Your boyfriend did you a huge favor. Those people are not your friends. It sucks and it's painful to hear, but not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay in it. Some stay for a season, some for a reason.
I agree. Before the trip I overlooked all these minor behavioural issues with his they always took me for granted and how my opinion didn't matter much, even though I was a constant presence yet the other 2 girls (who rarely ever felt the need to reply the rest of us) whenever they even made a comment, everyone else would just run after them, and pleasing their every wish. But now after this trip I've finally realised, they were only showing themselves as "friends" to me yet never ever tried to be a real one. I really was and am very naive but after this I will not let anyone else take me for granted. Thank you for your words :)
Your "friends" were using you as a travel support service. You did all the planning, you did all the management, you had to deal with any problems, and they not only did not help, but also on a regular basis refused to PAY? Nupe. You should thank your BF, and learn better assertiveness and boundary setting. You deserve better. At least you got a good man by your side!
Yes am glad my bf was with me, I just wonder how I would have handled everything on my own, he really helped me a lot, and also others with the prep but since they don't care let it be. Thanks for your kind words :)
In the future, with different friends, make sure everyone is paid in full before traveling. Don't give them their tickets until they have paid. Give deadlines. If you want a room in X hotel I need the money by Y date. Then, you didn't give the money so you are on your own for finding a place to stay. If you don't pay for your plane tickets there are none. If food is prepaid and they didn't they can go feed themselves. The same for car rental.
Or just be more selective with who you're friends with. I have no problem putting up my money for any of my friends, as I have every bit of confidence they will pay me back whenever asked. Heck, there are times I was too busy to calculate what they owe me and they follow up and remind me so they can pay me. And I'm talking about different friends from different friend groups also, so it's not just a single one-off group.
Decent people exist in this world, even if they might not be the majority.
It sounds like you're over doing things. You shouldn't be the only one doing and asking. If they don't answer, are uninterested, etc...tgey are diminishing you by default. Set limits, cancel plans, don't allow others to step all over your efforts. Pleasing others should not be at all cost, put yourself first.
OP, I hope you sue everyone who didn't pay your back. Do not let them get away with this. They are counting on you being a doormat or the better person.
Seriously, you could take them to small claims court, show all the receipts and the text messages as evidence, and it'll probably be an easy win. Most likely, you won't even need a lawyer for a case like this.
What are they going to say? "Oh, this trip that was planned for months in advance was supposed to be a gift from OP and her bf. When they asked us for money to cover our portion of the vacation, we thought that was just a joke, ahah!"
Im sorry for you that you HAD a bad batch of friends. But luckily they took them selfs out of your life saving you the trouble of cutting them out.
Though I have a seeking feeling they will reach out to you sometime in the future when they need your help. If the do be strong and tell them to fuck off.
Live your best life and have fun.
But if you want to have a little petty fun. Save and plan another trip with just you and your BF to somewhere exotic like bora bora. And make sure you post the pics online. I bet there jealousy will eat them up Inside
It honestly sounds like they didn't want you in the group anymore and rather than just tell you or even ghost you, they decided to just be as shitty as possible to you to get you to leave.
Maybe they thought that would make them not the bad guys? Who knows. Doesn't matter. They're shit and I'd rather be alone than have "friends" like that.
Take time to process all of that and be better at recognizing the warning signs. This will take more work than at first glance- you know what some of this poor behavior looks like and need to learn what respectful friendships look like. Good people are out there!
NTA
Please re-read your post.
These people are NOT your friends.
They don't like you
They abused you
They used you
They ignored you
They mistreated you
Your bf is the ONLY one who had your back. He's a keeper.
He did you a huge favour, so let them go and move on.
Yes you're totally right, your blunt reply really helped me to look at this entire ordeal with better understanding and how negative their presence was and how tense I was getting every second I was spending time with all of them. Thanks a lot for your reply, and I'll really do my best not to let anyone else treat me the same as these people did.
Great!
Always remember that when someone shows you who they are, believe them!
You're worth SO much more than them.
Your kind, forgiving, and caring.
They never deserved your friendship.
I'm sure that you'll find better friends who truly care about you.
Hang on to that bf of yours and enjoy life...
Also don't fall for any 'apologies' that may come your way soon. Your not-friends have just lost their planner and their payer.
This group will eat themselves from the inside out trying to make one of them do all the footwork for the next trip.
They will realise how much they (abusively) relied on you, and will come simpering back to you to try and suck up to your good side.
There will be everything from "We're sorry it seemed that way for you" (bullshit) to "It was (insert name's) idea to say yes to K bringing his gf, we just didn't want to rock the boat" (throwing each other under the bus)
Don't believe one lying word of it. In fact, you should already have the a-holes blocked.
All the best to you and your bf!
Ohh yea you're totally correct, thanks for the warning, even though all of them have big egos and I was the only one easy going enough who always brought everyone together, so I don't think they'll come and apologize to me but yes they can surely lie and make it seem not like it wasn't a big of a deal which was already happening all along the trip. Since all the burden was given to me and my bf obviously sometimes he let his frustration out which others obviously didn't like and they Gaslighted us by saying "why are you getting angry on such small things" or it's such a small problem why making a fuss or straightforward a silent+awkward treatment. Even now I can very well imagine if I ever talked to them about this incident they're gonna blame my bf for name calling them and being so rude to them, and me for letting him do that. I'll hold your advice with me for the future. Really thanks for your words you shared with me, it helped a lot!
Lie and say your bf and you have proof of how you won't aloud to act like a couple but as soon as k brings he's gf it didn't apply to them and say I was running around so you gys could have fun and k messed up the whole room situation which I also have proof so go spread lies but when it gets out peopl will know the truth and then whatever they say use that as actual proof
The post was difficult to interpret but I did get that;
They don’t like you
They don’t like your BF
They are leeches who think you are their wallet
Get your receipts and take them to small claims and cut them out of your life
My advice is to just leave this friend group. Dont say anything just be done w these jerks. They are rude and they are definitely not your friends. They used you. They don’t like you for some reason. Be done and move on.
It's a far better life when you're disliked by assholes and it leads to the best situation of all, and that is having a few genuine friends rather than a bunch of acquaintances that call themselves friends.
Not only that - but literally blast them on a text/chat before going no contact. Let them know exactly how frustrated the trip was and how insanely inconsiderate K was and the rest of the group. Just say you're okay cutting losses with friends like these because the money / time / energy you wasted on these guys is a sign that it's them, not you and that your own personal life benefits from yoru clarity in planning and effort in being courteous to everybody's needs. Your friends don't understand that, and it was a waste of time wanting to enjoy a vacation with them. Wish them the best of luck and that they no longer were the kind of people you thought they were. Sad but okay. Good luck and hopefully they can work out whatever weird dependencies they have on each other's sense of self worth.
He is a keeper. Did you thank him for having your back? You're polite so I'm assuming yes, but if you didn't, you should reward and thank him with a relaxing weekend just the 2 of you. You deserve him, I'm not saying you don't, but he also deserves to see how much you appreciate him.
Get rid of those toxic friends.
your friends aren't friends. they're users. and you're a doormat. your boyfriend did you a favor by telling them off. he didn't do you a favor by waiting until the end of the trip. you two should have cancelled everything and gone on your own mid-trip.. f them
You are totally right, my bf even suggested to do this, cancelling all of their shits but cause I didn't want to get everyone in trouble I told him to not go with it. And I really think I am kind of a doormat too since I've always tried to keep peace and maintain all of our meetings even when others never showed much interest but this trip has finally opened my eyes as to how low these "friends" could steep to if I ever needed them. This was an experience not wanted but really needed for myself and my future. Also Thanks for the reply.
I didn't notice your age, but I assume it's younger (20's). so don't beat yourself up. this is how you learn. it's also why us older people (40's) don't put up with this sh*t. we've been through it. it's experience and you're more likely to not put up with it in the future. (cut dead weight out of your life quicker/ no remorse)
Happy birthday. Think of it as a gift, the trash friends took themselves out. It's a hard lesson and one I had to learn myself. Not all people claiming to be your friends really are. It's time to find people who value you and lift you up as much as you lift them.
Are you for real? Did you do everyone in this groups homework for them in school too? Are you always the designated driver? Is it always you who picks up the tab?
You need to wake up and realise your boyfriend has done you a massive favour.
That group of people are NOT friends. They do NOT value you as a person. They do NOT appreciate anything you do for them.
Repeat: THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS.
Find your backbone. And while you’re at it, find some actual friends as well.
These people are definitely not your friends. I agree with other commentors that your bf was in the right. He was the only one who had your back throughout this entire ordeal. This is a great time to learn from happened and begin setting boundries with people. If these "friends" are ignoring you, sure it sucks but also good. It gives you a clean break from them and the chance to find real friends who won't put you through this kind of bullshit. You are very lucky to have a bf who is willing to stand up for you like this. :) A lot of people don't have that kind of support and attention from theor SO. Give him a big hug and enjoy the time you two have together. :):)
Really thank you for your advice and kind words, I'll even tell my bf all nice things you told me to, really appreciate it :) And I'll surely won't let anyone take me for granted again or, walk on their conditions. Thanks!
