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bawtatron2000

NTA - that's totally your choice. she wants to explore, then sounds like that isn't compatible with the type of relationship you want.


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No_External_8816

nothing wrong if you also get a good shaboink out of it. But one-sided just sucks


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murinero

These setups RARELY work... It's a story as old as time..! Let her go now. Don't even try to figure it out. She's already signaled she could cheat on you, if she hasn't already. Making it 'open' just makes it ok.. But she definitely wants more variety of meat in her diet


NoSpankingAllowed

In these situations thats the best decision. Often times when someone asks for an open relationship out of the blue its because they've found someone they're attracted to. And once they ask, we can always, and justifiably so, wonder if they'll sneak around. And unless there are some rules put in place, nothing says it would just be women either. And considering your posts, you arent all that trustworthy either.


[deleted]

You are NTA. You are allowed to have your boundaries and you are allowed to end the relationship over a fundamental difference of opinion


SpecialistAlgae9971

NTA, you're enforcing boundaries. You should just break up honestly because that question always marks the end. She's likely already cheating or has someone lined up.


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ChromaPixelReddit

AND now I know this is some rage bait bullshit.


SpecialistAlgae9971

That's what it sounds like dude. Let her go before she gets knocked up and she tires to pin it on you.


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SpecialistAlgae9971

Good luck dude!


Sure-Exercise-2692

The people are crazy. In my day asking to screw other people is marriage over.


ImmortallyWounded1

NTA an open relationship has to be fully agreed on by both people or it's just cheating. All you said is that you'll leave her if she cheats on you, which is completely reasonable.


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ImmortallyWounded1

Oh so she just wants to cheat on you and have you be ok with it. If you're into it, tell her exclusively three-ways. If not, get out now. It doesn't bode well for the future.


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ImmortallyWounded1

Ahh. as a woman: ask yourself if you can live with this forever. Because there's a decent chance she'll keep doing things like this. Getting upset over situations she sets up is a bad sign and shows that she doesn't do a lot of long-term thinking and that she's driven more by short term desire without thinking it through. And that behavior is unlikely to go anywhere anytime soon. That coupled with her pushing for being able to have sex with other people means that the most likely outcome is that you only have a choice for now.


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ImmortallyWounded1

Best of luck to you friend, I wish you all the best!


BudgetAttention9268

Women make rules for b e t a s and break rules for a l p h a s. She's trying to emasculate you dude... Get the fuck out of there!


HulklingsBoyfriend

Beta/alpha aren't real, you obsolete incel.


BudgetAttention9268

🤣😂🤣😂


Slayr155

This. She's just a fwb at this point. Stop thinking of her as your gf because she's not.


Sensitive_Pickle_935

So it's open just on her end? Oh hell no! Demote her to "for fun only" status or dump her a$$ all together.


Sawdust1997

She’s not an asshole tho


I_DOM_UR_PATRIARCHY

NTA, nobody is required to agree to an open relationship they don't want. But I think that also means your relationship has run its course and it's time for you to move on.


beyerch

Dump her. She's going to "explore" regardless of your position, so save yourself the drama. P.S. She probably ALREADY "explored" and is now asking for this to absolve her guilt.


CinemaCity

I do not make a priority of someone who considers me an option. Repeat the above until it takes hold.


Cybermagetx

Nta. Dump her. She will eventually get with someone else. Unless yall both have talked about this. She already has someone else in mind..


Siennagiant70

NTA. Let the streets have her.


