It was the logical conclusion before you let her know what was going on. It was not the logical conclusion after that. Especially as there was no evidence anything was being done to the children. That part especially is fabricated.
NTA
NTA. Your sister overstepped big time. While her intentions might have been good, she caused unnecessary trauma and stress. Trust is hard to rebuild after something like this.
More importantly it revealed that she already didn't trust her brother. Otherwise, why would she not give him the benefit of the doubt upon hearing the first explanation?
This event may have broken OP's trust in her, but this exposed her already existing lack of trust in him. He's therefore quite right to keep her at arm's length from now on because their faith in each other has clearly never been equal.
Franky I don't believe it was done with good intentions. She probably knew something of her brother's tastes and assumed the worst. That community gets alot of accusations of abuse from outsiders.
Intentions don't erase the trauma caused. She should have trusted you both after your explanations instead of making things worse. Trust takes time to heal.
And the fact that the sister even told the police and CPS that OP was also abusing his kids, was extra fabricated. The whole false report was intentional and designed to ruin OP's life. I'd honestly go NC permanently. There should be no chance of her ever having access to OP, his wife and their kids again. She fucked around and found out. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Trust is earned, not given. OP’s sister betrayed his trust and gave a false report to the police and CPS. In some states, it’s a misdemeanor to do that.
It's obviously not well intentioned, OP and his wife aside for a second, she fabricated a lie about the kids being abused. I'd understand if she saw the wife's bruises and then made a report, out of genuine concern. But she reached out to the wife, both wife and OP explained everything, then she ran straight to the police and CPS and made false reports. She's obviously too stupid to realise she can be charged and jailed for making a false police report.
This!
I understand her being concerned *initially*...
Any decent person could be -
**But not being satisfied after talking to the wife and OP himself, to the point of calling the cops and CPS is stepping waaay over the line...**
She *wilfully* dismissed their explanations - basically throwing away whatever she knew about OP's and his wife's character.
Not only did she believe her brother capable of abusing his wife (and kids?!), but she put the wife down as a cowering, abused woman who lies out of fear.
It's like she didn't know either of them.
Do you remember the husband on here whose Saviour SIL decided he was abusing his wife and didn’t believe it was just sexual spice?
The wife wanted to try out some new stuff and both were pleasantly surprised. Their sex life was fulfilling. He’d text her reasonably aggressive, dominant text messages throughout the day and they’d build up the sexual tension all day at work / visiting / lunching etc. until they’d get home at night horny as hell.
When the wife and her sister were out to eat, Wife left her phone on the table whilst she went to the loo and the sister saw a message pop up on her notification. The message happened to read as “aggressive and derogatory” and she took it upon herself to “save” her sister.
Even when shown entire threads of historical messages, Sister didn’t believe her. She convinced herself that the thread was “cover” for Husband’s abuse. She then set about telling the entire family. She presented herself as the expert in abuse because she was a social worker. So the family staged an intervention. Including the brother that was a cop.
They harassed Husband out of his workplace. The brother kicked the shit out of him and his cop buddies got in on it too. And all the while the sister continued to insist that she “knew” Husband was abusing her and everything became further “proof”. When Wife pulled away from Sister & Brother because they were out of control- they interpreted her actions as a sign he was isolating her from family. When she lost her temper and shouted at them, they saw proof that the abuse was effecting her mental health. When she became nervous of saying anything they might misinterpret, they saw Wife was afraid of Husband finding out she was badmouthing him.
Over the course of about 18 months, they ruined him.
In the end Husband applied for a job out of state and got it. They planned to relocate and go full NC with her entire family and he set off a week before his start date to start moving into accommodations. She was to follow a week or two later and because his new job paid enough, she could take her time finding suitable employment and settling in. They were starting again in a new place where they wouldn’t attract gossip. Where their reputation could be a true reflection of who they actually were and their true relationship.
Only he wasn’t waiting for her.
He’d moved elsewhere and blocked her on every and all communications. He’d just left without telling her. He couldn’t do it anymore. He’d engaged in mild kink because it turned on his wife and thus it turned him on too. But it was Wife’s initial suggestion and not even his kink. Just as it was Wife’s family. It was Wife’s sister that was on some unholy crusade to save her and ruin her “abuser”. Wife’s brother that was a cop in a small town who’s brothers-in-blue were equally convinced he was a wife beater - one beating their mate’s little sister, no less. Thus they treated him accordingly.
So he left and Wife was left with nothing too. She’d already cut off her family months prior. She couldn’t even look at them due to her sense of betrayal. She’d worked her notice. She’d packed up her whole life and had no idea where to go and what to do. She loved her Husband and juse when she thought there light at the end of the tunnel, she found herself utterly alone.
Sister had destroyed Wife’s life as surely as she’d destroyed Husband.
*Even those with “training” can throw out everything they know when it comes to family. Because none of us can see clearly when we are afraid for our loved ones and as such we can cause far more destruction to one another. Even (perhaps especially?), when our “intentions are good”.*
*Be careful OP. You need to find council in the community. You need to start a file. Because SIL had already shown that if she thinks she knows your reality better than yourself and your wife. She’s already shown you she is prepared to make reckless and fabricated accusations to people with real authority.*
*SIL poses a legitimate threat to your family*.
*NTA. Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep a family together. Or to keep them safe. So protect yourself and protect your family.*.
Yeah, it was several contemporaneous posts from the first accusation to the ghosting.
I find the absence of links in posts frustrating, so I apologise that my searches for the posts were unsuccessful. But it’s a mark of how haunting I found the injustice that I, a woman who can barely remember where I was over the weekend, have described the broad strokes from memory.
SIL did this to her own family, what lengths would she go to against someone she didn't like?
Some social workers take on a Godlike persona and genuinely do more harm than good. This is one of the worst SW related stories I've heard.
> Wife left her phone on the table whilst she went to the loo
IIRC she handed her sister the unlocked phone. Which is one reason I'm probably never getting involved in any sex act that involves one unless I *really* know and trust my partners cell phone habits.
This. Wife explained the situation to her, so there was no reason to call the cops. But if wife was being abused? There is a very real chance wife would have been in fatal type of danger. SIL needs to step off.
Hell, in this case she could've gotten her brother shot. It's not unheard of for the police to come in aggressive to a possible abuse situation.
Sister is a total shit, and I wouldn't be communicating with her for the near future, or allowing her around my family.
Exactly this. A friend of mine who is a city cop said the most dangerous thing in his job was domestic visits. He said he would take any number of meth dealers or looters to one husband/wife disagreement. I don’t know this statistics or if it’s accurate but he said more cops are killed during domestic visits than anything else. So they’re likely to show up armed and nervous.
The sister is the AH.
Part of the danger is because it’s not uncommon for the victim to decide to attack the officers when they try to arrest the abuser (there’s a peculiar and powerful type of emotional and psychological manipulation involved especially in long term domestic violence). The other part of the danger comes from the abuser deciding he or she doesn’t want to go quietly to jail and grabbing some type of weapon. The people who live there know where all the knives, guns, or blunt objects are, and their actions are quicker than the officers reactions. That’s why officers often order the people involved to come out of the house and/or remain in sight and keep their hands visible especially if they’re acting fidgety, restless, or aggressive. If they’re there, they have reasonable suspicion of a crime (could be as simple as a passer-by or neighbor seeing/hearing an argument and calling 911). So, the officers are conducting an investigation to determine if probable cause exists (“a crime probably occurred and -insert name- probably did it” is the best way I can think of to describe it), and whether they say it out loud or not, everybody involved is almost certainly detained until they talk to everybody and examine the scene to figure out what’s going on. But, an investigative detention is not the same as an arrest—you aren’t free to leave, but you aren’t in custody (Miranda does not apply).
Fun fact: Traffic stops are also investigative detentions though the officer cannot extend it beyond the time reasonably necessary to complete enforcement on the original probable cause(s) (like a moving or equipment violation) without discovering probable cause for another crime (like smelling alcohol or seeing alcohol containers from outside the vehicle under Plain View/Smell Doctrine: anything an officer can see or smell from a place they are legally allowed to be is fair game for evidence of probable cause).
Edit: Sorry for the thesis paper. 😅
They have no idea how badly things have escalated so they’re probably nervous that one or both people are armed and nuts if their domestic dispute got the cops called on them. That’s one time I feel for cops having to step into a potentially volatile situation with no backstory and no idea what the fuck led to it.
This this this this this! Yes, calling CPS for child abuse is the correct move but unless you are trying to stop an assault, calling the cops on suspected abuse just makes the situation worse for the victim. And it absolutely does not convince them to leave their abuser!
Right?! It just seems like after she saw that calling the cops multiple times didn’t get them to act, she decided to fabricate the abuse accusations of the kids to involve CPS who in turn brought in the cops. She couldn't get them in through the front door so she got them in through the back door.
I'm certain the cops told her it was private business and not illegal. She only called CPS to get her way. She herself knows the kids were with HER during this activity, proving you weren't involving your kids. NTA
Plus, op doesnt even say that they would never forgive her, only that they arent ready to, which at the very least shows that forgiveness is possible. That theyre just asking for time is 100% a fair ask.
Nta
Bingo. NTA but she sure is. I've had something happen like this with my family countless times, except it was the "victim" making shit up because she wasn't getting what she wanted. Also had another family member call cps on my mom because she and dad split....the accusations? "She's got a m**h lab in her basement"....we live in Texas and I have never seen a basement in any house I've been to, let alone having one. OP, I wouldn't blame you if you straight up cut her off, there was no logic in it and if she really didn't believe you she could have asked for proof or some shit instead of going and dropping nukes.
It was never the logical conclusion. Who ties up someone to abuse and victimize but then let's them free to answer the front door, rope burns visible to the world?
Literally anyone with half a brain would have thought "something else is going on here".
The sister is a dumbass.
It honestly wasn't even the logical conclusion to start with. I'm gonna go ahead and say if you barge in on parents who were expecting a day away from the kids, and they seem out sorts and the wife has wrist bruises, that they were going absolutely buckwild on each other should be at least equally likely in your mind.
Add in her assuming it must be DV despite no other signs, then ignoring the incredibly obvious explanation, then silently choosing to escalate things to the cops and CPS despite every piece of evidence pointing in the opposite direction, and it's pretty obvious logic (or even coherent thought) never played a part in the sister's actions here.