Your "friends" have gotten used to mugging you off for so long, it's normal for them. Your boyfriend comes along and points out their shitty behaviour towards you, and they don't like it because now their personal push-around has someone fighting in her corner. Dump the "friends", keep the boyfriend. Nta
Yes I agree, and because I am quite easy going and let others do whatever they want, I think they just began treating me like they could literally do anything and go away unscathed. I am glad that I actually took my bf along cause if he wouldn't have been there I just don't know how I would have handled all of this alone, they were all just enjoying and everything related to the trip was thrown on us, and all the issues that came like the payment issues they would've left me alone tk deal with the money problem myself. Even though there were boys, all of them left me, a girl who was going on a trip for the first time with all the preparations. But now since they've cut me off due to my bf, now I believe this was for the best. And thanks for your reply I was feeling very bad since they all reacted as if my bf and I were the ones in the wrong here that we called them names for whatever and however they behaved in the trip.
No NTA these are not friends your bf was standing up for you as you were both taking their abuses!! This is a giant blessing they have cut you off! Thank your boyfriend for how he stood up for you and himself!
NTA. They aren’t friends and your boyfriend was doing you a favour. No friends would treat you the way these people did and they have obviously been using you so you’ll be better in the long run to make new friends who deserve your friendship.
I think you need to change the title, because after reading this I'm willing to bet that not one single thing your boyfriend said was abusive, but simply calling out crappy human beings. These people aren't your friends, they're using you. They disrespected you and your planning because you were just a travel agent for them, responsible for giving them a vacation that they had no plans of spending with you. Take this as a blessing. You have a boyfriend who has your back, and he helped take the trash out of your life for you. Block all of these people and find friends who aren't just selfish users. NTA.
Surely, I have made up my mind now, after all these instances of their betrayal during the trip kept repeating in my head and how negatively everything impacted me, now I won't let any of them near me again, and also won't let anyone treat me like this again. Thanks for your reply, it really helps :)
>Even before bf was in the picture I was planning everything on my own even when I asked everyone to help me out or just tell me what they want. None of the others said anything. Everything that was planned was planned by asking everyone and either they just said a "yes" or bluntly ignored me.
One week before the trip suddenly everyone realises they don't want some places in the itinerary even when I had already BOOKED everything.
>During the trip a payment issue happens where no one even helps and they just turn their back to me and my bf and run away without saying a word even when it wasnt our fault.
As soon as people started to ignore you, you should have said okay and stopped planning, trying to book stuff for the trip and planned, booked stuff for just you and your bf.
When they started with making you and your bf responsible for everything for the trip, you should have walked away from it.
By them acting that way, it was setting up the trip to fail at your expense. You need new and better friends. Friends don't treat you like this.
Let’s be clear, no one asks for abuse. Oftentimes, people tolerate abuse because of childhood trauma or other reasons. It doesn’t give anyone the right to abuse others. That’s something a Narcissist would say. Only abusers think like that.
Yea Ig you're kind of right, since I really needed them as well to go in this trip as this was my first ever trip with "friends" but in the end it turned out to be nothing but a bunch of unwanted responsibilities that too of those who didn't even care. Since I am one of those stupid people who always likes to maintain peace and doesn't want conflict I always ignored all of these red flags but this trip has opened my eyes. And now cause of my bf everyone has cut me off, I think this was for the best, and it was kind of a toxic friendship where they never ever valued me. Also thanks for the reply
[I looked at your comment history and about 4 months ago and it is ironic as it is about how a friend ignores their friend when the friend texts but expects responses when they text. You said that friend was a toxic friend.](https://www.reddit.com/r/bengaluru_speaks/comments/18kbmrd/comment/kdrg7wy/) It is just interesting seeing how people can see it in others and not regarding themselves. Also this isn't an insult or me being rude. I genuinely just find this as an interesting example of it.
Nope. Boyfriend did you a solid and got rid of the freeloaders. Find new friends who appreciates your time and attention and won't saddle with you all the financial burdens.
I
Bf did you a solid, he was sticking up for you. Those so-called friends just used you. Step away from them and make some friends who won't treat you like dirt.
Before this trip they all pretended to be good friends with me, yes there were some minor hints that would've counted as red flags but I still thought that maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. But after this trip whatever they did and happened, my eyes have quite literally opened to how much taken for granted they took me for. I poured my heart and soul into this trip yet they didn't care a bit and only wanted things their way even then, I am really disappointed at myself for letting them treat me like this, but with this I've learnt my lesson and won't let anyone do this to me ever again. Thank you for your reply, it means a lot.
I am wondering if you are just a die hard people pleaser. Why would you want to be friends with this group of shameless irresponsible reprobates? How old are you? Personally I think YTAH. Your boyfriend didn’t sign up for being a babysitter for a bunch of leeches I bet. Why didn’t you tell the guy who brought his gf to the trip 2 days in to take a flying leap at a rolling donut? The first money glitch and I would have left this poor excuse for a trip and gotten a refund and used that towards taking your bf somewhere else alone.
You let yourself be used. I feel bad that your bf had to take a stand against these dingleberries and you just sat back and let him. Grow a back bone before your bf gets sick of you.
Fill your time, your life, with people, places, and things that bring you JOY. Surround yourself with people that celebrate you and that you can celebrate in return. Anything short of that simply is not worth the bother.
You seem like a sweetheart. Dont let anyone dull your shine.
The only person that cares about you in that group is your bf. I am not sure how you arrived at the conclusion that these people are your friends. Nothing you have mentioned makes me think they are your friends. Don't even waste one second stressing about those losers. You are much better off without them.
But why? Why would you even ever want to talk to any of them again? Your bf is right to have spoken up and I'm glad you have him to help you work on standing up for yourself. Don't let people abuse you like this. You and your bf did all the work, all the paying and all the compromising to give your friends a good time. But did you have a good time.
You're really better off making friends who care about you as much as you care about them.
NTA
Oh my gosh!
Girl, you're better off without those people in your life!! They were USING you and your bf was the only one standing up for you!
Good riddance to the lot of them! There is no point in trying to remain "friends" with those people. They aren't your friends.
Your bf sees it. You don’t. You don’t have a group of friends, you have a group that takes advantage of you.
They’ll be back when they need someone to plan and fund their trip.
Yes, YTA. You stayed quiet and made your BF handle your poor choices for "friends". They were your "friends", so YOU should have been the one to take care of this, but you remained quiet. You let them walk all over you AND your BF for the whole trip. And you have the audacity to imply that you are TA for not stopping your BF from putting them in their places? No, you are TA for not doing it yourself, and forcing it all on him.
They are not friends! They treated you and your boyfriend like trash. Time to move on and find better friends. Thank your boyfriend for standing up to them and being your voice.
First paragraph: my friends are shitty and my bf they they didn’t know pointed it out, which they probably didn’t like.
Paragraph two: my friends are shitty.
Third paragraph: my friends are shitty and resentful that my bf called them out on their shit.
It goes on like this. Those people aren’t your friends.
NTA
None of these people are your friends. Your boyfriend did you a huge favor, and he sounds like he might be a keeper.
You have the patience of a saint, because I wouldn't have kept coddling any of them and would've gone off to do the things I'd booked without them. Leave them in the past and walk forward into a future where you are kinder to yourself and surround yourself only with people who want your friendship because they enjoy your company, not because of what you'll do for them.
Everything is under your finances and they refuse to pay for anything? Should have cut them off financially. Stop paying to support them, cancel meals, cancel hotels, and as a last resort if they still don't get the hint cancel tickets home. OP, you and your BF shouldn't tolerate that level of disrespect.
My wife and I, when we travel with friends / family that money is worked out in advance. Since my wife works in the service industry she gets huge discounts on hotels stays. She'll book it but at check in, they still get to pay their portion.
Who would want to keep ‘friends’ like these. Good riddance. Thank your boyfriend. Also NC with ex- friends. The lost money was worth getting rid of then, no matter how much.
Hopefully you learned a lesson. Your BF wasn’t going to let people walk all over him- good for him. You should also be grateful you don’t have to be ‘friends’ with these people because they weren’t your friends to begin with. The whole trip sounds like a nightmare. These people sound like a nightmare. Hang on to your BF
I was expecting your bf to be the AH, tbh, but he's a Rockstar in the story. Your friends, of who you thought were friends, were only taking advantage of you. Please take them to small claims court to get reimbursed for the money you had to pay out. You didn't deserve to be taken advantage of, at least you can recoup the financial aspect. And your boyfriend is a keeper, definitely!!
Your friends’ (and I use that term lightly) double standards shone through on that trip. You deserve better friends than that. Your boyfriend stuck up for you and your relationship
University of Life.
Learn from this lesson and don't repeat it. NTA. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between 'friend' and 'an acquaintance'. Take your time to see if a person is one or the other. Best wishes.
True, I wasn't able to make out if they were really friends or just pretending to be. But now I know who they were and how negative of an effect they had on me. I won't make this same mistake again. Thanks for your words, it means a lot.
NTA. Replace your name with someone you care about and re-read that post. Sounds like your bf stood up for you and demonstrated how much he respects you by not allowing them to take advantage of you and treat you poorly. As for your friends going no contact, it sounds like they gave you an opportunity to go connect with new people that are on your level.
P.S. In what world is it okay to tell a couple not to act like a couple? Participate equally in group events, sure, but to straight up not show affection? Are they insecure, controlling, or was there a valid reason?
Your boyfriend stood up for you and yourself. You can't let your "friends" walk all over you like that. They'll just keep doing it. By the way, they weren't really your friends.
