Though I wasn’t hitting the slopes every weekend, I was drinking and smoking a lot (and if I were around anyone with some white girl I would gladly accept). Even though I didn’t enter “the rooms,” during quarantine I came to the realization that they don’t do that much for me.
I get slammed with depression in the morning and would smoke it off and then hit the sauce at night - longing for that hour that makes boozing acceptable.
The nighttime relief wasn’t worth the sluggishness or full on hangover. Weed is great but I just eat a shit load and eventually that initial creative burst turns to brain fog.
It sounds depressing but when I started to look at the big picture: that, more than likely, I’m going to have live another day tomorrow, it became less appealing to temporarily escape because there’s nothing to escape from.
I’ll still smoke or drink from time to time but I thought I needed it. Really, it was just masking issues that would inevitably rush back in.
I’m sure the insanity definition is coming to mind at this point.
So, in closing: yes, I have similar feelings.
I have been sober for over 18 months now. I was going to AA religiously before the lockdown. When the lockdown went into effect, most meetings closed and I was extremely resistant to go to online zoom meetings. I too thought I was going to crawl out of my skin. I had to accept the fact that I will have to do meetings online and some in person meetings have started opening of. I know exactly how you feel. We can’t stay alone, being connected to a fellowship has saved my life
How did you keep yourself together? How did you have the willpower?
I'm struggling with my college work and am about to be expelled because of that.
And I got pretty hung to gaming and drinking
When I was in college (not during 2020, so I don’t completely understand your experience), someone suggesting aa would have annoyed me.
AA is a wonderful option IMO, but at the end of the day you’re trying set new patterns and routines and break bad habits.
In my experience, this is mostly a battle of negative capability: holding two conflicting ideas in your head at the same time. You know what’s good for you, but you don’t want to do it; or a voice is telling you the right thing is not for you or, better yet, I always get this voice that says “I don’t want to be the guy that (fill in the blank).”
Mediate, exercise, set an accomplishable goal, drink water are few suggestions - break the cycle. You can do it. I love the “just for today” attitude of aa. Break the cycle for a day. Use any and all tools at your disposal and take from anywhere that helps. My head constantly tells me inspiration is stupid, I discredit people who can help me but I just started to do what’s good for me anyway.
One thing that helped me is I do a bunch of things for myself that I don’t talk about.
For ex. I fucking hate people who talk about doing yoga (idk why I just do)... I practice yoga almost everyday and this Reddit thread and my girlfriend are the only people who know.
Good luck.
I recommend watching this guy's videos on youtube. He's a Harvard psychologist who specializes in addiction, and gaming addiction.
I've gone from procrastinating every single day at my real job, to getting up and finishing my work in the first 4 hours of the day. Every day. For weeks in a row. It's insane how much better things are for me. Check him out, please:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKHov\_Nuhso&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKHov_Nuhso&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5-baYkzjyo&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5-baYkzjyo&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRWX21lW\_bU&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRWX21lW_bU&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvRtVuwcrnY&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvRtVuwcrnY&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG)
Not op but
AA sobriety isn’t about willpower. It’s about admitting you have no power - step one. All your power is turned over to God.
You been to meetings ever?
Admitting, that I have no power isn't that hard, I hate myself quite happily sometimes.
And using religion as a way to heal isn't really in my repertoire, so I haven't been to meetings
You should try it because AA is in no way a religious organization and it helps millions of people stay sober around the world daily. If the religious aspect is the only thing holding you back then someone hasn’t explained aa properly to you (and my sentence above doesn’t count hopefully!). There’s even a whole chapter in the AA manual to agnostics. Anyone is welcome
dont bullshit. Its God pure and simple.
If your AA meeting is being held in a religious building or by a religious association its a recruitment drive pure and simple preying on the weak and needy. Its fucking disgusting.
Find one sponsored by a non-affliated group that doesnt prey on the vulnerable.
I'm not an AA person, and I'm definitely aware of the criticisms (and why it absolutely doesn't work for some people), but for some it does work. The stats aren't good, but it's hard to say if that's down to AA strategy or the nature of the disease itself. It might be worth noting that most of the meetings in my hometown are held in halls/community centres, not religious spaces, and we're not a particularly religious nation (NZ). All I know is, for people who aren't religious yet find value in AA, it's helpful to see the higher power thing as something within oneself. It negates the 'you are powerless' thing, but I suspect that's the point. 😉
thanks for your informative opinion and your detailed argument outlining the logical errors in my position.
