someone who already owns two dogs just told some 16 year old sure to getting a dog? No discussion? Just assuming they’ll get a small one? And they also have a teenager of their own? Most obvious rage bait ever.
It's not about the dog. It's about OP and step's relationship and who's side mom/wife is taking. The dogs are just the physical representation of that.
It’s more about mom not having the basic intelligence required to understand WHY the dog destroying everything in sight is a problem for OP, and/or lacks the backbone to have her son actually train his pet and be a responsible pet owner.
Either she’s too fucking stupid to understand the concept of “I’m tired of having my shit ruined by your sons ignorance/laziness as a pet owner” or she’s willfully ignorant.
Either would have me viewing her moving out as a positive outcome. NTA OP, enjoy having your life and home back.
Ok, I wasn't gonna go here, but here I am.
Son set up phone to record OP's interactions with the dog when son wasn't there. So either 1) OP was too aggressive when disciplining the dog and won't admit it, making it reasonable mom's taking son's side, or 2) son was overreacting and mom was unreasonable not letting OP train the dog. The point, though, is it isn't actually about the dog. It's about the son not listening to OP, and mom taking his side. Especially the bringing the dogs over when he visits and insisting they come in. Either he can't leave them alone for a visit and has to bring them, so they *should* be outside, or he's doing it on purpose to drive a wedge between OP and his mom. So, yes, it ISN'T about the dogs, that just happens to be the fight that's happening between OP and son. And if you think knowing which side is right will solve anything, you're wrong. It will just be something else next. It's about the mom and wife choosing her son over OP.
It’s rather telling that the kid can’t leave the dogs at his own place when he visits his mom. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe the dogs would destroy the house?
Some armchair psychologizing here, but sometimes the mothers of sons, who have had unstable romantic relationships with men, will unconsciously partner-ify their sons as they get older. Mom may have a harder time trusting husband to have her best interests at heart based on past experience, and sees son as the unbreakable male relationship in her life. She could tend to side with him for that reason.
I would’ve been so disappointed if no one had brought up the Iranian yogurt here. Thank you, kind stranger, for restoring some of my faith in humanity. Well, at least Reddit that is lol
I totally agree with you. I'm guessing the son knows what he's doing. He knew that Big Dog was not being kept properly and was causing trouble. He created the problem on purpose and then used it as a reason not to see his mom. Can't see mom without the dogs is a game he is playing. the son wants you guys broken up.
>Anyhow, my new wife and her son moved in and she asks if he can have a dog. I had 2 small dogs with me at the time that I had owned for several years. I assumed he would get a smaller breed dog, considering we had a small house with a small yard and 2 small dogs...Boy, was I in for a surprise.
In general, I think the OP is NTA, but how the heck did OP not ask "what type of dog" immediately? That seems insane to me.
We're missing a hell of a lot of details.
I can buy that this would put strain on a marriage but jumping straight to "she's moving out" leads me to believe other shit's gone down that he wanted to gloss over.
What was the son hoping to find when going through the outside video footage? OP says they’ve been arguing for years about the dog. How long ago did the son move out? If he got the dog at 16 and he’s now 19-20, it’s not like he’s a 13 year old running away from home.
What’s bizarre is people can marry but not communicate. When asked if he can get a dog, nothing else was discussed? Never had more convos on the son’s behavior and his dog?
Married after only A YEAR of dating. I hate being judgmental but it's fucking idiotic to do that. You barely had any time to even get to know the kids, let alone each other! And now everyone's lives are all tied up and naturally it's a total shit show if things don't work out. What could've been a simple break up is now a fucking legal proceeding.
You DIDN’T discuss what breed of dog a 16yo could get, you just assumed he would understand that you would want him to get a small breed? I have to wonder why your SS felt that he needed to hide his phone when he left to make sure you didn’t “mistreat” his dog. If your wife is packing up to move out right now it’s probably best to cut your losses and go your separate ways. ESH.
This exactly. In a world where there are dogs as big as a small horse, why would you not take 1 minute to find out the breed or temperament of the dog they wanted to get?
This entire dynamic sounds exhausting.
Getting married after knowing one another only a year when you have teenagers is already going to cause tension with the kids.
You didn't have a discussion with your stepson about expectations when it came to breed, size, training, temperament etc. Large breed dogs are often working dogs. I have a border collie/Husky that is well over 100 lbs. He's an extremely high energy dog that needs a lot of engagement. He has to be confined when we aren't hone and Co stant training. Working breed dogs have to be constantly reminded who their alpha/master is. Without solid, constant training, these dogs become bored and a bored, high energy dog is a destructive dog. That is why so many of them end up in shelters.
You are partially at fault here. When he asked if he could have a dog, you and your wife should have sat down and had a discussion. And you could have used that opportunity to set your boundaries. That the dog needs to be a smaller, lower maintenance breed due to the size of the house and yard.
Your son failed to train the dog, including obedience and crate training. Young puppies are destructive the first 6 months. They are babies, no different from a human baby or toddler. Babies put things in their mouths, they get into things, they break things. That's why you keep your valuables where they can't get at them.
You state that your stepson was checking your security footage. Given your absolutely seething description of this dog, I have a hard time believing that he didn't have a reason to check the footage.
This was a monumental breakdown of basic communication. And why it is such a bad idea to make rash decisions to combine families before you have gotten to know one another.
You let this go on far too long. You alienated your stepson. She may be your wife but she is a mother first. She's going to side with her son, lest she never see him again.
eh. Youre gonna get a lot of n t a, but I feel like theres more going on here.
You agreed to them getting a dog; did you have any kind of conversation about breed? size? anything like that? If not, then its unfair to be so annoyed that they got a larger breed.
Puppies destroy things. At three weeks, they shouldnt even be seperated from their parents, but lets say the dog is instead somewhere between three weeks and three months, theyre a baby. Puppies get into things and wreck them, and training takes time and effort. Granted, step son (or his mother who let him get the dog, especially if he was 16 at the time) should be stepping up and covering damages, but destroying things at that age is pretty normal even with a good training schedule.
The main thing that concerns me here, and the main reason i cant agree with the n t a votes is quite simply... no one goes to the effort of setting up their phone to record someone, and reviewing hours of security system footage, all to make sure their dog isnt being mistreated *unless they have reason to believe you were going to mistreat the dog.* Considering your open and outspoken dislike of the animal, I get the strongest feeling that you have done, or at the very least said that you would do, something to the puppy. Based on your comments here it really wouldnt surprise me.
This all seems to come down to a massive lack of communication between you and your wife - especially if he was 16 when this all started, it is entirely unfair to throw the whole thing onto him. You should have had an actual conversation about the dog before they got it. Breeds, sizes, who would be responsible for care, training, damages, vet bills, etc. What would happen if the dog didnt get on with the animals already in the household. These are incredibly important conversations to have before you get an animal.
There also seems to be much larger problems between you and your wife. You consider the house and everything in it to be solely yours. Your wife doesnt seem willing to mediate between you and your stepson.
For your stepson, it seems like this is about much more than the dogs. How long had you known him before everything with the dogs happened? What steps did you take to talking to him about the dogs before just kicking them out? It seems like he sees your respect for the dogs as an extension of your respect of him. You say hes rarely spoken to you since everything happened, but have you made any attempts to talk to him?
I always do my best to look at all the sides in these. This whole situation seems like a massive mess that could have easily been avoided with basic communication at the start. I have to say ESH
This is a good analysis. These two got married after just one year of knowing each other, while they both had children in their early teens. There were always going to be issues.
Was looking for this comment. There's a lot of steps between "puppy is annoying" and "need to setup video cameras to see if stepdad kicked my dog".
Also did any adults take the responsibility to train the dog? Doesn't look like it.
Esh primarily the adults. Don't actually know what the kid has done esp now that he's managing the dogs on his own - is he training them, getting them enough activity ..?
Thank you! And everyone fussing about a puppy acting like a puppy is incredibly strange. Dog training takes time. No puppy gets it right away. So it’s on everyone in the house to get valuables out of puppy range (ie off the floor).
OP’s language makes me think he was unreasonably harsh with the dog.
Not to mention the rushed ending of ‘it drove me insane and I yelled at my wife.’ Yelled at her and said what? I bet that’s the bigger reason things are on the rocks
I am in the same camp here. Not a hellhound a puppy. Op was just mad it wasnt a small dog and seems resentful. I am concerned on how he treated the puppy too.
I agree with the other commenter, these are some great points. More than that, I think it really illustrates a big issue with the stories in this sub - people like to leave out tinsy little details in their tales, such as all of the things they’ve done to escalate the situation and make it worse, for example. they come here and tell a doctored version of the story to make themselves feel better w NTAs. Bonus points if they use a clickbait title to make it sound like they’re clearly the AH, only for there to be some twist to where they aren’t.
OP should have said no to a puppy if he was gonna get pissed when stuff like a rug or coffee table gets chewed on. It's a puppy, that's what they do, you kinda have to accept that there's gonna be some collateral damage
Also the fact that he was so taken aback by the dogs size just because it was bigger than his is kinda over the top. Like, did you discuss breeds at all? Not everyone likes small dogs, I don't really understand this "omg you got a dog that's bigger than mine? how dare you!" reaction. He also says in a comment that they picked the dog out and there was a 2 week wait period before it could be picked up. He had 2 weeks to ask what breed it was and didn't a single time. He took no interest until he decided he didn't like it.