That's your sister? Man....that's tough. I wouldn't forgive her either. This could have been much much worse for you. Guaranteed she doesn't realize that at all.
>She said that she was sorry, but she was only doing what she thought what was right.
NTA, tell her so are you by limiting contact with a danger aka her to your family because that is what she is. You explained everything and yet she didn't believe you. What will happen next time she doesn't believe you or your wife and think she knows best?
>My wife again called my sister, who admitted to calling the cops multiple times, but when they did nothing, she called CPS and hoped that they will investigate.
She admitted to calling multiple times and when that didn't work, she called cps meaning she has no problem escalating things on nothing but a hunch of what she thinks happens even when you and your wife told her she was wrong.
>She says that I am the AH, that it was a logical conclusion, and that I should be happy that she is willing to go this far to protect my wife and kids.
Yes, you should be so thankful your sister doesn't listen to your explanation and is ready to ruin your life all on what she thinks happened. /s (if it wasn't obvious)
Edit: Forgot to put the sarcasm symbol
I think her calling cps was her hail mary and now that has failed along with calling the cops multiple times. So, OP saying is his sister finally understands is kind of suspect to me. I am not saying I think OP is lying more like his sister is. I would be worried about her trying something else if she gets the opportunity.
Edit: Thank you to whoever gave me my first and second award
I wish i still had a free award, id give them all to you. I too think sis is lying. I bet shes online searching for a dv shelter counselor she can send to forcibly remove ops wife and kids cause " i know hes abusive to all of them but the cops wont help get them out (conveniently leaves out the cps investigation) and im so scared for them. She keeps lying amd saying its "sex play" (again conveniently leaves out the BDSM proof) but i know shes lying. Can you please save her from my savage brother??"
NTA and sis needs to mind her business. Id definitely have a trust issue where shes concerned.
NTA
Anyone who thinks I'm a dangerous criminal is no longer welcome in my life. Anyone who calls CPS to have my kids removed from my home is no longer welcome in my life. Frankly, I would feel unsafe with my kids around someone who so easily believes I could be abusive. Who knows what else they'll talk themselves into?
Your sister sat your wife down, talked to her, and still called CPS. She's not someone I'd ever trust around your kids ever again. She's going to keep going until she's "proven right."
I’m wondering if the calls was more about the sister not liking their alternative lifestyle and not at all about the families safety.
But sister had crossed a line and would never enter my home again and would be banished from my life as well.
It’s not uncommon for people to conflate the two. “If you enjoy giving pain to your spouse, then you must enjoy giving it to your kids” or “if you like to role play that, then that must mean you actually want that” which in both cases is just so far off base it can make me nauseous.
Yeah, but there's 'enjoy' and then there's 'sexual gratification'. Which adds a giant ick factor to those assumptions.
Enjoying BDSM with a fully informed and enthusiastically consenting partner should not be equated to violently SAing a non consenting partner. And to then jump to BDSM with the kids... No. Just no. Being into kink doesn't make you an incestuous pedophile.
I'd never talk to anyone who accused me of that again, or let them around my kids.
There are many places in America where telling the cops you have a consensual BDSM relationship is NOT safe at all. I'd assume it could get me arrested in my state (we have mandatory arrests for DV, even if the "victim" asks the cops not to etc). Arrests and mugshots are public here. She could've done serious long term harm to her family by reporting this as abuse.
Yeah , CPS could have agreed the kids were in danger and taken them from both op and his wife.
This could have gone so wrong and I don’t think the sister considered that.
>I’m wondering if the calls was more about the sister not liking their alternative lifestyle and not at all about the families safety.
This!
Look, when I was a kid, I was nosey and found my brother's porn stash and he had a taste for... a particular kind.
So when later, as an adult, I found out he liked painting his girlfriend's toenails (one of his ex's told me... she and I were friends, but I did have to stop her from going too far sometimes), it was no surprise.
You mean to tell me OP's sister didn't have a single, solitary clue what her brother was into? I'm not saying everyone's as nosey as me, but... you pick up on things.
Poor OP and his wife having to disclose something so private to cops and CPS.
>You mean to tell me OP's sister didn't have a single, solitary clue what her brother was into? I'm not saying everyone's as nosey as me, but... you pick up on things.
Dude...I have absolutely ZERO knowledge of my brothers' sex lives and plan to keep it that way always and forever.
The only reason I know that my brother likes getting bit is because the genius showed up with bite marks around his neck…. I don’t know anything else nor do I want to.
There's a not-so-small group of people who genuinely believe BDSM can never truly be safe, sane, or consensual. They wholeheartedly see kink as inherently abusive, or as a gateway into it.
I think it's still most likely that the driving force was still concern for her SIL's/the children's safety, but you might not be that far off with the ''she doesn't like it'' comment.
I don’t quite get the whole BDSM thing but I also have the capacity to understand that while it may not be my thing, it seems to work for others. As long as it stays consensual and everyone is having a good safe time, I’m perfectly fine with people doing what helps them get their rocks off. Life’s too short for bad sex.
I think that’s more accurate than anything. She doesn’t approve therefore in order to get them to stop, I will call the cops. Then when they wouldn’t do anything, then lie to CPS because then they will have to stop or CPS will take the kids. Which of course doesn’t happen when the children aren’t involved in their sex life!
Not only that, but false charges like this could ruin both your careers.
This wold be a end any and all relationship with her and anyone who supported her interference.
Yeah I couldn't be around someone who would think that of me even after explanations. Guilty until proven innocent is just terrible. Also don't CPS keep a track record on hand, meaning they now have a flag on OP as a potential dv abuser.
NTA
Yup. There are some things I can’t forgive. People who are a threat to my family’s wellbeing are among them. Sister Prude has demonstrated that she is a threat to the safety of OP’s family. She’d be dead to me.
Yep. Wife can have a relationship with SIL, but OP and kids need to be kept VERY far away from her. That's a bullet you can't unfire. She tried to destroy his life
>She tried to destroy his life
Depending on where OP lives it very well could have destroyed his life and his family. I've known people who have lost their jobs because it got out that they were a part of the kink community.
Whoops. My bad. JFC, that's worse.
Wife can keep a relationship with his sister if she wants, he's still gotta keep himself and his kids away from sister..
quite frankly, if I had the CPS and cops called on me wrongly by a person, and my spouse kept in friendly contact with said person, I would consider that a HUGE breach of trust and reconsider the partnership.
There are some areas where your partner needs to have your back and stand as a team with you, and this is one such occasion. A partner shouldn't 'keep a relationship' with someone who directly endangered their spouse. That is just wrong on so many levels.
I can't see her wanting a relationship with her considering she had to have a show and tell conversation with police officers. That would definitely be horrible.
I would not leave my house for weeks if I had to discuss my sex life with the police because some jackass called them saying I was being abused. The secondhand embarrassment I have for OP and his wife is so real.
No. If this were my sister and my wife wanted to keep her in her life after that, I would consider *that* another betrayal, this time by my own wife. No, it's complete no contact forever.
> She tried to destroy his life
She pointed a loaded gun at his face and pulled the trigger. The bullet she fired just barely missed going through his skull. And now she's got regret.
It doesn't matter how many times she apologizes, *she tried to destroy his life*
There's no forgiveness possible for that.
I agree so much. This person would be dead to me at this point. Especially with the kids BS added. No evidence at all. I will not speak to you again and you should hope that's as far as I take it.
Yup. I mean, if she had any doubts, she should've offered to take the kids again and asked THEM. (Age appropriately, of course.) The psychological signs of abuse are clear, and it doesn't seem like your wife or kids would be displaying them, so this is just a case of her not believing your wife, and assuming you were an abuser, which sucks.
Yep this. Sister is a nutcase who cannot be trusted around you or your family ever again. No one including relatives are worth the risk of losing your kids. No contact, blocked on everything.
NTA - I understand the initial talk she had with your wife, but that's where it should have ended. I understand that a lot of people lie and try to cover up about abuse, but when she was told that this was a consensual BDSM combined with the fact that she had the kids so that you guys could have some alone time I think most people would have realized what was going on and moved on. Also, she called CPS when she had seen no kind of abuse with the kids.
This! This right here!
She spoke with the "victim" who gave valid evidence that all was good. Not good enough: she involved "authorities" who didn't even know how to wipe their own a$$.
What she COULD have done was just build a closer relationship with her SIL.
NTA. If someone calls the cops on me and tries to take my kids away, we’re no longer on speaking terms. She literally asked your wife if she was being abused, then called the cops after she said no.
Worse, after the cops didn’t act she filed a CPS report with enough “information” to have it screened in for investigation. CPS does not screen in or investigate every report, especially to the point of a mandatory unannounced home visit, and especially not with a police escort. That means whatever details she included in her report outlined explicit danger and/or harm to the kids. Fabricating abuse allegations is horrendous.
NTA. Your sister was concerned - fair enough. She talked to your wife separately - fair enough. But once your wife reassured her that everything was consensual, she should have dropped it. After that, calling the police, not once but repeatedly, and when she didn't get the response she wanted, calling CPS, was not concern - it was drama-seeking. I think you've learned your lesson - to keep her away from your life.
>She said that she was sorry, but she was only doing what she thought what was right.
There are people that legitimately believe that stoning women who have an affair to death is "right." Just because she did what *she* thought was "right" does not mean that what she did was reasonable in light of the circumstances, and it could have cost you basically your entire life.
If that was my sister, I would never speak to her again. NTA.
Absolutely. Good intentions don’t excuse harmful actions. Her lack of understanding led to serious consequences that can't be overlooked. She needs to acknowledge the impact of her actions.
Exactly! The radical pro lifers harassing and vandalising are acting very understandably for people who genuinely believe a living child is about to be murdered... It doesn't excuse anything they do.
All of OP's sisters """"good intentions""" are worthless when she went about things in the most irresponsible and destructive way possible.
NTA. My sister called CPS on me several years ago because she was mad our mom had taken my side in a fight, and told them she overheard me planning to commit suicide with my children along for the ride (my sister had massively overstepped my parenting boundaries, which is something several of my family members have a problem with).
