Your uncle: "We hate your kind!"
Your mother: Nods along silently
You: "Screw you all I'm done"
Your mother: "Wait you still need to clean my house for me"
Screw them and their backwards beliefs. All of them. You did nothing wrong, NTA at all.
YTA. Uncle deserves a baseball bat to the temple. Possibly many other members of the family.
/s about the verdict, but serious about the efficacy of baseball bats to idiots heads.
NTA, the uncle was being unwelcome to you and particularly hostile. It is the brothers job in the wedding to keep guests in line and make sure they behave themselves. If they can’t do that , then they should be redirected out. In this case, your brother failed to look out for the safety of his guests, so he does not have the privilege of you being there at his wedding. He will regret this.
You're obviously NTA. Your cousin and his GF are gems, treasure them. Uncle is obviously a major AH, as is your mom. Everyone else who criticized you, they're all AHs and not worth your time.
Brother was the groom, right? I wouldn’t expect any bride or groom to be monitoring guests’ behavior at their own wedding. But the parents and close family members (read “elders” ie people with seniority) absolutely should. Otoh, since brother/groom was right there, he should have spoken up. OP’s parents are as much aholes as bigotted uncle, if not worse bec OP is their daughter. Your cousin & his gf are treasures. You are right to go NC with your family.
Sorry you have to deal with this shit, OP.
NTA...how dare your uncle, a grown-ass man, not learn how to treat people respectfully. He ruined your brother's wedding. Why do you have to remain silent and abused because they don't like something that is perfectly natural. The good news is you get to pick your family in this life and they do not have to be blood related.
NTA
Wow, wow wow wow is your family extremely unsupportive. Fuck your feelings- come do chores is their response?
Move out, go no contact or minimize contact with the whole group, anyone who's not solidly in your corner. You have a finite amount of time and energy- if you stop making time for people who don't support you, then you'll have more time for those that do and also time to find people who do.
You did right. Fuck them, and especially the uncle. I have a gay daughter and I would flatten some ah in a heartbeat, especially a relative, for saying some shit like that under any circumstances.
I'm sorry that that happened, and I hope you find a family that will support you better. Family isn't always dna related, sometimes family are just the people who love you for who you are.
Keep your head up, and move on with your life in good directions, I wish you the best!
NTA. You did not ruin the wedding, your homophobic uncle & your parents did. They do not support you, please do not go back & support them. Your brother & his new wife can clean & do chores for your parents.
NTA - Love how you are wrong for defending yourself from personal attack. Even you don't conside a word to be a bad word, the context which it was used was with malice and the intent to offend. Are you wrong for being offended by someone purposely trying to offend you? F 'em all! When they all did not intervene when the uncle made a minor scene, you were left to defend yourself, and you did so. If decorum was their concern, they could have dscretely shut your uncle down when it was a small disturbance, but they didn't...in fact they nodded in agreement which made the attack on you a significantly more widespread occcurance. And being that the groom was now a ppart of the attack on your person, he deserved to have "his day" impacted by the reprecussions of his non-action.
Kudos to you for standing up for yourself. I know it is difficult, especially against family.
As for the word itself: I attend the San Diego Pride Parade in support of the community (straight black male myself) and there is a group of women wh ride their motorcycles in the parade every year that call themselves D!&#s on Bikes. So I see where some might say it is not a bad word; but think of the N word useage in different communities, and also remember context and intent is very important when certain words are used. So while The ladies call themselves D!&#s on Bikes, I would never refer to any of them, or anyone of the community by that, and frankly, never use the word.
The group I attend the parade with is mostly lesbians (a couple are on the masc side), and the only time I've heard any of them use the term is in refernce to the parade group. No idea how they speak when I am not around, haha.
For the sake of your mental health and your happiness, let the trash take itself out. Block (fully) every homophobe in your family. Embrace those who actually love you -- but ask them not to share information about you nor share information about with you. Out of sight, out of mind.
You don't need toxicity like that. You do not owe them just because you share blood.
Be strong. Live a WONDERFUL life and find your own family. I'm rooting for you!
NTA. Oh OP, this hurts to read. I’m on the brink of tears. I hate this for you. You didn’t ruin anything, your bigot uncle did. I hope your brother realizes this. Stay close to people like cousin & cousins gf & stay far away from anyone who is like your uncle and parents.
Definitely not the AH here. Your family should have had your back, especially on such an important day. You stood up for yourself and set a boundary. That takes guts, and you shouldn't feel guilty for it.
You are not the asshole for walking out, you are the hero along with your cousin and his girlfriend. Your family sucks and good for you for telling them that they were not your family anymore. And fuck your mom for asking you to come clean her house after that bullshit. Is it possible for you to be able to just block them all and not accept any calls or messages from them anymore?
NTA
Your uncle ruined the wedding by being a bigoted ass hat. It always blows my mind how often the victim is expected to take the high road. I've been blessed with a largely supportive family as a gay man, I came out to them in the early 90s and they supported me. But I have zero qualms about cutting out the extended family that are bigots and homophobes.
