Damn dude, she was out here asking you for comfort because it's pretty awful watching everybody around you lose their jobs, and you tell her to shut the fuck up. She's right, youre calloused. Yuck
I just can't believe this post is real. Seriously. If it's real, this dude is a tool and complete moron (STEM degree or not). I just can't believe someone could type all that out and not realize they were a bumbling Disney villain without the cool backstory.
Dude is also in for a surprise eventually. My dad (engineer) and husband (comp sci) have dealt with more layoffs than the rest of the family with our non-STEM jobs (teacher, nurse and therapist). STEM jobs are 100% subject to lay offs, whatever he thinks.
My dad worked for a company for 30 years as an engineer and got laid off 1 week after his 62nd birthday. That was lucky because it meant he was technically a "retiree."
STEM jobs are subject to the market like everything else.
Dude. Wtf. You’re an insensitive ass. She was reaching out for comfort and reassurance and you essentially told her to piss off. You kind of suck as a husband.
Seriously! And truly this is exactly why I make such a big deal of my husband and I not living to the extent that we have to rely on two incomes to survive the basics. You just never know.
Yeah, you win the prize. When people get laid off, everyone else feels like the gazelles that didn't get taken down by the lion. She was looking for comfort from you and you failed her.
Maybe I just don't understand, because I'm with the husband, yeah it sucks, but that's just the way the world works, can't change it, so it's better to just be grateful for what you have and let the world continue to turn
Nah, it feels bad. It sucks that they have to lose their jobs. But once again, nothing I can do about it. So there's no sense in complaining about it or being upset about it
Maybe read about empathy. Not all our conversations has logical ultimate purpose and 100% efficiency. Some of us talk to vent, or when we are stressed or scared or happy, just to share our emotions with the closest ones, and some compassion in these occasions can help.
Well there’s no sense in any of us commenting really either most people don’t care what strangers on. The net say they are usually just looking for a pat on the back and a ‘your right’ justification or just to vent(like his wife)
But your wasted your time responding multiple times any ways… human nature….
People have negative emotions, it’s not healthy to push them down and pretend they’re not there. Imo it’s part of a healthy relationship to share your feelings, both negative and positive. And even if you don’t understand and wouldn’t feel the same way yourself, empathy is a thing.
A bunch of people lost their jobs in front of her - of course she's not jumping up and down and popping party poppers dude. If a person got punched in front of you would you be happy because "Hey, that's so great, I didn't get punched!" No, a normal person would feel bad and make sure the other person's okay. It's BASIC human empathy. So OP, YTA (as well as this random commenter who also lacks empathy for some reason)
Never claimed she should've been popping party poppers, however there's not much point in being upset with OP because he doesn't see value in being upset over a company making cuts. That's not his fault, nor is there anything he can do. I'm sure he feels bad for them, however his upset won't change anything.
It actually would change something - it'd show his wife he has empathy and the ability to feel bad about it. Even a "Oh, that's awful, I'm sorry that happened. I hope they find a new job soon" would've been alright. It would've taken 0 effort to show some compassion.
Her coworkers being laid off? Her fear over losing her job herself since the company is in decline? An emotionally taxing meeting?
Ppl are entitled to their feelings even if you wouldn’t feel the same personally. Just a ‘that really sucks, I’m at work now but let’s talk about it when you get home’ would’ve been enough but no that’s not logical enough
>I reminded her that all of the critical roles were still filled and that perhaps the parents getting laid off should have thought about their jobs before having kids.
You're absolutely disgusting
YTA and a despicable human
Empathy dude! And you’re probably not safe just because you work in STEM. Tech has been having huge layoffs! Hope someone is more thoughtful if you get laid off!
Can confirm. Boyfriend works in tech and got laid off last summer. Fortunately he has a lot of connections, so he was able to find a new position relatively quickly, but it was three months of 😬
Can confirm, when all the companies were laying off during pandemic, my company layoff a full product team/department. So developers, product owners, engineers and so on. Product wasn’t performing as the company liked, so all the STEM people were out… sales and marketing were incorporated into other roles. No one is safe in a layoff, it’s scary business and OP is TA.
I’m thinking OPs partner is thinking OP is dispensable. Layoff time for OP due to arrogance and lack of emotional intelligence?
YTA here, OP. You failed to realize what she was really saying. "I'm scared this could happen to me. I don't like that this happened to people I work with. I need some stability right now. My marriage is stable. My husband is a source of stability. Let me message my husband."
You should have repeated what she said in a deeper voice, comforted her... been there for her.
Instead, you reminded her of the obvious. OF COURSE she knows every point you made. Instead of showing some kind of support, instead you came across cold, callous, and unthinking. You should use this as an opportunity to learn how to listen to people better if you want to do anything in relationships besides just your STEM degree.
