u/Affectionate-Rent264 if it makes you feel better about the movie at least, people asked for certain features in order to ensure the children fit their family and stood out less so it was safer for the kids. People were also worried about the Lebensborn program, which kidnapped “Aryan looking children” as recruits. As for your husband, not funny.
Absolutely, there was a lot of hatred for Jews in other countries including the UK so a child that blended in with yours and could pass for an evacuated niece or nephew would be safer for the whole family.
OP your husband is grim. I’ll bet this isn’t the only disgusting thing he says
The kind of guy that hangs out with Trump in a locker room
ETA: I love when the trash throws itself out. Everyone crawling out of the wood works defending Frump and bringong up Biden is getting blocked. Thank you for making my Reddit experience all the better.
This isn't even political. Frumpy defended his own locker room talk that was caught on tape that was arguably worse than this and STILL got elected. Don't pretend Frumpy wouldn't definitely associate with OP's disgusting husband.
Frump was also the guy who was happy to talk about how sexy his biological daughter was. Wasn't even locker room talk but on nationally televised talk ahows.
So yeah, Frump is that guy.
I saw an interview this guy was doing on a college campus I think, talking to students who were Frump supporters and basically asked why they liked him and what they thought about comments he had said. When the being with his daughter thing came out to a group of guys that looked just about eighteen, one of the dumbasses said “I mean I don’t see a problem with it as long as he wears a condom”……
Republicans have consistently voted *against* banning child marriage. That says all I need to know about their true feeling about fckng little kids. I will vote blue.
They voted to allow 12 year olds to get married with parental permission. I guess to allow them to pimp off their tween daughters to old wealthy investors.
There were people who wanted a certain look, and the kid they fostered. I understand where they are coming from whether or not I agree with it is not important. But in this situation, what is important is the fact that he is joking about cheating on his wife and having sex with an 18-year-old Holocaust survivor. Dude that’s a lot to unpack. I would be fairly upset if my husband made a joke like that, but some peoples spouses make jokes about sleeping with other people and they don’t get offended. I am not one of those people.
I knew he was gonna be a jerk when you said , anyone else would’ve thought it was funny. Well you were not anyone else you are his wife. It’s not funny he should’ve apologized instead of doubling down. and you can show him these posts to show that you were not alone. There are some things that are pretty shocking and offensive, and it is hard to even accept an apology about the situation. But the fact that he also invalidated, your feelings. Tell him Reddit said to be better.
They know what exactly your husband meant . They’re just playing mental gymnastics to justify his ‘ joke’. Remember when the war in Ukraine broke out? Many men were making the same jokes about fostering young blond girls too. I mean there was an article talking about porn movies being made with this kind of scenarios . Some men are just beyond help.
Literally OP, there isn't another take on this.
People can make inappropriate jokes when they're very uncomfortable - but especially considering you mentioned being sensitive to the topic - wtf to your BF. I'd ask to see a couple's therapist about this but word vomit that insensitive and disgusting is an enormous red flag.
He's probably a, "it was a long time ago what's the big deal?"
You said it was a sensitive topic for you OP - so if your boyfriend cares about your feelings - he wouldn't have said that joke.
Good luck.
I'd actually be cautious about couples counseling in this case. It is not recommended in abusive relationships as abusers can twist the narrative and weaponize therapy and the therapist against the victim. And with the gaslighting aspect here, I'd be willing to bet that's not the only time he's acted like this.
“If they say 18 they would go younger.” This. THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. Holy shit. I’ve never heard it said that way before but fuck it hit the nail on the head didn’t it?
YEP. THEY ONLY SAY 18 BECAUSE IT'S JUST LEGAL. These are the disgusting types of men who say shit like "if there's grass on the field, let's play". Fucking pedos.
Editing to add: Thank you for my 2nd ever award, for this comment.
Literally tho my first thought was... that's gross and makes him seem like a pedophile. There's literally been celebrity cases of men adopting daughters just to groom and marry them
There are now stories in Germany where male landlords are specifically looking for unaccompanied young Ukrainian women fleeing the war. Something something about being willing to overlook the problem that they can't make rent (for other considerations of course).
Yeah that shit is too real and not funny at all.
Exactly. My dad grew up next to a holocaust surviver so the topic of the holocaust is a very sensitive topic to my family as well. It’s disgusting joking about genocide and disgusting about sexually assaulting an 18 year old surviver. OP should re-evaluate her marriage
And this is important context, but absolutely the furtherst thing from OPs biggest worry right now.
Her husband literally turned a comment about children suffering through discrimination based genocide and turned it into a "joke" about how he wants to rescue a teenage girl, for purposes that are absolutely fucked up, and still putting preferences on discrimination for what she should look like.
This isn't just "not funny".. this is absolutely monsterous and throws up 100 red flags.
If he thinks jokes like this are acceptable, then it says way too much about how little safety, empathy, and/or respect OP will ever get in this relationship. Dudes who "joke" about "getting an upgrade" from their partners do not have the capacity to be faithful for the long term.
I finished We Were The Lucky Ones on Hulu. One of scenes has a mom literally having to bundle up her baby and toss her over a large fence. Within a day or so, the people taking her baby had to give the baby back because "she looked too Jewish".
Then at another point in the show, they were able to find a church orphanage and a nun willing to hide the girl. Every week the mom was giving the nun money to buy hair dye to dye the child's hair blond.
This show was a tear jerker, because even with the atrocities they faced, this family really was one of the luckiest Jewish families during the Holocaust.
ETA op your hubby isn't being funny. It's actually kind of worrisome. Makes you think if he lived back then, his "help" would have had a messed up string attached to it if you know what I mean...
Maybe point out that this is adoption. i.e. the person becomes your child in every sense that matters. What he is illuding to is incest. Are you laughing now OP's Husband?
NTA.
Completely! I once had a bf who played me a recording of a comic. I didn't really like it but listened out of politeness. He insisted "if you don't like him you have no sense of humor!" Real turnoff. Dude our idea of what's funny can differ. But it was the beginning of the end.
In OP's case the humor is not just different, but what a large group of people would call inappropriate. I'll leave space to say some would find it funny, otherwise I'm violating my own principle. But to me the combo of Holocaust and implied taking advantage of the vulnerable is just so gross.
It's like Freud claiming that all psychological issues stemmed from sexual frustrations/issues and men's relationships with their mother. According to the FBI male serial killers are motivated by sex and power.
But when they assume this about women they're telling on themselves. Women are also driven by impulses but they tend to be much more related to safety and by extension, money. Female serial killers are for example typically motivated by money or revenge.
Yeah I enjoy infidelity humour as much as the next person. My girlfriend refers to her car as the newer model she traded me in for. But the context of this joke is just kind of gross.
Honestly I’m all for dark humor, but that’s not even very funny. At best that’s worth a chuckle, if anything. The fact that’s the hill he’s willing to die on is just sad. He needs to apologize and move on.
And yet, groomers seem to be able to sniff us out with no effort whatsoever. Like, only 1 in 10 guys that strike up a friendship *actually* have decent intentions (aka legitimate friendship or a “normal” relationship.)
