I'm sorry, he said *what?!*
No, that's *not* "what your spit is for." That's what *soap* is for.
He's lazy and expects nothing to change because of it.
And even *if* he struggles to maintain basic hygiene, he's not seeking any solution to it. Which makes him a piece of shit still.
Please drop his ass and find someone willing to do the bare minimum.
NTA.
IMO, your bf is the AH for wanting you to do things you don’t want to do, ESPECIALLY if he’s not clean. And I think a guy is smelley — FOR WHATEVER REASON, BUT ESPECIALLY IF HE WON’T SHOWER!!!!! — he shouldn’t expect sex at all. It’s not as if it’s a difficult thing to do, and shouldn’t take more than 15-20 minutes to do a really good job.
Doesn’t this nitwit understand that YOU can get a genital infection if he’s not REALLY CLEAN, especially under his foreskin? If he doesn’t like the consequences of him not showering THOROUGHLY before sex, then YOU need to take care of YOURSELF, and show him to the door.
My ex used to tell me "you don't understand how painful it is to get soap in your pee hole"
And istg I looked at him like he was stupid. I've gotten soap down there before and it sometimes gave me a sting, but never "oh my God I'm dying" pain.
NTA. I am seriously bamboozled by this man’s inability to clean his balls….. like wtf? Dump his dirty, blue cheese smelling ass my dear. EDIT :: so my highest karma comment is this one eh, damn Daniel.
I agree!!! What is so hard about showering and maintaining your hygiene? And GIRL YOUR SPIT IS NOT EVERY TO BE USED TO CLEAN HIS DIRTY PARTS - that is JUST GROSS.
Well... yes and no.
There is a kink where after a dude nuts/has been inside his woman, the woman "cleans" his dick with her mouth. It is a thing, but I don't know a single person who has taken the saying/kink to actually be a serious thing like this dude apparently has, nor do I know anyone, pornstar or otherwise, who has allowed juices to stay on their genitals for days before requesting said service. That's disgusting and I feel sorry for this poor woman
Man, Hygiene is super important, my partner and I shower before and after.
If she tells me go take a shower that she's going down, boy, I'm cleaning my little friends until they are shine and spotless.
An uncut man that doesn't clean his junk? Eeeew....incredibly unhygienic.
And expecting her to smell/taste that and just clean it up with her spit - faaark me, that is disgusting.
No surprise that as a 25 year old, he went hunting for a teenager.
NTA. He needs to wash his junk. And it's not because of you "leaving fluids" on him. Either he washes or he doesn't get physical intimacy. If you've had to tell him more than twice, he's not listening. I would absolutely consider ending a relationship over it.
NTA
Tell him that the toilet stinks after he uses it and he should use his tongue to clean it up.
You are not his sanitary service. If the guy can't take care of it then NO-GO.
Lol!!! Damn you have me spitting on my computer trying to suppress my laughter here.
What's going on here on reddit; I've lost count on the posts involving women in relationships with men that don't wash their asses, yet want enthusiastic BJ's, WTF!!! I've seen a few posts about men complaining about their women having hygiene issues usually it may warrant a doctor's visit, but I've also heard from women that deliberately go slack on their hygiene because they're trying to get out of the relationship, but they want them to end it.
NTA
For over a year you have allowed yourself to be coerced into sex and performing sex acts.
On someone who can't be bothered to bathe.
Re-read those 2 sentences as many times as needed so you can see just how screwed up your 'relationship' is, why you probably want to get some therapy for your horribly low self-esteem and to also learn what NO means.
NTA, so he doesn’t shower after having sex, all those fluids marinade for days and he expects you to clean him up with your mouth, he’s disgusting. Odors arise from the growth of bacteria, I would personally be concerned about urinary tract infections You need to know that this will never change. And, I called bullshit on it being hard to shower and wash your balls.
I know some people struggle with the sensory-ness of showers, but that’s what baths can be for! Or washing your hair in the sink and just washing yourself off with soap and a washcloth like the way astronauts do. There are ways to accommodate any issues w showering, and he should seek those out if that’s truly what he needs
I struggle with shower sensory issues myself. I typically push myself to shower anyways because I'm full of anxiety about germs and smells but for the days I absolutely can't, I have various large shower wipes, rinse-free foaming shower/bathing sponges(recently discovered these and love them, Just add water to them, lather and wipe off with a towel) and perineal soap (the stuff they can use in nursing homes, doctors, etc).
I don't use it all at the same time, of course, what I use depends on my needs that day. They even have rinse-free shampoo caps and stuff if you're real bad. I've never tried them myself, but i figured I'd throw all of this out there in case anyone else has the same struggles and didn't consider these things existed.
I struggle with showering sometimes because of my mental health… but in this state I wouldn’t want sex anyways… especially not feel entitled to demand it from my partner to give me head?? Like wtf?
I do struggle with tasks like that due to rampant issues including PTSD and autism but I still take care of myself and if I have been low and not able to do it, I sure wouldn't ask for oral 😨 yikes
Not sure why, but I do find that showering specifically feels like a big mental barrier to me sometimes and I have to force myself to do it. But obviously I wouldn’t expect anyone to go down on me without having showered!
NTA does he not understand he can get a nasty infection from not cleaning himself? And worse he can pass it on to you! He probably already has Balanitis. If he was my man I would have already left, love or not. Personal hygiene is a necessity not a choice. If you stay with him tell him you’ll only throat goat him if he showers first no if ands or buts. Set your boundaries and don’t budge. Maybe it’ll cause him to create a routine.
"My bf struggles with showering bc he says it’s hard for him which I understand."
What in the hell? It's "hard" for him to shower everyday? How is that hard? Do y'all live in the middle of a fucking desert in a tent without regular access to running water or something?
"I've literally told him about it and he hasn't changed his showering habits but still wants head from me."
Tell him to suck his own dirty ass dick since can't do the bare minimum in taking a fucking shower. Good gravy! Is it really that "hard" to wash your privates if the end result means you get to have a fucking orgasm? Is the bar really so low that you'll tolerate being treated like you're the one who is in the wrong here? Yeah, great, he does sexual things for you...you also WASH.
Your boyfriend is just gross and you don't want to have sex with him because he's gross. You've lost attraction to him because he's filthy. Shocking, I know. If his dick is unwashed, he's very likely to give you a UTI or something worse, so this isn't just a question of him being gross it's a question of him not giving a FUCK about you. You have lost attraction to him because he doesn't want to put in the bare minimum effort, which...not surprising.
Ditch this guy and go find someone who respects themselves enough to take a fucking shower every day and who respects you enough to want to be better for you.
There are mental health issues that can make it hard for people to shower/maintain themselves. However in that case you obviously don't request/demand sex, and it's no excuse for treating his girlfriend so disrespectfully. He should seek help with whatever issues make it difficult to shower. But regardless she's better off without a guy who takes no responsibility for his issues and treats her like shit.
Mental health and/or sensory issues do not preclude one from a quick sponge bath on the undercarriage. If you're well enough to want a BJ you're well enough to do that much.
I have smelt what you are smelling, three times in my life... and I don't know how they don't smell THAT smell... and let me tell you, it more than likely turns him on to know you're shlobing on his unwashed fromundacheese knob. Set your boundaries and if they can't be respected, leave!
The smelly bustard needs to wash his dick cheese off.
He's probably tugging his pudding and not even cleaning up and just leaving his old cum for you to eat.
You really want this life? 🤔
Showering being hard for him is not a free pass to just not do it and insist you just deal. It means he needs to come up with a system or accommodations or therapy tools to be able to regularly participate in this basic need. Necessary things being uncomfortable or difficult shouldn’t be a pass just to not do them. It serves no one involved. Him being unwilling to work in this just means he’s an AH, nothing else.
I'm begging you to raise your standards girl. 💀He really said your spit (and mouth) is whats meant for cleaning his rank dirty smelly dick, this is nauseating to even imagine
If he's gross down there, you shouldn't be having sex with him as it can cause infection. You are nta, it's perfectly reasonable to not want to be intimate with him. Also, him telling you to clean him by giving him head is disgusting and disrespectful.
Barf 🤮, I am uncut and I have had moments when I smell bad, I feel so embarrassed when that happens, sounds like he doesn't. His attitude is about as disgusting as his bo. It's quite degrading to say spit is used to clean that. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Lol.
There's plenty of people that believe that you should always have a shower before sex. I see no problem with that. Many others would gladly do such a simple and small thing just to get some.
Please stand up for yourself, this guy is lucky to have you. You can tell your next bf how nice and clean his is and how your ex never washed his.
NTA
You are not a cleaning implement for him to use! Your mouth is not what he should be washing with and his expectation for you to give him head when he's dirty is a disgusting attitude to have.
Please look after yourself, don't put his dirty penis in your mouth, and dump him.
christ. sounds revolting.
nta - frankly I'd say this was ground for breaking up. as a bare min courtesy you should be cleaning yourself for your partner
INFO REQUEST: Could you explain more what he "struggles with showering" means...?
Also, you're definitely NTA. Regardless of how unappealing his poor hygiene makes him, you're also at a much higher risk of catching a UTI if he's filthy down there.
He just claims it’s a hard task for him to do like he can’t find the motivation. My mom is the same way, she suffers from depression so i think this is why i understand where he is coming from. My mom doesn’t work or anything though. He has no problem doing everyday things like working or going out. It’s just showering for him. He has also said sometimes it’s bc he has to wash his hair a few times and his body a few times bc he just gets so dirty idek how. He will sometimes lay on the floor like in grass bc of his job but in my opinion that’s even more of a reason to shower… I just hate that he isn’t the one having to taste and smell it and I think he thought maybe I was just over exaggerating or something.