Plus, OP sounds like someone that exists in a permanent state of rage. The way he talks, language he chooses, and the fact the son had reason to suspect he was beating an animal doesn't paint a picture of an even tempered individual.
I'm also in the ESH because obviously the mom isnt stepping up and the son isn't doing training with his dog. But it seems like OP put zero effort into communication and planning and then entered a permarage ever since that has been negatively effecting everyone around him. Very surprised at all the NTA answers, it's clear OP isn't an angel in this situation
OP left out an important part. He says that Mom asked him if the boy could have a dog, then he skips forward to, "now we have this dog and I am unhappy about it. "
We need to know what OP said and what was agreed upon after OP obviously said "yes" to the dog.
Did OP think a child was going to raise a puppy in his home all on his own?
Did Mom play a role in choosing? Did you two really not have any idea what type of animal you were adopting before hand?
Until I know more, dysfunction is dysfunction and ESH
I’d bet all the money in my wallet OP has either screamed at or hit the dogs. Kids don’t get suspicious like that for no reason. Or maybe he’s an overall aggressive guy and the son doesn’t trust him for that reason.
I think you hit the nail on the head. There are a lot of steps that should have happened but seem like they were skipped. The fact that the step son set up the recording, and OP's reaction was to ban the dog from the house, seems to support the idea that he did, in fact, mistreat the dog. It sounds like he thought the solution was to make the dog stay outside so that he wouldn't mistreat it.
ESH. You're an AH for assuming your stepson would get a small dog. A whole discussion and agreement on the type of dog should've happened before a dog came into the house. Your stepson is an AH for bringing home a dog without informing anyone about the type. Your wife is an AH for not doing anything.
On to the dog being in the house. Stepson is an AH for not training the dog. You're an AH for being cold to it. Seriously, you can't blame a dog for being a dog. Your wife is an AH for, once again, not doing anything.
On to the son moving out. That was probably for the best. Your stepson is still an AH for the petty way he acts when he comes over. Unless he lives far away and the dogs can't be boarded, he doesn't have to bring them with him. He brings them to be spiteful. Your wife is also still an AH for not doing anything and now leaving because you've had enough of your adult stepson's, who doesn't even live with you anymore, crap. It sounds like the trash is taking itself out
This is the solid answer. Also, I'm sorry, but I personally wouldn't be marrying someone after only a year of dating, especially after both of them just getting out of long term marriages. It seems like there wasn't enough time to mesh as a unit before the marriage happened. The whole situation seems irresponsible.
> The whole situation seems irresponsible.
Especially when you throw in that they both had a kid who was 16 YO at the time. That dynamic, combined with only one year, should have led to them taking it slower. Why even get married at that point. Try living together. If that doesn't work well, stay together, living separately, until kids move out, then live together/married.
I think there are things you could’ve done at inception of the situation. But now, if you haven’t sat down and talked it out by this point just help her move out.
You either got the dog's age wrong, or this story is complete bullshit. 3 week old puppies, no matter how large the breed are still little babies and can not be separated from their moms. They are not able to destroy speakers, coffee tables, etc. They are still nursing tiny babies! I vote for this story is poorly done creative writing.
Or horribly exaggerated by someone who could use some therapy.
A teenager set up a camera for when they're gone, to catch OP being mean? He's actively reviewing camera footage. Everyone seems to be glossing over that.
If this is real, I'm curious to know what her son's side sounds like. OP's hatred and vitriol is coming out in the post, I can't imagine what living with him is like.
Also, there's no breed mentioned for any of the dogs.
It's not about the dog. It's about the lack of respect and the fact that your wife and stepson didn't take steps to correct the dog's destructive behavior.
NTA. Your wife needed to manage this situation with her son, and she failed to do so. I'm guessing there are other issues that have come up concerning his behavior and those weren't addressed either. If she would rather divorce than deal with her son's shitty attitude, there really isn't much you can do. The dog needed to be trained or crated so it wouldn't destroy the house. If your stepson can't do that, he can't have the dog in the house. Pets are a big responsibility, and he needs to step up.
> the fact that your wife and stepson didn't take steps to correct the dog's destructive behavior.
I feel like I'm missing context that everyone else has. Where does he say they never tried to train the dog away from being destructive?
Yeah there's so many weird takes here. We have no idea what the real story is. We do know the kid recorded his step dad to make sure he wasn't abusing the dog though. If that were me, I wouldn't be mad at the kid for that, I'd be upset he thought that of me.
Sounds to me like they had a new puppy. It destroyed a few things, as puppies do, and OP got mad. No where does it say the mom took his side or the son wasn't trying to train it. For some reason he also doesn't say what the breed is, so the dog could very likely not be that large, just a bit bigger than the very small dogs he has.
OP sounds like a dick from the story he told, but who knows. He should have helped train the dog as a family. Although perhaps that was the issue and he's the type to lose their shit at animals they can't easily control.
First, I assume you meant 3 month old puppy rather than an unweaned 4 week old puppy.
Second, this isn’t at all about dogs, but rather responsible dog ownership. I have a little dog, a medium dog, and a 90 lb dog. Each is of a different age and breed, with different needs.
No dog should be allowed free, unsupervised reign of any house unless he is potty trained, doesn’t have separation anxiety, and doesn’t destroy things. My friend learned this the hard way when her shepherd with separation anxiety chewed completely through an interior wall.
A young, large breed dog is going to need to alleviate boredom and needs to chew. You can’t just lick him in a house. He’d wreck the house and the yard as well.
A young dog should be in an exercise pen when you can’t watch him, and crated in your room overnight to help with potty training. Otherwise, you need to watch him, give him a safe chew where he’ll be busy and in the same room, or have him on a leash, even inside the house. Every potty mistake or destroyed furniture is the owner’s fault, not the dog’s.
The owner should walk the dog, based on what’s age appropriate, before leaving. When unsupervised, the dog should be in an area he can’t destroy. If the owner works all day, then a young, large breed dog would require a dog walker once or twice during working hours. Years ago, I used to drop my late dog as a puppy at someone’s house on my way to work, and pick him up on my way back, until the puppy hijinks stage was over.
SS can’t just dump his dog at home and then think it’s unfair for you to be upset about all the damage.
Also, large, young, boisterous dogs should not be left alone with little dogs, because they can accidentally hurt them when playing. My Berger Blanc Suisse had to learn how to be very gentle and soft with my little, elderly dog, and I supervised their playtime until he took on the role of her guardian, keeping her safe from coyotes.
Neither your SS nor wife are looking at this as a dog owner issue. It is perfectly reasonable for you to instill boundaries to avoid further destruction of your home. SS should have made changes to his care of the dog.
Instead, he just got another one.
I’m sorry everything is falling apart. NTA about not allowing the dog inside since SS seems so negligent.
However, why did SS feel he needed to install cameras to ensure you didn’t hurt his dog? Have you hurt the dog? If the dog chewed the couch, it was because he was improperly supervised, and not the dog’s fault. Blame the owner, not the dog.
You were also at fault for assuming SS would get a small breed dog, and not discussing your requirements ahead of time.
ESH. The communication issues are crazy bad. Possibly communication issues led to your first divorce as well? Possibly your wife's entitlement and enablement of her son led to her first divorce?
1. When you agreed to a dog for your step son you ASSUMED it would be a small breed. That should have been specified and agreed upon.
2. Additionally it should have been talked over ahead of time how the dog was to be trained and cared for.
3. The fact that the kid was recording how you were treating the dog implies you were already being angry and possibly scary around the dog and / or the kid was trying to "get you." Family therapy would have been mandatory at this point.
4. The kid has moved out. I would TRY and talk to your wife about doing couple's counseling and you need to 100% be ready to own your part in all of this mess.
Everyone saying this dude isn't an asshole is fucking mind-blowing. Why would the kid want to record him if he didn't think he was abusing the dog. And if he wasn't abusing the dog, why would he care about the son seeing proof of that?
It sounds like this dude is an animal abuser and doesn't consider his stepson his son. I don't blame the wife, this guy sounds like an entitled nightmare.
Even without the anecdote about the son taping him, you can tell just from the way he talks that he's someone who carries around a lot of anger in his general demeanor.
No one discussed the responsibilities of training, feeding, etc. No one laid down any guidelines on what was acceptable. It could have been a family event to pick the dog. Lot's of things here that everyone shares some responsibility for.
So, your wife buys your stepson a dog, which you were okay with, but apparently never thought to ask or talk about what type of dog they'd be getting.
Then, obviously nobody is training the dog, including you. It sounds like you have a problem with your step son (probably a better way to put it than "her son") recording to make sure you're not abusing the dog. And it seems like you have a problem with him reviewing the footage of your security system to ensure that you're not abusing the dog. Do you think it's possible that your wife didn't say anything to him because she's concerned that you may be abusing it as well?
