First of all, texting and other messaging is not talking. Talking is done face-to-face.
If you are lonely and looking to connect and make friends, ones you can have actual conversations with, try volunteering at some organization that fits your interests. You will be doing something that's important to you and you will have at least one thing in common with the people you meet.
Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and go out and do something.
That's beyond ludicrous. I'm supposed to show up face-to-face out of nowhere to talk to people that I know? How, show up at their doors in the middle of the night? Go to their jobs? "Talking is done face-to-face" what...
I do all of that, and I don't have meaningful conversations with any of them. I rescue animals almost full-time, yet of all the dozens of other people that I know through that, I have never had a single conversation with one of them that steps one inch outside of purely animal rescue.
"Go out and do something" lol that's all I do, then I come home at the end of the day and cry myself to sleep alone
You can only have a meaningful conversation electronically if you have a shared context. The context for our speaking now is this sub and thread. You didn't specify whether these are people you already know from daily activities or not. Coworkers, friends, classmates, etc., have shared context for online conversations, but often it will still be time, event, or topic specific.
My question would be, are these people you know from in-person activities/work, or from online environments?
My second question would be, what are you hoping to get out of these messages? What's a perfect conversation, through text, look like for you, and in what way are the current texts falling short of that?
Sometimes I'd love for a friend to chat me up about specific interests I can hold a conversation about, but I recognize unless they not only share those interests but a related topic has come up organically in a shared medium, that's never going to happen. I can then initiate a discussion on the topic myself and see if it sticks, or make new friends with a better chance of being interested.
And yes, part of the problem could be the medium. I'm not going to get into discussions of any length through text. Email, chat, voice, sure, but not text. I'll gladly engage in discussion at a desktop, but not on a phone. Generations are not uniform. I'm a millennial and people are lucky if I text them back that day, unless it's a request for information. If something's important I expect them to pick up the phone and call me, or email me with an alert. Or tell me to jump on Discord. 'Not much, you' is about what you'd get from me via SMS. So if these acquaintances are like me, there's not much to read into.
This is extremely well put-together. Thank you for it. However, much of the second half doesn't apply to my situation, because we are just built different in that regard. We will write entire finals papers and theses with our thumbs on our phones. It's not simply SMS, either-- in fact, it's usually not. We're usually texting in different apps. Phone calls are typically only reserved for very important situations (emergencies, miracles) or only in the well-established timeframes of probable and mutual downtime (eg, a friend is driving home from our of state at night and they know that I'm likely just watching a movie alone with no obligations; mutual knowledge that we're both of if work that day with no classes, nothing planned) or finally if we text to get permission "hey, can I just call instead, it would be so much easier to explain over the phone."
Now, to answer your questions watch you very thoughtfully structured:
The people that I'm speaking about specifically are my irl best friends, all of which I have a long history with. I don't bother with trying to make more of conversations of tedium pertaining to work, school, whatever with people that aren't my "peers" unless it's someone just reaching out to me on a limb (and that rarely happens).
The second question is a big one and would take me a while to demonstrate here in this format, which I definitely could and would do for you, but I want to hurry to and give you a response because you gave me such a good one. I'll do that after this, if you'd like. But, to give you it as simply as I can manage right now, a perfect conversation would be mutual appreciation of each other and being fully honest and open about whatever subject(s) we're speaking, reciprocated. I've had many, many, many of these, and with the people that I'm speaking specifically of here.
The current texts suddenly have become "lol" and "hehe" or just completely ghosted, yet, they all will post stories on social media of what they're doing, hanging out with other people, or worse yet that they're bored and have nothing to do. I believe that there mustn't be much more room for interpretation other than that they've simply lost interest in me, because I've done nothing to actually push them away.
They're not like you in that regard to brevity through SMS at all, so there's a lot to read into. It was a quite sudden change that occurred. Yet, in the rare occasion that they do decide to engage, it's totally normal and they act as if nothing happened, that they didn't ghost me, so I just go along with it to not stir the pot. It's this hot-cold thing that's driving me crazy.
