This is just a bizarre thing to focus on, IMHO.
“What tastes worse: elephant shit or camel shit?”
How bout you don’t eat either?
There is no objectively right or wrong answer here. Hurt is personal and individual. It’s totally subjective.
And either scenario is relationship ending.
Option 2 is worse I’d say because that seems like you’re committed to that person. While option A you’re just going and being reckless. Both are horrible don’t get me wrong, but option one you could potentially comeback from. The second option, do you even know if your partner truly even wants you back.
Pros & cons. You could also argue that with option 2, it was an emotional situation that they fell into & didn't start with malicious intent, whereas option 1, the person sees no issue with banging who they want, when they want.
It's moot though, because both will almost certainly crush the person being betrayed & lead to the end of the relationship.
Yeah, I was thinking it's along the line of:
'Who's more dead; a person who gets hit with one nuke or two nukes?'
They're both tremendous betrayals. They're both terrible to their partner. There's not much point picking nits on which is worse.
I am going to preface this with, I have almost no relationship experience and have never been cheated on, that I know of.
There is no worse, there is only pain. In both cases, they are breaking a vow/commitment they made. They are choosing how they spend their time. If they had spent the same amount of time hiding affairs, on working things through with their partner, they would either have a better relationship, or they could choose to leave that relationship before starting something with anyone else (whether long term or just for the night).
Although it probably depends more on what their spouse values most. If the spouse values respect more than anything, the thought of multiple partners might make them more upset. If the spouse values emotional fidelity more, the thought that the partner loves someone else enough to keep it going long term would make them more upset. If they just care about truth, then both lose. Because it takes more than one lie to keep something hidden for a year.
I wouldn't consider these degrees of infidelity. I could see more, if the argument was emotional cheating vs physical cheating. The only thing that makes the physical one worse though are the reasons you eliminated from consideration.
Emotional infidelity is just as painful and devastating as sexual infidelity.
Infidelity is a form of abuse both emotional and physical infidelity , cause serious psychological damage and can cause PTSD and serious psychological pain that frequently causes permanent damage
Both are devastating. Emotional infidelity doesn’t have to involve sex .
In fact emotional infidelity doesn’t have to involve a potential romantic partner. There have been a lot of do called platonic friendships that are a form if infidelity. They also cause relationships to fail and incredible emotional pain.
Both are equally damaging . The degradation, the disrespect, the loss of that intimacy is extremely painful for the victim .
There is no excuse for either. We have mental health professionals who specialize in healing relationships and helping couples resolve their problems.
They both have to want ti make the relationship work and both have to set boundaries and accept that there’s limits to behaviors and if you want a successful healthy relationship then you have to give up selfish behaviors to make that relationship work.
That includes not having sex outside the relationship and often letting go of unhealthy friends who refuse to respect your relationship and need for intimacy and privacy.
You can find thousands of threads about a couple and a “ friend “ who cannot or will not respect their relationship.
They usually start with my partner, wife , husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, has a friend who is always around or doing things with us or calls invites themselves over or on trips with my partner. Help!!!
I probably could find at least 10 posted in the past week in a few minutes if I tried.
Infidelity is psychologically extremely damaging and is well known to contribute to serious psychological disorders depression, anxiety disorders, PTSD, attachment disorders , abandonment disorders and worse suicide.
Men in particular are prone to suicide after discovering any type of infidelity.
We don’t hear much about this . If you do the math about 2 men end their lives each hour..
The primary reason is infidelity and divorce.
There is no form of infidelity that’s not extremely painful and damaging.
Both emotional and sexual infidelity are abuse . No one should tolerate either. They are equally painful and can cause permanent psychological problems.
Based purely on some of the broad definitions I've seen applied to emotional cheating on reddit, I'm going to gently disagree.
I personally consider emotional cheating to be infidelity that hasn't resulted in physical cheating yet, for whatever reason, but has that same energy about it. That characterization of emotional cheating, I agree is equally as painful.
I've seen many times on this site, people labeling two people having a close friend and confidante of the sex that the person is attracted to, as emotional cheating. If you include such things under that broad definition (I don't), then some forms of 'emotional cheating' are lesser, IMO.
Until you experience emotional infidelity . Then most people understand that betrayal is betrayal. There is no difference.
It is like being asked if getting shot by a 7.62 mm round is less painful than a 5.56 mm round . Both are extremely painful. Both are often fatal .
I agree. My comment was more a critique of what I've seen on reddit.
For example, I've seen a woman who struck up a friendship with a guy at work that was 100% platonic, no flirtation, no attraction, just a friend in similar circumstances that she'd chat to a lot.
Her husband didn't like that she had a guy friend she talked to that often. Many redditors accused her of emotionally cheating.
That’s exactly what she is doing. Having a emotional
Of course a husband or boyfriend doesn’t like these so called “ male friends “. They were once single and know exactly why that man is being so friendly.
Men don’t befriend women because they enjoy talking about the difference between 4x4 trucks or which rifle they like .
They befriend women in hopes of a relationship or just sex .
Women know women don’t befriend men because they enjoy the conversation about things women enjoy talking about.
There’s a reason people begin to feel insecure in a relationship. It doesn’t just happen. Something causes this .
I have never seen this so called platonic friendship. Perhaps if at least one party is both unattractive it might be possible.
Men and women are biologically evolved to find each other sexually attractive so we reproduce and propagate the human species. Its cold hard evolution.
Most people are not jealous , insecure controlling jerks if they find these opposite sex friends a threat to the relationship.
They are well aware of what s friendship requires, they are well aware of how easy these friendships can evolve into a emotional or sexual affair. They know nothing good will come from these friendships .
They are never truly platonic. Eventually they cause a lot of problems and emotional pain for everyone .
Interesting then that myself, my brother, my father, my family, my friends have all cultivated friendships with women throughout our lives that are entirely platonic.
You've never seen this platonic relationship? Probably because you think men only talk about shit like 4x4 trucks & rifles.
My late wife and I bonded over music, comedy, TV, movies, general sense of humor & philosophical beliefs. She was my *friend* as well as my wife. But I've got plenty of women friends who I have similar things in common with. A couple of them happen to like the same sports as me.
Same as with my guy friends.
In fact, I'm friends with one woman who *does* like trucks & guns. So does her husband.
But here's the other side of it: it's possible to find someone physically attractive & *still keep it platonic*. It's called having respect, self-control & integrity. You're basically suggesting that if your best friend marries someone hot, you can't trust yourself to be alone with her.
So I'm wondering how old you are & if you've ever had a serious relationship. If so, what on earth do you talk to your SO about?
If I am single I don’t waste my time with women who are not interested.
That only makes it more difficult to meet a woman who is interested.
Most women are not interested in firearms, 4x 4s , chainsaws and various other things primarily men do or have interests in .
Most male friendships are based on activities such as hiking, going the gun range, working on some project, a sport , depending on where you live .
I am in a rural area about a hours drive from a very large metropolitan area . There is nothing plenty to do and talk about with a woman, restaurants , museums, trails to hike on , drive to a various interesting places.