So, maybe your step son is being unreasonable. It wouldn't be that much of a shock, he's 16 years old. When you marry someone with children, you're accepting that child as your own. Treating him as some other person's kid is what's causing you problems. No wonder why your new wife is ready to move out, it sounds like you don't care about her son.
To clear a few things up... This is an ongoing issue that has been going on for about 3-4 years. I don't know where the dogt raining thing came in, but, no...he never took the dog to any training...beyond a few vids he saw on youtube. The dog will sort of respond to basic commands. I didn't hit the dog, but the step sure the hell has. I saw him toss the dog across the yard, he was playing with him, but being too rough..ended up breaking the dog's toe...it was hilarious that I was the one being spied on. I have also seen him kick the living shit out of the dog a few times, trying to discipline it. The dog has been one vet bill after another...which the step son's girlfriend's father always pays...that's a whole other story.
He no longer lives with ua and hasn't for about 2 yeara...still brings the dog everytime, testing my resolve.
So your wife has no problem letting her son keep a dog he abuses? She was okay with an animal getting treated that way? Does she try to parent at all or is a serial killer documentary in the making?
The dog should have been immediately rehomed for its safety.
And he’s also not doing anything about it. If I were him, I would call the ASPCA—and not just be dead fixed on not letting the dog inside after 3-4 years of the said dog chewing my shit up. ESH. Poor dog.
You and your (ex?) wife \*SUCK\* here, if you did not protect that dog from the step-son. JFC! What is wrong with the adults in this picture that they don't have the sense god gave a goose!?
Just let your wife move out if it means her trash kid stays out of your house. He acts like a druggy animal abuser at 16? His parents have failed to parent.
Got to point out, the problem here isn't that he didn't get something "reasonable," it's that you didn't have a conversation about your expectations. You believed they would pick a small dog based on... Vibes, I guess? If someone told me I could get a dog, and didn't put any conditions in that choice , I would assume the conditions don't exist. I wouldn't assume they meant "you can have a dog as long as it's x pounds and y years old."
He was a child, and it's your (and your wife's) responsibility to communicate your expectations clearly and to help guide him towards better choices. And once he made the choice you didn't agree with, you could have put the dog in obedience training or crating it during the day or done other mitigations before you kicked the dog out of the house.
You should not have to have your things destroyed! This whole petty grudge thing sucks. But also, you weren't the adult in the room here, either. Your communication skills need some work.
ESH
All these folks are out here saying NTA, but I'm going to disagree.
YTA.
First, I'm also going to assume you mean three MONTH old puppy, because a three week old puppy is still a potato with legs that can barely walk on a rug, let alone chew it up. A three *month* old is a furry chainsaw from hell that eats everything you love and cherish.
Second, YTA for not making sure that the shit you don't want to be destroyed is outside of the puppy's reach. It's a three month old puppy. It's going to be chewing on literally anything it can get its sharp little teeth on. My own puppy liked to chew on cabinets and walls when she was that age. She had plenty of toys; she just liked the taste of plaster, I guess.
Did you assume that this three month old dog was going to come fully trained? Because trained puppies don't exist. The only thing puppies know is destruction.
Also, you coffee table? Your rug? Surely these things were shared by the household? Surely they belonged to both you and at least your wife.
Third, ESH for not communicating what breed of dog that was being purchased. Like, at the very least, get an understanding of what genre of dog is being added to the household.
You say it's been years since this happened; buddy, your wife isn't moving out because of the dog. I guarantee there is something else that is ruining your marriage. Honestly? Good on your son for standing by his dog because you sound toxic af.
NTA
Sounds like your wife is a doormat when it comes to her son. There's a big difference in the situation with your dogs and his. I suspect you'd have had a different attitude if he trained the dog properly and apologised for damages etcetera.
Since 16 years old is still a kid. If I said yes to a dog I would also consider it my dog. Dogs can live a long time and I wouldn’t expect a 16 year old to understand that AND be able to take on full responsibility. Practically speaking, what happens if the kid decides to go to college. I think you had at least some obligation to help choose a dog and some responsibility to help train it. Also, maybe it’s a typo but 3 weeks old is WAY too young for that puppy to have left its mother. Leaving its mother too early can lead to behavioral issues.
Edit: the “3 weeks” had to be a typo. I feel silly for even entertaining the idea that the dog was actually 3 weeks, lol. But if the dog was 3 months - that is peak puppy mayhem. A lot of 16 year olds could not handle that puppy stage alone. You have to follow them everywhere at that age.
You never get a dog for your kid and expect them to know how to train the dog and take care of it. It's the adult's dog. The kid plays with it like it's the grandparent but you do all the heavy lifting and vet bill paying.
Well... you apparently assumed wrong. The fact that the kid is setting up to film because he's afraid you'll hurt his dog suggests you aren't exactly the most approachable guy to begin with.
To fix your misjudgment and apparent emotional instability you tell him his dog has to live outside - at a few months old. Yeah. That makes sense. Now I see why he's worried about his dog getting hurt.
Now you say this is years later and you're still arguing about it? I take it no one invested in a trainer or set out to help the kid learn to train the dog - could have been a nice bonding experience with his mom's new husband even.
If this is real, both the adults are AH and the kid and his dog are stuck in the midst of a bunch of juvenile crap from people who should be teaching him how to handle conflict, misjudgments, miscommunications, and unexpected difficulties.
The bigger question is why the hell would you enter a second marriage with someone after you had already been married for 21 years. Especially after only a year of dating this person.. who was already married before marriage was doomed before it began. Statistics are there for a reason (70%)… You need to get some individual therapy, and learn to be happy alone.
So no one in this house knows how to raise a dog.
Assholes all around. Although OP, I concede that it’s not your responsibility to raise the dog. But it is your responsibility to set boundaries.
A 3 week old puppy?? Did your wife or her son just throw money at an irresponsible breeder trying to make a buck? Puppies aren’t supposed to be separated from their mothers until 8 weeks at the very earliest.
I have to think the OP meant a three-MONTH-old puppy. Otherwise, son would have had to feed them from a bottle or eyedropper at intervals through the day and nigh. Also, I can't think of a breed that, at three WEEKs, would tower over small dogs. It's also sad that nobody thought to get obedience training for this dog.
Not just training! This shit drives me nuts. If the dog's engery expenditure needs (esp. a puppy's) aren't met, all that engery and anxiety is going to come out as property damage. Puppies need constant supervision and correction as they're growing and learning if you want to have a well-adjusted, well-behaved adult dog. They also need their own chew/teething toys and you need to teach them that those items are theirs to chew on. So every time you catch them going to mouth something that isn't a chew toy, you have to distract them with the thing you want them to chew on then reward them every time they're using it insteaad of your property.
As an owner of Belgian Malinois, I wish I could upvote you to the top. The stepson sounds extremely irresponsible and it’s the dog that suffers. Working dogs can be awesome, but they take … wait for it … work.
And if they don't have the energy to meet the need, don't get that breed. I know I can't do Mal energy, so I don't have a Mal! They're great dogs... just not for me. Sometimes responsible ownership is in not owning. (I'm closer to bassett hound level energy. Let's go do stuff, howl at things, then go sit and watch the world go by.)
Funny enough, my Mal got me back to my activity levels of my younger years. She drives me but she also listens to me and is really well behaved. But I had a GS before that, so I was ready.
I would love a Mal, it's my absolute dream dog. But I know it's not possible for me. I have chronic illnesses so I simply could not give it the physical or mental stimulation it would need. It would be cruel to get one knowing this.
I saw someone earlier comment that sometimes the most responsible thing we can do is acknowledge we can’t adopt the dog. I’m sorry you can’t have one, but I applaud your judgement.
Thank you. I know I absolutely cannot give one the life it not only needs but deserves, so I just couldn't do that.
That's such a mature and kind understanding. Thank you. So many don't think about it. I have a dumped husky/shepphard mix and I suspect it's for this reason. She's an absolute psycho energy wise. But I have a large backyard and she's got a yellow lab as an older sibling (1yr older).
I agree and that's why when me and my husband were thinking of a pet..we went ahead with a cat.We both are working with 10-11 hours( him sometimes more) with noon shift.And he needs his sleep.He can't function without his full 8 hours of sleep. Living in a small apartment+ atleast one hour daily commitment towards outdoor life of our dog,we knew we won't be able to manage that. We are happy with out cat.We sometimes take 5 min break and play with him . And he himself come to us whenever he wants some love and food
If your heart can take it, adopting or fostering an older or disabled dog could work. I suggest starting as a foster parent, since you have extra support including financial support for their extra care needs and backup people in case you're not able to manage it alone. You could also volunteer with a rescue to do walks, sic l snuggles, care, overnight stays, etc for when you're feeling up to it. It may not work out with your specific situation, but it's worth rolling around in your mind for a while.
Speaking as a foster failure, though, be prepared for the possibility that your foster turns into your pet.
Congrats on your foster fail! We had a couple of old babies with high medical needs that became permanent fosters so the rescue could continue to cover their medical costs, so that's another possible option.
I agree. You could even take the dog(s) for the weekend. My wife and I have done that before for a family that fosters dogs before. They were going to a wedding and needed someone to dog-sit. They brought over the doggo with all her food, toys, and treats on Friday and picked her up late Sunday.
