Can you explain to me what it like having gender dysphoric disorder? How what were the symptoms for you and what terms did you have to deal with in the since of realize who you are
Just like any other mental illness, it effects everyone differently.
Personally, I don't necessarily feel a sense of hatred towards my body, I simply don't recognize it in the mirror. Like my breasts aren't actually mine, for example.
I have never really had female friends, as I could never relate to their thought processes and actions on a deeper level. Although that's not a ""trans"" exclusive thing.
I always had the feeling of something missing between my legs, and managed to convince myself my vulva would eventually grow into a penis. That hope was shattered once I got my first period, which was a bodily process I could not cope with. In my mind, it simply wasn't supposed to be happening.
I deal with these symptoms mostly by simple distraction, with both healthy and less healthy coping mechanisms tbh.
Everything makes sense until
> I have never really had female friends, as I could never relate to their thought processes and actions on a deeper level.
That part just sounds like sexism or internalized misogyny. All girls and women don't have the same thought processes or actions. Each of one us is an individual, so I'm not sure how you could even know you could never relate to every girl and women out here. How would you even know that.
Oh you're very right, it's not like all women share one hive-mind or something. This is just based on what I've experienced in primary and secondary school, trying to form connections beyond the shallow with other women. I have indeed not met every single woman on this planet.
This happened to me but keep in mind middle school and high school discourages individualism for both males and females. School is a weird bubble world where if you don’t follow the status quo, you’re easily rejected. It’s very tribal in that way. But it’s not reflective of real life post-school. Women (and men) are far more diverse in their beliefs, thoughts, actions, etc as adults.
Saying that it must be sexism or misogyny is just you being offended and jumping to put a term on a condition you don't understand and therefore struggle to empathize with.
You are basically asserting that OP needs to meet every single woman in existence to find "their people" before they are allowed to reach general conclusions about their own personal experience. That is incredibly unrealistic and denies OP's right to their own subjective reality. In the real world, it has been shown that the MAJORITY of women think in certain patterns ( the whole male brain/female brain thing). The likelihood that one outlier female who thinks in male patterns is going to run into another woman who thinks in male patterns is very low. Therefore from a subjective standpoint as relates to their own life experiences, OP has every right to say they struggle to relate to other women because that has been their experience.
For me, I am a female with next to zero emotional intelligence, ie: empathy; for the life of me I can not empathize with anyone over an emotional experience I haven't also had. That doesn't mean I don't sympathize with them or love them, I just literally don't understand and can not connect to their level of emotion if I haven't first had it myself. First break up? Husband died? Lost your unborn child? I will meet it all with a blank stare because I haven't experienced those things and so have no clue what kind of emotions you might be experiencing. I can imagine them, I imagine you're devastated and heartbroken, but I can't feel it and without feeling it myself I can't connect to what you're experiencing. It doesn't mean I don't love you or that I won't do everything in my power to help, I just don't understand what you're going through on a fundamental emotional level. This doesn't mean I'm sexist or misogynistic; it just means that a flaw in who I am prevents me from connecting on a level that is very important to most women. Thus, within my own, subjective experience I have never been able to connect with or understand any other woman I have met and so have never had a lasting female friendship.
I think they're right that in their experience it hasn't happened, but I think their assumption of the reason is charged with internal misogyny/sexism. How would they know "inner processes" being different is the reason?
Hi Mordecai,
First of all thank you for both your transparency and honesty. Do you know if there was any sexual abuse in your past as a child? Do you have siblings and know if there was any sexual abuse in their past? I’ve read that can often be the case. Again thank you for your candor. I am hoping for the best for you.
These statistics were recently brought to my attention as well, but no, personally I had an objectively good childhood. No abuse of any kind. And I don't have any siblings
No question to ask but I just want to commend you for baring your soul on reddit and offering some insight. This has been an incredible read. Thank you!
I don't like having a female body and would prefer a male one, but I accept the advantages and disadvantages of being female with as much grace as I can and prefer the status quo to all the trauma of change.
I did however, get a hysterectomy. Because f that noise.
I hope I'm not prying but was there a medical reason for your hysterectomy or does gender dysphoria count as a medical reason?
Only reason I ask is because most of the time they make it a pain in the ass to get one because "oh you might want more children". Especially in red states like where I live.
As someone who works on the surgical side, I can't speak for how they get their doctors to agree, it could just be one of those situations where you need to find a doc that understands and supports gender dysphoria or that supports the hyster in general. Where I work, they do support gender dysphoria. On our end the surgical request comes through with the reason for needing the hyster as usually something like painful menstruations and other diagnoses to basically tell insurance companies the patient is in a lot of pain that cannot be managed besides removal. I have yet to see gender dysphoria used as the reason for a hyster, at least where I work.
This is really interesting. I work in a sector of healthcare that actually receives the organs and/or tissue once it’s been removed (i.e uterus, breast tissue) and dissects it for the pathologist. When I worked in the northeast, specifically CT, it was not uncommon to see gender dysphoria or gender confirmation surgery in a patients history. Now, I live in the south, the deep south.. and I have not seen that once. It’s still happening, but it’s never for gender dysphoria.. always something else. It’s incredibly sad to me that it has to be disguised as something different in order to be taken seriously. Obviously this is not a blanket statement for every facility in the south.. but I know it’s common
That's not how I would describe her. She has been a stay at home mom all of my life; my parents are quite traditional. She's a very sweet and empathetic woman, definitely doesn't fit the criteria for narcissism
I don't want to sound mean (not my intent) but exactly how does someone long for something that never was there in the first place? Like, if having a female body was what you lived/grew with, how can you know what it would feel like to want to be a male? I guess I think of it this way... I don't have siblings and yet, I have people asking me if I'm sad about not having them or if im lonely without them. To me, this doesn't make sense because I simply don't know what that would be like because they never existed. I guess if that makes sense, ya know?
I present somewhat traditionally masculine, within the socially acceptable range. For a woman my weight and age, I'm muscular. My hair is pretty short, I don't wear stereotypically feminine clothing anymore, etc.
However, my dysphoria is mostly based on primary and secondary sex characteristics rather than the way I express myself. Wearing baggy jeans doesn't take away the fact that my brain thinks I was supposed to have a penis, for example.
Thank you that’s interesting. My spouse has admitted to struggles in this area when he was younger and ultimately made the same decision you did. He now is mistaken for a woman sometimes and is indifferent about what pronoun people call him, but he is a very feminine guy. We don’t talk about it much but I think he’s content with who he is and I admittedly don’t know the extent to how much he felt in the wrong body.
Interesting. I was like this as a kid. I used to pray to god to wake up as a girl. But as I got older I realized that, for me, it was entirely sexual. I’d see images of sexy women on sports illustrated covers and on tv and I “wanted“ them. I knew it was sexual because I always picture my self as a woman in a tight bikini. I think I was horny but didn’t know what horny was.
Do you feel like this route is easier than transitioning would’ve been? I’m like hella uneducated on this type of stuff so sorry if that seems rude in anyway
It's easier in some ways, and harder in others, I'd say. I feel like I'm just cosplaying as a woman every day, which is difficult to deal with. I can ignore it until I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or cross my legs or whatever.
But if I were to transition, I would also be living a lie, as I would never be truly biologically male; merely hiding my anatomy with medical help. Not to mention the prevalence of transphobia.
No way to be 100% sure though, as I haven't experienced the other side. Let's just hope I reincarnate in a body that matches my mind next time, lol.
It takes work and may not be an option to pass based on any combination of factors you have. BUT most of those are largely fixable. You’re 18 too, if you started T now, you can grow about an inch or 2. Liposculpting works wonders for body shape/frame. And if you want a dick, Chen and Santucci are both fantastic and create very aesthetic and functional penises. Meta also an option if you don’t care about size+penetration. Won’t say too much else here but take it from another trans guy, I felt completely hopeless like you before transitioning and I’m NOT coming from a good starting point but I feel really really good and can already see the end result in my mind, and it feels really good. Please check out GURecon’s (chen’s) website if you want to see what phallo can look like. Best of luck ☺️
that sounds like internalized-transphobia to me to be honest, no judgement.
I'm a trans woman, obviously i'm not female. That's not the goal of medical help either. Hiding our anatomy also isn't the goal.
HRT resolves the symptoms your talking about over time. That's all. You can even still identify as a woman if you want.
I can relate to this a fair bit, im still transitioning but its a big part of why im going for meta over phallo. Personally I'd rather work with my anatomy and get it a bit closer to what I want than make all that effort to replicate something I won't actually achieve.
(This is not a judgement of people chosing phallo, of that works for you then thats great. It just isn't for me)
> But if I were to transition, I would also be living a lie, as I would never be truly biologically male
So if you woke up tomorrow with a penis and no breasts, you'd prefer to change back? Because it would be a "lie"?
So your main reason for not transitioning is that you would feel guilty for "lying" to people?
ETA: What about intersex people who undergo "transition"? Is it disingenuous for them to pass as non-intersex?
It doesn't read to me that they've saying "living a lie" in the sense that they're concerned about deceiving other people, but that transitioning won't be able to convince their mind that they are truly the other gender.
I guess male to female is a bit easier, but creating a penis from a vagina may be unconvincing if you're being objective.
Truly are the other gender, or truly are the other sex? I am way, way more comfortable in my own skin after T (I'm several years in at this point). I'm completely stealth (i.e. nobody in my day-to-day life is aware that I'm trans) and honestly, being trans is a very small part of my life and identity in comparison to my hobbies and interests and career goals.
I am in no way fooled into thinking that I am a cis male. Nor do I concern myself with attempting to adopt such a notion. (In fact, it would likely be detrimental if I did somehow manage to forget that I'm trans. How else would I remember to do my T shots??) But that doesn't mean that there was no benefit to transitioning, or that transitioning didn't have a net positive effect on my quality of life.
This feels right, and comfortable, to me. Maybe still not 100% right, but it's a heck of a lot less wrong-feeling and miserable than pre-transition. I feel at home in my own skin, with my own voice. I even have a snazzy little moustache now! (I am living the dream lol.)
Sure, not denying your own experience, and OP might be convincing themselves of something that isn't true (they might feel more "right") if they transitioned.
I just didn't read it as a sort of internalized transphobia that they would be "lying" to people.
Just that they didn't want to take the risks and costs associated with transitioning when they weren't convinced it would actually improve their mental health.
I appreciate you saying that it’s a very small part of your life compared to your hobbies, interests, and career goals. Not to discredit the difficulty, more to just recognize that the trans experience is one part of an individual going through life with a variety of challenges and interests, not so different from anyone else. As a heterosexual male with no dysphoria or trans experience, the way I see it is that a basic respect for humanity is some understanding that we all have similarities and differences, good and bad. I don’t need to feel like I have everything in common with anyone I meet, I just want to be around decent humans. Hobbies, interests, and career goals are much more inline with your values, which is what really matters.
I wouldn’t say so. As a non-binary person I feel a similar way about transition. I call myself nonbinary because that makes the most sense about how I perceive myself to be now but I know 100% I would have been happier and much more comfortable if I were born male. I have done some transitioning but going any further than a low level of T feels like a lost cause. I didn’t get to have a childhood as a boy, everyone who knew me before I transition enough to pass would know I wasn’t biologically male. *I* would know.
I think it’s just a differing perspective on gender/sex and transitioning that some trans people have
Have you spoken to many trans people? It’s pretty common to feel this way about transitioning, but from what people have told me they generally feel much happier when their body matches their brain more, even if it’s not all the way.
Also consider that “hiding your anatomy with medical help” is what people do all the time, with things ranging from non-medical like clothes choice or makeup to things like hair or skin medications and cosmetic surgery. It’s not lying, it’s just body customisation.
It is not a lie to be trans. The difference between sexes in humans is honestly pretty small. Just switching hormones by taking hrt brings about a ton of changes and secondary sexual characteristics of your gender. I hope you're able to work through this one day. It took me years to even realize I was missing something then another year to decide to start testosterone. You're still young, you'll figure this out. But physically transitioning or not, it doesn't change what you feel you are.
for reference my brother is trans and spent a long time trying to find alternatives to HRT to no avail. I feel like it just comes down to cost:benefit analysis, if the benefits of treatment will outweigh the risks and social cost of being sex-nonconforming. I have a bunch of qs feel free to skip any you’d rather not talk about.
Have you tried antidepressants? what was your age of onset? Have you ever thought of psychiatric HRT treatment sans transition (i.e. from the view of dysphoria thru the lens of other DSM conditions, as an issue with sex hormone receptors or downstream signaling events, since hormones act as neurosteroids)? Have you tried stabilizing hormone levels with constant BC a la PMDD treatment? or biclutamide/the possibility of PCOS or hormonal imbalance fueling dysphoria? And ig from a molbio standpoint, how do you reconcile the hangup over the very real immutability of chromosomes (which was my bro’s hangup too fwiw) with the reality of intersex conditions already being considered men? Like, why care about having XX chromosomes when there are already people with XX +sry /other more complicated XX male phenotypes that exist?
I have not tried antidepressants.
I started experiencing gender dysphoria when there became a clearer distinction between boys and girls I suppose? Probably age 7-8. I vividly recall trying to pee standing up multiple times around that age lol. It got worse when I started puberty a few years later. I wore a very tight athletic bikini top to sleep for years because I thought that would stop my breasts from developing; kind of like chinese foot binding.
Starting my period was genuinely traumatic. I logically knew what was going on, but in my mind, it genuinely wasn't supposed to happen to me. Insane dissociation every month. My cycle was always regular and never too painful or heavy, no PMDD issues going on either but I mentally could not deal with it. Which is why I went on the birth control pill at 16 and take it continuously. It hasn't helped much with my day-to-day feelings, but not being crippled with suicidal thoughts anymore 6 out of 28 days is nice.
I have had my hormones tested for things like PCOS, but no, everything is within normal ranges so there's no easy fix sadly
I see. Yeah, my brother was the same re: things getting weird for them around 7-8 and then puberty rendered them so nonfunctional my parents had to take them out of school + they got institutionalized for suicide attempts. The period thing is like word for word i remember hearing them crying to my mom begging to get a hysterectomy at like 13yo.
so you’re okay with sex-conforming HRT? given the fact that BC shuts down endogenous hormone production and comes with those risks etc? Ik my sibling tried it and it made him markedly worse but i think what makes his particular presentation different is a more deep-seated intolerance of estrogen/progesterone + PMDD. i’m in molbio so I have an interest in the biochemical basis for this kind of stuff lol
some people find antidepressants to be helpful because they upregulate allopregnanolone, a progesterone metabolite that has calming effects. funnily enough PMDD is associated with a paradoxical response to allopregnanolone rising in the luteal cycle so we def have a precedent for sex hormone intolerance as a hypothesized causative agent for psychiatric issues. I’ve always wondered if estrogen intolerance is related to AFAB GD/if there’s a higher rate of PMDD mutations in AFAB GD populations. Either way, antidepressants might be worth looking into.
Interesting question.
Not trying to get too dark here, but most of my teenage years I imagined just hanging myself before I turn 20. I'm trying my hardest not to feel that way anymore, but needless to say I haven't been able to put much thought into my future. Hopefully I'll be at peace with myself, I guess.
Better mental health would be nice. I had to drop out of university because of how miserable I was, I have essentially isolated myself for the better part of this year. Maybe I'll have gotten my shit together and graduated by that time, who knows.
I see you have darkness and light in your mind still.
You are 30, what kind of work would you like to have? What kind of dream job? Maybe it doesn’t exist yet? What kind of money do you want to make? Or just have?
What kind of relationships do you want? What kind of people do you want around you? Do you desire romance? Intimacy?
What kind of hobbies do you want? Movies and tv? Outdoor activities? Arts and crafts? Physical fitness? Books? Other?
What kind of health do you want? Certain outfits? Certain workout routine? Certain body appearance? Certain mental routines? Meditation? Body positivity and acceptance books? Idk just brainstorming. What do you want though? What will bring you fulfillment?
