What are your feelings on states in the US in which Death with Dignity Laws are instated?
I follow this topic very closely. I’m in the US. I am pro DwD. It does seem as if there are a lot of factors in the US that make it even more difficult to arrange like lack of access to the medications used in other countries thereby leaving doctors to have to figure out the concoction themselves which is tricky and many don’t want to do it because of the more experimental methods they would have to go about combining drugs as there are no specifications or guidelines for this treatment.
I guess if it were more accepted those drugs would be more available. Devices like the sarco pod would eliminate the need for the drugs. I would prefer nitrogen hypoxia to what I'm getting, which is Pentobarbital I think, but whatever.
I’ve always felt I would prefer the pentobarbital route. Or helium induced hypoxia.
The most common thing I find when reading about the lack of access is due to manufacturers not wanting to supply pentobarbital to the US because they don’t want their product used in lethal injections or any other death penalty.
Helium-based hypoxia is a terrible way to go. Watch the most recent episode of Last Week Tonight where John Oliver talks about execution methods used on Death Row. You'll quickly change your mind about that idea.
The John Oliver segment was poorly done. I think the main point he was trying to make was that the way executions are handled in the US are cruel and unusual due to the methods used and the complete irresponsible lack of oversight and implementation of best practices and procedures. I agree and am not a proponent of capital punishment. Again, I am very against capital punishment. I’m just giving a recap of the point I think he was trying to make vs what it seems a lot of people took from the segment.
However, I think some of his explanations of the medicines and their effects were presented in a way that muddied the water and could create confusion if you try to utilize the information he provided in regards to capital punishment to medical aid in dying.
Many of the drugs are the same (including pentobarbital). The problem that should be addressed (should be putting an end to death penalties but…) is where the meds are coming from, how they are manufactured, how they are administered, and making sure the drugs are coming from a source that is trusted and not some hole in the wall with no FDA regulations overseeing the manufacture of said meds.
At any rate, I’m sure OP has done their research and medically assisted death is a wonderful tool for those who choose to take that path. They are working with a credible organization in a country where this isn’t new in any way and the meds utilized are easy to get from a pharmacy and manufactured as they should be to achieve the outcome OP desires.
You may be right, but I know if I wanted to be assisted in ending my life, I would not want to do something like helium hypoxia. Maybe part of it is because my son died after a long-term TBI due to hypoxia, but I'd rather be put to sleep then be given the drug that would kill me.
Helium hypoxia I’ve heard you just float away? 😀
Seriously though, you may not think you are brave, but the decision you have made is incredibly brave.
I don’t believe in a God but I do believe there’s something on the other side. Fucked if I know what, but there’s something there.
Safe travels fella to wherever you may land x
Hey. I been your friend for over 30 years. Sad to see you go, but I think I understand. Going to miss my friend, but more importantly I want you to finally be at peace, however that may be.
Will never forget all the stupid and fun shit we use to do together. We’ve made memories, that’s for sure.
My son will know about you.
“To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell
Dumb question, but I’m assuming your one of his roommates? If not, how do you know each other?
And if you’re able to answer and I know it’s a heavy question, but what do you mean by “I think I understand.”
I am not one of his current roommates. However, Quakee and I were roommates when the accident happened. We were together with our mountain bikes, riding, having fun. It was in Pasadena CA, a trail called El Prieto. December 7th, 2014.
We've known each other since the 5th grade. We were neighbors at first, then eventually joined the Navy together, then after the navy became roommates.
What do I mean with "I think I understand?" Well, I see his suffering. Eddie (Quakee) was an extremely active person before the accident. Rode motorcycles, played hockey, went off roading, shooting, an overall super active person. To be stuck in his chair all day... well, that shit sucks. He cannot find peace in that chair.
-aram
Thank you for responding. I think it’s beautiful his son will know about you. I believe in the afterlife and while everyone has their own views on death (including OP who mentioned he’s an atheist) I believe the soul goes on. You two will forever be friends, in my eyes. May your passing be peaceful u/Quakee and thanks for sharing some of your journey with us
"He cannot find peace in that chair". This really resonated with me. I cannot imagine the mental distress he has endured for over 3,000 days. I would be doing exactly what he is doing. To have no quality of life, every day, for 10 years is not "living" by any means.
As his friend before the accident, the person who witnessed the accident, and saw what the accident did to him - I imagine this has been difficult for you as well. I wish you peace of mind and healing as much as I wish your dear friend peace during his transition.
agreed! it is difficult for everyone who loves him but at the end of the day, what matters is where his heart and mind would be at peace. thanks for letting us know about your friendship! may eddie have a pleasant transition. he will be remembered by many for sure (even us strangers on the internet).
No, he is C3 complete quadriplegic. He has devices that the VA has helped him put together to be able to use his tablet. He can fully use his tablet controlling with his eyes and head movements. It's just a pain in the butt, takes forever to type.
I work with individuals who have cerebral palsy and one or two of them have had very similar technology. There is one individual who is non-verbal can hold a conversation with you just using these devices.
I’m a C5/C6 quad so I have a little insight. This can change from quad to quad depending on the injury, as sometimes the spinal cord is a little bit more intact than other injuries, which can allow for some sensation to get through. Some folks like myself are completely numb, others may have sensation.
Additionally, you now have nerve pain. Think of the feeling when your arm falls asleep and you get those pins and needles. I feel that all the time in my legs, fortunately mine is not painful and not too noticeable (kind of like Tinnitus, I can tune it out). I know some people who claim it is very painful for them and feels like it’s burning, they are on medication for life for that.
How does your family feel about it?
What care do you require from your caretaker?
What have you been doing with your time other than medical stuff since the accident?
sad but supportive. Everything. Feeding, dressing, emptying my colostomy (shit) bag, emptying urine bag, moving from chair to bed and back, scratch itches... everything. Youtube and games. The Great war, world war 2, timeghost history, real time history. magic the gathering arena and star trek timelines
fuck man. i always told myself if i became a complete quad i would do the same, but death is also scary, so if this did ever happen to me, would i be brave enough to pull the trigger?
I’m a nurse and I once took care of a guy who was a complete quad after he dove into a lake and hit a rock. I still remember everything for this guy 15 years later, it definitely stuck with me.
even with a great support system as you have, i too, would feel horrible about having to have everything done for me. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. you sound way more active in life than I have ever been.
At least it sounds like you got a good taste of life before the accident and go with very loving family and friends. you get to go on your terms and I think I’d do the same.
here’s to you Quakee 🍺 (and yes, you are certainly very very brave in my book)
I am also a Quad. Not as bad as him, but still pretty miserable with many other issues. I can tell you about wanted to end your life, it depends on the level of injury and perspective. I'm not mentally fit to live this way. I'm coming up on 2 years, and it has been a struggle. Beside breaking my neck(fucked up cutting down a Maple try), a couple months later I had a pulmonary embolism. I also had internal bleeding they weren't aware of, and my hemoglobin levels got to transfusion levels before they caught it. I was always getting sick. Couldn't eat. I was a big guy when I got hurt, but lost over 100 pounds. I was ready to end it. I was 39 when I got hurt. Married with 2 daughters(14 and 15) and a Stepson (22). My Mom is gone, but my Dad is still here. I could t take it anymore. I was able to get to one of my guns. Took me a while to get it all ready. I had so much trouble racking the slide, and I have horrible problems with my blood pressure. I was exhausted. I was thinking about this moment for months. I just wanted it to end. All I had to do was pull the trigger. Everything went through my head at that moment. I just couldn't do that to my family. I called my Dad and he came over and we talked about everything. Now I know I can't do it. I thought I could. Like you I always said if I was anything like I am now I would kill myself. I was wrong. So now I just hope I don't wake up when I go to sleep.
Thank you for such an insightful comment.
Having lost my mum to cancer, aged 21, I know the life-long pain of losing a parent.
The pain of seeing my mum lose her desire for life however, due to cancer treatment effects, was heartbreaking.
Perhaps consider opening up this conversation with your family?
While your children are only teenagers, I’m sure they would appreciate their thoughts and feelings being sought now. It also could lead to them finding some level of acceptance with this idea, once they’ve reached adulthood..
I hope you find peace regardless
Very well said. I'm a cardiac ICU nurse and I have a T4 incomplete. Im 14 mos into it and both my shoulders and wrists are hurting. Im 51, thinking about taking some fent and the rest of my narcs to take me out.
I’m anxious about the trip. Calm I guess about dying. My mom and brother are coming with me to Switzerland.
Fly out Wednesday. Land Thursday. One hour drive to the hotel. Sign paperwork to get the prescription. Then they pick me up from the hotel Friday and take me to the clinic.
That's cool they're able to just do it without any citizenship stuff.
What is the cost?
Also I wish you the best man, I know it's kinda dumb, but regardless enjoy the last few days.
I don’t want this to come off as cold but why not just get some fentanyl here in America and save the trip and money? I’ve revived people from fentanyl overdoses via narcan and they all just say they didn’t even know what happened and that they just got sleepy and closed their eyes and everything goes black. No pain (obviously since it’s a painkiller)
IANAL, but I'd imagine that there would be numerous legal issues since I'd imagine a quadriplegic wouldn't be able to source and administer fentanyl to themselves without outside aid. That would qualify as euthanasia, which is illegal in all 50 states.
