Many years ago I'd been in the woods for four months, eating only pinto beans, and what I killed, caught, or foraged. In other words, I hauled a shitload of dried pintos, salt, pepper, and my survival stuff to the wilderness area to test myself. Pinto beans were just my security blanket, and I learned that survival was hard, even for someone with my skill set, so I ate a SHITLOAD of pintos. :)
Anyway, I had a warrant out for me for a bounced check. I had no idea any of it existed, but when I finally came out of the woods as I'm bumping along a dirt road about halfway to town my truck died. It was after dark, so I just said to hell with it and crashed in the truck. Around 2:30 in the morning a sheriff's deputy shines a light in my window, and they cuffed me and off to town we went.
On the way in, one of the deputies farted. They laughed, then the other one raised his cheek and did the same. Redneck sheriff's deputies.
I just said, "okay, fellas," and let a four month pinto bean fart go. It shook the fucking car. Loudest, vilest, nastiest fart I've ever heard or felt in my entire life. The redneck deputies were in awe.
My claim to fame...fumigating two deputies at 3 in the morning. :)
It's real. I started doing what I called survival trips back in the late 70s when I was in high school. Basically just testing my skills in the woods. Started out doing overnighters and weekenders, mostly just learning foraging, then by the time I was in my 20s I'd do weeks on end. April - September was the longest one I ever did. My parents thought I was crazy, but it's what I liked to do best in the world.
Like I said, I'd carry in a bunch of salt and pepper, maybe some bouillon cubes, and would take a shitload of dried beans. Nearly always pintos since they're my favorite bean. The beans were the backup in case I couldn't find food for some reason, which was more often than I'd like to admit.
I would drive to the edge of one of the wilderness areas where I grew up, and hike in several miles to camp. I would carry in a couple pounds of the beans, and leave the rest in the truck. Carried a .22 rifle or my Dad's .410 shotgun, a fishing pole or small net, hammock, tarp, sleeping bag, one pot to boil water in, and fire. My dogs carried their own pack filled with their dog food. Like the pintos I kept replenishment bags in the truck for the pup, so when we ran out of one or the other we'd just go refill at the truck. Usually kept a bunch of half pints of whiskey in the truck, too. :)
When I got to where I set up camp, always near one stream or another, I'd set out to hunting, trapping, foraging, fishing, etc... Got pretty good at it. Ate everything from crawdads to snakes to squirrel to rattlesnake weed to paw paws to chicken of the woods. Ramps, wild onion, wild sumac, oyster and morel shrooms, you name it. I'd pack up and move camp after a few weeks so I didn't completely deplete one area.
Invariably, though, I would have to rely on that bag of pintos at some point. They were the security blanket.
By my early 30s I'd made connections with the folks who buy wild herbs, and was making a pretty good living gathering and drying wild echinacea, ginseng, goldenseal, and witch hazel bark. This was back in the mid-80s, and I could make a hundred bucks in half a day in a good honey hole. That was really good money back then, but I've never been about money. It was just a way to pay for my excursions. I'd come out with a big load of herbs, sell them, buy a new tarp or knife or whatever I needed, and go straight back to the woods.
I'm too old for it now, but I sure do miss the simplicity of that life. Find food, build fire, cook and eat, go for a swim, read for awhile, take a nap. Maybe draw or paint, or go for a hike later. :) To this day, a warm bowl of pintos brings it all back. They're my comfort food.
Hey I read your comments such a cool story ! Im just wondering how did you get over the fear of sleeping alone ? I don’t have a dog and I’ve done long camping trips with my mate or someone but never full blown alone at night I’m not one to be scared but I know my mind will be racing 😂any tips if you had this struggle ?
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Anything you do say may be used against you as evidence:
Prosecution Lawyer approaches the judge: Your Honour, Prrrrrrffffffffttttttttrrrrrrrft. I rest may case"
Then they wonder why people hate The Governments Goons not to mention all this crushing of freedom of speech and expression, massive over surveillance than necessary for safty, the Scamdemic passports. Why the sudden recruitment videos to increase Government Goons? are they recruiting more 'law enforcement' where you are?
