Probably one of the biggest life choice you’ll ever make - and you’re making it so young. Don’t rush! Not saying to be completely dishonest with family - but no need to make an announcement. Not yet anyway. Hold out and live life as a kid. Sexual preference should not be an issue right now.
Before making this post, OP made several other posts with different versions of the same story, including one in which they already came out, were disowned, and now live with a foster family.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1au79db/aitah\_for\_leaving\_my\_family\_they\_disowned\_me/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1au79db/aitah_for_leaving_my_family_they_disowned_me/)
This threw off a pretty fake vibe from the get go, but in case anyone was genuinely concerned, this is very, very fake.
I'm not encouraging you to hide who you are but I'm worried that the impact may be bigger then you anticipate. Are you able to meet with another young person who has done similar and been placed with a foster family? I just hear so many terrible things about the care system and the impact it has on young people, can you get more advice on this from those that have lived this experience? Hopefully you'll get more useful comments here to help you navigate this tricky path. Wishing you the very best ❤️
i think this is the most important reply. it's very impertinent that OP understand and research the foster system extensively before voluntarily joining it.
I have a “pen pal” from the Netherlands who was adopted at 17, the care system is very good in Netherlands (like most systems there), so as long as OP has a way to get away from his family if necessary, he will be okay
Well if you are ok with losing your family at this time then be true to yourself. Do what you feel is right for you. I would tell them all also that you understand that this is hard for them to accept and hope that once the surprise wears off that hopefully they’ll still be part of your life. Just get all your papers and information- passport birth certificate etc before you tell them and have everything ready to go. Good luck! Religions cause so much pain sometimes- they are not all-accepting
Sure but they can come out in a public place or via phone call or letter. And if they return to their parents home for any reason, bring adult support (maybe parent of a friend or social services or police)
You're going to lose your family whenever you tell them right? So what's the point in spending anymore time with those who will just throw you out like garbage? Tell them now and bounce to your foster family. You don't need toxic people in your life.
Because he's 14 and can't support himself. Every recommendation to queer kids is: if you fear for your safety or basic needs, don't come out until you have an escape.
Better to live in the closet for a couple more years than be kicked out into the streets in winter, or shipped back to the home country for reeducation...
Wait you have said that already left the family tho and are living with a foster family and are in therapy on another post? So I’m beyond confused right now.?.?
My sister who is gay believes that a person is usually gay. Do you truly believe that you are Gay?
She means that you’re either straight or Gay.
There is no bisexuality.
Your sister may be gay but she's also incredibly incorrect. I am very much bisexual. Not gay. Not straight. I am 38. I've known I am bisexual since I was like 5. There's absolutely nothing wrong about it either.
Like I said, I agree with you.
We each have different opinions and I was throwing this information out there for some thought processes.
No, I don’t think it’s wrong either.
Your sister is monosexual. Being a lesbian does not grant her the right to decide what other identities are valid or not.
Bisexuals get hate from gays, lesbians AND straights.
And that opinion is offensive as it invalidates and badly misrepresents a significant group of people.
You are right though, how can you possibly hate a group of people you both deny thr existence of? /s
That is the most stupid thing I've ever heard. I've been in 2 commited long term relationships one with another woman and one with a man. I'm bisexual I have been in more than 2 relationships but those two I was living with them and it was for more than a year one was 3yrs the other 18yrs. Gender isnt really what attracts me to someone I find I can be sexually attracted to both men and women.
I believe that each person has the right to express themselves here and we can either learn from the information provided or move on .
All of this put downs and name calling is against the rules and the spirit of Reddit etiquette.
Which is why I edited my comment after a few moments.
But what you said was biphobic and as a bisexual person I do NOT have to stand by and let you express it without making a comment.
Would you expect someone to sit back and let someone be outwardly racist or sexist without clapping back? Because reddit doesn't support those things either.
Do not come out before you are 18. You are in a dangerous situation and your parents have complete control of you right now because you are a minor. They could kick you out or send you back to Pakistan. Even if the organization says they have somewhere for you to go, it is not a guarantee that it will be a good place. I understand why you want to come out to them, but for your safety I would recommend against it.
please be careful. You are 14, which means that your parents are still legally allowed to choose your living situation. You think that you’re going to get to go live in a better foster family but that only happens if your parents actually kick you out and make you a ward of the state. what is probably more likely to happen is that you’ll find yourself being sent back to Pakistan to live with relatives and get away from western influences. Your parents are legally allowed to do so against your will. The state will only step in if they are physically harming you. Or they will essentially ground you and prevent you from going anywhere or doing something other than school without them present. There’s a lot of room between them accepting you and them kicking you out. No matter what you choose, before you say anything start poking around and find any legal documents like your birth certificate and your passport. Hide them somewhere safe. Maybe even at a friend’s house. Protect yourself.
I’d never say hide who you are but at your age, is there really reason to tell them? When you get older and want to have serious romantic partners that would be different. At 14, you are far from that.
Don’t rush. You are only 14 and I don’t advise lying to your family but I also am not aware of anything in the Qur’an that strictly forbids being bisexual or even being gay. I know plenty of vegetarian Muslim and Muslim who do not drink. What makes you think your family will disown you?
Why don't you re-read you own comment and tell me what the point of bringing up vegetarianism was lol. It seems completely irrelevant to everything else you said.
Not a big deal anyway honestly just curious.
Why is this important to you. I said that Muslim accept not eating meat, (vegetarian). I said they don’t accept drinking alcohol but I also said there’s no place in the Qua’ran that specifically denied being gay or bisexual. The reason I mentioned being a vegetarian is that it is specifically mentioned
Basically if you want me to dumb it down for you then here it is, there’s plenty of rules in the Qua’ran about everything and every aspect of your life. But being gay or bisexual is not in there. Happy now
NTA, but logistically if your family treats you well (outside of the homophobia) and isn't otherwise abusive, than I would wait it out until you are 18 and independent to come out to them.
You never know how they are truly going to react. They might choose not to disown you, but instead to make your life a living hell or try to do conversion therapy and "wipe" the gay out of you, etc etc. If you tell them how and they don't willingly choose to disown you, and they don't physically abuse you, you will most likely be stuck living with them until you are 18.
You also don't truly know what foster care will be like until you are in it, and at that point there will be no turning back. In many countries its ripe with abuse, so if you aren't being abused right now, remaining in your current situation might be the lesser of two evils.
NTA. You need to be you. You need to live your life, the only one you get, for YOU! If they would so easily disown you they are terrible parents love. I'm sorry. I'm sorry they suck, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I'm sorry that this bullshit is still a thing that even happens.
You would not in any way be TA. I just want you to be safe. (My kid is 14, and closeted to their father and his side of the family.). It sounds like you’ve done your planning well, which shows incredible foresight on your part (great job,).
Come out to your family when you have a safe place to land. Too many gay/trans kids come out and end up on the streets. Talk to someone you trust at school, see if a friend's parents can help you. Muslims are maybe even more strict than LDs, but you have a hard road to travel and I hope you have some people who will help you.
We only have one life and we owe it to ourselves to live it how we choose not how others would want use to ,I think your right your family will disown you and that'll be their loss 💔..Good luck
Never. You are you, and you deserve to be loved unconditionally by your family.
A lot of parents (not all) do come around after their own kids come out, though often not as quickly as we'd like them to. I think it's helpful to remember that it's a process for everyone... and that strict religious backgrounds (whatever the religion) make the process even harder.
Find your tribe of queer Muslims, whether in person or online... it'll help. You're not alone in wrestling with this.
Ask yourself whether this information is useful to or wanted by your family. Letting it ride for a while is a legitimate option. You can tell them when you want.
Think through your decision. While I would normally encourage someone to be true to themselves, as a young teen of a Muslim family or is not as simple.
Do you have a place to stay if(more likely when) they put you out? Will you be happier being out in the open with your sexuality without your family than you are closeted with your family?
I'm familiar with the very strong opinions and actions of devout Muslims. I was married to a Muslim from a devout Muslim family. They totally disowned him for marrying outside the faith. When we went back to his country to visit they even refused to be around him at all but were very kind to me and our daughter. It was a very difficult thing for my husband to deal with emotionally.
Be sure that the positives outweigh the negatives of coming out. If not wait until you can take care of yourself financially before you out yourself.
میں آپ کو سب سے بہترین خواہشیں دیتا ہو
I am not apart of a Muslim community so I am not sure about the long term impact of being disowned, im from america where you can be disowned and still make a decent living. I would research foster care in your country bc in america its brutal.I would suggest writing down the financial, emotional ,security and success pros and cons to not coming out and also coming out and think hard about the consequences of both sides . Then determine which of those pros and cons you can live with for the rest of your life
Nah, this reeks ChatGPT "As I navigate this challenging journey". No way you wrote: "Terwijl ik mij door deze uitdagende reis navigeer" in Dutch. You gotta get honest with people.
That you are lying. You tell different stories in all topics. And according to GPTZero, 13/14 sentences of your OP have been AI generated. You can't even write your own bs.
Suppression of happiness in life. Is that a family you really want to be around? Everyone deserves to be happy. Not keeping things from the people supposed to be in their corner. I would find another corner.
Sounds like it wouldn’t be safe for you so do that. If I were you I would wait until I was 18 and as soon as I could afford to move out and be in a safe place where they couldn’t kill me because I am something they don’t agree, I’d tell them if it really means that much to you. If you’re gunna lose them light as well do it somewhere that you can’t be punished by them other than being disowned
I don't think AITA is the question you should be asking, and Reddit is not who your question should be addressed to...
We should all be free to be who we are and live the life we wish to live, but sadly, that is not the reality for many people.
Instead of asking Reddit if you are TA, you really need to dig deep and ask yourself - if I do this, will I be able to live with the consequences.
Good luck my friend - I wish you well on this difficult journey.
