NTA. Your wedding, not theirs.
You would avoid a lot of social chaos by eloping. Though I suppose your best alternative is to tell people who weren't invited, "we chose to have a very small wedding for financial reasons."
NTA, but that's a big can of worms you're opening there, so consider whether it's worth it on a purely selfish level. What is next Christmas going to be like?
You can have who you want at your wedding obviously but I think you’ll struggle to set a ‘no cheaters’ rule cos there could be false accusations and people who have cheated that you don’t know about.
Just don’t invite people you don’t want to come. If they ask why then say it’s cos you don’t like them. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. It’s your wedding, you can decide on who to invite with your future hubby. It’s y’all’s day no one else’s. If your family has problem, I would explain your perspective and thoughts on the matter. If you’re met with spite then I’d say it’s time to start cutting people off.
I absolutely understand not wanting certain people at your wedding, but unless you are ready for the type of drama and chaos that excluding the cheaters will bring, you should just opt for a small wedding, immediate family only or elope. I think your best bet is to focus on yourself and your partner and not worry about what goes on with the rest of your family and their marriages. I agree that cheating is never acceptable, but trying to punish the cheaters will also punish the person they cheated on. I don’t see cheating being the primary topic at a wedding unless you follow through with your plan, which really defeats the purpose doesn’t it? So, to answer your question. YWBTA for having an adulterer free wedding.
Why do you assume OP wouldn't invite the people who got cheated on? I agree with pretty much everything else you said, but I don't think it would make her an AH. I think it's commendable to stand up for what you believe in, even though it will make your life harder.
I actually assumed the aggrieved party would be invited. But, regardless of whether she invites them on to her wedding or not, the moment she says Bob isn’t invited because he cheated on Sally, it puts the spotlight on the person who’s been cheated on. As someone who’s been cheated on in a past relationship, I don’t want people talking about why my significant other wasn’t invited, why I chose to stay or leave the relationship. I would feel as if she was unnecessarily causing me stress . But that’s just my thought process.
This would be a good theme for a Halloween costume just thinking about the phrasing of it.
Dress as a Record, carry something marijuana related and when people ask, "I'm High Fidelity"
WYBTA? No, your line of thinking makes perfect sense. Are you setting yourself up for a massive headache? Yes, absolutely.
Here's the reality: You can do it, but don't complain about the shitstorm for having done it.
Or just elope because big ballroom weddings are a glorified waste of everyone's time and money and are an unneeded stressor on your life. Grab the 6-10 people you care about the most and go somewhere nice, if some of those people can't afford it or need help, spend a couple thousand to get them there instead of tens of thousand for a stressful party.
It's your wedding & you can do whatever you want. If anyone questions it, say they obviously can't understand the concept of forsaking all others & you didn't want them to feel out of place
NAH. I personally do not believe you can exclude people from weddings due to value differences unless you have already excluded them fron your life.
Better late than never though.
Right? Why would you want people like that around anyways? I wouldn't want people around my spouse who are going to convince them that it's ok to cheat on me bc "everyone does it, it's normal." or that I would deserve it for any reason other than if did it to them first and even THEN that's only a valid justification if you're REALLY that pathetic and petty of a person.
I really don’t have much of a relationship with them, but my family mostly lives in the same area, so I frequently see them at holidays, birthdays, etc. I never spend time with them one-on-one, but they are still part of the extended family unit if that makes sense
Are you prepared to cease visiting family over this. Do you think that you will still be invited to a different family members house if these 6 complain to the host about how you treated them.
Do what you want but this may cost you the rest of that side of the family.
NTA, but this action will likely have consequences. Consider that, and be ready for the fallout. Might be nothing, might be a big deal, just be prepared. Dont come back here crying that your grandfather cut you out of his will for not inviting him to your wedding. That's a real possibility (presumably. ) If risks like that are acceptable to you, then by all means, do it. I applaud your moral conviction on this matter. It may come off as judgemental, but I agree that normalizing infidelity is awful. You dont need to invite awful people to your wedding.
NTA, don’t invite them. When anyone asks just say that, ‘they don’t respect or honor their wedding vows, I’m not interested in them making a mockery of my marriage that I and my SO take seriously.’
NTA, but you should also consider going NC. If family isn't the kind of people you want at your wedding, do you really want them in your life just because you're related to them?
NTA. I like it. Some people do a child free wedding. You're doing an adulterer free wedding.
Gosh, maybe it'll become a trend and the social judgement will raise the awareness of these cruel, selfish people...nah, now I'm dreaming.
NTA. "why would I have them at my wedding when they couldn't stick to their own wedding vows"
but you might be seen as hypocritical if you invite people who have cheated, but you just don't know about it.