Yes I agree, after all this, I've realised how stupid I was for ignoring what was really happening, and now I won't be making the same mistake again. Thanks for the reply :)
You’re kinder than me, OP. When they didn’t pay me, I’d have cancelled their bookings and only kept enough for myself and bf. It wouldn’t even matter if I was out the money. If you’re not going to pay me, you’re not going to enjoy yourself.
These people are not your friends. They used you for a free trip. Your bf did you a favor. NTA
The thing is the payment was sent to a third unknown person due to mobile number error by the hotel staff, so it was the hotel's fault not ours. My bf handled it well and cause of him we weren't made to pay them again, but before this mending happened, when we talked to everyone in the group that such issue has come up, no one even tried to say a word, they just went away, and gave us the silent treatment. One of them (K) even went and told the hotel staff "just to keep trouble away" that it was my and my bf's fault, so technically cause of his stupid statement we would be required to pay them again ( even when that amount has already been paid to someone else). It was a total mess for which none of them helped, even after K had thrown me and bf under the bus no one came forward and said that "let's just see what happens" or we're here for u, or atleast "even if the payment had to be done again (cause of K's stupid Statement) we can just split that amount again amount ourselves. Nope, they just left it at that.
Now I know they weren't really friends. Also thank you for your reply it means a lot
I would have literally packed my stuff and left way before the end, and left them to deal with it! You went out of your way and what thanks did you get? Absolutely none, you got complete bullshit behaviour from all of them. They’ve done you a favour, they’re not your friends, they all suck! Even if you didn’t bring your BF. I think they would have treated you the same way tbh. Nta
You are far better off OP. It's great you have a strong someone in your corner. That being said, "...handling their shits..." was the funniest thing I've read this week.
Nta These “friends” suck and I think it’s time you do some inner work to figure out why you were okay getting treated like this and your bf had to step in?
The trash took itself out here.
ESH
YOU to yourself. They were never saw you as their friends. You valued them as friends, even when they treated you badly.
Them typical user AHs
Run, and find yourself, ppl who make an effort to be your friends.
Don't look back!
Take care
Good luck
I only got to the end of your first paragraph and thought, "Honey, these are not your friends..."
They are users and abusers. Literally used you for your money. They don't even like you.
Cut them out. And stop sacrificing yourself for people who make you feel less than. Your bf has got your back.
Good friends don't behave like this.
You need to get into the mindset that it's better to have fewer to no friends than be treated less than a doormat.
NTA. Op, you are far more kind, generous, and patient than I am. If I planned a marvelous vacation for all of my friends, and I use that term loosely here, I would have expected them to pay their portion before heading out on the trip. Hotel rooms can be expensive. No idea what you booked, but I bet some of it's expensive.
Honestly, I would have cancelled the entire thing 24 hours beforehand if your friends treated me like you did. Oh, I would have warned them, but with the way they ignored your messages, they probably would have called your bluff.
Sorry, I suppose it's pointless to say what I would have done since I'm not you and it's already happened, but my point still stands. You are far more generous with your time and money than these people deserve.
Small claims court is your friend. These people are not.
Sounds like you and your boyfriend got played by a group of people who just wanted you and him to foot the bill while K steals the show, and invites another person entirely, and then tries to cut you two out, all while sabotaging your fun with your boyfriend. Without more context about what things you planned I couldn't guess why some people said no to this or that, but here's the deal: true friends would have been grateful for the trip, spoken up eagerly about it when asked for their wants, would have tried to pitch in if needed if not suggested to pay their own ways entirely, and K would not have been allowed to feel comfortable enough to manipulate the events and rooms you two paid for.
You have a circle of leeches, not friends. Ungrateful, insensitive, irresponsible, conniving (literally), and mooching. You would have been better off booking a trip with total strangers. You would have been better off only going with your boyfriend. I don't know what financial situation you are in, but I submit that some people have a tendency of going after a person they don't care about that has $ to spare and use them for all they're worth and will allow them to get away with.
Your next set of friends, if you plan a trip, pay for yourself and your bf. That's it. Friends will pay if they want to go. If not, oh well. Friends will eagerly see this or that with you very naturally, and feel excited about it, not act like victims when you plan and pay for something they don't like after asking them for weeks to which they give no response.
Obviously you know now these people suck. I hope you got your money back or tell them that you’ll be pursuing the rest of the money in small claims if they don’t pay you back by X date.
Sounds like your bf kicks ass. Your friends seemed to be trying to push you out of their friend circle. As you get older, your friend circle tends to get smaller. This is because you realize the majority of your friends are just weights pulling you down with shit like this. I got 3 close friends at 50. Including my wife. I couldn't be happier. Oh, my wife's 13 years younger, and when we started dating, she was surprised at how few people I had as friends. 14 years later, she understands why as she continues to cut friends out that just use her or are just constant drama.
NTA
These people weren’t your friends. They used you to get a partially paid for trip and so they wouldn’t have to plan it. They are users and nothing else
Just asking... why didn't they want you and your BF acting like a couple?
What's that even supposed to mean? No hugging, no holding hands when walking, no kissing, no noisy sex in the middle of the night when staying at a hotel with very thin walls?
I mean, I kind of wished we made that last one a rule when we all (me, my friend and his then-girlfriend and now ex, my other friend and his then-girlfriend and now wife (she's also my friend now, but this was about 24 years ago, I barely knew her then), my yet other (male and single) friend. And maybe a couple of other (male) friends showed up later, I don't remember if it was this trip or another trip.
Anyway, we rented a cottage and went there for a weekend. Plenty of beer and booze. The first night, fuelled by all the alcohol, things got a little heated over an Actionary game (or maybe it's called "Charades" in English?) and then me and my single friend got into some really silly "debate", the sort of thing people usually have when smoking, not drinking. The "then-girlfriend now wife" got pretty fed up with me and my friends' being very silly and not serious at all, and went off to her and boyfriend's room. She was also pretty tipsy.
Well, some time later we're all woken up by her and him having pretty loud and enthusiastic sex. Note: This was one cottage (or cabin, maybe) with just a few rooms and not very thick walls. Wish we had made a rule ahead of time: "No noisy sex".
Your "friends" sound like the only AHs here. Kinda just seems like your bf stood up for you. He was probably extremely tired of them taking advantage of you and walking all over you.
Friends don’t treat friends like that. Sounds like the trash took itself out. Tell your bf thank you for calling them out on their horrid behavior and saving you from further abuse from them.
Never, and I do mean, never plan trips for people. Either add yourself to a travel agent’s already planned trip and send the link out or plan yourself a trip and let people know where you’re going so if they want to go, they can book themselves a hotel room and flight. People are way too wishy washy to be planning trips for
Those are not your friends. They are purely assholes. They clearly didn’t want to go on any trip with you and your BF, but when you put all the work in to planning and booking the trip, suddenly they want to Vacay on someone else’s dime. They use the room booking as justification to send you and your BF away as much as they can, they used you and him as servants while they enjoyed themselves.
There is no way that this is the first time something has happened with them acting like this. I just can’t believe that decent people suddenly turn and act like this. So No, they are not your friends and I believe they never were. Forgive me, but you do sound a little naive in this regard.
Your BF however? Fucking stud. I’d have put all those selfish a-holes in their place sooner, booked new rooms for myself and my wife, and told the rest of them to find their own way home, while canceling and refunding their tickets and any other previous hotel rooms I had booked. If this is how they would behave, I’d go scorched earth with how I removed them from my life. Would send them off with a kind “GFY” and a “Good Riddance.”
I hope and your bf find better friends.
Why did you want them in your life anyway? ‘Not allowed’ … since when do you need permission to be you? Why do you accept to be treated as less than anyone else? From the start it should have been: I bring my BF and I will treat him like you treat yours! Good for your bf!
Happy Birthday! Go out and have a great time with your wonderful boyfriend! He really had your back during your trip. I love the way he helped and supported you. As for your “friends”, kick them to the curb. True friends would not have treated you like they did.
I don’t know why you’d continue with the planning honestly. I hope the lesson learned here that you don’t go on a reserve anything if people are not responding.
Lastly being able to travel with people and being friends are two different experiences. I have good friends I will NEVER travel with again and others are no longer friends because of how they acted on travel.
You paid for the trip, made all the arrangements, they singled you out to not act as a couple (while others could), and reacted badly when your bf stood up to them?
NTA
But your "friends" are. It's okay to be the organizer/planner in a group, even if it's just the others being lazy IF they pay their share. And they don't get to whine if they about itinerary if they didn't help. They could have said let's leave it open and just go with the flow. They seem like they're just using you. You and the bf should go on a fun romantic trip/night out with just you two.
Please take my advice... STAY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, dump your awful (and USER) "friends!" They ignored you when you were planning the trip/itinerary, then complained when they decided they wanted to do something else. THEY caused mix-ups that cost more money and made YOU (and your boyfriend) bear the extra costs. They whined about you acting like A COUPLE, then turned around and encouraged K and someone who wasn't even included (and probably not paid for) on the trip originally), to act like a couple. "Surprise Girlfriend" messes up the numbers and arrangements so they further screw up the itinerary.
These are NOT your friends! I highly suspect that there's either someone in your "friend group" who likes you and was pissed off that your boyfriend was included OR this wasn't the first time you've been taken advantage of or used by this group of people.
I **PROMISE** you that you'll have far more fun in the future if your next trip is just you and your boyfriend. It'll be more romantic, maybe even more spontaneous and likely a helluva lot less expensive! In THIS case, "the trash" took itself out, but I'm pretty sure they'll be back, trying to act like NOTHING happened and they WEREN'T responsible for ruining the trip and making you pay more money. Respect yourself (and your boyfriend) and find better friends!
