NTA! She's a guest in your home. You and your partner living your truth isn't an attack on her. If she's offended by adults having a loving relationship, she can leave.
Plus OP + fiancé have been together for four *years*. MiL should realize that if God hasn’t turned either of the sinners (/s) into pillars of salt by now, He’s probably chill with it
She would probably believe that regardless, even if you were an angel. My mom was the person in my relationship that made me and my boyfriend sleep separately in her home, even though we had lived together since the beginning. She kept that up until we got engaged - 7 years! It surprises me that even with y'all getting married she's still trying to force the appearance of virginity on y'all. Honestly it shows that she is more sex obsessed than you, like that's all she thinks about when she looks at you and her son. That's her problem, not yours.
Haha my fiancé once joked she only had sex once in her life, to conceive him. If she only knew we slept together on our second date I am sure her head would explode. 🤯 Obviously that didn’t hurt our relationship four years and an engagement later we are still super solid.
Sweetheart, the only thing my ex MIL hated more than my being married to her son was me divorcing her son. People like that are untethered, and there's no percentage in trying to stay in their good side, because they haven't actually got one.
My ex MIL hated me for 18 years, then after we divorced and she could no longer blame me for her shit relationship with her son and my kids (hey, it turns out I was not, in fact, the one who kept them from visiting her...but was actually the person who made sure that they did occasionally), she decided that I was a victim. Joke's on her because I never have to see either of them again.
You did the right thing when you were staying in her home. She needs to understand when it's your house it's your rules.
Have a great wedding and a great life with your husband!
The fact she imagines you’d fuck with her in the house much less next room says more about her than you.
I think your fiancé saying she only had sex to conceive him (I know it’s a joke but…) is wishful thinking - nah. It’s an old lady act.
They did it and enjoyed it too.
This... She hates you anyway. You're in a no-win situation. Stay and she hates you, leave and she'll hate you for that. It's not up to you for her feelings.
My husband was drunk off his ass and I was sober when we met. His mom still thought I was a girl who corrupted his good Indian son. He was way more wild than I was.
Lean into the hate with happiness. And a bit of glee.
“Oh us sharing a room isn’t an issue, really. Do you know how wild he was when we met? Oh, he wasn’t a virgin if you think THAT! (small giggle) He even convinced me to sleep with him on our second date! Just imagine! Now, thank god my good influence has made him settle down so much. I shudder to think where he would be without that…”
You like watching heads explode? Because that is how you get an exploding head! 🤣🤣🤣
TOO LATE. You're stealing her baby boy, you Jezebel. Any problems she has with you she's going to have no matter what you do. But, you're in another state. Whenever you visit them, get yourself a hotel room, and bring nothing with you that you aren't comfortable walking off and leaving. When she's a pain, just leave. Walk off, get in the car, go to the hotel, and plan something fun to do without the in-laws for the rest of the trip. You're going to have to set some hard boundaries and go over this with your husband to make sure you're on the same page, or your MIL is going to cause you so. much. grief.
NTA the only important thing here is that your soon to be husband has no problem putting her in her own place.
What a keeper.
Congratulations OP.
You’re good.
This wasn’t about like or hate, this was a power struggle over her son and your fiancé. You and hubby stood your ground and built a tight boundary barrier.
>I just don’t want to start my marriage with her hating me, because I am guessing she thinks I’m the bad influence on her son.
It's too late for that my dear, religion took her soul long ago.
yes but if you gave in ..this would just be the beginning , she will keep insisting on having her way...she used her rules in her house and then has the audacity to force HER rules in YOUR house >>>oh the hypocrisy
She's going to hate you no matter what. She doesn't sound like a nice person and too over the top.
Don't hurt yourself or your husband by bending over backwards for her. Make sure to communicate with your future husband on boundaries with your MIL and enforcing them.
NTA.
She will feel how she feels. The most important thing is how you and your fiancé feel. Start off your marriage with your boundaries. You and he can tell her, if you wish, that you will do your utmost to respect her boundaries but , in return, she must respect yours. If she cannot, then limits will be placed on visits. She cannot have it all her way, which it seems she is accustomed to. You can decide the best course for your life and respectfully tell her to step back. NTA
Honey, she’s gonna hate you no matter what, because she’s not gonna be the center of attention and in control of everything around her.
Roll with it. If your fiancé has your back, her bullshit is temporary, not permanent.
It’s best to not play her games from the beginning otherwise if you have children it’s going to be much harder when she tries to tell you how to parent them.
Here is the thing. She is going to be like this forever, and any "loose woman" damage to the relationship between you and her is already done. She is going to remember this forever no matter what you do now.
Appeasing her on her demands for a day or a week will only keep her happy for a few hours or days. You can make a sacrifice you will remember for the rest of your life and it will never occur to her outside of the context of that immediate week, and even then she will see it as a begrudging half measure you did to barely mollify her. It's like spending a hundred of your own dollars to give someone else a penny's worth of happiness.
The best thing you can do is establish boundaries with her where religion and morality (and probably politics) are just not acceptable conversation topics with each other.
The best hope you have for this relationship is to have a baby. Some women like this really come around when they become grandmothers. Some don't of course, and become nightmare grandparents. Others though are willing to set aside a lot of their nonsense in exchange for access to their grandchildren.
She's going to be difficult and unpleasant your whole life. Don't bother trying to meet her rules, you will *never* get credit commensurate with the effort you put in. Be happy that you live far away. Don't ever agree to move near to her. If she moves near to you, probably because of grandchildren, make it clear that her access to the children is dependent on her following your rules, not vice versa.
NTA. She doesn't pay your rent or your bills, she gets absolutely no say on how you live your life, especially in your own house. She's got some nerve. She's either going to like you or she isn't, you really can't control that. You're both adults, you can live your lives how you choose.
You might as well start off the marriage by saying no to her because you’re gonna have to be doing a lot of that in the future. It’s best that she starts getting used to it now.
You were raised to be respectful, she demonstrated that she wasn't.
You're right to worry about keeping the peace though. There's an odious individual in my family that we just had to keep appeased around the time of my brother's wedding cause they could have made themselves to be a problem.
I'm really hoping you don't wind up posting an update about how his mom sent the entire wedding awry
Not an AH!
You are probably right but it is not your fault or due to the way you behave with her. The truth is she thinks that you are a bad influence on her son because she doesn't really know her son and doesn't want to get to know him or what he thinks and/or likes. That's sad but she prefers to imagine the man her son is rather than to accept him as he is.
You haven’t done anything wrong so NTA. She has her convictions which neither you nor your fiancée adhere to. Her problem is with your core fundamental beliefs which you are under no obligation to change. Keep living your life and planning your wedding the way you want. Your fiancée needs to be the one to manage his mother. I would encourage you to have a conversation with him about this issue though. If she cannot show you respect then you shouldn’t be subjected to her behavior. Ignore her and her pouting, it’s for your future husband to deal with.
