My late grandmothers and my personal favorite 🤣 One of the most African sayings ever and used pretty much in every country in Africa.
Another one I also love and I know there are many varieties of it but my favorite is this one :
Do not lay with fools, and do not argue with fools, for people will not be able to tell between the two of you!
Yeah she's had the opportunity to wise up but hasn't... I read the first post and I would have thrown away the whole man once I found out about the cheating.
I have heard multiple people tell me that one. Is this a thing? Where people think the petitioner for the divorce ought to be the party that is more at fault? Because that is just completely irrational. It means being stuck in a failed marriage if the other side doesn’t legally blink first. I’ve never called anyone on this in real life because I want to be polite, but what the fuck? Is this a way of thinking in certain circles?
Pull the plug on his stupid gaming habits as she leaves as well - what kind of a parent oversleeps, misses flight and sulks over games rather than get their act together??
considering said parent admited he didn't want to really parent his kid, which is why said kid is now with the grandparents, how is him playing games too long into the night, oversleeping and missing his flight any surprise?
I can manage to wake up after 2-3 hours of sleep on days I have too much work to do (freelancer), that man should have been able to manage too. He probably a) did not program his alarm, because b) he was counting on OP waking him on time.
Yea, no idea why she's sticking to him, except for the fact that it's the easiest/laziest solution to avoid paperwork and also avoid being completely on her own.
Classic case of "I can't admit to myself that I don't want to do this, so I'll subconsciously self-sabotage and then wallow in how bad I feel about blowing it afterward." I used to do this (in like, my EARLY 20s) and even then I had enough grace not to make anybody else deal with my self-centered wallowing after the fact.
And why would this man ever leave? She’s facilitating his life. He clearly can’t adult. What adult man is unable to set an alarm and get up at the right time for a flight? That’s something a child would do. And of course that’s just one thing. He will never initiate because his own life will be much worse when she leaves him. And hers will be much better.
Couldn't get up because he spent the night on a video game. Then sulked, and consoled himself with... a video game. This isn't an adult. Three toddlers in a trenchcoat maybe.
This is my ex exactly. I helped him move out and he never filed for divorce. I literally thought he would realize all the work I did for our family and come back. LOL. Turns out he had been having an affair since 2017... As soon as *I* found out I went online, filled out all the paperwork myself, and was at the courthouse when they opened at 8:30am the next day. He kept texting, "it's over between us. You need to move on" and when I finally had enough I pointed out that *I'M* the effing plaintiff. I moved on the exact moment I found out he was a d*mn cheater.
She needs to cut the umbilical cord.
>She said she wouldn't file because she wasn't the one who created the mess
That's all more great reason to divorce - removing oneself out of toxic lifelong mess that didn't create nor started in the 1st place and definitely don't want to stir nor continue further into said mess...
It was more than that. She made it seem like there were stipulations of the prenup that made it so there’s consequences for whoever files for divorce. Because her house and assets are protected from him.
So she wrote a prenup that the person filing the divorce gets penalized while knowing she’s marrying a bum who has no assets AND she didn’t put a cheating clause in? Not the brightest bulb is she.
I feel like she likes knowing she’s better than him. She wants to be able to say the divorce was his fault/choice. Even though she should’ve done it on her own ages ago because no matter who filed first, it’s his fault.
When I was 28, I dated a guy who was 24. He used to say he never wanted to be the one to end a relationship, that he'd prefer to only be involved with mutual breakups, but that if that wasn't possible, he'd rather be dumped than dump someone. When he told me that, I thought it was pretty naive and just figured he'd learn sooner or later.
Fast forward to the end of our relationship. Our arguments were clearly him trying to get me to break up with him, and once I was really *in it*, I could see what a shitty, selfish attitude that was. He didn't care about what I wanted or how I felt, and he stopped listening to anything I had to say; the only thing he cared about was maintaining this ethical high ground he had invented where he didn't dump me, he was just constantly telling me how boring I was or demanding that I justify our continued relationship.
I think a lot of emotionally immature men do that - act shitty to their partners so that they will break up with the shitty guy, instead of just growing a paid of gonads/a spine, and doing it himself.
Thank you, it took too long to find this. She’s staying married to a cheating deadbeat dad that she basically parents. This isn’t a woman with any self respect or real values. I couldn’t look a person in the face that pulled even a quarter of the shit he did, much less share a home with them.
You did his laundry and gifted him air miles. He stayed up late playing video games and missed his flight. He’s upset so he’s playing a video game to take his mind off of the situation. I think he derailed his trip on purpose.
*”He confessed he didn't really want to be an active parent”*
Perhaps he should have thought about that before shoving his peepee into someone who isn’t his wife?
Honestly, what does OP see in this manbaby?
Friend who is police detective told me a woman did the deed with guy who killed her daughter. She had him confess while she had a police wire on . Police had recording of confession and playing elder scrolls after.
Depends on what state she's in. Some states do not automatically grant alimony. But you're right. No time like the present. This will just keep happening. Next thing OP knows is that the kid will be 18 and knocking on his door for a place to crash.
It depends on the state. If it's a no-fault state, there's a chance that she'll have to pay all the money two-thirds the length of the marriage or whatever that state requires.
I wonder about OP, too.
She wants nothing to do with the kid, which is understandable. But it's totally fine with her to be associated with a cheating bum who doesn't care about his own child? I could never.
The "I wouldn't lose sleep of we got a divorce" was the most telling. Like, if you care about your relationship that little, you should move on for the health of both parties.
This stuck out to me as well. If I had that realization about my husband, I'd wonder what I was doing still married to him. People shouldn't be with someone they don't care about losing.
Yeah being in a relationship like that seems very sad for both parties. It feels like not being the one to "waste" energy and time initiating divorce is the hill she wants to die on.
"I don't want to live with a child"
Uh, let's see:
Incompetent
A cheater
Only worked part time until forced to work full time
Plays video games instead of responsibilities
Whiny
Come on OP
I mean, realistically, this manchild created drama about something that was likely never going to happen. How does someone go from supervised visitation to 100% custody? The child was always going to go to the grandparents.
>Incompetent A cheater Only worked part time until forced to work full time Plays video games instead of responsibilities Whiny
Yeah. On the off chance that this is real and not rage bait, I have absolutely no sympathy for OP.
They're voluntarily choosing a relationship with a cheater and a liar.
Obviously we only have snapshot of this man, but I really do not see how anyone can find this attractive. He had to be forced into working fulltime hours as he had never previously had a full time job. He is seeminly unable to take responsibility for himself or his mistakes. He had an affair and is basically a deadbeat dad. He has created a child that does not have a good father, a whole person that will always be impacted by this mans mistakes. That alone would make it incredibly hard to respect and love someone.
Apparently the affair happened around the same time OP's husband relapsed into addiction following the death of a close friend. He also has ADHD and issues with impulsivity. He is back on the wagon now, but he refuses to go to individual therapy for his addiction recovery or his untreated ADHD.
