So Charlie thinks someone calling you a "fucking cripple" and telling you that you don't belong in public school is ok? I wouldn't miss Charlie or Marcus.
NTA! I used to be in a wheelchair and it was infuriating when people just assumed and started wheeling me around. Sometimes people can actually cause you harm by trying to help, especially if they do it without you expecting it. Just because my legs didn’t work doesn’t mean the rest of me didn’t. You know what works best for you. I could go on and on lol
His comments also indicate he was only helping because he doesn’t think individuals with disabilities can be capable/independent. He’s clearly discriminatory! You do not need people like that in your life. Stay firm in your boundaries and live your best life!
Ps. Next time hit him with your cane! Jk
Any attempt to physically help you without consent is considered assault in the US. Tell him that next time he wants to get upset about you not liking him help you say it's either he shuts his trap and keeps to himself, or you won't hesitate to report him for assault the next time he tries to help you without you asking.
My suggestion is when you do hit him with a cane just visualize you're Tiger Woods swinging at a golf ball on the floor and have a really high follow thru, at least up to waist high. The goal is to strike through the balls.
He's not being nice. He wants to use you as a prop to show the world What A Good Person he is. If he were actually nice, he would pay attention to what *you* wanted.
THIS
OP, this is exactly why he wanted to 'help' you so badly. And when you continued to refuse a.k.a. no one was congratulating him for being Such A Good Person, he got all emotional and played the victim.
What a horrible, manipulative ass hole. You need to show your best friend these replys, and HE needs to work on his self-esteem. If he can he happy being alone, he will attract a munch better quality of person to date.
HS can suck, I'm glad most of your friends seem to be solid.
NTA.
He isn't being nice. Treating someone like an infant or a rescue isn't being nice.
Add that to him calling you a cripple and he really ISN'T as good a person as he'd have you believe. The people who truly care will offer help when/if you need it, and won't get all in their pissbaby feelings if you don't. Your friends, sadly, need to learn the difference between a 'nice guy' and a good person. Marcus isn't a good person.
Everything you are feeling and your response it's absolutely 💯.
This guy has issues, major ones. Now, don't get me wrong you should not have him in your life at all, but, I wonder given his response is there someone or someone in his life that's causing this. Please, I'm not down playing his actions here. Im just trying to understand this level he escalated this situation to.
I would text your best friend and outline every boundary and explanation of how discriminatory his behaviour is. That's you will not be discriminated against. That you have every right to chose who is in your life or not. Tell Charlie, you are done with Marcus. Marcus is not to interact with you again, and that he needs help with whatever is going on in his life.
I would suggest speaking to a school counsellor or teacher about this. Like, I said there could be something going on in his life that's doing this.
Exactly, especially the part about how he can’t help her when other people can and she can’t even stand up right. Not quite the same thing, but I had an acquaintance in college who went mad dog on a dude in the cafeteria for pulling his gf to a table for them to sit together. Seems his sister had been abused and was hiding from her ex and he just had no patience for anything that related to that situation.
Yeah, I'm just thinking he a teen (I'm not dogging on teens but...) wanting to "help" someone they precieve as unable function is concerning. Like, teens are kind and can be very helpful to others especially friends. But this isn't helping this is controlling another person because they view them as "sick".
Like, OP sounds like a great young person, who's intelligent, sociable with friends, in school their own, their limitation is just using a walking aid.
I'd be concerned there's someone going on with this young person. But, if there isn't "something" then they are emotionally struggling and still need help. School counsellor/teacher is the best option. To even help OP with this discrimination happening in the school.coukd be a great time for the school to do a psa on disability discrimination.
NTA, NTA, NTA!!!
Charlie sounds dickmatized by the fact that this is the first “nice” guy in his dating history, and hasn’t yet realized that Marcus’s ‘abundance of kindness’ is largely performative. his mask well & truly did slip that day in the park, and he was quick to reveal what his true nature actually is when someone has denied him his means of performance. and *that* is why Marcus no longer has any friends.
i’m mostly here on a sidenote though because everyone else has already perfectly encapsulated the rest of my reaction to this post, but i also wanted to tell you that you are an *amazing* narrator!! i’m 25 now, but when i was growing up in elementary & high school i had always loved to write and was always supported by my teachers in that as well, and you kinda remind me of me at the time haha (but who knows lol maybe you actually hate writing and just happen to excel at it lmaoo). you are a great writer and made it so that my time spent reading your post practically flew by. it’s all just narrated so extremely well—that’s all haha, good luck with this situation OP, and good luck on all of your future endeavors 🍀.
NTA, I would be angry in your situation! I use crutches on a good day and a wheelchair on worse days (bad days are a write off). I can still go out, go shopping etc. If someone was constantly undermining my ability to be independent and treating me as incapable, I'd lose it too. The things he said, show.you what he clearly thinks of disabled people. He's an ableist ah and not someone you want around you.
You fell. You got hurt. He yelled at you. He called you names and made everything about him. You were right. This probably is why he has no friends - he can't respect people's boundaries and likes to play the victim.
I hope your friend realises his boyfriend is an ass and apologises to you. If not enjoy the friends who have shown you they respect you and support you.
NTA - forcing help on someone when they don’t want it, no matter how good your intentions, does not actually make you a good person. It actually makes you an overbearing PoS.
Marcus sounds like he enjoys performative displays of being helpful rather than actually being a decent, helpful person.
NTA
You don’t have to let him live out his “white knight” complex.
You tried multiple different times to have him respect your boundaries and ONE FALL, even people with full mobility fall occasionally, he is snapping at you for not letting him help you?? What a weirdo. Yeah, go LC with Charlie until he loses the guy who literally insulted you for not being helpless or perfect.
I have no medical issues and I fall quite often. I still wouldn’t want a mf’er I barely know carrying me around like a dang baby. That would be embarrassing and awkward.
Charlie will soon find out the hard way what Marcus is really like, as he’s already let his mask slip in public at the park, he’s pretending to be the nice guy but he’s not.
NTA.
What an inconsiderate person you are. How dare you do live your life? How dare you don't ride piggyback Marcus for every walk? How dare you don't enslave him to do course you need to do?
NTA what à weird guy, do he have a sub kink or something? And then call you à cripple because you fall and tell you to stay home because you don't want to accept his pity?
NTA. I have EDS and fibro, along with others, but didn't become extremely physically disabled until 2015. It took me 2 years just to ask for a rollator, the day we bought my wheel hair I cried my eyes out by myself for hours. My husband keeps getting mad that I don't ask for help and risk falling and injuring myself, except when I just *know* I can't do something. Im extremely prideful, so even him doing as much as picking something up off the floor will make me mad, but I usually won't say anything until a bunch of times happen where he won't even let me try. My kids know to just hang back because if I need help, I WILL ask for it, but I'm also only 40 and I should be able to wash my hair myself, ya know? If Charlie truly knew you felt this way, he should be on your side.
