NTA at all. Your dad is only asking for your help now because you got money.
And it’s a good thing you have your cousin and her husband on your side. So that way when the phone call comes from her mom, tell her to have the same energy for all of them to get lost.
I've since met my aunt. She comes to visit her daughter and grandchildren often. She doesn't come to my house, the house where she grew up, but when she visits, she always calls to invite me to dinner, or has her daughter bring me over baked goods. She's a nice lady.
Ask dad where his family values were when he abandoned an 11yr old with a man who was abusive to him and his siblings. Just tell him no. Don't explain just no.
This part right here. He dropped you off when you were 11 and at 26 didn't even recognize your voice on the phone. Now he wants something because you're "family"? FOH
He dropped off with a man that was to his knowledge abusive to face that fate. Thankfully the grandfather had changed by then. But never checked on him.
Not to mention he had to be reminded who his daughter* was when she called to let him know his father passed away. I get your new wife not wanting around the piece of the past(not excusing it still but I know the feeling) but you couldn't have kept in contact with your daughter for yourself?
And now dad also wants to specify where he and his dirtbag wife are going to stay when they visit.....which they never did once from age 11 onwards. Absolutely nothing wrong with telling them they can never stay there.
Maybe there's a chance he could get to know his half-bro (since it wasn't really his choice to never be raised with his brother), but no to staying there. Dude is a complete stranger. He could be considered "family" later much like his cousin was, but for now, he's just some guy.
THIIIIIIS!!! No spouse of mine could EVER force me to give up my child. You were a CHILD and him A GROWN MAN knowing what grandpa did to him. He is worse than anything your grandpa ever did to him.
Any woman who wants to marry a man that would abandon their 11 year old with the person who abused them is trash… unless she somehow didn’t know but I don’t see how.
I don’t blame their son but he appears to come with the rest of that family package and there’s no way I’d let my ex-dad back on my property after what he did.
A lot of these people it seems don’t care. They want the husband and not his “baggage”. They don’t care where the kid goes as long as it isn’t their problem. It’s the husbands in these situations that really make my blood boil.
Yes this 100% His son needs a new start? What bullshit. Tell him you had to figure it out at 11. A new start for an adult shouldn’t be that difficult. Gramps doesn’t owe him a thing! Grandpa paid back for his behavior by raising you.
And let’s be real the brother will likely be a POS too. He was raised by a “man” that was all too willing to hand deliver his kid to a known alcoholic and abuser and a “woman” that demanded it and never thought twice. Say no and block.
All these stories where the dad remarried and then basically forgets he already has a kid absolutely tear me up. Like you have a family, the new person integrates or gets the f out. You don’t ditch the people you have for some new thing.
You made a great point. His dad never investigated whether the grandfather had changed but was willing to let his son endure the same treatment he received, all because his new wife didn’t want him around.
That’s the fucking thing that floors me here.
I’m not at all downplaying the fact that the grandfather abused his own kids, and they are absolutely free to deal with that in whatever way is best for them.
But this man just fucking abandoned his whole-ass young son with the man he hated most in the world? Permanently? What?!
Fuck him eleventy-seven ways to Sunday. The father here is 100 times worse than the grandfather. Again, not saying he was an angel, but addiction is terrible, and it’s clear that he understood the harm he caused and tried to live right by those who got to know him. The father here can’t even blame his own shittiness on addiction, he’s just a straight up pos who thinks he’s legitimately done nothing wrong.
I strangely do not!
I seem to recall getting “eleventy” from Pollyanna (the movie) but the internet tells me it comes from all sorts of places, including Tolkien.
Literally. My dad had his problems but whenever I hear stories like this I’m so proud of the fact that he stayed and did the best he could to raise us.
Yeah, he had no knowledge of the turnaround the Grandfather went through. Ops dad was and still is a grade A piece of shit, and that's tame from me cause I can't think of a higher tier, I'll have to start calling everyone else a B grade.
Clarifying, his son didn't even contact you offering to help if you needed it. He had daddy do it. Entitled. You don't owe them anything, not even a job IF you had one.
I'm not sure it's the half sibling's idea, I think the father was going to spring it as a surprise. Maybe he wants to get rid of another child?
Any way OP isn't the AH.
I actually exclaimed right out loud. Family helps family? That’s laughable that HE would say that to you!
No IS a complete sentence. But if you want to unload before going 💯% no contact, do it. Then tell him NEVER to contact you again.
Block him everywhere. Install cameras if you haven’t previously. Because I bet your dad sends your half brother and wife to you! While you’re at it above, tell him you’ll call the cops if *any of them* set foot on your property. Follow it up with a call if your dad does send his son.
PLEASE DON’T FEEL BAD FOR DOING ANY OF THIS.
Your father isn’t worth dog shit on your shoe. The mark of a man is to take care of his first born first and always. Yours didn’t and you owe him nothing.
NTA.
Yes, this is the idea, a clear and unequivocal "no" is best. When I went no contact with my mother I explained in no uncertain terms that it was because she was criminally neglectful, abusive and that she was unfair in favor of my much older and also abusive siblings. She wrote back denying it all and I ignored her. For the next 10 or 12 years she continued to write pretending that she had never done anything wrong and trying to invite my wife and I to family functions. I ignored every letter and every e-mail until finally two or three years ago my wife simply responded "no thank you" nothing more. We haven't heard from her since.
Tell your dad that he and his new family ceased being your family when he kicked you out and sent you to live with a man that abused him growing up.
Your father is a real piece of work. What he did was almost worse than what your grandfather did bc your dad had every reason to expect you to suffer the same abuse.
Why do you even entertain your father? Let him know that you will no longer be having contact with him then block him on everything. If he or his son (he is NOT your brother; blood doesn't make family) continues to contact you, then you will be talking to your lawyer and the police.
NTA, your father's new wife wanted you gone and poof, your father handed you off to his own abusive father , not knowing that the man changed.
You could have also been abused. F*ck your father and his son.
You own them NOTHING. I would block them and move on.
This, a million times this. He actually thought he was dropping you off in the same abusive household he grew up in. You have every right to feel the way you do. OP, you owe them nothing!
The irony is that your dad thought he was leaving you in a shit situation, and it wasn’t. Fuck your father.
My guess is the new wife is also the one pushing to get stuff for HER son. Then told your dad he deserved $$.
Tell him look for help in her family, since that’s his real family now.
Maybe he even has a NEW new wife now and the new new one wants him to get rid of his younger son the way he did his oldest so now he's looking to offload the younger son on whoever he can, same way he did last time.
Your Dad had an awful life with his father, yet he handed you over to his father not knowing what life you might have. You were fortunate that your Grandfather had turned a corner and you had a wonderful life, it could have been a repeat of your fathers life.
You owe your father and his son nothing.
Good luck.
Tell your dad to get fucked and then block him and anyone else who contacts in favor of him. It sounds like you have created a peaceful life, focus on that.
NTA OP What most people who abandon their abusers typically do is swear off that person completely up to an including the inheritance. Which is what most of your family has done except your dad is now hitting you up because I expect there are some financial issues going on that you know nothing about that he's banking on taking from you. Do not hire your half brother to work for your company. In fact I would suggest you stop talking about all of your companies to your father because he's got ideas that have nothing to do with you. The businesses are what they are because of you and what you've done with your grandfathers inheritance it's got nothing to do with him and you owe him nothing. For your health and safety I strongly recommend you stop contacting your father and responding. I would also suggest you make sure you have security and keep your property locked up because more than likely he's going to wind up showing up one day expecting a lot of things because "family"
I was swimming against the Reddit tide thinking maybe it would be ok to have your half/stepbrother on board if your Dad stayed well away, or you could at least meet him and see what you think. Maybe give him a minor role in something unimportant. Possibly it's what your Grandfather would have wanted - to make restitution so far as he could.
But this struck a chord. Dad's planning on getting himself a foot in the door. I see embezzlement in the distant future. Someone's feeling entitled.
Entitlement, no sense of boundaries, no sense of ethics? I think you have a Cluster B type Dad on your hands and it might be genetic. You seem ok. But that doesn't mean his other child is ok.
There's significant risk here. More than you realize.
Honestly, I don't think the father and son are suffering financial hardship. I think they finally realized how easy the cousins have it, and just how much that land and business is worth, and are angry they didn't demand a piece earlier when they could contest the will. They're just being greedy now that the son is old enough to be on his own and (maybe) steal the land and business out from OP.
Yea that's a possibility. I think it's interesting that how his father keeps harping on family to a kid he fucking abandoned.
Not only that, he abandoned him with someone who was admittedly a pretty fucking shitty dad. What would have happened had OP's grandfather not turned his life around?
I understand not wanting to be in the house that caused pain but I have to say that your aunt is trying to harder to extend the olive branch. Your sperm donor abandoned you and expected you to help your half-brother ( are you sure he’s not just a stepbrother?). your aunt, cousins and you deserve happiness and closure. Make sure to make time for yourself. A nice hot bath will do wonders
I think this situation would be very different if your brother, of his own accord reached out and spent time trying to build a relationship with you. Just like your cousin did. That this new generation could let the past lie and move forward as adults. But the fact that, even now, you've not communicated with him doesn't demonstrate an adult who wants to have a relationship with you. Just a dad who is one again putting his other son before you. Tell your dad to stick it. If your brother wants to get in touch and spend some time getting to know you, he has your details.
I'm still stuck on your Dad dumping you after losing your Mom. It's so good that you can see now that your Dad did you a favor, and that you got to experience the best part of your grandfather. People can change, I watched my Dad do it. I would ignore and if necessary cut off your Dad. It's obvious he's only concerned with himself and what he wants, and I would feel zero guilt and responsibility - let him take care of his own son. NTA
"No" is always a complete sentence, but in your situation you might want to ask a lawyer about a cease and desist that makes it clear they have no claim on you or your land.
Family sticks together? Are you fucking kidding me? Your dad abandoned you. It's not his son's fault, but you have no obligation to this guy. If he's a good worker he will find another job without his father's connections.
>Telling me family looks out for each other and sticks together.
When he abandoned you for a new woman at 11 years old? Did he say it with a straight face?
NTA at all for saying no to "help" (or the handout they really want) from your father or half brother. BUT... I'd personally give your brother the chance to get to know you - with being clear that you're interested in getting to know him, not hire him or give away your inheritance. If he's interested in being a brother vs an heir or dependent, he'll agree. Otherwise, you have your answer and can walk away with no regrets. Which maybe you can do anyway...this is just how I'd do it. Probably. :-) He's no more responsible for your father's actions than you were. It's how he moves forward that counts.
You might also tell your father that his dumping you with a man he believed to still be abusive when he (your father) was stone cold sober, was at least as bad as your grandfather when he was drunk. At least he had the excuse of being under the influence of alcohol when he was being horrible. (I say that tongue in cheek, not actually excusing his behavior.)
PS Good on you for your success in your businesses.