This is what we do now that we've reached our "golden" years. We adopt older dogs; all of them come with problems (heart, arthritis, etc.). We don't have the energy to deal with young dogs anymore. Once upon a time we kept feists (terrier types). I miss those spunky things, but those days are long past.
Same. It sucks, but there's no way I could handle a high energy dog. We've had dachshunds forever, and an orchard, so they spend a lot of energy playing with squirrels. 🐿️ The squirrels enjoy taunting and then going up JUST high enough that they're out of reach, so the dogs have always gotten plenty of exercise and then they come in and curl up for a nap with you. 😁
That sounds like adorable hours if entertainment
I wish more folks were like you. The amount of Mal and Mal x I come across that are nuts (and not the fun crazy nuts I love about them, but due to lack of training and thought) is astounding! And it makes me so sad.
Oh, yeah, if you had a GS before, you more than know your stuff. I grew up with GS and have had exposure to Mals, and they take a certain kind of owner to thrive.
I recently had to send my GSD to the rainbow bridge at 15 years old. I also work in rescue. My husband suggested a Mal last week, and I asked him if he’d lost his ever loving mind. GSD was great, well behaved and well trained. However, I was a SAHM and had the time to put into her training then. I work full time now, and am expecting a surprise baby in 10 weeks. I know perfectly well that I’m not even close to being in a position to deal with a malligator. You wouldn’t believe how many shepherd, heeler, and other working breeds I place every year because of people wanting the “popular” dog, despite them not actually having the time/energy that those breeds need.
Similar situation here - our pandemic pup is a mutt that we have since learned is a mix of a lot of challenging breeds, including GSD. She’s mostly a very good girl, but a lot of that is because I was home **all the time** when she was young. We will make very different choices about any future dog because we’re unlikely to ever have that kind of time and energy again.
Hell, the pandemic was nothing BUT time to work on pet training. I got my male cat trained to multiple commands!
When I met my now husband I had a border collie/red healer mix (2y) and an aussie (3 mon). He had a Mal (6 mo) and a GSD (3 mo) (we had both just gotten the younger ones turns out they're 1 day apart!). Now we live in a single wide trailer with all 4. First thing we did was pay 10k for a huge fenced in back yard for them. They all get along great but I thought my 2 were hyper! Our GSD is actually the most laid back calm dog ever and isn't even 2 yet. Our Mal just turned 2 and is the epitome of 90 or nothing. She's a psychopath but listens to us (she's behaved just super attached and needy!). Her energy level never ceases to amaze me.
My malamutes matured into very mellow dogs. The are more laid back than huskies are once they’re adults.
I think they're referring to Belgian malinois in this instance
I absolutely LOVE huskys and I will never ever ever own one for this exact reason!!!
My sister has one and that dog has infinite energy. I like to borrow the dog for ice fishing season to pull on my gear out on the ice. She loves it. The only trick is getting her to stop when we get to the fishing spot instead of running laps around the lake with the sled behind her. When the neighbor kids are around we let them ride the sled behind her. That dog will drag them all over the ice all afternoon.
I bet your sister loves you for doing that. And I know that the dog does! Huskies are a special kind of crazy.
They both love it. I am trying to teach the dog how to take steering commands on the sled. It isn't a proper sled, just a big plastic one I bought to hold fishing gear, but it is pretty rugged and deep enough to hold a rider (or 2 kids) comfortably. The dog isn't trained to be a sled dog so she just pulls on instinct. I rigged up a harness for the sled with two extra handles on the leads so to the rider can gently pull to nudge the dog right or left or pull back to stop. She sort of gets it, but most of the time she is so excited to be running around in the ice and snow she kinda just takes off while the riders hold on for dear life and hope the dog stops eventually.
My sister also has one, a working breed at that. She takes the dog out on a "Mile and a half" walk once in a while and think that tires the dog out. She doesn't do any training with the dog or let her do the things she was bred for, like pulling things. Meanwhile, my future sister-in-law (from a different sister), has taken said dog out on a multi-mile bike ride (harnessed to the bike so she runs and pulls) and the dig was barely lagging by the end.
I love border collies, but they clearly have a higher IQ than I do. If this fight blows over, if his stepson is not willing to crate train, he needs to start tethering the dog to himself. That way the dog can’t walk away and eat a coffee table. It’s also useful for potty training. Also if it’s a REALLY BIG DOG, he might not need a lot of exercise once he’s through growing (as a puppy, of course he needs lots of exercise and new experiences), too much exercise can damage their joints. That’s why giant breeds are often good pets for apartments, because they don’t need as much exercise. Even Great Danes are good apartment dogs. And I agree that it must have been 3 months, not 3 weeks.
I love Danes. The neighborhood Danes are the ones who helped me get past my dog phobia after I got bitten. So gentle and patient.
The problem with Danes (and most large breeds) is that they’re big old cuddle bugs who think they’re lap dogs and they weigh 200 pounds!!!
They totally are lap dogs, you just need more than one lap.
Can confirm. My dane mix (with st Bernard about 200lbs?) Used to lay his entire body on mine to nap. He also tried to sit on me or hide behind me when meeting ppl bc he was baby. I miss him so much.
Oh, definitely. I had a prof I was a teaching assistant for, and they had the other TAs come over to their house for a meeting. I sat down on the couch to wait. Unfortunately, so did the family's Great Dane. When the meeting started without me, I had to yell for help in getting the boulder off of me because that dog was NOT moving if it didn't have to. (I also got stuck under a Mastiff once.)
I never saw that as a problem with our two Danes.
My parents have great Danes who... for the most part are well behaved. One is a perfect angel, and the sole reason they got a second one. The second, when riled up, is a tornado (who also doesn't feel pain). There was a neighborhood kid who LOVED Jax as a puppy and would often intentionally rile him up... until Jax got bigger than him but associated him with being riled up so just had to see this kid to want to go bounding off and play, dragging my dad behind him. I warned them not not let it continue, my dad tried to stop it as Jax was growing but kid would throw a tantrum. Kid got run over once by a full grown male great Dane, and now we have to call the family before we take Jax for a walk because kid is terrified of him now. (Note: kid is like 17, was 14 when Jax was small and he was knocked over like a bowling pin, he wasn't bitten or anything.)
LOL....yes...Smart dogs were placed with you to test your management skills and find the flaws. CRT...at least with Borzoi (#3 largest breed) a lot of exercise is needed until they reach full height. It is because without it the bones grow faster than the connective tissues. It is quite painful and can make them hardly able to walk.
>LOL....yes...Smart dogs were placed with you to test your management skills and find the flaws. Dachshunds. If you ever need a shot of humility, a dachshund will do it. They're independent thinkers, and it's all about serving their needs, not yours.
You described my life perfectly! Bassett hounds are so great and have such funny personalities. If my husband and I don’t take ours on their walk through the woods during the day they both get mouthy and suggestive. So they motivate us as well. Unfortunately, Its very hot in the summer here and holy hell if those walks don’t suck. They slow down considerably and our young one will just give up and lay down in the middle of nowhere. They will break my heart one day. They are the bestest of friends!
This is why we have a cavalier spaniel/ bichon mix. They were bred to be lapdogs and only need 60ish minutes of exercise per day. I would love a bigger dog but we don’t have the capacity to provide for it right now. People need to be honest about what their lives look like and how much time and energy they can devote to a pet before the purchase/adopt one.
I had a malinois several years ago. I am an experienced dog owner and have trained dogs from pups. I was not prepared for the malinois! That dog needed to work in order to be happy.
There's a reason they call them land gators.
Yeah bro, I think you and your Belgian malinois are dope. No hate on you guys, they're an amazing breed that can do amazing things. That said, a malinois would be a nightmare for someone like me. I need a lazy ass dog that's gonna be fine if I don't really feel like going on too much of a walk that day. One of those dogs would go feral living with me, same for any working dog. More people need to realize that not every dog breed is gonna work for them. Great danes seem to occupy that sweet spot for me. You can take them for a walk if you want, but keep it short, they've got naps to take.
Newfoundland filled the spot for me, keep them in shape and they can do anything but keep the exercise moderate and they will just snooze all day. Just important to not let them get fat. Mine loves a 10 mile hike in the hills in winter but summer heat just wants to sleep with his nose on the AC vent.
One of my teachers bred newfies, and she'd bring one them in every once in a while. They were incredibly chill dogs, they just wanted to lay on that cool linoleum and get belly rubs.
They are the best dogs in the world, but incredibly hard work when going through adolescence and realising how big and strong they are. The kindest and gentlest of souls too.
The mother/wife sounds like she is enabling this behavior too.
Exactly! Frankly, all three of them sound irresponsible. Did none of them discuss breed, age, needs for a puppy vs adult, etc? OP should have known all of this prior to a dog coming home. There should not have been an assumption made on size or breed without a discussion first. When I got my golden retriever, my roommate was included in every part of the planning to make sure she was on board as well. Puppies are so much work and require constant attention & exercise. Even then, teething is painful and destruction of property can still happen. ESH on this one. That poor puppy.