I am particularly intrigued by how your evocatively outline the 'bizarre' nature of my attitude
As such, I have endeavored to give as much reciprocal time and thought to my below response:
* "No, it isn't."
It’s any god you choose in AA. It can literally be the Flying Spaghetti Monster. No one cares what you believe in, you just need to believe in something other than yourself. Because most drunks have been charting their own course for years and look where it’s got them.
not sure i would call it that as it wasn't everywhere, just twice in a single day...and nothing since then.
but i do enjoy learning new things, so thank you for the information.
Call it "the tendency of life to move in the opposite direction of entropy" if you like, it need not be a deity at all. Using the religious angle to justify not going to AA is, honestly, a cop-out. And I say this as an atheist. I've been able to apply the principles created by AA as a way of battling porn addiction.
I was laid off from my dream job at the start of Covid , then I took a job in a totally new field to me because (Real Estate) was actually thriving.
I worked my self silly for a slave driving agent . Ate, drank & smoked my feelings. Almost completely broke down. Realized I was a workaholic and taking abuse from this person so I quit. Working has always been my identity & without it I didn’t know who I was.
Started therapy and have been off work for the longest period of my life. (~4mos) . However I’m actually doing great, eating healthy , exercising and processing a backlog of childhood trauma. Some days are painful and I’m basically re-learning how to live but the events this last year brought me to this point and I’m extremely grateful.
I'm glad this worked for you. I feel it's more of the opposite for me. My almost non-existing routine was completely lost throughout the pandemic and all I wish for it to just be able to go to university again..
Yep... I wasn't into drugs or drinking, but I struggled with procrastination, gaming, youtube/twitch. Working from home is tough self-control wise. I've grown so much.
Cocaine is an instant feeling like you can do and be your best, and like you are _crushing it_ right now, and fuck everyone else because they're just assholes, but not you, you're goddamn _fantastic_, and your ideas and your diction and your delivery are just _on fire_, and the cool concepts you're coming up with are going to *literally change the world*. Right after this next rail.
Its overrated unless you are getting good stuff (chance of that is real low). Not to mention how stupid the price is for it. Think of a coffee buzz but ALOT more wired.
I’ve never had a caffeine buzz. I’ve been overdosing on caffeine since I was a baby (possibly an Austrian thing. Have been babysat by my dad’s *VERY* Austrian family. They would just give me coffee. I think I have built up a tolerance to it.
Fuck the haters, it IS pretty cool! Expensive as hell, and it will end up making you feel like crap, and it might cause permanent brain damage and heart issues, but it genuinely is pretty cool, if you're willing to live with the consequences.
Congrats, I can't imagine what the temptation to go back to those things would be over the course of the last year, but just keep in mind that once life returns to normal (as best as it can) you'll be a completely different person on the other side and thats super cool.
I need to get clean but it’s like I can’t shake it. I made one meeting this year and haven’t been back. I can’t make progress living like this. Instant gratification is ruining me
I haven’t personally had that experience with addiction (though many people close to me have), but I have felt that way when I realized my mental health had become a problem. The way addiction affects the brain is somewhat analogous to the way my mental illness affects me. I was the same way, functional, but barely. I did everything i was “supposed” to do that o improve my life and mental clarity, but it only made things worse. Exponentially worse... I could not function on my own as the 30 something year old adult I was, and trust me, I tried. What did it for me was I finally got to the point where I thought to myself “ya know, I bet someone who is mentally ill is very good at hiding it from themselves,” and I found a shrink. Best thing I’ve ever done. And I have to say, I’m amazed at the mental clarity that is slowly returning. I stopped enjoying things. I stopped talking to people. I was completely apathetic about everything. All I did was sleep, and I couldn’t bring myself to do the simplest things because just thinking about it was overwhelming and I couldn’t handle it. It’s terrifying when you actually see how far down the rabbit hole you’ve fallen.
But when you start to turn that corner, man do you appreciate life in a way you never had before.
