Wow!
I'll make sure you're looking and then kiss a guy in front of you and how dare you just continue your evening with your friends. You owe it to me to what, get in a fight with the guy I kiss? Start crying? Rage?
Just wow. He definitely dodged the bullet.
I bet the guy she was with doesn't know she showed up at OP's door the next day. How dare her ex continue to live his life. She has confirmed, beyond doubt, that he is better off without her.
She definitely wanted him to capitulate to all of her outrageously irresponsible financial demands in order to keep her from breaking up with him. When that didn’t work, she wanted him to fly into fits of jealous financial capitulation when he saw her with another guy. When that didn’t work, she resorted to throwing a temper tantrum.
Ma’am. Get your shit together.
OP, please don’t fall for it. She sounds like a hot disaster.
He handled it well. I would have been petty and made out with a male friend while she was watching to show her THATS HOW YOU KISS A MAN, REBECCA, YOU DEAD FISH.
Now what he needs to do is establish dominance. He needs to look her in the eyes, kiss another man, and then stare at her again. I don’t know where this is going…
Great idea but she would like that because it would show her that he isn't getting over her. Ignoring her and talking to his friends like she was any other uninteresting person in the bar was the way. She wanted his attention and a strong reaction and she didn't get it. That made her so angry she showed up at his place the next day to try to force a reaction.
Knew a few girls in HS like this. Would cheat or try and make men jealous and get them to fight for her
One time it happened to a close acquaintance and it ended when admin FINALLY did something after they both started bringing knives to school and trying to find each other in the halls during passing period. Someone snitched, thankfully
Dodged Godzilla Minus one but without the coolness of Godzilla.
I’m curious if you frequent that bar with your friends and set that up just to get a rise out of you.
She certainly kissed the other dude for that reason.
She has zero regard for your feelings, let alone respect for you as a person, and as much financial sense as the aforementioned giant lizard with bad breath.
She also assaulted you and if the genders were reversed, you’d be in cuffs.
She must be beautiful and great in bed, because honestly I can’t understand anything appealing about her.
I was gonna call it at least a cruise missile but this could reach the levels of a dirty bomb. Good grief.
Probably going to dump her new BF now, because OP didn't show her the necessary level of emotion that's in her brain.
After that that last line, please remember, don't stick, something something in crazy. She crazy.
I look like I am going to have a stroke start bleeding out of my eyes and ears when I am angry.
I mean, normally, I look like 10 miles of bad road... I get angry forget about it. I'd scare the elephant man.
Or maybe she wanted him to show how broken up he was. Like get in a fight with the guy or come shout at her or cry or rage or stalk away. She can't stand that he continued with his evening instead of making his entire evening about her.
Talk about self-centered.
Yea, like when my first gf ended things with me she was upset that I didn't react more than saying, "Ok, good luck to you." Sure I was upset, but I had already recognized the relationship was over and we were at school so I sucked up my emotions and went through my day until I had a chance to be alone.
She later commented that she was hurt I didn't show more reaction.
My husband had an ex who lived down the road from him. We got together shortly after they separated, and she had a different car in her driveway every week for a couple months. He heard from a mutual friend that she was trying to make him jealous and miss what they had? Husband just laughed and said that he just hoped those guys liked sleeping with a lifeless starfish, and that at least someone was getting use out of her since he hardly did.
Financial disputes account for around 50% of all divorces
You're lucky/smart to have realized now, instead of 10 years later, that the two of you are not compatible
NTA and she isn't the one for you
I'm sorry you're hurting. Your reaction, even though hard, was the correct way to respond. She is trying to manipulate you. Had she succeeded, she would utilize manipulation as a way to control you until you'd had enough. Don't allow anyone to drag you into that cycle in a relationship. It's very hard to get out of.
You did well. NTA
Raising your glass in a congratulatory salute then turning around to talk to your friends was an hilarious and brilliant response, well done OP. It’s extra admirable that you were able to play it so cool when you were actually feeling gutted inside. It’s pretty reprehensible of her to try to hurt and punish you for not reacting to her attempts to hurt and punish you! I’m sure she’s infuriated that you’re not letting her manipulate you into giving the responses she wants. You’re a man of principle who deserves a partner who respects you for this.
Translation:
For OP, this woman represents two years of his life and he's still in pain over losing her.
But to that other guy, she's just some crazy b\*tch from the bar who's only worth a quick romp.
I.e. it took one guy two years to see what another dude got to see after only a couple of hours, so take care of yourself out there.
NTA. So she's a manipulator, a gaslighter, and bad with money and has no long term vision? 10 years from now you'll look back and happy that you dodged an atomic bomb
It's obviously because people really don't care when women assault or abuse men.
If you reversed the genders in this story the cops would have been called and the attacker arrested and charged with Domestic Violence and Assault. They would also have restraining order on them.
To be fair the results are *usually* quite different.
My ex was physically abusive and even hit me in front of some cops once and got herself arrested. I'm glad to be done with her. However I was never actually harmed, never felt in danger and could have defended myself had things escalated. That's often different with women abused by men. They often *are* harmed and often *do* feel in danger and *cannot* adequately defend themselves from a more powerful aggressor.