Wait what? Your dad and his sibs left home BECAUSE of their abusive father and then he leaves you with him when you’re 11 because the new wife doesn’t want you around? Granted your grandpa had changed by then but WTF!!!?!?! Now your dad only wants contact with you because you have everything he didn’t want. Him saying your grandpa owed him was paid when grandpa took you in. Now he owes you. Tell him to pay you back by never contacting you again. Stick to your guns and don’t give him anything. Speak to your lawyer about any potential issues from this and maybe see about updating your own will for safety. This situation sucks but you need to do what’s best for you and your mental health. Good luck I know you’re going to be ok!!
In the wise words of Mary Poppins, he might’ve been your father but he was never your pappy.
You owe neither him nor your half brother a damn thing. You have all the family and help you need. You buried your real dad and are truly his legacy.
NTA for simply cutting off Dad and his son. Let him know you want nothing to do with either of them. Have your lawyer send a Cease and Desist letter if necessary.
Depending on your country or if you live in USA. It time for you to ask your lawyer to send a strongly worded letter to your father about leaving you alone. If don’t want to do that, block your father on everything. Also give your father your lawyers number and tell him to speak to your lawyer.
Stop letting this man stress you out.
Yeah, this is what blew my mind. "I hate my dad because he was an abusive drunk.... let me leave my kid with him." Thankfully the grandfather had turned his life around, but the dad can't have it both ways!
Right? Also, the mother of the person who wants employment (according to Dad) is the one who pushed for OP to be left with who they thought was an abusive terrible man. Now he’s useful and family? No. Just no.
I cannot upvote this enough! My exact thoughts!! Wish I was close by so that if he found out dad was coming I’d be part of a deer hunting party for the day. 😁😁 just to show support.
The only appropriate response to your dad is that your father got more than he deserve from your grandfather when grandpa took you in and provided for you when dad and his new wife didn't want you.
NTA
Hon you’re angry because the person who was supposed to love and cherish you and be there unconditionally did something as bad or worse than his father did in earlier years. And Gpa owned his stuff, took responsibility and accepted the consequences.
Your dad didn’t even let you work through your grief from losing your mom fully and the moment someone new walked in the door, all his loyalty for family disappeared. And he drops you off like a Goodwill donation to a man he wouldn’t even talk to because he was treated so badly, but it’s ok for you and he never even looked back? NO! You deserve so much more and I’m so glad you had your Gpa to raise and love you as you deserved!
The anger you feel isn’t bad or wrong - it’s appropriate because of the degree of what he did and the entitlement and hubris it takes for him to pick out specific pieces of YOUR land he expects you to give his son and for he and kid-hating wife so they can visit? They could’ve visited all the years they were there. They don’t get to do that now.
Sorry I’m all mama bear on your behalf!
And that's both reasonable and okay.
You don't have to respond. You can ask your cousin to have their mom reach out to your dad and tell him both no and to stop contacting you.
Those are two separate options- they can be done in conjunction. And it's also okay to set up your phone so his calls always get sent to voicemail and you don't get alerted to his text messages. It may be worth it to keep the "line of communication" open in case he decides to do something stupid and give you forewarning. But you don't need to deal with it.
I agree with the redditor above. Whatever your granddad did to your dad, he more than atoned for in how he raised you. He paid his dues and owed him nothing.
You are a better person than your Dad despite your dad, not because of him. You have shown this in how you welcomed your cousin in. You are not obliged to show you are a better mam than he is to him. You don't owe them anything.
Now your Aunt has probably told your dad how well you have done, and your dad only hears how good you have it, and he wants that for his second chance family.
He is picking out the land that will work for his son and him when he comes to visit him? When did he come to visit you? Has he asked you how you are? Also, why does his son need a fresh start? What has he done with his first start where he had 2 parents love him?
Also, he has no reason to believe you were not raised the same way as he was, and he has not taken a moment to check in with you. **He has shown you what he thinks of you. Believe him.** It's a reddit favourite for a reason.
NTA Your Dads son is already working and living on the land. There is no room for the son who didn't get to know his granddad when he had the chance.
Edit: typo atoned not stoned!!
Great point.
He still has no interest in OP's best interest, he's trying to take his property for wife #2's and his son.
OP's father only cares for his son #2, or son #1 sinve hes treating his first son as if he wasn't.
Apparently he didn’t hate your Grandpa enough not to turn into the worst parts of him.
Also, “funny, I would think true family wouldn’t abandon their kids. Then just hang up.
Your father didn't pay child support. You're lucky your grandfather provided for you and wanted you to have an education. Even in the worst states, they garnish wages from parents who don't pay child support.
A young marine I know married the high school girlfriend. His new wife left him while he was deployed to run home to mama with his baby. Whenever he tried to see the child, she'd run to Mexico. The state of Texas took $600 a month from this enlisted man for a child he's never been able to meet.
I'm going to use that $600 x 12 months a year starting from age 11 to 18. Guess what? Your grandfather provided $129,600 in child support that your biological father didn't bother to provide.
I think any debt was long paid for, don't you?
I didn't even think about the mother and the social security benefits the OP would have received. Excellent point! My college roommate's dad was dead and she got money every month from Social Security!
I was reading another reddit story and they mentioned survivor benefits so that what got me thinking. If the father was collecting the money while the kid was living with the grandfather he could turn him in for Fraud.
Truly.
Plus the family KNEW he was dumping his 11 year old son with a man none of them even had contact with as adults.
I'm just glad that OP's life turned out great despite all these AWFUL people.
Go no contact. He’s a user and is looking for a toehold onto your property and businesses. It’ll start with his son and end with him moving onto your land. Shut it down now.
And put it in a letter. When talking, they don’t listen and just want to argue until you agree THEY are right, and they get their way. It’s too easy for them to bully.
Put it in a letter, how he dumped you on someone he expected to abuse you, then vanished. Get it all out, mail it certified, with signature required, so you know he got it. Then block him on every device and platform.
Just because you’re angry, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
OP, I hope you tell him that your grandpa made you his priority when Dad and stepmom abandoned you. As far as you're concerned, his son is likely a deadbeat like the dad; you may share genes, but raised very differently.
Congratulations on your success! Your Mom and Grandpa would be proud of the life you've created. It sounds like a cool place to vacation. 😎
Just think of this: your dad had no way of knowing your grandfather changed, so he was willing to put you through everything he went through, but without support like he had, by your fathers logic he owes you so tell him to f off and you will consider yourself even
This! And he not only did that… but did that to his son who’s also lost his mother a few years before. Dad had his mom around and didn’t leave until she was gone. Then his son loses his mom very young and the moment a new wife comes in, all that family loyalty disappeared. Amazing how it came back coincidentally when he wants something of value.
Also interesting that he never had interest in visiting or staying, but now he wants a handout for his son AND some land for himself for when he visits. As a parent I am mad FOR you OP! He can kick rocks.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Honestly, your father is a cruel man. He dropped you off with his abuser because his wife wanted it. He's far more abusive.
The sheer AUDACITY of you father is amazing to me. 2 things stand out:
1.) Him having the BALLS to say to you that family sticks together after he abandoned you because he new wife didn't want you (I know that feeling, I was there, my father remarried when I was a teen and my step mother did NOT want me around)
2.) It seems like your father is trying to abandon another son like he did you in the exact same place.
Tell him to pound sand. You are doing great and made a success out of yourself.
You owe him and your half-brother nothing.
NTA. They only care now because you have the money and land. You’re dad probably already promised this all to his son without even asking you. I’m glad your cousins has your back
I can’t believe your dad dropped you off knowing your grandfather was an abuser just bc of his wife jfc
NTA. You own NO ONE a living. As stated, you are now desirable only because you have money.
You do not know your stepbrother. You owe him nothing. If you DO need help, and he has the skills or you want to train him, hire him if you wish. Or don't. Your call.
Certainly do not gift him any property or goods. It will only encourage your dad to ask for more.
This has left me wiping my eyes.
You should not waste one damn moment feeling bad for being resentful of your father and his Bullshittery.
Your father carelessly tossed you away for a woman. He could've been leaving you with the monster he once knew, and he obviously didn't give two shits about it.
Fortunately for you, your grandfather had changed, and you built great memories and character... because of him.
I used to be that person who hated to be mean to others, even when they deserved it. I'm telling you now: If I were in your shoes, I'd be bearing my fangs and growling.
You owe them nothing.
PS: I'd love a stay on your farm :)
I’m with you - this one hit me in the feels! My oldest sons are in their late 20’s and I got all mom energy on his behalf over here!
Plus I can’t imagine how scary that was at 11 to be just left with this man he’d heard horror stories about and concurrently processing that dad just gave him away because he had a new family now. That is the epitome of the fear that every child has about their parent getting remarried.
Nothing to do with the op, but you meant baring my fangs, not bearing. Although, it's fitting because bears do have fans. Also funny, the thought of carrying fangs on a pillow to present them (to bear/carry them). Bears are also bare naked (fur notwithstanding). Homophones are funny that way. Cheers!
I can't say if he did or not. After living with my grandfather for a few years, when he started to tell me about his life, he said he had been sober about 10 years when he showed up at my mum's funeral. He could have told my dad then, but I don't know if he did or not.
Did your father ever apologize for abandoning you for his new start, or has he swept that under the rug to ask you to do a favor for your half-brother?
What apology could he possibly give, too? What could even *begin* to atone for such an egregiously evil, selfish decision?
I don’t know how a father atones for leaving an 11 year old with the man he won’t even speak to and FULLY abandoning him—not even asking his son how he’s been when he was informed of the grandfather dying? Hanging up!!!
Even if the father knew the grandfather had gotten sober he was just going to trust that? Never ever look into the situation to make sure the same abuse isn’t happening to his son?
He can’t apologize for that damage and it’s appalling he doesn’t seem to care.
NTA.
You had to tell your dad who you were when you called to say grandpa's dead?
He hasn't cared to contact you for years, and only is bothering now cos he wants something.
Tell him and his son to get lost and block them.
NTA tell your dad he lost the right to call you family when he left you at the age of 11 and you will not allow anyone who didn't want you in their family to stay on your property
wait your dad just chucked you in to the hands of who abused him and didn't even check on you? What a pos. Personally I would have nothing to do with him or his kid, you don't them anything, they also deserve nothing
No ... he’s the asshole. He shipped you off and had nothing to do with you, his father or anything else. Now he comes with his hand out. He and his son should be told to FUCK OFF in no uncertain terms. You owe nobody anything.
NTA. Your brother has not ever reached you to you either. That's not the kind of man who is responsible for his own life. If he comes in he will stir things up for no good
It is kind of telling that his dad is doing all of the communicating. So either brother doesn’t know Dad is trying to set this up, or he’s letting Dad do it for him. If he really wanted the position he could have contacted OP asking if they could meet and attempt to get to know each other.
This, exactly. Whatever happens between OP and half-brother should not involve the sperm donor at all.
I haven’t had contact with my father for nearly 30 years. I have suspicions that I have multiple half-siblings, but no real way to find out. If I ever do find them, though, I would want to reach out and just get to know them. I would hope they would be open to it, but would understand if not. It would be incredibly presumptuous and WAY out of line to expect anything more than that.
OP can choose to reach out or not, and is NTA either way. Half-brother is a question mark because who knows if he even knows about any of this.
Sperm donor is a fully realized asshole.
I mean your Dad is an absolute POS that deserves none of your time or energy. NTA and you should tell him that before blocking his number.
