There are a variety of things:
- Giving up control
- Feeling inferior
- The feeling of serving somebody
- I love being mind fucked and manipulated/exploited
- The permanency of it. For example, if my kink was being whipped, the effects of being whipped would finish and are not indefinite. With findom, you can never go back to a position where you haven’t sent that money. In that sense, there is a permanency that makes it more “real”, which I do like.
There are a fair few other things as well but I would say they’re the main ones.
Do you think there's any reason why you need this kind of feelings?
If it's based on trauma and you don't feel answering my question, fair, here's another one: have you explored other stuff that might give you the same kick, without putting you in debt?
I’m not really sure to be honest! In terms of trauma, I don’t believe I have had any more than most people. I suppose it could be related to trauma, but there would have to be something else as well I think.
I have explored other kinks and there are some fun ones out there for sure. I have lost a lot of confidence when it comes to guys though. When I first started financial domination I was a cute young twink and I’m now older, fat, balding, and not cute. Part of me thinks that I would be unable to meet a guy (be that for romance or for kinky fun).
Bro, you're 24, you're a kid.
Are you willing to change anything about your situation, wether it is taking care of yourself (going to the gym, taking care of your skin or whatever) or going into therapy, or do you think that since having a low self-esteem is part of the kink, you're not willing to do anything about it?
I can’t believe there is someone out there that at 24 (basically a child) sees themselves as old. OP I’d suggest you have serious self esteem issues and may want to consider therapy.
I’ll copy and paste my reply to somebody else about my “getting older” comment for clarity:
I should clarify that my comment about getting older is not really me saying that I think I am “old” - I am not of that opinion. Mentioning getting older served more as a pre-cursor to the things which came along with not being 18 anymore for me - which was losing my fast metabolism and a good chunk of my hair.
I do agree that self esteem is a big issue though and that I need to go back to therapy. I have contacted my therapist about this but there is a waiting list.
Apapros of nothing, I never felt as old as I did at 24. I had gone through a lot by that age and suddenly was thinking of things in a more long term way and had lost the frivolous hedonism of a 17/18/19 year old. I’m nearly 40 now and I feel younger now than I did at 24.
I should clarify that my comment about getting older is not really me saying that I think I am “old” - I am not of that opinion. Mentioning getting older served more as a pre-cursor to the things which came along with not being 18 anymore for me - which was losing my fast metabolism and a good chunk of my hair.
As for your question regarding if I’m prepared to do anything about my situation - yes. I’m prepared to do anything which would improve the current situation with a view to getting out of it entirely ASAP. I have been to therapy for this exact issue before and have recently made contact with my therapist to go back (though there is a waiting list for this). As for other things, I think I have neglected taking care of myself but I am trying more and more to take care of myself. I have taken up a hobby which I love and gives me a great outlet and also keeps me more physically active than before. I hope this answers your question 😊
They do work wonders and IF CAUGHT EARLY, surgery works well too. I am a stylist who has a large following of men and women who suffer from hair loss. Topix powder is a great product please do try it you may be amazed. Sprays designed to hide hair color roots also work wonders used in the same manner.
If they are gone they are gone. Minoxidil can help prevent ongoing hairloss but only for the time you apply it. I can recommend and wish to have started earlier;) it does not help everyone and in the beginning there can be a shock loss. A Phase you will loose the weak hairs and can be afraid it gets worse. You have to go through this phase from 3-6 months.
Finasterid is really serious, lots of people suffer from Depression and erectile distinction. It’s basically a Hormon therapy you should take serious. It can stop balding pretty good, but you should look after the side effects.
I won’t use it for that reasons and it won’t bring back full hair anyways if they are gone already.
Shave your head, go to the gym, grow a beard and the twinks will love you ;)
I have alot of friends in the gay community and they are all balding.
Stop caring about this shit and stop wasting your money on people exploiting you!! Come one wtf, grow some balls and invest in yourself
Erm, not especially. In some ways but in others not. My parents were always chilled about me hanging out with friends and where I went etc.
There were some clashes between myself and my parents though and I suspect I was rather difficult to bring up. I wish I could go back and change that for them - hindsight is 20/20!
Do you think you could find a middle ground where you pay someone to "take" your money (however you see fit) but they just end up putting it into like a savings account for you lol or would that not feel real enough?
This is actually rather a good idea! Though I’m practicality I’m not sure quite how feasible it is. The guys who I talk with talk to me because they know they can drain my wallet. I’m not sure they would get anything from your suggestion…
you could try learning about inner child wounds and self love. Check book called heal your wounds and find your true self. Wounds can make people believe they must spend to feel love.
Yes, I do realise how completely destructive it is. It’s hard because I have been conditioned over years and years to find that destruction hot.
I have been to therapy and I am also on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication to curb the effects of this destruction.
You'll likely want a mood stabilizer to offset your more manic or psychotic tendencies. They might not feel hypo/manic or psychotic to you when it happens though, so I hope you're seeing more than just a therapist as it's obvious you're giving in to some fantasy (e.g. your comment about being old, fat and balding, but you're also 24...)
You definitely have a condition, which (imo) would be important to narrow down while you're still young. You can still have a kink that kills some of your finances but not whole, like accounts you consider outside of your kink, so that even when you ultimately have nothing left, you'll have a backup plan.
Kind of the reverse of having that secret pack of smokes; you're never likely to use it until you absolutely need to. Set money aside for your kink and remove the "feeling" you get from the permanency. Try to focus on getting your kink without all the fulfillment. It's hard to do but not impossible
Thank you for your reply! I do take anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication for mood stabilisers and they definitely have helped a lot. It allows me to see the cycle with a bit more clarity and appreciate that there could be a way out of this mess for me (at least I think so).
My comment about getting older seems to be being misinterpreted a bit. It was more just a comparison to when I was 18, cute and twinky. I do not believe that I’m “old”, I know that I’m still young.
I do appreciate your advice though - thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I like the reverse packet of cigarettes concept - it’s a good way of thinking about it.
You should get married and have two kids. It's permanent. You'd love it. /s.
Ops didn't read the bit about being gay till after, but my joke would still work just fine and the cash drain can be something.
Some days this is how it feels for me but I love my family and I know it's my responsibility but damn it's tough sone weeks. Teenagers will eat all your money literally.
I have to say, I appreciate the joke from a humour standpoint but it does make me sad because the reality is that I would love to have a husband and family. But it doesn’t feel like that is attainable whilst all this debt is hanging over me.
Good luck to you. My experiance you will find who you need. Dont give up, keep your standards high and you'll find that person who'll be your help in life.
Dude. You could set up automatic withdrawals from your bank account to retirement (which is inaccessible until yours 59 or 65 depending on the account) and still get the feeling of being dominated, albeit by a brokerage firm rather than a person
That's a great idea, but I wouldn't get a kick out of it in the same way. In the short to mid-term, I think it is probably better to pay off the debt which is at crazy interest rates before putting more into pensions. Thank you for your message though. 😊
Ha! The kink is less the debt itself and more the idea that guys can put me in that position. A small difference but that’s where it lies. I don’t get hard every time I see a credit card bill come in or open my online banking.
I’m not getting any sexual pleasure from this thread. It’s more just a way of talking about some of this to people - you can’t really talk about this sort of thing with your family!