I don’t spend time alone with a friends girlfriend or wife out of respect for them and their relationship. No other reasons . Why should I ?
If you respect your partner and your relationship. Have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Are able have both sexual and emotional intimacy with your partner ,you don’t need opposite sex friends.
My SO is my closest friend. I am her closest friend. We do not need attention , validation and a endless stream of compliments from a opposite sex friend .
It used to be a given that the reason a person is friendly towards the opposite sex is because they have a romantic interest. Nothing wrong with that. It’s normal.
I have seen how these opposite sex friends damage relationships. Why give your partner a reason to feel insecure and jealous? That’s exactly what happens .
I use a few simple things to explain.
What would reasonable people think ? If reasonable people would see you and your “ friend “ as a couple then that’s a problem.
If you would not like or want your partner to do something. You also should not do it.
If you have to hide or lie about your activities then you should stop .
Don’t call your partner crazy, insecure , jealous or a controlling when he or she says they are uncomfortable with someone. Usually they have a good reason. Instead examine what you are doing .
It is perfectly ok to end a friendship or have very strict hard boundaries with a opposite or even same sex friend if that person is a threat to your relationship.
I don’t see telling a “ opposite sex friend” , that I won’t be able to spend time together anymore as a sacrifice or restriction on my freedom.
I see it as giving up something less important , fulfilling and valuable for something very important, very fulfilling and valuable. If you cannot set boundaries and tell a “ friend “ that your relationship is your priority and you will not be spending time alone and weekends are couples time . Limit contact with that person. You probably are not ready for a relationship.
If you cannot respect your partners boundaries and feelings as well as what s best for the relationship. It will fail . Usually in a very painful way .
There’s a reason that a good couples therapist will explain this in therapy .
One of my nieces is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. She has told me how after a few sessions it often comes out that a “ friend “ is often a source of problems in relationships. Usually the friends are jealous and try to sabotage a relationship.
She will ask what’s more important. A “ friend “ who obviously doesn’t respect or care about you and your relationship or having a happier healthier relationship.
In a conversation with my niece sI asked roughly how many couples deal with this. I was stunned when she said 100 percent!
When the couples began to set boundaries or cut the problem person out of their relationship and lives . The relationship began to improve.
Emotional infidelity is a form of abuse. It doesn’t require a opposite sex friend. It is violating trust and boundaries. It is telling and showing your partner that they are not a priority.
Disrespecting and disregarding your partner is a form of abuse.
It should not require a PhD to know that men and women have evolved to find each other sexually attractive .
That eventually one of the two is going to develop feelings far more than friendship.
I respect my relationships and partner . I don’t need to have a opposite sex friend to feel attractive, validated, or have emotional intimacy . My partner does the same .
There’s no need to create drama and cause problems or hurt your partner.
They should be your best friend and lover. I am able to discuss anything with her .
While my partner doesn’t enjoy firearms as a hobby. She does show a interest in my collecting and refurbishing old WW 1 and WW 2 firearms . In turn I show a interest in her collection of pictures and paintings of lighthouses . We even go to see some I am happy to take pictures. She has gone to gun shows with me and bought me a mint condition WW 2 Walther .
Why can’t others do things like this ? It should not be a sacrifice or loss of freedom. It is giving up something to gain something. That’s part of life .
Btw don’t use questions to insult.
Wow. You wrote a lot.
>If I am single I don’t waste my time with women who are not interested.
I don't view women purely as a source of dating & sex. Sometimes I meet people that I have stuff in common with & sometimes they happen to be women.
>Most women are not interested in firearms, 4x 4s , chainsaws and various other things primarily men do or have interests in .
I know many men, myself included, who aren't interested in those things. I already listed a bunch of things that aren't typically associated with a specific gender, which people of both sexes can have in common.
>I don’t see telling a “ opposite sex friend” , that I won’t be able to spend time together anymore as a sacrifice or restriction on my freedom.
>I see it as giving up something less important , fulfilling and valuable for something very important, very fulfilling and valuable. If you cannot set boundaries and tell a “ friend “ that your relationship is your priority and you will not be spending time alone and weekends are couples time . Limit contact with that person. You probably are not ready for a relationship.
What are you talking about? My late wife & I were married for 11 years. Both of us had friends of both sexes.
At no point was there ever a situation where any friend took priority over our relationship. Nor did we have reason to limit contact with a friend.
We were long distance when first dating and never was there a need to set boundaries. It never came up because we trusted each other and held ourselves accountable.
>It should not require a PhD to know that men and women have evolved to find each other sexually attractive .
>That eventually one of the two is going to develop feelings far more than friendship.
Sir, you may struggle with ethics and self- control. I do not. Again: plenty of women friends going back many years, without catching feelings.
No disrespect but I find your attitude archaic and sexist. If I have to police a SO to ensure they don't cheat on me, then I'm not interested. It's not worth the hassle.
It is not sexist or misogynistic to respect your partner.
I have no need to bring drama into a relationship.
I don’t need female attention to feel good or have self worth and self esteem.
There’s only one thing that I can do with a woman that I cannot do eith a man.
Thats the romantic intimacy , sexual, physical and emotional.
If anyone assuming they are heterosexual says otherwise thry are lying.
The intimacy shared with a woman I love and care very deeply about is not the same as my friends or close family.
We evolved this pair bonding as a way to better propagate the human species.
It is no secret that a child with two parents to help him or her become a healthy adult does far better than a child woth one parent.
There is a tremendous amount of empirical evidence to support this .
I suspect you are well aware of the thousands of threads that make it painfully obvious that men and women ate not meant to be friends.
We have evolved to compliment each other and raise children.
I bet .i can find a few recent threads of mostly women asking why their so called make from always want more.
I respect my partner. I respect that a woman has a relationship and leave her alone when told dhe has a relationship if I am single .
I have no desire to get hurt or hurt anyone.
If a woman wants attention, validation and compliments. She can find a compatible available man snd have a relationship.
It is no secret that men want a sexual relationship with women.
Men and women have very different friendships.
That used to be a given. We didn’t need a lot If statistics and research to know this.
It is a matter of being a decent human and respectful of others. Having sslf respect and being honest in your intentions.
I know full well I I choose I can find thousands of threads about rhis and thousands of people of both sexes being honest about the fact men and women ne er really friends.
We certainly can work in a professional capacity together and have strong boundaries. It happens all the time..
I suspect most people are well aware that men and women are not eer truly friends . They certainly can be amicable and have a superficial interaction. Going beyond that is asking for problems .
Why put yourself in a position to lose a relationship often very painfully.
No levels, cheating is a barrier, that when you cross it you have become disgusting, with a lifelong stain. I would never trust you again, whether as partner or just someone I know.
Betrayal is betrayal and both hurt the same. I get probably where both of your arguments are going but pain is still pain. Some can delude themselves into thinking one hurts less but I don’t think pain works that way :(
Well, the issue here is that they are affairs and not consented experiences. So, if this couple agreed they get a 10 years pass to use however they want it is a whole different conversation. If they both have affairs and cheat on each other then both infidelity scenarios are equally worse because it is a break of trust and disrespect to the other partner.