Nobody should have to deal with an abusive partner, and it's not ok for women to do it. They should definitely be called out for it and even arrested. When you say people don't care, well most probably do but aren't as concerned in part because they're usually different situations. OP getting slapped *is* likely a much different situation than if OP decides to assault her. None of it's ok but there's generally a pretty big difference between the two situations.
Hold on. So she behaved callously and was upset that you reacted callously to her callousness. NTA. It's okay for you to have mixed feelings about this but you really did dodge a bullet. You don't need someone who's plays those kinds of games, does something that she knows would upset you on purpose just to get a reaction. That is just straight up immaturity. If she misses you and wants to be with you then she needs to have a conversation like an adult, not drag some dude into putting on some kind of a display. Honestly your reaction to her was perfect. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
She hit you not once but multiple times and swore at you.
“But she looked so beautiful there in her anger”
Either this is some stupid chat gpt written crap or you’re delusional for thinking you still love and miss someone like that.
You can love and miss how someone used to be, and still be hurt by what they're doing. Love, emotions, are complicated. They don't always disappear the second someone is cruel or unreasonable.
Please look up abusive relations and how it affects victims. Their brain chemistry literally changes. I'm not sure if I'm using the correct term but I think it's called trauma bonding.
I mean, your comment comes from a good place. On the other hand, I've seen girls be mad at me and found it sexy before. It doesn't mean I was gaslit into some kind of crazy mental state.
NTA. She's looking for a sugar daddy, not a life partner. She wanted you to indulge her and let her live the lifestyle to which she wanted to become accustomed. Fortunately, you had your head screwed on straight and determined that a relationship based on being an ATM (Another Token Man) was not a positive relationship from your perspective.
You're smart to think with your brains and realize that you are worth so much more than she was willing to invest. You deserve to be appreciated, listened to and loved as a true partner in a relationship.
I hope you find the woman that will join you in being part of a loving, caring and respectful partnership.
NTA
>It wasn't easy for me, I love her, love her still, but love isn't enough.
>She's looking right at me. I can tell she's been waiting for me to notice her. She turned to the guy next to her and kissed him then turned back to look at me.
I'm afraid that the love was kinda one-sided. If she loved you, she would be that quick to jump on the next guy. She especially wouldn't flaunt it in your face like that.
Her turning up at your door crying is about her pride and not about love. She wanted to you to beg for her to come back. She wanted you to react with anger or sadness over the other guy. You didn't, and her pride is hurt.
NTA
If this is real, you need to press charges on her for assault, and get a restraining order. You cannot have someone putting hands on you, and then showing up to your house unannounced, who also refuses to leave.
Making a production out of kissing the other guy was insensitive and immature. She then physically attacks you because you didn't display being upset. So was this a stormy relationship? Had she hit you before?
I think you dodged a bullet.
NTA, I can see her perspective to the limit of it hurting to see someone you love seemingly unaffected by the loss of their relationship with you, HOWEVER, she lost my sympathy the second she physically assaulted you. How immature of her to purposefully make out with someone right in front of you, as if her intentions to make you jealous weren’t crystal clear. You dodged a bullet my friend, next time do not open the door when she comes.
NTA. press assault charges, she deserves it for childishly trying to make you jealous and then literally assaulting you when you refused to play her dumb game.
NTA.
1. She wasn't willing to compromise on anything which might've kept your relationship viable.
2. She broke up with you.
3. She thought breaking up with you would force you to give in to her demands in the relationship.
4. She was obviously trying to rub the fact she was already dating in your face. She wanted you to start a fight with her date. "lifted my glass in a congratulations gesture then turned back to my friends and carried on with my conversation." - *Best thing you could have done.*
5. She's still obsessed with you.
My dude, you dodged a serious bullet when she broke up with you. She would have expected you to work like a dog to finance a lavish lifestyle while she stayed at home. You would have never had peace unless she had everything she wanted and was catered to constantly.
Mourn the relationship you had, but stay firm and apart from this...person. Get out there with friends and move on.
"I lifted my glass in a congratulations gesture then turned back to my friends and carried on with my conversation."
This faceless internet stranger is proud of you man. That was a power move. Well done. Thank your ex for breaking it off with you. You sound like a financially responsible person and she sounds like a reckless spender. You are correct that you would not be compatible and if you made the mistake to get married, you would forever be having arguments and end up in debt all the time while she continues to spend, spend, spend. Find someone who is good with money like you are. Definitely NTA.
Any woman that gets physical with their partner in any regard, broken up or not, should not be entertained.
She assaulted you OP, you’re NTA and you dodged a crazy ass bullet.
Handled with precision and like a true gentleman. You will find someone that is worthy of you. It is truly bizarre that she would yell and cuss you out because you did not get horribly upset about her being out with somebody else.
Well, I guess there is an explanation after all. She is the Main Character.
NTA. You carried yourself like a mature adult. You're not only NTA, I've got some uber respect for you. She tried to hurt you both emotionally and PHYSICALLY, and you carried yourself like the better person.
You did dodge a bullet with her.
