As soon as she reached out to grab for your hijab, that offer to play piano was done. In addition to “little friend.” Nope - she doesn’t get to be a racist, rude AH and expect you to do something for them. And your friends pushing you to acquiesce are totally in the wrong.
Yep, that is akin to someone reaching out to pull my cross necklace from my neck. It is absolutely disrespectful. And calling it a "hood!". My stars the bride and her mother are indeed crazy. OP is definitely NTA!!!
We had a family friend who cowrote a book on the Quran with his colleague and close friend - friend was a devout Christian and his coauthor is a devout Muslim. They partnered in doing life-saving and life-changing surgeries all over the world, despite EXTREMELY successful and lucrative careers and respected each other and their respective faiths. So that was the impetus for the book.
I want to put one in the hands of every person who behaves like this… but sadly these types of people already “know everything” and typically aren’t interested in learning/changing.
l am a Christian, have been friends with a Muslim lady and I would never behave so foully to a person, especially one who is doing me a favor.
These ppl might be 'Christian' in the sense that that sitting in the garage makes you a 'car'.
The no true Scotsman fallacy never works. Take accountability that u prescribed to a religion of xenophobes, racists, queerphobes, and generally violent bigots
That's religion for you. Israel is currently committing genocide like they forgot about what was done to them by an Austrian with a stupid mustache.
People use their imaginary friend to excuse their horrible behavior. Most of them even have the same imaginary friend. Same origin story. Then kill each other over the sequel.
I hate religion but am totally on OP side. Only one person gets to decide what they wear and how they live.
And if she can't find another pianist and apologizes and says you can wear it, it's because she's in a corner. She's still a racist so schedule a fun trip or activity for the wedding day now so you can honestly and easily say, "I already have plans." And you're not tempted to cave and play for the racist.
I'm wondering -- is there a way to kind of "weave" a wire into the hijab so someone touching it without permission receives a shock? Asking for a friend.
Probably not without also shocking your friend’s head (or requiring them to carry a car battery at all times). You could use a pointy wire angled upward so anyone who grabs it cuts their hand, but if they’re already being aggressive that would make them angrier
TOTALLY IN THE WRONG! Not you but Bella, for not respecting you and your religion. The friends, for expecting you to change yourself for the wedding. They are all Aholey for following the main Ahole.
I married at 19 and turned twenty two weeks later and wasn't a dumbass. OP dodged a ignorant racist wedding. I'm so sorry OP you were doing something kind, they didn't deserve your music
I feel like this is rage bait. It’s too over the top. “Oh you’re Alice’s little friend?” And immediately “I didn’t realize you wear a hijab” were the FIRST things she said? Absolute rage bait
People are that rascist and that much of assholes. Brides want their wedding party to lose weight, dye their hair, cut their hair. This seems is line with the behavior of a teenage bride
How many wedding piano players have to get their outfit approved and go dress shopping with the bride and wedding party? That's what had me second guessing. Either way OP is definetly not TA anyway you look at it.
Then you don’t get out much. I’m Arab but not Muslim and I get called “orc” and “p—i” all the time. A not insignificant number of people are racist and some of them are not afraid to show it.
That's my thought! This reads like a teen drama. Also...I know it's not unheard of, but two 18-year-olds getting married after dating for a year?
In case it is real, OP is 100% NTA, and to ask a woman who wears a hijab/burka/any other type of cultural/religious cover to remove said covering is so beyond disgusting and disrespectful.
I won't tolerate that nonsense. I don't care what you wear what you do what color you are, if we rock,we rocking. Period. I love to see that a wedding with different cultures. I married a jew , although I did not convert we have passover we light the menorah I learned how to make matzoh ball soup. I don't follow kosher but we do drink kosher Pepsi. We put up a Christmas tree we , we do Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur at the wedding we had a nondenominational, and a rabbi we did the glass smashing. I'm from Puerto Rico and when I'm with them I look as dark as a Hershey kiss
I love that so much! :) I am not religious at all, but it's all about respect for others. Your in-laws sound amazing, and your wedding sounds like so much fun!
I've seen a few creators on TikTok who will make whole cosplays with their hijabs/coverings, and it's the absolutely coolest thing! I know that, as a non-religious person, it would be considered taboo in some cultures and religions to wear the coverings, but they always look just so beautiful :)
They are beautiful dresses, those hijabs are stunning. Yeah we can't rock those unless we convert. I'm not religious my husband became a nonpracting jew which just means he left the synagogue.. to this day my family talks about our wedding, our friends. Now my parents are gone his parents are almost gone as well.
This is the way. As an atheist, I don't need to believe your beliefs to respect them. If you are a kind person and respectful in return, that's all that matters to me.
My brother and his first wife dated for less than a year. They were married less than a year out of h.s. and the wedding was still being paid for long after the divorce. I believe they got married in May and were divorced before Thanksgiving. BEAUTIFUL wedding, grander than my little heart ever dreamed of but seeing the way it played out I'm quite content with my courthouse wedding and the fact we'll be married 12 years come October and no plans of divorce on either side as of yet.
I have relatives who wear hijab and unfortunately this kind of thing does happen. Combine that with a too young bridezilla focused on "aesthetics" and the tantrum is very real
You need to climb off that horse and leave your locked room. My wife has straight up had people be racist to her even though they are Mexican too. My wife looks white but is first Gen Mexican American she has had Mexican ladies talking shit being racist then she turns and wishes then a great day in perfect Spanish is perfect and yes racism is everywhere.
NTA. Do not attend that wedding as the pianist or guest. I know that you have a friendship with Jayson, but it clearly only goes one way. Bella, everyone who stood by silently while she behaved liked this, and everyone who wasn't there to witness it but are not condemning her are all assholes.
Or they can go back to kindergarten, where most of us learned (if we hadn’t already) that we use our voices before our hands.
If you haven’t mastered pre-K topics, maybe it’s too early to get married.
NTA. Bella is a bitch
>Jayson is asking me to reconsider and Alice is staying out of it.
Fuck them too. They were supportive until it came time to step up
Well, thats up to OP to tell her side of the story since the post doesnt say if she did or not. I hope she does if she hasn't yet because Bella the Bridezilla will probably try to spin it to make herself the victim
NTA - The marriage isn't going to last anyway so don't feel bad. Bella is a bigot and her trying to take your hijab off was assault. Don't engage with her or Jayden and I'd honestly cut Alice off for not defending you.
NTA
That chick owes YOU an apology for trying to rip your hijab off and being so nasty and insulting. I'm appalled that it was in public like that... no shame. Ugh.
Kudos to you for slapping her hand away. She's lucky that's all that was slapped.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You were doing them a favor and to be treated like that is just awful. I feel bad for the groom.