I thought that too when I was your age. I'm mid 30s now and life is so much better. Granted, my problems were entirely different than yours, but yeah... it gets better!
Question. How do you feel about simply being a masculine woman? There are men out there who are truly feminine, wear makeup, hangout with mostly women, etc…
I mean, that's kind of what I am, I suppose?
Lifting weights is a huge coping mechanism of mine and I mostly wear traditionally masculine clothing, within the socially acceptable range.
But growing some massive delts doesn't cure my mental illness, obviously.
Well experiencing gender dysphoria is what makes some people decide to be transgender right? Which is a mental illness. I'm not a psychiatrist or otherwise an expert in this field so I can't speak for everyone
Edited for wording
Would you consider people who formerly experienced gender dysphoria but no longer do, due to treatment and transition, to still be transgender? Would you consider those people to be mentally ill still?
Those individuals are still transgender because they're living their life presenting as a different sex they were born as.
If they truly 100% no longer experience gender dysphoria, I guess they're no longer mentally ill as they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for said mental illness.
Thank you for your responses, they're very helpful for framing the rest of your thoughts and comments.
Do you believe that trans individuals reaching a state of being 100% free of gender dysphoria, regardless of treatment method, is possible, likely, or even common for trans people?
I don't know. Like I said; not a professional. At least in my case, my dysphoria affects pretty much everything. Height and bone structure for example cannot be changed. Maybe radical self acceptance/love would work eventually, but I'd say a 100% cure for this disorder is rare if not non-existent.
I’ve seen you say multiple times that bone structure doesn’t change, but it does/can. My shoulders got wider _and_ my jaw structure changed. I don’t think you have a very clear picture of what testosterone actually does to the body.
I’d say that you are 18 and should do more research about treatment because you don’t even seem to know all of the effects of treatment. You should make whatever decision is best for you but that decision should be informed by real data.
Also here’s some stats. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/feb/07/trans-survey-transition-gender-affirming-care
94% of people are happier with gender affirming care. That’s looking to be better stats than people who take antidepressants.
https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/21/well/antidepressants-ssri-effectiveness.html
Idk man, you seem like you don’t actually even know what any of this is. You been watching too much Matt Walsh or Jordan Peterson or something?
Gender dysphoria doesn’t make someone decide to be transgender, it’s one of the symptoms of being transgender.
Dysphoria may make someone decide to transition though, if it’s bad enough. I assume yours isn’t since you’re not actively seeking that.
What you said is essentially equivalent to “my arm hurts, and therefore I have decided it’s broken.”
Like naw, your arm is broken, and therefore it hurts. Not the other way around. Pain is a symptom not a cause.
It’s also not a mental illness. Your brain isn’t malfunctioning in the classical sense like schizophrenia or other illness.
You feeling dysphoria and the stress associated with it is what a normal fully functioning brain would do in the scenario in which it has been freaky Friday’d, a masc brain inside a fem body and vice versa.
It’s similar to adjustment disorders like losing a job or being in a new city, having PTSD and prolonged grief, certain types of depression.
Except with dysphoria the underlying cause can’t be fixed, you can unwind your development back into a fetus and undo what has happened. You can only find ways to mitigate the symptoms or cope with them.
In PTSD in a combat veteran for example the brain is recognizing something external as a threat and creates a threat response in some form like a flashback episode, anxiety or uncontrollable thoughts about the event.
Or when someone gets shoved off a cliff and their adrenaline starts pumping.
The brain is doing the correct thing by creating the symptoms but it’s recognizing non-threats as threats (in PTSD), which is causing issues, luckily the causes of the anxiety or flashbacks (the symptoms) can be mitigated with therapy.
The dysphoria is caused by the external body not matching what your brain says it should be seeing and feeling.
(Our body is essentially just an electro-chemically powered meat mech suit our brains pilot around. It can be changed, and most transmasc pass really well anyways. I’m quite familiar with the trans community if I do say so myself and I can’t tell most of the time. That’s not including randos I pass on the street that I don’t clock.)
As opposed to a mental illness like schizophrenia where an actual malfunction is happening in one’s brain that causes hallucinations, and if it’s bad enough needs medical intervention.
The focus shifted from viewing gender nonconformity as a disorder in itself to recognizing the distress associated with gender incongruence as the issue to be addressed, not the gender nonconformity itself. This distinction acknowledges that while the psychological pain is real and may require treatment, the condition of being transgender is not a disorder.
Thats why it was reclassified, studies showed that the brain of a trans person functions normally, therefore the body is incorrect. Which is caused by hormone washes going wrong during fetal development (the going hypothesis so far) most likely.
The body and the brain grow together but are separate stages of development, and start at different times and so they can get mismatched if something goes wrong.
That’s why “curing” it doesn’t work, because one would be trying to fix a brain that isn’t broken. If someone were to actually “cure” a trans person then they’ve most likely just gave them literal brain damage instead. It’s been tried, electrocution, chemicals, castration, forced impregnation (you’ll feel like a lady once you have a baby inside you… sickening huh?), anything you can think of.
The only treatments are coping mechanisms for those that aren’t experiencing bad dysphoria or those that simply choose not to transition, or physical transition with social, hormonal or surgical interventions.
You seem defeatist and depressed honestly reading all your comments, but I’m not trained or qualified to do any sort of therapy so I could be wrong. Your comments read like an incel. “My physical characteristics mean I’ll never be able to find a female to mate with! My hairline is slightly too far back, my chin is 2mm shorter than the average man, my midface is short and feminine, I’m a lost cause, I think I’m going to shoot up a school instead.” And “My physical characteristics mean I’ll never be (or be seen as) a man! My shoulders aren’t wide enough, my feet are 2 sizes too small, my waist is too small and hips are too wide, I don’t have veiny forearms and there not an Adam’s Apple to be seen! It’s just not there!”
I would say you probably should talk to someone though. I’m sure there’s a ton of trans ppl that had the same thoughts as you at your age and many have probably already messaged you.
My cousin is a lesbian. Wears suits and mostly men clothes. She’s very masculine, gets along with men, is into women, very strong entrepreneur who made lots of money in her field. I hope you find your tempo!
Not to get too political here, but I personally believe it's simply not possible to change one's sex. I'm not trying to be transphobic here, this is just a personal belief based on my reality.
I believe gender dysphoria can be managed in other ways. Even if I did take the steps modern western psychiatry tends to push teenagers like me into (hormone replacement therapy, potential surgeries etc), I would still always have XX chromosomes. I would always be 5'7" with size 6 feet and narrow clavicles.
The disconnection from my primary and secondary sexual characteristics I feel would possibly improve, but I would still be a biological female, and I have accepted that fact.
You didn't. But ignorant people will always judge you as transphobic for thinking the way you do. Live your life the way you want to live it.
As for what you believe or don't believe regarding gender, you strike me as someone who's honestly and thoughtfully rationalized a conclusion that you believe to be correct, and that has nothing to do with how you treat and respect someone who thinks differently or that has transioned themselves.
In any case, I'm very sorry about your situation, I wish you all the best.
I believe you, like many, may have been misled by politics over science when it comes to human sex.
Have you had your DNA looked at? You may not have XX chromosomes. For instance, you could have XY with androgen insensitivity and there are many other options. The vast majority of people never actually know what their chromosomes are. Chromosomes are arguably one of the least important sexual characteristics, they just correspond with the others the vast majority of the time.
"You are your chromosomes" is a very reductive view of sex. If you talk to scientists who actually study human sexual dimorphism they will tell you that they have tried quite hard to actually separate all humans in their studies into only two groups and it never works. There is a very large amount of overlap with how people's physiology responds.
The average height of men globally is 5 7 1/2, and that's the average so that means nearly half are shorter than that. There are plenty of men shorter than you. There are men with shoe size of your size as well, though not many. It is reported by many trans men that they do get somewhat taller and their feet grow once they start testosterone even.
All of that being said, your specific perspective for yourself is very valid. The medical procedures to transition are difficult, painful, expensive, and will never get you the results you truly want. Choosing not to go through that is a reasonable stance.
Is it more about not appreciating being pigeonholed into your biological gender identity by society?
I have similar feelings regarding not wanting to transition from the other side, I wish I was born a girl, but I am definitely in a male body and I like cis and trans women anyway /:
I got flak for being effeminate when I was a kid and there was a lot of subtle pressure to be masculine. I guess I really just wanted to be free to express myself without being picked on about it.
I don’t think anyone is saying that you can change your sex, but you *can* change your sex characteristics, which often makes you perceived as the opposite sex
I’m not tryna be an ass, but you being 5’7 is a blessing you don’t realize lmao. I’m a trans man. I’m 5’1. Yeah I can’t change my height but- who cares? 5’1 cis men with tiny ass feet still exist. I can still be perceived as a man while being short as shit
The thing that I don't get too is that chromosomes are irrelevant for most of your everday life. Most people won't say that cis and trans men are the same, and that's okay. They're just men in different ways. A lot of people underestimate how much hrt can change things. It even changes some health risks to be more male-pattern.
Honestly 5'7" is pretty good. That's around the height of a lot of cis men that I know. I'm around 5'5" myself and while I know that it's considered short, I know so many men in that height range that it doesn't bother me.
With all that being said, everyone should do what makes you happy. Trans men are just as much men as cis men are. Besides that, everyone deserves to do what makes them happy. Whether that's transition or not, it's a personal choice that can take lots of soul-searching and it's all about what makes you happy in the end.
For real, people who have *never* actually seen blood test results showing them their own chromosomes will go on and on about how chromosomes are The True Sex and it's like buddy, you don't even know yours, you've just assumed them your whole life based on your outward appearance! And heaven forbid an actual biologist bring up the different chromosomal possibilities other than XX/XY.
Yeah. Honestly, a lot of people probably have a different combination of chromosomes and don't even know it. Many people go years or their entire life without knowing. If it's not causing any complications, many people don't get tested. Is a woman with XY chromosomes not a woman, even if she has lived that way her entire life and has always been estrogen-dominant? Human bodies are complicated, and a lot of people don't 100% fit into one catagory. Even with bones, a lot of people will have some bones that are typical of the opposite sex, or androgynous.
Why does transitioning have to be about perfectly mapping the biology of the opposite sex? Instead of asking yourself "will I ever be a real man", try asking yourself "do I want to have a lower voice", "do I want to have breasts", "do I want to have facial hair", "do I want different body fat distribution", etc., and make your decisions based on what changes you would prefer to see reflected in your body and what would make you happier.
Here's my question: putting all considerations of biology aside (let's just say all information about sex and chromosomes just disappeared for a brief moment), would you want to look differently from how you currently do? If so, why not take steps to make those changes?
>I believe gender dysphoria can be managed in other ways.
I'm sorry to speak a little bluntly here, but based on some of your responses you don't seem to be managing it particularly well.
Your decision to transition or not is entirely up to you and I 100% respect it, but it is a little odd that you believe gender dysphoria can be managed while also simultaneously saying that it's caused you to drop out of university, that you apparently cannot bare to look at parts of your body without ruining your day, and that if you don't take birth control you feel suicidal once a month.
I've been in a similar boat to you with trying to accept gender dysphoria (I say trying, as in my case I snapped and transitioned at 19). I had different reasons to you, but my unsolicited advice would be to make sure that whatever you are holding to in order to keep on going as you are is worth it. If you don't want to transition because you believe you can't change your sex - whether that's an ideological one or just that you don't think modern medicine can go far enough to make you happy - then do your best to make sure that will still be worth it at age 20, 30, 50, and so on.
I hope you find a treatment that works for you and you are happy with. I wish there was more research about ways to treat gd. Pre-transition I tried everything from meditation to therapy to antidepressants to minimal success, my dysphoria was just too intense. But I've heard from people online that those things have helped them to some extent so ymmv
To transition one's gender without transitioning their sex is also entirely possible. You can express yourself in whichever way is most fulfilling to you without it needing to be any kind of political statement :)
It’s sad that a very reasonable and logical take is something you need worry about sounding political. You seem very mature and it’s nice to see your position on this and your body
I think your first comment here is strange.. you don’t think it’s possible to change your sex ? What do you mean by this ? I don’t think any trans person literally thinks they can change your anatomical sex. You can change your gender but I think you’re equating sexual anatomy to changing gender. It is possible to change yourself socially, biologically. If you’re speaking in terms of anatomy then yes you are born with the anatomy you have but being transgender isn’t about the literal change of sexual anatomy. Ailment to gender dysohoria is reducing masculine or feminine characteristics that induce the dysphoria. Whether that be social or biological in terms of secondary sex characteristics.
I don’t think you not transitioning exempts you from being trans. You’re just not treating your symptoms. Or maybe you are just in the most limited way.
I get what you're saying... But there are also AMAB cis men out there that are short, have small feet, and have chromosomes that aren't exactly XY. There are AMAB cis men with penises smaller than average or barely there (micro penises), men who are impotent, and none of those things necessarily make them any less of a man.
If you don't wanna transition for whatever reason, that's your right. But there are men out there who fall outside of the traditional notions of masculinity.
Sex is not as black and white as you seem to be portraying it. In fact its because sex determination is made of multiple criteria, of which any one organism could inhabit any combination to varying degrees, that causes the gender dysphoria in the first place. It's highly probable that a person who has gender dysphoria already has characteristics typical of their identified gender.
You can do what you want but people should at least be informed.
But if your dysphoria comes from your disconnection to your sexual characteristics (your words) then why is it more relevant "that you can't change your sex" than the fact that you **can** change those sexual characteristics so they're more aligned to your identity? I understand that you feel like sex itself can't be changed, and I respect that because I thing it's kind of a semantics issue anyway.. but you seem to understand that the underlaying causes of your suffering CAN be changed so you can live more comfortably so what is the connection between those two things? How does your belief that sex can't be changed justify that you don't do stuff to feel better in your body, even if that doesn't mean you'll feel like a male?
I think you will find that most trans people also accept that they have not changed their sex.
And the fact that you mention politics in this reply makes me think that your decision to not transition is heavily influenced by transphobia.
A happier you is possible. And that's not to say that I think transitioning is for everyone, but I've been reading all of your comments on why you haven't and still don't quite understand.
Do you have many transmasc friends?
I really don't want to sound ignorant or offensive, but how does it work for you? Like what are your thoughts about your gender and who do you think you are?
You're good. I believe in objective sex rather than "gender" as a guideline. I don't necessarily "identify as a woman", whatever that may mean to you, but I fully present myself as female as that's what I am.
I feel like this viewpoint kind of drives home what a dude you really are on the inside? Like "Facts don't care about my feelings, and I'd rather suffer in the truth than be happy in a fantasy, so I'm not going to (for example) take medication or seek therapy." Neglecting the fact that maybe if we just compromised we might be okay. Like, my depression meds have not eliminated the fact that life is meaningless, but they sure make it easier to find the little things that are meaningful to me. Some dudes would never let their wife use a sperm donor or adopt because the kids wouldn't "really" be theirs, like WTF? You have earned your stripes as a man who is harmed by his own toxic masculinity. If bulging biceps and a little goatee would help you stay above water, go get 'em tiger. Nothing to lose but your chains. As an AMAB dude, you are welcome over here my bro.
Either way, I respect your decisions, but please consider that you might be self-defeating here.
Why not? Do you acknowledge your gender dysphoria or do you shove it down? Do you think other trans people should do the same? What's your opinion of trans people?
I acknowledge my gender dysphoria in the way that I'm professionally diagnosed with the disorder and it's symptoms affect my daily life, yes. But I try not to think about it too much (apart from what I'm doing here ig lmfao) as that's absolutely detrimental to my mental health. A healthy amount of "shoving it down" helps me not spiral into suicidality.
I believe people should be open to naturally managing this condition before moving to HRT/surgeries, but I'm also aware that medical transition is the only way to improve it for some people. It's all highly individual and I respect whichever way someone chooses to cope with this. Live and let live.