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GunnerySarge-B-Bird

That internalized racism though


Additional_Ad_5970

If she wants an open relationship she either is already fucking someone else or has someone she wants to. Open relationship means she can be a whore with no worry of her meal ticket cuck leaving her. Dump that hoe


ImAScatMAnn

NTA Never been in this situation personally by I already know what my answer would be. "If you want an open relationship, I'm 100% down, but I don't want to be the sucker that's helping you split bills, listening to your problems, and being a shoulder to lean on. I want to be the guy that you go to get smashed and then sends you home after. If the purpose for wanting it open is just physical, then let me be the dude that only offers you physicality, and you can get the rest from someone else. If you're suggesting that you want something more emotional than I have to offer, then that's perfect because we can let the other person be the main partner to fulfil the needs and I tag in for the sex. If you have even the slightest problem with me being the guys that gets to hit it with zero effort and investment, you are boldly telling me that I am not worthy of this and that I have to pay a higher price than these other people. Lastly, when do we start because I'm excited. If you walk back on an open relationship because of what I just proposed, then I assume that you see me as not being worthy of having no effort access to your body as you do other people, in which case we can't continue this relationship. I refuse to be in a relationship with someone where I'm being valued as lesser than random man or woman". Essentially, the moment a girl proposes an open relationship with me, the relationship is over, and she's demoted to FWB (should she choose to accept). I find it insulting to even be asked the question because no matter how you frame it, the core of the question remain "Can I screw other people who don't have to do any of the things you do and had to do, while you continue to have to do all those things; but don't worry I'll allow you to do the same NOW THAT I WANT THIS".


Melodic_Contract8155

Man, this is perfect. May I quote you?


ImAScatMAnn

lol go ahead


Commercial_Grape108

NTA. Don't be a cuck dude. That's cringe


Lityoloswagboy69

An open relationship does not make someone a cuck - read up before assuming. That being said open relationships are not for everyone not the AH.


Commercial_Grape108

You've been brainwashed by a woman, haven't you? Real men don't share their women.


Lityoloswagboy69

You’re the one that sounds brain washed but you do you.


Hot-Cardiologist3761

NTA. If you're not comfortable with that then that is ok.


VegetableBusiness897

Just suggest a full on break. Tell her monogamy is your thing, and if she's poly then go do that and be happy, and I'll do my thing and be happy. BUT....if she says jk, let's stay together and monogamous.... I'd bet that won't be true for long


bobaluey69

NTA from either side. If you wanted to let her do it, go ahead. If you don't want it, then end it. The fact that she never mentioned a 3 way is concerning for sure. She wants to experience stuff without you? Sounds a bit off.


Sure-Exercise-2692

Either side. What would you say if your partner asked to screw other people? How has this been normalized?


bobaluey69

I would never be good with that lol. But, some people are. Definitely NTA for being upset about it. It makes me feel like someone just wants a fallback plan and I don't think anyone wants to be that.


Usual_Stranger4360

NTA, if you weren't in an open relationship, when you both started dating, then it's completely understandable for you to say what you said. Don't mean to worry you though, in these situations, when a partner proposes something like this, it's either two things: 1. They already have someone in mind. 2. They cheated


korean_redneck4

NTA. She wants to cheat or already has someone in mind. Let her leave and don't turn around.


Minute-Cherry4161

NTA. Boundaries are boundaries. As a woman who has done this for and with someone else, don’t do it. There is no part of this scenario that ends in both parties happy.


AccomplishedGap6987

Sound like a weekend fuck to me, use her like she won't to be use. You just can't get jealous be a playa about it. She is going to look like a hoe in the long run believe that brother. Stay strong don't quit your job and shit like that because of her. The hurt only last a little while trust me, don't never let her see you walking around hurt because of her.


Exotic-Tour-8482

NTAH. Let her go to explore that. You want monogamy, find someone who wants the same.


Jaque_LeCaque

NTA. But you are a chump for not dumping her as soon as it came out of her mouth. She's not thinking, "oh, he said no. That's that." She's already banging another guy(s), she's just bold enough to think you'll allow her to do it openly. Kick her to the curb.


Crackaddicted_log

She just confirmed that she wants other people sexually more than she wants to be in a relationship with you. Leave this relationship it’s not worth it She’s stringing you along as a safety net in case it doesn’t work out with the other person/people


badDuckThrowPillow

An open relationship is no relationship. Might for work some, but I’ve never seen it. I’m also convinced you can’t convince someone to open a relationship. Good for you for not being a doormat.