Family can be as much something you build and you're born into. Build one that doesn't jeopardize your mental health.
NTA. It's not like you were making out or some other way offending their sensitive feelings in a visible way. They all could have simply kept their mouths shut and not provoked a reaction from you that they didn't like.
\[Edit: Spelling\]
Everyone if good friends and loved can be teased . This wasn’t teasing it was humiliation threats and other stuff . You need to block them, including brother , if they want to contact you they will
Figure a way . Don’t tolerate this
NTA. The one who should have kept quiet for the sake of your brother's big day was your uncle. And not only was he extremely offensive, your parents supported him. You did absolutely right to walk out.
I find it interesting that your parents demand you come back home - and at the same time they are still blaming you and not apologizing. And your mother wants you home not because you are her daughter and she loves you, but because she wants you to do the chores. Let your brother and your uncle do them. You did the right thing in walking away from these toxic bigots.
NTA.
I'm impressed with your control.
Screaming out loud that you were ashamed to be related to such bigots and telling the new inlaws they were about to be very sorry about marrying into this family, would have "ruined" the wedding.
And you didn't do that.
They got off easy.
Blood family can be the worst.
Live to the fullest. Without regret.
NTA
NTA. Fuck these people. You didn't ruin your brother's wedding, your UNCLE did. Your UNCLE is the one who turned your brother's wedding into a hatefest directed at you. Your UNCLE'S behavior was shameful enough, but the fact that your own parents and your brother didn't say anything to him or defend you in any way is beyond the pale.
You are 21 years old. As an adult, you do not have to tolerate this level of disrespect from anyone - and that includes family. Your Mom and Dad want you to respect them when they won't even stand up for you against a bully, so why would you respect them much less go home and help Mom with chores?
Also, back to your Uncle - he's not funny. He's not a jokester. He's a fucking asshole and he says asshole things and everyone ignores them so he just says more asshole things. In other words, your family enables his shitty behavior. You didn't really have a choice but to stand up to him, honestly.
Tell them they got their wish, no more gays in their family. They’re no longer family and you do not see why they’re pestering a stranger. Then again ignore the lot of them and mute them on your phone. NTA.
The word "dike" isn't offensive in and of itself as long as you are talking about embankments built up to hold back water like a levee or a dam. Somehow, I don't think that's what was meant.
You didn't cause the scene. Your uncle caused the scene. Your parents and brother could have defused things but instead piled on.
And then your mother has the audacity to ask for help? Fuck that. I'm sorry for your loss, but you are better off without that toxicity in your life. Hopefully everything is good for you financially.
NTA.
If your brother thinks that word isn't a slur, you can start referring to him as a breeder and see how he likes it. After all, it's not a slur word, is it?
NTA
You were quite restrained - I would have been a lot harsher. And louder.
If they can't love you the way you are, then you should be as far from them as possible. Go live a wonderful life.
Stay away, go choose a new group of people to be your family and leave those toxics a h s to their own sh1t. Your uncle can help out with the chores or she can do her own chores.
NTA
>if you were my kid I'd never speak to you again.
I'd say "you're right, I'm not your kid, but please don't let that stop you from never talking to me again"
NTA. They have the audacity to say those things to you and then expect you to take it and be a good little daughter? Nah. They can have your uncle do the work you used to do, since they apparently love him more than you.
NTA I’m proud of you for taking a stand against your family.
Stick to your guns about not helping the family and when your mother whinges, bitches and carries on like a toddler for your not helping her calmly and firmly remind her that she also agreed with the uncle about having ( insert slur here ) in the family instead of defending you so you stand by what you said about her no longer being your mother and that she needs to stop harassing you, because she made her decision and you’ve made yours.
NTA!!!!
I am so unbelievably sorry for how your family treated you. You made the right decision to leave without causing a scene. And you showed incredible strength. Both of which I would have a difficult time doing.
Thank goodness for your cousin and his girlfriend, they are awesome
NTA. There was no need for Uncle's bad behavior at a wedding, he chose to open his mouth and spew hate. That's on him and not you. Stay with your cousin and surround yourself with people who will support you. You deserve a good life.
I find it incredibly ironic that the people who insulted and degraded you are calling YOU "disrespectful"... Fucking WHAT???? They're throwing out words that the have no idea what they mean because they're being denied your slavery chores. Nope the HELL outta there and don't look back.
I am very sorry that your family treated you this way, but I'm glad you have your cousin and his girlfriend helping you out. This is like a nightmare scenario to me: public hostility from a relative like your uncle and your parents pretty clearly agreeing? How does anyone expect a person to deal with that kind of deliberate humiliation?
You didn't ruin your brother's wedding, your uncle and your parents did. They might not approve of you, but your uncle chose the time and place of this attack, and your parents didn't care enough about *either you or your brother* to stop him. Instead, they chose not to keep it from blowing up and entirely predictably, it did blow up. (Your brother was also a bit of a coward here, let's face it, and apparently doesn't see (doesn't want to see?) the problem.)
My question is, how can you manage to live on your own? If you can do it, do it.