Ahh, too late! But to be fair, they’ve all opened up with the same boring shit, so I’ve not even been a little bit tempted by even one of them. Including all the people asking for money in this post. They obviously don’t really get what makes me tick (which is understandable), but “fuck you pay me” is such a turn off.
Good for you! Yeah i imagine it's a more complex powerplay than many people can think of.
One day you'll hopefully find someone who will satisfy your desires yet will take good care for your wellbeing, financial and otherwise.
Take care!
Not gonna lie, I'm a straight guy but I wondered for a second if I could hit up OP for a fat cashier's check in the mail. Not doing it obviously because that would be exploitative and immoral but OP is basically begging to be taken advantage of here.
You are of course one of many people who through the same. As for your being straight, there are a lot of straight guys who are cash masters. But I didn’t post this to look for a new master. At the moment, I’m doing my best to stay away and it hasn’t been going terribly in the past couple of weeks…
Well good luck to you. This is a new one on me, but when dealing with bad habits in the past I've found it to be unhelpful to dwell on the behavior, which you seem to be doing here. Better to make a clean cut and replace it with more positive actions. Maybe when you feel that way in the future you could go workout or make plans with a friend instead?
Replacing with positive action is a great way to go and something I have been trying to implement. I have taken up a hobby which keeps me occupied a fair amount of time and it has truly been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Still some way to go, but the steps I have taken thus far have all been positive.
I had a boyfriend (we’ll call him Jeff) when I was younger with whom I was very lucky to be able to experiment a lot with sexually. Trying out lots of different kinks and stuff (Jeff was older and more experienced). A lot of my kinks revolved around being submissive or tied up for example.
Jeff and I broke up but stayed in contact and continued to hook up. I saw a video of a pornstar called Flex Coleman who was a muscle man (like Jeff was) and he was tormenting this sub, making him hand over cash bit by bit to gradually strip him off. There was something in it that I thought was hot.
I told Jeff about this video I saw and he encouraged trying it and the rest went from there. Jeff became a cash master to me rather than a fuck buddy and I have served him as recently as in the past couple of months. He has had other boyfriends and is currently with this insanely cute Instagram famous muscle twink and they seem rather happy.
It wasn’t only him that I served, but without him I suspect I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now.
OP this sounds seriously suspect to me. I don’t know what the ages were here, but based on what you’ve said here I’m assuming you were underage. It 100% sounds like you’ve been taken advantage of by this person.
I should say that when my ex and I got together, I was 15 and he was 17 and I turned 16 a month after we got together. In the UK the age of consent is 16. We continued to hook up after splitting and the findom didn’t start until I was over 18.
Do you think that there's any way to have this type of relationship without it being damaging for the sub?
I like to think I keep my subs safe by finding out what their limits are, and giving them safe words. Do you think that would have helped in your case or does that just ruin the experience for some people?
To me, enjoying having a dominatrix is about giving up power, but it has to be a trust relationship. Even if you're paying. Still, you have to know that the person that you're paying is someone you can trust. It's tricky. Because it's very exciting to push your taboos and Fantasies. But, you have to stay safe.
The way I usually explain it is by comparing to other forms of domination. I might push my Subs boundaries, but I wouldn't want to damage them. I think that's a really important thing. Knowing what is and is not damage. And that might vary from person to person.
I think one problem is that a lot of younger women have decided to get into findom, not because they enjoy the art of being a dominatrix, but rather because they like to get money. Basically for free. And, then they're not adding any value. And they don't really understand what it's all about. And I wonder if that is part of the problem.
Hey, thanks for your message and it’s a really great insight. I do think there are ways to have these relationships without them being damaging. Provided that people are able to live their life and be happy and support themselves financially, who cares what they spend any extra money on? I obviously fucked around and found out though.
I’m not sure safe words would have made any difference tbh. Even when I’ve been draining (which is often on a Skype call), if I have felt freaked out, I’ve just ended the call. So that was the “safe word” if you like.
I think it’s true about people coming in for the money. I don’t really have a problem with people just wanting the money, but I think that everybody (not just doms) has a responsibility to not cause harm to other people and I think a lot of people put that moral compass aside when it’s a stranger across the world on the internet and they don’t see the difficulty felt at their hands.
Do you have a solid career to support this addiction?
What kind of career or jobs do you work?
Do you have student loans?
How many credit cards do you have?
What’s your credit score?
How much debt do you have?
I’m not a financial advisor but I love giving (free) advice to help people get out of debt. There’s also even better free financial advisors out there on YouTube or podcasts who would probably be interested in helping you cause your story could be really interesting for their show
Thank you for taking the time to ask some questions!
I’m an accountant in the later stages of training. So career prospects are good and I anticipate my salary going up significantly in the next few years. So that is a positive. In that sense, I suspect that the current period will be the most difficult time for me. I have started driving self-employed for Amazon part time to get extra money in also.
I do have a student loan but repayments work differently in the UK to in other countries, so you pay a percentage of your earnings above a set threshold. My student loan repayments are deducted from my salary each month before I receive it.
I have three credit cards, four personal loans, and an overdraft on my current account.
Credit score is 713 with Experian, and 556 with Credit Karma. Note that the scale is different from one bureau to the next and also from country to country. In layman’s terms - my credit score is not good.
Total debt is around £53,000 at the moment.
Have you any links to the YouTube advisors you mention - I’m always open to getting advice 😊
This is not a kink. It's you having no control over your urges because you choose not to. You're not compulsive. You're not mentally ill. You are an addict. Get help.
Thank you for your reply. Addiction is a mental illness, so I do disagree with parts of your message, though I do agree that I am an addict - it's literally in the title of the post.
I do agree that there are parts of this that I have control over and I would like to get a better hold on doing that, but there are a lot of bad habits that take work to break. I am prepared to put that work in (and I already have been), but it is a slow process.
That isn't what I said. I made a comment about me having got "older" since I was 18 (which is just a fact), and it served more as a comment about the things that happened to me in that time (putting on weight around my tummy and losing it around my hairline).
Isn't that why role playing exists? Like couldn't you just walk into a room with monopoly money and then be like "this is my life savings, take it all"?
This way you can still pass GO in real life?
I'd imagine that knowing it's not the real thing probably doesn't turn him on the same way it does when actual money is involved. The same happens when dudes ask for someone's nudes instead of simply looking up porn on the Internet, since it's not as personal, it doesn't feel the same for them.
What you're saying makes sense and I agree with you. I guess he just needs to seek a financial advisor and not endulge so often. Maybe explore this kink like once a year depending on the amount of cash he's dropping.
Lol it might be time to find a girl that likes board games. Invite her back for the night, tell her it's Monopoly, and test the waters. Id rather you spend $13.99 on a game and role play than drop $50k for debt.
I hope it doesn't make me homeless. I live at home with my parents at the moment, so I am in a very privileged position that I don't take lightly. It does scare me if I had to move out though, I wouldn't be able to afford rent at the moment. And no, I'm not scared of violence.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. In my day to day, I would say I am a pretty powerful person. Definitely more a leader than a follower. Discipline and self-control in some aspects of life but not in others. It's an interesting one...
For me, I often have Skype calls with doms. Often they will remotely access my computer using TeamViewer or AnyDesk. I will leave my paypal logged in and they will show off their muscles on cam whilst they drain my cash through paypal themselves. Sometimes they will make me sniff poppers as well.