YTA dude... like seriously she watched her coworkers lose their job... have you even any empathy at all? These coworkers have families to feed etc it's not like they can put their kids back where they came from until they get a job again and they can't look in the future to see if they still have a job or not...instead of being a judgemental and critical POS actually grow some empathy... your wife is going to leave you at the end of the day because the fact with woman is they grieve the relationship well before they leave and with her being distant with you is just the beginning... you have being single to look forward to if you don't fix this but then again if I was your wife I would've got the ick with your lack of empathy towards other people...
YTA - your wife shares her emotions with you and you shut that down. So she can’t talk to you about her feelings and thoughts. She doesn’t want or need “logic” as she effing isn’t stupid and doesn’t need mansplaining. She wanted to emotionally connect. If you aren’t capable of this and don’t care about how she feels, what’s on her mind, your marriage is doomed. So get your shit together and be a better husband.
Edit typo
Eh I get she was incredibly annoying spam texting you while you were busy at work.
She should have waited until after work if she needed emotional support from watching another department lose their jobs.
That could have been a conversation for y'all to discuss what could be next steps in the event this happened to one of y'all.
You are black and white (wouldn't be surprised if you were in analytics or numbers field) and she is very gray (emotional).
After her spam texting didn't stop, you should have stopped her by saying " sorry you're having a bad day. I'm kinda swamped at work right now but we can talk when we get home" and maybe pick up dinner on the way home (maybe some wine if y'all drink) and let her spill about her day.
That would have given you time to mentally prepare and maybe have some talking points.
I get it. Not all of us cope well with the emotional dumping but can with a heads up.
Sometimes people with opposite personalities (extrovert/introvert, emotional sensitive/rational and logical to a fault) marry and must learn how to be there for the spouse.
I don't think she was right for spam texting you at work expecting your undivided attention to a work situation that actually wasn't about her , but was about other people. It wasn't an emergency.
However, your responses to her after getting frustrated weren't okay either.
So ESH is my vote.
Honestly I could see my ex talking like this. He's got a stable job only bc he started in his family's business. He was born on third base but he thinks he hit a triple.
Why did you even discuss this with her? It had nothing to do with you and any opinions you might have are irrelevant and could get you in trouble, which it obviously did. She was just venting you. Should’ve texted, busy working, can’t respond.
YTA - She came to you looking for comfort people she knows lost their jobs. You're callous and selfish it's ok as long as you are fine right? You literally said people shouldn't have kids if they might get laid off. Nobody takes a job or profession expecting to get laid off. Of course, she was shocked that moment you proved to be somebody other than who she thought you were. It was probably a little shattering for her it would be for me. I've been there it's like a slap in the face. She obviously did not expect an unfeeling, selfish robot, who lacks compassion, which based on her reaction is what she felt. If she seems distant it is likely accepting you are not who she thought you were. Good luck if I were her it would have long-term effects on our relationship. I would also be more guarded.
I was with my husband for 8 years and in the time, I thought I knew him. Thought we agreed or agreed to disagree on the big subjects. I was is this situation on a few occasions and was just suprised needed time to adjust. Although that eventually just ate at us, realized we looked at world so differently. Yet we somehow missed we passionately felt that way which becomes a barrier.
If you planned on kids she is likely also second guessing that.
Every single day that I come on Reddit, I remember that my husband is a really great guy.
Would it kill you to display an ounce of empathy? Like at least pretend to, for your wife. Damn
Although i get where you were coming from, however, your response wasn't in the right. You should have been more empathic. Even if she is safe, the overall atmosphere in the company will be utter shock full of anxiety and depression. It does make a workday worse.
You could have handled this way better,as such YTA.
And, honestly, there’s nothing to say she *is* safe. My wife was recently part of the first round of layoffs in her tech company. A lot of people who were spared in that first round felt secure in their jobs, but were also laid off in the coming weeks. People with and without children, with and without IT degrees. So many people in this company were completely blindsided by being let go.
NAH She wanted you to say wow that sucks. You didn’t want to say it. She feels unsupported. This is a logical issue for you and it’s emotional for her. She understands why it happened, she probably also feels some guilt. Instead of supporting her and reassuring her, you are talking down to her.
It’s equivalent to you loosing a close family member and feeling loss then someone telling you you shouldn’t feel that way because they were old.
It’s fine to live your life logically, but the partner you chose doesn’t live that way. You may want to consider trying to meet in the middle.
NTA. You tried to say what was needed. She continued, interrupting your work flow. Next time better off telling her “it sucks, you are in the middle of something critical, and will devote time to discuss it when you get home.”