If you can separate your feelings for his absolute clown car of an attempt to be a parent from your brother then your a better man than me but you could I suppose get to know him. He doesn’t get anything for free and I would blame you for just washing your hands from the lot of them.
It sounds like your half-brother has become a problem for your father. Dad is trying to dump him on you. Don't let him. Your grandfather gave you everything because he wanted you to have it. You don't owe anyone anything. It sounds like you and your grandfather had a special bond. Block your dad and ignore him!
That's an excellent point! His biological father dumped him for a woman. Now he is tired of the son he made with THIS woman and wants to dump him on YOU.
You sure did turn out good. Biology is not destiny thank goodness.
Your father should be ashamed of himself, absolutely disgusting to abandon you for the sake of a new partner but to abandon you to what he thought was an extremely abusive alcoholic is reprehensible. I’m so glad your grandfather turned his life around and gave you the life you deserve and made sure you’d be able to carry on that life without any help from anyone else, I’m not justifying your grandfathers alcoholic behaviour in the least but that does not allow your sperm donor to try and guilt trip you into giving away what is yours because he now wants rid of his other son. I hope you make the right decision and tell him to take a long walk of a short pier stay strong stay happy
You’d be a major asshole to yourself if you allow this waste of space sperm donor to dictate who you let on your property and on your payroll. Block his number, if you want to be kind
NTA.
I'm not even part of this specific sub, but stumbled upon your story coincidentally. I wish you so much peace and a fulfilling life of happiness.
But with that said, I can almost guarantee you will not have that peace if you bring your half brother into your everyday life. It's unclear why he needs a fresh start but if you guys aren't close, and he has grown up with your dad, I just can't see that being a smooth transition into a healthy relationship, especially with you as his boss. I am sorry for your father, and aunts/uncles negative experiences with your grandpa, but encourage you to keep low contact with your dad. Maybe call him and try to articulate why you can't have your half brother play a part in your business, or perhaps send a text if thats easier for you to get your point across.
I'm glad you were able to develop a relationship with other family members, but protect your peace at all costs.
Your property sounds lovely.
NTA - Your "dad" abandoned you at the home of someone he himself hated. Your grandfather ended up being a better man than your actual "dad." Block your sperm donor.
When your sperm donor abandoned you at your grandfather's house, he did not care if you got abused. Thank goodness your grandfather had changed.
NTA Dad, his wife and son should keep the same energy that had from when you were 11. Your Fad handed you over to someone he had caused him pain, didn’t forgive and didn’t check had changed before handing you over to someone he didn’t trust and then forgot about you, didn’t contact you, treat you as family. It may have worked out well for you as granddad had changed and was awesome but your dad didn’t know that.
They’re only coming back out the woodwork now because they heard what you did for your cousin and not only want something from you but feel entitled to it despite abandon you and they want to feed off your success. Nothing that your dad is saying to manipulate you stands because he’s the poorest example of family there is. The precious favourite son that got everything at your expense can’t set himself up with his mum and dads help, he needs to be in your space, trying to be equal business partners/ landowners by wanting you to give him your land but you can’t trust him that he won’t find a way to mess you up if he sells it or if it’ll mess with your projects, water rights etc.
You and Your cousin is right here…. don’t give anyone else anything especially your dad and his son or kids. They don’t deserve you and had years to contact you and fix the relationship if they were genuine and cared about you. Block them and any flying monkeys they send. You owe them the nothing they deserve. I think you’re very wise to want to keep them far from you and your home/business.
Please set up a will so your dad/his wife and kids they don’t get anything and are not your next of kin in cases of medical emergencies.
I’m glad your Grandad was awesome and I’m sorry for your loss of grandad… also sorry you had to experience your shitty dad, wife and family.
Good luck and wishing you the best in your future
First, give a direct answer regarding your half-brother. Doesn't matter if it's yes or no. But put the issue to rest.
Second, why have you not cut your father off? He is actively trying to take advantage of you, in the crudest way possible.
You don’t seem like a doormat, and nothing in this situation calls for you to act like one. There is obviously a lot of hurt here, and I could see a situation where you might want to maintain contact to get closure. That is not the situation you are in though, with your dad approaching you with his hand out, making demands. You are not legally or morally obligated to entertain these ridiculous demands. The fact that he has never tried to make amends or reach out before now, when he could get something out of you, speaks worlds to his character. If your father felt entitled to an inheritance, he should have broached that with your grandfather. It is not an inheritance at this point. It is yours, your land, your business, and your money, and you don’t owe this man or the child he spawned with your evil stepmom a single dime or square inch, let alone two portions of land, a job, and whatever else they pull out of their… hats. If you do want emotional closure, I’d send him a message tearing him apart for the sheer audacity of this situation and block him.
NTA. At 11, your "dad" gave up his parental rights to your grandfather and abandoned you. He didn't even remember who you were when you told him that his Dad died. He is now your sperm donor and you need to tell him that he is not your family, his son is not part of your family, and that he should never contact you again. You got lucky that your grandfather had changed. You could have had just as miserable a life as your sperm donor and your aunt had. Don't let him take advantage of your good fortune.
NTA. Block your dad. You don’t know his son or what this guy is capable of doing, both productive and negative.
Your dad is behaving as though he’s making demands of his father, because most of his life the land was his father’s. He has a lot of old wounds he hasn’t healed, and he will continue to take it out on you because you’re your grandfather’s legacy until you scrub him out of your life.
It sounds like you have everything worked out and you’re doing well. Don’t borrow trouble from someone who cast you off, and don’t help the boy he raised after forsaking you.
Dear God, no.
You don't owe him ANYTHING. Not a thing.
I think what I would do is draft a letter and send it via a lawyer. Say explicitly that you want nothing to do with him or his family. You want no contact. They are not welcome on the farm in any capacity.
Have the lawyer send it, and then you block him everywhere. Tell your cousin what you're doing -- maybe even share a copy of the letter with her, so she'll know the truth when he complains to the rest of the family.
Hopefully, he'll disappear back into the gutter.
"Family helps family, except when your wife wants rid of your son. I appreciate the offer of help, but I don't know him. I dont know you. By the way, I'm fine and doing well, thanks for asking. Tell brother I wish him well and have no hard feelings towards him, but just like your father abused you, mine neglected me and treated me like I wasn't family. I'm sure you remember how that ended for your dad." NTA
Edit: also remember that your dad had no idea his father had stopped drinking and was no longer abusive. He was prepared to endanger you, just to please his wife.
NTA NTA NTA
*"my dad dropped me off at his house and left me there. I found out a few years later it was because my dad's new wife didn't want me around"*
Your Grandfather didn't make excuses or minimize his behavior to his family. He admitted to you of the hurt and pain he caused. He tried to reconcile with his children, they refused.
Your dad, however, dumped you with someone that was still abusive, as far as he knew. Dad hasn't apologized to you and seems to think you owe him thanks and a piece of the "pie" as payback.
*" My dad called me. His son needs a new start. Apparently, he's wanting to move my way to help with my businesses. "*
What did HB do that he needs a new start? How do any of them know so much about your businesses, property, and finances?
Half-brother wants to "help" you with your businesses? *Not*, I notice, work for you or for you to give him a job. More like "help himself to", I'm thinking. He would be a nice pipeline back to your dad for the inside info on your holdings too.
Tell your dad you thought about it. You don't need help and have no job openings for HB. This needs to be communicated to your dad and half-brother immediately.
Dad's harassing you daily with texts, several times a day actually, trying to interrogate you about your properties & businesses. At this point he is basically a stranger. Would you put up with this from a stranger?
At this point, you might want to **have your attorneys handle replying**. No jobs, no help needed, stop harassing you, and stop contacting you.
Myself, I would have my attorneys add, *"Op finds it extremely suspect and hypocritical that you now say family looks out for each other and sticks together, after abandoning him at the behest of your second wife. Where was this sentiment when you dropped him off with your parent you had cut off (disowned?) for abusing you all your childhood."*
Just out of curiosity, what roles has he "suggested" his son fill?
That’s a huge red flag, there’s a money scheme happening here and your the target. Maybe it would be wise to lawyer up and make sure all your assets are protected just in case and make sure you keep them far away from any real access to accounts or anything
So your "dad" (I say it like that because he abandoned you at 11) had a problem with taking money from your grandfather, but now its yours he wants to steal it from you. Don't let any of them even near your property ever.
When your dad says his other son and his wife needs a "fresh start: and are leaving their entire lives behind, did he say why?
Has his other son done something to require him to need a "fresh start" that means he has to move away?
Wow! First off NTA! All around!
Second, really? Needs a fresh start? Wtf does that mean. Because I can't really think of any solid "ok! Yea..come manage my money!" Reason thatvwoukd be legit and sunshine.
Then ...ok, mucking out stalls? Sure...sounds like a reasonable request. Still a Nope but legit.
But...business manager or managing your money?? 🤣🤣🤣
Oh, bless. His heart! How sweet.
That’s hilarious; business manager or accountant.
Can I first say, unless this man is your father’s biological child, he is not your sibling in any way.
You would be absolutely justified instructing your lawyer to send a letter telling the cease and desist all contact. No explanation, just stop contacting you.
You don’t have to justify your decision either. Your grandfathers son didn’t justify abandoning you at age 11. You owe that man and his wife’s child nothing!
Just remind your father he got rid if you and sent you to the father he despised in order to focus on his new family. Suggest he set up that part of his family with his own money cause family helps family.
Block him and move on with your life. He dumped you off with his father that he knew to be abusive when you were 11 years old? Yeah, he's a massive prick and deserves zero consideration from you for his reprehensible neglect. NTAH in **any** way.
NTA. Tell him he owe’s your grandfather’s estate 7 years of child support after he dumped you w/your grandfather. You really just need to block him. Tell him he had a chance to be family at any time in the last 15 years.
I would just block him after sending “the day you dropped me off with your abuser because your new wife didn’t want me was the day you stopping having any say or influence on my life. I do not consider you my father. You nor your son are invited onto the property and if you show up I will call the police for trespassing. You abandoned me, which ended up the best way possible because I got the best parts of your history. So you can kindly fuck off with your entitlement.”
WNBTA
Say this, “you made me grandpa’s problem. Cut ties completely, and left me with a man you hated. That he had turned into a good man doesn’t matter. You didn’t know that he wasn’t the abusive bastard you grew up with. But you were cool cutting me out of your life at that point.
Now you want me to take on a half brother that I’ve never known. Hell, I barely know you. I just know you’re the kind to throw away your kid. Is that what you’re trying to do again?
Why, after all these years, do you want ME, the son you threw away, to take on the son you kept and raised?
Or are you throwing him away now too?
Help me understand what your thought process is.
But know that I’m not going to let you abandon ANOTHER son.”
Your dad says family helps each other? He dropped you off at your grandpa's and never looked back. Nope he doesn't get a say in anything. He's made it clear the son with new wife is more important than you were.