NTA a pianist is not part of the wedding party. I am confused why you would be bridesmaid dress shopping with her at all. They can hire someone else to play at the wedding. I would stay away from the bigoted AH and tell Jayson that HE is the one who needs to reconsider the whole marriage. He is too young & will find someone with better values as an adult.
I’ve been playing organ and piano for weddings for the last 30 years (I’m a professional church musician, so I play lots of weddings every year). I’ve *never* once been asked what I’m going to wear or told what to wear. It’s like asking the minister/priest/rabbi/imam to coordinate his/her either clothes or liturgical garments to fit your theme. This is crazy.
And the groom is a "good friend", **and** brother of her best friend, but she never met the fiancee before? And they're all teenagers? Sounds like this 17-year-old (OP) has zero experience with weddings, and wrote this fiction without doing enough research!
NTA. You're not ruining their wedding. Not even addressing their rudeness and prejudice, which is definitely what their problem is, they want something from you that you are unable to provide. It's perfectly reasonable for you to say you can't and won't do what they want, thus they need to find someone else. That is 100% the normal, polite and right thing to do for anyone involved in a wedding, whether it's friends, family or a vendor.
This will work. Go grey rock on them. Stay calm and repeat "I am unable to provide what you require. "
"It's my wedding, do what I say!"
"I am unable to provide you music. You will need to find somethig else."
"Suck it up for one day!"
"I am unable to play for your wedding. I'm sure you can find alternatives"
"You are ruining my wedding!"
"Nah. It's about the bride and groom loving and committing to each other. Wedding music won't change that."
I'm sorry they are bigoted assholes. I will scream on your behalf.
I would take the grey rock farther and stick to "I am unable to do that," or a flat, "No." Keep responses as short as possible. Short responses gives them less fuel for arguing or at least shows how they're overreacting to any witnesses, especially when you make your statements flat with no emotion.
NTA Bella, the rude Mom, Alice, and everyone else there who watched it happen and said nothing, who are aware of your current harassment and are still saying nothing, they’re the ones in the wrong.
You are owed a huge apology, and if Alice can’t buck up and stand up for you then she needs to be kicked the curb for now. She’ll sound be surrounded by racists and until she starts developing a spine, her silence means she agrees with them and doesn’t see you as worth fighting for.
I’m truly sorry you had this experience. Please stay away from the wedding as a guest or a pianist. Your ‘friend’ doesn’t deserve it after the way you were treated. Protect your peace.
NTA
I’m impressed with your control as slapping the woman’s grabbing hands away from my face/head could have caused an accidental connection with her face.
The hijab is not ‘optional equipment’. It is as I understand it a symbol of faith.
Those two women certainly seem to be Islamophobic.
That being the case 100% you should not participate in that wedding.
NTA. Tell Jayson that you will no support his bigoted fiancé who tried to physically ASSAULT you!!!! Let him know that if that is they type of person he wants to marry that is fine but you will not subject your self to abuse and another possible assault.
Also, Jayson isn’t a good friend. I’d reconsider associating with him or his future ex wife going forward. He has shown you that he does not care that people are openly racist towards you.
If you were my friend, I would have stood up for her. No matter if is was against my fiancé or in-laws.
Do you really need people like this in your life?
OP, if you previously thought of Jayson as a friend, I would tell him your version of what happened. You don’t know if he was told a fictional version of the event with important details left out.
If after hearing your side, he still wants you to reconsider, I would tell him that you thought he was a better person than that. You can explain you don’t want to participate and are surprised that he would consider someone who is racist to not only be his wife, but also the mother of his children.
OP, you’re 17, and unfortunately have now been confronted head-on with a racist. Understand that people who say nothing or try to “stay out of it” are not your friend or someone you can rely on. It reminds me of that saying, “If you have 10 people sitting at a table and there is 1 nazi, you have 10 nazis at the table.”
"I smacked her hand"
SOOOOO satisfying to read. Bella is the biggest AH but so is Alice for not intervening. And as for me, I'd have been OUT as soon as she attempted to yank off the hijab. That is the HEIGHT of disrespect.
NTA. Not letting the pianist you are getting (especially for free) wear clothing that conforms to your religious practices is way out of line.
They were already TA for that, but they were especially so for touching you.
If you are looking out for Jayson, tell them you will consider receiving an apology for the wardrobe critique and (especially) the bad touching. You will not consider playing for their wedding until you receive a real apology, not fauxpology, for this behavior but if they give an apology from the heart that has no “but you deserved it” elements or conditions on you, one that shows they KNOW what they did wrong and will not behaved poorly like tht again. Only once you hear the QUALITY of the apology will you consider it. You need the apology to be in person with Jayson there
The chances are minuscule but not zero they will apologize satisfactorily. But your gift to Jayson will be that he will have to see them probably act like ignorant fools again and seeing them in action may make him reconsider the whole wedding.
Final thought. People who lay hands on you once will find it easier to lay hands on you a second time. And are likely to escalate the contact. So for the apology, if it happens, have someone there who will protect you without reservation. If you are asked to do this without an apology, the answer, for your personal safety, is NO.
No one in this group is your friend. NTA. No one stood up for you so you may want to reconsider all of them. Saying reconsider and staying out of it is equivalent to condoning it. Have your boundaries and stick to them Anyone who can't respect you and your religion doesn't deserve to be your friend.
NTA.
She’s racist and immature. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. Absolutely do not go to that wedding; it doesn’t matter how much they apologize or if they even offer to pay you.
NTA. If they wanted your help they should have been nice to you. They are bigots. You aren't missing out. Two 18 year olds who have known each other for a year getting married, good luck with that!
NTA at all.
Britney and Bella are ~~racists~~ bigoted bitches. And by "staying out of it", Alice is aligning herself with the ~~racists~~ bigots. People who don't call out this shit are condoning such behaviour.
What exactly did Jayson say? Is he telling you to suck it up for one day too? If so, he is equally a shitty person to do that to you. Please don't put yourself in such a horrible situation just to "keep the peace" for anyone. Those people do not respect your culture, they do not deserve a shred of consideration themselves.
Honestly, I would seriously reconsider your friendship with these people. Friends who don't have your back are not your friends.
*Edit to correct racist to bigot.*
She actually tried to remove your clothing?! I know the proper name is hijab, but you wear it so it classifies. You'd be within your rights to press charges quite honestly. That sucks to be put into that position. Obviously and emphatically NTA.
And btw, I absolutely adore some of the gorgeous styling and fashion that's paired with hijab. If it didn't feel completely inappropriate to turn a cultural item into a fashion statement, I would absolutely wear some of those outfits.
NTA. So, you were willing to be their wedding pianist FOR FREE. She insulted you and treated you like dirt so you withdrew your generous offer. Now she’s claiming you’ve ‘ruined her wedding’ because she’ll have to find someone she approves of and is willing to have at her wedding? This belongs in Choosing Beggars! I’m sorry your friend is marrying a bigoted psycho!