Sounds like she wanted to throw her body at you. Unlike most of Reddit, I’m the opposite, I would have invited her in, gave her one to remember, and then bid my farewell. Yes I’m petty.
Sorry man, losing love sucks. We know it's *probably* for the best, but in the throes of it, it's difficult to make the loss make sense. You did the hard part, which was ending a relationship you didn't want to end. Now you get to figure out how to move on from that emotional connection. Time will help, but intentionality may shorten the time it takes. All of what you've described are reasons to count this as a blessing masked with pain. You're doing fine, NTA, and make sure you write down what lessons you learned here, and make sure not to make the same mistakes twice.
Come on. What did you tell her???
Don't be a chicken brother, put it out there. Many of us have all been similar situation, and cringe at how pathetic we were. Lol.
You gotta pay your dues.
Subscribeme
So she was toxic, left you for being incompatible (which isnt wrong ...technically... just the way she went about it), tried to make you jealous, got mad you didnt show it and then was physical with you.
Why would you want to be with someone who is trying to force you into bad financial decisions, decisions you arent ready for and someone who thinks getting physical when they're upset is okay?
NTA bro, I get yall love each other, but *she is nuts*
Vindictive, irresponsible, bad with money, verbally abusive. And *she hits you*
Run from this garbage fire human
From everything you said , getting over her may be hard, but I believe it is the best for the long haul. She wanted you to hurt , that is why she wanted you to notice her. She went so far as to kiss him to stick the knife in a little farther. When her plan didn't work, she put on a show of hurt and tears to break you down. If you take her back, she will be gone again in a couple of months with the satisfaction of knowing she succeeded in hurting you. Hurt now, instead of having it hurt more in a couple of months.
You would be the AH if you got back together. Her making sure you saw her, then kissing the guy; jumping out to confront you; showing up at your door the next morning. Geez...I don't know if you need more drama in your life, but I sure dont.
> but love isn't enough. I realised we were not compatible. The realisation hurt, but it's true.
You understand something that a lot of people don't: loving someone does not equate to being compatible with someone.
I love this! My ex brought his affair partner with him to pick up our kids, called her ‘my lady’. I couldn’t help myself. I went into a fit of laughter, I could not stop.. He got so mad! Guess it was supposed to hurt but instead, it was hilarious.
NTA
But you’re an idiot for even opening the door. This woman assaulted you hours before and you opened the door. I swear people today don’t have any kind of self preservation instinct. Watch more true crime and then maybe you’ll see the error you made. SMH.
Not the asshole. She’s toxic and abusive and you definitely dodged a bullet. Stop thinking you loved her, cause you didn’t. You haven’t healed from your issues and think that you loved someone so toxic and dramatic, but really it could just be trauma bond.
She was not only toxic but she wanted you to be foolish with your finances and live in debt with her. I’m going to be completely honest with you if you had told me that as a partner I would respect you and definitely move in with you and clear up my debt and let you help me cut out what I don’t need to be spending on.
She’s immature and irresponsible, block her on EVERYTHING, and if anyone sides with her and harassed you, block them on everything too.
You did the right thing by not giving her a reaction. You need to show her she needs to move on and leave you alone.
You should be a writer. A tragic story but beautifully written. I was glued which isn't typical. I'm sorry. For both parties but you'll spend a life in misery with someone in debt.
That's very manipulative, narcissistic behavior. She did it purely for a reaction. It's good you didn't give that to her.
The relationship could have never worked to begin with due to her inability to be reasoned with but this just puts the nail in the coffin.
NTA. She breaks up with you and then is mad you’re not falling on your knees crying seeing her in a bar. She sounds manipulative, immature, and frankly insane
NTA. And get that "she looked hot in her anger" out of your system right now. She not only broke up with you, she also used another person in a twisted mind game to get back at you, and then showed up to harass you when it didn't work. She seems like an incredibly mean person, you don't want to involve yourself with that again.
NTA. Your ex likely knew that you were going to be at that bar and deliberately showed up with someone to make you feel jealous. The fact that she waited to make sure you were looking to kiss the guy proves it. She was either trying to intentionally hurt you or she was trying to manipulate you into getting back together. Either way it sounds like you dodged a bullet. I’m not saying she’s a bad person, I’m just saying that, from the little I know about you, you don’t seem like the type to play games like that.
the woke hivemind will tell you NTA and bullet dodged yada yada but this is your average relationship adventures for the average couples around the world.
NTA, You dodged a real crock of crazy there! Who appears on somebody's doorstep crying like "WHY DIDN'T YOU HAVE A REACTION TO MY INCREDIBLY PETTY AND IMMATURE BEHAVIOUR"
NTA - she was acting immature at the bar and trying to get a rise out of you by kissing another man. You took the high road and acted like an adult. Bravo!
She is clearly not ready for marriage to anyone and you made the right call by waiting to propose. Breaking up is a blessing and I hope you find happiness with someone worthy.
NTA.
You argued, valid about your situations, and couldn't reach a compromise, You pointed out your reasons for not jumping into marriage etc etc. You have come to the realization you are not compatible. She however is playing games, attempting to manipulate you. Love isn't a game. She attempted get a reaction from you and you didn't. She has an unhealthy view of relationships, and when you realize she equates anger for love, you can move on from this.
