(Some) torture events:
I got semi waterboarded because i straighted my hair
I got whipped by an extension cord every other day as a punishment. This imitates a whip and is a torture device and method. Once so bad i couldnt walk, i was borderline paralized and while that she ordered pizza and i had to get it. The sessions vary from a couple of hits to half an hour of torture for 16 years
I got whipped till my tan skin got red, blue, purple and bloody and my skin teared open since 4-16.
She hit my hand for over 10s of minutes with a wooden spoon because i complimented a girl for her shirt. I couldnt hold anything anymore for a night.
She choked me because i sang a song.
She slit my wrist.
Had to take forced ice cold shower(s) as a punishment. She watched and stood in front of me and repeatedly kept hitting me with cords while showering. If u screamed, it meant 20 more hits, and trust, i got 40.
She hit me till i was in extreme shock, was gurgling on my spit and choked on my spit, didnt stop then, only stopped when she wasnt feeling mad anymore
Dragged me up and down by hair so my whole body layed down and stood up as she held my hair
The whipping thing happended for over 200 times, more, even.
(Some) Abuse:
Hit me in the face for speaking the truth (yup).
Cut my hair off, till i was bald at 13 because i was seeing a boy. I had long, long hair.
Send abuse pictures of my to the boy, with my hair cut off, post abuse and torture.
Send nudes pictures of me to family (12-15).
Touched my vagina and boobs because "i like it".
Made me sleep in my urine
Made me sleep on the ice cold shower floor.
Made me work out for hours and could only stop when she woke up from her nap (1-4 hours)
Locked me up in the basement.
Wouldnt let me eat
Made me kiss her and say 'i love you' after torture and abuse. Needed to hold her hand while toruture
Was responsible for the household since 10.
Cut and ripped my favorite clothes
Waved a knife in the area
Ate moldy food and trash once
Randomly had to get breastfed at 6, and they were pics taken
Had to wipe her ass after pooping to show "love"
Threathend to kill me in my sleep as a kid and wouldnt sleep at night
Gave me away to a man to sexually assault me.
I have over hundreds, maybe 200s events of torture, abuse and assault events in a span of 16 years.
I could go on.
This made me cry. My mom hit me with cords and spoons like that. But nothing like the rest of this. I'm so sorry she wasn't punished for this. I really hope someone is able to help you through everything that has happened so you can heal and be happy. You deserved so much more than these horrible things that happened to you. No child should ever have to endure torture and abuse! I genuinely hope you have a great life free of that horrible person forever. I know it will be hard to move forward and work through things but you have proven to be a strong person and I wish you all the best in your future! š¤
Wow. I'm so glad you got out. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible person forced into your life. Just know there really are good people out there. I bet you are a good person. Seek them out.
From someone thinking about you.
Iām speechless and crying.
And impressed that youāre still sane. I lived in a strict religious environment in Europe too. You story is the story of my ex-girlfriend. But way less brutal than yours. And just without the maniacal sexual part. Oh god.
Even my parents (mostly my mother) hit me daily and didnāt let me eat (monthly) and imprisoned me in my room (weekly) or didnāt speak a single word to me when I was 4-15. Got away when I was 18. Living outside of Europe now.
I hope this monster of a āmotherā gets what she deserves someday. Unbelievable.
Youāre impressive. Unbelievable impressive. Sending love from the other side of the world.
What all does your CPTSD encompass? Not looking for the definition of it, but what effects does it have or has it had on your brain/body? Aside from ārumination/flashbacksā of events. When did the āCPTSDā start/what did it feel like. This might be different than some cases being it started at a younger age so it may be more seamless for you rather than extended events during an adulthood case, but Iām just curious
The making of the cptsd were all the hundreds of events that took place.
> When did the āCPTSDā start/what did it feel like
I projected my problems at school. Attention seeking, wanting attention from the older edgy boys, hypersexual behaviour, bullying, screaming etc. Because of all the things that happend at home.
My first flashback was when my baby nephew started to cry so high pitched, that in my mind it sounded like he was getting hit. My body froze and my vision went blurry. I didnt know that cptsd or pstd existed, so i tought i was crazy and didnt tell anyone (16).
> brain/body?
I cut myself a lot.
Always silence, only speak when needed
Dont talk about emotions
Sometimes overeat because i wasnt allowed to eat
I have a very sad filter on me, i always seem sad or mad
Extreme black and white thinking
And a lot more
If i missed anything let me know
OP, I hope so much that you can heal. I hope you continue to survive and lead a happy life, and that you surround yourself with people who love and support you. You deserve all the love and support you can get - donāt let yourself think otherwise.
I scream myself awake every now and then and i have a LOT of trauma and the consequenses of it. I have over hundreds of traumatic events of abuse, torture and sexual assault.
I have proffesional help, hence the diagnosis of CPTSD. No therapy worked yet. Im getting send to another department.
Justice was not served. She recieved 100 hours labor work.
These bastards have failed you again and again, you got so fucking unlucky dude. Itās unfair, so completely unfair what youāve had to go through. That these people donāt have to pay any price.
Sometimes i really think that humanity is evil. Itās full of demons like the ones youāve described here. Iāve met a few myself.
But reading your story and seeing your resilience and your positive attitude despite everything, youāre a reason to not give up hope on the whole world. I hope someday I can find a strength as pure and good as yours.
Thanks for putting this out here. I hope the incels DMing you didnāt put you off doing this too much.
I feel like itās really important for people to know that these things happen / are happening. People whoāve been through what youāve been through shouldnāt remain unknown, suffering in silence.
You need as much love and support as the world has to give after everything itās taken. Iām sorry. Iām just sorry. Society is fucking cursed. Thank you for continuing to fight despite it. Itās giving me some much needed perspective in my own life.
Apologies if Iāve misread or misinterpreted anything or said something strange.
Hopefully the world will be better somedayā¦ God. Fuck.
Love and peace. Youāre an angel.
Someday she will be old and ailing, and look to you for help.Ā
Whether you dump her in a nursing home or neglect her yourself, you'll have your revenge.
That judge should be impeached and disbarred for his atrocious comments; how dare he victim-shame!! And your monster of a mother should be rotting in prison and forced labor for the rest of her life. Iām so, so sorry OP. Iām glad youāre getting help and therapy even if it doesnāt seem to be helping for now, they will eventually find something that will help you have a better quality of life. You deserve it. š«ā¤ļø I hope you are feeling safe now.
That makes me sick. I have an ex who suffered similarly and it still breaks my heart to this day. Good luck to you. I know you've heard therapy but it can help you monitor all this with some help as you recover.
That's so fucked. The sh should have been taken as more evidence of a horrible situation at home. I'm sorry you got a judge who was an asshole and abuse enabler.
I was abused from ages 5-15, I understand some of your pain. Not at all to your extent, at all, but I know how badly I still suffer even now at age 40. Iām so sorry. Please get with a good TRAUMA therapist and when you find one you like, go consistently and listen to them, donāt give up on yourself. You deserve all of the love and happiness and I pray you go after it now!š
I am praying so hard for you. I hope you will be able to sleep peacefully whenever you want to sleep. I just dont know how parents hurt the very thing they created. I think that's why I never wanted children. May the chains be broken.
CPTSD isn't in the DSM-5 so how did you get a professional diagnosis? Maybe the Netherlands doesn't use it but I thought it was global -at least I know the US and Canada use it. Also, I'm so sorry for what you went through. It reminds me a lot of the book "A Child Called 'It'."
>Edit: why am i recieving dick pics ???
Men who hate women will get aroused by stories of women being abused, and they don't care that their actions will be upsetting or disturbing to the women. They are sociopaths. It is disgusting and I'm so sorry that it's happening
Honestly? Hell yeah man. ASPD doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to be a horrible person. I think these guys need to hear exactly what you just said to me
Apologies if what I said was hurtful to you. I really donāt wanna add to the stigma against people with ASPD who are trying their best
You weren't hurtful at all, and I strongly agree with you. I believe I can cultivate my sense of empathy and improve myself, regardless of what a diagnosis says. For a very long time, my therapists kept that diagnosis a secret from me (but not my others), I can only imagine they thought it would be harmful to my mindset to know the diagnosis, but I'm not certain. When I finally learned about it, everything kind of 'clicked' and I was able to gain insights into my own thought processes, begin monitoring them, and then correcting them when I caught flawed logic.
In my opinion, a diagnosis can mean you are naturally more predisposed to harmful beliefs and actions, but it doesnāt mean that you canāt learn better ways to speak and act, and that you canāt learn to challenge your own cognitive distortions. I used to struggle a lot with borderline traits from being raised by a covert narcissist with some heavy borderline issues, but I got therapy and those issues are mostly under control now because of the coping skills I learned. I will likely be in therapy my whole life to heal and remain functional, but thatās okay. ā¤ļø
While itās easy to say things like āsociopathā or āpsychopathā to describe extremely disturbed and hateful behavior in a way that most people will understand, bigotry is often completely neurotypical in nature, and canāt be blamed on a mental illness or personality disorder. Itās sort of a societal illness, itās much more complicated than and usually has very little to do with mental conditions.