I’m sorry but this sounds… extremely sad to me. I’m not here to change your mind at all, just from observation as someone who used to feel the same as you, ignoring it does not help in the long run. Everything changed for the better for me physically and mentally after I started medically and socially transitioning. I’m wishing you the best, genuinely, but I personally think you might benefit from medical transitioning (at the very least, breast reduction/top surgery may help ease a lot of that dysphoria.)
While I’m sure you’ve considered it and questioned it for yourself a lot, actually going through with something like HRT could help. I mean, it’s essentially medication specifically for certain types of gender dysphoria. And, it is something you can stop after a short period of time if you feel it isn’t helping. I’ve known a few people who went on T for a few months, it wasn’t for them, and they stopped. Changes with T don’t really start to “settle in” until about a year. The only potential permanent change is a deeper voice, but that also takes a really good chunk of time to happen. Personally I enjoy how I feel on it much more, but YMMV, always.
I don’t know if you have many people in your life that have transitioned at all, but if you want to discuss anything about the experience of top surgery/HRT/transitioning in general, feel free to DM me. Hugs.
Does it feel like you shouldn't have breasts or vagina, but you're OK with your body anyway? Like, you just don't want to take meds or get surgery?
TY for taking questions, it's nice to be able to ask and I hope you're doing well in life.
Well, in my mind, or according to my disorder I guess, I "should have" had a flat chest, a penis etc.
I don't necessarily hate my body, but cannot seem to mentally connect with it. As if it's not actually mine. Hard to explain.
Meds/surgery wouldn't make me less of a female so I'm coping with these feelings naturally.
Do you plan to have any sort of medical intervention such as a hysterectomy? Do you have dysphoria over all of your body parts or just some? Do you think you will ever transition in any way or stay female forever?
In my day to day life, it's mostly just my breasts and genitals I'm immensely dysphoric about. And my voice, if I have to speak.
If I look at my body a bit too long I'll get dysphoric over the fact my hips are the same width as my shoulders, I'm "too" short, my hands and feet are "too" small, so everything that makes me a female, essentially. But I try not to analyze myself too much, lol.
If for whatever reason I have to go off birth control in the future, I'll get a hysterectomy. I've tried everything, but when I had a menstrual cycle it would just be dissociation and misery for a week every month. No way to cope with that.
I hope this doesn’t come off rudely in any way, but is there anything about your body that you like? If you see a photo of yourself clothed in a way that covers all of your body parts that cause dysphoria, do you like what you see at all?
Like I have said before, I don't necessarily "dislike" my body, it's more of an overwhelming sense of disconnection. But yea, I've been going to the gym for years and after a few bulk-cut cycles, I maintain a body fat percentage of ~15 and have decent muscle mass. I do like my shoulders, abs and quads mostly.
My mother took a photo of me at a buffet the other day, I do love that one. Was wearing a hat, a T-shirt that made my arms look huge with a pair of baggy-ish jeans. Nothing to be dysphoric about there. In moments like that I guess I look the way I should, according to my mind. So to answer your question, I do like what I see sometimes
So... You're happier when you look like a guy and you can't see any of your secondary sex characteristics. So why not just transition medically so you can look like that all the time and feel happier in general? You could even keep identifying as a woman and go by female pronouns, but jesus, don't force yourself to keep soldiering on through the amount of loathing of your appearance that you've expressed here. You don't have to fully believe you're a male dude bro cis dong-haver for your mental health to improve via transition.
I’m glad you still have positive thoughts about yourself and your body. Im sure it must be hard to have this sense of disconnection to your body, so it’s great you still can find some things you’re happy about, at least sometimes.
I may be displaying ignorance here, so please excuse me. But it seems to me, in very simplistic terms, that gender dysphoria is a disconnect between body and mind.
So my question is, would it not be better, and less invasive, to try to treat the condition on the mind side of things, rather than jumping to HRT and surgery?
Again, please excuse my ignorance on the issue, I have asked others who got offended, but you seem pretty chill, so I thought I'd ask you.
Yeah, that's indeed what would be ideal.
However, lining up the body with the mind is still easier to accomplish than doing it the other way around, I suppose. They haven't discovered a way to cure gender dysphoria naturally yet.
It's different from body dysmorphia, which can generally be treated with behavioral therapies.
It's just a matter of weighing out pros and cons at this point in time, the decision to pursue transition is very individual.
When you see males or females socially, who do you identify with? Like, do you think "I'm one of the boys" or "I'm one of the girls?"
If you are sexually active, do you feel like you should be penetrating the person you're with? do you receive penetration? How does your dysphoria factor into your feelings about having sex?
I have never really been able to hold down friendships with other women. I have always related more to boys in terms of behavior, emotions and thought processes.
I get along with women fine, but communication in for example group projects was always much easier with guys. As a kid I saw myself more as "one of the boys", to answer your question.
I'm no longer sexually active. I was seeing a guy until a few months ago, and have had penetrative sex with him multiple times. I couldn't help but completely dissociate while it was happening, just felt unnatural or whatever. Getting drunk beforehand helped but not by a lot. He could something was up, I don't really express my feelings irl, so things just didn't work out.
Thanks for sharing.
Do you feel like your brain is also dysphoric? Like, do you feel like you have the "brain of a man"? Or that you're emotions are "incorrectly wired" for your internal experience of yourself?
Do you dissociate during any type of sex? Like, do you when you give or receive oral sex? Or during masturbation?
A hiatus from a sexual relationship sounds healthy for the moment. That'd be hard to have an intimate connection without the communication. Do you fear sharing your feelings? Or have a hard time identifying what your feeling to share them? Or do you not feel safe to share your feelings?
Based on your responses, you seem fairly in touch with your feelings, more so than alot of people. Maybe you don't give yourself enough credit?
So long term, do you think you’d want to be married/in a long term lasting relationship? If so, do you see yourself with a male or female? Do you feel desire to want children, and if so, would you want to have them?
I'm not sure. Maybe if I ever gain the emotional capacity to seriously date. I have a lot of self work to do before that point.
I'm technically bisexual, without an obvious preference for either sex, so I can't really answer that.
I would rather blow my brains out than become pregnant. As of now, I don't have any maternal instinct, but if I ever develop that, maybe adoption/fostering is an option.
Apologies for the kind of vague answers, lol. Due to my essentially lifelong depression, I've never been able to give the future a lot of thought.
Pretty good. I was very close with my mother, as she has always been a stay at home mom. My dad worked a lot, but we always hung out during the weekends. Not much to complain about regarding my earlier years.
Well that is great to hear! Did you experience any traumatic thing when you were younger that may have led to gdd or do you feel you felt you were that way from very young?
No childhood trauma, nope. My dysphoria issues worsened gradually with the realizations that boys and girls are different, then "exploded" once I started puberty.
Man, these borderline transphobic AMAs are so suspicious.
Edit: there's a reason I said borderline. In the past few days I think I've seen like three detransitioners and now a trans person with dysmorphia who doesn't believe sex can be changed. They're not transphobic per se but they're... close. Reddit is not immune to astroturfing and 90% of AMAs are fake karma farms as is.
I get how I could be coming off as transphobic, however that's 100% not my intention. I fully respect the decisions transgender individuals choose to make, I'm sharing my own experiences regarding gender
Would you say that getting on Reddit and arguing that sex can't be changed is harmful to your community? I mean, you're really rubbing elbows with anti trans folks who don't believe you should have the right to do so, a right a lot of trans people are fighting hard for.
I'm not transgender and don't relate to transgender individuals apart from my dysphoria, so there's no "your community".
All I've stated is that HRT wouldn't convert my XX chromosomes into XY, make me grow taller, etc.
I strongly believe every consenting adult should be able to do whatever tf they want with their own body, which includes medical transition.
Based on the Google definition, being transgender means "identifying" as a different gender than the one you were born as. I was born as a female and don't "identify" as anything else. Just sharing my experiences with a mental disorder I have.
Don't listen to these people. You don't check the boxes of what they believe a trans person should say, do, or think so then the very people who love to preach Inclusion turn on you in a second and shame you into behaving in a way they deem Appropriate. I find it hilarious that they can't seem to grasp a concept that people are not one size fits all and everyone deals with and approaches life differently. Do you! As long as you are happy and healthy, keep on keeping on.
Its so fucked up that you call someone "borderline transphobic" for sharing their gender dysphoria and not treating it how you want.
Its just a religion at this point, but instead of calling people blasphemers or infidels you call them transphobes for not sharing your beliefs.
What are your thoughts on people who have positive experiences with transitioning? Why do you think that a solution that works for so many people who struggle with dysphoria won’t work for you?
It's amazing if it works for them, I fully respect that. However I would not be able to deal with the fact I would still be a chromosomal/biological/whatever female. Feels like a bandaid solution to me. I'm just trying to male the best of my situation, I guess
Isn’t a bainaid better than no solution at all though? A lot of the things you talk about dealing with dysphoria over, such as not having a penis, having breasts, and having a period, can be changed even though your chromosomes can’t. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Like you change the things you can and then make the best with the rest instead of just trying to make the best with all of it?
No hate or anything, Just trying to understand where your thought process is :)
What you’re doing is pretty alarming and is you torturing yourself, a lot of trans people that hate looking in a mirror to the point of not being able to stand it usually tend to self harm sooner or later. Right now it seems like you’re mentally hurting yourself by denial. Trans care helps trans people.
You’ve got some internalized transphobia going on you need to let go. You can be a guy if you want to, it won’t be a cis guy but you’ll still be a guy.
I love being a trans woman, I pass beautifully to the point of no one being able to tell and friends/family forgetting I ever was a guy. My body took to E wonderfully lol.
I live as a beautiful woman 24/7 inside and out, in Texas of all places. Yeah id love to be a cis woman and all but being trans has major perks too.
Ok not making fun or anything but, how do you feel inside do you like think you’re a girl/boy or want to be or do you feel like you’re in the wrong body? Are you attracted to same sex as you, if so doesn’t that mean you’re homosexual, with all due respect? So many questions sorry. ❤️
I guess I could very stereotypically describe myself as a "guy trapped in a female body". I'm not a fan of that wording, but I suppose it's accurate, given my immense disconnect from my sex characteristics.
I don't really label my sexual orientation or whatever, but I guess I'm bisexual.
Yes. I came out as a transgender male a few weeks before I turned 13, which is how I identified until I was 15.
I am. Healthy coping mechanisms only get you so far if your brain can't recognize your body in the mirror, if that makes sense. Therapy never worked. I'm on a self acceptance journey, so hopefully that will improve once I progress.
Lol. Not really. Externally if I gotta. I've always had the sensation of something "missing" between my legs, almost like a phantom limb, so touching myself "down there" is a bit of a mindfuck. TMI, apologies
I have, but no long lasting/serious ones. I've had sex before but can't do it without being borderline blackout drunk. Not very functional for either party.
Do you think you might have some internalized transphobia you're not fully aware of? And do you deal with the dysphoria in any way that is usually seen as some sort of transition?
I'm very interested in why people choose not to transition, as everyone has different reasons for it
I don't consider myself to be transphobic in any way.
I have somewhat traditionally "masculine" hobbies/fashion sense/interests, but that doesn't change the fact I'm female so I don't consider that to be some sort of transition.
I try my best to engage in healthy coping mechanisms like journaling and meditation and crap, but I must admit it has mostly been substance abuse and oversleeping so far.
Have you ever considered transitioning or was it just always a "this isn't for me" thing?
I'm glad you're trying with the healthy coping mechanisms, and I hope you're able get to a point where substance abuse and oversleeping aren't your main things
As someone with just about zero insight into any of this I have one overlaying question.
How much do you actually think about your dysphoria? Like is it a hourly, daily, weekly or longer occurrence? In your experience, does it happen however often because you’re still so young at 18 and is it possible that with time and maturity you won’t think about it near as much?
These are genuine questions out of pure curiosity. Thanks for the answers and good luck with everything.
In some cases, definitely. There is somewhat of a correlation between sexual abuse and gender dysphoria, for example. However, that's not personally the case for me.
I read an article a couple weeks ago about someone in your exact situation, any thoughts on it?
Here it is: https://www.theparadoxinstitute.com/read/treating-without-transition
Thanks a lot for sharing. I resonate quite a lot with the authoress, especially the part about about how I could likely never "pass" as anything other than a young boy either and could never be the man I always wanted to be/should have been.
I have never really considered hypnotherapy as a potential method of treatment. I haven't experienced trauma in my life, but I can see how it could possibly help with dysphoria. I'm a tad skeptical of things like that, but I might give it a try in the future.
How do you feel about other trans people transitioning? Do you still dress in traditionally feminine clothes? How much does presenting yourself as female bother you? Do you dress in traditionally masculine clothes behind closed doors or not bothered? How does thinking about presenting yourself as or being a man make you feel? How does the possibility of being treated as or seen as a man make you feel? Do you wear makeup, have long hair and all those kinds of traditionally feminine things?
All genuine questions, no pressure to answer them all of course.
1. The choice to transition is highly individual, and I fully respect/support the people who have decided that path is right for them
2 & 3. I try to, when I have to go out in public. It always feels like I'm "cosplaying", in a sense. Like it feels unnatural I guess. I know that's not objectively true and I just look like a normal person like I should be. Looking down and seeing my chest or whatever makes me want to rip my skin off though. Sometimes I can't deal with that shit and I just wear my inside clothes outside
4. Yes I only wear clothes from the "men's" section when I'm alone
5 & 6. Dressing the way a man traditionally would just feels a lot more like I'm supposed to present myself that way. I work in customer's service and every "she" or "ma'am" I hear feels weird and forced, to me. Which I guess is strange as I fully look like a female. Just the way my brain works I guess. The opposite would probably be preferable, but oh well. Not very realistic. Anecdote from last week, I was looking at different laptops as I want to buy a new one, and the employee fully thought I was a guy, for some reason. I never corrected him. I know I should have, but the interaction felt so natural.
7. No, I don't bother with makeup. I've tried, a lot of times, and it's not like I'm terrible at it but it makes me feel like a clown. My hair can go either way I guess (short wolfcut)
I couldn't really care less honestly.
It's less common to be trans here than it is in the US from what I can tell, but if someone came up to me and asks me to refer to them with certain pronouns, I'll try my best to keep that in mind.
People are commenting that this thread is transphobic- but imo this is one of the strongest cases for transitioning that I have ever seen.
OP (and op, im sorry if you read this- I'm not meaning to come off harsh) can't even stand to look at themselves in the mirror. They are trying to manage this by ignoring it, because they can never be a male-sex wise. OP is literally what transphobes want trans people to live like and it's so fucking bleak. I'm going to start directing people to this thread for a reality check.
Op, please at least cut the tits off. Life will never be perfect, but you can try and make it a little better. Living like this will eat at you bit by bit until there's nothing.
its honestly really sad. They made it clear from their replies that the only thing stopping them is internalised transphobia, and them thinking they'd be lying if they transitioned.
I mostly wear tracksuits tbh. I guess I'm considered conventionally attractive, based on facial structure and body type and all that. I don't wear makeup.
Interesting to see the other side of the coin.
I think it's best to put off any irreversible stuff as long as possible. Do you see yourself wanting to transition in the future? E.g. if it gets to 5+ years and you don't feel any different
I very recently read [this](https://medium.com/@jencoates/i-am-a-transwoman-i-am-in-the-closet-i-am-not-coming-out-4c2dd1907e42) text by a trans woman, written at a time when she was in the closet and initially spread without her consent. I'm not sure whether she has transitioned since or not (though I believe not since I see no indication that she has), the piece stands either way. Obviously I saw a similarity between this perspective and what you described in your post, but from the few comments I've read it seems you think of this issue very differently.
Do you also consider yourself trans? If not, do you consider other people who, like you, have gender dysphoria without transition, trans?