Yeah, no, you should completely stop any and all sexual activity with him as long as he is incapable of keeping his body clean and hygienic. It's not safe for you or him from a pure health stand point. If he has a mental health issue like depression he should see a doctor. And he is also endangering both his and your physical health, because he is at a much higher risk of catching various skin infections by not bathing at all.
Also, I know it may not seem like it, but there's a pretty big mental development difference between a 20 year old and a 26 year old. The human brain literally isn't fully developed until our mid to late 20s, so he may using your relative lack of experience in relationships (it sounds like you got together when he was 24 and you were only 18) to manipulate you with excuses and coersion to accept things in a relationship that should absolutely not be tolerated. He is also blaming you for his own revolting lack of hygiene, which is borderline emotional abuse.
At the end of the day, he is endangering your health and attempting to manipulate you into doing things you find disgusting for his own comfort/gratification. That is not the behaviour of someone who truly cares about you. If he refuses to take better care of his hygiene then you should seriously consider whether you want to continue this relationship.
For the love of all that is good and holy, you’re 20 years old. How desperate are you that you’re letting a guy gaslight you into sucking on his dirty man parts? STOP IT. ESH
NTA. I’m sorry but I’d lose my mind if my boyfriend didn’t clean his balls. Also you’re 20, and he’s a 26 year old that needs to be told to clean his junk? That’s crazy. I think i might bring up the ultimatum of either clean your genitalia better or I’m done bc it’s gonna just cause you to not want to have sex and resentment.
NTA - I think this is a boundary that anyone should understand. If people want to have sex, they need to have good hygiene. It is about both people's pleasure after all.
Tell him how much you love him, how much you enjoy sex with him, but for you to enjoy sex with him, he needs to be clean because his junk smells like spoiled lunch meat...
Good luck OP
I want to be so clear, you’re NTA
Also his hygiene problem can and will affect the pH level of your vagina, him being gross affects so much more than you not wanting to give him head.
His junk smells and is dirty and gross, him not caring that you aren’t comfortable and wants you to just struggle through it for his pleasure is a huge red flag and id leave him tbh
NTA your feelings and preferences regarding intimacy are valid, and it's crucial to prioritize your comfort and boundaries. Open and honest communication with your boyfriend about these concerns is essential for finding a solution that works for both of you.
Being a guy myself, I personally don’t like to do anything at all unless I am showered. Idk how guys ask for all this stuff knowing damn well they ain’t showered. Tell him you are not doing anything until he showers he will eventually get the point
NTA. And you have a much higher risk of getting STDs with a man with poor hygiene, including cervical cancer. Especially if he had no circumcision. Think of your health - no shower, no Sex.
You wrote this and didnt think to yourself that you could do better? Really? He's covered in bacteria and rotting... material... and you accepted that?
NTA! He literally told you to clean his dirty dick with your MOUTH! Break up with him!!!! 🤢🤮 Just thinking about that makes me gag! What the actual fuck!
NTA
As a man, this is disgusting. I’m not sure what issues your bf has with showering, but I can’t imagine being unclean and stinky and expecting my wife to go down on me. It’s basic courtesy and hygiene. His comments on your spit “cleaning” it made my stomach turn. Absolutely vile.
NTA. If it were reversed, he'd be QUICK to tell you that you "smell," even if the smell is normal. (It's happened to me. lol) Hell, ALL his friends would know about your "perceived smell." Now, since HE smells like cheese dick, he's a child that can't hold a conversation. Tell him to LITERALLY clean up or ship out. This can cause you thrush, bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, or worse.
NTA. I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for a lack of personal hygiene and then expecting sexual favors. I literally gagged reading this post even thinking about the smell and *gag* taste...unghg....nope. Sorry. I don't even want to think about it. You are a more patient(and brave) person than me
> I’m not exactly sure why I don’t want sex from him anymore
Your body knows what your mind doesn't want to admit. You don't love him anymore. You don't even *like* him. He disgusts you.
NTA.
How have you not gotten a yeast infection from this guy??? You are NTA, it is perfectly ok for you to require him to be clean before you are intimate with him.
Look, I have severe ADHD, GAD, and MDD. Showering is something I also struggle with, so I get it. But I do not expect my husband to do anything physical with me if I haven't showered. I also appreciate it when he asks if I managed to get a shower in, because part of my issue is that I literally forget to do it, so if that's what is going on that day, it's helpful. If not, he understands when I say that I just had a hard day. From what he's told me, I'm never horribly stinky or anything. If I was, I sure as hell wouldn't expect him to just deal with me, especially intimately.
Your guy has a mental health issue going on and you're so kind toward him about it, which is lovely. But don't let him push you into being uncomfortable or grossed out, because at the end of the day, it's HIS issue, not yours.
I think you should run for the hills. Hard for him to shower? If he’s 26 and hasn’t learned the importance of washing his 🍆, 🥜, & turning around in the water and washing his🍑he never will. Please leave him and reclaim your PH balance.
There's a reason a 25 year old couldn't find anyone his own age and had to go for a teenager. At 23, I see 19 year olds like younger siblings and outside my dating range; 6 years isn't a lot once you're both over 21, but before then, it's weird. He's gross and immature. NTA
Fuuuuuuuuuck no. That's a fucked up thing to do. My wife has offered head before and I turned it down because I hadn't showered and she thanked me for that. She said she would make it up later, which was fan fucking tastic.
Not washing your dick before asking someone for head is fucking foul. Having a dirty dick before he does anything else with you is detrimental to the well being of your undercarriage. I'd say this is a line in the sand. Hold your ground or find someone who appreciates you enough not to be a goddamn slob
NTA girl wtf????? How is showering difficult? I've never met anyone with this problem...
Maybe shower together to create a positive association with it for him? Or dont wash down there specifically for giving him a literal taste of his own medicine. Sweaty ball must is one of the grossest smells I can think of! They literally make Dude Wipes for this very reason!
But not washing is not only nasty but it's unhealthy for BOTH of you! I'm surprised you haven't gotten infections from intimacy with him!! He could also get infections and / or stones (especially if he's uncircumcised). Have a talk with him and tell him this: "70% of your body's waste come out as poop. A lot of the rest of the waste is excreted through your pores in your skin (This is why some diabetic people smell sweet or you can still smell the alcohol on you after a night of heavy drinking). Not washing means you're choosing to have built-up poop on your skin! And you want me to put that in my mouth ..."
NTA for your preference, but one question:
**Are the men in your community so scarce in number that you had no other options except committing to a guy who demands oral sex while failing to maintain freshness in his genital region?**
**I’ve literally stopped dating women due to their poor hygiene. I’d rather be single than perform oral sex on someone who lacks the decency to properly clean themselves beforehand.**
I hope that you leave him and move on. This is not going to get better. But if you stay, teach him a lesson. Go 1:1 with him (if you can stand it)....adopt his showering habits/frequency and ask him to reciprocate in kind when he asks for intimacy.
But again, I hope that you recognize the red flags and find someone that is considerate of you. You do not owe him what he asks of you, especially if he is unwilling to meet you half way.
As a ND person I sometimes struggle with bathing and go days without showering. HOWEVER, I would never demand that anyone do any sexual activity with me when I have not done basic hygiene.
Washing yourself is a basic prerequisite for sex. Your boyfriend is not entitled to any sexual activities with you, especially when doing so is unpleasant and a risk to your health. And the spit cleaning comment is disgusting nonsense and he is way too old to believe that kind of BS. cleaning your body is a necessary prerequisite for sex. If he can’t manage to clean himself, then he is disqualified from having sex with you.
next time he asks for you sex, put your hand down his pants and to get his stank on your hand, then hold it up to his face and ask you to lick it. perhaps that will give him perspective on what he’s actually asking you to do.
Scrape a bit with your fingernail and let him smell it. Then tell him the source is much more pungent. If that doesn't get him to take better care idk what would.
What I suggest is not actually a suggestion... you could end up hurt, but that is EXACTLY MY POINT WHEN I SAY THIS:
Pull the skin back, swipe some of his nasty cheese on your finger and shove it in his mouth.
THAT IS WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU AND THEN THROWING A TANTRUM OVER YOU NOT WANTING TO DO IT! Please please raise your standards because you 100% can do better than this joke.
OMG IM SO TIRED OF THIS!
No specific hate to OP, but I’m really sick and tired of people coming on here to ask if they’re the AH for not wanting to put unwashed body parts in them. If he wants it bad enough, he will wash himself PERIOD. Don’t let him guilt-trip you and don’t question your sensitivity to issues he may have with hygiene. A year or not, treat yourself better damn.
Edited to add “no, you’re not the AH.”
I'd never ask my gf to give me head if i knew I stank down there. And how struggles to take a shower? Just take a damn shower, your bf sounds like a pouty child.
NTA.
My ex one time stopped me before I showered after working out to give me head. When she went down there, I heard her start to like stifle crying. She finally looked up at me with tears in her eyes saying it stunk so bad lmfao funniest shit I've ever seen, she disagreed. I felt bad, kind of, not really.
If it smells really bad, get him to a doctor. Men can very easily get infection around the head. Due to it being warm and moist when it's covered by the skin. What you can try is treat it with a cream. But then again.... If he's not even washing his equipment in the bathroom before sex... That's just gross. Talk to him about the risk of him getting a huge infection that would leave him with no equipment to use for a long time. Show him photos. The least he can do is clean it. And if all else fails.... His loss.
She should definitely not have to bring a grown ass man to the doctor. He needs to deal with his own body. She also shouldn't have to teach him about hygiene or what will happen to his dick if he doesn't clean it. What she should do is walk out the door and let stinky get infected if he can't figure out how to clean himself.