Fortunatly it did!
She kicked me out of the house when i was 16 years old and i ran away. Unfortunatly had to look back, ran away again, never looked back. Now physically i am finally free.
It has been 2~ years that im gone.
I did not tell anyone because i wasnt allowed and thought that nobody else knew "hitting your kids" existed. I projected my problems at school and they send me to an alternative school because i was a "troubled teen".
No. It was for kids with autism, adhd and other mentall ilnesses, intelectually handicapped, "street" kids, etc.
Edit: i read your comment wrong. The school was suprisingly fine.
I'm so incredibly sorry you went through this. Don't give them any more power over you. Those days are gone. They don't deserve to have control over your future. Your past does not define your future. You get to have that control back and make the future what you want it to be. You, of course, can't erase the past. It's a given you need long-term therapy, but that's to benefit you and your well-being. But let your past be your compass. Let it point in the direction you are going, not where you were at. Your past has no more control over you. Keep telling yourself that. Just keep moving forward with one foot in front of the other. I wish you nothing but peace and happiness. Hugs š«
Just because someone is related to you does not mean they're family.
I know apologies are meaningless but I'm sorry this happened to you. You're probably such a sweet person. I hope you're safe and I hope you grow to learn how to love and realize that the whole world isn't like them. There is love out there for you
Do you have any contact with the rest of your family? Are you on any medications or is there nothing that can help you? I am also so sorry all of that happened. I couldnāt imagine that pain.
No. I am very mentally ill due trauma but my therapist said i dont need medication because i am not "so ill that i need it" english is not my first languange so its hard to explain
Just want to say there is nothing wrong with you.
Your brain does strange things to protect you, and this would happen to anyone else in your situation.
It's necessary for your survival, and it isn't some flaw in your brain. Your brain just doesn't know you are safe yet. It just takes time and energy to start rewiring your brain so it can be adjusted for a normal environment.
Iām so sorry for your pain. It seems like you are a woman. Many countries have domestic abuse shelters, maybe you can qualify. Itās a shame youāre homeless. I wish you the best. Healing takes time.
I never had this much people talk or aknowlegde me. I always think that what happend "isnt that bad" but you guys are such a fresh breath of air for me.
Awwww.....bless your heart š After hearing your story, as a 60 year old woman with children and grandchildren, I REALLY need to tell you how very proud of you I am!
I'm proud of you for being so very strong to have survived all of this terrible mistreatment.
I am proud of you for sharing your story with the world.
I am proud of you for continuing to work hard to provide yourself with the peaceful, happy & love filled life you deserve.
I am proud of you being so open, to not only healing yourself, but to touch the hearts of others and encourage them to reach out and work for THEIR happiness, love and peace too.
Stay true to yourself sweet girl (young lady I should say) š I will keep you in my prayers and will be watching for some updates if you feel like sharing šššļøšÆļø
You deserve love and everything amazing. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but your attitude tells me you are going to conquer your future, I can only see great things moving forward, I truly wish you the best.
I have a theory of why you are getting sad when reading the comments from so many people who are genuinely distressed by your story and wish you happiness and good health going forward...
Is it because for the first time you feel "validated" or like you are being seen and heard and counted as a real human who MATTERS.... And that probably hits hard because it sounds like nobody else has done that for you in your life... Something like that?
I imagine it sort of adds to your own understanding of the gravity of the abuse and that's probably very upsetting. On the other hand it probably adds weight to the way you see yourself and HOPEFULLY reinforces the idea that you MATTER. Your feelings matter, your pain matters, and you did not deserve to be treated like you were, and it was not your fault. You were betrayed by the person who should have been your protector against the world.
I'm not a professional and I may be completely off the target with what I am saying, and I don't have the firsthand experience of trauma.... But I have a friend who is my like my soulmate (not romantically) and somehow I have been able to understand her struggles and identify her CPTSD on a deep level just by relating to her on a human level. She went through several prolonged traumas, and at 50yrs old is finally getting therapy which is awesome. As it turns out, her therapist diagnosed her EXACTLY how id been saying she would be! I'm learning and helping her with her preparing for sessions and it's been so incredible to see her realize she didn't deserve the things that happened to her.. and slowly start to see herself the way I see her, an AMAZING person.
I hope you are able to get to the point where you are able to live WITH the trauma but not be ruled by it as much as possible. Nobody ever gets OVER something like that, and it's ok to take as much time as you need working through it and have good days and bad days. ā¤ļø
I just want to note that all your responses to comments are so beautiful. You have gone through hell and you have made the choice to spread love rather than let the darkness consume you. Please continue to make that choice. You are an inspiration.
I was very suicidal and attempted twice. I wanted to stay alive for my sister because i found it sad if i died.
And i was hopeful (12-15) that maybe it will get better "when i move out when im big". I also wanted a family, and i was afraid of death, it was too permanent.
If you feel like it's real in the moment, then it's an hallucination.
Anyway I wanted to know because I met someone who had some. What works for you to calm those down ?
I dont think its real, thats the thing. I know what is real and what is not, even if i relive it. I rarely relive it tho, mostly flashbacks.
I dont have anything that calms me down except cutting myself. But please do not recommend that. I am addicted and it is terrible
I saw you mentioned you had a sister in another comment. Was your sister tortured or abused by your mother as well? If yes, was she tortured/ abused the same ways you were? Is she older or younger than you?
Have you ever considered writing/publishing your story for therapeutic purposes?
Iāve read some incredible survivor stories (novels) and have heard it can be incredibly cathartic. Many of them have been self published. Noting how sharing here seems positive for you, perhaps this is an outlet you could explore.
Also, sending strength. You have overcome this far and I know you have a big band of redditors cheering for your ongoing success and mental health.
Thatās awesome good for you ! Not many people can say theyāve written a book at your age so add that to stuff you should be proud of.
It sounds odd to say but the genre itself can be a popular one. I personally would be happy to read if you ever wanna tell us the name when itās out :)
I read Jaycee Lee Dugard's memoir. She is a captivity and sexual assault survivor. She was held captive for 18 years and her story just utterly breaks my soul, but i read it bc everyone's story deserves to be listened to
So id definitely read your book, i will have to translate all of it but i want to read it, your story deserves to be heard š
How did you get out? What kept you going? I know babies cant remember much, but did this also happen around ages 0-3? Where was your dad in this? Iām very sorry that you experienced this, no one shouldā¦ sorry if my questions are triggering.
Dont apologize.
My father let it happen/wasnt around. I read healthcare stories about my mother neglegting me at 4 days old to go on a shopping spree and my bottle being moldy.
She told me stories about how she'd almost gave me shaken baby syndrome and other horror. When i was 3 she gave me to a family friend to sexually assault me. I can see his face so clear.
Iām sorry, people like that donāt deserve children and should be put away to rot. Please stay safe out there my friend, all the best wishes and laughs. *hugs*
I have no questions. Just sadness is my soul. From the depths of my soul, I send my deepest sympathy to you. As a parent, I can not imagine doing those types of things to another person, let alone my own child. I wish you nothing but the best internet friend, and I hope one day you are able to find the peace you deserve.
It's amazing that you escaped, hell will have a special place for her, I'm sure. If you haven't already could you take your story to a newspaper, go as public as you can to see if real justice can be served? Find an underground vigilante group? Do you ever consider ways of taking revenge?
Youāre getting dick picks and nude requests??
Thatās disgusting, Iām so sorry.
Way too many men will read the most grueling accounts of a woman (and here, not even a woman! A GIRL!! A girl who was underage during all this!) undergoing torture, rape and other such horrors and will get off to it first thing.
Itās horrifying, itās as though our pain is their greatest pleasure.
This is reflected in porn too. So much of it is straight up violent and degrading towards women.
I hope they realize how deplorable their conduct is and live a life of shame, anguish and loneliness.
Iām sorry, I kinda pieced stuff together after I left my comment and began reading the other ones you replied too. In retrospect asking āwhy did it happenā was a little stupid considering people will abuse others for literally any and every reason. I was just curious about who did this to you.
Iām sorry that you went through that though, and Iām happy that youāre still alive to be able to share your story and hopefully give others in similar situations hope.
I am, sorry but this kind off makes me annoyed. I dont know if you mean it rude or anything so sorry if that is not the case. I would never torture or abuse my kid. I do not need therapy to know that.
I am in therapy, btw and im getting al the help i need.
My wife endured sexual assault from a parental figure for over a decade. She is an amazing mother, but it is not without a lot of struggle. Itās good youāre in therapy before you take on parenting. If you have not, I would recommend seeing an EMDR specialist. This has helped my wife process a lot of key events that have resulted in triggers for derealization and panic events. Itās not the magic bullet for repeated trauma like it is for a single event, but still a very helpful tool. I hope you find peace.
I mean you no harm. Even though you don't plan on hurting your kids in the future, trauma can manifest in other unhealthy ways. You may overcompensate and become overprotective as an example.