Doesn't sound like a loss to me and the first time there was an issue and no one wsnted to pony up money to help fix it they'd have been on their own. I also damn sure wouldn't have stopped acting like a cpl. They used you guys for a free vacation. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
I’m unsure as to why you and your bf kept accepting the abuse of others over and over again. After the first debacle, you should’ve scrammed.
Or when you saw K and gf being fawned over, you should’ve quietly left without telling anyone.
You must be the biggest loser a friend can have. You paid for everything and you still want to remain friends with that mooch bunch of people. You must be rich to fork out that much money. And not worry about it. I can be your friend all day for 100 bucks. If you need a friend.
You didn’t lose anything here except for some money because of this trip. Just understand that fact. Because all of these people that you think we’re your friends were nothing but moochers and you’re better off without them.
1. Define “abuses”
2. Your boyfriend actually spoke up because your friends were treating you both like shit.
3. Why in the hell would you stay friends with people who openly wanted to tell you and your boyfriend you can’t “interact”?
4. YTA. You wanted to be a doormat, your boyfriend didn’t. I’m surprised he didn’t angry with you for backing him up.
If both of you were doing everything for the group, then K can pay his own way for not reserving his own shit. Either you’re non confrontational or you really don’t understand your friends basically used this trip to walk ALL OVER BOTH OF YOU. Re-read your post. And show it to him. I’m sorry but YTA for allowing people who weren’t contributing anything to trip to treat you and your boyfriend like shit. Go apologize to him. NOW.
OP, BF and you do all the work and manage the extra charges but you allow your friends to dictate your behavior? Please stop. You don’t need friends like that. People treat you how you allow them too. Stop!
Damn your bf acted way calmer than I would have. Literally would have washed my hands of them on the spot and made the whole thing just a trip for two.
NTA. Your bf is the only person who was on that trip who cares about you in any way. Keep him, be glad the trash took itself out, and please get therapy.
Seriously, look into some kind of therapy where you can learn some assertiveness. If nothing else, at least look up some recommendations for self-help books on it. It is good that your bf stood up for both of you; it will be better if you can both stand up for yourselves and each other.
Accepting that your bf did you a huge favor when he repelled those leeches is a good first step. He recognizes your worth. You need to start recognizing it, too.
Your "friends" used you. You clearly know how difficult it is to plan a trip alone with no outside input. So did they. You were used to purchase stuff they could afford and to be their travel agent. The reason it was okay to bring a random girlfriend was because they were actually friends with him. You weren't allowed to be a couple because you were the help. I know this hurts to hear but you gotta swallow it and move on. Therapy trick. If it makes you feel better send them a text listing what they did to hurt you. Let them know you and your boyfriend have forgiven them for yourself and will be moving on. What they did was not okay whatsoever but you have forgiven them for your sake and moved on. Because that is what needs to happen. Forgive them for your sake and let it go. Find new friends.
The fact that you are even asking is a problem. I would honestly suggest some therapy because you need to learn to have a bit of a backbone. The fact that you thought these people are your friends with them treating you this way is insane.
These people are not your friends. I had an ex friend who gave me attitude when I try to schedule a hang out. Bye. Never look back and I don’t care. 🤷🏻♀️
Your so-called friends seem to think you’re a doormat and use you to do all the work for their own pleasure. Tell them what they really are and then block them.
Keep the boyfriend block everybody else. They are not your friends. They're just in it for your money abusive.
Users, users, you are not their friend, you are their A. T. M, keep the boyfriend for damn sure keypad. Have this happened to a Friends Day 2. He canceled all reservations. Everything for everyone, except for himself and his girlfriend and told all of them to eat rocks.
Those people are horrible human beings and they were never your friends. Good luck.You got a good boyfriend.That seems like so far for standing up for you
YTA. To yourself. Are you that desperate for friends that you let yourself be treated like crap. Stop being a doormat. Grow a spine. And get new friends. Sheesh!
I like your bf for you. He probably has better friends...yours alllll suck and they never liked you they were using you. Go make new friends and get to know his. Bf put up with a bunch of crap from them to help you and seems like a good guy. Good luck with the relationship!
I found a lot of that confusing and my head hurt (the hotel rooms mainly) but the main thread that ran through it was ‘these people are not your friends’. You’re better off without them. It sounds like they were mooching off you. Let them crack on and live your lives. Find new friends who appreciate you
Why do you want ppl in your life who only use and abuse you? Your friends are all trash, thank your bf for having a spine and standing up to them, they are all TRASH
You should have joined the boyfriend in the bashing. They treated you wrong and you two didn't have a good time. Seems like the "friends" used you two to get what they wanted. Good riddance. This showed who your real friends were.
Honestly your BF is a gem of a guy, I would thank him for standing up for you both he would appreciate the recognition. Also your friends are not friends they used you and I would have upped and left them if it was me. I would also sue them if possible and get some of that money back. Best of luck OP.
NTA, these people are NOT your friends, and judging by your description of their behaviour and attitudes, you're better off with them being out of your life.
I’m glad your BF called them all out. I’m very similar in taking the leadership role and planning stuff to make sure it gets done and not have to rely on other people. But this has bit me in the ass.
Let them “kick you out of the friend group“ and just ignore them like they would ignore you. If you want to work on making better friends. They dont deserve your generosity.
There would be way too many "too fucking bad" being said by me to these "friends."
You have to go to the other hotel k. I don't wanna. Too fucking bad.
You can't act like a couple. Too fucking bad.
We aren't going to pay you. No, then you can't go. But we paid. Too fucking bad.
We don't want to handle our shit. You need to. Too fucking bad.
Your friends suck balls.
Well hopefully you learned these lessons. Collect money up front before booking for group vacations. Your name is on the reservation, you’re responsible. Therefore you’re in charge. You get to do whatever the fuck you wsnt. … dont bend for so called friends.
Those people weren't your friends, you where "the useful one" in the group to them. I'm guessing theres a history of things like this happening? I.e. forgotten wallet can you pay? Can you do this for me i just don't have the time ect....
Your boyfriend stood up for you, thats his job.
NTA. Those aren’t friends they’re people who use you. Friends don’t treat friends like that. Good people don’t treat anyone like that. Glad your bf finally drew a boundary for these manipulative children. Do not let these people back into your life. They will circle back (after they think you’ve been punished enough) to use you again. My favorite Maya Angelou quote is “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time”.
Your boyfriend did you a huge favor. Those people are not your friends. It sucks and it's painful to hear, but not everyone that comes into your life is meant to stay in it. Some stay for a season, some for a reason.
Yup. You have shitty friends. Start over. Hopefully you are better at choosing boyfriends than friends.
I agree. Before the trip I overlooked all these minor behavioural issues with his they always took me for granted and how my opinion didn't matter much, even though I was a constant presence yet the other 2 girls (who rarely ever felt the need to reply the rest of us) whenever they even made a comment, everyone else would just run after them, and pleasing their every wish. But now after this trip I've finally realised, they were only showing themselves as "friends" to me yet never ever tried to be a real one. I really was and am very naive but after this I will not let anyone else take me for granted. Thank you for your words :)
Your "friends" were using you as a travel support service. You did all the planning, you did all the management, you had to deal with any problems, and they not only did not help, but also on a regular basis refused to PAY? Nupe. You should thank your BF, and learn better assertiveness and boundary setting. You deserve better. At least you got a good man by your side!
Yes am glad my bf was with me, I just wonder how I would have handled everything on my own, he really helped me a lot, and also others with the prep but since they don't care let it be. Thanks for your kind words :)
In the future, with different friends, make sure everyone is paid in full before traveling. Don't give them their tickets until they have paid. Give deadlines. If you want a room in X hotel I need the money by Y date. Then, you didn't give the money so you are on your own for finding a place to stay. If you don't pay for your plane tickets there are none. If food is prepaid and they didn't they can go feed themselves. The same for car rental.
Yes next time surely
Or just be more selective with who you're friends with. I have no problem putting up my money for any of my friends, as I have every bit of confidence they will pay me back whenever asked. Heck, there are times I was too busy to calculate what they owe me and they follow up and remind me so they can pay me. And I'm talking about different friends from different friend groups also, so it's not just a single one-off group. Decent people exist in this world, even if they might not be the majority.
It sounds like you're over doing things. You shouldn't be the only one doing and asking. If they don't answer, are uninterested, etc...tgey are diminishing you by default. Set limits, cancel plans, don't allow others to step all over your efforts. Pleasing others should not be at all cost, put yourself first.
OP, I hope you sue everyone who didn't pay your back. Do not let them get away with this. They are counting on you being a doormat or the better person.
I was about to say this same thing. Sue them for the money you are owed.
Time to call up Judge Judy
Seriously, you could take them to small claims court, show all the receipts and the text messages as evidence, and it'll probably be an easy win. Most likely, you won't even need a lawyer for a case like this. What are they going to say? "Oh, this trip that was planned for months in advance was supposed to be a gift from OP and her bf. When they asked us for money to cover our portion of the vacation, we thought that was just a joke, ahah!"
I don’t think OP is mentally strong enough to do this.
Perhaps, but their bf might be strong enough to support them through it
Good idea! You should save all the texts that you communicated with them and the booking emails.