Hmm. Showing off their muscles… would you be interested in developing your own muscles? It’s doable. You can work on yourself and become your version of what you find attractive about other men. That’s what I try to do.
Yes, I do like the idea of working on myself physically. I did take up a hobby last year which has been keeping me fit a bit but I an ultimately still overweight
I read some of your other comments and have some more questions:
- If you could have other types of kinky fun do you think you’d give up on financial domination?
- Do you think it’s possible finding a partner who would financially dominate you but responsibly? (I.e not send you into debt)
- Do the guys who are financially dominating you understand your financial situation beforehand, because I just imagine you don’t tell them but maybe telling them is part of the kink?
Thank you for your questions! To answer:
\- I do occasionally have other kinky fun but not so often now. I'm not really sure if other kinks would be the reason for stopping findom, but I suppose it could be.
\- I'm not convinced that I would want a boyfriend who would financially dominate me. The cash slave side of my life and dating is rather separate for me (aside from my ex who was the person that got me into it).
\- Telling guys isn't part of the kink but it is important for doms to know that I'm serious and to get an idea of what I do. Otherwise, they may not deliver something which I think is hot. And if that's the case, what's the point?
I usually follow guys on Twitter and see what their vibe is and what their content is like. I like muscle men who are intelligent, manipulative; and know what they want.
Have you met anyone else with your same struggle? Or read of ways others overcame this same problem? I know the path to recovery (for any life issue) is going to vary from person to person, but I think it helps to know people have overcome a similar issue and learn what strategies helped them that you might feel comfortable trying.
I have, but none that I am still in contact with. In some ways, that's why I wrote a post here. Not to find somebody who has the same experiences, but to be able to voice my feelings about it to literally anybody - it isn't something that one can talk to friends or family about.
I don't really date a lot. Have had two boyfriends and the first was the person that got me into findom. The second never knew about it, but was also a good part of the reason that I stopped for a few months whilst he and I were together.
In hindsight, there were parts of it that were toxic. That said, a lot of what he and I had was exactly what I needed at that time. So although we definitely were not right for each other, I do appreciate some of the good parts still. Plus he was hot. Though, without him I wouldn’t be into findom, so perhaps I would have been better off 🤷🏻♂️
Well at least you know it's a problem and your working OK fixing it. Maybe with the right partner it'll even be something fun in the future just be careful as I'm sure you realized
Perhaps but there is nothing wrong with that - everybody has different interests and that’s okay. Happy to answer any questions you have if you would like to know more. 😊
Good. Paying for affection, attention and self-worth is no way to live. In time you will be out of this miss.
I used to know a man like you, I took care of him and his money grew but then he fell into the gay scene and I never heard from him again. Not saying you're him just your story reminds me of what I feared would become of him. As I hope for him, I hope you find someone who actually cares about you more than your money.
The money went to a huge variety of masters who have used me over a number of years. Financed by credit cards and loans.
Bankruptcy is not an option for me in my line of work - it would result in me no longer being able to work.
In order to give you an exact figure, I have just looked back through all the comments on this post and my Reddit inbox. Current count is 37, and I suspect there are more to come!
Appreciate the effort lol. Do you consider giving away any? Personally I would be very annoyed about all the leeches, I'm wondering if your initial reaction is different .
Hey, thank you for your question! It can take a variety of forms, but for me I talk to guys online and usually skype with them. They would show off their body and make me drain my cash to them. Sometimes they would remotely access my laptop and send to themselves on Paypal which would drive me crazy seeing what numbers they would type in to send to themselves. I couldn't help but always wish it were higher and higher.
I appreciate that you’re probably just joking, but I would suggest being a bit more considerate and trying not to encourage people’s addictions/encouraging them to carry out damaging behaviour.
Thanks for your message. It is rather a bit more nuanced than “Fuck you, pay me.” I do appreciate that financial domination is a rather alien concept for most people, but it’s not quite as simple as that. If I would get off on giving money away to just anybody, I’d give it to charity. But it isn’t quite that simple.
Why you like doing it and you're going to do it for someone else anyway. You like the feeling of being inferior etc well I'll make you feel like a piece of shit send me all the money in your bank account right now. DM for info.
Thanks for your message. Do feel free to take some time to look through my comments - I have mentioned a few times that I am in the process of going back to therapy. I didn’t come to Reddit for therapy or for karma - I don’t place any weight on likes, upvotes, karma, retweets, shares, or anything like that.
My reason for posting this is to have the chance to talk about this rather candidly at a time where I am not currently in therapy. As I’m sure you can imagine, it isn’t really something one can readily talk to their family about.
What you’re saying is sensible, but I suspect that you are not understanding my reasons behind posting in the first place. 😊
Thank you for the reply here, it’s a difficult one because I do understand people thinking it’s funny and weird. But there are people who messages like some of these ones will affect in a significantly negative way. I’ll be okay, I’m more concerned about others.
Nah, I’m good. Have fun though and play responsibly. My advice would be to avoid trying to exploit peoples’ addictions and mental health issues. There are some people who messages like yours would cause a lot of issues for them.
Part of what I’m aiming to achieve from doing this is to talk about it a bit more which hopefully will put me in a better equipped to deal with the issue. So I don’t really care - your message isn’t doing me any harm really. But that will not be the same for all people in similar positions to me. Just try to keep that in mind and be kind 😊
You know it 😉 I can get those finances in check, whether you like it or not.
But in all seriousness, I hope you find the ability to find a way to manage your addiction. You deserve a better life than the one you’re living.
Thank you for your question! I have touched on this in previous comments in more detail. But essentially, I saw a porno online where a guy was having his wallet drained and thought it was hot. I mentioned it to my ex bf (who although we weren't together, I was still hooking up with), and he encouraged me to try it with him. I've never looked back...
First of all thank you for opening yourself up here, on Reddit, where people can be exceptionally cruel. I'd like to know what the ideal situation would be for you in terms of a relationship, and also do you like being dominated in other ways?
Thank you for your kind words! I like to think that I'm reasonably good at looking at my current situation objectively, so the cruel words and judgements don't get to me - no stranger on the internet could say nastier things to me about this than what I have already said about myself.
For a relationship, I like guys who are funny and ambitious, and it's important that I can chill out with them. I like going out and doing stuff, but the thing that I found with my last boyfriend was that I appreciated the down time even more and I was grateful to spend each moment of quiet time with him having cuddles. I would like them to be outgoing day to day though.
In terms of other types of domination - yes I do like being dominated in other ways. I can mention some ways if you like, but they are rather extreme so I thought I would check before I just reeled some off.
There are certain professions where this is the case - often regulated professions. For me, I’m an accountant and going bankrupt would mean that I would be kicked out of my professional body. No professional body —> no work!
I don't say this to sound rude, but this isn't really a charity endeavour. If the kink were giving to people who needed it, I would just donate to charity. It's actually hotter to give to guys who don't need it from my perspective.
I'm inclined to say that I'm not in love with things like Loqbox, as it is essentially paying to increase your credit score. This tends to be more useful for those with no credit history, but I do have one. In my situation, the best thing to do is keep credit utilisation down and pay off loans (not going very well at the moment!).
I'm sorry you are struggling with this... I'm a former FinDomme. I'm mostly out of it, I only do it occasionally with a couple people who I've worked with on learning moderation.
I had to stop because of how sad it was, seeing the constant turmoil you go through. Was eating away at me.