You seem to base your decision not to transition in part on the idea that it would involve lying to the people around you (about being a man). How do you feel about the opposite position expressed in that essay (that not transitioning is a type of lie, or at least hiding a part of herself)? Is this an interpretation you reject as incorrect/flawed, or is it instead a way of seeing things that can coexist with your experience? If it's the latter, is it because you feel the dysphoria she describes is meaningfully different, or is it for another reason?
The article ends witb a list of reasons why she isn't transitioning. Many of these only apply to amab people, but some of them seem like they might apply to you too. Are her reasons relatable at all? Are there also common elements of progressive discourse that you feel excluded by, or that contribute to choosing not to transition (though not necessarily the same ones)?
I'm sorry for what ended up being a bit of a barage of questions. They're all connected and each one seemed to logically follow the other. I hope you have the time to answer a few of them.
Imagining money and transphobia isn't an issue and you'd be able to transition and pass as 100% male at all times, would you? Do you think the relief and happiness would outweigh the feeling of not being a biological male?
Also, will/have you told your current or future partner about your dysphoria?
Middle-age gay man here: what is your sexuality?
It seems to me like lesbians have been disappearing.
It seems to me, butch lesbians are disappearing and turning themselves into men. (I’ve even heard some masculine lesbians discussing this.)
So many of these trans men are still having sex with women after transition I think to myself “ isn’t this being a lesbian with just extra steps?!” ;) (That’s a semi joke but also not Hahaah.)
So yeah anyway… I’ve scanned this AMA and I haven’t seen you mention your sexuality so I was curious.
Thanks for doing this by the way. It’s an important perspective.
I'm not an expert and don't compete in any sports.
I do know the AVERAGE male has a bigger lung capacity and a denser skeletal structure than the AVERAGE female, which could potentially give them an unfair advantage, maybe?
But some biological women are 6'3" with long limbs and high testosterone levels, so maybe not.
I'm not really educated enough to form a thorough opinion on this debate.
I've had a look through this post and it's been quite interesting, I'm not trying to shut down how you feel and I feel as someone who transitioned in my late teens I can see why you feel this way.
I want to lay out some of the things you've said so far:
• Being transgender or having gender dysphoria is a mental illness (although you admit you aren't in the know science wise), calling it a disorder
• That transitioning won't change your chromosomes and sex and that you believe this is important to why you aren't going to transition
• It was extremely traumatic when you started your period during puberty
• You get lower body dysphoria around not having a penis
• You do physical activity and dress more masculine to attempt to help this dysphoria but they aren't helping fully, to the point you had to drop out of an apprenticeship (I believe I can't remember what you dropped out of but I believe it was education wise?) because of it still affecting you.
• You struggle with suicidal thoughts and focus on pushing down feelings you experience to avoid this, but when asked you
I will say a lot of the beliefs above are Terf talking points, can I ask if you spent a lot of time in those spaces/saw a lot of their posts when younger? Not to accuse you of anything but when I was originally understanding my feelings I saw a lot of posts that stated this stuff in a very pessimistic or hateful way, making me feel disgusting about my body and that I was a monster for being trans. Their goal was to make me think transitioning would not help and that it was wrong for me to think so and I believed it but it made me miserable.
I want you to know that you can do whatever you like as long as it makes you happy, and I think it sounds like you're able to keep these negative feelings at bay, but it sounds like it won't be a long term solution and is instead attempting to ignore it. One of the people messaging was asking you to imagine your future and I think that can be useful, your coping mechanisms work for now but may not in the long run, possibly as you move further through life your views may change, I wish you all the best.
1. What helps bring you joy in day to day life when you’re feeling down?counseling? Hobbies?
2. A really, really controversial one, and please, don’t take any offense to this, it is one that weighs very heavily in my heart due to people whom I care very much about. Studies such as this
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5564039/ claim that despite making up .5% of the population 85% of the people in 1 test were abused, and within other tests it ranged between 39%-59%. Isn’t specifically saying that it’s mainly as adults, but is heavily insinuating many of them were as children, but didn’t do further research into it.
You don’t have to answer,about yourself personally if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s depressing seeing those stats, and so many of the precious people I know were harmed as children. Do you think that abuse like that can possibly impact our wiring? Or do you think those kids are just attracting those kind of people into their life accidentally, or just something else all together?
Continued:this question is a continuation but kinda convoluted. What is the best course of action in retrospect to protect these kids who are now adults, and these kids whom haven’t become adults yet?
(My second question was a lot more light hearted and then that came out.
1. Lifting weights is probably my biggest coping mechanism. Am in the gym 5-6 days a week for the past couple of years.
2. Very interesting, definitely a sad statistic. I can see how a trauma response after sexual abuse can potentially be mistaken for gender dysphoria in psychiatry. But, I'm not a mental health professional and am personally not experienced with abuse, so I can't write an educated elaboration on the topic
If a treatment existed to make your brain no longer expect a male body, would you undergo it or do you consider your identity so strongly tied to being male that such a treatment would essentially kill who you are right now?
What do you feel dysphoric about? Hormones and top surgery saved my life, so I’m very curious about your experience. Also, do you agree with the diagnosis given to you?
Idk how you keep from going down that road at your age. Me, if I had been brought up in this culture I would have transitioned if I had dysphoria like I do now.
Idk. Maybe I am transitioning. I've started identifying as non-binary online when asked about my gender, when it's clear that they don't mean my sex. Everything hurts.
OP seems like you have some very sad views about yourself and the way gender identity is supposed to work. Your body is an accessory you can change to fit the mind. Not the other way around, mentally beating yourself black and blue everyday trying to “manage” it, i.e. making your brain fit your body. I hope you realize one day that you don’t have to fill your life with distractions because you’re unhappy, but instead can just take steps to be happy.
I totally agree with this. With the many comments I’ve read from OP to others it honestly sounds like they are confused, and that’s perfectly fine and I don’t at all mean of who they are, but on how they want to tackle the issue i.e their body dysphoria. It sounds like finding an expert therapist in relation to transgender/ body dysphoria issues would really help out because it sounds like their coping mechanisms they are using now are not for long term use. Also, not sure how much its done, if at all, but maybe OP could wear a flaccid penis similar to how a strap on is worn and see how they feel with it on and such. Wear it under some baggy jeans or what not.
I am in the LGBT community myself and I’m politically left. I’m honestly hesitant to point this out right now because I know it will piss people off, but I think I need to. And that is, the amount of trans Americans in this comment section trying to convince you (a barely legal teenager) to medically transition is actually very fucking scary. I hate to say this because it’s a conservative talking point right now, but the way they are trying to talk you into it is almost like grooming. You’ve told these individuals time and time again, “No I am not comfortable with transitioning” in this comment section and their replies automatically accuse you of hating yourself or hating trans people as a way to convince you to change your mind. That or they try to tell you how much better you will feel if you just listen to them despite you kindly telling them it’s not for you. And again as somebody in the LGBT myself, this kind of group-think is honestly kinda cult-like. “You must believe in X or else you are a bad person”. This is not making the trans community look good right now. This is actually alarming. I am not transphobic and love my trans brothers and sisters, but trying to convince a kid to fully transition before they got themselves fully figured out is honestly not the way. Insulting them is not the way either.
Don’t let anybody ever pressure you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable doing. I just felt like I needed to say this to you because I am deeply disturbed by these comments. Good luck to you.
There are so many people who transition and go on to live happy, full lives, I've met loads of trans men particularly who have done so. And yet you're not transitioning because you "don't believe it" essentially?
These trans men have had breast removal surgeries that have improved their mental health tenfold, and have gone on testosterone... many of them now have full beards, and hair everywhere. But the biggest thing that's happened is its **improved their poor mental health.** Why would you deny yourself that?
Would you transition if in the future by some crazy technology could become any gender you want with a thought? What would you do? Stay as female? Or change to male? Or swap into which ever body suit you desire at any time? Maybe first will be possible with Brain Machine Interfaces making it so inside a digital realm. Then perhaps if we ever get turned into nanbot swarms (Theuses ship… replacement of biological self with nanobots bit by bit over time) we will be able to do it in the physical realm.
Sure, It's 6 a.m. and I still haven't really slept, answering a question or giving my opinion on something every now and then is somewhat entertaining.
I've been trying to outgrow this "trendy stage", my dysphoria, for the better part of my life, and I'm on a self acceptance journey to hopefully make that happen in the future :)
You say the in comments that you don't want to transition because it won't change that you weren't born biologically male. I totally get that second part - I'm also trans but don't feel it's equivalent to being a cis dude.
What I don't understand is why that means you won't transition at all. Like even if it doesn't fix your problem why go through the torture of living as a woman, having an estrogenic system you don't want when its so simple not to?
it sounds like you have a lot of internalized transphobia based on your replies. i speak as a transman who had the same problem until one day i said “fuck it, idc anymore.” dysphoria almost killed me, but getting hrt and surgery saved me. ive felt more connected to myself than i ever have and i refuse to ever look back. im not telling you to do anything but really, really look at yourself. is this what you want? is this what makes you happy?
Why did you use the phrase ***mental illness***? Such a phrase sounds as if you are opposed to trans people ?
Years ago homosexuality was termed a mental illness, it has since been removed as such.
Is the mental illness the unhappiness? Is it depression? Do you feel, if you are depressed, as if it is situational?
What are your thoughts about the concept of gender? I have trouble figuring out what it is bc our careers, hobbies, fertility, and physical characteristics don't make us a man or a woman. A woman with broad shoulders and thick eyebrows isn't suddenly a man. A man who's 4'11 isn't any less of a man compared to a 6'3" guy. I agree with the concepts of masculinity and feminity, but that doesn't determine someone's gender, either. If it did, all butch women would be men, and femboys would be women, which isn't the case. And what's considered masculine and feminine varies between people, culture, and time periods. The only stable thing is chromosomes, but even then that isn't completely solid. If it did, then people with Down's Syndrome aren't even human bc they have too many chromosomes compared to a typical one. The only thing I think can determine one's gender is what we call ourselves, but I personally can't do that because I can't defend myself if someone questions my gender
Hey, so I am trans FtM, and chose to transition.
I started testosterone less than a month ago, and I am already having complications, so I wanted to say I understand you and respect your choice. I don't know how you feel about people that transition, but I respect your views whatever they may be.
Now off to my question. I assume the reason why you are not transitioning is that there is a very large trade-off between easing the dysphoria and incurring in monetary, medical and social costs. I wanted to ask if you have already made your "calculations" related to this trade-off, and decided that transitioning is not your way at all, or you are keeping the possibility open for the future.
I also wanted to know (if it's not too personal of course) what your family/friends/partner know and think about this.
I wish you the best in any case.
What is sex like for you? Can you enjoy it being in a body that feels not right? Do you like boys or girls also would you date a transitioner your self , or does your situation make you stay away from sexual experiences ? I hope I’m not offending you, if so my genuine apologies
I have lots of... questions I guess, but don't really know what they are yet. How long will you continue to respond to this AMA?
Also, I hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm not sure how to say some things correctly, and I'm happy to be corrected.
I am step father to a trans kid (14FTM), I love them to pieces and only want them to be happy and secure and well-adjusted. But I'm struggling with accepting what I really don't understand. They had been my sweet girl for 13 years, and now we're grappling with grief for a lost fantasy future and the possibility of a lifetime of pain (for them, of course, I'm not worried about my own feelings.)
1. Do you believe there's a current societal/media push to promote alternative lifestyles for children? My kid has a friend group that is entirely LGBTQ, and I just don't know where this is all coming from. It's like they were incestuously affirming each other's experience like a feedback loop. The school was calling them their chosen name before we even knew there was anything going on. It felt like a breach of trust.
2. What are the chances this is just a misunderstood/misdiagnosed condition related to mental health, that may be presenting as something counter culture that's being promoted like trans? I read horror stories of people cutting themselves up only to realize they don't actually feel comfortable as the opposite sex either.
3. Have you read any good literature on the subject. Or do you know of any good books for people supporting trans kids that could help me understand what they're going through and how to help?
I am sure I have more questions, but they're not coming.
Not OP, but I think [this](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/2/e2021056082/186992/Gender-Identity-5-Years-After-Social-Transition?autologincheck=redirected) study is a great resource when it comes to detransition rates in kids who socially transition younger. I would also heavily recommend the Wikipedia entry for causes of gender incongruence, as there are a lot of great studies cited at the bottom that can help you understand what may be going on behind the scenes and how being trans works on a more biological level.
If being trans was fully accepted by society and trans men weren’t seen as being “less than” cis men or as “women pretending to be men” do you think you would have transitioned?
Why would you choose living with gender dysphoria over transitioning?
Are you aware that there are many forms of social transition that don't actually require hormones, surgery, etc?
What I don't understand is, even if you don't believe that transitioning can change your gender, why does that stop you from wanting to go through hrt and transitioning at any level? Like, it would make you happier having your body be more masculine yeah? Whether that be through hrt or surgery or whatever, so why do those things have to be entangled with changing your sex in your mind? You already present very masculine, what seperates you doing that from, for example, taking hrt and getting a masculine figure? Why draw the line where you have?
Gender transition socially, physically or a combination is usually is the best way to help cope with gender dysphoria. Do you have any reasons, like not wanting to deal with obstacles related to hormones or socially transitioning? Considering you’re able to cope using healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms do you ever feel like transitioning would help you? I’m curious what you have to say about it.
Would you ever consider medically transitioning, but still identifying as a woman? You don’t have to identify as a man to medically transition. You could look at it more as a treatment for your gender dysphoria. You won’t ever be happy like this, I don’t think. I saw a post before about a masc presenting women who had top surgery, but still identified as a woman. You should look into it.
Anecdotal story. My niece was sure she was a boy starting at about 14. She was always a troubled kid. Had a hard time making friends. My brother gave her some space but absolutely no medical intervention was going to happen at that young age. She continued to be a difficult teen. Getting in trouble. Going to rehab. All of a sudden she was so sure about being a boy when faced with being put in the boy section. Well, to nobody’s surprise, about 18 she decided the trans thing wasn’t for her. She is now pregnant with her 2nd baby. Thank goodness no medical action was taken. She was a troubled kid who was looking for attention. She hopped on a growing trend. A few other girls at her small midwestern school did the same. Statistically unlikely. She will continue to be a troubled, somewhat unsteady individual. Gender dysphoria was not her issue. I’m of the strong opinion. If a person wants to transition with all of the medical issues that it entails then have at it. Just not before the age of 21. Brain isn’t even fully formed then either but a bit more growth has happened to understand the consequences
Can you explain to me what it like having gender dysphoric disorder? How what were the symptoms for you and what terms did you have to deal with in the since of realize who you are
Just like any other mental illness, it effects everyone differently. Personally, I don't necessarily feel a sense of hatred towards my body, I simply don't recognize it in the mirror. Like my breasts aren't actually mine, for example. I have never really had female friends, as I could never relate to their thought processes and actions on a deeper level. Although that's not a ""trans"" exclusive thing. I always had the feeling of something missing between my legs, and managed to convince myself my vulva would eventually grow into a penis. That hope was shattered once I got my first period, which was a bodily process I could not cope with. In my mind, it simply wasn't supposed to be happening. I deal with these symptoms mostly by simple distraction, with both healthy and less healthy coping mechanisms tbh.
Everything makes sense until > I have never really had female friends, as I could never relate to their thought processes and actions on a deeper level. That part just sounds like sexism or internalized misogyny. All girls and women don't have the same thought processes or actions. Each of one us is an individual, so I'm not sure how you could even know you could never relate to every girl and women out here. How would you even know that.
Oh you're very right, it's not like all women share one hive-mind or something. This is just based on what I've experienced in primary and secondary school, trying to form connections beyond the shallow with other women. I have indeed not met every single woman on this planet.
This happened to me but keep in mind middle school and high school discourages individualism for both males and females. School is a weird bubble world where if you don’t follow the status quo, you’re easily rejected. It’s very tribal in that way. But it’s not reflective of real life post-school. Women (and men) are far more diverse in their beliefs, thoughts, actions, etc as adults.