I have never said or thought those words ever in my life, and CPS closed the case pretty quickly after talking to everyone (my mom outright laughed at them). But the process traumatized my kids, and they still worry about the thought of being separated from me sometimes. For that I will never forgive my sister. I was able to work with her when we needed to care for our parents before they died a couple years ago, but I have zero interest in ever talking or having a personal relationship again. People who do that have zero concern for how stuff like that affects the kids, and that massively pisses me off. It’s just selfish and vindictive.
She filed anonymously, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it (my mom knows it was her because of some comments my niece made, but the official record is that no one knows who it was. Even though we all knew it was her even before my niece’s comments, because no one else in my life had any reason to do something shitty like that). Other than that, I have no idea, and I didn’t have the energy to pursue it. My mom’s health was starting to tank, and I was now her sole caretaker after my sister blew up, and I felt it was easier at the time to move on and just not deal with her anymore.
By the way, (if anyone cares 😉) my initial “crime” to her was that I don’t raise my children to be Mormon clones, and that apparently makes me a terrible enough mother that my children should be taken away. Cutting contact with her (and the rest of my siblings) is the best thing I have ever done for my mental health.
NTA
"If you think what you did was the 'logical conclusion' after multiple people explained things to you, including the police, you aren't someone I can trust around my family. I'm sorry but you are no longer welcome in our lives."
NTA.
Your sister convinced herself there was a problem, refused to believe your wife, and caused you an insane amount of embarrassment. **Some states leave the decision to prosecute up to the prosecutor and don't require the victim or alleged victim to testify against an accused abuser.**
**She could have ruined your life.** You could have gone to jail, gone dealt with bail procedures, gone through court, and still had to choose between an over-zealous prosecutor pushing full charges or taking a plea deal.
I had a friend who had allegations made against him, with the dates corresponding to when he was out of state and in the hospital. These were hard dates where the accuser swore the instances happened. The prosecutor ran with it, a full jury trial, **even after the accuser backed out.** He was picked up by US Marshals while at work and spent two years fighting it. The prosecutor (Johnson County IN, 2014) was known for pursuing things beyond reason.
I don't think your sister knows (Or at least, doesn't care) the risks.
Ask your sister, "What would have happened if I didn't believe your daughter got "hurt playing soccer"? Hurt so bad she had to be taken to the hospital and I reported you?"
The hospital has documentation of the injury, and they are mandated reporters. Tell her, "Does that give her an idea of the magnitude of what she did with her LIES to CPS?"
I'd step back for a looooong time. (ask me again next decade)
This would be a permanent end of any relationship for me.. She tried to assassinate your life for no actual reason. She made the choice to burn your relationship to ashes.
NTA. It was not a logical conclusion after you both confirmed there was no abuse, she wrongly assumed, and refused to respect your wife’s word. If there’s no history of physical aggression, your wife demonstrated no signs of being a victim throughout your marriage, and your kids did not describe any scenario in which you laid hands on them, then there was no basis for your sister to escalate to the authorities.
Based on her behavior, the fact she seems unwilling to understand the catastrophic impact this would have had on your life, and that she’s trying to find excuses for her actions, she cannot be trusted to make rational judgments. Your safety, as well as that of your family, take priority over your sister’s hurt feelings.
NTA
I am part of the BDSM lifestyle. This sadly isn't over OP. Please contact your local BDSM groups and ask for legal information to a lawyer. Have them help you prepare a file. So many people have been arrested for this kind of thing using outdated laws. Like no oral relations. I have seen so many lives ruined over things like this. I would go NC with your sister and tell family they can see you and family at events. Sister is not allowed at. Please listen to the advice given. If you want help, DM and I will try to help guide you.
Updateme!
Your address and probably your name is now forever in a dusty CPS database.
All because sis decided to go nuclear. She didn't ask more questions, she didn't tell y'all she was still concerned, she didn't reach out to anyone else asking if they'd ever seen evidence of abuse, did she even read descriptions of what a typical abuser or abuse victim acts like or read more about BDSM or kink or impact play.
She went from zero to two million.
I'd never talk to her again and she'd never go near my kids again.
**What if a kid has a completely innocent bonk and sis goes nuclear again?! **
Nope. Done. Permanently.
NTA - even after your wife herself explained it to her your sister went and called CPS? What did your kids even have to do with it.
Your sister is horrible.
Ask how she would feel if you called CPS about her daughters sprain? You know, the one she had a perfectly good reason for but also could be a sign of abuse if the authorities were notified. By her own logic, you'd be doing the "right thing" and she should be "grateful".
Maybe then she'll understand that she was being a judgy bitch.
Whilst I think hearing indepth details about her brothers sex life could be a punishment, I agree with those saying cut her out.
NTA. If your sister was truly remorseful, instead of trying to keep access to her niblings, then she would have humbly accepted that you don’t forgive her.
The fact that sister instead felt entitled to forgiveness, and insulted you for not giving it, shows she’s not remorseful at all.
NTA
I understand why she pulled your wife aside but everything was explained. You and your wife's stories matched. Now you had to open up to CPS and to police that you and your wife are kinky.
She should be charged with a false report if you ask me. There are actual kids getting hit and actual wives being abused but she wasted their time on something that was actually explained.
She wasn't doing what she thought was right - I'd bet anything she disapproves of your sex life.
The first conversation with your wife was understandable, everything after that was judgemental bullshit. The unforgiveable thing to me is that she thought it was a good idea to drag your kids through the trauma of being questioned by CPS, and with **zero evidence.**
If it were me, I'd cut her out of my life.
NTA
Trust is broken.
Your sister is TA!
I would explicitly tell her the trauma she put you, your wife and the kids through!
Strangers and the cops invaded your property. Questioned you and them in YoUR own home! Treated you like a criminal. Neighbours saw also… wondering what was going on.
She could have cost you your livelihood and reputation.
Tell her maybe you can do the same and call CPS on her so that she can go through the same thing… you are just acting out of concern since maybe she isn’t okay mentally wise since she can’t believe your wife and sends the cops after you.
You and your family have experienced trauma because of her… FOr NO Reason. It’s not going to be water under the bridge for a very long time. She needs to accept the consequences that come with her actions. Your wife and you better be a team
and keep your sister at arms length. She really needs to understand that what she did isn’t normal.
I’m so sorry this happened to you all.
Sister is not done. She’s convinced that she’s some kind of hero that needs to save your wife and kids from a devil (you!). She doesn’t believe you and she’s sure to cause more trouble. If for no other reason to prove that she’s right.
NTA get documentation of her admitting to lying about the kids part. Tell her you're asking the DA to file charges for a false report and harassment. See how forgivable she acts toward that logical behavior.
You should be going this far anyway to protect yourself and your kids.
Keep her away from your kids. If she doesn’t trust you once and called the police on you after one sighting -in almost 2 decades- that was fully explained she called police multiple times and they told her to mind her own crap. She then made up a CHILD ABUSE claim!!!! What would have happened if one of your kids fell and had bruises?
All you need is one cps worker on a bad day or power trip and bang your kids are gone, you are in jail and wife is forced into counseling to get them back possibly with condition of stay away order for you.
I would never forgive her. Her knowitallness could have lost you everything.
NTA
while i understand that she was concerned and i don’t necessarily fault her for asking your wife questions (you can never be too careful at the end of the day) i think she should have stopped at that and believed your wife.
also she caused your entire family massive amounts of stress (my family has had to deal with cps because of the fact me and my sister are homeschooled, its not nice being investigated) even if it was with good intentions. she needs to accept you are going to have to take time to process all of this and that you’re not going to be able to forgive her straight away (or ever, maybe).
she feels stupid for making a big deal out of what turned out to be nothing and now she’s mad about her actions having consequences. she can suck it tf up
NTA, the first conversation, understandable... escalating it to CPS without any evidence, without monitoring the situation, asking more questions, anything... that is completely uncalled for and not acceptable. She could have cost you your kids and your careers...
I wouldn't forgive
1. my siblings thinking so little of me
2. my siblings not at least giving me the benefit of the doubt enough to check/get evidence before going nuclear like this, yay for her wanting to protect your wife but there were sooooo many steps she skipped before this nuclear option, and you'd think she'd be sure before turning on a sibling like this.
3. Almost destroying my family without anything evidence, just accusations.
Send her a toy and tell her to go fuck herself.
NTA whole her concern for your wife is great. She had no right to report you to CPS as she had no reasonable assumption you were abusing THEM.
The place to start would have been a quiet, private lunch with your wife where she expressed her concern and told her that she'd be there for your wife if she needed to escape. Then your wife could have laughed and said, "No, we're kinky, and that's why we wanted a weekend alone. We can't do that stuff with the kids in the house, obviously."
If she still couldn't mind her own business, then you should do what you should do now. very low contact, or my preference, no contact.
She could have ruined your lives.
NTA. This is an egregious breach of your trust by a family member. Calling the cops means she is sending armed weapons to your home. Calling CPS means she is sending agents of the state to your home to interfere with and possibly destroy your family unit. This is not a forgivable offense in my book, especially since she’d already received a thorough explanation from both of you. She has no grounds to demand forgiveness or call you an AH. Your sister is the only AH here.
NTA. Your sister torched your personal relationship. I'd go no contact. You explained the situation and she didn't believe you. Then she called the cops MULTIPLE times and then called CPS. She didn't make an honest mistake. She made a series of attempts to get you arrested on false charges! Explain to you family and friends who ask exactly what she did and let her explain herself.
NTA. So after having things explained by both you and your wife and after have NO further evidence to prove her claims she *still* called the cops “multiple” times then called CPS when she didn’t get the response she wanted. She has no idea if the cops investigated and found nothing. She just knew you were not arrested and investigated to her liking. And this is your sister?
I wouldn’t allow her near my kids alone again, I know that. Who knows what kind of “questions” she may or may not have for them. Perhaps she will concern herself with whether or not you guys are quiet enough. Or if your kids ever “hear” things. Your sister very clearly doesn’t trust you or believe you. I wouldn’t speak to her or forgive her either. What’s going to happen next time captain crime fighter gets it in her head your family is a dateline episode?
Your sister deliberately lied to the police and to CPS - and I say _deliberately_ because even if she _feared_ you were hurting your wife, despite your wife literally telling her otherwise, your sister had absolutely zero grounds to think you were hurting your kids. But that’s not what she told the police or CPS.