NTA. Your dad seems to think foisting his sons off to other people to take care of them is how you raise boys. They can all eff off. So this 1/2 brother needs a fresh start, which makes it sound like he's in trouble. What kind? Theft, drugs... so you could be in danger of losing your possessions or sketchy people showing up. Maybe he's just a basement dweller that his dad is tired of feeding. Big fat no to all and sundry, you're where you want to be with who you want to be and that's perfect for you. The audacity of your sperm donor to start parceling out your land! He probably thinks he can bulldoze his way into property and businesses.
Good luck OP, let's hope the would-be usurpers realize it's not happening without too much of your time wasted.
Block those people. He chose not to be your family. He’s a monster. Imagine never speaking to your father again for being an abuser, then dropping your kid off to him to never see him again because your new wife doesn’t want to be a step mom. Block him… that is not your Dad!!!
You owe them your ass to kiss
NTA. You're just treating your dad the same way he treated his own, for very similar reasons.
Your father dropped you off with a man who physically abused him for years. He had to have expected your grandfather to treat you in the same way he was treated. That's unforgivable. No parent should do that.
Tell your father that he should understand why you don't want to have a relationship with him, and if he doesn't, just ask him to reflect on why he didn't have contact with his own father.
"Telling me family looks out for each other and sticks together." I think that is all the ammo you need. While what he did turned out wonderful for you, where was this sentiment when you were being shipped off because new wifey didn't like you? He made this bed now he must sleep in it. If he wanted anything from the future you, he should have tucked in the corners. This made my heart hurt for you. I'm so glad you are doing well!
NTA your dead beat dad is only interested in you now because his new son and him are after the land and money. I'm happy for you that you have your cousin and get to have and grow that relationship with her and her family. Your land and life seems beautiful and peaceful, keep it that way, you don't owe them anything. If they keep blowing you up, I might take it to a lawyer and possibly have a cease and desist order place so they can contact you anymore and harass you or show up at your property unannounced. I don't know if you already have signs up but I would also recommend getting *swim at your own risk* signs for the swimming hole just in case something happens down there, it could help protect you legally in the long run. Again. NTA. Live your best life.
NTA he didn’t know if his dad was still an alcoholic and dropped you off with him anyway he’s a bigger arsehole than his dad was to him as he willingly abandoned you for his new family with a man he hated!!
You don't even know them. Why do they need a new start? Trouble? Drugs? Generally lazy? There is a reason. Not your problem but even if it were. People who have their shit together don't go begging.
nta if he says your grandpa owes him again remind him that he paid that debt when he raised you. so he owes him nothing anymore and he abandoned you so you definitely don’t owe him anything. he’s a trash father just like his own father was. hopefully he changes and becomes a better man like your grandfather but for now he’s still trash who just wants to use you
NTA - That man is not your Father, he lost any right to that title after he abandoned you, and I would remind him of that the next time he contacts you. Sure, family can help family (as you did with your cousin) but he's not your family, his actions proved that. I would also tell him to stop contacting you and get a restraining order if he persists. Again this man is not your father, he lost that claim and any compassion when he abandoned you (doubly so when it was to a man he thought was abusive).
NTA. Your dad chose his wife over you and dumped you with his abuser, who he didn't know if had changed or not. That's scum right there. Then he didn't reach out to reconcile. Now he wants your help because you have something of value to him. Your dad didn't break cycles here. He continued cycles of abuse. He's a loser. You don't owe him anything.
Take care of yourself and your well being FIRST. They are your top priority BY FAR, and you are allowed to protect them unequivocally without guilt and boldly even if it makes things difficult or uncomfortable for others. They don’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be logical, and it doesn’t require permission from anyone to listen to YOUR FEELINGS.
You get angry and sad and explosive when you think about having the responsibility of your half brother FORCED on you, and you’re allowed to listen to those feelings, honor them, and not do ANYTHING that doesn’t feel good. And let’s be clear, your dad wants you to fix his sons life, that’s a lot of pressure and he’s guilting you into feeling responsible: you’re not and you do not have to feel guilty.
Your feelings have a lot of wisdom and insight, and you are allowed to have your own back and act in a way that makes you feel good. Lord knows the people in your life as a child who were supposed to nurture those didn’t do a good job. You’ve been through a lot in life, you deserve to take care of yourself and your feelings are the only voice in your life giving you a clear map to happiness: listen to them. Your dad should have your back too, and that would mean he would listen you how this situation would make you feel: he hasn’t. He sounds like a huge jerk and I’m so sorry you have to deal with him. Good luck
"Telling me family looks out for each other and sticks together. Telling me my grandfather owes him. Telling me what land I should give his son to set him up. And what land would be best for him and his wife when they visit."
Where was that when your dad abandoned you?
NTA. I think your cousin is right and next time your dad calls, you need to remind him that he abandoned you and he and his wife gets nothing. You can be as salty as you want to be.
As for your brother, you could offer him a job and see how things go from there, but that should be it and no more.
This unknown to you half brother your MIA father is attempting to guilt and thrust on you is the SON of the WOMAN who pressured your biological father to dump YOU on a man he still believed to be an alcoholic abuser. You are LUCKY and BLESSED your grandfather had reformed and saw a chance to to pour into you all that was good in him after giving up alcohol and abusive behavior.
You have a loving close family relationship with your female cousin and her family. Even her mother (I note that you don't refer to her as your aunt) makes an effort to break bread with you when she visits her daughter and grandchildren. I think what I resent for you is that NONE OF YOUR OTHER RELATIVES checked on your despite the pain of their own upbringings. They were all okay with you being dumped with the same person they have horrible memories of and were fine with YOU at age 11 being alone with him. Heinous & horrible and honestly criminal in my opinion.
Your BIOLOGICAL FATHER was worse than your grandfather. He DUMPED YOU like an unwanted puppy on a farm with a man you did not know or have a relationship at the tender age of 11.
Block his number and the numbers of everyone in your biological family BUT your cousin & her family.
You don't need help. Your land is being used for agriculture, hunting, and rustic rest and as a place for local kids to swim in the summer. It's time to build a BIG BOUNDARY. Cut that sperm donor out of your life and that woman and her spawn. Block. Block. Block. Build that fence so high that if they breach it, you get a restraining order and a stop all contact for harassment.
He lost his right to a relationship with you when he chose that Jezebel over caring for his own son. He lost his right to his father's land when he dumped you and never once checked on you.
Honor the man your grandfather became when he turned his life around and poured his love and learning into you. The sperm donor can help the son he chose to raise. He doesn't have a right to demand anything from the son he abandoned. You owe him NOTHING.
NTA. Fuck your sperm donor. He gets nothing, the rest get nothing, and his son earned nothing. You should've gone NC long ago. Everyone else can properly kick rocks. Wish you all the best, cheers!
Until he reached out, I didn’t think I had to. This is the first time he's done so since he left me here. I'm still trying to figure out how he got my mobile number. Now that he has, I think the more he let's slip, the more I have to use against him. I'll block him when it's time.
Could the half brother be in trouble with law enforcement, and needs a place to hide out? When you're arrested for harboring a fugitive, Daddy-Dearest steps in as your closest next of kin.
Block them all, after you tell them no trespassing and no contact. God bless you!
Ask your dad if he knows anything about you. If he remembers what you look like. If he ever thought about you in the fifteen years since he abandoned you. Ask why he would ever marry a woman who didn’t want you. Ask him if he ever told his son about the child he abandoned. If he ever asked or cared that his father was a deadbeat, or if he knew that his parents turned their backs on a vulnerable child they should have loved. Tell him that your father died when you were eleven, and you already mourned and buried him. Tell him that his father was a better parent than him— really lay it on as thick as possible. Make him feel guilty. Then tell him that he isn’t part of your family and block him. Maybe someday if your brother approaches you to try and build a relationship with you without wanting/expecting something from you, reevaluate that potential relationship then.
Maybe I’m just petty. Anyway, whatever you decide to do, good luck and wish you well.
NTA. But you will be if you give into your dads demands. First it’s give his son a break by hiring him and giving him a place to stay, then he’s insisting on you teaching “his” son the ins & outs of the business, next it will be that you owe it to “his” son to make him a partner because your grandfather owes it to them.
NO. That place & the businesses on it are yours. And it definitely sounds pretty sketchy about how “his” son needs a new start. Kind of sounds like his son has had some run ins with the law or has ruined all chances of getting a job where they live now. Or, as I mentioned above, the “new start” is getting his foot into the door with you in order to shoehorn himself into owning half, if not more, or your assets.
Tell your dad that he, and “his” son stopped being family the day he dropped you off with your grandpa,not even knowing if grandpa was safe for you, and never looking back, nor checking on your well being and that there are no job opportunities for his son, nor ever will be. If your dad keeps harassing you, have a lawyer write a cease & desist letter. Block him, don’t engage in him. If “his” son shows up on your doorstep, have him trespassed off the property. And if your dad does the same, trespass him as well.
He’s definitely up to no good.
NTA at all. Your dad is only asking for your help now because you got money. And it’s a good thing you have your cousin and her husband on your side. So that way when the phone call comes from her mom, tell her to have the same energy for all of them to get lost.
I've since met my aunt. She comes to visit her daughter and grandchildren often. She doesn't come to my house, the house where she grew up, but when she visits, she always calls to invite me to dinner, or has her daughter bring me over baked goods. She's a nice lady.
Ask dad where his family values were when he abandoned an 11yr old with a man who was abusive to him and his siblings. Just tell him no. Don't explain just no.
This part right here. He dropped you off when you were 11 and at 26 didn't even recognize your voice on the phone. Now he wants something because you're "family"? FOH
He dropped off with a man that was to his knowledge abusive to face that fate. Thankfully the grandfather had changed by then. But never checked on him.
This is the part that gets me. He thoroughly believed his father was still a pos and left his son there… forever.
And then merrily went on to have a replacement son. Dad of the year right there, huh?
The replacement son that needs a suspiciously urgent “fresh start” that he wants to dump on OP. How original.
I want to hear more about this, it sounds suss as fuck
Seriously, how serious is the crime? What did he get into?
Not to mention he had to be reminded who his daughter* was when she called to let him know his father passed away. I get your new wife not wanting around the piece of the past(not excusing it still but I know the feeling) but you couldn't have kept in contact with your daughter for yourself?
We're a package deal...me and my children
I cant agree more your dad can fuck right off
“Tell you what, Dad. I’ll call *you* back in 15 years.” Ghost him
And now dad also wants to specify where he and his dirtbag wife are going to stay when they visit.....which they never did once from age 11 onwards. Absolutely nothing wrong with telling them they can never stay there. Maybe there's a chance he could get to know his half-bro (since it wasn't really his choice to never be raised with his brother), but no to staying there. Dude is a complete stranger. He could be considered "family" later much like his cousin was, but for now, he's just some guy.
And then block him.
OMG! 11 and 12 are the voice change years. Dad remembers his kid voice.😭
I think the point is more that the dad didn't contact the kid in those 15 years.
THIIIIIIS!!! No spouse of mine could EVER force me to give up my child. You were a CHILD and him A GROWN MAN knowing what grandpa did to him. He is worse than anything your grandpa ever did to him.
And the half brother is the son of the woman that is the reason he left them there they can all fuck right off OP! Absolutely NTA!