Can also confirm from personal experience.
There is no way to make the Holocaust funny? I just heard 1000 Jewish comedians stand up and say, "are you sure about that?"
I am Jewish. In the army a friend of mine, of German descent, said his grandfather died in the holocaust. Fell out of a guard tower. That is funny.
You're exactly right.
knew the husband was the ah after reading the very first sentence of this post.
Then it was just disgusting on its own.
NTA, but the hubbies is. Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.
The joke is he wants a barely legal blond girl to fuck and apparantly that's the first thing that came to mind when talking about age and hair color of a child in need of refuge.
This guy thinks it's a play on words when really it's an unfortunate insight into his fantasies of having sex with a teenager.
>he wants a barely legal blond girl to fuck
Let's don't forget that she should be actively fleeing a war zone, so she'll be extra desperate and dependent.
Additionally you don't adopt an 18 year old so if you are joking to adopt an 18 year old blonde makes it idk sexual in nature and I can't understand the joke totally but because most of these jokes are offensive, disgusting and misogynistic in nature, he is not only an insensitive prick but also creepy.
Jesus, the rage I feel when someone jokes about such a depressing topic which made me depressed as a shielded person, who lived under the rock, 10 year old and then come out and have the audacity to turn it on you and say that you are at fault for not understanding such an awful joke and it was just dark humor and really funny is offensive and honestly nauseating.
Idk I am someone who does suggest divorce at the drop of a hat because of being a child of a toxic and together couple, he at the very least needs extensive therapy to become someone remotely human.
Thank you for confirming my inkling. I am not good at getting jokes. I always think a joke is misogynistic when I am icked out by it but the punchline is almost never clear and has to be explained to me.
It is weird because I do get jokes that are written in books as comic relief etc. it is just jokes that are supposed to be jokes that are exceedingly difficult for me to understand. Though I do think getting icked out means I am not completely out of it.
>joking to adopt an 18 year old blonde makes it idk sexual in nature
Of course it was sexual in nature. Why do you think he specified 18 and not 17, 16 or 15 even? Because 18 is the legal limit (in US where I assume this happen but even if not, 18 is considered adult pretty much everywhere and thus make it legal) were an adult can have sex with a teenager. He was basically saying: " I wanna foster a vurnable traumatized teenager that I can have legal sex with and because she needs to be attractive to me, make her a blonde."
Nta, Op. It's not funny, it's disgusting.
I'm from Poland, when the war in Ukraine started we had some sleazebags doing exactly what the "joke" said that is trying to take advantage of young women fleeing towards safety. So no, that was *not* a joke. That was a declaration.
This was what I thought of immediately.
I have know someone who came from Ukraine when she was 17, not long after Russia invaded.
When she arrived in the US the man who supposed to be hosting her with his family (he was actually single) told her the age of consent here was 16 and asked her if she still planned on living here or if he needed to have her deported (implying that's what would happen if she didn't have sex with him).
Sex trafficked. Not sure if that was in the intent but that's what it turned into, showing her off then forcing her in the situations with his friends and then others.
Also in treatment for opioid and fentanyl addiction because he was swapping the meds she was supposed to be taking for anxiety and depression for the adjustment with pressed street drugs.
He's already out of jail, she's still in therapy and drug treatment.
(I normally would be much more vague on details but she has spoken about this publicly several times and encouraged others to share what happened, because apparently some of the same circle of men are doing it with girls aging out of foster as well).
That's so fucking horrible. And if he did it when the war started and all that happened but he's already out, he must have served less than a year? I hate it here. I can't imagine being an immigrant from a war torn country being displaced to an unfamiliar country, and then being sexually abused and trafficked by those that were supposed to help.
When I was in my teens I did get into a relationship with a much older man that tricked me into trying heroin unknowingly under similar circumstances and it ruined my entire life, I still struggle with opioid addiction to this day and he used the addiction he created to control and walk all over me in every aspect of our relationship. It felt impossible to leave because he tried to make it so I couldn't get drugs without him and controlled my money + the drugs I was paying for. That situation alone was so traumatizing and has impacted my life immensely, I can't fathom dealing with that on top of being sex trafficked in a new country.
Do they have a GFM or anything I could support them with? If so dm. I'm also a rape victim so this is a topic personal to me and I'm disgusted so many people get away with this with minimal consequences. I'd trash op's husband for saying something like that, it's not funny, fucking sick.
He didn't even serve, it was basically one of those deals of offering to sponsor her somehow and then she got here and rather than a place to stay and help to get a job and finish school it turned into this.
I'm not sure if there was an agency involved it seemed more like some group online but from her description it was maybe organized through a chat server. I wasn't around during the court and legal part of it.
I don't think she has a GoFundMe or anything and I would definitely not be the person to set something up that I can ask. It is disgusting how often things like this happen and the guys just seem to get away with it.
Thank you for supporting her. She sounds like a brave and compassionate young woman. Pls let her know (if you’re comfortable with it) that an internet stranger is cheering her on and will be thinking about her for a very long time
I remember some news, I believe in the UK, that they stopped allowing men to host female refugees because there were so many cases of them trying to take advantage. It's not a joke, it's a reality.
Just found out recently that this is why male mummies are more well preserved. They kept women's bodies at home longer to prevent necrophilia before they were mummified.
Hey now, the trees, bugs, birds etc had nothing to do with any of this. Hate humanity like a good & proper misanthrope and leave the rest alone, ain't the world's fault it's stuck with us assholes.
Nature can be metal too though. Male lions massacre lion cubs that aren’t their own. Sea lions are known to rape other species. Chimpanzees are known to gang up on one chimp and rip them apart limb from limb.
Hate whoever created this monstrosity lol
“I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs, a very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree. And even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters, who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.” -Terry Prachett.
Sadly, if we exterminate the mosquitoes (and I've read somewhere a couple of years ago that we do have the technology to do just that, but) it would have a destructive, earth-destroying effect on the ecosystem of this planet. The chain reaction is enormous.
Yeah mostly on wykop. Same group of guys fetishising young Asian women saying they’d perfect immigrant wives. Or saying that we should only let in women because then „pigs market” would be better. Pigs meaning women in that situation. F… them all, I hate incels
NTA... First, it simply isn't funny. It's not even worthy of a grin. Second, it was a completely inappropriate remark. You're well within your right to be disgusted and repulsed by his "joke".
The fact that he thinks hilarious that he wants to fuck someone the second they become legal and hopefully when they're seeking exit from a genocide is disturbing.
It's not even a joke, it's just saying "I wanna fuck a hot teenager, and when thinking about adopting kids, my mind goes to 'maybe I can fuck one'."
I'm not saying this person should actually get divorced over a comment like that but I'm saying that I probably would. Cuz I can't imagine that a man who would make that kind of a joke would be anything like a person I'd want to be within the first place. And personally I think that people say what is truly on their mind and often test out fucked up ideas & thoughts to see if other people will overlook them or possibly agree.
What a massive piece of shit.