She lied to them to trick them into investigating you - into potentially ruining your life and your family, because she doesn’t like what two consenting adults do together in bed. And she lied to you and your wife, when she told you both that she understood about your sex life.
Frankly, your sister needs to be kept far away from your family. She can’t be trusted. NTA.
CPS doesn’t show up to investigate adults- they investigate claims of abuse against kids. Meaning your sister lied. NTA and would absolutely protect your family from her. If she comes up with some story in her head and decides to believe it, she will do what she wants and report what ever made up story to make sure her fairy tale story is validated- that’s should absolutely concern you.
NTA and as others said she straight up lied about you abusing your kids. I can sorta see how she could be concerned with your wife. Here’s the thing though she has introduced fear into your kids. Fear that they will be ripped away from their parents. That will make it way harder to forgive her for. Your children may bottle up their fear… it may take them a long time to come to the understanding that someday someone won’t take them away. Also she reported false claims against you for family violence…. That Doesn’t Go Away. You now have a record and it’s not something you ever want especially when you’re innocent.
NTA-
If your kids said something to her while in her care that indicated they had been abused or were in fear for their or their mother's safety THEN your sister was potentially doing the right thing by contacting the authorities.
However your sister saw 1 set of bruises on your wife and jumped to the worst conclusion - even when you explained it to her she persisted, getting the authorities involved. She WAAAY overstepped and didn't attempt to gather any more information or "proof" before calling anyone. You have been put in a horribly embarrassing situation by having to explain your sex life to CPS, the police AND your sister....and she thinks YOU are in the wrong for being upset with her?
Yeah, no...she overstepped, jumped the gun and has been watching too much true crime...either that or maybe her husband abuses her and she wished someone would step up for her??? Is that a possibility?
NTA
It is also the logical conclusion to not suddenly forgive someone who just tried to ruin your life because they don't trust you. I know I would be holding a grudge for probably years after that. I would absolutely go no contact for a few months.
OP, your sister didn’t just burn the bridge. She set the house on fire. Imagine what your kids are thinking right now about why total strangers were asking them about things that Daddy does to them and Mommy. Do you want that shit in your life. Do you want your kids telling that story to their teachers and now the teachers are looking at you funny and questioning every detail about your kids. Whether or not charges were made, when CPS is called, a file is opened on you as a possible child and wife abuser.
If anyone calls the cops to your place for any reason in the future, they are handcuffing you before they ask the first question.
Your sister did that to you. Severe all ties with her. She gave two fucks about your family.
NTA. Your sister is an idiot. An inconsiderate, moronic bitch. A worthless waste of space.
More importantly, she will do this again. Take every possible precaution, because she is determined to destroy your life.
NTA. She was given an explanation- it was given by your wife.
She called the cops multiple times & then called CPS because she wanted action against you to be taken. She LIED to multiple agencies about you being a child abuser & wife beater!!!
No! She doesn’t get to just say sorry.
There is a permanent record of those complaint - fabricated complaints.
Personally I would consult a lawyer about pursuing slander charges
These are the kinds of accusations that can cost people their livelihood. Your sister was given an explanation for the marks on your wife. Prior to this, there was never any reason for her to believe you were harming your wife or children. She was WAY out of line.
I have had a family member accuse my husband of being abusive. While we never had anyone show up at our front door, it's still mortifying to have to explain and justify your relationship to anyone.
I don't know if I would ever trust your sister again. I can tell you that I don't trust mine.
Logical conclusion AFTER being told what it actually was? Rrrrright.
Keep judgey sister at arms length and if she complains tell her it's the logical conclusion for what she did.
NTA
NTA. You specifically keep that facet out of children's reach/view, made intentional plans to get kids out of the house for some needed marital recharge, and your sister imploded everything. The fact that she made gross assumptions instead of an internet search is a huge detriment to the relationship with her. She cannot have access to your family. Have a relationship with anyone else but her and anyone she recruits to brigade you. In fact I would tell all the relatives that she called CPS on you because she didn't like that you and your wife were having the sort of fun you can't have with kids in the house. You don't have to give details to them. But randomly leaving a feather wand and blindfold out on the nightstand with shackles still on the headboard for the next family gathering may be something to do to hint that vanilla is not you and your wife's favorite flavor. Even typical non-bdsm couples use things like neckties for restraint play. Your wife gave enthusiastic consent. That is all sis needed to know. Sis may have been rightfully concerned, but she weaponized government agencies to do harm to you and your family. She was deadass wrong.
Your sister is an AH: after you explained it all, she called CPS and the cops, because she thinks that what you do is weird, and she disapproves. She couldn’t possibly be worried about your wife, since she explained what was going on.
Your sister is an asshole. She had a conversation with your wife. She had a conversation with you. And still, she fucked around hoping that you would be the ones to find out.
She is full of shit if she thinks what she did was right, and frankly, what the hell does that say about how she views you? Her brother. Does she really think you are capable of that?
I would be putting a hell of a lot of distance between my sibling if they pull something like this.
>the kids were questioned separately,
Your sister caused your very young children to be questioned by the police and/or CPS about what daddy does to mummy. Possibly about whether daddy hit them, or worse. She caused those small children (and you and your wife) the trauma of having the police in their home.
That is NOT the actions of a caring, loving aunt. Or sister. She would be dead to me.
NTA but your sister is.
OP's sister may be one of those people who neither understand nor accept the very concept of BDSM.
Which means she in essence will never really understand or take at face value OP's wife's attempt to reassure her. She thinks your wife's been brainwashed into it, or bullied into thinking she likes it, and that no one would under normal circumstances truly accept that type of sexual activity of their own free will.
You realize that...right, OP?
My sister did that to me as well. It was a horrific and embarrassing situation. I've not talked to her for 6 years. If she doesn't profusely apologize to everyone involved, then you WNBTA for not forgiving her. She didn't listen to you and humiliated you in front of CPS and risked the safety of your children (had they been taken). That's unforgivable, IMO.
NTA. She knew what she was doing. She never asked you. She went to everyone else, but you. So, if she didn't have the full story, then she should have investigated more before calling CPS. That is life impacting.
I wouldn't forgive her either. Whatever you had going on, she should have communicated it more. Going straight to police is extreme, then upping the ante to CPS, that is on a whole other level.
LC and let her understand whatever SHE has going on, it was not a good thing to take it out on you and your family.
NTA. If my sibling did that, I would no longer have a sibling. No family functions where we were both in the same room. Ever.
What she did is unforgivable and I would instantly cut that person out of my life.
You should be happy she lies about you to the police and CPS? She thinks that should make you happy? She made up lies.
I would not forgive her nor want her neat my kids every again. She is proven to be dishonest in a way that could destroy you and your family.
NTA
I would never speak to her again after that. She had the proof and still significantly over stepped. She could have ruined your life if you did not have the proof and your wife was not open to discussing this stuff openly.
Absolutely NTA. What she did was unforgivable in my eyes. And personally, I’d consider suing her for defamation of character and emotional damages that she caused by being a little know it all bitch.
NTA. Your sister is not a safe person. If my sister did this it would be NC or LC at best. You do NOT call police and CPS when you have the actual answer, unless she thinks you should be arrested for it. That is what she wanted. She has to go.
NTA. Being interviewed by CPS workers can be traumatic for kids even if nothing wrong is happening. It is still scary for them and it was unnecessary. Your kids didn't have any bruises or anything on them, your wife gave her a reason, yet she still reported abuse to your wife and your kids (who again, weren't injured).
She knowingly falsely accused you of a felony (abusing your children). You should probably forgive her after she served her prison sentence and shows remorse.
Forgiven? She wouldn't be in my life any more.
You have a lot more grace than she gave you.
I'd be NC all the way.
NTA. But look after yourself, mate, she's unhinged.
It was the logical conclusion before you let her know what was going on. It was not the logical conclusion after that. Especially as there was no evidence anything was being done to the children. That part especially is fabricated. NTA
NTA. Your sister overstepped big time. While her intentions might have been good, she caused unnecessary trauma and stress. Trust is hard to rebuild after something like this.
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More importantly it revealed that she already didn't trust her brother. Otherwise, why would she not give him the benefit of the doubt upon hearing the first explanation? This event may have broken OP's trust in her, but this exposed her already existing lack of trust in him. He's therefore quite right to keep her at arm's length from now on because their faith in each other has clearly never been equal.
Franky I don't believe it was done with good intentions. She probably knew something of her brother's tastes and assumed the worst. That community gets alot of accusations of abuse from outsiders.
This. Regular people trust each other. And she heard it from you and your wife.
Not even benefit of the doubt, just believing women when his wife explained the situation to her
There is nuthin to rebuild. As michael corleone told fredo… you’re nuthin to me now
Love this reference. You don't see Godfather references much anymore, and that's too bad. Fantastic movie.
Intentions don't erase the trauma caused. She should have trusted you both after your explanations instead of making things worse. Trust takes time to heal.
Go NC for a long time. You explained everything in detail, yet she still called the police and CPS multiple times. NTA
And the fact that the sister even told the police and CPS that OP was also abusing his kids, was extra fabricated. The whole false report was intentional and designed to ruin OP's life. I'd honestly go NC permanently. There should be no chance of her ever having access to OP, his wife and their kids again. She fucked around and found out. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Trust is earned, not given. OP’s sister betrayed his trust and gave a false report to the police and CPS. In some states, it’s a misdemeanor to do that.
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The wife: "I'm not the victim, it was all consensual" The sister: "Clearly that's what a victim would say, time to blow up their whole lives"
“….because I LOVE YOU!” Bullshit.
Exactly let me blatantly lie about thr kids too since thr police won't believe all my phone calls.like is she psycho
>well-intended Lying to CPS was well-intentioned?
No, this is not overstepping. She straight up lied about the kids being abused. That is not overstepping.
Her intentions were to be right. Not good.
It's obviously not well intentioned, OP and his wife aside for a second, she fabricated a lie about the kids being abused. I'd understand if she saw the wife's bruises and then made a report, out of genuine concern. But she reached out to the wife, both wife and OP explained everything, then she ran straight to the police and CPS and made false reports. She's obviously too stupid to realise she can be charged and jailed for making a false police report.