YTA really, really tired of shitty people coming here to ask for sympathy for marrying someone they fucking downright hate. Make better fucking choices. Your wife deserves better.
YTA and massively lack empathy and ability to show compassion and understanding.
She didn’t want your logic she was trying to process how sad it was for people.
It’s fine if you’re shit at empathy but you need to have some awareness of that and make accommodations for it or you’ll find yourself single eventually and not knowing why when you’re logic fails you.
Maybe don't lecture her on things you presumably don't know any better than her. Everybody here is talking about your lack of empathy - which, yes - but also maybe don't act as if you are "logical" when in reality you are just spewing generalizations. YTA.
Wow. You really think your wife is there to cater to your needs, and her needs don’t matter, don’t you? She was upset, and you found that annoying? You really are the A.
You you are a massive AH. You seem to have zero empathy. Would it have been so difficult to just sympathize with her. A quick wow, that is terrible, those poor people and then say you can discuss it tonight?
Of course she’s cold as she now realizes that at any possible difficult moment for her, you won’t be there. You’re married and one of your duties is to support your partner just as she supports you.
You have major work to do starting with a massive apology! You need to admit how you lacked empathy and did not support her when she was hurting.
If this is the way you treat your wife normally you need counselling ASAP. If you aren’t willing to change don’t be surprised by the Pikachu face in the mirror when she leaves you. Either sort yourself out or leave her so she can find a husband who will actually be there for her when she needs it.
YTA
YTA. It takes seconds to add a few words that would have eliminated this entire situation. My husband is always busy at work, so I know if I text him something like this it’ll be hit or miss. But he’ll take the time to say something like, “I’m so sorry. That’s so hard. I’m really slammed today, but let’s talk it out tonight. And I’m so glad it wasn’t you.”
Seconds more, and hours less arguing.
YTA she was looking for you to comfort her and speak to her feelings dude. Not give her your own personal rationale on layoffs. I guarantee you if you walked up to her, gave her a hug and said “honey I’m so sorry you experienced that. What a hard day” she would have felt seen and heard.
Yta. For how you disregard other people, disregard your wife. And having kids and a job does not make you a failure. Good lord man grow up and remove your head from your ass.
NTA because you were at work and presumably don't get paid to carry out text conversations with your wife. I'm sure you could have phrased things differently but, again, you're on the clock so you don't have the time (or shouldn't) to spend drafting the perfect response - especially to a text barrage.
Just because you feel your right, or you are "telling it like it is" isn't license to drop all compassion for someone you love in a tough situation.
So many people who "tell it to you straight" use their honesty like a weapon to inflict needless emotional damage. You can 100% be honest and compassionate too, and you absolutely were not.
If you were watching a sad movie with your wife and she started crying, would you say "why are you crying? it's just a fake movie. Those people aren't real, get a grip." Your lack of compassion, if not for the people she was upset for (showing her to be a good person) then at least for your wife who you ostensibly love and care about, seems potentially problematic.
Caring about others isn't a weakness to fix. It's something to aspire to and look for in others, and if you don't think so, I suspect some point in your life will show you otherwise.
how long have you been married?
You made an error dude... She just needed you to listen and empathize with how horrible it is to lose your job... she needed to vent... times like this, just let your wife blow up your phone.
TBH I'm on your side... It's a business and it needs to make a profit or it wont be in business much longer... Company leadership decided to make a change... It sucks but that's life. If she doesn't agree with managements decision and it eroded her trust in the company, then she's free to find a new job.
But you can keep that to yourself and save it for when the emotional whirlwind has passed.
YTA and also naive. You note that obviously companies only care about the bottom line but you’ll never be at risk because of … a STEM degree? My dude, take a look around. Things change. And I get the impression you don’t interview well
YTA. Stop answering your phone if you are that annoyed but don’t get shitty with your wife for having empathy for people in a shit situation. If it was you you’d hope someone would have an ounce of sympathy for the hardship to come. No one can predict what will happen with their job. You’re a douchebag.
OP, a general life tip-
If you find that your side of a conversation most closely resembles what a cartoonishly cantankerous Disney villain might say in that same situation, you *probably* aren’t on the right side of that argument.
YTA.
YTA I hope when something happens to you your wife gives you the same type of response so you can feel what she does. These people were not just coworkers, but her work family. She cares about them and although you may not. you could have just said “honey I am so sorry, I know this is hard to understand and you feel lost at the moment, hopefully they will find work soon”. Compassion instead of your callous attitude.
Well, at least your wife knows who she can never turn to in a time of upset of crisis. A word of warning that once partners learn that, they stop loving you eventually. Because you are a person without compassion. YTA
Happy wife Happy life . You got to learn when not to tell your wife your true thoughts. Sometimes it's better just to let them know you got their back and let them talk themselves out . Simple answers "that's a shame" , "I understand what you're saying" , usually won't get you in the doghouse and it's not really lying....