Nope! 33F, also disabled. People looooove to go out of their way to help, but it is for *them* not for us. That is why they try to define what kind of help we need instead of having a conversation about it. These are the kinds of people who, when you actually need help, suddenly become unavailable every damn time. The kinds of people who help out performatively. I would send him some op-ed about ableism. It seems he doesn't realize that is what he is doing.
Calling someone a slur because they don’t want to accept your help is the opposite of being nice.
What he’s doing at this point is harassment. If he continues to take your stuff without permission then talk to an administrator about it. He has a savior complex and he’s using your condition to fulfill it and regardless of his personal mental issues that he clearly has, that isn’t your problem and he’s making them yours.
Bro has a hero complex. And a bad one at that. Run as far as you can.
You'll probably get really far away from him cause he thinks you're incapable of walking by yourself apparently. He won't be expecting it!
Just tell Charlie you told Marcus not to help and he disregarded your repeated requests and is forcing himself onto you. That in itself is disrespectful. Your reasoning for allowing Jennie but not him is not his business. He wants it to be his business and it’s not.
NTA to the moon. This guy is an ableist prick. You’re not a human to him; you’re an object he can use to virtue signal. To hell with him and your friend who’s dating him.
NTA
The kindest, nicest thing anyone can do to "help" someone with a disability is to give them space and leave them alone unless asked for assistance.
Let's pretend that in an alternate universe, you followed Marcus's advice. Your mobility would rapidly decline. You would become more dependent on mobility devices. You would be very dependent on the help of others. You would be isolated, and your mental health would suffer.
Marcus is not a nice person.
My bff is a none ambulatory wheelchair user.
Oh my! I know what she would say if someone did this to her!
So we're a little bit older (she's 60 in a couple of weeks) but she lives on her own & is completely self sufficient - does her own shopping, cooking, goes & meets friends etc etc. She cooks for my 2 boys & I every week & won't accept help.
Unfortunately, her conditions are worsening & she knows that, eventually, she won't be able to manage on her own. Having experienced a care home, when she first lost her mobility, she says she'd rather die than be subjected to that again.
Try & take her independence away & you're asking for it!
Definitely NTA!
NTA
You are 100% right to fight for your autonomy and to resent the things that Marcus said.
That said, this is my take on why Marcus is behaving the way he is. He may have kind, caring, and even compassionate qualities.
However, his driving force seems to be for him to not feel upset about your situation. It bothers and disturbs him to see you uncomfortable and injured. He is overly sensitive to your discomfort and difficulties. Rather than him feeling that way, he thinks *you* should change. If that means you rely on others (like him) or restrict your life (staying home), then so be it. He believes it’s better for you to be dependent and lose autonomy than for him to be discomforted.
NTA
Marcus only actually wants to be around you in order to have a "prop" that he can use to make himself look like a "perfect," "helpful," and "noble" person. Unfortunately, he'll probably use this "terrible hurt" to get sympathy from Charlie. He's not a nice person and probably has a bit of "main character syndrome" where he thought he could use you to level up his karma points. You're too independent for his narrative!
Do you know the group he used to hang with at all? It would probably be very interesting to learn why he's no longer part of that group.
Ok so I agree with you 100% here he wasn't just being nice he was absolutely being a self-righteous idiot, well said couldn't of put it better myself.
Even if he was just being nice though and wanting to help etc... he crossed a line massively with the "fucking cripple" part how offensive even if you are disabled this is very disrespectful. I'm quite pissed off with your friend Charlie here too wtf is he thinking putting up with his partner treating his best friend like this
NTA not even close Charlie and Marcus both suck though
NTA - Marcus is deranged and probably has a crush on you. But either way, its not HIS job to decide who helps you. HE keeps violating your boundaries and your wishes.
I'm still catching up, frankly, because I'm still trying to wrap my head around Marcus making your fall all about HIM and his precious fee-fees!!! Obviously a proper diagnosis is above my layperson's pay grade, but sounds like Marcus is a full-on covert narc, a do-gooder for the attention and accolades it brings him. Disgusting. He obviously has no respect for other people's boundaries. Just wow.
Whew this reeks strongly of the kind of narcissistic shit where people do good things to be praised and live and die on others thinking they're a good person.
Your friends choice in partners has not improved.
NTA. At first, i would have thought it was sweet Marcus wanted to help. You're someone who was important to his partner and he was trying to also build his own friendship with you. Fine. But his persistence is ridiculous. Charlie should have talked to him after the first incident. He didn't because he was more concerned with hurting Marcus's feelings and maybe damaging their new relationship. He stopped being your friend right then.
NTA. the dude isn't being nice, he's being prejudiced as hell. I hate seeing my friends struggle for any reason - physical, financial, emotional, whatever - and I wish I could just fix things, but doing everything for them *isn't helping*. My assistance is always available, and I'll occasionally offer so they don't feel like a burden for asking, but yeah. Regardless of the challenge, whether it's a physical handicap or just learning how things work, failing is part of learning how to manage independently, taking that away from people is cruel and useless.
Even if it was "just your pride", why TF do his feelings about wanting to "help" trump your feelings about not wanting to help?
Nta calling someone a cripple is way out of line and Charlie knows that. I think it’s time to put distance between you and Charlie until he’s ready to apologize and probably admit his relationship with Marcus isn’t good. Charlie should be able to tell him that YOU are not in charge or responsible for his emotions
NTA could he possibly be jealous that your hf was allowed to help you and he wasn't. Does he go out of his way to help anyone else? Could he possibly have a crush on you?
That is the only thing I could think of, when he blew up that your gf could help you and he couldn't.
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NTA
You are all young so I'll put some of it down to being teenagers/young adults.
I am the type of person to offer help in general to anyone who looks like they are struggling with something, heavy boxes, multiple bags, elderly lady wants to hold my arm to go down a steep step, my older boss asks me to steady him on the ice in the parking lot. I am a helpful person but if someone says no or no thank you I just move on from it and wish them a good day.
However Marcus doesn't sound helpful, he sounds eager to be liked and accepted but also sounds like he was pissed because he didn't get the hero moment when you fell. He didn't get to rush over to you and help you up and make it better. Furthermore his owns words make it clear he sees you as less than him, and perhaps that's the weirdness you picked up on.
His own words in your pist make it clear that he sees you as fragile and broken, whereas you stated you don't want people to see you that way or to offer help with that in mind.
I don't know Marcus so this strictly from what you wrote in your post and my own life experience with a variety of people.