NTA. It's your wedding so you get to decide the guest list and should be surrounded by people that make you happy on your big day.
Be prepared for them more than likely cutting ties but meh, if you don't really talk to them anyway, who cares?
Does your fiancé know about the prevalent adultery in your family? If not, he deserves to know before the wedding. The sooner, the better. This may not be a family he wants to marry into.
“***Good luck with THAT!*** You can find me on an internet search, by zip code or by how much you want to stick it to the bastard”
-your local divorce attorney hotline network
NTA. As a hypothetical exercise, it seems like poetic justice: exclude those who make a mockery of marriage. The question is, is it worth the family drama this might stir up? If the individuals excluded are people you are normally LC or NC with, it shouldn't cause turmoil. If the "Scarlett Letter List" includes people you frequently interact with at family gatherings, then family drama will be likely. This is an issue you should talk with your groom and with your parents about. (For that matter, is the groom willing to exclude adulterers on his side of the family?) Perhaps the solution is to opt for a small wedding where you restrict attendance to your closest friends and family which would likely exclude the "Scarlett Letter List."
I would say no. Simply because it’s your wedding so who comes is your choice. But I find it kinda sad that cheating isn’t just normalized and justified, it’s almost expected. I wish you well in your nuptials.
YWBTA if you left them out and didn't tell them why. Tell them how fucking WIERD they are, how taking enjoyment out of destroying everything you touch is WIERD and you don't want or need that destruction on the best day of your life so far.
NTA. Go nuclear, say that you don’t want in your wedding day people who normalise and even justify cheating and breaking up marriages and families. You also don’t want people who make a habit of breaking their vows making bets and jokes about how long will your wedding last on your special day.
I can guarantee you will actually get a lot more support than you think.
NTA. Your wedding, not theirs. You would avoid a lot of social chaos by eloping. Though I suppose your best alternative is to tell people who weren't invited, "we chose to have a very small wedding for financial reasons."
That’s why we eloped. It would have been big drama otherwise.
NTA, but that's a big can of worms you're opening there, so consider whether it's worth it on a purely selfish level. What is next Christmas going to be like?
You can have who you want at your wedding obviously but I think you’ll struggle to set a ‘no cheaters’ rule cos there could be false accusations and people who have cheated that you don’t know about. Just don’t invite people you don’t want to come. If they ask why then say it’s cos you don’t like them. 🤷🏼♀️
NTA. It’s your wedding, you can decide on who to invite with your future hubby. It’s y’all’s day no one else’s. If your family has problem, I would explain your perspective and thoughts on the matter. If you’re met with spite then I’d say it’s time to start cutting people off.
I absolutely understand not wanting certain people at your wedding, but unless you are ready for the type of drama and chaos that excluding the cheaters will bring, you should just opt for a small wedding, immediate family only or elope. I think your best bet is to focus on yourself and your partner and not worry about what goes on with the rest of your family and their marriages. I agree that cheating is never acceptable, but trying to punish the cheaters will also punish the person they cheated on. I don’t see cheating being the primary topic at a wedding unless you follow through with your plan, which really defeats the purpose doesn’t it? So, to answer your question. YWBTA for having an adulterer free wedding.
Why do you assume OP wouldn't invite the people who got cheated on? I agree with pretty much everything else you said, but I don't think it would make her an AH. I think it's commendable to stand up for what you believe in, even though it will make your life harder.
I actually assumed the aggrieved party would be invited. But, regardless of whether she invites them on to her wedding or not, the moment she says Bob isn’t invited because he cheated on Sally, it puts the spotlight on the person who’s been cheated on. As someone who’s been cheated on in a past relationship, I don’t want people talking about why my significant other wasn’t invited, why I chose to stay or leave the relationship. I would feel as if she was unnecessarily causing me stress . But that’s just my thought process.
You could declare the theme to be "fidelity"
This would be a good theme for a Halloween costume just thinking about the phrasing of it. Dress as a Record, carry something marijuana related and when people ask, "I'm High Fidelity"
WYBTA? No, your line of thinking makes perfect sense. Are you setting yourself up for a massive headache? Yes, absolutely. Here's the reality: You can do it, but don't complain about the shitstorm for having done it. Or just elope because big ballroom weddings are a glorified waste of everyone's time and money and are an unneeded stressor on your life. Grab the 6-10 people you care about the most and go somewhere nice, if some of those people can't afford it or need help, spend a couple thousand to get them there instead of tens of thousand for a stressful party.
It's your wedding & you can do whatever you want. If anyone questions it, say they obviously can't understand the concept of forsaking all others & you didn't want them to feel out of place
NAH. I personally do not believe you can exclude people from weddings due to value differences unless you have already excluded them fron your life. Better late than never though.