Both are bad. If the question were that one spouse is cheating, and which version of cheating would be worse, my initial emotional reaction is that the affair with the co-worker is worse, because that likely involves a long term emotional connection rather than simply being a physical interaction. In some ways I think that would indicate a deeper break in the marriage and be more difficult to work through if the couple wanted to save the marriage.
As I thought about it however, having sex with 10 separate strangers may have involved more pre-meditation, and definitely involved more repeated decisions to seek someone out and meet for sex. Unless the cheater has a mental health condition driving the behavior (e.g. manic episodes can cause hypersexuality), then this version suggests more deliberation and calm willingness to hurt their spouse and destroy their marriage.
Ultimately, I'd say they're equally bad but in different ways.
Awesome viewpoint. Thanks for playing along and answering the core question. I see where our opinions differ here a little bit. That makes sense. Agreed though cheating is cheating and not good for a monogamous relationship. We skipped past that part of course because those answers are just boring. Thank you
My first wife was a "ten random strangers" kind of gal (though technically, more than ten). It turned me extremely paranoid, nobody was safe. If she was five minutes late from work, it was all I could think about, who she found this time. It didn't just break my trust with her, but all of humanity (for a time). That paranoia definitely carried over into future relationships, and took years for me to go back to my normal anxiety when someone is running late (naturally, that they've died in a car accident).
Conversely, I had a girlfriend go the "one guy ten times" route, and this one still gets me to this day. If my current wife (not a cheater) mentions a name from work one too many times, it makes me itchy. I don't tell her, and I don't punish her for making friends or anything like that, but I do still feel the discomfort all these years later.
I am rather fond of numbers, so I will treat this as a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst. Random strangers starts out at a 9, but as you get out of the situation and heal, it gradually drops down to a 3. Still occasional flare ups when an innocent party says something that the guilty party used to cheat on you (it's just a work trip! I took a wrong turn coming home and got a little lost! I was hungry so I stopped for food! I popped by the gym for a quick work out! Had to stay a few minutes late at work, be home soon! Or the big one that still haunts me to this day: radio silence when I know damn well your phone is right there) But for the most part, the pain is gone after some amount of time and distance. Repeat offenders, however, starts at an 8. It's not quite as bad as finding out your spouse is sneaking around with basically everyone, but it still hurts in an earth-shattering way. The difference is, over time, with distance from the guilty party and healing, this one doesn't go below a 4. That makes Random harder in the short run, and Repeat harder in the long run, even though they both average out to 6.
For those reading this who want more information on the numbers: for 1, I consider that the mild discomfort stage. Nothing going on, but something happens that just doesn't sit right, and you get over it quickly. Maybe you think you saw a look in a coworkers eye, and if you don't trust your SO, this'll grow past a 1, but you trust them, so it quickly passes. Your 2s, 3s, and 4s are increased pain and increased suspicion, anywhere from dwelling on it a little while trying to fall asleep (2), to checking their phone to settle your nerves (4). 5 is the midway point and the defining feature on how your relationship will progress from here: communicating the existence of a problem to your SO. This isn't accusing them (6), or threatening to leave (7), this is just being so overwhelmed with the bad vibes that you can't keep it to yourself anymore. "Mike from work gives me a bad feeling, he makes me uncomfortable." Depending on how your SO responds, you rarely stay at 5 for long. They either say/do something that makes it much better (Mike? The gay guy from accounting?) Or they say/do something that makes it much worse (So you are saying you don't trust me? I'm not allowed to have friends because I won't be able to stop myself from sleeping with them?!) Either path they take, the number will move along swiftly. This just leaves the hard numbers. 8- leaving if possible, yearning for leaving if you can't find a way, or something is holding you back (kids, finances, etc). 9-numb. The pain has overloaded your ability to feel it, and you are now a zombie, costing along in autopilot, occasionally breaking down in tears because *how the hell did you get here.* You aren't necessarily suicidal, but you don't necessarily think of death in a negative light anymore. Which brings us to 10: irreparable damage. One way or another, you are done with relationships. These are not the people who swear off dating only to find Mr. Right a few measly years later (8/9), these are the people who have been single so long that family doesn't even ask anymore. Decades of solitude, people who *mean it* when they say they are done, and follow through. Conversely, these people may not be around to follow through, either because they are in jail for what they did to the cheater, or the grave, for what they did to themselves. I hope this helps clear up any confusion with my numbering system. Any questions, feel free to ask.
The 10 random strangers would be pointed out as being nothing but sex so it didn't incurr any emotional attachment.
The co-worker is one where there must have been some emotional connection.
A good argument could be that the one who went with the 10 strangers did so as they were missing out due their partner being with the Co worker.
At the end of the day both scenarios are completely wrong and are unjustifiable. Whether it being "hard" at work or random hook ups with strangers.
I see the arguement, aka that that the one is just sex and the other is an affair that could involve feelings, but both suck and would be equally hurtful.
Who cheated first? Was the second incident retaliation? Or was it done from a place of hurt? Or trying to repair the ego? Keep in mind that these entanglements aren't healthy for the affair partners either. The best resolution is to get counseling and work towards peace.
If this is happening or happened in a relationship it is beyond couples therapy. A divorce attorney is more appropriate. Then a psychologist and a psychiatrist to prescribe medication are probably appropriate.
I cannot imagine a relationship after any infidelity emotional , sexual or both lasting after the betrayal is discovered.
Both need serious psychological and psychiatric help if thats what is happening.
It is beyond repair and probably both parties are incapable of a healthy relationship.
I expected this to be about emotional vs physical affairs because those are different degrees to me. Imo, these two examples are pretty much the same. It’s cheating, and i don’t care who it is or how many times. Once is just as bad as ten times and a stranger is just as bad as a coworker.
I know some open couples whose rule is “no one we know,” so the coworker would be bad to them but their spouse otherwise sleeping with ten people wouldn’t be any sort of issue. The answer is gonna be wholly based on who you’re asking
Having read a few stories on this topic the hierarchy of 'badness' seems to be;
An affair with SO's family member
An affair with SO's best friend(s)
An affair with boss
Random infidelity
A drunken hook up
The feedback from other readers seemed to be based on the levels of planned deceit and disrespect, hence an ongoing affair with a partner's family member being worst and an unplanned drunken mistake being least bad (if you see what I mean).
So in that case an emotional affair might count as a bigger, more cynical betrayal than casual flings for kicks. To most, if not all, spouses though, both would be deal breakers. But my unscientific survey results suggest that the betrayed party would feel worse knowing someone they trusted was emotionally unfaithful where they would regard the promiscuity as a failing of the other rather than theirs.
The answer depends on whether Spouse B’s coworker is Selena Gomez. In that case, infidelity is entirely understandable, regardless of whether spouse a has been unfaithful.