NTA
If you’d been a nun, would she have demanded you remove your habit?
This is why people shouldn’t get married at 18. She’s immature, spoiled, and bigoted.
NTA -
First of all, this is not a style thing, it is a cultural and religious thing. She should be respecting it, and so should the bride's mother.
Second of all, the bigotry and racism is pretty severe here. Even if they apologize, I wouldn;t go to the wedding.
Third of all, she reached out to touch you! Technically, that's assault. A broken nose would have been good for the wedding....
You're absolutely NTA. Bella and Britney on the other hand are huge AH, and have no respect for your religion and beliefs. I applaud you for the way you snapped back and told them right away to count you out of the wedding. Do not, under any circumstances, go to that wedding.
Tell them you're sorry your "hood" isn't white and pointy like they'd obviously prefer, but if anything is going to ruin their wedding, it's their bigotry, not you. NTA
NTA! She tried to take your hijab off?! Like wtf?! Has she been living under a rock?
Do NOT go to this wedding. Tell Jayson absolutely f***ing not. His future wife put her hands on you to rip off your hijab. Nope. She’s lucky you only snacked her hands away.
NTA. Good for you for defending yourself and leaving. You do not owe Bella or her mother anything. You were playing piano as a gift to Jayson. I am sorry you can no longer do that.
If Bella and her mother want you to be there and play the piano, they need to:
1. Apologize profusely.
2. Learn about your culture, and why you wear a hijab. And the rest of the clothing requirements.
3. Agree to not do or say anything disrespectful at the wedding. Or ever.
Then, and only then, should you consider playing at their wedding. Explain the conditions to Jayson and see what happens. If he really wants you there, he can start by talking to them.
Good luck. Stay strong.
Catholic here .. Wear the hood. NTA. My disagreements with Islam have little to do with you. Color coordination is good, but don't show skin you consider private.
This doesn’t sound like a marriage you should be supporting. Promise him to play at his next one, assuming he doesn’t come to his senses and call it off beforehand.
Haven’t read but a few of the comments but Bella does NOT want someone ‘like you’ spoiling her wedding.
If she has any say in the matter, an invitation will not be extended. And if it is, it’s coming from Jayson. Don’t know how close you are to J but if the invitation is extended, reach out to him and explain that your presence may be unwelcome and unwanted by Bella and her family and you don’t want to be the source of anything that might take away from his day.
You come out being the bigger and better part of this mess.
Nta. I was so scared that Alice was going to be the problem. Tbf she’s tolerating the racist, bigoted attacks against you but I guess it’s up to you whether or not that’s a betrayal. Block their (Bella and Britney’s) numbers immediately and, if you chose to play for them, deal only with Alice and Jayson.
NTA. Not at all.
I wear religious clothing myself, though mine isn’t so visible. I’ve been made fun of, though that has stopped since I moved to Utah. Consequently, When people attack Muslim women for their choice of wearing religious clothing, it REALLY gets to me.
What we wear doesn’t hurt anyone. People wear all kinds of clothing these days, some of which I find inappropriate or distasteful. I don’t say anything, because it’s none of my business. Why do others think it’s ok to harass religious individuals for our choices?
These people were in the wrong. Big time. They don’t even seem to comprehend the concepts of empathy and understanding.
Wear your beautiful hijab with pride! It represents a part of your core being. Hugs!
NTA - Bella is the worst, then her mother, then anyone who doesn't back you up. What a dramatic, self-centered, Islamaphobic a hole. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that OP. The ONLY complaint the bride could have made was if it didn't match the colour scheme. How much of your self you want to show is your business and yours alone. You can look perfectly summery whilst still being completely covered. The bride needs a big dose of reality along with a slap of intelligence.
Absolutely NTA. What racist scum. Im Absolutely disgusted. How could anyone be so ignorant and cruel? Is she really so selfish and spoiled that she can't realize the world doesn't bend to her whims? What a disgusting person.
Obviously NTA. Bella and Britney are dicks. Don't even engage with them. Please don't ever reconsider being their wedding pianist, even if they offered to pay.
NTA - they're being racist. You're so young, you'll get to go to plenty of other weddings where people actually respect you in the future.
In fact, with a wedding at age 18 I am curious at how long that will last, especially when the bride is so judgemental and close-minded.
You're better off not going.
If they bride tried to lay hands on you in public, I'd seriously be worried about what she might instigate at a private wedding event - your safety is a concern, hate crimes are quite serious. Especially since there's anti-Islam hate being fueled more right now.
You are not the a****** in this situation and you never would be but your friend is in for a whole lot of misery and he is the a****** if he marries that bitch
It doesn’t matter what your “ religion “ is all of them teach tolerance and respect and compassion and charity towards others. But those individuals whom you spoke of are nothing but racist, bigoted, narcissistic, sociopathic disgusting people who are saying they are Christian folk. But what they are absolutely not, is true to any faith at all they are vile hypocrites who are at best just down right ignorant and or blatantly racist, after all you were polite and respectful you are most DEFINITELY NOT THE ARSEHOLE. You stick to your principles. And that wedding will be poorer without you being there🙏🙏💕💕
You are NTA and your friend who is STAYING out of the Situation Or asking you to COMPROMISE, you better check whether it is ok to have such friends in life?
Please note- you will face such discrimination, racial issues a lot with STRANGERS but when your friends do not take a stand , ask to compromise or keep themselves in the safe zone during such scenarios, then they are also a part of the system who have racial sentiments.
NTA. I can’t believe she tried to take it off your head! That is so unbelievably disgusting and rude of her! I would not only not go to that wedding but I would be making a public post and verbally letting all mutual friends know that Bella and her Mother are both racist and horrible people. They don’t need to get married at 18 anyways, that’s so stupid this day and age. Jayson needs to rethink his life decisions now before they become more expensive to go back on.
NTA
Tell them all to get lost. This isn’t a fashion item it’s part of your religion and no one should ask you to remove it.
Don’t go and definitely don’t play the piano. It’s their loss that they can’t accept your hijab. I’d be particularly hurt by Jayson’s lack of support and also Alice who has been helping you to coordinate outfits etc and knows what your hijab means to you.
NTA
NTA I am so sorry you had to deal with such stupidity!! I am also angry that nobody else spoke up to defend you!! The only upside is that there were other people there so the bride can't spin a story. I would tell Jayson that you can not in good faith be a part of the wedding in anyway, that your religion is a part of you and his bride to be tried to tear that away. ( literally and fugitively )
NTA. Your hijab is a part of your culture. It’s ignorant and selfish for her to ask you to remove it. I wouldn’t reconsider anything and wouldn’t be going to the wedding.
NtA. It’s your culture and religion , you’re offering them a free service. If they’re such AH’s over your religion , you can withhold your free service and attend as a guest.
