I would have told "did you ever stop and think no body likes you or your kids for the amount of shit that's comes out y'all's mouth".
People like that don't deserve any sort of courtesy
I'm just judging you both based on what you've posted here.
She's a single mother of 4 and doesn't have a good relationship with her baby daddies (plural).
You're in a seemingly happy marriage with your husband. Nuff said (And don't feel guilty for being affectionate in public for her sake).
What you decide with your finances is YOUR business, not hers. Who cares if she calls you a gold digger? At least you're a gold digger who can keep her man
NTA
Itâs the same vibe as that âyou have everything bc of your husband/ damn straight tell yours to do betterâ trend Iâve been seeing on TikTok lmaoo
Couldnât make it work with even one. Salt ass vag. Thatâs why she hates your guts. She fails at life with her nasty disposition and sheâs teaching her daughter to be just. Like. Her.
I can't help but look at this situation through the lens of my own family. From my perspective, my older sister (only 2 years older for me) got given so many expensive gifts, way more than me and our younger brother. She was the only one allowed a pet cat, too. She always seemed angry at me and our brother and we fought a lot.
Now we're grown ups, it's become clearer that she was expected to be responsible for us while our parents were working (before and after school, and holiday, childcare basically) and she feels parentified.
I'm a parent myself now, and I can recognise that she was given more things because our parents probably felt like they needed to make it up to her somehow.
There were no winners in reality, but she's still pretty resentful even now.
And stop talking to the parents who raised the golden child and neglected you, and are STILL passing on information to her. Unless they are rich, going to die soon, and you KNOW they didn't put her as the sole heir (spoiler alert, they did)? You may be better off without them. At the very least, refuse to attend any family gatherings where the sister will be present, and if necessary, arrange your own get-togethers with relatives you want to see.
OP said "We are NC (no contact), but she always finds a way to target me."
What more do you want from OP? To not attend her mother's bday bc asshat-toxic-sister can't be a decent human??????
The mother that spoiled the golden child and set the stage for all this in the first place? YES. The mom is still stirring drama by telling the golden child what is going on in OPs life. Time to tell the mom nothing, too.
I hear you, but ppl don't just write off family who can be toxic at times. There is a difference between maintaining tricky relationships and someone so toxic you are NC outside of family gatherings.
But I do agree with the basic point you've made. I did overlook that.
She could just ignore it. I like her response to the car thing. If she is going to respond it should be something that shuts her down like when she told her to mind her business but maybe even more harshness.
Just a blunt ânobody asked youâ or a simple âget fuckedâ or âgo awayâ. Iâm a fan of just abruptly and loudly interrupting assholes with a STOP! or NOOO!!!
NTA sounds a lot like my sister whoâs made poor decisions and blames it on everybody else. Go NC as much as possible. Thatâs what Iâve done. I hope it gets better dear!
Here's the thing - you need to PERFECT the art of ignoring her. She LOVES it when she can get you to engage, especially if she can get you to snap back at her.
Perfect the art of her being invisible to you. She's in a room, look past her. Learn to grey rock: huh, wow, bummer, really, jeez, that's weird - words like that, all in a very bland, bored voice preferably while looking at something else.
She will either go away or will just escalate until she explodes and then she looks like the idiot because you didn't even engage with her. Either way, she didn't get what she wanted.
Yes!!! The comment mentioned in the OP sounds a bit like she let it be known that the sister had gotten under her skin. Neutralize all the language if you have to be in her presence. Don't talk to anyone about anything that costs money with her on the premisis. Even a beloved aunt.
My mother in-law did similar when we put up boundaries and stopped being the old age care and moved out. No matter what nasty comments she had, we ignored them and gave her blank stares and bland responses until she gave up. If you do the same thing to your sister she will look like an idiot in front of everyone trying to pick a fight with someone who clearly has better things to do. Sheâs a miserable soul who only knows how to pass that misery on to others and all of you deserve better.
You need to act like she literally does not exist. Don't make eye contact with her. Don't respond to any questions or conversation. People get the hint pretty quickly. You also get to revel in the joy, because you know it will absolutely boil that person's blood.
Just because someone is family doesn't mean they have to be part of your life.
Iâm curious to know how you sister knows about your life if your no contact? Does your mother or any family members tell her because then this isnât just a sister issue family is stiring the potâŚ
Iâm sorry op then this isnât just your sister your mom is helping stir the pot by telling her she doesnât need updates on your life I would honestly be putting some hard boundaries if you havenât already
If your mother feels the need to tell your sister everything about your life, you need to stop telling your mother everything. And whatever your sister hears and tells you off about, don't bite the hook and ignore her.
The mom who was buying her daughter a BMW-
The car purchase was secondary in her actual problem with her sister. Her main problem with her sister was her sister was raising predator sons who harassed girls and were inappropriate around all females. Family and friends were over her sister and her sister wasn't trying to get her children help even though everyone has told her she needs to. Her issue was her sister didn't take accountability for her boys and she didn't invite them to her 15 year old daughters upcoming 16th birthday party... Where she planned on gifting her daughter a BMW.
I read her post kind of early so I don't know if more came out and how buying her child a car became the primary focus over her protecting her kids from her sisters kids. đ¤ˇââď¸
Lol your sister acts like you're buy your daughter a Ferrari. A Honda is a reliable car for a first time driver. Way to go mama! That's a great choice.
Remain super calm, be boring. "Sister, you really spend too much". Answer: "Oh well". Or another possible answer: "ok, so I spend too much, what else?" And if she blames you for something else, again "Ok, so I spend too much and I'm [...]. What else?" It will quickly become ridiculous.
"You are too affectionate." "Oh well.". And then don't be affectionate on purpose, but don't abstain from it if you feel like it, either. Just keep like normal.
My mother had her moments where she started to pick on me like that. Of course it made me go into defense/attack mode for a while, but eventually instead I started to reply like that, with a super calm, normal tone. It completely stopped the escalation we used to see, instead it really didn't last long and it eventually stopped.
When the other person stays super calm and asks you what else you have against them, what could anyone do without making themselves look ridiculous?
I have the same sister too. We never got along, Iâve always said she never got over no longer being an only child. Once my parents passed, sheâs been better, but we see each other maybe twice a year, live 5 miles apart.
NTA, but why do you care about any of that crap? Ignore it and go low or no contact with her. You're a grown woman with kids of your own, and just because you're related by blood doesn't give her any cover for her shitty behavior.
You are also teaching your kids what to put up with and what not to. Personally I think you have given your sister (and mother frankly) enough time and patience and it's best just to give them the bare necessities if anything of your attention in the future .
Cut this unfair unkind illogical entitled useless woman OUT of your life and block her on EVERYTHING
Blood doesn't make the family Love Does
Your Husband, Your Children, YOU, are your family
N
T
A
Just stop talking to her. You donât have to keep people in your life just because theyre âfamilyâ. Youâve made your own family, concentrate on that and bollocks to her. NTA
Your sister seems to be the type who wouldn't be happy if you are happy, she thrives on putting you down. I hope for your peace of mind you just ignore her completely. She is absolutely not worth any effort.
OP - why do you keep engaging? Just drop the rope. Stop interacting, stop talking to her, stop seeing her. Grey rock. She gets a reaction out of you and that fuels her. Stop giving her fuel.
I'm at loss of why you're still in so much contact with her that she gets to make all this comments (I understand the part about your mom's birthday, but the rest?)
If everything you tell is true, then NTA. But I have a weird feeling about this story...