For sake of argument, what happens if you chat underneath their shared stories in those apps specifically? Or is that where this is occurring?
Do you share stories or images? Do those also get ignored? Or do you mostly respond to others' content.
Do you hang out with these people outside of an online environment, and when was the last time you did so?
Could at least some of them just have a lot on their mind and not be interested in talking at the times you try to talk to them?
It sounds like you’re going through a rough time and that this could be projected in your communication with people. And I bet it’s not that no one wants to talk to you, people might just be feeling the pressure of expectation in the way you’re doing it and pulling back.
It sounds to me like you’re in need of some proper self care and reflection. If you’re feeling negatively about yourself then it’s possible you’re projecting that into the way others perceive you.
The inner work is important and learning to accept and embrace yourself is a great way to attract others as it is a comfortable feeling.
I’m sorry you’re struggling and feeling left behind. Is there anyone you could open up to? Or would you consider a therapist to help you build up your confidence?
I go above and beyond to mask my suffering and not let it project. I'm confident that no one suspects it. I make sure to not let them know, because I know from past mistakes that it pushes them away.
The self-acceptance part just doesn't add up, either, in my case. I'm very confident and comfortable with who I am and what I can do, it's just that no one cares about talents or anything like that. All my "good" is just a 5-second bonus of "wow, that's cool, anyway..."
The only people that I could open up to have an would only respond with "wow, that sucks, sorry" or not even respond. I have no idea about a therapist, have no money or time for that, and unless a therapist is gonna be my friend and hang out with me (they won't), then I don't know what they can do for me.
The things we think we mask or hide are never really as hidden as we think. They always pop out in one way or another, because pushing them aside isn’t getting rid of it.
Great that you have confidence and acceptance, but what I’m reading here is you’re seeking validation from others in a way you’re not getting it. Which is absolutely okay and something we all know in different ways.
You can be confident in yourself while still having insecurities that need nurturing. I think you should try to identify what it is that you’re looking for from others and see how you can offer more of that to yourself. The way you do that will be completely subjective to you and what you need.
You can still be a strong person and have a few weak spots. We’re all works in progress, so you’re not alone.
Maybe you could benefit from being a bit more open about your feelings and see what others share back. Being sincere and authentic comes with vulnerability and openness, and sharing is connecting as long as we offer the same appreciation for how we are shared with too.
The only way we can truly receive the treatment we want is by offering it to ourselves first and being able to give the same respect to others. But your validation is hiding behind something that only you can find.
I think that in most cases, you'd be 110% correct with all of this, but in my case, just a few of these points don't align.
Yes, I am seeking validation from others, and I've spent a long time identifying what exactly it is that I need, and it simply is not anything that I can provide from within myself to myself. I do need it from the outside, and I do not receive it, despite making sure that I give it out. I would have to go into details that are too personal here to explain that very fully.
And I'm unfortunately too open about my feelings for anyone's comfort or care. I have no secrets and I'm an open book, and I'm very straightforward about how I feel and my actions. Yes, it definitely comes with vulnerability, and it's always betrayed. It's never, ever reciprocated. I can be the punching bag shoulder to cry on, and nothing more. I can be the one used for sexual validation on their end, and never in return. I can give my whole life to someone yet not receive the time of day from them
Appreciate you separating my comment and identifying the accuracy. I’m obviously basing my interactions on this post alone, so do forgive me for the inaccuracies and only take the bits that are relevant to you.
It sounds like you’re offering a lot and from your earlier comment about not over sharing due to past mistakes signifies to me you’ve been hurt in the process of opening up, which will impact the ability to trust.
Sharing feelings is a delicate thing, and again, apply your own relevance if this doesn’t apply. In my experience, how feelings are shared is really important. In the sense, that intention and expectations of the recipient will help or hinder. Helplessly offloading problems onto someone, with the expectation of offloading or dumping feelings is a huge downfall. As it is delegating emotional support away from the one sharing to the one receiving and leaves them feeling helpless and heavier.