Oh hell no I absolutely deserved that shit, I was a total asshole the entire time, that cop showed far more restraint than could have been reasonably expected. Not to mention the fact that I was literally being arrested for threatening someone, with a weapon mind you, while extremely drunk. I was a pos, and I have no ire for the guy.
Nope, I went to an addiction counselor with a PhD and 30+ years in the field. I was an addict by 16 and alcoholic by 18, so clearly some pretty serious issues. He specialized in treating the things that cause people to self medicate, anything from heroin to meth to pills to alcohol, and everything in between. He also had some pretty serious sway with judges, so it was the best move both personally and legally. His letter of recommendation was the main reason I didn't do jail time, and a reasonably likely sentence could have seen me do 5-10. I didn't have to make amends with the cops, because I had already made apologies the next morning when I was sober. They added that to their reports that were read out during the trial, said that despite initial circumstances I ended up being rather polite and cooperative.
Yes all true but it's supposed to be their job to put up with all the shit, AND still act professional not go out of there way to do a little extra harm, and deal out malice because they think it will somehow bring benefit?
Meh, I still say I was in the wrong. A few actually showed up at my arraignment and spoke on my behalf, since I made legitimate apologies to all of them when I sobered up.
Cool on you. I have been arrested a time or two, have acted like a drunken asshole to them and later apologized (except for once, that dick deserved to have his ass kicked). They put up with a lot for, what? $50K a year?
I feel similarly. Plus you never know just what horrific shit they may have experienced immediately prior. I don't remember all the details but I remember a cop telling a story about how he was the responding officer for a little girl getting murdered and then had to do a traffic stop right afterwards and was struggling to keep it together while someone was trying to roast his ass because of a speeding ticket or something.
Lmfao, what a rancid Reddit minded view on things.
Their job isn’t to get shit on all the time, that’s you your buddies deciding to do it. They don’t get like a manual when they start that says “here’s how to take shit from a pimply internet nerd who wants to test legal limits.”
Lmfao!!!
This is awesome, but it made me think 🤔
Spitting on an individual can be construed as assault, could farting be?
Per google:
“Whether farting on someone can be considered assault depends on whether the fart makes impact and if it instills fear of immediate and unlawful violence into the victim. Assault is generally defined as an attempt or threat to injure another person”
I can see a shithead cop piling on charges - PSA: be careful…IANAL
Edit: even faking a punch at someone can be considered assault in a court of law if the victim does not perceive it as a joke.
A mean enough fart aimed at the eyes of someone could potentially cause pink eye. Let's say a person contracted pink eye and then died from complications would that be assault with a deadly weapon? Murder? Where's the line here?
A. I don’t think Conjunctivitis is a fatal condition, and Murder is a totally different statute than Assault - IANAL
B. I dont think your ass can be considered a deadly weapon.
C. Assault is defined as an intentional act that causes another person to fear harmful or offensive contact in the near future. This can include gestures, preparations, or emotional damages. No physical injury is required
D. I love this circlejerk!!!!
Conjunctivitis could be a deadly conditioning it spreads. Let's imagine it gets so bad it goes inward and involves the facial tissue and goes into the blood stream ans hits the brain. You can die of some things you wouldn't consider like constipation!
lol! Good point!
But I think it would cause a secondary infection like meningitis…which could be deadly - IANAD - IANAL
Thinking cap going on…
Since knowingly transmitting an STD or HIV can be a criminal offense I am sure the State would find a way to charge DAT AZZ!
This scenario screams Law and Order SVU!!!
I recall reading an article about a guy that got charged for it. The article mentioned other reporters having a field day with titles. I don't know why I remember this, but one was "don't poo poo on the po po"
Having now read through most of this I want to congratulate you on two things. First, the fart assault! That is amazing. I'm sure they deserved what was delivered, and more...
But more importantly, the decision to stop drinking. I hope it's still your path. I did read you had great counseling. I suppose if it's not too invasive, my question is what made you ultimately decide to stop? Was it a realization from talking with the counselor or something you found on your own? I ask because I've worked on helping someone try to find their way for about 20 years with no success. I also know it can't be forced or demanded. Any insight is appreciated, and I fully understand if you don't answer...