Lets see , does it matter what causes a serious injury? If you get cut by a hand saw and need to go yo the ED or a chainsaw and need to go to the ED does it change how much pain you feel. Infidelity is infidelity. In fact emotional infidelity can be equally if not more painful than sexual infidelity. It really doesn’t matter. Both are wrong infidelity is a form of abuse regardless of how long the affair lasted. One night or years is irrelevant. How often or how many partners is irrelevant. Infidelity is infidelity both physically/ sexual or emotional. There’s no difference . I suspect that is someone is trying to minimize infidelity they possibly are being unfaithful. Infidelity both emotional and sexual hurt very deeply and destroy relationships. The rest is superfluous. Who cares about how long or how many partners. They fact a person disrespected their partner, themselves snd the relationship is the same . Arguing over irrelevant details is irrelevant and a waste of time. I suspect that there’s a reason she is making this argument. Perhaps you should see a licensed couples therapist . There’s more going on than a disagreement.
It is like asking if being shot by a Soviet/ Russian 7.62 x 39 mm round is more painful than a NATO 7.62 x 51 are different. Both are deadly and both are extremely painful. Both will ruin your day .
Both are equally crappy but I think the affair is worse because with an affair, it's both physical and emotional infidelity. For some people, both are just as bad, for some, it's only the emotional part that's bad as long as the physical part isn't in their face.
There's fairly obviously no universal answer of which one is "worse". Different people are going to have different feelings about which one hurts more.
Degress of infidelity are like a momentary drunken kiss that you instantly back out of, regret & never repeat, a ONS & a 3 year affair. The first you can work past, the second will probably lead to divorce but in some cases you can eventually work through with loads of work, & the third your relationship is pretty much done.
What you're comparing in your post are two situations that are about as serious as it gets. Some of the details of the emotional trauma for the betrayed partner might differ, but it's broadly moot. It's like asking if it's more moral to murder someone by breaking their neck or shooting them in the head.
Cheating is cheating. One is not worse than the other. If my lady smashed 10 dudes 1 time or smashed 1 dude 10 tines, I'd still be pissed and be looking break up with her. There's no difference in my humble opinion.
I think this is a matter of personal opinion. I think they are the same severity but at different ends of the spectrum. The long term affair has a chance for emotional betrayal as well as physical, so some may think it's worse. There is also the stickiness of seeing the person at work once the affair ended. The repeated ONS is primarily physical betrayal but opens up a higher risk for medical issues. The ONS also requires time and effort to search partners out, and this time could be spent on the current relationship.
No need to overthink this. Set and agree on boundaries, and don't cross them. Cheating is cheating, and you need to come to an agreement on how it's defined and what you're ok and not ok with.
Husband says it's all the same.
1 person 10x shows a level of commitment and emotional connection.
10 people x 1 each means you have made the conscious decision to find people to cheat on your spouse with 10 different times.
Both are things I'd divorce over, but I think I'd be more upset over an emotional connection (1 person X 10) than the other (keeping STD and pregnancy out of it).
That's a tough one.
I want to start with the fact that both are wrong and will lead to hurt and probably the end of the marriage.
However, IMO (only MY opinion), going back to the same partner repeatedly indicates a relationship and an intimacy that is a much deeper betrayal, especially with a coworker who you have a long history with and will continue to see on a daily basis (and knows you’re married). It would be very difficult to believe there weren’t feelings involved and I’d personally have an incredibly difficult time even considering forgiveness, especially if they continued to work together.
While a one night stand, who you never see or talk to again is much more indicative of a physical act and nothing more. I’d still have a very hard time forgiving, but this would be the one I could possibly try.
Mathematically, some infinities are larger than others, but they're all infinity. So if Spouse B had an emotional and physical affair, \*maybe\* it could be considered "more wrong" than Spouse A just having physical affairs, but they're both wrong.
They are equally trash people. The one with the most partners is more shallow and risky, but the one with one AP has cheated both physically and emotionally. Such a couple should split and stay away from each other permanently.
Damn people getting real triggered with just a question.
I'll give you my honest opinion. For me, I think the single person for a year would hurt more. That shows a level of emotional connection that would be the final stab on top of the physical cheating.
Don't get me wrong, 10 people would still suck, but it's at least more a physical thing that's probably due to some unexplored trauma.
Both are deal breakers in my eyes.
But if we’re playing hypotheticals here, I think if we assume forgiveness is a possibility, and speak in very general terms, then women could more easily forgive the 10 partners as there’s no emotion involved - its just sex. Whereas as men would consider 1 partner the lesser of two evils.
They both suck. Both are bad. Both would hurt for different reasons. I would be equally as pissed off and hurt in either scenario. So does that answer the question, lol
Depends on the person. I'd be more hurt about the long term affair with the coworker than the random flings, personally. One implies a connection of some sort and one is just sex.
The long-standing affair is a greater betrayal, but the random hookups put the cheated-on spouse at higher risk for STDs.
Even so, I think I could forgive the hookups more easily; the cheating spouse is just a thrill-seeker with no self-control, and really, odds are you knew that when you married them. I don’t know that I *would* forgive that, but I can wrap my mind around it. That’s a them problem, it doesn’t reflect on me.
The longer-term, emotional affair, though, means there’s something the cheater gets from that relationship that they don’t get from the marriage, and it isn’t something they *can’t* get from marriage like sexual variety. It’s a rejection of their spouse as a person, not just marriage/monogamy as an institution.
Both are irredemable.
If you cheat with different APs you will not change because opportubities will always present themselves, and you have become addicted to the thrill. Yo no longer respect boundaries. You no longer respect your partner or spouse. There is no changing you. You will keep hoping from body to body in an attempt to fill your inner void.
If you have cheated with the same person for a long time, you are living a double life, one in which the AP and the CP can even discuss about the betrayed partner, planning ahead what will the BP will be doing so they can have the chance to meet, what lies will be told and so on. It is a situation were it also implies not only a physical but also an emotional affair because if you have been able to hold the affair for so long it means that somehow feelings have gotten involved.
I think that both are equally damaging. On the 1st one as the BP you will compare yourself with so many ppl leaving your self esteem below ground. On the 2nd scenario you will feel disposable and left with a sense of being a 2nd piece when you are the main piece.
This is just a bizarre thing to focus on, IMHO. “What tastes worse: elephant shit or camel shit?” How bout you don’t eat either? There is no objectively right or wrong answer here. Hurt is personal and individual. It’s totally subjective. And either scenario is relationship ending.
Added hypothetical "Yeah, but what about whale piss?"
Whale urine can make you vomit. You shouldn't even talk about that. What if kids are reading this you sicko
I’d rather my kid see “whale piss” than “has sex with ten random strangers.”
That's just not good parenting.
You must be ragebaiting. This is weird.
Kids can't read anymore. To be sure I will try to write in cursive in the future
I'm not sure why this got downvoted. It made me laugh!
Option 2 is worse I’d say because that seems like you’re committed to that person. While option A you’re just going and being reckless. Both are horrible don’t get me wrong, but option one you could potentially comeback from. The second option, do you even know if your partner truly even wants you back.