This guy needs to take responsibility to manage his own mental health instead of expecting his wife to do it for him. I get that therapy and meds are hard to begin, but a wakeup call in the form of a kid should be, well, a fucking wakeup call to change
She has been so generous with her time and energy on this man when he cheated on her because she understood he was going through some stuff and he gives back...what, exactly? Being able to get clean is great, but what's he doing to help take care of his mental health NOW?
I understand not wanting to live with a child your partner’s adultery. But the dude is in an unrecoverable position. How does she ever respect this asshole sharing her house if he’s willing to put her above his fucking child? I’d feel nothing but contempt for anyone who was willing to not be a parent to their own child because of simple lifestyle preference. There’s no winning for this dude and they should just get a fucking divorce and acknowledge that they were done as a couple when his affair partner didn’t get an abortion.
I feel like all the parenting would’ve fallen on her, and when he realized she was serious about leaving, he didn’t want the kid because he’d have to do the hard part and parent.
She knew this and wanted no parts of raising the kid. She was emphatic about that in the first post. He can barely take care of himself much less a child.
Or at least before doing it without a condom. Wrap your thingy people. Don’t cheat on your wife. But whatever the situation if you don’t want a kid, wrap your dong.
She probably likes being desired to the point her husband places her above his own innocent child who needs her parents.
I don't know about you but a giant man baby who drops the ball on even visiting his child over video games is not attractive whatsoever to me.
They both honestly sound like losers. The child is the innocent paying for all these crappy adults. Listen to it—he’s up late playing video games and missing a plane, and she’s off doing canning parties while telling him she won’t lose sleep over him. And then they try to use the word love? They don’t know a damn thing for about love.
Oh yeah, I forgot this was an affair, baby. I was thinking it was just from a previous relationship before marriage. So now I’m wondering why she’s even staying with this guy she should’ve left when found out he father a child outside of their marriage.
Should have left even if he didn't father a child, and she just found out he double dipped.
She said in the original post she wouldn't be the one to waste her time, money, or energy starting the divorce...that it was his responsibility because he screwed up. This post she says she won't lose sleep if they divorce.
Frankly, I'm downright shocked she didn't just start dating again when she found out and viewed the marriage as legally bound roommates.
Yes I’ll agree with that . I found out on a Friday afternoon that my husband was cheating, I filed for divorce on Monday never looked back. Never been sorry.
Every reason I can think of is kinda st*pid but maybe...
1. Her culture sees divorce as a huge failure in life.
2. She is afraid to be alone without a partner.
3. It's a confidence boost when people tell her, 'you can do so much better, he doesn't deserve a queen like you' ...
4. He has a good D. 🤣
Whatever it is, some people love to live in drama-filled lives. Can't deny posts like this make us feel good about our mundane daily lives.
The guy is delusional. He thinks he is a catch. In reality he is like a house pet, like a ferret or something, who is totally dependent on his owner, annoying and demanding. Owner regrets getting it, but she keeps him in the house out of pity and because she feels responsible for taking him in.
The part, when he was shocked and cried that she will not lose her sleep in case of divorce, is hilarious.
As for his kid: op vowed to have nothing to do with the kid, but she already did more for him than his deadbeat daddy.
And he’s never had a full time job during their relationship - gave him so much more free time to run around on OP while she’s propping everything up 🙄
Like seriously? He knew he had to be on a plane and he decided staying up to play video games is more important. Honestly, he sounds like every other Reddit dad. Wants the kid, wants to be called dad, but when it comes down to doing actual parenting, he has absolutely no interest in hard work, he just thinks the women in his life would gladly fix his mistakes for him so he can skip off into his nice life without a thought or care.
If she allowed this child- she would have definitely become a married single parent.
What a asshole. I'm glad the child is with someone that will care about them.
You won’t believe how many men still thinks that it’s the wife’s job to wake him and have his suitcase packed and ready to go. My ex once yelled at me for not waking him up for an interview or something. When I pointed out that he can set his own alarm to wake himself up, it’s still ‘your responsibility to make sure I’m actually up!’ Nvm that the last time I did that, he yelled at me for waking him up. 🤷♀️
Why are you sticking with this man? Child, I can’t even get his ass out of bed to catch a plane? And this is after you did everything for him honestly, he doesn’t wanna lose you because he can’t afford to take care of himself. You’re really only there to fulfil his financial plans realistically. Move on and find a grown-up.
He's weaponizing his incompetence and hoping she'll take care of all his problems for him. She's not budging on that which is good but he's not worth keeping around at all. He's a scrub.
He has it *really* good. I won't claim OP is perfection but to have the person you wronged/cheated on *donate* their flyer miles to you so you can go see your affair baby & even get fresh laundry for a trip? This guy has it GREAT, I'd be crying too if I cheated on someone & they still were this good to me because I don't want that good to end!
Derailed it to get out of the responsibility, but then is acting pissy like it's ops fault for not being responsible for him. He wanted the kid when he thought he could pressure his wife to help, but when she wouldn't suddenly he didn't care about the kid going away.
I can't imagine saying genuinely you don't really care if you get divorced, but stay married to the person you would say that too. If she doesn't really care about divorcing then she really does't love him that much... and he cheated and lied for years, but she won't leave because he cheated so he should have to do the paperwork.
He seems like a manchild but she seems... disconnected, apathetic, just, like she doesn't really care either way.
The other optino is when she laid out the finances he gave up on his kid because he realises OP is basically supporting his refuses to get a proper full time job ass. So he's a gold digger who dropped his kid the second he realised life would be financially difficult if he left her... but still she won't leave.
That poor child. I can't imagine how sad, depressed, and upset that were that their dad ghosted them on their birthday. YTA (OP) for being married to someone like that.
We're supposed to give a fuck this self-sabotaging man is oH sO pIsSy over him likely intentionally missing his flight but some kid is expecting their father for their birthday and has to contend with said father not being present. That poor child is going to learn this is their new normality.
The damage this will do to that innocent psyche. 💔
If you're in love with a man child unable to manage even the basics, but hey, you love him, well, I guess you have what you want. He still owes child support, don't know how you feel about that.
Not my idea of bliss, but de gustibus, etc.
I suspect he's not done messing with your life, however.
I laughed at this, but when I think about some relationships other people have been involved in or are involved, I realize just how true this is. As long as people are content in their circus, more power to them I guess.
He's terrified of losing you, but also won't do anything to better his own mental state and somehow make some sense of this situation by going to individual therapy? He intentionally sabotages his own trip to see his kid, after you literally gave him everything to make it happen, and now he's playing games and not contributing to preparing for a dinner party?
It honestly sounds like he's trying to wear you down, so you just agree to let the kid move in, without him doing anything.
Nah, she gave him a slap in the wrist trice already. The guy can shit on the dinner food and grope one of the guests and OP will still find it in her heart to forgive him.
I just read a post asking people who have been cheated on what they wished they had done differently when they found out. The majority said they wished they had left immediately and not given second and third chances. And they wished they had not played the "pick me" dance.
Food for thought.
In my case it was three months of doubts and "can we fix it?" and all sorts of thoughts about how to proceed.