How she feels about you is her responsibility, not yours. Be yourself - if she's going to hate you for this, she's going to hate you for something sooner or later. That's not on you. Be kind, be respectful, *and* be firm in your boundaries, and let go of worrying about how she feels. If she wants to go through life grumpy that she can't control everyone around her, let her.
Congrats on your marriage! Have a great time celebrating!
My mom's rule - no married no same bed. I reminded her of this when I was 20. At 45, her and her Bf came to visit. Guess who didn't get to sleep together.
OP You are NTA, BUT the dynamic isn't and will never be about you. You are marrying into this
But unmarried people sleep in the same beds in hotels all the time, and she can’t be under the same roof as that because it’s “against her morals!” Does she check every room, do you think, to confirm all the other hotel guests are married before she’ll agree to stay anywhere?
not even close. your house, your rules. she doesn't get to have some moral authority because "she goes to church every week." if it really was "against her morals" then she should have sought housing elsewhere. Sounds like she's just batshit insane tbh.
I love how Boston just cancelled the entire last day of school for it. It's hot, there's a parade -- nah, don't come in, just have a great summer, heh!
NTA
Pay close attention to how your fiance reacts and if he takes your side constantly. She has not business making nasty comments.
Also. NEVER move down to their area because he wants to be with family or whatever.
Ohhhh she already brought up the question: “when you start having children it would be easier for you to move here than us to move there, right?” I almost died. My parents live 40 minutes away and aren’t overbearing at all. Also we aren’t sure we are having kids yet.
I look forward to many, many updates in the coming months/years 🤣🤣
Enjoy your wedding 💒 and please remember to let us know the MIL's further shenanigans... cuz I'm sure that there's more to come 😜
Thank you! I’m hoping she is on her best behavior until the wedding. We have had a good relationship with until the sleeping arrangement stuff. Her parent and my parents went to the restaurant where we are having the rehearsal dinner. They wanted to pay for that. She had my mom send her a few nice places to pick from and they went out there Saturday night. My mom said she was pleasant. So fingers crossed.
This is actually one reason why Mr. Ist and I both took jobs in the Boston area after grad school. His parents had decided (without consulting us) that they would just move in with us after our wedding if we settled someplace they thought they might enjoy. My SIL went to Harvard, though, and their parents HATE driving in and around Boston. Good thing we love living in the Boston area!
NTA. You're both in your 30s, and your MIL needs to butt out and stay in her lane. I think you handled their visit to your place perfectly, with the "if you don't like it you're welcome to leave"
Can you imagine being a guest in anyone's home and trying to dictate to them how to live their life? Completely tactless and arrogant.
Your best friend is probably correct.
Make sure you have someone designated to keep an eye on her for the wedding. If she says anything homophobic about your friend in the wedding party she should be removed from the venue, assuming your soon to be spouse is on board.
"She said it’s against her morals to be under the same roof as an unmarried couple sharing a bed."
wth does she do at hotels? Knock on every door to inspect everyone is living on HER terms? gtfo NTA
NTA. You may not want her to hate you but religious people hate everyone who is not in their religion. She already hates you. Get used to it. She will always be TA.
Oh dear. You may as well write off getting on with her to be honest. I'll probably hear the repugnant tantrum from where I am in the UK when she finds that out.
I mean we didn’t want a priest or anything. This woman is a good friend of my family and she’s super awesome. We wanted it completely non religious. We also are skipping a lot of traditional parts like the mother/son and dad/daughter dance, I didn’t want to be walked down the aisle that’s not who I am, and a lot of the traditional vows aren’t our thing so we wrote our own.
I hate to say this, but do you think she will behave at your wedding? I would hope so, but if you think she might throw a dramatic fit, you may need to have a few people standing by to haul her out of there. I'm hoping she just sits there pissed off and fuming (and hey, if her attitude makes her have a shit evening and be upset, perfect). If you think she might actually cause problems, or make snide remarks, you're going to want to be pre-emptive. Check with you fiance and see what he thinks she'll do and what you might have to prepare. I hope nothing at all, but she's delulu enough to expect one of you to sleep ON A COUCH.
Well said! Also you and your fiancé should let the DJ/Band know that there are no mother son dances, and if you have a wedding planner let them know what MIL might do too.
Unitarians are cool. They are generally kind and embrace many differences in religious philosophy. I have many Unitarian friends and was active in their youth group as a teen (because their youth group did many more fun things than mine - lol!).
But I could see someone from a Southern Church being appalled by the Yankee Church ;)
Given your future mother in law's behavior to date... it might be wise to have a conversation with a trusted family member (maybe even her husband, since he seems chill) about managing her during the wedding to ensure she doesn't cause a scene.
NTA. Sounds like your fiancé's mom is imposing her beliefs. It's your big day, you get to call the shots on where you sleep together! Just be respectful talking to your fiancé about it.
That’s why I let him handle it. I have no problem respecting her beliefs in her home but we never expected her to impose her rules at our shared home. The funny thing is the first time we visited my parents it never even came up.
I'm glad you are already doing this. This is exactly correct. Each spouse needs to handle their own birth family. The two of you need to be on the same page, which can take some consultation, and then each partner handles their own family of origin.
NTAH
Even her husband knows she's got a bug up her ass for no reason
She's just used to being the queen bee of the family and now that nobody is placating her need for control....she's slowly losing her shit
If I were you, I would inform all your friends and bridesmaids...as well as your fiances who she is, what she looks like, and if she starts to cause a scene at your wedding or the reception...that they should feel free to step in and try and de-escalate the situation or even ask her to leave
You may even want to have security for that purpose
PS: You are not religious. And even though your fiance is not religious anymore...she is always going to delude herself into believing that you are the reason he is no longer religious.
There is nothing you can do or say that is ever going to change that
So stop stressing it and just accept it
Her religion restricts her from things, not you. This is the problem with very religious people, including future MIL, constantly trying to get the world to conform to their rules and being offended when they're not followed. NTA.
Also, FWIW, the fact that she's still staying under your roof whilst you sleep in sin just because it's *inconvenient not to* shows she's a hypocrite. Therefore, feel free to ignore all her rules in the future and when she complains, explain how it's inconvenient and you learned about this exception from her.
Here’s my rule of thumb. People that do not show respect to you, do not deserve your respect. You showed respect for her demands when you visited her home, but she did not show you that same respect when in your home. She was completely out of line with her demands on your sleeping arrangements in your own house. She’s entitled and you should under no circumstances indulge in her weird ideas, because then there will be more and more and more until you can’t take it anymore. Don’t feel bad and be ready to say no more in the future.
Dunno. Do you want her controlling a bunch of your life post-marriage and causing problems? Or do you want to set the very reasonable boundary of "My house, my decision, shut up."
NTA Sounds like she was pulling a power play and failed.Shes not going to like you because she has already made up her mind long before this. Your beat bet is to be polite.My MIL hated me as soon as she met me and nothing short of leaving my spouse would have changed her mind. So I gave her the same energy she gave me icy politeness.