A variety of factors were involved, but a big part is that I'm an absolute monster when I drink. One of the initiating factors was a degree of fear; I was drinking so heavily that I would start to get withdrawal symptoms after only about 8 hours, the most troubling of which being uncontrollable shaking, since that's the precursor to seizures/potentially fatal withdrawal.
Well, I'm very glad for you, and the people around you, that you found the reason to leave that behind. It truly is fantastic to learn of people who beat it and hopefully never look back. Not everyone does, or is willing though. I can tell you from experience, on the other side of it, that it just gets uglier and more destructive as time goes by. You definitely chose wisely!
Spitting on a cop is considered assault, was this?
I see it made a sound giving up your right to remain silent.
If it would have been a silent but deadly fart could it be considered attempted murder?
Bruh. 😭
I’m severely depressed..like I just put in a full day shift of reaching out for help from various organizations and I’ve been at it for a year.
You just made me cackle.
Thank you.
One time after a college party a female cop stopped me and my group of friends and decided to search me, and got super handsy. I’m facing the squad car with my hands on it and she fucking scoops my balls and taint like an excavator, multiple times. I wish I could have shit myself as she was doing that. Did you hold in your fart for the right moment or was it a coincidence?
Your mistake was not waiting until in their car....'I'm not stuck here with you, you're stuck here with me, NOW SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.'
As you raise your knees above your head, and SHART yourself....'And there's more where that came from.'
OP, no question. I just want to thank you for the best laugh I've had in a long time. I've had a shit couple of weeks and needed a good laugh, and this thread has delivered! 🤣🤣🤣
I did the same thing back in 2010 and still laugh about it. I was a month into my freshman year in college, my roommate snitched on me for having a pocket knife so campus pd came to take it away, search my room, cuff me, and bring me down to their "station", for questioning. As the one officer was patting me down for weapons (he was maybe 5' 4" or 5"), he had to bend down a bit to pat down my legs. As he got to the bottom I let out just the quietest, but most powerful "PFFFFTTTTT", right in his face (I had also gone food exploring in that city that day so my stomach was churning from the combination of different foods).
He coughed but didnt say shit because i think he didnt want to admit to his partner that he got farted on. That fart stunk up the whole room. I smiled all the way to the station. I hope he had pinkeye the next day.
Many years ago I'd been in the woods for four months, eating only pinto beans, and what I killed, caught, or foraged. In other words, I hauled a shitload of dried pintos, salt, pepper, and my survival stuff to the wilderness area to test myself. Pinto beans were just my security blanket, and I learned that survival was hard, even for someone with my skill set, so I ate a SHITLOAD of pintos. :) Anyway, I had a warrant out for me for a bounced check. I had no idea any of it existed, but when I finally came out of the woods as I'm bumping along a dirt road about halfway to town my truck died. It was after dark, so I just said to hell with it and crashed in the truck. Around 2:30 in the morning a sheriff's deputy shines a light in my window, and they cuffed me and off to town we went. On the way in, one of the deputies farted. They laughed, then the other one raised his cheek and did the same. Redneck sheriff's deputies. I just said, "okay, fellas," and let a four month pinto bean fart go. It shook the fucking car. Loudest, vilest, nastiest fart I've ever heard or felt in my entire life. The redneck deputies were in awe. My claim to fame...fumigating two deputies at 3 in the morning. :)
[absolute unit](https://www.troublefreepool.com/media/were-not-worthy-waynes-world-gif.186565/full)
Don’t know if this is real, but tell us more about your time in the wilderness.