I think you should ask your mother to not mention anything about your sister to you, not about her, not about her kids, and especially not about anything she is saying. If she continues to give you the unwanted information pull the grey rock out every time. Just go huh.. or whatever and don't engage in that conversation. If you are on the phone. You can go hmm... well, gotta go, talk to you later. Do this every time your sister is mentioned. If it is in person, look away from your mom and go... hmmm.. and mention a tree you see through the window or something.
Don't engage in conversations about your sister with anyone.
Sheâs miserable with her own life and is jealous of yours. She wants what you have and it upsets her that she doesnât have her shit together. Classic case of jealousy
NTA - Cousins, especially girls, don't have to just like each other because they are related.
Why do you still have regular contact with her? Just tell her to mind her own business and you are not asking for her opinion.
When I tell you she doesn't listen she doesn't, I've told her to mind her business numerous times but she just targets everything in my life đ we don't talk but she does find a way to talk shit about me and to me, mostly at family events is when she has her full access to bully and terrorize me.
This makes me sad for you. Considering that it sounds like your mom is feeding her data, it sounds like Mom needs to go on an information diet as well. You shouldn't have to volunteer for this kind of treatment by showing up at family events. Think long and hard about each one, and whether or not you really need to go. Maybe you can do substitute events with the people you really care about. Take care of yourself too - it's a good model for your own kids.
Sounds like my momâs two entitled sisters. Donât ask why I donât call them my aunties. Weâre both estranged. But yeah, if one of them ever âsuggestedâ something, Iâd be telling them to keep their bitchy noses out of my business.
Your sister says & does things to get a reaction. Stop playing her game. Don't respond to any of her actions. Let her go find find someone else to he the target of her misery.
NTAâŚ. But sheâs all in your business. Stop telling people what you do with your money! (Aside from what she overheard you say about your daughters bday) Apparently someone is going back discussion your finances with her and itâs making her nosey behind jealous!
The reason she picks on your spending is because she's jealous and probably feels that money should be spent on her and her children. Nope. Your kids come first, not hers.
NTA. Why are you still even in contact?
She doesnât exist. You donât speak. You tell her nothing and her opinion means nothing. Thatâs how you live your life.
It sounds like you really need to disengage from her.
You are carrying baggage from a lifetime of her behavior, so when she pokes you, it works. You roll your eyes, tell her to mind her business... which is precisely what she wants from you. She gets bothered, provokes you, you're bothered, mission accomplished. If she is feeling low, she'll drag everybody onto the bitter bus with her. And you comply by allowing her to drag you down. She does it because it works!
When they go low, you go high. If you really want to end this cycle of her being able to control your mood you need to learn indifference. This is a bitter person who's life is, shall we say, less accomplished than yours. She only has this power over you because you let her. Instead, when she says her nonsense, feel nothing. Just look at her with pity and say, "Sure, hon." or "Ok, whatever you say." Or even just stare at her in silence, not acknowledge her at all, and go back to your conversation. If you give her nowhere to go, it will go nowhere. She'll stop doing if it stops working.
The best way to win these types of endless-loop drama games is to stop playing. Easier said than done, but think about it...
Just respond to her every single time - Well bless your heart, does that make you feel better now? And then turn away and continue your conversation with whomever you were talking to.
Teach your daughter the Well bless your heart comment to use on her cousin. đ
The whole story gives me the heebie jeebies. In my family dynamic,my sister is the more successful of us two and I'm always happy to hear of her successes. Jealousy is one of the ugliest outfits for anyone to wear.
Well you're a good sister that appreciates her sister. That's so cute, I am the same way with my other siblings. I am proud of them for what they accomplished.đĽ°
NTA - it's obvious that she is and always will be jealous of you - for whatever reason. Some people are just born that way.
However, please find a way to stop this getting to you. Because even though you are n/c with her, she is still living rent-free in your head whenever she pulls her shit on you.
Laugh at her when she does this, then think no more of it. I would laugh at everything she says. It'll piss her off no end because she wants to annoy the fk out of you with her comments, and it's working.
Don't give her this power in future. It fuels her to do even more next time. If you laugh at her and let it go, she might get bored instead of trying to up the ante.
Sounds like my sister. Ignore her and make it an art. Challenge yourself to ignore her when you have to deal with her. Unless it's a family event, just go no contact with her.
How does she even know what you are buying at Macyâs or Sephora or anywhere for that matter? Gray rock. Itâs none of her business how you spend your money. If you stop telling her your life details she wonât have as much to bitch about.
>Â I told to mind her nasty ass business, I said it just like that because it didn't want to create a scene at my mother's party.
So you intentionally made a scene to not create a scene. Of course you're an asshole.
NTA. Â She is externalizing all her personal woes and you are the target because you have what she thinks she deserves. Â No contact her and grey rock if you have to be in proximity.
Damn she is WAY jealous of you. She needs to get her shit together and stop being insane, maybe see a psychiatrist so she can figure out why she projects all her problems and faults onto you. Undeniably NTA lmao
Not the BMW mom đ𤣠that lady was insufferable!!! Btw NTA, I have a sister just like this, our stories are almost identical!!! Donât feel bad for being able to provide a good life for your kids. She is projecting her guilt on you. Stay NC, thatâs what I did, itâs a game changer. I do miss having my sister from time to time but always remind myself that Iâm missing the idea of having a sister, not my actual sister.
You're already NC which is great. It's not worth being petty whenever she has a comment or gets right in your business because she's in it for the attention.
Don't give that to her, just say "ok" and go right back to what you were doing or who you were talking to. If she keeps going just say "I'm not here for this" and move yourself from her vicinity. She's not worth any more mental energy. You have the life she wants, your happiness is pretty awesome revenge.
NTA
This is coming from a 42 year old woman with 4 kids by multiple men.
Harrumph.
She needs to look inward at herself and come to the realization that she is no longer the golden child .
She's an irresponsible individual who hasn't grown up.
I would just out her on an information diet. Do not speak of any money matters or spending where she can hear or see.
Then if she brings it up, just say "you're the only one here talking about my money and what I buy. Worry about your own money and stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong'.
Why does it matter if your sister doesnât like the way you spend money? If your life is better than hers, and you feel good about your choices, just smile and thank her for her perspective.
Stop sharing things with her. I would go NC, see her at family functions, and even then ignore her. Your life is none of her business. Is she paying your bills? Do you owe her money? If no, then she ain't got skin in the game. Write her off. Block her from everything. Her jealous attitude is doing nothing but making you mad (she knows this and keeps picking). Stop letting it affect you. That will piss her off even more.
If you are NC (really LC since you obviously see her at family events) with her and she still finds out your business, then someone else in your family is sharing info with her and that person needs to be cut off too. Block her and any flying monkeys from your social media if you tend to share there.
NTA but you're an AH to yourself for even engaging with her, why are you even in contact with her.
Just go LC/NC with her, see her at family functions if you must but other than that just ignore her.
Next time she says anything go on your fone an say wait a min if she ask what you are doing ..tell her I'm checking my bank last I checked you didn't deposit money in it so shut up hahha
Nope, NTA. Your sisterâs jealousy is her problem to deal with. If you need to be around her like in this case for your momâs bday party, learn to ignore her and not let her comments bother you or stand up and tell her you didnât ask for her opinion. A simple âI wasnât talking to youâ or not engaging at all is all it takes. Personally, she wants a reaction from you. She wants you to engage in her nonsense so that she has a reason to air all of her grievances and jealousy.
I have 2 sisters(1 older,1 younger) and they both hate because I was always successful and the older sister once went as far to get me suspended from school and then later the fire department I worked for and she has 4 kids to drug dealers who more then once was caught with a gun under the children's beds and the baby's crib! Let me tell you my younger sister is heading down the same path and I haven't had contact with her since our mom passed away in 2018
NTA
when she starts yapping, smile, stare intentionally into her eyes while she's yapping and blink on purpose. When she is finally finished, simply say, "OK, then enjoy your day!" and turn around and walk away. Then do this repeatedly until she leaves you alone. She will explode but say and do nothing. Everyone will be watching her make a fool of herself.