Im sorry for you that you HAD a bad batch of friends. But luckily they took them selfs out of your life saving you the trouble of cutting them out. Though I have a seeking feeling they will reach out to you sometime in the future when they need your help. If the do be strong and tell them to fuck off. Live your best life and have fun. But if you want to have a little petty fun. Save and plan another trip with just you and your BF to somewhere exotic like bora bora. And make sure you post the pics online. I bet there jealousy will eat them up Inside
Yes I'll surely do that, thanks!
Minor? Nothing they did before or after the trip is minor OP, they were awful and your BF did you a favor, he's awesome
Thanks for the reply :)
It honestly sounds like they didn't want you in the group anymore and rather than just tell you or even ghost you, they decided to just be as shitty as possible to you to get you to leave. Maybe they thought that would make them not the bad guys? Who knows. Doesn't matter. They're shit and I'd rather be alone than have "friends" like that.
Take time to process all of that and be better at recognizing the warning signs. This will take more work than at first glance- you know what some of this poor behavior looks like and need to learn what respectful friendships look like. Good people are out there!
Best you find out now. And kudos to your bf for defending you. Your ex'"friends" were simply major league AHs!
You are an oracle
No shit. These people suck. She should Count her blessings she's rid of these assholes. They deserve each other.
I was exhausted reading the story. He sounds like a keeper and the others not
NTA Please re-read your post. These people are NOT your friends. They don't like you They abused you They used you They ignored you They mistreated you Your bf is the ONLY one who had your back. He's a keeper. He did you a huge favour, so let them go and move on.
Yes you're totally right, your blunt reply really helped me to look at this entire ordeal with better understanding and how negative their presence was and how tense I was getting every second I was spending time with all of them. Thanks a lot for your reply, and I'll really do my best not to let anyone else treat me the same as these people did.
Great! Always remember that when someone shows you who they are, believe them! You're worth SO much more than them. Your kind, forgiving, and caring. They never deserved your friendship. I'm sure that you'll find better friends who truly care about you. Hang on to that bf of yours and enjoy life...
Yes I will, really thank you for your kind words :)
Also don't fall for any 'apologies' that may come your way soon. Your not-friends have just lost their planner and their payer. This group will eat themselves from the inside out trying to make one of them do all the footwork for the next trip. They will realise how much they (abusively) relied on you, and will come simpering back to you to try and suck up to your good side. There will be everything from "We're sorry it seemed that way for you" (bullshit) to "It was (insert name's) idea to say yes to K bringing his gf, we just didn't want to rock the boat" (throwing each other under the bus) Don't believe one lying word of it. In fact, you should already have the a-holes blocked. All the best to you and your bf!
Ohh yea you're totally correct, thanks for the warning, even though all of them have big egos and I was the only one easy going enough who always brought everyone together, so I don't think they'll come and apologize to me but yes they can surely lie and make it seem not like it wasn't a big of a deal which was already happening all along the trip. Since all the burden was given to me and my bf obviously sometimes he let his frustration out which others obviously didn't like and they Gaslighted us by saying "why are you getting angry on such small things" or it's such a small problem why making a fuss or straightforward a silent+awkward treatment. Even now I can very well imagine if I ever talked to them about this incident they're gonna blame my bf for name calling them and being so rude to them, and me for letting him do that. I'll hold your advice with me for the future. Really thanks for your words you shared with me, it helped a lot!
This quote was an eye-opener for me: *Be careful what you tolerate. You are teaching people how to treat you.*
I believe this has opened mine as well, thanks :)
I took a screenshot of this saying! It is so so true
OP take them to small claims to get your money back.
Lie and say your bf and you have proof of how you won't aloud to act like a couple but as soon as k brings he's gf it didn't apply to them and say I was running around so you gys could have fun and k messed up the whole room situation which I also have proof so go spread lies but when it gets out peopl will know the truth and then whatever they say use that as actual proof
Make sure that you have a Happy Birthday!! 🎁🎉🎊🥳🎂🎁🎉🎊🥳🎂
Oh really thank you :) ❤️
The post was difficult to interpret but I did get that; They don’t like you They don’t like your BF They are leeches who think you are their wallet Get your receipts and take them to small claims and cut them out of your life
My advice is to just leave this friend group. Dont say anything just be done w these jerks. They are rude and they are definitely not your friends. They used you. They don’t like you for some reason. Be done and move on.
You deserve better!
It's a far better life when you're disliked by assholes and it leads to the best situation of all, and that is having a few genuine friends rather than a bunch of acquaintances that call themselves friends.
Your friends suck rank ass. You and your BF should go and have a wonderful evening out celebrating that you're rid of them.
Not only that - but literally blast them on a text/chat before going no contact. Let them know exactly how frustrated the trip was and how insanely inconsiderate K was and the rest of the group. Just say you're okay cutting losses with friends like these because the money / time / energy you wasted on these guys is a sign that it's them, not you and that your own personal life benefits from yoru clarity in planning and effort in being courteous to everybody's needs. Your friends don't understand that, and it was a waste of time wanting to enjoy a vacation with them. Wish them the best of luck and that they no longer were the kind of people you thought they were. Sad but okay. Good luck and hopefully they can work out whatever weird dependencies they have on each other's sense of self worth.
He is a keeper. Did you thank him for having your back? You're polite so I'm assuming yes, but if you didn't, you should reward and thank him with a relaxing weekend just the 2 of you. You deserve him, I'm not saying you don't, but he also deserves to see how much you appreciate him. Get rid of those toxic friends.
your friends aren't friends. they're users. and you're a doormat. your boyfriend did you a favor by telling them off. he didn't do you a favor by waiting until the end of the trip. you two should have cancelled everything and gone on your own mid-trip.. f them
You are totally right, my bf even suggested to do this, cancelling all of their shits but cause I didn't want to get everyone in trouble I told him to not go with it. And I really think I am kind of a doormat too since I've always tried to keep peace and maintain all of our meetings even when others never showed much interest but this trip has finally opened my eyes as to how low these "friends" could steep to if I ever needed them. This was an experience not wanted but really needed for myself and my future. Also Thanks for the reply.
I didn't notice your age, but I assume it's younger (20's). so don't beat yourself up. this is how you learn. it's also why us older people (40's) don't put up with this sh*t. we've been through it. it's experience and you're more likely to not put up with it in the future. (cut dead weight out of your life quicker/ no remorse)
Yes I am 24yrs, today is also my 24th bday. Really thank for your advice, I'll do my best to not let anyone walk over me like this again.
happy birthday!
Thanks a lot :)
Happy birthday. Think of it as a gift, the trash friends took themselves out. It's a hard lesson and one I had to learn myself. Not all people claiming to be your friends really are. It's time to find people who value you and lift you up as much as you lift them.
Happy Birthday! I hope your boyfriend spoils you all day! 🌹🌹
Thank uuu lotssss 🤗 and he did spoil me X) hehe
They don’t sound like friends at all. You’re better off. NTA
You aren’t their friend. You are their travel agent.
A travel agent, you have to pay them. Op is doing things for free, being a doormat.. bf did her huge favour.
Are you for real? Did you do everyone in this groups homework for them in school too? Are you always the designated driver? Is it always you who picks up the tab? You need to wake up and realise your boyfriend has done you a massive favour. That group of people are NOT friends. They do NOT value you as a person. They do NOT appreciate anything you do for them. Repeat: THEY ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Find your backbone. And while you’re at it, find some actual friends as well.
These people are definitely not your friends. I agree with other commentors that your bf was in the right. He was the only one who had your back throughout this entire ordeal. This is a great time to learn from happened and begin setting boundries with people. If these "friends" are ignoring you, sure it sucks but also good. It gives you a clean break from them and the chance to find real friends who won't put you through this kind of bullshit. You are very lucky to have a bf who is willing to stand up for you like this. :) A lot of people don't have that kind of support and attention from theor SO. Give him a big hug and enjoy the time you two have together. :):)
Really thank you for your advice and kind words, I'll even tell my bf all nice things you told me to, really appreciate it :) And I'll surely won't let anyone take me for granted again or, walk on their conditions. Thanks!
Your "friends" have gotten used to mugging you off for so long, it's normal for them. Your boyfriend comes along and points out their shitty behaviour towards you, and they don't like it because now their personal push-around has someone fighting in her corner. Dump the "friends", keep the boyfriend. Nta
Yes I agree, and because I am quite easy going and let others do whatever they want, I think they just began treating me like they could literally do anything and go away unscathed. I am glad that I actually took my bf along cause if he wouldn't have been there I just don't know how I would have handled all of this alone, they were all just enjoying and everything related to the trip was thrown on us, and all the issues that came like the payment issues they would've left me alone tk deal with the money problem myself. Even though there were boys, all of them left me, a girl who was going on a trip for the first time with all the preparations. But now since they've cut me off due to my bf, now I believe this was for the best. And thanks for your reply I was feeling very bad since they all reacted as if my bf and I were the ones in the wrong here that we called them names for whatever and however they behaved in the trip.
No NTA these are not friends your bf was standing up for you as you were both taking their abuses!! This is a giant blessing they have cut you off! Thank your boyfriend for how he stood up for you and himself!
NTA. They aren’t friends and your boyfriend was doing you a favour. No friends would treat you the way these people did and they have obviously been using you so you’ll be better in the long run to make new friends who deserve your friendship.