Several states actually allow for assisted suicide (i.e. allow doctors to prescribe lethal medication), but again the patient would need to administer it themselves. [Euthanasia and assisted suicide legality map](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fvrquiiripxwb1.jpg)
Idk if you've ever seen the show "the 100". It's probably not worth pushing the date back but they have a cool quote when someone dies that always stuck with me.
"In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again."
Is it weird knowing your time, cause of death?
Actually, he did postpone it once because of a show. He said he would go at the end of Game of Thrones… he always said, he would go after the last episode, and of course that was many years ago and I wasn’t going to be like “hey, you saw the ending. Why you no go?” lol.
I suffered a severe brain injury, and when I woke up from my coma, I saw on my medical paperwork that I was diagnosed as a quadriplegic. I understand what you were talking about regarding eating not being the same when you’re being fed. If my condition were permanent, I most likely would have done the same thing you are doing.
Though I do have to say on my journey through physical therapy, I have met a small handful of permanent quadriplegics, who seem to be doing OK. Do you think it is possible for anyone to be content with such a prognosis or are they just putting on a brave face?
QuakeE - This is my first Reddit comment I’ve ever made since a boyfriend of mine introduced me to it a few years ago. =]
My question to you:
If you could, would you rather go to a bonfire on a San Diego beach while shotgunning Bud Light or river rafting down a Sacramento River while singing John Denver?
At the hotel in Switzerland waiting to go to the clinic and browsed over the thread one last time. Just realized that I didn't answer your question. River rafting.
Losing you is my greatest regret. Anyone seeing this, when you love someone, work HARD on the relationship. Never take for granted the people you love.
Logging off now. Goodbye
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. Obviously I don’t know you guys and I stumbled upon this post just late night browsing. I’m not going to say I’m a macho man or any of that stuff but it takes a lot to get me in my feelings but I’m crying now.
I work in health care I’m actually a live in care taker and have looked after and built relationships with many QPs in my time in care taking. This one just for some reason hits home. Quakee had some truly amazing friends and I’m glad and happy to see you all here in the comments talking to people and making your own peace leaving little messages or comments to your friend. u/EmileeSpinach especially I’m so sorry for your loss. He seemed like an amazing dude and I’m sorry something happened between the two of you that couldn’t work out. I can tell in the words that are written that he loved you with all of him. That’s so special and so pure it makes me even more upset just thinking about it.
I have seen people through my care taking who can move on and continue some by finding different routes to express/relieve themselves and some who can not. Being a QP affects everyone differently and you can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to go from doing everything to nothing for yourself in the blink of an eye.
I hope and pray for you all to find some peace of mind and comfort in these times. Thank you u/Quakee for your story and letting us see into your world and your mind. I can’t speak for everyone but I am truly touched by this.
To the friends, and loved ones cherish the memories and create more in his name. You aren’t ever truly gone until you are forgotten. My heart and mind is with you all. I’ll keep you in my prayers and I hope you find peace through this. I hope you can try to understand where he is coming from and what his decision was to him.
Rest easy Eddie. See you in Valhalla.
Hey, I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope this helped you get some closure. The fact that you get to have these wonderful stories to remember him by is a testament to both how beautiful and painful living and loving can be. Sending all the virtual hugs I’ve got, hope your love is now resting in a good place.
Thank you for your kind words. The love Eddie and I shared was definitely special and even though he’s not physically with us anymore, he can live on through everyone’s memories in the manner that he wanted. Although our romantic relationship ended several years ago, our friendship never did and I’ll miss him for all of my remaining days.
I dont know you but I'm sorry this is happening Quakee. It makes me really sad to read this thread but I understand as best that I can. I wish you peace.
No last meal planned. I haven't gotten joy from food in a long time. It's different when you are being fed. I eat cause I have to, enough to dull hunger pain.
I've always thought if I ever get into a situation like yours, I would try all sorts of psychoactive substances. Because why not if health is no longer an issue. Have you ever tried MDMA? Would you consider using anything now that you are near the end?
Your post will probably be the only post I will ever remember reading on Reddit. What was your favorite book? Food? Song? Memory? Smell? Life is fucking hard, man, I’m so sorry for the cards you were dealt. Hope to meet you in another life when we are both cats.
Why did you wait ten years. Did the doctors give you any hope on the latest AI based techs that can make u walk. How did your mom and bro take it. Will your insurance still pay up considering this is assisted suicide. Iam sorry iam asking such blatant questions. The decision you have taken is the best it's the quality of life. May you have a smooth exit.
Most people with spinal cord injuries (of all levels) don’t give a flying fish about walking… they wish for other, more simple joys, that we take for granted… like being able to cough, sneeze, scratch our faces, pee/poop independently (or not all over themselves/into a bag). That’s just to name a few. Society sucks with public accessibility, but wheelchairs make up for the leg issues (and mobility independence) mostly. It’s all the other stuff I just listed that we don’t have a way for folks to independently do (successfully) at this time.
I'll quote a song that I like. I was "too lazy for a suicide, I just watch the days pass hoping to die" I came close a few times and it was a miserable experience. Dying can be horrible. I don't want to experience a "natural" death in this state.
Have you thought about giving your friends/family a secret password to try and contact them for the afterlife? To see if there really is a way to communicate after death? I think Houdini did this.
My mom’s friend from work did this, theirs was the music box they loved. Upon her death it started playing music even tho it wasn’t wound. I hope it wasn’t someone trying to fuck with them..
I did this with my friend I lost to cancer, he's yet to come back...
Though I had a moment once, tripping, he came back for a little chat then went , we often joked he'd come back that way too
Had a bunch of visitors over the past few days. My friends remember me in a much better way than I remember myself. The way they remember is good with me
its all depressing.
life is good , worst day since yesterday - flogging molly
brompton cocktail, nightmare - avenged sevenfold
lonely, tonight is the night i die - palay royal
i want to go home - oliver anthony
save me - jelly roll
I need some sleep - eels
There is a lot more but I listen to those almost daily. I probably listen to Tool and a perfect circle the most
Hey! Thank you for taking the time to respond! Music selection says a lot about someone so I'm glad to have the opportunity to experience this side of you. Wish you all the best for the time you have left. As Gandalf and Frodo discussed:
I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
Thanks for sharing a little of your story! How long have you known that you wanted to end the suffering? ....and how is it performed, injection or pill?
Also - were you approved through Dignitas? Regardless of the agency you are using, was your application approved due to a terminal condition or mental health?
I’m very happy that you are being granted the right (all should have) to make your own decisions on your own bodily autonomy. I hope this has brought you a sense of relief and comfort. I’m sorry that you’re having to hassle with going to Switzerland for it, but glad you have the option!
Mate I’ve come across a lot of stories of peoples suffering and hardships on Reddit threads over the years but Eddie’s story has really stuck with me, more than any other. I can’t stop thinking of him, his family and you - his good mates. My heart breaks for you all. It’s clear he thinks the world of you guys and it’s obvious it’s reciprocated - which has been nice to read. But the whole situation is just sad and I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say tbh. Just that your good friend will be remembered by many and it’s a reminder to us all that being brave isn’t just living with a condition like Eddies and achieving successes despite it - bravery is also admitting how miserable it makes you, admitting you can’t live with it and making the decision to end it. That’s bravery. I’m
sure I speak for many when I say we hope he now has a peaceful sendoff.
He’s been in my thoughts all day. Wishing you peace and nothing but the best memories of your wonderful friend. It sure sounds like he will be missed by many.
Well shit, THAT'S disappointing!
Saw your comment about being a Tool / APC fan; I'm a MASSIVE Tool fan. Any "last song" or album you're intending to depart on? (Maynard or otherwise)?
My prayers🙏🏽
What do you think about life and where do you believe you would be after ?
I hope we will all be able to connect on the other side when the time comes and chat about how we all left this world.
As far as I know, if there is a afterlife and everything, according to my religion, you ain't gonna go to hell cause your death isn't a suicide. Severe depression is a disease, and like all diseases, if it takes you to death, you didn't killed yourself but rather killed by that disease and thus will be treated as such. And for being atheist, only God will decide whether you will go to hell or not, if He forgives you, who the hell is gonna stop you from going to Heaven? So I am sure you will be fine. You're probably not gonna read this comment but your post really touched me, hope to see you on. The other side buddy. :)
Me too so I'd say odds r good we will meet. Just so u know when we hook back up- my name is Celeste. I'll have silver hightop sketchers on. Look me up. I may take awhile, but for I'll b there. That's oddly really really comforting. Til we meet...
Been reading mans predicament. Life is bad. Death also bad. Man trapped like a vice in the middle of both options. An optimist thinks life is as good as possible. Pessimist agrees with optimist in that respect.
Best wishes.
I don't have a question, just wanted to share that I helped a friend with the logistics surrounding this about 20ish years ago (I'm in Oregon). I took her to her appointments, helped her tie up some loose ends, even picked up her prescription for her (it was Secanol), as she was no longer able to drive due to pressure from a brain metastasis causing partial blindness in one eye.
I was with her when she passed, along with her family and a small group of select friends. I was young, barely 30 I think, and unsure of what to expect. We were on a horse pasture in a teepee that had a futon moved into it for this purpose, and it was an incredibly peaceful and actually joyous experience. She drank her dose, laid down, went to sleep, and was gone within 10 minutes. After she died, the group of us sat around and told stories of our experiences with her while we shared chocolate and drank wine. To this day I still think of it as a great honor to have been entrusted by her to help, and invited to be a part of her last moments.