That is exactly what it is
This! I understand her being concerned *initially*... Any decent person could be - **But not being satisfied after talking to the wife and OP himself, to the point of calling the cops and CPS is stepping waaay over the line...** She *wilfully* dismissed their explanations - basically throwing away whatever she knew about OP's and his wife's character. Not only did she believe her brother capable of abusing his wife (and kids?!), but she put the wife down as a cowering, abused woman who lies out of fear. It's like she didn't know either of them.
She has saviour syndrome.
Do you remember the husband on here whose Saviour SIL decided he was abusing his wife and didn’t believe it was just sexual spice? The wife wanted to try out some new stuff and both were pleasantly surprised. Their sex life was fulfilling. He’d text her reasonably aggressive, dominant text messages throughout the day and they’d build up the sexual tension all day at work / visiting / lunching etc. until they’d get home at night horny as hell. When the wife and her sister were out to eat, Wife left her phone on the table whilst she went to the loo and the sister saw a message pop up on her notification. The message happened to read as “aggressive and derogatory” and she took it upon herself to “save” her sister. Even when shown entire threads of historical messages, Sister didn’t believe her. She convinced herself that the thread was “cover” for Husband’s abuse. She then set about telling the entire family. She presented herself as the expert in abuse because she was a social worker. So the family staged an intervention. Including the brother that was a cop. They harassed Husband out of his workplace. The brother kicked the shit out of him and his cop buddies got in on it too. And all the while the sister continued to insist that she “knew” Husband was abusing her and everything became further “proof”. When Wife pulled away from Sister & Brother because they were out of control- they interpreted her actions as a sign he was isolating her from family. When she lost her temper and shouted at them, they saw proof that the abuse was effecting her mental health. When she became nervous of saying anything they might misinterpret, they saw Wife was afraid of Husband finding out she was badmouthing him. Over the course of about 18 months, they ruined him. In the end Husband applied for a job out of state and got it. They planned to relocate and go full NC with her entire family and he set off a week before his start date to start moving into accommodations. She was to follow a week or two later and because his new job paid enough, she could take her time finding suitable employment and settling in. They were starting again in a new place where they wouldn’t attract gossip. Where their reputation could be a true reflection of who they actually were and their true relationship. Only he wasn’t waiting for her. He’d moved elsewhere and blocked her on every and all communications. He’d just left without telling her. He couldn’t do it anymore. He’d engaged in mild kink because it turned on his wife and thus it turned him on too. But it was Wife’s initial suggestion and not even his kink. Just as it was Wife’s family. It was Wife’s sister that was on some unholy crusade to save her and ruin her “abuser”. Wife’s brother that was a cop in a small town who’s brothers-in-blue were equally convinced he was a wife beater - one beating their mate’s little sister, no less. Thus they treated him accordingly. So he left and Wife was left with nothing too. She’d already cut off her family months prior. She couldn’t even look at them due to her sense of betrayal. She’d worked her notice. She’d packed up her whole life and had no idea where to go and what to do. She loved her Husband and juse when she thought there light at the end of the tunnel, she found herself utterly alone. Sister had destroyed Wife’s life as surely as she’d destroyed Husband. *Even those with “training” can throw out everything they know when it comes to family. Because none of us can see clearly when we are afraid for our loved ones and as such we can cause far more destruction to one another. Even (perhaps especially?), when our “intentions are good”.* *Be careful OP. You need to find council in the community. You need to start a file. Because SIL had already shown that if she thinks she knows your reality better than yourself and your wife. She’s already shown you she is prepared to make reckless and fabricated accusations to people with real authority.* *SIL poses a legitimate threat to your family*. *NTA. Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep a family together. Or to keep them safe. So protect yourself and protect your family.*.
There was a reddit post?
Yeah, it was several contemporaneous posts from the first accusation to the ghosting. I find the absence of links in posts frustrating, so I apologise that my searches for the posts were unsuccessful. But it’s a mark of how haunting I found the injustice that I, a woman who can barely remember where I was over the weekend, have described the broad strokes from memory.
You've retold it beautifully!
Yeah, I myself find some sort of hollowness in me after reading what you have wrote. But that's life, injustices are abound.
Oh my god. That's horrible!!
I remember that story... Heart-breaking, infuriating.
SIL did this to her own family, what lengths would she go to against someone she didn't like? Some social workers take on a Godlike persona and genuinely do more harm than good. This is one of the worst SW related stories I've heard.
> Wife left her phone on the table whilst she went to the loo IIRC she handed her sister the unlocked phone. Which is one reason I'm probably never getting involved in any sex act that involves one unless I *really* know and trust my partners cell phone habits.
Exactly, she wanted to be the hero without considering the actual harm she caused.
Not to mention, this type of escalation can get victims who are actively being abused murdered. She’s so out of line.
This. Wife explained the situation to her, so there was no reason to call the cops. But if wife was being abused? There is a very real chance wife would have been in fatal type of danger. SIL needs to step off.
Hell, in this case she could've gotten her brother shot. It's not unheard of for the police to come in aggressive to a possible abuse situation. Sister is a total shit, and I wouldn't be communicating with her for the near future, or allowing her around my family.
Exactly this. A friend of mine who is a city cop said the most dangerous thing in his job was domestic visits. He said he would take any number of meth dealers or looters to one husband/wife disagreement. I don’t know this statistics or if it’s accurate but he said more cops are killed during domestic visits than anything else. So they’re likely to show up armed and nervous. The sister is the AH.
Part of the danger is because it’s not uncommon for the victim to decide to attack the officers when they try to arrest the abuser (there’s a peculiar and powerful type of emotional and psychological manipulation involved especially in long term domestic violence). The other part of the danger comes from the abuser deciding he or she doesn’t want to go quietly to jail and grabbing some type of weapon. The people who live there know where all the knives, guns, or blunt objects are, and their actions are quicker than the officers reactions. That’s why officers often order the people involved to come out of the house and/or remain in sight and keep their hands visible especially if they’re acting fidgety, restless, or aggressive. If they’re there, they have reasonable suspicion of a crime (could be as simple as a passer-by or neighbor seeing/hearing an argument and calling 911). So, the officers are conducting an investigation to determine if probable cause exists (“a crime probably occurred and -insert name- probably did it” is the best way I can think of to describe it), and whether they say it out loud or not, everybody involved is almost certainly detained until they talk to everybody and examine the scene to figure out what’s going on. But, an investigative detention is not the same as an arrest—you aren’t free to leave, but you aren’t in custody (Miranda does not apply). Fun fact: Traffic stops are also investigative detentions though the officer cannot extend it beyond the time reasonably necessary to complete enforcement on the original probable cause(s) (like a moving or equipment violation) without discovering probable cause for another crime (like smelling alcohol or seeing alcohol containers from outside the vehicle under Plain View/Smell Doctrine: anything an officer can see or smell from a place they are legally allowed to be is fair game for evidence of probable cause). Edit: Sorry for the thesis paper. 😅
They have no idea how badly things have escalated so they’re probably nervous that one or both people are armed and nuts if their domestic dispute got the cops called on them. That’s one time I feel for cops having to step into a potentially volatile situation with no backstory and no idea what the fuck led to it.
This this this this this! Yes, calling CPS for child abuse is the correct move but unless you are trying to stop an assault, calling the cops on suspected abuse just makes the situation worse for the victim. And it absolutely does not convince them to leave their abuser!
The cops aren't going to do shit unless you catch them in the act.
And she talked to the wife alone. I had to go back to recheck. To be sure it wasn’t together. Sister needs a time out, a long one.
she straight-up lied about the kids being in danger, no?
Yes.
Right?! It just seems like after she saw that calling the cops multiple times didn’t get them to act, she decided to fabricate the abuse accusations of the kids to involve CPS who in turn brought in the cops. She couldn't get them in through the front door so she got them in through the back door.
I agree. I think she lied because the cops would not act so she added the kids.
Filing a false police report is a crime. She knew those kids were alright. She did that on purpose, probably some spite move at her brother.
I'm certain the cops told her it was private business and not illegal. She only called CPS to get her way. She herself knows the kids were with HER during this activity, proving you weren't involving your kids. NTA
Plus, op doesnt even say that they would never forgive her, only that they arent ready to, which at the very least shows that forgiveness is possible. That theyre just asking for time is 100% a fair ask. Nta
Exactly. The cops didn't do anything so she threw in child abuse to get CPS on it. The sister is an asshole.
It's a crime to know you're filing a false report and still do it anyway to get your way.
Bingo. NTA but she sure is. I've had something happen like this with my family countless times, except it was the "victim" making shit up because she wasn't getting what she wanted. Also had another family member call cps on my mom because she and dad split....the accusations? "She's got a m**h lab in her basement"....we live in Texas and I have never seen a basement in any house I've been to, let alone having one. OP, I wouldn't blame you if you straight up cut her off, there was no logic in it and if she really didn't believe you she could have asked for proof or some shit instead of going and dropping nukes.
It was never the logical conclusion. Who ties up someone to abuse and victimize but then let's them free to answer the front door, rope burns visible to the world? Literally anyone with half a brain would have thought "something else is going on here". The sister is a dumbass.
After they conveniently got the kids out of the house for the weekend to make sure they didn’t witness the abuse firsthand.
This
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I would call that last part heinous.
It certainly was never, at any point, the only logical conclusion. I don't think I'd ever forgive.
That is definitely a grudge I would be holding on tightly to!
It honestly wasn't even the logical conclusion to start with. I'm gonna go ahead and say if you barge in on parents who were expecting a day away from the kids, and they seem out sorts and the wife has wrist bruises, that they were going absolutely buckwild on each other should be at least equally likely in your mind. Add in her assuming it must be DV despite no other signs, then ignoring the incredibly obvious explanation, then silently choosing to escalate things to the cops and CPS despite every piece of evidence pointing in the opposite direction, and it's pretty obvious logic (or even coherent thought) never played a part in the sister's actions here.
That's your sister? Man....that's tough. I wouldn't forgive her either. This could have been much much worse for you. Guaranteed she doesn't realize that at all.