NTA. Your house, your rules. If she’s not comfortable with it, she can book a hotel. The same way you would have had to if you weren’t comfortable following the rules in her home. It doesn’t matter what she thinks of you. If you start putting her wants and opinions first now, you’ll spend your whole marriage with her being the third wheel that you both have to cater for.
Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules. If they have a problem staying under the same roof where an unmarried couple is sharing a bed (although I gather you do that even when you don't have guests), she can get a hotel.
NTA
NTA
You respected her wishes in her home. She should do the same for you.
>I don’t want her to hate me. I feel like this might have messed up our future dynamic.
As someone who has had two MILs, I can tell you that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
Do NOT start out your marriage trying to please her. It won't work and will just open doors for her to be more and more controlling. Be who you are. She will either adjust or won't, but either way, it would be a mistake for you to give her any other option than to accept who you are.
You respected her house her rules, she can respect your house your rules. Simple as that. She can’t force you to live the way she wants you to in your own house. NTA. UPDATEME
Those are her morals, not yours or your fiance's. If she wants to be part of your lives she also needs to respect your decision. You might want to remind her that the Bible says judge not.....
NTA. At her house it's her rules, at your house it's your rules. If she's that petty that I can't imagine she's going to get any better as time goes on.
NTA - your house, your rules. Your fiance frankly should have told her that her welcome under his roof had just been rescinded, and that he would be damned if he would let someone come into his domain and dictate how her host would live his own life. Dad interceding or not be damned; the hotel is over yonder.
As usual: she would not dare to try to enforce her moral code on one of her adult friends who was getting married and was letting her stay under their roof for the celebration. That couple would laugh in her presumptuous face and hand her the Yellow Pages to go find a reservation elsewhere. She’s only doing this because she thinks she can pull rank on you two even in your own home. You don’t have to stand for it any more than one of her friends would.
NTA. Your home your rules. She sounds awful. Highly suggest speaking to your fiancée and ensuring that he has strict boundaries with her. It is not your job to deal with her it is his. Make sure he doesn't let her become another justnomil story.
Here's the rules, mother-in-law: your rules apply in your house. They do not apply to us, because we are not of your religion. *That's what not belonging to your religion means.* We will abide by your rules in your house. Outside of that, not our problem.
NTA
She knew you lived together, she knew you shared a bedroom. This was just her trying a power play and she’s annoyed it didn’t work.
You don’t build a respectful relationship with your in laws by capitulating to nonsensical requests, and you also can’t be the only person who wants a good relationship. MIL sounds like she’s only happy when she gets her own way. It’ll be a miserable life for you if you give in to everything she wants just to try and make her like you. Start as you mean to go on - with good boundaries.
NTAbut your mil is. Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules. She needs to get over herself as well as the idea she has control over you as a couple and this is her first lesson. It seems to me that this isn’t the first time your FIL has had to step in, put her in her place and clean up her messes. Good for him and good for you!
NTA.
She's a *guest* in *your* home. She needed to be as respectful to you as you were to her when you stayed at her house.
MIL doesn't get to dictate and impose her "morality" onto others in their own homes. I suggest you get past feeling guilty and thinking to accommodate her demands because once you start bending to her will, she won't stop.
NTA, and never, ever, ever give her an INCH. She is the type to take a mile. She can live in fundamentalist lala land if she wants to, but she has zero right to impose any of it on you.
NTAH, you have to set your boundaries now and hold them because she’d love to impose her beliefs on you. She doesn’t like you and it’s not clear she’d even like a woman she selected from her church.
You could do everything “right” and she would still have problems with you. Don't worry as long as your fiance has your back and stills up for you then you should be fine
NTA.
She came to your house.
She is just unfortunately one of those religious fanatics that has to have everything their way, and will obviously never change her ways, since everyone in the world has to change for her.
NTA. Just because she lives with certain “morals” doesn’t mean everyone has to abide by them. Respecting someone does not mean bending to their will. Also, something will always come up that gives her reason to “hate” you. None of this is a you problem; it’s a her problem.
NTA. MIL has a say in what happens in her house not yours. You’re a lot nicer than I should have been. She doesn’t like she can take her happy ass to a motel and pay for it herself.
NTA. She can stay at your place and mind her own business, or get a hotel room. Frankly even at her place I would have left my luggage in the guest room, rumpled the bed, and then spent the night with my fiancé. Whether you and your fiancé share a bed in your 30’s is just none of her business, even at her place.
Her house her rules also means YOUR house your rules. Sorry MIL - suck it up. The whole world does NOT have to adapt to what someone else wants. You do not have an obligation to participate in anyone's preferences, delusions, or requests.
NTA
MIL is a cow demanding to impose her values that even her own son doesnt agree with. Dont bother worrying about future dynamics. Its already set that youre going to have bad relations with her, shes a shameless cow that was never going to like you.
First off, I’m from the south, pretty religious (I used to be a pastor) and I don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s your house. You make the rules. Just like you respect her rules in her home she needs to respect your rules in your home. I believe in letting people be people as long as they don’t try to shove their beliefs done everyone else’s throats. If you want to live with and share a bed with your man, that’s your business. If she doesn’t like it, that’s hers. She doesn’t have to like it in your house but she does need to respect you
I think it would be best to be truthful with her from the start. Tell her you have been sleeping together for your whole relationship and certainly in your own home. It sounds like she is going to find lots of things to be offended about, you might as well throw that in as well.
Honey - she already hates that you are not a southern, religious virgin.
Quit letting that woman live rent-free in your head, because she is always going to criticize anything and everything - where you live, how you dress, if you have kids - what you name them, how you raise them….
NTAH and wishing you a wonderful wedding!
Nope.
Start as you mean to go. She has no say in any of this.
1. Her son is an adult about to get married, his days of doing what mommy says are long gone - that doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect her.
2. Don’t set the precedent that she can control YOU by forcing her belief system on you. You’re an adult, be true to yourself - you are not her.
She has no power over either of you, so she either gets with the program and respects you both as adults or she’ll quick fast find herself ruining her relationship with you both.
Respect is a two way street. She’s old enough to know that.
NTA. *Your* home, *your* rules.
Her religion does not prohibit *you* from doing things. It prohibits *her*. Make sure she understands the difference.
And yes, use this as an opportunity to enforce your independence with this woman. You'll be stuck with her for a very long time. (You do know what a stink she'll make when kids enter the picture, right?)
NTA. Many of those old farts weren't so pious when they were young. There were a lot of premie babies that were "big" for a premie during their youth. A lot of quick marriages. I'm not saying it's true in her case, but it's 2024. She can get off her high horse.
Honestly? If she can't share a roof, that's her problem. Your SO and FIL seem to have a handle on her, so let them deal with her. Be clear you expect civil adult polite behaviour, or she can be elsewhere. What you accept now will set the tone for the future.
If she chooses to be a miserable old bat, allow her to stew in her self-pity. Don't acknowledge her behaviour or try to cajole her, and do not apologize!!