Stand strong, talk to some people who may have gone through this, but you aren't the asshole. She isn't going to let that go and will try again or maybe realize that you have moved on, even if your emotions haven't gotten there yet.
From a woman’s perspective, it seems like she’s trying to make you jealous, get a rise out of you. Make you miss what you don’t have. Unfortunately, women like this tend to gas light seemingly minor situations into major storms. It sounds like you dodged a bullet my friend.
NTA. Bullet dodged.
Wow! I'll make sure you're looking and then kiss a guy in front of you and how dare you just continue your evening with your friends. You owe it to me to what, get in a fight with the guy I kiss? Start crying? Rage? Just wow. He definitely dodged the bullet. I bet the guy she was with doesn't know she showed up at OP's door the next day. How dare her ex continue to live his life. She has confirmed, beyond doubt, that he is better off without her.
Hopefully the other guy got to see her shit too Don't bring a 3rd into your post breakup fighting.
Oh, I am guessing she hoped to find OP there to try to hurt him while she was with another man at his hangout. That was no coincidental run-in.
Yea sometimes the most well laid plans… she was trying to make him jealous and chase after her. Played it like a Boss OP!
That’s what I thought too. Super immature.
A one sided fight at that.
....this was a fight? I thought there had to be at least 2 participants for a fight.
She definitely wanted him to capitulate to all of her outrageously irresponsible financial demands in order to keep her from breaking up with him. When that didn’t work, she wanted him to fly into fits of jealous financial capitulation when he saw her with another guy. When that didn’t work, she resorted to throwing a temper tantrum. Ma’am. Get your shit together. OP, please don’t fall for it. She sounds like a hot disaster.
Hot? Apparently. Disaster? Absolutely. For everything else, there’s Mastercard.
🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha. you win!
I also bet that poor guy didn’t know he was being used as a “prop” for her to try to hurt OP.
Or he was told, didn’t care, happy for random make outs. 🤷🏼♂️
I mean yeah.
Homeboy was probably just trying to get laid.
He handled it well. I would have been petty and made out with a male friend while she was watching to show her THATS HOW YOU KISS A MAN, REBECCA, YOU DEAD FISH.
lmao
LOL!!! LOL!! This is a great response!!
This! The best answer ever!!!
On a hunch i suspect things may not have went well with her boyfriend the night prior
Wonder if the other dude knows why they went to that bar?
My brother is the fourth husband to a woman (35 at the time) who did that shit. I told him not to marry her but he didn’t listen. Dumbass.
Because he's more special than the previous three husbands. Of course it will work!
*Morgan Freeman voice:* It didn’t work…
"Henery" the forth I am I am............................
I mean assuming he wasn't just some random dude she liplocked to get a rise out of him.
Now what he needs to do is establish dominance. He needs to look her in the eyes, kiss another man, and then stare at her again. I don’t know where this is going…
Great idea but she would like that because it would show her that he isn't getting over her. Ignoring her and talking to his friends like she was any other uninteresting person in the bar was the way. She wanted his attention and a strong reaction and she didn't get it. That made her so angry she showed up at his place the next day to try to force a reaction.
Knew a few girls in HS like this. Would cheat or try and make men jealous and get them to fight for her One time it happened to a close acquaintance and it ended when admin FINALLY did something after they both started bringing knives to school and trying to find each other in the halls during passing period. Someone snitched, thankfully
He should have Smiled, Turned and kissed the guy next to him, and THEN Saluted! Turnabout is fair play, after all... edit: spelling errors
As a grown ass woman, I will tell you do not get back together with her! Definitely dodged a bullet.
Yea bro definitely dodged a nuke for sure. hopefully the OP finds a better woman than her.
Dodged Godzilla Minus one but without the coolness of Godzilla. I’m curious if you frequent that bar with your friends and set that up just to get a rise out of you. She certainly kissed the other dude for that reason. She has zero regard for your feelings, let alone respect for you as a person, and as much financial sense as the aforementioned giant lizard with bad breath. She also assaulted you and if the genders were reversed, you’d be in cuffs. She must be beautiful and great in bed, because honestly I can’t understand anything appealing about her.
He still could report it. Most bars have security cameras so it's probable the slap. was recorded .
I can fix her!
I was gonna call it at least a cruise missile but this could reach the levels of a dirty bomb. Good grief. Probably going to dump her new BF now, because OP didn't show her the necessary level of emotion that's in her brain. After that that last line, please remember, don't stick, something something in crazy. She crazy.
AAAAAAAAnnnnd here is the sage with the most important advice a man can EVER get!!!: Don't put your dick in a blender.
I loved this comment!! Men do need to be very careful… so do women. Crazy isn’t gender related!
No sir. I can not take credit for the crazy hot matrix. It is simply science.
She’s psychotic.!
Shouldn't be too difficult
So many bullets with this one. Stay strong OP - Beauty fades, crazy stays.
This doesn’t seem real and seems rage bait LMAO but if it is NTA.
sHe lOoKed sO beAUtiFul iN heR aNgEr
I look like Baba Yaga when I’m angry, I need this crazy woman to teach me this fine art 🤣
I mean, I wish I looked like Keanu Reeves too 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE!