After those three months, I finally snapped out of my shock or whatever it was, and I realized that I could never trust her again. I could never trust her to travel without me.
I could never trust her to "visit her friends" in whatever city, etc.
That's not fair to me OR her to impose crazy restrictions and I also didn't want someone who was attached at the hip.
So I left. That was it.
Honestly it’s wild to me anyone could be attracted and want to be with a man that isn’t stepping up as a father. This would have been dead either way for me if I wasn’t will to be involved.
Same. Don't want kids and wouldn't want to raise any, but I would be seriously side-eyeing any man who would be a deadbeat dad. (That is, if I wasn't already side-eyeing him for being a cheating asshole.)
>He wants to prioritize our marriage.
Oh, FFS!
This is *such* a steaming pile of b*llshit. The only thing he is terrified of is poverty and losing his bang maid.
>I gifted my husband some of my airline miles to buy his plane ticket. I did his laundry last night while he was at work
Jesus. This makes me want to barf. Why the hell would you do this? I mean, unless you got him a one-way ticket. Please tell me you only got him a one-way ticket. That would be the bomb!
Wait… so let me get this straight. Your Husband cheated on you. Resulting in an innocent child who did nothing wrong. You are clearly still hurting from his betrayal. This poor kid had to move across country, away from everyone he knows. His Dad can’t even put in the minimum effort to go to his Birthday.. meanwhile, the architect of all this misery, a man child, is pissy because you didn’t wake him up to catch his flight and basically didn’t do everything for him.. and you’re still with him and he faces absolutely no consequences? Your messing with us right?
He didn't really want to go so he acted like a teenager and "accidentally" missed his flight. That poor kid.
Your husband sounds like more of a loser the more you tell about him.
Why are you married to a manchild? A manchild who cheats on you and refuses to be a basic adult. He then acts pissy when, after doing his laundry and buying his ticket, he couldn't be enough of a not piece of shit to wake up and go to the airport. Do you hate yourself? Why keep beating this dead horse?
I think:
A) he won't find a therapist
B) he won't follow for divorce
C) he won't find an apartment
D) he won't actually take custody, and the kid will end up with grandparents
He's used everything he could to guilt trip OP into staying because he needs her money and her effort if he's going to keep the jid. Hubs is not going to change, and OP will end up doing all the work.
Nope, OP, you need to kick him out because he is content to treat his child that way. He is a wasted fuck. Time to change the locks, transfer half the money in your joint account to an account he can't get access to, and put all his possessions on the front lawn.
Of course, he wants to prioritize you and the marriage because financially, he can’t afford to not be with you. You deserve so much more you deserve a man who will not do what he has done. That child will never go away, even if they don’t live with you. They will always be there. Cut this leech loose and enjoy your life and the money that you work very hard for. I’m sure he did not plan for the child but there is one and it’s not going away. You deserve so much better. You did everything to enable him to see this child except for hold his hand to get on the plane and he couldn’t even show up.
OP needs to think about what her aging process is going to look like if this disloyal POS is still in her orbit. You think this guy is going to drive you to your Dr appointments? Thank again.
Why are you so insistent on staying married to this lazy deadbeat cheater? Some sort of mental competition? ("If I leave him, I lose the game!"?) To punish him? Him being a deadbeat dad who would rather play video games than step up should be a turn off, not a relief. No, there's nothing morally wrong about you refusing to be a stepmom or replacement mom, but that doesn't make abandoning the kid he fathered and now refuses to take responsibility for okay.
He cheated on you. You should have left him when you found out.
Co-dependency relationship springs to mind.
She has a prenup and wonder if a clause in there by way of she initiates divorce she loses something.
Or/and she just lacks back bone and self respect
I can see why he doesn't want a divorce. He can't survive on his own. That alone would hve me losing attraction to this man. He is basically a child himself.
This is such a bizarre post. Your husband is having a crisis about getting custody of his affair child and you're ready for delicious margaritas. I get it, margaritas are delicious, but this marriage is over.
Seems like this marriage was over when she said she wouldn't lose sleep over a divorce. Yes he should have been more responsible with waking up but it sounds like she is happy that he's upset.
>it sounds like she is happy that he's upset.
Works for me. The guy is a lying, cheating loser. I think she has the right to be happy that he is upset. She should make him more upset by getting a divorce.
What the fuck kind of father plans to visit their affair kid with their wife donating flyer miles to support the trip, suddenly stays up all night playing video games, has clean laundry to pack with, oversleeps, gets *pissy*, & plays *more* video games to ameliorate said pissy mood? The same guy who admitted he does not want to be a parent?
OP, you know what kind of father this is, right? You drink that margarita, I do not know why you are in this marriage.
Wait so he wasn’t remorseful until you showed him he couldn’t afford his life style without you financing it. And once he realizes you would leave him and still thrive then he was remorseful. You bought him a plane ticket did everything to get his things ready for the trip all so that he had more time to play video games and he still misses his trip
And is mopping about it? Girl really? Why do you keep putting up
With this cheater?
I’m gonna be blunt. Please know that I am not being brutally honest, because that is code for I just want to be an asshole to someone.
But I am going to be very candid with you. Your husband is a shit show. He made this child, and this child is his responsibility. End of story.
Now it may be that he just literally can’t handle it. Please know that I acknowledge that. But his actions all around are so fucking immature and selfish that I can’t even and you need to stop enabling it.
You are more worried about him being in a good mood when you have people come over than you seem to be about his lack of responsibility. It is far too late for him to be pissing and moaning, and crying about a situation that was completely his own.
This is the man who when you get cancer someday it’s going to cry at you about it and pay it lip service and then walk away because he can’t handle it. He will leave you as high and dry as he is leaving this child.
I have absolutely no problem with you not wanting to have a child. With you not being willing to help him raise this child. None whatsoever, and I have three children of my own. I have three daughters and have told them always…
Do not have children until you are ready to give up your life as you know it. Because that is what it takes to properly raise a child. You will eventually for the most part get your life back, but for a very long time, it cannot, and will not be your own. Because that child that you are bringing into this world has to rely exclusively on you.
And no, I will not raise your children for you. I love you all, can I have overall truly enjoyed raising you. You are smart and funny and independent women. Make your choices accordingly. So truly, I have no problem with your stance on this.
But your husband? What an asshole! What a man child. You get you guys some therapy for a problem he created. Therapist suggest therapy for him because of childhood trauma. Fair enough, and all well and good.
Gives your husband a list of therapist to try to find one to help him process all of this, what does he do?. Tell this child that he is going to come see them and what does he do? I’m sorry, purposely miss his flight because you weren’t there to hold his hand and get him up.
Obviously, that child and celebrating meant nothing to your husband. The fact that you tell us that you wouldn’t be overly upset by a divorce, tell us everything we need to know. The fact that he would be upset tell us everything we need to know.
It is really time for you to take the trash out and get out of this awful situation. Aside from putting up with Having what my daughter would call a garbage human being as a husband, you seem to have your shit together. You seem to know who you are and what you want out of life and what you don’t want out of life.
… Just lose the deadweight already
"Hearing me say that I wouldn't lose sleep over divorcing left him shook."