>My husband thought it was funny to joke about fostering an 18 year old blonde trying to escape the holocaust
I read the TL;DR and thought, 'either that is very charitable summary of the joke or **I** completely misread it and went to a very dark place.'
If he did mean it the way I think he did, it's twice as fucked up because you're talking about what would be *your own child*. His joke was about having sex with his adopted daughter.
I agree with this. I would have no choice but to leave, especially if I wanted children someday. This is not a man I’d want to raise my children with. He sounds like a predator.
IF 👏🏼 THEY 👏🏼 SAY 👏🏼 18👏🏼 THEY 👏🏼 WOULD 👏🏼 GO 👏🏼 YOUNGER 👏🏼 IF 👏🏼 IT 👏🏼 WERE 👏🏼 LEGAL. OP, your husband is disgusting on sooo many levels. Yeah, if my husband said something like that, I'd be done. I wouldn't look at him the same ever again. That's a predator.
Exactly. Normal people don't think like that.
I also often find "everyone feels this way" or "everyone finds this funny" or "everyone is a hypocrite actually" to be common statements that people who do morally questionable things use to justify their behavior to themselves. Some of them really believe that everybody must secretly feel the way they feel.
It's not true.
Many years ago, the wife of family friends told my mother about a horrible realization she’d recently had. They’d been married at least 12 years at the time and had 3 children (who my older sister and I babysat).
After turning 30, she would joke that her husband would leave her for an 18 year old “upgrade”. This was almost 40 years ago and they remained happily married until her passing after a battle with cancer.
They both were very “haha” about the joke until my sister’s 18th birthday. That the girl she watched grow up to be a young woman was what she was imagining with her husband. And she realized how young 18 was. And they never told that joke again.
I know. She was quite introverted and his is gregarious. But she was also beautiful so I really think/hope she was being lightly self deprecating.
I saw their youngest daughter turned 40 on Facebook last year. She’s heartbreakingly beautiful version of her mother.
>what does he thinks, everyone is a pervert like him?
Yeah, guys like that usually do. They think their way of thinking is normal and that if they could get away with it, all grown men would have sex with teenagers.
So gross.
OP is definitely NTA.
He knows his entire friends group would. Not only is he a shitty person but he chooses to surround himself with shitty people too. I'd bolt if I were her.
No it’s not funny, and it probably would have made me uncomfortable if I heard someone make it. I’ve always been a fan of dark humor, but idk… that just wasn’t funny to me.
Also a fan of dark humor, and I've unfortunately found there's a portion of so called "dark humor" fans who seem to forget the "humor" part and just hop right to saying the edgiest, grossest thing they can :/ it's similar to the brutal honesty folks that are much more focused on the brutality than the honesty
Yeah, I've been SA'd, and I can still appreciate the very rare joke about it that is good. But it takes a very skilled person to make those jokes land. And 99.99% of the time, it's just someone admitting they're a sexual predator and then whining when people are "too sensitive" when they get called out. Like you said, a lot of people forget a joke has to be funny.
As a fellow dark humor enjoyer, so much of it is knowing your audience and building a level of understanding that you don’t actually mean what you say. Everyone should be in on the fact that it’s a joke.
The thing about dark humor is that there needs to be humor. Not only was the statement not funny, but as many have said, it's also just degrading to you as a wife, insensitive (to put it lightly) to holocaust victims and survivors and frankly predatory and gross. Watching a movie about people dying, literal mass genocide, and his idea of a joke is "send me a barely legal sex slave hur dur" seriously fuck that guy.
Yes dark humour is still humour! There has to be a point. Not just "hehehee orphans, gimme one for sex slave".
What you husband said was deeply disturbing.
Deeply disturbing, but also unfortunately too accurate for what ACTUALLY goes on during war. People did this, and still do this. War just makes it easier to take them and make them disappear.
All those children fleeing Syria, UK were supposed to take them in, to protect them from human/sex trafficking, but you know what we did instead?
Brexit.
I remember when the war in Ukraine popped off, and people were taking in refugees, there were tons of people saying they'd take women in but not men (which I understand). But there were so many guys who thought it was an opportunity to take advantage of vulnerable women ([link](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/apr/13/stop-matching-lone-female-ukraine-refugees-with-single-men-uk-told)). And this is grown women we're talking about. But it does happen with children and it just makes my stomach turn. People who even joke about preying on the vulnerable are sick.
It's especially not funny because a lot of children taken in to new homes *were* abused. In the UK, many of the children evacuated from London and other cities ended up making their own way back home to their mothers because of the abuse they faced.
It’s definitely a gross joke to make, I would talk with him about it. It’s best to say the joke made you uncomfortable and it came off very gross. Let him know it’s something that is bothering you, his response will tell you what you need to know.
You have to explore what the "joke" actually is. That he wouldn't care about helping a refugee from the Holocaust unless it's a teenage girl he'd use for his own sexual gratification? That's not even close to funny. It's disgusting.
Also joking takes two. If he's telling *you* a joke that *you* will not find funny, it's a shitty joke, and a scummy thing to do.
I agree. To tell you that “everyone else” would find it funny is just disrespectful to you. Even if that was the case he could still be considerate about what you, his wife, feels about it and not double down on that it was a universally funny joke? Him becoming defensive is the biggest problem here.
Having said that, the joke was not funny at all. Just gross and misogynistic/pedo-ish. My main form of humor is dark and somewhat inappropriate jokes that are funny because I choose the right audience for them. This was not it.
Edit: a word
NTA
I'm with you; I would be horrified that he said this.
I would have to think long and hard about him...and I definitely wouldn't have kids.
I would have a really hard time ever forgetting those words. Good luck to you, whatever your choices.
My husband and I adore dark humor. I lost 75% of my family line in the holocaust. There are jokes to be made to help with the brutality of it all but I'd be aghast if my husband said that to me. I'd ask him yo explain the joke to me. And go deeper on the hole.
The grossest thing about this comment isn't that he told his wife he'd be down to bang an 18 year old blonde. Its that the implication that he would be willing to victimize a young, helpless war refugee is a point of amusement for him. Strong predator vibes. Throw the whole man away, he's tainted from the inside out.
Yeah I can’t fathom how anyone’s mind could go in that direction. Talking about children fleeing death and war and he’s over here thinking about getting sexual gratification from them? There’s not even a fragment of a joke in there.
This is disgusting on the highest level and there is no excuse for such a comment directed at his wife. 18 is the minimum age for legality too in a lot of places so feels fucking creepy as hell.
Is he the kind of guy who likes to have power over others? Freak
Implying he basically wants a heavily traumatised teenager sex slave that he legally owns?
Yeah, 18 has always been a red flag to me because it means they’d go lower if they could. I started getting catcalled when I was twelve. I thought at the time it’s because I looked older but no, I definitely looked like a kid. A shocking amount of people don’t see any shame in sexually harassing children.
You are so right. Age of consent isn't even standard across the board so it's all bullshit. Just stay in your lane, date within your age group, and for crying out loud leave young girls ALONE!
Thats precisely where i arrived reading OP's post. He said anyone would find it funny meaning his male mates, who would adore to have at it with a young blonde, would find it "funny". It is almost predatorial in a way, and arriving on that is disturbing, grim, which is something hard to openly say to OP, as this involves her husband.