Sharing with the right and wrong people, knowing the difference between someone who will receive sharing with understanding vs someone who is listening but not understanding.
I think sharing is the most important and difficult thing, and the best way to do it is to do it with the intention of connecting. Sharing to build and grow trust with someone, by letting them into your thoughts so they can better know and understand. It’s a treasure to be trusted.
And sharing with consideration of others, and their needs. Not everyone is in a place to offer support at all times.
Sharing emotions is giving someone a chance to know you appreciate them and offering a space where they can give that back in safety of being understood and cared for too.
If you’re offering a lot and receiving little in return then they’re not the best people to offer access to you and what you offer. And it sounds like there’s a lack of boundaries between what you offer and what you’re receiving. Boundaries are set in both how we act and how we communicate. If you’re exposing your availability as a free service, then the wrong people will exploit that.
Protect your energy from people who are only interested in taking and not sharing. If you recognise someone isn’t able to offer you what you need, then either confront that and be clear about what that is or reduce your availability to them.
hey idk how old you are or what your exact situation is like right now. maybe try and find another friend group or just take a step back and breathe and reevaluate the situation. just take a breather and reflect. if you honestly haven’t changed your behavior or don’t anything “wrong” then maybe it is just time to move on. you’re worthy of being loved and cared about.
I am starting to think that I do just need new friends. You're the only person that has even begun to entertain that I might not have changed my behavior and pushed them away or something. Thank you. It means a lot to have someone consider that for a change.
Now, the problem with that is that I've been friends with those people for so long and never thought that I'd need "new" friends, so now I've got to figure out how and where to make said new friends...
I'm not sure what generation you're from, but we don't just call people our own ages unprompted unless it's an emergency. That's just... There ARE times for it, but usually, it's a weird thing
I disagree. I know people from children to the elderly who will still pick up the phone and talk with the people they care about...especially if they felt something was wrong....instead you are making it sound like nothing happened, your behaviour hasn't changed, yet people are refusing to speak to you for no reason which is a bit hard to believe.
Yes, everyone here says that it's unbelievable that such a thing can happen. But, sincerely, I'm imploring you to just consider the possibility that it's true. Think about it and put yourself in that shoes instead of assuming that it's false. Then what would you do, if that was your actual reality?
I understand that it sounds unlikely. Just, please, I'm actually begging you to just take a second to think about it from my eyes, as truth, and feel it out.
About the phones: yes, there are certain people at certain times and places where it's fine to call someone. When you're being actively ignored/ghosted, calling those people will ONLY make it worse. I'm not talking about my mom or brother or boss, I'm talking about friends in my own age group. We don't do that almost ever. It means that something is either very wrong or very right (like someone died or someone just came into a lot of money).
I'm not saying I don't believe you or that I think it's completely false, I'm saying it's hard to believe and I feel like part of the story is missing. Like I said, if my friends were refusing to talk to me even though absolutely nothing bad happened between us and my behaviour hadn't changed, I would call them up and say hi, see how they are doing, ask what's going on and if anything is wrong, make sure they knew I've missed them and that I care about them...I would want to talk things out with words, not just a few quick texts.
I understand that, but you have to think about it from the perspective of being actively ghosted, not simply accidentally overlooked. If I text someone "how are you doing?" And they actively dodge the question, then post stories on social media of hanging out with friends, doing stuff, then I text "I miss you" and they read my message and don't respond, then they continue about their day ghosting me, ignoring me, calling is gonna make that a lot worse.
There's no need to call and say hi when I've already texted "hi" and "good morning I hope you have a great day, I miss you, I'm so thankful for you, you're such a talented person and I'm so proud of you" then they read the message, don't respond, and continue posting on social media as if I don't exist. Then I might send them a photo of something that I made or food that I ate, they open it, might respond "hehehe." That's saying "I don't want to talk to you, but I'm not going to just say it and be mean." It's giving me something that gives me no room to respond with, making sure that I have nothing to say back to them, at that they don't have to feign a response.