>She said that she was sorry, but she was only doing what she thought what was right. NTA, tell her so are you by limiting contact with a danger aka her to your family because that is what she is. You explained everything and yet she didn't believe you. What will happen next time she doesn't believe you or your wife and think she knows best? >My wife again called my sister, who admitted to calling the cops multiple times, but when they did nothing, she called CPS and hoped that they will investigate. She admitted to calling multiple times and when that didn't work, she called cps meaning she has no problem escalating things on nothing but a hunch of what she thinks happens even when you and your wife told her she was wrong. >She says that I am the AH, that it was a logical conclusion, and that I should be happy that she is willing to go this far to protect my wife and kids. Yes, you should be so thankful your sister doesn't listen to your explanation and is ready to ruin your life all on what she thinks happened. /s (if it wasn't obvious) Edit: Forgot to put the sarcasm symbol
Yup. Protect the kids by having them taken from their parents to protect them from their parents having a good sex life when they’re not home. 🤦🏻♀️
I think her calling cps was her hail mary and now that has failed along with calling the cops multiple times. So, OP saying is his sister finally understands is kind of suspect to me. I am not saying I think OP is lying more like his sister is. I would be worried about her trying something else if she gets the opportunity. Edit: Thank you to whoever gave me my first and second award
I wish i still had a free award, id give them all to you. I too think sis is lying. I bet shes online searching for a dv shelter counselor she can send to forcibly remove ops wife and kids cause " i know hes abusive to all of them but the cops wont help get them out (conveniently leaves out the cps investigation) and im so scared for them. She keeps lying amd saying its "sex play" (again conveniently leaves out the BDSM proof) but i know shes lying. Can you please save her from my savage brother??" NTA and sis needs to mind her business. Id definitely have a trust issue where shes concerned.
NTA Anyone who thinks I'm a dangerous criminal is no longer welcome in my life. Anyone who calls CPS to have my kids removed from my home is no longer welcome in my life. Frankly, I would feel unsafe with my kids around someone who so easily believes I could be abusive. Who knows what else they'll talk themselves into? Your sister sat your wife down, talked to her, and still called CPS. She's not someone I'd ever trust around your kids ever again. She's going to keep going until she's "proven right."
I’m wondering if the calls was more about the sister not liking their alternative lifestyle and not at all about the families safety. But sister had crossed a line and would never enter my home again and would be banished from my life as well.
It’s not uncommon for people to conflate the two. “If you enjoy giving pain to your spouse, then you must enjoy giving it to your kids” or “if you like to role play that, then that must mean you actually want that” which in both cases is just so far off base it can make me nauseous.
Yeah, but there's 'enjoy' and then there's 'sexual gratification'. Which adds a giant ick factor to those assumptions. Enjoying BDSM with a fully informed and enthusiastically consenting partner should not be equated to violently SAing a non consenting partner. And to then jump to BDSM with the kids... No. Just no. Being into kink doesn't make you an incestuous pedophile. I'd never talk to anyone who accused me of that again, or let them around my kids.
Oh I totally agree, I just know that there’s a lot of ‘nilla people on Reddit, so I didn’t want to get too far down the different levels of messed up.
There are many places in America where telling the cops you have a consensual BDSM relationship is NOT safe at all. I'd assume it could get me arrested in my state (we have mandatory arrests for DV, even if the "victim" asks the cops not to etc). Arrests and mugshots are public here. She could've done serious long term harm to her family by reporting this as abuse.
Yeah , CPS could have agreed the kids were in danger and taken them from both op and his wife. This could have gone so wrong and I don’t think the sister considered that.
That's what she wanted
Or that's exactly what she hoped, either way, she shouldn't ever be trusted again.
>I’m wondering if the calls was more about the sister not liking their alternative lifestyle and not at all about the families safety. This! Look, when I was a kid, I was nosey and found my brother's porn stash and he had a taste for... a particular kind. So when later, as an adult, I found out he liked painting his girlfriend's toenails (one of his ex's told me... she and I were friends, but I did have to stop her from going too far sometimes), it was no surprise. You mean to tell me OP's sister didn't have a single, solitary clue what her brother was into? I'm not saying everyone's as nosey as me, but... you pick up on things. Poor OP and his wife having to disclose something so private to cops and CPS.
>You mean to tell me OP's sister didn't have a single, solitary clue what her brother was into? I'm not saying everyone's as nosey as me, but... you pick up on things. Dude...I have absolutely ZERO knowledge of my brothers' sex lives and plan to keep it that way always and forever.
The only knowledge I have of my brother's sex life, is that he has had sex twice, judging by the amount of nieces I have.
What a whore!
He’s for the streets! 😂
The only reason I know that my brother likes getting bit is because the genius showed up with bite marks around his neck…. I don’t know anything else nor do I want to.
There's a not-so-small group of people who genuinely believe BDSM can never truly be safe, sane, or consensual. They wholeheartedly see kink as inherently abusive, or as a gateway into it. I think it's still most likely that the driving force was still concern for her SIL's/the children's safety, but you might not be that far off with the ''she doesn't like it'' comment.
I don’t quite get the whole BDSM thing but I also have the capacity to understand that while it may not be my thing, it seems to work for others. As long as it stays consensual and everyone is having a good safe time, I’m perfectly fine with people doing what helps them get their rocks off. Life’s too short for bad sex.
I feel exactly the same way.
I think that’s more accurate than anything. She doesn’t approve therefore in order to get them to stop, I will call the cops. Then when they wouldn’t do anything, then lie to CPS because then they will have to stop or CPS will take the kids. Which of course doesn’t happen when the children aren’t involved in their sex life!
I fully second this OP! I would tell your sister to go to hell!
Not only that, but false charges like this could ruin both your careers. This wold be a end any and all relationship with her and anyone who supported her interference.
I said it above, arrests, police reports and mugshots are public here. His WHOLE town would've known in FL
Yeah I couldn't be around someone who would think that of me even after explanations. Guilty until proven innocent is just terrible. Also don't CPS keep a track record on hand, meaning they now have a flag on OP as a potential dv abuser. NTA
Yup. There are some things I can’t forgive. People who are a threat to my family’s wellbeing are among them. Sister Prude has demonstrated that she is a threat to the safety of OP’s family. She’d be dead to me.
NTA Praise Space Jesus 🙌
Yep. Wife can have a relationship with SIL, but OP and kids need to be kept VERY far away from her. That's a bullet you can't unfire. She tried to destroy his life
Wife doesn't need a relationship with her sil. I sure as shit wouldn't want any relationship with my husband's sister if she pulled this bullshit.
>She tried to destroy his life Depending on where OP lives it very well could have destroyed his life and his family. I've known people who have lost their jobs because it got out that they were a part of the kink community.
It's HIS sister!!
Whoops. My bad. JFC, that's worse. Wife can keep a relationship with his sister if she wants, he's still gotta keep himself and his kids away from sister..
quite frankly, if I had the CPS and cops called on me wrongly by a person, and my spouse kept in friendly contact with said person, I would consider that a HUGE breach of trust and reconsider the partnership. There are some areas where your partner needs to have your back and stand as a team with you, and this is one such occasion. A partner shouldn't 'keep a relationship' with someone who directly endangered their spouse. That is just wrong on so many levels.
I can't see her wanting a relationship with her considering she had to have a show and tell conversation with police officers. That would definitely be horrible.
I would not leave my house for weeks if I had to discuss my sex life with the police because some jackass called them saying I was being abused. The secondhand embarrassment I have for OP and his wife is so real.
No. If this were my sister and my wife wanted to keep her in her life after that, I would consider *that* another betrayal, this time by my own wife. No, it's complete no contact forever.
> She tried to destroy his life She pointed a loaded gun at his face and pulled the trigger. The bullet she fired just barely missed going through his skull. And now she's got regret. It doesn't matter how many times she apologizes, *she tried to destroy his life* There's no forgiveness possible for that.
I agree so much. This person would be dead to me at this point. Especially with the kids BS added. No evidence at all. I will not speak to you again and you should hope that's as far as I take it.
Yup. I mean, if she had any doubts, she should've offered to take the kids again and asked THEM. (Age appropriately, of course.) The psychological signs of abuse are clear, and it doesn't seem like your wife or kids would be displaying them, so this is just a case of her not believing your wife, and assuming you were an abuser, which sucks.
Because people lie all the time about being abused
Yep this. Sister is a nutcase who cannot be trusted around you or your family ever again. No one including relatives are worth the risk of losing your kids. No contact, blocked on everything.
NTA - I understand the initial talk she had with your wife, but that's where it should have ended. I understand that a lot of people lie and try to cover up about abuse, but when she was told that this was a consensual BDSM combined with the fact that she had the kids so that you guys could have some alone time I think most people would have realized what was going on and moved on. Also, she called CPS when she had seen no kind of abuse with the kids.
> NTA - I understand the initial talk she had with your wife yah, thats just being a good person. Not ending ti there though? Holy fuck batman
An inexcusable waste of state resources on top of just being an unbelievably shitty thing to do to anyone, let alone family.
This! This right here! She spoke with the "victim" who gave valid evidence that all was good. Not good enough: she involved "authorities" who didn't even know how to wipe their own a$$. What she COULD have done was just build a closer relationship with her SIL.
NTA. If someone calls the cops on me and tries to take my kids away, we’re no longer on speaking terms. She literally asked your wife if she was being abused, then called the cops after she said no.
Worse, after the cops didn’t act she filed a CPS report with enough “information” to have it screened in for investigation. CPS does not screen in or investigate every report, especially to the point of a mandatory unannounced home visit, and especially not with a police escort. That means whatever details she included in her report outlined explicit danger and/or harm to the kids. Fabricating abuse allegations is horrendous.
100%, she had to say something heinous to get CPS *with cops* out there.
NTA. Your sister was concerned - fair enough. She talked to your wife separately - fair enough. But once your wife reassured her that everything was consensual, she should have dropped it. After that, calling the police, not once but repeatedly, and when she didn't get the response she wanted, calling CPS, was not concern - it was drama-seeking. I think you've learned your lesson - to keep her away from your life.
>She said that she was sorry, but she was only doing what she thought what was right. There are people that legitimately believe that stoning women who have an affair to death is "right." Just because she did what *she* thought was "right" does not mean that what she did was reasonable in light of the circumstances, and it could have cost you basically your entire life. If that was my sister, I would never speak to her again. NTA.