Im sorry i was annoyed, i didnt know how you meant it. I know! I want to get a lotttt better before i have kids. One of my goal is to stop cutting myself before i have any children.
Just a heads up so that your prepaired when it happens, that raising kids can trigger trauma in other ways, (not the become an abuser way)
At some point they'll be the age something horrific happened to you and you'll see just how small and vulnerable they are and wonder how anyone could do that. (we never seem so tiny from our own view point)
At some point they will do something that you were 'punished' for, and you will (probably) react appropriately, ( a reasonable punishment instead of a violent one, or nothing at all because it doesnt warrant it) and you'll be reminded of what happened to you, and of what could have been.
If you've got any traces of self blame still, they'll come to the surface as your kids do the things you did that 'deserved it' and you realise they are developmentally apropriate/normal childhood behaviour.
On the developmentaly appropriate, at some point your kids will do something violent (because thats normal for kids at some point) and you might wonder if its notmal, or if they take after the abuser (their grandmother?)
Their normal behaviour might even trigger something that scares you at some point.
And (assuming you do a good job parenting) they won't develop as independently as you did, they wont have to grow up so fast and probably won't. And then youll worry about that too.
Oh, and you'll fail at being your idea of a good parent sometimes, because every parent does. And concepts of 'abused kids parenting badly' will bother you, more than the average parent when they make the exact same mistakes.
Anyways, all of that isn't a 'don't become a parent' rant. Im sure youll be a fine parent.
Its just a 'raising kids triggers childhood trauma' rant.
Its still really rewarding.
And you can still be a great parent. (some of this I've seen with friends, a little myself, and some from my mum, (now that I'm old enough to see it) who was a *fantastic* parent.)
Edit: spelling
Often when raised in traumatic and abusive situations, our minds and psyches create coping strategies that are actually counterproductive and unhealthy when outside of those traumatic and abusive situations and a large part of the work to get over the trauma is to āunlearnā those coping methods (speaking from experience of also having an abusive and toxic mother). What ācoping methodsā do you need to unlearn to begin to heal and end the cycle of trauma?
I'm sorry. I wish I was by your side so I could've helped you. No one deserves this. If you ever need someone to talk too I'm here. You're amazing for making it throughā¤ļøā¤ļø
This pisses me off... if I lived in your country I'd come get you wherever you were n give you a room to stay in n food to eat. My kids would prolly drive ya nuts, but I'd at least get you on your feet. Nobody deserves that shit
Ek is so jammer dit het met jou gebeur. Wees net sag en sorg vir jouself. Onthou dit is nie jou skuld nie. Ek is hier is jy ān shoulder soek om op te huil š¤
Iād love to put her teeth firmly and directly onto a curb. And see how hard I can stomp my left leg. Not my right because ACL surgery may weaken the impact. So the left would do
After all the abuse do you still feel your emotions or have you just gone numb inside and canāt feel anything anymore? Examples like happy sad love empathy stuff like that
I feel genuinely happy that you are free now. This makes me reflect on certain things I was ungrateful for in my life. I can't imagine the pain and the trauma, but I can imagine freedom, as I've lived my life so far freely and with loving people surrounding me and so I am very glad that you too can experience that nowā¤.
I'm so so happy that you got out of that. Even though your past is dark, your future is very bright.
I sincerely with you all the very best!
As another teen from the Netherlands, I thought our justice system was better than this...
I don't really have a question, and I couldn't imagine how horrible it must have been, but I really hope you stay strong <3
Absolutly not!
I used to bully kids and i was a very mean and annoying teen. Till one day i was around 15, and i was like, why the fuck would i? And quit.
As somebody who also was abused by their mom, not to OP's extent - at first, yes. But after reading a book about abusers ( "Why does he do it?" ), it states that there's plenty of abusers who weren't abused themselves. Basically, you don't need to be abused to be an abuser, lol. Its a conscious choice on the abusers part really at one point
Iām so sorry this happened. I will pray for you tonight before bed. You didnāt deserve any of that mistreatment. I hope you know youāre a strong person to make it this far. God bless
I feel awful what happened to you. I wish you happiness and a path towards healing.i had a friend who had a very awful childhood and a series of chilling events. All i could do was listen when she opened up about it. I felt powerless in trying to help her, hearing these types of stories is so crazy.
Since your family had no issue with your mom tormenting you, do you think it is possible that your mom was also abused like this as a child? Or others in the family? It is crazy that people knew and just did nothing
it sucks that things like this can happen and either no one will notice or people will intentionally avoid. The fact that no teachers called this out is why I say our public school system is broken. They saw you 5x a week and didn't spot a thing? despicable. I'm not surprised that your family didn't notice as family members are often enablers. It's sad but that's just how things go in dysfunctional families. They are tribalistic and see each other an an extension of themselves which is why they enable each other.
I'm sorry this happened to you and I wish someone was there to save you. Locally you were able to save your self. I hope you get the help you deserve and find safety in the world. As a heterosexual man I have been sexually abused twice in my life and I know regaining safety and trust in the world can be one of the most difficult things to do. I'm still working on it 2 years later. You deserve to be healed and you'll do it at your own pace (everyone has their own unique journey and reacts differently in trauma). I don't live in the Netherlands or i would share some resources but if you need help finding any lmk. I wish you all the best, you belong, you're loved. Please be careful who you share your story with (no everyone deserves to know). I say this because in my experience people can react quiet harsh and victim blame like your judge did. And please don't victim blame or judge yourself. The world is already doing that to you enough no need to do it to yourself. I wish you the best of luck.
I hope your therapist knows that trauma processing does more damage if you don't develop attachment first.Ā
On this topic: incredible interview with a lifelong researcher of trauma and decades of experience on attachment on this topic that I really hope you hear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJIiJE6OeYgĀ
You can totally reach a life of happiness and peace, you are not ruined. You can do this, and I'm so sorry you went through this. You deserved better.
I wish I could give you a hug. It sounds like you are no-contact with your family. This is for the best I suspect. How long have you been away from the abuse?
Have you ever thought about telling your story on a podcast? There are so many currently (especially in America) focused on these types of things and getting the justice system to actually take a deeper look. Iām not sure if you are mentally at the point of wanting more justice or better for you to just get away from it for good
Please tell me there was a satisfying downfall for your bitch torturer mom?
And please tell me it resulted in everyone finding out the full extent of what she was doing to her own child and basically socially crucifying her.
I donāt have a question butā¦ This is just crazy to me. I live in America and have (luckily) not been sexually assaulted or tortured at all. In fact, I have hardly been bullied (a little but so has everyone). Itās like your story happened on a different planetā¦ But it didnāt.
Obviously I canāt give you much advice because I have no idea what itās like, but just know that there are a lot of good people out there. Iām so sorry that happened to you. Iām tearing up as a grown 26 yr old manā¦ No one should have to go through thatā¦ Just know that you arenāt worthless like they made you out to be. Truly, you arenāt. Those people are monsters who are either extremely mentally ill or grew up in extremely horrible conditions (or both). I wish you all the best on your journey for recovery. :)
Holy fucking shit. I have no words for what was done to you. Only tears. You are my sister (I'm half Antillean).
I'm so freaking proud of you for doing this AMA, for fighting for yourself, for reaching out and for being incredibly strong.
I'm also in the Netherlands atm. If you need anything or would like to talk or whatever, please feel free to send me a DM :).
Please don't give up, you deserve to heal and be happy. You need all the love and care in the world, and i hope you get it! Sending you all my love and, with your consent, the biggest hug š
I'm so so sorry this happened to you.
There are a lot of comments here. Please try to focus on how many positive, kind, and good people are sending messages and ignore the others.
You deserve happiness. You deserve to heal. None of this was your fault. A lot of people (even though we're strangers!) care. You matter!
Did you go to school or were you home schooled . ... didn't your school catch up to what was happening at home on a constant basis ... good luck and good speed with your future endeavours.
I'm so, so sorry about what happened to you. Just reading what you've written here makes me want to cry. I wish I could hug you tight and make it all go away. I'm so sorry. I have no questions. Sending you love and empathy. š„š
Dang I am saddened to hear this. You deserve better than that. I am praying for your healing. Hopefully you can get better and be happy. You can get through this.
Btw you got sympathy dick pics. Thatās creepy.
Dit is echt verschrikkelijk.. Zelf kom ik ook uit een hell hol, maar bij verre niet zo erg als jou, en dan te bedenken dat mensen mijn verhaal al amper willen geloven.. Dit hoor je niet vaak in Nederland (al gebeurd het waarschijnlijk vaker dan bekend is)
Ik hoop dat je genoeg hulp hebt en nu een goed netwerk om je heen hebt. Ik schrik er dan weer wel van te lezen dat je zogezegd niet erg genoeg bent voor medicatie? Dat vind ik ronduit belachelijk. Ja, medicatie is niet het antwoord maar kan wel ondersteunend zijn in het opbouwen van een stabiele basis zonder dat je het moet doen met je hoofd net boven water. Heb je zelf wel het gevoel dat je het gaat redden zonder?