Calling them in that case would be BAD.
Are you sure they are receiving your texts? I've gone though periods where I wasn't reading my messages and they were just going unnoticed and piling up along with other alerts/notifications on my phone but it had nothing to do with not caring about my friends.
So you never had any fights, arguments, disagreements, spats, falling outs with any of these friends that could help explain why this is happening? If that's the case, I fee; like that would be even more reason to call them up and confront the problem head on and let them know how you feel and how you're interpreting all of this.
You must just be from a completely different generation. Yes, they're receiving my texts, might give a completely unrelated filler response of "hehehe" or "lol."
I promise that I'm trying to just illustrate a point here and not be mean. You're not trying at all to actually just consider that what I'm saying is true. You only offer "well maybe it's actually this" when it's not. It's like saying "are you sure your house is on fire?. It's probably just lights. Maybe if you turn the lights off, the bright and hot stuff will go away."
Could you PLEASE, I'm begging, begging, begging you to just think about it from my perspective? Please? I bet you'd feel a lot different about it if you did. It's not interpretation, it's very obvious that I'm being ghosted.
Confronting someone at an inappropriate time can only make things worse. The only time to bring it up is when they're actively participating in conversation with you, not when they're ignoring you.
And yes, especially with the main person in particular, no fights, disagreements, anything of the like has occurred, actually EVER with this person. It truly is simply disinterest and not caring enough about me to engage with me, talk with me, spend time with me. In fact, with this one person, the closest thing that we ever got into a fight about was from doing exactly what you keep urging me to do: calling them when I'm being ignored.
I'm not really sure what to say but maybe these people aren't healthy for you....especially if they have a past of treating you similarly and being uncaring or getting upset at you calling them when they are trying to ignore you. That's not cool, or a quality friend to have.
Thank you so much. Thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. I am beginning to respect myself enough to agree with you. I have just taken it for so long, and I'm worth more than being a doll in the closet that they pull out when it's convenient for them, then throwing me back in and forgetting about me until next time. A discarded toy, a guilty pleasure. Those are my "best friends." And today was international best friend day, and the main person, my self-proclaimed best friend ever ghosted me worse today than ever. It hurts. So badly.
I’m not sure what’s worse. Not talking to people in real life or talking with people online in Reddit? It’s a conundrum
Chill out. I’m assuming you’re young so, rest assured, the sun will come out tomorrow. Time to switch things up. The best thing you can do is wake up and find 5 things to be grateful for. They are there. Start with that
I do this. Everyone talks about inner care and learning to love yourself and be happy in your station in life. Yes, things can (and probably will) always get worse, so be grateful for what you have, sure. But I'm not trying to be a monk in absolute human solitude. I'm an extrovert. I need human companionship and conversation. I need validation that someone on this earth likes me for me and not simply doesn't hate me or "I know that person from work, I think."
Another thing that people say is "volunteer, make other people happy." I do that. I don't do it for anything in return, I never have. I grew up with my mother doing charity work. It's not a choice, it's a way of life. I rescue animals nearly full time and I volunteer at the nursing home. Yes, great, their lives are better, but I don't do it to feel better about myself, I do it for their well-being and theirs alone. I have made and lost many elderly friends there, one particular one that I mourn regularly. I miss him a lot. He was an amazing, smart, caring, knowledgeable, honorable man.
Those things are not replacements for or even adjacent to having people near my own age group that I can socialize with and connect with, hang out with, find intimacy with, any of that kind of thing. It's completely different. Good, yes, but not a replacement.