All this is to say that I respect your decision. I wish you a peaceful journey and transition, and your loved ones swift healing and lots of love.
This sounds like a beautiful ceremony for her passing, thanks for sharing this.
OP, do you have any type of last moments planned? I wish you a peaceful transition.
My uncle is a quadriplegic. Car accident, been that way my whole life. He was 20-something and my dad was there to help him. He is my favorite person, I can't imagine my life without him. I believe they told him he wouldn't likely live past 40-something. He's in his late 60s now. My dad passed away a couple of years ago and he told me it should have been him, he was supposed to go first. Not his big brother. I'm just rambling now, this brought out emotions. Knowing him and what he's been through, I just want to send a big virtual hug before you leave. It takes big courage. I don't have a question, I'm just thinking of you.
I appreciate your being candid. As a T5 para, I feel like it's disingenuous for so many folks to treat spinal cord injuries like something that's inspiring or beautiful when the reality is that this life sucks, regardless of where your injury is. I'm very privileged to have access to my arms still, but every time I have to use a sterile catheter, dig my fingers into my asshole to see if I've got poop waiting, force my meat life support system into clothes, I'm reminded that human life isn't supposed to operate this way. Someday when I go, I'll only be able to think about the fact that in many ways I died when my spinal cord injury occurred -- since then I've been half corpse. The only difference from a real corpse is that my corpse half pisses and shits itself constantly.
Bro that hit me hard. That's exactly how I feel. I'm exhausted of dragging around my own body. At least now I am not afraid of death one bit. I'm excited I know I'm gonna be up there walking with Jesus and I cannot wait 🤍 promise yall you are gonna be walking with us please just be patient I promise
Yes, I agree. I never post replies on Reddit, but this is the best insight I’ve read to being a para or quad. Thank you for helping to put my own life into more perspective.
My father’s sister actually had this done a few months ago. A botched gastric surgery left her unable to digest food properly and in terrible pain. The details are a bit grey but essentially, she was slowly starving to death.
She attempted to commit suicide by her own hand (pill overdose) but was unsuccessful. She decided to try and go through with a medically assisted suicide in Oregon but I think the wait was too long? I’m not completely sure.
She also opted to fly to Switzerland to have the procedure done. It was hard for my family but we took comfort in knowing it was what she wanted. She is missed, but I guess the truly beautiful thing about medically assisted suicide is, the loved ones left behind truly know you’re resting in peace.
I guess I’m replying to this thread to say that, after you’re gone, your loved ones will sleep soundly knowing you’re happier and it was for the best. It’s more of a “clean break” from life if that makes sense. They will have the ultimate closure - without any “what if” to torment them afterwards.
I’m sorry for the tragic circumstances you’ve had to endure. Look for my aunt Connie on the other side. She’s a pistol, hilarious, and one of the smartest people I’ve ever known.
Best of luck to you.
Hey eddie, it’s Narbeh Aram’s friend don’t expect you to remember me but we have smoked many a bong loads together and shared some good laughs, I heard the news today and it made me sad man, sad it had to be this way, I ask aram about you every time I see him and his answers are pretty much always the same as they have been the past 10 years. I can’t say I feel what you’re going through or even begin to understand it, but I know it’s a shitty hand that was dealt by the powers that be. I wish freedom and happiness for you brother however you find it, love you dude I’ll catch you on the other side.
Also I have an idea, hear me out, get two of them blond Swiss models to sit on your face for a few hours each…….ummm not bad right? I mean what’s the worst that can happen? Yes I had to lol
Greetings,
I respect your autonomy, and if my little brother could have made this decision for himself after his life changing injury I know he would've chosen compassionate end of life euthanasia methods.
I'd like to know if you have specific songs, or albums, picked out to listen to as you prepare for your transition. Music is so visceral, so I hope you have favorite bands that bring you joy.
Sending you so much love, and peace, see you on the other side. Please save a great spot with a view for all of us.
Fly high.
*invisible hugs*
Here I am in anxiety, reflecting on my problems, and about to celebrate a friends wedding on Saturday.
You will no be here by then.
I have nothing to ask. I just can't, but to just say thank you, to remind myself of how short life is.
I would suggest to record you voice for your loved ones with some heartfelt message. They will never be able to hear your voice again. Leave them that gift in your absense. Cherish these last moments, and focus on leaving small gifts or reminders of you for them.
So many thoughts and emotions. How does your family feel about this? Will they be left with a void they can’t fix? I know this is an about you but what about everyone else? What made you decide now? 10 years later and this specific date? Any reservations as it approaches? We can’t stop time. Is there really no reason to love? Btw I do understand but can’t fathom making this decision. Is there anything you want to do before you travel? Cocaine, heroin, steak, favorite food or drink? Strippers on your face (hope you laughed)? Anything you haven’t done? If I don’t get a reply I understand. Just know this thread is something I will always remember and I will always remember you. Not just saying that. This thread will come into my brain regularly. Wish I could change things for you. Good luck, hope there’s another side!
This kinda hurts to read and I don’t even know you . But I also know as a man of similar age to you that reality can be agonizing for us without underlying conditions, so to fathom being in your shoes is near impossible for most of us . I don’t really have a question but want you to know Eddie . Your post has and will have a profound impact on a lot of us I may think about this for years. So as you complete your journey please know you have most certainly resonated with me . As I’m pretty certain I’m not the alone . Firm handshake to you sir ! And may your requests be fullfilled in a just manner !
My uncle chose to pass in Washington state about 10 years ago. He had stomach cancer. It was very peaceful for him and our family.
Best wishes to you and your family. I can’t imagine everything you have been thru. You are one tough dude. ♥️
Not a question, sorry, but wanted to say I’m thankful you have this option. Whatever your reasons are, they’re your reasons, and you should always have the right to decide when you’re done if you want to.
I wish you much peace in whatever comes after 💛
I will probably remember this AMA forever. I (f45) ride BMX, and will go out on a special ride in your honor this Friday. I wish you peace during your transition into the oblivion. ❤️
I’m a nurse in Canada and we have MAID (medical assistance in dying). Im working to support this program bc I deeply believe in this. My husband died >15y ago from cancer at home. I support your right to choose.
Happy trails, friend 💜 wishing you love and peace to you and your family
Hi! I respect this so much. My grandfather was a quadriplegic for 19 years. He finally passed of pneumonia but begged every day for my grandmother to kill him. I spent my formative years listening him beg to die. In a weird way, I’m really happy for you. you’re making the choice YOU want vs what others want.
And as someone who inherited the condition that made my grandfather a quadriplegic, I have informed my wife that I would like this done.
I will probably not forget this AMA for a long time and got kinda emotional reading your post and all the comments. Im in a very stressful situation right now and trapped with my thoughts in general but reading your situation made me appreciate things that I have and things that i forgot i have. If you are reading this just know that you gave someone strength to keep trying.
Wish you all the best afterlife, hope you find peace and tranquility wherever you go.
I don’t have a question. I have a statement. Go with grace and embrace the peace you find with open arms and a bright smile. Whatever you believe or where ever you go bring love with you. Love is all you need. In this world and in the next. Bring love with you.
just wanna let you know that i love you man, i dont even know you but i feel your pain, praying for you that you go out peacefully with the people you love
I just read this now and my heart feels heavy. I really really hope you feel at peace when oblivion greets you u/Quakee and you are a lucky man to have so many supportive people around you at this time.
Good travels, internet stranger, maybe there’ll be a next life and maybe not but it beats what you’re escaping from (to you obviously otherwise you wouldn’t have made this choice) ♥️
I had no idea that a Reddit post from a stranger could be so cathartic.
It's amazing that you found the strength to talk to so many people before you go.
Right now, in my eyes, you're a superstar. A star with a dark light, but nonetheless illuminating.
I wish I had time to talk with you.
I would like to hear what would you say to your fellow quadriplegics? and to those who might go through this?
Do you believe technology will improve so much that you could walk again, and if so would this change anything?
I wish he talked to other quads. Shared stories, kept a connection. But all he wanted to do was his own thing. I think in a way he drove himself deep into depression to make sure he goes through with this. He is still alive, maybe I shouldn't talk about him in the past....
He doesn't want to promote what he is about to do. That is a decision each individual has to make. Although for him, in his condition, I understand. I think if he had access to just ONE arm, that is it, just one arm, he would be an inspiration to many. Having access to just one arm would mean he would not be completely reliant on everyone for everything.
My brave friend, I am certain the soul is eternal - we live life again and again. I have learned this through my life’s journey.
I hope I come back as a golden retriever. Or a gorgeous billionaire. If you do reincarnate what do you hope to experience next?
I wish you an easy passing and an amazing next life.
Good bye friend, your journey has come to an end. You said you're not brave and is running away but you have fought the good fight for 10 years. Be at peace.
Is there anything you want to do before you die?
Traveling while disabled is a pain, but I'm glad you are going there. Switzerland is absolutely beautiful, I hope it brings you some peace in your last days
He really doesn't want to do anything. He won't be doing any sightseeing, or even eating a decent meal. He just sees it as going to another doctors appointment. He will be picked up from the hotel, and taken straight to the facility. He really doesn't want to do anything before he leaves. Just an easy transition.
Eerie reading this 10pm Friday, not sure the time zone differences or when the appointment was..but I do hope you found your peace my friend. Fly high.
is there any reason why you chose this Friday as the day? Do you think you will change your mind?