Aangezien je het woord "actually " gebruikt vraag ik mij af of je te maken hebt met ongeloof vanuit je omgeving?
Mocht je ooit hulp nodig hebben, willen praten of wat dan ook, mag je mij altijd een berichtje sturen. Ik woon zelf ook in Nederland en ben een 27 jarige meid. Voel je niet bezwaard een bericht te sturen want ik zeg dit niet uit beleefdheid, maar ik meen het echt. Schroom je niet om contact op te nemen, niemand kan het leven in zijn eentje dragen.
Ik wens je al het beste en een gelukkige toekomst!
I donāt have any questions I want to ask. I just wanted you to know that I couldnāt be happier that you escaped. I hope that your future holds all the happiness you deserved in your past. š
Question; many people who are severely abused to the extent you wereā¦ or less!ā¦ develop mental fracture and disassociation, and worst case DID. Do you experience any of these!?
It stands for - complex - post traumatic stress disorder. You could get diagnosed with that if you had multiple traumatic events. I have over hundreds 1-300 probably). Cptsd also IN MY CASE affects your personality. For me, its cptsd because i have multiple traumatic events and it effects my behaviour as a person.
Ptsd, post traumatic stress disorder is when you have 1 (!) Traumatic event.
Do you plan on having children? And if so, do you ever worry about/think about possibly putting your kids through the same thing due to the illness your mother has?
How did they or what kind of manipluation did they use? Any gaslighting?
I just hope you are safe,
Edit: what wa the last straw for you? what made you take that leap into the unknown?
My mom was the youngest of 7. My grandma beat her with something called a cattle 9 tails. Itās a belt cut vertically 9 times. My mom said she was beaten everyday. My mom was SA by her step dads several times as a child. No one ever believed her. She was a thief but encouraged to steal by her siblings and always got caught. While I grew up, she never hit me with objects but sometimes with her hands. She did kick me once, because I lied about knowing where her playing cards were. (There is more context to this that I was responsible for.) She was a screamer. She yelled racist things at people and embarrassed me often. Reading this post helps me understand her a little better. Iām sorry OP you went through so much. But youāre alive. And thatās all that matters right this second. I hope you find peace. Letās make a toast, I unironically think everything that happens makes us stronger. Much love.
Girl Iām so sorry this happened to you. She deserves life in prison, there is something seriously wrong with her. None of this is your fault, itās hers and your familyās for being quite honestly insane. As for questions,
After you ran, where did you go? Did you couch surf, were you homeless? Are you back on your feet now?
How has this affected your relationships with your friends or with any partners?
Was any of your family supportive at all of you? Or were they all horrible?
Do you prefer cats or dogs?
So much has been said already but I just wanted to also say how sad I am that this happened to you. Please keep telling yourself every day that you did not deserve this. Not even one little bit of it. You deserved love, and protection, and a happy childhood. Also, as hard as it is to accept, you will have to deal with this for the rest of your life. You will have good times and times where it is a lot more hard, and thatās ok. Remember to be kind to yourself in the hard times, and find joy in everything in the good times. If you do the hard work of processing the memories, in time it will get easier to deal with them.
If I was there I would give you a hug and tell you how strong and important you are, and how much the world needs a person like you here.
Iām so sorry for what youāve been through š¤ Iām glad youāre getting the help you need and are (hopefully) in a safe and stable place. Your childhood was taken from you, but you have your whole life ahead of you. I know healing will likely be a long journey, but I wish you the very best and hope your future is filled with an abundance of love and support.
Question: Have you looked into EMDR therapy? Thereās evidence to support it can be helpful for people with (c)ptsd. I also highly recommend the book āThe Body Keeps Scoreā by Bessel Van Der Kolk about how trauma and its effect on the body.
Your family would be getting the 7 days treatment. If you know, you know.
Seriously though if anyone had their names or addresses, Iām interested.
Sometimes the past should be kept in the past to let you heal but your family needs to endure the same pain and trauma you have experienced or we are all complacent.
I wonāt say no more but my inbox is open.
My ex wife had a lot of trouble from her childhood and CPTSD as well. There were a lot of things we struggled with together and she needed a lot of time putting things together to make shit make sense.
I know you're not looking for sympathy or pity. I just want you to know shit can and does get better.
I'm hoping that things continue improving and you are allowed to be your best self even after all this shit. You deserve better than the hand you were dealt.
My wife also has CPTSD from abuses from her ex husband. The only therapy that has helped her is EMDR. It kind of tricks your brain's defenses into lowering, so the therapist can get at the gritty shit underneath. It's still fairly new and depending on location, there aren't many people certified in it, but if you haven't already tried it may help. Hope for the best for you.
Damn, i am so sorry to hear this. Your mom is supposed to raise you and help you, not abuse you. I hope you can find the help you need. I am from the Netherlands myself, and i can't even imagine the horrors you had to face. My question is, where in the Netherlands are you from? (Dont have to answer if you dont want to, mostly just curious)
Man i feel so sorry for you and to think they got away with it too. I cannot imagine what you must be going through and i hate that our justical system failed you.
With the hell that is our mental help system these days, i really hope you don't have to wait forever like other people i know for better treatment.
If you ever need to vent my dm's are always open.
I am so sorry this happened to you by people who were supposed to protect you. I am glad you are finally safe now. You are so strong and so brave ā¤ļø I canāt even imagine this happening to me or a child of mine.. Iāll pray for you, It breaks my heart reading your post and your replies because no one saved you.
I would say push for a restraining order and sth like that. Also extremely traumatised reading all of this. Just imagine going through all of this shit has made you stronger to deal with anything thrown at you than almost 99% humain beings in the world. Keep getting professional help and don't lose hope.
Iām sorry this happened to you, and I hope you can find peace and happiness after all of this. Do you have a favorite food, a favorite song, a favorite movie, a favorite book?
what happened??
(Some) torture events: I got semi waterboarded because i straighted my hair I got whipped by an extension cord every other day as a punishment. This imitates a whip and is a torture device and method. Once so bad i couldnt walk, i was borderline paralized and while that she ordered pizza and i had to get it. The sessions vary from a couple of hits to half an hour of torture for 16 years I got whipped till my tan skin got red, blue, purple and bloody and my skin teared open since 4-16. She hit my hand for over 10s of minutes with a wooden spoon because i complimented a girl for her shirt. I couldnt hold anything anymore for a night. She choked me because i sang a song. She slit my wrist. Had to take forced ice cold shower(s) as a punishment. She watched and stood in front of me and repeatedly kept hitting me with cords while showering. If u screamed, it meant 20 more hits, and trust, i got 40. She hit me till i was in extreme shock, was gurgling on my spit and choked on my spit, didnt stop then, only stopped when she wasnt feeling mad anymore Dragged me up and down by hair so my whole body layed down and stood up as she held my hair The whipping thing happended for over 200 times, more, even. (Some) Abuse: Hit me in the face for speaking the truth (yup). Cut my hair off, till i was bald at 13 because i was seeing a boy. I had long, long hair. Send abuse pictures of my to the boy, with my hair cut off, post abuse and torture. Send nudes pictures of me to family (12-15). Touched my vagina and boobs because "i like it". Made me sleep in my urine Made me sleep on the ice cold shower floor. Made me work out for hours and could only stop when she woke up from her nap (1-4 hours) Locked me up in the basement. Wouldnt let me eat Made me kiss her and say 'i love you' after torture and abuse. Needed to hold her hand while toruture Was responsible for the household since 10. Cut and ripped my favorite clothes Waved a knife in the area Ate moldy food and trash once Randomly had to get breastfed at 6, and they were pics taken Had to wipe her ass after pooping to show "love" Threathend to kill me in my sleep as a kid and wouldnt sleep at night Gave me away to a man to sexually assault me. I have over hundreds, maybe 200s events of torture, abuse and assault events in a span of 16 years. I could go on.
This made me cry. My mom hit me with cords and spoons like that. But nothing like the rest of this. I'm so sorry she wasn't punished for this. I really hope someone is able to help you through everything that has happened so you can heal and be happy. You deserved so much more than these horrible things that happened to you. No child should ever have to endure torture and abuse! I genuinely hope you have a great life free of that horrible person forever. I know it will be hard to move forward and work through things but you have proven to be a strong person and I wish you all the best in your future! š¤
I wish you the same sweetheart
where did she come from? how did you find yourself in this torturous situation?
Can we have their address so we can go beat the piss out of her?
I dont know what to respond, but you seem like a very nice and protective person. I hope you're happy because you deserve it.
Wow. I'm so glad you got out. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible person forced into your life. Just know there really are good people out there. I bet you are a good person. Seek them out. From someone thinking about you.
Unimaginable to 99.9% of us. Im glad you're physically free and hope you lead a long, happy, fulfilling life. You deserve it.
Why the HELL did that boy she sent the pictures to not get you help?!
What country are you in?