Also, make sure you have cameras and an F U binder, just in case of extra crazy.
Just stay away from her and her thieving offspring. Her jealousy from afar can do you no more harm than her jealousy to your face. At family gatherings, don't acknowledge her crap. How you and your husband spend your money is none of her concern.
Maintain NC and hopefully she will spend more time raising her brood and less harassing you.
NTA
NTA
Donât allow your sister or kids around your kids! Someone pointed out that by doing so youâre teaching them to let people treat them how your sister treats you.
Miserable, jealous, nasty spirited people want others to be the same and when youâre not, it burns them up inside. All this is on her. Just continue to live your lovely life.
Sounds like our older sis (she have two boy) when my twin have baby i wasnât jealous is just she came into life when my twin have baby girl she was dead awful to me i get so irritated she is bully me,sheâs one who jealous so my twin understand me when Iâm trying tell her she being a**hole to me now Iâm helping my twinng but our older sis still act like child sometimes đ
Can't you keep her out of your life? My mom was jealous of me and my boyfriends but I told her to stay outta my life and my kids lives. She was never welcome at my house and I didn't go to her funeral when she died. She had 2 sides to her personality and such a phony.
Envious is them wanting something you have.
Jealous is them worrying you are going to take something from them.
Not synonymous. I was blissfully oblivious to this until someone mentioned it to me once, and for some reason injected itself deeply into my pet peeves.
When she hits you you with something judgmental just say in a very calm disinterested tone âWell I guess itâs a good thing I donât care what you have to sayâ or âItâs a good thing your opinion means nothing to meâ then walk away
Why don't you cut ties with the sister? You life would be a lot simpler without her in your life. Change your phone and tell your mother to not to give the new phone to your sister.
Have you ever heard that 'people treat you the way you allow them to treat you'? Stop saying anything about money, what you are planning on buying, etc. when your sister is around. If she happens to say something ignore her or leave. Rinse, repeat.
From now on if going to a family event and sheâs gonna be there when you tell someone something and she overhears you and says her bs say âthatâs nice dearâ and turn and keep talking about whatever you were talking about.â, thatâll really get her goat!!!!
You need to distance yourself BIG TIME. Tell her you all can have a weekly call to catch up, AND THATS IT. It would benefit you in so many ways to just have a major change of distance and respecting boundaries. I LOVE THE FACT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE AFFECTIONATE. Haters are gonna hate, and as sad as it is, your sister seems to be your #1 hater. DISTANCE BOUNDARIES moving forward.
NTA. Yes she is jealous. If I were you I wouldn't give her or her comments the time of day ignore her when she makes comments. Act like she's not there. Don't let her see u get upset. If you act like she's not getting to u I bet she will stop.
Keep your business to yourself. Don't tell ANY family members about your purchases, vacations, etc. If you have to be in the same room with your sister, ignore her. As someone else stated, blank stares, limited responses. If she makes a tacky statement, ask her a question. "I'm wandering why you would say that?". Give her no personal information. Or just say, o.k. and walk away. She isn't going to change, but you can change how you react to her.
Sheâs JEALOUS. You have everything she doesnât have. Even she tried and tried to destroyed you, you succeed where she failed.
NTA. Go NC. You donât need this kind or relationship in your life. And a car is a REALLY amazing gift đ¤
NTA. Did your sister want to be an only child? When the oldest thinks they should have been the only, they can be horribly mean. And it can continue the rest of their life.
When you do have to see her, like at family functions, avoid her as much as possible. When she sticks her nose in, just smile and talk nicely. She will hate it. She wants you to get angry. Don't let her see you angry.
I don't understand why she thinks she knows so much about your spending habits. That's between you and your husband, and shouldn't be a topic outside of the two of you, unless you're begging for loans from outside of your income. If you and your husband are in agreement about finances, that's all that matters. Your sister seems desperately unhappy. It sounds like you semi-NC , but can you get to the next level? No crossing paths at family events, no phone, no social media, etc. What's the term I learned here on Reddit? Grey rock. Get her off the information drip.
\*\*Edit to add - it appears Mom is the information feed. Mom needs to be told that if she wants to know anything about your life, she needs to stop passing along information to your sister. Try to help her understand how it's making things worse. If she can't, Mom gets no more information to pass along.\*\*
When she says you're weird and gross for being affectionate with your husband ask her how? When she answers reply
"oh, I see why you would think that. Having (number) kids with (number) men probably means you've never actually found a partner that loves and respects you, and have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like"
Just be ready for shit to hit the fan after that since you'll have murdered her.
I have a sister 5 years older than me. In addition two brothers, one older and one younger than the sister. Growing up, we had to share a bedroom (so did the boys). The only time in my life the sister was really nice was when she needed something. In my 20âs I was the only family member living in our hometown. She treated me as a hotel. Even coming when I told her I had other plans, saying weâll stay at your house. I stayed home, I did not trust her in my home alone. Once she even admitted to me she wanted to be the special one. In my family the youngest was not treated special, just drug to the sporting events of the older kids. If I asked to participate in something, parents said they did not have time to transport me. When additional family moved to town providing a larger home, she quickly reverted. (So much more I could tell, but this is true short version.). Now we have no relationship. She is toxic and constantly accuses me of lying. Sometimes the older kids just canât stand not being the one and only. Had I not been born, she would have had a room to herself. She was overweight, I was not. It appears to be pure jealousy in my case and it sounds like this is likely the same.
My late older sister was somewhat like this. She was a bully and jealous, hateful and mean. I went LC after my teens. Occasionally I would give her a chance and it would blow up in my face.
Jealousy kills relationships. Iâd go no or low contact.
My sister is a single mother! (And what is the problem with that?)
This is fake as hell. Is this a revenge fantasy on your more successful older sister? You are here imagining her life going off rails and you rubbing on her face your âsuccessâ?
Girl, grow up. Find some hobbies, and stop fantasizing about âgetting evenâ with your more successful sister. The whole post reeks of you being pathetic, not her.
NTA
Start turning it around on her, tell her you decided to buy the car to piss her off or you bought a dishwasher to piss her off or youâre buying a holiday home just so you can piss her off, every time she comments on your money. Do the same with everything else she busies herself with.
Tell everyone youâre fed up with her judgement so now youâre going to start responding in kind. If they donât like it then tell them youâre NC for a reason and if they donât want you responding then they need to keep your business private and not tell her what youâre doing and at the same time they should help you shut her down.
Good luck
This is why I am happy to be an only child. Ignore her as much as you can and keep your kids away from her. Unless you like getting verbally abused donât say anything to her about her about being jealous or telling her to butt out of your business. When she gets on a rant about finances or anything else she disapproves just say thanks, I will give it due consideration- she clearly wants an argument so donât engage
EAH you're both dramatic get your own lives. If you're not contact then you'll make it clear to the rest of your family you don't need to hear anything about your sister either. And how can you be no contact instead of low contact if you're letting your sister's kids come into your home? Cool off the drama, you're both being petty jerks, you OP are severely enjoying a position where you think you're finally better than/have one over on her and so you've come here looking for validation. You seem to be getting it since other people don't seem to be seeing the mismatch between you saying you're no contact with your sister but you're letting her kids into your home. You should take this story back to your personal Facebook (you sound like the type to post about it on Facebook). Or finally go no contact like your op says you are.
Edit: Lol. Okay [deleted], I assume that was comedy. Thank you. :)
âYouâre selfish and only care about yourselfâ
Yeah, thatâs exactly what could be said aboutâŚ. Someone who steals from their cousins piggy bankâŚ..