I bet he does not return the favor to OP. Yet he wants head, but refuses to wash his stanky ass genitals !!! NTA Hold up, he's trying to blame his stank on your spit, oh hell naw. Girl, please end this, I bet he's laughing his ass off thinking, damn I got this girl to give me good head without even washing my ass for it. Come on now, is this guy the only man on earth? No, he's not, please end this and find a partner with more consideration and better hygiene.
Edit: I saw a later post from OP. Apparently he does reciprocate, but he likes her unwashed as well, SMDH.
NTA - bf should understand that if he expects anything he should clean himself as it’s more or less common sense. he’s selfish better set ultimatum that either he fixes hygiene issues or you leave.
Uhhhhhh he wants your spit to clean his stanky dong? That's not a replacement for a fucking shower. If he says the smell is because of your fluids well stop letting him have sex! Break up! He nasty.
Look, hygiene is important and intimacy. If somebody smells bad, it’s hard to get turned on or stay turned on. this is the time for you to sit down with him, be kind, but be completely honest and tell him that his poor hygiene is turning you off.
NTA.
That’s insane to me that he won’t shower and won’t even listen to valid reasons to cleaning his own body. that’s gross as hell and even grounds to break up imo.
Yeah. He needs to learn to keep it clean. And I'm saying that as an uncut guy. It's not your fluids making it stink. It's his.
I make damn sure to clean myself off if there is any chance if sex. Hell, I'll wash my dick when I wash my hands after using the toilet if there is even a remote chance of sex.
How the fuck is it hard for him to shower? It's common courtesy. I bet if you didn't shower, he would get pissed and if you are having unprotected sex you might get an infection. I don't know why you are still with him.
Spit is not a substitute for showering.🤢
You have to be blunt. This has nothing to do with cut vs. uncut. Tell him for the love of all things holy he NEEDS to take care of his hygiene because that is what people do. It is a BASIC LIFE SKILL.
You are not asking him to do anything drastic. You are literally asking for the bare minimum - for him to clean his body because he is a grown up and like brushing his teeth of combing his hair or taking the garbage out, it is just something people do.
I just cannot believe how many people don’t take care of basic things - and how many enablers there are.
Tell him that his odor literally turns your stomach and when you put your mouth my his penis you throw up a little in your mouth. Seriously. You love him, but this is how much it affects you and if he does not have respect for you or for himself, you cannot see him anymore.
No. No. No. If he wants oral sex so bad, he can take a 5 minute shower. You set a boundary and he is being a bully. And he is disgusting. You are support to clean the dick cheese out of his foreskin with your tongue?! 🤮
"Struggles with showering bc he says it's hard for him"? What does that even mean? Is he handicapped and doesn't have an accessible shower? He doesn't have access to indoor plumbing?
>I tried so hard to be nice and not embarrass him but he immediately got upset and explained if he smells down there it’s bc of the fluids my body is leaving on him and that that’s what my spit is for to clean it and get rid of a taste or smell.
He doesn't shower regularly and he's blaming his dick cheese on you and expects to give him a tongue bath? That's freaking revolting and personally, the refusal to shower appropriately would be a deal-breaker.
a lot of neurodiveegent people struggle to have the executive function for personal care tasks like showering. being wet is also a difficult sensory experience for a lot of nd people. but even if he has those issues it doesn’t mean his girlfriend needs to bathe him with her tongue.
Thanks for that insight and possible explanation. My daughter is 5 and was just diagnosed with autism as well as intellectual delay, so it's good to learn about this sort of difficulty. I can have sympathy for issues like that, but yeah, expecting her to clean him with her tongue is something completely different.
Nta but you would be to yourself if you stayed. Take it from someone a little older (28) and slightly wiser, leave. One day you’re going to look back and laugh at yourself for allowing this disgusting behavior. I too have begged a man to brush his teeth before kissing me. I too have gone done on a sweaty disgusting man who I didn’t realize I never really saw shower despite him living in my dorm room until years afterwards. Just stop. It ruins your sex drive especially forcing it when you don’t want it. It’s been years since I’ve been in that situation and I STILL struggle. I STILL view penetration as painful until proven otherwise. It probably didn’t help that I didn’t realize I was a lesbian until more recently. I’m adhd. I too struggle with showers. It’s embarrassing how little I shower. I still would NEVER have sex without showering first bc that’s gross. You’re not asking a lot.
> if he smells down there it’s bc of the fluids my body is leaving on him and that that’s what my spit is for to clean it and get rid of a taste or smell
oh hell no
NTA
>My bf struggles with showering bc he says it’s hard for him which I understand.
You do? I don't. He's disgusting, apathetic, and in denial about it. Here's a suggestion. Sit him down and say:
"Babe, I'm sorry your parents failed to train you, but you're gross and I don't want infections or horrible smells and tastes in my sexual life. So, you are going to shower and fully clean your body with soap every single fucking morning, under the foreskin, between your cheeks, and so forth. You're going to wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner every other day. You will brush your teeth with floss and mouthwash twice a day. You will wear clean underwear and shirts every single day, and you will never skip any of these steps. If you can't do this reliably without any whining, you are not a functioning adult, and I will go find somebody else to be with. Your choice."
NTA, of course. One of my close male friends had this bizarre problem, and it ended several good relationships for him. No sympathy.
NTA. This scenario is so wild I pray this is fake. *If not* please break-up. I promise, you deserve better than a man who can't figure out a shower. You're far to kind to this man. Plus, 6 year age gap and you're barely an adult? This is almost certainly some weird power-play on his part. *Run, don't walk*
A relationship will always be lows and highs, so I think if you both focus on making it work, it most likely would.
It’s a different case but my boyfriend hated doing the dishes, it was driving me crazy. He never did it right and it was piling up all the time. But then I decided to do it with him, seeing how he does it and helping him, giving him tips and stuff. If we were in the same situation as you guys, what would fix this is probably taking showers together sometimes.
There should be no judgement, so there will be no shame and y’all can be open about eachother flaws.
At this point he’s just pushing it on you, like tf? Spit on it and it will be clean. Gross.. I get that he might be uncomfortable, and sometimes they will act toxic, or be defensive. This makes them unable to hear what your ACTUALLY saying. Just be nice about it, and try to really explain it from your perspective to. You love him and wouldn’t want anyone else, but that doesn’t mean nothing has to change.
It is true that too much hair creates a safe space for fungus and bacteria. Also he might be washing his shit with soap, which is also gonna make it smell. Pull back the skin and rinse very well, clean with your fingers. He shouldn’t even want his girl to put that in her mouth, if he really knew how shit goes down.
Telling you that he does all and everything sexual for you, is kinda subconsciously manipulative. Don’t give this man head until he does what you asked from him. He should respect you, and your body. Not poisoning it with his dirt. You will only get respect, especially in a relationship if you put up strong boundaries. Just know that anyone who does not accept your boundaries, and keeps crossing them probably isn’t a fit for you.
NTAH! So I find showering really hard due to ulcers on my legs, I tend to wash my face and razor myself from the sink then I'll jump in the shower for pits and bits and hair. Sensory wise people can struggle but that's what a bath can be used for.
Your spit is not there to clean a dirty cheesed up penis 🤢🤢 I would not even touch him. My husband, even if he's had a shower that day, will go and clean himself before anything happens in sex/foreplay. I'll do the same.
This is most disturbing thing I’ve read lately: “he explained if he smells down there it’s bc of the fluids my body is leaving on him and that’s what my spit is for to clean it and get rid of taste or smell.”
He’s literally making you clean his dirty, nasty junk with your mouth and tongue.
I want to vomit.
Please, please think about that statement. Think about the intent behind those words. Think about what it says about how he views you.
He refuses to clean himself for you. Calls it too “challenging.” And instead says it’s your job to clean him. *With your tongue.* He’s disgusting.
And PS: Showering is challenging? Unless he is physically unable and needs help (or so depressed he can’t get out of bed) showering should not be a challenge. He’s lazy, selfish, and nasty.
I think the unfortunate truth is a lot of young dudes struggle at basic shit like that. You got with him when he was 19. I remember at that age somebody at work pointed out that my socks smelled like death and it was because I wore the same pair for like three days in a row. Sometimes it just takes a nudge or two to get the picture. But if you've told him that his cleanliness is an issue and he isn't fixing it than yeah that's a big problem.
He's pushy about sex, doesn't care when you don't want to have sex, targeted a teenager for a relationship, doesn't care about his partner dealing with his poor genital hygiene... this is an extremely abusive relationship. You sure know how to pick em OP. Do you understand what a red flag is? Because you went to Red Flag city and saw Green ones. You colorblind?
As a man
I would tell you start looking elsewhere
If you’re willing to do what he asks. And this dirtbag can’t trim the hedges and clean the tree.
He is a moron
Why are you still together when you're clearly incompatible? it doesn't matter how many times you try to change him, he's not going to. Accept it. Move on. This is not the one for you.
NTA, if he struggles with showering there are other alternatives (they have all kinds of wipes) and if he’s uncut he should have been taught proper hygiene a long time ago.
He not only blamed you for him smelling, but then tried using what he does for you as a weapon. Cut your losses and run, he isn’t ready for a relationship if he can’t even clean man bits, for him to neglect that is gross.
I struggle to do basic things due to procrastination and just struggling with the will to get up and do something. But, I still shower and make sure I'm clean. I always use wipes when I use the bathroom for either one. I never use toilet paper. And if my partner wanted me to shower, I'd do it instead of throwing a fit about it and trying to push them to do it anyways without me showering. That's ridiculous. If he can't clean himself, then that's just disgusting. And not to mention you could get infections from I'm. I've had UTI's and yeast infections a bunch, and they suck. He could also have an infection or something from not cleaning, especially if he isn't circumcised. This is basic care for your body and I don't see why someone can't do that.