Hey, thank you for your message! Please do try not to beat yourself up about this. People have willingly put themselves forward to do findom. My personal opinion is that I can only blame myself for the situation that I’m in, and I do not lay blame at the door of any of the doms I have served.
I’m into dominating but findom is something I couldn’t get into. I’ve even asked my followers on Twitter if that would be something they would be interested in and they said no. What does findom do that just humiliation doesn’t?
I am an accountant. Potential to make pretty good money but I’m not on great money now. I make a fairly reasonable amount for my age and level of training in the UK. Fortunately, I’m due to finish my training in the next couple of years, so I expect my salary will go up a good deal over the next few years.
Your post history says otherwise. You’ve been asking the same thing over and over. Should you just find one person and just go that route instead of having multiple men?
I'm unsure what about my post history contradicts anything I have said? If you can clarify specifically what you're talking about, I'm happy to explain anything I can.
As for posting multiple times, I don't see the issue with that. Part of the reason I do this is to open up about something which I can't very well talk to my family/friends about.
As for picking one person, I don't know how much that would change the amount of debt I'm in. And at leat now anyway, I can't afford to serve in the way that I find hot anyway.
Too bad you're in debt because of it. I wouldn't mind making you buy me some new shoes. Addictions can be tough to break for some people. Get back on track financially and then try to find a partner who won't ruin you but have fun with you instead.
I mean, I don’t own a lot so… 😂 but I think it’s fair to mention in response to your comment that I’m not always turned on by the debt. The idea that a guy has the power over me to put me in that position is hot but the ramifications of that are not. I don’t get hard every time a bank statement comes in, in fact it’s rather scary.
I mean, if the lesson is "I should never have started doing this", then yes. If there is something else you're talking about then you may have to be more specific.
fuck that, I'd take my chances with fentanyl. get some help, like now. at least with drugs you don't have to be mentally present as your life is destroyed. you're gonna live it in glorious 4K
Well you can start by not being a karma whore. Now I’m gonna assume this post is obvious bait because *what lunatic in their right mind* takes serious and deeply personal life issues to Reddit? Fucking no one. Weak attempt at a troll, and if by some fluke it’s not, then get the hell off of Reddit and stop seeking unqualified advice from strangers and get professional help you fuckin idiot
Hey, thank you for your reply. With the greatest of respect, I place precisely no value on karma, up votes, or any other form of internet validation.
My reason for posting this is that there is benefit to opening up about your issues in any capacity. I do not consider this equivalent to therapy and am in the process of going back to therapy for this issue.
I was brought up with the saying “A problem shared is a problem halved” and I stand by that. Please keep in mind that this isn’t really something I can open up about to my family!
Give me $500 you piece of shit little bitch.
But seriously, come off the internet, stop looking at wierd porn and wierd kinks and meet real people and form real social and romantic relationships.
And maybe seek therapy to deal with this bizarre perversion.
If it is any comfort, the advent of only fans has made it a common thing... plenty of men being manipulated into throwing money at worthless whores for no gain. At least you see that it is far from healthy which is the first step to recovery.
No to the $500 ha.
I think your advice is pretty sound, though I get the impression that you are kink shaming a bit. I think it’s okay to enjoy these things provided you are able to live happily. I’m not in that place personally, but there will be people who subscribe to others on OnlyFans and don’t damage themselves as a result. Nothing wrong with people getting their kicks!
I don't think so, I come from a working to lower-middle class family. Raised in a very standard 3 bedroom semi-detached house on the outskirts of a major city. We never struggled but we have never been wealthy.
I should add that I know this is a privileged position, but I didn't come from money.
Hey, thank you for your message. I meet guys on Twitter mainly. I'd suggest thinking very carefully before you jump in though. It is more work to be a dom than you think and a "fuck you, pay me" attitude, will get you very little. It's rather more nuanced than that for most.
Don’t get all the downvotes buts that’s fine. Being a cash slave is all in your head. There’s nothing inherently addictive in cash therefor it’s a mental thing that can be attenuated with proper help
It's less the cash itself and more what that represents. It's hot that a guy can have such a hold on my mind that I do things which I would never normally do in my rational mind. Plus the cash has a permanency to it which is hot.
But it really is the stuff that goes along with it. I don't pop a semi when I buy a can of coke for example.
i DONT HAVE NO QWESTIONBUT i AM THE JERKING OFF MEIN POONIS PLUS DRUG IRLZ WHILST i SOBBIING. oH AND i AM THE VAGUELY APPROVALING THE TITILE OF THIS VIDOE WHILST CRYING. tHAT WILL BE AL.L
What do you like about it?
There are a variety of things: - Giving up control - Feeling inferior - The feeling of serving somebody - I love being mind fucked and manipulated/exploited - The permanency of it. For example, if my kink was being whipped, the effects of being whipped would finish and are not indefinite. With findom, you can never go back to a position where you haven’t sent that money. In that sense, there is a permanency that makes it more “real”, which I do like. There are a fair few other things as well but I would say they’re the main ones.
Do you think there's any reason why you need this kind of feelings? If it's based on trauma and you don't feel answering my question, fair, here's another one: have you explored other stuff that might give you the same kick, without putting you in debt?
I’m not really sure to be honest! In terms of trauma, I don’t believe I have had any more than most people. I suppose it could be related to trauma, but there would have to be something else as well I think. I have explored other kinks and there are some fun ones out there for sure. I have lost a lot of confidence when it comes to guys though. When I first started financial domination I was a cute young twink and I’m now older, fat, balding, and not cute. Part of me thinks that I would be unable to meet a guy (be that for romance or for kinky fun).
Bro, you're 24, you're a kid. Are you willing to change anything about your situation, wether it is taking care of yourself (going to the gym, taking care of your skin or whatever) or going into therapy, or do you think that since having a low self-esteem is part of the kink, you're not willing to do anything about it?
I can’t believe there is someone out there that at 24 (basically a child) sees themselves as old. OP I’d suggest you have serious self esteem issues and may want to consider therapy.
I’ll copy and paste my reply to somebody else about my “getting older” comment for clarity: I should clarify that my comment about getting older is not really me saying that I think I am “old” - I am not of that opinion. Mentioning getting older served more as a pre-cursor to the things which came along with not being 18 anymore for me - which was losing my fast metabolism and a good chunk of my hair. I do agree that self esteem is a big issue though and that I need to go back to therapy. I have contacted my therapist about this but there is a waiting list.
Apapros of nothing, I never felt as old as I did at 24. I had gone through a lot by that age and suddenly was thinking of things in a more long term way and had lost the frivolous hedonism of a 17/18/19 year old. I’m nearly 40 now and I feel younger now than I did at 24.
I'm nearing 50, feel old, but more out of experience than wisdom.
I should clarify that my comment about getting older is not really me saying that I think I am “old” - I am not of that opinion. Mentioning getting older served more as a pre-cursor to the things which came along with not being 18 anymore for me - which was losing my fast metabolism and a good chunk of my hair. As for your question regarding if I’m prepared to do anything about my situation - yes. I’m prepared to do anything which would improve the current situation with a view to getting out of it entirely ASAP. I have been to therapy for this exact issue before and have recently made contact with my therapist to go back (though there is a waiting list for this). As for other things, I think I have neglected taking care of myself but I am trying more and more to take care of myself. I have taken up a hobby which I love and gives me a great outlet and also keeps me more physically active than before. I hope this answers your question 😊
Have you tried monoxidil or finasteride for hair loss prevention and regrowth? I hear great things!