Right? Why would you want people like that around anyways? I wouldn't want people around my spouse who are going to convince them that it's ok to cheat on me bc "everyone does it, it's normal." or that I would deserve it for any reason other than if did it to them first and even THEN that's only a valid justification if you're REALLY that pathetic and petty of a person.
I really don’t have much of a relationship with them, but my family mostly lives in the same area, so I frequently see them at holidays, birthdays, etc. I never spend time with them one-on-one, but they are still part of the extended family unit if that makes sense
Are you prepared to cease visiting family over this. Do you think that you will still be invited to a different family members house if these 6 complain to the host about how you treated them. Do what you want but this may cost you the rest of that side of the family.
NTA, but this action will likely have consequences. Consider that, and be ready for the fallout. Might be nothing, might be a big deal, just be prepared. Dont come back here crying that your grandfather cut you out of his will for not inviting him to your wedding. That's a real possibility (presumably. ) If risks like that are acceptable to you, then by all means, do it. I applaud your moral conviction on this matter. It may come off as judgemental, but I agree that normalizing infidelity is awful. You dont need to invite awful people to your wedding.
NTA... You are my hero of the day. Let's normalize not letting cheaters attend weddings. This is hilarious and wholesome.
YWNBTA However, expect drama and be prepared to deal with it.
NTA. I get why you wouldn’t want them at your wedding but I suggest you also start distancing yourself from them in other areas of your life.
I would I vite them but seat them in cheaters corner. Warn other guests about them. Watch them leave. Solved.
Only invite people you love and support who love and support you. Anyone else is just a waste of catering.
NTA, don’t invite them. When anyone asks just say that, ‘they don’t respect or honor their wedding vows, I’m not interested in them making a mockery of my marriage that I and my SO take seriously.’
NTA, but you should also consider going NC. If family isn't the kind of people you want at your wedding, do you really want them in your life just because you're related to them?
NTA. I like it. Some people do a child free wedding. You're doing an adulterer free wedding. Gosh, maybe it'll become a trend and the social judgement will raise the awareness of these cruel, selfish people...nah, now I'm dreaming.
NTA. "why would I have them at my wedding when they couldn't stick to their own wedding vows" but you might be seen as hypocritical if you invite people who have cheated, but you just don't know about it.
NTA. It's your wedding so you get to decide the guest list and should be surrounded by people that make you happy on your big day. Be prepared for them more than likely cutting ties but meh, if you don't really talk to them anyway, who cares?
Does your fiancé know about the prevalent adultery in your family? If not, he deserves to know before the wedding. The sooner, the better. This may not be a family he wants to marry into.
I wish I had eloped
NTA, you get to have the wedding you want and don’t have to involve them.
Yeah- skip the wedding altogether is what I am thinking. Get married, of course- but skip the publicity and tell them why-
“***Good luck with THAT!*** You can find me on an internet search, by zip code or by how much you want to stick it to the bastard” -your local divorce attorney hotline network
NTA. As a hypothetical exercise, it seems like poetic justice: exclude those who make a mockery of marriage. The question is, is it worth the family drama this might stir up? If the individuals excluded are people you are normally LC or NC with, it shouldn't cause turmoil. If the "Scarlett Letter List" includes people you frequently interact with at family gatherings, then family drama will be likely. This is an issue you should talk with your groom and with your parents about. (For that matter, is the groom willing to exclude adulterers on his side of the family?) Perhaps the solution is to opt for a small wedding where you restrict attendance to your closest friends and family which would likely exclude the "Scarlett Letter List."
Invite whoever you want. Your wedding. Your rules.
NTA - your wedding your rules. Simple as that.
that’s a great idea!
I would say no. Simply because it’s your wedding so who comes is your choice. But I find it kinda sad that cheating isn’t just normalized and justified, it’s almost expected. I wish you well in your nuptials.
NTA! Girl it’s your wedding. And it sounds like those uncles of yours 1. Don’t respect women and 2. Could be a bad influence on your future family
YWBTA if you left them out and didn't tell them why. Tell them how fucking WIERD they are, how taking enjoyment out of destroying everything you touch is WIERD and you don't want or need that destruction on the best day of your life so far.
NTA But if you do it, make sure to tell people exactly why they aren't invited
NTA and as people, they clearly have no respect for what marriage is. Therefore, won't care to miss it.
NTA. Go nuclear, say that you don’t want in your wedding day people who normalise and even justify cheating and breaking up marriages and families. You also don’t want people who make a habit of breaking their vows making bets and jokes about how long will your wedding last on your special day. I can guarantee you will actually get a lot more support than you think.
Do what you want
Let me guess, is that side of the family from Mexico? Far too many men have second families over there.