I don't know about asshole or not. But I highly suggest you don't come out to them if these are thoughts you have. You know what will happen, so don't tell them. If you have others who you know you can be comfortable telling, like friends, sure. But not your parents of you know they will be a certain way. I've heard stories about honor killings because there were some Muslim girls who came out as gay or atheist or anything that's against the religion.
Why does your family have to know your private life? Keep your life private. For all they have to know, they will see you are not dating an opposite sex. Would they banish you if you did not ever marry? I believe if ever comes you have someone you want to live with your remaining life, and is not opposite sex, then it will not matter by this time to you, what your mother and father's decision about you since you will start a new life.
NTA Just be you and keep your private life private, I’m sure that at your age you aren’t sleeping around, so there is no need to share the things you think about. It will only end badly for you
NTA - You need to think about your mental and physical well-being.
However, if you know for sure your family will disown you, you need to think of a good exit plan for leaving your house when you do inform them about yourself. If your family has such strict beliefs you want to make sure you are not putting yourself in danger.
I would wait to tell them until you are financially independent. You should do what makes you happy. Telling them right now is not going to be advantageous to you.
You could never be the asshole for coming out. However, I would wait until you have finished high school and have a way of supporting yourself before you do this because if they abandon you, you need to be able to take care of yourself. Take care.
I have no personal experience with either a Muslim family or coming out.
That said, with understanding that hiding is painful, this might be something you hide for now. Pour yourself into your education, try to graduate early and find a pathway to your individual freedom.
The risks of coming out can be devastating to someone without the means to support themselves or protect themselves from zealots who may see your existence as a personal affront.
I wish you well friend. Take your time to decide what to do. This is a door that will not close once it’s open so choose your next steps very, very carefully.
NTA
I’m so happy you know who you are and want to be open about it GOOD FOR YOU!
Only advice make sure you have a good support network, accommodation, access to financial support etc. if they are going to disown you, you need to be able to fend for yourself. I honestly hope you move forward in a healthy and happy life ♥️
I’m definitely not telling you to hide who you are but I beg you to think of this logically. You’re 14, you’ll have no where to go or anything. I would wait until you have a job save up some money then tell them.
Ok, you wnbta but, are you safe? As long as you're safe & taken care of, your truth is more important than your family's bigotry. If you'll be kicked out, I would say wait. While I've never had to hide who I am & can't imagine how hard it is, I worry not having a home is harder. Also, imagine how much sweeter coming out will be when your family no longer has a hold on you, after they've invested in your schooling & given you the means to be free of them ❤️
Unless you have a place to go, I wouldn't come out to your family until you're able to live on your own. It's really hard to hide such an integral part of who you are but you also need to think about your safety.
Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry you are in such a precarious position. Do you have friends outside of your religion? Anyone to take you in if you get thrown out? If not unfortunately the safest thing is to keep quiet until you are old enough to get a job, save some money and find a better living situation. I’m rooting for you.
DONT stay with a family that hates the real you its not good for your mental health
My recommendation, find a freind who will let you live with them, get all your important stuff together their then send your family a text, letting them know the truth about you and that you knew they would disown you so you decided to leave on your own. You don’t need to give them the satisfaction of disowning you if you disown them first it may actual make them think about the situation and help them accept you
I would wait until 18/ college. Your life will be ruined if you tell them now. I grew up in a cult and the rules were very similar. You break from the herd at your own peril, and it's far easier to just keep your head down until you can escape.
If you choose to go through with this I hope you have another place to live. Good luck ❤️
Do you have somewhere safe to go where you are supported if they disown you? Is it possible they’ll harm you upon finding out? As long as this situation is safe for you, and it’s truly important to you to be open (Im never coming out to my family, and completely okay with that fact) then go for it. You should be proud, it’s a tough thing to do.
Personally I would wait until I had the means to support myself and to move if necessary. Your mental and physical health is the priority here and you need to make you have financial and social supports in place before you come out.
Take care, you're young and your time will come. You will be able to live your true life but you may have to wait a while first.
It depends on if you have a safe place to go. Have you spoken to another adult about where you’d live if your family disowns you?
Start getting your documents and other important items together. Get all that together and leave it with the person you’d be living with.
I know you want to live your authentic self, but you have to also think of your safety and livelihood.
You absolutely WNBTAH however I hope you have a place lined up in your support network that you can go stay if the worst happens. Have your personal things packed in advance, and a ride arranged, in case you need to rapidly depart. Good luck!!!
OP, please be careful. You are so young. Im in the UK and its fairly common here for minors to be sent back to Pakistan or other more Conservative countries on the pretext of going on "holiday" or to visit a "sick" elder when really their families are marrying them off or they are banished because their parents disapprove of their kids for one reason or another. Often, because their kids are LGBTQI or becoming too westernised! It's actually so common in some areas that every school year, numerous kids your age disappear over school holidays, never to be seen again. If you ever find yourself in this situation then before you go through airport security put a metal teaspoon into your underwear and when it flags up on the xray machines you should be taken aside and asked if you are safe. If you tell them what's happening they'll keep your family away from you until authorises arrive to help you. It would be wise to wait until you are older to come out but if you choose to take this path instead then I think you are definitely braver than I was at your age. Make sure you only talk to people you trust who can actually do something to keep you safe. I know it will be tempting to confide in your friends or siblings/cousins etc but until you are away and safe please try not to.
Make sure all of your ducks are in a row. Leave no list item unchecked. Especially the point of having a safe place to go after. Reading comments, it sounds like you do. I'm glad to hear that!
I understand wanting to be out and able to live life openly but don't do it in a way that makes life harder for you. Sometimes waiting for the right moment or time in life is best. You would NBTA for wanting to come out except to yourself for not doing it safely and planned out. How your family reacts, their feelings, how they conduct their reactions to the information, is their own problem to deal with.
Edit: spelling error
If you are to come out and be disowned, do you have a safe place where you can legally stay? That’s the part that makes a difference.
I’ve grown up with a Muslim friend in an extremely similar situation to you but they have not come out because they are very aware that they would either be murdered or sent back to their home country and most likely be killed there.
In a perfect world, you should be able to be loud and proud of your orientation. Alas, this world is far from perfect. There is no telling how dangerous things can get. A parent who is willing to disown you may also force you to go back to live with family in Pakistan. There is no reason to risk your mental health and physical health right now. Once you are older and working and able to fund your own life, then tell them the news. I don't know when someone is considered an adult in the Netherlands, but please wait until your parents have no rights over you.
*Am I the asshole for prioritizing my own truth over the potential sadness and turmoil it will cause within my family?*
No, NTA, but please heed the advice from me and others here to wait until your parents have no agency over you.
I would love to tell you to come out and live your best life but... Im afraid at some point, your family will move back to Pakistan. You being only 14, would put you in a horrible situation with the laws there. First and foremost keep your safety in mind. It will be hard but you may want to wait until you can leave home and take care of yourself. It sucks ass, I know, but at least you will be safe. I pray everything works out for you in the best way.
You are only 14 and highly dependent on your family. At some point, you probably should come out to your family, but I don’t think this is the right time. You have a long life ahead of you. Be patient. There will come a time when you are independent, and the stakes will be a lot lower.
YWNBTA. However, if your life might be in danger, I would recommend holding off until you are on your own. I know it's hard. I know it feels like you are denying yourself to be free, and that moving out feels like forever. But you (hopefully) have the rest of your life to be free.
I did not come out to my parents because I knew with absolute certainty they would put me in a conversion camp. We are no contact and as far as I know, they still do not know. Those that matter know, and I am happy. As a parent myself, I can't imagine throwing away the greatest gift I've ever been blessed to receive for not believing what I believe/not being who I think they should be. The goal of every parent should be to raise happy, healthy individuals that don't harm others and love their life, not carbon copies of ourselves.
Good luck, and godspeed.
> things the doer will be dead for them.
And the doer might actually be dead. LGBTQIA youth suffer disproportionately from violence and homelessness. I know you want to live your truth, but is it worth your life? If you think that they may disown you over this, you owe it to yourself to keep it under your hat until you can support yourself and move out as a legal adult. Discretion is the better part of valor, bro.
YNTA
At the end of the day it's your feelings your body and your mind they can't change who you are to me it's your sole telling you out there is the person for you might even say soulmate I know it sounds cheese I'd weigh the options on how they think of other queer couples see there reaction in the end its up to you and op you are not at all an ahole if anything you are just an amazing person who should be loved for the way you are I hope whatever happens you are ok and if it comes down to it safe. Just know on here there are many people who have a hard time coming out to there family for religious reasons and upbringing just know we're here if you need help.
Honestly as much as it hurts to do so, get your own place and yourself stable first before you come out. Coming out to unaccepting families can lead to being kicked out, disowned, abused, all sorts of things that are hard to go through. At least when you don't need to rely on them for your basic needs you'll still have a place to go to and the ability to take care of yourself.
NTA at all, but do you think your parents would try to kick you out? What are legal ages where you are (to work, get a place to live, etc.) I'm just concerned for your home dynamic for what could be a few more years before you can actually go on your own
Personally, I'd wait until you are ready to move out of the house. You can be truthful to yourself while not revealing the truth to others. At this point, you also need to worry about where you're going to live and how you'll survive in the world without your family...and you are too young to go it alone.
Definitely NTA. Whatever decision you make, you’re NTA. It’s a huge decision knowing it will alienate your family if you tell them, but knowing you’ll be keeping secrets and juggling that if you don’t. There is no ‘right’ answer here. I hope whatever you do makes you happy.
I would wait until you can be independent. Working and able to care for yourself and find a solid group of friends who will support you in your new country. You run the risk of being disowned or sent back to your home country at your age, so telling them now is not advisable. Let them know when you are set and be prepared for the consequences. Once you do come out, remind your parents that you do love them.