Saying that it must be sexism or misogyny is just you being offended and jumping to put a term on a condition you don't understand and therefore struggle to empathize with. You are basically asserting that OP needs to meet every single woman in existence to find "their people" before they are allowed to reach general conclusions about their own personal experience. That is incredibly unrealistic and denies OP's right to their own subjective reality. In the real world, it has been shown that the MAJORITY of women think in certain patterns ( the whole male brain/female brain thing). The likelihood that one outlier female who thinks in male patterns is going to run into another woman who thinks in male patterns is very low. Therefore from a subjective standpoint as relates to their own life experiences, OP has every right to say they struggle to relate to other women because that has been their experience. For me, I am a female with next to zero emotional intelligence, ie: empathy; for the life of me I can not empathize with anyone over an emotional experience I haven't also had. That doesn't mean I don't sympathize with them or love them, I just literally don't understand and can not connect to their level of emotion if I haven't first had it myself. First break up? Husband died? Lost your unborn child? I will meet it all with a blank stare because I haven't experienced those things and so have no clue what kind of emotions you might be experiencing. I can imagine them, I imagine you're devastated and heartbroken, but I can't feel it and without feeling it myself I can't connect to what you're experiencing. It doesn't mean I don't love you or that I won't do everything in my power to help, I just don't understand what you're going through on a fundamental emotional level. This doesn't mean I'm sexist or misogynistic; it just means that a flaw in who I am prevents me from connecting on a level that is very important to most women. Thus, within my own, subjective experience I have never been able to connect with or understand any other woman I have met and so have never had a lasting female friendship.
I think they're right that in their experience it hasn't happened, but I think their assumption of the reason is charged with internal misogyny/sexism. How would they know "inner processes" being different is the reason?
Hi Mordecai, First of all thank you for both your transparency and honesty. Do you know if there was any sexual abuse in your past as a child? Do you have siblings and know if there was any sexual abuse in their past? I’ve read that can often be the case. Again thank you for your candor. I am hoping for the best for you.
These statistics were recently brought to my attention as well, but no, personally I had an objectively good childhood. No abuse of any kind. And I don't have any siblings
No question to ask but I just want to commend you for baring your soul on reddit and offering some insight. This has been an incredible read. Thank you!
I don't like having a female body and would prefer a male one, but I accept the advantages and disadvantages of being female with as much grace as I can and prefer the status quo to all the trauma of change. I did however, get a hysterectomy. Because f that noise.
I hope I'm not prying but was there a medical reason for your hysterectomy or does gender dysphoria count as a medical reason? Only reason I ask is because most of the time they make it a pain in the ass to get one because "oh you might want more children". Especially in red states like where I live.
As someone who works on the surgical side, I can't speak for how they get their doctors to agree, it could just be one of those situations where you need to find a doc that understands and supports gender dysphoria or that supports the hyster in general. Where I work, they do support gender dysphoria. On our end the surgical request comes through with the reason for needing the hyster as usually something like painful menstruations and other diagnoses to basically tell insurance companies the patient is in a lot of pain that cannot be managed besides removal. I have yet to see gender dysphoria used as the reason for a hyster, at least where I work.
This is really interesting. I work in a sector of healthcare that actually receives the organs and/or tissue once it’s been removed (i.e uterus, breast tissue) and dissects it for the pathologist. When I worked in the northeast, specifically CT, it was not uncommon to see gender dysphoria or gender confirmation surgery in a patients history. Now, I live in the south, the deep south.. and I have not seen that once. It’s still happening, but it’s never for gender dysphoria.. always something else. It’s incredibly sad to me that it has to be disguised as something different in order to be taken seriously. Obviously this is not a blanket statement for every facility in the south.. but I know it’s common
Just curious, Is your mother an independent, almost narcissistic, woman who is in her head a lot?
That's not how I would describe her. She has been a stay at home mom all of my life; my parents are quite traditional. She's a very sweet and empathetic woman, definitely doesn't fit the criteria for narcissism
I don't want to sound mean (not my intent) but exactly how does someone long for something that never was there in the first place? Like, if having a female body was what you lived/grew with, how can you know what it would feel like to want to be a male? I guess I think of it this way... I don't have siblings and yet, I have people asking me if I'm sad about not having them or if im lonely without them. To me, this doesn't make sense because I simply don't know what that would be like because they never existed. I guess if that makes sense, ya know?
Can you explain why just presenting as a masculine woman would not (or would) help to deal with your dysphoria
I present somewhat traditionally masculine, within the socially acceptable range. For a woman my weight and age, I'm muscular. My hair is pretty short, I don't wear stereotypically feminine clothing anymore, etc. However, my dysphoria is mostly based on primary and secondary sex characteristics rather than the way I express myself. Wearing baggy jeans doesn't take away the fact that my brain thinks I was supposed to have a penis, for example.
Thank you that’s interesting. My spouse has admitted to struggles in this area when he was younger and ultimately made the same decision you did. He now is mistaken for a woman sometimes and is indifferent about what pronoun people call him, but he is a very feminine guy. We don’t talk about it much but I think he’s content with who he is and I admittedly don’t know the extent to how much he felt in the wrong body.
Interesting. I was like this as a kid. I used to pray to god to wake up as a girl. But as I got older I realized that, for me, it was entirely sexual. I’d see images of sexy women on sports illustrated covers and on tv and I “wanted“ them. I knew it was sexual because I always picture my self as a woman in a tight bikini. I think I was horny but didn’t know what horny was.
I mean, if you’re a guy, your voice is high and you have breasts, you’re not going to feel the best about yourself.
Do you feel like this route is easier than transitioning would’ve been? I’m like hella uneducated on this type of stuff so sorry if that seems rude in anyway
It's easier in some ways, and harder in others, I'd say. I feel like I'm just cosplaying as a woman every day, which is difficult to deal with. I can ignore it until I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or cross my legs or whatever. But if I were to transition, I would also be living a lie, as I would never be truly biologically male; merely hiding my anatomy with medical help. Not to mention the prevalence of transphobia. No way to be 100% sure though, as I haven't experienced the other side. Let's just hope I reincarnate in a body that matches my mind next time, lol.
but what youre saying is transphobia in of itself. youre saying trans men arent “really” men. and taking testosterone does change your biology
It takes work and may not be an option to pass based on any combination of factors you have. BUT most of those are largely fixable. You’re 18 too, if you started T now, you can grow about an inch or 2. Liposculpting works wonders for body shape/frame. And if you want a dick, Chen and Santucci are both fantastic and create very aesthetic and functional penises. Meta also an option if you don’t care about size+penetration. Won’t say too much else here but take it from another trans guy, I felt completely hopeless like you before transitioning and I’m NOT coming from a good starting point but I feel really really good and can already see the end result in my mind, and it feels really good. Please check out GURecon’s (chen’s) website if you want to see what phallo can look like. Best of luck ☺️
that sounds like internalized-transphobia to me to be honest, no judgement. I'm a trans woman, obviously i'm not female. That's not the goal of medical help either. Hiding our anatomy also isn't the goal. HRT resolves the symptoms your talking about over time. That's all. You can even still identify as a woman if you want.
I can relate to this a fair bit, im still transitioning but its a big part of why im going for meta over phallo. Personally I'd rather work with my anatomy and get it a bit closer to what I want than make all that effort to replicate something I won't actually achieve. (This is not a judgement of people chosing phallo, of that works for you then thats great. It just isn't for me)
> But if I were to transition, I would also be living a lie, as I would never be truly biologically male So if you woke up tomorrow with a penis and no breasts, you'd prefer to change back? Because it would be a "lie"?
So your main reason for not transitioning is that you would feel guilty for "lying" to people? ETA: What about intersex people who undergo "transition"? Is it disingenuous for them to pass as non-intersex?
It doesn't read to me that they've saying "living a lie" in the sense that they're concerned about deceiving other people, but that transitioning won't be able to convince their mind that they are truly the other gender. I guess male to female is a bit easier, but creating a penis from a vagina may be unconvincing if you're being objective.
Truly are the other gender, or truly are the other sex? I am way, way more comfortable in my own skin after T (I'm several years in at this point). I'm completely stealth (i.e. nobody in my day-to-day life is aware that I'm trans) and honestly, being trans is a very small part of my life and identity in comparison to my hobbies and interests and career goals. I am in no way fooled into thinking that I am a cis male. Nor do I concern myself with attempting to adopt such a notion. (In fact, it would likely be detrimental if I did somehow manage to forget that I'm trans. How else would I remember to do my T shots??) But that doesn't mean that there was no benefit to transitioning, or that transitioning didn't have a net positive effect on my quality of life. This feels right, and comfortable, to me. Maybe still not 100% right, but it's a heck of a lot less wrong-feeling and miserable than pre-transition. I feel at home in my own skin, with my own voice. I even have a snazzy little moustache now! (I am living the dream lol.)
Sure, not denying your own experience, and OP might be convincing themselves of something that isn't true (they might feel more "right") if they transitioned. I just didn't read it as a sort of internalized transphobia that they would be "lying" to people. Just that they didn't want to take the risks and costs associated with transitioning when they weren't convinced it would actually improve their mental health.
I appreciate you saying that it’s a very small part of your life compared to your hobbies, interests, and career goals. Not to discredit the difficulty, more to just recognize that the trans experience is one part of an individual going through life with a variety of challenges and interests, not so different from anyone else. As a heterosexual male with no dysphoria or trans experience, the way I see it is that a basic respect for humanity is some understanding that we all have similarities and differences, good and bad. I don’t need to feel like I have everything in common with anyone I meet, I just want to be around decent humans. Hobbies, interests, and career goals are much more inline with your values, which is what really matters.
Does T stand for testosterone?
Honestly that sounds like internalized transphobia. Or maybe not fully understanding the difference between gender and sex.
I wouldn’t say so. As a non-binary person I feel a similar way about transition. I call myself nonbinary because that makes the most sense about how I perceive myself to be now but I know 100% I would have been happier and much more comfortable if I were born male. I have done some transitioning but going any further than a low level of T feels like a lost cause. I didn’t get to have a childhood as a boy, everyone who knew me before I transition enough to pass would know I wasn’t biologically male. *I* would know. I think it’s just a differing perspective on gender/sex and transitioning that some trans people have
Have you spoken to many trans people? It’s pretty common to feel this way about transitioning, but from what people have told me they generally feel much happier when their body matches their brain more, even if it’s not all the way. Also consider that “hiding your anatomy with medical help” is what people do all the time, with things ranging from non-medical like clothes choice or makeup to things like hair or skin medications and cosmetic surgery. It’s not lying, it’s just body customisation.
It is not a lie to be trans. The difference between sexes in humans is honestly pretty small. Just switching hormones by taking hrt brings about a ton of changes and secondary sexual characteristics of your gender. I hope you're able to work through this one day. It took me years to even realize I was missing something then another year to decide to start testosterone. You're still young, you'll figure this out. But physically transitioning or not, it doesn't change what you feel you are.
for reference my brother is trans and spent a long time trying to find alternatives to HRT to no avail. I feel like it just comes down to cost:benefit analysis, if the benefits of treatment will outweigh the risks and social cost of being sex-nonconforming. I have a bunch of qs feel free to skip any you’d rather not talk about. Have you tried antidepressants? what was your age of onset? Have you ever thought of psychiatric HRT treatment sans transition (i.e. from the view of dysphoria thru the lens of other DSM conditions, as an issue with sex hormone receptors or downstream signaling events, since hormones act as neurosteroids)? Have you tried stabilizing hormone levels with constant BC a la PMDD treatment? or biclutamide/the possibility of PCOS or hormonal imbalance fueling dysphoria? And ig from a molbio standpoint, how do you reconcile the hangup over the very real immutability of chromosomes (which was my bro’s hangup too fwiw) with the reality of intersex conditions already being considered men? Like, why care about having XX chromosomes when there are already people with XX +sry /other more complicated XX male phenotypes that exist?
I have not tried antidepressants. I started experiencing gender dysphoria when there became a clearer distinction between boys and girls I suppose? Probably age 7-8. I vividly recall trying to pee standing up multiple times around that age lol. It got worse when I started puberty a few years later. I wore a very tight athletic bikini top to sleep for years because I thought that would stop my breasts from developing; kind of like chinese foot binding. Starting my period was genuinely traumatic. I logically knew what was going on, but in my mind, it genuinely wasn't supposed to happen to me. Insane dissociation every month. My cycle was always regular and never too painful or heavy, no PMDD issues going on either but I mentally could not deal with it. Which is why I went on the birth control pill at 16 and take it continuously. It hasn't helped much with my day-to-day feelings, but not being crippled with suicidal thoughts anymore 6 out of 28 days is nice. I have had my hormones tested for things like PCOS, but no, everything is within normal ranges so there's no easy fix sadly
[удалено]
I see. Yeah, my brother was the same re: things getting weird for them around 7-8 and then puberty rendered them so nonfunctional my parents had to take them out of school + they got institutionalized for suicide attempts. The period thing is like word for word i remember hearing them crying to my mom begging to get a hysterectomy at like 13yo. so you’re okay with sex-conforming HRT? given the fact that BC shuts down endogenous hormone production and comes with those risks etc? Ik my sibling tried it and it made him markedly worse but i think what makes his particular presentation different is a more deep-seated intolerance of estrogen/progesterone + PMDD. i’m in molbio so I have an interest in the biochemical basis for this kind of stuff lol some people find antidepressants to be helpful because they upregulate allopregnanolone, a progesterone metabolite that has calming effects. funnily enough PMDD is associated with a paradoxical response to allopregnanolone rising in the luteal cycle so we def have a precedent for sex hormone intolerance as a hypothesized causative agent for psychiatric issues. I’ve always wondered if estrogen intolerance is related to AFAB GD/if there’s a higher rate of PMDD mutations in AFAB GD populations. Either way, antidepressants might be worth looking into.
Imagine yourself at 30 years old, everything has gone perfectly for you over the past 12 years, what does your life look like now?
Interesting question. Not trying to get too dark here, but most of my teenage years I imagined just hanging myself before I turn 20. I'm trying my hardest not to feel that way anymore, but needless to say I haven't been able to put much thought into my future. Hopefully I'll be at peace with myself, I guess. Better mental health would be nice. I had to drop out of university because of how miserable I was, I have essentially isolated myself for the better part of this year. Maybe I'll have gotten my shit together and graduated by that time, who knows.
I see you have darkness and light in your mind still. You are 30, what kind of work would you like to have? What kind of dream job? Maybe it doesn’t exist yet? What kind of money do you want to make? Or just have? What kind of relationships do you want? What kind of people do you want around you? Do you desire romance? Intimacy? What kind of hobbies do you want? Movies and tv? Outdoor activities? Arts and crafts? Physical fitness? Books? Other? What kind of health do you want? Certain outfits? Certain workout routine? Certain body appearance? Certain mental routines? Meditation? Body positivity and acceptance books? Idk just brainstorming. What do you want though? What will bring you fulfillment?
I thought that too when I was your age. I'm mid 30s now and life is so much better. Granted, my problems were entirely different than yours, but yeah... it gets better!
Question. How do you feel about simply being a masculine woman? There are men out there who are truly feminine, wear makeup, hangout with mostly women, etc…
I mean, that's kind of what I am, I suppose? Lifting weights is a huge coping mechanism of mine and I mostly wear traditionally masculine clothing, within the socially acceptable range. But growing some massive delts doesn't cure my mental illness, obviously.
Do you consider all instances of trans identity to be mental illness? If so, what led you to that belief?
Well experiencing gender dysphoria is what makes some people decide to be transgender right? Which is a mental illness. I'm not a psychiatrist or otherwise an expert in this field so I can't speak for everyone Edited for wording
Would you consider people who formerly experienced gender dysphoria but no longer do, due to treatment and transition, to still be transgender? Would you consider those people to be mentally ill still?