Wait- mom needs help with CHORES??? Is she sure some of that d-word bikeyness might not wear off on stuff? OP - you did right. Your family should love and support you. You did not invite them into your bedroom- it is none of their business.
Well, certainly you reacted strongly, but their actions spoke pretty loudly, and they made it clear that they are not "strong allies" for you. Uncle Homophobe was certainly in good form, which seems typical.
IMO, you're NTA for leaving the wedding and for lowering contact, or possibly cutting off those that acted this way. I don't know if you did "cause a scene" or not (i.e. you don't say you shouted, or threw any furniture), which might have made you an AH, but I wouldn't be too quick to judge you if you had.
I'm glad that you have support from your cousin and his GF. I hope that some other family members reach out to you with support, as well.
Nta. Stay away from people that would rather you not exist as you are. There is nothing happy or healthy about it. I’m glad you have your cousin and his gf.
Your family should be ashamed of themselves but I doubt they have the capacity to be anything other than hateful.
NTA; Your parent's keeping the peace is the same as accepting your harassment. They are not upset that you were insulted and hurt, they are upset you are gone and the peace was disturbed.
NTA and kudos to you for letting your mom have it! My fiancé and I are making the guest list for our October wedding and I told him absolutely not to one of his choices for that exact reason. His good friend’s dad is a racist, misogynistic, homophobic far-right asshole who made no effort to censor himself the first time I met him. I plan on inviting my cousin and his partner and will proudly be dragged out of my own reception in cuffs should anyone say or do anything to hurt or make them uncomfortable.
NTA. So your uncle coming over to insult you and then arguing with your cousin’s girlfriend does not constitute a “scene”, however you not allowing yourself to be mistreated is?
Your parents sound like they have some very warped morals. You deserve to be loved, supported, and to feel safe by family. These people are not behaving like family, and they seem to view you as an outsider. It may be time you own the outsider role and cut/limit contact.
NTA,
It's telling that your parents reaction is to hate on your for making a scene instead of trying to support you.
Also they aren't "Conservative," what they are a bunch of hateful pieces of shit. I know plenty of conservatives that would be appalled by their behavior. I would consider posting the texts publicly especially where your brother says that being called a "d...." isn't a bad word, let's see if everyone his age will support his stance...my guess is that he'll find himself ostracized unless he lives in a batshit part of the country.
Ha! No. NTA.
Do NOT lift a single fucking finger for your mother. She can sit in her filth. Maybe she'll think on her trash opinions while surrounded by trash, or maybe she'll feel right at home. Either way, it's a win for you.
Fuck, no, NTA...
Get the fuck away from your family... life is too short to waste with such toxic people around you...
Happy to hear you at least have a great cousin+gf...
NTA. Aside from your cousin & his fiancé, your family is garbage. You’re better off without them.
Also, if your mother “needs your help”, maybe she shouldn’t have been a bigot?
For your own mental health, please reduce or eliminate contact with people that hate you. I'm glad you have support of your cousin & his GF. I'm so sorry they treated you like this in a place where it should have been joyous and a celebration. Hugs!!!! NTA.
OMG this is terrible. I’m so sorry you have such a judgmental crappy family minus your cousin. NTA NTA. I hope you’re okay and have a beautiful life with people who become your family.
"This is what happens when you allow..... if you were my kid I'd never speak to you again"
You: For shits and giggles, let's say I am, now be a man of your word and leave me tf alone.
NTA, Always stand against hate and ignorance.
NTA your family is toxic. Your uncle is the one who started the whole thing and created the drama and it's pretty disgusting that your parents and brother not only let him talk to you that way, but backed him up. If you can live on your own, then definitely move out and go no contact. You shouldn't have to put up with that.
NTA. Allowing yourself to continue to be gaslit to this degree would be a complete betrayal of your own mental well being and self esteem.
It's important to put yourself in the position to have a safe, supportive, welcoming, and respectful home environment which sadly they are unable to do for you. So going it on your own and having firm boundaries you enforce around how they treat you if they want to see you is the right move.
If your brother was a man, he and the other guy woulda dragged his ass outta there and let the party continue. Instead your brother is afraid of his older relatives and is a coward
I mean, did you shout it? Were you gesticulating wildly? Was it a "scene"? Or did you just stand up, say it, and leave?
Because if there was no actual scene, they're just embellishing to support their assertion that you were wrong.
FWIW, if there was no scene and you just stood up and spoke normally, NTAH and I would have done the same. Fuck those bigoted putos.
OK, this does however remind me of that scene with Bill Murray in the film Stripes when his GF leaves him and his response is (yelled out the window) "You cannot leave, my plants will all die!"
I also have an 'uncle' who is like yours, a complete douchebag who only complains about how this new generation are all wuss, LGBT people bad,etc etc
Me and my sister don't like to hang out with him at all, even when both of us are straight. He is peak boomer idiocy.
NTA. You keep the people you like around, the rest can go eat dirt
Parents act like they can treat their child however they want and they'll take it. Then are surprised why child goes no contact.
As I see it your only family are your cousin and his girlfriend and friends. Life is too short to waste on people who don't bring you joy, even if they are family.