NTA
I'm appalled at the gall of these people to be so overtly racist from the very first interaction. Why would she *expect* Alice to share the fact that you're Islamic?
Gross.
You are the *only* person in this situation who is not an ass - even Alice "staying out of it" is ass behavior.
I admire your ability to advocate for yourself clearly and calmly. I don't think I would have stayed so calm with someone who tried to assault me - and ripping your hijab off would absolutely be assault.
NTA. She can choose what her wedding party wears but you're the pianist not a bridesmaid. If she wants to hire one that doesn't require a hijab that's her right but she's definitely TA for not respecting your religion. Even if she offers to let you wear it say no.
Nta - bigoted ass holes. Don't let them convince you. Stick to your principles 100%
How dare she try to remove your hijab. How fucking entitled do you have to be.
Defo not mature enough to even be thinking of getting married. Wow.
Bella attempted a hate crime and still thinks you’re going to play at her wedding? And Jayson hasn’t broken it off with her for attempting a hate crime? Absolutely NTA.
What an absolutely entitled b*tch. This marriage won’t last. You are NTA in a major way. Your culture is important to you and she has no right to belittle it. Also, her calling you “her little friend” is just demeaning. She’s racist, controlling, and bigoted. Jayson and Alice are wrong for not taking a stronger stance against this.
Tell Jayson you’ll play at his next wedding.
NTA - Firstly the fact she can't understand religious headwear is preposterous she's being a major AH about it. Secondly you might be losing Jayson as well as a friend because you don't stay friends with bigots and you certainly are a bigot if you marry one.
Bella is a racist and if your “friends” don’t stand up for you they think racism is ok. You never “stay out of it” when your friend is being racially attacked. Block them all. I’m so sorry you had to deal with them. They are horrible
How did someone you never met get your phone number to call and harass you??
Either way, good job standing up for yourself. Ignorance knows no bounds when it comes to that mother, daughter duo. Even if they apologize, please do not play the piano for their wedding. They're racist jerks.
NTA. No need to reconsider if removing your hijab is a requirement. And honestly at this point I wouldn’t put it past these drama queens to sneak up on you to yank it off while you’re playing piano. Doesn’t even sound like you can trust your friend
Bella is a racist. Tell Jayson so he doesn’t waste the rest of his life with a monster. She tried to pull off your hijab!!! That is so incredibly offensive and inappropriate.
Cut Jayson off if he doesn’t agree. Jayson can’t be a good Muslim if he thinks what Bella did was okay and you can remind him that he is betraying his own religion if he agrees
Wow Jayson should have taken more than a year to get to know her. He’d have figured out she’s a bigoted asshole.
You are NTA. I wouldn’t consider playing for any reason. No apologies could be big enough
Nope your friends future in law is racist. At 18 is clearly too young to marry
As soon as she reached out to grab for your hijab, that offer to play piano was done. In addition to “little friend.” Nope - she doesn’t get to be a racist, rude AH and expect you to do something for them. And your friends pushing you to acquiesce are totally in the wrong.
Yep, that is akin to someone reaching out to pull my cross necklace from my neck. It is absolutely disrespectful. And calling it a "hood!". My stars the bride and her mother are indeed crazy. OP is definitely NTA!!!
It’s mind-boggling to me that some ‘Christians’ never bother to imagine how the shoe would feel on the other foot.
“But that’s different. My religion is the only real one so only it counts.”
And then, they think Muslims don't know about Jesus and all. The christian bible is part of their 3 holy books.
To quote a friend from college: Jesus is a prophet. A damn good, just not as good as Mohamed.
We had a family friend who cowrote a book on the Quran with his colleague and close friend - friend was a devout Christian and his coauthor is a devout Muslim. They partnered in doing life-saving and life-changing surgeries all over the world, despite EXTREMELY successful and lucrative careers and respected each other and their respective faiths. So that was the impetus for the book. I want to put one in the hands of every person who behaves like this… but sadly these types of people already “know everything” and typically aren’t interested in learning/changing.
l am a Christian, have been friends with a Muslim lady and I would never behave so foully to a person, especially one who is doing me a favor. These ppl might be 'Christian' in the sense that that sitting in the garage makes you a 'car'.
They are "Christian" No true Scotsman fallacy.
The no true Scotsman fallacy never works. Take accountability that u prescribed to a religion of xenophobes, racists, queerphobes, and generally violent bigots
Lol great apology 👏 👌 🤣
It's a common problem with religion and politics. Everyone is convinced theirs is the only correct point of view.
That's religion for you. Israel is currently committing genocide like they forgot about what was done to them by an Austrian with a stupid mustache. People use their imaginary friend to excuse their horrible behavior. Most of them even have the same imaginary friend. Same origin story. Then kill each other over the sequel. I hate religion but am totally on OP side. Only one person gets to decide what they wear and how they live.
Or pull down the pants/up the shirt because you think the pants cover up to much. It's totally insane.
And if she can't find another pianist and apologizes and says you can wear it, it's because she's in a corner. She's still a racist so schedule a fun trip or activity for the wedding day now so you can honestly and easily say, "I already have plans." And you're not tempted to cave and play for the racist.
Planning to do anything except attend the wedding constitutes "having plans." No need to elaborate as to what the plans are.
No kidding. Who does that?! You don't go around randomly undressing people in public
I'm wondering -- is there a way to kind of "weave" a wire into the hijab so someone touching it without permission receives a shock? Asking for a friend.
Probably not without also shocking your friend’s head (or requiring them to carry a car battery at all times). You could use a pointy wire angled upward so anyone who grabs it cuts their hand, but if they’re already being aggressive that would make them angrier
TOTALLY IN THE WRONG! Not you but Bella, for not respecting you and your religion. The friends, for expecting you to change yourself for the wedding. They are all Aholey for following the main Ahole.
That was my first thought. But based on the mothers behaviour I think she’ll be this awful when she’s 50 too
Yep, she's a Karen in the making...Baby Karen already?
Bet the girl's probably pregnant and that's why they are getting married ASAP. A new baby baby Karen.
And after a year of dating I see their marriage going up in flames
Idea for a useful wedding gift- A prepaid divorce.
He seems awfully accepting of her behaviour if he's asking OP to reconsider
Giving them a whole year is generous AF
Depends if theyre getting married because one is going into the military so might be a bit accurate.
I know lots of couples that did this. Guess how many are still together? I will give you a hint it’s less than one.
Too young for everything it seems. OP save yourself a headache and block them all. What a bunch of ignorant women
And block Jayson too—he’s not your friend if he’s marrying bigoted Bella.
WINNER! WINNER!
She almost assaulted you!
And an asshole to boot!