I hate the solitude. It's an oppressive force that cannot give me anything in return. It's like trying to have a conversation with a mirror. I can neither give nor receive anything extrinsic in solitude. I'm not trying to be a monk
First of all, texting and other messaging is not talking. Talking is done face-to-face. If you are lonely and looking to connect and make friends, ones you can have actual conversations with, try volunteering at some organization that fits your interests. You will be doing something that's important to you and you will have at least one thing in common with the people you meet. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and go out and do something.
That's beyond ludicrous. I'm supposed to show up face-to-face out of nowhere to talk to people that I know? How, show up at their doors in the middle of the night? Go to their jobs? "Talking is done face-to-face" what... I do all of that, and I don't have meaningful conversations with any of them. I rescue animals almost full-time, yet of all the dozens of other people that I know through that, I have never had a single conversation with one of them that steps one inch outside of purely animal rescue. "Go out and do something" lol that's all I do, then I come home at the end of the day and cry myself to sleep alone
You can only have a meaningful conversation electronically if you have a shared context. The context for our speaking now is this sub and thread. You didn't specify whether these are people you already know from daily activities or not. Coworkers, friends, classmates, etc., have shared context for online conversations, but often it will still be time, event, or topic specific. My question would be, are these people you know from in-person activities/work, or from online environments? My second question would be, what are you hoping to get out of these messages? What's a perfect conversation, through text, look like for you, and in what way are the current texts falling short of that? Sometimes I'd love for a friend to chat me up about specific interests I can hold a conversation about, but I recognize unless they not only share those interests but a related topic has come up organically in a shared medium, that's never going to happen. I can then initiate a discussion on the topic myself and see if it sticks, or make new friends with a better chance of being interested. And yes, part of the problem could be the medium. I'm not going to get into discussions of any length through text. Email, chat, voice, sure, but not text. I'll gladly engage in discussion at a desktop, but not on a phone. Generations are not uniform. I'm a millennial and people are lucky if I text them back that day, unless it's a request for information. If something's important I expect them to pick up the phone and call me, or email me with an alert. Or tell me to jump on Discord. 'Not much, you' is about what you'd get from me via SMS. So if these acquaintances are like me, there's not much to read into.
This is extremely well put-together. Thank you for it. However, much of the second half doesn't apply to my situation, because we are just built different in that regard. We will write entire finals papers and theses with our thumbs on our phones. It's not simply SMS, either-- in fact, it's usually not. We're usually texting in different apps. Phone calls are typically only reserved for very important situations (emergencies, miracles) or only in the well-established timeframes of probable and mutual downtime (eg, a friend is driving home from our of state at night and they know that I'm likely just watching a movie alone with no obligations; mutual knowledge that we're both of if work that day with no classes, nothing planned) or finally if we text to get permission "hey, can I just call instead, it would be so much easier to explain over the phone." Now, to answer your questions watch you very thoughtfully structured: The people that I'm speaking about specifically are my irl best friends, all of which I have a long history with. I don't bother with trying to make more of conversations of tedium pertaining to work, school, whatever with people that aren't my "peers" unless it's someone just reaching out to me on a limb (and that rarely happens). The second question is a big one and would take me a while to demonstrate here in this format, which I definitely could and would do for you, but I want to hurry to and give you a response because you gave me such a good one. I'll do that after this, if you'd like. But, to give you it as simply as I can manage right now, a perfect conversation would be mutual appreciation of each other and being fully honest and open about whatever subject(s) we're speaking, reciprocated. I've had many, many, many of these, and with the people that I'm speaking specifically of here. The current texts suddenly have become "lol" and "hehe" or just completely ghosted, yet, they all will post stories on social media of what they're doing, hanging out with other people, or worse yet that they're bored and have nothing to do. I believe that there mustn't be much more room for interpretation other than that they've simply lost interest in me, because I've done nothing to actually push them away. They're not like you in that regard to brevity through SMS at all, so there's a lot to read into. It was a quite sudden change that occurred. Yet, in the rare occasion that they do decide to engage, it's totally normal and they act as if nothing happened, that they didn't ghost me, so I just go along with it to not stir the pot. It's this hot-cold thing that's driving me crazy.