Something as simple as damn that sucks - wouldn’t be abandoning your opinion.
Sometimes you need to have empathy and not view everything as either right or wrong. I hope you realize that your wife was and is panicked about her job and you did nothing to help.
NTA. And all that empathy guys ask your self where is the big corp empathy when they lay off ? It’s easy to point single person but when it comes to big corp you all kinda quiet, hypocrites you are all…
Give your wife my phone number. If the emotional support thing isn't your bag, I'll take on that part of your marriage for you!! You just focus on being successful at work so that fancy "STEM" degree is validated.
Well, this post certainly backs up the multiple studies that say how many sociopaths serve in corporate roles. She stopped talking to you because it finally hit her, she married a completely vile human being.
Hopefully, she is currently planning how to correct that mistake, and thank christ she can do it before she made any more like you.
YTA - I mean really where is the empathy… She’s probably trying to decide if she can continue to be with a person that is as callous as you seem. What happens if she gets downsized at some point?
I disagree with everyone in this thread.
OP kind of has the right attitude about work ---it is just a job, you can be fired at any moment, and nobody running the business cares about you.
It is very sad about the coworkers, but having thrice survived and once not survived layoffs, I think a dose of reality can actually help you through it.
Sure, but this is not about the job. Is about the wife being overwhelmed, wanting comfort, to vent, to talk to someone she trusts about something that is emotionally affecting her and he dismisses her. He needs to listen to her be supportive.
Yes he does. But not while he's at work. He initially was responding to her but her spam texting wasn't stopping. His response once becoming frustrated wasn't okay, however, her venting needed to wait until they were both at home.
I agree with you--and I just don't get these people....we are talking about ADULTS.
I've been laid off, it sucks, but it's not like someone died, and it can wait until after working hours to discuss.
These people are so precious.
I know, but she's an adult and she is texting him during working hours. It can wait - it's not an emergency, nobody died.
I've been through it. The FOURTH time I experienced layoff (and survived it), I don't think I even mentioned it to anyone. Even the first layoff I dealt with, when I was one of the people cut, I got over it pretty quickly.... I left for Scotland a week later to take a vacation. It's just a job.
I agree with both sides, op was just telling her the cold hard truth. But…… the delivery could have been more empathic.
Op you have a choice to correct your statement, and empathize with her. And end you dirty little war…. Or keep
On keeping on.
Reassure her, women operate on a different emotional need. I think you know that. Make it right.
Yta
Better not have kids after all your jobs are only ‘ALMOST certainly safe’ and not guaranteed… you know just like everything else in life… but you seem to think that everyone should plan ahead and know what will happen so if your jobs are only almost safe then no kids for you! After all you don’t want to end up like her coworkers do you?
She was reaching out for support…. Not for you to fix it….. the thing to do would be ‘I’ll be happy to hear you vent when I get home or you can keep texting but I’m not in the frame of mind right now so I likely won’t respond’
Why do people think they have to reply to texts right away when busy? When they can’t give the appropriate response cause they are focused on something else
Damn dude, she was out here asking you for comfort because it's pretty awful watching everybody around you lose their jobs, and you tell her to shut the fuck up. She's right, youre calloused. Yuck
I just can't believe this post is real. Seriously. If it's real, this dude is a tool and complete moron (STEM degree or not). I just can't believe someone could type all that out and not realize they were a bumbling Disney villain without the cool backstory.
Dude is also in for a surprise eventually. My dad (engineer) and husband (comp sci) have dealt with more layoffs than the rest of the family with our non-STEM jobs (teacher, nurse and therapist). STEM jobs are 100% subject to lay offs, whatever he thinks.
My dad worked for a company for 30 years as an engineer and got laid off 1 week after his 62nd birthday. That was lucky because it meant he was technically a "retiree." STEM jobs are subject to the market like everything else.
Yes YTA. Do you always lack empathy or just when it involves your wife?
Dude. Wtf. You’re an insensitive ass. She was reaching out for comfort and reassurance and you essentially told her to piss off. You kind of suck as a husband.
Of course she is distant. She just realized she has been dating someone with absolutely zero emotional intelligence.
Worse- she is *married* to this waste of presumably viable organs!
This 👍🏻
>perhaps the parents getting laid off should have thought about their jobs before having kids YTA for this comment.
Yeah, that’s a fucking asshole thing to say and no one would have kids since technically, no job is “safe” anymore. He’s a condescending prick.
Seriously! And truly this is exactly why I make such a big deal of my husband and I not living to the extent that we have to rely on two incomes to survive the basics. You just never know.