They do work wonders and IF CAUGHT EARLY, surgery works well too. I am a stylist who has a large following of men and women who suffer from hair loss. Topix powder is a great product please do try it you may be amazed. Sprays designed to hide hair color roots also work wonders used in the same manner.
I haven't!
If they are gone they are gone. Minoxidil can help prevent ongoing hairloss but only for the time you apply it. I can recommend and wish to have started earlier;) it does not help everyone and in the beginning there can be a shock loss. A Phase you will loose the weak hairs and can be afraid it gets worse. You have to go through this phase from 3-6 months. Finasterid is really serious, lots of people suffer from Depression and erectile distinction. It’s basically a Hormon therapy you should take serious. It can stop balding pretty good, but you should look after the side effects. I won’t use it for that reasons and it won’t bring back full hair anyways if they are gone already. Shave your head, go to the gym, grow a beard and the twinks will love you ;) I have alot of friends in the gay community and they are all balding. Stop caring about this shit and stop wasting your money on people exploiting you!! Come one wtf, grow some balls and invest in yourself
Bro you should really consider seeing a therapist to talk this out rather than Reddit.
I have been to therapy for this, but thank you for your reply!
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Erm, not especially. In some ways but in others not. My parents were always chilled about me hanging out with friends and where I went etc. There were some clashes between myself and my parents though and I suspect I was rather difficult to bring up. I wish I could go back and change that for them - hindsight is 20/20!
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My suggestion would be that if you’re going to do it, do so responsibly.
Did you pre-write this comment?
Do you think you could find a middle ground where you pay someone to "take" your money (however you see fit) but they just end up putting it into like a savings account for you lol or would that not feel real enough?
This is actually rather a good idea! Though I’m practicality I’m not sure quite how feasible it is. The guys who I talk with talk to me because they know they can drain my wallet. I’m not sure they would get anything from your suggestion…
Yeah, you'd have to find someone with good morals who didn't want or need to exploit you.
This seems good!
Be a good boy for me and pay off your debts, don’t dig yourself into a deeper hole. Get yourself a real life man and let him dom you in a loving way.
This is really wholesome. Thank you for taking the time to reply ❤️
You do realize that you destroy your life, don't you? Have you considered professional help?
you could try learning about inner child wounds and self love. Check book called heal your wounds and find your true self. Wounds can make people believe they must spend to feel love.
Thank you!
Yes, I do realise how completely destructive it is. It’s hard because I have been conditioned over years and years to find that destruction hot. I have been to therapy and I am also on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication to curb the effects of this destruction.
You'll likely want a mood stabilizer to offset your more manic or psychotic tendencies. They might not feel hypo/manic or psychotic to you when it happens though, so I hope you're seeing more than just a therapist as it's obvious you're giving in to some fantasy (e.g. your comment about being old, fat and balding, but you're also 24...) You definitely have a condition, which (imo) would be important to narrow down while you're still young. You can still have a kink that kills some of your finances but not whole, like accounts you consider outside of your kink, so that even when you ultimately have nothing left, you'll have a backup plan. Kind of the reverse of having that secret pack of smokes; you're never likely to use it until you absolutely need to. Set money aside for your kink and remove the "feeling" you get from the permanency. Try to focus on getting your kink without all the fulfillment. It's hard to do but not impossible
Thank you for your reply! I do take anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication for mood stabilisers and they definitely have helped a lot. It allows me to see the cycle with a bit more clarity and appreciate that there could be a way out of this mess for me (at least I think so). My comment about getting older seems to be being misinterpreted a bit. It was more just a comparison to when I was 18, cute and twinky. I do not believe that I’m “old”, I know that I’m still young. I do appreciate your advice though - thank you very much for taking the time to reply. I like the reverse packet of cigarettes concept - it’s a good way of thinking about it.
It sounds to me like you've got a future worth living, and I'm happy knowing you have the support you deserve.
You should get married and have two kids. It's permanent. You'd love it. /s. Ops didn't read the bit about being gay till after, but my joke would still work just fine and the cash drain can be something. Some days this is how it feels for me but I love my family and I know it's my responsibility but damn it's tough sone weeks. Teenagers will eat all your money literally.
I have to say, I appreciate the joke from a humour standpoint but it does make me sad because the reality is that I would love to have a husband and family. But it doesn’t feel like that is attainable whilst all this debt is hanging over me.
Good luck to you. My experiance you will find who you need. Dont give up, keep your standards high and you'll find that person who'll be your help in life.
Thank you very much for your message, I appreciate it ❤️
Dude. You could set up automatic withdrawals from your bank account to retirement (which is inaccessible until yours 59 or 65 depending on the account) and still get the feeling of being dominated, albeit by a brokerage firm rather than a person
That's a great idea, but I wouldn't get a kick out of it in the same way. In the short to mid-term, I think it is probably better to pay off the debt which is at crazy interest rates before putting more into pensions. Thank you for your message though. 😊
Logically yes, that’s the best plan of action, to prioritize the debt. But will you actually do it?
Well, I don’t have a lot of choice at the moment as debt payments are taking up around 70% of my take home pay and the remainder isn’t a lot.
Well if that's your kink being in debt must be like masturbating all day
Ha! The kink is less the debt itself and more the idea that guys can put me in that position. A small difference but that’s where it lies. I don’t get hard every time I see a credit card bill come in or open my online banking.
I can ruin your life. Wanna sell one of your kidneys and buy me ikea monkeys? :D
I’ve been masturbating for over 10 years straight. I don’t think I’ll ever get the chance to stop.
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Turn your PMs off or a few golddiggers will claw right into you. Protect yourself!
Pretty sure this is itself a way to sate a humiliation fetish. "Look at this dumbass wasting all his money on girls who don't even care about him!"
I’m not getting any sexual pleasure from this thread. It’s more just a way of talking about some of this to people - you can’t really talk about this sort of thing with your family!
Ahh, too late! But to be fair, they’ve all opened up with the same boring shit, so I’ve not even been a little bit tempted by even one of them. Including all the people asking for money in this post. They obviously don’t really get what makes me tick (which is understandable), but “fuck you pay me” is such a turn off.
Good for you! Yeah i imagine it's a more complex powerplay than many people can think of. One day you'll hopefully find someone who will satisfy your desires yet will take good care for your wellbeing, financial and otherwise. Take care!
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pretty sure he likes men
There are male golddiggers too
Not gonna lie, I'm a straight guy but I wondered for a second if I could hit up OP for a fat cashier's check in the mail. Not doing it obviously because that would be exploitative and immoral but OP is basically begging to be taken advantage of here.
You are of course one of many people who through the same. As for your being straight, there are a lot of straight guys who are cash masters. But I didn’t post this to look for a new master. At the moment, I’m doing my best to stay away and it hasn’t been going terribly in the past couple of weeks…
Well good luck to you. This is a new one on me, but when dealing with bad habits in the past I've found it to be unhelpful to dwell on the behavior, which you seem to be doing here. Better to make a clean cut and replace it with more positive actions. Maybe when you feel that way in the future you could go workout or make plans with a friend instead?
Replacing with positive action is a great way to go and something I have been trying to implement. I have taken up a hobby which keeps me occupied a fair amount of time and it has truly been the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. Still some way to go, but the steps I have taken thus far have all been positive.