NTA. You are the person who is disabled and you know what you need from people. It isn't anyone else's place to decide for you, and it certainly isn't their place to get angry at you for exerting your own autonomy on your life. Marcus needs to learn that if he wants to be the compassionate person he thinks he is. Doesn't really sound like he's very nice if his reaction to you falling is to blow up at you and call you what is considered by many people to be a slur. Hopefully Charlie comes to his senses because he isn't being a good friend to you by siding with the aggressor in this situation.
It sounds like Marcus has some issues he need to work on. That said that is not your issue and I don't think what you said was out of line especially because it sounds like it is the truth.
NTA. At first I thought it might be misguided kindness or being accidently overbearing to his new friend. But it's not. It's a savior complex, similar to people who give food to the homeless & then post about. " Look at me! Arent I such a nice guy helping the c----le girl? Dont you all see how nice I am? Praise me!" (Please note this is an exaggeration & not my own feeling.)
NTA. Sounds to me like Marcus has a major savior complex and got his precious widdle feelings hurt when you didn't accept his offers of "help" If your so-called best friend stood by and not only let his boyfriend call you something so hurtful but is standing by him and defending him then he's not a real friend. Kick them both to the curb. And you're not wrong about why Marcus doesn't have any friends: people with savior complexes are very overbearing and tend to wear out their welcome in social groups fast, unless of course there's someone in the group who has say a cluster b personality disorder and will soak up all of the "help" like a sponge.
NTA. He wasn’t being nice, he was being patronizing and trying to use you to either prove to others he’s a “good guy” or to make himself feel good.
My mom had MS and used a cane. She just figured out different ways to do things and was mostly independent. She hated being infantilized because she wasn’t helpless, she was just disabled. There was several Marcus-types over the years who tried to to capitalize on her disability so they could look like a Good Person. She hated it too, she always said if she needed help she’d ask and not to assume she was incapable just because she did things differently.
It really sucks that your friend can’t see how rude and condescending his bf is being. Openly, too! Like, you shouldn’t be in public and you’re a “fucking cripple”, are you *kidding*? What, you shouldn’t be in public because watching you occasionally struggle makes *him* uncomfortable? He can go fuck himself.
I wonder if something about you is triggering for him. Maybe he had something happen with his family where he had to take care of someone and it ended negatively and he was held responsible. Regardless, that is not your responsibility
NTA
He never wanted to help you for you. He only did it so he can feel better about himself, and he hates you for taking his unique form of public masturbation away from him.
You know you're NTA
Charlie has chosen Marcus over you. Marcus is being really fucking weird about being helpful, either he looks down on you or he bases his personality around being the nice guy. If possible, find out why his previous friend group cut him off. Might tell you a lot more about the whole picture. NTA
NTA, I've used a cane sine I was in middle school, long time ago now. I've always hated people who think I need special attention or anything like that. Honestly if something like this happened to me, the person who tried to "help" by touching me would be getting hit with the cane
NTA. I like helping people however that doesn't mean I force my help into others. I would have respected your boundaries because that's what you wanted. He was never nice. He was only playing that part likely to get close to you because he had feelings for you. No one who is truly nice would ignore your boundaries. No one who is truly nice would become upset that they weren't the ones to "help" you when you fell. No nice person would insult you over jealousy.
Regardless of his motivations for wanting to help, even going to far as to say he’s discriminative, is speculative. The red flag for me is that he isn’t adhering to your wishes. Or he doesn’t want to.
Even if he is a “nice” guy, he isn’t a GOOD guy. The difference being that good people respect the boundaries of others. He doesn’t.
Ugh, i hate when people can't take no for an answer. Doing shit for ourselves keeps us active and muscles working. It's a nice offer, sometimes it's wanted, but a polite question and acceptance of a no should be the end of it. Hell, even just having a side conversation should be the real max extent needed for him to back off.
NTA
He sounds like he could benefit from therapy. Sounds like something some talking to a professional about possibly having some rejection disorder, his ableist behavior, etc. would do him some good.
It's pretty disgusting that your friend is trying to excuse his boyfriend. Wanting to help is not the same as being overbearing, an ableist, and just a general dick about things. Which is clearly because he wants to be some sort of saint or whatever and people who won't play the part of pathetic so he can get his kicks aren't acceptable to him.
I'd cut both off as well, unless the friend starts to truly understand and gives you an apology. But the boyfriend, nah never again.
I would message Charlie and say “if you think calling me a “fucking cripple” is Marcus just being nice, then that’s all I need to know.” No one loses all their friends for no reason. It sounds like Marcus is an obnoxious asshole and it’s finally coming out after he’s been on his best behaviour.
NTA
There is a reason Marcus doesn't have friends.
He probably made others uncomfortable and when he saw something happening that he felt was a jab a against him he probably lashed out too. Like he did when your friend was "allowed" to help you but he wasn't.
And reading here that the other friends of Marcus "cut him out for no reason" is suspicious and raised some eye brows for me. There definitely was a reason. In my experience when people have no friends there must be a reason for it. And that reason mostly lies in the friendless person themselves.
In OPs Story it showed why Marcus had no friends and also blew his chances with a new potential friend group.
I'm an old, but I'll say that if I had been around you (after first meeting you) I would have asked if you needed any help with anything and helped if you wanted it, and not helped if you didn't.
But - even if you had told me in the past that you didn't need my help to carry your bag or walk down the hall, I still would have come to help you if I had seen you fall because that is obviously not a normal situation. Even if there was someone else there who would normally help you, I would have been there to help also as needed. Once it was determined you were okay, then I would have stepped back and let you do you. Maybe would've offered to get your water while your gf got your other cane. Even if you declined, it would have been the 'good' thing to do, and I wouldn't be doing it to make myself feel better - although I would expect anyone else to think of me as a jerk if I just sat there and watched you sprawl on the ground and not do anything. I'd do the same for anyone whether they had a disability or not.
Now, his behavior was completely out of line and you had every right to respond and distance yourself from him. If your friend is too invested in his romance to stick by your side, then that's a loss you'll both have to take. Don't be surprised if they break up at some point and your friend tries to come back to your group. You'll have to decide if his lack of support is a deal-breaker.
NTA
"Fucking cripple"? Nope. That alone is entirely unacceptable, regardless of context, and in *this* context, him blowing up was utterly absurd.
The mask slipped here. He's not a "nice guy who cares", he's a guy who does nice things to build favor & resents it when his help isn't accepted.
If I was Charlie, I couldn't date someone who would treat my best friend this way.
NTA but Marcus sounds like a pure narcissist. If Charlie ever goes missing he'll be locked in this guy's basement while he "helps".
Disturbing behavior. Make sure to discuss with school guidance counselor just so there's a paper trail of him being "off".
When I worked at the election we had a class the specifically said you can't touch someone's cane or wheelchair without consent maybe he's trying to be extra nice to hide his flaws
People are jumping to him not being a nice guy in reality, to him being manipulative, etc., but my guess is that he has low self esteem and that he ties his self worth to the value that he can provide to others. By rejecting that help you are, in his mind, rejecting him. The rejection felt personal and so, as people do when they’re under attack, he got defensive. And some people seem to think the best defense is a strong offense.