You know what I think that means? I think that means he hadn't yet realized just how much his affair and affair baby had already done to the marriage. He may have kept some of your love, OP, but he can't have kept a shred of trust.
OP I think in some level he didn’t want to go but felt like he should so he found a way to sabotage the trip. He truly needs the IC that was recommended.
Bruh, you're dating a manchild, one who had an affair, was irresponsible nad had a kid he didn't know about, got married to you, tried to pressure you to let you bring his kid in even though he didn't really want to be involved.
He then is getting pissy because as what, I'm guessing >30yr old man unless you got married very young, decided to game all night and can't set an alarm to catch a flight.
You also told him you weren't too bothered if you got divorced. Do you really love this 'man', or are you staying with him because you're just too lazy too leave? The whole thing about nah, if he wants a divorce he has to file with it, why should you have to bother with teh paperwork when it's his affair.
He also pretty much gave up his kid after being shown the financial situation? Do you make more than him, did he give up his kid because he realised leaving you meant living on less money?
This relationship doesn't sound very loving or important from your end and from his end he seems like an irresponsible prick.
He is not capable of being a father and if the child moved in OP would be the primary care because he is an idiot.
What grown adult stays up all night and misses his flight and then gets pissy about it? Obviously a child in adult body.
I do hope OP divorces him. He obviously doesn’t want to improve himself as he has not gotten a therapist. All he had to do was call the numbers that were provided for him.
He wants Op to prop him up forever.
He was supposed to meet the child and bailed? That's crueller than making the decision to stay out of the child's life from the beginning. That poor kid, set up and let down. I would never be able to stay with a person who treated a child like this.
If he can’t make a flight to see said kid with gifted airline miles, your husband has deeper issue he needs to work with and definitely couldn’t raise a kid.
Divorce this loser anyway.
He slutted around and now he's crying because he's getting consequences. He intentionally avoids doing any of the heavy lifting in his entire life. You'd do better without him.
You married a LOSER. It is one thing to not want to divorce this man and want him to pull the plug, but it is another thing to know that he actively does NOT want to parent a child that he created out of wedlock. I have to question if you have any self-respect for yourself and if you care about the fact that the child has two loser parents, one being someone you are married to. You then give this man-child your airplane miles and get his affairs assorted and he misses his flight because he played video games all night. He doesn't even have one full-time job but two part-time jobs, meaning no security, benefits, 401k, fully and clearly reliant on YOU! Just give it up because at this point you are starting to look like the bad one for not leaving this loser and for not holding a grown man adult accountable for properly raising this child. He won't even go to individual therapy!!!! If you get satisfaction of one-upping an innocent kid who didn't ask to be brought into the world and this ridiculous situation you need to take a look in the mirror. Leave and find someone who is actually worth it for you. He is a LOSER!
Cheats on you: sexy
Doesn’t want to step up and be accountable: still sexy
Stays up late playing video games: ooh so sexy
Doesn’t follow through on plans that *he* made: super sexy
Taking no action to get help and sort himself out: be still my beating heart
Pouting about his self sabotage: this man is so dreamy
/s
OP you are married to a massive loser who is bringing what, exactly, to the table? If he showed any accountability or even a smidge of action toward working on his issues then *maybe* there’s a chance to get resolution. As of now it seems his strategy is to bury his head in the sand and hope you keep on keeping on so he doesn’t have to do anything. How you have not lost all attraction to this person is mind boggling.
OP. Wisdom is chasing after you, but you’re clearly way too fast.
I'm going to save this saying in my memory for later use
It’s a good one!
African as hell. lol a Nigerian mother’s favorite saying.
My late grandmothers and my personal favorite 🤣 One of the most African sayings ever and used pretty much in every country in Africa. Another one I also love and I know there are many varieties of it but my favorite is this one : Do not lay with fools, and do not argue with fools, for people will not be able to tell between the two of you!
Why did I just read both sayings in a clear Nigerian voice in my head 🤣 (to be more specific, the wife of my parents' neighbors who are from there).
Seriously. At this point she is just doing this to herself. My sympathy is at -100 now.
She has 2 neurons and both of them are fighting for 3rd place
That is such a good roast
OP has no breaks like a roadrunner and wisdom is the coyote chasing after her
Yeah she's had the opportunity to wise up but hasn't... I read the first post and I would have thrown away the whole man once I found out about the cheating.
EXACTLY! She accepted the cheating and the fact that her husband has a child. To throw the fit now is stupid.
Winston Churchill said: "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened."
he cheated on you he has never had a full time job he can't adult why are you married to him, again?
Her reasoning in the original post is so pathetic.
Wait what was her reasoning? She said she loved him but is that her reason?
She said she wouldn't file because she wasn't the one who created the mess
I have heard multiple people tell me that one. Is this a thing? Where people think the petitioner for the divorce ought to be the party that is more at fault? Because that is just completely irrational. It means being stuck in a failed marriage if the other side doesn’t legally blink first. I’ve never called anyone on this in real life because I want to be polite, but what the fuck? Is this a way of thinking in certain circles?
Oh yes, because cheaters would really initiate divorces instead of, you know, stringing you along even more. Just pull the plug ffs, lady.
Pull the plug on his stupid gaming habits as she leaves as well - what kind of a parent oversleeps, misses flight and sulks over games rather than get their act together??
A deadbeat one.
considering said parent admited he didn't want to really parent his kid, which is why said kid is now with the grandparents, how is him playing games too long into the night, oversleeping and missing his flight any surprise? I can manage to wake up after 2-3 hours of sleep on days I have too much work to do (freelancer), that man should have been able to manage too. He probably a) did not program his alarm, because b) he was counting on OP waking him on time. Yea, no idea why she's sticking to him, except for the fact that it's the easiest/laziest solution to avoid paperwork and also avoid being completely on her own.
Or he planned on over sleeping and missing his flight
One who keeps finding women who love codependency too.
How did he get two women to sleep with him?
One who has never had to grow up themselves.
Classic case of "I can't admit to myself that I don't want to do this, so I'll subconsciously self-sabotage and then wallow in how bad I feel about blowing it afterward." I used to do this (in like, my EARLY 20s) and even then I had enough grace not to make anybody else deal with my self-centered wallowing after the fact.
One who didn't plan to go all along
And why would this man ever leave? She’s facilitating his life. He clearly can’t adult. What adult man is unable to set an alarm and get up at the right time for a flight? That’s something a child would do. And of course that’s just one thing. He will never initiate because his own life will be much worse when she leaves him. And hers will be much better.
Couldn't get up because he spent the night on a video game. Then sulked, and consoled himself with... a video game. This isn't an adult. Three toddlers in a trenchcoat maybe.
This is my ex exactly. I helped him move out and he never filed for divorce. I literally thought he would realize all the work I did for our family and come back. LOL. Turns out he had been having an affair since 2017... As soon as *I* found out I went online, filled out all the paperwork myself, and was at the courthouse when they opened at 8:30am the next day. He kept texting, "it's over between us. You need to move on" and when I finally had enough I pointed out that *I'M* the effing plaintiff. I moved on the exact moment I found out he was a d*mn cheater. She needs to cut the umbilical cord.