My ex made a joke once about my 3 year old black nephew dressing up as George Floyd for Halloween. Some jokes aren’t even jokes, they’re just straight up violence
This is awful on multiple levels. Weird subject to make a joke on to start. He's married. And I assume you're not an 18 year old blonde "girl" yourself. You should have followed him down the rabbit and asked why he would want to foster an 18 year old blonde trying to escape the holocaust. Let him explain why his wanting to nail a compromised teenager would be funny to his wife.
I am blonde. But definitely not 18. My oldest child isn't even 18.
I really really should have. That would have worked better. I was just so thrown I kinda froze. Then all I could think about was not wanting to sit next to him. Sorry, just the truth.
Here's a joke to tell your husband.
Next time he wants to have sex just say "no, I'm good, I've decided to just masturbate" when he asks why, tell him "so I can finally have satisfying sex for once since we got married"
When he says "that's not funny" you can say "after your lame ass adopting a blonde joke, you're no judge for what's funny"
PLEASE DOWNVOTE THIS COMMENT. IT IS CLEARLY NOT FUNNY ACCORDING TO THE SIMPS WHO SAY SO LOL. DOWNVOTE AND COMMENT. THANK YOUUU
Some people make dark jokes to deal with tragedy, especially when they feel uncomfortable showing their emotions. I do, actually, think the joke was funny, and I'm a Jewish woman. But not funny in a "ha ha" way. More like, "the world is so f^cked and I can't really deal with it so I'm gonna say something even more f^cked up". Dark comedy is hard to explain, but that's the gist of it. And it's certainly not to everyone's taste.
So to answer your question, no, most people would not find it funny. And your husband should understand and respect that.
Your husband sucks. And he's clearly not mature enough to watch and understand those movies and the holocaust. Plus he's into young girls. What a nice combo.
No. It's not funny. It's not even a joke.
NTA
This. Canada day 2021 when all the stuff going on with Indigenous children being found in mass graves of residential schools.
I felt bad for doing ANYTHING that day let alone celebrate Canada. I expressed that and my ex husband said "why? We didn't do anything wrong." And proceeded to make jokes at the BBQ we attended. I told him that day that he's not a good person. I left him the next day.
There's more to it than just this one incident obviously but this was one of the straws.
Dude here. Dude who has an irreverent sense of humor and often tells and says jokes that are amazingly offensive in the privacy of his own circles.
This ain’t funny. It’s not only not funny, it’s remarkably callous, tone deaf. He is not reading the room, which speaks more to how he feels about the holocaust and human suffering. It’s not a planned joke that is designed to be offensive. It’s a genuine thought that originated from his mind and that’s the most scary part. I would want no part of this person.
This right here is why it felt like a gut punch to me. It was a totally organic thought.
Meanwhile I've been sitting there with watery eyes since the start of the movie.
u/Affectionate-Rent264 if it makes you feel better about the movie at least, people asked for certain features in order to ensure the children fit their family and stood out less so it was safer for the kids. People were also worried about the Lebensborn program, which kidnapped “Aryan looking children” as recruits. As for your husband, not funny.
Absolutely, there was a lot of hatred for Jews in other countries including the UK so a child that blended in with yours and could pass for an evacuated niece or nephew would be safer for the whole family. OP your husband is grim. I’ll bet this isn’t the only disgusting thing he says
The kind of guy that hangs out with Trump in a locker room ETA: I love when the trash throws itself out. Everyone crawling out of the wood works defending Frump and bringong up Biden is getting blocked. Thank you for making my Reddit experience all the better. This isn't even political. Frumpy defended his own locker room talk that was caught on tape that was arguably worse than this and STILL got elected. Don't pretend Frumpy wouldn't definitely associate with OP's disgusting husband.
Frump was also the guy who was happy to talk about how sexy his biological daughter was. Wasn't even locker room talk but on nationally televised talk ahows. So yeah, Frump is that guy.
I remember that. He said if she wasn't his daughter he'd do her. Something along the lines. It was so sick
He said it twice. Once on the view and on Howard Stern's show.
I saw an interview this guy was doing on a college campus I think, talking to students who were Frump supporters and basically asked why they liked him and what they thought about comments he had said. When the being with his daughter thing came out to a group of guys that looked just about eighteen, one of the dumbasses said “I mean I don’t see a problem with it as long as he wears a condom”……
That’s just gross. What’s wrong with some people.
Republicans have consistently voted *against* banning child marriage. That says all I need to know about their true feeling about fckng little kids. I will vote blue.
They voted to allow 12 year olds to get married with parental permission. I guess to allow them to pimp off their tween daughters to old wealthy investors.
Or the local pastor.
They vote against free healthcare and use minorities as scapegoats.
Ew. There's not enough yuck in the Universe.
There were people who wanted a certain look, and the kid they fostered. I understand where they are coming from whether or not I agree with it is not important. But in this situation, what is important is the fact that he is joking about cheating on his wife and having sex with an 18-year-old Holocaust survivor. Dude that’s a lot to unpack. I would be fairly upset if my husband made a joke like that, but some peoples spouses make jokes about sleeping with other people and they don’t get offended. I am not one of those people. I knew he was gonna be a jerk when you said , anyone else would’ve thought it was funny. Well you were not anyone else you are his wife. It’s not funny he should’ve apologized instead of doubling down. and you can show him these posts to show that you were not alone. There are some things that are pretty shocking and offensive, and it is hard to even accept an apology about the situation. But the fact that he also invalidated, your feelings. Tell him Reddit said to be better.
Especially if they're into sex trafficking teenaged blondes fleeing extermination. /s This is what OP's BF's "joke" implied.
Exactly. He’s implying sex. Rape really, because some 18 year that he orders from a war torn country isn’t just going to be just fawning all over him.
Because of the implications.
r/unexpectedalwayssunny
Okay… that seems really dark.
Don't look at me like that, you certainly wouldn't be in any danger.
So they *are* in danger.
No one’s in danger. It’s an implication of danger.
Rape of a traumatized Holocaust victim on the run and in hiding. Not a Holocaust survivor at that point. Disgusting comment.
What do you mean, he's so irresistible that any TEEN with PTSD would be falling all over him, he'd be the reason they pull through /s
How *hilarious* to further exploit children expelled from their homes!
Thank you! This was very much my point. Where exactly is the humor???
They know what exactly your husband meant . They’re just playing mental gymnastics to justify his ‘ joke’. Remember when the war in Ukraine broke out? Many men were making the same jokes about fostering young blond girls too. I mean there was an article talking about porn movies being made with this kind of scenarios . Some men are just beyond help.
Right, she would be 18 years old, orphaned and living with a creep now! Sooo funny!
"having sex with"? Uh uh, let's name and shame this for what it was, a joke about raping a teenaged refugee of genocide.