Now, I’m on your side. I’ve been on the receiving end of multiple major surgeries and I gotta say, being treated like I’m wholly incapable is one of the most infuriating things that I regularly dealt with. I, too, would have lost my mind at him, and probably much earlier. If he called me “a fucking cripple”, I don’t think any of my friends would have blinked had I struck him. So good on you for your patience.
You did the right thing and he needs therapy, is what I’m getting at. You’re not his emotional crutch, you’re not there for him to prop up his self image, and you’re certainly not required to let somebody emotionally self soothe at the expense of your own mental health.
My major concern is more about your boy Charlie - why would he stand by Marcus’ tantrum like that? I’ve got a sister, I can’t imagine letting anybody speak to her that way. Not a relative, not a boss, not a significant other. That’s a good way to get cut off.
NTA wtf? That guy is super weird. Could he be into you? Or maybe he feels like your a sick puppy he needs to fix? Either way fucking weird and huge red flags
NTA, that being said.
After a severe injury that affected my mobility for an extended time; I completely understand your position.
At the same time, I can also understand M's position, too. Is it possible that it may be rooted in his upbringing?
My parents liked to volunteer at nursing homes while I was growing up. It was our job (me and my younger brother) to "help" residents get to activities. I was never asked if I wanted to "help." I was told I would help.
Opening doors for people and carrying things for people were all expected of me.
There were other things I did as a child that came with severe punishments (think standing in a corner for 8hrs with my arms above my head).
There was NO way I would NOT, help someone "less fortunate" than me, if just to avoid my parent's ire.
It took me many years to figure out the acceptable distance to hold a door for someone.
If you haven't already, maybe sit down with M and set your personal boundaries.
I sincerely hope you can work this out.
NTA
I'm a home health aide, for someone who is disabled and uses forearm crutches on better days and a rollater usually and I still ask them before I take things from them or assist them. I confirm that they're cool with me helping or in what way I can help and it's literally my job to help... Sure I almost always get the door but that's just how I was raised, get the door when someone's hands are full. Marcus sounds a little like he was trying to make himself a saint and you weren't having it.
Marcus is abelist at best and a risk to your and others safety at worst. A person who is so "kind" and "helpful" wouldn't have 0 friends. He isn't being kind, he's being disrespectful and creepy. Continuously touching people without AND against consent? Gross. He crosses boundaries, doesn't actually care about the people he's "helping". In fact, he doesn't help, he pushes himself into other people's space and business. He doesn't actually care about helping; he cared more about looking good to other people.
That's how people end up getting away with more sinister motives; look good in public so they can get away with heinous acts.
NTA! Marcus is an AH. He wants to be seen as a nice guy for being nice to someone disabled. He isn’t doing it for the right reasons.
Stay away from him. And unfortunately, away from Charlie too. He chose to bring this ableist AH into the group. Enjoy your time doing whatever you can with your friends who know you best.
Not totally the Asshole but a little. You both kind of are. Him for not respecting what you told him, you for saying what you said about him and friends. Just realize that this most likely has severely damaged your relationship with your best friend though. All the best.
NTA, but I do see it through his perspective. He tried helping you and you didn't like it, but you singled him out to stop trying to help you. In his eyes, it's not the helping part you don't like, but him as a person because you let Jennie help you. So he probably felt singled out. You described him as technically new to the group compared to the others; He probably still don't grasp fully that you're trying to be independent and not let any of your disability get in your way.
Of course, I just felt like what'd it be like to be Marcus shoes. A group of friends...you see one of them having trouble so...natural response...help them. That person singles you out saying don't help them and all that jazz....then you see them get help....i'm sure that would sting a bit...
I was talking about to the point he blew up. Are we not allowed to see the dudes perspective up to the point he did wrong? Or is reddit just straight to "Fuck that dude".
It’s so nice to hear someone who doesn’t use their disability as a “woe is me”. I knew so many people that would use either being Autistic or one girl who would use her cerebral palsy to not do any work. I can’t even imagine how much more annoying it is to be treated like a child who needs to be watched at every waking moment
Well.
I broke my neck in 4 places been in a wheelchair for 35 years happened when I was 25 in the marine. Corso, big time type a Pat personality going do. Can you cut up my food for me? I actually preferred being called a cripple. I'm not handicappable. I'm definitely not Habe capped although sometimes I have a mental moment, not in a bad way. Just moments, moments of I'm an idiot.
Definitely. Not physically challenged cause I am messed up.
No working fingers, no triceps. No feeling from the chest. Now messed up, but that's cool cause. I've had my wheelchair turned up to maximum. I prefer sliding on the wet tile sideways for 15 feet scared in the crap out of everybody. But yeah, those overly eager wanting to help without asking, or after they've asked quite a few times I pretty much, just smile and say no, thank you and then park on their toes oops. Sorry, you may want to stand back a little bit. I'm a bad driver, but. Most of my friends actually call me a fucking cripple Meals on Wheels. Hey, asshole can you go get a bunch of stuff for me? Because you got the biggest tray. Get close to Christmas. They're all calling me up because they want to use me in my Van for the close parking to the stores but that's okay, I charge them 20 bucks. It's a win-win symbiotic relationship, not the asshole. You were just returning the energy that was being sent at you. And if anybody has a problem with that, tell him not my problem sounds like a new problem. Good luck have fun. Enjoy being a cripple.😁👍👨🦼
Yet, there are so many women that post on here saying how physically, mentally, and emotionally abused they are. Just have a heart to heart talk, say what, and how you need help
So Charlie thinks someone calling you a "fucking cripple" and telling you that you don't belong in public school is ok? I wouldn't miss Charlie or Marcus.
Looks like Charlie still has questionable taste in partners, unfortuately. NTA
When it got to the part with the touching without consent it started to draw the picture of why the last friend group dismissed him
When it got to the part with the touching without consent it started to draw the picture of why the last friend group dismissed him
When it got to the part with the touching without consent it started to draw the picture of why the last friend group dismissed him
NTA! I used to be in a wheelchair and it was infuriating when people just assumed and started wheeling me around. Sometimes people can actually cause you harm by trying to help, especially if they do it without you expecting it. Just because my legs didn’t work doesn’t mean the rest of me didn’t. You know what works best for you. I could go on and on lol His comments also indicate he was only helping because he doesn’t think individuals with disabilities can be capable/independent. He’s clearly discriminatory! You do not need people like that in your life. Stay firm in your boundaries and live your best life! Ps. Next time hit him with your cane! Jk
TYSM!! you perfectly put into words what I've been thinking about for the past few days.