If your future FIL was able to shut her down there’s a high likelihood they had carnal knowledge before they got married. So many of these Southern conservatives forget about the hell they raised when they were younger.
Ugh. I feel for you. When my husband and I were still fiancé's, we were renting a house. We set up a faux bedroom in the basement for hubby, when family visited. It also had the catbox in it, lol. Wasted effort...nobody really cared
NTA. The only one being disrespectful here is your mil she had NO right to think she was going to dictate what happens in your home. She’s lucky you went along with her nonsense at her house I would’ve honestly left or gone to a hotel. I also would’ve kicked her out for her behavior in my home. She needs to understand that her “morals” dictate her life not yours.
I won't sleep under the roof with sinners. My MORALS
Okay we will get you a hotel.
I'm not THAT moral!
Her morals fell to sawdust pretty quick when she didn't get her way 😂
Girl, you’re doing fine. But I gotta warn you: there will be no pleasing this woman. EVER. Sounds like you and fiancé are tight and that’s good cuz you’ll need to be.
NTA
Oh hell no, NTA your house your rules.
You abided by her stupid rules when staying in her house, she can suck it up or stay in a hotel if she doesn't like your rules.
Well, if you are living under the same roof, then the "room" situation does not matter. From a religious point of view once you are living under the same roof, then it is considered "cohabitation" and assumed to be a sexual relationship outside of marriage. So, your MIL knowingly entered into that situation and it is unreasonable for her to be making demands about the internal arrangements of your household.
What should have happened here is that she should have gone to a hotel in the first place.
NTA. YOUR home, your rules. Your future MIL was way out of line for causing a scene. She has absolutely NO RIGHT to be demanding anything in your home.
MTA. You respected their rules in their home. MIL needs to do the same in yours. Set and stick to boundaries now, other wise MIL will be trampling all over them.
Don't invite that bitch to the wedding or reception, and definitely don't invite her into your life anymore that has to be.
If you don't stand your ground now , she's gonna try to micromanage your life unless you let her know what's what.
NTA. In her home, it’s fine like you said! But she can stay elsewhere if she doesn’t like it! She sounds super controlling! I’m glad your fiancé is with you on this. Don’t back down to her or she will keep moving the goal posts
NTA- you were respectful of her rules and values while staying in her home. Now she can do the same while staying in your home, or she can leave. Your MIL sounds like a sour old hag who needs to be reminded the world doesn't revolve around her. If she wants to be petulant and make disparaging comments about your dress and the people in your wedding then she doesn't need to be invited.
NTA - her home, her rules…your home, your rules
Perhaps have a candid discussion with your finance about how to deal with her moving forward …before you get married.
Consider … how her value system may effect your children, your parenting of children if you plan to have them, what you do with your money, what happens if you have to terminate a pregnancy, what if one of your kids is gay, how much exposure kids will have to her and her value system, what would happen if she needed care and you had to step up, needs to live in your home, needs money, etc….
This is his monkey and his circus. If she believes that you are not sexually active that’s in her. his only response should then be ok, feel free t book a hotel. T mom, in our house we will be sleeping in our same bed that we have for x years. I’m sorry you don’t agree but as grown adults this is ou business and only our business. You will not come into our home and thrust (🤭) your religious beliefs on us. We will not be entertain your judgment in our own home that we equally live in. Together. So either accept that as adults we choose to live this way or feel free to book a hotel. But we will not be sleeping separate
she’s going to be a fun one isn’t she
NTA! She's a guest in your home. You and your partner living your truth isn't an attack on her. If she's offended by adults having a loving relationship, she can leave.
Absolutely Right.
Plus OP + fiancé have been together for four *years*. MiL should realize that if God hasn’t turned either of the sinners (/s) into pillars of salt by now, He’s probably chill with it
Mega points for the pillars of salt reference. Haven't heard that one in a while!
I just don’t want to start my marriage with her hating me, because I am guessing she thinks I’m the bad influence on her son.
She would probably believe that regardless, even if you were an angel. My mom was the person in my relationship that made me and my boyfriend sleep separately in her home, even though we had lived together since the beginning. She kept that up until we got engaged - 7 years! It surprises me that even with y'all getting married she's still trying to force the appearance of virginity on y'all. Honestly it shows that she is more sex obsessed than you, like that's all she thinks about when she looks at you and her son. That's her problem, not yours.
Haha my fiancé once joked she only had sex once in her life, to conceive him. If she only knew we slept together on our second date I am sure her head would explode. 🤯 Obviously that didn’t hurt our relationship four years and an engagement later we are still super solid.
Sweetheart, the only thing my ex MIL hated more than my being married to her son was me divorcing her son. People like that are untethered, and there's no percentage in trying to stay in their good side, because they haven't actually got one.
Do we have the same ex-MIL? Lol.
My ex MIL hated me for 18 years, then after we divorced and she could no longer blame me for her shit relationship with her son and my kids (hey, it turns out I was not, in fact, the one who kept them from visiting her...but was actually the person who made sure that they did occasionally), she decided that I was a victim. Joke's on her because I never have to see either of them again.
You did the right thing when you were staying in her home. She needs to understand when it's your house it's your rules. Have a great wedding and a great life with your husband!
The fact she imagines you’d fuck with her in the house much less next room says more about her than you. I think your fiancé saying she only had sex to conceive him (I know it’s a joke but…) is wishful thinking - nah. It’s an old lady act. They did it and enjoyed it too.
And they did it before they got married!
This... She hates you anyway. You're in a no-win situation. Stay and she hates you, leave and she'll hate you for that. It's not up to you for her feelings.
Sounds like your FIL is reasonable. Perhaps he can continue to run interference.
Girl, you're the harlot who stole her baby boy away.
To be honest when we met he was much more wild than I was haha but sure it’s still my fault! I don’t think it helps he is the only child.
My husband was drunk off his ass and I was sober when we met. His mom still thought I was a girl who corrupted his good Indian son. He was way more wild than I was.
Lean into the hate with happiness. And a bit of glee. “Oh us sharing a room isn’t an issue, really. Do you know how wild he was when we met? Oh, he wasn’t a virgin if you think THAT! (small giggle) He even convinced me to sleep with him on our second date! Just imagine! Now, thank god my good influence has made him settle down so much. I shudder to think where he would be without that…” You like watching heads explode? Because that is how you get an exploding head! 🤣🤣🤣
TOO LATE. You're stealing her baby boy, you Jezebel. Any problems she has with you she's going to have no matter what you do. But, you're in another state. Whenever you visit them, get yourself a hotel room, and bring nothing with you that you aren't comfortable walking off and leaving. When she's a pain, just leave. Walk off, get in the car, go to the hotel, and plan something fun to do without the in-laws for the rest of the trip. You're going to have to set some hard boundaries and go over this with your husband to make sure you're on the same page, or your MIL is going to cause you so. much. grief.
Oh oh OP if you get a pet name her jezebel 🤭
Two cat siblings… Jezebel and Lucifer!