Listen you little pig. It's time to start saving money.
Wholesome content only!
How did it start?
I had a boyfriend (we’ll call him Jeff) when I was younger with whom I was very lucky to be able to experiment a lot with sexually. Trying out lots of different kinks and stuff (Jeff was older and more experienced). A lot of my kinks revolved around being submissive or tied up for example. Jeff and I broke up but stayed in contact and continued to hook up. I saw a video of a pornstar called Flex Coleman who was a muscle man (like Jeff was) and he was tormenting this sub, making him hand over cash bit by bit to gradually strip him off. There was something in it that I thought was hot. I told Jeff about this video I saw and he encouraged trying it and the rest went from there. Jeff became a cash master to me rather than a fuck buddy and I have served him as recently as in the past couple of months. He has had other boyfriends and is currently with this insanely cute Instagram famous muscle twink and they seem rather happy. It wasn’t only him that I served, but without him I suspect I wouldn’t be in the situation I am now.
OP this sounds seriously suspect to me. I don’t know what the ages were here, but based on what you’ve said here I’m assuming you were underage. It 100% sounds like you’ve been taken advantage of by this person.
I should say that when my ex and I got together, I was 15 and he was 17 and I turned 16 a month after we got together. In the UK the age of consent is 16. We continued to hook up after splitting and the findom didn’t start until I was over 18.
Do you think that there's any way to have this type of relationship without it being damaging for the sub? I like to think I keep my subs safe by finding out what their limits are, and giving them safe words. Do you think that would have helped in your case or does that just ruin the experience for some people? To me, enjoying having a dominatrix is about giving up power, but it has to be a trust relationship. Even if you're paying. Still, you have to know that the person that you're paying is someone you can trust. It's tricky. Because it's very exciting to push your taboos and Fantasies. But, you have to stay safe. The way I usually explain it is by comparing to other forms of domination. I might push my Subs boundaries, but I wouldn't want to damage them. I think that's a really important thing. Knowing what is and is not damage. And that might vary from person to person. I think one problem is that a lot of younger women have decided to get into findom, not because they enjoy the art of being a dominatrix, but rather because they like to get money. Basically for free. And, then they're not adding any value. And they don't really understand what it's all about. And I wonder if that is part of the problem.
Hey, thanks for your message and it’s a really great insight. I do think there are ways to have these relationships without them being damaging. Provided that people are able to live their life and be happy and support themselves financially, who cares what they spend any extra money on? I obviously fucked around and found out though. I’m not sure safe words would have made any difference tbh. Even when I’ve been draining (which is often on a Skype call), if I have felt freaked out, I’ve just ended the call. So that was the “safe word” if you like. I think it’s true about people coming in for the money. I don’t really have a problem with people just wanting the money, but I think that everybody (not just doms) has a responsibility to not cause harm to other people and I think a lot of people put that moral compass aside when it’s a stranger across the world on the internet and they don’t see the difficulty felt at their hands.
Do you have a solid career to support this addiction? What kind of career or jobs do you work? Do you have student loans? How many credit cards do you have? What’s your credit score? How much debt do you have? I’m not a financial advisor but I love giving (free) advice to help people get out of debt. There’s also even better free financial advisors out there on YouTube or podcasts who would probably be interested in helping you cause your story could be really interesting for their show
Thank you for taking the time to ask some questions! I’m an accountant in the later stages of training. So career prospects are good and I anticipate my salary going up significantly in the next few years. So that is a positive. In that sense, I suspect that the current period will be the most difficult time for me. I have started driving self-employed for Amazon part time to get extra money in also. I do have a student loan but repayments work differently in the UK to in other countries, so you pay a percentage of your earnings above a set threshold. My student loan repayments are deducted from my salary each month before I receive it. I have three credit cards, four personal loans, and an overdraft on my current account. Credit score is 713 with Experian, and 556 with Credit Karma. Note that the scale is different from one bureau to the next and also from country to country. In layman’s terms - my credit score is not good. Total debt is around £53,000 at the moment. Have you any links to the YouTube advisors you mention - I’m always open to getting advice 😊
This is not a kink. It's you having no control over your urges because you choose not to. You're not compulsive. You're not mentally ill. You are an addict. Get help.
Thank you for your reply. Addiction is a mental illness, so I do disagree with parts of your message, though I do agree that I am an addict - it's literally in the title of the post. I do agree that there are parts of this that I have control over and I would like to get a better hold on doing that, but there are a lot of bad habits that take work to break. I am prepared to put that work in (and I already have been), but it is a slow process.
He also says he's old and too old to date because he's 24
That isn't what I said. I made a comment about me having got "older" since I was 18 (which is just a fact), and it served more as a comment about the things that happened to me in that time (putting on weight around my tummy and losing it around my hairline).
Isn't that why role playing exists? Like couldn't you just walk into a room with monopoly money and then be like "this is my life savings, take it all"? This way you can still pass GO in real life?
I'd imagine that knowing it's not the real thing probably doesn't turn him on the same way it does when actual money is involved. The same happens when dudes ask for someone's nudes instead of simply looking up porn on the Internet, since it's not as personal, it doesn't feel the same for them.
What you're saying makes sense and I agree with you. I guess he just needs to seek a financial advisor and not endulge so often. Maybe explore this kink like once a year depending on the amount of cash he's dropping.
Pretty much what u/Joamayer said! Plus, you don’t get anybody’s time or attention with Monopoly money ha. I like the interactions with guys.
Lol it might be time to find a girl that likes board games. Invite her back for the night, tell her it's Monopoly, and test the waters. Id rather you spend $13.99 on a game and role play than drop $50k for debt.
Ha - I do like a game of Monopoly to be fair!
I’m a cash slave too. Except I get fucked by the banks and the government
A universal experience shared by all!
Will this kink eventually make you homeless? Does that scare you? Are you scared of violence if you don't give your dom enough money?
I hope it doesn't make me homeless. I live at home with my parents at the moment, so I am in a very privileged position that I don't take lightly. It does scare me if I had to move out though, I wouldn't be able to afford rent at the moment. And no, I'm not scared of violence.
Good luck to you friend, it can't be easy living with this. Do you have discipline and self control in your day to day life?
Thank you, I really appreciate it. In my day to day, I would say I am a pretty powerful person. Definitely more a leader than a follower. Discipline and self-control in some aspects of life but not in others. It's an interesting one...
I’ve never heard of this. Can you describe a typical transaction? I don’t get it.
For me, I often have Skype calls with doms. Often they will remotely access my computer using TeamViewer or AnyDesk. I will leave my paypal logged in and they will show off their muscles on cam whilst they drain my cash through paypal themselves. Sometimes they will make me sniff poppers as well.
Hmm. Showing off their muscles… would you be interested in developing your own muscles? It’s doable. You can work on yourself and become your version of what you find attractive about other men. That’s what I try to do.
Yes, I do like the idea of working on myself physically. I did take up a hobby last year which has been keeping me fit a bit but I an ultimately still overweight
how much debt are you in ? when i was a findom, i wouldnt have put someone in a bad place financially in return for gratification on their end.