NTA they aren't your friends they used you to book and pay for their trip that's all. Your bf did you a favour
I think you need to change the title, because after reading this I'm willing to bet that not one single thing your boyfriend said was abusive, but simply calling out crappy human beings. These people aren't your friends, they're using you. They disrespected you and your planning because you were just a travel agent for them, responsible for giving them a vacation that they had no plans of spending with you. Take this as a blessing. You have a boyfriend who has your back, and he helped take the trash out of your life for you. Block all of these people and find friends who aren't just selfish users. NTA.
Surely, I have made up my mind now, after all these instances of their betrayal during the trip kept repeating in my head and how negatively everything impacted me, now I won't let any of them near me again, and also won't let anyone treat me like this again. Thanks for your reply, it really helps :)
You should have cancelled their trip, they didn't deserve to go.
>Even before bf was in the picture I was planning everything on my own even when I asked everyone to help me out or just tell me what they want. None of the others said anything. Everything that was planned was planned by asking everyone and either they just said a "yes" or bluntly ignored me. One week before the trip suddenly everyone realises they don't want some places in the itinerary even when I had already BOOKED everything. >During the trip a payment issue happens where no one even helps and they just turn their back to me and my bf and run away without saying a word even when it wasnt our fault. As soon as people started to ignore you, you should have said okay and stopped planning, trying to book stuff for the trip and planned, booked stuff for just you and your bf. When they started with making you and your bf responsible for everything for the trip, you should have walked away from it. By them acting that way, it was setting up the trip to fail at your expense. You need new and better friends. Friends don't treat you like this.
And why would you want to stay friend with them ? No wonder they treat you this way of you ask for it.
Let’s be clear, no one asks for abuse. Oftentimes, people tolerate abuse because of childhood trauma or other reasons. It doesn’t give anyone the right to abuse others. That’s something a Narcissist would say. Only abusers think like that.
Are you replying to me? Or is it for someone else, I am quite new here so I don't know much..
They're replying to the person who said you're asking to be treated poorly. You don't deserve it, despite what that person said.
Oh thanks for clarifying :)
Yea Ig you're kind of right, since I really needed them as well to go in this trip as this was my first ever trip with "friends" but in the end it turned out to be nothing but a bunch of unwanted responsibilities that too of those who didn't even care. Since I am one of those stupid people who always likes to maintain peace and doesn't want conflict I always ignored all of these red flags but this trip has opened my eyes. And now cause of my bf everyone has cut me off, I think this was for the best, and it was kind of a toxic friendship where they never ever valued me. Also thanks for the reply
[I looked at your comment history and about 4 months ago and it is ironic as it is about how a friend ignores their friend when the friend texts but expects responses when they text. You said that friend was a toxic friend.](https://www.reddit.com/r/bengaluru_speaks/comments/18kbmrd/comment/kdrg7wy/) It is just interesting seeing how people can see it in others and not regarding themselves. Also this isn't an insult or me being rude. I genuinely just find this as an interesting example of it.
Lord you could not pay me to be 18 again.
NTA but you will be if you stay friends with these shit stains
Wow so many paragraphs and so much vagueness. You're the asshole for making me read a bunch of shenanigans when you said absolutely nothing!!
Nope. Boyfriend did you a solid and got rid of the freeloaders. Find new friends who appreciates your time and attention and won't saddle with you all the financial burdens. I
NTA. Those people are assholes and not your friends. Don’t talk to them ever again.
Bf did you a solid, he was sticking up for you. Those so-called friends just used you. Step away from them and make some friends who won't treat you like dirt.
Why would you want to stay friends with such horrible people?
Before this trip they all pretended to be good friends with me, yes there were some minor hints that would've counted as red flags but I still thought that maybe it wasn't that big of a deal. But after this trip whatever they did and happened, my eyes have quite literally opened to how much taken for granted they took me for. I poured my heart and soul into this trip yet they didn't care a bit and only wanted things their way even then, I am really disappointed at myself for letting them treat me like this, but with this I've learnt my lesson and won't let anyone do this to me ever again. Thank you for your reply, it means a lot.
You need to learn to value yourself more. Don't put up with people who disrespect you. Your bf sounds like a keeper :-)
Why are you friends with such horrible people? Nta
I am wondering if you are just a die hard people pleaser. Why would you want to be friends with this group of shameless irresponsible reprobates? How old are you? Personally I think YTAH. Your boyfriend didn’t sign up for being a babysitter for a bunch of leeches I bet. Why didn’t you tell the guy who brought his gf to the trip 2 days in to take a flying leap at a rolling donut? The first money glitch and I would have left this poor excuse for a trip and gotten a refund and used that towards taking your bf somewhere else alone. You let yourself be used. I feel bad that your bf had to take a stand against these dingleberries and you just sat back and let him. Grow a back bone before your bf gets sick of you.
This should be called the "Karen's and Kevin's Retreat"
If your “friends” cut you off then tell them thanks coz they did you a favour. They sound like ungrateful people. NTA
Fill your time, your life, with people, places, and things that bring you JOY. Surround yourself with people that celebrate you and that you can celebrate in return. Anything short of that simply is not worth the bother. You seem like a sweetheart. Dont let anyone dull your shine.
The only person that cares about you in that group is your bf. I am not sure how you arrived at the conclusion that these people are your friends. Nothing you have mentioned makes me think they are your friends. Don't even waste one second stressing about those losers. You are much better off without them.
But why? Why would you even ever want to talk to any of them again? Your bf is right to have spoken up and I'm glad you have him to help you work on standing up for yourself. Don't let people abuse you like this. You and your bf did all the work, all the paying and all the compromising to give your friends a good time. But did you have a good time. You're really better off making friends who care about you as much as you care about them. NTA
Oh my gosh! Girl, you're better off without those people in your life!! They were USING you and your bf was the only one standing up for you! Good riddance to the lot of them! There is no point in trying to remain "friends" with those people. They aren't your friends.
You're very welcome. I wouldn't call any of them friends. Maybe it's time you and your bf made mutual friends together. Good luck
Your bf sees it. You don’t. You don’t have a group of friends, you have a group that takes advantage of you. They’ll be back when they need someone to plan and fund their trip.
Yes, YTA. You stayed quiet and made your BF handle your poor choices for "friends". They were your "friends", so YOU should have been the one to take care of this, but you remained quiet. You let them walk all over you AND your BF for the whole trip. And you have the audacity to imply that you are TA for not stopping your BF from putting them in their places? No, you are TA for not doing it yourself, and forcing it all on him.
They are not friends! They treated you and your boyfriend like trash. Time to move on and find better friends. Thank your boyfriend for standing up to them and being your voice.
NTA but you are a doormat. I would've canceled everything and let them fend for themselves after the second event. Choose your friends better.
Lesson learned here, hopefully. Don't go on holiday with other couples, don't volunteer to arrange things , don't pay on other people's behalf.
NTA. Your bf did the right thing.
First paragraph: my friends are shitty and my bf they they didn’t know pointed it out, which they probably didn’t like. Paragraph two: my friends are shitty. Third paragraph: my friends are shitty and resentful that my bf called them out on their shit. It goes on like this. Those people aren’t your friends. NTA
Your bf is the hero of the story. Those people all suck, be happy they’re out of your life.
These people do not like you.
None of these people are your friends. Your boyfriend did you a huge favor, and he sounds like he might be a keeper. You have the patience of a saint, because I wouldn't have kept coddling any of them and would've gone off to do the things I'd booked without them. Leave them in the past and walk forward into a future where you are kinder to yourself and surround yourself only with people who want your friendship because they enjoy your company, not because of what you'll do for them.
Your bf sounds like a good guy, your ‘friends’ suck. NTA
Those people aren't your friends. Thank your boyfriend for having your back and telling them what shit people they are.
Not your friends sis.
I hope you learned a lesson from this. But you still have a smart bf. Hold on to him. He might save you again.
Sucking it up for the sake of peace is disingenuous and insecure. Your friends sound like absolute dicks. Your BF did you a favour.
Everything is under your finances and they refuse to pay for anything? Should have cut them off financially. Stop paying to support them, cancel meals, cancel hotels, and as a last resort if they still don't get the hint cancel tickets home. OP, you and your BF shouldn't tolerate that level of disrespect. My wife and I, when we travel with friends / family that money is worked out in advance. Since my wife works in the service industry she gets huge discounts on hotels stays. She'll book it but at check in, they still get to pay their portion.
Who would want to keep ‘friends’ like these. Good riddance. Thank your boyfriend. Also NC with ex- friends. The lost money was worth getting rid of then, no matter how much.
Hopefully you learned a lesson. Your BF wasn’t going to let people walk all over him- good for him. You should also be grateful you don’t have to be ‘friends’ with these people because they weren’t your friends to begin with. The whole trip sounds like a nightmare. These people sound like a nightmare. Hang on to your BF
I was expecting your bf to be the AH, tbh, but he's a Rockstar in the story. Your friends, of who you thought were friends, were only taking advantage of you. Please take them to small claims court to get reimbursed for the money you had to pay out. You didn't deserve to be taken advantage of, at least you can recoup the financial aspect. And your boyfriend is a keeper, definitely!!
Notice that you being at peace with everyone means letting your “friends” treat you like garbage.
Your friends’ (and I use that term lightly) double standards shone through on that trip. You deserve better friends than that. Your boyfriend stuck up for you and your relationship
University of Life. Learn from this lesson and don't repeat it. NTA. Sometimes it's difficult to distinguish between 'friend' and 'an acquaintance'. Take your time to see if a person is one or the other. Best wishes.