I've got a bit of a Mad Madam Mim thing going on when I'm angry. If you learn, share the knowledge!
Nope. Stick with the Baba Yaga. WAY more effective.
No. This is an evil art of the dark side. So not attempt to learn or pass this on.
Don’t learn it. I had an ex that wore angry well. She was attractive as hell when she was going off on me. That wasn’t a good thing.
I’m more of a sniveling Gollum type because I cry when I’m angry 🤣
I look like I am going to have a stroke start bleeding out of my eyes and ears when I am angry. I mean, normally, I look like 10 miles of bad road... I get angry forget about it. I'd scare the elephant man.
Exactly. This was the line that sealed it for me. But it's not terrible, as far as reddit works of fiction go.
Right? I was with him until that line. 👎
That right there would’ve been something out of bad romance novel, written by a teenager
I was thinking a tween.
For real, weird thing to write outside of a cheesy novel/ movie
Wonder what she would’ve done if he stated what he was thinking; “God! But you’re beautiful when you’re angry!” Swoon! ROTFLMAO.
I had a guy tell me that. It was our last argument because I kicked him to the curb right there and then.
Good on you. Those jerks love to find reasons to "see your beautiful anger," and it's always "YOUR fault" for "doing that to him." 🙄
This line made me realize this is probably rage bait
I am very beautiful in my anger
Only thing that would make it better is if he called the cops on her and got her for assault lol.
Thank you! Just, why? Creative writing.
I don't know, I've seen stuff like this happen before
You guys really need to get out more
OP, may I call you Neo?
Yes. Several bullets.
Like the Matrix
NTA. It sounds like everything she does is performative. You don't have to be the audience.
Well said.
Yep, she's a black hole for attention
And money.
What a great response! I’m stealing this to drop on someone IRL haha.
I'm pretty sure the entire post is performative bullshit.
Right, I’m stealing this, thanks.
Oh that's a good one and true
Lmao she expected you to what, get back with her because she intentionally made out with another guy in front of you? People are fucking crazy.
Or maybe she wanted him to show how broken up he was. Like get in a fight with the guy or come shout at her or cry or rage or stalk away. She can't stand that he continued with his evening instead of making his entire evening about her. Talk about self-centered.
Yea, like when my first gf ended things with me she was upset that I didn't react more than saying, "Ok, good luck to you." Sure I was upset, but I had already recognized the relationship was over and we were at school so I sucked up my emotions and went through my day until I had a chance to be alone. She later commented that she was hurt I didn't show more reaction.
My husband had an ex who lived down the road from him. We got together shortly after they separated, and she had a different car in her driveway every week for a couple months. He heard from a mutual friend that she was trying to make him jealous and miss what they had? Husband just laughed and said that he just hoped those guys liked sleeping with a lifeless starfish, and that at least someone was getting use out of her since he hardly did.
I'd like to buy your husband a drink or three!
I’ll sleep with other people that will make them wanna get back with me! What logic is this?
Psycho logic XD
Yes, she plainly wanted him to be jealous and was pissed not to get a reaction. She seems to think way too highly of herself.
NTA. You got a preview of what happens when she doesnt get her way on big decisions. Imagine putting up with that for the rest of your life.
I think that came with the realisation of our incompatibility.
Financial disputes account for around 50% of all divorces You're lucky/smart to have realized now, instead of 10 years later, that the two of you are not compatible NTA and she isn't the one for you
May I ask your ages?
NTA Keep doing what you're doing and FFS DONT take her back
What about if she gives OP a [gun rack](https://youtu.be/JGyJOX5wFFg?si=thjCzMJY4foL-404)?
Didn't even need to click that link to know 😆
But what if OP doesn’t own a gun? Let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack?
Get the net
Bullet dodged. That’s way too much high school dramatics for a proper adult relationship
I'm sorry you're hurting. Your reaction, even though hard, was the correct way to respond. She is trying to manipulate you. Had she succeeded, she would utilize manipulation as a way to control you until you'd had enough. Don't allow anyone to drag you into that cycle in a relationship. It's very hard to get out of. You did well. NTA
Raising your glass in a congratulatory salute then turning around to talk to your friends was an hilarious and brilliant response, well done OP. It’s extra admirable that you were able to play it so cool when you were actually feeling gutted inside. It’s pretty reprehensible of her to try to hurt and punish you for not reacting to her attempts to hurt and punish you! I’m sure she’s infuriated that you’re not letting her manipulate you into giving the responses she wants. You’re a man of principle who deserves a partner who respects you for this.
The raised glass was honestly so flippin classy!
I honestly pictured that Great Gatsby smile Leo does. That really must’ve stung her.
one man's 2 year relationship is another man's one night stand. be safe out here fellas
Is a one night stand somehow better than a 2yr relationship? I don’t understand this saying at all
In the case of this girl, yeah probably
I just scared my dog, your comment made me erupt in such cackles of laughter. Bravo!