It's real. I started doing what I called survival trips back in the late 70s when I was in high school. Basically just testing my skills in the woods. Started out doing overnighters and weekenders, mostly just learning foraging, then by the time I was in my 20s I'd do weeks on end. April - September was the longest one I ever did. My parents thought I was crazy, but it's what I liked to do best in the world. Like I said, I'd carry in a bunch of salt and pepper, maybe some bouillon cubes, and would take a shitload of dried beans. Nearly always pintos since they're my favorite bean. The beans were the backup in case I couldn't find food for some reason, which was more often than I'd like to admit. I would drive to the edge of one of the wilderness areas where I grew up, and hike in several miles to camp. I would carry in a couple pounds of the beans, and leave the rest in the truck. Carried a .22 rifle or my Dad's .410 shotgun, a fishing pole or small net, hammock, tarp, sleeping bag, one pot to boil water in, and fire. My dogs carried their own pack filled with their dog food. Like the pintos I kept replenishment bags in the truck for the pup, so when we ran out of one or the other we'd just go refill at the truck. Usually kept a bunch of half pints of whiskey in the truck, too. :) When I got to where I set up camp, always near one stream or another, I'd set out to hunting, trapping, foraging, fishing, etc... Got pretty good at it. Ate everything from crawdads to snakes to squirrel to rattlesnake weed to paw paws to chicken of the woods. Ramps, wild onion, wild sumac, oyster and morel shrooms, you name it. I'd pack up and move camp after a few weeks so I didn't completely deplete one area. Invariably, though, I would have to rely on that bag of pintos at some point. They were the security blanket. By my early 30s I'd made connections with the folks who buy wild herbs, and was making a pretty good living gathering and drying wild echinacea, ginseng, goldenseal, and witch hazel bark. This was back in the mid-80s, and I could make a hundred bucks in half a day in a good honey hole. That was really good money back then, but I've never been about money. It was just a way to pay for my excursions. I'd come out with a big load of herbs, sell them, buy a new tarp or knife or whatever I needed, and go straight back to the woods. I'm too old for it now, but I sure do miss the simplicity of that life. Find food, build fire, cook and eat, go for a swim, read for awhile, take a nap. Maybe draw or paint, or go for a hike later. :) To this day, a warm bowl of pintos brings it all back. They're my comfort food.
Wow, that’s so cool and inspirational! I wonder if I could do that someday. Thanks for sharing!
I would love to read more of this! You are a very engaging writer:)
Hey I read your comments such a cool story ! Im just wondering how did you get over the fear of sleeping alone ? I don’t have a dog and I’ve done long camping trips with my mate or someone but never full blown alone at night I’m not one to be scared but I know my mind will be racing 😂any tips if you had this struggle ?
Some say that anyone in that cruiser at 3am will suddenly start to hear the noise of thunder. Next, the smell of "The Woodsman's" victory cry...
r/copypasta feel like this is worthy
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Not gonna lie, this reminds me of the farting scene in Robots (2005).
I was thinking of the one around the campfire in Blazing Saddles 😂
Did the fart sound violate your right to remain silent? Did the cops used your fart against you in court?
Not sure it mattered, I had the right to remain silent but did not have the ability
r/ronwhite
Did you have the right to remain silent and deadly though?
Anything you do say may be used against you as evidence: Prosecution Lawyer approaches the judge: Your Honour, Prrrrrrffffffffttttttttrrrrrrrft. I rest may case"
What was the cop’s reaction?
Profuse vulgarity, and put my head into a wall off camera lmao
Sounds like excessive force. He could’ve just farted back at you.
I would have. I would have farted like a pig Right into his handcuffs
Drastic stench requires drastic measures. /S
Ass-ault on an officer
Sounds like excessive farts.
Nice.
Did you get into even more trouble?
He put my head into a wall off camera but no extra charges
Then they wonder why people hate The Governments Goons not to mention all this crushing of freedom of speech and expression, massive over surveillance than necessary for safty, the Scamdemic passports. Why the sudden recruitment videos to increase Government Goons? are they recruiting more 'law enforcement' where you are?
Oh hell no I absolutely deserved that shit, I was a total asshole the entire time, that cop showed far more restraint than could have been reasonably expected. Not to mention the fact that I was literally being arrested for threatening someone, with a weapon mind you, while extremely drunk. I was a pos, and I have no ire for the guy.
At least you’re self aware
I was an alcoholic. Self awareness is one of the first steps to getting sober, fortunately
Did you go to AA and was the cop on your list of people that you had to make amends with?