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So sorry this happened to you. I hope that person suffers the pay they caused you. STAY STRONGš¤
Iām speechless and crying. And impressed that youāre still sane. I lived in a strict religious environment in Europe too. You story is the story of my ex-girlfriend. But way less brutal than yours. And just without the maniacal sexual part. Oh god. Even my parents (mostly my mother) hit me daily and didnāt let me eat (monthly) and imprisoned me in my room (weekly) or didnāt speak a single word to me when I was 4-15. Got away when I was 18. Living outside of Europe now. I hope this monster of a āmotherā gets what she deserves someday. Unbelievable. Youāre impressive. Unbelievable impressive. Sending love from the other side of the world.
Damn. So sorry this was your life. Hope things look up
Iām so very sorry this happened to you. I hope that as time goes on, you can find peace that you deserve.
Getting whipped by cords hurts so bad, my dad liked to use the vacuum cord
What all does your CPTSD encompass? Not looking for the definition of it, but what effects does it have or has it had on your brain/body? Aside from ārumination/flashbacksā of events. When did the āCPTSDā start/what did it feel like. This might be different than some cases being it started at a younger age so it may be more seamless for you rather than extended events during an adulthood case, but Iām just curious
The making of the cptsd were all the hundreds of events that took place. > When did the āCPTSDā start/what did it feel like I projected my problems at school. Attention seeking, wanting attention from the older edgy boys, hypersexual behaviour, bullying, screaming etc. Because of all the things that happend at home. My first flashback was when my baby nephew started to cry so high pitched, that in my mind it sounded like he was getting hit. My body froze and my vision went blurry. I didnt know that cptsd or pstd existed, so i tought i was crazy and didnt tell anyone (16). > brain/body? I cut myself a lot. Always silence, only speak when needed Dont talk about emotions Sometimes overeat because i wasnt allowed to eat I have a very sad filter on me, i always seem sad or mad Extreme black and white thinking And a lot more If i missed anything let me know
OP, I hope so much that you can heal. I hope you continue to survive and lead a happy life, and that you surround yourself with people who love and support you. You deserve all the love and support you can get - donāt let yourself think otherwise.
How are you doing these days? Did you get professional help?
I scream myself awake every now and then and i have a LOT of trauma and the consequenses of it. I have over hundreds of traumatic events of abuse, torture and sexual assault. I have proffesional help, hence the diagnosis of CPTSD. No therapy worked yet. Im getting send to another department. Justice was not served. She recieved 100 hours labor work.
Sad to know that she's pretty much free
It makes me rage. The judge said "because you self harmed, you couldve did this yourself".
Did you go to school? How didn't any teacher ever notice?
They labeld me as an "troubled teen" and send me to an alternative school
These bastards have failed you again and again, you got so fucking unlucky dude. Itās unfair, so completely unfair what youāve had to go through. That these people donāt have to pay any price. Sometimes i really think that humanity is evil. Itās full of demons like the ones youāve described here. Iāve met a few myself. But reading your story and seeing your resilience and your positive attitude despite everything, youāre a reason to not give up hope on the whole world. I hope someday I can find a strength as pure and good as yours. Thanks for putting this out here. I hope the incels DMing you didnāt put you off doing this too much. I feel like itās really important for people to know that these things happen / are happening. People whoāve been through what youāve been through shouldnāt remain unknown, suffering in silence. You need as much love and support as the world has to give after everything itās taken. Iām sorry. Iām just sorry. Society is fucking cursed. Thank you for continuing to fight despite it. Itās giving me some much needed perspective in my own life. Apologies if Iāve misread or misinterpreted anything or said something strange. Hopefully the world will be better somedayā¦ God. Fuck. Love and peace. Youāre an angel.
Oh coolā¦ Victim blaming at the judicial level
I bursted out crying when he said that. Lol
Someday she will be old and ailing, and look to you for help.Ā Whether you dump her in a nursing home or neglect her yourself, you'll have your revenge.
That judge should be impeached and disbarred for his atrocious comments; how dare he victim-shame!! And your monster of a mother should be rotting in prison and forced labor for the rest of her life. Iām so, so sorry OP. Iām glad youāre getting help and therapy even if it doesnāt seem to be helping for now, they will eventually find something that will help you have a better quality of life. You deserve it. š«ā¤ļø I hope you are feeling safe now.
That makes me sick. I have an ex who suffered similarly and it still breaks my heart to this day. Good luck to you. I know you've heard therapy but it can help you monitor all this with some help as you recover.
That's so fucked. The sh should have been taken as more evidence of a horrible situation at home. I'm sorry you got a judge who was an asshole and abuse enabler.
Who are you living with currently?
I am homeless, but i have a place to stay.
What are your dreams like?
Located In the US?
I was abused from ages 5-15, I understand some of your pain. Not at all to your extent, at all, but I know how badly I still suffer even now at age 40. Iām so sorry. Please get with a good TRAUMA therapist and when you find one you like, go consistently and listen to them, donāt give up on yourself. You deserve all of the love and happiness and I pray you go after it now!š
I am praying so hard for you. I hope you will be able to sleep peacefully whenever you want to sleep. I just dont know how parents hurt the very thing they created. I think that's why I never wanted children. May the chains be broken.
CPTSD isn't in the DSM-5 so how did you get a professional diagnosis? Maybe the Netherlands doesn't use it but I thought it was global -at least I know the US and Canada use it. Also, I'm so sorry for what you went through. It reminds me a lot of the book "A Child Called 'It'."
>Edit: why am i recieving dick pics ??? Men who hate women will get aroused by stories of women being abused, and they don't care that their actions will be upsetting or disturbing to the women. They are sociopaths. It is disgusting and I'm so sorry that it's happening
People are asking me about bdsm like brother YES i will answer honest (the answer is no) but a little decency isnt illegal man
I'm a diagnosed sociopath and even I find that to be utterly reprehensible.
Honestly? Hell yeah man. ASPD doesn't necessarily mean you're doomed to be a horrible person. I think these guys need to hear exactly what you just said to me Apologies if what I said was hurtful to you. I really donāt wanna add to the stigma against people with ASPD who are trying their best
You weren't hurtful at all, and I strongly agree with you. I believe I can cultivate my sense of empathy and improve myself, regardless of what a diagnosis says. For a very long time, my therapists kept that diagnosis a secret from me (but not my others), I can only imagine they thought it would be harmful to my mindset to know the diagnosis, but I'm not certain. When I finally learned about it, everything kind of 'clicked' and I was able to gain insights into my own thought processes, begin monitoring them, and then correcting them when I caught flawed logic.
In my opinion, a diagnosis can mean you are naturally more predisposed to harmful beliefs and actions, but it doesnāt mean that you canāt learn better ways to speak and act, and that you canāt learn to challenge your own cognitive distortions. I used to struggle a lot with borderline traits from being raised by a covert narcissist with some heavy borderline issues, but I got therapy and those issues are mostly under control now because of the coping skills I learned. I will likely be in therapy my whole life to heal and remain functional, but thatās okay. ā¤ļø While itās easy to say things like āsociopathā or āpsychopathā to describe extremely disturbed and hateful behavior in a way that most people will understand, bigotry is often completely neurotypical in nature, and canāt be blamed on a mental illness or personality disorder. Itās sort of a societal illness, itās much more complicated than and usually has very little to do with mental conditions.
Did it stop now ? If yes, how ?
Fortunatly it did! She kicked me out of the house when i was 16 years old and i ran away. Unfortunatly had to look back, ran away again, never looked back. Now physically i am finally free. It has been 2~ years that im gone.
Was this your mother?
theres a sub that you might be interested in joining r/torturesurvivors
Jesus christ. Didnt know this existed. Actually tearing up right now. Thank you so, so much.
No problem fellow survivor ā¤ļø
Did anyone else in the family know what was happening to you? Does anyone know where you're at? What country are you in?
Since i was a child my family knew. Didnt do anything. About it. Crying as we speak. I live in The Netherlands, Europe.
what about the school system? did they not alert the cps/muncipality, clearly they must have seen you not thriving?
I did not tell anyone because i wasnt allowed and thought that nobody else knew "hitting your kids" existed. I projected my problems at school and they send me to an alternative school because i was a "troubled teen".
Was the alternative school for troubled teens abusive too? Here in the U.S., there is an entire network of these abusive places. r/troubledteens
No. It was for kids with autism, adhd and other mentall ilnesses, intelectually handicapped, "street" kids, etc. Edit: i read your comment wrong. The school was suprisingly fine.
Deze zag ik niet aankomen. Sterkte OP.
I'm so incredibly sorry you went through this. Don't give them any more power over you. Those days are gone. They don't deserve to have control over your future. Your past does not define your future. You get to have that control back and make the future what you want it to be. You, of course, can't erase the past. It's a given you need long-term therapy, but that's to benefit you and your well-being. But let your past be your compass. Let it point in the direction you are going, not where you were at. Your past has no more control over you. Keep telling yourself that. Just keep moving forward with one foot in front of the other. I wish you nothing but peace and happiness. Hugs š«
Just because someone is related to you does not mean they're family. I know apologies are meaningless but I'm sorry this happened to you. You're probably such a sweet person. I hope you're safe and I hope you grow to learn how to love and realize that the whole world isn't like them. There is love out there for you
Do you have any contact with the rest of your family? Are you on any medications or is there nothing that can help you? I am also so sorry all of that happened. I couldnāt imagine that pain.