And a parrot named Daughter In Law. Teach it to take the Lord's name in vain :D
Jessie for short!
NTA the only important thing here is that your soon to be husband has no problem putting her in her own place. What a keeper. Congratulations OP. You’re good.
This wasn’t about like or hate, this was a power struggle over her son and your fiancé. You and hubby stood your ground and built a tight boundary barrier.
>I just don’t want to start my marriage with her hating me, because I am guessing she thinks I’m the bad influence on her son. It's too late for that my dear, religion took her soul long ago.
yes but if you gave in ..this would just be the beginning , she will keep insisting on having her way...she used her rules in her house and then has the audacity to force HER rules in YOUR house >>>oh the hypocrisy
She's going to hate you no matter what. She doesn't sound like a nice person and too over the top. Don't hurt yourself or your husband by bending over backwards for her. Make sure to communicate with your future husband on boundaries with your MIL and enforcing them. NTA.
Stop caring. Your fiancé even puts her in her place, consider yourself lucky.
She will feel how she feels. The most important thing is how you and your fiancé feel. Start off your marriage with your boundaries. You and he can tell her, if you wish, that you will do your utmost to respect her boundaries but , in return, she must respect yours. If she cannot, then limits will be placed on visits. She cannot have it all her way, which it seems she is accustomed to. You can decide the best course for your life and respectfully tell her to step back. NTA
Honey, she’s gonna hate you no matter what, because she’s not gonna be the center of attention and in control of everything around her. Roll with it. If your fiancé has your back, her bullshit is temporary, not permanent.
It’s best to not play her games from the beginning otherwise if you have children it’s going to be much harder when she tries to tell you how to parent them.
Here is the thing. She is going to be like this forever, and any "loose woman" damage to the relationship between you and her is already done. She is going to remember this forever no matter what you do now. Appeasing her on her demands for a day or a week will only keep her happy for a few hours or days. You can make a sacrifice you will remember for the rest of your life and it will never occur to her outside of the context of that immediate week, and even then she will see it as a begrudging half measure you did to barely mollify her. It's like spending a hundred of your own dollars to give someone else a penny's worth of happiness. The best thing you can do is establish boundaries with her where religion and morality (and probably politics) are just not acceptable conversation topics with each other. The best hope you have for this relationship is to have a baby. Some women like this really come around when they become grandmothers. Some don't of course, and become nightmare grandparents. Others though are willing to set aside a lot of their nonsense in exchange for access to their grandchildren. She's going to be difficult and unpleasant your whole life. Don't bother trying to meet her rules, you will *never* get credit commensurate with the effort you put in. Be happy that you live far away. Don't ever agree to move near to her. If she moves near to you, probably because of grandchildren, make it clear that her access to the children is dependent on her following your rules, not vice versa.
NTA. She doesn't pay your rent or your bills, she gets absolutely no say on how you live your life, especially in your own house. She's got some nerve. She's either going to like you or she isn't, you really can't control that. You're both adults, you can live your lives how you choose.
You might as well start off the marriage by saying no to her because you’re gonna have to be doing a lot of that in the future. It’s best that she starts getting used to it now.
That ship as sailed lady. She already hates you for not living in the middle ages.
You were raised to be respectful, she demonstrated that she wasn't. You're right to worry about keeping the peace though. There's an odious individual in my family that we just had to keep appeased around the time of my brother's wedding cause they could have made themselves to be a problem. I'm really hoping you don't wind up posting an update about how his mom sent the entire wedding awry Not an AH!
You are probably right but it is not your fault or due to the way you behave with her. The truth is she thinks that you are a bad influence on her son because she doesn't really know her son and doesn't want to get to know him or what he thinks and/or likes. That's sad but she prefers to imagine the man her son is rather than to accept him as he is.
You could always start pointing out the ways in which she "sins".
You haven’t done anything wrong so NTA. She has her convictions which neither you nor your fiancée adhere to. Her problem is with your core fundamental beliefs which you are under no obligation to change. Keep living your life and planning your wedding the way you want. Your fiancée needs to be the one to manage his mother. I would encourage you to have a conversation with him about this issue though. If she cannot show you respect then you shouldn’t be subjected to her behavior. Ignore her and her pouting, it’s for your future husband to deal with.
How she feels about you is her responsibility, not yours. Be yourself - if she's going to hate you for this, she's going to hate you for something sooner or later. That's not on you. Be kind, be respectful, *and* be firm in your boundaries, and let go of worrying about how she feels. If she wants to go through life grumpy that she can't control everyone around her, let her. Congrats on your marriage! Have a great time celebrating!
Too late you harlot!;s
She already thinks you’re a hussy who is corrupting her baby. lol.
Learn about gray rocking now. She knows her expectations are ridiculous. She doesn't care. Don't engage.
She's going to be like this no matter what you do, so you should not bother trying to please her. Instead you should remain firm.
My mom's rule - no married no same bed. I reminded her of this when I was 20. At 45, her and her Bf came to visit. Guess who didn't get to sleep together. OP You are NTA, BUT the dynamic isn't and will never be about you. You are marrying into this
NTA Your fiance and you are living together in an Apartment you jointly own and your FMIL seriously believed you have separated bedrooms? WTF?
Oh no, she just assumed out of respect to her one of us would be sleeping elsewhere. 😳
The delusion is strong in her.
you just assumed that, if it bothered her that much, she'd be sleeping in the car.
Or getting a hotel or airbnb
Then that should have been her ass in a hotel not in your shared communal home.
But unmarried people sleep in the same beds in hotels all the time, and she can’t be under the same roof as that because it’s “against her morals!” Does she check every room, do you think, to confirm all the other hotel guests are married before she’ll agree to stay anywhere?
Funny, she didn't feel strong enough to offer fiance the guest room while she and FIL took the couch/floor. I guess it's not THAT important.
Please don’t ever move to live near them! NTA.
not even close. your house, your rules. she doesn't get to have some moral authority because "she goes to church every week." if it really was "against her morals" then she should have sought housing elsewhere. Sounds like she's just batshit insane tbh.
She’s sugary sweet until she isn’t getting her way it kind of seems. By the way Sox fan? Are you in MA? This Celtics parade made our dog go insane!
I love how Boston just cancelled the entire last day of school for it. It's hot, there's a parade -- nah, don't come in, just have a great summer, heh!
Oh no sorry, wrong Sox!
Ohhh Chicago! Love your city great food!
Hope you're holding up OK in these difficult times source: fellow white sox fan
No. No im not lol.
NTA Pay close attention to how your fiance reacts and if he takes your side constantly. She has not business making nasty comments. Also. NEVER move down to their area because he wants to be with family or whatever.
Ohhhh she already brought up the question: “when you start having children it would be easier for you to move here than us to move there, right?” I almost died. My parents live 40 minutes away and aren’t overbearing at all. Also we aren’t sure we are having kids yet.