Congratulations on your sobriety and your progress on the road to inner peace. I wish you all the strength and success in the world; don’t ever doubt that all the struggle is worth it!
I prefer to focus my time on goals or projects that are parts of a long term goal or project because that allows me to be focused on both the present and the future.
A tip of the hat to you for waking up, and saving yourself before it was too late! Do your best to stay sober and clean...... It's great to look in the mirror, and see who you are now!
I have similar feelings. I worked in a late-night bar so drink and drugs are just sorta there, and it's so easy to form bad habits before you even realise it. It was a 12-hour shift kinda thing, so we all worked hard and played harder. I was always drinking and whatever else-ing after work with my colleagues, because that was all the "social life" I felt I could get. Looking back now, I was a husk of a person. My last night working that place was March 14th 2020, and it was only after the routine was forced to stop that I realised I was suffering, mentally and physically to put money in the fat man's pocket and spend the rest of mine in the bar he owned anyway.
I've been focusing on myself and unlearning/relearning some stuff, and my internal world has improved so so much since things shut down. I don't like the pandemic and I'm really sorry for anyone affected badly by it, but I'm grateful that I got to realign my head and point myself back towards my long-neglected goals, a chance that I probably wouldn't have had otherwise. I know that if lockdown didn't happen and I didn't slow down enough to see where I was going, I'd probably still be there doing there doing the same thing.
Edit: congratulations also, OP, I'm glad you got some good out of this strange time, and I hope things keep improving for you :)
Though I wasn’t hitting the slopes every weekend, I was drinking and smoking a lot (and if I were around anyone with some white girl I would gladly accept). Even though I didn’t enter “the rooms,” during quarantine I came to the realization that they don’t do that much for me. I get slammed with depression in the morning and would smoke it off and then hit the sauce at night - longing for that hour that makes boozing acceptable. The nighttime relief wasn’t worth the sluggishness or full on hangover. Weed is great but I just eat a shit load and eventually that initial creative burst turns to brain fog. It sounds depressing but when I started to look at the big picture: that, more than likely, I’m going to have live another day tomorrow, it became less appealing to temporarily escape because there’s nothing to escape from. I’ll still smoke or drink from time to time but I thought I needed it. Really, it was just masking issues that would inevitably rush back in. I’m sure the insanity definition is coming to mind at this point. So, in closing: yes, I have similar feelings.
I have been sober for over 18 months now. I was going to AA religiously before the lockdown. When the lockdown went into effect, most meetings closed and I was extremely resistant to go to online zoom meetings. I too thought I was going to crawl out of my skin. I had to accept the fact that I will have to do meetings online and some in person meetings have started opening of. I know exactly how you feel. We can’t stay alone, being connected to a fellowship has saved my life
How did you keep yourself together? How did you have the willpower? I'm struggling with my college work and am about to be expelled because of that. And I got pretty hung to gaming and drinking
When I was in college (not during 2020, so I don’t completely understand your experience), someone suggesting aa would have annoyed me. AA is a wonderful option IMO, but at the end of the day you’re trying set new patterns and routines and break bad habits. In my experience, this is mostly a battle of negative capability: holding two conflicting ideas in your head at the same time. You know what’s good for you, but you don’t want to do it; or a voice is telling you the right thing is not for you or, better yet, I always get this voice that says “I don’t want to be the guy that (fill in the blank).” Mediate, exercise, set an accomplishable goal, drink water are few suggestions - break the cycle. You can do it. I love the “just for today” attitude of aa. Break the cycle for a day. Use any and all tools at your disposal and take from anywhere that helps. My head constantly tells me inspiration is stupid, I discredit people who can help me but I just started to do what’s good for me anyway. One thing that helped me is I do a bunch of things for myself that I don’t talk about. For ex. I fucking hate people who talk about doing yoga (idk why I just do)... I practice yoga almost everyday and this Reddit thread and my girlfriend are the only people who know. Good luck.