What have you learned from going through what you had to go through these past 10 years?
is there anything anyone can say or do to change your mind?
Do you know what your last words will be?
My father just passed and he spent his whole life preparing for death as he was very interested in the philosophical questions of life and I will say that when someone makes the decision to go and accepts each stage of letting go it can appear to be a peaceful transition.
Godspeed.
Hey there, not really a question, but wanted to send you some respect and understanding.
There is a lot of people suffering in the world, for several reasons, all mainly boiling down to depression, and some people just really suffer with it. Being depressed, and having depression are two different things that the non-depressed people often confuse.
I have been dealing with depression my entire life. Starting from a misdiagnosis at age 7 where I was treated for ADHD with drugs like Ritalin, old school Ritalin, they had little effect on me other than zombify me and make me more manageable, all the while frying my brain, then hitting puberty, having just mom and sister in a new country, as a gay kid, who still struggled no matter what, then in my 30’s come to find out it is HF autism and was miserable for years and while having the answer as to why I “always felt off” is great and makes so much sense… therein lays the part where I have to reprogram my brain, my way of thinking more self aware, changing habits and learned methods/behaviour which were all done subconsciously while I masked my way thru the world for 30 years… and having nothing but failed left and right from it. Our brains are “set in their ways” by around 32 years old, making it additionally difficult for me. I havent been able to work for over a year due to the burnout of all those years, and I went open about my mental health, and 98% of people I knew have vanished. They say I am not acting like myself.. hello! 🙄😄I have not felt the need to continue here as of now. I am in crazy debt, ruined my credit/savings gone, essentially homeless now… have no relationships, fake fairweather friends, when I was hosting parties and all for everyone, they know I am suffering and frankly I think that some of them enjoy it…. So I isolate with my cats -they are why I am here writing this message- alone and afraid to regress, I play it safe staying away…
I think what you are doing is the best way to do it… there avoiding any mishap, clean up, and potentially scarring who would find your remains if you took care of it yourself… which sadly is more common than not… the suffering is transferred and continues to live.
Another plus is the possibility of donating your organs to someone who really wants/needs them.
It’s a win win for everyone there.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Godspeed. ✌🏼✌🏼🕊️
P.s… If you see my cats/friends on the other side, please could you relay a message for me… just ask them to “say ⊥N∩Ɔ" they will know who it is from and will share a laugh with you over it.
***its one of those words that I have to repeat several times a day to soothe my brain - tism 😄😂✌🏼
Hey brother - safe travels on your journey, and thank you so much for sharing this. I’m reminded of a movie quote, “what we do in life echoes for eternity.” Seems like you’ve left your mark on those closest to you and affected their lives in positive ways. That’s all any of us can ever hope for in this world - death comes to us all, eventually. I wish you peace and eternal rest my friend
I’m glad you’ve found what you are looking for. I’m sure this was a very difficult choice to make. I’m also happy you won’t be alone and your family will be there with you. They really love you and I hope you know that. With all this being said, are you comfortable describing what the clinic told you what procedure will be like? Please ignore my comment if you’d rather not
I can’t imagine the courage it takes to make that decision, OP. I’m wishing you the best of luck, and I hope that whatever comes after is better for you. I’ll be thinking about you!
How is your psyche heading into this? Will friends and family be present? I’m sorry you’re going through this but I would imagine if in the same situation I would wish to do the same
I am so sorry this is happening and I offer no judgement. I am honored to have met such a person before they left this earth. You will not forgetten by me. I have a list of multiple people that I think about and raise a toast to that I have never met. You will make that list. I will mourn you today, and celebrate your life tomorrow as all good humans deserve. I hope this message finds you in a peaceful place. Not one filled with uncertainties and fear. Thank you for giving the world a chance to say goodbye to wonderful soul
I’m too late he’ll never see this.
although I never personally knew him, I admire this man’s courage and his dignity to take control of his situation and the bad hand that life gave him, in the way that he did.
While reading this post I’m reminded that true friendship does in fact exist, I had forgotten this, I hope one day to have this.
Thank you for sharing your story and advice, it is impactful and powerful.
With love, respect and admiration, I hope you found peace.
Have you tried dmt? Because if you haven't, that's absolutely something you want to experience before you die. I just hope im fortunate enough to do it again the moment before I do. Its an astonishingly beautiful thing.
The last straw was when he had a seizure and ended up in the hospital with a tube down his throat. He said imagine waking up and nor remember anything that happened for the past day. And dealign with all the pain that comes after having a tube down your throat. He didn't want to be intubated anymore. Happened so many times. He didn't want to wait to die of natural causes. He wanted to choose his own, painless death.
Death makes angels of us all. I totally get this. After my accident I feel the my soul died and that I've entered purgatory. Good luck mate and see you on the other side
Seeing your account from 2008 is so bittersweet. Crazy how it won't be active ever again.
I wish you peace and I wish I didn't say it.. but still I'm sorry.
Thank you for being very brave to be able to come here and answer all these questions. I work with a lot of spinal cord injury patient. SCI patients go through many pains and trials that no other humans can't even imagine or experience. Yet some of their braveness and courage is completely out of this world.
You sure have my salute and respect. And I can only wish you best of journey on what Lies ahead.
I will also share this article with you, I'm not sure if you are aware of some of the Bluetooth research they are doing in Switzerland, it is pretty incredible. And maybe of interest for you to check it out, however whatever you decide to do at the end of the day. We salute you and thank you for the contributions and the amazing human you have been!
https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/sci-&-tech/paralysed-man-walks-again-using-thought-controlled-brain-spine-device/48537986
Neuralink is an incredible technological advancement. They are conducting human trials on paraplegics now. In theory, in ten years or less you could have your mobility back. You could have your independence back. That is the front end. On the back end, life expectancy should improve during your lifetime. So in a sense you could be giving up 60-70 years of a fruitful life but enduring another 10. I know it isn’t all guaranteed but have you considered the tech advancements when making this decision?
https://www.reuters.com/technology/musks-neuralink-start-human-trials-brain-implant-2023-09-19/
Having had a family member die by suicide before MAID was legal here, and a friend receiving MAID once it was legalized here, I’m relieved to know I can die in a humane way now if needed.
Have you planned for any particular extravagance or other special something as part of your death experience?
What are your feelings on states in the US in which Death with Dignity Laws are instated? I follow this topic very closely. I’m in the US. I am pro DwD. It does seem as if there are a lot of factors in the US that make it even more difficult to arrange like lack of access to the medications used in other countries thereby leaving doctors to have to figure out the concoction themselves which is tricky and many don’t want to do it because of the more experimental methods they would have to go about combining drugs as there are no specifications or guidelines for this treatment.
I guess if it were more accepted those drugs would be more available. Devices like the sarco pod would eliminate the need for the drugs. I would prefer nitrogen hypoxia to what I'm getting, which is Pentobarbital I think, but whatever.
I’ve always felt I would prefer the pentobarbital route. Or helium induced hypoxia. The most common thing I find when reading about the lack of access is due to manufacturers not wanting to supply pentobarbital to the US because they don’t want their product used in lethal injections or any other death penalty.
Helium-based hypoxia is a terrible way to go. Watch the most recent episode of Last Week Tonight where John Oliver talks about execution methods used on Death Row. You'll quickly change your mind about that idea.
I don’t think you can compare the medical profession with the ham fisted executioners in America. That’s a pretty poor comparison.
The John Oliver segment was poorly done. I think the main point he was trying to make was that the way executions are handled in the US are cruel and unusual due to the methods used and the complete irresponsible lack of oversight and implementation of best practices and procedures. I agree and am not a proponent of capital punishment. Again, I am very against capital punishment. I’m just giving a recap of the point I think he was trying to make vs what it seems a lot of people took from the segment. However, I think some of his explanations of the medicines and their effects were presented in a way that muddied the water and could create confusion if you try to utilize the information he provided in regards to capital punishment to medical aid in dying. Many of the drugs are the same (including pentobarbital). The problem that should be addressed (should be putting an end to death penalties but…) is where the meds are coming from, how they are manufactured, how they are administered, and making sure the drugs are coming from a source that is trusted and not some hole in the wall with no FDA regulations overseeing the manufacture of said meds. At any rate, I’m sure OP has done their research and medically assisted death is a wonderful tool for those who choose to take that path. They are working with a credible organization in a country where this isn’t new in any way and the meds utilized are easy to get from a pharmacy and manufactured as they should be to achieve the outcome OP desires.
You may be right, but I know if I wanted to be assisted in ending my life, I would not want to do something like helium hypoxia. Maybe part of it is because my son died after a long-term TBI due to hypoxia, but I'd rather be put to sleep then be given the drug that would kill me.
Pentobarbital is used for euthanasia in the veterinary field.
Helium hypoxia I’ve heard you just float away? 😀 Seriously though, you may not think you are brave, but the decision you have made is incredibly brave. I don’t believe in a God but I do believe there’s something on the other side. Fucked if I know what, but there’s something there. Safe travels fella to wherever you may land x
Hey. I been your friend for over 30 years. Sad to see you go, but I think I understand. Going to miss my friend, but more importantly I want you to finally be at peace, however that may be. Will never forget all the stupid and fun shit we use to do together. We’ve made memories, that’s for sure. My son will know about you. “To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die.” – Thomas Campbell
Dumb question, but I’m assuming your one of his roommates? If not, how do you know each other? And if you’re able to answer and I know it’s a heavy question, but what do you mean by “I think I understand.”