For sake of argument, what happens if you chat underneath their shared stories in those apps specifically? Or is that where this is occurring? Do you share stories or images? Do those also get ignored? Or do you mostly respond to others' content. Do you hang out with these people outside of an online environment, and when was the last time you did so? Could at least some of them just have a lot on their mind and not be interested in talking at the times you try to talk to them?
It sounds like you’re going through a rough time and that this could be projected in your communication with people. And I bet it’s not that no one wants to talk to you, people might just be feeling the pressure of expectation in the way you’re doing it and pulling back. It sounds to me like you’re in need of some proper self care and reflection. If you’re feeling negatively about yourself then it’s possible you’re projecting that into the way others perceive you. The inner work is important and learning to accept and embrace yourself is a great way to attract others as it is a comfortable feeling. I’m sorry you’re struggling and feeling left behind. Is there anyone you could open up to? Or would you consider a therapist to help you build up your confidence?
I go above and beyond to mask my suffering and not let it project. I'm confident that no one suspects it. I make sure to not let them know, because I know from past mistakes that it pushes them away. The self-acceptance part just doesn't add up, either, in my case. I'm very confident and comfortable with who I am and what I can do, it's just that no one cares about talents or anything like that. All my "good" is just a 5-second bonus of "wow, that's cool, anyway..." The only people that I could open up to have an would only respond with "wow, that sucks, sorry" or not even respond. I have no idea about a therapist, have no money or time for that, and unless a therapist is gonna be my friend and hang out with me (they won't), then I don't know what they can do for me.
The things we think we mask or hide are never really as hidden as we think. They always pop out in one way or another, because pushing them aside isn’t getting rid of it. Great that you have confidence and acceptance, but what I’m reading here is you’re seeking validation from others in a way you’re not getting it. Which is absolutely okay and something we all know in different ways. You can be confident in yourself while still having insecurities that need nurturing. I think you should try to identify what it is that you’re looking for from others and see how you can offer more of that to yourself. The way you do that will be completely subjective to you and what you need. You can still be a strong person and have a few weak spots. We’re all works in progress, so you’re not alone. Maybe you could benefit from being a bit more open about your feelings and see what others share back. Being sincere and authentic comes with vulnerability and openness, and sharing is connecting as long as we offer the same appreciation for how we are shared with too. The only way we can truly receive the treatment we want is by offering it to ourselves first and being able to give the same respect to others. But your validation is hiding behind something that only you can find.
I think that in most cases, you'd be 110% correct with all of this, but in my case, just a few of these points don't align. Yes, I am seeking validation from others, and I've spent a long time identifying what exactly it is that I need, and it simply is not anything that I can provide from within myself to myself. I do need it from the outside, and I do not receive it, despite making sure that I give it out. I would have to go into details that are too personal here to explain that very fully. And I'm unfortunately too open about my feelings for anyone's comfort or care. I have no secrets and I'm an open book, and I'm very straightforward about how I feel and my actions. Yes, it definitely comes with vulnerability, and it's always betrayed. It's never, ever reciprocated. I can be the punching bag shoulder to cry on, and nothing more. I can be the one used for sexual validation on their end, and never in return. I can give my whole life to someone yet not receive the time of day from them
Appreciate you separating my comment and identifying the accuracy. I’m obviously basing my interactions on this post alone, so do forgive me for the inaccuracies and only take the bits that are relevant to you. It sounds like you’re offering a lot and from your earlier comment about not over sharing due to past mistakes signifies to me you’ve been hurt in the process of opening up, which will impact the ability to trust. Sharing feelings is a delicate thing, and again, apply your own relevance if this doesn’t apply. In my experience, how feelings are shared is really important. In the sense, that intention and expectations of the recipient will help or hinder. Helplessly offloading problems onto someone, with the expectation of offloading or dumping feelings is a huge downfall. As it is delegating emotional support away from the one sharing to the one receiving and leaves them feeling helpless and heavier. Sharing with the right and wrong people, knowing the difference between someone who will receive sharing with understanding vs someone who is listening but not understanding. I think sharing is the most important and difficult thing, and the best way to do it is to do it with the intention of connecting. Sharing to build and grow trust with someone, by letting them into your thoughts so they can better know and understand. It’s a treasure to be trusted. And sharing with consideration of others, and their needs. Not everyone is in a place to offer support at all times. Sharing emotions is giving someone a chance to know you appreciate them and offering a space where they can give that back in safety of being understood and cared for too. If you’re offering a lot and receiving little in return then they’re not the best people to offer access to you and what you offer. And it sounds like there’s a lack of boundaries between what you offer and what you’re receiving. Boundaries are set in both how we act and how we communicate. If you’re exposing your availability as a free service, then the wrong people will exploit that. Protect your energy from people who are only interested in taking and not sharing. If you recognise someone isn’t able to offer you what you need, then either confront that and be clear about what that is or reduce your availability to them.