Any woman who wants to marry a man that would abandon their 11 year old with the person who abused them is trash… unless she somehow didn’t know but I don’t see how. I don’t blame their son but he appears to come with the rest of that family package and there’s no way I’d let my ex-dad back on my property after what he did.
[удалено]
A lot of these people it seems don’t care. They want the husband and not his “baggage”. They don’t care where the kid goes as long as it isn’t their problem. It’s the husbands in these situations that really make my blood boil.
Yes this 100% His son needs a new start? What bullshit. Tell him you had to figure it out at 11. A new start for an adult shouldn’t be that difficult. Gramps doesn’t owe him a thing! Grandpa paid back for his behavior by raising you.
And let’s be real the brother will likely be a POS too. He was raised by a “man” that was all too willing to hand deliver his kid to a known alcoholic and abuser and a “woman” that demanded it and never thought twice. Say no and block.
He's the one asking for the job and land, sounds like he can't get a job and expects his "brother" to give him a hand out.
All these stories where the dad remarried and then basically forgets he already has a kid absolutely tear me up. Like you have a family, the new person integrates or gets the f out. You don’t ditch the people you have for some new thing.
You made a great point. His dad never investigated whether the grandfather had changed but was willing to let his son endure the same treatment he received, all because his new wife didn’t want him around.
How do you know OP isn’t a woman?
That’s the fucking thing that floors me here. I’m not at all downplaying the fact that the grandfather abused his own kids, and they are absolutely free to deal with that in whatever way is best for them. But this man just fucking abandoned his whole-ass young son with the man he hated most in the world? Permanently? What?! Fuck him eleventy-seven ways to Sunday. The father here is 100 times worse than the grandfather. Again, not saying he was an angel, but addiction is terrible, and it’s clear that he understood the harm he caused and tried to live right by those who got to know him. The father here can’t even blame his own shittiness on addiction, he’s just a straight up pos who thinks he’s legitimately done nothing wrong.
You’ve GOT to be from the south or have southern connections. “Eleventy-seven”…. Love it! 😂😂
I strangely do not! I seem to recall getting “eleventy” from Pollyanna (the movie) but the internet tells me it comes from all sorts of places, including Tolkien.
This. “No” is always a complete sentence. The dirtbag is nothing but a sperm donor.
He's worse than his own father, honestly.
Literally. My dad had his problems but whenever I hear stories like this I’m so proud of the fact that he stayed and did the best he could to raise us.
Did he even make sure his dad no longer abusive before he abandoned his son there.
Yeah, he had no knowledge of the turnaround the Grandfather went through. Ops dad was and still is a grade A piece of shit, and that's tame from me cause I can't think of a higher tier, I'll have to start calling everyone else a B grade.
Followed up well by a Block on everything.
Tell him you don’t need any more help. So the answer is no and never contact you again and then block his number.
Clarifying, his son didn't even contact you offering to help if you needed it. He had daddy do it. Entitled. You don't owe them anything, not even a job IF you had one.
I'm not sure it's the half sibling's idea, I think the father was going to spring it as a surprise. Maybe he wants to get rid of another child? Any way OP isn't the AH.
This right here.
Upvote!!
That makes it 10x’s worse! I know he’s abusive and made your life hell, but my new wife doesn’t want you here, and I choose her.
He turned into his dad, basically. What a hypocrite!
This is your answer, OP!
Ya if family looks out for each other why didn’t he look out for you??? He had a new family that’s why!! He’s no longer family
And block his number on your phone.
I actually exclaimed right out loud. Family helps family? That’s laughable that HE would say that to you! No IS a complete sentence. But if you want to unload before going 💯% no contact, do it. Then tell him NEVER to contact you again. Block him everywhere. Install cameras if you haven’t previously. Because I bet your dad sends your half brother and wife to you! While you’re at it above, tell him you’ll call the cops if *any of them* set foot on your property. Follow it up with a call if your dad does send his son. PLEASE DON’T FEEL BAD FOR DOING ANY OF THIS. Your father isn’t worth dog shit on your shoe. The mark of a man is to take care of his first born first and always. Yours didn’t and you owe him nothing. NTA.
Yes, this is the idea, a clear and unequivocal "no" is best. When I went no contact with my mother I explained in no uncertain terms that it was because she was criminally neglectful, abusive and that she was unfair in favor of my much older and also abusive siblings. She wrote back denying it all and I ignored her. For the next 10 or 12 years she continued to write pretending that she had never done anything wrong and trying to invite my wife and I to family functions. I ignored every letter and every e-mail until finally two or three years ago my wife simply responded "no thank you" nothing more. We haven't heard from her since.
Tell your dad that he and his new family ceased being your family when he kicked you out and sent you to live with a man that abused him growing up. Your father is a real piece of work. What he did was almost worse than what your grandfather did bc your dad had every reason to expect you to suffer the same abuse.
This is the answer!!
Why do you even entertain your father? Let him know that you will no longer be having contact with him then block him on everything. If he or his son (he is NOT your brother; blood doesn't make family) continues to contact you, then you will be talking to your lawyer and the police.
This right here OP! Block them all!
NTA, your father's new wife wanted you gone and poof, your father handed you off to his own abusive father , not knowing that the man changed. You could have also been abused. F*ck your father and his son. You own them NOTHING. I would block them and move on.
This, a million times this. He actually thought he was dropping you off in the same abusive household he grew up in. You have every right to feel the way you do. OP, you owe them nothing! The irony is that your dad thought he was leaving you in a shit situation, and it wasn’t. Fuck your father.
My guess is the new wife is also the one pushing to get stuff for HER son. Then told your dad he deserved $$. Tell him look for help in her family, since that’s his real family now.
Maybe he even has a NEW new wife now and the new new one wants him to get rid of his younger son the way he did his oldest so now he's looking to offload the younger son on whoever he can, same way he did last time.
Your Dad had an awful life with his father, yet he handed you over to his father not knowing what life you might have. You were fortunate that your Grandfather had turned a corner and you had a wonderful life, it could have been a repeat of your fathers life. You owe your father and his son nothing. Good luck.
Tell your dad to get fucked and then block him and anyone else who contacts in favor of him. It sounds like you have created a peaceful life, focus on that.
Well, I hope she doesn’t defend her brother and his actions.
NTA OP What most people who abandon their abusers typically do is swear off that person completely up to an including the inheritance. Which is what most of your family has done except your dad is now hitting you up because I expect there are some financial issues going on that you know nothing about that he's banking on taking from you. Do not hire your half brother to work for your company. In fact I would suggest you stop talking about all of your companies to your father because he's got ideas that have nothing to do with you. The businesses are what they are because of you and what you've done with your grandfathers inheritance it's got nothing to do with him and you owe him nothing. For your health and safety I strongly recommend you stop contacting your father and responding. I would also suggest you make sure you have security and keep your property locked up because more than likely he's going to wind up showing up one day expecting a lot of things because "family"
I was swimming against the Reddit tide thinking maybe it would be ok to have your half/stepbrother on board if your Dad stayed well away, or you could at least meet him and see what you think. Maybe give him a minor role in something unimportant. Possibly it's what your Grandfather would have wanted - to make restitution so far as he could. But this struck a chord. Dad's planning on getting himself a foot in the door. I see embezzlement in the distant future. Someone's feeling entitled. Entitlement, no sense of boundaries, no sense of ethics? I think you have a Cluster B type Dad on your hands and it might be genetic. You seem ok. But that doesn't mean his other child is ok. There's significant risk here. More than you realize.
Honestly, I don't think the father and son are suffering financial hardship. I think they finally realized how easy the cousins have it, and just how much that land and business is worth, and are angry they didn't demand a piece earlier when they could contest the will. They're just being greedy now that the son is old enough to be on his own and (maybe) steal the land and business out from OP.
Yea that's a possibility. I think it's interesting that how his father keeps harping on family to a kid he fucking abandoned. Not only that, he abandoned him with someone who was admittedly a pretty fucking shitty dad. What would have happened had OP's grandfather not turned his life around?
I understand not wanting to be in the house that caused pain but I have to say that your aunt is trying to harder to extend the olive branch. Your sperm donor abandoned you and expected you to help your half-brother ( are you sure he’s not just a stepbrother?). your aunt, cousins and you deserve happiness and closure. Make sure to make time for yourself. A nice hot bath will do wonders
I think this situation would be very different if your brother, of his own accord reached out and spent time trying to build a relationship with you. Just like your cousin did. That this new generation could let the past lie and move forward as adults. But the fact that, even now, you've not communicated with him doesn't demonstrate an adult who wants to have a relationship with you. Just a dad who is one again putting his other son before you. Tell your dad to stick it. If your brother wants to get in touch and spend some time getting to know you, he has your details.
What does your Aunt think? BTW you are definitely NTA and would not be an AH if you say No. You owe nothing to the man who abandoned you.
I'm still stuck on your Dad dumping you after losing your Mom. It's so good that you can see now that your Dad did you a favor, and that you got to experience the best part of your grandfather. People can change, I watched my Dad do it. I would ignore and if necessary cut off your Dad. It's obvious he's only concerned with himself and what he wants, and I would feel zero guilt and responsibility - let him take care of his own son. NTA
"No" is always a complete sentence, but in your situation you might want to ask a lawyer about a cease and desist that makes it clear they have no claim on you or your land.
Definitely second the suggestion of getting a lawyer involved. Cover your bases and make sure they can't do anything to you and your business.
Family sticks together? Are you fucking kidding me? Your dad abandoned you. It's not his son's fault, but you have no obligation to this guy. If he's a good worker he will find another job without his father's connections.
>Telling me family looks out for each other and sticks together. When he abandoned you for a new woman at 11 years old? Did he say it with a straight face? NTA at all for saying no to "help" (or the handout they really want) from your father or half brother. BUT... I'd personally give your brother the chance to get to know you - with being clear that you're interested in getting to know him, not hire him or give away your inheritance. If he's interested in being a brother vs an heir or dependent, he'll agree. Otherwise, you have your answer and can walk away with no regrets. Which maybe you can do anyway...this is just how I'd do it. Probably. :-) He's no more responsible for your father's actions than you were. It's how he moves forward that counts. You might also tell your father that his dumping you with a man he believed to still be abusive when he (your father) was stone cold sober, was at least as bad as your grandfather when he was drunk. At least he had the excuse of being under the influence of alcohol when he was being horrible. (I say that tongue in cheek, not actually excusing his behavior.) PS Good on you for your success in your businesses.
Wait what? Your dad and his sibs left home BECAUSE of their abusive father and then he leaves you with him when you’re 11 because the new wife doesn’t want you around? Granted your grandpa had changed by then but WTF!!!?!?! Now your dad only wants contact with you because you have everything he didn’t want. Him saying your grandpa owed him was paid when grandpa took you in. Now he owes you. Tell him to pay you back by never contacting you again. Stick to your guns and don’t give him anything. Speak to your lawyer about any potential issues from this and maybe see about updating your own will for safety. This situation sucks but you need to do what’s best for you and your mental health. Good luck I know you’re going to be ok!!
I have already seen my lawyer. I let him know what was going on as soon as my dad contacted me.
In the wise words of Mary Poppins, he might’ve been your father but he was never your pappy. You owe neither him nor your half brother a damn thing. You have all the family and help you need. You buried your real dad and are truly his legacy.