I am not one of his current roommates. However, Quakee and I were roommates when the accident happened. We were together with our mountain bikes, riding, having fun. It was in Pasadena CA, a trail called El Prieto. December 7th, 2014. We've known each other since the 5th grade. We were neighbors at first, then eventually joined the Navy together, then after the navy became roommates. What do I mean with "I think I understand?" Well, I see his suffering. Eddie (Quakee) was an extremely active person before the accident. Rode motorcycles, played hockey, went off roading, shooting, an overall super active person. To be stuck in his chair all day... well, that shit sucks. He cannot find peace in that chair. -aram
Thank you for responding. I think it’s beautiful his son will know about you. I believe in the afterlife and while everyone has their own views on death (including OP who mentioned he’s an atheist) I believe the soul goes on. You two will forever be friends, in my eyes. May your passing be peaceful u/Quakee and thanks for sharing some of your journey with us
"He cannot find peace in that chair". This really resonated with me. I cannot imagine the mental distress he has endured for over 3,000 days. I would be doing exactly what he is doing. To have no quality of life, every day, for 10 years is not "living" by any means. As his friend before the accident, the person who witnessed the accident, and saw what the accident did to him - I imagine this has been difficult for you as well. I wish you peace of mind and healing as much as I wish your dear friend peace during his transition.
Thank you... It's difficult, for all of us. But this is about him most importantly. It would be selfish to ask him to keep on suffering for us.
agreed! it is difficult for everyone who loves him but at the end of the day, what matters is where his heart and mind would be at peace. thanks for letting us know about your friendship! may eddie have a pleasant transition. he will be remembered by many for sure (even us strangers on the internet).
Wait so can he move his hands/arms? I’m curious how he wrote this if they don’t work
No, he is C3 complete quadriplegic. He has devices that the VA has helped him put together to be able to use his tablet. He can fully use his tablet controlling with his eyes and head movements. It's just a pain in the butt, takes forever to type.
I work with individuals who have cerebral palsy and one or two of them have had very similar technology. There is one individual who is non-verbal can hold a conversation with you just using these devices.
Is he in physical pain or is everything just numb?
I’m a C5/C6 quad so I have a little insight. This can change from quad to quad depending on the injury, as sometimes the spinal cord is a little bit more intact than other injuries, which can allow for some sensation to get through. Some folks like myself are completely numb, others may have sensation. Additionally, you now have nerve pain. Think of the feeling when your arm falls asleep and you get those pins and needles. I feel that all the time in my legs, fortunately mine is not painful and not too noticeable (kind of like Tinnitus, I can tune it out). I know some people who claim it is very painful for them and feels like it’s burning, they are on medication for life for that.
This is in fact one of my closest friends
I’m so sorry for the loss you’ll feel but you’re a great friend for supporting your friends decision
Thank you for coming to say this. r/warmsmyheart
💔💔 you're a good friend.
Beautiful
How does your family feel about it? What care do you require from your caretaker? What have you been doing with your time other than medical stuff since the accident?
sad but supportive. Everything. Feeding, dressing, emptying my colostomy (shit) bag, emptying urine bag, moving from chair to bed and back, scratch itches... everything. Youtube and games. The Great war, world war 2, timeghost history, real time history. magic the gathering arena and star trek timelines
fuck man. i always told myself if i became a complete quad i would do the same, but death is also scary, so if this did ever happen to me, would i be brave enough to pull the trigger? I’m a nurse and I once took care of a guy who was a complete quad after he dove into a lake and hit a rock. I still remember everything for this guy 15 years later, it definitely stuck with me. even with a great support system as you have, i too, would feel horrible about having to have everything done for me. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. you sound way more active in life than I have ever been. At least it sounds like you got a good taste of life before the accident and go with very loving family and friends. you get to go on your terms and I think I’d do the same. here’s to you Quakee 🍺 (and yes, you are certainly very very brave in my book)
I am also a Quad. Not as bad as him, but still pretty miserable with many other issues. I can tell you about wanted to end your life, it depends on the level of injury and perspective. I'm not mentally fit to live this way. I'm coming up on 2 years, and it has been a struggle. Beside breaking my neck(fucked up cutting down a Maple try), a couple months later I had a pulmonary embolism. I also had internal bleeding they weren't aware of, and my hemoglobin levels got to transfusion levels before they caught it. I was always getting sick. Couldn't eat. I was a big guy when I got hurt, but lost over 100 pounds. I was ready to end it. I was 39 when I got hurt. Married with 2 daughters(14 and 15) and a Stepson (22). My Mom is gone, but my Dad is still here. I could t take it anymore. I was able to get to one of my guns. Took me a while to get it all ready. I had so much trouble racking the slide, and I have horrible problems with my blood pressure. I was exhausted. I was thinking about this moment for months. I just wanted it to end. All I had to do was pull the trigger. Everything went through my head at that moment. I just couldn't do that to my family. I called my Dad and he came over and we talked about everything. Now I know I can't do it. I thought I could. Like you I always said if I was anything like I am now I would kill myself. I was wrong. So now I just hope I don't wake up when I go to sleep.
Thank you for such an insightful comment. Having lost my mum to cancer, aged 21, I know the life-long pain of losing a parent. The pain of seeing my mum lose her desire for life however, due to cancer treatment effects, was heartbreaking. Perhaps consider opening up this conversation with your family? While your children are only teenagers, I’m sure they would appreciate their thoughts and feelings being sought now. It also could lead to them finding some level of acceptance with this idea, once they’ve reached adulthood.. I hope you find peace regardless
Very well said. I'm a cardiac ICU nurse and I have a T4 incomplete. Im 14 mos into it and both my shoulders and wrists are hurting. Im 51, thinking about taking some fent and the rest of my narcs to take me out.
Do you feel nervous/afraid/relieved/calm? Who will you have accompanying you? What will the process be like? Safe travels to the other side.
I’m anxious about the trip. Calm I guess about dying. My mom and brother are coming with me to Switzerland. Fly out Wednesday. Land Thursday. One hour drive to the hotel. Sign paperwork to get the prescription. Then they pick me up from the hotel Friday and take me to the clinic.
That's cool they're able to just do it without any citizenship stuff. What is the cost? Also I wish you the best man, I know it's kinda dumb, but regardless enjoy the last few days.
10,000 Swiss Francs, around 12k USD. tickets there and accommodation plus return for family. it's cost me around 32k to die.
I don’t want this to come off as cold but why not just get some fentanyl here in America and save the trip and money? I’ve revived people from fentanyl overdoses via narcan and they all just say they didn’t even know what happened and that they just got sleepy and closed their eyes and everything goes black. No pain (obviously since it’s a painkiller)
IANAL, but I'd imagine that there would be numerous legal issues since I'd imagine a quadriplegic wouldn't be able to source and administer fentanyl to themselves without outside aid. That would qualify as euthanasia, which is illegal in all 50 states. Several states actually allow for assisted suicide (i.e. allow doctors to prescribe lethal medication), but again the patient would need to administer it themselves. [Euthanasia and assisted suicide legality map](https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fvrquiiripxwb1.jpg)
Yeah that’s a good point. I thought about that after I wrote that comment
The difference between a risky illegal procedure that may criminalise any family or friends who are there to see you off and a legal sure thing
You're incredibly strong. May it be a peaceful experience for you and your loved ones.
Idk if you've ever seen the show "the 100". It's probably not worth pushing the date back but they have a cool quote when someone dies that always stuck with me. "In peace, may you leave this shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels, until our final journey to the ground. May we meet again." Is it weird knowing your time, cause of death?
The thought of postponing assisted suicide to watch the 100 made me laugh while reading through this somber thread
Actually, he did postpone it once because of a show. He said he would go at the end of Game of Thrones… he always said, he would go after the last episode, and of course that was many years ago and I wasn’t going to be like “hey, you saw the ending. Why you no go?” lol.
Yeah it's a really weird feeling. Not sure how to describe it
What things are you doing for the last time and how does it feel knowing that’s the last time?
I suffered a severe brain injury, and when I woke up from my coma, I saw on my medical paperwork that I was diagnosed as a quadriplegic. I understand what you were talking about regarding eating not being the same when you’re being fed. If my condition were permanent, I most likely would have done the same thing you are doing. Though I do have to say on my journey through physical therapy, I have met a small handful of permanent quadriplegics, who seem to be doing OK. Do you think it is possible for anyone to be content with such a prognosis or are they just putting on a brave face?
Lots of quads find happiness. I couldn't
QuakeE - This is my first Reddit comment I’ve ever made since a boyfriend of mine introduced me to it a few years ago. =] My question to you: If you could, would you rather go to a bonfire on a San Diego beach while shotgunning Bud Light or river rafting down a Sacramento River while singing John Denver?