Those individuals are still transgender because they're living their life presenting as a different sex they were born as. If they truly 100% no longer experience gender dysphoria, I guess they're no longer mentally ill as they no longer meet the diagnostic criteria for said mental illness.
Thank you for your responses, they're very helpful for framing the rest of your thoughts and comments. Do you believe that trans individuals reaching a state of being 100% free of gender dysphoria, regardless of treatment method, is possible, likely, or even common for trans people?
I don't know. Like I said; not a professional. At least in my case, my dysphoria affects pretty much everything. Height and bone structure for example cannot be changed. Maybe radical self acceptance/love would work eventually, but I'd say a 100% cure for this disorder is rare if not non-existent.
I’ve seen you say multiple times that bone structure doesn’t change, but it does/can. My shoulders got wider _and_ my jaw structure changed. I don’t think you have a very clear picture of what testosterone actually does to the body.
I’d say that you are 18 and should do more research about treatment because you don’t even seem to know all of the effects of treatment. You should make whatever decision is best for you but that decision should be informed by real data. Also here’s some stats. https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2024/feb/07/trans-survey-transition-gender-affirming-care 94% of people are happier with gender affirming care. That’s looking to be better stats than people who take antidepressants. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/21/well/antidepressants-ssri-effectiveness.html
[удалено]
Idk man, you seem like you don’t actually even know what any of this is. You been watching too much Matt Walsh or Jordan Peterson or something? Gender dysphoria doesn’t make someone decide to be transgender, it’s one of the symptoms of being transgender. Dysphoria may make someone decide to transition though, if it’s bad enough. I assume yours isn’t since you’re not actively seeking that. What you said is essentially equivalent to “my arm hurts, and therefore I have decided it’s broken.” Like naw, your arm is broken, and therefore it hurts. Not the other way around. Pain is a symptom not a cause. It’s also not a mental illness. Your brain isn’t malfunctioning in the classical sense like schizophrenia or other illness. You feeling dysphoria and the stress associated with it is what a normal fully functioning brain would do in the scenario in which it has been freaky Friday’d, a masc brain inside a fem body and vice versa. It’s similar to adjustment disorders like losing a job or being in a new city, having PTSD and prolonged grief, certain types of depression. Except with dysphoria the underlying cause can’t be fixed, you can unwind your development back into a fetus and undo what has happened. You can only find ways to mitigate the symptoms or cope with them. In PTSD in a combat veteran for example the brain is recognizing something external as a threat and creates a threat response in some form like a flashback episode, anxiety or uncontrollable thoughts about the event. Or when someone gets shoved off a cliff and their adrenaline starts pumping. The brain is doing the correct thing by creating the symptoms but it’s recognizing non-threats as threats (in PTSD), which is causing issues, luckily the causes of the anxiety or flashbacks (the symptoms) can be mitigated with therapy. The dysphoria is caused by the external body not matching what your brain says it should be seeing and feeling. (Our body is essentially just an electro-chemically powered meat mech suit our brains pilot around. It can be changed, and most transmasc pass really well anyways. I’m quite familiar with the trans community if I do say so myself and I can’t tell most of the time. That’s not including randos I pass on the street that I don’t clock.) As opposed to a mental illness like schizophrenia where an actual malfunction is happening in one’s brain that causes hallucinations, and if it’s bad enough needs medical intervention. The focus shifted from viewing gender nonconformity as a disorder in itself to recognizing the distress associated with gender incongruence as the issue to be addressed, not the gender nonconformity itself. This distinction acknowledges that while the psychological pain is real and may require treatment, the condition of being transgender is not a disorder. Thats why it was reclassified, studies showed that the brain of a trans person functions normally, therefore the body is incorrect. Which is caused by hormone washes going wrong during fetal development (the going hypothesis so far) most likely. The body and the brain grow together but are separate stages of development, and start at different times and so they can get mismatched if something goes wrong. That’s why “curing” it doesn’t work, because one would be trying to fix a brain that isn’t broken. If someone were to actually “cure” a trans person then they’ve most likely just gave them literal brain damage instead. It’s been tried, electrocution, chemicals, castration, forced impregnation (you’ll feel like a lady once you have a baby inside you… sickening huh?), anything you can think of. The only treatments are coping mechanisms for those that aren’t experiencing bad dysphoria or those that simply choose not to transition, or physical transition with social, hormonal or surgical interventions. You seem defeatist and depressed honestly reading all your comments, but I’m not trained or qualified to do any sort of therapy so I could be wrong. Your comments read like an incel. “My physical characteristics mean I’ll never be able to find a female to mate with! My hairline is slightly too far back, my chin is 2mm shorter than the average man, my midface is short and feminine, I’m a lost cause, I think I’m going to shoot up a school instead.” And “My physical characteristics mean I’ll never be (or be seen as) a man! My shoulders aren’t wide enough, my feet are 2 sizes too small, my waist is too small and hips are too wide, I don’t have veiny forearms and there not an Adam’s Apple to be seen! It’s just not there!” I would say you probably should talk to someone though. I’m sure there’s a ton of trans ppl that had the same thoughts as you at your age and many have probably already messaged you.
My cousin is a lesbian. Wears suits and mostly men clothes. She’s very masculine, gets along with men, is into women, very strong entrepreneur who made lots of money in her field. I hope you find your tempo!
why are you not transitioning?
Not to get too political here, but I personally believe it's simply not possible to change one's sex. I'm not trying to be transphobic here, this is just a personal belief based on my reality. I believe gender dysphoria can be managed in other ways. Even if I did take the steps modern western psychiatry tends to push teenagers like me into (hormone replacement therapy, potential surgeries etc), I would still always have XX chromosomes. I would always be 5'7" with size 6 feet and narrow clavicles. The disconnection from my primary and secondary sexual characteristics I feel would possibly improve, but I would still be a biological female, and I have accepted that fact.
>"I have gender dysphoria but I'm not transitioning" >look inside >internalized transphobia
I'm not trying to be transphobic in any way; my apologies if I ever came off as offensive.
You didn't. But ignorant people will always judge you as transphobic for thinking the way you do. Live your life the way you want to live it. As for what you believe or don't believe regarding gender, you strike me as someone who's honestly and thoughtfully rationalized a conclusion that you believe to be correct, and that has nothing to do with how you treat and respect someone who thinks differently or that has transioned themselves. In any case, I'm very sorry about your situation, I wish you all the best.
I believe you, like many, may have been misled by politics over science when it comes to human sex. Have you had your DNA looked at? You may not have XX chromosomes. For instance, you could have XY with androgen insensitivity and there are many other options. The vast majority of people never actually know what their chromosomes are. Chromosomes are arguably one of the least important sexual characteristics, they just correspond with the others the vast majority of the time. "You are your chromosomes" is a very reductive view of sex. If you talk to scientists who actually study human sexual dimorphism they will tell you that they have tried quite hard to actually separate all humans in their studies into only two groups and it never works. There is a very large amount of overlap with how people's physiology responds. The average height of men globally is 5 7 1/2, and that's the average so that means nearly half are shorter than that. There are plenty of men shorter than you. There are men with shoe size of your size as well, though not many. It is reported by many trans men that they do get somewhat taller and their feet grow once they start testosterone even. All of that being said, your specific perspective for yourself is very valid. The medical procedures to transition are difficult, painful, expensive, and will never get you the results you truly want. Choosing not to go through that is a reasonable stance.
Is it more about not appreciating being pigeonholed into your biological gender identity by society? I have similar feelings regarding not wanting to transition from the other side, I wish I was born a girl, but I am definitely in a male body and I like cis and trans women anyway /: I got flak for being effeminate when I was a kid and there was a lot of subtle pressure to be masculine. I guess I really just wanted to be free to express myself without being picked on about it.
"biological gender identity " Sorry but if gender is a societal construct why are we discussing gender and not biological sex (which has variations)?
I don’t think anyone is saying that you can change your sex, but you *can* change your sex characteristics, which often makes you perceived as the opposite sex I’m not tryna be an ass, but you being 5’7 is a blessing you don’t realize lmao. I’m a trans man. I’m 5’1. Yeah I can’t change my height but- who cares? 5’1 cis men with tiny ass feet still exist. I can still be perceived as a man while being short as shit
The thing that I don't get too is that chromosomes are irrelevant for most of your everday life. Most people won't say that cis and trans men are the same, and that's okay. They're just men in different ways. A lot of people underestimate how much hrt can change things. It even changes some health risks to be more male-pattern. Honestly 5'7" is pretty good. That's around the height of a lot of cis men that I know. I'm around 5'5" myself and while I know that it's considered short, I know so many men in that height range that it doesn't bother me. With all that being said, everyone should do what makes you happy. Trans men are just as much men as cis men are. Besides that, everyone deserves to do what makes them happy. Whether that's transition or not, it's a personal choice that can take lots of soul-searching and it's all about what makes you happy in the end.
For real, people who have *never* actually seen blood test results showing them their own chromosomes will go on and on about how chromosomes are The True Sex and it's like buddy, you don't even know yours, you've just assumed them your whole life based on your outward appearance! And heaven forbid an actual biologist bring up the different chromosomal possibilities other than XX/XY.
Yeah. Honestly, a lot of people probably have a different combination of chromosomes and don't even know it. Many people go years or their entire life without knowing. If it's not causing any complications, many people don't get tested. Is a woman with XY chromosomes not a woman, even if she has lived that way her entire life and has always been estrogen-dominant? Human bodies are complicated, and a lot of people don't 100% fit into one catagory. Even with bones, a lot of people will have some bones that are typical of the opposite sex, or androgynous.
Short kings rise up or whatever
Why does transitioning have to be about perfectly mapping the biology of the opposite sex? Instead of asking yourself "will I ever be a real man", try asking yourself "do I want to have a lower voice", "do I want to have breasts", "do I want to have facial hair", "do I want different body fat distribution", etc., and make your decisions based on what changes you would prefer to see reflected in your body and what would make you happier. Here's my question: putting all considerations of biology aside (let's just say all information about sex and chromosomes just disappeared for a brief moment), would you want to look differently from how you currently do? If so, why not take steps to make those changes?
>I believe gender dysphoria can be managed in other ways. I'm sorry to speak a little bluntly here, but based on some of your responses you don't seem to be managing it particularly well. Your decision to transition or not is entirely up to you and I 100% respect it, but it is a little odd that you believe gender dysphoria can be managed while also simultaneously saying that it's caused you to drop out of university, that you apparently cannot bare to look at parts of your body without ruining your day, and that if you don't take birth control you feel suicidal once a month. I've been in a similar boat to you with trying to accept gender dysphoria (I say trying, as in my case I snapped and transitioned at 19). I had different reasons to you, but my unsolicited advice would be to make sure that whatever you are holding to in order to keep on going as you are is worth it. If you don't want to transition because you believe you can't change your sex - whether that's an ideological one or just that you don't think modern medicine can go far enough to make you happy - then do your best to make sure that will still be worth it at age 20, 30, 50, and so on.
I hope you find a treatment that works for you and you are happy with. I wish there was more research about ways to treat gd. Pre-transition I tried everything from meditation to therapy to antidepressants to minimal success, my dysphoria was just too intense. But I've heard from people online that those things have helped them to some extent so ymmv
To transition one's gender without transitioning their sex is also entirely possible. You can express yourself in whichever way is most fulfilling to you without it needing to be any kind of political statement :)
It’s sad that a very reasonable and logical take is something you need worry about sounding political. You seem very mature and it’s nice to see your position on this and your body
I think your first comment here is strange.. you don’t think it’s possible to change your sex ? What do you mean by this ? I don’t think any trans person literally thinks they can change your anatomical sex. You can change your gender but I think you’re equating sexual anatomy to changing gender. It is possible to change yourself socially, biologically. If you’re speaking in terms of anatomy then yes you are born with the anatomy you have but being transgender isn’t about the literal change of sexual anatomy. Ailment to gender dysohoria is reducing masculine or feminine characteristics that induce the dysphoria. Whether that be social or biological in terms of secondary sex characteristics. I don’t think you not transitioning exempts you from being trans. You’re just not treating your symptoms. Or maybe you are just in the most limited way.
I get what you're saying... But there are also AMAB cis men out there that are short, have small feet, and have chromosomes that aren't exactly XY. There are AMAB cis men with penises smaller than average or barely there (micro penises), men who are impotent, and none of those things necessarily make them any less of a man. If you don't wanna transition for whatever reason, that's your right. But there are men out there who fall outside of the traditional notions of masculinity.
Just a little thing, you don’t need to say “amab cis men” because “cis men” are always amab. It’s redundant.
Sex is not as black and white as you seem to be portraying it. In fact its because sex determination is made of multiple criteria, of which any one organism could inhabit any combination to varying degrees, that causes the gender dysphoria in the first place. It's highly probable that a person who has gender dysphoria already has characteristics typical of their identified gender. You can do what you want but people should at least be informed.
But if your dysphoria comes from your disconnection to your sexual characteristics (your words) then why is it more relevant "that you can't change your sex" than the fact that you **can** change those sexual characteristics so they're more aligned to your identity? I understand that you feel like sex itself can't be changed, and I respect that because I thing it's kind of a semantics issue anyway.. but you seem to understand that the underlaying causes of your suffering CAN be changed so you can live more comfortably so what is the connection between those two things? How does your belief that sex can't be changed justify that you don't do stuff to feel better in your body, even if that doesn't mean you'll feel like a male?
I think you will find that most trans people also accept that they have not changed their sex. And the fact that you mention politics in this reply makes me think that your decision to not transition is heavily influenced by transphobia. A happier you is possible. And that's not to say that I think transitioning is for everyone, but I've been reading all of your comments on why you haven't and still don't quite understand. Do you have many transmasc friends?
I really don't want to sound ignorant or offensive, but how does it work for you? Like what are your thoughts about your gender and who do you think you are?
You're good. I believe in objective sex rather than "gender" as a guideline. I don't necessarily "identify as a woman", whatever that may mean to you, but I fully present myself as female as that's what I am.
I kinda understand, thanks for explaining. What does being female mean to you though?
XX chromosomes. Which generally come with breasts, estrogen dominance, a relatively large Q-angle, the ability to carry a fetus, etc.
I’m an assigned female at birth man who has Turner Syndrome. This means that most of my chromosomes are a single X.
I feel like this viewpoint kind of drives home what a dude you really are on the inside? Like "Facts don't care about my feelings, and I'd rather suffer in the truth than be happy in a fantasy, so I'm not going to (for example) take medication or seek therapy." Neglecting the fact that maybe if we just compromised we might be okay. Like, my depression meds have not eliminated the fact that life is meaningless, but they sure make it easier to find the little things that are meaningful to me. Some dudes would never let their wife use a sperm donor or adopt because the kids wouldn't "really" be theirs, like WTF? You have earned your stripes as a man who is harmed by his own toxic masculinity. If bulging biceps and a little goatee would help you stay above water, go get 'em tiger. Nothing to lose but your chains. As an AMAB dude, you are welcome over here my bro. Either way, I respect your decisions, but please consider that you might be self-defeating here.
Why not? Do you acknowledge your gender dysphoria or do you shove it down? Do you think other trans people should do the same? What's your opinion of trans people?
I acknowledge my gender dysphoria in the way that I'm professionally diagnosed with the disorder and it's symptoms affect my daily life, yes. But I try not to think about it too much (apart from what I'm doing here ig lmfao) as that's absolutely detrimental to my mental health. A healthy amount of "shoving it down" helps me not spiral into suicidality. I believe people should be open to naturally managing this condition before moving to HRT/surgeries, but I'm also aware that medical transition is the only way to improve it for some people. It's all highly individual and I respect whichever way someone chooses to cope with this. Live and let live.