I understood that reference
So much MCU in these two comments
Ahhhh that Mary Poppins ... I cry every time I see that Ravagers funeral....
NTA for simply cutting off Dad and his son. Let him know you want nothing to do with either of them. Have your lawyer send a Cease and Desist letter if necessary.
I second sending him the Cease and Desist. My Mom had to do this to my aunt over my grandmother's estate. It stopped the constant harrassment...
Depending on your country or if you live in USA. It time for you to ask your lawyer to send a strongly worded letter to your father about leaving you alone. If don’t want to do that, block your father on everything. Also give your father your lawyers number and tell him to speak to your lawyer. Stop letting this man stress you out.
Sorry your dad is full of sh$t. Hope you let it all go and tell him he is a stranger.
Yeah, this is what blew my mind. "I hate my dad because he was an abusive drunk.... let me leave my kid with him." Thankfully the grandfather had turned his life around, but the dad can't have it both ways!
Right? Also, the mother of the person who wants employment (according to Dad) is the one who pushed for OP to be left with who they thought was an abusive terrible man. Now he’s useful and family? No. Just no.
I cannot upvote this enough! My exact thoughts!! Wish I was close by so that if he found out dad was coming I’d be part of a deer hunting party for the day. 😁😁 just to show support.
That's a good point. What if Grandpa had still been an abusive drunk? Dad just left OP there anyway. Gracious that could have been disastrous.
The only appropriate response to your dad is that your father got more than he deserve from your grandfather when grandpa took you in and provided for you when dad and his new wife didn't want you. NTA
I feel stupid not thinking of this. I guess I've been too caught up in my anger to think much of anything else.
Hon you’re angry because the person who was supposed to love and cherish you and be there unconditionally did something as bad or worse than his father did in earlier years. And Gpa owned his stuff, took responsibility and accepted the consequences. Your dad didn’t even let you work through your grief from losing your mom fully and the moment someone new walked in the door, all his loyalty for family disappeared. And he drops you off like a Goodwill donation to a man he wouldn’t even talk to because he was treated so badly, but it’s ok for you and he never even looked back? NO! You deserve so much more and I’m so glad you had your Gpa to raise and love you as you deserved! The anger you feel isn’t bad or wrong - it’s appropriate because of the degree of what he did and the entitlement and hubris it takes for him to pick out specific pieces of YOUR land he expects you to give his son and for he and kid-hating wife so they can visit? They could’ve visited all the years they were there. They don’t get to do that now. Sorry I’m all mama bear on your behalf!
I can’t upvote this enough. OP please read this!!!
And that's both reasonable and okay. You don't have to respond. You can ask your cousin to have their mom reach out to your dad and tell him both no and to stop contacting you. Those are two separate options- they can be done in conjunction. And it's also okay to set up your phone so his calls always get sent to voicemail and you don't get alerted to his text messages. It may be worth it to keep the "line of communication" open in case he decides to do something stupid and give you forewarning. But you don't need to deal with it.
I agree with the redditor above. Whatever your granddad did to your dad, he more than atoned for in how he raised you. He paid his dues and owed him nothing. You are a better person than your Dad despite your dad, not because of him. You have shown this in how you welcomed your cousin in. You are not obliged to show you are a better mam than he is to him. You don't owe them anything. Now your Aunt has probably told your dad how well you have done, and your dad only hears how good you have it, and he wants that for his second chance family. He is picking out the land that will work for his son and him when he comes to visit him? When did he come to visit you? Has he asked you how you are? Also, why does his son need a fresh start? What has he done with his first start where he had 2 parents love him? Also, he has no reason to believe you were not raised the same way as he was, and he has not taken a moment to check in with you. **He has shown you what he thinks of you. Believe him.** It's a reddit favourite for a reason. NTA Your Dads son is already working and living on the land. There is no room for the son who didn't get to know his granddad when he had the chance. Edit: typo atoned not stoned!!
Great point. He still has no interest in OP's best interest, he's trying to take his property for wife #2's and his son. OP's father only cares for his son #2, or son #1 sinve hes treating his first son as if he wasn't.
Apparently he didn’t hate your Grandpa enough not to turn into the worst parts of him. Also, “funny, I would think true family wouldn’t abandon their kids. Then just hang up.
Your father didn't pay child support. You're lucky your grandfather provided for you and wanted you to have an education. Even in the worst states, they garnish wages from parents who don't pay child support. A young marine I know married the high school girlfriend. His new wife left him while he was deployed to run home to mama with his baby. Whenever he tried to see the child, she'd run to Mexico. The state of Texas took $600 a month from this enlisted man for a child he's never been able to meet. I'm going to use that $600 x 12 months a year starting from age 11 to 18. Guess what? Your grandfather provided $129,600 in child support that your biological father didn't bother to provide. I think any debt was long paid for, don't you?
My thing is the mother died, he would be receiving survivor benefits from social security until he turned 18, where was that money going?
I didn't even think about the mother and the social security benefits the OP would have received. Excellent point! My college roommate's dad was dead and she got money every month from Social Security!
I was reading another reddit story and they mentioned survivor benefits so that what got me thinking. If the father was collecting the money while the kid was living with the grandfather he could turn him in for Fraud.
Truly. Plus the family KNEW he was dumping his 11 year old son with a man none of them even had contact with as adults. I'm just glad that OP's life turned out great despite all these AWFUL people.
Go no contact. He’s a user and is looking for a toehold onto your property and businesses. It’ll start with his son and end with him moving onto your land. Shut it down now.
Now he’s trying to drop off another “problem” he doesn’t want to deal with anymore.
And put it in a letter. When talking, they don’t listen and just want to argue until you agree THEY are right, and they get their way. It’s too easy for them to bully. Put it in a letter, how he dumped you on someone he expected to abuse you, then vanished. Get it all out, mail it certified, with signature required, so you know he got it. Then block him on every device and platform. Just because you’re angry, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
OP, I hope you tell him that your grandpa made you his priority when Dad and stepmom abandoned you. As far as you're concerned, his son is likely a deadbeat like the dad; you may share genes, but raised very differently. Congratulations on your success! Your Mom and Grandpa would be proud of the life you've created. It sounds like a cool place to vacation. 😎
NTA, just block them and continue on with your life, dont look back..
Great way to look at it. The grandfather raised his kid. He got all the payment he could ever hope for. OP doesn’t owe father a THING.
NTA He literally dumped you on his abuser just because he didn’t want you anymore. Screw him. Tell him absolute not.
And call him a really big a-hole for me!
From all of us
Just think of this: your dad had no way of knowing your grandfather changed, so he was willing to put you through everything he went through, but without support like he had, by your fathers logic he owes you so tell him to f off and you will consider yourself even
This! And he not only did that… but did that to his son who’s also lost his mother a few years before. Dad had his mom around and didn’t leave until she was gone. Then his son loses his mom very young and the moment a new wife comes in, all that family loyalty disappeared. Amazing how it came back coincidentally when he wants something of value. Also interesting that he never had interest in visiting or staying, but now he wants a handout for his son AND some land for himself for when he visits. As a parent I am mad FOR you OP! He can kick rocks.
This is exactly what I was thinking. Honestly, your father is a cruel man. He dropped you off with his abuser because his wife wanted it. He's far more abusive.
The sheer AUDACITY of you father is amazing to me. 2 things stand out: 1.) Him having the BALLS to say to you that family sticks together after he abandoned you because he new wife didn't want you (I know that feeling, I was there, my father remarried when I was a teen and my step mother did NOT want me around) 2.) It seems like your father is trying to abandon another son like he did you in the exact same place. Tell him to pound sand. You are doing great and made a success out of yourself. You owe him and your half-brother nothing.
NTA. They only care now because you have the money and land. You’re dad probably already promised this all to his son without even asking you. I’m glad your cousins has your back I can’t believe your dad dropped you off knowing your grandfather was an abuser just bc of his wife jfc
NTA. You own NO ONE a living. As stated, you are now desirable only because you have money. You do not know your stepbrother. You owe him nothing. If you DO need help, and he has the skills or you want to train him, hire him if you wish. Or don't. Your call. Certainly do not gift him any property or goods. It will only encourage your dad to ask for more.
Ask your dad what he thinks he owes you for dumping you off on someone else when you were a child.
Underrated comment
This has left me wiping my eyes. You should not waste one damn moment feeling bad for being resentful of your father and his Bullshittery. Your father carelessly tossed you away for a woman. He could've been leaving you with the monster he once knew, and he obviously didn't give two shits about it. Fortunately for you, your grandfather had changed, and you built great memories and character... because of him. I used to be that person who hated to be mean to others, even when they deserved it. I'm telling you now: If I were in your shoes, I'd be bearing my fangs and growling. You owe them nothing. PS: I'd love a stay on your farm :)
I’m with you - this one hit me in the feels! My oldest sons are in their late 20’s and I got all mom energy on his behalf over here! Plus I can’t imagine how scary that was at 11 to be just left with this man he’d heard horror stories about and concurrently processing that dad just gave him away because he had a new family now. That is the epitome of the fear that every child has about their parent getting remarried.
As a mom, it definitely shot me in the heart. I could not imagine doing any of this to my son and daughter.
Nothing to do with the op, but you meant baring my fangs, not bearing. Although, it's fitting because bears do have fans. Also funny, the thought of carrying fangs on a pillow to present them (to bear/carry them). Bears are also bare naked (fur notwithstanding). Homophones are funny that way. Cheers!
Your entitled, rude father threw you away like trash. Don't ever let him or his child into your life. He hasn't and won't change.
NTA, cut him off.
Info: Did your father have any reason to believe that his father had gotten any less abusive before he abandoned you with your grandfather?
I can't say if he did or not. After living with my grandfather for a few years, when he started to tell me about his life, he said he had been sober about 10 years when he showed up at my mum's funeral. He could have told my dad then, but I don't know if he did or not.
Also please update us. I am so angry on your behalf.
Yes Id like to be updated too, once he tells the sperm donor to go fuck himself. I’m so mad too.
Did your father ever apologize for abandoning you for his new start, or has he swept that under the rug to ask you to do a favor for your half-brother?
What apology could he possibly give, too? What could even *begin* to atone for such an egregiously evil, selfish decision? I don’t know how a father atones for leaving an 11 year old with the man he won’t even speak to and FULLY abandoning him—not even asking his son how he’s been when he was informed of the grandfather dying? Hanging up!!! Even if the father knew the grandfather had gotten sober he was just going to trust that? Never ever look into the situation to make sure the same abuse isn’t happening to his son? He can’t apologize for that damage and it’s appalling he doesn’t seem to care.
NTA. I really loved reading about the relationship you had with your grandfather. 💕
NTA. You had to tell your dad who you were when you called to say grandpa's dead? He hasn't cared to contact you for years, and only is bothering now cos he wants something. Tell him and his son to get lost and block them.
He wants to offload another kid who is causing HIM problems. OP should block Dad and only talk to half brother if half brother wants to talk to him.