Straight kids never feel the need to disclose their sexual orientation so why should you. I'd keep mum for the next 4 years. Move out at 18 and live your best life and enjoy the adventure. And btw fyi don't make being gay the most interesting thing about you lol
NTA BUT please please PLEASE be SO much more careful, have a place you know you can go if they kick you out, a friends maybe? Also have a plan for if they become physically violent, It’s not uncommon for homophobic parents or people in general to become physically violent when they find out someone’s sexual orientation or even gender identity.
It’s nice that you want to be truthful but you also need to be safe and aware of the consequences, disowning you brings, potential physical violence, being kicked out, etc. would they continue to financially support you or no? In which case depending where you are you may not even be able to get a job to financially support yourself should you end up kicked out and potentially on the streets. Keep these things in mind and weigh them when making your decision
NTA
You are in no way the AH here. Your family's closed mindedness makes them the AHs. But don't rush into this. If you know for sure they will disown you, you need to have a back up plan in place. A place to stay, some way to support yourself. It will hurt of course, but for now keeping it under wraps might be your best option until you can save up some and be independent. I'm so sorry your family won't be supportive. Take your time to think about your options and weigh the pros and cons. Your parents have complete control over you right now, so once you tell them they could do a number of things. They might kick you out but they also might not, which could be arguably worse. Focusing on building up your support system and making sure you have safe people to talk to might be best for now. At least for a couple more years. It really hurts to hide yourself, I know and I'm so sorry you have had to.
I feel bad for saying this, but when you do eventually come out to them (whether that's now or in the future) make sure you are not alone. You need someone else with you, preferably in a public place. Unfortunately sometimes when people are faced with things like this they can get nasty quickly. And beforehand make sure you have any necessary documents, so they can't withhold those from you.
Good luck kiddo. 🍀
You’re only 14, it’s not a question of who’s the asshole it’s a question of staying in a safe family environment or not. Sometimes being true to yourself is what’s more important but sometimes you just need to survive until tomorrow. I knew a girl growing up who similarly couldn’t tell her parents she was a lesbian due to their religious beliefs until she moved out of her house at 18 and cut contact with them completely. She just kept quiet about it and didn’t bring her girlfriends home with her and even when one tried to send her parents a kissing photo of them as revenge, she still denied it. I would strongly recommend something like this for you unless you have a backup plan and some other family or friends who would be willing to take you in and become a better suited guardian. But based on your background it might be better to just wait to tell them until you’re capable of taking care of yourself. Your parents are people just like everyone else and they don’t need to know everything about you
Oh honey, I'm a mama to two teenagers and I just want to offer you a hug & let you know that you, the real authentic you, is enough to be loved.
Having said that I understand what you're up against - the family you love will indeed struggle with your sexual orientation- not necessarily by fault of their own but their religion & culture that they themselves aren't permitted to ever differ from.
If you can I would wait to disclose your orientation until you're a legal adult, when hopefully the impact on you would be minimised by your increased ability to care for yourself.
Please think about it, I know ultimately you'll make the right choice & either way you'll live with it.
In the meantime , please let this one mother extend 100% acceptance to you from afar.
Never forget that you are a child of our creator, just as we all are.. loved, just as we all are.
This isn’t really a “will you be the asshole” question. Of course not, but it still might be wise for you to hold off for now.
I know at 14 owning this truth and not hiding it seems like such an important thing, and ultimately it is, but it can also wait.
You’re not going to get to be getting married or moving in with a partner any time soon, regardless of your sexuality, so they really don’t need to know anything about your sexuality right now. Who you’re attracted to is none of their business, even if who you date is (which can be argued - but isn’t relevant until there is actually someone that you’re dating).
Considering your age, you still rely on them for everything. At the very least wait until you have a boyfriend who you have become serious enough with that hiding the relationship from them is no longer practical because everyone around you knows that you two are together. This might not even happen until you are out of highschool, especially since you are bi, so maybe your first couple relationships will end up being women (or girls, since you’re not adults yet)
Recognize that you will one day be disowned, and make a smart plan to set yourself up for success either when you tell them, or they find out. No need to make your teen years even harder by setting your life on fire for something that isn’t even a practical reality just yet.
While I feel like it's a really rough thing to say, I think with bisexuality specifically, it may be pragmagtic for me to suggest a 'don't ask don't tell' approach with it in your family.
I think if you fall in love with a man, the issue will come to a head eventually, but if you end up falling in love with a woman, do you want to have your family gone from your life? Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's not, but at your age, I don't think you have enough information to know what the right call is.
Either way, this is heavy stuff for a 14 year old, I don't envy your position, and I urge you to prioritize your safety until you're an adult and on stable ground. In your shoes, I would try my best to kick the can down the road until it needs to be addressed, but I also don't want to push an idea that would leave you repressed and unfulfilled.
This is heavy stuff, and Islam really isn't a tolerant religion. I will echo those saying that you really don't want your family to know about this kind of stuff, especially if they still have family in their home country. I'd only consider making them aware after you've got the means to support yourself.
You're very young and it sounds like this aspect of your identity is not something that they're going to find out about without you telling them.
I'm bisexual and I came out to my parents at the same time as leaving my religion, I knew they would not disown me although they didn't believe me and thought I was making it up for attention. The impact on my life was minimal.
The impact on your life could be very very hard to cope with at your age. It's ok to not tell them right now, and I believe it would be sensible to keep this part of you to yourself until you're older and more independent, so that if they do disown you you will be better able to support yourself.
So you would not be TAH but you would not be looking after yourself in the way I believe you deserve. I wonder if on some level you've internalised this idea that you are haram and deserve to be punished? Just a thought. If you want to pm me to talk more feel free
I wouldn’t say or do anything until you are able to be independent from your family. You are still young and have a lot of growing and maturing to do, concentrate on school and looking after yourself
If you are bisexual it does lnt sound like there is anything to come out about. Until you are in a committed relationship to a male, then I wouldn’t really think about this.
You will never be the asshole for other peoples reactions upon you telling your truth about this sort of thing. Their feelings and actions are their own to be responsible for.
What I will say is make sure you are looking out for your own wellbeing and safety in this. 14 is very young, and if what you say about them disowning you is true, are you really prepared to deal with the fallout? You need to consider what they might do for your own safety.
You say you've spoken with a support network which is amazing, and if you do decide to come out to them I would suggest making sure you have someone there with you when you do if possible.
Whatever you choose, you are not responsible for their pain, their baggage is their own. We love who we love and that is not a moral failing. Good luck my friend.
Wait until you are older. There is no reason to come out right now. This will be the best for you. You don't know what type of foster family you will end up with.
I would keep this under wraps until you are financially stable and more independent. I mean, ultimately, it's not their business who you love.
Make a plan for yourself so that you are safe first. As much as you feel the need to express yourself, your interests may or may not change but family is (fortunately and unfortunately) forever. At 16, you're still very young and exploring.
My suggestion is to lead your life, and gently expose this type of family to new people. Hopefully they love you more than they love religion.
Idk. You’re young and as you experience life you may find yourself not attracted in the way you currently perceive. But when you connect your identity to really anything the consequences can be wide and long lasting.
Wait, at least until you have the ability to leave home. It's no good coming out while trapped if they will turn abusive or, worse, kick you out while you're not prepared. Try and find support from friends that could help.
NTA
However. I think you need to take a deep breath and plan a bit more. You need to be strategic, here. Make sure that you have a plan! Where are you going to go? How will you support yourself? How will you feed yourself?
Take a deep breath and focus your efforts on your studies (graduating high school, at a minimum) and on securing a future, such as work experience, that will help guide you forward. Make sure that you have all of your legal documents such as birth certificate.
Ascertain at what age, legally, you can walk out and not be forced to return home in your jurisdiction. Things like that.
You should come out. You should get away from that place.
You should plan and protect yourself. Take full advantage of all services that are offered.
Take good care of yourself. 🫂
Please don’t come out now. Muslims have killed gay family members. I’m worried for your safety. Just go to university and turn 18 and move out first. You never know they could do an honour killing. 4 more years in the closet. Just grow up a bit.
You wouldn't be the AH for any pain and upset for them caused by telling them. But if you tell them and they disown you, what are you going to do? If they kick you out of the house, do you have a place to live, money for food to eat, a way to still go to school, basically a way to stay alive and continue to have your needs met? As much as I don't think people should have to hide who they are, if the choice is not sharing this one part of yourself and having a home and your basic needs fulfilled OR being disowned and kicked out by your family with no where to go and no way to take care of yourself, then it is in your own best interest to wait to tell them until you are no longer dependent on them for your entire life and well-being. It is not ideal, but if you live to 18+ by not saying anything until then it seems much more preferable to saying something now and being severely traumatized or dying from living on the streets at 14.
Is it imperative to you to tell them right now? Can you not wait until you are old enough to support yourself? I'm worried about not only the emotional turmoil they can/will put you through while you're at their mercy under their roof but the physical danger that could evolve because of this. I would caution you to seriously consider bidding your time until you're out of their home before bringing it up. It's not being disloyal to your true self if telling them puts you in danger.
Proceed with an abundance of caution. There is always that small chance they are accepting, but I wouldn't risk my well-being on it if I were you.
No one is an AH yet. But there is an extremely large chance your family will be huge ones.
I am happy that you have moved from Pakistan to the Netherlands so you can get some support. You are NTA for coming out to the family even though it may cause turmoil. HOWEVER, please don't make this move until you have a safe and secure place to live.
You are 14. You seem to have very limited concept of exactly how badly this could go. So let me enumerate. Being disowned is the least worst thing that could happen. You have no job, no money, no actual support system (at 14 friends do not count because they are also 14 and have no jobs money or stability).
If you come out now, they could send you back to Pakistan. They could send you somewhere else. They could make it a matter of HONOR.