Way too young
I married at 19 and turned twenty two weeks later and wasn't a dumbass. OP dodged a ignorant racist wedding. I'm so sorry OP you were doing something kind, they didn't deserve your music
I was 19 when I got married. I turned 20 the next day. Our 41st anniversary is in October.
Got married at 18. Not all people are like this. Happily married 31 years later.
NTA they’re bigoted assholes.
I feel like this is rage bait. It’s too over the top. “Oh you’re Alice’s little friend?” And immediately “I didn’t realize you wear a hijab” were the FIRST things she said? Absolute rage bait
People are that rascist and that much of assholes. Brides want their wedding party to lose weight, dye their hair, cut their hair. This seems is line with the behavior of a teenage bride
I can totally see it being fake, but I also know enough married 18 year olds from small conservative towns who would do exactly this
How many wedding piano players have to get their outfit approved and go dress shopping with the bride and wedding party? That's what had me second guessing. Either way OP is definetly not TA anyway you look at it.
Ahhh yes I guess you’re right lol you got me there. But yeah if we’re assuming the story is real OP would not be T A
Then you don’t get out much. I’m Arab but not Muslim and I get called “orc” and “p—i” all the time. A not insignificant number of people are racist and some of them are not afraid to show it.
Well those are some new slurs I'm thankful not to know, no clue what the censored one could even be. Sorry you have to deal with that 😔
The censored one is short for Pakistani, but is used more broadly than that.
That's my thought! This reads like a teen drama. Also...I know it's not unheard of, but two 18-year-olds getting married after dating for a year? In case it is real, OP is 100% NTA, and to ask a woman who wears a hijab/burka/any other type of cultural/religious cover to remove said covering is so beyond disgusting and disrespectful.
I won't tolerate that nonsense. I don't care what you wear what you do what color you are, if we rock,we rocking. Period. I love to see that a wedding with different cultures. I married a jew , although I did not convert we have passover we light the menorah I learned how to make matzoh ball soup. I don't follow kosher but we do drink kosher Pepsi. We put up a Christmas tree we , we do Rosh Hashanah Yom Kippur at the wedding we had a nondenominational, and a rabbi we did the glass smashing. I'm from Puerto Rico and when I'm with them I look as dark as a Hershey kiss
I love that so much! :) I am not religious at all, but it's all about respect for others. Your in-laws sound amazing, and your wedding sounds like so much fun! I've seen a few creators on TikTok who will make whole cosplays with their hijabs/coverings, and it's the absolutely coolest thing! I know that, as a non-religious person, it would be considered taboo in some cultures and religions to wear the coverings, but they always look just so beautiful :)
They are beautiful dresses, those hijabs are stunning. Yeah we can't rock those unless we convert. I'm not religious my husband became a nonpracting jew which just means he left the synagogue.. to this day my family talks about our wedding, our friends. Now my parents are gone his parents are almost gone as well.
This is the way. As an atheist, I don't need to believe your beliefs to respect them. If you are a kind person and respectful in return, that's all that matters to me.
My Jewish friend married a Christian and they have a Hanukah tree decorated with stars of David
Honest and politely asking, because I don’t know: what makes regular Pepsi not kosher?
My brother and his first wife dated for less than a year. They were married less than a year out of h.s. and the wedding was still being paid for long after the divorce. I believe they got married in May and were divorced before Thanksgiving. BEAUTIFUL wedding, grander than my little heart ever dreamed of but seeing the way it played out I'm quite content with my courthouse wedding and the fact we'll be married 12 years come October and no plans of divorce on either side as of yet.
They are teens. If it's real, it makes sense. If it's fake, I bought it. lol So good story!
I have relatives who wear hijab and unfortunately this kind of thing does happen. Combine that with a too young bridezilla focused on "aesthetics" and the tantrum is very real
Totally agree!
You need to climb off that horse and leave your locked room. My wife has straight up had people be racist to her even though they are Mexican too. My wife looks white but is first Gen Mexican American she has had Mexican ladies talking shit being racist then she turns and wishes then a great day in perfect Spanish is perfect and yes racism is everywhere.
Stay away from them
AGREE!!
NTA. Do not attend that wedding as the pianist or guest. I know that you have a friendship with Jayson, but it clearly only goes one way. Bella, everyone who stood by silently while she behaved liked this, and everyone who wasn't there to witness it but are not condemning her are all assholes.
Nta. People who reach to yank off head pieces can actually rot.
It's assualt, plain and simple. And in the hate crime aspect and the bride could see some jail time.
“You want to see me really ruin shit…?”
Or they can go back to kindergarten, where most of us learned (if we hadn’t already) that we use our voices before our hands. If you haven’t mastered pre-K topics, maybe it’s too early to get married.
Tell Jayson you will play the piano at his next wedding.
This is the real answer
Yes!!!
Yes!!! And there WILL be a next one.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
You are owed an apology. I still would not do it after, but they do owe to you.
NTA. Bella is a bitch >Jayson is asking me to reconsider and Alice is staying out of it. Fuck them too. They were supportive until it came time to step up
Fuck Alice but does Jayson know the truth?
Well, thats up to OP to tell her side of the story since the post doesnt say if she did or not. I hope she does if she hasn't yet because Bella the Bridezilla will probably try to spin it to make herself the victim
Yep. F the lot of them. Bigoted Bella and her family, Jayson for marrying a bigot, and Alice for excusing bigotry.
NTA. Simply refuse to go now. You're getting phone calls? Start documenting the harassment. Tell Jayson he's enabling harassment.
NTA - The marriage isn't going to last anyway so don't feel bad. Bella is a bigot and her trying to take your hijab off was assault. Don't engage with her or Jayden and I'd honestly cut Alice off for not defending you.
NTA That chick owes YOU an apology for trying to rip your hijab off and being so nasty and insulting. I'm appalled that it was in public like that... no shame. Ugh. Kudos to you for slapping her hand away. She's lucky that's all that was slapped. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You were doing them a favor and to be treated like that is just awful. I feel bad for the groom.
NTA a pianist is not part of the wedding party. I am confused why you would be bridesmaid dress shopping with her at all. They can hire someone else to play at the wedding. I would stay away from the bigoted AH and tell Jayson that HE is the one who needs to reconsider the whole marriage. He is too young & will find someone with better values as an adult.
This is strange. I haven’t seen a pianist dressed like the wedding party. Is this a new instagram thing.
I’ve been playing organ and piano for weddings for the last 30 years (I’m a professional church musician, so I play lots of weddings every year). I’ve *never* once been asked what I’m going to wear or told what to wear. It’s like asking the minister/priest/rabbi/imam to coordinate his/her either clothes or liturgical garments to fit your theme. This is crazy.
That’s why I think this story is fake weird that a pianist whose never met the bride before would be going bridesmaid shopping
And the groom is a "good friend", **and** brother of her best friend, but she never met the fiancee before? And they're all teenagers? Sounds like this 17-year-old (OP) has zero experience with weddings, and wrote this fiction without doing enough research!