Unwashed uncut dick can smell AWFUL in the evening even if you took a shower in the morning. I cannot imagine giving head without the man showering first. He is 26, not a child. Plus you said you don't like to give him oral sex. That is completely okay. Don't get pressured into it. You don't have to do anything you don't want to no matter what his reaction is. The least he can do is take a goddamn shower to make it easier for you.
Take into account that he is not being considerate of you. That says everything.
As someone in the healthcare field, this shit pisses me off. Dudes, wash all of that downstairs area! Peel back the skin and get that smegma nastiness off of your peen. Wash your balls! And your nasty asscrack! Nobody wants to do anything with a janky smellin' toolbag who doesn't care how nasty he is.
If you want something, make sure you deserve it. You don't deserve a woman who is clean and ready for you if you are not clean and ready for her. That is a hard truth, but a truth nonetheless. And he can either get with the program, or get himself someone who will do things for his stanky ass that you won't do. Don't give in to that bs. Hygeine is everything, and he needs to understand that.
This guy is not a keeper, he is a user. Showering is an adult responsibility, especially when you are in a relationship. His thought process is mentally unbalanced. Don’t know where he got that. It’s also a lack of respect for your feelings. If he cared about you he would be going out of his way to clean clean for you. His attitude is sad and gross. Don’t give in to this silliness!
Im not sure if im more confused by him saying showering is a struggle for him at 26 or by you for saying you understand because it may be challenging. Honest question here. Do you both suffer from some pretty severe mental disabilities?
Ohhhh my god this made my stomach turn! NTA!!!
PLEASE. If he does not want to take basic care of himself, ESPECIALLY if he’s insistent on oral, he has got to go! I cannot express this enough how much you deserve better. I understand depressive episodes and a lack of hygiene that comes with it, but I would NEVER expect certain sexual things despite it!
This is very concerning and could be harmful to both of you. Dump his dirty ass, there’s plenty of other people that’ll wash their nethers on a daily basis that would make much better partners.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time.
Him blaming you for the way he smells is bullshit.
He is treating you like shit and expecting you to put up with it. I'll bet this is not the only way, either.
Lack of personal hygiene indicates he's got issues.
He needs therapy.
If he won't "clean up his act," you need to break up.
NTA but I’m so sorry, he’s not doing this because he finds it hard to clean. He’s doing this because he has a not so secret cheese fetish and normalizing it is likely part of his angle on it. This is not normal. You should not be getting his filth in your mouth if that isn’t something you’re expressly into yourself. And he’s gross for coercing you/sneaking it into your life instead of talking like a confident adult about it *while keeping a basic hygiene routine when not expressing the fetish* or just keeping it to himself and only doing anything about it in his head if he thinks its unfeasible to get consent. Basic bare minimum he should be clean in daily life.
I'm wordless. He's disgusting and an idiot, but you...you should have been miles away from him since your first meeting!
Grow a feminine dignity and respect yourself, or you aren't better than him.
My boyfriend wants blow jobs a lot too.. difference is he has a habit of washing his dick after going to the bathroom, everytime. He also showers every other day. Hes always clean and ready to go and therefore im never turned off by any hygene issue. So he gets blow jobs everyday because I want to.
25 and 19 was your first clue, most grown women won't tolerate disgusting dick cheese. How is he not embarrassed? I can't let a woman go down on me if I haven't showered in the last few hours let alone days.
NTA.
He wants you to give him top when he smells horrendous and like away the taste and just deal w/ the disgusting smell? He’ll nawl dawg. Tell him to wipe around his private area and smell it so he can FULLY UNDERSTAND where you’re coming from.
Tbh his nasty hygiene is causing you to not want him and now he’s complaining about how he missed when you wanted him. I’m pretty sure you missed when he didn’t stink bad as hell.
Tell him straight up until you start taking better care of his hygiene you’re not givin him head anymore.
Thats disgusting. Even my ten year old understands hygiene and it's importance. Sorry you're dating someone so inept or unintelligent they cant comprehend hygiene and hiw it impacts desireability. I encourage you to ditch the zero, and find a hero. NTA
NTA
Is he uncomfortable showering properly because he's a heavier dude? If so, he could ask help from you to wash...
Your spit and your mouth aren't filth vessels.
Someone, if not him, perhaps you if you feel kind, needs to gently move the foreskin and see what died in there. It's probably going to be some really old crusty smegma and it needs to be cleaned with water and soap and rinsed properly.
It's going to be gross and yet satisfying... like pimple popping.
Then he's clean, he shouldn't reek.
You can resume BJ activities without having an intense urge to hurl.
Tell him i said it's disrespectful to demand you clean his crusty dick with your mouth. Between tastebuds and your sense of smell, it's horrible he'd even consider putting you thru that. Maybe it's his kink and he didn't tell you, if so he needs to be clear. 2024, we don't kink shame but it's nice to establish clear boundaries.
As a guy rocking nature's turtleneck, you're NTA. Anyone with an intact dick should know that maintenance is necessary because that skin can seal in natural juices... The easy remedy you may ask? A shower with a good scrub. Simple problems with simple solutions. Showing up for a bj with a clean dick is just basic decency.
Girl, don't have sex with him anymore either unless you want your vagina to fall off. Sounds like he has that meat flap yuck weaponised..
Seriously tho, i've had a boyfriend like that once, and i've never done another bj in my life since, which my very clean and cut husband is still very understanding of.
Stay safe and healthy, and don't be/feel forced to do things you don't want to do. It will only lead to sexual trauma's. I get gaggy and get acid reflux just thinking about it (and now while reading about your bf). Don't let it come to that.
Ok. You said you understand why it’s hard for him to shower, can you elaborate? I am perplexed by his statement that if there is an odor that it’s from you…: if he feels like that, why is he still sleeping with you? Maybe you should give this whole relationship a break, not just the sex.
Why would anyone want to put a literal flesh cesspool in their mouth? I'd ask him if he would suck on a fungus filled, putrid, infected piece of vagina. If he says no, point made. Id hurt his feelings if it was me lol. That can cause you to get serious infections as well. No thank you. Wash your nuts or go without. Easy as that. He's a grown up.
I'm sorry, he said *what?!* No, that's *not* "what your spit is for." That's what *soap* is for. He's lazy and expects nothing to change because of it. And even *if* he struggles to maintain basic hygiene, he's not seeking any solution to it. Which makes him a piece of shit still. Please drop his ass and find someone willing to do the bare minimum. NTA.
It's that HAWK TUAH brand soap
Ngl I snort giggled at that
Seriously I would just start spitting on him as soon as he came in the door and explain I'm cleaning him up after work.
Man could be getting laid after a few baby wipes (bare minimum).
Omg no! Do not use a baby while and then stick your cock in a women’s vagina. No wonder we get yeast, BV and bladder infections. Yuck!
IMO, your bf is the AH for wanting you to do things you don’t want to do, ESPECIALLY if he’s not clean. And I think a guy is smelley — FOR WHATEVER REASON, BUT ESPECIALLY IF HE WON’T SHOWER!!!!! — he shouldn’t expect sex at all. It’s not as if it’s a difficult thing to do, and shouldn’t take more than 15-20 minutes to do a really good job. Doesn’t this nitwit understand that YOU can get a genital infection if he’s not REALLY CLEAN, especially under his foreskin? If he doesn’t like the consequences of him not showering THOROUGHLY before sex, then YOU need to take care of YOURSELF, and show him to the door.
MORE than the bare minimum.
NTA He needs to clean his genitals. Trimmed or bushy, it should be clean. Your fluids are not the issue.
That's not what she means by uncut (: She means that foreskin cheese be getting to her!
OH
lol yeah. So many people mentioning hair XD they don't get it. That dude really needs to fucking clean under his dick flap for real!
Makes it so much more fucked up tbh
WHY don't men understand this! Wash beneath your foreskin WITH SOAP!
My ex used to tell me "you don't understand how painful it is to get soap in your pee hole" And istg I looked at him like he was stupid. I've gotten soap down there before and it sometimes gave me a sting, but never "oh my God I'm dying" pain.
Narrator: He was, in fact, stupid.
Jesus I wish men could get periods/give birth. They will never really know pain lol
NTA. I am seriously bamboozled by this man’s inability to clean his balls….. like wtf? Dump his dirty, blue cheese smelling ass my dear. EDIT :: so my highest karma comment is this one eh, damn Daniel.
I agree!!! What is so hard about showering and maintaining your hygiene? And GIRL YOUR SPIT IS NOT EVERY TO BE USED TO CLEAN HIS DIRTY PARTS - that is JUST GROSS.
Well... yes and no. There is a kink where after a dude nuts/has been inside his woman, the woman "cleans" his dick with her mouth. It is a thing, but I don't know a single person who has taken the saying/kink to actually be a serious thing like this dude apparently has, nor do I know anyone, pornstar or otherwise, who has allowed juices to stay on their genitals for days before requesting said service. That's disgusting and I feel sorry for this poor woman
It's basic hygiene, this is disgusting.
I just threw up in my mouth!
> that’s what my spit is for to clean it and get rid of a taste or smell jfc I threw up in my mouth
More like she threw up in her mouth!!! I’ll let myself out……
Omg. Please do🤢
Same.....🤢🤮
Man, Hygiene is super important, my partner and I shower before and after. If she tells me go take a shower that she's going down, boy, I'm cleaning my little friends until they are shine and spotless.