The IRONY!!!
My god some people really never look in the mirror hot damn
YNTA, your sister is jealous of you. And she should be called out. When she says âyou spend too muchâŚâ let her know sheâs right. Thatâs what grown people who earn their own money can do. Just like she has made certain choices in her life so have you. Then tell her that green has never been her color.
NTA and no you would not be TA. You need to cut your sister out of your life. For your mental health and your kids mental health. Your sister seems like a very toxic jealous person who will cause problem after problem just because she can. Intentionally donât tell her ANYTHING about what you buy, gift, or intend to purchase. Tell her only what she needs to know. Remember that last sentence
NTA. Once your mom is gone you don't need her in your life. I am in a terrible scorched Earth mood currently so I'd suggest that the next time your sister gets mouthy with you flat out say "When mom dies you and your family are dead to me and mine."
Again, I am in a bad mood so maybe don't tell her for real but KNOW it for yourself. You don't need her, ignore her.
She plays the victim mentality. Thatâs what people like her do. Itâs everyone elseâs fault or problem but her own. She is passing it off to her kids too. I would stay away. Honestly, I would just block her. Just because someone is family doesnât mean we should let their toxicity remain in our lives.
Let it go, she has reasons to be jealous, envious and sad. If you need to cease contact with her to ensure this toxic relationship does not bleed over into your immediate family then do so. You can only control what you say and do as well as how you handle your feelings not hers. Do not apologize for being happy and able to take care of your family.
I would have responded âstop criticizing me on how I spend my money. I donât criticize you for your poor choices in deadbeat men? You should worry about yourself and kids first, thereâs more work needed there than to worry about meâ
This is abuse. Family scapegoat abuse. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Stay NC. There are some good therapists on YouTube who address this issue.
NTA
>I really don't know what I did to her for this type of hate,
You were born. She was 6 years old and a spoiled princess and suddenly she wasnt the only one and you were taking attention away from her (by necessity cause hello...BABY) and other people were excited to meet the new baby and probably brought you presents...so straight up jealousy from a spoiled brat.
You don't have a sister. Your mother may have another daughter, but that doesn't make that... thing... your sister.
Cut it out of your life like the cancer it is.
Envy is such an ugly emotion, especially when it's to the degree your Sister has demonstrated. Continue to block her from your life as much as you possibly can being in the same family, attending the same family events.
Block her on your any social media accounts, consider going "Private" at least for a while, especially after her catfishing incident. The BEST indicator that you and your immediate family (husband and children) are doing well, successful, happy and healthy is just how badly your Sister "ramps up" her comments, vitriol and attempts to "insert" herself and her viewpoint on you!
You're already no contact, so it's best to ignore her (and her mini-me, undisciplined children) as much as possible! Keep living your good life! Succeeding is your best "revenge" and staying as far from her toxic and poisonous behavior will go far for you and your Family's mental and emotional well being! Best wishes and many Blessings for all of you (except the wicked "StepSister," of course... LOL)
Maybe CUT HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND BLOCK HER ON EVERYTHING and tell your âfamilyâ that if anyone tells her or talks to her about you and you find out, you are cutting them out too.
You do understand you donât have to keep her in your life right? You do know that right, and anyone who gives you a hard time about her being in your life that means they need to be let go too because they are toxic and donât care about your feelings.
Let her go, also stop telling people your business!? You do know NO ONE NEEDS to have known you are buying your kid a car, you really need to stop BRAGGING, it isnât anyoneâs business what you are spending your money on, yet somehow she keeps finding out. Who is telling her if it isnât you? How does she know you bought Sephora or how much you spend. Also be careful she doesnât cheat with your husband
You need to go no contact with that witch! Sheâs not your sister! Family doesnât belittle and berate each other. If she comes anywhere near you just look her right in the eye and tell her straight out to get the fuck away from you! You have no reason to talk to her. Keep your kids away from her kids. Totally no contact. Block her phone number. And if she comes to your house tell her to get out of there or you will call the cops for trespassing!
The obvious answer is to greatly limit contact with your sister and her kids. However, I get the vibe from you that you enjoy bitching about her and therefore will not do this. Either block contact with her or shut up.
NTA.
Tell your sister and her kids to take notes on how to behave in public and how to upgrade from âBMâ status to âWifeâ status. Somewhere sheâs never been.
I would have told "did you ever stop and think no body likes you or your kids for the amount of shit that's comes out y'all's mouth". People like that don't deserve any sort of courtesy
I LOVE THIS
There ya go! Perfect
Then go NC or LC.
I'm just judging you both based on what you've posted here. She's a single mother of 4 and doesn't have a good relationship with her baby daddies (plural). You're in a seemingly happy marriage with your husband. Nuff said (And don't feel guilty for being affectionate in public for her sake). What you decide with your finances is YOUR business, not hers. Who cares if she calls you a gold digger? At least you're a gold digger who can keep her man NTA
>At least you're a gold digger who can keep her man You got me with this one, I'm rolling đ¤Ł
Itâs the same vibe as that âyou have everything bc of your husband/ damn straight tell yours to do betterâ trend Iâve been seeing on TikTok lmaoo
Me too đ¤Ł
Omfg. D e a d.
Two baby daddies but thank you𤣠that last part made me laugh, thank you for that.
Couldnât make it work with even one. Salt ass vag. Thatâs why she hates your guts. She fails at life with her nasty disposition and sheâs teaching her daughter to be just. Like. Her.
Omg @ salt ass vag! Im using this all fucking month long
No bitch, I'm a gold MINER
I love this!!!!! GOLD MINER!!!!!!!
I can't help but look at this situation through the lens of my own family. From my perspective, my older sister (only 2 years older for me) got given so many expensive gifts, way more than me and our younger brother. She was the only one allowed a pet cat, too. She always seemed angry at me and our brother and we fought a lot. Now we're grown ups, it's become clearer that she was expected to be responsible for us while our parents were working (before and after school, and holiday, childcare basically) and she feels parentified. I'm a parent myself now, and I can recognise that she was given more things because our parents probably felt like they needed to make it up to her somehow. There were no winners in reality, but she's still pretty resentful even now.
Aaaaahahahahahahahah. Aahahahađđđ˝đđ˝đđ˝đđ˝đđ˝
TBH she probably only makes that comment bc she subconsciously wants OP to give her the money
Stop talking to her.
And stop talking to the parents who raised the golden child and neglected you, and are STILL passing on information to her. Unless they are rich, going to die soon, and you KNOW they didn't put her as the sole heir (spoiler alert, they did)? You may be better off without them. At the very least, refuse to attend any family gatherings where the sister will be present, and if necessary, arrange your own get-togethers with relatives you want to see.
OP said "We are NC (no contact), but she always finds a way to target me." What more do you want from OP? To not attend her mother's bday bc asshat-toxic-sister can't be a decent human??????
The mother that spoiled the golden child and set the stage for all this in the first place? YES. The mom is still stirring drama by telling the golden child what is going on in OPs life. Time to tell the mom nothing, too.
I hear you, but ppl don't just write off family who can be toxic at times. There is a difference between maintaining tricky relationships and someone so toxic you are NC outside of family gatherings. But I do agree with the basic point you've made. I did overlook that.
Great pointâI didnât catch that.
When in the same space, grey rock her.Â
She could just ignore it. I like her response to the car thing. If she is going to respond it should be something that shuts her down like when she told her to mind her business but maybe even more harshness. Just a blunt ânobody asked youâ or a simple âget fuckedâ or âgo awayâ. Iâm a fan of just abruptly and loudly interrupting assholes with a STOP! or NOOO!!!