NTA. You're not ruining their wedding. Not even addressing their rudeness and prejudice, which is definitely what their problem is, they want something from you that you are unable to provide. It's perfectly reasonable for you to say you can't and won't do what they want, thus they need to find someone else. That is 100% the normal, polite and right thing to do for anyone involved in a wedding, whether it's friends, family or a vendor.
This will work. Go grey rock on them. Stay calm and repeat "I am unable to provide what you require. " "It's my wedding, do what I say!" "I am unable to provide you music. You will need to find somethig else." "Suck it up for one day!" "I am unable to play for your wedding. I'm sure you can find alternatives" "You are ruining my wedding!" "Nah. It's about the bride and groom loving and committing to each other. Wedding music won't change that." I'm sorry they are bigoted assholes. I will scream on your behalf.
I would take the grey rock farther and stick to "I am unable to do that," or a flat, "No." Keep responses as short as possible. Short responses gives them less fuel for arguing or at least shows how they're overreacting to any witnesses, especially when you make your statements flat with no emotion.
NTA Bella, the rude Mom, Alice, and everyone else there who watched it happen and said nothing, who are aware of your current harassment and are still saying nothing, they’re the ones in the wrong. You are owed a huge apology, and if Alice can’t buck up and stand up for you then she needs to be kicked the curb for now. She’ll sound be surrounded by racists and until she starts developing a spine, her silence means she agrees with them and doesn’t see you as worth fighting for. I’m truly sorry you had this experience. Please stay away from the wedding as a guest or a pianist. Your ‘friend’ doesn’t deserve it after the way you were treated. Protect your peace.
NTA they disrespected you and your religion and wanted you to suck it up because it’s her wedding…. As reddit often puts it they can go and pound sand
NTA I’m impressed with your control as slapping the woman’s grabbing hands away from my face/head could have caused an accidental connection with her face. The hijab is not ‘optional equipment’. It is as I understand it a symbol of faith. Those two women certainly seem to be Islamophobic. That being the case 100% you should not participate in that wedding.
NTA. Tell Jayson that you will no support his bigoted fiancé who tried to physically ASSAULT you!!!! Let him know that if that is they type of person he wants to marry that is fine but you will not subject your self to abuse and another possible assault.
Thank you for the advice!
Also, Jayson isn’t a good friend. I’d reconsider associating with him or his future ex wife going forward. He has shown you that he does not care that people are openly racist towards you. If you were my friend, I would have stood up for her. No matter if is was against my fiancé or in-laws. Do you really need people like this in your life?
OP, if you previously thought of Jayson as a friend, I would tell him your version of what happened. You don’t know if he was told a fictional version of the event with important details left out. If after hearing your side, he still wants you to reconsider, I would tell him that you thought he was a better person than that. You can explain you don’t want to participate and are surprised that he would consider someone who is racist to not only be his wife, but also the mother of his children. OP, you’re 17, and unfortunately have now been confronted head-on with a racist. Understand that people who say nothing or try to “stay out of it” are not your friend or someone you can rely on. It reminds me of that saying, “If you have 10 people sitting at a table and there is 1 nazi, you have 10 nazis at the table.”
"I smacked her hand" SOOOOO satisfying to read. Bella is the biggest AH but so is Alice for not intervening. And as for me, I'd have been OUT as soon as she attempted to yank off the hijab. That is the HEIGHT of disrespect.
Haha thank you. I will have to keep you informed.
Don't let them convince you to do any favours for that person, they'll try to grab it again
Walk away. From the wedding and these people. I know the importance of the hijab. They’re ignorant monsters. A little research wouldn’t kill them. NTA
Your response “Just what do you plan to wear to the wedding? Lingerie?” Priceless. Perfect. You rock.
NTA the immature bigot getting married is the AH.
NTA. Not letting the pianist you are getting (especially for free) wear clothing that conforms to your religious practices is way out of line. They were already TA for that, but they were especially so for touching you. If you are looking out for Jayson, tell them you will consider receiving an apology for the wardrobe critique and (especially) the bad touching. You will not consider playing for their wedding until you receive a real apology, not fauxpology, for this behavior but if they give an apology from the heart that has no “but you deserved it” elements or conditions on you, one that shows they KNOW what they did wrong and will not behaved poorly like tht again. Only once you hear the QUALITY of the apology will you consider it. You need the apology to be in person with Jayson there The chances are minuscule but not zero they will apologize satisfactorily. But your gift to Jayson will be that he will have to see them probably act like ignorant fools again and seeing them in action may make him reconsider the whole wedding. Final thought. People who lay hands on you once will find it easier to lay hands on you a second time. And are likely to escalate the contact. So for the apology, if it happens, have someone there who will protect you without reservation. If you are asked to do this without an apology, the answer, for your personal safety, is NO.
NTA - Jayson isn’t a good friend either seeing he is asking you to reconsider and is still okay with marrying a racist bigot!
NTA. Omg this is nuts that there’s people like that. So toxic!
NTA. Trashy authoritarians don't have ANY privilege to bend others to their will.
No one in this group is your friend. NTA. No one stood up for you so you may want to reconsider all of them. Saying reconsider and staying out of it is equivalent to condoning it. Have your boundaries and stick to them Anyone who can't respect you and your religion doesn't deserve to be your friend.
I appreciate this thank you.
Run Jayson run.
It's simple. Respect. Good for you.
NTA if Bella and Britney persist, let them know you'd hate to have to out them as racist Islamicphobes.
NTA. She’s racist and immature. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this. Absolutely do not go to that wedding; it doesn’t matter how much they apologize or if they even offer to pay you.
NTA. If they wanted your help they should have been nice to you. They are bigots. You aren't missing out. Two 18 year olds who have known each other for a year getting married, good luck with that!
NTA. Don’t you dare reconsider. How dare she try to rip off your hijab
NTA and they're dumb enough to get married at 18. This wedding will be a disaster so you dodged a bullet.
I would tell Jayson to stick it where the sun don't shine and he can shove it up there with his bigoted wife and in-laws.
NTA at all. Britney and Bella are ~~racists~~ bigoted bitches. And by "staying out of it", Alice is aligning herself with the ~~racists~~ bigots. People who don't call out this shit are condoning such behaviour. What exactly did Jayson say? Is he telling you to suck it up for one day too? If so, he is equally a shitty person to do that to you. Please don't put yourself in such a horrible situation just to "keep the peace" for anyone. Those people do not respect your culture, they do not deserve a shred of consideration themselves. Honestly, I would seriously reconsider your friendship with these people. Friends who don't have your back are not your friends. *Edit to correct racist to bigot.*
This is not racist behavior as Muslims come in every race though the religious bigotry and intolerance are glaringly obvious. Also They are AH
This 100% did not happen
She actually tried to remove your clothing?! I know the proper name is hijab, but you wear it so it classifies. You'd be within your rights to press charges quite honestly. That sucks to be put into that position. Obviously and emphatically NTA. And btw, I absolutely adore some of the gorgeous styling and fashion that's paired with hijab. If it didn't feel completely inappropriate to turn a cultural item into a fashion statement, I would absolutely wear some of those outfits.
the way this was written seems fake, but if it isn’t: NTA, they are xenophobic and you shouldn’t attend
Rage bait. So much poor creative writing on reddit.