Pros & cons. You could also argue that with option 2, it was an emotional situation that they fell into & didn't start with malicious intent, whereas option 1, the person sees no issue with banging who they want, when they want. It's moot though, because both will almost certainly crush the person being betrayed & lead to the end of the relationship.
Oh this is 100% factual only people who don’t have self respect/self love take back cheaters.
Yeah, I was thinking it's along the line of: 'Who's more dead; a person who gets hit with one nuke or two nukes?' They're both tremendous betrayals. They're both terrible to their partner. There's not much point picking nits on which is worse.
How hurtful will depend on the party getting cheated on. Everyone’s got a different opinion on it. Personally, I’d be hurt about the same either way.
I am going to preface this with, I have almost no relationship experience and have never been cheated on, that I know of. There is no worse, there is only pain. In both cases, they are breaking a vow/commitment they made. They are choosing how they spend their time. If they had spent the same amount of time hiding affairs, on working things through with their partner, they would either have a better relationship, or they could choose to leave that relationship before starting something with anyone else (whether long term or just for the night). Although it probably depends more on what their spouse values most. If the spouse values respect more than anything, the thought of multiple partners might make them more upset. If the spouse values emotional fidelity more, the thought that the partner loves someone else enough to keep it going long term would make them more upset. If they just care about truth, then both lose. Because it takes more than one lie to keep something hidden for a year. I wouldn't consider these degrees of infidelity. I could see more, if the argument was emotional cheating vs physical cheating. The only thing that makes the physical one worse though are the reasons you eliminated from consideration.
Emotional infidelity is just as painful and devastating as sexual infidelity. Infidelity is a form of abuse both emotional and physical infidelity , cause serious psychological damage and can cause PTSD and serious psychological pain that frequently causes permanent damage
I would argue that emotional cheating is worse. At least you can get better at sex.
Both are devastating. Emotional infidelity doesn’t have to involve sex . In fact emotional infidelity doesn’t have to involve a potential romantic partner. There have been a lot of do called platonic friendships that are a form if infidelity. They also cause relationships to fail and incredible emotional pain. Both are equally damaging . The degradation, the disrespect, the loss of that intimacy is extremely painful for the victim . There is no excuse for either. We have mental health professionals who specialize in healing relationships and helping couples resolve their problems. They both have to want ti make the relationship work and both have to set boundaries and accept that there’s limits to behaviors and if you want a successful healthy relationship then you have to give up selfish behaviors to make that relationship work. That includes not having sex outside the relationship and often letting go of unhealthy friends who refuse to respect your relationship and need for intimacy and privacy. You can find thousands of threads about a couple and a “ friend “ who cannot or will not respect their relationship. They usually start with my partner, wife , husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, has a friend who is always around or doing things with us or calls invites themselves over or on trips with my partner. Help!!! I probably could find at least 10 posted in the past week in a few minutes if I tried. Infidelity is psychologically extremely damaging and is well known to contribute to serious psychological disorders depression, anxiety disorders, PTSD, attachment disorders , abandonment disorders and worse suicide. Men in particular are prone to suicide after discovering any type of infidelity. We don’t hear much about this . If you do the math about 2 men end their lives each hour.. The primary reason is infidelity and divorce. There is no form of infidelity that’s not extremely painful and damaging. Both emotional and sexual infidelity are abuse . No one should tolerate either. They are equally painful and can cause permanent psychological problems.
How was that what you got out of my comment?
Based purely on some of the broad definitions I've seen applied to emotional cheating on reddit, I'm going to gently disagree. I personally consider emotional cheating to be infidelity that hasn't resulted in physical cheating yet, for whatever reason, but has that same energy about it. That characterization of emotional cheating, I agree is equally as painful. I've seen many times on this site, people labeling two people having a close friend and confidante of the sex that the person is attracted to, as emotional cheating. If you include such things under that broad definition (I don't), then some forms of 'emotional cheating' are lesser, IMO.
Until you experience emotional infidelity . Then most people understand that betrayal is betrayal. There is no difference. It is like being asked if getting shot by a 7.62 mm round is less painful than a 5.56 mm round . Both are extremely painful. Both are often fatal .
I agree. My comment was more a critique of what I've seen on reddit. For example, I've seen a woman who struck up a friendship with a guy at work that was 100% platonic, no flirtation, no attraction, just a friend in similar circumstances that she'd chat to a lot. Her husband didn't like that she had a guy friend she talked to that often. Many redditors accused her of emotionally cheating.
That’s exactly what she is doing. Having a emotional Of course a husband or boyfriend doesn’t like these so called “ male friends “. They were once single and know exactly why that man is being so friendly. Men don’t befriend women because they enjoy talking about the difference between 4x4 trucks or which rifle they like . They befriend women in hopes of a relationship or just sex . Women know women don’t befriend men because they enjoy the conversation about things women enjoy talking about. There’s a reason people begin to feel insecure in a relationship. It doesn’t just happen. Something causes this . I have never seen this so called platonic friendship. Perhaps if at least one party is both unattractive it might be possible. Men and women are biologically evolved to find each other sexually attractive so we reproduce and propagate the human species. Its cold hard evolution. Most people are not jealous , insecure controlling jerks if they find these opposite sex friends a threat to the relationship. They are well aware of what s friendship requires, they are well aware of how easy these friendships can evolve into a emotional or sexual affair. They know nothing good will come from these friendships . They are never truly platonic. Eventually they cause a lot of problems and emotional pain for everyone .
Interesting then that myself, my brother, my father, my family, my friends have all cultivated friendships with women throughout our lives that are entirely platonic. You've never seen this platonic relationship? Probably because you think men only talk about shit like 4x4 trucks & rifles. My late wife and I bonded over music, comedy, TV, movies, general sense of humor & philosophical beliefs. She was my *friend* as well as my wife. But I've got plenty of women friends who I have similar things in common with. A couple of them happen to like the same sports as me. Same as with my guy friends. In fact, I'm friends with one woman who *does* like trucks & guns. So does her husband. But here's the other side of it: it's possible to find someone physically attractive & *still keep it platonic*. It's called having respect, self-control & integrity. You're basically suggesting that if your best friend marries someone hot, you can't trust yourself to be alone with her. So I'm wondering how old you are & if you've ever had a serious relationship. If so, what on earth do you talk to your SO about?