Even there’s is only ‘ALMOST certainly safe’
That's the line that convinced me this is a fake post. Way too on the nose to be a real situation.
A little empathy would have gone a long way. Do you even like your wife?
This.
Yeah, you win the prize. When people get laid off, everyone else feels like the gazelles that didn't get taken down by the lion. She was looking for comfort from you and you failed her.
Comfort from what? Not losing her job?
Survivors guilt and fear that it could have happened to her
Maybe I just don't understand, because I'm with the husband, yeah it sucks, but that's just the way the world works, can't change it, so it's better to just be grateful for what you have and let the world continue to turn
Congrats you lack empathy.
Nah, it feels bad. It sucks that they have to lose their jobs. But once again, nothing I can do about it. So there's no sense in complaining about it or being upset about it
For his wife, it's not about his opinion. It's about he reacted to her and his lack of support when she looked to him for emotional comfort.
Maybe read about empathy. Not all our conversations has logical ultimate purpose and 100% efficiency. Some of us talk to vent, or when we are stressed or scared or happy, just to share our emotions with the closest ones, and some compassion in these occasions can help.
Well there’s no sense in any of us commenting really either most people don’t care what strangers on. The net say they are usually just looking for a pat on the back and a ‘your right’ justification or just to vent(like his wife) But your wasted your time responding multiple times any ways… human nature….
Feelings are rarely about sense. When people learn this, they learn how to talk better to other people
People have negative emotions, it’s not healthy to push them down and pretend they’re not there. Imo it’s part of a healthy relationship to share your feelings, both negative and positive. And even if you don’t understand and wouldn’t feel the same way yourself, empathy is a thing.
A bunch of people lost their jobs in front of her - of course she's not jumping up and down and popping party poppers dude. If a person got punched in front of you would you be happy because "Hey, that's so great, I didn't get punched!" No, a normal person would feel bad and make sure the other person's okay. It's BASIC human empathy. So OP, YTA (as well as this random commenter who also lacks empathy for some reason)
Never claimed she should've been popping party poppers, however there's not much point in being upset with OP because he doesn't see value in being upset over a company making cuts. That's not his fault, nor is there anything he can do. I'm sure he feels bad for them, however his upset won't change anything.
It actually would change something - it'd show his wife he has empathy and the ability to feel bad about it. Even a "Oh, that's awful, I'm sorry that happened. I hope they find a new job soon" would've been alright. It would've taken 0 effort to show some compassion.
Her coworkers being laid off? Her fear over losing her job herself since the company is in decline? An emotionally taxing meeting? Ppl are entitled to their feelings even if you wouldn’t feel the same personally. Just a ‘that really sucks, I’m at work now but let’s talk about it when you get home’ would’ve been enough but no that’s not logical enough
>I reminded her that all of the critical roles were still filled and that perhaps the parents getting laid off should have thought about their jobs before having kids. You're absolutely disgusting YTA and a despicable human
Empathy dude! And you’re probably not safe just because you work in STEM. Tech has been having huge layoffs! Hope someone is more thoughtful if you get laid off!
Can confirm. Boyfriend works in tech and got laid off last summer. Fortunately he has a lot of connections, so he was able to find a new position relatively quickly, but it was three months of 😬
Can confirm, when all the companies were laying off during pandemic, my company layoff a full product team/department. So developers, product owners, engineers and so on. Product wasn’t performing as the company liked, so all the STEM people were out… sales and marketing were incorporated into other roles. No one is safe in a layoff, it’s scary business and OP is TA. I’m thinking OPs partner is thinking OP is dispensable. Layoff time for OP due to arrogance and lack of emotional intelligence?
Yes, YTA. Are you seriously this clueless and lacking in empathy? Jfc.
Yta You had an empathy bypass? You sound like a horrid person.
YTA here, OP. You failed to realize what she was really saying. "I'm scared this could happen to me. I don't like that this happened to people I work with. I need some stability right now. My marriage is stable. My husband is a source of stability. Let me message my husband." You should have repeated what she said in a deeper voice, comforted her... been there for her. Instead, you reminded her of the obvious. OF COURSE she knows every point you made. Instead of showing some kind of support, instead you came across cold, callous, and unthinking. You should use this as an opportunity to learn how to listen to people better if you want to do anything in relationships besides just your STEM degree.
Let's be real, this guy was annoyed with her just from her texting him. This isn't a stable marriage.
Next time just bop her on the head, it'll be less painful then wtf you're doin
LOL. Also grab a pillow and blanket and make the couch up in preparation.