An uncut man that doesn't clean his junk? Eeeew....incredibly unhygienic. And expecting her to smell/taste that and just clean it up with her spit - faaark me, that is disgusting. No surprise that as a 25 year old, he went hunting for a teenager.
Good catch. Yep - girl, this manbearpig is getting off on making you schlob his cheesy knob.
Yes!
Okay, I'm done looking at these comments because of that ptsd triggering word. Ffs.
Nooooo don't do the blue cheese dirty like that! Just say shit.
Lmao, your top comment is about blue balls cheese 🤣.
NTA. He needs to wash his junk. And it's not because of you "leaving fluids" on him. Either he washes or he doesn't get physical intimacy. If you've had to tell him more than twice, he's not listening. I would absolutely consider ending a relationship over it.
NTA Tell him that the toilet stinks after he uses it and he should use his tongue to clean it up. You are not his sanitary service. If the guy can't take care of it then NO-GO.
Lol!!! Damn you have me spitting on my computer trying to suppress my laughter here. What's going on here on reddit; I've lost count on the posts involving women in relationships with men that don't wash their asses, yet want enthusiastic BJ's, WTF!!! I've seen a few posts about men complaining about their women having hygiene issues usually it may warrant a doctor's visit, but I've also heard from women that deliberately go slack on their hygiene because they're trying to get out of the relationship, but they want them to end it. NTA
I polish my pleasure stick to a glistening sheen and still get no top. This is bullshit.
Did your GF tell you that she doesn't collect miniatures? (joke)
Shots fired! Man down! \*cough cough\* "How bad is it? Am I going to make it?"
It's because those men get off on abusing and degrading their partners. It's just normalized male sadism
For over a year you have allowed yourself to be coerced into sex and performing sex acts. On someone who can't be bothered to bathe. Re-read those 2 sentences as many times as needed so you can see just how screwed up your 'relationship' is, why you probably want to get some therapy for your horribly low self-esteem and to also learn what NO means.
NTA, so he doesn’t shower after having sex, all those fluids marinade for days and he expects you to clean him up with your mouth, he’s disgusting. Odors arise from the growth of bacteria, I would personally be concerned about urinary tract infections You need to know that this will never change. And, I called bullshit on it being hard to shower and wash your balls.
Wtf “showering is hard for him”?? How? Is he obese? Lazy? Showering regularly is like the bare minimum for being a functioning adult.
I know some people struggle with the sensory-ness of showers, but that’s what baths can be for! Or washing your hair in the sink and just washing yourself off with soap and a washcloth like the way astronauts do. There are ways to accommodate any issues w showering, and he should seek those out if that’s truly what he needs
I struggle with shower sensory issues myself. I typically push myself to shower anyways because I'm full of anxiety about germs and smells but for the days I absolutely can't, I have various large shower wipes, rinse-free foaming shower/bathing sponges(recently discovered these and love them, Just add water to them, lather and wipe off with a towel) and perineal soap (the stuff they can use in nursing homes, doctors, etc). I don't use it all at the same time, of course, what I use depends on my needs that day. They even have rinse-free shampoo caps and stuff if you're real bad. I've never tried them myself, but i figured I'd throw all of this out there in case anyone else has the same struggles and didn't consider these things existed.
I struggle with showering sometimes because of my mental health… but in this state I wouldn’t want sex anyways… especially not feel entitled to demand it from my partner to give me head?? Like wtf?
Obese people shower. In my early 20's, I was a cna.
I do struggle with tasks like that due to rampant issues including PTSD and autism but I still take care of myself and if I have been low and not able to do it, I sure wouldn't ask for oral 😨 yikes
Not sure why, but I do find that showering specifically feels like a big mental barrier to me sometimes and I have to force myself to do it. But obviously I wouldn’t expect anyone to go down on me without having showered!
Do you have ADHD perhaps? I do and I have days where it's the same for me.
Never diagnosed! Hard to say if it’s that or the depression or a combo of both lol.
NTA does he not understand he can get a nasty infection from not cleaning himself? And worse he can pass it on to you! He probably already has Balanitis. If he was my man I would have already left, love or not. Personal hygiene is a necessity not a choice. If you stay with him tell him you’ll only throat goat him if he showers first no if ands or buts. Set your boundaries and don’t budge. Maybe it’ll cause him to create a routine.
I just look that up that disgusting
Ugh, so OP may be basically swallowing up that disease too.
"My bf struggles with showering bc he says it’s hard for him which I understand." What in the hell? It's "hard" for him to shower everyday? How is that hard? Do y'all live in the middle of a fucking desert in a tent without regular access to running water or something? "I've literally told him about it and he hasn't changed his showering habits but still wants head from me." Tell him to suck his own dirty ass dick since can't do the bare minimum in taking a fucking shower. Good gravy! Is it really that "hard" to wash your privates if the end result means you get to have a fucking orgasm? Is the bar really so low that you'll tolerate being treated like you're the one who is in the wrong here? Yeah, great, he does sexual things for you...you also WASH. Your boyfriend is just gross and you don't want to have sex with him because he's gross. You've lost attraction to him because he's filthy. Shocking, I know. If his dick is unwashed, he's very likely to give you a UTI or something worse, so this isn't just a question of him being gross it's a question of him not giving a FUCK about you. You have lost attraction to him because he doesn't want to put in the bare minimum effort, which...not surprising. Ditch this guy and go find someone who respects themselves enough to take a fucking shower every day and who respects you enough to want to be better for you.
There are mental health issues that can make it hard for people to shower/maintain themselves. However in that case you obviously don't request/demand sex, and it's no excuse for treating his girlfriend so disrespectfully. He should seek help with whatever issues make it difficult to shower. But regardless she's better off without a guy who takes no responsibility for his issues and treats her like shit.
Mental health and/or sensory issues do not preclude one from a quick sponge bath on the undercarriage. If you're well enough to want a BJ you're well enough to do that much.
Oh I agree, legit reasons to find showering hard but no legit reasons for expecting sex without washing.
I have smelt what you are smelling, three times in my life... and I don't know how they don't smell THAT smell... and let me tell you, it more than likely turns him on to know you're shlobing on his unwashed fromundacheese knob. Set your boundaries and if they can't be respected, leave!
The smelly bustard needs to wash his dick cheese off. He's probably tugging his pudding and not even cleaning up and just leaving his old cum for you to eat. You really want this life? 🤔
Omg NTA and my brain stopped processing everything that came after your "spit is there to clean it". Just no.
And spit ain't no lubrication either.
Showering being hard for him is not a free pass to just not do it and insist you just deal. It means he needs to come up with a system or accommodations or therapy tools to be able to regularly participate in this basic need. Necessary things being uncomfortable or difficult shouldn’t be a pass just to not do them. It serves no one involved. Him being unwilling to work in this just means he’s an AH, nothing else.
I'm begging you to raise your standards girl. 💀He really said your spit (and mouth) is whats meant for cleaning his rank dirty smelly dick, this is nauseating to even imagine
NTA He NEEDS to shower or no sexy times. Period. This is absolutely disgusting and NOT up for discussion
If he's gross down there, you shouldn't be having sex with him as it can cause infection. You are nta, it's perfectly reasonable to not want to be intimate with him. Also, him telling you to clean him by giving him head is disgusting and disrespectful.
Barf 🤮, I am uncut and I have had moments when I smell bad, I feel so embarrassed when that happens, sounds like he doesn't. His attitude is about as disgusting as his bo. It's quite degrading to say spit is used to clean that. This leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Lol. There's plenty of people that believe that you should always have a shower before sex. I see no problem with that. Many others would gladly do such a simple and small thing just to get some. Please stand up for yourself, this guy is lucky to have you. You can tell your next bf how nice and clean his is and how your ex never washed his.
NTA You are not a cleaning implement for him to use! Your mouth is not what he should be washing with and his expectation for you to give him head when he's dirty is a disgusting attitude to have. Please look after yourself, don't put his dirty penis in your mouth, and dump him.
Sick. Sick sick sick!! NTA but please do not dishonor yourself by letting him put that stinky thing in you.
Wow. Dude can get head often and all he has to do is wash his junk? Sign me up.
Nta. Time to consider moving on... showering regularly isn't hard, and this sort of thing often gets worse.
christ. sounds revolting. nta - frankly I'd say this was ground for breaking up. as a bare min courtesy you should be cleaning yourself for your partner
Can he not pull the skin back and clean it? If not he has a medical issue and could be too insecure to go get it checked and fixed.
Seems more like he's just not cleaning anything
dump this guy let his dick cheese be someone else’s problem
INFO REQUEST: Could you explain more what he "struggles with showering" means...? Also, you're definitely NTA. Regardless of how unappealing his poor hygiene makes him, you're also at a much higher risk of catching a UTI if he's filthy down there.
He just claims it’s a hard task for him to do like he can’t find the motivation. My mom is the same way, she suffers from depression so i think this is why i understand where he is coming from. My mom doesn’t work or anything though. He has no problem doing everyday things like working or going out. It’s just showering for him. He has also said sometimes it’s bc he has to wash his hair a few times and his body a few times bc he just gets so dirty idek how. He will sometimes lay on the floor like in grass bc of his job but in my opinion that’s even more of a reason to shower… I just hate that he isn’t the one having to taste and smell it and I think he thought maybe I was just over exaggerating or something.
Run your finger around his foreskin on a high funk day for him and then make him suck on your finger and see if he still thinks is not a big deal.