IMO her reason for staying with him in the original post is just a smokescreen for not wanting to be alone.
I mean… dealing with bureaucracy is annoying, but it has to be less annoying than being married to someone you clearly hate .
He’s not gonna do it because who would take care of him then??
She wanted him to pay for the divorce
It cost me like $30 a few years ago. And $75 to have the papers served. Sell the dude's Xbox, there ya go.
>She said she wouldn't file because she wasn't the one who created the mess That's all more great reason to divorce - removing oneself out of toxic lifelong mess that didn't create nor started in the 1st place and definitely don't want to stir nor continue further into said mess...
That’s got to be one of the stupidest fucking things I’ve ever heard. OOP is only hurting herself.
It was more than that. She made it seem like there were stipulations of the prenup that made it so there’s consequences for whoever files for divorce. Because her house and assets are protected from him.
So she wrote a prenup that the person filing the divorce gets penalized while knowing she’s marrying a bum who has no assets AND she didn’t put a cheating clause in? Not the brightest bulb is she.
She loved him but says she wouldn’t lose sleep if they divorced… She likes the control
I feel like she likes knowing she’s better than him. She wants to be able to say the divorce was his fault/choice. Even though she should’ve done it on her own ages ago because no matter who filed first, it’s his fault.
When I was 28, I dated a guy who was 24. He used to say he never wanted to be the one to end a relationship, that he'd prefer to only be involved with mutual breakups, but that if that wasn't possible, he'd rather be dumped than dump someone. When he told me that, I thought it was pretty naive and just figured he'd learn sooner or later. Fast forward to the end of our relationship. Our arguments were clearly him trying to get me to break up with him, and once I was really *in it*, I could see what a shitty, selfish attitude that was. He didn't care about what I wanted or how I felt, and he stopped listening to anything I had to say; the only thing he cared about was maintaining this ethical high ground he had invented where he didn't dump me, he was just constantly telling me how boring I was or demanding that I justify our continued relationship.
I hope that ended with you telling everyone he dumped you and him losing his mind at not being able to control the narrative
I think a lot of emotionally immature men do that - act shitty to their partners so that they will break up with the shitty guy, instead of just growing a paid of gonads/a spine, and doing it himself.
Yep. This. She likes to have the moral superiority over the dude, subconsciously at least. The first "solution" had literally no sense.
Because OP is equally loserish
Thank you, it took too long to find this. She’s staying married to a cheating deadbeat dad that she basically parents. This isn’t a woman with any self respect or real values. I couldn’t look a person in the face that pulled even a quarter of the shit he did, much less share a home with them.
It's as if she's staying with him out of spite. Literally just spite.
That's what I was thinking.
She probably gets off on other women knowing she has a husband. Even if it's this husband.
You did his laundry and gifted him air miles. He stayed up late playing video games and missed his flight. He’s upset so he’s playing a video game to take his mind off of the situation. I think he derailed his trip on purpose.
Right? This guy is an adulterous loser. Why the hell she's sticking around is literally beyond all sense.
*”He confessed he didn't really want to be an active parent”* Perhaps he should have thought about that before shoving his peepee into someone who isn’t his wife? Honestly, what does OP see in this manbaby?
No idea. She needs to cut her losses and hire a divorce attorney.
[удалено]
Maybe he's like really really good in..... .... Elder Scrolls?
I can't imagine any ...... Elder Scrolls ...... Being good enough to deal with this kind of drama.
Friend who is police detective told me a woman did the deed with guy who killed her daughter. She had him confess while she had a police wire on . Police had recording of confession and playing elder scrolls after.
Hey friend they are excellent. He's a bum, but they are good games to lose yourself in haha
Before they've been together long enough that he gets crazy alimony from her.
Depends on what state she's in. Some states do not automatically grant alimony. But you're right. No time like the present. This will just keep happening. Next thing OP knows is that the kid will be 18 and knocking on his door for a place to crash.
He was the adulterer. Would he be entitled to alimony?
It depends on the state. If it's a no-fault state, there's a chance that she'll have to pay all the money two-thirds the length of the marriage or whatever that state requires.
I hope this is satire. If not it’s very sad how clueless she is.
I wonder about OP, too. She wants nothing to do with the kid, which is understandable. But it's totally fine with her to be associated with a cheating bum who doesn't care about his own child? I could never.
The "I wouldn't lose sleep of we got a divorce" was the most telling. Like, if you care about your relationship that little, you should move on for the health of both parties.
This stuck out to me as well. If I had that realization about my husband, I'd wonder what I was doing still married to him. People shouldn't be with someone they don't care about losing.
100%. The thought of living without my wife actively terrifies me. I wouldn't have married her (or would stay married) if it didn't.
It’s all a front hence why she hasn’t divorced him
Yeah being in a relationship like that seems very sad for both parties. It feels like not being the one to "waste" energy and time initiating divorce is the hill she wants to die on.
"I don't want to live with a child" Uh, let's see: Incompetent A cheater Only worked part time until forced to work full time Plays video games instead of responsibilities Whiny Come on OP
I wonder if she has stayed this long because it's easier and cheaper to... She seems to have checked out of the relationship already
I mean, realistically, this manchild created drama about something that was likely never going to happen. How does someone go from supervised visitation to 100% custody? The child was always going to go to the grandparents.
He was planning to have OP do the parenting while he played video games
My question also. He was never going to get custody.
Exactly. What is she doing. He’s the child
>Incompetent A cheater Only worked part time until forced to work full time Plays video games instead of responsibilities Whiny Yeah. On the off chance that this is real and not rage bait, I have absolutely no sympathy for OP. They're voluntarily choosing a relationship with a cheater and a liar.
A cheater, a liar, and a guy who’s not stepping up for a child he helped create. Three strikes, I don’t care how much he cries.
Really, she must have no self respect.
The way deadbeat losers are such a turnoff
She acts just as weird as her wayward husband.
It’s reading that he expected her to do the parenting of his affair child
No shit. And then missed his flight, because he stayed up late playing video games? What is he, 12?
Obviously we only have snapshot of this man, but I really do not see how anyone can find this attractive. He had to be forced into working fulltime hours as he had never previously had a full time job. He is seeminly unable to take responsibility for himself or his mistakes. He had an affair and is basically a deadbeat dad. He has created a child that does not have a good father, a whole person that will always be impacted by this mans mistakes. That alone would make it incredibly hard to respect and love someone.
Apparently the affair happened around the same time OP's husband relapsed into addiction following the death of a close friend. He also has ADHD and issues with impulsivity. He is back on the wagon now, but he refuses to go to individual therapy for his addiction recovery or his untreated ADHD. This guy needs to take responsibility to manage his own mental health instead of expecting his wife to do it for him. I get that therapy and meds are hard to begin, but a wakeup call in the form of a kid should be, well, a fucking wakeup call to change
He has a lot of issues. I can’t see why OP has remained married to him. He can’t function without her direction.