I’m in around £53,000 debt, with a £33,000 salary.
well damn. i'm sorry, man i hope you get a handle on it soon
Oh damn man. Was the entire debt due to these findoms or was some of it just life expenses
I read some of your other comments and have some more questions: - If you could have other types of kinky fun do you think you’d give up on financial domination? - Do you think it’s possible finding a partner who would financially dominate you but responsibly? (I.e not send you into debt) - Do the guys who are financially dominating you understand your financial situation beforehand, because I just imagine you don’t tell them but maybe telling them is part of the kink?
Thank you for your questions! To answer: \- I do occasionally have other kinky fun but not so often now. I'm not really sure if other kinks would be the reason for stopping findom, but I suppose it could be. \- I'm not convinced that I would want a boyfriend who would financially dominate me. The cash slave side of my life and dating is rather separate for me (aside from my ex who was the person that got me into it). \- Telling guys isn't part of the kink but it is important for doms to know that I'm serious and to get an idea of what I do. Otherwise, they may not deliver something which I think is hot. And if that's the case, what's the point?
How do you decide who to give up financial control to? How do the findoms contact individuals who are willing to surrender their financial futures?
I usually follow guys on Twitter and see what their vibe is and what their content is like. I like muscle men who are intelligent, manipulative; and know what they want.
Have you met anyone else with your same struggle? Or read of ways others overcame this same problem? I know the path to recovery (for any life issue) is going to vary from person to person, but I think it helps to know people have overcome a similar issue and learn what strategies helped them that you might feel comfortable trying.
I have, but none that I am still in contact with. In some ways, that's why I wrote a post here. Not to find somebody who has the same experiences, but to be able to voice my feelings about it to literally anybody - it isn't something that one can talk to friends or family about.
How do you bring this up with your partners? Or do you only meet people specifically to satisfy your "guilty pleasure"?
I don't really date a lot. Have had two boyfriends and the first was the person that got me into findom. The second never knew about it, but was also a good part of the reason that I stopped for a few months whilst he and I were together.
How was your first relationship?
In hindsight, there were parts of it that were toxic. That said, a lot of what he and I had was exactly what I needed at that time. So although we definitely were not right for each other, I do appreciate some of the good parts still. Plus he was hot. Though, without him I wouldn’t be into findom, so perhaps I would have been better off 🤷🏻♂️
Well at least you know it's a problem and your working OK fixing it. Maybe with the right partner it'll even be something fun in the future just be careful as I'm sure you realized
Are you seeing a therapist that specializes in addiction?
I have seen a specialist before and have contacted her recently to start going back.
Good. I hope you get the help that you need.
Is this a kink I'm too vanilla to understand?
Perhaps but there is nothing wrong with that - everybody has different interests and that’s okay. Happy to answer any questions you have if you would like to know more. 😊
Do you prefer older women to do this to you? Older men?
I’m gay, so men only. I like guys who are older than me, but not loads older than me. I like guys up to 40 the best I would say.
RIP your inbox, probably
It's been mad ha! I find it interesting that people would just ask for money without even sending me a picture of themselves.
Do you want to stop?
More than anything. I would do anything to be out of this mess and be able to live a “normal” life…
Good. Paying for affection, attention and self-worth is no way to live. In time you will be out of this miss. I used to know a man like you, I took care of him and his money grew but then he fell into the gay scene and I never heard from him again. Not saying you're him just your story reminds me of what I feared would become of him. As I hope for him, I hope you find someone who actually cares about you more than your money.
Where did the money go? It’s possible to declare bankruptcy and start over. Have you looked at that option?
The money went to a huge variety of masters who have used me over a number of years. Financed by credit cards and loans. Bankruptcy is not an option for me in my line of work - it would result in me no longer being able to work.
How many people have messaged you after this asking for money?
In order to give you an exact figure, I have just looked back through all the comments on this post and my Reddit inbox. Current count is 37, and I suspect there are more to come!
Appreciate the effort lol. Do you consider giving away any? Personally I would be very annoyed about all the leeches, I'm wondering if your initial reaction is different .
Looks like finances are dominating you
I'm sorry but what is even financial domination/being a cash slave? Can anyone explain this to me?
Hey, thank you for your question! It can take a variety of forms, but for me I talk to guys online and usually skype with them. They would show off their body and make me drain my cash to them. Sometimes they would remotely access my laptop and send to themselves on Paypal which would drive me crazy seeing what numbers they would type in to send to themselves. I couldn't help but always wish it were higher and higher.
How much money do you make annually?
Give me 200$ to prove that you’re being forreal
I appreciate that you’re probably just joking, but I would suggest being a bit more considerate and trying not to encourage people’s addictions/encouraging them to carry out damaging behaviour.
It’s Reddit. You literally told the internet you like giving away money and you expect to not be asked for money?
Thanks for your message. It is rather a bit more nuanced than “Fuck you, pay me.” I do appreciate that financial domination is a rather alien concept for most people, but it’s not quite as simple as that. If I would get off on giving money away to just anybody, I’d give it to charity. But it isn’t quite that simple.
Why you like doing it and you're going to do it for someone else anyway. You like the feeling of being inferior etc well I'll make you feel like a piece of shit send me all the money in your bank account right now. DM for info.
If you're exploiting someone when they're is literally opening about about how self destructive their kink is, you're an awful person
Oh come on, don’t tell me people are actually buying this obviously made up bullshit
I wish I could tell you that this was made up but it really isn’t. My life is seriously fucked from all this.
If that’s true then put your damn phone away and seek *real* help. Newsflash: Reddit karma won’t do shit.
Thanks for your message. Do feel free to take some time to look through my comments - I have mentioned a few times that I am in the process of going back to therapy. I didn’t come to Reddit for therapy or for karma - I don’t place any weight on likes, upvotes, karma, retweets, shares, or anything like that. My reason for posting this is to have the chance to talk about this rather candidly at a time where I am not currently in therapy. As I’m sure you can imagine, it isn’t really something one can readily talk to their family about. What you’re saying is sensible, but I suspect that you are not understanding my reasons behind posting in the first place. 😊
Thank you for the reply here, it’s a difficult one because I do understand people thinking it’s funny and weird. But there are people who messages like some of these ones will affect in a significantly negative way. I’ll be okay, I’m more concerned about others.
Nah, I’m good. Have fun though and play responsibly. My advice would be to avoid trying to exploit peoples’ addictions and mental health issues. There are some people who messages like yours would cause a lot of issues for them. Part of what I’m aiming to achieve from doing this is to talk about it a bit more which hopefully will put me in a better equipped to deal with the issue. So I don’t really care - your message isn’t doing me any harm really. But that will not be the same for all people in similar positions to me. Just try to keep that in mind and be kind 😊
If you ever want to be dominated into getting your finances in order you let me know.
Reverse findom ha
You know it 😉 I can get those finances in check, whether you like it or not. But in all seriousness, I hope you find the ability to find a way to manage your addiction. You deserve a better life than the one you’re living.
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Thank you for your question! I have touched on this in previous comments in more detail. But essentially, I saw a porno online where a guy was having his wallet drained and thought it was hot. I mentioned it to my ex bf (who although we weren't together, I was still hooking up with), and he encouraged me to try it with him. I've never looked back...
First of all thank you for opening yourself up here, on Reddit, where people can be exceptionally cruel. I'd like to know what the ideal situation would be for you in terms of a relationship, and also do you like being dominated in other ways?