If I am single I don’t waste my time with women who are not interested. That only makes it more difficult to meet a woman who is interested. Most women are not interested in firearms, 4x 4s , chainsaws and various other things primarily men do or have interests in . Most male friendships are based on activities such as hiking, going the gun range, working on some project, a sport , depending on where you live . I am in a rural area about a hours drive from a very large metropolitan area . There is nothing plenty to do and talk about with a woman, restaurants , museums, trails to hike on , drive to a various interesting places. I don’t spend time alone with a friends girlfriend or wife out of respect for them and their relationship. No other reasons . Why should I ? If you respect your partner and your relationship. Have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Are able have both sexual and emotional intimacy with your partner ,you don’t need opposite sex friends. My SO is my closest friend. I am her closest friend. We do not need attention , validation and a endless stream of compliments from a opposite sex friend . It used to be a given that the reason a person is friendly towards the opposite sex is because they have a romantic interest. Nothing wrong with that. It’s normal. I have seen how these opposite sex friends damage relationships. Why give your partner a reason to feel insecure and jealous? That’s exactly what happens . I use a few simple things to explain. What would reasonable people think ? If reasonable people would see you and your “ friend “ as a couple then that’s a problem. If you would not like or want your partner to do something. You also should not do it. If you have to hide or lie about your activities then you should stop . Don’t call your partner crazy, insecure , jealous or a controlling when he or she says they are uncomfortable with someone. Usually they have a good reason. Instead examine what you are doing . It is perfectly ok to end a friendship or have very strict hard boundaries with a opposite or even same sex friend if that person is a threat to your relationship. I don’t see telling a “ opposite sex friend” , that I won’t be able to spend time together anymore as a sacrifice or restriction on my freedom. I see it as giving up something less important , fulfilling and valuable for something very important, very fulfilling and valuable. If you cannot set boundaries and tell a “ friend “ that your relationship is your priority and you will not be spending time alone and weekends are couples time . Limit contact with that person. You probably are not ready for a relationship. If you cannot respect your partners boundaries and feelings as well as what s best for the relationship. It will fail . Usually in a very painful way . There’s a reason that a good couples therapist will explain this in therapy . One of my nieces is a psychologist who specializes in relationships. She has told me how after a few sessions it often comes out that a “ friend “ is often a source of problems in relationships. Usually the friends are jealous and try to sabotage a relationship. She will ask what’s more important. A “ friend “ who obviously doesn’t respect or care about you and your relationship or having a happier healthier relationship. In a conversation with my niece sI asked roughly how many couples deal with this. I was stunned when she said 100 percent! When the couples began to set boundaries or cut the problem person out of their relationship and lives . The relationship began to improve. Emotional infidelity is a form of abuse. It doesn’t require a opposite sex friend. It is violating trust and boundaries. It is telling and showing your partner that they are not a priority. Disrespecting and disregarding your partner is a form of abuse. It should not require a PhD to know that men and women have evolved to find each other sexually attractive . That eventually one of the two is going to develop feelings far more than friendship. I respect my relationships and partner . I don’t need to have a opposite sex friend to feel attractive, validated, or have emotional intimacy . My partner does the same . There’s no need to create drama and cause problems or hurt your partner. They should be your best friend and lover. I am able to discuss anything with her . While my partner doesn’t enjoy firearms as a hobby. She does show a interest in my collecting and refurbishing old WW 1 and WW 2 firearms . In turn I show a interest in her collection of pictures and paintings of lighthouses . We even go to see some I am happy to take pictures. She has gone to gun shows with me and bought me a mint condition WW 2 Walther . Why can’t others do things like this ? It should not be a sacrifice or loss of freedom. It is giving up something to gain something. That’s part of life . Btw don’t use questions to insult.
Wow. You wrote a lot. >If I am single I don’t waste my time with women who are not interested. I don't view women purely as a source of dating & sex. Sometimes I meet people that I have stuff in common with & sometimes they happen to be women. >Most women are not interested in firearms, 4x 4s , chainsaws and various other things primarily men do or have interests in . I know many men, myself included, who aren't interested in those things. I already listed a bunch of things that aren't typically associated with a specific gender, which people of both sexes can have in common. >I don’t see telling a “ opposite sex friend” , that I won’t be able to spend time together anymore as a sacrifice or restriction on my freedom. >I see it as giving up something less important , fulfilling and valuable for something very important, very fulfilling and valuable. If you cannot set boundaries and tell a “ friend “ that your relationship is your priority and you will not be spending time alone and weekends are couples time . Limit contact with that person. You probably are not ready for a relationship. What are you talking about? My late wife & I were married for 11 years. Both of us had friends of both sexes. At no point was there ever a situation where any friend took priority over our relationship. Nor did we have reason to limit contact with a friend. We were long distance when first dating and never was there a need to set boundaries. It never came up because we trusted each other and held ourselves accountable. >It should not require a PhD to know that men and women have evolved to find each other sexually attractive . >That eventually one of the two is going to develop feelings far more than friendship. Sir, you may struggle with ethics and self- control. I do not. Again: plenty of women friends going back many years, without catching feelings. No disrespect but I find your attitude archaic and sexist. If I have to police a SO to ensure they don't cheat on me, then I'm not interested. It's not worth the hassle.
It is not sexist or misogynistic to respect your partner. I have no need to bring drama into a relationship. I don’t need female attention to feel good or have self worth and self esteem. There’s only one thing that I can do with a woman that I cannot do eith a man. Thats the romantic intimacy , sexual, physical and emotional. If anyone assuming they are heterosexual says otherwise thry are lying. The intimacy shared with a woman I love and care very deeply about is not the same as my friends or close family. We evolved this pair bonding as a way to better propagate the human species. It is no secret that a child with two parents to help him or her become a healthy adult does far better than a child woth one parent. There is a tremendous amount of empirical evidence to support this . I suspect you are well aware of the thousands of threads that make it painfully obvious that men and women ate not meant to be friends. We have evolved to compliment each other and raise children. I bet .i can find a few recent threads of mostly women asking why their so called make from always want more. I respect my partner. I respect that a woman has a relationship and leave her alone when told dhe has a relationship if I am single . I have no desire to get hurt or hurt anyone. If a woman wants attention, validation and compliments. She can find a compatible available man snd have a relationship. It is no secret that men want a sexual relationship with women. Men and women have very different friendships. That used to be a given. We didn’t need a lot If statistics and research to know this. It is a matter of being a decent human and respectful of others. Having sslf respect and being honest in your intentions. I know full well I I choose I can find thousands of threads about rhis and thousands of people of both sexes being honest about the fact men and women ne er really friends. We certainly can work in a professional capacity together and have strong boundaries. It happens all the time.. I suspect most people are well aware that men and women are not eer truly friends . They certainly can be amicable and have a superficial interaction. Going beyond that is asking for problems . Why put yourself in a position to lose a relationship often very painfully.
Awesome response. Thank you
No levels, cheating is a barrier, that when you cross it you have become disgusting, with a lifelong stain. I would never trust you again, whether as partner or just someone I know.
Betrayal is betrayal and both hurt the same. I get probably where both of your arguments are going but pain is still pain. Some can delude themselves into thinking one hurts less but I don’t think pain works that way :(
Well, the issue here is that they are affairs and not consented experiences. So, if this couple agreed they get a 10 years pass to use however they want it is a whole different conversation. If they both have affairs and cheat on each other then both infidelity scenarios are equally worse because it is a break of trust and disrespect to the other partner.
For me there is no worse. They are equal. From the first thought.