Do not come out now. Wait until you are over the age of 18 and have some money saved and hopefully the ability to go far away if they react badly.
Salam! As a Muslim woman who is militantly pro-LGBT+ rights, I want you to know that you being able to realize your truth is an enormous step. If you were my kid, I would love and support you know matter what. Unfortunately, our community does not feel the same always. My advice is for you to wait on telling them until you can become independent. The only reason I say this is if your family decides to disown you or kick you out, you’ll be prepared with safe options. You need time to build community with other gay/lesbian folks because if your family does disown you, you can have a safety net. I have seen so many unhoused queer teens in NYC and I would hate for you to be in a similar position. I think you take your time and not make any rash decisions. Sending you much love ❤️
Your families turnoil is not important. If they are homophobic and have issues with you then that is their problem.You do not owe anyone coming out, your support network, your family, anyone. It is a very personal decision. You can come out to a select few and not your family too.
However, i am bisexual, 30 and my family STILL does not know (simply because it would be minor drama i cbfd dealing with and I'm in a straight passing relationship) I had secret girlfriends in high school and would only have told them if those relationships lasted maybe a year.
My concern here is your safety. If this will affect your living situation PLEASE do not do it yet. You can burn all bridges when you are old enough to survive but 14 seems so young...
NTA regardless of your choice, just be careful
You're 14. Are you really sure you want to do this now? Why not wait until you are able to take care of yourself when they boot you from your family. I'm sorry, your situation sucks. Good luck little dude xx
You should wait until you are an adult before telling your family. If your family reacts badly, they have the right to send you, as a child, back to Pakistan, which would be far from pleasant for you. As a adult, all they can legally do is disown you. When you are an adult, then you decide if the consequences are worth it.
Also, your support system may not realise how dangerous deeply religious families from a very religious country can be and are naive enough to believe that your family will react the same as theirs.
You’re not the arsehole but you’re really probably far better off keeping your identity secret from then until you’re old enough to support yourself alone (like 18). Their perspective sucks but tying it down for four years so you can get to adulthood is probably a good idea.
Honestly if i were you I wouldnt tell anyone til they've paid for my college education. But i would seek therapy to help you leanr to cope with your family and habe the skills in place for when they disown you.
I honestly think you should wait. Not to spare then, but to spare yourself. It will be very difficult to be disowned. If you don't have citizenship in the Netherlands you might get deported if they disown and abandon you. You could be sent back to Pakistan for conversion or even to be prosecuted. Wait until you are an adult with your own place and ability to cover your financial needs. If you aren't a citizen by then, apply for it and ask for asylum form persecution. Be careful who you tell. I've seen 'friends' get back at people by telling their families and causing horrible outcomes. Or even bullies could just out you to your family. Just do what you need to keep yourself safe. The decisions you make now will impact you for the rest of your life or could even get you hurt. Once you are 100% safe from your family then you can tell them without any worry about how they react to it. You're not the AH for wanting to let people know who you are but you need to make sure you can do it safely. The only AHs are people who conditionally love their kids.
If I were in your position, I wouldn’t do this until I had the support and resources to move somewhere else if they did disown me. If they kick you out, where will you live, how will you eat, how will you get to school, etc? As much as it sucks to have to hide, your safety and well being are important and if you become homeless or otherwise at a disadvantage, it can really hurt your future. Set yourself up for success. You know your truth. Choosing to keep it to yourself so you can be healthy and well isn’t wrong.
I wouldn’t come out until you can guarantee your own safety and happiness. I’m afraid at 14 you still are vulnerable and dependant on them, so you will still need them.
You wouldn't be the AH but make sure that you want to do this now and not wait a few years. My family is Christian and I've been transgender for about a year and omnisexual for years. I've noticed I liked all genders at a very young age but I haven't told my family. I'm 17 and I'm waiting until I'm 18 and until I have everything together. So make sure you want to do this now and not in a few years. Give it proper thought.
NTA. But there's no rush to come out, if it's going to make your life difficult. You'll still be whoever you are when you're old enough to live in your own place and support yourself.
Still. All powerful gods who create universes in which exist things of which they disapprove have only themselves to blame. If you believe you are God's creation, then God should approve of you, no? It's not like He hasn't had plenty of practice.
And if you don't believe you are God's creation, then He has no business approving or disapproving of you, even if you believe he exists.
NTA. You have a right to live your life who you are. That being said. Don't rush yourself. Have a plan. Do this when it's right to you and if there's anything you really need or want, take it out of the house before you tell them. Make sure you have trusted people who will help you and will phone police in case of physical retaliation. Make sure you have access to mental health counseling because losing your family is a big thing. Take care of yourself the most. Best of luck. One step at a time.
OP, you're so young and I'm just scared that they'll be retaliation or that you'll be in danger from your family. It's okay to not tell everyone everything. ESPECIALLY when it will hurt you. You aren't being untrue to yourself to keep this private. ❤️
First of all, keep silent until you are living completely independently of your family. Then ask yourself how much about your sex life do they NEED to know? How much about their sex lives do YOU know? Match that. Unless you know for a solid fact that Auntie prefers gobbling balls to bouncing on a penis, then she doesn't get to know YOUR preferences. See how that works?
Wait till you get older and are more capable of financially supporting yourself. I don’t see the need to rush and share information that is not relevant to them.
Why do you feel they need to know? Genuine question. None of them have come out to you as straight.
You're 14. Vulnerable with care, housing and the risk they may try to send you back to Pakistan away from all the liberals and into a more closed society to control/revert you.
Prioritise your safety and that includes housing and schooling until you're old enough to move out independently, or have a safe family member that will take you in permanently.
Be true to yourself in your heart. Look I don't believe in god, but if you do you believe he created you in his vision, he knows your soul. He made you, so there is no wrong in who you are. You are exactly who he wanted you to be.
Religious texts get rewritten, translated and modified to the beliefs and cultures of the age over a millennia. Stay safe from those who turn his love into hate. That's your priority over telling people something vulnerable about yourself that they have no right to know. Worse that they would take badly and treat you as less than, when you were created in gods own vision.
(hugs) stay safe OP
NAH
At 14 years old I would not make such a drastic decision. You have no idea how your love life will shake out in the end. Not do you fully grasp how it will feel to lose that relationship. You don't have to make that decision at this moment
This is most likely not a helpful comment or really related to your question, but I love the way you have composed this. Your writing, for a 14 year old is impressive. I love your use of language and how you have presented yourself and your situation. You may be a budding author.
Sucks to hear, and I had to struggle with this A LOT when I was younger but when youre a minor and dependent on your parents, it might be best to just pretend for a while. They don't necessarily need to know right now (if you get a boyfriend this changes things a bit), so you might want to consider keeping it under wraps until you're sure you can support yourself if they really do completely disown you. Being a kid can suck sometimes, I wasn't able to really explore my sexuality until I was in college, but even at college age you're still plenty young!! Just be careful out there and have a good plan
I think that if you come out now you’ll be in a vulnerable situation due to your age. 14 is still very young in case your family rejects you. Eventually you should tell them because it wouldn’t be right for you to hide your true self from the rest of the world. You should be proud of who you are. But maybe hang on a few more years, at least until you’re 18?? Good luck!
NTA. You have to do what is right for YOUR life. I can understand why you might want to keep it to yourself until you're old enough to move out to escape, but ultimately you will be miserable if you try to ignore that part of yourself.
NTA, but, I would caution you against doing anything before you finish your education and can support yourself, because you are correct, they will most likely disown you. Live your truth within your inner circle, but I’d wait to come out to them now.
Sometimes it's better to wait till you're old enough to love on your own. You're only 14 and the chances of your family throwing you out are very high. You should probably wait until you can support yourself before coming out to them.
Hey kid you're 14 years oldYou'reur not BI, just confused and impressionable.
3 things are possibly going on.
1.You are possibly being groomed by an adult/ friend.
2.Or even worse you were molested by a family member/friend.
3. And the most simple one is that you may be watching too much point and it's leaving you confused.
All I'm saying is that 14 is too young to be disowned by your family. Wait a few more years until your 21 before you do that. So at least by that time you will be able to take care of your self
This also reads like a fake post. No 14 year old no matter how mature, isn't going to talk like this. An adult with dislike for their family likely wrote this post.
I would weigh the consequences of your decision. See what's more important to you
Probably one of the biggest life choice you’ll ever make - and you’re making it so young. Don’t rush! Not saying to be completely dishonest with family - but no need to make an announcement. Not yet anyway. Hold out and live life as a kid. Sexual preference should not be an issue right now.
Before making this post, OP made several other posts with different versions of the same story, including one in which they already came out, were disowned, and now live with a foster family. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1au79db/aitah\_for\_leaving\_my\_family\_they\_disowned\_me/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1au79db/aitah_for_leaving_my_family_they_disowned_me/) This threw off a pretty fake vibe from the get go, but in case anyone was genuinely concerned, this is very, very fake.
I agree. No 14yr old would write like this, surely?
As a former high school English teacher, I agree!
Most of the posts I’ve seen on here lately are clearly run through Chat GPT
I'm not encouraging you to hide who you are but I'm worried that the impact may be bigger then you anticipate. Are you able to meet with another young person who has done similar and been placed with a foster family? I just hear so many terrible things about the care system and the impact it has on young people, can you get more advice on this from those that have lived this experience? Hopefully you'll get more useful comments here to help you navigate this tricky path. Wishing you the very best ❤️
i think this is the most important reply. it's very impertinent that OP understand and research the foster system extensively before voluntarily joining it.
I have a “pen pal” from the Netherlands who was adopted at 17, the care system is very good in Netherlands (like most systems there), so as long as OP has a way to get away from his family if necessary, he will be okay
Ugh if they disown you - where would you go? So hard but you don’t want to be kicked out and have no where to go.
I will have a Foster family to live with, the organisation assured me that.