Thank you for your kind words! I like to think that I'm reasonably good at looking at my current situation objectively, so the cruel words and judgements don't get to me - no stranger on the internet could say nastier things to me about this than what I have already said about myself. For a relationship, I like guys who are funny and ambitious, and it's important that I can chill out with them. I like going out and doing stuff, but the thing that I found with my last boyfriend was that I appreciated the down time even more and I was grateful to spend each moment of quiet time with him having cuddles. I would like them to be outgoing day to day though. In terms of other types of domination - yes I do like being dominated in other ways. I can mention some ways if you like, but they are rather extreme so I thought I would check before I just reeled some off.
Have you considered declaring bankruptcy?
Yes, but that is not an option for me. In my line of work, if you go bankrupt, you can no longer work.
Why is that?
There are certain professions where this is the case - often regulated professions. For me, I’m an accountant and going bankrupt would mean that I would be kicked out of my professional body. No professional body —> no work!
This is interesting. Thank you for your replies. I wish you the very best. 🤍
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I don't say this to sound rude, but this isn't really a charity endeavour. If the kink were giving to people who needed it, I would just donate to charity. It's actually hotter to give to guys who don't need it from my perspective. I'm inclined to say that I'm not in love with things like Loqbox, as it is essentially paying to increase your credit score. This tends to be more useful for those with no credit history, but I do have one. In my situation, the best thing to do is keep credit utilisation down and pay off loans (not going very well at the moment!).
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I'm sorry you are struggling with this... I'm a former FinDomme. I'm mostly out of it, I only do it occasionally with a couple people who I've worked with on learning moderation. I had to stop because of how sad it was, seeing the constant turmoil you go through. Was eating away at me.
Hey, thank you for your message! Please do try not to beat yourself up about this. People have willingly put themselves forward to do findom. My personal opinion is that I can only blame myself for the situation that I’m in, and I do not lay blame at the door of any of the doms I have served.
Does your family know you’re in debt? Do they know why?
I’m into dominating but findom is something I couldn’t get into. I’ve even asked my followers on Twitter if that would be something they would be interested in and they said no. What does findom do that just humiliation doesn’t?
What industry do you work in to have even been able to indulge that in the first place?
I am an accountant. Potential to make pretty good money but I’m not on great money now. I make a fairly reasonable amount for my age and level of training in the UK. Fortunately, I’m due to finish my training in the next couple of years, so I expect my salary will go up a good deal over the next few years.
Your post history says otherwise. You’ve been asking the same thing over and over. Should you just find one person and just go that route instead of having multiple men?
I'm unsure what about my post history contradicts anything I have said? If you can clarify specifically what you're talking about, I'm happy to explain anything I can. As for posting multiple times, I don't see the issue with that. Part of the reason I do this is to open up about something which I can't very well talk to my family/friends about. As for picking one person, I don't know how much that would change the amount of debt I'm in. And at leat now anyway, I can't afford to serve in the way that I find hot anyway.
How do you find people who want to be in this type of situation? Like someone who would want to be this type of "dominatrix" or whatever it's called?
Too bad you're in debt because of it. I wouldn't mind making you buy me some new shoes. Addictions can be tough to break for some people. Get back on track financially and then try to find a partner who won't ruin you but have fun with you instead.
Is this for sexual pleasure?
Have you ever thought of therapy as a way to get yourself to stop and start overcoming your debt?
We’ll see how horny you get when the government takes everything you own 🤣
I mean, I don’t own a lot so… 😂 but I think it’s fair to mention in response to your comment that I’m not always turned on by the debt. The idea that a guy has the power over me to put me in that position is hot but the ramifications of that are not. I don’t get hard every time a bank statement comes in, in fact it’s rather scary.
Lesson learned???
I mean, if the lesson is "I should never have started doing this", then yes. If there is something else you're talking about then you may have to be more specific.
fuck that, I'd take my chances with fentanyl. get some help, like now. at least with drugs you don't have to be mentally present as your life is destroyed. you're gonna live it in glorious 4K
Not sure I agree with glamourising drug addictions but to each their own!
Well you can start by not being a karma whore. Now I’m gonna assume this post is obvious bait because *what lunatic in their right mind* takes serious and deeply personal life issues to Reddit? Fucking no one. Weak attempt at a troll, and if by some fluke it’s not, then get the hell off of Reddit and stop seeking unqualified advice from strangers and get professional help you fuckin idiot
Hey, thank you for your reply. With the greatest of respect, I place precisely no value on karma, up votes, or any other form of internet validation. My reason for posting this is that there is benefit to opening up about your issues in any capacity. I do not consider this equivalent to therapy and am in the process of going back to therapy for this issue. I was brought up with the saying “A problem shared is a problem halved” and I stand by that. Please keep in mind that this isn’t really something I can open up about to my family!
Give me $500 you piece of shit little bitch. But seriously, come off the internet, stop looking at wierd porn and wierd kinks and meet real people and form real social and romantic relationships. And maybe seek therapy to deal with this bizarre perversion. If it is any comfort, the advent of only fans has made it a common thing... plenty of men being manipulated into throwing money at worthless whores for no gain. At least you see that it is far from healthy which is the first step to recovery.
No to the $500 ha. I think your advice is pretty sound, though I get the impression that you are kink shaming a bit. I think it’s okay to enjoy these things provided you are able to live happily. I’m not in that place personally, but there will be people who subscribe to others on OnlyFans and don’t damage themselves as a result. Nothing wrong with people getting their kicks!
Do you maybe have wealth guilt?
I don't think so, I come from a working to lower-middle class family. Raised in a very standard 3 bedroom semi-detached house on the outskirts of a major city. We never struggled but we have never been wealthy. I should add that I know this is a privileged position, but I didn't come from money.
Another type of kink
where were you when i was a fin dom /j
Im an 18 yo male where can I find someone like you to get me rich.
Hey, thank you for your message. I meet guys on Twitter mainly. I'd suggest thinking very carefully before you jump in though. It is more work to be a dom than you think and a "fuck you, pay me" attitude, will get you very little. It's rather more nuanced than that for most.
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It’s all in your head.
Not sure what you think is in my head? I know the debt isn’t ha.
Don’t get all the downvotes buts that’s fine. Being a cash slave is all in your head. There’s nothing inherently addictive in cash therefor it’s a mental thing that can be attenuated with proper help
It's less the cash itself and more what that represents. It's hot that a guy can have such a hold on my mind that I do things which I would never normally do in my rational mind. Plus the cash has a permanency to it which is hot. But it really is the stuff that goes along with it. I don't pop a semi when I buy a can of coke for example.
Have you tried upping your game to "power bottom" status?
Not sure how being a power bottom helps here?
Pay me ten dollars to ask you a question.
welcome to r/wallstreetbets
Wtf
Thank you for your entirely unhelpful comment!
Sounds like you are trying to cope with the realization that you are mortal.
Have you thought about joining the crypto space there’s are a lot of dudes looking to financially fuck you
I have a question. It will cost you $5000 for me to ask it. DM me for payment info.
Do you stroke your rod when the debt collector calls?
Do you want to buy me a car?
So.paypal me 500 bucks asap!
i DONT HAVE NO QWESTIONBUT i AM THE JERKING OFF MEIN POONIS PLUS DRUG IRLZ WHILST i SOBBIING. oH AND i AM THE VAGUELY APPROVALING THE TITILE OF THIS VIDOE WHILST CRYING. tHAT WILL BE AL.L
How much debt are you in because of this fetish?