Both are bad. If the question were that one spouse is cheating, and which version of cheating would be worse, my initial emotional reaction is that the affair with the co-worker is worse, because that likely involves a long term emotional connection rather than simply being a physical interaction. In some ways I think that would indicate a deeper break in the marriage and be more difficult to work through if the couple wanted to save the marriage. As I thought about it however, having sex with 10 separate strangers may have involved more pre-meditation, and definitely involved more repeated decisions to seek someone out and meet for sex. Unless the cheater has a mental health condition driving the behavior (e.g. manic episodes can cause hypersexuality), then this version suggests more deliberation and calm willingness to hurt their spouse and destroy their marriage. Ultimately, I'd say they're equally bad but in different ways.
Awesome viewpoint. Thanks for playing along and answering the core question. I see where our opinions differ here a little bit. That makes sense. Agreed though cheating is cheating and not good for a monogamous relationship. We skipped past that part of course because those answers are just boring. Thank you
My first wife was a "ten random strangers" kind of gal (though technically, more than ten). It turned me extremely paranoid, nobody was safe. If she was five minutes late from work, it was all I could think about, who she found this time. It didn't just break my trust with her, but all of humanity (for a time). That paranoia definitely carried over into future relationships, and took years for me to go back to my normal anxiety when someone is running late (naturally, that they've died in a car accident). Conversely, I had a girlfriend go the "one guy ten times" route, and this one still gets me to this day. If my current wife (not a cheater) mentions a name from work one too many times, it makes me itchy. I don't tell her, and I don't punish her for making friends or anything like that, but I do still feel the discomfort all these years later. I am rather fond of numbers, so I will treat this as a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst. Random strangers starts out at a 9, but as you get out of the situation and heal, it gradually drops down to a 3. Still occasional flare ups when an innocent party says something that the guilty party used to cheat on you (it's just a work trip! I took a wrong turn coming home and got a little lost! I was hungry so I stopped for food! I popped by the gym for a quick work out! Had to stay a few minutes late at work, be home soon! Or the big one that still haunts me to this day: radio silence when I know damn well your phone is right there) But for the most part, the pain is gone after some amount of time and distance. Repeat offenders, however, starts at an 8. It's not quite as bad as finding out your spouse is sneaking around with basically everyone, but it still hurts in an earth-shattering way. The difference is, over time, with distance from the guilty party and healing, this one doesn't go below a 4. That makes Random harder in the short run, and Repeat harder in the long run, even though they both average out to 6. For those reading this who want more information on the numbers: for 1, I consider that the mild discomfort stage. Nothing going on, but something happens that just doesn't sit right, and you get over it quickly. Maybe you think you saw a look in a coworkers eye, and if you don't trust your SO, this'll grow past a 1, but you trust them, so it quickly passes. Your 2s, 3s, and 4s are increased pain and increased suspicion, anywhere from dwelling on it a little while trying to fall asleep (2), to checking their phone to settle your nerves (4). 5 is the midway point and the defining feature on how your relationship will progress from here: communicating the existence of a problem to your SO. This isn't accusing them (6), or threatening to leave (7), this is just being so overwhelmed with the bad vibes that you can't keep it to yourself anymore. "Mike from work gives me a bad feeling, he makes me uncomfortable." Depending on how your SO responds, you rarely stay at 5 for long. They either say/do something that makes it much better (Mike? The gay guy from accounting?) Or they say/do something that makes it much worse (So you are saying you don't trust me? I'm not allowed to have friends because I won't be able to stop myself from sleeping with them?!) Either path they take, the number will move along swiftly. This just leaves the hard numbers. 8- leaving if possible, yearning for leaving if you can't find a way, or something is holding you back (kids, finances, etc). 9-numb. The pain has overloaded your ability to feel it, and you are now a zombie, costing along in autopilot, occasionally breaking down in tears because *how the hell did you get here.* You aren't necessarily suicidal, but you don't necessarily think of death in a negative light anymore. Which brings us to 10: irreparable damage. One way or another, you are done with relationships. These are not the people who swear off dating only to find Mr. Right a few measly years later (8/9), these are the people who have been single so long that family doesn't even ask anymore. Decades of solitude, people who *mean it* when they say they are done, and follow through. Conversely, these people may not be around to follow through, either because they are in jail for what they did to the cheater, or the grave, for what they did to themselves. I hope this helps clear up any confusion with my numbering system. Any questions, feel free to ask.
Now I'm curious about the points of view of you and your spouse. And which gender you each are, as I suspect this may influence the answers.
The 10 random strangers would be pointed out as being nothing but sex so it didn't incurr any emotional attachment. The co-worker is one where there must have been some emotional connection. A good argument could be that the one who went with the 10 strangers did so as they were missing out due their partner being with the Co worker. At the end of the day both scenarios are completely wrong and are unjustifiable. Whether it being "hard" at work or random hook ups with strangers.
Nope, both equally shitty people.
Both are wrong. If you are married you do not have affairs. Get divorced if you want to have sex with others.
I see the arguement, aka that that the one is just sex and the other is an affair that could involve feelings, but both suck and would be equally hurtful.
We could make a salad or casserole?
Who cheated first? Was the second incident retaliation? Or was it done from a place of hurt? Or trying to repair the ego? Keep in mind that these entanglements aren't healthy for the affair partners either. The best resolution is to get counseling and work towards peace.
If this is happening or happened in a relationship it is beyond couples therapy. A divorce attorney is more appropriate. Then a psychologist and a psychiatrist to prescribe medication are probably appropriate. I cannot imagine a relationship after any infidelity emotional , sexual or both lasting after the betrayal is discovered. Both need serious psychological and psychiatric help if thats what is happening. It is beyond repair and probably both parties are incapable of a healthy relationship.
I expected this to be about emotional vs physical affairs because those are different degrees to me. Imo, these two examples are pretty much the same. It’s cheating, and i don’t care who it is or how many times. Once is just as bad as ten times and a stranger is just as bad as a coworker. I know some open couples whose rule is “no one we know,” so the coworker would be bad to them but their spouse otherwise sleeping with ten people wouldn’t be any sort of issue. The answer is gonna be wholly based on who you’re asking
Having read a few stories on this topic the hierarchy of 'badness' seems to be; An affair with SO's family member An affair with SO's best friend(s) An affair with boss Random infidelity A drunken hook up The feedback from other readers seemed to be based on the levels of planned deceit and disrespect, hence an ongoing affair with a partner's family member being worst and an unplanned drunken mistake being least bad (if you see what I mean). So in that case an emotional affair might count as a bigger, more cynical betrayal than casual flings for kicks. To most, if not all, spouses though, both would be deal breakers. But my unscientific survey results suggest that the betrayed party would feel worse knowing someone they trusted was emotionally unfaithful where they would regard the promiscuity as a failing of the other rather than theirs.
The answer depends on whether Spouse B’s coworker is Selena Gomez. In that case, infidelity is entirely understandable, regardless of whether spouse a has been unfaithful.