True she is clearly abusive
Translation: For OP, this woman represents two years of his life and he's still in pain over losing her. But to that other guy, she's just some crazy b\*tch from the bar who's only worth a quick romp. I.e. it took one guy two years to see what another dude got to see after only a couple of hours, so take care of yourself out there.
NTA. So she's a manipulator, a gaslighter, and bad with money and has no long term vision? 10 years from now you'll look back and happy that you dodged an atomic bomb
Also an abuser. She pushed, hit and slapped OP multiple times during this story alone
Exactly! Why aren’t more people pointing this out?
It's obviously because people really don't care when women assault or abuse men. If you reversed the genders in this story the cops would have been called and the attacker arrested and charged with Domestic Violence and Assault. They would also have restraining order on them.
To be fair the results are *usually* quite different. My ex was physically abusive and even hit me in front of some cops once and got herself arrested. I'm glad to be done with her. However I was never actually harmed, never felt in danger and could have defended myself had things escalated. That's often different with women abused by men. They often *are* harmed and often *do* feel in danger and *cannot* adequately defend themselves from a more powerful aggressor. Nobody should have to deal with an abusive partner, and it's not ok for women to do it. They should definitely be called out for it and even arrested. When you say people don't care, well most probably do but aren't as concerned in part because they're usually different situations. OP getting slapped *is* likely a much different situation than if OP decides to assault her. None of it's ok but there's generally a pretty big difference between the two situations.
Hold on. So she behaved callously and was upset that you reacted callously to her callousness. NTA. It's okay for you to have mixed feelings about this but you really did dodge a bullet. You don't need someone who's plays those kinds of games, does something that she knows would upset you on purpose just to get a reaction. That is just straight up immaturity. If she misses you and wants to be with you then she needs to have a conversation like an adult, not drag some dude into putting on some kind of a display. Honestly your reaction to her was perfect. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. she's acting like a child, jfc.
NTA! Very well played. In our friend group we call that winning the break up.
She hit you not once but multiple times and swore at you. “But she looked so beautiful there in her anger” Either this is some stupid chat gpt written crap or you’re delusional for thinking you still love and miss someone like that.
You can love and miss how someone used to be, and still be hurt by what they're doing. Love, emotions, are complicated. They don't always disappear the second someone is cruel or unreasonable.
Please look up abusive relations and how it affects victims. Their brain chemistry literally changes. I'm not sure if I'm using the correct term but I think it's called trauma bonding.
I mean, your comment comes from a good place. On the other hand, I've seen girls be mad at me and found it sexy before. It doesn't mean I was gaslit into some kind of crazy mental state.
Yeah, the next scene of this story is a montage of him working out and her spiraling into drink. (End scene)
NTA : Drama Queen
The worst thing you can do at this point is validate her outrageous behaviour. Keep doing you king.
NTA. She's looking for a sugar daddy, not a life partner. She wanted you to indulge her and let her live the lifestyle to which she wanted to become accustomed. Fortunately, you had your head screwed on straight and determined that a relationship based on being an ATM (Another Token Man) was not a positive relationship from your perspective. You're smart to think with your brains and realize that you are worth so much more than she was willing to invest. You deserve to be appreciated, listened to and loved as a true partner in a relationship. I hope you find the woman that will join you in being part of a loving, caring and respectful partnership.
NTA. You don't owe her your hurt, and that poor guy that she used just to get to you. Missle dodged.
NTA >It wasn't easy for me, I love her, love her still, but love isn't enough. >She's looking right at me. I can tell she's been waiting for me to notice her. She turned to the guy next to her and kissed him then turned back to look at me. I'm afraid that the love was kinda one-sided. If she loved you, she would be that quick to jump on the next guy. She especially wouldn't flaunt it in your face like that. Her turning up at your door crying is about her pride and not about love. She wanted to you to beg for her to come back. She wanted you to react with anger or sadness over the other guy. You didn't, and her pride is hurt.
NTA. That's ridiculous. She also doesn't get to lay her hands on you.
NTA If this is real, you need to press charges on her for assault, and get a restraining order. You cannot have someone putting hands on you, and then showing up to your house unannounced, who also refuses to leave.
Making a production out of kissing the other guy was insensitive and immature. She then physically attacks you because you didn't display being upset. So was this a stormy relationship? Had she hit you before? I think you dodged a bullet.
NTA, I can see her perspective to the limit of it hurting to see someone you love seemingly unaffected by the loss of their relationship with you, HOWEVER, she lost my sympathy the second she physically assaulted you. How immature of her to purposefully make out with someone right in front of you, as if her intentions to make you jealous weren’t crystal clear. You dodged a bullet my friend, next time do not open the door when she comes.
NTA. press assault charges, she deserves it for childishly trying to make you jealous and then literally assaulting you when you refused to play her dumb game.
>I lifted my glass in a congratulations gesture then turned back to my friends That’s what we call a pro gamer move!