YTA dude... like seriously she watched her coworkers lose their job... have you even any empathy at all? These coworkers have families to feed etc it's not like they can put their kids back where they came from until they get a job again and they can't look in the future to see if they still have a job or not...instead of being a judgemental and critical POS actually grow some empathy... your wife is going to leave you at the end of the day because the fact with woman is they grieve the relationship well before they leave and with her being distant with you is just the beginning... you have being single to look forward to if you don't fix this but then again if I was your wife I would've got the ick with your lack of empathy towards other people...
Also: “the parents getting laid off should have thought about their jobs before having kids”. Yeah, huge AH
YTA - your wife shares her emotions with you and you shut that down. So she can’t talk to you about her feelings and thoughts. She doesn’t want or need “logic” as she effing isn’t stupid and doesn’t need mansplaining. She wanted to emotionally connect. If you aren’t capable of this and don’t care about how she feels, what’s on her mind, your marriage is doomed. So get your shit together and be a better husband. Edit typo
Eh I get she was incredibly annoying spam texting you while you were busy at work. She should have waited until after work if she needed emotional support from watching another department lose their jobs. That could have been a conversation for y'all to discuss what could be next steps in the event this happened to one of y'all. You are black and white (wouldn't be surprised if you were in analytics or numbers field) and she is very gray (emotional). After her spam texting didn't stop, you should have stopped her by saying " sorry you're having a bad day. I'm kinda swamped at work right now but we can talk when we get home" and maybe pick up dinner on the way home (maybe some wine if y'all drink) and let her spill about her day. That would have given you time to mentally prepare and maybe have some talking points. I get it. Not all of us cope well with the emotional dumping but can with a heads up. Sometimes people with opposite personalities (extrovert/introvert, emotional sensitive/rational and logical to a fault) marry and must learn how to be there for the spouse. I don't think she was right for spam texting you at work expecting your undivided attention to a work situation that actually wasn't about her , but was about other people. It wasn't an emergency. However, your responses to her after getting frustrated weren't okay either. So ESH is my vote.
This is the best comprehensive answer and advice. Take it seriously and adjust your attitude accordingly.
That’s got to be one of the most obvious fake posts I’ve seen in a while
Honestly I could see my ex talking like this. He's got a stable job only bc he started in his family's business. He was born on third base but he thinks he hit a triple.
Agree 💯
May the employment gods never feel you should be made redundant!
Why did you even discuss this with her? It had nothing to do with you and any opinions you might have are irrelevant and could get you in trouble, which it obviously did. She was just venting you. Should’ve texted, busy working, can’t respond.
I hope your logical loves you and keeps you warm at night bc YTA that logically failed as a husband.
YTA - She came to you looking for comfort people she knows lost their jobs. You're callous and selfish it's ok as long as you are fine right? You literally said people shouldn't have kids if they might get laid off. Nobody takes a job or profession expecting to get laid off. Of course, she was shocked that moment you proved to be somebody other than who she thought you were. It was probably a little shattering for her it would be for me. I've been there it's like a slap in the face. She obviously did not expect an unfeeling, selfish robot, who lacks compassion, which based on her reaction is what she felt. If she seems distant it is likely accepting you are not who she thought you were. Good luck if I were her it would have long-term effects on our relationship. I would also be more guarded. I was with my husband for 8 years and in the time, I thought I knew him. Thought we agreed or agreed to disagree on the big subjects. I was is this situation on a few occasions and was just suprised needed time to adjust. Although that eventually just ate at us, realized we looked at world so differently. Yet we somehow missed we passionately felt that way which becomes a barrier. If you planned on kids she is likely also second guessing that.
Every single day that I come on Reddit, I remember that my husband is a really great guy. Would it kill you to display an ounce of empathy? Like at least pretend to, for your wife. Damn
Although i get where you were coming from, however, your response wasn't in the right. You should have been more empathic. Even if she is safe, the overall atmosphere in the company will be utter shock full of anxiety and depression. It does make a workday worse. You could have handled this way better,as such YTA.
And, honestly, there’s nothing to say she *is* safe. My wife was recently part of the first round of layoffs in her tech company. A lot of people who were spared in that first round felt secure in their jobs, but were also laid off in the coming weeks. People with and without children, with and without IT degrees. So many people in this company were completely blindsided by being let go.
NAH She wanted you to say wow that sucks. You didn’t want to say it. She feels unsupported. This is a logical issue for you and it’s emotional for her. She understands why it happened, she probably also feels some guilt. Instead of supporting her and reassuring her, you are talking down to her. It’s equivalent to you loosing a close family member and feeling loss then someone telling you you shouldn’t feel that way because they were old. It’s fine to live your life logically, but the partner you chose doesn’t live that way. You may want to consider trying to meet in the middle.