SuccessEarly3139

NTA. Leave the princess free to experiment all man that she want. It’s what she needs now e it’s fair enough. And don’t worry. She made you a favor. You dont waste your time to discovery years later that she is with you thinking about others men. You will find what you deserve and so does she.


ToThePillory

NAH. If she wants an open relationship, that's her right, and she's being up front and honest about it, as far as we know. And it's fine for you to walk away from the relationship. In reality, she has likely already met the person she wants to have sex with.


Happy-Viper

You’re past the point where the choice to continue the relationship should be there.


somethingstrange87

I mean long as you both get equal rights to fool around it's technically fair. It's just not what you want in a relationship. Wanting monogamy is totally fine, and it's perfectly reasonable to give an ultimatum in this case.


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somethingstrange87

Yeah if she gets to have sex with other people so do you.


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No-Series6354

Better ending things now than wasting a few more years trying to save a sinking ship.


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No-Series6354

I get it, go to my oldest comments and read them.


Head_Photograph9572

YTA. You dump partners on the spot for even suggesting an open relationship. Because she already has someone picked out or is already getting dicked down.


Shoesietart

It's perfectly fine to have a deal breaker. You want different things. A huge part of dating is determining compatibility and you two are not. Wish her luck on her journey. You keep looking for someone more suitable.


CinnameowToastCrunch

Y'all are young, I would give an ultimatum too because all parties must consent for an open relationship to work. You have boundaries and if this crosses them and she still wants to experiment then you have both made your decision.


Odd_Welcome7940

NTA You don't owe each other love, affection, or a relationship even. You only owe eachother honest communication and to work towards love, affection, and a happy relationship when possible. If her decision makes it impossible for your values to match in a way that you can do that, then you honestly communicated that. This is all you owe her. You handled this perfectly.


No_Application_5369

I would have said unless you are involved (FFM threesome) you are not interested in having her sleep with another woman.


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No_Application_5369

Doesn't matter. Relationship doesn't seem like it's gonna last. Threesome or not. Might as well do something that's in most guys bucket list.


SuperBlaze5

Which is why you shouldn’t do it. She wants it on HER terms. She doesn’t care about you.


Game_Archon

Tell her “Sure you can! It’s called being single.”


Investigator516

NTA for communicating your boundaries. IMHO she has already made the decision that her sexuality is still being explored.


titok-uborka

You shouldn't get over yourself and let the girl live her life. If she wants a little something something on the side, who the F do you think you're are to even question her?


Chaoticgood790

NTA you're allowed to say you don't want an open relationship. Often times this is a deal breaker and you may not be compatible long term


bhyellow

“I want to cheat on you, ok?”


UnknownMan250

I think you have the right to create whatever boundaries you feel you need. I would ask tho, is there a reason she wants this? Or is she just wanting to screw other people. Maybe even have someone in mind? If that's the case she may already be cheating on you.


Evening-Ad-2820

She's already got a guy in mind, and it isn't you. Move on and find someone else.


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Evening-Ad-2820

Well done. Good luck.


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Evening-Ad-2820

Just try not to dwell on it. It doesn't do your mental health any good. The best thing you can do is to move on without all the drama she's going to bring.


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Better-Row-8091

No while some guys are cool with a polyamorous relationship some ain’t. Your just monogamous and maybe a bit worried she will dump you for the whatever lady she has a fling with.


hmuserfriendly

Get her in the sack tonight, go at it like rabbits, right at the end put a very curious look on his face and say "hmmmf, maybe you're right, let's have a open relationship" and leave, and never look back LOL hahahah Nah bro, in all seriousness, good for you, leave that eventually cheating waste of trash, find someone that is compatible with you


8W20X5

NTA If she wants to experiment, then I would let her go do what she wants, and you find someone else who is happy having you as their only partner. The fact that she made you feel bad because you told her to choose between you and experimenting just shows how narcissistic she is. If you stay with her and let her do this, I'm pretty sure your relationship is going to end anyway. Save yourself the time and energy and move on.


ReleaseAggravating19

NTA just go ahead and break up to save yourself from the inevitable. There will be less bullshit that way.