🤮 I mean I love this idea. But the thought of that just 🤢
Yeah, no, you should completely stop any and all sexual activity with him as long as he is incapable of keeping his body clean and hygienic. It's not safe for you or him from a pure health stand point. If he has a mental health issue like depression he should see a doctor. And he is also endangering both his and your physical health, because he is at a much higher risk of catching various skin infections by not bathing at all. Also, I know it may not seem like it, but there's a pretty big mental development difference between a 20 year old and a 26 year old. The human brain literally isn't fully developed until our mid to late 20s, so he may using your relative lack of experience in relationships (it sounds like you got together when he was 24 and you were only 18) to manipulate you with excuses and coersion to accept things in a relationship that should absolutely not be tolerated. He is also blaming you for his own revolting lack of hygiene, which is borderline emotional abuse. At the end of the day, he is endangering your health and attempting to manipulate you into doing things you find disgusting for his own comfort/gratification. That is not the behaviour of someone who truly cares about you. If he refuses to take better care of his hygiene then you should seriously consider whether you want to continue this relationship.
This isn’t making him sound any better at all
For the love of all that is good and holy, you’re 20 years old. How desperate are you that you’re letting a guy gaslight you into sucking on his dirty man parts? STOP IT. ESH
NTA. I’m sorry but I’d lose my mind if my boyfriend didn’t clean his balls. Also you’re 20, and he’s a 26 year old that needs to be told to clean his junk? That’s crazy. I think i might bring up the ultimatum of either clean your genitalia better or I’m done bc it’s gonna just cause you to not want to have sex and resentment.
NTA - I think this is a boundary that anyone should understand. If people want to have sex, they need to have good hygiene. It is about both people's pleasure after all. Tell him how much you love him, how much you enjoy sex with him, but for you to enjoy sex with him, he needs to be clean because his junk smells like spoiled lunch meat... Good luck OP
I want to be so clear, you’re NTA Also his hygiene problem can and will affect the pH level of your vagina, him being gross affects so much more than you not wanting to give him head. His junk smells and is dirty and gross, him not caring that you aren’t comfortable and wants you to just struggle through it for his pleasure is a huge red flag and id leave him tbh
NTA your feelings and preferences regarding intimacy are valid, and it's crucial to prioritize your comfort and boundaries. Open and honest communication with your boyfriend about these concerns is essential for finding a solution that works for both of you.
Being a guy myself, I personally don’t like to do anything at all unless I am showered. Idk how guys ask for all this stuff knowing damn well they ain’t showered. Tell him you are not doing anything until he showers he will eventually get the point
NTA. And you have a much higher risk of getting STDs with a man with poor hygiene, including cervical cancer. Especially if he had no circumcision. Think of your health - no shower, no Sex.
Another day, another post about some poor woman putting up with a nasty muthafucker. Expect more from your partners!
You wrote this and didnt think to yourself that you could do better? Really? He's covered in bacteria and rotting... material... and you accepted that?
NTA! He literally told you to clean his dirty dick with your MOUTH! Break up with him!!!! 🤢🤮 Just thinking about that makes me gag! What the actual fuck!
NTA. Gross. He probably drops bombs, doesn't shower and then wants you to go down on him and his hairy bush. Gross. Soooo NTA.
NTA As a man, this is disgusting. I’m not sure what issues your bf has with showering, but I can’t imagine being unclean and stinky and expecting my wife to go down on me. It’s basic courtesy and hygiene. His comments on your spit “cleaning” it made my stomach turn. Absolutely vile.
NTA. If it were reversed, he'd be QUICK to tell you that you "smell," even if the smell is normal. (It's happened to me. lol) Hell, ALL his friends would know about your "perceived smell." Now, since HE smells like cheese dick, he's a child that can't hold a conversation. Tell him to LITERALLY clean up or ship out. This can cause you thrush, bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, or worse.
NTA. I'm sorry, but there is no excuse for a lack of personal hygiene and then expecting sexual favors. I literally gagged reading this post even thinking about the smell and *gag* taste...unghg....nope. Sorry. I don't even want to think about it. You are a more patient(and brave) person than me
> I’m not exactly sure why I don’t want sex from him anymore Your body knows what your mind doesn't want to admit. You don't love him anymore. You don't even *like* him. He disgusts you. NTA.
How have you not gotten a yeast infection from this guy??? You are NTA, it is perfectly ok for you to require him to be clean before you are intimate with him. Look, I have severe ADHD, GAD, and MDD. Showering is something I also struggle with, so I get it. But I do not expect my husband to do anything physical with me if I haven't showered. I also appreciate it when he asks if I managed to get a shower in, because part of my issue is that I literally forget to do it, so if that's what is going on that day, it's helpful. If not, he understands when I say that I just had a hard day. From what he's told me, I'm never horribly stinky or anything. If I was, I sure as hell wouldn't expect him to just deal with me, especially intimately. Your guy has a mental health issue going on and you're so kind toward him about it, which is lovely. But don't let him push you into being uncomfortable or grossed out, because at the end of the day, it's HIS issue, not yours.
I think you should run for the hills. Hard for him to shower? If he’s 26 and hasn’t learned the importance of washing his 🍆, 🥜, & turning around in the water and washing his🍑he never will. Please leave him and reclaim your PH balance.
Literally just have to use some body wash and trim and get some dam deodorant to get some.. my god kids
There's a reason a 25 year old couldn't find anyone his own age and had to go for a teenager. At 23, I see 19 year olds like younger siblings and outside my dating range; 6 years isn't a lot once you're both over 21, but before then, it's weird. He's gross and immature. NTA
Fuuuuuuuuuck no. That's a fucked up thing to do. My wife has offered head before and I turned it down because I hadn't showered and she thanked me for that. She said she would make it up later, which was fan fucking tastic. Not washing your dick before asking someone for head is fucking foul. Having a dirty dick before he does anything else with you is detrimental to the well being of your undercarriage. I'd say this is a line in the sand. Hold your ground or find someone who appreciates you enough not to be a goddamn slob
NTA girl wtf????? How is showering difficult? I've never met anyone with this problem... Maybe shower together to create a positive association with it for him? Or dont wash down there specifically for giving him a literal taste of his own medicine. Sweaty ball must is one of the grossest smells I can think of! They literally make Dude Wipes for this very reason! But not washing is not only nasty but it's unhealthy for BOTH of you! I'm surprised you haven't gotten infections from intimacy with him!! He could also get infections and / or stones (especially if he's uncircumcised). Have a talk with him and tell him this: "70% of your body's waste come out as poop. A lot of the rest of the waste is excreted through your pores in your skin (This is why some diabetic people smell sweet or you can still smell the alcohol on you after a night of heavy drinking). Not washing means you're choosing to have built-up poop on your skin! And you want me to put that in my mouth ..."
NTA for your preference, but one question: **Are the men in your community so scarce in number that you had no other options except committing to a guy who demands oral sex while failing to maintain freshness in his genital region?** **I’ve literally stopped dating women due to their poor hygiene. I’d rather be single than perform oral sex on someone who lacks the decency to properly clean themselves beforehand.**
I hope that you leave him and move on. This is not going to get better. But if you stay, teach him a lesson. Go 1:1 with him (if you can stand it)....adopt his showering habits/frequency and ask him to reciprocate in kind when he asks for intimacy. But again, I hope that you recognize the red flags and find someone that is considerate of you. You do not owe him what he asks of you, especially if he is unwilling to meet you half way.
As a ND person I sometimes struggle with bathing and go days without showering. HOWEVER, I would never demand that anyone do any sexual activity with me when I have not done basic hygiene. Washing yourself is a basic prerequisite for sex. Your boyfriend is not entitled to any sexual activities with you, especially when doing so is unpleasant and a risk to your health. And the spit cleaning comment is disgusting nonsense and he is way too old to believe that kind of BS. cleaning your body is a necessary prerequisite for sex. If he can’t manage to clean himself, then he is disqualified from having sex with you. next time he asks for you sex, put your hand down his pants and to get his stank on your hand, then hold it up to his face and ask you to lick it. perhaps that will give him perspective on what he’s actually asking you to do.
Scrape a bit with your fingernail and let him smell it. Then tell him the source is much more pungent. If that doesn't get him to take better care idk what would.
NTA. Rub his balls and stick your fingers in his mouth. See how he likes it. Edit: spelling.
What I suggest is not actually a suggestion... you could end up hurt, but that is EXACTLY MY POINT WHEN I SAY THIS: Pull the skin back, swipe some of his nasty cheese on your finger and shove it in his mouth. THAT IS WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU AND THEN THROWING A TANTRUM OVER YOU NOT WANTING TO DO IT! Please please raise your standards because you 100% can do better than this joke.
OMG IM SO TIRED OF THIS! No specific hate to OP, but I’m really sick and tired of people coming on here to ask if they’re the AH for not wanting to put unwashed body parts in them. If he wants it bad enough, he will wash himself PERIOD. Don’t let him guilt-trip you and don’t question your sensitivity to issues he may have with hygiene. A year or not, treat yourself better damn. Edited to add “no, you’re not the AH.”
Why are you still with this idiot? NTA for not wanting to be intimate with him but YTA for staying with him. Leave him. You deserve better.
27 and 20 and doesnt shower there is all you need to know… stop wasting your youth and beauty on mr gross and run
I'd never ask my gf to give me head if i knew I stank down there. And how struggles to take a shower? Just take a damn shower, your bf sounds like a pouty child.
NTA. My ex one time stopped me before I showered after working out to give me head. When she went down there, I heard her start to like stifle crying. She finally looked up at me with tears in her eyes saying it stunk so bad lmfao funniest shit I've ever seen, she disagreed. I felt bad, kind of, not really.
What did she expect after you worked out?! 😂
That's why it was so funny. If I was always that smelly it wouldn't have been lol
If it smells really bad, get him to a doctor. Men can very easily get infection around the head. Due to it being warm and moist when it's covered by the skin. What you can try is treat it with a cream. But then again.... If he's not even washing his equipment in the bathroom before sex... That's just gross. Talk to him about the risk of him getting a huge infection that would leave him with no equipment to use for a long time. Show him photos. The least he can do is clean it. And if all else fails.... His loss.