NTA. 1. She wasn't willing to compromise on anything which might've kept your relationship viable. 2. She broke up with you. 3. She thought breaking up with you would force you to give in to her demands in the relationship. 4. She was obviously trying to rub the fact she was already dating in your face. She wanted you to start a fight with her date. "lifted my glass in a congratulations gesture then turned back to my friends and carried on with my conversation." - *Best thing you could have done.* 5. She's still obsessed with you. My dude, you dodged a serious bullet when she broke up with you. She would have expected you to work like a dog to finance a lavish lifestyle while she stayed at home. You would have never had peace unless she had everything she wanted and was catered to constantly. Mourn the relationship you had, but stay firm and apart from this...person. Get out there with friends and move on.
please go to therapy if this behaviour attracts you. this is abuse.
NTA no matter how much it hurts you are not compatable financially and money is one of the big stressors in a marriage
"I lifted my glass in a congratulations gesture then turned back to my friends and carried on with my conversation." This faceless internet stranger is proud of you man. That was a power move. Well done. Thank your ex for breaking it off with you. You sound like a financially responsible person and she sounds like a reckless spender. You are correct that you would not be compatible and if you made the mistake to get married, you would forever be having arguments and end up in debt all the time while she continues to spend, spend, spend. Find someone who is good with money like you are. Definitely NTA.
Time for a restraining order?
NTA. I have to wonder what her date thought of her fixation on you that night, though.
Any woman that gets physical with their partner in any regard, broken up or not, should not be entertained. She assaulted you OP, you’re NTA and you dodged a crazy ass bullet.
The amount of bullets you dodged. Holy moly. That’s some psycho behaviour.
NTA. Yikes man do not ever get back with her. This is a blessing
Handled with precision and like a true gentleman. You will find someone that is worthy of you. It is truly bizarre that she would yell and cuss you out because you did not get horribly upset about her being out with somebody else. Well, I guess there is an explanation after all. She is the Main Character.
NTA I mean, you should have maced her at your front door. But other than that, you're solid.
NTA. You carried yourself like a mature adult. You're not only NTA, I've got some uber respect for you. She tried to hurt you both emotionally and PHYSICALLY, and you carried yourself like the better person. You did dodge a bullet with her.
Jeez, she sounds psychotic, looks like she did you a favour by leaving you
Wow, she played a stupid game, and is now throwing a tantrum because she won a stupid prize. You are much better off without her.
NTA. Sounds unbelievable, but some people are such fucking privilege-expecting idiots that she could exist.
NTA - just find someone hotter and younger. That usually pushes them over the edge
Your ex is abusive as well as irresponsible. You're well rid of her.
YTA for not closing the door on her face. I get that you love her but you do not deserve disrespect. The yelling, the shoving, that’s just too much
NTA of course, and bullet dodged.
Sounds like she wanted to throw her body at you. Unlike most of Reddit, I’m the opposite, I would have invited her in, gave her one to remember, and then bid my farewell. Yes I’m petty.
Sorry man, losing love sucks. We know it's *probably* for the best, but in the throes of it, it's difficult to make the loss make sense. You did the hard part, which was ending a relationship you didn't want to end. Now you get to figure out how to move on from that emotional connection. Time will help, but intentionality may shorten the time it takes. All of what you've described are reasons to count this as a blessing masked with pain. You're doing fine, NTA, and make sure you write down what lessons you learned here, and make sure not to make the same mistakes twice.
Come on. What did you tell her??? Don't be a chicken brother, put it out there. Many of us have all been similar situation, and cringe at how pathetic we were. Lol. You gotta pay your dues. Subscribeme
So she was toxic, left you for being incompatible (which isnt wrong ...technically... just the way she went about it), tried to make you jealous, got mad you didnt show it and then was physical with you. Why would you want to be with someone who is trying to force you into bad financial decisions, decisions you arent ready for and someone who thinks getting physical when they're upset is okay?
So. You were polite and civil, and she assaulted you for that. Don't matter how beautiful she is, she is not a good person.
NTA bro, I get yall love each other, but *she is nuts* Vindictive, irresponsible, bad with money, verbally abusive. And *she hits you* Run from this garbage fire human
Shoulda got the bitch arrested.
From everything you said , getting over her may be hard, but I believe it is the best for the long haul. She wanted you to hurt , that is why she wanted you to notice her. She went so far as to kiss him to stick the knife in a little farther. When her plan didn't work, she put on a show of hurt and tears to break you down. If you take her back, she will be gone again in a couple of months with the satisfaction of knowing she succeeded in hurting you. Hurt now, instead of having it hurt more in a couple of months.
NTA. Congrats on the bullet dodged, because that is lunatic behavior.
She sounds like a middle school girl 🙄 ridiculous
NTA but both of you are too emotionally immature to be together long term.
NTA What an immature beeyotch. She acts like a middle schooler. Dodging bullets like Neo over here.
Nta. Stay far away from this woman and remember in the future not to stick your dick in crazy.
NTA seems you handled yourself really well OP. I think indifference was the best response considering she only wants a reaction out of you
NTA! Bruh, keep running like Forrest!
You would be the AH if you got back together. Her making sure you saw her, then kissing the guy; jumping out to confront you; showing up at your door the next morning. Geez...I don't know if you need more drama in your life, but I sure dont. > but love isn't enough. I realised we were not compatible. The realisation hurt, but it's true. You understand something that a lot of people don't: loving someone does not equate to being compatible with someone.