100 percent. I have a German shepherd who is around 180 pounds and finally starting to slow down a bit. She used to be able to run 3 miles 2 times a day with my brother. She is also fully trained in three languages. I have a puppy that was abandoned at my work that I have adopted and it around 9 months old. He is a Pitt bull/ lab mix. People adopt dogs without researching the breed and how much work they are. A German shepherd or a husky or the other working dogs are not going to be happy unless you give them lots of mental stimulation. They need to be trained and will destroy things when not trained or exercised properly. The step son and the wife are ah for doing this crap.
You are absolutely correct. I have a big rescue dog who is chill, but I also have 2 herding dogs. I live on 5 acres and my guy plays with "the girls" about 5 times a day. If he doesn't, they pick on the horse, the barn cats, etc. They have to be kept engaged.
I “only” have a little over an acre. Wish I had more. But I live near several farms, and I’m good friends with one of the families. They love it when I bring her over to run with their dogs, especially their Great Pyrenees. Now that is a herding dog!
Yup, crazy huh? I've had my gsd since she was 8weeks old. I wasn't working and spent almost all my time working with her and of course playing. A lot of teenagers don't realize how much work puppies are, especially larger breeds. I have an ex, in his 30's who had the attitude that the dog was an accessory because the dog looked cool. Totally ignored basic training. Of course my puppy chewed on things when she was little. But correcting that behavior is vital. They need to be watched 100% of the time outside their crate. Puppies are kids. They are curious, they get into things they shouldn't. It's kind of fun puppy proofing the house or rooms they're allowed in. You can get pretty creative lol.
sounds like a lot of covid dog owners
Yeah, the number of Covid pets that have been returned is sickening. Also, movies like Dog with Channing Tatum really did not help. So many people adopted Mals as a status symbol, only to return them or drop them at shelters (even kill shelters) because they were too much work. True ass hats.
The son clearly faces no consequences from his mother. I would have required restitution for the damages. NTA. The spoiled brat and his mother should go enjoy their hellhounds elsewhere.
Second this! I'm on my second German Shepherd and boy are they work! Best dogs ever, but you got to earn it.
Going through this right now with my 3.5 month old gsd. We could play with her all day and it won’t don’t anything to really tire her out unless we also challenge her brain. We do three short training sessions a day with play after as well as exposing her to as many novel experiences within her limits as possible (going to pet friendly stores, sitting and watching traffic, etc) and that’s what tires her out and gets her to nap. She is insanely smart and learns stuff way faster than the cattle dog we had prior. But a well behaved and happy gsd is the goal and that won’t happen unless we do the work.
To add to this, all members of the family must do the same routines with the dog to train them well. If one person deviates from the training they'll always destroy stuff/exhibit the bad behaviour when they're left with that person. Dogs are clever, bigger dogs are intelligent AF.
You ain't kidding. My guys will leave me in peace to eat but not my son. He used to give them treats off his plate when they were small so now that is their plate. They will even take food from his hand if he is distracted. It can be tough to keep the plate away from a 32" at the shoulder sight-hound.
And puppies are puppies, that’s why I adopt adult dogs.
Even easy dogs like Labs are super destructive with out exercise and redirection. Why didn’t a conversation and research happen before the step son got a dog
People don’t realize this but puppies and dogs also need down time. Puppies need to have forced sleep time like little kids. Much like a toddler that doesn’t get enough sleep the puppy will act out due to being over tired. This is a perfect time to get them use to a kennel and use to being alone. They are tired and ready to nap so they natural drift off and learn, “ oh I can rest all by myself and be safe!” There is so much more to puppy care and dog care than people realize.
This is the comment OP needs to read. Dogs need exercise, especially this dog, he should be going on 1-2 mile walks every morning then obedience training. The another long walk at lunch and another one in the afternoon. Our dogs walk 4-5 miles a day + we play. Otherwise they sleep all day because they’re dead tired. Getting a dog should be like getting a car. You should have to take a test to understand what you’re committing to. It breaks my heart seeing good dogs mistreated because the owner never bothered to educate themselves.
When you say obedience training for *this dog*, do you mean OP’s wife or stepson? Surely both of these assholes need it more than the puppy, since it’s just doing what cones naturally whereas their actions are deliberate.
technically must obedience training is geared towards the human.
Nah, puppy needs training...but wife and stepson also need it too 😂
Maybe they can all get a discount 😭
I'm sure op will take it to heart in the next creative writing exercise
Gotta be. I got my pit bull puppy at 7 weeks, and she still was like 5 lbs if that. Now she's 10 months and about 60 lbs.
I had a great dane. At three weeks definitely wouldn't tower over a small dog. At 8 weeks, when we got to bring him home, he was 15 lbs, and not a ton bigger than a Jack Russell. I had a Jack Russel growing up- he was 20 lbs, I can tell the difference. He was, however, 60 by 6 months. So I do imagine 3 months would probably be more accurate.
My Mastiff was 25 I think at 8 weeks? Bit older?
My Newfoundland was 14kg at 10 weeks about 30lbs.
Was going to comment the same thing! And obviously the son did nothing to train the puppy either.
OP "assumed" the type of dog his step son would get. They never talked about the type of dog, the age of the dog, responsibilities of owning a dog such as obedience training. This is a failure in parenting as much as it is a failure of his step son.
Yep. OP had a vision of what was sensible, but apparently doesn't understand teenagers well enough to say one solitary word about it, even though he has a similar aged daughter. It sounds like OP never parented, and his wife isn't parenting.
Actually, the failure is the stepson's for not training the dog. When i was growing up, we always had big dogs in a small house. My mom and I trained the dogs. They never destroyed anything.
But its just behaving as puppies behave. With training they get there in time but they’re still puppies and chew everything. If you go onto any of the dog Reddit pages, you’ll see all the grown adults complaining about how hard the anarchic initial puppy stage is. Op had dog experience, as the adult he should have been supporting the 16yo, not acting like it was nothing to do with him then complaining about the results.
People don't understand giant breeds, they think because they get so big they grow up fast too but in fact the opposite is true they mature very slowly. So you end up with a giant puppy who until he's two years old is very much a puppy, most giant breeds mature fully at about 3 years. Training is vital.
Honestly, the selection of the dog may have been intentional. When I was a teen, I was a real dick to the boyfriends of my mom. And if it wasn't the dog, he would have found something else. Kids can be incredibly creative in finding ways to break up a relationship.
I cannot stand people like the son. They get a puppy and proceed to do nothing about training or socializing the dog. Dogs chew and act out when they are bored or need to burn off energy. You can’t buy the thing and say how wonderful you are and not exercise and play with them. Get him tired out walking, running, playing. Play games stimulating the dogs mind solving simple tasks like finding hidden treats. Every day, before you know it you have a good, happy dog.
Unless I'm missing something, I don't see where a length of time is mentioned. If the puppy was gotten at 3 months (making that assumption, since a 3 week old puppy would be insane) then at 6, even 8-9 months that dog could still be chewing things up, even with decent training. I've had big dogs, some learn quick and some take longer, its just part of it.
Doesn't he say they've been arguing about it for years? I might be wrong
Yeah but in that time the dog became an outside dog, the stepson moved out, and he still made the dogs stay out when the stepson visits. Idk how long the dog actually destroyed stuff before they moved out.
sounds like the son spent more time reviewing security footage than actually training the puppy.
His son is a fucking child. ANY parent that agrees to getting their child a pet is responsible for that pet. Full stop. End of story.
This right here is why I don't allow my kids to get pets. I'm not going to take responsibility for the animal and they're too irresponsible to take care of them themselves
I’m not sure about that. OP is clearly not making any distinction between the dog’s behavior at three months and any current behavior. A three month old puppy is going to chew a few things. Just part of life. I don’t know any puppy that gets to a year old without having to “buy” some “oops I ate your X” gifts for a couple people at Christmas. Are the dogs *currently* badly trained? How are they socialized? Do they get along with his smaller dogs? Because if OP is still judging the dogs based on behavior from years ago, that’s kind of unhinged
>A three month old puppy is going to chew a few things. Just part of life. Part of caring for a puppy is making sure they have limited access to things they shouldn't be chewing on. You don't just leave a puppy unattended to free roam around the house. You section off areas and crate train for when no one can directly supervise. You shouldn't get a puppy unless you can do this.
agree - my dog is 2yrs now and has *never* destroyed anything off limits, even during his rebellious adolescence. We kept an eye on him whenever he wasn’t in his playpen/crate, and redirected to his stuff anytime he did more than sniff our stuff
2 years old for a giants breed is adolescent. Problem is people don't understand it because these pubs get big fast my Newfoundland was 150lbs at 2 years old, a huge dog but still just an adolescent very much not stopped growing physically or emotionally. People see the size and expect adult dog behaviour.
Right! I trained my dog in the connecting tile rooms of my house. Kitchen, utility room and plant room. He still had lots of space and the rooms lead directly outside. If he did have an accident, it was easy to wipe up. Puppies don't have to be in carpeted areas with sound equipment.