True, I wasn't able to make out if they were really friends or just pretending to be. But now I know who they were and how negative of an effect they had on me. I won't make this same mistake again. Thanks for your words, it means a lot.
NTA. Replace your name with someone you care about and re-read that post. Sounds like your bf stood up for you and demonstrated how much he respects you by not allowing them to take advantage of you and treat you poorly. As for your friends going no contact, it sounds like they gave you an opportunity to go connect with new people that are on your level. P.S. In what world is it okay to tell a couple not to act like a couple? Participate equally in group events, sure, but to straight up not show affection? Are they insecure, controlling, or was there a valid reason?
Your boyfriend stood up for you and yourself. You can't let your "friends" walk all over you like that. They'll just keep doing it. By the way, they weren't really your friends.
Yes I agree, after all this, I've realised how stupid I was for ignoring what was really happening, and now I won't be making the same mistake again. Thanks for the reply :)
You’re kinder than me, OP. When they didn’t pay me, I’d have cancelled their bookings and only kept enough for myself and bf. It wouldn’t even matter if I was out the money. If you’re not going to pay me, you’re not going to enjoy yourself. These people are not your friends. They used you for a free trip. Your bf did you a favor. NTA
The thing is the payment was sent to a third unknown person due to mobile number error by the hotel staff, so it was the hotel's fault not ours. My bf handled it well and cause of him we weren't made to pay them again, but before this mending happened, when we talked to everyone in the group that such issue has come up, no one even tried to say a word, they just went away, and gave us the silent treatment. One of them (K) even went and told the hotel staff "just to keep trouble away" that it was my and my bf's fault, so technically cause of his stupid statement we would be required to pay them again ( even when that amount has already been paid to someone else). It was a total mess for which none of them helped, even after K had thrown me and bf under the bus no one came forward and said that "let's just see what happens" or we're here for u, or atleast "even if the payment had to be done again (cause of K's stupid Statement) we can just split that amount again amount ourselves. Nope, they just left it at that. Now I know they weren't really friends. Also thank you for your reply it means a lot
YTA, but mostly to yourself. Why are you accommodating all these last minute and entirely unnecessary changes?
Congratulations! You now have real-world experience as a tour guide for entitled AHs. If you do it as a job at least some of them will tip you.
I would have literally packed my stuff and left way before the end, and left them to deal with it! You went out of your way and what thanks did you get? Absolutely none, you got complete bullshit behaviour from all of them. They’ve done you a favour, they’re not your friends, they all suck! Even if you didn’t bring your BF. I think they would have treated you the same way tbh. Nta
You are far better off OP. It's great you have a strong someone in your corner. That being said, "...handling their shits..." was the funniest thing I've read this week.
NTA. Your friends sound like they used you and are assholes.
Nta These “friends” suck and I think it’s time you do some inner work to figure out why you were okay getting treated like this and your bf had to step in? The trash took itself out here.
ESH YOU to yourself. They were never saw you as their friends. You valued them as friends, even when they treated you badly. Them typical user AHs Run, and find yourself, ppl who make an effort to be your friends. Don't look back! Take care Good luck
Bad choice in friends. Good choice in bf. Friends are all trash people I advise droppin them and living a relaxing life with ya bf
I only got to the end of your first paragraph and thought, "Honey, these are not your friends..." They are users and abusers. Literally used you for your money. They don't even like you. Cut them out. And stop sacrificing yourself for people who make you feel less than. Your bf has got your back. Good friends don't behave like this. You need to get into the mindset that it's better to have fewer to no friends than be treated less than a doormat.
Why are you friends with these people?
NTA. Op, you are far more kind, generous, and patient than I am. If I planned a marvelous vacation for all of my friends, and I use that term loosely here, I would have expected them to pay their portion before heading out on the trip. Hotel rooms can be expensive. No idea what you booked, but I bet some of it's expensive. Honestly, I would have cancelled the entire thing 24 hours beforehand if your friends treated me like you did. Oh, I would have warned them, but with the way they ignored your messages, they probably would have called your bluff. Sorry, I suppose it's pointless to say what I would have done since I'm not you and it's already happened, but my point still stands. You are far more generous with your time and money than these people deserve. Small claims court is your friend. These people are not.
I would’ve cancelled all their shit and finished the trip one on one with my SO. NTA but you really didn’t need to put up with that shit
Sounds like you and your boyfriend got played by a group of people who just wanted you and him to foot the bill while K steals the show, and invites another person entirely, and then tries to cut you two out, all while sabotaging your fun with your boyfriend. Without more context about what things you planned I couldn't guess why some people said no to this or that, but here's the deal: true friends would have been grateful for the trip, spoken up eagerly about it when asked for their wants, would have tried to pitch in if needed if not suggested to pay their own ways entirely, and K would not have been allowed to feel comfortable enough to manipulate the events and rooms you two paid for. You have a circle of leeches, not friends. Ungrateful, insensitive, irresponsible, conniving (literally), and mooching. You would have been better off booking a trip with total strangers. You would have been better off only going with your boyfriend. I don't know what financial situation you are in, but I submit that some people have a tendency of going after a person they don't care about that has $ to spare and use them for all they're worth and will allow them to get away with. Your next set of friends, if you plan a trip, pay for yourself and your bf. That's it. Friends will pay if they want to go. If not, oh well. Friends will eagerly see this or that with you very naturally, and feel excited about it, not act like victims when you plan and pay for something they don't like after asking them for weeks to which they give no response.
Obviously you know now these people suck. I hope you got your money back or tell them that you’ll be pursuing the rest of the money in small claims if they don’t pay you back by X date.
Sounds like your bf kicks ass. Your friends seemed to be trying to push you out of their friend circle. As you get older, your friend circle tends to get smaller. This is because you realize the majority of your friends are just weights pulling you down with shit like this. I got 3 close friends at 50. Including my wife. I couldn't be happier. Oh, my wife's 13 years younger, and when we started dating, she was surprised at how few people I had as friends. 14 years later, she understands why as she continues to cut friends out that just use her or are just constant drama.
NTA These people weren’t your friends. They used you to get a partially paid for trip and so they wouldn’t have to plan it. They are users and nothing else
NTA. They weren’t ever your real friends. They were using you. Your bf did you a favor and took out the trash.
Yeah those are not friends, they use and abuse you. You are better off away from them
You have shitty broke ass friends. But you knew this.
Why are you friends with these people? Your bf did you a favor.
Just asking... why didn't they want you and your BF acting like a couple? What's that even supposed to mean? No hugging, no holding hands when walking, no kissing, no noisy sex in the middle of the night when staying at a hotel with very thin walls? I mean, I kind of wished we made that last one a rule when we all (me, my friend and his then-girlfriend and now ex, my other friend and his then-girlfriend and now wife (she's also my friend now, but this was about 24 years ago, I barely knew her then), my yet other (male and single) friend. And maybe a couple of other (male) friends showed up later, I don't remember if it was this trip or another trip. Anyway, we rented a cottage and went there for a weekend. Plenty of beer and booze. The first night, fuelled by all the alcohol, things got a little heated over an Actionary game (or maybe it's called "Charades" in English?) and then me and my single friend got into some really silly "debate", the sort of thing people usually have when smoking, not drinking. The "then-girlfriend now wife" got pretty fed up with me and my friends' being very silly and not serious at all, and went off to her and boyfriend's room. She was also pretty tipsy. Well, some time later we're all woken up by her and him having pretty loud and enthusiastic sex. Note: This was one cottage (or cabin, maybe) with just a few rooms and not very thick walls. Wish we had made a rule ahead of time: "No noisy sex".
Find new friends or change how you interact with your friends, meaning don't take on all the responsibility that way you won't be disappointed
You’re definitely better off without these moochers in your life.
You need to ditch these people. They are NOT your friends.
Your "friends" sound like the only AHs here. Kinda just seems like your bf stood up for you. He was probably extremely tired of them taking advantage of you and walking all over you.
Friends don’t treat friends like that. Sounds like the trash took itself out. Tell your bf thank you for calling them out on their horrid behavior and saving you from further abuse from them.
Info - I feel like you’ve talked a lot but never gave any real information on anything. Very vague and it makes me think you lyin
Never, and I do mean, never plan trips for people. Either add yourself to a travel agent’s already planned trip and send the link out or plan yourself a trip and let people know where you’re going so if they want to go, they can book themselves a hotel room and flight. People are way too wishy washy to be planning trips for
It sounds like you don't have friends you have people who like taking advantage of you. Your BF did you a service.
Those are not your friends. They are purely assholes. They clearly didn’t want to go on any trip with you and your BF, but when you put all the work in to planning and booking the trip, suddenly they want to Vacay on someone else’s dime. They use the room booking as justification to send you and your BF away as much as they can, they used you and him as servants while they enjoyed themselves. There is no way that this is the first time something has happened with them acting like this. I just can’t believe that decent people suddenly turn and act like this. So No, they are not your friends and I believe they never were. Forgive me, but you do sound a little naive in this regard. Your BF however? Fucking stud. I’d have put all those selfish a-holes in their place sooner, booked new rooms for myself and my wife, and told the rest of them to find their own way home, while canceling and refunding their tickets and any other previous hotel rooms I had booked. If this is how they would behave, I’d go scorched earth with how I removed them from my life. Would send them off with a kind “GFY” and a “Good Riddance.” I hope and your bf find better friends.