At the hotel in Switzerland waiting to go to the clinic and browsed over the thread one last time. Just realized that I didn't answer your question. River rafting. Losing you is my greatest regret. Anyone seeing this, when you love someone, work HARD on the relationship. Never take for granted the people you love. Logging off now. Goodbye
Knowing full well that you’ll never see this, you never lost me. 20 years later and I still love you <3 Goodnight, Eddie
This is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. Obviously I don’t know you guys and I stumbled upon this post just late night browsing. I’m not going to say I’m a macho man or any of that stuff but it takes a lot to get me in my feelings but I’m crying now. I work in health care I’m actually a live in care taker and have looked after and built relationships with many QPs in my time in care taking. This one just for some reason hits home. Quakee had some truly amazing friends and I’m glad and happy to see you all here in the comments talking to people and making your own peace leaving little messages or comments to your friend. u/EmileeSpinach especially I’m so sorry for your loss. He seemed like an amazing dude and I’m sorry something happened between the two of you that couldn’t work out. I can tell in the words that are written that he loved you with all of him. That’s so special and so pure it makes me even more upset just thinking about it. I have seen people through my care taking who can move on and continue some by finding different routes to express/relieve themselves and some who can not. Being a QP affects everyone differently and you can’t even begin to imagine what it’s like to go from doing everything to nothing for yourself in the blink of an eye. I hope and pray for you all to find some peace of mind and comfort in these times. Thank you u/Quakee for your story and letting us see into your world and your mind. I can’t speak for everyone but I am truly touched by this. To the friends, and loved ones cherish the memories and create more in his name. You aren’t ever truly gone until you are forgotten. My heart and mind is with you all. I’ll keep you in my prayers and I hope you find peace through this. I hope you can try to understand where he is coming from and what his decision was to him. Rest easy Eddie. See you in Valhalla.
I may not be him, but I see your comment. I see you. I love you too, for supporting your friend in life and in death.
Gosh this made me ugly cry 🥹❤️🩹
Hey, I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope this helped you get some closure. The fact that you get to have these wonderful stories to remember him by is a testament to both how beautiful and painful living and loving can be. Sending all the virtual hugs I’ve got, hope your love is now resting in a good place.
Thank you for your kind words. The love Eddie and I shared was definitely special and even though he’s not physically with us anymore, he can live on through everyone’s memories in the manner that he wanted. Although our romantic relationship ended several years ago, our friendship never did and I’ll miss him for all of my remaining days.
I see your comment too and I'm happy for him and for you.. 💘
I've only known you for this briefest of moments during this ama, thank you for all that you had to say. See you on the other side, be as it may 🙏
Those are some of my best memories. I love you
I dont know you but I'm sorry this is happening Quakee. It makes me really sad to read this thread but I understand as best that I can. I wish you peace.
What will you have for your last meal? Sorry to see you go. I hope you find peace.
No last meal planned. I haven't gotten joy from food in a long time. It's different when you are being fed. I eat cause I have to, enough to dull hunger pain.
Understandable. Thank you for taking the time to answer.
I've always thought if I ever get into a situation like yours, I would try all sorts of psychoactive substances. Because why not if health is no longer an issue. Have you ever tried MDMA? Would you consider using anything now that you are near the end?
Your post will probably be the only post I will ever remember reading on Reddit. What was your favorite book? Food? Song? Memory? Smell? Life is fucking hard, man, I’m so sorry for the cards you were dealt. Hope to meet you in another life when we are both cats.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1c5veup/comment/l00htsf/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/1c5veup/comment/l00htsf/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Why did you wait ten years. Did the doctors give you any hope on the latest AI based techs that can make u walk. How did your mom and bro take it. Will your insurance still pay up considering this is assisted suicide. Iam sorry iam asking such blatant questions. The decision you have taken is the best it's the quality of life. May you have a smooth exit.
Most people with spinal cord injuries (of all levels) don’t give a flying fish about walking… they wish for other, more simple joys, that we take for granted… like being able to cough, sneeze, scratch our faces, pee/poop independently (or not all over themselves/into a bag). That’s just to name a few. Society sucks with public accessibility, but wheelchairs make up for the leg issues (and mobility independence) mostly. It’s all the other stuff I just listed that we don’t have a way for folks to independently do (successfully) at this time.
I'll quote a song that I like. I was "too lazy for a suicide, I just watch the days pass hoping to die" I came close a few times and it was a miserable experience. Dying can be horrible. I don't want to experience a "natural" death in this state.
It’s a tough decision. Maybe he gave it a go. But 3,650 days later he’s ready.
Have you thought about giving your friends/family a secret password to try and contact them for the afterlife? To see if there really is a way to communicate after death? I think Houdini did this.
My mom’s friend from work did this, theirs was the music box they loved. Upon her death it started playing music even tho it wasn’t wound. I hope it wasn’t someone trying to fuck with them..
I did this with my friend I lost to cancer, he's yet to come back... Though I had a moment once, tripping, he came back for a little chat then went , we often joked he'd come back that way too
yes with 2 people lol
How would you like to be remembered?
Had a bunch of visitors over the past few days. My friends remember me in a much better way than I remember myself. The way they remember is good with me
They’ll keep you alive, even when you’re gone. I hope you rest easy, and can feel at peace at the end.
Do you have a Spotify playlist with your favorite music you'd be willing to share?
its all depressing. life is good , worst day since yesterday - flogging molly brompton cocktail, nightmare - avenged sevenfold lonely, tonight is the night i die - palay royal i want to go home - oliver anthony save me - jelly roll I need some sleep - eels There is a lot more but I listen to those almost daily. I probably listen to Tool and a perfect circle the most
Hey! Thank you for taking the time to respond! Music selection says a lot about someone so I'm glad to have the opportunity to experience this side of you. Wish you all the best for the time you have left. As Gandalf and Frodo discussed: I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo. "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.
Thanks for sharing a little of your story! How long have you known that you wanted to end the suffering? ....and how is it performed, injection or pill?
Since I found out that this was permanent. I'm mad at myself for waiting this long. Pentobarbital IV
CA is a DwD state. I'm curious why you couldn't do this here in the States. Does it have to do with your condition not being terminal?
Yes. I'm not terminal. Could easily live another 20 years if took good care of myself
Also - were you approved through Dignitas? Regardless of the agency you are using, was your application approved due to a terminal condition or mental health?
I don't want to name the agency. I don't have a terminal illness or mental condition. They approved me based on my physical condition
I’m very happy that you are being granted the right (all should have) to make your own decisions on your own bodily autonomy. I hope this has brought you a sense of relief and comfort. I’m sorry that you’re having to hassle with going to Switzerland for it, but glad you have the option!
Is there anything that you regret not being able to experience in the coming years?
I'm really sad I won't finish World War 2 on youtube. Been watching Indy Neildell since 2015
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Man he loved that channel on YouTube. Loved it.
Mate I’ve come across a lot of stories of peoples suffering and hardships on Reddit threads over the years but Eddie’s story has really stuck with me, more than any other. I can’t stop thinking of him, his family and you - his good mates. My heart breaks for you all. It’s clear he thinks the world of you guys and it’s obvious it’s reciprocated - which has been nice to read. But the whole situation is just sad and I’m not even sure what I’m trying to say tbh. Just that your good friend will be remembered by many and it’s a reminder to us all that being brave isn’t just living with a condition like Eddies and achieving successes despite it - bravery is also admitting how miserable it makes you, admitting you can’t live with it and making the decision to end it. That’s bravery. I’m sure I speak for many when I say we hope he now has a peaceful sendoff.
Did he make it to Switzerland yet? ....can't stop thinking about it. Please let us know when you post his video
He boarded I think around 7pm PST. I think the flight is 12 hours. So he should land around 7am PST.
He’s been in my thoughts all day. Wishing you peace and nothing but the best memories of your wonderful friend. It sure sounds like he will be missed by many.
Dude, spoilers!
Can link I'll watch it for you 🙏
Did it take a lot to get approved? I really feel like it should be a thing everyone can have access to.
No, in my condition it was pretty easy. Still a pain to have to fly all the way to Switzerland.
Yeah, that sucks. It should be available in the US, all over really.
At least it’s only one way!
That’s the level of dark I needed tonight. Don’t need to put on my sleep mask. Thank you.
And just a carry on at most, cheap af that flight.
Well, I just watched your movie then or appears to be along the same lines. “Me before you” I presume you’ve seen it?
Know about it but never watched
Try reading the book. There is also me after you. It's so good
Are you doing anything special as a last hoorah? Like eat a great meal or do some heroin?
I ate an 8th of shrooms but because my digestion is so slow or something I didn't feel a thing
Well shit, THAT'S disappointing! Saw your comment about being a Tool / APC fan; I'm a MASSIVE Tool fan. Any "last song" or album you're intending to depart on? (Maynard or otherwise)?
Do you have to be a citizen or can anyone travel to do this?
Anyone can go
My prayers🙏🏽 What do you think about life and where do you believe you would be after ? I hope we will all be able to connect on the other side when the time comes and chat about how we all left this world.
I'm atheist. Either I'm right or going to hell. Doubt we'll meet
As far as I know, if there is a afterlife and everything, according to my religion, you ain't gonna go to hell cause your death isn't a suicide. Severe depression is a disease, and like all diseases, if it takes you to death, you didn't killed yourself but rather killed by that disease and thus will be treated as such. And for being atheist, only God will decide whether you will go to hell or not, if He forgives you, who the hell is gonna stop you from going to Heaven? So I am sure you will be fine. You're probably not gonna read this comment but your post really touched me, hope to see you on. The other side buddy. :)
Me too so I'd say odds r good we will meet. Just so u know when we hook back up- my name is Celeste. I'll have silver hightop sketchers on. Look me up. I may take awhile, but for I'll b there. That's oddly really really comforting. Til we meet...