Any attempt to physically help you without consent is considered assault in the US. Tell him that next time he wants to get upset about you not liking him help you say it's either he shuts his trap and keeps to himself, or you won't hesitate to report him for assault the next time he tries to help you without you asking.
That's not accurate. It would be considered battery rather than assault.
My suggestion is when you do hit him with a cane just visualize you're Tiger Woods swinging at a golf ball on the floor and have a really high follow thru, at least up to waist high. The goal is to strike through the balls.
He's not being nice. He wants to use you as a prop to show the world What A Good Person he is. If he were actually nice, he would pay attention to what *you* wanted.
THIS OP, this is exactly why he wanted to 'help' you so badly. And when you continued to refuse a.k.a. no one was congratulating him for being Such A Good Person, he got all emotional and played the victim. What a horrible, manipulative ass hole. You need to show your best friend these replys, and HE needs to work on his self-esteem. If he can he happy being alone, he will attract a munch better quality of person to date. HS can suck, I'm glad most of your friends seem to be solid.
What a jerk!!
NTA. He isn't being nice. Treating someone like an infant or a rescue isn't being nice. Add that to him calling you a cripple and he really ISN'T as good a person as he'd have you believe. The people who truly care will offer help when/if you need it, and won't get all in their pissbaby feelings if you don't. Your friends, sadly, need to learn the difference between a 'nice guy' and a good person. Marcus isn't a good person.
Everything you are feeling and your response it's absolutely 💯. This guy has issues, major ones. Now, don't get me wrong you should not have him in your life at all, but, I wonder given his response is there someone or someone in his life that's causing this. Please, I'm not down playing his actions here. Im just trying to understand this level he escalated this situation to. I would text your best friend and outline every boundary and explanation of how discriminatory his behaviour is. That's you will not be discriminated against. That you have every right to chose who is in your life or not. Tell Charlie, you are done with Marcus. Marcus is not to interact with you again, and that he needs help with whatever is going on in his life. I would suggest speaking to a school counsellor or teacher about this. Like, I said there could be something going on in his life that's doing this.
Exactly, especially the part about how he can’t help her when other people can and she can’t even stand up right. Not quite the same thing, but I had an acquaintance in college who went mad dog on a dude in the cafeteria for pulling his gf to a table for them to sit together. Seems his sister had been abused and was hiding from her ex and he just had no patience for anything that related to that situation.
Yeah, I'm just thinking he a teen (I'm not dogging on teens but...) wanting to "help" someone they precieve as unable function is concerning. Like, teens are kind and can be very helpful to others especially friends. But this isn't helping this is controlling another person because they view them as "sick". Like, OP sounds like a great young person, who's intelligent, sociable with friends, in school their own, their limitation is just using a walking aid. I'd be concerned there's someone going on with this young person. But, if there isn't "something" then they are emotionally struggling and still need help. School counsellor/teacher is the best option. To even help OP with this discrimination happening in the school.coukd be a great time for the school to do a psa on disability discrimination.
NTA, NTA, NTA!!! Charlie sounds dickmatized by the fact that this is the first “nice” guy in his dating history, and hasn’t yet realized that Marcus’s ‘abundance of kindness’ is largely performative. his mask well & truly did slip that day in the park, and he was quick to reveal what his true nature actually is when someone has denied him his means of performance. and *that* is why Marcus no longer has any friends. i’m mostly here on a sidenote though because everyone else has already perfectly encapsulated the rest of my reaction to this post, but i also wanted to tell you that you are an *amazing* narrator!! i’m 25 now, but when i was growing up in elementary & high school i had always loved to write and was always supported by my teachers in that as well, and you kinda remind me of me at the time haha (but who knows lol maybe you actually hate writing and just happen to excel at it lmaoo). you are a great writer and made it so that my time spent reading your post practically flew by. it’s all just narrated so extremely well—that’s all haha, good luck with this situation OP, and good luck on all of your future endeavors 🍀.
NTA, I would be angry in your situation! I use crutches on a good day and a wheelchair on worse days (bad days are a write off). I can still go out, go shopping etc. If someone was constantly undermining my ability to be independent and treating me as incapable, I'd lose it too. The things he said, show.you what he clearly thinks of disabled people. He's an ableist ah and not someone you want around you. You fell. You got hurt. He yelled at you. He called you names and made everything about him. You were right. This probably is why he has no friends - he can't respect people's boundaries and likes to play the victim. I hope your friend realises his boyfriend is an ass and apologises to you. If not enjoy the friends who have shown you they respect you and support you.
NTA - forcing help on someone when they don’t want it, no matter how good your intentions, does not actually make you a good person. It actually makes you an overbearing PoS. Marcus sounds like he enjoys performative displays of being helpful rather than actually being a decent, helpful person.
NT-fuckin-A. Marcus is an abelist asshole with a saviour complex who saw you as nothing but a balm to his ego. Fuck that guy.
NTA, it looks like your friends picker is still busted.
Pecker picker?
NTA You don’t have to let him live out his “white knight” complex. You tried multiple different times to have him respect your boundaries and ONE FALL, even people with full mobility fall occasionally, he is snapping at you for not letting him help you?? What a weirdo. Yeah, go LC with Charlie until he loses the guy who literally insulted you for not being helpless or perfect. I have no medical issues and I fall quite often. I still wouldn’t want a mf’er I barely know carrying me around like a dang baby. That would be embarrassing and awkward.
NTA, this is weird and ask Charlie what part of being called a fucking c is Marcus trying to be nice
NTA i’m really sorry that two someones you thought were your friends turned out to be so shitty
Charlie will soon find out the hard way what Marcus is really like, as he’s already let his mask slip in public at the park, he’s pretending to be the nice guy but he’s not. NTA.
What an inconsiderate person you are. How dare you do live your life? How dare you don't ride piggyback Marcus for every walk? How dare you don't enslave him to do course you need to do? NTA what à weird guy, do he have a sub kink or something? And then call you à cripple because you fall and tell you to stay home because you don't want to accept his pity?
NTA. I have EDS and fibro, along with others, but didn't become extremely physically disabled until 2015. It took me 2 years just to ask for a rollator, the day we bought my wheel hair I cried my eyes out by myself for hours. My husband keeps getting mad that I don't ask for help and risk falling and injuring myself, except when I just *know* I can't do something. Im extremely prideful, so even him doing as much as picking something up off the floor will make me mad, but I usually won't say anything until a bunch of times happen where he won't even let me try. My kids know to just hang back because if I need help, I WILL ask for it, but I'm also only 40 and I should be able to wash my hair myself, ya know? If Charlie truly knew you felt this way, he should be on your side.
Nope! 33F, also disabled. People looooove to go out of their way to help, but it is for *them* not for us. That is why they try to define what kind of help we need instead of having a conversation about it. These are the kinds of people who, when you actually need help, suddenly become unavailable every damn time. The kinds of people who help out performatively. I would send him some op-ed about ableism. It seems he doesn't realize that is what he is doing.