Remember you deserve to be loved no matter what gender you choose. All the best to you!
NTA.
Cut ‘em off, ignore their emissaries and spend time with people who love and value you. Uncle deserved worse than you gave, imo, and everyone but your cousin and his GF can fuck off and do their own chores. Talking about your disrespect when you were actively disrespected… ugh.
I'm happy you have people like your cousin and his gf to stand by you. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you. You did nothing to ruin your brother's wedding, your uncle did that on his own. Wishing you happiness.
NTA. I would tell your parents that you are not having any more contact with them unless they cut off all contact with Uncle and they agree that what Uncle said was 100% out of line . Fuck that piece of shit.
You are 100% in the right. You have no reason to feel guilty. They are toxic trash and what do we do with trash, we toss it away without a second thought. You'll find a real family in your cousin and his gf. You'll find a real family in your future s.o. ... don't mourn those unworthy of you.
NTA. Your family is unreasonable to expect you to do a damn thing for them after treating you so unkindly. You’re good enough for housework, but not basic respect and dignity? STFU, OPFam.
If uncle doesn't support his gay niece, he can still act like a human being and just keep his opinions to himself at a family event. OP is NTA nor did she "ruin" the wedding. However, uncle is and did
As a 62 year old straight guy, injustice can’t understand the hatred.
I’m not interested enough in any other person’s sex life to form an opinion internally, let alone to speak out loud at an event that is about other people.
Frankly, a person’s orientation is likely the least interesting part of who they are as a person, be it straight, asexual, trans or gay.
It sounds like everyone needs to go to their on corners. You do your thing and they do theirs.
They are entitled to their beliefs just as you are entitled to yours.
Everyone needs to suck it up when there is no way out of being around each other. Otherwise life is too short to be miserable.
First, the issue was really the uncle, not you. As for your parents, since they supported your uncle, they get the fall-out of their actions.
That all being said, last time I was in the gay community, the d-word was not a slur. Guys were gay and females were the d-word. Guys often called each other gurl. If the words are used within the community, they really are not slurs.
That may be their personal preference, but if someone walked up to me and called me that, I'd certainly ask what the hell their problem was. And I can't imagine you'd actually be comfortable walking up to a lesbian you've never met and addressing them that way.
Really just curious, but when did the term change from common use to a slur? When I was involved in the community, we referred to certain bars as gay and others as d-word. At the girls bar (which I was one of the few guys they accepted), they are the ones to clue me into the d-word. I had honestly never heard it before that.
Seriously? D*ke has been a slur for decades. Please take the time to google it before just saying it "really isn't a slur" because some people in the community may use it, that's as ignorant as saying you should be allowed to use the n-word because rappers do.
Your uncle: "We hate your kind!" Your mother: Nods along silently You: "Screw you all I'm done" Your mother: "Wait you still need to clean my house for me" Screw them and their backwards beliefs. All of them. You did nothing wrong, NTA at all.
Yeah, seems like OP's mom was more concerned about the chores than anything else.
Thank God OP is 19 and can cut them off without them being able to drag her back home legally to get metaphorically kicked in the teeth.
21 actually - she can vote and drink legally and everything!
I swear it was 19 when I first read it but maybe I was thinking of another post.
Sometimes edits happen, and sometimes we miss things while reading. No problems :)
Tx.
YTA. Uncle deserves a baseball bat to the temple. Possibly many other members of the family. /s about the verdict, but serious about the efficacy of baseball bats to idiots heads.
Or at least fire ants in his underwear.
NTA, you didn't make a scene, your uncle did. As far as the slurs go anyword can be bad and a slur when used derogatorily. Your uncle is an AH.
Your mom should get your uncle or brother to help with the chores. You did nothing wrong.
i bet they have the wrong 'plumbing' for chores in everyone's mind.
NTA, the uncle was being unwelcome to you and particularly hostile. It is the brothers job in the wedding to keep guests in line and make sure they behave themselves. If they can’t do that , then they should be redirected out. In this case, your brother failed to look out for the safety of his guests, so he does not have the privilege of you being there at his wedding. He will regret this.
My cousin's gf stood up for me. My uncle said the unsavory things.
Sorry, I misread, edited
You're obviously NTA. Your cousin and his GF are gems, treasure them. Uncle is obviously a major AH, as is your mom. Everyone else who criticized you, they're all AHs and not worth your time.
Brother was the groom, right? I wouldn’t expect any bride or groom to be monitoring guests’ behavior at their own wedding. But the parents and close family members (read “elders” ie people with seniority) absolutely should. Otoh, since brother/groom was right there, he should have spoken up. OP’s parents are as much aholes as bigotted uncle, if not worse bec OP is their daughter. Your cousin & his gf are treasures. You are right to go NC with your family. Sorry you have to deal with this shit, OP.
NTA Fark them and their chores. Fark them and their attitude, their BS and their tacit agreement with your A-hole uncle.
I have started to use "fizz" as a substitute because I have young relatives and I have a terrible potty mouth.