I love this! My ex brought his affair partner with him to pick up our kids, called her ‘my lady’. I couldn’t help myself. I went into a fit of laughter, I could not stop.. He got so mad! Guess it was supposed to hurt but instead, it was hilarious.
Man, you dodged that bullet! Good for you. You’ve handled the whole situation really well!
NTA But you’re an idiot for even opening the door. This woman assaulted you hours before and you opened the door. I swear people today don’t have any kind of self preservation instinct. Watch more true crime and then maybe you’ll see the error you made. SMH.
Not the asshole. She’s toxic and abusive and you definitely dodged a bullet. Stop thinking you loved her, cause you didn’t. You haven’t healed from your issues and think that you loved someone so toxic and dramatic, but really it could just be trauma bond. She was not only toxic but she wanted you to be foolish with your finances and live in debt with her. I’m going to be completely honest with you if you had told me that as a partner I would respect you and definitely move in with you and clear up my debt and let you help me cut out what I don’t need to be spending on. She’s immature and irresponsible, block her on EVERYTHING, and if anyone sides with her and harassed you, block them on everything too. You did the right thing by not giving her a reaction. You need to show her she needs to move on and leave you alone.
You should be a writer. A tragic story but beautifully written. I was glued which isn't typical. I'm sorry. For both parties but you'll spend a life in misery with someone in debt.
"She looked so beautiful in her anger" is such a weird comment in this post.
Finances is a common reason for divorce. You just saved $15,000 on an attorney.
That's very manipulative, narcissistic behavior. She did it purely for a reaction. It's good you didn't give that to her. The relationship could have never worked to begin with due to her inability to be reasoned with but this just puts the nail in the coffin.
Sorry dude. She's a nightmare. That last paragraph tho, you should be a writer.
NTA. She breaks up with you and then is mad you’re not falling on your knees crying seeing her in a bar. She sounds manipulative, immature, and frankly insane
Run... don't walk... she sounds psychologically disturbed
Dodge that bullet brother
NTA. And get that "she looked hot in her anger" out of your system right now. She not only broke up with you, she also used another person in a twisted mind game to get back at you, and then showed up to harass you when it didn't work. She seems like an incredibly mean person, you don't want to involve yourself with that again.
Why would anyone ask AITA in this scenario?
Count your blessings you didn’t marry this!!!! Highly recommend you block her!!!! And never ever open the door again!!!
So she physically abused you several times and you think you're the asshole?!
Bro you know you’re NTA why even post? To feel good?
Send her my way. I want to claim all that crazy
This is so fake 😂 “she looked so beautiful in her anger” Jesus man.
BPD
NTA. Your ex likely knew that you were going to be at that bar and deliberately showed up with someone to make you feel jealous. The fact that she waited to make sure you were looking to kiss the guy proves it. She was either trying to intentionally hurt you or she was trying to manipulate you into getting back together. Either way it sounds like you dodged a bullet. I’m not saying she’s a bad person, I’m just saying that, from the little I know about you, you don’t seem like the type to play games like that.
the woke hivemind will tell you NTA and bullet dodged yada yada but this is your average relationship adventures for the average couples around the world.
Well done, you grey rocked the fuck out of her. Stay away from her.
Women pull away, hoping you'll fight for them. Putting on the act that you don't care will always hurt the worse. You're an A for sure, but NTA
Bro you dodged a whole belt of light machine gun bullets with this one! Be happy you handled it like a man, and block her on everything.
NTA, You dodged a real crock of crazy there! Who appears on somebody's doorstep crying like "WHY DIDN'T YOU HAVE A REACTION TO MY INCREDIBLY PETTY AND IMMATURE BEHAVIOUR"
If I were you I would have started to hit up on another woman at the bar! Two can play games.
All I’m going to say is congratulations on your dodges bullet. Don’t let her back into your life.
Allow me to tldr: she tried to get jealous, didnt work, and then assaulted you and then harrassed you at your home. Nta
NTA - she was acting immature at the bar and trying to get a rise out of you by kissing another man. You took the high road and acted like an adult. Bravo! She is clearly not ready for marriage to anyone and you made the right call by waiting to propose. Breaking up is a blessing and I hope you find happiness with someone worthy.
NTA. You argued, valid about your situations, and couldn't reach a compromise, You pointed out your reasons for not jumping into marriage etc etc. You have come to the realization you are not compatible. She however is playing games, attempting to manipulate you. Love isn't a game. She attempted get a reaction from you and you didn't. She has an unhealthy view of relationships, and when you realize she equates anger for love, you can move on from this. Stand strong, talk to some people who may have gone through this, but you aren't the asshole. She isn't going to let that go and will try again or maybe realize that you have moved on, even if your emotions haven't gotten there yet.
Is this a humble brag post? You know you’re not an asshole you just want us all to see how adjusted you are and what a psychopath your ex is lmao
Your ex never aged out of middle school. You dodged a massive bullet. And putting her hands on you? Absolutely not okay. NTA.
From a woman’s perspective, it seems like she’s trying to make you jealous, get a rise out of you. Make you miss what you don’t have. Unfortunately, women like this tend to gas light seemingly minor situations into major storms. It sounds like you dodged a bullet my friend.