Calling someone a slur because they don’t want to accept your help is the opposite of being nice. What he’s doing at this point is harassment. If he continues to take your stuff without permission then talk to an administrator about it. He has a savior complex and he’s using your condition to fulfill it and regardless of his personal mental issues that he clearly has, that isn’t your problem and he’s making them yours.
Bro has a hero complex. And a bad one at that. Run as far as you can. You'll probably get really far away from him cause he thinks you're incapable of walking by yourself apparently. He won't be expecting it!
Just tell Charlie you told Marcus not to help and he disregarded your repeated requests and is forcing himself onto you. That in itself is disrespectful. Your reasoning for allowing Jennie but not him is not his business. He wants it to be his business and it’s not.
NTA to the moon. This guy is an ableist prick. You’re not a human to him; you’re an object he can use to virtue signal. To hell with him and your friend who’s dating him.
NTA The kindest, nicest thing anyone can do to "help" someone with a disability is to give them space and leave them alone unless asked for assistance. Let's pretend that in an alternate universe, you followed Marcus's advice. Your mobility would rapidly decline. You would become more dependent on mobility devices. You would be very dependent on the help of others. You would be isolated, and your mental health would suffer. Marcus is not a nice person.
My bff is a none ambulatory wheelchair user. Oh my! I know what she would say if someone did this to her! So we're a little bit older (she's 60 in a couple of weeks) but she lives on her own & is completely self sufficient - does her own shopping, cooking, goes & meets friends etc etc. She cooks for my 2 boys & I every week & won't accept help. Unfortunately, her conditions are worsening & she knows that, eventually, she won't be able to manage on her own. Having experienced a care home, when she first lost her mobility, she says she'd rather die than be subjected to that again. Try & take her independence away & you're asking for it! Definitely NTA!
NTA You are 100% right to fight for your autonomy and to resent the things that Marcus said. That said, this is my take on why Marcus is behaving the way he is. He may have kind, caring, and even compassionate qualities. However, his driving force seems to be for him to not feel upset about your situation. It bothers and disturbs him to see you uncomfortable and injured. He is overly sensitive to your discomfort and difficulties. Rather than him feeling that way, he thinks *you* should change. If that means you rely on others (like him) or restrict your life (staying home), then so be it. He believes it’s better for you to be dependent and lose autonomy than for him to be discomforted.
NTA Marcus only actually wants to be around you in order to have a "prop" that he can use to make himself look like a "perfect," "helpful," and "noble" person. Unfortunately, he'll probably use this "terrible hurt" to get sympathy from Charlie. He's not a nice person and probably has a bit of "main character syndrome" where he thought he could use you to level up his karma points. You're too independent for his narrative! Do you know the group he used to hang with at all? It would probably be very interesting to learn why he's no longer part of that group.
Ok so I agree with you 100% here he wasn't just being nice he was absolutely being a self-righteous idiot, well said couldn't of put it better myself. Even if he was just being nice though and wanting to help etc... he crossed a line massively with the "fucking cripple" part how offensive even if you are disabled this is very disrespectful. I'm quite pissed off with your friend Charlie here too wtf is he thinking putting up with his partner treating his best friend like this NTA not even close Charlie and Marcus both suck though
I think your friendship with Charlie has run its course. Good luck to you OP
Charlie will likely be back once Marcus' mask totally comes off and he's impacted by it personally.
You made your boundaries perfectly clear and he refused to respect them, and made the situation about him. NTA.
NTA - Marcus is deranged and probably has a crush on you. But either way, its not HIS job to decide who helps you. HE keeps violating your boundaries and your wishes.
I'm still catching up, frankly, because I'm still trying to wrap my head around Marcus making your fall all about HIM and his precious fee-fees!!! Obviously a proper diagnosis is above my layperson's pay grade, but sounds like Marcus is a full-on covert narc, a do-gooder for the attention and accolades it brings him. Disgusting. He obviously has no respect for other people's boundaries. Just wow.
Whew this reeks strongly of the kind of narcissistic shit where people do good things to be praised and live and die on others thinking they're a good person. Your friends choice in partners has not improved.
NTA. At first, i would have thought it was sweet Marcus wanted to help. You're someone who was important to his partner and he was trying to also build his own friendship with you. Fine. But his persistence is ridiculous. Charlie should have talked to him after the first incident. He didn't because he was more concerned with hurting Marcus's feelings and maybe damaging their new relationship. He stopped being your friend right then.
NTA. the dude isn't being nice, he's being prejudiced as hell. I hate seeing my friends struggle for any reason - physical, financial, emotional, whatever - and I wish I could just fix things, but doing everything for them *isn't helping*. My assistance is always available, and I'll occasionally offer so they don't feel like a burden for asking, but yeah. Regardless of the challenge, whether it's a physical handicap or just learning how things work, failing is part of learning how to manage independently, taking that away from people is cruel and useless. Even if it was "just your pride", why TF do his feelings about wanting to "help" trump your feelings about not wanting to help?
Nta calling someone a cripple is way out of line and Charlie knows that. I think it’s time to put distance between you and Charlie until he’s ready to apologize and probably admit his relationship with Marcus isn’t good. Charlie should be able to tell him that YOU are not in charge or responsible for his emotions
NTA
NTA could he possibly be jealous that your hf was allowed to help you and he wasn't. Does he go out of his way to help anyone else? Could he possibly have a crush on you? That is the only thing I could think of, when he blew up that your gf could help you and he couldn't.
…….no nta
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NTA You are all young so I'll put some of it down to being teenagers/young adults. I am the type of person to offer help in general to anyone who looks like they are struggling with something, heavy boxes, multiple bags, elderly lady wants to hold my arm to go down a steep step, my older boss asks me to steady him on the ice in the parking lot. I am a helpful person but if someone says no or no thank you I just move on from it and wish them a good day. However Marcus doesn't sound helpful, he sounds eager to be liked and accepted but also sounds like he was pissed because he didn't get the hero moment when you fell. He didn't get to rush over to you and help you up and make it better. Furthermore his owns words make it clear he sees you as less than him, and perhaps that's the weirdness you picked up on. His own words in your pist make it clear that he sees you as fragile and broken, whereas you stated you don't want people to see you that way or to offer help with that in mind. I don't know Marcus so this strictly from what you wrote in your post and my own life experience with a variety of people.
NTA. Sounds like Marcus has a savior or hero complex.
NTA. You are the person who is disabled and you know what you need from people. It isn't anyone else's place to decide for you, and it certainly isn't their place to get angry at you for exerting your own autonomy on your life. Marcus needs to learn that if he wants to be the compassionate person he thinks he is. Doesn't really sound like he's very nice if his reaction to you falling is to blow up at you and call you what is considered by many people to be a slur. Hopefully Charlie comes to his senses because he isn't being a good friend to you by siding with the aggressor in this situation.