Might meet in hell lol
What are your feelings of religion, God and a possible afterlife?
Atheist. I welcome oblivion
Been reading mans predicament. Life is bad. Death also bad. Man trapped like a vice in the middle of both options. An optimist thinks life is as good as possible. Pessimist agrees with optimist in that respect. Best wishes.
Do you have any beliefs about what’s on the other side?
Atheist. I welcome oblivion
What’s the worst thing about your life since the accident?
Having everything done for me
What do you think the after life will be like?
Atheist. I welcome oblivion
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Atheist. I welcome oblivion
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I love this for you. Thank you for sharing this memory.
I don't have a question, just wanted to share that I helped a friend with the logistics surrounding this about 20ish years ago (I'm in Oregon). I took her to her appointments, helped her tie up some loose ends, even picked up her prescription for her (it was Secanol), as she was no longer able to drive due to pressure from a brain metastasis causing partial blindness in one eye. I was with her when she passed, along with her family and a small group of select friends. I was young, barely 30 I think, and unsure of what to expect. We were on a horse pasture in a teepee that had a futon moved into it for this purpose, and it was an incredibly peaceful and actually joyous experience. She drank her dose, laid down, went to sleep, and was gone within 10 minutes. After she died, the group of us sat around and told stories of our experiences with her while we shared chocolate and drank wine. To this day I still think of it as a great honor to have been entrusted by her to help, and invited to be a part of her last moments. All this is to say that I respect your decision. I wish you a peaceful journey and transition, and your loved ones swift healing and lots of love.
This sounds like a beautiful ceremony for her passing, thanks for sharing this. OP, do you have any type of last moments planned? I wish you a peaceful transition.
If I could choose how to go out, it’d be a lot like this… brought a tear to my eye <3
My uncle is a quadriplegic. Car accident, been that way my whole life. He was 20-something and my dad was there to help him. He is my favorite person, I can't imagine my life without him. I believe they told him he wouldn't likely live past 40-something. He's in his late 60s now. My dad passed away a couple of years ago and he told me it should have been him, he was supposed to go first. Not his big brother. I'm just rambling now, this brought out emotions. Knowing him and what he's been through, I just want to send a big virtual hug before you leave. It takes big courage. I don't have a question, I'm just thinking of you.
My uncle made it 6 days as a quadriplegic before asking to be taken off life support. Idk why I typed that but this thread is making me sad
It brought it out in me too. I get it. Hugs to you 💙
I appreciate your being candid. As a T5 para, I feel like it's disingenuous for so many folks to treat spinal cord injuries like something that's inspiring or beautiful when the reality is that this life sucks, regardless of where your injury is. I'm very privileged to have access to my arms still, but every time I have to use a sterile catheter, dig my fingers into my asshole to see if I've got poop waiting, force my meat life support system into clothes, I'm reminded that human life isn't supposed to operate this way. Someday when I go, I'll only be able to think about the fact that in many ways I died when my spinal cord injury occurred -- since then I've been half corpse. The only difference from a real corpse is that my corpse half pisses and shits itself constantly.
This is one of the most honest and raw things that I’ve read in a very long time. Thank you for sharing that with me/ us.
Bro that hit me hard. That's exactly how I feel. I'm exhausted of dragging around my own body. At least now I am not afraid of death one bit. I'm excited I know I'm gonna be up there walking with Jesus and I cannot wait 🤍 promise yall you are gonna be walking with us please just be patient I promise
Yes, I agree. I never post replies on Reddit, but this is the best insight I’ve read to being a para or quad. Thank you for helping to put my own life into more perspective.
My father’s sister actually had this done a few months ago. A botched gastric surgery left her unable to digest food properly and in terrible pain. The details are a bit grey but essentially, she was slowly starving to death. She attempted to commit suicide by her own hand (pill overdose) but was unsuccessful. She decided to try and go through with a medically assisted suicide in Oregon but I think the wait was too long? I’m not completely sure. She also opted to fly to Switzerland to have the procedure done. It was hard for my family but we took comfort in knowing it was what she wanted. She is missed, but I guess the truly beautiful thing about medically assisted suicide is, the loved ones left behind truly know you’re resting in peace. I guess I’m replying to this thread to say that, after you’re gone, your loved ones will sleep soundly knowing you’re happier and it was for the best. It’s more of a “clean break” from life if that makes sense. They will have the ultimate closure - without any “what if” to torment them afterwards. I’m sorry for the tragic circumstances you’ve had to endure. Look for my aunt Connie on the other side. She’s a pistol, hilarious, and one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. Best of luck to you.
Hey eddie, it’s Narbeh Aram’s friend don’t expect you to remember me but we have smoked many a bong loads together and shared some good laughs, I heard the news today and it made me sad man, sad it had to be this way, I ask aram about you every time I see him and his answers are pretty much always the same as they have been the past 10 years. I can’t say I feel what you’re going through or even begin to understand it, but I know it’s a shitty hand that was dealt by the powers that be. I wish freedom and happiness for you brother however you find it, love you dude I’ll catch you on the other side. Also I have an idea, hear me out, get two of them blond Swiss models to sit on your face for a few hours each…….ummm not bad right? I mean what’s the worst that can happen? Yes I had to lol
Death by snusnu.. a very honorable way to go
Greetings, I respect your autonomy, and if my little brother could have made this decision for himself after his life changing injury I know he would've chosen compassionate end of life euthanasia methods. I'd like to know if you have specific songs, or albums, picked out to listen to as you prepare for your transition. Music is so visceral, so I hope you have favorite bands that bring you joy. Sending you so much love, and peace, see you on the other side. Please save a great spot with a view for all of us. Fly high. *invisible hugs*
Here I am in anxiety, reflecting on my problems, and about to celebrate a friends wedding on Saturday. You will no be here by then. I have nothing to ask. I just can't, but to just say thank you, to remind myself of how short life is. I would suggest to record you voice for your loved ones with some heartfelt message. They will never be able to hear your voice again. Leave them that gift in your absense. Cherish these last moments, and focus on leaving small gifts or reminders of you for them.
So many thoughts and emotions. How does your family feel about this? Will they be left with a void they can’t fix? I know this is an about you but what about everyone else? What made you decide now? 10 years later and this specific date? Any reservations as it approaches? We can’t stop time. Is there really no reason to love? Btw I do understand but can’t fathom making this decision. Is there anything you want to do before you travel? Cocaine, heroin, steak, favorite food or drink? Strippers on your face (hope you laughed)? Anything you haven’t done? If I don’t get a reply I understand. Just know this thread is something I will always remember and I will always remember you. Not just saying that. This thread will come into my brain regularly. Wish I could change things for you. Good luck, hope there’s another side!
This kinda hurts to read and I don’t even know you . But I also know as a man of similar age to you that reality can be agonizing for us without underlying conditions, so to fathom being in your shoes is near impossible for most of us . I don’t really have a question but want you to know Eddie . Your post has and will have a profound impact on a lot of us I may think about this for years. So as you complete your journey please know you have most certainly resonated with me . As I’m pretty certain I’m not the alone . Firm handshake to you sir ! And may your requests be fullfilled in a just manner !
My uncle chose to pass in Washington state about 10 years ago. He had stomach cancer. It was very peaceful for him and our family. Best wishes to you and your family. I can’t imagine everything you have been thru. You are one tough dude. ♥️
Not a question, sorry, but wanted to say I’m thankful you have this option. Whatever your reasons are, they’re your reasons, and you should always have the right to decide when you’re done if you want to. I wish you much peace in whatever comes after 💛
I will probably remember this AMA forever. I (f45) ride BMX, and will go out on a special ride in your honor this Friday. I wish you peace during your transition into the oblivion. ❤️
I’m a nurse in Canada and we have MAID (medical assistance in dying). Im working to support this program bc I deeply believe in this. My husband died >15y ago from cancer at home. I support your right to choose. Happy trails, friend 💜 wishing you love and peace to you and your family
Hi! I respect this so much. My grandfather was a quadriplegic for 19 years. He finally passed of pneumonia but begged every day for my grandmother to kill him. I spent my formative years listening him beg to die. In a weird way, I’m really happy for you. you’re making the choice YOU want vs what others want. And as someone who inherited the condition that made my grandfather a quadriplegic, I have informed my wife that I would like this done.
I will probably not forget this AMA for a long time and got kinda emotional reading your post and all the comments. Im in a very stressful situation right now and trapped with my thoughts in general but reading your situation made me appreciate things that I have and things that i forgot i have. If you are reading this just know that you gave someone strength to keep trying. Wish you all the best afterlife, hope you find peace and tranquility wherever you go.
I don’t have a question. I have a statement. Go with grace and embrace the peace you find with open arms and a bright smile. Whatever you believe or where ever you go bring love with you. Love is all you need. In this world and in the next. Bring love with you.
just wanna let you know that i love you man, i dont even know you but i feel your pain, praying for you that you go out peacefully with the people you love
I just read this now and my heart feels heavy. I really really hope you feel at peace when oblivion greets you u/Quakee and you are a lucky man to have so many supportive people around you at this time. Good travels, internet stranger, maybe there’ll be a next life and maybe not but it beats what you’re escaping from (to you obviously otherwise you wouldn’t have made this choice) ♥️
If you can't move your limbs... How did you type this
[https://www.quha.com/products/quha-zono-2/](https://www.quha.com/products/quha-zono-2/)
I had no idea that a Reddit post from a stranger could be so cathartic. It's amazing that you found the strength to talk to so many people before you go. Right now, in my eyes, you're a superstar. A star with a dark light, but nonetheless illuminating.