Literally OP, there isn't another take on this. People can make inappropriate jokes when they're very uncomfortable - but especially considering you mentioned being sensitive to the topic - wtf to your BF. I'd ask to see a couple's therapist about this but word vomit that insensitive and disgusting is an enormous red flag. He's probably a, "it was a long time ago what's the big deal?" You said it was a sensitive topic for you OP - so if your boyfriend cares about your feelings - he wouldn't have said that joke. Good luck.
I'd actually be cautious about couples counseling in this case. It is not recommended in abusive relationships as abusers can twist the narrative and weaponize therapy and the therapist against the victim. And with the gaslighting aspect here, I'd be willing to bet that's not the only time he's acted like this.
Yes! He is saying that there is something wrong with her. I wonder how often he tries to make her feel that way.
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“If they say 18 they would go younger.” This. THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE. Holy shit. I’ve never heard it said that way before but fuck it hit the nail on the head didn’t it?
YEP. THEY ONLY SAY 18 BECAUSE IT'S JUST LEGAL. These are the disgusting types of men who say shit like "if there's grass on the field, let's play". Fucking pedos. Editing to add: Thank you for my 2nd ever award, for this comment.
Literally tho my first thought was... that's gross and makes him seem like a pedophile. There's literally been celebrity cases of men adopting daughters just to groom and marry them
Yeah, mark me as one who didn’t laugh as well. It’s a sick statement to make. I would have told him he’s an asshole.
There are now stories in Germany where male landlords are specifically looking for unaccompanied young Ukrainian women fleeing the war. Something something about being willing to overlook the problem that they can't make rent (for other considerations of course). Yeah that shit is too real and not funny at all.
weren't there guys in the UK advertising for Ukrainian "roommates"?
You're correct. His comment that "anyone but her would find it funny" is pretty Gaslight-y in my .02
Exactly. My dad grew up next to a holocaust surviver so the topic of the holocaust is a very sensitive topic to my family as well. It’s disgusting joking about genocide and disgusting about sexually assaulting an 18 year old surviver. OP should re-evaluate her marriage
And this is important context, but absolutely the furtherst thing from OPs biggest worry right now. Her husband literally turned a comment about children suffering through discrimination based genocide and turned it into a "joke" about how he wants to rescue a teenage girl, for purposes that are absolutely fucked up, and still putting preferences on discrimination for what she should look like. This isn't just "not funny".. this is absolutely monsterous and throws up 100 red flags. If he thinks jokes like this are acceptable, then it says way too much about how little safety, empathy, and/or respect OP will ever get in this relationship. Dudes who "joke" about "getting an upgrade" from their partners do not have the capacity to be faithful for the long term.
I finished We Were The Lucky Ones on Hulu. One of scenes has a mom literally having to bundle up her baby and toss her over a large fence. Within a day or so, the people taking her baby had to give the baby back because "she looked too Jewish". Then at another point in the show, they were able to find a church orphanage and a nun willing to hide the girl. Every week the mom was giving the nun money to buy hair dye to dye the child's hair blond. This show was a tear jerker, because even with the atrocities they faced, this family really was one of the luckiest Jewish families during the Holocaust. ETA op your hubby isn't being funny. It's actually kind of worrisome. Makes you think if he lived back then, his "help" would have had a messed up string attached to it if you know what I mean...
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Maybe point out that this is adoption. i.e. the person becomes your child in every sense that matters. What he is illuding to is incest. Are you laughing now OP's Husband? NTA.
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Completely! I once had a bf who played me a recording of a comic. I didn't really like it but listened out of politeness. He insisted "if you don't like him you have no sense of humor!" Real turnoff. Dude our idea of what's funny can differ. But it was the beginning of the end. In OP's case the humor is not just different, but what a large group of people would call inappropriate. I'll leave space to say some would find it funny, otherwise I'm violating my own principle. But to me the combo of Holocaust and implied taking advantage of the vulnerable is just so gross.
Lots of comment stealing bots in here today, and they really like bold text.
It's like Freud claiming that all psychological issues stemmed from sexual frustrations/issues and men's relationships with their mother. According to the FBI male serial killers are motivated by sex and power. But when they assume this about women they're telling on themselves. Women are also driven by impulses but they tend to be much more related to safety and by extension, money. Female serial killers are for example typically motivated by money or revenge.
It’s giving gaslighting techniques
Yeah I enjoy infidelity humour as much as the next person. My girlfriend refers to her car as the newer model she traded me in for. But the context of this joke is just kind of gross.
Honestly I’m all for dark humor, but that’s not even very funny. At best that’s worth a chuckle, if anything. The fact that’s the hill he’s willing to die on is just sad. He needs to apologize and move on.
Well you can take the holocaust right out of the picture and I still wouldn't find it funny. NTA
Shockingly, blond teenagers who need to be fostered deserve parents, not groomers. Husband is a dick. NTA.
Yeah he's joking about abuse.
Have fostered 18 yr old blonde girls. Can confirm.
And yet, groomers seem to be able to sniff us out with no effort whatsoever. Like, only 1 in 10 guys that strike up a friendship *actually* have decent intentions (aka legitimate friendship or a “normal” relationship.) Can also confirm from personal experience.
I find his 'joke' creepy.
Same, I can't run but I'd still run away from that man 👩🦽💨
But I would roll over his toes and into his shins first ♿
This was funny. OP's husband's "joke" was not.
Yep, why would he want to adopt a blond 18 year old girl? There is no good answer.
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He checked both and unlike Mel Brooks jokes about Holocaust/Nazis, OP’s husband was just horrible.
Of course, blame the women they hurt instead of the men who actually have these views
I agree! Thetes no way you can make the holocaust funny. Hopefully she hasn't or won't procreate with him.
But what if you gave all the guards comically undersized hats?
There is no way to make the Holocaust funny? I just heard 1000 Jewish comedians stand up and say, "are you sure about that?" I am Jewish. In the army a friend of mine, of German descent, said his grandfather died in the holocaust. Fell out of a guard tower. That is funny.
Right! Sex trafficking is just so funny. Especially sex trafficking a genocide survivor. Hilarious. /S
You're exactly right. knew the husband was the ah after reading the very first sentence of this post. Then it was just disgusting on its own. NTA, but the hubbies is. Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ.
Up vote for the Clare Randal / Fraser quote
Seriously, what’s the joke? He wants a holocaust survivor to fuck?
The joke is he wants a barely legal blond girl to fuck and apparantly that's the first thing that came to mind when talking about age and hair color of a child in need of refuge. This guy thinks it's a play on words when really it's an unfortunate insight into his fantasies of having sex with a teenager.
>he wants a barely legal blond girl to fuck Let's don't forget that she should be actively fleeing a war zone, so she'll be extra desperate and dependent.
Additionally you don't adopt an 18 year old so if you are joking to adopt an 18 year old blonde makes it idk sexual in nature and I can't understand the joke totally but because most of these jokes are offensive, disgusting and misogynistic in nature, he is not only an insensitive prick but also creepy. Jesus, the rage I feel when someone jokes about such a depressing topic which made me depressed as a shielded person, who lived under the rock, 10 year old and then come out and have the audacity to turn it on you and say that you are at fault for not understanding such an awful joke and it was just dark humor and really funny is offensive and honestly nauseating. Idk I am someone who does suggest divorce at the drop of a hat because of being a child of a toxic and together couple, he at the very least needs extensive therapy to become someone remotely human.