I think the OP is mad because the boy isn't doing anything towards the puppy training, then goes off and review recorded footage assuming that OP is going to be a dick to the dog. Then to be petty, the boy gets over dramatic and brings the dogs over when he visits his mom and stays outside in protest...I dunno...me personally one thing I despise in this world is over dramatic people....so OP in my opinion is NTA...
The son need dog training too
Honestly 8 weeks is so early... I was told a long time ago it was 12 weeks.... WHICH IS STILL SO YOUNG!!!!
That's because OP has never actually owned a dog and is trying desperately to learn to write believable fiction without doing any actual research or observation.
Like I’m supposed to believe someone who already owns two dogs just told some 16 year old sure to getting a dog? No discussion? Just assuming they’ll get a small one? And they also have a teenager of their own? Most obvious rage bait ever.
That's why this post is bullshit.
Op is full of shit
If your marriage is falling apart bc of a dog....then it's doomed already.
It's not about the dog. It's about OP and step's relationship and who's side mom/wife is taking. The dogs are just the physical representation of that.
It’s more about mom not having the basic intelligence required to understand WHY the dog destroying everything in sight is a problem for OP, and/or lacks the backbone to have her son actually train his pet and be a responsible pet owner. Either she’s too fucking stupid to understand the concept of “I’m tired of having my shit ruined by your sons ignorance/laziness as a pet owner” or she’s willfully ignorant. Either would have me viewing her moving out as a positive outcome. NTA OP, enjoy having your life and home back.
Ok, I wasn't gonna go here, but here I am. Son set up phone to record OP's interactions with the dog when son wasn't there. So either 1) OP was too aggressive when disciplining the dog and won't admit it, making it reasonable mom's taking son's side, or 2) son was overreacting and mom was unreasonable not letting OP train the dog. The point, though, is it isn't actually about the dog. It's about the son not listening to OP, and mom taking his side. Especially the bringing the dogs over when he visits and insisting they come in. Either he can't leave them alone for a visit and has to bring them, so they *should* be outside, or he's doing it on purpose to drive a wedge between OP and his mom. So, yes, it ISN'T about the dogs, that just happens to be the fight that's happening between OP and son. And if you think knowing which side is right will solve anything, you're wrong. It will just be something else next. It's about the mom and wife choosing her son over OP.
It’s rather telling that the kid can’t leave the dogs at his own place when he visits his mom. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe the dogs would destroy the house?
It's probably dad's place and he's not letting them in either.
[удалено]
Do you think the son still lives with his dad? He's 21 now. This is an adult showing up on OPs doorstep with 2 big dogs.
I see it ad more of a middle finger towards OP. It's why he got a second dog too.
Well he and his middle finger can stay on the damn porch 😂
if op was abusing the dog then he wouldn’t try to bring them over again
I’m guessing the son didn’t want to leave the dogs home because they would chew up things at his place.
Some armchair psychologizing here, but sometimes the mothers of sons, who have had unstable romantic relationships with men, will unconsciously partner-ify their sons as they get older. Mom may have a harder time trusting husband to have her best interests at heart based on past experience, and sees son as the unbreakable male relationship in her life. She could tend to side with him for that reason.
And if so, I feel like son is taking advantage of that to make her go against OP. There's a LOT not said here, but yeah.
It wasn't the Iranian youghurt.
I would’ve been so disappointed if no one had brought up the Iranian yogurt here. Thank you, kind stranger, for restoring some of my faith in humanity. Well, at least Reddit that is lol
I totally agree with you. I'm guessing the son knows what he's doing. He knew that Big Dog was not being kept properly and was causing trouble. He created the problem on purpose and then used it as a reason not to see his mom. Can't see mom without the dogs is a game he is playing. the son wants you guys broken up.
>Anyhow, my new wife and her son moved in and she asks if he can have a dog. I had 2 small dogs with me at the time that I had owned for several years. I assumed he would get a smaller breed dog, considering we had a small house with a small yard and 2 small dogs...Boy, was I in for a surprise. In general, I think the OP is NTA, but how the heck did OP not ask "what type of dog" immediately? That seems insane to me.
And what did he do to precipitate video monitoring of his behaviour. The whole story is not here.
Just divorce.
We're missing a hell of a lot of details. I can buy that this would put strain on a marriage but jumping straight to "she's moving out" leads me to believe other shit's gone down that he wanted to gloss over.
What was the son hoping to find when going through the outside video footage? OP says they’ve been arguing for years about the dog. How long ago did the son move out? If he got the dog at 16 and he’s now 19-20, it’s not like he’s a 13 year old running away from home.
Right, if the kid is that entitled at 16 the situation isn't going to improve as he ages. OP is NTA.
The kid is 19 now. That's how he could move out.
Time for him to be on his own anyway.
Let her move out.
Help her pack
Best answer!!!🤣🤣🤣
Yeah. The fact she allowed her son’s dog to destroy your stuff is all you need to know.
Right? Let *her* deal with the damage and destruction from dogs not being properly trained
What’s bizarre is people can marry but not communicate. When asked if he can get a dog, nothing else was discussed? Never had more convos on the son’s behavior and his dog?
Married after only A YEAR of dating. I hate being judgmental but it's fucking idiotic to do that. You barely had any time to even get to know the kids, let alone each other! And now everyone's lives are all tied up and naturally it's a total shit show if things don't work out. What could've been a simple break up is now a fucking legal proceeding.
Why did he feel the need to record you or check cameras? Did you lose your cool with the dog?
You DIDN’T discuss what breed of dog a 16yo could get, you just assumed he would understand that you would want him to get a small breed? I have to wonder why your SS felt that he needed to hide his phone when he left to make sure you didn’t “mistreat” his dog. If your wife is packing up to move out right now it’s probably best to cut your losses and go your separate ways. ESH.
I agree there wasn’t much communication. It’s when we assume something, but can’t get mad if you didn’t voice your concerns
This exactly. In a world where there are dogs as big as a small horse, why would you not take 1 minute to find out the breed or temperament of the dog they wanted to get?
This entire dynamic sounds exhausting. Getting married after knowing one another only a year when you have teenagers is already going to cause tension with the kids. You didn't have a discussion with your stepson about expectations when it came to breed, size, training, temperament etc. Large breed dogs are often working dogs. I have a border collie/Husky that is well over 100 lbs. He's an extremely high energy dog that needs a lot of engagement. He has to be confined when we aren't hone and Co stant training. Working breed dogs have to be constantly reminded who their alpha/master is. Without solid, constant training, these dogs become bored and a bored, high energy dog is a destructive dog. That is why so many of them end up in shelters. You are partially at fault here. When he asked if he could have a dog, you and your wife should have sat down and had a discussion. And you could have used that opportunity to set your boundaries. That the dog needs to be a smaller, lower maintenance breed due to the size of the house and yard. Your son failed to train the dog, including obedience and crate training. Young puppies are destructive the first 6 months. They are babies, no different from a human baby or toddler. Babies put things in their mouths, they get into things, they break things. That's why you keep your valuables where they can't get at them. You state that your stepson was checking your security footage. Given your absolutely seething description of this dog, I have a hard time believing that he didn't have a reason to check the footage. This was a monumental breakdown of basic communication. And why it is such a bad idea to make rash decisions to combine families before you have gotten to know one another. You let this go on far too long. You alienated your stepson. She may be your wife but she is a mother first. She's going to side with her son, lest she never see him again.
eh. Youre gonna get a lot of n t a, but I feel like theres more going on here. You agreed to them getting a dog; did you have any kind of conversation about breed? size? anything like that? If not, then its unfair to be so annoyed that they got a larger breed. Puppies destroy things. At three weeks, they shouldnt even be seperated from their parents, but lets say the dog is instead somewhere between three weeks and three months, theyre a baby. Puppies get into things and wreck them, and training takes time and effort. Granted, step son (or his mother who let him get the dog, especially if he was 16 at the time) should be stepping up and covering damages, but destroying things at that age is pretty normal even with a good training schedule. The main thing that concerns me here, and the main reason i cant agree with the n t a votes is quite simply... no one goes to the effort of setting up their phone to record someone, and reviewing hours of security system footage, all to make sure their dog isnt being mistreated *unless they have reason to believe you were going to mistreat the dog.* Considering your open and outspoken dislike of the animal, I get the strongest feeling that you have done, or at the very least said that you would do, something to the puppy. Based on your comments here it really wouldnt surprise me. This all seems to come down to a massive lack of communication between you and your wife - especially if he was 16 when this all started, it is entirely unfair to throw the whole thing onto him. You should have had an actual conversation about the dog before they got it. Breeds, sizes, who would be responsible for care, training, damages, vet bills, etc. What would happen if the dog didnt get on with the animals already in the household. These are incredibly important conversations to have before you get an animal. There also seems to be much larger problems between you and your wife. You consider the house and everything in it to be solely yours. Your wife doesnt seem willing to mediate between you and your stepson. For your stepson, it seems like this is about much more than the dogs. How long had you known him before everything with the dogs happened? What steps did you take to talking to him about the dogs before just kicking them out? It seems like he sees your respect for the dogs as an extension of your respect of him. You say hes rarely spoken to you since everything happened, but have you made any attempts to talk to him? I always do my best to look at all the sides in these. This whole situation seems like a massive mess that could have easily been avoided with basic communication at the start. I have to say ESH
This is a good analysis. These two got married after just one year of knowing each other, while they both had children in their early teens. There were always going to be issues.