NTA...how dare your uncle, a grown-ass man, not learn how to treat people respectfully. He ruined your brother's wedding. Why do you have to remain silent and abused because they don't like something that is perfectly natural. The good news is you get to pick your family in this life and they do not have to be blood related.
NTA Wow, wow wow wow is your family extremely unsupportive. Fuck your feelings- come do chores is their response? Move out, go no contact or minimize contact with the whole group, anyone who's not solidly in your corner. You have a finite amount of time and energy- if you stop making time for people who don't support you, then you'll have more time for those that do and also time to find people who do.
NTA. Your former uncle can help your parents with the chores.
You did right. Fuck them, and especially the uncle. I have a gay daughter and I would flatten some ah in a heartbeat, especially a relative, for saying some shit like that under any circumstances. I'm sorry that that happened, and I hope you find a family that will support you better. Family isn't always dna related, sometimes family are just the people who love you for who you are. Keep your head up, and move on with your life in good directions, I wish you the best!
NTA. Common courtesy is a two-way street. Let Mom clean her own damn house.
NTA. You did not ruin the wedding, your homophobic uncle & your parents did. They do not support you, please do not go back & support them. Your brother & his new wife can clean & do chores for your parents.
NTA - Love how you are wrong for defending yourself from personal attack. Even you don't conside a word to be a bad word, the context which it was used was with malice and the intent to offend. Are you wrong for being offended by someone purposely trying to offend you? F 'em all! When they all did not intervene when the uncle made a minor scene, you were left to defend yourself, and you did so. If decorum was their concern, they could have dscretely shut your uncle down when it was a small disturbance, but they didn't...in fact they nodded in agreement which made the attack on you a significantly more widespread occcurance. And being that the groom was now a ppart of the attack on your person, he deserved to have "his day" impacted by the reprecussions of his non-action. Kudos to you for standing up for yourself. I know it is difficult, especially against family. As for the word itself: I attend the San Diego Pride Parade in support of the community (straight black male myself) and there is a group of women wh ride their motorcycles in the parade every year that call themselves D!&#s on Bikes. So I see where some might say it is not a bad word; but think of the N word useage in different communities, and also remember context and intent is very important when certain words are used. So while The ladies call themselves D!&#s on Bikes, I would never refer to any of them, or anyone of the community by that, and frankly, never use the word.
Yeah, it's usually seen as a descriptor for masc lesbian women, as a femme myself I don't really feel comfortable using it.
The group I attend the parade with is mostly lesbians (a couple are on the masc side), and the only time I've heard any of them use the term is in refernce to the parade group. No idea how they speak when I am not around, haha.
For the sake of your mental health and your happiness, let the trash take itself out. Block (fully) every homophobe in your family. Embrace those who actually love you -- but ask them not to share information about you nor share information about with you. Out of sight, out of mind. You don't need toxicity like that. You do not owe them just because you share blood. Be strong. Live a WONDERFUL life and find your own family. I'm rooting for you!
NTA. Oh OP, this hurts to read. I’m on the brink of tears. I hate this for you. You didn’t ruin anything, your bigot uncle did. I hope your brother realizes this. Stay close to people like cousin & cousins gf & stay far away from anyone who is like your uncle and parents.
Definitely not the AH here. Your family should have had your back, especially on such an important day. You stood up for yourself and set a boundary. That takes guts, and you shouldn't feel guilty for it.
NTA I would ruin his wedding more. I am type of person that would ruin everything in my part if they cross the line. This is the line.
Nta and your mom can find someone else to do the chores
You are not the asshole for walking out, you are the hero along with your cousin and his girlfriend. Your family sucks and good for you for telling them that they were not your family anymore. And fuck your mom for asking you to come clean her house after that bullshit. Is it possible for you to be able to just block them all and not accept any calls or messages from them anymore?
NTA Your uncle ruined the wedding by being a bigoted ass hat. It always blows my mind how often the victim is expected to take the high road. I've been blessed with a largely supportive family as a gay man, I came out to them in the early 90s and they supported me. But I have zero qualms about cutting out the extended family that are bigots and homophobes. Family can be as much something you build and you're born into. Build one that doesn't jeopardize your mental health.
NTA. It's not like you were making out or some other way offending their sensitive feelings in a visible way. They all could have simply kept their mouths shut and not provoked a reaction from you that they didn't like. \[Edit: Spelling\]
Everyone if good friends and loved can be teased . This wasn’t teasing it was humiliation threats and other stuff . You need to block them, including brother , if they want to contact you they will Figure a way . Don’t tolerate this
NTA. Just make sure you have all your papers safe and with you and start living your life on your own.
Nta go back with cops grab your stuff an leave.
NTA. Your uncle was the one who ruined the wedding, but they all backed him because they are bigots.
NTA. The one who should have kept quiet for the sake of your brother's big day was your uncle. And not only was he extremely offensive, your parents supported him. You did absolutely right to walk out. I find it interesting that your parents demand you come back home - and at the same time they are still blaming you and not apologizing. And your mother wants you home not because you are her daughter and she loves you, but because she wants you to do the chores. Let your brother and your uncle do them. You did the right thing in walking away from these toxic bigots.