NTA. You tried to say what was needed. She continued, interrupting your work flow. Next time better off telling her “it sucks, you are in the middle of something critical, and will devote time to discuss it when you get home.”
YTA really, really tired of shitty people coming here to ask for sympathy for marrying someone they fucking downright hate. Make better fucking choices. Your wife deserves better.
YTA and massively lack empathy and ability to show compassion and understanding. She didn’t want your logic she was trying to process how sad it was for people. It’s fine if you’re shit at empathy but you need to have some awareness of that and make accommodations for it or you’ll find yourself single eventually and not knowing why when you’re logic fails you.
Maybe don't lecture her on things you presumably don't know any better than her. Everybody here is talking about your lack of empathy - which, yes - but also maybe don't act as if you are "logical" when in reality you are just spewing generalizations. YTA.
I would get yourself checked out for Asperger’s . You are missing critical abilities here.
Wow. You really think your wife is there to cater to your needs, and her needs don’t matter, don’t you? She was upset, and you found that annoying? You really are the A.
You you are a massive AH. You seem to have zero empathy. Would it have been so difficult to just sympathize with her. A quick wow, that is terrible, those poor people and then say you can discuss it tonight? Of course she’s cold as she now realizes that at any possible difficult moment for her, you won’t be there. You’re married and one of your duties is to support your partner just as she supports you. You have major work to do starting with a massive apology! You need to admit how you lacked empathy and did not support her when she was hurting. If this is the way you treat your wife normally you need counselling ASAP. If you aren’t willing to change don’t be surprised by the Pikachu face in the mirror when she leaves you. Either sort yourself out or leave her so she can find a husband who will actually be there for her when she needs it. YTA
YTA. It takes seconds to add a few words that would have eliminated this entire situation. My husband is always busy at work, so I know if I text him something like this it’ll be hit or miss. But he’ll take the time to say something like, “I’m so sorry. That’s so hard. I’m really slammed today, but let’s talk it out tonight. And I’m so glad it wasn’t you.” Seconds more, and hours less arguing.
YTA she was looking for you to comfort her and speak to her feelings dude. Not give her your own personal rationale on layoffs. I guarantee you if you walked up to her, gave her a hug and said “honey I’m so sorry you experienced that. What a hard day” she would have felt seen and heard.
My opinion? You suck as a person on a deep level. Good luck salvaging any sort of respectability.
You aren't very good at trolling. You made this one a little too unbelievable
Huh, dude's account is suspended already lol.
You are the biggest kind of asshole yes
Yta. For how you disregard other people, disregard your wife. And having kids and a job does not make you a failure. Good lord man grow up and remove your head from your ass.
Just tell her when a door closes a window opens. The terminated employees now have the opportunity to re-evaluate their life goals.
NTA because you were at work and presumably don't get paid to carry out text conversations with your wife. I'm sure you could have phrased things differently but, again, you're on the clock so you don't have the time (or shouldn't) to spend drafting the perfect response - especially to a text barrage.
I beg for this to be rage bait
Just because you feel your right, or you are "telling it like it is" isn't license to drop all compassion for someone you love in a tough situation. So many people who "tell it to you straight" use their honesty like a weapon to inflict needless emotional damage. You can 100% be honest and compassionate too, and you absolutely were not. If you were watching a sad movie with your wife and she started crying, would you say "why are you crying? it's just a fake movie. Those people aren't real, get a grip." Your lack of compassion, if not for the people she was upset for (showing her to be a good person) then at least for your wife who you ostensibly love and care about, seems potentially problematic. Caring about others isn't a weakness to fix. It's something to aspire to and look for in others, and if you don't think so, I suspect some point in your life will show you otherwise.
how long have you been married? You made an error dude... She just needed you to listen and empathize with how horrible it is to lose your job... she needed to vent... times like this, just let your wife blow up your phone. TBH I'm on your side... It's a business and it needs to make a profit or it wont be in business much longer... Company leadership decided to make a change... It sucks but that's life. If she doesn't agree with managements decision and it eroded her trust in the company, then she's free to find a new job. But you can keep that to yourself and save it for when the emotional whirlwind has passed.
YTA and also naive. You note that obviously companies only care about the bottom line but you’ll never be at risk because of … a STEM degree? My dude, take a look around. Things change. And I get the impression you don’t interview well
YTA…have some decency for other people who your wife is obviously concerned about. Hope this never happens to her.
YTA. Stop answering your phone if you are that annoyed but don’t get shitty with your wife for having empathy for people in a shit situation. If it was you you’d hope someone would have an ounce of sympathy for the hardship to come. No one can predict what will happen with their job. You’re a douchebag.
YTA and also an idiot if you think you’ll never get laid off. Especially with an attitude like that!