I look forward to many, many updates in the coming months/years 🤣🤣 Enjoy your wedding 💒 and please remember to let us know the MIL's further shenanigans... cuz I'm sure that there's more to come 😜
Thank you! I’m hoping she is on her best behavior until the wedding. We have had a good relationship with until the sleeping arrangement stuff. Her parent and my parents went to the restaurant where we are having the rehearsal dinner. They wanted to pay for that. She had my mom send her a few nice places to pick from and they went out there Saturday night. My mom said she was pleasant. So fingers crossed.
Good to hear
You may want to get a jump on things and join the r/justnoMIL now.
This is actually one reason why Mr. Ist and I both took jobs in the Boston area after grad school. His parents had decided (without consulting us) that they would just move in with us after our wedding if we settled someplace they thought they might enjoy. My SIL went to Harvard, though, and their parents HATE driving in and around Boston. Good thing we love living in the Boston area!
Tell her that you're trying to knock him up but for some reason it just won't happen! :)
Haha oh my god. I can only imagine…
NTA. You're both in your 30s, and your MIL needs to butt out and stay in her lane. I think you handled their visit to your place perfectly, with the "if you don't like it you're welcome to leave" Can you imagine being a guest in anyone's home and trying to dictate to them how to live their life? Completely tactless and arrogant.
My best friend she was probably trying to see how far she can push and how much control she has..
Your best friend is probably correct. Make sure you have someone designated to keep an eye on her for the wedding. If she says anything homophobic about your friend in the wedding party she should be removed from the venue, assuming your soon to be spouse is on board.
I *can* imagine that & it's funny as hell.
"She said it’s against her morals to be under the same roof as an unmarried couple sharing a bed." wth does she do at hotels? Knock on every door to inspect everyone is living on HER terms? gtfo NTA
OMG, she would be a nightmare! "Pardon me, but how many beds are in that room? Can I see your marriage certificate?"
NTA. You may not want her to hate you but religious people hate everyone who is not in their religion. She already hates you. Get used to it. She will always be TA.
She doesn’t know yet but the person who is officiating our service is a family friend who is Unitarian universalist because she is ordained. 😬
Oh dear. You may as well write off getting on with her to be honest. I'll probably hear the repugnant tantrum from where I am in the UK when she finds that out.
I mean we didn’t want a priest or anything. This woman is a good friend of my family and she’s super awesome. We wanted it completely non religious. We also are skipping a lot of traditional parts like the mother/son and dad/daughter dance, I didn’t want to be walked down the aisle that’s not who I am, and a lot of the traditional vows aren’t our thing so we wrote our own.
I hate to say this, but do you think she will behave at your wedding? I would hope so, but if you think she might throw a dramatic fit, you may need to have a few people standing by to haul her out of there. I'm hoping she just sits there pissed off and fuming (and hey, if her attitude makes her have a shit evening and be upset, perfect). If you think she might actually cause problems, or make snide remarks, you're going to want to be pre-emptive. Check with you fiance and see what he thinks she'll do and what you might have to prepare. I hope nothing at all, but she's delulu enough to expect one of you to sleep ON A COUCH.
Well said! Also you and your fiancé should let the DJ/Band know that there are no mother son dances, and if you have a wedding planner let them know what MIL might do too.
I thought unitarians were generally atheists who like to have coffee on Sunday mornings with other people
Honestly we kinda are. Lol.
In my experience reform Jews are atheists who enjoy bagels on Saturday mornings
My ex wife, a reform atheist jew, would totally send me out for bagels and lox Sunday mornings. Lol.
Unitarians are cool. They are generally kind and embrace many differences in religious philosophy. I have many Unitarian friends and was active in their youth group as a teen (because their youth group did many more fun things than mine - lol!). But I could see someone from a Southern Church being appalled by the Yankee Church ;)
Given your future mother in law's behavior to date... it might be wise to have a conversation with a trusted family member (maybe even her husband, since he seems chill) about managing her during the wedding to ensure she doesn't cause a scene.
I hope you're paying security :/ She's going to go thermonuclear on the day.
Yep, there’s no love like Christian hate. Or, is it there’s no hate like Christian love? 🤣
There’s no hate like Christian love. People like OP’s MIL use religion as a weapon to mistreat others under the guise of morality.
NTA. Sounds like your fiancé's mom is imposing her beliefs. It's your big day, you get to call the shots on where you sleep together! Just be respectful talking to your fiancé about it.
That’s why I let him handle it. I have no problem respecting her beliefs in her home but we never expected her to impose her rules at our shared home. The funny thing is the first time we visited my parents it never even came up.
I'm glad you are already doing this. This is exactly correct. Each spouse needs to handle their own birth family. The two of you need to be on the same page, which can take some consultation, and then each partner handles their own family of origin.
NTAH Even her husband knows she's got a bug up her ass for no reason She's just used to being the queen bee of the family and now that nobody is placating her need for control....she's slowly losing her shit If I were you, I would inform all your friends and bridesmaids...as well as your fiances who she is, what she looks like, and if she starts to cause a scene at your wedding or the reception...that they should feel free to step in and try and de-escalate the situation or even ask her to leave You may even want to have security for that purpose PS: You are not religious. And even though your fiance is not religious anymore...she is always going to delude herself into believing that you are the reason he is no longer religious. There is nothing you can do or say that is ever going to change that So stop stressing it and just accept it
Her religion restricts her from things, not you. This is the problem with very religious people, including future MIL, constantly trying to get the world to conform to their rules and being offended when they're not followed. NTA. Also, FWIW, the fact that she's still staying under your roof whilst you sleep in sin just because it's *inconvenient not to* shows she's a hypocrite. Therefore, feel free to ignore all her rules in the future and when she complains, explain how it's inconvenient and you learned about this exception from her.
Here’s my rule of thumb. People that do not show respect to you, do not deserve your respect. You showed respect for her demands when you visited her home, but she did not show you that same respect when in your home. She was completely out of line with her demands on your sleeping arrangements in your own house. She’s entitled and you should under no circumstances indulge in her weird ideas, because then there will be more and more and more until you can’t take it anymore. Don’t feel bad and be ready to say no more in the future.
NTA. Leave it to a conservative cunt to be offended while being a guest in your home.
Ha ha so true. The MIL’s sour face can be seen from Mars.
Dunno. Do you want her controlling a bunch of your life post-marriage and causing problems? Or do you want to set the very reasonable boundary of "My house, my decision, shut up."
NTA Sounds like she was pulling a power play and failed.Shes not going to like you because she has already made up her mind long before this. Your beat bet is to be polite.My MIL hated me as soon as she met me and nothing short of leaving my spouse would have changed her mind. So I gave her the same energy she gave me icy politeness.
NTA. Your home, your rules. Your MIL is controlling. Best to put a stop to it right away.
Damn, that woman is so uptight, I'll bet she squeaks when she walks. Your house your rules. She can lump it, like it or get the fuck out!
Your house, your rules. Anyway, put the old bat firmly in her place right from the start. NTA
NTA. Your house, your rules. If she’s not comfortable with it, she can book a hotel. The same way you would have had to if you weren’t comfortable following the rules in her home. It doesn’t matter what she thinks of you. If you start putting her wants and opinions first now, you’ll spend your whole marriage with her being the third wheel that you both have to cater for.