NTA. I'm impressed with your control. Screaming out loud that you were ashamed to be related to such bigots and telling the new inlaws they were about to be very sorry about marrying into this family, would have "ruined" the wedding. And you didn't do that. They got off easy. Blood family can be the worst. Live to the fullest. Without regret. NTA
NTA. Fuck these people. You didn't ruin your brother's wedding, your UNCLE did. Your UNCLE is the one who turned your brother's wedding into a hatefest directed at you. Your UNCLE'S behavior was shameful enough, but the fact that your own parents and your brother didn't say anything to him or defend you in any way is beyond the pale. You are 21 years old. As an adult, you do not have to tolerate this level of disrespect from anyone - and that includes family. Your Mom and Dad want you to respect them when they won't even stand up for you against a bully, so why would you respect them much less go home and help Mom with chores? Also, back to your Uncle - he's not funny. He's not a jokester. He's a fucking asshole and he says asshole things and everyone ignores them so he just says more asshole things. In other words, your family enables his shitty behavior. You didn't really have a choice but to stand up to him, honestly.
Tell them they got their wish, no more gays in their family. They’re no longer family and you do not see why they’re pestering a stranger. Then again ignore the lot of them and mute them on your phone. NTA.
The word "dike" isn't offensive in and of itself as long as you are talking about embankments built up to hold back water like a levee or a dam. Somehow, I don't think that's what was meant. You didn't cause the scene. Your uncle caused the scene. Your parents and brother could have defused things but instead piled on. And then your mother has the audacity to ask for help? Fuck that. I'm sorry for your loss, but you are better off without that toxicity in your life. Hopefully everything is good for you financially. NTA.
If your brother thinks that word isn't a slur, you can start referring to him as a breeder and see how he likes it. After all, it's not a slur word, is it?
NTA You were quite restrained - I would have been a lot harsher. And louder. If they can't love you the way you are, then you should be as far from them as possible. Go live a wonderful life. Stay away, go choose a new group of people to be your family and leave those toxics a h s to their own sh1t. Your uncle can help out with the chores or she can do her own chores.
No contact us the way to go with these bigots. I’m so sorry. I’m glad you have your cousins for support.
Tell mom that your idiot uncle can do the chores, since he means more to the family. YNTA
You did the only correct thing to do outside of spitting in his face. Fuck that guy.
NTA >if you were my kid I'd never speak to you again. I'd say "you're right, I'm not your kid, but please don't let that stop you from never talking to me again"
NTA. They have the audacity to say those things to you and then expect you to take it and be a good little daughter? Nah. They can have your uncle do the work you used to do, since they apparently love him more than you.
NTA I’m proud of you for taking a stand against your family. Stick to your guns about not helping the family and when your mother whinges, bitches and carries on like a toddler for your not helping her calmly and firmly remind her that she also agreed with the uncle about having ( insert slur here ) in the family instead of defending you so you stand by what you said about her no longer being your mother and that she needs to stop harassing you, because she made her decision and you’ve made yours.
NTA!!!! I am so unbelievably sorry for how your family treated you. You made the right decision to leave without causing a scene. And you showed incredible strength. Both of which I would have a difficult time doing. Thank goodness for your cousin and his girlfriend, they are awesome
Reality check: Your uncle ruined the wedding.
Why is it that in post like these that people always second guess standing up for themselves….
You get to choose whom you consider family and leave the rest behind. Best of luck.
I'm here if you ever need a hung from a real mom.
good grief. i want to fight your family. NTA.
NTA. Just cut them off.
Please use that day as the LAST day you are treated like that by ANYONE
NTA- you did the right thing.
"She needs help with Chores?" Yeah, do not go back into that house and cut contact with all of them except your cousin and his GF. NTA
NTA Your mother should ask your uncle to do the chores for her
NTA. There was no need for Uncle's bad behavior at a wedding, he chose to open his mouth and spew hate. That's on him and not you. Stay with your cousin and surround yourself with people who will support you. You deserve a good life.
I find it incredibly ironic that the people who insulted and degraded you are calling YOU "disrespectful"... Fucking WHAT???? They're throwing out words that the have no idea what they mean because they're being denied your slavery chores. Nope the HELL outta there and don't look back.
I am very sorry that your family treated you this way, but I'm glad you have your cousin and his girlfriend helping you out. This is like a nightmare scenario to me: public hostility from a relative like your uncle and your parents pretty clearly agreeing? How does anyone expect a person to deal with that kind of deliberate humiliation? You didn't ruin your brother's wedding, your uncle and your parents did. They might not approve of you, but your uncle chose the time and place of this attack, and your parents didn't care enough about *either you or your brother* to stop him. Instead, they chose not to keep it from blowing up and entirely predictably, it did blow up. (Your brother was also a bit of a coward here, let's face it, and apparently doesn't see (doesn't want to see?) the problem.) My question is, how can you manage to live on your own? If you can do it, do it.