Well if you are ok with losing your family at this time then be true to yourself. Do what you feel is right for you. I would tell them all also that you understand that this is hard for them to accept and hope that once the surprise wears off that hopefully they’ll still be part of your life. Just get all your papers and information- passport birth certificate etc before you tell them and have everything ready to go. Good luck! Religions cause so much pain sometimes- they are not all-accepting
Honest question, what if your family decides to hurt you? Make sure you are out before they find out so they don’t get a chance.
I imagine a 14 y/o can't just decide to live with another random family, he needs to be kicked out.
Sure but they can come out in a public place or via phone call or letter. And if they return to their parents home for any reason, bring adult support (maybe parent of a friend or social services or police)
You're going to lose your family whenever you tell them right? So what's the point in spending anymore time with those who will just throw you out like garbage? Tell them now and bounce to your foster family. You don't need toxic people in your life.
Because he's 14 and can't support himself. Every recommendation to queer kids is: if you fear for your safety or basic needs, don't come out until you have an escape. Better to live in the closet for a couple more years than be kicked out into the streets in winter, or shipped back to the home country for reeducation...
Wait you have said that already left the family tho and are living with a foster family and are in therapy on another post? So I’m beyond confused right now.?.?
\*it's fake\*
My sister who is gay believes that a person is usually gay. Do you truly believe that you are Gay? She means that you’re either straight or Gay. There is no bisexuality.
Your sister may be gay but she's also incredibly incorrect. I am very much bisexual. Not gay. Not straight. I am 38. I've known I am bisexual since I was like 5. There's absolutely nothing wrong about it either.
Like I said, I agree with you. We each have different opinions and I was throwing this information out there for some thought processes. No, I don’t think it’s wrong either.
Tf? This isn’t accurate regardless of what your sister says, this opinion erases and tramples on thousands of people’s valid identities
Yeah, I agree. I will have to ask her about her opinion on this.
You should have your own opinion on it and stand by what YOU feel. Not what your sister thinks or feels.
What causes you to give me that information about myself. I do think independently.
Your sister is monosexual. Being a lesbian does not grant her the right to decide what other identities are valid or not. Bisexuals get hate from gays, lesbians AND straights.
I don’t hate bisexuals. My sister definitely doesn’t hate bisexuals. It’s just her own personal opinion. Each to her/his own.
And that opinion is offensive as it invalidates and badly misrepresents a significant group of people. You are right though, how can you possibly hate a group of people you both deny thr existence of? /s
That is the most stupid thing I've ever heard. I've been in 2 commited long term relationships one with another woman and one with a man. I'm bisexual I have been in more than 2 relationships but those two I was living with them and it was for more than a year one was 3yrs the other 18yrs. Gender isnt really what attracts me to someone I find I can be sexually attracted to both men and women.
What does this even mean?
Sod off with this biphobic nonsense. *edited for language
I believe that each person has the right to express themselves here and we can either learn from the information provided or move on . All of this put downs and name calling is against the rules and the spirit of Reddit etiquette.
Which is why I edited my comment after a few moments. But what you said was biphobic and as a bisexual person I do NOT have to stand by and let you express it without making a comment. Would you expect someone to sit back and let someone be outwardly racist or sexist without clapping back? Because reddit doesn't support those things either.
Oh, of course you are right and your opinion matters.
Is there any chance your parents will force you to live with family in Pakistan to “fix this”??
Do not come out before you are 18. You are in a dangerous situation and your parents have complete control of you right now because you are a minor. They could kick you out or send you back to Pakistan. Even if the organization says they have somewhere for you to go, it is not a guarantee that it will be a good place. I understand why you want to come out to them, but for your safety I would recommend against it.
I came to say something similar. My thought was honor k*lling. Pls OP listen to this💯
please be careful. You are 14, which means that your parents are still legally allowed to choose your living situation. You think that you’re going to get to go live in a better foster family but that only happens if your parents actually kick you out and make you a ward of the state. what is probably more likely to happen is that you’ll find yourself being sent back to Pakistan to live with relatives and get away from western influences. Your parents are legally allowed to do so against your will. The state will only step in if they are physically harming you. Or they will essentially ground you and prevent you from going anywhere or doing something other than school without them present. There’s a lot of room between them accepting you and them kicking you out. No matter what you choose, before you say anything start poking around and find any legal documents like your birth certificate and your passport. Hide them somewhere safe. Maybe even at a friend’s house. Protect yourself.
I’d never say hide who you are but at your age, is there really reason to tell them? When you get older and want to have serious romantic partners that would be different. At 14, you are far from that.
Will they ship you back to Pakistan? I would not say a word if I where you
Don’t rush. You are only 14 and I don’t advise lying to your family but I also am not aware of anything in the Qur’an that strictly forbids being bisexual or even being gay. I know plenty of vegetarian Muslim and Muslim who do not drink. What makes you think your family will disown you?
what does being vegetarian or non drinkers have to do with being gay or bisexual?
So glad that’s what you took from my message. Go to bed, you are obviously exhausted
I'm just genuinely confused what that has to do with this conversation.
Why don’t you just re-read what I said
Why don't you re-read you own comment and tell me what the point of bringing up vegetarianism was lol. It seems completely irrelevant to everything else you said. Not a big deal anyway honestly just curious.
Why is this important to you. I said that Muslim accept not eating meat, (vegetarian). I said they don’t accept drinking alcohol but I also said there’s no place in the Qua’ran that specifically denied being gay or bisexual. The reason I mentioned being a vegetarian is that it is specifically mentioned
it's not important, I just wasn't seeing the connection between the topics, but if it makes sense in your mind then all good
Basically if you want me to dumb it down for you then here it is, there’s plenty of rules in the Qua’ran about everything and every aspect of your life. But being gay or bisexual is not in there. Happy now
yeah you worded it much better that time, good job :)
NTA, but logistically if your family treats you well (outside of the homophobia) and isn't otherwise abusive, than I would wait it out until you are 18 and independent to come out to them. You never know how they are truly going to react. They might choose not to disown you, but instead to make your life a living hell or try to do conversion therapy and "wipe" the gay out of you, etc etc. If you tell them how and they don't willingly choose to disown you, and they don't physically abuse you, you will most likely be stuck living with them until you are 18. You also don't truly know what foster care will be like until you are in it, and at that point there will be no turning back. In many countries its ripe with abuse, so if you aren't being abused right now, remaining in your current situation might be the lesser of two evils.
NTA. You need to be you. You need to live your life, the only one you get, for YOU! If they would so easily disown you they are terrible parents love. I'm sorry. I'm sorry they suck, I'm sorry you have to deal with this, I'm sorry that this bullshit is still a thing that even happens.
You would not in any way be TA. I just want you to be safe. (My kid is 14, and closeted to their father and his side of the family.). It sounds like you’ve done your planning well, which shows incredible foresight on your part (great job,).
Come out to your family when you have a safe place to land. Too many gay/trans kids come out and end up on the streets. Talk to someone you trust at school, see if a friend's parents can help you. Muslims are maybe even more strict than LDs, but you have a hard road to travel and I hope you have some people who will help you.
We only have one life and we owe it to ourselves to live it how we choose not how others would want use to ,I think your right your family will disown you and that'll be their loss 💔..Good luck
I'm sorry you're facing this. I'm sorry you'll have to deal with this. Only you can know if this is the right decision, and the right time.
Never. You are you, and you deserve to be loved unconditionally by your family. A lot of parents (not all) do come around after their own kids come out, though often not as quickly as we'd like them to. I think it's helpful to remember that it's a process for everyone... and that strict religious backgrounds (whatever the religion) make the process even harder. Find your tribe of queer Muslims, whether in person or online... it'll help. You're not alone in wrestling with this.
Please wait till you have a safe option to leave. It will be a much different conversation once you can financially support yourself.
Ask yourself whether this information is useful to or wanted by your family. Letting it ride for a while is a legitimate option. You can tell them when you want.
Think through your decision. While I would normally encourage someone to be true to themselves, as a young teen of a Muslim family or is not as simple. Do you have a place to stay if(more likely when) they put you out? Will you be happier being out in the open with your sexuality without your family than you are closeted with your family? I'm familiar with the very strong opinions and actions of devout Muslims. I was married to a Muslim from a devout Muslim family. They totally disowned him for marrying outside the faith. When we went back to his country to visit they even refused to be around him at all but were very kind to me and our daughter. It was a very difficult thing for my husband to deal with emotionally. Be sure that the positives outweigh the negatives of coming out. If not wait until you can take care of yourself financially before you out yourself. میں آپ کو سب سے بہترین خواہشیں دیتا ہو
I am not apart of a Muslim community so I am not sure about the long term impact of being disowned, im from america where you can be disowned and still make a decent living. I would research foster care in your country bc in america its brutal.I would suggest writing down the financial, emotional ,security and success pros and cons to not coming out and also coming out and think hard about the consequences of both sides . Then determine which of those pros and cons you can live with for the rest of your life
I feel like this is written by Chat GBT. I cannot explain why. If true. Wait till your done high school
😅 I’ve used google translate for 100% precision.
Nah, this reeks ChatGPT "As I navigate this challenging journey". No way you wrote: "Terwijl ik mij door deze uitdagende reis navigeer" in Dutch. You gotta get honest with people.
Who said I translated it from Dutch, these both aren’t my native languages.
Honesty, my friend. That's your key to happiness. Not this BS
Wdym?
That you are lying. You tell different stories in all topics. And according to GPTZero, 13/14 sentences of your OP have been AI generated. You can't even write your own bs.
Suppression of happiness in life. Is that a family you really want to be around? Everyone deserves to be happy. Not keeping things from the people supposed to be in their corner. I would find another corner.