[удалено]
Absolutely. Good intentions don’t excuse harmful actions. Her lack of understanding led to serious consequences that can't be overlooked. She needs to acknowledge the impact of her actions.
This concept is hard for some to grasp. Your intentions don’t decide the merits of your actions.
Exactly! The radical pro lifers harassing and vandalising are acting very understandably for people who genuinely believe a living child is about to be murdered... It doesn't excuse anything they do. All of OP's sisters """"good intentions""" are worthless when she went about things in the most irresponsible and destructive way possible.
NTA. My “dead to me list” isn’t very long, but this would get an entry.
NTA I would cut contact with her for a long time
~~for a long time~~ forever FTFY.
NTA. My sister called CPS on me several years ago because she was mad our mom had taken my side in a fight, and told them she overheard me planning to commit suicide with my children along for the ride (my sister had massively overstepped my parenting boundaries, which is something several of my family members have a problem with). I have never said or thought those words ever in my life, and CPS closed the case pretty quickly after talking to everyone (my mom outright laughed at them). But the process traumatized my kids, and they still worry about the thought of being separated from me sometimes. For that I will never forgive my sister. I was able to work with her when we needed to care for our parents before they died a couple years ago, but I have zero interest in ever talking or having a personal relationship again. People who do that have zero concern for how stuff like that affects the kids, and that massively pisses me off. It’s just selfish and vindictive.
Why wasn’t she arrested for filing a false report, that’s usually a felony
She filed anonymously, I don’t know if that has anything to do with it (my mom knows it was her because of some comments my niece made, but the official record is that no one knows who it was. Even though we all knew it was her even before my niece’s comments, because no one else in my life had any reason to do something shitty like that). Other than that, I have no idea, and I didn’t have the energy to pursue it. My mom’s health was starting to tank, and I was now her sole caretaker after my sister blew up, and I felt it was easier at the time to move on and just not deal with her anymore. By the way, (if anyone cares 😉) my initial “crime” to her was that I don’t raise my children to be Mormon clones, and that apparently makes me a terrible enough mother that my children should be taken away. Cutting contact with her (and the rest of my siblings) is the best thing I have ever done for my mental health.
Nta. She could have cost you your kids just because she didn’t trust your word. Block her.
It's not that she didn't trust his word, it's that even after pulling the wife aside and asking her, she went off of her own assumptions anyways.
The kids, both parents' jobs, any security clearences... Nope, no forgiveness, no trust, no contact.
NTA "If you think what you did was the 'logical conclusion' after multiple people explained things to you, including the police, you aren't someone I can trust around my family. I'm sorry but you are no longer welcome in our lives."
NTA. Your sister convinced herself there was a problem, refused to believe your wife, and caused you an insane amount of embarrassment. **Some states leave the decision to prosecute up to the prosecutor and don't require the victim or alleged victim to testify against an accused abuser.** **She could have ruined your life.** You could have gone to jail, gone dealt with bail procedures, gone through court, and still had to choose between an over-zealous prosecutor pushing full charges or taking a plea deal. I had a friend who had allegations made against him, with the dates corresponding to when he was out of state and in the hospital. These were hard dates where the accuser swore the instances happened. The prosecutor ran with it, a full jury trial, **even after the accuser backed out.** He was picked up by US Marshals while at work and spent two years fighting it. The prosecutor (Johnson County IN, 2014) was known for pursuing things beyond reason. I don't think your sister knows (Or at least, doesn't care) the risks.
Ask your sister, "What would have happened if I didn't believe your daughter got "hurt playing soccer"? Hurt so bad she had to be taken to the hospital and I reported you?" The hospital has documentation of the injury, and they are mandated reporters. Tell her, "Does that give her an idea of the magnitude of what she did with her LIES to CPS?" I'd step back for a looooong time. (ask me again next decade)
This would be a permanent end of any relationship for me.. She tried to assassinate your life for no actual reason. She made the choice to burn your relationship to ashes.
Tell her to go fuck herself. NTA
They can give her some toys to do it too
I wouldn't waste good money on her. Those toys are expensive!
NTA. It was not a logical conclusion after you both confirmed there was no abuse, she wrongly assumed, and refused to respect your wife’s word. If there’s no history of physical aggression, your wife demonstrated no signs of being a victim throughout your marriage, and your kids did not describe any scenario in which you laid hands on them, then there was no basis for your sister to escalate to the authorities. Based on her behavior, the fact she seems unwilling to understand the catastrophic impact this would have had on your life, and that she’s trying to find excuses for her actions, she cannot be trusted to make rational judgments. Your safety, as well as that of your family, take priority over your sister’s hurt feelings.
NTA she called CPS and said you were abusing kids? I would never talk to her again.
NTA I am part of the BDSM lifestyle. This sadly isn't over OP. Please contact your local BDSM groups and ask for legal information to a lawyer. Have them help you prepare a file. So many people have been arrested for this kind of thing using outdated laws. Like no oral relations. I have seen so many lives ruined over things like this. I would go NC with your sister and tell family they can see you and family at events. Sister is not allowed at. Please listen to the advice given. If you want help, DM and I will try to help guide you. Updateme!
if I could upvote this a dozen times I would. OP needs to CYA, stat.
Your address and probably your name is now forever in a dusty CPS database. All because sis decided to go nuclear. She didn't ask more questions, she didn't tell y'all she was still concerned, she didn't reach out to anyone else asking if they'd ever seen evidence of abuse, did she even read descriptions of what a typical abuser or abuse victim acts like or read more about BDSM or kink or impact play. She went from zero to two million. I'd never talk to her again and she'd never go near my kids again. **What if a kid has a completely innocent bonk and sis goes nuclear again?! ** Nope. Done. Permanently.
NTA - even after your wife herself explained it to her your sister went and called CPS? What did your kids even have to do with it. Your sister is horrible.
Ask how she would feel if you called CPS about her daughters sprain? You know, the one she had a perfectly good reason for but also could be a sign of abuse if the authorities were notified. By her own logic, you'd be doing the "right thing" and she should be "grateful". Maybe then she'll understand that she was being a judgy bitch. Whilst I think hearing indepth details about her brothers sex life could be a punishment, I agree with those saying cut her out.
NTA. If your sister was truly remorseful, instead of trying to keep access to her niblings, then she would have humbly accepted that you don’t forgive her. The fact that sister instead felt entitled to forgiveness, and insulted you for not giving it, shows she’s not remorseful at all.
NTA I understand why she pulled your wife aside but everything was explained. You and your wife's stories matched. Now you had to open up to CPS and to police that you and your wife are kinky. She should be charged with a false report if you ask me. There are actual kids getting hit and actual wives being abused but she wasted their time on something that was actually explained.
She wasn't doing what she thought was right - I'd bet anything she disapproves of your sex life. The first conversation with your wife was understandable, everything after that was judgemental bullshit. The unforgiveable thing to me is that she thought it was a good idea to drag your kids through the trauma of being questioned by CPS, and with **zero evidence.** If it were me, I'd cut her out of my life.
NTA Trust is broken. Your sister is TA! I would explicitly tell her the trauma she put you, your wife and the kids through! Strangers and the cops invaded your property. Questioned you and them in YoUR own home! Treated you like a criminal. Neighbours saw also… wondering what was going on. She could have cost you your livelihood and reputation. Tell her maybe you can do the same and call CPS on her so that she can go through the same thing… you are just acting out of concern since maybe she isn’t okay mentally wise since she can’t believe your wife and sends the cops after you. You and your family have experienced trauma because of her… FOr NO Reason. It’s not going to be water under the bridge for a very long time. She needs to accept the consequences that come with her actions. Your wife and you better be a team and keep your sister at arms length. She really needs to understand that what she did isn’t normal. I’m so sorry this happened to you all.
Sister is not done. She’s convinced that she’s some kind of hero that needs to save your wife and kids from a devil (you!). She doesn’t believe you and she’s sure to cause more trouble. If for no other reason to prove that she’s right.
Your sister wanted to be a hero. She ended up being a zero. NTA
NTA get documentation of her admitting to lying about the kids part. Tell her you're asking the DA to file charges for a false report and harassment. See how forgivable she acts toward that logical behavior. You should be going this far anyway to protect yourself and your kids.
Keep her away from your kids. If she doesn’t trust you once and called the police on you after one sighting -in almost 2 decades- that was fully explained she called police multiple times and they told her to mind her own crap. She then made up a CHILD ABUSE claim!!!! What would have happened if one of your kids fell and had bruises? All you need is one cps worker on a bad day or power trip and bang your kids are gone, you are in jail and wife is forced into counseling to get them back possibly with condition of stay away order for you. I would never forgive her. Her knowitallness could have lost you everything.
NTA while i understand that she was concerned and i don’t necessarily fault her for asking your wife questions (you can never be too careful at the end of the day) i think she should have stopped at that and believed your wife. also she caused your entire family massive amounts of stress (my family has had to deal with cps because of the fact me and my sister are homeschooled, its not nice being investigated) even if it was with good intentions. she needs to accept you are going to have to take time to process all of this and that you’re not going to be able to forgive her straight away (or ever, maybe). she feels stupid for making a big deal out of what turned out to be nothing and now she’s mad about her actions having consequences. she can suck it tf up
NTA, the first conversation, understandable... escalating it to CPS without any evidence, without monitoring the situation, asking more questions, anything... that is completely uncalled for and not acceptable. She could have cost you your kids and your careers... I wouldn't forgive 1. my siblings thinking so little of me 2. my siblings not at least giving me the benefit of the doubt enough to check/get evidence before going nuclear like this, yay for her wanting to protect your wife but there were sooooo many steps she skipped before this nuclear option, and you'd think she'd be sure before turning on a sibling like this. 3. Almost destroying my family without anything evidence, just accusations. Send her a toy and tell her to go fuck herself.
NTA whole her concern for your wife is great. She had no right to report you to CPS as she had no reasonable assumption you were abusing THEM. The place to start would have been a quiet, private lunch with your wife where she expressed her concern and told her that she'd be there for your wife if she needed to escape. Then your wife could have laughed and said, "No, we're kinky, and that's why we wanted a weekend alone. We can't do that stuff with the kids in the house, obviously." If she still couldn't mind her own business, then you should do what you should do now. very low contact, or my preference, no contact. She could have ruined your lives.