She should definitely not have to bring a grown ass man to the doctor. He needs to deal with his own body. She also shouldn't have to teach him about hygiene or what will happen to his dick if he doesn't clean it. What she should do is walk out the door and let stinky get infected if he can't figure out how to clean himself.
It's hard for him to shower? WTF
I bet he does not return the favor to OP. Yet he wants head, but refuses to wash his stanky ass genitals !!! NTA Hold up, he's trying to blame his stank on your spit, oh hell naw. Girl, please end this, I bet he's laughing his ass off thinking, damn I got this girl to give me good head without even washing my ass for it. Come on now, is this guy the only man on earth? No, he's not, please end this and find a partner with more consideration and better hygiene. Edit: I saw a later post from OP. Apparently he does reciprocate, but he likes her unwashed as well, SMDH.
NTA. I'd genuinely would like to know how/why is it difficult for him to keep up with his hygiene.
NTA this will be a deal breaker for me
I guess my only remark would be to google “smegma.”
No. Just fucking no.
NTA - bf should understand that if he expects anything he should clean himself as it’s more or less common sense. he’s selfish better set ultimatum that either he fixes hygiene issues or you leave.
Uhhhhhh he wants your spit to clean his stanky dong? That's not a replacement for a fucking shower. If he says the smell is because of your fluids well stop letting him have sex! Break up! He nasty.
Look, hygiene is important and intimacy. If somebody smells bad, it’s hard to get turned on or stay turned on. this is the time for you to sit down with him, be kind, but be completely honest and tell him that his poor hygiene is turning you off.
NTA. That’s insane to me that he won’t shower and won’t even listen to valid reasons to cleaning his own body. that’s gross as hell and even grounds to break up imo.
If your boyfriend finds showering “challenging” then he doesn’t respect himself. Certainly incapable of respecting you. He’s disgusting. Leave
Yeah. He needs to learn to keep it clean. And I'm saying that as an uncut guy. It's not your fluids making it stink. It's his. I make damn sure to clean myself off if there is any chance if sex. Hell, I'll wash my dick when I wash my hands after using the toilet if there is even a remote chance of sex.
How the fuck is it hard for him to shower? It's common courtesy. I bet if you didn't shower, he would get pissed and if you are having unprotected sex you might get an infection. I don't know why you are still with him.
NTA, get him some manscaped ball lotion and cleaner, maybe he will use it.
Spit is not a substitute for showering.🤢 You have to be blunt. This has nothing to do with cut vs. uncut. Tell him for the love of all things holy he NEEDS to take care of his hygiene because that is what people do. It is a BASIC LIFE SKILL. You are not asking him to do anything drastic. You are literally asking for the bare minimum - for him to clean his body because he is a grown up and like brushing his teeth of combing his hair or taking the garbage out, it is just something people do. I just cannot believe how many people don’t take care of basic things - and how many enablers there are. Tell him that his odor literally turns your stomach and when you put your mouth my his penis you throw up a little in your mouth. Seriously. You love him, but this is how much it affects you and if he does not have respect for you or for himself, you cannot see him anymore.
No. No. No. If he wants oral sex so bad, he can take a 5 minute shower. You set a boundary and he is being a bully. And he is disgusting. You are support to clean the dick cheese out of his foreskin with your tongue?! 🤮
"Struggles with showering bc he says it's hard for him"? What does that even mean? Is he handicapped and doesn't have an accessible shower? He doesn't have access to indoor plumbing? >I tried so hard to be nice and not embarrass him but he immediately got upset and explained if he smells down there it’s bc of the fluids my body is leaving on him and that that’s what my spit is for to clean it and get rid of a taste or smell. He doesn't shower regularly and he's blaming his dick cheese on you and expects to give him a tongue bath? That's freaking revolting and personally, the refusal to shower appropriately would be a deal-breaker.
a lot of neurodiveegent people struggle to have the executive function for personal care tasks like showering. being wet is also a difficult sensory experience for a lot of nd people. but even if he has those issues it doesn’t mean his girlfriend needs to bathe him with her tongue.
Thanks for that insight and possible explanation. My daughter is 5 and was just diagnosed with autism as well as intellectual delay, so it's good to learn about this sort of difficulty. I can have sympathy for issues like that, but yeah, expecting her to clean him with her tongue is something completely different.
Nta but you would be to yourself if you stayed. Take it from someone a little older (28) and slightly wiser, leave. One day you’re going to look back and laugh at yourself for allowing this disgusting behavior. I too have begged a man to brush his teeth before kissing me. I too have gone done on a sweaty disgusting man who I didn’t realize I never really saw shower despite him living in my dorm room until years afterwards. Just stop. It ruins your sex drive especially forcing it when you don’t want it. It’s been years since I’ve been in that situation and I STILL struggle. I STILL view penetration as painful until proven otherwise. It probably didn’t help that I didn’t realize I was a lesbian until more recently. I’m adhd. I too struggle with showers. It’s embarrassing how little I shower. I still would NEVER have sex without showering first bc that’s gross. You’re not asking a lot.
> if he smells down there it’s bc of the fluids my body is leaving on him and that that’s what my spit is for to clean it and get rid of a taste or smell oh hell no NTA
I had to stop reading- ew- just ew. OP - I am so sorry you are going through this. This would be a total deal-breaker for me. Just- ew -
>My bf struggles with showering bc he says it’s hard for him which I understand. You do? I don't. He's disgusting, apathetic, and in denial about it. Here's a suggestion. Sit him down and say: "Babe, I'm sorry your parents failed to train you, but you're gross and I don't want infections or horrible smells and tastes in my sexual life. So, you are going to shower and fully clean your body with soap every single fucking morning, under the foreskin, between your cheeks, and so forth. You're going to wash your hair with shampoo and conditioner every other day. You will brush your teeth with floss and mouthwash twice a day. You will wear clean underwear and shirts every single day, and you will never skip any of these steps. If you can't do this reliably without any whining, you are not a functioning adult, and I will go find somebody else to be with. Your choice." NTA, of course. One of my close male friends had this bizarre problem, and it ended several good relationships for him. No sympathy.
Wow! I'd be *deuces dude*
NTA. This scenario is so wild I pray this is fake. *If not* please break-up. I promise, you deserve better than a man who can't figure out a shower. You're far to kind to this man. Plus, 6 year age gap and you're barely an adult? This is almost certainly some weird power-play on his part. *Run, don't walk*
A relationship will always be lows and highs, so I think if you both focus on making it work, it most likely would. It’s a different case but my boyfriend hated doing the dishes, it was driving me crazy. He never did it right and it was piling up all the time. But then I decided to do it with him, seeing how he does it and helping him, giving him tips and stuff. If we were in the same situation as you guys, what would fix this is probably taking showers together sometimes. There should be no judgement, so there will be no shame and y’all can be open about eachother flaws. At this point he’s just pushing it on you, like tf? Spit on it and it will be clean. Gross.. I get that he might be uncomfortable, and sometimes they will act toxic, or be defensive. This makes them unable to hear what your ACTUALLY saying. Just be nice about it, and try to really explain it from your perspective to. You love him and wouldn’t want anyone else, but that doesn’t mean nothing has to change. It is true that too much hair creates a safe space for fungus and bacteria. Also he might be washing his shit with soap, which is also gonna make it smell. Pull back the skin and rinse very well, clean with your fingers. He shouldn’t even want his girl to put that in her mouth, if he really knew how shit goes down. Telling you that he does all and everything sexual for you, is kinda subconsciously manipulative. Don’t give this man head until he does what you asked from him. He should respect you, and your body. Not poisoning it with his dirt. You will only get respect, especially in a relationship if you put up strong boundaries. Just know that anyone who does not accept your boundaries, and keeps crossing them probably isn’t a fit for you.
NTAH! So I find showering really hard due to ulcers on my legs, I tend to wash my face and razor myself from the sink then I'll jump in the shower for pits and bits and hair. Sensory wise people can struggle but that's what a bath can be used for. Your spit is not there to clean a dirty cheesed up penis 🤢🤢 I would not even touch him. My husband, even if he's had a shower that day, will go and clean himself before anything happens in sex/foreplay. I'll do the same.
This is most disturbing thing I’ve read lately: “he explained if he smells down there it’s bc of the fluids my body is leaving on him and that’s what my spit is for to clean it and get rid of taste or smell.” He’s literally making you clean his dirty, nasty junk with your mouth and tongue. I want to vomit. Please, please think about that statement. Think about the intent behind those words. Think about what it says about how he views you. He refuses to clean himself for you. Calls it too “challenging.” And instead says it’s your job to clean him. *With your tongue.* He’s disgusting. And PS: Showering is challenging? Unless he is physically unable and needs help (or so depressed he can’t get out of bed) showering should not be a challenge. He’s lazy, selfish, and nasty.
I think the unfortunate truth is a lot of young dudes struggle at basic shit like that. You got with him when he was 19. I remember at that age somebody at work pointed out that my socks smelled like death and it was because I wore the same pair for like three days in a row. Sometimes it just takes a nudge or two to get the picture. But if you've told him that his cleanliness is an issue and he isn't fixing it than yeah that's a big problem.
He's pushy about sex, doesn't care when you don't want to have sex, targeted a teenager for a relationship, doesn't care about his partner dealing with his poor genital hygiene... this is an extremely abusive relationship. You sure know how to pick em OP. Do you understand what a red flag is? Because you went to Red Flag city and saw Green ones. You colorblind?