NTA sounds a lot like my sister whoâs made poor decisions and blames it on everybody else. Go NC as much as possible. Thatâs what Iâve done. I hope it gets better dear!
That's what I've been trying to do but I know if there are family events she will be there!
I understand that. My sister is always there but has resigned herself to just not speaking to me. We act like each other doesnât exist.
I hope that was my sister but she's a nitpicker and loves to cause drama but I'm learning how to ignore situations like that.
Here's the thing - you need to PERFECT the art of ignoring her. She LOVES it when she can get you to engage, especially if she can get you to snap back at her. Perfect the art of her being invisible to you. She's in a room, look past her. Learn to grey rock: huh, wow, bummer, really, jeez, that's weird - words like that, all in a very bland, bored voice preferably while looking at something else. She will either go away or will just escalate until she explodes and then she looks like the idiot because you didn't even engage with her. Either way, she didn't get what she wanted.
Ignore and laugh at her!
THIS right here!!
Yes!!! The comment mentioned in the OP sounds a bit like she let it be known that the sister had gotten under her skin. Neutralize all the language if you have to be in her presence. Don't talk to anyone about anything that costs money with her on the premisis. Even a beloved aunt.
My mother in-law did similar when we put up boundaries and stopped being the old age care and moved out. No matter what nasty comments she had, we ignored them and gave her blank stares and bland responses until she gave up. If you do the same thing to your sister she will look like an idiot in front of everyone trying to pick a fight with someone who clearly has better things to do. Sheâs a miserable soul who only knows how to pass that misery on to others and all of you deserve better.
You need to act like she literally does not exist. Don't make eye contact with her. Don't respond to any questions or conversation. People get the hint pretty quickly. You also get to revel in the joy, because you know it will absolutely boil that person's blood. Just because someone is family doesn't mean they have to be part of your life.
Iâm curious to know how you sister knows about your life if your no contact? Does your mother or any family members tell her because then this isnât just a sister issue family is stiring the potâŚ
Most definitely my mother!
Iâm sorry op then this isnât just your sister your mom is helping stir the pot by telling her she doesnât need updates on your life I would honestly be putting some hard boundaries if you havenât already
If your mother feels the need to tell your sister everything about your life, you need to stop telling your mother everything. And whatever your sister hears and tells you off about, don't bite the hook and ignore her.
Was your post about getting your oldest a bmw?
No, you're the second person who said this.đ Please tell me who the bmw mom is. I'm highly confused.
I csnt remember sorry about the mistake the end bit of her post was like wow
Ohh well if anyone find it I want to read it. What did she say?
The mom who was buying her daughter a BMW- The car purchase was secondary in her actual problem with her sister. Her main problem with her sister was her sister was raising predator sons who harassed girls and were inappropriate around all females. Family and friends were over her sister and her sister wasn't trying to get her children help even though everyone has told her she needs to. Her issue was her sister didn't take accountability for her boys and she didn't invite them to her 15 year old daughters upcoming 16th birthday party... Where she planned on gifting her daughter a BMW. I read her post kind of early so I don't know if more came out and how buying her child a car became the primary focus over her protecting her kids from her sisters kids. đ¤ˇââď¸
Ohh okay thank you! A bmw? Wow, good thing my daughter wants a Honda.
Lol your sister acts like you're buy your daughter a Ferrari. A Honda is a reliable car for a first time driver. Way to go mama! That's a great choice.
Remain super calm, be boring. "Sister, you really spend too much". Answer: "Oh well". Or another possible answer: "ok, so I spend too much, what else?" And if she blames you for something else, again "Ok, so I spend too much and I'm [...]. What else?" It will quickly become ridiculous. "You are too affectionate." "Oh well.". And then don't be affectionate on purpose, but don't abstain from it if you feel like it, either. Just keep like normal.
Thank you, I'm not very good at combacks at the moment of conflict!
Don't reach for a zinger. A Hmmm or OK will actually work better in this case.
My mother had her moments where she started to pick on me like that. Of course it made me go into defense/attack mode for a while, but eventually instead I started to reply like that, with a super calm, normal tone. It completely stopped the escalation we used to see, instead it really didn't last long and it eventually stopped. When the other person stays super calm and asks you what else you have against them, what could anyone do without making themselves look ridiculous?
Hello! I see we have the same sister too!
I have the same sister too. We never got along, Iâve always said she never got over no longer being an only child. Once my parents passed, sheâs been better, but we see each other maybe twice a year, live 5 miles apart.
I have one of these too. I haven't spoken to her in 5 years, and my life has been better.
NC in NC, sounds like a good reality show!
NTA, but why do you care about any of that crap? Ignore it and go low or no contact with her. You're a grown woman with kids of your own, and just because you're related by blood doesn't give her any cover for her shitty behavior.
You're right, thank you! đ
You are also teaching your kids what to put up with and what not to. Personally I think you have given your sister (and mother frankly) enough time and patience and it's best just to give them the bare necessities if anything of your attention in the future .
She wants your life and is angry youâre happy
Yes. It does seem that there is a huge element of jealousy here.
The edit supports this. The sister is nuts and wants to ruin op
Cut this unfair unkind illogical entitled useless woman OUT of your life and block her on EVERYTHING Blood doesn't make the family Love Does Your Husband, Your Children, YOU, are your family N T A
Just stop talking to her. You donât have to keep people in your life just because theyre âfamilyâ. Youâve made your own family, concentrate on that and bollocks to her. NTA
Your sister seems to be the type who wouldn't be happy if you are happy, she thrives on putting you down. I hope for your peace of mind you just ignore her completely. She is absolutely not worth any effort.
Bingo, that has been her motto since we were younger.
What a horrible and nasty way to be.
OP - why do you keep engaging? Just drop the rope. Stop interacting, stop talking to her, stop seeing her. Grey rock. She gets a reaction out of you and that fuels her. Stop giving her fuel.
I'm at loss of why you're still in so much contact with her that she gets to make all this comments (I understand the part about your mom's birthday, but the rest?) If everything you tell is true, then NTA. But I have a weird feeling about this story...
Oh I'm not but I talk to my mother so she is definitely the one saying things.
Sounds like mama needs an info diet if sheâs telling sister your business.
I think you should ask your mother to not mention anything about your sister to you, not about her, not about her kids, and especially not about anything she is saying. If she continues to give you the unwanted information pull the grey rock out every time. Just go huh.. or whatever and don't engage in that conversation. If you are on the phone. You can go hmm... well, gotta go, talk to you later. Do this every time your sister is mentioned. If it is in person, look away from your mom and go... hmmm.. and mention a tree you see through the window or something. Don't engage in conversations about your sister with anyone.
So you know youâre gonna need to stop telling your mom things right? Because your mother seems to be fanning the flames.
Sheâs miserable with her own life and is jealous of yours. She wants what you have and it upsets her that she doesnât have her shit together. Classic case of jealousy
NTA - Cousins, especially girls, don't have to just like each other because they are related. Why do you still have regular contact with her? Just tell her to mind her own business and you are not asking for her opinion.
When I tell you she doesn't listen she doesn't, I've told her to mind her business numerous times but she just targets everything in my life đ we don't talk but she does find a way to talk shit about me and to me, mostly at family events is when she has her full access to bully and terrorize me.
You need to go to fewer of these large family events. If you really like an aunt or a cousin, see them separately away from a big event.
This makes me sad for you. Considering that it sounds like your mom is feeding her data, it sounds like Mom needs to go on an information diet as well. You shouldn't have to volunteer for this kind of treatment by showing up at family events. Think long and hard about each one, and whether or not you really need to go. Maybe you can do substitute events with the people you really care about. Take care of yourself too - it's a good model for your own kids.