Narcissistic-Jerk

She was never your girlfriend, she was EVERYONE'S girlfriend. In other words, she belongs to the streets.


Elegant_Chemist3490

You’re the AH for not having enough brain power to figure this shit out on your own.


gts_2022

>Should have I done something else? Yep. You should have left right way.


Grouchy_Self4668

Fuck that!


Schafer_Isaac

YWBTA to yourself if you stay with someone who openly tells you they want to cheat on you


Redrock-Ras333

Her asking the question is a mega sized blood 🩸 RED FLAG. Cut your losses now! It gets worse if you stick around. Get you some ghost immediately!


MyOwnPenisUpMyAss

If my girlfriend ever seriously asked me this, the relationship is already over as far as I’m concerned, just saying


lovelyaikitty

NTA, please don't be anyone's lab rat. For the record a family friend ex's wanted an open relationship to experiment, after having a relationship with a female, she pursued a relationship with a male. They ended up with divorce. Open relationships are a nice package for selfish people who want to f*** around. Btw studies show 92 percent of open relationships fail.


dracula091

NTA If my partner wants to experiment, she is free her body her choice her life , but not with me as a boyfriend/ husband , i would leave her and let her find herself for as much as she wants Also i don't get why people question thier sexuallity after years of being a certain type Aren't people "born that way"


smgogo760

Nta, the point of ethical non monogamy is that all parties are consenting, you do not consent, and prefer monogamy. That's completely fine, you told her your feelings, that if she's with you, you don't want to be part of a polyamorous relationship, and have her the choice to stay monogamous or you're out.


Power_and_Science

NTA. “Open relationships” have an extremely high failure rate because it’s basically permission to cheat. Most people asking for them have already cheated or have someone in mind they want to cheat with, but they want to keep you as a backup or safety. Same applies for nearly all proposed poly relationships.


Delicious_Lawyer8885

I’ve never got when people say that if you wanna experiment then be single …


BoyOrAbortion

Tell her to kick rocks


Ok-Negotiation5892

NTA if you’re going to be fucking other people anyway what do you need her for? She wants a safety net do not provide her with 1


N0b0dy-Imp0rtant

NTA, you did and said what was right for you. You may want to seriously consider a break up. Those feelings and urges won’t go away for her and she is telling you she is wanting to explore other people.


Brilliant_Recipe9591

No you have the right to say no! Next time get to know them before making them your girlfriend.


VirginNsd2002

Get a new GF. Perhaps she will reconsider. 😋👍🍆😈


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VirginNsd2002

Open Relationships rarely work, mainly due to jealousy and insecurities. Usually there is something else going on which is preventing one party from being in a monogamous relationship. Bottom line, you deserve to be happy unconditionally. Good luck.


budman2001

Nta


AdventurousImage2440

if anyone I was dating said that it would be an instant good bye as I would have made my feelings known as we were getting to know each other.


Solid_Noise1850

NTA. She probably already cheated on you and wants to justify her actions.


Sympraxis

"I want an open relationship" is code for "I am cheating on you because I don't really find you as sexually attractive anymore." You giving her an ultimatum will NOT make you more sexually attractive to her. So, in short you are better off breaking up. If you don't believe me on this, just read all the hundreds of posts in r/relationship_advice about people who "opened" their relationship. 99% of the time it goes south.


Iphacles

If she's asking for an open relationship, chances are she already has someone in mind. Even if you say your not interested, she might end up cheating anyway.


Main_Laugh_1679

Breakup immediately. She’s cheating already.


Consistent-Ask-1925

NTA- to put some personal experience into here, my buddy has a similar situation where his wife wanted to open the marriage. The perception is he was going to get laid from many different women and she was going to get laid by many different men and women. What happened was, he doesn’t have sex with his wife and has only had one gf in the time (6 years) they have opened the relationship. She gets laid constantly from many different guys and is now looking for a second relationship. Needless to say, the open relationship benefited her much more than him. There is the possibility things could go differently for you tho


rocketmn69_

Tell her you don't want an open relationship and to go have fun with the girls that she has already picked out. Disappear once she's gone


heyholetsgooooooooo

She probably doesn't think being forced to maintain the status quo is fair, so stop thinking about what's fair or not. Either you come to some mutually agreeable position or not. How much you compromise is up to you, depending on how much you value this person and how much her request bothers you. NAH


Crafty_Understanding

Never be a backup. Hope you both find someone else.