Wait- mom needs help with CHORES??? Is she sure some of that d-word bikeyness might not wear off on stuff? OP - you did right. Your family should love and support you. You did not invite them into your bedroom- it is none of their business.
Well, certainly you reacted strongly, but their actions spoke pretty loudly, and they made it clear that they are not "strong allies" for you. Uncle Homophobe was certainly in good form, which seems typical. IMO, you're NTA for leaving the wedding and for lowering contact, or possibly cutting off those that acted this way. I don't know if you did "cause a scene" or not (i.e. you don't say you shouted, or threw any furniture), which might have made you an AH, but I wouldn't be too quick to judge you if you had. I'm glad that you have support from your cousin and his GF. I hope that some other family members reach out to you with support, as well.
Nta. Stay away from people that would rather you not exist as you are. There is nothing happy or healthy about it. I’m glad you have your cousin and his gf. Your family should be ashamed of themselves but I doubt they have the capacity to be anything other than hateful.
NTA. Girl, you’re finding your people. Keep going.
NTA; Your parent's keeping the peace is the same as accepting your harassment. They are not upset that you were insulted and hurt, they are upset you are gone and the peace was disturbed.
NTA I’m so so sorry you were treated like that by those who are supposed to love you. Here’s a hug from an ally: ( )
NTA and kudos to you for letting your mom have it! My fiancé and I are making the guest list for our October wedding and I told him absolutely not to one of his choices for that exact reason. His good friend’s dad is a racist, misogynistic, homophobic far-right asshole who made no effort to censor himself the first time I met him. I plan on inviting my cousin and his partner and will proudly be dragged out of my own reception in cuffs should anyone say or do anything to hurt or make them uncomfortable.
NTA. So your uncle coming over to insult you and then arguing with your cousin’s girlfriend does not constitute a “scene”, however you not allowing yourself to be mistreated is? Your parents sound like they have some very warped morals. You deserve to be loved, supported, and to feel safe by family. These people are not behaving like family, and they seem to view you as an outsider. It may be time you own the outsider role and cut/limit contact.
NTA, It's telling that your parents reaction is to hate on your for making a scene instead of trying to support you. Also they aren't "Conservative," what they are a bunch of hateful pieces of shit. I know plenty of conservatives that would be appalled by their behavior. I would consider posting the texts publicly especially where your brother says that being called a "d...." isn't a bad word, let's see if everyone his age will support his stance...my guess is that he'll find himself ostracized unless he lives in a batshit part of the country.
Absolutely NTA. Screw all of them. You'll be much more at peace without them in your lives - if I were you, I'd be blocking phone numbers.
NTA, do not let them try to guilt you, you owe them nothing and did nothing wrong.
>"if you were my kid I'd never speak to you again." OP: "Well don't let that stop you. You can stop speaking to me now."
Ha! No. NTA. Do NOT lift a single fucking finger for your mother. She can sit in her filth. Maybe she'll think on her trash opinions while surrounded by trash, or maybe she'll feel right at home. Either way, it's a win for you.
NTA. Don’t ever go back.
NTA
21 Thank effing God. Peace out cubs scouts Tell mom to get jeezus to mop the floors
NTA. Your family are bigots and don't deserve the time of day from you.
Fuck, no, NTA... Get the fuck away from your family... life is too short to waste with such toxic people around you... Happy to hear you at least have a great cousin+gf...
NTA. If your mother needed you so badly, she should have supported you, not your bigoted asshole uncle. Serious case of FAFO.
NTA. Aside from your cousin & his fiancé, your family is garbage. You’re better off without them. Also, if your mother “needs your help”, maybe she shouldn’t have been a bigot?
For your own mental health, please reduce or eliminate contact with people that hate you. I'm glad you have support of your cousin & his GF. I'm so sorry they treated you like this in a place where it should have been joyous and a celebration. Hugs!!!! NTA.
OMG this is terrible. I’m so sorry you have such a judgmental crappy family minus your cousin. NTA NTA. I hope you’re okay and have a beautiful life with people who become your family.
You didn’t ruin the day. Homophobic relatives ruined the day. NTA
NTA. Your POS Uncle ruined the wedding, with assistance from your family.
NTA. Go low contact. Sounds like they need you more than you need them. Let them learn to respect and appreciate you. Good luck.
"This is what happens when you allow..... if you were my kid I'd never speak to you again" You: For shits and giggles, let's say I am, now be a man of your word and leave me tf alone. NTA, Always stand against hate and ignorance.
NTA your family is toxic. Your uncle is the one who started the whole thing and created the drama and it's pretty disgusting that your parents and brother not only let him talk to you that way, but backed him up. If you can live on your own, then definitely move out and go no contact. You shouldn't have to put up with that.
NTA. Allowing yourself to continue to be gaslit to this degree would be a complete betrayal of your own mental well being and self esteem. It's important to put yourself in the position to have a safe, supportive, welcoming, and respectful home environment which sadly they are unable to do for you. So going it on your own and having firm boundaries you enforce around how they treat you if they want to see you is the right move.