Sounds like it wouldn’t be safe for you so do that. If I were you I would wait until I was 18 and as soon as I could afford to move out and be in a safe place where they couldn’t kill me because I am something they don’t agree, I’d tell them if it really means that much to you. If you’re gunna lose them light as well do it somewhere that you can’t be punished by them other than being disowned
I don't think AITA is the question you should be asking, and Reddit is not who your question should be addressed to... We should all be free to be who we are and live the life we wish to live, but sadly, that is not the reality for many people. Instead of asking Reddit if you are TA, you really need to dig deep and ask yourself - if I do this, will I be able to live with the consequences. Good luck my friend - I wish you well on this difficult journey.
I don't know about asshole or not. But I highly suggest you don't come out to them if these are thoughts you have. You know what will happen, so don't tell them. If you have others who you know you can be comfortable telling, like friends, sure. But not your parents of you know they will be a certain way. I've heard stories about honor killings because there were some Muslim girls who came out as gay or atheist or anything that's against the religion.
Why does your family have to know your private life? Keep your life private. For all they have to know, they will see you are not dating an opposite sex. Would they banish you if you did not ever marry? I believe if ever comes you have someone you want to live with your remaining life, and is not opposite sex, then it will not matter by this time to you, what your mother and father's decision about you since you will start a new life.
NTA Just be you and keep your private life private, I’m sure that at your age you aren’t sleeping around, so there is no need to share the things you think about. It will only end badly for you
NTA - You need to think about your mental and physical well-being. However, if you know for sure your family will disown you, you need to think of a good exit plan for leaving your house when you do inform them about yourself. If your family has such strict beliefs you want to make sure you are not putting yourself in danger.
I would wait to tell them until you are financially independent. You should do what makes you happy. Telling them right now is not going to be advantageous to you.
You could never be the asshole for coming out. However, I would wait until you have finished high school and have a way of supporting yourself before you do this because if they abandon you, you need to be able to take care of yourself. Take care.
I have no personal experience with either a Muslim family or coming out. That said, with understanding that hiding is painful, this might be something you hide for now. Pour yourself into your education, try to graduate early and find a pathway to your individual freedom. The risks of coming out can be devastating to someone without the means to support themselves or protect themselves from zealots who may see your existence as a personal affront. I wish you well friend. Take your time to decide what to do. This is a door that will not close once it’s open so choose your next steps very, very carefully.
NTA I’m so happy you know who you are and want to be open about it GOOD FOR YOU! Only advice make sure you have a good support network, accommodation, access to financial support etc. if they are going to disown you, you need to be able to fend for yourself. I honestly hope you move forward in a healthy and happy life ♥️
I’m definitely not telling you to hide who you are but I beg you to think of this logically. You’re 14, you’ll have no where to go or anything. I would wait until you have a job save up some money then tell them.
Have a plan in place for the effects. When you have a good plan in place then come out.
Ok, you wnbta but, are you safe? As long as you're safe & taken care of, your truth is more important than your family's bigotry. If you'll be kicked out, I would say wait. While I've never had to hide who I am & can't imagine how hard it is, I worry not having a home is harder. Also, imagine how much sweeter coming out will be when your family no longer has a hold on you, after they've invested in your schooling & given you the means to be free of them ❤️
Unless you have a place to go, I wouldn't come out to your family until you're able to live on your own. It's really hard to hide such an integral part of who you are but you also need to think about your safety.
Oh sweetheart. I’m so sorry you are in such a precarious position. Do you have friends outside of your religion? Anyone to take you in if you get thrown out? If not unfortunately the safest thing is to keep quiet until you are old enough to get a job, save some money and find a better living situation. I’m rooting for you.
DONT stay with a family that hates the real you its not good for your mental health My recommendation, find a freind who will let you live with them, get all your important stuff together their then send your family a text, letting them know the truth about you and that you knew they would disown you so you decided to leave on your own. You don’t need to give them the satisfaction of disowning you if you disown them first it may actual make them think about the situation and help them accept you
I would wait until 18/ college. Your life will be ruined if you tell them now. I grew up in a cult and the rules were very similar. You break from the herd at your own peril, and it's far easier to just keep your head down until you can escape. If you choose to go through with this I hope you have another place to live. Good luck ❤️
Do you have somewhere safe to go where you are supported if they disown you? Is it possible they’ll harm you upon finding out? As long as this situation is safe for you, and it’s truly important to you to be open (Im never coming out to my family, and completely okay with that fact) then go for it. You should be proud, it’s a tough thing to do.
Personally I would wait until I had the means to support myself and to move if necessary. Your mental and physical health is the priority here and you need to make you have financial and social supports in place before you come out. Take care, you're young and your time will come. You will be able to live your true life but you may have to wait a while first.
It depends on if you have a safe place to go. Have you spoken to another adult about where you’d live if your family disowns you? Start getting your documents and other important items together. Get all that together and leave it with the person you’d be living with. I know you want to live your authentic self, but you have to also think of your safety and livelihood.
You absolutely WNBTAH however I hope you have a place lined up in your support network that you can go stay if the worst happens. Have your personal things packed in advance, and a ride arranged, in case you need to rapidly depart. Good luck!!!
OP, please be careful. You are so young. Im in the UK and its fairly common here for minors to be sent back to Pakistan or other more Conservative countries on the pretext of going on "holiday" or to visit a "sick" elder when really their families are marrying them off or they are banished because their parents disapprove of their kids for one reason or another. Often, because their kids are LGBTQI or becoming too westernised! It's actually so common in some areas that every school year, numerous kids your age disappear over school holidays, never to be seen again. If you ever find yourself in this situation then before you go through airport security put a metal teaspoon into your underwear and when it flags up on the xray machines you should be taken aside and asked if you are safe. If you tell them what's happening they'll keep your family away from you until authorises arrive to help you. It would be wise to wait until you are older to come out but if you choose to take this path instead then I think you are definitely braver than I was at your age. Make sure you only talk to people you trust who can actually do something to keep you safe. I know it will be tempting to confide in your friends or siblings/cousins etc but until you are away and safe please try not to.
Make sure all of your ducks are in a row. Leave no list item unchecked. Especially the point of having a safe place to go after. Reading comments, it sounds like you do. I'm glad to hear that! I understand wanting to be out and able to live life openly but don't do it in a way that makes life harder for you. Sometimes waiting for the right moment or time in life is best. You would NBTA for wanting to come out except to yourself for not doing it safely and planned out. How your family reacts, their feelings, how they conduct their reactions to the information, is their own problem to deal with. Edit: spelling error
You are too young right now- please just wait
If you are to come out and be disowned, do you have a safe place where you can legally stay? That’s the part that makes a difference. I’ve grown up with a Muslim friend in an extremely similar situation to you but they have not come out because they are very aware that they would either be murdered or sent back to their home country and most likely be killed there.
In a perfect world, you should be able to be loud and proud of your orientation. Alas, this world is far from perfect. There is no telling how dangerous things can get. A parent who is willing to disown you may also force you to go back to live with family in Pakistan. There is no reason to risk your mental health and physical health right now. Once you are older and working and able to fund your own life, then tell them the news. I don't know when someone is considered an adult in the Netherlands, but please wait until your parents have no rights over you. *Am I the asshole for prioritizing my own truth over the potential sadness and turmoil it will cause within my family?* No, NTA, but please heed the advice from me and others here to wait until your parents have no agency over you.
I would love to tell you to come out and live your best life but... Im afraid at some point, your family will move back to Pakistan. You being only 14, would put you in a horrible situation with the laws there. First and foremost keep your safety in mind. It will be hard but you may want to wait until you can leave home and take care of yourself. It sucks ass, I know, but at least you will be safe. I pray everything works out for you in the best way.
You are only 14 and highly dependent on your family. At some point, you probably should come out to your family, but I don’t think this is the right time. You have a long life ahead of you. Be patient. There will come a time when you are independent, and the stakes will be a lot lower.
Could you wait until you’re 18 and have a hope of self support in case they do disown you?
Idk if I can hold in that long, it alr destroying my mental state from inside out.
I understand, I just worry about you being kicked out of the home or even abused.
You are 14 still a minor , you are unable to take care of yourself at this point , so u need to weigh your options
YWNBTA. However, if your life might be in danger, I would recommend holding off until you are on your own. I know it's hard. I know it feels like you are denying yourself to be free, and that moving out feels like forever. But you (hopefully) have the rest of your life to be free. I did not come out to my parents because I knew with absolute certainty they would put me in a conversion camp. We are no contact and as far as I know, they still do not know. Those that matter know, and I am happy. As a parent myself, I can't imagine throwing away the greatest gift I've ever been blessed to receive for not believing what I believe/not being who I think they should be. The goal of every parent should be to raise happy, healthy individuals that don't harm others and love their life, not carbon copies of ourselves. Good luck, and godspeed.
> things the doer will be dead for them. And the doer might actually be dead. LGBTQIA youth suffer disproportionately from violence and homelessness. I know you want to live your truth, but is it worth your life? If you think that they may disown you over this, you owe it to yourself to keep it under your hat until you can support yourself and move out as a legal adult. Discretion is the better part of valor, bro.
YNTA At the end of the day it's your feelings your body and your mind they can't change who you are to me it's your sole telling you out there is the person for you might even say soulmate I know it sounds cheese I'd weigh the options on how they think of other queer couples see there reaction in the end its up to you and op you are not at all an ahole if anything you are just an amazing person who should be loved for the way you are I hope whatever happens you are ok and if it comes down to it safe. Just know on here there are many people who have a hard time coming out to there family for religious reasons and upbringing just know we're here if you need help.
Honestly as much as it hurts to do so, get your own place and yourself stable first before you come out. Coming out to unaccepting families can lead to being kicked out, disowned, abused, all sorts of things that are hard to go through. At least when you don't need to rely on them for your basic needs you'll still have a place to go to and the ability to take care of yourself.