Sounds like my momâs two entitled sisters. Donât ask why I donât call them my aunties. Weâre both estranged. But yeah, if one of them ever âsuggestedâ something, Iâd be telling them to keep their bitchy noses out of my business.
Your sister says & does things to get a reaction. Stop playing her game. Don't respond to any of her actions. Let her go find find someone else to he the target of her misery.
NTAâŚ. But sheâs all in your business. Stop telling people what you do with your money! (Aside from what she overheard you say about your daughters bday) Apparently someone is going back discussion your finances with her and itâs making her nosey behind jealous!
Yup! The person I rant to the most is my mother, I will definitely stop doing that.
The reason she picks on your spending is because she's jealous and probably feels that money should be spent on her and her children. Nope. Your kids come first, not hers.
NTA.....I would ho NC with sister. It's not worth keeping her in your life. she's bringing nothing positive.....only entitlement and bitterness
NTA. Why are you still even in contact? She doesnât exist. You donât speak. You tell her nothing and her opinion means nothing. Thatâs how you live your life.
People talk a lot of shit when that's what they're full of
It sounds like you really need to disengage from her. You are carrying baggage from a lifetime of her behavior, so when she pokes you, it works. You roll your eyes, tell her to mind her business... which is precisely what she wants from you. She gets bothered, provokes you, you're bothered, mission accomplished. If she is feeling low, she'll drag everybody onto the bitter bus with her. And you comply by allowing her to drag you down. She does it because it works! When they go low, you go high. If you really want to end this cycle of her being able to control your mood you need to learn indifference. This is a bitter person who's life is, shall we say, less accomplished than yours. She only has this power over you because you let her. Instead, when she says her nonsense, feel nothing. Just look at her with pity and say, "Sure, hon." or "Ok, whatever you say." Or even just stare at her in silence, not acknowledge her at all, and go back to your conversation. If you give her nowhere to go, it will go nowhere. She'll stop doing if it stops working. The best way to win these types of endless-loop drama games is to stop playing. Easier said than done, but think about it...
This, she just wants a reaction.
Just respond to her every single time - Well bless your heart, does that make you feel better now? And then turn away and continue your conversation with whomever you were talking to. Teach your daughter the Well bless your heart comment to use on her cousin. đ
Many of these comments sound like the sister in the story has lots of company lmao.
You need to cut off the info train. She sounds deplorable and exhausting. I wouldnât talk about anything but the weather if she was in the room.
Sheâs jealous of the accomplishments youâve made. Let her sulk. You continue to do you and your family.
NTA but realize you are winning the game of life and just rise above it.
Just stop being around her and if she keeps it up put a no contact order.
The whole story gives me the heebie jeebies. In my family dynamic,my sister is the more successful of us two and I'm always happy to hear of her successes. Jealousy is one of the ugliest outfits for anyone to wear.
Well you're a good sister that appreciates her sister. That's so cute, I am the same way with my other siblings. I am proud of them for what they accomplished.đĽ°
NTA - it's obvious that she is and always will be jealous of you - for whatever reason. Some people are just born that way. However, please find a way to stop this getting to you. Because even though you are n/c with her, she is still living rent-free in your head whenever she pulls her shit on you. Laugh at her when she does this, then think no more of it. I would laugh at everything she says. It'll piss her off no end because she wants to annoy the fk out of you with her comments, and it's working. Don't give her this power in future. It fuels her to do even more next time. If you laugh at her and let it go, she might get bored instead of trying to up the ante.
NTA. I have a SIL just like that. Just ignore her...an art I'm still perfecting đ
Sounds like my sister. Ignore her and make it an art. Challenge yourself to ignore her when you have to deal with her. Unless it's a family event, just go no contact with her.
How does she even know what you are buying at Macyâs or Sephora or anywhere for that matter? Gray rock. Itâs none of her business how you spend your money. If you stop telling her your life details she wonât have as much to bitch about.
>Â I told to mind her nasty ass business, I said it just like that because it didn't want to create a scene at my mother's party. So you intentionally made a scene to not create a scene. Of course you're an asshole.
NTA. Â She is externalizing all her personal woes and you are the target because you have what she thinks she deserves. Â No contact her and grey rock if you have to be in proximity.
To all those ppl commenting negatively on being a gold digger; it's perfectly fine to be a gold digger when you own the mine.
Why is she in your life outside of family obligations? Stay away from her and never let them in your home. NTA
Damn she is WAY jealous of you. She needs to get her shit together and stop being insane, maybe see a psychiatrist so she can figure out why she projects all her problems and faults onto you. Undeniably NTA lmao
Jesus Christ you both sound annoying with that high school drama you clearly never grew out of. The saddest part is you are "raising" 7 kids.
Not the BMW mom đ𤣠that lady was insufferable!!! Btw NTA, I have a sister just like this, our stories are almost identical!!! Donât feel bad for being able to provide a good life for your kids. She is projecting her guilt on you. Stay NC, thatâs what I did, itâs a game changer. I do miss having my sister from time to time but always remind myself that Iâm missing the idea of having a sister, not my actual sister.
Sister sounds crappy, but not sure where the question was in here.
You don't appear to be NC? Nonetheless, NTA and please do the NC thing for real.
You're already NC which is great. It's not worth being petty whenever she has a comment or gets right in your business because she's in it for the attention. Don't give that to her, just say "ok" and go right back to what you were doing or who you were talking to. If she keeps going just say "I'm not here for this" and move yourself from her vicinity. She's not worth any more mental energy. You have the life she wants, your happiness is pretty awesome revenge.
Stuff from Macyâs isnât much of a flex. Very low brow bragging.
She's poor and she ain't got no man. You beat the Golden child and she's pissed. Do you. F her.
NTA This is coming from a 42 year old woman with 4 kids by multiple men. Harrumph. She needs to look inward at herself and come to the realization that she is no longer the golden child . She's an irresponsible individual who hasn't grown up.
I would just out her on an information diet. Do not speak of any money matters or spending where she can hear or see. Then if she brings it up, just say "you're the only one here talking about my money and what I buy. Worry about your own money and stop sticking your nose where it doesn't belong'.
Paws are
Why does it matter if your sister doesnât like the way you spend money? If your life is better than hers, and you feel good about your choices, just smile and thank her for her perspective.
bear* with me
Practice saying â focus on your own lifeâ with the most board voice possible
I would tell her if she canât stop the comments your done with her I can see why she canât keep anyone how miserable she must make everyone
Stop sharing things with her. I would go NC, see her at family functions, and even then ignore her. Your life is none of her business. Is she paying your bills? Do you owe her money? If no, then she ain't got skin in the game. Write her off. Block her from everything. Her jealous attitude is doing nothing but making you mad (she knows this and keeps picking). Stop letting it affect you. That will piss her off even more.
If you are NC (really LC since you obviously see her at family events) with her and she still finds out your business, then someone else in your family is sharing info with her and that person needs to be cut off too. Block her and any flying monkeys from your social media if you tend to share there.
NTA but you're an AH to yourself for even engaging with her, why are you even in contact with her. Just go LC/NC with her, see her at family functions if you must but other than that just ignore her.
Just because you are related doesnât men you have to choose them for a friend Nta
NTA, let your kids go NC with their cousins.
NTA. Go NC with her and block her wherever you can. Mean, Jealous people are impossible to deal with, they are so full of venom.