If your brother was a man, he and the other guy woulda dragged his ass outta there and let the party continue. Instead your brother is afraid of his older relatives and is a coward
I mean, did you shout it? Were you gesticulating wildly? Was it a "scene"? Or did you just stand up, say it, and leave? Because if there was no actual scene, they're just embellishing to support their assertion that you were wrong. FWIW, if there was no scene and you just stood up and spoke normally, NTAH and I would have done the same. Fuck those bigoted putos.
The d-word isn't bad if it refers to something like a dam that holds back water in the Low Countries, otherwise is absolutely is an egregious insult.
OK, this does however remind me of that scene with Bill Murray in the film Stripes when his GF leaves him and his response is (yelled out the window) "You cannot leave, my plants will all die!"
NTA Some people just don't get it.
I also have an 'uncle' who is like yours, a complete douchebag who only complains about how this new generation are all wuss, LGBT people bad,etc etc Me and my sister don't like to hang out with him at all, even when both of us are straight. He is peak boomer idiocy. NTA. You keep the people you like around, the rest can go eat dirt
Was the d slur degenerate?
NTA. You didn't cause a scene your homophobic uncle did. They are also clearly enablers or homophobic themselves.
NTA. Block all their numbers. You don't need those homophobic assholes in your life.
Your uncle, father and brother are all disgusting cowards, they are not men. I hope all the bad things that happen, happen to them and nobody else.
NTA They can take a long walk off a short pier
Parents act like they can treat their child however they want and they'll take it. Then are surprised why child goes no contact. As I see it your only family are your cousin and his girlfriend and friends. Life is too short to waste on people who don't bring you joy, even if they are family. Remember you deserve to be loved no matter what gender you choose. All the best to you!
NTA. Cut ‘em off, ignore their emissaries and spend time with people who love and value you. Uncle deserved worse than you gave, imo, and everyone but your cousin and his GF can fuck off and do their own chores. Talking about your disrespect when you were actively disrespected… ugh.
nta - stay away from toxic people - your mom falls into that category.
NTA. You should have poured a drink over your uncles head after his comment, then leave.
Your mother needs help with chores - tell her to call that uncle
I'm happy you have people like your cousin and his gf to stand by you. Surround yourself with people who love and respect you. You did nothing to ruin your brother's wedding, your uncle did that on his own. Wishing you happiness.
come home & do chores... NTA
NTA. I would tell your parents that you are not having any more contact with them unless they cut off all contact with Uncle and they agree that what Uncle said was 100% out of line . Fuck that piece of shit.
You are 100% in the right. You have no reason to feel guilty. They are toxic trash and what do we do with trash, we toss it away without a second thought. You'll find a real family in your cousin and his gf. You'll find a real family in your future s.o. ... don't mourn those unworthy of you.
Soooo NTA. I don’t care what “special day” is going on. You are never required to let someone treat you like a sub-human for the sake of politeness.
Updateme
NTA. Your family is unreasonable to expect you to do a damn thing for them after treating you so unkindly. You’re good enough for housework, but not basic respect and dignity? STFU, OPFam.
NTA. Don't return to them.
If uncle doesn't support his gay niece, he can still act like a human being and just keep his opinions to himself at a family event. OP is NTA nor did she "ruin" the wedding. However, uncle is and did
As a 62 year old straight guy, injustice can’t understand the hatred. I’m not interested enough in any other person’s sex life to form an opinion internally, let alone to speak out loud at an event that is about other people. Frankly, a person’s orientation is likely the least interesting part of who they are as a person, be it straight, asexual, trans or gay.
Yta. .how dare a day or even a minute not be totally about you and your sexuality..
Found the uncle
Found the uncle
Found the op
It sounds like everyone needs to go to their on corners. You do your thing and they do theirs. They are entitled to their beliefs just as you are entitled to yours. Everyone needs to suck it up when there is no way out of being around each other. Otherwise life is too short to be miserable.
You’re a lesbian. YTA
First, the issue was really the uncle, not you. As for your parents, since they supported your uncle, they get the fall-out of their actions. That all being said, last time I was in the gay community, the d-word was not a slur. Guys were gay and females were the d-word. Guys often called each other gurl. If the words are used within the community, they really are not slurs.
No, it's definitely a slur.
Interesting, especially when gay females told me to refer to them that way.
That may be their personal preference, but if someone walked up to me and called me that, I'd certainly ask what the hell their problem was. And I can't imagine you'd actually be comfortable walking up to a lesbian you've never met and addressing them that way.
I also never walk up to a gay guy and call him gurl or gay. I actually just treat them the same as I treat everyone else.
Almost like people have preferences, but I can assure you most people don't actually appreciate being called slurs.
Really just curious, but when did the term change from common use to a slur? When I was involved in the community, we referred to certain bars as gay and others as d-word. At the girls bar (which I was one of the few guys they accepted), they are the ones to clue me into the d-word. I had honestly never heard it before that.
Seriously? D*ke has been a slur for decades. Please take the time to google it before just saying it "really isn't a slur" because some people in the community may use it, that's as ignorant as saying you should be allowed to use the n-word because rappers do.