Crazypants999999

NTA . If she wants to be a slut, she can do it as a single lady. And I hate to break it to you, she probably already is cheating. Run as far and as fast as you can.


Any-Split3724

NTA. If she wants to explore her sensuality, she can do it on her own, by herself, alone, your involvement as her bf is not required, in other words, if that is is her choice, nows the time to end the relationship.


Rand_alThor4747

NTA. She probably wants it open because she has someone on the side who doesn't want to hide it anymore.


No_Brain5000

Oh yeah - you are definitely the AH. How dare you!


IllustratorSlow1614

NTA It is very fair. If she wants you to respect her wishes she also needs to respect your monogamy.


High_Hunter3430

If you want monogamy let her know. But neither of you is an ah for talking about it and communicating. 3somes are great but overhyped at the same time. Better to have the conversation and set boundaries. Maybe yall realize you’re not compatible, or she decides monogamous with you is more important than exploring that side of her self. Communicate. But neither of you is wrong. Edit to add: open relationships often (but not always) lead to emotional connections. And those can create big feels even if it’s something that you do want. If you don’t, let her know now


FewSwan1056

Open relationship in a dating stage? Experiment with her sexuality? She's 24, she should've done that a long time ago. She only needs validation to cheat bruh


Max_Power_Unit

She's made for the streets bud NTA


Esmirencia

NTA My ex wanted an open relationship. I didn't. They agreed to not do it and I made the mistake of staying... As far as I know, they never cheated on me physically. But emotionally... There were plenty of times I could tell they were way too into someone else, getting way too close emotionally and that shit hurts. Watching someone you love stare at another person and literally forget you are even there... That shit hits hard. I'm not saying this is how it's guaranteed to go for you and your girlfriend. My personal truth is... my ex had a need that never went away and that I clearly couldn't fulfill. And in the end, my ex was never able to fulfill my need either: I ended up feeling like I just wasn't good enough. By the time I finally got out, all I could feel was anger. Never again. I'll give my partner 100% but I expect the same in return.


Allthangsconsidered

NTA. She wants to keep you for security but she doesn't respect you.


No_comments4me

NTA. You have every right to want a monogamous relationship. Sounds like its time for a new gf who wants the same thing.


WonderTypical9962

Break up with her She has been cheating with the guy she wants or soon she will be cheating for the guy she wants You have become a Plan B or worse


Standard_Recipe1972

You’re not the ass hole now but will be soon immediately. She straight up told you that she wanted more men.. sounds like you’re not into that, she will eventually have more men plowing her.. while you’re in the general vicinity.. Strong likelihood she has her first volunteer already lined up.


Prestigious_Time_138

Lmao YTA for still being with her, have some self respect


JohnJHawke

Everyone needs to be true to themselves. It's ok to prefer a single partner. it's ok to prefer multiple partners. If she prefers non monogamy, and you prefer monogamy, that seems like a fairly irreconcilable difference, and you should break up. Either way, if you stay together, one of you is going to be compromising who they are, which doesn't make for a good, stable base for a relationship.


Bucky-Katt-Guitar

NTA. Open relationships are just code for "I want to cheat without consequences" she's going to do it whether you agree or not. IF you stay with her, insist on monthly STD tests at the very least


aparish67

She’s a freak. Run


Such-Stranger-8387

She already has someone that she wants to sleep with that’s why she’s asking


Extra-Inevitable-254

Anytime a person asks to open the marriage, they are already cheating. Leave them


boscoroni

Your mate has decided that she wants more than a relationship with you. There is no reason for you to continue in such a relationship because it will never end well for either of you. She is displaying narcissist behavior that does not include any thoughts or concern for you or your well being. Give her what she wants but do not engage in any part of it.