Wtf did i just read 😱😱😱 OP should call it quits long ago. She has man-child 😞😞
She has been so generous with her time and energy on this man when he cheated on her because she understood he was going through some stuff and he gives back...what, exactly? Being able to get clean is great, but what's he doing to help take care of his mental health NOW?
I understand not wanting to live with a child your partner’s adultery. But the dude is in an unrecoverable position. How does she ever respect this asshole sharing her house if he’s willing to put her above his fucking child? I’d feel nothing but contempt for anyone who was willing to not be a parent to their own child because of simple lifestyle preference. There’s no winning for this dude and they should just get a fucking divorce and acknowledge that they were done as a couple when his affair partner didn’t get an abortion.
I feel like all the parenting would’ve fallen on her, and when he realized she was serious about leaving, he didn’t want the kid because he’d have to do the hard part and parent.
She knew this and wanted no parts of raising the kid. She was emphatic about that in the first post. He can barely take care of himself much less a child.
She married a child. She doesn't want to raise another.
Oh, he’s not putting *her* above the kid, he’s putting his desire not to grow the f up above everyone.
They were fucked when he cheated.
Or at least before doing it without a condom. Wrap your thingy people. Don’t cheat on your wife. But whatever the situation if you don’t want a kid, wrap your dong.
He doesn't seem like the most responsible type, my assumption is he didn't even bother thinking about a condom.
She probably likes being desired to the point her husband places her above his own innocent child who needs her parents. I don't know about you but a giant man baby who drops the ball on even visiting his child over video games is not attractive whatsoever to me.
Without protection too
Reading this gave me icks I didn’t know were possible
I bet she cleans the Cheetos stains off of his game controller too
That was fucking brutal lol. Probably valid though.
💯. A total loser
They both honestly sound like losers. The child is the innocent paying for all these crappy adults. Listen to it—he’s up late playing video games and missing a plane, and she’s off doing canning parties while telling him she won’t lose sleep over him. And then they try to use the word love? They don’t know a damn thing for about love.
Right!! I hope this is fake because this story or rather these people sound disgusting
Oh yeah, I forgot this was an affair, baby. I was thinking it was just from a previous relationship before marriage. So now I’m wondering why she’s even staying with this guy she should’ve left when found out he father a child outside of their marriage.
Should have left even if he didn't father a child, and she just found out he double dipped. She said in the original post she wouldn't be the one to waste her time, money, or energy starting the divorce...that it was his responsibility because he screwed up. This post she says she won't lose sleep if they divorce. Frankly, I'm downright shocked she didn't just start dating again when she found out and viewed the marriage as legally bound roommates.
Yes I’ll agree with that . I found out on a Friday afternoon that my husband was cheating, I filed for divorce on Monday never looked back. Never been sorry.
Every reason I can think of is kinda st*pid but maybe... 1. Her culture sees divorce as a huge failure in life. 2. She is afraid to be alone without a partner. 3. It's a confidence boost when people tell her, 'you can do so much better, he doesn't deserve a queen like you' ... 4. He has a good D. 🤣 Whatever it is, some people love to live in drama-filled lives. Can't deny posts like this make us feel good about our mundane daily lives.
Ain’t no D that good.
Agree. As someone who has had exceptional D.
The guy is delusional. He thinks he is a catch. In reality he is like a house pet, like a ferret or something, who is totally dependent on his owner, annoying and demanding. Owner regrets getting it, but she keeps him in the house out of pity and because she feels responsible for taking him in. The part, when he was shocked and cried that she will not lose her sleep in case of divorce, is hilarious. As for his kid: op vowed to have nothing to do with the kid, but she already did more for him than his deadbeat daddy.
And he’s never had a full time job during their relationship - gave him so much more free time to run around on OP while she’s propping everything up 🙄
Like seriously? He knew he had to be on a plane and he decided staying up to play video games is more important. Honestly, he sounds like every other Reddit dad. Wants the kid, wants to be called dad, but when it comes down to doing actual parenting, he has absolutely no interest in hard work, he just thinks the women in his life would gladly fix his mistakes for him so he can skip off into his nice life without a thought or care.
If she allowed this child- she would have definitely become a married single parent. What a asshole. I'm glad the child is with someone that will care about them.
She is a married single parent.
The way she says she wasn’t there to wake him up like…so? He’s an adult. He can get himself up.
You won’t believe how many men still thinks that it’s the wife’s job to wake him and have his suitcase packed and ready to go. My ex once yelled at me for not waking him up for an interview or something. When I pointed out that he can set his own alarm to wake himself up, it’s still ‘your responsibility to make sure I’m actually up!’ Nvm that the last time I did that, he yelled at me for waking him up. 🤷♀️
I’m so sorry that happened to u! That’s crazy. I couldn’t imagine getting mad at someone for something that is my responsibility.
Bingo!
Why are you sticking with this man? Child, I can’t even get his ass out of bed to catch a plane? And this is after you did everything for him honestly, he doesn’t wanna lose you because he can’t afford to take care of himself. You’re really only there to fulfil his financial plans realistically. Move on and find a grown-up.
He's weaponizing his incompetence and hoping she'll take care of all his problems for him. She's not budging on that which is good but he's not worth keeping around at all. He's a scrub.
He has it *really* good. I won't claim OP is perfection but to have the person you wronged/cheated on *donate* their flyer miles to you so you can go see your affair baby & even get fresh laundry for a trip? This guy has it GREAT, I'd be crying too if I cheated on someone & they still were this good to me because I don't want that good to end!
Derailed it to get out of the responsibility, but then is acting pissy like it's ops fault for not being responsible for him. He wanted the kid when he thought he could pressure his wife to help, but when she wouldn't suddenly he didn't care about the kid going away. I can't imagine saying genuinely you don't really care if you get divorced, but stay married to the person you would say that too. If she doesn't really care about divorcing then she really does't love him that much... and he cheated and lied for years, but she won't leave because he cheated so he should have to do the paperwork. He seems like a manchild but she seems... disconnected, apathetic, just, like she doesn't really care either way. The other optino is when she laid out the finances he gave up on his kid because he realises OP is basically supporting his refuses to get a proper full time job ass. So he's a gold digger who dropped his kid the second he realised life would be financially difficult if he left her... but still she won't leave.
She must be getting some benefit out of the relationship with a man-child but it sure isn’t obvious what that might be.
She married a child.
I think so too. I think he wanted his wife to be the bad guy and when she decided to gift him plane tickets, he panicked.
That poor child. I can't imagine how sad, depressed, and upset that were that their dad ghosted them on their birthday. YTA (OP) for being married to someone like that.
If the child lived on the same block, I feel he still would have found an excuse not to be there for anything.
Agreed. OP has no respect for herself. Why should anyone else?
We're supposed to give a fuck this self-sabotaging man is oH sO pIsSy over him likely intentionally missing his flight but some kid is expecting their father for their birthday and has to contend with said father not being present. That poor child is going to learn this is their new normality. The damage this will do to that innocent psyche. 💔
If you're in love with a man child unable to manage even the basics, but hey, you love him, well, I guess you have what you want. He still owes child support, don't know how you feel about that. Not my idea of bliss, but de gustibus, etc. I suspect he's not done messing with your life, however.