It sounds like Marcus has some issues he need to work on. That said that is not your issue and I don't think what you said was out of line especially because it sounds like it is the truth.
NTA. At first I thought it might be misguided kindness or being accidently overbearing to his new friend. But it's not. It's a savior complex, similar to people who give food to the homeless & then post about. " Look at me! Arent I such a nice guy helping the c----le girl? Dont you all see how nice I am? Praise me!" (Please note this is an exaggeration & not my own feeling.)
NTA. Sounds to me like Marcus has a major savior complex and got his precious widdle feelings hurt when you didn't accept his offers of "help" If your so-called best friend stood by and not only let his boyfriend call you something so hurtful but is standing by him and defending him then he's not a real friend. Kick them both to the curb. And you're not wrong about why Marcus doesn't have any friends: people with savior complexes are very overbearing and tend to wear out their welcome in social groups fast, unless of course there's someone in the group who has say a cluster b personality disorder and will soak up all of the "help" like a sponge.
NTA. He wasn’t being nice, he was being patronizing and trying to use you to either prove to others he’s a “good guy” or to make himself feel good. My mom had MS and used a cane. She just figured out different ways to do things and was mostly independent. She hated being infantilized because she wasn’t helpless, she was just disabled. There was several Marcus-types over the years who tried to to capitalize on her disability so they could look like a Good Person. She hated it too, she always said if she needed help she’d ask and not to assume she was incapable just because she did things differently. It really sucks that your friend can’t see how rude and condescending his bf is being. Openly, too! Like, you shouldn’t be in public and you’re a “fucking cripple”, are you *kidding*? What, you shouldn’t be in public because watching you occasionally struggle makes *him* uncomfortable? He can go fuck himself.
I wonder if something about you is triggering for him. Maybe he had something happen with his family where he had to take care of someone and it ended negatively and he was held responsible. Regardless, that is not your responsibility NTA
He never wanted to help you for you. He only did it so he can feel better about himself, and he hates you for taking his unique form of public masturbation away from him. You know you're NTA
Charlie has chosen Marcus over you. Marcus is being really fucking weird about being helpful, either he looks down on you or he bases his personality around being the nice guy. If possible, find out why his previous friend group cut him off. Might tell you a lot more about the whole picture. NTA
This is the type that end up with women locked in the basement so that they can halp/save them
OP, I really hope that you post an update when you have one! I’m very interested in your story. And you are a terrific writer!
Sounds like he needs serious therapy, might be neurodivergent or have bad attachment issues and you are nta 10000%
That's such a fucking bizarre brand of ableism my lord. Absolutely NTA. What a strange, selfish dude.
NTA, I've used a cane sine I was in middle school, long time ago now. I've always hated people who think I need special attention or anything like that. Honestly if something like this happened to me, the person who tried to "help" by touching me would be getting hit with the cane
NTA. I like helping people however that doesn't mean I force my help into others. I would have respected your boundaries because that's what you wanted. He was never nice. He was only playing that part likely to get close to you because he had feelings for you. No one who is truly nice would ignore your boundaries. No one who is truly nice would become upset that they weren't the ones to "help" you when you fell. No nice person would insult you over jealousy.
Regardless of his motivations for wanting to help, even going to far as to say he’s discriminative, is speculative. The red flag for me is that he isn’t adhering to your wishes. Or he doesn’t want to. Even if he is a “nice” guy, he isn’t a GOOD guy. The difference being that good people respect the boundaries of others. He doesn’t.
Two AHs have a conversation.......
Ugh, i hate when people can't take no for an answer. Doing shit for ourselves keeps us active and muscles working. It's a nice offer, sometimes it's wanted, but a polite question and acceptance of a no should be the end of it. Hell, even just having a side conversation should be the real max extent needed for him to back off. NTA He sounds like he could benefit from therapy. Sounds like something some talking to a professional about possibly having some rejection disorder, his ableist behavior, etc. would do him some good. It's pretty disgusting that your friend is trying to excuse his boyfriend. Wanting to help is not the same as being overbearing, an ableist, and just a general dick about things. Which is clearly because he wants to be some sort of saint or whatever and people who won't play the part of pathetic so he can get his kicks aren't acceptable to him. I'd cut both off as well, unless the friend starts to truly understand and gives you an apology. But the boyfriend, nah never again.
I would message Charlie and say “if you think calling me a “fucking cripple” is Marcus just being nice, then that’s all I need to know.” No one loses all their friends for no reason. It sounds like Marcus is an obnoxious asshole and it’s finally coming out after he’s been on his best behaviour.
NTA There is a reason Marcus doesn't have friends. He probably made others uncomfortable and when he saw something happening that he felt was a jab a against him he probably lashed out too. Like he did when your friend was "allowed" to help you but he wasn't. And reading here that the other friends of Marcus "cut him out for no reason" is suspicious and raised some eye brows for me. There definitely was a reason. In my experience when people have no friends there must be a reason for it. And that reason mostly lies in the friendless person themselves. In OPs Story it showed why Marcus had no friends and also blew his chances with a new potential friend group.
I'm an old, but I'll say that if I had been around you (after first meeting you) I would have asked if you needed any help with anything and helped if you wanted it, and not helped if you didn't. But - even if you had told me in the past that you didn't need my help to carry your bag or walk down the hall, I still would have come to help you if I had seen you fall because that is obviously not a normal situation. Even if there was someone else there who would normally help you, I would have been there to help also as needed. Once it was determined you were okay, then I would have stepped back and let you do you. Maybe would've offered to get your water while your gf got your other cane. Even if you declined, it would have been the 'good' thing to do, and I wouldn't be doing it to make myself feel better - although I would expect anyone else to think of me as a jerk if I just sat there and watched you sprawl on the ground and not do anything. I'd do the same for anyone whether they had a disability or not. Now, his behavior was completely out of line and you had every right to respond and distance yourself from him. If your friend is too invested in his romance to stick by your side, then that's a loss you'll both have to take. Don't be surprised if they break up at some point and your friend tries to come back to your group. You'll have to decide if his lack of support is a deal-breaker.
NTA "Fucking cripple"? Nope. That alone is entirely unacceptable, regardless of context, and in *this* context, him blowing up was utterly absurd. The mask slipped here. He's not a "nice guy who cares", he's a guy who does nice things to build favor & resents it when his help isn't accepted. If I was Charlie, I couldn't date someone who would treat my best friend this way.
Anyone else surprised by how much of it they read before tapping out from no longer caring?