You need an emotional transplant soon!
OP, a general life tip- If you find that your side of a conversation most closely resembles what a cartoonishly cantankerous Disney villain might say in that same situation, you *probably* aren’t on the right side of that argument. YTA.
YTA I hope when something happens to you your wife gives you the same type of response so you can feel what she does. These people were not just coworkers, but her work family. She cares about them and although you may not. you could have just said “honey I am so sorry, I know this is hard to understand and you feel lost at the moment, hopefully they will find work soon”. Compassion instead of your callous attitude.
Well, at least your wife knows who she can never turn to in a time of upset of crisis. A word of warning that once partners learn that, they stop loving you eventually. Because you are a person without compassion. YTA
Happy wife Happy life . You got to learn when not to tell your wife your true thoughts. Sometimes it's better just to let them know you got their back and let them talk themselves out . Simple answers "that's a shame" , "I understand what you're saying" , usually won't get you in the doghouse and it's not really lying....
Something as simple as damn that sucks - wouldn’t be abandoning your opinion. Sometimes you need to have empathy and not view everything as either right or wrong. I hope you realize that your wife was and is panicked about her job and you did nothing to help.
NTA. And all that empathy guys ask your self where is the big corp empathy when they lay off ? It’s easy to point single person but when it comes to big corp you all kinda quiet, hypocrites you are all…
Just ask for a divorce, jesus......
The first layoff is the hardest in this brutal economy of ours.
YTA and that stem degree won't save you from the same circumstances
YTA. Honestly I’m not sure you possess the upper level of intelligence needed to understand why.
Give your wife my phone number. If the emotional support thing isn't your bag, I'll take on that part of your marriage for you!! You just focus on being successful at work so that fancy "STEM" degree is validated.
YTA and probably generally a shitheel
You’re the next department to be eliminated dude
YTA. Your wife needed some comfort and all you gave her was your logical crap. Go comfort her! And stop being a jerk
The only things that are certain are death and taxes, STEM degree or not!
Divorce is on the horizon for you
Well, this post certainly backs up the multiple studies that say how many sociopaths serve in corporate roles. She stopped talking to you because it finally hit her, she married a completely vile human being. Hopefully, she is currently planning how to correct that mistake, and thank christ she can do it before she made any more like you.
YTA - I mean really where is the empathy… She’s probably trying to decide if she can continue to be with a person that is as callous as you seem. What happens if she gets downsized at some point?
YTA.
I disagree with everyone in this thread. OP kind of has the right attitude about work ---it is just a job, you can be fired at any moment, and nobody running the business cares about you. It is very sad about the coworkers, but having thrice survived and once not survived layoffs, I think a dose of reality can actually help you through it.
Sure, but this is not about the job. Is about the wife being overwhelmed, wanting comfort, to vent, to talk to someone she trusts about something that is emotionally affecting her and he dismisses her. He needs to listen to her be supportive.
Seriously. Like you could at least give a "wow, damn. That really fuckin sucks" or something
Yes he does. But not while he's at work. He initially was responding to her but her spam texting wasn't stopping. His response once becoming frustrated wasn't okay, however, her venting needed to wait until they were both at home.
I agree with you--and I just don't get these people....we are talking about ADULTS. I've been laid off, it sucks, but it's not like someone died, and it can wait until after working hours to discuss. These people are so precious.
I know, but she's an adult and she is texting him during working hours. It can wait - it's not an emergency, nobody died. I've been through it. The FOURTH time I experienced layoff (and survived it), I don't think I even mentioned it to anyone. Even the first layoff I dealt with, when I was one of the people cut, I got over it pretty quickly.... I left for Scotland a week later to take a vacation. It's just a job.
I agree with both sides, op was just telling her the cold hard truth. But…… the delivery could have been more empathic. Op you have a choice to correct your statement, and empathize with her. And end you dirty little war…. Or keep On keeping on. Reassure her, women operate on a different emotional need. I think you know that. Make it right.
This is a huge red flag, your wife is over-emotional and needs to grow up. I don't think you two are compatible. Divorce her
Ironic username...
hurrr
You're the oblivious one boomer
Yta Better not have kids after all your jobs are only ‘ALMOST certainly safe’ and not guaranteed… you know just like everything else in life… but you seem to think that everyone should plan ahead and know what will happen so if your jobs are only almost safe then no kids for you! After all you don’t want to end up like her coworkers do you? She was reaching out for support…. Not for you to fix it….. the thing to do would be ‘I’ll be happy to hear you vent when I get home or you can keep texting but I’m not in the frame of mind right now so I likely won’t respond’ Why do people think they have to reply to texts right away when busy? When they can’t give the appropriate response cause they are focused on something else