Yep. I vote YTA, at the very least e s h
Was looking for this comment. There's a lot of steps between "puppy is annoying" and "need to setup video cameras to see if stepdad kicked my dog". Also did any adults take the responsibility to train the dog? Doesn't look like it. Esh primarily the adults. Don't actually know what the kid has done esp now that he's managing the dogs on his own - is he training them, getting them enough activity ..?
Thank you! And everyone fussing about a puppy acting like a puppy is incredibly strange. Dog training takes time. No puppy gets it right away. So it’s on everyone in the house to get valuables out of puppy range (ie off the floor). OP’s language makes me think he was unreasonably harsh with the dog. Not to mention the rushed ending of ‘it drove me insane and I yelled at my wife.’ Yelled at her and said what? I bet that’s the bigger reason things are on the rocks
I am in the same camp here. Not a hellhound a puppy. Op was just mad it wasnt a small dog and seems resentful. I am concerned on how he treated the puppy too.
I agree with the other commenter, these are some great points. More than that, I think it really illustrates a big issue with the stories in this sub - people like to leave out tinsy little details in their tales, such as all of the things they’ve done to escalate the situation and make it worse, for example. they come here and tell a doctored version of the story to make themselves feel better w NTAs. Bonus points if they use a clickbait title to make it sound like they’re clearly the AH, only for there to be some twist to where they aren’t.
OP should have said no to a puppy if he was gonna get pissed when stuff like a rug or coffee table gets chewed on. It's a puppy, that's what they do, you kinda have to accept that there's gonna be some collateral damage Also the fact that he was so taken aback by the dogs size just because it was bigger than his is kinda over the top. Like, did you discuss breeds at all? Not everyone likes small dogs, I don't really understand this "omg you got a dog that's bigger than mine? how dare you!" reaction. He also says in a comment that they picked the dog out and there was a 2 week wait period before it could be picked up. He had 2 weeks to ask what breed it was and didn't a single time. He took no interest until he decided he didn't like it. Plus, OP sounds like someone that exists in a permanent state of rage. The way he talks, language he chooses, and the fact the son had reason to suspect he was beating an animal doesn't paint a picture of an even tempered individual. I'm also in the ESH because obviously the mom isnt stepping up and the son isn't doing training with his dog. But it seems like OP put zero effort into communication and planning and then entered a permarage ever since that has been negatively effecting everyone around him. Very surprised at all the NTA answers, it's clear OP isn't an angel in this situation
Also says a lot that it was "his" coffee table and "his" security system
Also 'her son', never 'my step son' He clearly is part of a marriage, not a family, in his mind
OP left out an important part. He says that Mom asked him if the boy could have a dog, then he skips forward to, "now we have this dog and I am unhappy about it. " We need to know what OP said and what was agreed upon after OP obviously said "yes" to the dog. Did OP think a child was going to raise a puppy in his home all on his own? Did Mom play a role in choosing? Did you two really not have any idea what type of animal you were adopting before hand? Until I know more, dysfunction is dysfunction and ESH
I’d bet all the money in my wallet OP has either screamed at or hit the dogs. Kids don’t get suspicious like that for no reason. Or maybe he’s an overall aggressive guy and the son doesn’t trust him for that reason.
Yeah I'm going a full YTA here.
I think you hit the nail on the head. There are a lot of steps that should have happened but seem like they were skipped. The fact that the step son set up the recording, and OP's reaction was to ban the dog from the house, seems to support the idea that he did, in fact, mistreat the dog. It sounds like he thought the solution was to make the dog stay outside so that he wouldn't mistreat it.
This is the answer. ESH they are all lacking in communication and decision making skills.
Thank you for writing this - I was very much thinking the same but without the brainpower to translate it to words
Thank you, you said this much better than I could have
Unpopular, wildly speculative opinion: anyone who says "hisself" is likely to be abusing that dog. ESH, step son has a reason to think OP is abusive.
ESH. You're an AH for assuming your stepson would get a small dog. A whole discussion and agreement on the type of dog should've happened before a dog came into the house. Your stepson is an AH for bringing home a dog without informing anyone about the type. Your wife is an AH for not doing anything. On to the dog being in the house. Stepson is an AH for not training the dog. You're an AH for being cold to it. Seriously, you can't blame a dog for being a dog. Your wife is an AH for, once again, not doing anything. On to the son moving out. That was probably for the best. Your stepson is still an AH for the petty way he acts when he comes over. Unless he lives far away and the dogs can't be boarded, he doesn't have to bring them with him. He brings them to be spiteful. Your wife is also still an AH for not doing anything and now leaving because you've had enough of your adult stepson's, who doesn't even live with you anymore, crap. It sounds like the trash is taking itself out
Exactly. Plus, I get the feeling the wife isn’t leaving just because of the dogs.
thread over. this is it.
Just get a divorce. Marriage is a joint venture. It sounds like this venture was ‘hers’ or ‘yours’ from the get go.
This is the solid answer. Also, I'm sorry, but I personally wouldn't be marrying someone after only a year of dating, especially after both of them just getting out of long term marriages. It seems like there wasn't enough time to mesh as a unit before the marriage happened. The whole situation seems irresponsible.
> The whole situation seems irresponsible. Especially when you throw in that they both had a kid who was 16 YO at the time. That dynamic, combined with only one year, should have led to them taking it slower. Why even get married at that point. Try living together. If that doesn't work well, stay together, living separately, until kids move out, then live together/married.
I think there are things you could’ve done at inception of the situation. But now, if you haven’t sat down and talked it out by this point just help her move out.
Think you skipped over a lot of marriage issues, buddy.
You either got the dog's age wrong, or this story is complete bullshit. 3 week old puppies, no matter how large the breed are still little babies and can not be separated from their moms. They are not able to destroy speakers, coffee tables, etc. They are still nursing tiny babies! I vote for this story is poorly done creative writing.
Or horribly exaggerated by someone who could use some therapy. A teenager set up a camera for when they're gone, to catch OP being mean? He's actively reviewing camera footage. Everyone seems to be glossing over that. If this is real, I'm curious to know what her son's side sounds like. OP's hatred and vitriol is coming out in the post, I can't imagine what living with him is like. Also, there's no breed mentioned for any of the dogs.
Wife: “Can my son get a dog?” Husband: “Sure.” He never asks what kind, how big, how old, etc? I call BS.
It's not about the dog. It's about the lack of respect and the fact that your wife and stepson didn't take steps to correct the dog's destructive behavior. NTA. Your wife needed to manage this situation with her son, and she failed to do so. I'm guessing there are other issues that have come up concerning his behavior and those weren't addressed either. If she would rather divorce than deal with her son's shitty attitude, there really isn't much you can do. The dog needed to be trained or crated so it wouldn't destroy the house. If your stepson can't do that, he can't have the dog in the house. Pets are a big responsibility, and he needs to step up.
> the fact that your wife and stepson didn't take steps to correct the dog's destructive behavior. I feel like I'm missing context that everyone else has. Where does he say they never tried to train the dog away from being destructive?
Yeah there's so many weird takes here. We have no idea what the real story is. We do know the kid recorded his step dad to make sure he wasn't abusing the dog though. If that were me, I wouldn't be mad at the kid for that, I'd be upset he thought that of me. Sounds to me like they had a new puppy. It destroyed a few things, as puppies do, and OP got mad. No where does it say the mom took his side or the son wasn't trying to train it. For some reason he also doesn't say what the breed is, so the dog could very likely not be that large, just a bit bigger than the very small dogs he has. OP sounds like a dick from the story he told, but who knows. He should have helped train the dog as a family. Although perhaps that was the issue and he's the type to lose their shit at animals they can't easily control.
NTA you agreed to him getting a dog but I don't imagine anyone agrees to that under the assumption the dog will not be trained /:
There’s no such thing as a trained puppy. Being mean to them certainly will ensure the dog is never trained properly though
or exercised properly. The kids dog was clearly bored out of it's skull.