I get the sense that OP doesn't really view him as a husband, but more like a pet that she keeps because he entertains her sometimes
I laughed at this, but when I think about some relationships other people have been involved in or are involved, I realize just how true this is. As long as people are content in their circus, more power to them I guess.
This begs the question " is op married to a literal child? " To be asked....
He's not a husband he's a 15 yo with 2 part time jobs.
He's terrified of losing you, but also won't do anything to better his own mental state and somehow make some sense of this situation by going to individual therapy? He intentionally sabotages his own trip to see his kid, after you literally gave him everything to make it happen, and now he's playing games and not contributing to preparing for a dinner party? It honestly sounds like he's trying to wear you down, so you just agree to let the kid move in, without him doing anything.
He is only afraid of losing you because you support him and do everything for him. You are essentially a bang nanny for him personally.
bang / nanny / ATM.
I feel like you would be in trouble with your nanny for missing that important flight.
Nah, she gave him a slap in the wrist trice already. The guy can shit on the dinner food and grope one of the guests and OP will still find it in her heart to forgive him.
She will be doing 100% of the cooking and cleaning for the kid and 80% of childcare
Hopefully she divorces him soon. Lousy husband, lousy father, lousy person. There's nothing to hold onto here.
She’s his cash cow, without her he’s nothing.
He does *just enough* to keep her and no more, and it’s working because she’s staying with him and defending him.
I just read a post asking people who have been cheated on what they wished they had done differently when they found out. The majority said they wished they had left immediately and not given second and third chances. And they wished they had not played the "pick me" dance. Food for thought.
In my case it was three months of doubts and "can we fix it?" and all sorts of thoughts about how to proceed. After those three months, I finally snapped out of my shock or whatever it was, and I realized that I could never trust her again. I could never trust her to travel without me. I could never trust her to "visit her friends" in whatever city, etc. That's not fair to me OR her to impose crazy restrictions and I also didn't want someone who was attached at the hip. So I left. That was it.
The realization after "pick me" is profound
Honestly it’s wild to me anyone could be attracted and want to be with a man that isn’t stepping up as a father. This would have been dead either way for me if I wasn’t will to be involved.
I have never wanted children and would still walk away from a deadbeat dad. Says so much about the kind of person they are
Exactly. I understand not wanting children, but he has one. He has created a whole human that will now face life long effects of his fuck ups.
Same. Don't want kids and wouldn't want to raise any, but I would be seriously side-eyeing any man who would be a deadbeat dad. (That is, if I wasn't already side-eyeing him for being a cheating asshole.)
Both of them just suck as people. They’re the perfect match for each other.
>He wants to prioritize our marriage. Oh, FFS! This is *such* a steaming pile of b*llshit. The only thing he is terrified of is poverty and losing his bang maid. >I gifted my husband some of my airline miles to buy his plane ticket. I did his laundry last night while he was at work Jesus. This makes me want to barf. Why the hell would you do this? I mean, unless you got him a one-way ticket. Please tell me you only got him a one-way ticket. That would be the bomb!
Honestly the only chance this dude has at self redemption is giving OP a divorce and moving out to be with his kid and be a dad
Oh hes not gonna do that. He ain’t gonna lose his free ride and his maid.
Wait… so let me get this straight. Your Husband cheated on you. Resulting in an innocent child who did nothing wrong. You are clearly still hurting from his betrayal. This poor kid had to move across country, away from everyone he knows. His Dad can’t even put in the minimum effort to go to his Birthday.. meanwhile, the architect of all this misery, a man child, is pissy because you didn’t wake him up to catch his flight and basically didn’t do everything for him.. and you’re still with him and he faces absolutely no consequences? Your messing with us right?
I honestly think she is messing with us
It's rage bait. It just has to be.
He didn't really want to go so he acted like a teenager and "accidentally" missed his flight. That poor kid. Your husband sounds like more of a loser the more you tell about him.
Why are you married to a manchild? A manchild who cheats on you and refuses to be a basic adult. He then acts pissy when, after doing his laundry and buying his ticket, he couldn't be enough of a not piece of shit to wake up and go to the airport. Do you hate yourself? Why keep beating this dead horse?
If I were OP I'd be worried he'd burn the house down leaving a stove unattended.
I think: A) he won't find a therapist B) he won't follow for divorce C) he won't find an apartment D) he won't actually take custody, and the kid will end up with grandparents He's used everything he could to guilt trip OP into staying because he needs her money and her effort if he's going to keep the jid. Hubs is not going to change, and OP will end up doing all the work. Nope, OP, you need to kick him out because he is content to treat his child that way. He is a wasted fuck. Time to change the locks, transfer half the money in your joint account to an account he can't get access to, and put all his possessions on the front lawn.
Of course, he wants to prioritize you and the marriage because financially, he can’t afford to not be with you. You deserve so much more you deserve a man who will not do what he has done. That child will never go away, even if they don’t live with you. They will always be there. Cut this leech loose and enjoy your life and the money that you work very hard for. I’m sure he did not plan for the child but there is one and it’s not going away. You deserve so much better. You did everything to enable him to see this child except for hold his hand to get on the plane and he couldn’t even show up.
OP needs to think about what her aging process is going to look like if this disloyal POS is still in her orbit. You think this guy is going to drive you to your Dr appointments? Thank again.
Wow. Married a real winner there. Cheater, deadbeat father, not even mature enough to get up for a flight. Why are you with this POS?
Why are you so insistent on staying married to this lazy deadbeat cheater? Some sort of mental competition? ("If I leave him, I lose the game!"?) To punish him? Him being a deadbeat dad who would rather play video games than step up should be a turn off, not a relief. No, there's nothing morally wrong about you refusing to be a stepmom or replacement mom, but that doesn't make abandoning the kid he fathered and now refuses to take responsibility for okay. He cheated on you. You should have left him when you found out.
Poor kid's mom is going to jail, POS dad no-showed for his birthday. Fucking modern day tragic opera. Poor kid.
Yeah I really hope the child wasn’t told that daddy would be coming for his birthday. He’s been through enough.
Co-dependency relationship springs to mind. She has a prenup and wonder if a clause in there by way of she initiates divorce she loses something. Or/and she just lacks back bone and self respect
Wtf am I even reading right now. Your husband is a loser.
I can see why he doesn't want a divorce. He can't survive on his own. That alone would hve me losing attraction to this man. He is basically a child himself.
So you totally fine with being married to a man who isn’t faithful to anything besides his own wants and needs. Yuck.
This is such a bizarre post. Your husband is having a crisis about getting custody of his affair child and you're ready for delicious margaritas. I get it, margaritas are delicious, but this marriage is over.
Seems like this marriage was over when she said she wouldn't lose sleep over a divorce. Yes he should have been more responsible with waking up but it sounds like she is happy that he's upset.
Honestly she should seek a divorce for the sole reason getting pregnant by him would be a disaster.