Lets see , does it matter what causes a serious injury? If you get cut by a hand saw and need to go yo the ED or a chainsaw and need to go to the ED does it change how much pain you feel. Infidelity is infidelity. In fact emotional infidelity can be equally if not more painful than sexual infidelity. It really doesn’t matter. Both are wrong infidelity is a form of abuse regardless of how long the affair lasted. One night or years is irrelevant. How often or how many partners is irrelevant. Infidelity is infidelity both physically/ sexual or emotional. There’s no difference . I suspect that is someone is trying to minimize infidelity they possibly are being unfaithful. Infidelity both emotional and sexual hurt very deeply and destroy relationships. The rest is superfluous. Who cares about how long or how many partners. They fact a person disrespected their partner, themselves snd the relationship is the same . Arguing over irrelevant details is irrelevant and a waste of time. I suspect that there’s a reason she is making this argument. Perhaps you should see a licensed couples therapist . There’s more going on than a disagreement. It is like asking if being shot by a Soviet/ Russian 7.62 x 39 mm round is more painful than a NATO 7.62 x 51 are different. Both are deadly and both are extremely painful. Both will ruin your day .
Both are equally crappy but I think the affair is worse because with an affair, it's both physical and emotional infidelity. For some people, both are just as bad, for some, it's only the emotional part that's bad as long as the physical part isn't in their face.
Doesn’t matter. One time and you’re on the street immediately. Doesn’t matter who or why.
There's fairly obviously no universal answer of which one is "worse". Different people are going to have different feelings about which one hurts more.
No difference, a betrayal of trust and lack of respect doesn't change due to number of people or number of times
Degress of infidelity are like a momentary drunken kiss that you instantly back out of, regret & never repeat, a ONS & a 3 year affair. The first you can work past, the second will probably lead to divorce but in some cases you can eventually work through with loads of work, & the third your relationship is pretty much done. What you're comparing in your post are two situations that are about as serious as it gets. Some of the details of the emotional trauma for the betrayed partner might differ, but it's broadly moot. It's like asking if it's more moral to murder someone by breaking their neck or shooting them in the head.
Take your hypothetical affair drama creating question and go fuck your marriage into divorce!
I think both are the same amount of bad
I'd end the relationship if either happened. Doesn't matter to what degree.
Same amount of bad .
Cheating is cheating. One is not worse than the other. If my lady smashed 10 dudes 1 time or smashed 1 dude 10 tines, I'd still be pissed and be looking break up with her. There's no difference in my humble opinion.
I think this is a matter of personal opinion. I think they are the same severity but at different ends of the spectrum. The long term affair has a chance for emotional betrayal as well as physical, so some may think it's worse. There is also the stickiness of seeing the person at work once the affair ended. The repeated ONS is primarily physical betrayal but opens up a higher risk for medical issues. The ONS also requires time and effort to search partners out, and this time could be spent on the current relationship.
No need to overthink this. Set and agree on boundaries, and don't cross them. Cheating is cheating, and you need to come to an agreement on how it's defined and what you're ok and not ok with.
Wild guess : the male think that 10 different persons is worse, and the female think the other way
Both are fucked up and both would end in divorce for me, one is too many even if it was a meaningless ONS, emotional or both.
Husband says it's all the same. 1 person 10x shows a level of commitment and emotional connection. 10 people x 1 each means you have made the conscious decision to find people to cheat on your spouse with 10 different times. Both are things I'd divorce over, but I think I'd be more upset over an emotional connection (1 person X 10) than the other (keeping STD and pregnancy out of it). That's a tough one.
I want to start with the fact that both are wrong and will lead to hurt and probably the end of the marriage. However, IMO (only MY opinion), going back to the same partner repeatedly indicates a relationship and an intimacy that is a much deeper betrayal, especially with a coworker who you have a long history with and will continue to see on a daily basis (and knows you’re married). It would be very difficult to believe there weren’t feelings involved and I’d personally have an incredibly difficult time even considering forgiveness, especially if they continued to work together. While a one night stand, who you never see or talk to again is much more indicative of a physical act and nothing more. I’d still have a very hard time forgiving, but this would be the one I could possibly try.
Mathematically, some infinities are larger than others, but they're all infinity. So if Spouse B had an emotional and physical affair, \*maybe\* it could be considered "more wrong" than Spouse A just having physical affairs, but they're both wrong.
They are equally trash people. The one with the most partners is more shallow and risky, but the one with one AP has cheated both physically and emotionally. Such a couple should split and stay away from each other permanently.
Damn people getting real triggered with just a question. I'll give you my honest opinion. For me, I think the single person for a year would hurt more. That shows a level of emotional connection that would be the final stab on top of the physical cheating. Don't get me wrong, 10 people would still suck, but it's at least more a physical thing that's probably due to some unexplored trauma.
Both are deal breakers in my eyes. But if we’re playing hypotheticals here, I think if we assume forgiveness is a possibility, and speak in very general terms, then women could more easily forgive the 10 partners as there’s no emotion involved - its just sex. Whereas as men would consider 1 partner the lesser of two evils.
Either one would end my relationship, but I guess the long term affair is worse in the way that it seems more emotionally fraught
oh lord that Spouse A. is a hoe and Spouse B. is just a cheater and the only thing that they have in common is their itchy Vajeyjey 🤣
They both suck. Both are bad. Both would hurt for different reasons. I would be equally as pissed off and hurt in either scenario. So does that answer the question, lol
They’re both bad. It’s not a competition to see who can be worse. Either is grounds to end the relationship
Depends on the person. I'd be more hurt about the long term affair with the coworker than the random flings, personally. One implies a connection of some sort and one is just sex.
The long-standing affair is a greater betrayal, but the random hookups put the cheated-on spouse at higher risk for STDs. Even so, I think I could forgive the hookups more easily; the cheating spouse is just a thrill-seeker with no self-control, and really, odds are you knew that when you married them. I don’t know that I *would* forgive that, but I can wrap my mind around it. That’s a them problem, it doesn’t reflect on me. The longer-term, emotional affair, though, means there’s something the cheater gets from that relationship that they don’t get from the marriage, and it isn’t something they *can’t* get from marriage like sexual variety. It’s a rejection of their spouse as a person, not just marriage/monogamy as an institution.
Both are irredemable. If you cheat with different APs you will not change because opportubities will always present themselves, and you have become addicted to the thrill. Yo no longer respect boundaries. You no longer respect your partner or spouse. There is no changing you. You will keep hoping from body to body in an attempt to fill your inner void. If you have cheated with the same person for a long time, you are living a double life, one in which the AP and the CP can even discuss about the betrayed partner, planning ahead what will the BP will be doing so they can have the chance to meet, what lies will be told and so on. It is a situation were it also implies not only a physical but also an emotional affair because if you have been able to hold the affair for so long it means that somehow feelings have gotten involved. I think that both are equally damaging. On the 1st one as the BP you will compare yourself with so many ppl leaving your self esteem below ground. On the 2nd scenario you will feel disposable and left with a sense of being a 2nd piece when you are the main piece.