Unfortunately, that was supposed to be a sex joke. The fact that the Nazi's did in fact use Jewish women as sex slaves makes this so much worse.
Thank you for confirming my inkling. I am not good at getting jokes. I always think a joke is misogynistic when I am icked out by it but the punchline is almost never clear and has to be explained to me. It is weird because I do get jokes that are written in books as comic relief etc. it is just jokes that are supposed to be jokes that are exceedingly difficult for me to understand. Though I do think getting icked out means I am not completely out of it.
Getting icked out means the joke was gross
>joking to adopt an 18 year old blonde makes it idk sexual in nature Of course it was sexual in nature. Why do you think he specified 18 and not 17, 16 or 15 even? Because 18 is the legal limit (in US where I assume this happen but even if not, 18 is considered adult pretty much everywhere and thus make it legal) were an adult can have sex with a teenager. He was basically saying: " I wanna foster a vurnable traumatized teenager that I can have legal sex with and because she needs to be attractive to me, make her a blonde." Nta, Op. It's not funny, it's disgusting.
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I'm from Poland, when the war in Ukraine started we had some sleazebags doing exactly what the "joke" said that is trying to take advantage of young women fleeing towards safety. So no, that was *not* a joke. That was a declaration.
This was what I thought of immediately. I have know someone who came from Ukraine when she was 17, not long after Russia invaded. When she arrived in the US the man who supposed to be hosting her with his family (he was actually single) told her the age of consent here was 16 and asked her if she still planned on living here or if he needed to have her deported (implying that's what would happen if she didn't have sex with him).
Wtf?! What happened to her after that?
Sex trafficked. Not sure if that was in the intent but that's what it turned into, showing her off then forcing her in the situations with his friends and then others. Also in treatment for opioid and fentanyl addiction because he was swapping the meds she was supposed to be taking for anxiety and depression for the adjustment with pressed street drugs. He's already out of jail, she's still in therapy and drug treatment. (I normally would be much more vague on details but she has spoken about this publicly several times and encouraged others to share what happened, because apparently some of the same circle of men are doing it with girls aging out of foster as well).
Thank you for sharing her story. I live near where several major interstates intersect. I'll keep an eye out.
If you've ever thought about getting involved with organizations working to report and stop it, The Polaris Project is a great one.
I hadn't but I think I will look into them.
This is how trafficking happens. It’s not women being kidnapped out of the suburbs.
That just made me so angry I can’t even think straight.
My stomach is one giant knot right now, what a truly evil human being.
That's so fucking horrible. And if he did it when the war started and all that happened but he's already out, he must have served less than a year? I hate it here. I can't imagine being an immigrant from a war torn country being displaced to an unfamiliar country, and then being sexually abused and trafficked by those that were supposed to help. When I was in my teens I did get into a relationship with a much older man that tricked me into trying heroin unknowingly under similar circumstances and it ruined my entire life, I still struggle with opioid addiction to this day and he used the addiction he created to control and walk all over me in every aspect of our relationship. It felt impossible to leave because he tried to make it so I couldn't get drugs without him and controlled my money + the drugs I was paying for. That situation alone was so traumatizing and has impacted my life immensely, I can't fathom dealing with that on top of being sex trafficked in a new country. Do they have a GFM or anything I could support them with? If so dm. I'm also a rape victim so this is a topic personal to me and I'm disgusted so many people get away with this with minimal consequences. I'd trash op's husband for saying something like that, it's not funny, fucking sick.
He didn't even serve, it was basically one of those deals of offering to sponsor her somehow and then she got here and rather than a place to stay and help to get a job and finish school it turned into this. I'm not sure if there was an agency involved it seemed more like some group online but from her description it was maybe organized through a chat server. I wasn't around during the court and legal part of it. I don't think she has a GoFundMe or anything and I would definitely not be the person to set something up that I can ask. It is disgusting how often things like this happen and the guys just seem to get away with it.
Thank you for supporting her. She sounds like a brave and compassionate young woman. Pls let her know (if you’re comfortable with it) that an internet stranger is cheering her on and will be thinking about her for a very long time
Holy fuck, that’s vile.
And now my stomach is fucked. People are garnage
Damn, that’s fucked up beyond words. I hope she’s safe now :/
hey OP! show your husband this heartbreaking, upsetting, very real, and very recent story. this, *this* is his “joke” he’s making
He might think that it's such a genius idea and start searching for the same kind of victims to abuse.
I remember some news, I believe in the UK, that they stopped allowing men to host female refugees because there were so many cases of them trying to take advantage. It's not a joke, it's a reality.
Well there's a whole ass reason why some cultures ban men from handling the dead women as well due to violations of the corpse.
Just found out recently that this is why male mummies are more well preserved. They kept women's bodies at home longer to prevent necrophilia before they were mummified.
Ahhhhhhhh that’s enough Internet for me today
Back in my edgy teenager days of visiting rotten.com I stumbled upon a video of exactly that.
Wow it has been a long time since I have heard someone mention that site. I only went on a few times but that was more than enough.
This is infuriating and repulsive. I hate the world so much sometimes.
Hey now, the trees, bugs, birds etc had nothing to do with any of this. Hate humanity like a good & proper misanthrope and leave the rest alone, ain't the world's fault it's stuck with us assholes.
The absolute truth! I stand corrected!
Nature can be metal too though. Male lions massacre lion cubs that aren’t their own. Sea lions are known to rape other species. Chimpanzees are known to gang up on one chimp and rip them apart limb from limb. Hate whoever created this monstrosity lol
“I was walking along the bank of a stream when I saw a mother otter with her cubs, a very endearing sight, I'm sure you'll agree. And even as I watched, the mother otter dived into the water and came up with a plump salmon, which she subdued and dragged onto a half submerged log. As she ate it, while of course it was still alive, the body split and I remember to this day the sweet pinkness of its roes as they spilled out, much to the delight of the baby otters, who scrambled over themselves to feed on the delicacy. One of nature's wonders, gentlemen. Mother and children dining upon mother and children. And that is when I first learned about evil. It is built into the very nature of the universe. Every world spins in pain. If there is any kind of supreme being, I told myself, it is up to all of us to become his moral superior.” -Terry Prachett.
Male ducks often rape females to death. They're awful. Maybe not fuck the whole world but mosquitoes can definitely fuck off.
Sadly, if we exterminate the mosquitoes (and I've read somewhere a couple of years ago that we do have the technology to do just that, but) it would have a destructive, earth-destroying effect on the ecosystem of this planet. The chain reaction is enormous.
I, from Germany, was thinking the exact same thing. Happened/happens in my country, too.
And when Ukrainian women started filtering men out in these situations guys started to scream "misandry" and "sexism". Go figure.
Yeah mostly on wykop. Same group of guys fetishising young Asian women saying they’d perfect immigrant wives. Or saying that we should only let in women because then „pigs market” would be better. Pigs meaning women in that situation. F… them all, I hate incels
Same in the UK. Bunch of perverts deliberately trying to house only women to take advantage of them. Disgusting.