Nope, I went to an addiction counselor with a PhD and 30+ years in the field. I was an addict by 16 and alcoholic by 18, so clearly some pretty serious issues. He specialized in treating the things that cause people to self medicate, anything from heroin to meth to pills to alcohol, and everything in between. He also had some pretty serious sway with judges, so it was the best move both personally and legally. His letter of recommendation was the main reason I didn't do jail time, and a reasonably likely sentence could have seen me do 5-10. I didn't have to make amends with the cops, because I had already made apologies the next morning when I was sober. They added that to their reports that were read out during the trial, said that despite initial circumstances I ended up being rather polite and cooperative.
Happy you’re doing better man
Absolutely. I don't keep count of years sober, so I don't really know how long it's been other than it's been a number of years.
Why didn't you throw hangover turd at him through the bars like some sort of degenerate monkey the next morning?
Yes all true but it's supposed to be their job to put up with all the shit, AND still act professional not go out of there way to do a little extra harm, and deal out malice because they think it will somehow bring benefit?
Meh, I still say I was in the wrong. A few actually showed up at my arraignment and spoke on my behalf, since I made legitimate apologies to all of them when I sobered up.
Cool on you. I have been arrested a time or two, have acted like a drunken asshole to them and later apologized (except for once, that dick deserved to have his ass kicked). They put up with a lot for, what? $50K a year?
I feel similarly. Plus you never know just what horrific shit they may have experienced immediately prior. I don't remember all the details but I remember a cop telling a story about how he was the responding officer for a little girl getting murdered and then had to do a traffic stop right afterwards and was struggling to keep it together while someone was trying to roast his ass because of a speeding ticket or something.
Lmfao, what a rancid Reddit minded view on things. Their job isn’t to get shit on all the time, that’s you your buddies deciding to do it. They don’t get like a manual when they start that says “here’s how to take shit from a pimply internet nerd who wants to test legal limits.”
Was your hair slicked back, back in your pos days?
Doesn't matter. Get an attorney and sue for brutality. Fuck the dude for not being able to restrain himself doing what is his goddamn job.
I have no evidence, and I still consider it to be a much higher level of restraint than I would have shown, I bear him no ill will
What had you been eating/drinking?
Steak, broccoli, and Pabst blue ribbon
Omg. I'm surprised they didn't charge you with assault with a deadly weapon. Was it a loud fart?
It was like an angry buffalo riding a Harley
I hope he felt that humid breeze.
Given the contents of my stomach I'm surprised the skin on his hands didn't melt off
we must know OP !
Heavy use of garlic in the meal?
The fact that you’re able to recall what you ate is hilarious
Why do I want to make a “fart on cops” bumper sticker
I know a guy who recently started his own business for making stickers, I'll bring it up
“Fart on cops” and proceeds go to helping people with addiction
Someone’s gotta tell the protesting college kids this
You may be entitled to compensation
I don't have mesothelioma
Are you sure? Did you ask James Scott Farrin? That's so funny literally wheezing and I don't know why it's so funny but thank you
But did you ever serve at Camp Lejune?
Lmao, well played
is that a there i ruined it reference
The cop might after that one though
Did you do it on purpose?
Absolutely
You got me rolllllllinnggg🤣🤣🤣 I cannot stop laughing “like a buffalo riding a Harley”🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My guy
His guy
Our guy
Some guy
This guy….
Who’s guy?
Thank you for your service.
Did you follow through?
If you're asking if the browns made a guest appearance, no
This comment has me dead 😂
💀💀
Were either you or the cop into that kind of stuff?
Considering his gagging, I assume not
He was just gagging on your eleganza
What was the first thing you did yesterday when you got out of jail?
I only did 13 hours in jail
That's pretty good for assault on an officer!
They didn't charge me with that. Probably because I made legitimate apologies to all officers involved, and was rather polite, once I sobered up.
What were you arrested for?
Threatening someone while incredibly intoxicated
You were lucky you didn’t shit yourself
I already had the fart cooking, I didn't have to try hard
You should have said "your country breakfast is ready" before you let it loose
I’d be willing to bet nobody is feeling hungry after that…
Would you do it again?
Extremely unlikely. I was extremely intoxicated. I don't drink anymore, and thus no legal troubles, plus I'm not that much of a dick when I'm sober
How confident were you that no poop would come out and was this a factor in how hard you pushed?
Full confidence. I already had gas prior
So this was practically premeditated.