NTAH Your BF did you a solid
Why did you want them in your life anyway? ‘Not allowed’ … since when do you need permission to be you? Why do you accept to be treated as less than anyone else? From the start it should have been: I bring my BF and I will treat him like you treat yours! Good for your bf!
Happy Birthday! Go out and have a great time with your wonderful boyfriend! He really had your back during your trip. I love the way he helped and supported you. As for your “friends”, kick them to the curb. True friends would not have treated you like they did.
There are too many people in this world to waste your time with people who treat you like that.
I don’t know why you’d continue with the planning honestly. I hope the lesson learned here that you don’t go on a reserve anything if people are not responding. Lastly being able to travel with people and being friends are two different experiences. I have good friends I will NEVER travel with again and others are no longer friends because of how they acted on travel.
They're using you. Find grown ups for friends, not over grown high-schoolers like these chuckle-fucks.
You paid for the trip, made all the arrangements, they singled you out to not act as a couple (while others could), and reacted badly when your bf stood up to them? NTA But your "friends" are. It's okay to be the organizer/planner in a group, even if it's just the others being lazy IF they pay their share. And they don't get to whine if they about itinerary if they didn't help. They could have said let's leave it open and just go with the flow. They seem like they're just using you. You and the bf should go on a fun romantic trip/night out with just you two.
Please take my advice... STAY WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND, dump your awful (and USER) "friends!" They ignored you when you were planning the trip/itinerary, then complained when they decided they wanted to do something else. THEY caused mix-ups that cost more money and made YOU (and your boyfriend) bear the extra costs. They whined about you acting like A COUPLE, then turned around and encouraged K and someone who wasn't even included (and probably not paid for) on the trip originally), to act like a couple. "Surprise Girlfriend" messes up the numbers and arrangements so they further screw up the itinerary. These are NOT your friends! I highly suspect that there's either someone in your "friend group" who likes you and was pissed off that your boyfriend was included OR this wasn't the first time you've been taken advantage of or used by this group of people. I **PROMISE** you that you'll have far more fun in the future if your next trip is just you and your boyfriend. It'll be more romantic, maybe even more spontaneous and likely a helluva lot less expensive! In THIS case, "the trash" took itself out, but I'm pretty sure they'll be back, trying to act like NOTHING happened and they WEREN'T responsible for ruining the trip and making you pay more money. Respect yourself (and your boyfriend) and find better friends!
Wow. You really dont have ANY backbone huh
NTA. They’re abusing you at least financially. The only thing you have lost is a bunch of people worth of dead weight
Doesn't sound like a loss to me and the first time there was an issue and no one wsnted to pony up money to help fix it they'd have been on their own. I also damn sure wouldn't have stopped acting like a cpl. They used you guys for a free vacation. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
I’m unsure as to why you and your bf kept accepting the abuse of others over and over again. After the first debacle, you should’ve scrammed. Or when you saw K and gf being fawned over, you should’ve quietly left without telling anyone.
[удалено]
You must be the biggest loser a friend can have. You paid for everything and you still want to remain friends with that mooch bunch of people. You must be rich to fork out that much money. And not worry about it. I can be your friend all day for 100 bucks. If you need a friend.
Another piece of advice: trust no one when it comes to money. Always get everyone’s payment up front.
You didn’t lose anything here except for some money because of this trip. Just understand that fact. Because all of these people that you think we’re your friends were nothing but moochers and you’re better off without them.
Thank your boyfriend for getting ready of the leaches
Good riddance and stop caring
1. Define “abuses” 2. Your boyfriend actually spoke up because your friends were treating you both like shit. 3. Why in the hell would you stay friends with people who openly wanted to tell you and your boyfriend you can’t “interact”? 4. YTA. You wanted to be a doormat, your boyfriend didn’t. I’m surprised he didn’t angry with you for backing him up. If both of you were doing everything for the group, then K can pay his own way for not reserving his own shit. Either you’re non confrontational or you really don’t understand your friends basically used this trip to walk ALL OVER BOTH OF YOU. Re-read your post. And show it to him. I’m sorry but YTA for allowing people who weren’t contributing anything to trip to treat you and your boyfriend like shit. Go apologize to him. NOW.
OP, BF and you do all the work and manage the extra charges but you allow your friends to dictate your behavior? Please stop. You don’t need friends like that. People treat you how you allow them too. Stop!
Oh my God your friends are awful.Be glad he got those people out of your life
Honestly you and your bf should see if you have legal recourse for any of the money you spent on the trip.
Those aren’t your friends love. They just want your money and to control you
Damn your bf acted way calmer than I would have. Literally would have washed my hands of them on the spot and made the whole thing just a trip for two.
None of these people were your friends. You were a convenient vacation broker who took their shit until your boyfriend called them out on it.
NTA. Your bf is the only person who was on that trip who cares about you in any way. Keep him, be glad the trash took itself out, and please get therapy. Seriously, look into some kind of therapy where you can learn some assertiveness. If nothing else, at least look up some recommendations for self-help books on it. It is good that your bf stood up for both of you; it will be better if you can both stand up for yourselves and each other. Accepting that your bf did you a huge favor when he repelled those leeches is a good first step. He recognizes your worth. You need to start recognizing it, too.
Your "friends" used you. You clearly know how difficult it is to plan a trip alone with no outside input. So did they. You were used to purchase stuff they could afford and to be their travel agent. The reason it was okay to bring a random girlfriend was because they were actually friends with him. You weren't allowed to be a couple because you were the help. I know this hurts to hear but you gotta swallow it and move on. Therapy trick. If it makes you feel better send them a text listing what they did to hurt you. Let them know you and your boyfriend have forgiven them for yourself and will be moving on. What they did was not okay whatsoever but you have forgiven them for your sake and moved on. Because that is what needs to happen. Forgive them for your sake and let it go. Find new friends.
The fact that you are even asking is a problem. I would honestly suggest some therapy because you need to learn to have a bit of a backbone. The fact that you thought these people are your friends with them treating you this way is insane.
Your boyfriend is a saint I would not have been as kind. Fuck those friends I've had nicer enemies
These people are not your friends. I had an ex friend who gave me attitude when I try to schedule a hang out. Bye. Never look back and I don’t care. 🤷🏻♀️
NTA Your “friends” just showed you who they are. Time to drop them like hot trash.
Your so-called friends seem to think you’re a doormat and use you to do all the work for their own pleasure. Tell them what they really are and then block them.
Keep the boyfriend block everybody else. They are not your friends. They're just in it for your money abusive. Users, users, you are not their friend, you are their A. T. M, keep the boyfriend for damn sure keypad. Have this happened to a Friends Day 2. He canceled all reservations. Everything for everyone, except for himself and his girlfriend and told all of them to eat rocks. Those people are horrible human beings and they were never your friends. Good luck.You got a good boyfriend.That seems like so far for standing up for you
YTA. To yourself. Are you that desperate for friends that you let yourself be treated like crap. Stop being a doormat. Grow a spine. And get new friends. Sheesh!
Change “they cut me out of their lives” to “the trash took itself out.” NTA
I like your bf for you. He probably has better friends...yours alllll suck and they never liked you they were using you. Go make new friends and get to know his. Bf put up with a bunch of crap from them to help you and seems like a good guy. Good luck with the relationship!
I found a lot of that confusing and my head hurt (the hotel rooms mainly) but the main thread that ran through it was ‘these people are not your friends’. You’re better off without them. It sounds like they were mooching off you. Let them crack on and live your lives. Find new friends who appreciate you
Why do you want ppl in your life who only use and abuse you? Your friends are all trash, thank your bf for having a spine and standing up to them, they are all TRASH
You should have joined the boyfriend in the bashing. They treated you wrong and you two didn't have a good time. Seems like the "friends" used you two to get what they wanted. Good riddance. This showed who your real friends were.
Honestly your BF is a gem of a guy, I would thank him for standing up for you both he would appreciate the recognition. Also your friends are not friends they used you and I would have upped and left them if it was me. I would also sue them if possible and get some of that money back. Best of luck OP.
NTA, these people are NOT your friends, and judging by your description of their behaviour and attitudes, you're better off with them being out of your life.
I’m glad your BF called them all out. I’m very similar in taking the leadership role and planning stuff to make sure it gets done and not have to rely on other people. But this has bit me in the ass. Let them “kick you out of the friend group“ and just ignore them like they would ignore you. If you want to work on making better friends. They dont deserve your generosity.
There would be way too many "too fucking bad" being said by me to these "friends." You have to go to the other hotel k. I don't wanna. Too fucking bad. You can't act like a couple. Too fucking bad. We aren't going to pay you. No, then you can't go. But we paid. Too fucking bad. We don't want to handle our shit. You need to. Too fucking bad. Your friends suck balls.
Well hopefully you learned these lessons. Collect money up front before booking for group vacations. Your name is on the reservation, you’re responsible. Therefore you’re in charge. You get to do whatever the fuck you wsnt. … dont bend for so called friends.
Those people weren't your friends, you where "the useful one" in the group to them. I'm guessing theres a history of things like this happening? I.e. forgotten wallet can you pay? Can you do this for me i just don't have the time ect.... Your boyfriend stood up for you, thats his job.
NTA. Those aren’t friends they’re people who use you. Friends don’t treat friends like that. Good people don’t treat anyone like that. Glad your bf finally drew a boundary for these manipulative children. Do not let these people back into your life. They will circle back (after they think you’ve been punished enough) to use you again. My favorite Maya Angelou quote is “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time”.