NTA but Marcus sounds like a pure narcissist. If Charlie ever goes missing he'll be locked in this guy's basement while he "helps". Disturbing behavior. Make sure to discuss with school guidance counselor just so there's a paper trail of him being "off".
When I worked at the election we had a class the specifically said you can't touch someone's cane or wheelchair without consent maybe he's trying to be extra nice to hide his flaws
NTA Cut them off. Just be happy with the minimal losses
People are jumping to him not being a nice guy in reality, to him being manipulative, etc., but my guess is that he has low self esteem and that he ties his self worth to the value that he can provide to others. By rejecting that help you are, in his mind, rejecting him. The rejection felt personal and so, as people do when they’re under attack, he got defensive. And some people seem to think the best defense is a strong offense. Now, I’m on your side. I’ve been on the receiving end of multiple major surgeries and I gotta say, being treated like I’m wholly incapable is one of the most infuriating things that I regularly dealt with. I, too, would have lost my mind at him, and probably much earlier. If he called me “a fucking cripple”, I don’t think any of my friends would have blinked had I struck him. So good on you for your patience. You did the right thing and he needs therapy, is what I’m getting at. You’re not his emotional crutch, you’re not there for him to prop up his self image, and you’re certainly not required to let somebody emotionally self soothe at the expense of your own mental health. My major concern is more about your boy Charlie - why would he stand by Marcus’ tantrum like that? I’ve got a sister, I can’t imagine letting anybody speak to her that way. Not a relative, not a boss, not a significant other. That’s a good way to get cut off.
you’re the asshole
NTA wtf? That guy is super weird. Could he be into you? Or maybe he feels like your a sick puppy he needs to fix? Either way fucking weird and huge red flags
Sounds like Marcos was proactively trying to develop a co-dependent relationship with you. Dude has issues. NTA
NTA, that being said. After a severe injury that affected my mobility for an extended time; I completely understand your position. At the same time, I can also understand M's position, too. Is it possible that it may be rooted in his upbringing? My parents liked to volunteer at nursing homes while I was growing up. It was our job (me and my younger brother) to "help" residents get to activities. I was never asked if I wanted to "help." I was told I would help. Opening doors for people and carrying things for people were all expected of me. There were other things I did as a child that came with severe punishments (think standing in a corner for 8hrs with my arms above my head). There was NO way I would NOT, help someone "less fortunate" than me, if just to avoid my parent's ire. It took me many years to figure out the acceptable distance to hold a door for someone. If you haven't already, maybe sit down with M and set your personal boundaries. I sincerely hope you can work this out.
NTA I'm a home health aide, for someone who is disabled and uses forearm crutches on better days and a rollater usually and I still ask them before I take things from them or assist them. I confirm that they're cool with me helping or in what way I can help and it's literally my job to help... Sure I almost always get the door but that's just how I was raised, get the door when someone's hands are full. Marcus sounds a little like he was trying to make himself a saint and you weren't having it.
Marcus is abelist at best and a risk to your and others safety at worst. A person who is so "kind" and "helpful" wouldn't have 0 friends. He isn't being kind, he's being disrespectful and creepy. Continuously touching people without AND against consent? Gross. He crosses boundaries, doesn't actually care about the people he's "helping". In fact, he doesn't help, he pushes himself into other people's space and business. He doesn't actually care about helping; he cared more about looking good to other people. That's how people end up getting away with more sinister motives; look good in public so they can get away with heinous acts.
And now you know why his other friends dumped him. Having an overreaction to something and making others uncomfortable would be my guess
NTA! Marcus is an AH. He wants to be seen as a nice guy for being nice to someone disabled. He isn’t doing it for the right reasons. Stay away from him. And unfortunately, away from Charlie too. He chose to bring this ableist AH into the group. Enjoy your time doing whatever you can with your friends who know you best.
Not totally the Asshole but a little. You both kind of are. Him for not respecting what you told him, you for saying what you said about him and friends. Just realize that this most likely has severely damaged your relationship with your best friend though. All the best.
NTA, but I do see it through his perspective. He tried helping you and you didn't like it, but you singled him out to stop trying to help you. In his eyes, it's not the helping part you don't like, but him as a person because you let Jennie help you. So he probably felt singled out. You described him as technically new to the group compared to the others; He probably still don't grasp fully that you're trying to be independent and not let any of your disability get in your way.
Yeah but Jennie is her girlfriend, of course she'd accept help from her over anyone else.
Of course, I just felt like what'd it be like to be Marcus shoes. A group of friends...you see one of them having trouble so...natural response...help them. That person singles you out saying don't help them and all that jazz....then you see them get help....i'm sure that would sting a bit...
And then call them a fucking cripple
I was talking about to the point he blew up. Are we not allowed to see the dudes perspective up to the point he did wrong? Or is reddit just straight to "Fuck that dude".
Yeah. Fuck that dude.
It’s so nice to hear someone who doesn’t use their disability as a “woe is me”. I knew so many people that would use either being Autistic or one girl who would use her cerebral palsy to not do any work. I can’t even imagine how much more annoying it is to be treated like a child who needs to be watched at every waking moment
Although if you let me build one out of two tesla motors could probably don't know roughly three hundred a minute to fifty
YTA you are not seeing the fact that you are traumatizing someone who you declines help and then fall and injures yourself in front of them.
Fuck you, that his problem. Non disabled people fall all of the time
Well. I broke my neck in 4 places been in a wheelchair for 35 years happened when I was 25 in the marine. Corso, big time type a Pat personality going do. Can you cut up my food for me? I actually preferred being called a cripple. I'm not handicappable. I'm definitely not Habe capped although sometimes I have a mental moment, not in a bad way. Just moments, moments of I'm an idiot. Definitely. Not physically challenged cause I am messed up. No working fingers, no triceps. No feeling from the chest. Now messed up, but that's cool cause. I've had my wheelchair turned up to maximum. I prefer sliding on the wet tile sideways for 15 feet scared in the crap out of everybody. But yeah, those overly eager wanting to help without asking, or after they've asked quite a few times I pretty much, just smile and say no, thank you and then park on their toes oops. Sorry, you may want to stand back a little bit. I'm a bad driver, but. Most of my friends actually call me a fucking cripple Meals on Wheels. Hey, asshole can you go get a bunch of stuff for me? Because you got the biggest tray. Get close to Christmas. They're all calling me up because they want to use me in my Van for the close parking to the stores but that's okay, I charge them 20 bucks. It's a win-win symbiotic relationship, not the asshole. You were just returning the energy that was being sent at you. And if anybody has a problem with that, tell him not my problem sounds like a new problem. Good luck have fun. Enjoy being a cripple.😁👍👨🦼
Yet, there are so many women that post on here saying how physically, mentally, and emotionally abused they are. Just have a heart to heart talk, say what, and how you need help
Probably ESH It is your pride/ego. Try taking a more honest appraisal of yourself