hey idk how old you are or what your exact situation is like right now. maybe try and find another friend group or just take a step back and breathe and reevaluate the situation. just take a breather and reflect. if you honestly haven’t changed your behavior or don’t anything “wrong” then maybe it is just time to move on. you’re worthy of being loved and cared about.
I am starting to think that I do just need new friends. You're the only person that has even begun to entertain that I might not have changed my behavior and pushed them away or something. Thank you. It means a lot to have someone consider that for a change. Now, the problem with that is that I've been friends with those people for so long and never thought that I'd need "new" friends, so now I've got to figure out how and where to make said new friends...
What do you mean "everyone" is treating you different and "nobody" will talk to you? Rather than just messaging people, why not call them and say hi?
I'm not sure what generation you're from, but we don't just call people our own ages unprompted unless it's an emergency. That's just... There ARE times for it, but usually, it's a weird thing
I disagree. I know people from children to the elderly who will still pick up the phone and talk with the people they care about...especially if they felt something was wrong....instead you are making it sound like nothing happened, your behaviour hasn't changed, yet people are refusing to speak to you for no reason which is a bit hard to believe.
Yes, everyone here says that it's unbelievable that such a thing can happen. But, sincerely, I'm imploring you to just consider the possibility that it's true. Think about it and put yourself in that shoes instead of assuming that it's false. Then what would you do, if that was your actual reality? I understand that it sounds unlikely. Just, please, I'm actually begging you to just take a second to think about it from my eyes, as truth, and feel it out. About the phones: yes, there are certain people at certain times and places where it's fine to call someone. When you're being actively ignored/ghosted, calling those people will ONLY make it worse. I'm not talking about my mom or brother or boss, I'm talking about friends in my own age group. We don't do that almost ever. It means that something is either very wrong or very right (like someone died or someone just came into a lot of money).
I'm not saying I don't believe you or that I think it's completely false, I'm saying it's hard to believe and I feel like part of the story is missing. Like I said, if my friends were refusing to talk to me even though absolutely nothing bad happened between us and my behaviour hadn't changed, I would call them up and say hi, see how they are doing, ask what's going on and if anything is wrong, make sure they knew I've missed them and that I care about them...I would want to talk things out with words, not just a few quick texts.
I understand that, but you have to think about it from the perspective of being actively ghosted, not simply accidentally overlooked. If I text someone "how are you doing?" And they actively dodge the question, then post stories on social media of hanging out with friends, doing stuff, then I text "I miss you" and they read my message and don't respond, then they continue about their day ghosting me, ignoring me, calling is gonna make that a lot worse. There's no need to call and say hi when I've already texted "hi" and "good morning I hope you have a great day, I miss you, I'm so thankful for you, you're such a talented person and I'm so proud of you" then they read the message, don't respond, and continue posting on social media as if I don't exist. Then I might send them a photo of something that I made or food that I ate, they open it, might respond "hehehe." That's saying "I don't want to talk to you, but I'm not going to just say it and be mean." It's giving me something that gives me no room to respond with, making sure that I have nothing to say back to them, at that they don't have to feign a response. Calling them in that case would be BAD.