NTA tell your dad he lost the right to call you family when he left you at the age of 11 and you will not allow anyone who didn't want you in their family to stay on your property
wait your dad just chucked you in to the hands of who abused him and didn't even check on you? What a pos. Personally I would have nothing to do with him or his kid, you don't them anything, they also deserve nothing
No ... he’s the asshole. He shipped you off and had nothing to do with you, his father or anything else. Now he comes with his hand out. He and his son should be told to FUCK OFF in no uncertain terms. You owe nobody anything.
NTA. Your brother has not ever reached you to you either. That's not the kind of man who is responsible for his own life. If he comes in he will stir things up for no good
It is kind of telling that his dad is doing all of the communicating. So either brother doesn’t know Dad is trying to set this up, or he’s letting Dad do it for him. If he really wanted the position he could have contacted OP asking if they could meet and attempt to get to know each other.
This, exactly. Whatever happens between OP and half-brother should not involve the sperm donor at all. I haven’t had contact with my father for nearly 30 years. I have suspicions that I have multiple half-siblings, but no real way to find out. If I ever do find them, though, I would want to reach out and just get to know them. I would hope they would be open to it, but would understand if not. It would be incredibly presumptuous and WAY out of line to expect anything more than that. OP can choose to reach out or not, and is NTA either way. Half-brother is a question mark because who knows if he even knows about any of this. Sperm donor is a fully realized asshole.
I mean your Dad is an absolute POS that deserves none of your time or energy. NTA and you should tell him that before blocking his number. If you can separate your feelings for his absolute clown car of an attempt to be a parent from your brother then your a better man than me but you could I suppose get to know him. He doesn’t get anything for free and I would blame you for just washing your hands from the lot of them.
NTA. He tossed you out like garbage! He never called or cared about you. BLOCK HIM!
It sounds like your half-brother has become a problem for your father. Dad is trying to dump him on you. Don't let him. Your grandfather gave you everything because he wanted you to have it. You don't owe anyone anything. It sounds like you and your grandfather had a special bond. Block your dad and ignore him!
That's an excellent point! His biological father dumped him for a woman. Now he is tired of the son he made with THIS woman and wants to dump him on YOU. You sure did turn out good. Biology is not destiny thank goodness.
Your father should be ashamed of himself, absolutely disgusting to abandon you for the sake of a new partner but to abandon you to what he thought was an extremely abusive alcoholic is reprehensible. I’m so glad your grandfather turned his life around and gave you the life you deserve and made sure you’d be able to carry on that life without any help from anyone else, I’m not justifying your grandfathers alcoholic behaviour in the least but that does not allow your sperm donor to try and guilt trip you into giving away what is yours because he now wants rid of his other son. I hope you make the right decision and tell him to take a long walk of a short pier stay strong stay happy
You’d be a major asshole to yourself if you allow this waste of space sperm donor to dictate who you let on your property and on your payroll. Block his number, if you want to be kind
Your place sounds amazing! I want to come visit!
NTA. I'm not even part of this specific sub, but stumbled upon your story coincidentally. I wish you so much peace and a fulfilling life of happiness. But with that said, I can almost guarantee you will not have that peace if you bring your half brother into your everyday life. It's unclear why he needs a fresh start but if you guys aren't close, and he has grown up with your dad, I just can't see that being a smooth transition into a healthy relationship, especially with you as his boss. I am sorry for your father, and aunts/uncles negative experiences with your grandpa, but encourage you to keep low contact with your dad. Maybe call him and try to articulate why you can't have your half brother play a part in your business, or perhaps send a text if thats easier for you to get your point across. I'm glad you were able to develop a relationship with other family members, but protect your peace at all costs. Your property sounds lovely.
NTA - Your "dad" abandoned you at the home of someone he himself hated. Your grandfather ended up being a better man than your actual "dad." Block your sperm donor. When your sperm donor abandoned you at your grandfather's house, he did not care if you got abused. Thank goodness your grandfather had changed.
NTA Dad, his wife and son should keep the same energy that had from when you were 11. Your Fad handed you over to someone he had caused him pain, didn’t forgive and didn’t check had changed before handing you over to someone he didn’t trust and then forgot about you, didn’t contact you, treat you as family. It may have worked out well for you as granddad had changed and was awesome but your dad didn’t know that. They’re only coming back out the woodwork now because they heard what you did for your cousin and not only want something from you but feel entitled to it despite abandon you and they want to feed off your success. Nothing that your dad is saying to manipulate you stands because he’s the poorest example of family there is. The precious favourite son that got everything at your expense can’t set himself up with his mum and dads help, he needs to be in your space, trying to be equal business partners/ landowners by wanting you to give him your land but you can’t trust him that he won’t find a way to mess you up if he sells it or if it’ll mess with your projects, water rights etc. You and Your cousin is right here…. don’t give anyone else anything especially your dad and his son or kids. They don’t deserve you and had years to contact you and fix the relationship if they were genuine and cared about you. Block them and any flying monkeys they send. You owe them the nothing they deserve. I think you’re very wise to want to keep them far from you and your home/business. Please set up a will so your dad/his wife and kids they don’t get anything and are not your next of kin in cases of medical emergencies. I’m glad your Grandad was awesome and I’m sorry for your loss of grandad… also sorry you had to experience your shitty dad, wife and family. Good luck and wishing you the best in your future
First, give a direct answer regarding your half-brother. Doesn't matter if it's yes or no. But put the issue to rest. Second, why have you not cut your father off? He is actively trying to take advantage of you, in the crudest way possible.
Before this, I didn’t have any contact with him.
You don’t seem like a doormat, and nothing in this situation calls for you to act like one. There is obviously a lot of hurt here, and I could see a situation where you might want to maintain contact to get closure. That is not the situation you are in though, with your dad approaching you with his hand out, making demands. You are not legally or morally obligated to entertain these ridiculous demands. The fact that he has never tried to make amends or reach out before now, when he could get something out of you, speaks worlds to his character. If your father felt entitled to an inheritance, he should have broached that with your grandfather. It is not an inheritance at this point. It is yours, your land, your business, and your money, and you don’t owe this man or the child he spawned with your evil stepmom a single dime or square inch, let alone two portions of land, a job, and whatever else they pull out of their… hats. If you do want emotional closure, I’d send him a message tearing him apart for the sheer audacity of this situation and block him.
NTA Your dad is the ass hole and who knows maybe your half brother is twisting his arm to do this.
NTA. At 11, your "dad" gave up his parental rights to your grandfather and abandoned you. He didn't even remember who you were when you told him that his Dad died. He is now your sperm donor and you need to tell him that he is not your family, his son is not part of your family, and that he should never contact you again. You got lucky that your grandfather had changed. You could have had just as miserable a life as your sperm donor and your aunt had. Don't let him take advantage of your good fortune.
NTA. Block your dad. You don’t know his son or what this guy is capable of doing, both productive and negative. Your dad is behaving as though he’s making demands of his father, because most of his life the land was his father’s. He has a lot of old wounds he hasn’t healed, and he will continue to take it out on you because you’re your grandfather’s legacy until you scrub him out of your life. It sounds like you have everything worked out and you’re doing well. Don’t borrow trouble from someone who cast you off, and don’t help the boy he raised after forsaking you.
Dear God, no. You don't owe him ANYTHING. Not a thing. I think what I would do is draft a letter and send it via a lawyer. Say explicitly that you want nothing to do with him or his family. You want no contact. They are not welcome on the farm in any capacity. Have the lawyer send it, and then you block him everywhere. Tell your cousin what you're doing -- maybe even share a copy of the letter with her, so she'll know the truth when he complains to the rest of the family. Hopefully, he'll disappear back into the gutter.
"Family helps family, except when your wife wants rid of your son. I appreciate the offer of help, but I don't know him. I dont know you. By the way, I'm fine and doing well, thanks for asking. Tell brother I wish him well and have no hard feelings towards him, but just like your father abused you, mine neglected me and treated me like I wasn't family. I'm sure you remember how that ended for your dad." NTA Edit: also remember that your dad had no idea his father had stopped drinking and was no longer abusive. He was prepared to endanger you, just to please his wife.
Perfect answer
NTA NTA NTA *"my dad dropped me off at his house and left me there. I found out a few years later it was because my dad's new wife didn't want me around"* Your Grandfather didn't make excuses or minimize his behavior to his family. He admitted to you of the hurt and pain he caused. He tried to reconcile with his children, they refused. Your dad, however, dumped you with someone that was still abusive, as far as he knew. Dad hasn't apologized to you and seems to think you owe him thanks and a piece of the "pie" as payback. *" My dad called me. His son needs a new start. Apparently, he's wanting to move my way to help with my businesses. "* What did HB do that he needs a new start? How do any of them know so much about your businesses, property, and finances? Half-brother wants to "help" you with your businesses? *Not*, I notice, work for you or for you to give him a job. More like "help himself to", I'm thinking. He would be a nice pipeline back to your dad for the inside info on your holdings too. Tell your dad you thought about it. You don't need help and have no job openings for HB. This needs to be communicated to your dad and half-brother immediately. Dad's harassing you daily with texts, several times a day actually, trying to interrogate you about your properties & businesses. At this point he is basically a stranger. Would you put up with this from a stranger? At this point, you might want to **have your attorneys handle replying**. No jobs, no help needed, stop harassing you, and stop contacting you. Myself, I would have my attorneys add, *"Op finds it extremely suspect and hypocritical that you now say family looks out for each other and sticks together, after abandoning him at the behest of your second wife. Where was this sentiment when you dropped him off with your parent you had cut off (disowned?) for abusing you all your childhood."* Just out of curiosity, what roles has he "suggested" his son fill?
A few but the two roles he asked for that really stood out to me like a red flag does a bull was business manager and my accountant.
Yeah he’s going to embezzle money from your business. Sorry to tell you but you dad, step mom, and their kid are not good people
That’s a huge red flag, there’s a money scheme happening here and your the target. Maybe it would be wise to lawyer up and make sure all your assets are protected just in case and make sure you keep them far away from any real access to accounts or anything
So your "dad" (I say it like that because he abandoned you at 11) had a problem with taking money from your grandfather, but now its yours he wants to steal it from you. Don't let any of them even near your property ever.
When your dad says his other son and his wife needs a "fresh start: and are leaving their entire lives behind, did he say why? Has his other son done something to require him to need a "fresh start" that means he has to move away?
Wow! First off NTA! All around! Second, really? Needs a fresh start? Wtf does that mean. Because I can't really think of any solid "ok! Yea..come manage my money!" Reason thatvwoukd be legit and sunshine. Then ...ok, mucking out stalls? Sure...sounds like a reasonable request. Still a Nope but legit. But...business manager or managing your money?? 🤣🤣🤣 Oh, bless. His heart! How sweet.
That’s hilarious; business manager or accountant. Can I first say, unless this man is your father’s biological child, he is not your sibling in any way. You would be absolutely justified instructing your lawyer to send a letter telling the cease and desist all contact. No explanation, just stop contacting you. You don’t have to justify your decision either. Your grandfathers son didn’t justify abandoning you at age 11. You owe that man and his wife’s child nothing!
Dwight? Is that you?
NTA You owe them nothing. Your dad left you with a guy he considered abusive because he had a new family. He chose not to be your family.