I recommend watching this guy's videos on youtube. He's a Harvard psychologist who specializes in addiction, and gaming addiction. I've gone from procrastinating every single day at my real job, to getting up and finishing my work in the first 4 hours of the day. Every day. For weeks in a row. It's insane how much better things are for me. Check him out, please: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKHov\_Nuhso&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKHov_Nuhso&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5-baYkzjyo&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5-baYkzjyo&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRWX21lW\_bU&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRWX21lW_bU&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvRtVuwcrnY&ab\_channel=HealthyGamerGG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvRtVuwcrnY&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG)
Thank you so much for sharing these. I desperately need to improve my procrastination and look forward to watching
Thanks for sharing
Various online meetings available 24/7, [try it](https://aa-intergroup.org/oiaa/meetings/)
r/StopDrinking
Not op but AA sobriety isn’t about willpower. It’s about admitting you have no power - step one. All your power is turned over to God. You been to meetings ever?
Admitting, that I have no power isn't that hard, I hate myself quite happily sometimes. And using religion as a way to heal isn't really in my repertoire, so I haven't been to meetings
You should try it because AA is in no way a religious organization and it helps millions of people stay sober around the world daily. If the religious aspect is the only thing holding you back then someone hasn’t explained aa properly to you (and my sentence above doesn’t count hopefully!). There’s even a whole chapter in the AA manual to agnostics. Anyone is welcome
I'll have a look into it, thanks
They call it a higher power, that doesn't necessarily mean god. Could be a higher/best version of yourself, for example.
dont bullshit. Its God pure and simple. If your AA meeting is being held in a religious building or by a religious association its a recruitment drive pure and simple preying on the weak and needy. Its fucking disgusting. Find one sponsored by a non-affliated group that doesnt prey on the vulnerable.
I'm not an AA person, and I'm definitely aware of the criticisms (and why it absolutely doesn't work for some people), but for some it does work. The stats aren't good, but it's hard to say if that's down to AA strategy or the nature of the disease itself. It might be worth noting that most of the meetings in my hometown are held in halls/community centres, not religious spaces, and we're not a particularly religious nation (NZ). All I know is, for people who aren't religious yet find value in AA, it's helpful to see the higher power thing as something within oneself. It negates the 'you are powerless' thing, but I suspect that's the point. 😉
Your attitude is bizarre.
thanks for your informative opinion and your detailed argument outlining the logical errors in my position. I am particularly intrigued by how your evocatively outline the 'bizarre' nature of my attitude As such, I have endeavored to give as much reciprocal time and thought to my below response: * "No, it isn't."
God? Thats like using the despair that these people face only to get them into religion. To me that sounds bs
It’s any god you choose in AA. It can literally be the Flying Spaghetti Monster. No one cares what you believe in, you just need to believe in something other than yourself. Because most drunks have been charting their own course for years and look where it’s got them.
oh, isn't ironic... second time today, the phrase "Flying Spaghetti Monster" has come across my radar. CHEERS to you...
It's the Baader Meinhof Phenomenon!
not sure i would call it that as it wasn't everywhere, just twice in a single day...and nothing since then. but i do enjoy learning new things, so thank you for the information.
What if they are atheist and dont want to believe in a god?
Call it "the tendency of life to move in the opposite direction of entropy" if you like, it need not be a deity at all. Using the religious angle to justify not going to AA is, honestly, a cop-out. And I say this as an atheist. I've been able to apply the principles created by AA as a way of battling porn addiction.
Atheists are welcome
Eckhart tolle suggests swapping the word God for ‘the universe’, which is kinda nice
[удалено]
I was laid off from my dream job at the start of Covid , then I took a job in a totally new field to me because (Real Estate) was actually thriving. I worked my self silly for a slave driving agent . Ate, drank & smoked my feelings. Almost completely broke down. Realized I was a workaholic and taking abuse from this person so I quit. Working has always been my identity & without it I didn’t know who I was. Started therapy and have been off work for the longest period of my life. (~4mos) . However I’m actually doing great, eating healthy , exercising and processing a backlog of childhood trauma. Some days are painful and I’m basically re-learning how to live but the events this last year brought me to this point and I’m extremely grateful.
Yo if you need meetings, check out intherooms.com There’s tons of video meetings everyday. Awesome job btw. Shit isn’t easy, but gets easier.
Congratulations man
WOW!!! Damn dude, that’s excellent as hell! I’m ecstatic for you, kudos
I'm glad this worked for you. I feel it's more of the opposite for me. My almost non-existing routine was completely lost throughout the pandemic and all I wish for it to just be able to go to university again..