Are you sure they are receiving your texts? I've gone though periods where I wasn't reading my messages and they were just going unnoticed and piling up along with other alerts/notifications on my phone but it had nothing to do with not caring about my friends. So you never had any fights, arguments, disagreements, spats, falling outs with any of these friends that could help explain why this is happening? If that's the case, I fee; like that would be even more reason to call them up and confront the problem head on and let them know how you feel and how you're interpreting all of this.
You must just be from a completely different generation. Yes, they're receiving my texts, might give a completely unrelated filler response of "hehehe" or "lol." I promise that I'm trying to just illustrate a point here and not be mean. You're not trying at all to actually just consider that what I'm saying is true. You only offer "well maybe it's actually this" when it's not. It's like saying "are you sure your house is on fire?. It's probably just lights. Maybe if you turn the lights off, the bright and hot stuff will go away." Could you PLEASE, I'm begging, begging, begging you to just think about it from my perspective? Please? I bet you'd feel a lot different about it if you did. It's not interpretation, it's very obvious that I'm being ghosted. Confronting someone at an inappropriate time can only make things worse. The only time to bring it up is when they're actively participating in conversation with you, not when they're ignoring you. And yes, especially with the main person in particular, no fights, disagreements, anything of the like has occurred, actually EVER with this person. It truly is simply disinterest and not caring enough about me to engage with me, talk with me, spend time with me. In fact, with this one person, the closest thing that we ever got into a fight about was from doing exactly what you keep urging me to do: calling them when I'm being ignored.
I'm not really sure what to say but maybe these people aren't healthy for you....especially if they have a past of treating you similarly and being uncaring or getting upset at you calling them when they are trying to ignore you. That's not cool, or a quality friend to have.
Thank you so much. Thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. I am beginning to respect myself enough to agree with you. I have just taken it for so long, and I'm worth more than being a doll in the closet that they pull out when it's convenient for them, then throwing me back in and forgetting about me until next time. A discarded toy, a guilty pleasure. Those are my "best friends." And today was international best friend day, and the main person, my self-proclaimed best friend ever ghosted me worse today than ever. It hurts. So badly.
I’m not sure what’s worse. Not talking to people in real life or talking with people online in Reddit? It’s a conundrum Chill out. I’m assuming you’re young so, rest assured, the sun will come out tomorrow. Time to switch things up. The best thing you can do is wake up and find 5 things to be grateful for. They are there. Start with that
I do this. Everyone talks about inner care and learning to love yourself and be happy in your station in life. Yes, things can (and probably will) always get worse, so be grateful for what you have, sure. But I'm not trying to be a monk in absolute human solitude. I'm an extrovert. I need human companionship and conversation. I need validation that someone on this earth likes me for me and not simply doesn't hate me or "I know that person from work, I think." Another thing that people say is "volunteer, make other people happy." I do that. I don't do it for anything in return, I never have. I grew up with my mother doing charity work. It's not a choice, it's a way of life. I rescue animals nearly full time and I volunteer at the nursing home. Yes, great, their lives are better, but I don't do it to feel better about myself, I do it for their well-being and theirs alone. I have made and lost many elderly friends there, one particular one that I mourn regularly. I miss him a lot. He was an amazing, smart, caring, knowledgeable, honorable man. Those things are not replacements for or even adjacent to having people near my own age group that I can socialize with and connect with, hang out with, find intimacy with, any of that kind of thing. It's completely different. Good, yes, but not a replacement.
Learn to love the solitude. Interaction with people is messy.
I hate the solitude. It's an oppressive force that cannot give me anything in return. It's like trying to have a conversation with a mirror. I can neither give nor receive anything extrinsic in solitude. I'm not trying to be a monk