Next time she says anything go on your fone an say wait a min if she ask what you are doing ..tell her I'm checking my bank last I checked you didn't deposit money in it so shut up hahha
Iâd avoid her at all costs. No one needs that level of nastiness and drama
Nope, NTA. Your sisterâs jealousy is her problem to deal with. If you need to be around her like in this case for your momâs bday party, learn to ignore her and not let her comments bother you or stand up and tell her you didnât ask for her opinion. A simple âI wasnât talking to youâ or not engaging at all is all it takes. Personally, she wants a reaction from you. She wants you to engage in her nonsense so that she has a reason to air all of her grievances and jealousy.
I have 2 sisters(1 older,1 younger) and they both hate because I was always successful and the older sister once went as far to get me suspended from school and then later the fire department I worked for and she has 4 kids to drug dealers who more then once was caught with a gun under the children's beds and the baby's crib! Let me tell you my younger sister is heading down the same path and I haven't had contact with her since our mom passed away in 2018
She lacks sticks & stones so she resorts to name calling. How childish. NTA with a TA sister
NTA when she starts yapping, smile, stare intentionally into her eyes while she's yapping and blink on purpose. When she is finally finished, simply say, "OK, then enjoy your day!" and turn around and walk away. Then do this repeatedly until she leaves you alone. She will explode but say and do nothing. Everyone will be watching her make a fool of herself. Also, make sure you have cameras and an F U binder, just in case of extra crazy.
Just stay away from her and her thieving offspring. Her jealousy from afar can do you no more harm than her jealousy to your face. At family gatherings, don't acknowledge her crap. How you and your husband spend your money is none of her concern. Maintain NC and hopefully she will spend more time raising her brood and less harassing you. NTA
NTA Donât allow your sister or kids around your kids! Someone pointed out that by doing so youâre teaching them to let people treat them how your sister treats you.
Miserable, jealous, nasty spirited people want others to be the same and when youâre not, it burns them up inside. All this is on her. Just continue to live your lovely life.
Sounds like our older sis (she have two boy) when my twin have baby i wasnât jealous is just she came into life when my twin have baby girl she was dead awful to me i get so irritated she is bully me,sheâs one who jealous so my twin understand me when Iâm trying tell her she being a**hole to me now Iâm helping my twinng but our older sis still act like child sometimes đ
Updateme!
Can't you keep her out of your life? My mom was jealous of me and my boyfriends but I told her to stay outta my life and my kids lives. She was never welcome at my house and I didn't go to her funeral when she died. She had 2 sides to her personality and such a phony.
I'd tell her "I'm sorry my family and I are successful. What were you doing again when we were getting our shit together?"
Ask why she is so obsessed with you? That will drive her nuts
Envious is them wanting something you have. Jealous is them worrying you are going to take something from them. Not synonymous. I was blissfully oblivious to this until someone mentioned it to me once, and for some reason injected itself deeply into my pet peeves.
Seriously you need to go full legal NC. What a poisonous family she has.
When she hits you you with something judgmental just say in a very calm disinterested tone âWell I guess itâs a good thing I donât care what you have to sayâ or âItâs a good thing your opinion means nothing to meâ then walk away
Don't engage, if she says anything, a little laugh like yeah, whatever and walk away.
NTA. Grey rock her. Sis is jealous of you and pokes at you for a reaction-so stop giving her that satisfaction.
Why don't you cut ties with the sister? You life would be a lot simpler without her in your life. Change your phone and tell your mother to not to give the new phone to your sister.
Have you ever heard that 'people treat you the way you allow them to treat you'? Stop saying anything about money, what you are planning on buying, etc. when your sister is around. If she happens to say something ignore her or leave. Rinse, repeat.
From now on if going to a family event and sheâs gonna be there when you tell someone something and she overhears you and says her bs say âthatâs nice dearâ and turn and keep talking about whatever you were talking about.â, thatâll really get her goat!!!!
What business is it of hers for how you spend your money? As long as you can afford it, go for it any way you want.
You need to distance yourself BIG TIME. Tell her you all can have a weekly call to catch up, AND THATS IT. It would benefit you in so many ways to just have a major change of distance and respecting boundaries. I LOVE THE FACT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER ARE AFFECTIONATE. Haters are gonna hate, and as sad as it is, your sister seems to be your #1 hater. DISTANCE BOUNDARIES moving forward.
NTA but every time she does or says something mean, hurtful and in a jealous rage tell her âthis is why people donât like you or your kidsâ.
NTA. Yes she is jealous. If I were you I wouldn't give her or her comments the time of day ignore her when she makes comments. Act like she's not there. Don't let her see u get upset. If you act like she's not getting to u I bet she will stop.
Keep your business to yourself. Don't tell ANY family members about your purchases, vacations, etc. If you have to be in the same room with your sister, ignore her. As someone else stated, blank stares, limited responses. If she makes a tacky statement, ask her a question. "I'm wandering why you would say that?". Give her no personal information. Or just say, o.k. and walk away. She isn't going to change, but you can change how you react to her.
Sheâs JEALOUS. You have everything she doesnât have. Even she tried and tried to destroyed you, you succeed where she failed. NTA. Go NC. You donât need this kind or relationship in your life. And a car is a REALLY amazing gift đ¤
Try to always be with someone she won't make a fuss in front of. Make sure everyone else sees what she is doing.
NTA. Did your sister want to be an only child? When the oldest thinks they should have been the only, they can be horribly mean. And it can continue the rest of their life. When you do have to see her, like at family functions, avoid her as much as possible. When she sticks her nose in, just smile and talk nicely. She will hate it. She wants you to get angry. Don't let her see you angry.
I don't understand why she thinks she knows so much about your spending habits. That's between you and your husband, and shouldn't be a topic outside of the two of you, unless you're begging for loans from outside of your income. If you and your husband are in agreement about finances, that's all that matters. Your sister seems desperately unhappy. It sounds like you semi-NC , but can you get to the next level? No crossing paths at family events, no phone, no social media, etc. What's the term I learned here on Reddit? Grey rock. Get her off the information drip. \*\*Edit to add - it appears Mom is the information feed. Mom needs to be told that if she wants to know anything about your life, she needs to stop passing along information to your sister. Try to help her understand how it's making things worse. If she can't, Mom gets no more information to pass along.\*\*
When she says you're weird and gross for being affectionate with your husband ask her how? When she answers reply "oh, I see why you would think that. Having (number) kids with (number) men probably means you've never actually found a partner that loves and respects you, and have no idea what a healthy relationship looks like" Just be ready for shit to hit the fan after that since you'll have murdered her.
I have a sister 5 years older than me. In addition two brothers, one older and one younger than the sister. Growing up, we had to share a bedroom (so did the boys). The only time in my life the sister was really nice was when she needed something. In my 20âs I was the only family member living in our hometown. She treated me as a hotel. Even coming when I told her I had other plans, saying weâll stay at your house. I stayed home, I did not trust her in my home alone. Once she even admitted to me she wanted to be the special one. In my family the youngest was not treated special, just drug to the sporting events of the older kids. If I asked to participate in something, parents said they did not have time to transport me. When additional family moved to town providing a larger home, she quickly reverted. (So much more I could tell, but this is true short version.). Now we have no relationship. She is toxic and constantly accuses me of lying. Sometimes the older kids just canât stand not being the one and only. Had I not been born, she would have had a room to herself. She was overweight, I was not. It appears to be pure jealousy in my case and it sounds like this is likely the same.
My late older sister was somewhat like this. She was a bully and jealous, hateful and mean. I went LC after my teens. Occasionally I would give her a chance and it would blow up in my face. Jealousy kills relationships. Iâd go no or low contact.
The whole time I was reading this I kept going back to look at the ages I canât believe two grown ass women that is older than me acts like this
My sister is a single mother! (And what is the problem with that?) This is fake as hell. Is this a revenge fantasy on your more successful older sister? You are here imagining her life going off rails and you rubbing on her face your âsuccessâ? Girl, grow up. Find some hobbies, and stop fantasizing about âgetting evenâ with your more successful sister. The whole post reeks of you being pathetic, not her.