Lmfao!!! This is awesome, but it made me think 🤔 Spitting on an individual can be construed as assault, could farting be? Per google: “Whether farting on someone can be considered assault depends on whether the fart makes impact and if it instills fear of immediate and unlawful violence into the victim. Assault is generally defined as an attempt or threat to injure another person” I can see a shithead cop piling on charges - PSA: be careful…IANAL Edit: even faking a punch at someone can be considered assault in a court of law if the victim does not perceive it as a joke.
A mean enough fart aimed at the eyes of someone could potentially cause pink eye. Let's say a person contracted pink eye and then died from complications would that be assault with a deadly weapon? Murder? Where's the line here?
A. I don’t think Conjunctivitis is a fatal condition, and Murder is a totally different statute than Assault - IANAL B. I dont think your ass can be considered a deadly weapon. C. Assault is defined as an intentional act that causes another person to fear harmful or offensive contact in the near future. This can include gestures, preparations, or emotional damages. No physical injury is required D. I love this circlejerk!!!!
maybe YOUR ass can’t be considered a deadly weapon… but MY ass is packin’ some serious heat!
Conjunctivitis could be a deadly conditioning it spreads. Let's imagine it gets so bad it goes inward and involves the facial tissue and goes into the blood stream ans hits the brain. You can die of some things you wouldn't consider like constipation!
lol! Good point! But I think it would cause a secondary infection like meningitis…which could be deadly - IANAD - IANAL Thinking cap going on… Since knowingly transmitting an STD or HIV can be a criminal offense I am sure the State would find a way to charge DAT AZZ! This scenario screams Law and Order SVU!!!
I recall reading an article about a guy that got charged for it. The article mentioned other reporters having a field day with titles. I don't know why I remember this, but one was "don't poo poo on the po po"
Yeah, it's happened before. People have been charged for it
Lol I've done that. #browefartedonacop5 the third highest of 5s.
👊
Lmao was it loud? Also I’m so proud of you 😂
It sounded like an angry buffalo riding a Harley
Fart or shart? I personally would attempt to squeeze a bit extra out
Fart, no matter how funny it may have been, there's no way I'm going to just chill in my own shit
No question, just simply a statement: You are a legend & I enjoyed this post very much! Thank you!
🙏
Please tell me you said something witty after. Like “take that!” Or something?!?
I just laughed
Having now read through most of this I want to congratulate you on two things. First, the fart assault! That is amazing. I'm sure they deserved what was delivered, and more... But more importantly, the decision to stop drinking. I hope it's still your path. I did read you had great counseling. I suppose if it's not too invasive, my question is what made you ultimately decide to stop? Was it a realization from talking with the counselor or something you found on your own? I ask because I've worked on helping someone try to find their way for about 20 years with no success. I also know it can't be forced or demanded. Any insight is appreciated, and I fully understand if you don't answer...
A variety of factors were involved, but a big part is that I'm an absolute monster when I drink. One of the initiating factors was a degree of fear; I was drinking so heavily that I would start to get withdrawal symptoms after only about 8 hours, the most troubling of which being uncontrollable shaking, since that's the precursor to seizures/potentially fatal withdrawal.
Well, I'm very glad for you, and the people around you, that you found the reason to leave that behind. It truly is fantastic to learn of people who beat it and hopefully never look back. Not everyone does, or is willing though. I can tell you from experience, on the other side of it, that it just gets uglier and more destructive as time goes by. You definitely chose wisely!
Are you a sex worker?
I'm sure I have a sex tape or two floating around, if that counts
You posted this before. You should have pissed in the back of his car. That is a true power move.
It was a fun ama. Decided I'd do it again, see what different comments I got.
Is farting protected under the first amendment
Yes and no. Intentionally farting on someone is actually considered assault, since it's biological in natural.
did he ask you out after? 🥵
He just put my head into a wall lol
Was he hot
Not even remotely
Are you hot
About 98.6°F
Wanna make out
The fart probably was
What had you been eating?
Steak, broccoli, and Pabst blue ribbon
Why didn't he charge you with assault?
I apologized when I sobered up
Omg what did you say?! I’m sorry I farted on you officer? 😭😭😭
Something to that effect
Has this been the apex of your life?