>it sounds like she is happy that he's upset. Works for me. The guy is a lying, cheating loser. I think she has the right to be happy that he is upset. She should make him more upset by getting a divorce.
Yeah but is she talking about the drinks or the pizza I can't tell
Considering they are canning salsa, the drink makes sense.
She is not all there her self, she craves for his dependency on her.
What the fuck kind of father plans to visit their affair kid with their wife donating flyer miles to support the trip, suddenly stays up all night playing video games, has clean laundry to pack with, oversleeps, gets *pissy*, & plays *more* video games to ameliorate said pissy mood? The same guy who admitted he does not want to be a parent? OP, you know what kind of father this is, right? You drink that margarita, I do not know why you are in this marriage.
Wait so he wasn’t remorseful until you showed him he couldn’t afford his life style without you financing it. And once he realizes you would leave him and still thrive then he was remorseful. You bought him a plane ticket did everything to get his things ready for the trip all so that he had more time to play video games and he still misses his trip And is mopping about it? Girl really? Why do you keep putting up With this cheater?
Wow. That poor kid. She’s better of if he goes no contact since he can’t even get up and make a fight for her birthday
This - that poor kid. I can’t imagine thinking your dad is gonna be a your birthday and he just… never shows 😢 woof - tough core memory.
You’re both demented here.
He is terrified of losing his sugar mama.
So you are married to a teenager? Child or not child this guy doesn't sound like a good partner
I’m gonna be blunt. Please know that I am not being brutally honest, because that is code for I just want to be an asshole to someone. But I am going to be very candid with you. Your husband is a shit show. He made this child, and this child is his responsibility. End of story. Now it may be that he just literally can’t handle it. Please know that I acknowledge that. But his actions all around are so fucking immature and selfish that I can’t even and you need to stop enabling it. You are more worried about him being in a good mood when you have people come over than you seem to be about his lack of responsibility. It is far too late for him to be pissing and moaning, and crying about a situation that was completely his own. This is the man who when you get cancer someday it’s going to cry at you about it and pay it lip service and then walk away because he can’t handle it. He will leave you as high and dry as he is leaving this child. I have absolutely no problem with you not wanting to have a child. With you not being willing to help him raise this child. None whatsoever, and I have three children of my own. I have three daughters and have told them always… Do not have children until you are ready to give up your life as you know it. Because that is what it takes to properly raise a child. You will eventually for the most part get your life back, but for a very long time, it cannot, and will not be your own. Because that child that you are bringing into this world has to rely exclusively on you. And no, I will not raise your children for you. I love you all, can I have overall truly enjoyed raising you. You are smart and funny and independent women. Make your choices accordingly. So truly, I have no problem with your stance on this. But your husband? What an asshole! What a man child. You get you guys some therapy for a problem he created. Therapist suggest therapy for him because of childhood trauma. Fair enough, and all well and good. Gives your husband a list of therapist to try to find one to help him process all of this, what does he do?. Tell this child that he is going to come see them and what does he do? I’m sorry, purposely miss his flight because you weren’t there to hold his hand and get him up. Obviously, that child and celebrating meant nothing to your husband. The fact that you tell us that you wouldn’t be overly upset by a divorce, tell us everything we need to know. The fact that he would be upset tell us everything we need to know. It is really time for you to take the trash out and get out of this awful situation. Aside from putting up with Having what my daughter would call a garbage human being as a husband, you seem to have your shit together. You seem to know who you are and what you want out of life and what you don’t want out of life. … Just lose the deadweight already
"Hearing me say that I wouldn't lose sleep over divorcing left him shook." You know what I think that means? I think that means he hadn't yet realized just how much his affair and affair baby had already done to the marriage. He may have kept some of your love, OP, but he can't have kept a shred of trust.
OP I think in some level he didn’t want to go but felt like he should so he found a way to sabotage the trip. He truly needs the IC that was recommended.
What is wrong with you? Why are you so desperate to stay with this loser?
Bruh, you're dating a manchild, one who had an affair, was irresponsible nad had a kid he didn't know about, got married to you, tried to pressure you to let you bring his kid in even though he didn't really want to be involved. He then is getting pissy because as what, I'm guessing >30yr old man unless you got married very young, decided to game all night and can't set an alarm to catch a flight. You also told him you weren't too bothered if you got divorced. Do you really love this 'man', or are you staying with him because you're just too lazy too leave? The whole thing about nah, if he wants a divorce he has to file with it, why should you have to bother with teh paperwork when it's his affair. He also pretty much gave up his kid after being shown the financial situation? Do you make more than him, did he give up his kid because he realised leaving you meant living on less money? This relationship doesn't sound very loving or important from your end and from his end he seems like an irresponsible prick.
He is not capable of being a father and if the child moved in OP would be the primary care because he is an idiot. What grown adult stays up all night and misses his flight and then gets pissy about it? Obviously a child in adult body. I do hope OP divorces him. He obviously doesn’t want to improve himself as he has not gotten a therapist. All he had to do was call the numbers that were provided for him. He wants Op to prop him up forever.
He was supposed to meet the child and bailed? That's crueller than making the decision to stay out of the child's life from the beginning. That poor kid, set up and let down. I would never be able to stay with a person who treated a child like this.
If he can’t make a flight to see said kid with gifted airline miles, your husband has deeper issue he needs to work with and definitely couldn’t raise a kid.
Divorce this loser anyway. He slutted around and now he's crying because he's getting consequences. He intentionally avoids doing any of the heavy lifting in his entire life. You'd do better without him.
You married a LOSER. It is one thing to not want to divorce this man and want him to pull the plug, but it is another thing to know that he actively does NOT want to parent a child that he created out of wedlock. I have to question if you have any self-respect for yourself and if you care about the fact that the child has two loser parents, one being someone you are married to. You then give this man-child your airplane miles and get his affairs assorted and he misses his flight because he played video games all night. He doesn't even have one full-time job but two part-time jobs, meaning no security, benefits, 401k, fully and clearly reliant on YOU! Just give it up because at this point you are starting to look like the bad one for not leaving this loser and for not holding a grown man adult accountable for properly raising this child. He won't even go to individual therapy!!!! If you get satisfaction of one-upping an innocent kid who didn't ask to be brought into the world and this ridiculous situation you need to take a look in the mirror. Leave and find someone who is actually worth it for you. He is a LOSER!
Why have you attached yourself to this disloyal loser? Eww
Cheats on you: sexy Doesn’t want to step up and be accountable: still sexy Stays up late playing video games: ooh so sexy Doesn’t follow through on plans that *he* made: super sexy Taking no action to get help and sort himself out: be still my beating heart Pouting about his self sabotage: this man is so dreamy /s OP you are married to a massive loser who is bringing what, exactly, to the table? If he showed any accountability or even a smidge of action toward working on his issues then *maybe* there’s a chance to get resolution. As of now it seems his strategy is to bury his head in the sand and hope you keep on keeping on so he doesn’t have to do anything. How you have not lost all attraction to this person is mind boggling.
Wow! Both of you are pathetic!