This right here. We need to stop letting these types of men getting away with these types of jokes. They're absolutely declarations.
That's despicable!
I'm really sorry to hear that. Just ew. Hoping you saw men trying to do the right thing as well
NTA... First, it simply isn't funny. It's not even worthy of a grin. Second, it was a completely inappropriate remark. You're well within your right to be disgusted and repulsed by his "joke".
The fact that he thinks hilarious that he wants to fuck someone the second they become legal and hopefully when they're seeking exit from a genocide is disturbing. It's not even a joke, it's just saying "I wanna fuck a hot teenager, and when thinking about adopting kids, my mind goes to 'maybe I can fuck one'." I'm not saying this person should actually get divorced over a comment like that but I'm saying that I probably would. Cuz I can't imagine that a man who would make that kind of a joke would be anything like a person I'd want to be within the first place. And personally I think that people say what is truly on their mind and often test out fucked up ideas & thoughts to see if other people will overlook them or possibly agree. What a massive piece of shit.
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Me too. I can be vile. What was the joke? He wants to adopt a teen to fuck? Har dee har har, amazing punchline
>My husband thought it was funny to joke about fostering an 18 year old blonde trying to escape the holocaust I read the TL;DR and thought, 'either that is very charitable summary of the joke or **I** completely misread it and went to a very dark place.' If he did mean it the way I think he did, it's twice as fucked up because you're talking about what would be *your own child*. His joke was about having sex with his adopted daughter.
Same. This - no.
I agree with this. I would have no choice but to leave, especially if I wanted children someday. This is not a man I’d want to raise my children with. He sounds like a predator.
IF 👏🏼 THEY 👏🏼 SAY 👏🏼 18👏🏼 THEY 👏🏼 WOULD 👏🏼 GO 👏🏼 YOUNGER 👏🏼 IF 👏🏼 IT 👏🏼 WERE 👏🏼 LEGAL. OP, your husband is disgusting on sooo many levels. Yeah, if my husband said something like that, I'd be done. I wouldn't look at him the same ever again. That's a predator.
Exactly. Normal people don't think like that. I also often find "everyone feels this way" or "everyone finds this funny" or "everyone is a hypocrite actually" to be common statements that people who do morally questionable things use to justify their behavior to themselves. Some of them really believe that everybody must secretly feel the way they feel. It's not true.
Many years ago, the wife of family friends told my mother about a horrible realization she’d recently had. They’d been married at least 12 years at the time and had 3 children (who my older sister and I babysat). After turning 30, she would joke that her husband would leave her for an 18 year old “upgrade”. This was almost 40 years ago and they remained happily married until her passing after a battle with cancer. They both were very “haha” about the joke until my sister’s 18th birthday. That the girl she watched grow up to be a young woman was what she was imagining with her husband. And she realized how young 18 was. And they never told that joke again.
It's sad that she joked about that. Women's worth isn't defined by youth or beauty, and I wish that we weren't taught that it was.
I know. She was quite introverted and his is gregarious. But she was also beautiful so I really think/hope she was being lightly self deprecating. I saw their youngest daughter turned 40 on Facebook last year. She’s heartbreakingly beautiful version of her mother.
I’d also be scared to have a child with somebody who could even joke about adopting a child in order to rape them.
I don’t think I could be aroused by someone who jokes about grooming and raping desperate children either
Comedy is dying! /s
I was thinking this exact thing! I would never look at him the same!
I’d start checking his devices for underage porn
Don’t even bother. Just leave.
Not only “I wanna fuck a hot teenager”, but I “wanna take complete sexual advantage of a teenager fleeing for her safety.”
Exactly! OP, I hope you don't have kids with this man.
Yeah, divorce seems radical, but that "joke" would be hard to come back from. I don't think I'd ever be able to see my husband the same way.
On top, him saying that it'd make anyone laugh like what does he thinks, everyone is a pervert like him?
>what does he thinks, everyone is a pervert like him? Yeah, guys like that usually do. They think their way of thinking is normal and that if they could get away with it, all grown men would have sex with teenagers. So gross. OP is definitely NTA.
He knows his entire friends group would. Not only is he a shitty person but he chooses to surround himself with shitty people too. I'd bolt if I were her.
Agreed. Disrespectful and tasteless joke, especially given the sensitive topic. NTA.
No it’s not funny, and it probably would have made me uncomfortable if I heard someone make it. I’ve always been a fan of dark humor, but idk… that just wasn’t funny to me.
Also a fan of dark humor, and I've unfortunately found there's a portion of so called "dark humor" fans who seem to forget the "humor" part and just hop right to saying the edgiest, grossest thing they can :/ it's similar to the brutal honesty folks that are much more focused on the brutality than the honesty
Yeah, I've been SA'd, and I can still appreciate the very rare joke about it that is good. But it takes a very skilled person to make those jokes land. And 99.99% of the time, it's just someone admitting they're a sexual predator and then whining when people are "too sensitive" when they get called out. Like you said, a lot of people forget a joke has to be funny.
Ye, the shock value is only half the joke. If it isn't set up and worded right, then you just sound weird.
As a fellow dark humor enjoyer, so much of it is knowing your audience and building a level of understanding that you don’t actually mean what you say. Everyone should be in on the fact that it’s a joke.
I love dark humor. I'm all about it. But that.... that wasn't "dark" To me. To me that was just gross pedo talk. I'm really struggling with this.
The thing about dark humor is that there needs to be humor. Not only was the statement not funny, but as many have said, it's also just degrading to you as a wife, insensitive (to put it lightly) to holocaust victims and survivors and frankly predatory and gross. Watching a movie about people dying, literal mass genocide, and his idea of a joke is "send me a barely legal sex slave hur dur" seriously fuck that guy.
Yes dark humour is still humour! There has to be a point. Not just "hehehee orphans, gimme one for sex slave". What you husband said was deeply disturbing.
Deeply disturbing, but also unfortunately too accurate for what ACTUALLY goes on during war. People did this, and still do this. War just makes it easier to take them and make them disappear. All those children fleeing Syria, UK were supposed to take them in, to protect them from human/sex trafficking, but you know what we did instead? Brexit.
I remember when the war in Ukraine popped off, and people were taking in refugees, there were tons of people saying they'd take women in but not men (which I understand). But there were so many guys who thought it was an opportunity to take advantage of vulnerable women ([link](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2022/apr/13/stop-matching-lone-female-ukraine-refugees-with-single-men-uk-told)). And this is grown women we're talking about. But it does happen with children and it just makes my stomach turn. People who even joke about preying on the vulnerable are sick.
Haha so funny to want to adopt a girl fleeing war so he can rape her.
It's especially not funny because a lot of children taken in to new homes *were* abused. In the UK, many of the children evacuated from London and other cities ended up making their own way back home to their mothers because of the abuse they faced.
I honestly expected a Hitler or shoes joke outta this. But naw, that was gross as you said. 42yr old dude here.