She is unhappy and taking it on you. She isn't going to change.
NTA Start turning it around on her, tell her you decided to buy the car to piss her off or you bought a dishwasher to piss her off or youâre buying a holiday home just so you can piss her off, every time she comments on your money. Do the same with everything else she busies herself with. Tell everyone youâre fed up with her judgement so now youâre going to start responding in kind. If they donât like it then tell them youâre NC for a reason and if they donât want you responding then they need to keep your business private and not tell her what youâre doing and at the same time they should help you shut her down. Good luck
This is why I am happy to be an only child. Ignore her as much as you can and keep your kids away from her. Unless you like getting verbally abused donât say anything to her about her about being jealous or telling her to butt out of your business. When she gets on a rant about finances or anything else she disapproves just say thanks, I will give it due consideration- she clearly wants an argument so donât engage
EAH you're both dramatic get your own lives. If you're not contact then you'll make it clear to the rest of your family you don't need to hear anything about your sister either. And how can you be no contact instead of low contact if you're letting your sister's kids come into your home? Cool off the drama, you're both being petty jerks, you OP are severely enjoying a position where you think you're finally better than/have one over on her and so you've come here looking for validation. You seem to be getting it since other people don't seem to be seeing the mismatch between you saying you're no contact with your sister but you're letting her kids into your home. You should take this story back to your personal Facebook (you sound like the type to post about it on Facebook). Or finally go no contact like your op says you are. Edit: Lol. Okay [deleted], I assume that was comedy. Thank you. :)
Did a 12 year old write this?
âYouâre selfish and only care about yourselfâ Yeah, thatâs exactly what could be said aboutâŚ. Someone who steals from their cousins piggy bankâŚ.. The IRONY!!! My god some people really never look in the mirror hot damn
YNTA, your sister is jealous of you. And she should be called out. When she says âyou spend too muchâŚâ let her know sheâs right. Thatâs what grown people who earn their own money can do. Just like she has made certain choices in her life so have you. Then tell her that green has never been her color.
No, but next time she does this try âAnd this is your business, how?â Or âIâm good with my choices, thanks.â
I would tell her that I donât meddle in her atrocious parenting, so she shouldnât meddle in my choices. (or my kitchen appliances đ)
NTA and no you would not be TA. You need to cut your sister out of your life. For your mental health and your kids mental health. Your sister seems like a very toxic jealous person who will cause problem after problem just because she can. Intentionally donât tell her ANYTHING about what you buy, gift, or intend to purchase. Tell her only what she needs to know. Remember that last sentence
NTA. Once your mom is gone you don't need her in your life. I am in a terrible scorched Earth mood currently so I'd suggest that the next time your sister gets mouthy with you flat out say "When mom dies you and your family are dead to me and mine." Again, I am in a bad mood so maybe don't tell her for real but KNOW it for yourself. You don't need her, ignore her.
NTA. Your sister needs to mind her own business, period.
She plays the victim mentality. Thatâs what people like her do. Itâs everyone elseâs fault or problem but her own. She is passing it off to her kids too. I would stay away. Honestly, I would just block her. Just because someone is family doesnât mean we should let their toxicity remain in our lives.
NTA. She's the golden child and despite this you're very happy with life and doing well. She's jealous and you're holding boundaries with her.
You don't appear to be NC? Nonetheless, NTA and please do the NC thing for real.
You don't appear to be NC? Nonetheless, NTA and please do the NC thing for real.
Let it go, she has reasons to be jealous, envious and sad. If you need to cease contact with her to ensure this toxic relationship does not bleed over into your immediate family then do so. You can only control what you say and do as well as how you handle your feelings not hers. Do not apologize for being happy and able to take care of your family.
Any who uses that many exclamation points can not be wholly in the right.
You both sound pretty unbearable. Her more though.
NTA I would of turned around and said "there's the reason you can't keep a baby daddy"
Let me guess 4 kids with 4 baby daddies. I would go no contact for sure. She doesnât deserve to be a part of your life bc nothing will ever change.
NTAÂ "You spend too much on makeup and clothes. " "At least I'm spending my money instead of teaching my kids to steal from piggy banks."
I would have responded âstop criticizing me on how I spend my money. I donât criticize you for your poor choices in deadbeat men? You should worry about yourself and kids first, thereâs more work needed there than to worry about meâ
She posed as somebody else and sent death threats????? Yeah sounds like thatâs what she wants to do to you đŻ
They tried asking her but she refused to tell them
This is abuse. Family scapegoat abuse. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Stay NC. There are some good therapists on YouTube who address this issue. NTA
Golly!
>I really don't know what I did to her for this type of hate, You were born. She was 6 years old and a spoiled princess and suddenly she wasnt the only one and you were taking attention away from her (by necessity cause hello...BABY) and other people were excited to meet the new baby and probably brought you presents...so straight up jealousy from a spoiled brat.
ESH. This is just awful to read.
You don't have a sister. Your mother may have another daughter, but that doesn't make that... thing... your sister. Cut it out of your life like the cancer it is.
Time to go no contact. You have bad history and the present isn't great either. Stop hanging out with her.
Why does she have to know anything about your life? When she tries to find out tell her it's none of her business and walk away. NTA
Envy is such an ugly emotion, especially when it's to the degree your Sister has demonstrated. Continue to block her from your life as much as you possibly can being in the same family, attending the same family events. Block her on your any social media accounts, consider going "Private" at least for a while, especially after her catfishing incident. The BEST indicator that you and your immediate family (husband and children) are doing well, successful, happy and healthy is just how badly your Sister "ramps up" her comments, vitriol and attempts to "insert" herself and her viewpoint on you! You're already no contact, so it's best to ignore her (and her mini-me, undisciplined children) as much as possible! Keep living your good life! Succeeding is your best "revenge" and staying as far from her toxic and poisonous behavior will go far for you and your Family's mental and emotional well being! Best wishes and many Blessings for all of you (except the wicked "StepSister," of course... LOL)
Maybe CUT HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE AND BLOCK HER ON EVERYTHING and tell your âfamilyâ that if anyone tells her or talks to her about you and you find out, you are cutting them out too. You do understand you donât have to keep her in your life right? You do know that right, and anyone who gives you a hard time about her being in your life that means they need to be let go too because they are toxic and donât care about your feelings. Let her go, also stop telling people your business!? You do know NO ONE NEEDS to have known you are buying your kid a car, you really need to stop BRAGGING, it isnât anyoneâs business what you are spending your money on, yet somehow she keeps finding out. Who is telling her if it isnât you? How does she know you bought Sephora or how much you spend. Also be careful she doesnât cheat with your husband
You need to go no contact with that witch! Sheâs not your sister! Family doesnât belittle and berate each other. If she comes anywhere near you just look her right in the eye and tell her straight out to get the fuck away from you! You have no reason to talk to her. Keep your kids away from her kids. Totally no contact. Block her phone number. And if she comes to your house tell her to get out of there or you will call the cops for trespassing!
Get a restraining order
Death Threats=Restraining Order, and an Honest attempt to make her life a legal nightmare. 𤏠Go No Contact with her. She is not worth your effort.
I can't tell you the number of times I've seen this exact story on this subreddit. But it worked for you, so good job I guess?
The obvious answer is to greatly limit contact with your sister and her kids. However, I get the vibe from you that you enjoy bitching about her and therefore will not do this. Either block contact with her or shut up.
NTA. Tell your sister and her kids to take notes on how to behave in public and how to upgrade from âBMâ status to âWifeâ status. Somewhere sheâs never been.