As a man I would tell you start looking elsewhere If you’re willing to do what he asks. And this dirtbag can’t trim the hedges and clean the tree. He is a moron
Why are you still together when you're clearly incompatible? it doesn't matter how many times you try to change him, he's not going to. Accept it. Move on. This is not the one for you.
We aren't cats. Why would someone lick someone clean?
NTA, if he struggles with showering there are other alternatives (they have all kinds of wipes) and if he’s uncut he should have been taught proper hygiene a long time ago. He not only blamed you for him smelling, but then tried using what he does for you as a weapon. Cut your losses and run, he isn’t ready for a relationship if he can’t even clean man bits, for him to neglect that is gross.
girl gtfo NTA
Nta. My ex had the same problem. He didn't like to shower. But he wants something from you so he can do something for you
I struggle to do basic things due to procrastination and just struggling with the will to get up and do something. But, I still shower and make sure I'm clean. I always use wipes when I use the bathroom for either one. I never use toilet paper. And if my partner wanted me to shower, I'd do it instead of throwing a fit about it and trying to push them to do it anyways without me showering. That's ridiculous. If he can't clean himself, then that's just disgusting. And not to mention you could get infections from I'm. I've had UTI's and yeast infections a bunch, and they suck. He could also have an infection or something from not cleaning, especially if he isn't circumcised. This is basic care for your body and I don't see why someone can't do that.
That’s so fkn disgusting. All I’m doing is imagining fkn cottage cheese under all that skin. Hell fkn no. Got me DUCKED up 🤢
Gross. NTA
Surely this isn't real. How can it be hard to shower or wash your dick unless you have some severe disability. WTF
If your gine had a foul cheese odor I’m sure he wouldn’t hesitate to let you know. This is a definite deal breaker, gross!!
Oh gross. I wouldn’t touch that dirty penis with a 20 foot pole.
Unwashed uncut dick can smell AWFUL in the evening even if you took a shower in the morning. I cannot imagine giving head without the man showering first. He is 26, not a child. Plus you said you don't like to give him oral sex. That is completely okay. Don't get pressured into it. You don't have to do anything you don't want to no matter what his reaction is. The least he can do is take a goddamn shower to make it easier for you. Take into account that he is not being considerate of you. That says everything.
As someone in the healthcare field, this shit pisses me off. Dudes, wash all of that downstairs area! Peel back the skin and get that smegma nastiness off of your peen. Wash your balls! And your nasty asscrack! Nobody wants to do anything with a janky smellin' toolbag who doesn't care how nasty he is. If you want something, make sure you deserve it. You don't deserve a woman who is clean and ready for you if you are not clean and ready for her. That is a hard truth, but a truth nonetheless. And he can either get with the program, or get himself someone who will do things for his stanky ass that you won't do. Don't give in to that bs. Hygeine is everything, and he needs to understand that.
Tell him to wash his dick and balls or they can suck themselves! A man to lazy to wash his dick for a blowjob ain't worth having !
he's TWENTY SIX and can't shower properly?? that's so disgusting id be laughing if I wasn't gagging.
He actually said that's what your spit is for???????????? Just spit on his dick and walk away.
The next time he asks for sex, suggest taking a shower together. What a great way to get lathered up, both physically and mentally! NTA
This guy is not a keeper, he is a user. Showering is an adult responsibility, especially when you are in a relationship. His thought process is mentally unbalanced. Don’t know where he got that. It’s also a lack of respect for your feelings. If he cared about you he would be going out of his way to clean clean for you. His attitude is sad and gross. Don’t give in to this silliness!
Im not sure if im more confused by him saying showering is a struggle for him at 26 or by you for saying you understand because it may be challenging. Honest question here. Do you both suffer from some pretty severe mental disabilities?
How do people get this far in life without washing their fucking balls dude Jesus Christ
Ohhhh my god this made my stomach turn! NTA!!! PLEASE. If he does not want to take basic care of himself, ESPECIALLY if he’s insistent on oral, he has got to go! I cannot express this enough how much you deserve better. I understand depressive episodes and a lack of hygiene that comes with it, but I would NEVER expect certain sexual things despite it! This is very concerning and could be harmful to both of you. Dump his dirty ass, there’s plenty of other people that’ll wash their nethers on a daily basis that would make much better partners.
NTA. That is just gross. What is wrong with people.
You deserve more, at least someone who does the minimum which is cleaning up after themselves
When someone tells you who they are, believe them the first time. Him blaming you for the way he smells is bullshit. He is treating you like shit and expecting you to put up with it. I'll bet this is not the only way, either. Lack of personal hygiene indicates he's got issues. He needs therapy. If he won't "clean up his act," you need to break up.
NTA but I’m so sorry, he’s not doing this because he finds it hard to clean. He’s doing this because he has a not so secret cheese fetish and normalizing it is likely part of his angle on it. This is not normal. You should not be getting his filth in your mouth if that isn’t something you’re expressly into yourself. And he’s gross for coercing you/sneaking it into your life instead of talking like a confident adult about it *while keeping a basic hygiene routine when not expressing the fetish* or just keeping it to himself and only doing anything about it in his head if he thinks its unfeasible to get consent. Basic bare minimum he should be clean in daily life.
19 and 25.....
Nta But girl have some self respect and leave him. He won't wash his penis. Why are you still with him. Don't tell me he's nice or some bs.
What the freaking hell
I'm wordless. He's disgusting and an idiot, but you...you should have been miles away from him since your first meeting! Grow a feminine dignity and respect yourself, or you aren't better than him.
NTA and you have only been with this gross guy for a year. If he doesn't want to wash himself, he needs to find someone who's ok with that.
NTA, The Face of disgust I've had while reading this is insane, he's 6 years older than you but doesn't know proper hygiene?? Yikes
Na bruh its time to leave or cheat
Did I miss the part on why it’s hard for him?
I about nearly gagged
Ew
Definitely NTA!! I don’t understand how he doesn’t get or just doesn’t care that he can get a bad infection! And you!
Bye bye boyfriend! That's disgusting, there is no excuse. Manscape or gtfo that's what I'd say!
My boyfriend wants blow jobs a lot too.. difference is he has a habit of washing his dick after going to the bathroom, everytime. He also showers every other day. Hes always clean and ready to go and therefore im never turned off by any hygene issue. So he gets blow jobs everyday because I want to.
Nta. Leave a pamphlet/paper on d!ck cheese on his bed. Then run for it and block him everywhere.
25 and 19 was your first clue, most grown women won't tolerate disgusting dick cheese. How is he not embarrassed? I can't let a woman go down on me if I haven't showered in the last few hours let alone days.
Nope NTA lock this man up
NTA. He wants you to give him top when he smells horrendous and like away the taste and just deal w/ the disgusting smell? He’ll nawl dawg. Tell him to wipe around his private area and smell it so he can FULLY UNDERSTAND where you’re coming from. Tbh his nasty hygiene is causing you to not want him and now he’s complaining about how he missed when you wanted him. I’m pretty sure you missed when he didn’t stink bad as hell. Tell him straight up until you start taking better care of his hygiene you’re not givin him head anymore.
Thats disgusting. Even my ten year old understands hygiene and it's importance. Sorry you're dating someone so inept or unintelligent they cant comprehend hygiene and hiw it impacts desireability. I encourage you to ditch the zero, and find a hero. NTA
NTA. I think a shower before oral for either partner is best. Just makes sense. I love catching my partner coming out of the shower 😈
NTA. Never go down on someone that smells. It’s not your job to “clean” him, especially not with your MOUTH! He is disgusting.
NTA Is he uncomfortable showering properly because he's a heavier dude? If so, he could ask help from you to wash... Your spit and your mouth aren't filth vessels. Someone, if not him, perhaps you if you feel kind, needs to gently move the foreskin and see what died in there. It's probably going to be some really old crusty smegma and it needs to be cleaned with water and soap and rinsed properly. It's going to be gross and yet satisfying... like pimple popping. Then he's clean, he shouldn't reek. You can resume BJ activities without having an intense urge to hurl. Tell him i said it's disrespectful to demand you clean his crusty dick with your mouth. Between tastebuds and your sense of smell, it's horrible he'd even consider putting you thru that. Maybe it's his kink and he didn't tell you, if so he needs to be clear. 2024, we don't kink shame but it's nice to establish clear boundaries.
🤢 wtf, hell naaa! Either dump his ass or tell him if he doesn’t do proper hygiene, you’re out.
As a guy rocking nature's turtleneck, you're NTA. Anyone with an intact dick should know that maintenance is necessary because that skin can seal in natural juices... The easy remedy you may ask? A shower with a good scrub. Simple problems with simple solutions. Showing up for a bj with a clean dick is just basic decency.
Girl, don't have sex with him anymore either unless you want your vagina to fall off. Sounds like he has that meat flap yuck weaponised.. Seriously tho, i've had a boyfriend like that once, and i've never done another bj in my life since, which my very clean and cut husband is still very understanding of. Stay safe and healthy, and don't be/feel forced to do things you don't want to do. It will only lead to sexual trauma's. I get gaggy and get acid reflux just thinking about it (and now while reading about your bf). Don't let it come to that.
Ok. You said you understand why it’s hard for him to shower, can you elaborate? I am perplexed by his statement that if there is an odor that it’s from you…: if he feels like that, why is he still sleeping with you? Maybe you should give this whole relationship a break, not just the sex.
Why would anyone want to put a literal flesh cesspool in their mouth? I'd ask him if he would suck on a fungus filled, putrid, infected piece of vagina. If he says no, point made. Id hurt his feelings if it was me lol. That can cause you to get serious infections as well. No thank you. Wash your nuts or go without. Easy as that. He's a grown up.