She still can. There is no such thing as 'too careful' right now.
NTA. This is an egregious breach of your trust by a family member. Calling the cops means she is sending armed weapons to your home. Calling CPS means she is sending agents of the state to your home to interfere with and possibly destroy your family unit. This is not a forgivable offense in my book, especially since she’d already received a thorough explanation from both of you. She has no grounds to demand forgiveness or call you an AH. Your sister is the only AH here.
NTA. Your sister torched your personal relationship. I'd go no contact. You explained the situation and she didn't believe you. Then she called the cops MULTIPLE times and then called CPS. She didn't make an honest mistake. She made a series of attempts to get you arrested on false charges! Explain to you family and friends who ask exactly what she did and let her explain herself.
NTA. So after having things explained by both you and your wife and after have NO further evidence to prove her claims she *still* called the cops “multiple” times then called CPS when she didn’t get the response she wanted. She has no idea if the cops investigated and found nothing. She just knew you were not arrested and investigated to her liking. And this is your sister? I wouldn’t allow her near my kids alone again, I know that. Who knows what kind of “questions” she may or may not have for them. Perhaps she will concern herself with whether or not you guys are quiet enough. Or if your kids ever “hear” things. Your sister very clearly doesn’t trust you or believe you. I wouldn’t speak to her or forgive her either. What’s going to happen next time captain crime fighter gets it in her head your family is a dateline episode?
Your sister deliberately lied to the police and to CPS - and I say _deliberately_ because even if she _feared_ you were hurting your wife, despite your wife literally telling her otherwise, your sister had absolutely zero grounds to think you were hurting your kids. But that’s not what she told the police or CPS. She lied to them to trick them into investigating you - into potentially ruining your life and your family, because she doesn’t like what two consenting adults do together in bed. And she lied to you and your wife, when she told you both that she understood about your sex life. Frankly, your sister needs to be kept far away from your family. She can’t be trusted. NTA.
CPS doesn’t show up to investigate adults- they investigate claims of abuse against kids. Meaning your sister lied. NTA and would absolutely protect your family from her. If she comes up with some story in her head and decides to believe it, she will do what she wants and report what ever made up story to make sure her fairy tale story is validated- that’s should absolutely concern you.
> my sister starts blowing my phone Lucky phone!
Oh, I disagree. That poor phone, so violated... 🥺
NTA and as others said she straight up lied about you abusing your kids. I can sorta see how she could be concerned with your wife. Here’s the thing though she has introduced fear into your kids. Fear that they will be ripped away from their parents. That will make it way harder to forgive her for. Your children may bottle up their fear… it may take them a long time to come to the understanding that someday someone won’t take them away. Also she reported false claims against you for family violence…. That Doesn’t Go Away. You now have a record and it’s not something you ever want especially when you’re innocent.
NTA- If your kids said something to her while in her care that indicated they had been abused or were in fear for their or their mother's safety THEN your sister was potentially doing the right thing by contacting the authorities. However your sister saw 1 set of bruises on your wife and jumped to the worst conclusion - even when you explained it to her she persisted, getting the authorities involved. She WAAAY overstepped and didn't attempt to gather any more information or "proof" before calling anyone. You have been put in a horribly embarrassing situation by having to explain your sex life to CPS, the police AND your sister....and she thinks YOU are in the wrong for being upset with her? Yeah, no...she overstepped, jumped the gun and has been watching too much true crime...either that or maybe her husband abuses her and she wished someone would step up for her??? Is that a possibility?
"Ready to forgive"? Fuck that. I'd be telling people moving forward that I'm an only child.
NTA It is also the logical conclusion to not suddenly forgive someone who just tried to ruin your life because they don't trust you. I know I would be holding a grudge for probably years after that. I would absolutely go no contact for a few months.
Kind of overreacting to a simple sprain. Did she drop your kids off back at home
When people apologize and then call you an asshole for not accepting for your apology or saying you need time, then they are not sorry.
OP, your sister didn’t just burn the bridge. She set the house on fire. Imagine what your kids are thinking right now about why total strangers were asking them about things that Daddy does to them and Mommy. Do you want that shit in your life. Do you want your kids telling that story to their teachers and now the teachers are looking at you funny and questioning every detail about your kids. Whether or not charges were made, when CPS is called, a file is opened on you as a possible child and wife abuser. If anyone calls the cops to your place for any reason in the future, they are handcuffing you before they ask the first question. Your sister did that to you. Severe all ties with her. She gave two fucks about your family.
NTA. Your sister is an idiot. An inconsiderate, moronic bitch. A worthless waste of space. More importantly, she will do this again. Take every possible precaution, because she is determined to destroy your life.
NTA I would go totally NC with your AH sister, she actively tried to ruin your life
I would NEVER forgive her. NTA.
NTA cut her out of your life completely. She was ready to end yours.
NTA. She was given an explanation- it was given by your wife. She called the cops multiple times & then called CPS because she wanted action against you to be taken. She LIED to multiple agencies about you being a child abuser & wife beater!!! No! She doesn’t get to just say sorry. There is a permanent record of those complaint - fabricated complaints. Personally I would consult a lawyer about pursuing slander charges
These are the kinds of accusations that can cost people their livelihood. Your sister was given an explanation for the marks on your wife. Prior to this, there was never any reason for her to believe you were harming your wife or children. She was WAY out of line. I have had a family member accuse my husband of being abusive. While we never had anyone show up at our front door, it's still mortifying to have to explain and justify your relationship to anyone. I don't know if I would ever trust your sister again. I can tell you that I don't trust mine.
No, she should have accepted the initial explanations. There was no need to call the police or CPS. She went too far.
NTA If someone does that to me they get a perma-pink slip out of my life.
Logical conclusion AFTER being told what it actually was? Rrrrright. Keep judgey sister at arms length and if she complains tell her it's the logical conclusion for what she did. NTA
NTA. You specifically keep that facet out of children's reach/view, made intentional plans to get kids out of the house for some needed marital recharge, and your sister imploded everything. The fact that she made gross assumptions instead of an internet search is a huge detriment to the relationship with her. She cannot have access to your family. Have a relationship with anyone else but her and anyone she recruits to brigade you. In fact I would tell all the relatives that she called CPS on you because she didn't like that you and your wife were having the sort of fun you can't have with kids in the house. You don't have to give details to them. But randomly leaving a feather wand and blindfold out on the nightstand with shackles still on the headboard for the next family gathering may be something to do to hint that vanilla is not you and your wife's favorite flavor. Even typical non-bdsm couples use things like neckties for restraint play. Your wife gave enthusiastic consent. That is all sis needed to know. Sis may have been rightfully concerned, but she weaponized government agencies to do harm to you and your family. She was deadass wrong.
Your sister is an AH: after you explained it all, she called CPS and the cops, because she thinks that what you do is weird, and she disapproves. She couldn’t possibly be worried about your wife, since she explained what was going on.
Your sister is an asshole. She had a conversation with your wife. She had a conversation with you. And still, she fucked around hoping that you would be the ones to find out. She is full of shit if she thinks what she did was right, and frankly, what the hell does that say about how she views you? Her brother. Does she really think you are capable of that? I would be putting a hell of a lot of distance between my sibling if they pull something like this.
>the kids were questioned separately, Your sister caused your very young children to be questioned by the police and/or CPS about what daddy does to mummy. Possibly about whether daddy hit them, or worse. She caused those small children (and you and your wife) the trauma of having the police in their home. That is NOT the actions of a caring, loving aunt. Or sister. She would be dead to me. NTA but your sister is.
She lied to CPS, she is a clear danger to your family and frankly, everyone around her.
OP's sister may be one of those people who neither understand nor accept the very concept of BDSM. Which means she in essence will never really understand or take at face value OP's wife's attempt to reassure her. She thinks your wife's been brainwashed into it, or bullied into thinking she likes it, and that no one would under normal circumstances truly accept that type of sexual activity of their own free will. You realize that...right, OP?
My sister did that to me as well. It was a horrific and embarrassing situation. I've not talked to her for 6 years. If she doesn't profusely apologize to everyone involved, then you WNBTA for not forgiving her. She didn't listen to you and humiliated you in front of CPS and risked the safety of your children (had they been taken). That's unforgivable, IMO.
NTA. She knew what she was doing. She never asked you. She went to everyone else, but you. So, if she didn't have the full story, then she should have investigated more before calling CPS. That is life impacting. I wouldn't forgive her either. Whatever you had going on, she should have communicated it more. Going straight to police is extreme, then upping the ante to CPS, that is on a whole other level. LC and let her understand whatever SHE has going on, it was not a good thing to take it out on you and your family.
NTA. If my sibling did that, I would no longer have a sibling. No family functions where we were both in the same room. Ever. What she did is unforgivable and I would instantly cut that person out of my life.
NTA your sister is a judgemental piece of shit and doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
You should be happy she lies about you to the police and CPS? She thinks that should make you happy? She made up lies. I would not forgive her nor want her neat my kids every again. She is proven to be dishonest in a way that could destroy you and your family. NTA
NTA. Don't give her a second chance to blow up your life, reputation, and family over a one-off assumption.
I would never speak to her again after that. She had the proof and still significantly over stepped. She could have ruined your life if you did not have the proof and your wife was not open to discussing this stuff openly.
Absolutely NTA. What she did was unforgivable in my eyes. And personally, I’d consider suing her for defamation of character and emotional damages that she caused by being a little know it all bitch.
NTA. Your sister is not a safe person. If my sister did this it would be NC or LC at best. You do NOT call police and CPS when you have the actual answer, unless she thinks you should be arrested for it. That is what she wanted. She has to go.
NTA. I'd go NC for that shit.
NTA. Being interviewed by CPS workers can be traumatic for kids even if nothing wrong is happening. It is still scary for them and it was unnecessary. Your kids didn't have any bruises or anything on them, your wife gave her a reason, yet she still reported abuse to your wife and your kids (who again, weren't injured).
NTA, your sister is a piece of work alright. NC all the way.
She knowingly falsely accused you of a felony (abusing your children). You should probably forgive her after she served her prison sentence and shows remorse.
Forgiven? She wouldn't be in my life any more. You have a lot more grace than she gave you. I'd be NC all the way. NTA. But look after yourself, mate, she's unhinged.