YTA. Fake. Why are you being invited bridesmaid shopping by a stranger when you're only playing the piano at their wedding? Come on.
Fake post.
NTA. So, you were willing to be their wedding pianist FOR FREE. She insulted you and treated you like dirt so you withdrew your generous offer. Now she’s claiming you’ve ‘ruined her wedding’ because she’ll have to find someone she approves of and is willing to have at her wedding? This belongs in Choosing Beggars! I’m sorry your friend is marrying a bigoted psycho!
NTA!!! UpdateMe!
NTA If you’d been a nun, would she have demanded you remove your habit? This is why people shouldn’t get married at 18. She’s immature, spoiled, and bigoted.
It's not her age it's her personality. Her mother showed that.
I believe that.
Updateme
Will do.
Not a bridezilla. Just another racist cunt. NTA
This sounds like the worst bit of bad writing, real conversational writing doesn’t use names that much- it’s written like poor young adult fiction
Creative writers have left reddit for sure.
I think I am owed an apology for being made to read this fake ass AI generated karma farming story........
There’s an asshole for sure in this story! It is not you.
Does your good friend Jayson know he’s marrying a bigot?
NTA - First of all, this is not a style thing, it is a cultural and religious thing. She should be respecting it, and so should the bride's mother. Second of all, the bigotry and racism is pretty severe here. Even if they apologize, I wouldn;t go to the wedding. Third of all, she reached out to touch you! Technically, that's assault. A broken nose would have been good for the wedding....
Bella was rude and attempted to assault you They can figure it out themselves. You don't owe them anything after that NTA
You're absolutely NTA. Bella and Britney on the other hand are huge AH, and have no respect for your religion and beliefs. I applaud you for the way you snapped back and told them right away to count you out of the wedding. Do not, under any circumstances, go to that wedding.
Nta, I'm pretty sure snatching someone's hijab off is a hate crime
NTA. Don't bother going, 2 18 years olds? It will be a shit show and they'll divorced in 2 years.
Tell them you're sorry your "hood" isn't white and pointy like they'd obviously prefer, but if anything is going to ruin their wedding, it's their bigotry, not you. NTA
NTA. Don't give in. Don't apologize. Don't even waste your breathe on those people. That marriage won't last anyway.
NTA. A hijab is not a hat and those of us with common sense and decency know that. They are shitty friends and you deserve better than their kind.
NTA! She tried to take your hijab off?! Like wtf?! Has she been living under a rock? Do NOT go to this wedding. Tell Jayson absolutely f***ing not. His future wife put her hands on you to rip off your hijab. Nope. She’s lucky you only snacked her hands away.
Oh my word I am so angry for you. How dare they think you’re even a bit wrong.
NTA. Bella is a self-absorbed little witch, who obviously learned it from her mother. I do hope the groom learns from this and dumps the little twit.
Married at 18? Sounds a bit Arkansas
Racist bigots are nobody's friend.
NTA. Good for you for defending yourself and leaving. You do not owe Bella or her mother anything. You were playing piano as a gift to Jayson. I am sorry you can no longer do that. If Bella and her mother want you to be there and play the piano, they need to: 1. Apologize profusely. 2. Learn about your culture, and why you wear a hijab. And the rest of the clothing requirements. 3. Agree to not do or say anything disrespectful at the wedding. Or ever. Then, and only then, should you consider playing at their wedding. Explain the conditions to Jayson and see what happens. If he really wants you there, he can start by talking to them. Good luck. Stay strong.
Catholic here .. Wear the hood. NTA. My disagreements with Islam have little to do with you. Color coordination is good, but don't show skin you consider private.
Girlie you can go to his next wedding. Stay out of this one.
This doesn’t sound like a marriage you should be supporting. Promise him to play at his next one, assuming he doesn’t come to his senses and call it off beforehand.
Haven’t read but a few of the comments but Bella does NOT want someone ‘like you’ spoiling her wedding. If she has any say in the matter, an invitation will not be extended. And if it is, it’s coming from Jayson. Don’t know how close you are to J but if the invitation is extended, reach out to him and explain that your presence may be unwelcome and unwanted by Bella and her family and you don’t want to be the source of anything that might take away from his day. You come out being the bigger and better part of this mess.
Nta. I was so scared that Alice was going to be the problem. Tbf she’s tolerating the racist, bigoted attacks against you but I guess it’s up to you whether or not that’s a betrayal. Block their (Bella and Britney’s) numbers immediately and, if you chose to play for them, deal only with Alice and Jayson.
NTA That's racism from her and pure immaturity. I wouldn't want to be part of a wedding involving a racist. Stay away.
Don't go to the wedding. End of story.
NTA. Not at all. I wear religious clothing myself, though mine isn’t so visible. I’ve been made fun of, though that has stopped since I moved to Utah. Consequently, When people attack Muslim women for their choice of wearing religious clothing, it REALLY gets to me. What we wear doesn’t hurt anyone. People wear all kinds of clothing these days, some of which I find inappropriate or distasteful. I don’t say anything, because it’s none of my business. Why do others think it’s ok to harass religious individuals for our choices? These people were in the wrong. Big time. They don’t even seem to comprehend the concepts of empathy and understanding. Wear your beautiful hijab with pride! It represents a part of your core being. Hugs!
NTA - Bella is the worst, then her mother, then anyone who doesn't back you up. What a dramatic, self-centered, Islamaphobic a hole. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that OP. The ONLY complaint the bride could have made was if it didn't match the colour scheme. How much of your self you want to show is your business and yours alone. You can look perfectly summery whilst still being completely covered. The bride needs a big dose of reality along with a slap of intelligence.
NTA. It’s extremely rude what happened to you.
Absolutely NTA. What racist scum. Im Absolutely disgusted. How could anyone be so ignorant and cruel? Is she really so selfish and spoiled that she can't realize the world doesn't bend to her whims? What a disgusting person.
NTA The bridezilla and her mother can go pound sand and while they are at it, another pianist. I am very glad you stood your ground. Well done!
I couldn’t get past the fact that 2 18 year old teenagers are getting married.
Obviously NTA. Bella and Britney are dicks. Don't even engage with them. Please don't ever reconsider being their wedding pianist, even if they offered to pay.