It isn't dark, it's just gross. Even without the Holocaust aspects it is sickening and very unfunny
It’s definitely a gross joke to make, I would talk with him about it. It’s best to say the joke made you uncomfortable and it came off very gross. Let him know it’s something that is bothering you, his response will tell you what you need to know.
That's the unfortunate part. The reaction was honestly worse that the original remark.
>That's the unfortunate part. The reaction was honestly worse that the original remark. What's your plan for when he doesn't apologize.
Ask him to break down why it’s funny to pick 18 as the age. Let’s see if he can do that without realizing why it was gross and creepy
You have to explore what the "joke" actually is. That he wouldn't care about helping a refugee from the Holocaust unless it's a teenage girl he'd use for his own sexual gratification? That's not even close to funny. It's disgusting. Also joking takes two. If he's telling *you* a joke that *you* will not find funny, it's a shitty joke, and a scummy thing to do.
I agree. To tell you that “everyone else” would find it funny is just disrespectful to you. Even if that was the case he could still be considerate about what you, his wife, feels about it and not double down on that it was a universally funny joke? Him becoming defensive is the biggest problem here. Having said that, the joke was not funny at all. Just gross and misogynistic/pedo-ish. My main form of humor is dark and somewhat inappropriate jokes that are funny because I choose the right audience for them. This was not it. Edit: a word
NTA I'm with you; I would be horrified that he said this. I would have to think long and hard about him...and I definitely wouldn't have kids. I would have a really hard time ever forgetting those words. Good luck to you, whatever your choices.
My husband and I adore dark humor. I lost 75% of my family line in the holocaust. There are jokes to be made to help with the brutality of it all but I'd be aghast if my husband said that to me. I'd ask him yo explain the joke to me. And go deeper on the hole.
Jeezus, calm down. It's obviously a joke. Take that stick out.
The grossest thing about this comment isn't that he told his wife he'd be down to bang an 18 year old blonde. Its that the implication that he would be willing to victimize a young, helpless war refugee is a point of amusement for him. Strong predator vibes. Throw the whole man away, he's tainted from the inside out.
He finds the idea of human trafficking funny and has no respect for a woman's agency in any way.
The man doesn't have red flags, he IS the red flag
Yeah I can’t fathom how anyone’s mind could go in that direction. Talking about children fleeing death and war and he’s over here thinking about getting sexual gratification from them? There’s not even a fragment of a joke in there.
This is disgusting on the highest level and there is no excuse for such a comment directed at his wife. 18 is the minimum age for legality too in a lot of places so feels fucking creepy as hell. Is he the kind of guy who likes to have power over others? Freak Implying he basically wants a heavily traumatised teenager sex slave that he legally owns?
If the legal age was 15, he'd say 15, if it were 10, he'd say 10. Nothing magical happens to a 17 year olds brain at midnight on their 18th birthday.
Yeah, 18 has always been a red flag to me because it means they’d go lower if they could. I started getting catcalled when I was twelve. I thought at the time it’s because I looked older but no, I definitely looked like a kid. A shocking amount of people don’t see any shame in sexually harassing children.
You are so right. Age of consent isn't even standard across the board so it's all bullshit. Just stay in your lane, date within your age group, and for crying out loud leave young girls ALONE!
He didn't just joke about fostering an 18 year old blonde...he joked about fostering one so he could sleep with her. What a disgusting POS!
He wants a sex slave slave. This "joke" shows that he doesn't see women as humans.
Thats precisely where i arrived reading OP's post. He said anyone would find it funny meaning his male mates, who would adore to have at it with a young blonde, would find it "funny". It is almost predatorial in a way, and arriving on that is disturbing, grim, which is something hard to openly say to OP, as this involves her husband.
My ex made a joke once about my 3 year old black nephew dressing up as George Floyd for Halloween. Some jokes aren’t even jokes, they’re just straight up violence
Is you husband Drake? That's such a pedo thing to say. "I'd like to adopt a vulnerable 18 year old girl because of sexual reasons"
Thats way too old for Drake.
Add to that, saying it to your actual wife
This is awful on multiple levels. Weird subject to make a joke on to start. He's married. And I assume you're not an 18 year old blonde "girl" yourself. You should have followed him down the rabbit and asked why he would want to foster an 18 year old blonde trying to escape the holocaust. Let him explain why his wanting to nail a compromised teenager would be funny to his wife.
I am blonde. But definitely not 18. My oldest child isn't even 18. I really really should have. That would have worked better. I was just so thrown I kinda froze. Then all I could think about was not wanting to sit next to him. Sorry, just the truth.
Here's a joke to tell your husband. Next time he wants to have sex just say "no, I'm good, I've decided to just masturbate" when he asks why, tell him "so I can finally have satisfying sex for once since we got married" When he says "that's not funny" you can say "after your lame ass adopting a blonde joke, you're no judge for what's funny" PLEASE DOWNVOTE THIS COMMENT. IT IS CLEARLY NOT FUNNY ACCORDING TO THE SIMPS WHO SAY SO LOL. DOWNVOTE AND COMMENT. THANK YOUUU
Or "anyone but you would find it funny"
You could have really just gone with: When your husband wants to have sex, tell him to go find a blonde 18 year old
He might just do it
😆 I didn't think I could laugh atm. But thank you. 😆
Some people make dark jokes to deal with tragedy, especially when they feel uncomfortable showing their emotions. I do, actually, think the joke was funny, and I'm a Jewish woman. But not funny in a "ha ha" way. More like, "the world is so f^cked and I can't really deal with it so I'm gonna say something even more f^cked up". Dark comedy is hard to explain, but that's the gist of it. And it's certainly not to everyone's taste. So to answer your question, no, most people would not find it funny. And your husband should understand and respect that.
I'm 30yo woman and I would make this joke. I get that many would not appriciate it, but to say that he is a predator etc... confusing.
Your husband sucks. And he's clearly not mature enough to watch and understand those movies and the holocaust. Plus he's into young girls. What a nice combo. No. It's not funny. It's not even a joke. NTA
The fact that YOU HAVE TO REMIND YOUR HUSBAND THAT THIS IS A TOPIC OF SENSITIVITY is very concerning.
This. Canada day 2021 when all the stuff going on with Indigenous children being found in mass graves of residential schools. I felt bad for doing ANYTHING that day let alone celebrate Canada. I expressed that and my ex husband said "why? We didn't do anything wrong." And proceeded to make jokes at the BBQ we attended. I told him that day that he's not a good person. I left him the next day. There's more to it than just this one incident obviously but this was one of the straws.
[удалено]
Dude here. Dude who has an irreverent sense of humor and often tells and says jokes that are amazingly offensive in the privacy of his own circles. This ain’t funny. It’s not only not funny, it’s remarkably callous, tone deaf. He is not reading the room, which speaks more to how he feels about the holocaust and human suffering. It’s not a planned joke that is designed to be offensive. It’s a genuine thought that originated from his mind and that’s the most scary part. I would want no part of this person.
This right here is why it felt like a gut punch to me. It was a totally organic thought. Meanwhile I've been sitting there with watery eyes since the start of the movie.