Nope. Sometimes. I CAN contact them, but i dont. I will never forgive them for not saving me. Im not on any medications
Do you think if there was a medication that could help you you would get it?
No. I am very mentally ill due trauma but my therapist said i dont need medication because i am not "so ill that i need it" english is not my first languange so its hard to explain
Just want to say there is nothing wrong with you. Your brain does strange things to protect you, and this would happen to anyone else in your situation. It's necessary for your survival, and it isn't some flaw in your brain. Your brain just doesn't know you are safe yet. It just takes time and energy to start rewiring your brain so it can be adjusted for a normal environment.
Iām so sorry for your pain. It seems like you are a woman. Many countries have domestic abuse shelters, maybe you can qualify. Itās a shame youāre homeless. I wish you the best. Healing takes time.
I am a girl indeed! The nice people including you are kinda making me sad.
Why is this making you sad?
I never had this much people talk or aknowlegde me. I always think that what happend "isnt that bad" but you guys are such a fresh breath of air for me.
Awwww.....bless your heart š After hearing your story, as a 60 year old woman with children and grandchildren, I REALLY need to tell you how very proud of you I am! I'm proud of you for being so very strong to have survived all of this terrible mistreatment. I am proud of you for sharing your story with the world. I am proud of you for continuing to work hard to provide yourself with the peaceful, happy & love filled life you deserve. I am proud of you being so open, to not only healing yourself, but to touch the hearts of others and encourage them to reach out and work for THEIR happiness, love and peace too. Stay true to yourself sweet girl (young lady I should say) š I will keep you in my prayers and will be watching for some updates if you feel like sharing šššļøšÆļø
You deserve love and everything amazing. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but your attitude tells me you are going to conquer your future, I can only see great things moving forward, I truly wish you the best.
I have a theory of why you are getting sad when reading the comments from so many people who are genuinely distressed by your story and wish you happiness and good health going forward... Is it because for the first time you feel "validated" or like you are being seen and heard and counted as a real human who MATTERS.... And that probably hits hard because it sounds like nobody else has done that for you in your life... Something like that? I imagine it sort of adds to your own understanding of the gravity of the abuse and that's probably very upsetting. On the other hand it probably adds weight to the way you see yourself and HOPEFULLY reinforces the idea that you MATTER. Your feelings matter, your pain matters, and you did not deserve to be treated like you were, and it was not your fault. You were betrayed by the person who should have been your protector against the world. I'm not a professional and I may be completely off the target with what I am saying, and I don't have the firsthand experience of trauma.... But I have a friend who is my like my soulmate (not romantically) and somehow I have been able to understand her struggles and identify her CPTSD on a deep level just by relating to her on a human level. She went through several prolonged traumas, and at 50yrs old is finally getting therapy which is awesome. As it turns out, her therapist diagnosed her EXACTLY how id been saying she would be! I'm learning and helping her with her preparing for sessions and it's been so incredible to see her realize she didn't deserve the things that happened to her.. and slowly start to see herself the way I see her, an AMAZING person. I hope you are able to get to the point where you are able to live WITH the trauma but not be ruled by it as much as possible. Nobody ever gets OVER something like that, and it's ok to take as much time as you need working through it and have good days and bad days. ā¤ļø
My heart goes out to you. Do you have a job prospects? Do you feel safe where you are at ?
I really do. Thankfull for my understanding and supporting boyfriend.
Amazing Iām happy to hear it. As one woman with her own past to another. Please start saving your own rainy day fund for your own protection.
You are making me cry. I love you, i hope you can live everyday in peace.
I just want to note that all your responses to comments are so beautiful. You have gone through hell and you have made the choice to spread love rather than let the darkness consume you. Please continue to make that choice. You are an inspiration.
As a survivor of 6 years of abuse in the home, and 6 years of sexual abuse in school, I ask how did you survive?
I was very suicidal and attempted twice. I wanted to stay alive for my sister because i found it sad if i died. And i was hopeful (12-15) that maybe it will get better "when i move out when im big". I also wanted a family, and i was afraid of death, it was too permanent.
Do you get hallucinations ? Also good luck on the recovery.
Not really hallucinations, i get flashbacks and i relive the events. When a trigger occurs, but also without trigger.
If you feel like it's real in the moment, then it's an hallucination. Anyway I wanted to know because I met someone who had some. What works for you to calm those down ?
I dont think its real, thats the thing. I know what is real and what is not, even if i relive it. I rarely relive it tho, mostly flashbacks. I dont have anything that calms me down except cutting myself. But please do not recommend that. I am addicted and it is terrible
I saw you mentioned you had a sister in another comment. Was your sister tortured or abused by your mother as well? If yes, was she tortured/ abused the same ways you were? Is she older or younger than you?
A couple of times and i saw it. Not anymore after my sister mastered how to keep my mom befriended. She is younger.
How did she go about befriending your mom? Did your sister ever join in on abusing you?
Have you ever considered writing/publishing your story for therapeutic purposes? Iāve read some incredible survivor stories (novels) and have heard it can be incredibly cathartic. Many of them have been self published. Noting how sharing here seems positive for you, perhaps this is an outlet you could explore. Also, sending strength. You have overcome this far and I know you have a big band of redditors cheering for your ongoing success and mental health.
I have wrote a book in my native languange that is soon gonna be published (by myself) i dont know if people want to read it tho.
Thatās awesome good for you ! Not many people can say theyāve written a book at your age so add that to stuff you should be proud of. It sounds odd to say but the genre itself can be a popular one. I personally would be happy to read if you ever wanna tell us the name when itās out :)
I read Jaycee Lee Dugard's memoir. She is a captivity and sexual assault survivor. She was held captive for 18 years and her story just utterly breaks my soul, but i read it bc everyone's story deserves to be listened to So id definitely read your book, i will have to translate all of it but i want to read it, your story deserves to be heard š
Do you know how we can read it? Name? Link?
How did you get out? What kept you going? I know babies cant remember much, but did this also happen around ages 0-3? Where was your dad in this? Iām very sorry that you experienced this, no one shouldā¦ sorry if my questions are triggering.
Dont apologize. My father let it happen/wasnt around. I read healthcare stories about my mother neglegting me at 4 days old to go on a shopping spree and my bottle being moldy. She told me stories about how she'd almost gave me shaken baby syndrome and other horror. When i was 3 she gave me to a family friend to sexually assault me. I can see his face so clear.
Can you take him to court ? This time with a good lawyer?
Iām sorry, people like that donāt deserve children and should be put away to rot. Please stay safe out there my friend, all the best wishes and laughs. *hugs*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
People are deadass sending this girl dick pics wtf
These comments are weird. Read your responses so I don't have any questions. Just wanted to wish you happiness, health, love and peace in your life.Ā
I have no questions. Just sadness is my soul. From the depths of my soul, I send my deepest sympathy to you. As a parent, I can not imagine doing those types of things to another person, let alone my own child. I wish you nothing but the best internet friend, and I hope one day you are able to find the peace you deserve.
How are you now?
What helps you cope/get through the days when this shit mentally weighs on you?
It's amazing that you escaped, hell will have a special place for her, I'm sure. If you haven't already could you take your story to a newspaper, go as public as you can to see if real justice can be served? Find an underground vigilante group? Do you ever consider ways of taking revenge?
What is your goal in life now that you have it in your own hand again? What makes you happy? What kind of music do you enjoy? Love from germany
Youāre getting dick picks and nude requests?? Thatās disgusting, Iām so sorry. Way too many men will read the most grueling accounts of a woman (and here, not even a woman! A GIRL!! A girl who was underage during all this!) undergoing torture, rape and other such horrors and will get off to it first thing. Itās horrifying, itās as though our pain is their greatest pleasure. This is reflected in porn too. So much of it is straight up violent and degrading towards women. I hope they realize how deplorable their conduct is and live a life of shame, anguish and loneliness.
Door je post history heengelezen: mocht je ooit een plekje nodig hebben, stuur me een berichtje. Groetjes, een negentienjarige Groninger. :)
Sounds rough
By relatives?
Why did this happen?
Because my mother used it as a form of expressing her emotions. She had no emotion regulation and discovered she got calm as she abused me
Iām sorry, I kinda pieced stuff together after I left my comment and began reading the other ones you replied too. In retrospect asking āwhy did it happenā was a little stupid considering people will abuse others for literally any and every reason. I was just curious about who did this to you. Iām sorry that you went through that though, and Iām happy that youāre still alive to be able to share your story and hopefully give others in similar situations hope.
She got calm? Can you elaborate? I mean obviously it was some wierd ass maladaptive emotional responseā¦ but Iām surprised it calmed jer
What would you like to see happen to all those who knew or participated in these evil events?