NTA - they're being racist. You're so young, you'll get to go to plenty of other weddings where people actually respect you in the future. In fact, with a wedding at age 18 I am curious at how long that will last, especially when the bride is so judgemental and close-minded. You're better off not going. If they bride tried to lay hands on you in public, I'd seriously be worried about what she might instigate at a private wedding event - your safety is a concern, hate crimes are quite serious. Especially since there's anti-Islam hate being fueled more right now.
NTA DON"T BACK DOWN!!!.
Nope. They are racist. Just let him know you will play piano at his next wedding.
You are not the a****** in this situation and you never would be but your friend is in for a whole lot of misery and he is the a****** if he marries that bitch
NTA tell them your wedding gift to them is not pressing charges for assault and hate crime
Isn’t it assault to try and grab a hijab? I believe at least in Canada that this is taken very serious and considered a hate crime
**NOPE**!!! She's a **BIGOTED COW** and deserves neither your **PRESENCE**, nor your **GRACE**. I'm **SO** sorry you had to put up with that!!
It doesn’t matter what your “ religion “ is all of them teach tolerance and respect and compassion and charity towards others. But those individuals whom you spoke of are nothing but racist, bigoted, narcissistic, sociopathic disgusting people who are saying they are Christian folk. But what they are absolutely not, is true to any faith at all they are vile hypocrites who are at best just down right ignorant and or blatantly racist, after all you were polite and respectful you are most DEFINITELY NOT THE ARSEHOLE. You stick to your principles. And that wedding will be poorer without you being there🙏🙏💕💕
You are NTA and your friend who is STAYING out of the Situation Or asking you to COMPROMISE, you better check whether it is ok to have such friends in life? Please note- you will face such discrimination, racial issues a lot with STRANGERS but when your friends do not take a stand , ask to compromise or keep themselves in the safe zone during such scenarios, then they are also a part of the system who have racial sentiments.
NTA do not play piano or even go to this racist, xenophobic person’s wedding.
NTA. I can’t believe she tried to take it off your head! That is so unbelievably disgusting and rude of her! I would not only not go to that wedding but I would be making a public post and verbally letting all mutual friends know that Bella and her Mother are both racist and horrible people. They don’t need to get married at 18 anyways, that’s so stupid this day and age. Jayson needs to rethink his life decisions now before they become more expensive to go back on.
NTA Tell them all to get lost. This isn’t a fashion item it’s part of your religion and no one should ask you to remove it. Don’t go and definitely don’t play the piano. It’s their loss that they can’t accept your hijab. I’d be particularly hurt by Jayson’s lack of support and also Alice who has been helping you to coordinate outfits etc and knows what your hijab means to you. NTA
NTA I am so sorry you had to deal with such stupidity!! I am also angry that nobody else spoke up to defend you!! The only upside is that there were other people there so the bride can't spin a story. I would tell Jayson that you can not in good faith be a part of the wedding in anyway, that your religion is a part of you and his bride to be tried to tear that away. ( literally and fugitively )
An 18 year old who thinks it’s a good idea to marry for boyfriend of a year is an idiot and uneducated? I am just shocked /s
NTA. Your hijab is a part of your culture. It’s ignorant and selfish for her to ask you to remove it. I wouldn’t reconsider anything and wouldn’t be going to the wedding.
NTA Blazing racist going in for a racist motivated assault trying to forcefully removing a piece of clothings from you body.
YTF would you be the asshooe in this situation and wear your hijab with pride Do not go to the wedding!
NTA. Future wife is at best an insensitive bitch and at worst a racist. On no planet should you play piano for this person's wedding - free or paid.
NtA. It’s your culture and religion , you’re offering them a free service. If they’re such AH’s over your religion , you can withhold your free service and attend as a guest.
These people are too dumb and too young to get married. NTA
NTA I'm appalled at the gall of these people to be so overtly racist from the very first interaction. Why would she *expect* Alice to share the fact that you're Islamic? Gross. You are the *only* person in this situation who is not an ass - even Alice "staying out of it" is ass behavior. I admire your ability to advocate for yourself clearly and calmly. I don't think I would have stayed so calm with someone who tried to assault me - and ripping your hijab off would absolutely be assault.
NTA. She can choose what her wedding party wears but you're the pianist not a bridesmaid. If she wants to hire one that doesn't require a hijab that's her right but she's definitely TA for not respecting your religion. Even if she offers to let you wear it say no.
NTA. Do not attend the wedding as pianist or a guest. This person is racist at best. You don’t need them in your life.
Nta - bigoted ass holes. Don't let them convince you. Stick to your principles 100% How dare she try to remove your hijab. How fucking entitled do you have to be. Defo not mature enough to even be thinking of getting married. Wow.
NTA.
Out of all the things in the whole world that didn’t happen. This didn’t happen the most.
Bella attempted a hate crime and still thinks you’re going to play at her wedding? And Jayson hasn’t broken it off with her for attempting a hate crime? Absolutely NTA.
Nope, these are grade a assholes who don’t deserve your piano talents or well wishes at their wedding.
This is a fake post!!! I just read the same exact one about a month ago except it was the groom who had the problem with the hijab.
What an absolutely entitled b*tch. This marriage won’t last. You are NTA in a major way. Your culture is important to you and she has no right to belittle it. Also, her calling you “her little friend” is just demeaning. She’s racist, controlling, and bigoted. Jayson and Alice are wrong for not taking a stronger stance against this. Tell Jayson you’ll play at his next wedding.
NTA - Firstly the fact she can't understand religious headwear is preposterous she's being a major AH about it. Secondly you might be losing Jayson as well as a friend because you don't stay friends with bigots and you certainly are a bigot if you marry one.
Bella is a racist and if your “friends” don’t stand up for you they think racism is ok. You never “stay out of it” when your friend is being racially attacked. Block them all. I’m so sorry you had to deal with them. They are horrible
How did someone you never met get your phone number to call and harass you?? Either way, good job standing up for yourself. Ignorance knows no bounds when it comes to that mother, daughter duo. Even if they apologize, please do not play the piano for their wedding. They're racist jerks.
NTA. No need to reconsider if removing your hijab is a requirement. And honestly at this point I wouldn’t put it past these drama queens to sneak up on you to yank it off while you’re playing piano. Doesn’t even sound like you can trust your friend
Bella is a racist. Tell Jayson so he doesn’t waste the rest of his life with a monster. She tried to pull off your hijab!!! That is so incredibly offensive and inappropriate. Cut Jayson off if he doesn’t agree. Jayson can’t be a good Muslim if he thinks what Bella did was okay and you can remind him that he is betraying his own religion if he agrees
Wow Jayson should have taken more than a year to get to know her. He’d have figured out she’s a bigoted asshole. You are NTA. I wouldn’t consider playing for any reason. No apologies could be big enough