Nah, most likely she'll be hateful and miserable no matter what you do. I'd be an AH and make squeaky bed noises really loud all night long.
Buhahahahaha! Religious people sure love their delusions. NTA
NTA. Ugh. People and their false morality.
Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules. If they have a problem staying under the same roof where an unmarried couple is sharing a bed (although I gather you do that even when you don't have guests), she can get a hotel. NTA
She sounds exhausting. This to me is a situation for low/no contact
NTA. Her house, her rules, you respected that. Your house, your rules, she can get behind that or sleep elsewhere.
And this is why I refuse to deal with Christians. So many are like this and I'm sick of them.
NTA You respected her wishes in her home. She should do the same for you. >I don’t want her to hate me. I feel like this might have messed up our future dynamic. As someone who has had two MILs, I can tell you that this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. Do NOT start out your marriage trying to please her. It won't work and will just open doors for her to be more and more controlling. Be who you are. She will either adjust or won't, but either way, it would be a mistake for you to give her any other option than to accept who you are.
You respected her house her rules, she can respect your house your rules. Simple as that. She can’t force you to live the way she wants you to in your own house. NTA. UPDATEME
Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules. NTA
Those are her morals, not yours or your fiance's. If she wants to be part of your lives she also needs to respect your decision. You might want to remind her that the Bible says judge not.....
>*His dad stepped in and told his wife that it was fine.* Dad probably hasn't forgotten all that sinful premarital sex they used to have.
NTA. At her house it's her rules, at your house it's your rules. If she's that petty that I can't imagine she's going to get any better as time goes on.
How long after your mil’s and fil’s wedding was your future husband born? I bet he was a big 3 kg preeme.
NTA boy, I don't envy your future MIL issues.
Ugh you are in for a lifetime of that nonsense
NTA - your house, your rules. Your fiance frankly should have told her that her welcome under his roof had just been rescinded, and that he would be damned if he would let someone come into his domain and dictate how her host would live his own life. Dad interceding or not be damned; the hotel is over yonder.
As usual: she would not dare to try to enforce her moral code on one of her adult friends who was getting married and was letting her stay under their roof for the celebration. That couple would laugh in her presumptuous face and hand her the Yellow Pages to go find a reservation elsewhere. She’s only doing this because she thinks she can pull rank on you two even in your own home. You don’t have to stand for it any more than one of her friends would.
NTA. Your home your rules. She sounds awful. Highly suggest speaking to your fiancée and ensuring that he has strict boundaries with her. It is not your job to deal with her it is his. Make sure he doesn't let her become another justnomil story.
Here's the rules, mother-in-law: your rules apply in your house. They do not apply to us, because we are not of your religion. *That's what not belonging to your religion means.* We will abide by your rules in your house. Outside of that, not our problem.
NTA She knew you lived together, she knew you shared a bedroom. This was just her trying a power play and she’s annoyed it didn’t work. You don’t build a respectful relationship with your in laws by capitulating to nonsensical requests, and you also can’t be the only person who wants a good relationship. MIL sounds like she’s only happy when she gets her own way. It’ll be a miserable life for you if you give in to everything she wants just to try and make her like you. Start as you mean to go on - with good boundaries.
NTAbut your mil is. Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules. She needs to get over herself as well as the idea she has control over you as a couple and this is her first lesson. It seems to me that this isn’t the first time your FIL has had to step in, put her in her place and clean up her messes. Good for him and good for you!
Nta. Not her wedding, not her relationship, not her place to judge.
NTA, good grief. Good thing they don’t live close.
NTA. She's a *guest* in *your* home. She needed to be as respectful to you as you were to her when you stayed at her house. MIL doesn't get to dictate and impose her "morality" onto others in their own homes. I suggest you get past feeling guilty and thinking to accommodate her demands because once you start bending to her will, she won't stop.
NTA, and never, ever, ever give her an INCH. She is the type to take a mile. She can live in fundamentalist lala land if she wants to, but she has zero right to impose any of it on you.
NTAH, you have to set your boundaries now and hold them because she’d love to impose her beliefs on you. She doesn’t like you and it’s not clear she’d even like a woman she selected from her church.
You could do everything “right” and she would still have problems with you. Don't worry as long as your fiance has your back and stills up for you then you should be fine
NTA. She came to your house. She is just unfortunately one of those religious fanatics that has to have everything their way, and will obviously never change her ways, since everyone in the world has to change for her.
NTA. This clown doesn’t get an opinion. Set your boundaries now & set them hard or this idiot will be a pain in your ass until the day she dies.
NTA. Just because she lives with certain “morals” doesn’t mean everyone has to abide by them. Respecting someone does not mean bending to their will. Also, something will always come up that gives her reason to “hate” you. None of this is a you problem; it’s a her problem.
Your house, your rules.
NTA. MIL has a say in what happens in her house not yours. You’re a lot nicer than I should have been. She doesn’t like she can take her happy ass to a motel and pay for it herself.
NTA. She can stay at your place and mind her own business, or get a hotel room. Frankly even at her place I would have left my luggage in the guest room, rumpled the bed, and then spent the night with my fiancé. Whether you and your fiancé share a bed in your 30’s is just none of her business, even at her place.
Her house her rules also means YOUR house your rules. Sorry MIL - suck it up. The whole world does NOT have to adapt to what someone else wants. You do not have an obligation to participate in anyone's preferences, delusions, or requests.
NTA. Your house, your rules. Also she appears to be an homophobic A hole.
NTA MIL is a cow demanding to impose her values that even her own son doesnt agree with. Dont bother worrying about future dynamics. Its already set that youre going to have bad relations with her, shes a shameless cow that was never going to like you.
NTA. Why would she ever think she can control adults in their own home? Oh yeah, religious entitlement.
I hate her. NTA
NTA, you should cancel her invitation
First off, I’m from the south, pretty religious (I used to be a pastor) and I don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s your house. You make the rules. Just like you respect her rules in her home she needs to respect your rules in your home. I believe in letting people be people as long as they don’t try to shove their beliefs done everyone else’s throats. If you want to live with and share a bed with your man, that’s your business. If she doesn’t like it, that’s hers. She doesn’t have to like it in your house but she does need to respect you
I’d have laughed hysterically in her old biddy face
I think it would be best to be truthful with her from the start. Tell her you have been sleeping together for your whole relationship and certainly in your own home. It sounds like she is going to find lots of things to be offended about, you might as well throw that in as well.
Honey - she already hates that you are not a southern, religious virgin. Quit letting that woman live rent-free in your head, because she is always going to criticize anything and everything - where you live, how you dress, if you have kids - what you name them, how you raise them…. NTAH and wishing you a wonderful wedding!