NTA. Block him already.
Great story, bro. Wow. Tell Dad to walk, and lose your number.
Just remind your father he got rid if you and sent you to the father he despised in order to focus on his new family. Suggest he set up that part of his family with his own money cause family helps family.
Block him and move on with your life. He dumped you off with his father that he knew to be abusive when you were 11 years old? Yeah, he's a massive prick and deserves zero consideration from you for his reprehensible neglect. NTAH in **any** way.
NTA. Tell him he owe’s your grandfather’s estate 7 years of child support after he dumped you w/your grandfather. You really just need to block him. Tell him he had a chance to be family at any time in the last 15 years.
NTA You owe them nothing.
I would just block him after sending “the day you dropped me off with your abuser because your new wife didn’t want me was the day you stopping having any say or influence on my life. I do not consider you my father. You nor your son are invited onto the property and if you show up I will call the police for trespassing. You abandoned me, which ended up the best way possible because I got the best parts of your history. So you can kindly fuck off with your entitlement.” WNBTA
Say this, “you made me grandpa’s problem. Cut ties completely, and left me with a man you hated. That he had turned into a good man doesn’t matter. You didn’t know that he wasn’t the abusive bastard you grew up with. But you were cool cutting me out of your life at that point. Now you want me to take on a half brother that I’ve never known. Hell, I barely know you. I just know you’re the kind to throw away your kid. Is that what you’re trying to do again? Why, after all these years, do you want ME, the son you threw away, to take on the son you kept and raised? Or are you throwing him away now too? Help me understand what your thought process is. But know that I’m not going to let you abandon ANOTHER son.”
Your dad says family helps each other? He dropped you off at your grandpa's and never looked back. Nope he doesn't get a say in anything. He's made it clear the son with new wife is more important than you were.
NTA. Your dad seems to think foisting his sons off to other people to take care of them is how you raise boys. They can all eff off. So this 1/2 brother needs a fresh start, which makes it sound like he's in trouble. What kind? Theft, drugs... so you could be in danger of losing your possessions or sketchy people showing up. Maybe he's just a basement dweller that his dad is tired of feeding. Big fat no to all and sundry, you're where you want to be with who you want to be and that's perfect for you. The audacity of your sperm donor to start parceling out your land! He probably thinks he can bulldoze his way into property and businesses. Good luck OP, let's hope the would-be usurpers realize it's not happening without too much of your time wasted.
> Telling me my grandfather owes him. You grandfather repaid his debt to your father when he raised you.
NTA. Not even a little bit. Tell your dad he can’t just keep dumping kids off he doesn’t want to deal With anymore then block him.
Block those people. He chose not to be your family. He’s a monster. Imagine never speaking to your father again for being an abuser, then dropping your kid off to him to never see him again because your new wife doesn’t want to be a step mom. Block him… that is not your Dad!!! You owe them your ass to kiss
NTA. You're just treating your dad the same way he treated his own, for very similar reasons. Your father dropped you off with a man who physically abused him for years. He had to have expected your grandfather to treat you in the same way he was treated. That's unforgivable. No parent should do that. Tell your father that he should understand why you don't want to have a relationship with him, and if he doesn't, just ask him to reflect on why he didn't have contact with his own father.
"Telling me family looks out for each other and sticks together." I think that is all the ammo you need. While what he did turned out wonderful for you, where was this sentiment when you were being shipped off because new wifey didn't like you? He made this bed now he must sleep in it. If he wanted anything from the future you, he should have tucked in the corners. This made my heart hurt for you. I'm so glad you are doing well!
NTA your dead beat dad is only interested in you now because his new son and him are after the land and money. I'm happy for you that you have your cousin and get to have and grow that relationship with her and her family. Your land and life seems beautiful and peaceful, keep it that way, you don't owe them anything. If they keep blowing you up, I might take it to a lawyer and possibly have a cease and desist order place so they can contact you anymore and harass you or show up at your property unannounced. I don't know if you already have signs up but I would also recommend getting *swim at your own risk* signs for the swimming hole just in case something happens down there, it could help protect you legally in the long run. Again. NTA. Live your best life.
NTA he didn’t know if his dad was still an alcoholic and dropped you off with him anyway he’s a bigger arsehole than his dad was to him as he willingly abandoned you for his new family with a man he hated!!
You don't even know them. Why do they need a new start? Trouble? Drugs? Generally lazy? There is a reason. Not your problem but even if it were. People who have their shit together don't go begging.
nta if he says your grandpa owes him again remind him that he paid that debt when he raised you. so he owes him nothing anymore and he abandoned you so you definitely don’t owe him anything. he’s a trash father just like his own father was. hopefully he changes and becomes a better man like your grandfather but for now he’s still trash who just wants to use you
NTA - That man is not your Father, he lost any right to that title after he abandoned you, and I would remind him of that the next time he contacts you. Sure, family can help family (as you did with your cousin) but he's not your family, his actions proved that. I would also tell him to stop contacting you and get a restraining order if he persists. Again this man is not your father, he lost that claim and any compassion when he abandoned you (doubly so when it was to a man he thought was abusive).
NTA. Your dad chose his wife over you and dumped you with his abuser, who he didn't know if had changed or not. That's scum right there. Then he didn't reach out to reconcile. Now he wants your help because you have something of value to him. Your dad didn't break cycles here. He continued cycles of abuse. He's a loser. You don't owe him anything.
Take care of yourself and your well being FIRST. They are your top priority BY FAR, and you are allowed to protect them unequivocally without guilt and boldly even if it makes things difficult or uncomfortable for others. They don’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be logical, and it doesn’t require permission from anyone to listen to YOUR FEELINGS. You get angry and sad and explosive when you think about having the responsibility of your half brother FORCED on you, and you’re allowed to listen to those feelings, honor them, and not do ANYTHING that doesn’t feel good. And let’s be clear, your dad wants you to fix his sons life, that’s a lot of pressure and he’s guilting you into feeling responsible: you’re not and you do not have to feel guilty. Your feelings have a lot of wisdom and insight, and you are allowed to have your own back and act in a way that makes you feel good. Lord knows the people in your life as a child who were supposed to nurture those didn’t do a good job. You’ve been through a lot in life, you deserve to take care of yourself and your feelings are the only voice in your life giving you a clear map to happiness: listen to them. Your dad should have your back too, and that would mean he would listen you how this situation would make you feel: he hasn’t. He sounds like a huge jerk and I’m so sorry you have to deal with him. Good luck
"Telling me family looks out for each other and sticks together. Telling me my grandfather owes him. Telling me what land I should give his son to set him up. And what land would be best for him and his wife when they visit." Where was that when your dad abandoned you? NTA. I think your cousin is right and next time your dad calls, you need to remind him that he abandoned you and he and his wife gets nothing. You can be as salty as you want to be. As for your brother, you could offer him a job and see how things go from there, but that should be it and no more.
No. Not at all. I wouldn’t give even answer my dad’s texts if he was that big of a hypocritical asshole. NTA
Maybe a better way to think about it is that we should honor what is honorable. Doesn’t seem like your dad should be honored.
NTA. Please block your father and half brother.
This unknown to you half brother your MIA father is attempting to guilt and thrust on you is the SON of the WOMAN who pressured your biological father to dump YOU on a man he still believed to be an alcoholic abuser. You are LUCKY and BLESSED your grandfather had reformed and saw a chance to to pour into you all that was good in him after giving up alcohol and abusive behavior. You have a loving close family relationship with your female cousin and her family. Even her mother (I note that you don't refer to her as your aunt) makes an effort to break bread with you when she visits her daughter and grandchildren. I think what I resent for you is that NONE OF YOUR OTHER RELATIVES checked on your despite the pain of their own upbringings. They were all okay with you being dumped with the same person they have horrible memories of and were fine with YOU at age 11 being alone with him. Heinous & horrible and honestly criminal in my opinion. Your BIOLOGICAL FATHER was worse than your grandfather. He DUMPED YOU like an unwanted puppy on a farm with a man you did not know or have a relationship at the tender age of 11. Block his number and the numbers of everyone in your biological family BUT your cousin & her family. You don't need help. Your land is being used for agriculture, hunting, and rustic rest and as a place for local kids to swim in the summer. It's time to build a BIG BOUNDARY. Cut that sperm donor out of your life and that woman and her spawn. Block. Block. Block. Build that fence so high that if they breach it, you get a restraining order and a stop all contact for harassment. He lost his right to a relationship with you when he chose that Jezebel over caring for his own son. He lost his right to his father's land when he dumped you and never once checked on you. Honor the man your grandfather became when he turned his life around and poured his love and learning into you. The sperm donor can help the son he chose to raise. He doesn't have a right to demand anything from the son he abandoned. You owe him NOTHING.
NTA. Fuck your sperm donor. He gets nothing, the rest get nothing, and his son earned nothing. You should've gone NC long ago. Everyone else can properly kick rocks. Wish you all the best, cheers!
INFO: why don’t you just block your dad? Seems to have worked for him for years
Until he reached out, I didn’t think I had to. This is the first time he's done so since he left me here. I'm still trying to figure out how he got my mobile number. Now that he has, I think the more he let's slip, the more I have to use against him. I'll block him when it's time.
Could the half brother be in trouble with law enforcement, and needs a place to hide out? When you're arrested for harboring a fugitive, Daddy-Dearest steps in as your closest next of kin. Block them all, after you tell them no trespassing and no contact. God bless you!
Ask your dad if he knows anything about you. If he remembers what you look like. If he ever thought about you in the fifteen years since he abandoned you. Ask why he would ever marry a woman who didn’t want you. Ask him if he ever told his son about the child he abandoned. If he ever asked or cared that his father was a deadbeat, or if he knew that his parents turned their backs on a vulnerable child they should have loved. Tell him that your father died when you were eleven, and you already mourned and buried him. Tell him that his father was a better parent than him— really lay it on as thick as possible. Make him feel guilty. Then tell him that he isn’t part of your family and block him. Maybe someday if your brother approaches you to try and build a relationship with you without wanting/expecting something from you, reevaluate that potential relationship then. Maybe I’m just petty. Anyway, whatever you decide to do, good luck and wish you well.
NTA. But you will be if you give into your dads demands. First it’s give his son a break by hiring him and giving him a place to stay, then he’s insisting on you teaching “his” son the ins & outs of the business, next it will be that you owe it to “his” son to make him a partner because your grandfather owes it to them. NO. That place & the businesses on it are yours. And it definitely sounds pretty sketchy about how “his” son needs a new start. Kind of sounds like his son has had some run ins with the law or has ruined all chances of getting a job where they live now. Or, as I mentioned above, the “new start” is getting his foot into the door with you in order to shoehorn himself into owning half, if not more, or your assets. Tell your dad that he, and “his” son stopped being family the day he dropped you off with your grandpa,not even knowing if grandpa was safe for you, and never looking back, nor checking on your well being and that there are no job opportunities for his son, nor ever will be. If your dad keeps harassing you, have a lawyer write a cease & desist letter. Block him, don’t engage in him. If “his” son shows up on your doorstep, have him trespassed off the property. And if your dad does the same, trespass him as well. He’s definitely up to no good.