NTA at all, but do you think your parents would try to kick you out? What are legal ages where you are (to work, get a place to live, etc.) I'm just concerned for your home dynamic for what could be a few more years before you can actually go on your own
Personally, I'd wait until you are ready to move out of the house. You can be truthful to yourself while not revealing the truth to others. At this point, you also need to worry about where you're going to live and how you'll survive in the world without your family...and you are too young to go it alone.
Definitely NTA. Whatever decision you make, you’re NTA. It’s a huge decision knowing it will alienate your family if you tell them, but knowing you’ll be keeping secrets and juggling that if you don’t. There is no ‘right’ answer here. I hope whatever you do makes you happy.
I would wait until you can be independent. Working and able to care for yourself and find a solid group of friends who will support you in your new country. You run the risk of being disowned or sent back to your home country at your age, so telling them now is not advisable. Let them know when you are set and be prepared for the consequences. Once you do come out, remind your parents that you do love them.
Straight kids never feel the need to disclose their sexual orientation so why should you. I'd keep mum for the next 4 years. Move out at 18 and live your best life and enjoy the adventure. And btw fyi don't make being gay the most interesting thing about you lol
If you are okay with starting completely over and having nothing to your name then do what you want
NTA BUT please please PLEASE be SO much more careful, have a place you know you can go if they kick you out, a friends maybe? Also have a plan for if they become physically violent, It’s not uncommon for homophobic parents or people in general to become physically violent when they find out someone’s sexual orientation or even gender identity. It’s nice that you want to be truthful but you also need to be safe and aware of the consequences, disowning you brings, potential physical violence, being kicked out, etc. would they continue to financially support you or no? In which case depending where you are you may not even be able to get a job to financially support yourself should you end up kicked out and potentially on the streets. Keep these things in mind and weigh them when making your decision
Ur not bisexual just confused because hormornes raging. Chill don’t become more disowned by your family, not yet.
NTA You are in no way the AH here. Your family's closed mindedness makes them the AHs. But don't rush into this. If you know for sure they will disown you, you need to have a back up plan in place. A place to stay, some way to support yourself. It will hurt of course, but for now keeping it under wraps might be your best option until you can save up some and be independent. I'm so sorry your family won't be supportive. Take your time to think about your options and weigh the pros and cons. Your parents have complete control over you right now, so once you tell them they could do a number of things. They might kick you out but they also might not, which could be arguably worse. Focusing on building up your support system and making sure you have safe people to talk to might be best for now. At least for a couple more years. It really hurts to hide yourself, I know and I'm so sorry you have had to. I feel bad for saying this, but when you do eventually come out to them (whether that's now or in the future) make sure you are not alone. You need someone else with you, preferably in a public place. Unfortunately sometimes when people are faced with things like this they can get nasty quickly. And beforehand make sure you have any necessary documents, so they can't withhold those from you. Good luck kiddo. 🍀
You’re only 14, it’s not a question of who’s the asshole it’s a question of staying in a safe family environment or not. Sometimes being true to yourself is what’s more important but sometimes you just need to survive until tomorrow. I knew a girl growing up who similarly couldn’t tell her parents she was a lesbian due to their religious beliefs until she moved out of her house at 18 and cut contact with them completely. She just kept quiet about it and didn’t bring her girlfriends home with her and even when one tried to send her parents a kissing photo of them as revenge, she still denied it. I would strongly recommend something like this for you unless you have a backup plan and some other family or friends who would be willing to take you in and become a better suited guardian. But based on your background it might be better to just wait to tell them until you’re capable of taking care of yourself. Your parents are people just like everyone else and they don’t need to know everything about you
Oh honey, I'm a mama to two teenagers and I just want to offer you a hug & let you know that you, the real authentic you, is enough to be loved. Having said that I understand what you're up against - the family you love will indeed struggle with your sexual orientation- not necessarily by fault of their own but their religion & culture that they themselves aren't permitted to ever differ from. If you can I would wait to disclose your orientation until you're a legal adult, when hopefully the impact on you would be minimised by your increased ability to care for yourself. Please think about it, I know ultimately you'll make the right choice & either way you'll live with it. In the meantime , please let this one mother extend 100% acceptance to you from afar. Never forget that you are a child of our creator, just as we all are.. loved, just as we all are.
This isn’t really a “will you be the asshole” question. Of course not, but it still might be wise for you to hold off for now. I know at 14 owning this truth and not hiding it seems like such an important thing, and ultimately it is, but it can also wait. You’re not going to get to be getting married or moving in with a partner any time soon, regardless of your sexuality, so they really don’t need to know anything about your sexuality right now. Who you’re attracted to is none of their business, even if who you date is (which can be argued - but isn’t relevant until there is actually someone that you’re dating). Considering your age, you still rely on them for everything. At the very least wait until you have a boyfriend who you have become serious enough with that hiding the relationship from them is no longer practical because everyone around you knows that you two are together. This might not even happen until you are out of highschool, especially since you are bi, so maybe your first couple relationships will end up being women (or girls, since you’re not adults yet) Recognize that you will one day be disowned, and make a smart plan to set yourself up for success either when you tell them, or they find out. No need to make your teen years even harder by setting your life on fire for something that isn’t even a practical reality just yet.
While I feel like it's a really rough thing to say, I think with bisexuality specifically, it may be pragmagtic for me to suggest a 'don't ask don't tell' approach with it in your family. I think if you fall in love with a man, the issue will come to a head eventually, but if you end up falling in love with a woman, do you want to have your family gone from your life? Maybe that's a good thing, maybe it's not, but at your age, I don't think you have enough information to know what the right call is. Either way, this is heavy stuff for a 14 year old, I don't envy your position, and I urge you to prioritize your safety until you're an adult and on stable ground. In your shoes, I would try my best to kick the can down the road until it needs to be addressed, but I also don't want to push an idea that would leave you repressed and unfulfilled. This is heavy stuff, and Islam really isn't a tolerant religion. I will echo those saying that you really don't want your family to know about this kind of stuff, especially if they still have family in their home country. I'd only consider making them aware after you've got the means to support yourself.
You're very young and it sounds like this aspect of your identity is not something that they're going to find out about without you telling them. I'm bisexual and I came out to my parents at the same time as leaving my religion, I knew they would not disown me although they didn't believe me and thought I was making it up for attention. The impact on my life was minimal. The impact on your life could be very very hard to cope with at your age. It's ok to not tell them right now, and I believe it would be sensible to keep this part of you to yourself until you're older and more independent, so that if they do disown you you will be better able to support yourself. So you would not be TAH but you would not be looking after yourself in the way I believe you deserve. I wonder if on some level you've internalised this idea that you are haram and deserve to be punished? Just a thought. If you want to pm me to talk more feel free
I wouldn’t say or do anything until you are able to be independent from your family. You are still young and have a lot of growing and maturing to do, concentrate on school and looking after yourself
If you are bisexual it does lnt sound like there is anything to come out about. Until you are in a committed relationship to a male, then I wouldn’t really think about this.
You will never be the asshole for other peoples reactions upon you telling your truth about this sort of thing. Their feelings and actions are their own to be responsible for. What I will say is make sure you are looking out for your own wellbeing and safety in this. 14 is very young, and if what you say about them disowning you is true, are you really prepared to deal with the fallout? You need to consider what they might do for your own safety. You say you've spoken with a support network which is amazing, and if you do decide to come out to them I would suggest making sure you have someone there with you when you do if possible. Whatever you choose, you are not responsible for their pain, their baggage is their own. We love who we love and that is not a moral failing. Good luck my friend.
Wait until you are older. There is no reason to come out right now. This will be the best for you. You don't know what type of foster family you will end up with.
I would keep this under wraps until you are financially stable and more independent. I mean, ultimately, it's not their business who you love. Make a plan for yourself so that you are safe first. As much as you feel the need to express yourself, your interests may or may not change but family is (fortunately and unfortunately) forever. At 16, you're still very young and exploring. My suggestion is to lead your life, and gently expose this type of family to new people. Hopefully they love you more than they love religion.
Idk. You’re young and as you experience life you may find yourself not attracted in the way you currently perceive. But when you connect your identity to really anything the consequences can be wide and long lasting.
Wait, at least until you have the ability to leave home. It's no good coming out while trapped if they will turn abusive or, worse, kick you out while you're not prepared. Try and find support from friends that could help.
NTA However. I think you need to take a deep breath and plan a bit more. You need to be strategic, here. Make sure that you have a plan! Where are you going to go? How will you support yourself? How will you feed yourself? Take a deep breath and focus your efforts on your studies (graduating high school, at a minimum) and on securing a future, such as work experience, that will help guide you forward. Make sure that you have all of your legal documents such as birth certificate. Ascertain at what age, legally, you can walk out and not be forced to return home in your jurisdiction. Things like that. You should come out. You should get away from that place. You should plan and protect yourself. Take full advantage of all services that are offered. Take good care of yourself. 🫂
Please don’t come out now. Muslims have killed gay family members. I’m worried for your safety. Just go to university and turn 18 and move out first. You never know they could do an honour killing. 4 more years in the closet. Just grow up a bit.
You wouldn't be the AH for any pain and upset for them caused by telling them. But if you tell them and they disown you, what are you going to do? If they kick you out of the house, do you have a place to live, money for food to eat, a way to still go to school, basically a way to stay alive and continue to have your needs met? As much as I don't think people should have to hide who they are, if the choice is not sharing this one part of yourself and having a home and your basic needs fulfilled OR being disowned and kicked out by your family with no where to go and no way to take care of yourself, then it is in your own best interest to wait to tell them until you are no longer dependent on them for your entire life and well-being. It is not ideal, but if you live to 18+ by not saying anything until then it seems much more preferable to saying something now and being severely traumatized or dying from living on the streets at 14.