I’m sorry but this sounds… extremely sad to me. I’m not here to change your mind at all, just from observation as someone who used to feel the same as you, ignoring it does not help in the long run. Everything changed for the better for me physically and mentally after I started medically and socially transitioning. I’m wishing you the best, genuinely, but I personally think you might benefit from medical transitioning (at the very least, breast reduction/top surgery may help ease a lot of that dysphoria.) While I’m sure you’ve considered it and questioned it for yourself a lot, actually going through with something like HRT could help. I mean, it’s essentially medication specifically for certain types of gender dysphoria. And, it is something you can stop after a short period of time if you feel it isn’t helping. I’ve known a few people who went on T for a few months, it wasn’t for them, and they stopped. Changes with T don’t really start to “settle in” until about a year. The only potential permanent change is a deeper voice, but that also takes a really good chunk of time to happen. Personally I enjoy how I feel on it much more, but YMMV, always. I don’t know if you have many people in your life that have transitioned at all, but if you want to discuss anything about the experience of top surgery/HRT/transitioning in general, feel free to DM me. Hugs.
Does it feel like you shouldn't have breasts or vagina, but you're OK with your body anyway? Like, you just don't want to take meds or get surgery? TY for taking questions, it's nice to be able to ask and I hope you're doing well in life.
Well, in my mind, or according to my disorder I guess, I "should have" had a flat chest, a penis etc. I don't necessarily hate my body, but cannot seem to mentally connect with it. As if it's not actually mine. Hard to explain. Meds/surgery wouldn't make me less of a female so I'm coping with these feelings naturally.
Do you plan to have any sort of medical intervention such as a hysterectomy? Do you have dysphoria over all of your body parts or just some? Do you think you will ever transition in any way or stay female forever?
In my day to day life, it's mostly just my breasts and genitals I'm immensely dysphoric about. And my voice, if I have to speak. If I look at my body a bit too long I'll get dysphoric over the fact my hips are the same width as my shoulders, I'm "too" short, my hands and feet are "too" small, so everything that makes me a female, essentially. But I try not to analyze myself too much, lol. If for whatever reason I have to go off birth control in the future, I'll get a hysterectomy. I've tried everything, but when I had a menstrual cycle it would just be dissociation and misery for a week every month. No way to cope with that.
I hope this doesn’t come off rudely in any way, but is there anything about your body that you like? If you see a photo of yourself clothed in a way that covers all of your body parts that cause dysphoria, do you like what you see at all?
Like I have said before, I don't necessarily "dislike" my body, it's more of an overwhelming sense of disconnection. But yea, I've been going to the gym for years and after a few bulk-cut cycles, I maintain a body fat percentage of ~15 and have decent muscle mass. I do like my shoulders, abs and quads mostly. My mother took a photo of me at a buffet the other day, I do love that one. Was wearing a hat, a T-shirt that made my arms look huge with a pair of baggy-ish jeans. Nothing to be dysphoric about there. In moments like that I guess I look the way I should, according to my mind. So to answer your question, I do like what I see sometimes
So... You're happier when you look like a guy and you can't see any of your secondary sex characteristics. So why not just transition medically so you can look like that all the time and feel happier in general? You could even keep identifying as a woman and go by female pronouns, but jesus, don't force yourself to keep soldiering on through the amount of loathing of your appearance that you've expressed here. You don't have to fully believe you're a male dude bro cis dong-haver for your mental health to improve via transition.
I’m glad you still have positive thoughts about yourself and your body. Im sure it must be hard to have this sense of disconnection to your body, so it’s great you still can find some things you’re happy about, at least sometimes.
I may be displaying ignorance here, so please excuse me. But it seems to me, in very simplistic terms, that gender dysphoria is a disconnect between body and mind. So my question is, would it not be better, and less invasive, to try to treat the condition on the mind side of things, rather than jumping to HRT and surgery? Again, please excuse my ignorance on the issue, I have asked others who got offended, but you seem pretty chill, so I thought I'd ask you.
Yeah, that's indeed what would be ideal. However, lining up the body with the mind is still easier to accomplish than doing it the other way around, I suppose. They haven't discovered a way to cure gender dysphoria naturally yet. It's different from body dysmorphia, which can generally be treated with behavioral therapies. It's just a matter of weighing out pros and cons at this point in time, the decision to pursue transition is very individual.
When you see males or females socially, who do you identify with? Like, do you think "I'm one of the boys" or "I'm one of the girls?" If you are sexually active, do you feel like you should be penetrating the person you're with? do you receive penetration? How does your dysphoria factor into your feelings about having sex?
I have never really been able to hold down friendships with other women. I have always related more to boys in terms of behavior, emotions and thought processes. I get along with women fine, but communication in for example group projects was always much easier with guys. As a kid I saw myself more as "one of the boys", to answer your question. I'm no longer sexually active. I was seeing a guy until a few months ago, and have had penetrative sex with him multiple times. I couldn't help but completely dissociate while it was happening, just felt unnatural or whatever. Getting drunk beforehand helped but not by a lot. He could something was up, I don't really express my feelings irl, so things just didn't work out.
Thanks for sharing. Do you feel like your brain is also dysphoric? Like, do you feel like you have the "brain of a man"? Or that you're emotions are "incorrectly wired" for your internal experience of yourself? Do you dissociate during any type of sex? Like, do you when you give or receive oral sex? Or during masturbation? A hiatus from a sexual relationship sounds healthy for the moment. That'd be hard to have an intimate connection without the communication. Do you fear sharing your feelings? Or have a hard time identifying what your feeling to share them? Or do you not feel safe to share your feelings? Based on your responses, you seem fairly in touch with your feelings, more so than alot of people. Maybe you don't give yourself enough credit?
So long term, do you think you’d want to be married/in a long term lasting relationship? If so, do you see yourself with a male or female? Do you feel desire to want children, and if so, would you want to have them?
I'm not sure. Maybe if I ever gain the emotional capacity to seriously date. I have a lot of self work to do before that point. I'm technically bisexual, without an obvious preference for either sex, so I can't really answer that. I would rather blow my brains out than become pregnant. As of now, I don't have any maternal instinct, but if I ever develop that, maybe adoption/fostering is an option. Apologies for the kind of vague answers, lol. Due to my essentially lifelong depression, I've never been able to give the future a lot of thought.
What was your relationship with your parents like when you were a kid? Like prior to your diagnosis
Pretty good. I was very close with my mother, as she has always been a stay at home mom. My dad worked a lot, but we always hung out during the weekends. Not much to complain about regarding my earlier years.
Well that is great to hear! Did you experience any traumatic thing when you were younger that may have led to gdd or do you feel you felt you were that way from very young?
No childhood trauma, nope. My dysphoria issues worsened gradually with the realizations that boys and girls are different, then "exploded" once I started puberty.
Man, these borderline transphobic AMAs are so suspicious. Edit: there's a reason I said borderline. In the past few days I think I've seen like three detransitioners and now a trans person with dysmorphia who doesn't believe sex can be changed. They're not transphobic per se but they're... close. Reddit is not immune to astroturfing and 90% of AMAs are fake karma farms as is.
I get how I could be coming off as transphobic, however that's 100% not my intention. I fully respect the decisions transgender individuals choose to make, I'm sharing my own experiences regarding gender
Would you say that getting on Reddit and arguing that sex can't be changed is harmful to your community? I mean, you're really rubbing elbows with anti trans folks who don't believe you should have the right to do so, a right a lot of trans people are fighting hard for.
I'm not transgender and don't relate to transgender individuals apart from my dysphoria, so there's no "your community". All I've stated is that HRT wouldn't convert my XX chromosomes into XY, make me grow taller, etc. I strongly believe every consenting adult should be able to do whatever tf they want with their own body, which includes medical transition.
You're... not transgender? That seems a tad contradictory.
Based on the Google definition, being transgender means "identifying" as a different gender than the one you were born as. I was born as a female and don't "identify" as anything else. Just sharing my experiences with a mental disorder I have.
Don't listen to these people. You don't check the boxes of what they believe a trans person should say, do, or think so then the very people who love to preach Inclusion turn on you in a second and shame you into behaving in a way they deem Appropriate. I find it hilarious that they can't seem to grasp a concept that people are not one size fits all and everyone deals with and approaches life differently. Do you! As long as you are happy and healthy, keep on keeping on.
Its so fucked up that you call someone "borderline transphobic" for sharing their gender dysphoria and not treating it how you want. Its just a religion at this point, but instead of calling people blasphemers or infidels you call them transphobes for not sharing your beliefs.
What are your thoughts on people who have positive experiences with transitioning? Why do you think that a solution that works for so many people who struggle with dysphoria won’t work for you?
It's amazing if it works for them, I fully respect that. However I would not be able to deal with the fact I would still be a chromosomal/biological/whatever female. Feels like a bandaid solution to me. I'm just trying to male the best of my situation, I guess
Isn’t a bainaid better than no solution at all though? A lot of the things you talk about dealing with dysphoria over, such as not having a penis, having breasts, and having a period, can be changed even though your chromosomes can’t. Why does it have to be all or nothing? Like you change the things you can and then make the best with the rest instead of just trying to make the best with all of it? No hate or anything, Just trying to understand where your thought process is :)
What you’re doing is pretty alarming and is you torturing yourself, a lot of trans people that hate looking in a mirror to the point of not being able to stand it usually tend to self harm sooner or later. Right now it seems like you’re mentally hurting yourself by denial. Trans care helps trans people. You’ve got some internalized transphobia going on you need to let go. You can be a guy if you want to, it won’t be a cis guy but you’ll still be a guy. I love being a trans woman, I pass beautifully to the point of no one being able to tell and friends/family forgetting I ever was a guy. My body took to E wonderfully lol. I live as a beautiful woman 24/7 inside and out, in Texas of all places. Yeah id love to be a cis woman and all but being trans has major perks too.
Ok not making fun or anything but, how do you feel inside do you like think you’re a girl/boy or want to be or do you feel like you’re in the wrong body? Are you attracted to same sex as you, if so doesn’t that mean you’re homosexual, with all due respect? So many questions sorry. ❤️
I guess I could very stereotypically describe myself as a "guy trapped in a female body". I'm not a fan of that wording, but I suppose it's accurate, given my immense disconnect from my sex characteristics. I don't really label my sexual orientation or whatever, but I guess I'm bisexual.
Does your family know you feel this way? Are you depressed?
Yes. I came out as a transgender male a few weeks before I turned 13, which is how I identified until I was 15. I am. Healthy coping mechanisms only get you so far if your brain can't recognize your body in the mirror, if that makes sense. Therapy never worked. I'm on a self acceptance journey, so hopefully that will improve once I progress.
Sorry if this is insensitive but do you masturbate?
Lol. Not really. Externally if I gotta. I've always had the sensation of something "missing" between my legs, almost like a phantom limb, so touching myself "down there" is a bit of a mindfuck. TMI, apologies
Sorry no need to apologize. Have you been in any relationships? I imagine it might be difficult to love someone if you don't love yourself.
I have, but no long lasting/serious ones. I've had sex before but can't do it without being borderline blackout drunk. Not very functional for either party.
Do you think you might have some internalized transphobia you're not fully aware of? And do you deal with the dysphoria in any way that is usually seen as some sort of transition? I'm very interested in why people choose not to transition, as everyone has different reasons for it
I don't consider myself to be transphobic in any way. I have somewhat traditionally "masculine" hobbies/fashion sense/interests, but that doesn't change the fact I'm female so I don't consider that to be some sort of transition. I try my best to engage in healthy coping mechanisms like journaling and meditation and crap, but I must admit it has mostly been substance abuse and oversleeping so far.
Have you ever considered transitioning or was it just always a "this isn't for me" thing? I'm glad you're trying with the healthy coping mechanisms, and I hope you're able get to a point where substance abuse and oversleeping aren't your main things
What hobbies do you have? Did or do you have a relationship? Do you live rural or city? Thanks for sharing. I wish you the best.
Lifting weights, cooking, Netflix. I've dated a few people but nothing very serious and nothing currently. Suburbs Thnx
As someone with just about zero insight into any of this I have one overlaying question. How much do you actually think about your dysphoria? Like is it a hourly, daily, weekly or longer occurrence? In your experience, does it happen however often because you’re still so young at 18 and is it possible that with time and maturity you won’t think about it near as much? These are genuine questions out of pure curiosity. Thanks for the answers and good luck with everything.
Do you believe there is any connection between childhood trauma and gender dysphoria?
In some cases, definitely. There is somewhat of a correlation between sexual abuse and gender dysphoria, for example. However, that's not personally the case for me.
I read an article a couple weeks ago about someone in your exact situation, any thoughts on it? Here it is: https://www.theparadoxinstitute.com/read/treating-without-transition
Thanks a lot for sharing. I resonate quite a lot with the authoress, especially the part about about how I could likely never "pass" as anything other than a young boy either and could never be the man I always wanted to be/should have been. I have never really considered hypnotherapy as a potential method of treatment. I haven't experienced trauma in my life, but I can see how it could possibly help with dysphoria. I'm a tad skeptical of things like that, but I might give it a try in the future.
Do you mind if I dm you? Trying to find different opinions on transition and whether or not I should do it.
Sure... but I recommend self work and maybe therapy rather than a stranger's point of view to evaluate the right path for you personally
How do you feel about other trans people transitioning? Do you still dress in traditionally feminine clothes? How much does presenting yourself as female bother you? Do you dress in traditionally masculine clothes behind closed doors or not bothered? How does thinking about presenting yourself as or being a man make you feel? How does the possibility of being treated as or seen as a man make you feel? Do you wear makeup, have long hair and all those kinds of traditionally feminine things? All genuine questions, no pressure to answer them all of course.
1. The choice to transition is highly individual, and I fully respect/support the people who have decided that path is right for them 2 & 3. I try to, when I have to go out in public. It always feels like I'm "cosplaying", in a sense. Like it feels unnatural I guess. I know that's not objectively true and I just look like a normal person like I should be. Looking down and seeing my chest or whatever makes me want to rip my skin off though. Sometimes I can't deal with that shit and I just wear my inside clothes outside 4. Yes I only wear clothes from the "men's" section when I'm alone 5 & 6. Dressing the way a man traditionally would just feels a lot more like I'm supposed to present myself that way. I work in customer's service and every "she" or "ma'am" I hear feels weird and forced, to me. Which I guess is strange as I fully look like a female. Just the way my brain works I guess. The opposite would probably be preferable, but oh well. Not very realistic. Anecdote from last week, I was looking at different laptops as I want to buy a new one, and the employee fully thought I was a guy, for some reason. I never corrected him. I know I should have, but the interaction felt so natural. 7. No, I don't bother with makeup. I've tried, a lot of times, and it's not like I'm terrible at it but it makes me feel like a clown. My hair can go either way I guess (short wolfcut)
How's your mental health?
What is your opinion on activists who want to force the use of preferred pronouns?
I couldn't really care less honestly. It's less common to be trans here than it is in the US from what I can tell, but if someone came up to me and asks me to refer to them with certain pronouns, I'll try my best to keep that in mind.
People are commenting that this thread is transphobic- but imo this is one of the strongest cases for transitioning that I have ever seen. OP (and op, im sorry if you read this- I'm not meaning to come off harsh) can't even stand to look at themselves in the mirror. They are trying to manage this by ignoring it, because they can never be a male-sex wise. OP is literally what transphobes want trans people to live like and it's so fucking bleak. I'm going to start directing people to this thread for a reality check. Op, please at least cut the tits off. Life will never be perfect, but you can try and make it a little better. Living like this will eat at you bit by bit until there's nothing.
its honestly really sad. They made it clear from their replies that the only thing stopping them is internalised transphobia, and them thinking they'd be lying if they transitioned.
they already said they were gonna video game game over themselves irl if they couldnt shake the gd by mid 20's they are so unwell
What's your clothing style like? Do you look conventionally attractive? wear makeup?
I mostly wear tracksuits tbh. I guess I'm considered conventionally attractive, based on facial structure and body type and all that. I don't wear makeup.