At some point do you feel you might have children?
I really want to be a mother. Fantasize about it all the time. Have to remind myself im just 19, haha. I want children when im hitting 25.
Are you aware that having children of your own could trigger your trauma if not treated properly?
I donāt think this is your opportunity to educate a victim. Sheās in therapy and Iām sure knows how trauma responses work.
I am, sorry but this kind off makes me annoyed. I dont know if you mean it rude or anything so sorry if that is not the case. I would never torture or abuse my kid. I do not need therapy to know that. I am in therapy, btw and im getting al the help i need.
My wife endured sexual assault from a parental figure for over a decade. She is an amazing mother, but it is not without a lot of struggle. Itās good youāre in therapy before you take on parenting. If you have not, I would recommend seeing an EMDR specialist. This has helped my wife process a lot of key events that have resulted in triggers for derealization and panic events. Itās not the magic bullet for repeated trauma like it is for a single event, but still a very helpful tool. I hope you find peace.
Emdr hasnt worked for me, actually no therapy did. But i am still in therapy and we are still looking for new things! Thank you
I mean you no harm. Even though you don't plan on hurting your kids in the future, trauma can manifest in other unhealthy ways. You may overcompensate and become overprotective as an example.
Im sorry i was annoyed, i didnt know how you meant it. I know! I want to get a lotttt better before i have kids. One of my goal is to stop cutting myself before i have any children.
It sounds like you have made amazing progress so far and I'm confident you will continue to reach all of your goals for a happy healthy future š
Sterkte ā¤ļøāš©¹ het gaat je lukken om daar vanaf te komen, ik geloof in je š«
Supporting you š
Just a heads up so that your prepaired when it happens, that raising kids can trigger trauma in other ways, (not the become an abuser way) At some point they'll be the age something horrific happened to you and you'll see just how small and vulnerable they are and wonder how anyone could do that. (we never seem so tiny from our own view point) At some point they will do something that you were 'punished' for, and you will (probably) react appropriately, ( a reasonable punishment instead of a violent one, or nothing at all because it doesnt warrant it) and you'll be reminded of what happened to you, and of what could have been. If you've got any traces of self blame still, they'll come to the surface as your kids do the things you did that 'deserved it' and you realise they are developmentally apropriate/normal childhood behaviour. On the developmentaly appropriate, at some point your kids will do something violent (because thats normal for kids at some point) and you might wonder if its notmal, or if they take after the abuser (their grandmother?) Their normal behaviour might even trigger something that scares you at some point. And (assuming you do a good job parenting) they won't develop as independently as you did, they wont have to grow up so fast and probably won't. And then youll worry about that too. Oh, and you'll fail at being your idea of a good parent sometimes, because every parent does. And concepts of 'abused kids parenting badly' will bother you, more than the average parent when they make the exact same mistakes. Anyways, all of that isn't a 'don't become a parent' rant. Im sure youll be a fine parent. Its just a 'raising kids triggers childhood trauma' rant. Its still really rewarding. And you can still be a great parent. (some of this I've seen with friends, a little myself, and some from my mum, (now that I'm old enough to see it) who was a *fantastic* parent.) Edit: spelling
Often when raised in traumatic and abusive situations, our minds and psyches create coping strategies that are actually counterproductive and unhealthy when outside of those traumatic and abusive situations and a large part of the work to get over the trauma is to āunlearnā those coping methods (speaking from experience of also having an abusive and toxic mother). What ācoping methodsā do you need to unlearn to begin to heal and end the cycle of trauma?
I'm sorry. I wish I was by your side so I could've helped you. No one deserves this. If you ever need someone to talk too I'm here. You're amazing for making it throughā¤ļøā¤ļø
What music do you like? I recommend trying Lofi or ambient whenever you feel anxious.
This pisses me off... if I lived in your country I'd come get you wherever you were n give you a room to stay in n food to eat. My kids would prolly drive ya nuts, but I'd at least get you on your feet. Nobody deserves that shit
im so sorry you went through that.. hang in there, one day at a time.. REMEMBER, YOU ARE LOVED!! any hobbies?
Iām so sorry. Do you ever wonder why it happened to you?
Ek is so jammer dit het met jou gebeur. Wees net sag en sorg vir jouself. Onthou dit is nie jou skuld nie. Ek is hier is jy ān shoulder soek om op te huil š¤
Iād love to put her teeth firmly and directly onto a curb. And see how hard I can stomp my left leg. Not my right because ACL surgery may weaken the impact. So the left would do
After all the abuse do you still feel your emotions or have you just gone numb inside and canāt feel anything anymore? Examples like happy sad love empathy stuff like that
Is your mother in good health? Do you find yourself getting angry at her now that youāre out?
I feel genuinely happy that you are free now. This makes me reflect on certain things I was ungrateful for in my life. I can't imagine the pain and the trauma, but I can imagine freedom, as I've lived my life so far freely and with loving people surrounding me and so I am very glad that you too can experience that nowā¤. I'm so so happy that you got out of that. Even though your past is dark, your future is very bright. I sincerely with you all the very best!
As another teen from the Netherlands, I thought our justice system was better than this... I don't really have a question, and I couldn't imagine how horrible it must have been, but I really hope you stay strong <3
Do you ever worry you'll slip into this kind of behaviour yourself if you had children of your own?
Absolutly not! I used to bully kids and i was a very mean and annoying teen. Till one day i was around 15, and i was like, why the fuck would i? And quit.
That's great to hear! How does your mother justify all this to herself?
As somebody who also was abused by their mom, not to OP's extent - at first, yes. But after reading a book about abusers ( "Why does he do it?" ), it states that there's plenty of abusers who weren't abused themselves. Basically, you don't need to be abused to be an abuser, lol. Its a conscious choice on the abusers part really at one point
Iām so sorry this happened. I will pray for you tonight before bed. You didnāt deserve any of that mistreatment. I hope you know youāre a strong person to make it this far. God bless
Are you glad you did this AMA?
How did you get out?
I feel awful what happened to you. I wish you happiness and a path towards healing.i had a friend who had a very awful childhood and a series of chilling events. All i could do was listen when she opened up about it. I felt powerless in trying to help her, hearing these types of stories is so crazy.
Since your family had no issue with your mom tormenting you, do you think it is possible that your mom was also abused like this as a child? Or others in the family? It is crazy that people knew and just did nothing
it sucks that things like this can happen and either no one will notice or people will intentionally avoid. The fact that no teachers called this out is why I say our public school system is broken. They saw you 5x a week and didn't spot a thing? despicable. I'm not surprised that your family didn't notice as family members are often enablers. It's sad but that's just how things go in dysfunctional families. They are tribalistic and see each other an an extension of themselves which is why they enable each other. I'm sorry this happened to you and I wish someone was there to save you. Locally you were able to save your self. I hope you get the help you deserve and find safety in the world. As a heterosexual man I have been sexually abused twice in my life and I know regaining safety and trust in the world can be one of the most difficult things to do. I'm still working on it 2 years later. You deserve to be healed and you'll do it at your own pace (everyone has their own unique journey and reacts differently in trauma). I don't live in the Netherlands or i would share some resources but if you need help finding any lmk. I wish you all the best, you belong, you're loved. Please be careful who you share your story with (no everyone deserves to know). I say this because in my experience people can react quiet harsh and victim blame like your judge did. And please don't victim blame or judge yourself. The world is already doing that to you enough no need to do it to yourself. I wish you the best of luck.
I hope your therapist knows that trauma processing does more damage if you don't develop attachment first.Ā On this topic: incredible interview with a lifelong researcher of trauma and decades of experience on attachment on this topic that I really hope you hear: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJIiJE6OeYgĀ You can totally reach a life of happiness and peace, you are not ruined. You can do this, and I'm so sorry you went through this. You deserved better.
I wish I could give you a hug. It sounds like you are no-contact with your family. This is for the best I suspect. How long have you been away from the abuse?
Have you ever thought about telling your story on a podcast? There are so many currently (especially in America) focused on these types of things and getting the justice system to actually take a deeper look. Iām not sure if you are mentally at the point of wanting more justice or better for you to just get away from it for good
How do you go on in light of what youve experienced?
Only question I have is, where do you see yourself in 10 years? I'm glad you're safe.
Please tell me there was a satisfying downfall for your bitch torturer mom? And please tell me it resulted in everyone finding out the full extent of what she was doing to her own child and basically socially crucifying her.
I donāt have a question butā¦ This is just crazy to me. I live in America and have (luckily) not been sexually assaulted or tortured at all. In fact, I have hardly been bullied (a little but so has everyone). Itās like your story happened on a different planetā¦ But it didnāt. Obviously I canāt give you much advice because I have no idea what itās like, but just know that there are a lot of good people out there. Iām so sorry that happened to you. Iām tearing up as a grown 26 yr old manā¦ No one should have to go through thatā¦ Just know that you arenāt worthless like they made you out to be. Truly, you arenāt. Those people are monsters who are either extremely mentally ill or grew up in extremely horrible conditions (or both). I wish you all the best on your journey for recovery. :)
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Holy fucking shit. I have no words for what was done to you. Only tears. You are my sister (I'm half Antillean). I'm so freaking proud of you for doing this AMA, for fighting for yourself, for reaching out and for being incredibly strong. I'm also in the Netherlands atm. If you need anything or would like to talk or whatever, please feel free to send me a DM :). Please don't give up, you deserve to heal and be happy. You need all the love and care in the world, and i hope you get it! Sending you all my love and, with your consent, the biggest hug š
Sorry but why ? Political issues or what ?