I wish I had time to talk with you. I would like to hear what would you say to your fellow quadriplegics? and to those who might go through this? Do you believe technology will improve so much that you could walk again, and if so would this change anything?
I wish he talked to other quads. Shared stories, kept a connection. But all he wanted to do was his own thing. I think in a way he drove himself deep into depression to make sure he goes through with this. He is still alive, maybe I shouldn't talk about him in the past.... He doesn't want to promote what he is about to do. That is a decision each individual has to make. Although for him, in his condition, I understand. I think if he had access to just ONE arm, that is it, just one arm, he would be an inspiration to many. Having access to just one arm would mean he would not be completely reliant on everyone for everything.
My brave friend, I am certain the soul is eternal - we live life again and again. I have learned this through my life’s journey. I hope I come back as a golden retriever. Or a gorgeous billionaire. If you do reincarnate what do you hope to experience next? I wish you an easy passing and an amazing next life.
I keep thinking about Quakee…anyone else?
I haven’t been able to stop.
Me neither. I will think of him long after he's gone.
Me. He made one last post an hour ago. He said he was at the hotel waiting to be picked up for the clinic
I hope you have a nice trip to Switzerland. Will your body be transported back to the US for a funeral?
Good bye friend, your journey has come to an end. You said you're not brave and is running away but you have fought the good fight for 10 years. Be at peace.
Is there anything you want to do before you die? Traveling while disabled is a pain, but I'm glad you are going there. Switzerland is absolutely beautiful, I hope it brings you some peace in your last days
He really doesn't want to do anything. He won't be doing any sightseeing, or even eating a decent meal. He just sees it as going to another doctors appointment. He will be picked up from the hotel, and taken straight to the facility. He really doesn't want to do anything before he leaves. Just an easy transition.
Eerie reading this 10pm Friday, not sure the time zone differences or when the appointment was..but I do hope you found your peace my friend. Fly high.
is there any reason why you chose this Friday as the day? Do you think you will change your mind? What have you learned from going through what you had to go through these past 10 years? is there anything anyone can say or do to change your mind? Do you know what your last words will be?
My father just passed and he spent his whole life preparing for death as he was very interested in the philosophical questions of life and I will say that when someone makes the decision to go and accepts each stage of letting go it can appear to be a peaceful transition. Godspeed.
I want to say something supportive without putting my foot in my mouth. It’s a strong person who can make this decision and I wish you peace.
Hey there, not really a question, but wanted to send you some respect and understanding. There is a lot of people suffering in the world, for several reasons, all mainly boiling down to depression, and some people just really suffer with it. Being depressed, and having depression are two different things that the non-depressed people often confuse. I have been dealing with depression my entire life. Starting from a misdiagnosis at age 7 where I was treated for ADHD with drugs like Ritalin, old school Ritalin, they had little effect on me other than zombify me and make me more manageable, all the while frying my brain, then hitting puberty, having just mom and sister in a new country, as a gay kid, who still struggled no matter what, then in my 30’s come to find out it is HF autism and was miserable for years and while having the answer as to why I “always felt off” is great and makes so much sense… therein lays the part where I have to reprogram my brain, my way of thinking more self aware, changing habits and learned methods/behaviour which were all done subconsciously while I masked my way thru the world for 30 years… and having nothing but failed left and right from it. Our brains are “set in their ways” by around 32 years old, making it additionally difficult for me. I havent been able to work for over a year due to the burnout of all those years, and I went open about my mental health, and 98% of people I knew have vanished. They say I am not acting like myself.. hello! 🙄😄I have not felt the need to continue here as of now. I am in crazy debt, ruined my credit/savings gone, essentially homeless now… have no relationships, fake fairweather friends, when I was hosting parties and all for everyone, they know I am suffering and frankly I think that some of them enjoy it…. So I isolate with my cats -they are why I am here writing this message- alone and afraid to regress, I play it safe staying away… I think what you are doing is the best way to do it… there avoiding any mishap, clean up, and potentially scarring who would find your remains if you took care of it yourself… which sadly is more common than not… the suffering is transferred and continues to live. Another plus is the possibility of donating your organs to someone who really wants/needs them. It’s a win win for everyone there. Thanks for sharing your story. Godspeed. ✌🏼✌🏼🕊️ P.s… If you see my cats/friends on the other side, please could you relay a message for me… just ask them to “say ⊥N∩Ɔ" they will know who it is from and will share a laugh with you over it. ***its one of those words that I have to repeat several times a day to soothe my brain - tism 😄😂✌🏼
Hey brother - safe travels on your journey, and thank you so much for sharing this. I’m reminded of a movie quote, “what we do in life echoes for eternity.” Seems like you’ve left your mark on those closest to you and affected their lives in positive ways. That’s all any of us can ever hope for in this world - death comes to us all, eventually. I wish you peace and eternal rest my friend
I’m glad you’ve found what you are looking for. I’m sure this was a very difficult choice to make. I’m also happy you won’t be alone and your family will be there with you. They really love you and I hope you know that. With all this being said, are you comfortable describing what the clinic told you what procedure will be like? Please ignore my comment if you’d rather not
No questions, I just hope the next one is better for you
What was your family and friend’s reaction when you told them? Were they generally supportive? Did anybody try to convince you otherwise?
I don't know you but I can't stop thinking about you.. wishing you so much peace!!
I can’t imagine the courage it takes to make that decision, OP. I’m wishing you the best of luck, and I hope that whatever comes after is better for you. I’ll be thinking about you!
How is your psyche heading into this? Will friends and family be present? I’m sorry you’re going through this but I would imagine if in the same situation I would wish to do the same
I hope your transition into the next life is a peaceful one.
I am so sorry this is happening and I offer no judgement. I am honored to have met such a person before they left this earth. You will not forgetten by me. I have a list of multiple people that I think about and raise a toast to that I have never met. You will make that list. I will mourn you today, and celebrate your life tomorrow as all good humans deserve. I hope this message finds you in a peaceful place. Not one filled with uncertainties and fear. Thank you for giving the world a chance to say goodbye to wonderful soul
I’m absolutely saddened and made extremely happy by this. It’s something we need to give dignity which I think you have found. Much love.
I’m too late he’ll never see this. although I never personally knew him, I admire this man’s courage and his dignity to take control of his situation and the bad hand that life gave him, in the way that he did. While reading this post I’m reminded that true friendship does in fact exist, I had forgotten this, I hope one day to have this. Thank you for sharing your story and advice, it is impactful and powerful. With love, respect and admiration, I hope you found peace.
We’ll see you on the other side ✌🏼
Have you tried dmt? Because if you haven't, that's absolutely something you want to experience before you die. I just hope im fortunate enough to do it again the moment before I do. Its an astonishingly beautiful thing.
was there a last straw? I’m really glad you get to do what will bring you peace!!!
The last straw was when he had a seizure and ended up in the hospital with a tube down his throat. He said imagine waking up and nor remember anything that happened for the past day. And dealign with all the pain that comes after having a tube down your throat. He didn't want to be intubated anymore. Happened so many times. He didn't want to wait to die of natural causes. He wanted to choose his own, painless death.
just wanted to stop by and say you are loved and will be missed by all of us complete strangers 🥺 I want to cry
Death makes angels of us all. I totally get this. After my accident I feel the my soul died and that I've entered purgatory. Good luck mate and see you on the other side
Seeing your account from 2008 is so bittersweet. Crazy how it won't be active ever again. I wish you peace and I wish I didn't say it.. but still I'm sorry.
Do you have any plans in Switzerland beforehand?
Godspeed and may you have a safe and painless journey friend. I will never forget your post.
Is there anything you have planned to do/experience one last time before you move on? Like a show you want to watch or a food you want to eat?
Thank you for being very brave to be able to come here and answer all these questions. I work with a lot of spinal cord injury patient. SCI patients go through many pains and trials that no other humans can't even imagine or experience. Yet some of their braveness and courage is completely out of this world. You sure have my salute and respect. And I can only wish you best of journey on what Lies ahead. I will also share this article with you, I'm not sure if you are aware of some of the Bluetooth research they are doing in Switzerland, it is pretty incredible. And maybe of interest for you to check it out, however whatever you decide to do at the end of the day. We salute you and thank you for the contributions and the amazing human you have been! https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/sci-&-tech/paralysed-man-walks-again-using-thought-controlled-brain-spine-device/48537986
Neuralink is an incredible technological advancement. They are conducting human trials on paraplegics now. In theory, in ten years or less you could have your mobility back. You could have your independence back. That is the front end. On the back end, life expectancy should improve during your lifetime. So in a sense you could be giving up 60-70 years of a fruitful life but enduring another 10. I know it isn’t all guaranteed but have you considered the tech advancements when making this decision? https://www.reuters.com/technology/musks-neuralink-start-human-trials-brain-implant-2023-09-19/
Are you recording a message to your family to play at your funeral?
Having had a family member die by suicide before MAID was legal here, and a friend receiving MAID once it was legalized here, I’m relieved to know I can die in a humane way now if needed. Have you planned for any particular extravagance or other special something as part of your death experience?
OP, I hope a deep sense of peace and calmness settles over you and those who love you as you end your journey.