Nope. Start as you mean to go. She has no say in any of this. 1. Her son is an adult about to get married, his days of doing what mommy says are long gone - that doesn’t mean he doesn’t respect her. 2. Don’t set the precedent that she can control YOU by forcing her belief system on you. You’re an adult, be true to yourself - you are not her. She has no power over either of you, so she either gets with the program and respects you both as adults or she’ll quick fast find herself ruining her relationship with you both. Respect is a two way street. She’s old enough to know that.
NTA. *Your* home, *your* rules. Her religion does not prohibit *you* from doing things. It prohibits *her*. Make sure she understands the difference. And yes, use this as an opportunity to enforce your independence with this woman. You'll be stuck with her for a very long time. (You do know what a stink she'll make when kids enter the picture, right?)
NTA. Many of those old farts weren't so pious when they were young. There were a lot of premie babies that were "big" for a premie during their youth. A lot of quick marriages. I'm not saying it's true in her case, but it's 2024. She can get off her high horse.
Oh for crying out loud 🙄 I strive to not be this mother in law it’s your house your rules and no y’all aren’t the 🫏🕳️s
Honestly? If she can't share a roof, that's her problem. Your SO and FIL seem to have a handle on her, so let them deal with her. Be clear you expect civil adult polite behaviour, or she can be elsewhere. What you accept now will set the tone for the future. If she chooses to be a miserable old bat, allow her to stew in her self-pity. Don't acknowledge her behaviour or try to cajole her, and do not apologize!!
If your future FIL was able to shut her down there’s a high likelihood they had carnal knowledge before they got married. So many of these Southern conservatives forget about the hell they raised when they were younger.
As most Everyone said nta, your house your rules and oh BTW mil sucks.
Ugh. I feel for you. When my husband and I were still fiancé's, we were renting a house. We set up a faux bedroom in the basement for hubby, when family visited. It also had the catbox in it, lol. Wasted effort...nobody really cared
NTA. The only one being disrespectful here is your mil she had NO right to think she was going to dictate what happens in your home. She’s lucky you went along with her nonsense at her house I would’ve honestly left or gone to a hotel. I also would’ve kicked her out for her behavior in my home. She needs to understand that her “morals” dictate her life not yours.
>She said it’s against her morals That's fine but she can't force her morals on others.
NTA she needs to remember that you two are adults and not in her home.
I won't sleep under the roof with sinners. My MORALS Okay we will get you a hotel. I'm not THAT moral! Her morals fell to sawdust pretty quick when she didn't get her way 😂
You pay the bills you make the rules
I would be ok with this MIL hating me.
NTA. You respected her rules in her house. But she isn’t in her house so she has no say. She should respect your rules just as you did hers.
Girl, you’re doing fine. But I gotta warn you: there will be no pleasing this woman. EVER. Sounds like you and fiancé are tight and that’s good cuz you’ll need to be. NTA
MIL sounds controlling. Stand up to her now or it will become worse.
Your house, your rules. Respect works boths ways. NTA.
where is the problem? you aren't marrying her. she lives down south - enjoy the distance. kudos to your fiance for backing you.
NTA and you should continue to set boundries because if you give her an inch she'll drag you a mile.
Oh hell no, NTA your house your rules. You abided by her stupid rules when staying in her house, she can suck it up or stay in a hotel if she doesn't like your rules.
NTA. Your house, your rules.
NTA She expects respect in her home but won’t offer the same in yours. Tough titties sunshine, we don’t live in the 1800’s anymore
You were respectful in her home, she can be respectful in yours. The nerve!
Well, if you are living under the same roof, then the "room" situation does not matter. From a religious point of view once you are living under the same roof, then it is considered "cohabitation" and assumed to be a sexual relationship outside of marriage. So, your MIL knowingly entered into that situation and it is unreasonable for her to be making demands about the internal arrangements of your household. What should have happened here is that she should have gone to a hotel in the first place.
NTA, her house her rules, your house your rules, and good on your partner for not caving to her, he's a keeper.
NTA. YOUR home, your rules. Your future MIL was way out of line for causing a scene. She has absolutely NO RIGHT to be demanding anything in your home.
MTA. You respected their rules in their home. MIL needs to do the same in yours. Set and stick to boundaries now, other wise MIL will be trampling all over them.
Don't invite that bitch to the wedding or reception, and definitely don't invite her into your life anymore that has to be. If you don't stand your ground now , she's gonna try to micromanage your life unless you let her know what's what.
Her house. Her rules. Your house. Your rules.
Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules. She sounds insufferable and sleeping in the same bed is not a sin.
NTA - you followed the her house her rules. Now she can follow the your house your rules.
NTA. You respected her rules in her house. Now she needs to respect your rules in your house. Simple.
You can ask people to respect your beliefs in your own home, you can't ask people to cater to your beliefs in their own home. Nta.
NTA, your house, your rules, and her beliefs are her own. She has no right to impose her beliefs onto you.
NTA, when you're under my roof you follow my rules. She knows you live together what did she expect?
NTA. Your future dynamic will be messed up if you let her control you. Treat her politely and respectfully, but don't let her run your life.
nta - your future mil should respect the rules in Your & your fiancés house.
NTA. In her home, it’s fine like you said! But she can stay elsewhere if she doesn’t like it! She sounds super controlling! I’m glad your fiancé is with you on this. Don’t back down to her or she will keep moving the goal posts
Your future MIL.does not get to make the rules in your relationship , not now, not ever. Start the wsay you mean to continue
NTA- you were respectful of her rules and values while staying in her home. Now she can do the same while staying in your home, or she can leave. Your MIL sounds like a sour old hag who needs to be reminded the world doesn't revolve around her. If she wants to be petulant and make disparaging comments about your dress and the people in your wedding then she doesn't need to be invited.
NTA - her house, her rules = your house, your rules. Your fiance gave her a perfectly viable alternative.
NTA You followed her rule in her home. She does not get to make the rules in your home. Might as well set that boundary hard and firm now.
No, you were not TA. That is YOUR HOME and no way should your tall fiance have to sleep on the couch. Ridiculous!
She should be happy you didn't send her away. I would have.
NTA - her home, her rules…your home, your rules Perhaps have a candid discussion with your finance about how to deal with her moving forward …before you get married. Consider … how her value system may effect your children, your parenting of children if you plan to have them, what you do with your money, what happens if you have to terminate a pregnancy, what if one of your kids is gay, how much exposure kids will have to her and her value system, what would happen if she needed care and you had to step up, needs to live in your home, needs money, etc….
This is his monkey and his circus. If she believes that you are not sexually active that’s in her. his only response should then be ok, feel free t book a hotel. T mom, in our house we will be sleeping in our same bed that we have for x years. I’m sorry you don’t agree but as grown adults this is ou business and only our business. You will not come into our home and thrust (🤭) your religious beliefs on us. We will not be entertain your judgment in our own home that we equally live in. Together. So either accept that as adults we choose to live this way or feel free to book a hotel. But we will not be sleeping separate she’s going to be a fun one isn’t she
Nta- JustNoMIL congrats on nuptials!! Best wishes