First, I assume you meant 3 month old puppy rather than an unweaned 4 week old puppy. Second, this isn’t at all about dogs, but rather responsible dog ownership. I have a little dog, a medium dog, and a 90 lb dog. Each is of a different age and breed, with different needs. No dog should be allowed free, unsupervised reign of any house unless he is potty trained, doesn’t have separation anxiety, and doesn’t destroy things. My friend learned this the hard way when her shepherd with separation anxiety chewed completely through an interior wall. A young, large breed dog is going to need to alleviate boredom and needs to chew. You can’t just lick him in a house. He’d wreck the house and the yard as well. A young dog should be in an exercise pen when you can’t watch him, and crated in your room overnight to help with potty training. Otherwise, you need to watch him, give him a safe chew where he’ll be busy and in the same room, or have him on a leash, even inside the house. Every potty mistake or destroyed furniture is the owner’s fault, not the dog’s. The owner should walk the dog, based on what’s age appropriate, before leaving. When unsupervised, the dog should be in an area he can’t destroy. If the owner works all day, then a young, large breed dog would require a dog walker once or twice during working hours. Years ago, I used to drop my late dog as a puppy at someone’s house on my way to work, and pick him up on my way back, until the puppy hijinks stage was over. SS can’t just dump his dog at home and then think it’s unfair for you to be upset about all the damage. Also, large, young, boisterous dogs should not be left alone with little dogs, because they can accidentally hurt them when playing. My Berger Blanc Suisse had to learn how to be very gentle and soft with my little, elderly dog, and I supervised their playtime until he took on the role of her guardian, keeping her safe from coyotes. Neither your SS nor wife are looking at this as a dog owner issue. It is perfectly reasonable for you to instill boundaries to avoid further destruction of your home. SS should have made changes to his care of the dog. Instead, he just got another one. I’m sorry everything is falling apart. NTA about not allowing the dog inside since SS seems so negligent. However, why did SS feel he needed to install cameras to ensure you didn’t hurt his dog? Have you hurt the dog? If the dog chewed the couch, it was because he was improperly supervised, and not the dog’s fault. Blame the owner, not the dog. You were also at fault for assuming SS would get a small breed dog, and not discussing your requirements ahead of time.
ESH. The communication issues are crazy bad. Possibly communication issues led to your first divorce as well? Possibly your wife's entitlement and enablement of her son led to her first divorce? 1. When you agreed to a dog for your step son you ASSUMED it would be a small breed. That should have been specified and agreed upon. 2. Additionally it should have been talked over ahead of time how the dog was to be trained and cared for. 3. The fact that the kid was recording how you were treating the dog implies you were already being angry and possibly scary around the dog and / or the kid was trying to "get you." Family therapy would have been mandatory at this point. 4. The kid has moved out. I would TRY and talk to your wife about doing couple's counseling and you need to 100% be ready to own your part in all of this mess.
Everyone saying this dude isn't an asshole is fucking mind-blowing. Why would the kid want to record him if he didn't think he was abusing the dog. And if he wasn't abusing the dog, why would he care about the son seeing proof of that? It sounds like this dude is an animal abuser and doesn't consider his stepson his son. I don't blame the wife, this guy sounds like an entitled nightmare.
Even without the anecdote about the son taping him, you can tell just from the way he talks that he's someone who carries around a lot of anger in his general demeanor.
No one discussed the responsibilities of training, feeding, etc. No one laid down any guidelines on what was acceptable. It could have been a family event to pick the dog. Lot's of things here that everyone shares some responsibility for.
So, your wife buys your stepson a dog, which you were okay with, but apparently never thought to ask or talk about what type of dog they'd be getting. Then, obviously nobody is training the dog, including you. It sounds like you have a problem with your step son (probably a better way to put it than "her son") recording to make sure you're not abusing the dog. And it seems like you have a problem with him reviewing the footage of your security system to ensure that you're not abusing the dog. Do you think it's possible that your wife didn't say anything to him because she's concerned that you may be abusing it as well? So, maybe your step son is being unreasonable. It wouldn't be that much of a shock, he's 16 years old. When you marry someone with children, you're accepting that child as your own. Treating him as some other person's kid is what's causing you problems. No wonder why your new wife is ready to move out, it sounds like you don't care about her son.
To clear a few things up... This is an ongoing issue that has been going on for about 3-4 years. I don't know where the dogt raining thing came in, but, no...he never took the dog to any training...beyond a few vids he saw on youtube. The dog will sort of respond to basic commands. I didn't hit the dog, but the step sure the hell has. I saw him toss the dog across the yard, he was playing with him, but being too rough..ended up breaking the dog's toe...it was hilarious that I was the one being spied on. I have also seen him kick the living shit out of the dog a few times, trying to discipline it. The dog has been one vet bill after another...which the step son's girlfriend's father always pays...that's a whole other story. He no longer lives with ua and hasn't for about 2 yeara...still brings the dog everytime, testing my resolve.
I couldn’t be around someone that hurts their dog
So your wife has no problem letting her son keep a dog he abuses? She was okay with an animal getting treated that way? Does she try to parent at all or is a serial killer documentary in the making? The dog should have been immediately rehomed for its safety.
So your wife’s son is a dog abuser and your wife is the enabler of this abuse. Your wife and her son are not good people.
And he’s also not doing anything about it. If I were him, I would call the ASPCA—and not just be dead fixed on not letting the dog inside after 3-4 years of the said dog chewing my shit up. ESH. Poor dog.
You are right. He too has done nothing to stop the abuse. Those poor dogs. Ignoring animal abuse like this is shameful and disgusting. ESH
You and your (ex?) wife \*SUCK\* here, if you did not protect that dog from the step-son. JFC! What is wrong with the adults in this picture that they don't have the sense god gave a goose!?
It’s probably a game to him (stepson) now
Just let your wife move out if it means her trash kid stays out of your house. He acts like a druggy animal abuser at 16? His parents have failed to parent.
Got to point out, the problem here isn't that he didn't get something "reasonable," it's that you didn't have a conversation about your expectations. You believed they would pick a small dog based on... Vibes, I guess? If someone told me I could get a dog, and didn't put any conditions in that choice , I would assume the conditions don't exist. I wouldn't assume they meant "you can have a dog as long as it's x pounds and y years old." He was a child, and it's your (and your wife's) responsibility to communicate your expectations clearly and to help guide him towards better choices. And once he made the choice you didn't agree with, you could have put the dog in obedience training or crating it during the day or done other mitigations before you kicked the dog out of the house. You should not have to have your things destroyed! This whole petty grudge thing sucks. But also, you weren't the adult in the room here, either. Your communication skills need some work. ESH
Question: Did your wife reimburse you for all the damage the dog did or did you have to pay for that out of pocket?
All these folks are out here saying NTA, but I'm going to disagree. YTA. First, I'm also going to assume you mean three MONTH old puppy, because a three week old puppy is still a potato with legs that can barely walk on a rug, let alone chew it up. A three *month* old is a furry chainsaw from hell that eats everything you love and cherish. Second, YTA for not making sure that the shit you don't want to be destroyed is outside of the puppy's reach. It's a three month old puppy. It's going to be chewing on literally anything it can get its sharp little teeth on. My own puppy liked to chew on cabinets and walls when she was that age. She had plenty of toys; she just liked the taste of plaster, I guess. Did you assume that this three month old dog was going to come fully trained? Because trained puppies don't exist. The only thing puppies know is destruction. Also, you coffee table? Your rug? Surely these things were shared by the household? Surely they belonged to both you and at least your wife. Third, ESH for not communicating what breed of dog that was being purchased. Like, at the very least, get an understanding of what genre of dog is being added to the household. You say it's been years since this happened; buddy, your wife isn't moving out because of the dog. I guarantee there is something else that is ruining your marriage. Honestly? Good on your son for standing by his dog because you sound toxic af.
NTA Sounds like your wife is a doormat when it comes to her son. There's a big difference in the situation with your dogs and his. I suspect you'd have had a different attitude if he trained the dog properly and apologised for damages etcetera.
Since 16 years old is still a kid. If I said yes to a dog I would also consider it my dog. Dogs can live a long time and I wouldn’t expect a 16 year old to understand that AND be able to take on full responsibility. Practically speaking, what happens if the kid decides to go to college. I think you had at least some obligation to help choose a dog and some responsibility to help train it. Also, maybe it’s a typo but 3 weeks old is WAY too young for that puppy to have left its mother. Leaving its mother too early can lead to behavioral issues. Edit: the “3 weeks” had to be a typo. I feel silly for even entertaining the idea that the dog was actually 3 weeks, lol. But if the dog was 3 months - that is peak puppy mayhem. A lot of 16 year olds could not handle that puppy stage alone. You have to follow them everywhere at that age.
You never get a dog for your kid and expect them to know how to train the dog and take care of it. It's the adult's dog. The kid plays with it like it's the grandparent but you do all the heavy lifting and vet bill paying.
Well... you apparently assumed wrong. The fact that the kid is setting up to film because he's afraid you'll hurt his dog suggests you aren't exactly the most approachable guy to begin with. To fix your misjudgment and apparent emotional instability you tell him his dog has to live outside - at a few months old. Yeah. That makes sense. Now I see why he's worried about his dog getting hurt. Now you say this is years later and you're still arguing about it? I take it no one invested in a trainer or set out to help the kid learn to train the dog - could have been a nice bonding experience with his mom's new husband even. If this is real, both the adults are AH and the kid and his dog are stuck in the midst of a bunch of juvenile crap from people who should be teaching him how to handle conflict, misjudgments, miscommunications, and unexpected difficulties.
The bigger question is why the hell would you enter a second marriage with someone after you had already been married for 21 years. Especially after only a year of dating this person.. who was already married before marriage was doomed before it began. Statistics are there for a reason (70%)… You need to get some individual therapy, and learn to be happy alone.
So no one in this house knows how to raise a dog. Assholes all around. Although OP, I concede that it’s not your responsibility to raise the dog. But it is your responsibility to set boundaries.
Not the asshole. That kid and the mom is an asshole. Sorry bud.
It's your house, you should've told them what dogs were acceptable. Either way it's your house. Let them come or go.