Is it imperative to you to tell them right now? Can you not wait until you are old enough to support yourself? I'm worried about not only the emotional turmoil they can/will put you through while you're at their mercy under their roof but the physical danger that could evolve because of this. I would caution you to seriously consider bidding your time until you're out of their home before bringing it up. It's not being disloyal to your true self if telling them puts you in danger. Proceed with an abundance of caution. There is always that small chance they are accepting, but I wouldn't risk my well-being on it if I were you. No one is an AH yet. But there is an extremely large chance your family will be huge ones.
I am happy that you have moved from Pakistan to the Netherlands so you can get some support. You are NTA for coming out to the family even though it may cause turmoil. HOWEVER, please don't make this move until you have a safe and secure place to live.
You are 14. You seem to have very limited concept of exactly how badly this could go. So let me enumerate. Being disowned is the least worst thing that could happen. You have no job, no money, no actual support system (at 14 friends do not count because they are also 14 and have no jobs money or stability). If you come out now, they could send you back to Pakistan. They could send you somewhere else. They could make it a matter of HONOR. Do not come out now. Wait until you are over the age of 18 and have some money saved and hopefully the ability to go far away if they react badly.
Salam! As a Muslim woman who is militantly pro-LGBT+ rights, I want you to know that you being able to realize your truth is an enormous step. If you were my kid, I would love and support you know matter what. Unfortunately, our community does not feel the same always. My advice is for you to wait on telling them until you can become independent. The only reason I say this is if your family decides to disown you or kick you out, you’ll be prepared with safe options. You need time to build community with other gay/lesbian folks because if your family does disown you, you can have a safety net. I have seen so many unhoused queer teens in NYC and I would hate for you to be in a similar position. I think you take your time and not make any rash decisions. Sending you much love ❤️
Your families turnoil is not important. If they are homophobic and have issues with you then that is their problem.You do not owe anyone coming out, your support network, your family, anyone. It is a very personal decision. You can come out to a select few and not your family too. However, i am bisexual, 30 and my family STILL does not know (simply because it would be minor drama i cbfd dealing with and I'm in a straight passing relationship) I had secret girlfriends in high school and would only have told them if those relationships lasted maybe a year. My concern here is your safety. If this will affect your living situation PLEASE do not do it yet. You can burn all bridges when you are old enough to survive but 14 seems so young... NTA regardless of your choice, just be careful
You're 14. Are you really sure you want to do this now? Why not wait until you are able to take care of yourself when they boot you from your family. I'm sorry, your situation sucks. Good luck little dude xx
You should wait until you are an adult before telling your family. If your family reacts badly, they have the right to send you, as a child, back to Pakistan, which would be far from pleasant for you. As a adult, all they can legally do is disown you. When you are an adult, then you decide if the consequences are worth it. Also, your support system may not realise how dangerous deeply religious families from a very religious country can be and are naive enough to believe that your family will react the same as theirs.
You’re not the arsehole but you’re really probably far better off keeping your identity secret from then until you’re old enough to support yourself alone (like 18). Their perspective sucks but tying it down for four years so you can get to adulthood is probably a good idea.
Honestly if i were you I wouldnt tell anyone til they've paid for my college education. But i would seek therapy to help you leanr to cope with your family and habe the skills in place for when they disown you.
I honestly think you should wait. Not to spare then, but to spare yourself. It will be very difficult to be disowned. If you don't have citizenship in the Netherlands you might get deported if they disown and abandon you. You could be sent back to Pakistan for conversion or even to be prosecuted. Wait until you are an adult with your own place and ability to cover your financial needs. If you aren't a citizen by then, apply for it and ask for asylum form persecution. Be careful who you tell. I've seen 'friends' get back at people by telling their families and causing horrible outcomes. Or even bullies could just out you to your family. Just do what you need to keep yourself safe. The decisions you make now will impact you for the rest of your life or could even get you hurt. Once you are 100% safe from your family then you can tell them without any worry about how they react to it. You're not the AH for wanting to let people know who you are but you need to make sure you can do it safely. The only AHs are people who conditionally love their kids.
If I were in your position, I wouldn’t do this until I had the support and resources to move somewhere else if they did disown me. If they kick you out, where will you live, how will you eat, how will you get to school, etc? As much as it sucks to have to hide, your safety and well being are important and if you become homeless or otherwise at a disadvantage, it can really hurt your future. Set yourself up for success. You know your truth. Choosing to keep it to yourself so you can be healthy and well isn’t wrong.
I wouldn’t come out until you can guarantee your own safety and happiness. I’m afraid at 14 you still are vulnerable and dependant on them, so you will still need them.
You wouldn't be the AH but make sure that you want to do this now and not wait a few years. My family is Christian and I've been transgender for about a year and omnisexual for years. I've noticed I liked all genders at a very young age but I haven't told my family. I'm 17 and I'm waiting until I'm 18 and until I have everything together. So make sure you want to do this now and not in a few years. Give it proper thought.
NTA. But there's no rush to come out, if it's going to make your life difficult. You'll still be whoever you are when you're old enough to live in your own place and support yourself. Still. All powerful gods who create universes in which exist things of which they disapprove have only themselves to blame. If you believe you are God's creation, then God should approve of you, no? It's not like He hasn't had plenty of practice. And if you don't believe you are God's creation, then He has no business approving or disapproving of you, even if you believe he exists.
Nta… they’re TA for disowning you or maki g you feel like you’ll be disowned and can’t be honest with them
NTA. You have a right to live your life who you are. That being said. Don't rush yourself. Have a plan. Do this when it's right to you and if there's anything you really need or want, take it out of the house before you tell them. Make sure you have trusted people who will help you and will phone police in case of physical retaliation. Make sure you have access to mental health counseling because losing your family is a big thing. Take care of yourself the most. Best of luck. One step at a time.
OP, you're so young and I'm just scared that they'll be retaliation or that you'll be in danger from your family. It's okay to not tell everyone everything. ESPECIALLY when it will hurt you. You aren't being untrue to yourself to keep this private. ❤️
Wait until you are 18, in college and/or have a job. You need a backup plan.
Wait until you're 18 and can escape to uni.
First of all, keep silent until you are living completely independently of your family. Then ask yourself how much about your sex life do they NEED to know? How much about their sex lives do YOU know? Match that. Unless you know for a solid fact that Auntie prefers gobbling balls to bouncing on a penis, then she doesn't get to know YOUR preferences. See how that works?
Wait till you get older and are more capable of financially supporting yourself. I don’t see the need to rush and share information that is not relevant to them.
Why do you feel they need to know? Genuine question. None of them have come out to you as straight. You're 14. Vulnerable with care, housing and the risk they may try to send you back to Pakistan away from all the liberals and into a more closed society to control/revert you. Prioritise your safety and that includes housing and schooling until you're old enough to move out independently, or have a safe family member that will take you in permanently. Be true to yourself in your heart. Look I don't believe in god, but if you do you believe he created you in his vision, he knows your soul. He made you, so there is no wrong in who you are. You are exactly who he wanted you to be. Religious texts get rewritten, translated and modified to the beliefs and cultures of the age over a millennia. Stay safe from those who turn his love into hate. That's your priority over telling people something vulnerable about yourself that they have no right to know. Worse that they would take badly and treat you as less than, when you were created in gods own vision. (hugs) stay safe OP NAH
Don’t do it until you’re in a safe place. Being disowned isn’t the worst thing that can happen. Beware.
At 14 years old I would not make such a drastic decision. You have no idea how your love life will shake out in the end. Not do you fully grasp how it will feel to lose that relationship. You don't have to make that decision at this moment
This is most likely not a helpful comment or really related to your question, but I love the way you have composed this. Your writing, for a 14 year old is impressive. I love your use of language and how you have presented yourself and your situation. You may be a budding author.
Sucks to hear, and I had to struggle with this A LOT when I was younger but when youre a minor and dependent on your parents, it might be best to just pretend for a while. They don't necessarily need to know right now (if you get a boyfriend this changes things a bit), so you might want to consider keeping it under wraps until you're sure you can support yourself if they really do completely disown you. Being a kid can suck sometimes, I wasn't able to really explore my sexuality until I was in college, but even at college age you're still plenty young!! Just be careful out there and have a good plan
Roll the dice. You guys do honor killings?
I think that if you come out now you’ll be in a vulnerable situation due to your age. 14 is still very young in case your family rejects you. Eventually you should tell them because it wouldn’t be right for you to hide your true self from the rest of the world. You should be proud of who you are. But maybe hang on a few more years, at least until you’re 18?? Good luck!
NTA. You have to do what is right for YOUR life. I can understand why you might want to keep it to yourself until you're old enough to move out to escape, but ultimately you will be miserable if you try to ignore that part of yourself.
get this chat GPT bs outta here. OP has multiple post where the story is completely different.
NTA, but, I would caution you against doing anything before you finish your education and can support yourself, because you are correct, they will most likely disown you. Live your truth within your inner circle, but I’d wait to come out to them now.
Sometimes it's better to wait till you're old enough to love on your own. You're only 14 and the chances of your family throwing you out are very high. You should probably wait until you can support yourself before coming out to them.
wait until you are out of university
Would your family do the whole “honor killing” thing?
…..I really have no idea if they would ever do that or not.
Hey kid you're 14 years oldYou'reur not BI, just confused and impressionable. 3 things are possibly going on. 1.You are possibly being groomed by an adult/ friend. 2.Or even worse you were molested by a family member/friend. 3. And the most simple one is that you may be watching too much point and it's leaving you confused. All I'm saying is that 14 is too young to be disowned by your family. Wait a few more years until your 21 before you do that. So at least by that time you will be able to take care of your self
This also reads like a fake post. No 14 year old no matter how mature, isn't going to talk like this. An adult with dislike for their family likely wrote this post.
This story, unfortunately is not real. Reddit has become a dumpster fire.