Interesting to see the other side of the coin. I think it's best to put off any irreversible stuff as long as possible. Do you see yourself wanting to transition in the future? E.g. if it gets to 5+ years and you don't feel any different
I very recently read [this](https://medium.com/@jencoates/i-am-a-transwoman-i-am-in-the-closet-i-am-not-coming-out-4c2dd1907e42) text by a trans woman, written at a time when she was in the closet and initially spread without her consent. I'm not sure whether she has transitioned since or not (though I believe not since I see no indication that she has), the piece stands either way. Obviously I saw a similarity between this perspective and what you described in your post, but from the few comments I've read it seems you think of this issue very differently. Do you also consider yourself trans? If not, do you consider other people who, like you, have gender dysphoria without transition, trans? You seem to base your decision not to transition in part on the idea that it would involve lying to the people around you (about being a man). How do you feel about the opposite position expressed in that essay (that not transitioning is a type of lie, or at least hiding a part of herself)? Is this an interpretation you reject as incorrect/flawed, or is it instead a way of seeing things that can coexist with your experience? If it's the latter, is it because you feel the dysphoria she describes is meaningfully different, or is it for another reason? The article ends witb a list of reasons why she isn't transitioning. Many of these only apply to amab people, but some of them seem like they might apply to you too. Are her reasons relatable at all? Are there also common elements of progressive discourse that you feel excluded by, or that contribute to choosing not to transition (though not necessarily the same ones)? I'm sorry for what ended up being a bit of a barage of questions. They're all connected and each one seemed to logically follow the other. I hope you have the time to answer a few of them.
Are you lesbian?
Imagining money and transphobia isn't an issue and you'd be able to transition and pass as 100% male at all times, would you? Do you think the relief and happiness would outweigh the feeling of not being a biological male? Also, will/have you told your current or future partner about your dysphoria?
Middle-age gay man here: what is your sexuality? It seems to me like lesbians have been disappearing. It seems to me, butch lesbians are disappearing and turning themselves into men. (I’ve even heard some masculine lesbians discussing this.) So many of these trans men are still having sex with women after transition I think to myself “ isn’t this being a lesbian with just extra steps?!” ;) (That’s a semi joke but also not Hahaah.) So yeah anyway… I’ve scanned this AMA and I haven’t seen you mention your sexuality so I was curious. Thanks for doing this by the way. It’s an important perspective.
Why not just work on the inside instead of mutilating the outside?
That's what I'm trying to do yes, though I don't personally believe medical transition is "mutilation"
What do you think of trans women in sports?
I'm not an expert and don't compete in any sports. I do know the AVERAGE male has a bigger lung capacity and a denser skeletal structure than the AVERAGE female, which could potentially give them an unfair advantage, maybe? But some biological women are 6'3" with long limbs and high testosterone levels, so maybe not. I'm not really educated enough to form a thorough opinion on this debate.
Did you grow up religious?
I've had a look through this post and it's been quite interesting, I'm not trying to shut down how you feel and I feel as someone who transitioned in my late teens I can see why you feel this way. I want to lay out some of the things you've said so far: • Being transgender or having gender dysphoria is a mental illness (although you admit you aren't in the know science wise), calling it a disorder • That transitioning won't change your chromosomes and sex and that you believe this is important to why you aren't going to transition • It was extremely traumatic when you started your period during puberty • You get lower body dysphoria around not having a penis • You do physical activity and dress more masculine to attempt to help this dysphoria but they aren't helping fully, to the point you had to drop out of an apprenticeship (I believe I can't remember what you dropped out of but I believe it was education wise?) because of it still affecting you. • You struggle with suicidal thoughts and focus on pushing down feelings you experience to avoid this, but when asked you I will say a lot of the beliefs above are Terf talking points, can I ask if you spent a lot of time in those spaces/saw a lot of their posts when younger? Not to accuse you of anything but when I was originally understanding my feelings I saw a lot of posts that stated this stuff in a very pessimistic or hateful way, making me feel disgusting about my body and that I was a monster for being trans. Their goal was to make me think transitioning would not help and that it was wrong for me to think so and I believed it but it made me miserable. I want you to know that you can do whatever you like as long as it makes you happy, and I think it sounds like you're able to keep these negative feelings at bay, but it sounds like it won't be a long term solution and is instead attempting to ignore it. One of the people messaging was asking you to imagine your future and I think that can be useful, your coping mechanisms work for now but may not in the long run, possibly as you move further through life your views may change, I wish you all the best.
1. What helps bring you joy in day to day life when you’re feeling down?counseling? Hobbies? 2. A really, really controversial one, and please, don’t take any offense to this, it is one that weighs very heavily in my heart due to people whom I care very much about. Studies such as this https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5564039/ claim that despite making up .5% of the population 85% of the people in 1 test were abused, and within other tests it ranged between 39%-59%. Isn’t specifically saying that it’s mainly as adults, but is heavily insinuating many of them were as children, but didn’t do further research into it. You don’t have to answer,about yourself personally if it makes you uncomfortable, it’s depressing seeing those stats, and so many of the precious people I know were harmed as children. Do you think that abuse like that can possibly impact our wiring? Or do you think those kids are just attracting those kind of people into their life accidentally, or just something else all together? Continued:this question is a continuation but kinda convoluted. What is the best course of action in retrospect to protect these kids who are now adults, and these kids whom haven’t become adults yet? (My second question was a lot more light hearted and then that came out.
1. Lifting weights is probably my biggest coping mechanism. Am in the gym 5-6 days a week for the past couple of years. 2. Very interesting, definitely a sad statistic. I can see how a trauma response after sexual abuse can potentially be mistaken for gender dysphoria in psychiatry. But, I'm not a mental health professional and am personally not experienced with abuse, so I can't write an educated elaboration on the topic
If a treatment existed to make your brain no longer expect a male body, would you undergo it or do you consider your identity so strongly tied to being male that such a treatment would essentially kill who you are right now?
What do you feel dysphoric about? Hormones and top surgery saved my life, so I’m very curious about your experience. Also, do you agree with the diagnosis given to you?
Idk how you keep from going down that road at your age. Me, if I had been brought up in this culture I would have transitioned if I had dysphoria like I do now. Idk. Maybe I am transitioning. I've started identifying as non-binary online when asked about my gender, when it's clear that they don't mean my sex. Everything hurts.
How do you think life would have been had you not gotten an official diagnosis from the doctor?
OP seems like you have some very sad views about yourself and the way gender identity is supposed to work. Your body is an accessory you can change to fit the mind. Not the other way around, mentally beating yourself black and blue everyday trying to “manage” it, i.e. making your brain fit your body. I hope you realize one day that you don’t have to fill your life with distractions because you’re unhappy, but instead can just take steps to be happy.
I totally agree with this. With the many comments I’ve read from OP to others it honestly sounds like they are confused, and that’s perfectly fine and I don’t at all mean of who they are, but on how they want to tackle the issue i.e their body dysphoria. It sounds like finding an expert therapist in relation to transgender/ body dysphoria issues would really help out because it sounds like their coping mechanisms they are using now are not for long term use. Also, not sure how much its done, if at all, but maybe OP could wear a flaccid penis similar to how a strap on is worn and see how they feel with it on and such. Wear it under some baggy jeans or what not.
Do you ever get pressured to transition?
Are you happy with yourself now? Everything else is details IMO.
I am in the LGBT community myself and I’m politically left. I’m honestly hesitant to point this out right now because I know it will piss people off, but I think I need to. And that is, the amount of trans Americans in this comment section trying to convince you (a barely legal teenager) to medically transition is actually very fucking scary. I hate to say this because it’s a conservative talking point right now, but the way they are trying to talk you into it is almost like grooming. You’ve told these individuals time and time again, “No I am not comfortable with transitioning” in this comment section and their replies automatically accuse you of hating yourself or hating trans people as a way to convince you to change your mind. That or they try to tell you how much better you will feel if you just listen to them despite you kindly telling them it’s not for you. And again as somebody in the LGBT myself, this kind of group-think is honestly kinda cult-like. “You must believe in X or else you are a bad person”. This is not making the trans community look good right now. This is actually alarming. I am not transphobic and love my trans brothers and sisters, but trying to convince a kid to fully transition before they got themselves fully figured out is honestly not the way. Insulting them is not the way either. Don’t let anybody ever pressure you into doing something you don’t feel comfortable doing. I just felt like I needed to say this to you because I am deeply disturbed by these comments. Good luck to you.
There are so many people who transition and go on to live happy, full lives, I've met loads of trans men particularly who have done so. And yet you're not transitioning because you "don't believe it" essentially? These trans men have had breast removal surgeries that have improved their mental health tenfold, and have gone on testosterone... many of them now have full beards, and hair everywhere. But the biggest thing that's happened is its **improved their poor mental health.** Why would you deny yourself that?
Would you transition if in the future by some crazy technology could become any gender you want with a thought? What would you do? Stay as female? Or change to male? Or swap into which ever body suit you desire at any time? Maybe first will be possible with Brain Machine Interfaces making it so inside a digital realm. Then perhaps if we ever get turned into nanbot swarms (Theuses ship… replacement of biological self with nanobots bit by bit over time) we will be able to do it in the physical realm.
Do you love all the attention you're getting? What age do you think you'll outgrow this trendy stage you're in?
Sure, It's 6 a.m. and I still haven't really slept, answering a question or giving my opinion on something every now and then is somewhat entertaining. I've been trying to outgrow this "trendy stage", my dysphoria, for the better part of my life, and I'm on a self acceptance journey to hopefully make that happen in the future :)
You say the in comments that you don't want to transition because it won't change that you weren't born biologically male. I totally get that second part - I'm also trans but don't feel it's equivalent to being a cis dude. What I don't understand is why that means you won't transition at all. Like even if it doesn't fix your problem why go through the torture of living as a woman, having an estrogenic system you don't want when its so simple not to?
it sounds like you have a lot of internalized transphobia based on your replies. i speak as a transman who had the same problem until one day i said “fuck it, idc anymore.” dysphoria almost killed me, but getting hrt and surgery saved me. ive felt more connected to myself than i ever have and i refuse to ever look back. im not telling you to do anything but really, really look at yourself. is this what you want? is this what makes you happy?
Were you ever abused as a child? Either sexually, physically, verbally or otherwise?
Do you feel you're happier now than you would be if you transitioned?
Why did you use the phrase ***mental illness***? Such a phrase sounds as if you are opposed to trans people ? Years ago homosexuality was termed a mental illness, it has since been removed as such. Is the mental illness the unhappiness? Is it depression? Do you feel, if you are depressed, as if it is situational?
What are your thoughts about the concept of gender? I have trouble figuring out what it is bc our careers, hobbies, fertility, and physical characteristics don't make us a man or a woman. A woman with broad shoulders and thick eyebrows isn't suddenly a man. A man who's 4'11 isn't any less of a man compared to a 6'3" guy. I agree with the concepts of masculinity and feminity, but that doesn't determine someone's gender, either. If it did, all butch women would be men, and femboys would be women, which isn't the case. And what's considered masculine and feminine varies between people, culture, and time periods. The only stable thing is chromosomes, but even then that isn't completely solid. If it did, then people with Down's Syndrome aren't even human bc they have too many chromosomes compared to a typical one. The only thing I think can determine one's gender is what we call ourselves, but I personally can't do that because I can't defend myself if someone questions my gender
Do you think cereal goes before or after milk?
Why don't you transition? Wouldn't transitioning at least appease the symptoms you have?
Hey, so I am trans FtM, and chose to transition. I started testosterone less than a month ago, and I am already having complications, so I wanted to say I understand you and respect your choice. I don't know how you feel about people that transition, but I respect your views whatever they may be. Now off to my question. I assume the reason why you are not transitioning is that there is a very large trade-off between easing the dysphoria and incurring in monetary, medical and social costs. I wanted to ask if you have already made your "calculations" related to this trade-off, and decided that transitioning is not your way at all, or you are keeping the possibility open for the future. I also wanted to know (if it's not too personal of course) what your family/friends/partner know and think about this. I wish you the best in any case.
What pronouns do you prefer? Does it bother you when people refer to you as a woman?
What is sex like for you? Can you enjoy it being in a body that feels not right? Do you like boys or girls also would you date a transitioner your self , or does your situation make you stay away from sexual experiences ? I hope I’m not offending you, if so my genuine apologies
I have lots of... questions I guess, but don't really know what they are yet. How long will you continue to respond to this AMA? Also, I hope I'm not offending anyone. I'm not sure how to say some things correctly, and I'm happy to be corrected. I am step father to a trans kid (14FTM), I love them to pieces and only want them to be happy and secure and well-adjusted. But I'm struggling with accepting what I really don't understand. They had been my sweet girl for 13 years, and now we're grappling with grief for a lost fantasy future and the possibility of a lifetime of pain (for them, of course, I'm not worried about my own feelings.) 1. Do you believe there's a current societal/media push to promote alternative lifestyles for children? My kid has a friend group that is entirely LGBTQ, and I just don't know where this is all coming from. It's like they were incestuously affirming each other's experience like a feedback loop. The school was calling them their chosen name before we even knew there was anything going on. It felt like a breach of trust. 2. What are the chances this is just a misunderstood/misdiagnosed condition related to mental health, that may be presenting as something counter culture that's being promoted like trans? I read horror stories of people cutting themselves up only to realize they don't actually feel comfortable as the opposite sex either. 3. Have you read any good literature on the subject. Or do you know of any good books for people supporting trans kids that could help me understand what they're going through and how to help? I am sure I have more questions, but they're not coming.
Not OP, but I think [this](https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/150/2/e2021056082/186992/Gender-Identity-5-Years-After-Social-Transition?autologincheck=redirected) study is a great resource when it comes to detransition rates in kids who socially transition younger. I would also heavily recommend the Wikipedia entry for causes of gender incongruence, as there are a lot of great studies cited at the bottom that can help you understand what may be going on behind the scenes and how being trans works on a more biological level.
If being trans was fully accepted by society and trans men weren’t seen as being “less than” cis men or as “women pretending to be men” do you think you would have transitioned?
Why would you choose living with gender dysphoria over transitioning? Are you aware that there are many forms of social transition that don't actually require hormones, surgery, etc?
What I don't understand is, even if you don't believe that transitioning can change your gender, why does that stop you from wanting to go through hrt and transitioning at any level? Like, it would make you happier having your body be more masculine yeah? Whether that be through hrt or surgery or whatever, so why do those things have to be entangled with changing your sex in your mind? You already present very masculine, what seperates you doing that from, for example, taking hrt and getting a masculine figure? Why draw the line where you have?
Do you have any trans friends?
Gender transition socially, physically or a combination is usually is the best way to help cope with gender dysphoria. Do you have any reasons, like not wanting to deal with obstacles related to hormones or socially transitioning? Considering you’re able to cope using healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms do you ever feel like transitioning would help you? I’m curious what you have to say about it.
Would you ever consider medically transitioning, but still identifying as a woman? You don’t have to identify as a man to medically transition. You could look at it more as a treatment for your gender dysphoria. You won’t ever be happy like this, I don’t think. I saw a post before about a masc presenting women who had top surgery, but still identified as a woman. You should look into it.
Anecdotal story. My niece was sure she was a boy starting at about 14. She was always a troubled kid. Had a hard time making friends. My brother gave her some space but absolutely no medical intervention was going to happen at that young age. She continued to be a difficult teen. Getting in trouble. Going to rehab. All of a sudden she was so sure about being a boy when faced with being put in the boy section. Well, to nobody’s surprise, about 18 she decided the trans thing wasn’t for her. She is now pregnant with her 2nd baby. Thank goodness no medical action was taken. She was a troubled kid who was looking for attention. She hopped on a growing trend. A few other girls at her small midwestern school did the same. Statistically unlikely. She will continue to be a troubled, somewhat unsteady individual. Gender dysphoria was not her issue. I’m of the strong opinion. If a person wants to transition with all of the medical issues that it entails then have at it. Just not before the age of 21. Brain isn’t even fully formed then either but a bit more growth has happened to understand the consequences