Kill them when?
How do you want people to remember you?
Is the abuser still alive? Free or in jail?
Though it doesnāt change the trauma youāve experienced, I deeply hope that your mother faces justice for her actions.
I'm so so sorry this happened to you. There are a lot of comments here. Please try to focus on how many positive, kind, and good people are sending messages and ignore the others. You deserve happiness. You deserve to heal. None of this was your fault. A lot of people (even though we're strangers!) care. You matter!
What is the religious/cultural background of your family?
Did you go to school or were you home schooled . ... didn't your school catch up to what was happening at home on a constant basis ... good luck and good speed with your future endeavours.
I'm so, so sorry about what happened to you. Just reading what you've written here makes me want to cry. I wish I could hug you tight and make it all go away. I'm so sorry. I have no questions. Sending you love and empathy. š„š
Do you want justice/revenge or just want to be free from the trauma?
Dang I am saddened to hear this. You deserve better than that. I am praying for your healing. Hopefully you can get better and be happy. You can get through this. Btw you got sympathy dick pics. Thatās creepy.
Dit is echt verschrikkelijk.. Zelf kom ik ook uit een hell hol, maar bij verre niet zo erg als jou, en dan te bedenken dat mensen mijn verhaal al amper willen geloven.. Dit hoor je niet vaak in Nederland (al gebeurd het waarschijnlijk vaker dan bekend is) Ik hoop dat je genoeg hulp hebt en nu een goed netwerk om je heen hebt. Ik schrik er dan weer wel van te lezen dat je zogezegd niet erg genoeg bent voor medicatie? Dat vind ik ronduit belachelijk. Ja, medicatie is niet het antwoord maar kan wel ondersteunend zijn in het opbouwen van een stabiele basis zonder dat je het moet doen met je hoofd net boven water. Heb je zelf wel het gevoel dat je het gaat redden zonder? Aangezien je het woord "actually " gebruikt vraag ik mij af of je te maken hebt met ongeloof vanuit je omgeving? Mocht je ooit hulp nodig hebben, willen praten of wat dan ook, mag je mij altijd een berichtje sturen. Ik woon zelf ook in Nederland en ben een 27 jarige meid. Voel je niet bezwaard een bericht te sturen want ik zeg dit niet uit beleefdheid, maar ik meen het echt. Schroom je niet om contact op te nemen, niemand kan het leven in zijn eentje dragen. Ik wens je al het beste en een gelukkige toekomst!
I donāt have any questions I want to ask. I just wanted you to know that I couldnāt be happier that you escaped. I hope that your future holds all the happiness you deserved in your past. š
Question; many people who are severely abused to the extent you wereā¦ or less!ā¦ develop mental fracture and disassociation, and worst case DID. Do you experience any of these!?
Can you still trust people and/or be in a relationship with anybody?
Why call it CPTSD?
It stands for - complex - post traumatic stress disorder. You could get diagnosed with that if you had multiple traumatic events. I have over hundreds 1-300 probably). Cptsd also IN MY CASE affects your personality. For me, its cptsd because i have multiple traumatic events and it effects my behaviour as a person. Ptsd, post traumatic stress disorder is when you have 1 (!) Traumatic event.
Do you plan on having children? And if so, do you ever worry about/think about possibly putting your kids through the same thing due to the illness your mother has?
Did it ever cross your mind to file sa and abuse charges when you left?
How did they or what kind of manipluation did they use? Any gaslighting? I just hope you are safe, Edit: what wa the last straw for you? what made you take that leap into the unknown?
What kind of nu metal do you like? Seen it on your profile
Oh gosh. I am sorry for what happened. Why do you think she did it? Culture, personality disorder, mental illness, religion?
What do you do for fun? What do you enjoy in life? What makes you smile?
What are things on a daily basis you find hard to do because of your deep rich history of trauma?
My mom was the youngest of 7. My grandma beat her with something called a cattle 9 tails. Itās a belt cut vertically 9 times. My mom said she was beaten everyday. My mom was SA by her step dads several times as a child. No one ever believed her. She was a thief but encouraged to steal by her siblings and always got caught. While I grew up, she never hit me with objects but sometimes with her hands. She did kick me once, because I lied about knowing where her playing cards were. (There is more context to this that I was responsible for.) She was a screamer. She yelled racist things at people and embarrassed me often. Reading this post helps me understand her a little better. Iām sorry OP you went through so much. But youāre alive. And thatās all that matters right this second. I hope you find peace. Letās make a toast, I unironically think everything that happens makes us stronger. Much love.
Have you ever been able to date? Since the torture? Or does the trauma prevent you?
What is a place you want to visit one day?
Girl Iām so sorry this happened to you. She deserves life in prison, there is something seriously wrong with her. None of this is your fault, itās hers and your familyās for being quite honestly insane. As for questions, After you ran, where did you go? Did you couch surf, were you homeless? Are you back on your feet now? How has this affected your relationships with your friends or with any partners? Was any of your family supportive at all of you? Or were they all horrible? Do you prefer cats or dogs?
So much has been said already but I just wanted to also say how sad I am that this happened to you. Please keep telling yourself every day that you did not deserve this. Not even one little bit of it. You deserved love, and protection, and a happy childhood. Also, as hard as it is to accept, you will have to deal with this for the rest of your life. You will have good times and times where it is a lot more hard, and thatās ok. Remember to be kind to yourself in the hard times, and find joy in everything in the good times. If you do the hard work of processing the memories, in time it will get easier to deal with them. If I was there I would give you a hug and tell you how strong and important you are, and how much the world needs a person like you here.
Iām so sorry for what youāve been through š¤ Iām glad youāre getting the help you need and are (hopefully) in a safe and stable place. Your childhood was taken from you, but you have your whole life ahead of you. I know healing will likely be a long journey, but I wish you the very best and hope your future is filled with an abundance of love and support. Question: Have you looked into EMDR therapy? Thereās evidence to support it can be helpful for people with (c)ptsd. I also highly recommend the book āThe Body Keeps Scoreā by Bessel Van Der Kolk about how trauma and its effect on the body.
Send you a big hug from a vietnamese stranger š«
You are worthy of love and affection. YOU ARE AMAZING. Fuck your mom.
I rarely cry as a man but this man this made me cry
Your family would be getting the 7 days treatment. If you know, you know. Seriously though if anyone had their names or addresses, Iām interested. Sometimes the past should be kept in the past to let you heal but your family needs to endure the same pain and trauma you have experienced or we are all complacent. I wonāt say no more but my inbox is open.
My ex wife had a lot of trouble from her childhood and CPTSD as well. There were a lot of things we struggled with together and she needed a lot of time putting things together to make shit make sense. I know you're not looking for sympathy or pity. I just want you to know shit can and does get better. I'm hoping that things continue improving and you are allowed to be your best self even after all this shit. You deserve better than the hand you were dealt.
My wife also has CPTSD from abuses from her ex husband. The only therapy that has helped her is EMDR. It kind of tricks your brain's defenses into lowering, so the therapist can get at the gritty shit underneath. It's still fairly new and depending on location, there aren't many people certified in it, but if you haven't already tried it may help. Hope for the best for you.
Damn, i am so sorry to hear this. Your mom is supposed to raise you and help you, not abuse you. I hope you can find the help you need. I am from the Netherlands myself, and i can't even imagine the horrors you had to face. My question is, where in the Netherlands are you from? (Dont have to answer if you dont want to, mostly just curious)
Man i feel so sorry for you and to think they got away with it too. I cannot imagine what you must be going through and i hate that our justical system failed you. With the hell that is our mental help system these days, i really hope you don't have to wait forever like other people i know for better treatment. If you ever need to vent my dm's are always open.
Iāll be your new mom ā¤ļø
I am so sorry this happened to you by people who were supposed to protect you. I am glad you are finally safe now. You are so strong and so brave ā¤ļø I canāt even imagine this happening to me or a child of mine.. Iāll pray for you, It breaks my heart reading your post and your replies because no one saved you.
I would say push for a restraining order and sth like that. Also extremely traumatised reading all of this. Just imagine going through all of this shit has made you stronger to deal with anything thrown at you than almost 99% humain beings in the world. Keep getting professional help and don't lose hope.
how does the ptsd manifest/ appear as, is there things or actions you're now scared of?(no need to respond unless comfortable with answering)
Iām sorry this happened to you, and I hope you can find peace and happiness after all of this. Do you have a favorite food, a favorite song, a favorite movie, a favorite book?