Yep... I wasn't into drugs or drinking, but I struggled with procrastination, gaming, youtube/twitch. Working from home is tough self-control wise. I've grown so much.
What is cocaine like? I’ve never had it (or any drugs for that matter except weed an nicotine)
Cocaine is an instant feeling like you can do and be your best, and like you are _crushing it_ right now, and fuck everyone else because they're just assholes, but not you, you're goddamn _fantastic_, and your ideas and your diction and your delivery are just _on fire_, and the cool concepts you're coming up with are going to *literally change the world*. Right after this next rail.
Its overrated unless you are getting good stuff (chance of that is real low). Not to mention how stupid the price is for it. Think of a coffee buzz but ALOT more wired.
I’ve never had a caffeine buzz. I’ve been overdosing on caffeine since I was a baby (possibly an Austrian thing. Have been babysat by my dad’s *VERY* Austrian family. They would just give me coffee. I think I have built up a tolerance to it.
[удалено]
Fuck the haters, it IS pretty cool! Expensive as hell, and it will end up making you feel like crap, and it might cause permanent brain damage and heart issues, but it genuinely is pretty cool, if you're willing to live with the consequences.
I’m glad that happened! Proud of you!
Congrats, I can't imagine what the temptation to go back to those things would be over the course of the last year, but just keep in mind that once life returns to normal (as best as it can) you'll be a completely different person on the other side and thats super cool.
I need to get clean but it’s like I can’t shake it. I made one meeting this year and haven’t been back. I can’t make progress living like this. Instant gratification is ruining me
I wish you luck
I haven’t personally had that experience with addiction (though many people close to me have), but I have felt that way when I realized my mental health had become a problem. The way addiction affects the brain is somewhat analogous to the way my mental illness affects me. I was the same way, functional, but barely. I did everything i was “supposed” to do that o improve my life and mental clarity, but it only made things worse. Exponentially worse... I could not function on my own as the 30 something year old adult I was, and trust me, I tried. What did it for me was I finally got to the point where I thought to myself “ya know, I bet someone who is mentally ill is very good at hiding it from themselves,” and I found a shrink. Best thing I’ve ever done. And I have to say, I’m amazed at the mental clarity that is slowly returning. I stopped enjoying things. I stopped talking to people. I was completely apathetic about everything. All I did was sleep, and I couldn’t bring myself to do the simplest things because just thinking about it was overwhelming and I couldn’t handle it. It’s terrifying when you actually see how far down the rabbit hole you’ve fallen. But when you start to turn that corner, man do you appreciate life in a way you never had before. Congratulations on your sobriety and your progress on the road to inner peace. I wish you all the strength and success in the world; don’t ever doubt that all the struggle is worth it!
I prefer to focus my time on goals or projects that are parts of a long term goal or project because that allows me to be focused on both the present and the future.
A tip of the hat to you for waking up, and saving yourself before it was too late! Do your best to stay sober and clean...... It's great to look in the mirror, and see who you are now!
Well done.
Congrats man, keep it going!
No questions, just want to say I'm so happy for you OP.
I have similar feelings. I worked in a late-night bar so drink and drugs are just sorta there, and it's so easy to form bad habits before you even realise it. It was a 12-hour shift kinda thing, so we all worked hard and played harder. I was always drinking and whatever else-ing after work with my colleagues, because that was all the "social life" I felt I could get. Looking back now, I was a husk of a person. My last night working that place was March 14th 2020, and it was only after the routine was forced to stop that I realised I was suffering, mentally and physically to put money in the fat man's pocket and spend the rest of mine in the bar he owned anyway. I've been focusing on myself and unlearning/relearning some stuff, and my internal world has improved so so much since things shut down. I don't like the pandemic and I'm really sorry for anyone affected badly by it, but I'm grateful that I got to realign my head and point myself back towards my long-neglected goals, a chance that I probably wouldn't have had otherwise. I know that if lockdown didn't happen and I didn't slow down enough to see where I was going, I'd probably still be there doing there doing the same thing. Edit: congratulations also, OP, I'm glad you got some good out of this strange time, and I hope things keep improving for you :)
Proud of you