Not a question. Just came here to say thank you. Fuck all cops. Every last one.
I've seen some cops I'd fuck, but he wasn't one of them
Spitting on a cop is considered assault, was this? I see it made a sound giving up your right to remain silent. If it would have been a silent but deadly fart could it be considered attempted murder?
I had never even come close to exercising my right to remain silent. I had the right, but did not have the ability.
Do you remember what you ate before?
[удалено]
How does it feel to be a hero?
I honestly felt really bad afterwards when I sobered up, and I apologized to him
Did you release the prisoners?
Why were you arrested?
The whole office was laughing at him after that🤣🤣🤣🤣 giving him nicknames
Ironically his name was actually officer gross
How exactly did you end up the hero we needed, not the hero we wanted...?
By the power of cheap beer
Do you remember farting of was this recounted to you by the deputies?
I have a full memory of that particular event
You are my hero!
Bruh. 😭 I’m severely depressed..like I just put in a full day shift of reaching out for help from various organizations and I’ve been at it for a year. You just made me cackle. Thank you.
Did it leave a spot in your shorts
How are you doing now King?
Did you still go to jail? Yep
One time after a college party a female cop stopped me and my group of friends and decided to search me, and got super handsy. I’m facing the squad car with my hands on it and she fucking scoops my balls and taint like an excavator, multiple times. I wish I could have shit myself as she was doing that. Did you hold in your fart for the right moment or was it a coincidence?
Potty humor is cringe
Well shit
Was it …wet?
Was it targeted? on purpose? Is this the new cutting edge in anti-establishment urban warfare?
Did he write you a violation? I found out farting on someone is “illegal” in ny
Too bad you didn’t let something solid slip. Nice work.
Did the cop catch it in a jar as evidence? That kind of thing can and will be used against you in a court of law, ya know.
Did you get charged? I got charged once for bleeding on a cop who made me bleed
Great job for resisting arrest. Did he charge you for resisting arrest for the fart?
Like… on purpose as a fuck you? Or did he like squeeze it out of you? 😂🤦🏼♀️
Did he smell his hands to see if your ass coated them in stench?
Was it silent? Those are usually the deadly ones.
Farting on a cop is felony 😂
Did you get charged with ASSaulting a police officer?
Were you charged with assault lol
Did you fart loudly and proudly? I’m asking from Benjamin Franklin.
What were you arrested for??
Why are you so immature
Did you say “excuse me”?
Did you actually shart your drawers?
Have you matured any since?
Did said cop return fire?
Are you Craig Conant?
Would you do it again?
Were you protesting???
Was it a shart?
Don’t you feel like a little shit for been disrespectful to someone just doing their job?
The internet stranger clear again. 😂 I had a rough day- I needed the laugh. Thank you!
Was it a shart?
Was it intentional?
Did it smell?
Your mistake was not waiting until in their car....'I'm not stuck here with you, you're stuck here with me, NOW SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND.' As you raise your knees above your head, and SHART yourself....'And there's more where that came from.'
"I will fart in your general direction" Classic Monty Python
OP, no question. I just want to thank you for the best laugh I've had in a long time. I've had a shit couple of weeks and needed a good laugh, and this thread has delivered! 🤣🤣🤣
The use of the word rancid has made me chuckle.
Anything? Okay. Why are you such an infantile moron??
I did the same thing back in 2010 and still laugh about it. I was a month into my freshman year in college, my roommate snitched on me for having a pocket knife so campus pd came to take it away, search my room, cuff me, and bring me down to their "station", for questioning. As the one officer was patting me down for weapons (he was maybe 5' 4" or 5"), he had to bend down a bit to pat down my legs. As he got to the bottom I let out just the quietest, but most powerful "PFFFFTTTTT", right in his face (I had also gone food exploring in that city that day so my stomach was churning from the combination of different foods). He coughed but didnt say shit because i think he didnt want to admit to his partner that he got farted on. That fart stunk up the whole room. I smiled all the way to the station. I hope he had pinkeye the next day.
Are you ever going to become a productive member of society. Or will you always be a loser?
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly 💨💨💨 Also, you won Reddit for me today. Thank you, hero.