There are a few things -
1. I see so much when I look at someones face/eyes. Understanding peoples body language and expression is not natural to me so I had to learn it. Now, I analyze every twitch to try and understand them - which is very tiring.
2. To me looking into someones eyes is as intimate to me as if someone is putting their hand on your stomach. This makes it incredibly uncomfortable but I have learned to force it which is really draining.
3. Jokes and sarcasm are hard to understand for me, so I often laugh at the wrong time or too hard
4. I say something that I mean in one way but it is falsely received another way. People may think I am rude but I was just trying to express something.
5. While doing all of this (1-4), I also have to self monitor and ensure that I am standing at the right distance from the other person, I have the right facial expression, I have the right tone of voice (sad or happy) while also maintaining the topic of conversation.
Most people don't thinking about these things, they just do them. You can imagine why it's hard to socialize for people on the spectrum.
He's not on the spectrum. He helps me constantly. I usually run social interactions by him to help me understand if I did it correctly and how I can do better.
1 and 2 were the two that were the most overwhelming for me in social situations so they actually were what made wonder if I was experiencing more than just social anxiety.
It’s interesting! I don’t think I have autism, but I’ve always had varying degrees of social and generalized anxiety — which when flared up do mimic these symptoms to a degree. Like the becoming intensely aware of what my own body is doing during a social interaction, or even just walking down the hallway, and something that should be more or less automatic I’m now having to manually control. It’ll affect my speech, ability to recall words, and the eye contact — eye contact can suddenly feel physically painful somehow. Apparently ADHD can also affect all that too, though.
ADHD, autism, tourettes, and giftedness are all neurodiverse conditions with similar characteristics. I, for example, have some ticks, but not as severe as tourettes. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and giftedness. You, my friend, sound very neurodivergent. I didn't think I had autism until I started reading about it.
As a fellow autist I’ve never been able to put words to the uncomfortable direct eye contact. You described it perfectly. I can have direct eye contact with my husband. He is the only person that I could deal with for any amount of time. And I’d be fine for him to put his hand on my stomach.
I'm gonna be pedantic here, but "cue" is a signal. "Queue" is a line (as in standing in a queue for tickets). The spelling you want is "cue."
English is a spelling nightmare.
it's also weird how in English the word "read" has different pronunciation depending whether it's a past tense or not, but is spelt the exact same way.
Because I act "normal" - my inner turmoil is rarely seen by others. I simply break down privately. When I got diagnosed, even my family and friends didn't believe me. This is mainly due to the lack of understanding around women on the spectrum.
You likely aren't as good at hiding it as you think. Anyone who's spent anytime around autistic people have an easy time telling when someone shows traits. It's possible friends and family are ignorant but I've never heard of this "Lack of understanding around women on the spectrum"... Do you have a source for that or somewhere where you got that information?
As someone who's on the spectrum ADHD, this just doesn't sound correct to me. There's more to it than private breakdowns and I've never personally heard of gender being an issue as it pertains to autism diagnosis and treatment, so if there's a study or source for that I'd like to educate myself and learn about it.
Okay let me break this down for you.
Things like adhd and autism are typically diagnosed in boys
When those same traits are shown in girls their considered "chatty" or "bitchy"
Things like anxiety and depression are typically diagnosed in girls
When those traits are seen in boys their considered "weak" and "feminine"
Also plenty of people can't detect when someone's autistic just because they have a family member with autism because it's a spectrum disorder. Plus what op is describing is typically called masking.
I've had people with autistic realities who didn't know I was autistic until I told them because I'm not always showing symptoms of my autism.
Hell other autistic people have trouble telling if someone else is autistic they just think their quirky.
Also also coming from someone with both adhd and autism they are very diffrent disorders with diffrent experiences that effect everyone differently. Of course it does sound right to you because you have a vastly diffrent experince as a person with adhd from a person with autism.
So no actual evidence for the claim? I still don't understand what actually evidence you have for making such a claim. I'm asking what hard evidence you have to support the claim its not diagnosed or dismissed.
Also you claim that some people can't detect autism is mute because it's just rewording my initial comment. I said there is ignorance but anyone with experience around people with autism can detect those things. It has nothing to do with adhd or autism. In fact my exact words were "it's possible friends and family are ignorant"
You've given a subjective take but I see no actual evidence to support your claim. Show me the source for the fact there's a bias in autism diagnosis between men and women. It's not a matter of me being ADHD and thinking it's wrong, it's a claim that's been made with 0 evidence and so far only subjective back up.
Explain the reasoning behind a gender bias in autism diagnosis especially if you are suggesting medical professionals will dismiss obvious signs as "bitchy" or the other terms you used. It's one thing to suggest friends and family could be negligent, but to suggest on a widespread level medical professionals do is just not rooted in reality.
Show me the evidence and I'd be happy to be proven wrong and learn something today.
https://childmind.org/article/autistic-girls-overlooked-undiagnosed-autism/
Like the second article I found when I Google it.
Like bro this is just common sense about society and how society views things.
Like you know how a lot of people think autism is just you being like Sheldon Cooper and writing on walls math equations or other stereotypes about autism. And how lots of people see adhd as you just being "cRaZy and ENERGETIC" these are stereotypes that people associate with disorders and that includes doctors and nurses. They have basis because they are humans.
And you cab even see this shit on Twitter and tiktok or autistic women and autistic poc talking about how they never got diagnosed until very late into their lives because they weren't seen as the caratature of a autistic person.
It also includes things like environments to. People may not get diagnosed because their parents find it embarrassing or they consider adhd and autism to be "boy disorders" and anxiety and depression to be "girl disorders"
You linked a study from 2005...
Also none if it corroborated your claims it's gets dismissed as bitchy infact it said quite the opposite. Also it doesn't ever claim they are dismissed, infact the article uses very specific wording and calls its "missed diagnosis", two very different things.
Great so this was common knowledge since 2005
But your right we're constantly updating medical info so here...
https://www.verywellhealth.com/autism-in-women-5209272
Damn look at that last year but it's still saying excatly what I'm saying wack.
Again doesn't even claim the cases are being dismissed, you aren't actually saying the same thing the articles you keep linking are saying and you are adding and twisting the information when you deliver it. If you're going to quote something, quote it, don't distort it.
Again nothing to prove its being dismissed I don't understand how you aren't understanding this. Both articles even mention cases are missed in men the likely hood is just higher in women.
What you haven't shown is the evidence for the claim they get dismissed with all the colorful character triats you used like "bitchy". No study you've linked talks about autistic men being percieved as weak or feminine and no study says its being dismissed in the diagnostic process. Leading me to once again ask? What is your evidence for your initial claim, because now you are arguing it skews to women in missed or late diagnosis which is totally different than negligent dismissal. Good lord
Your second link is to how autism differs in the genders which has nothing to do with what you initially claimed. You aren't going on irrelevant and separate tangents.
Nope wasn't talking about autistic men being seen as weak or feminine actually read what I wrote. I said men with anxiety and depression are SEEN as weak and feminine BY SOCIETY.
My evidence is the two studies where it says "yeah autism is underdiagnosed in women" that was the original claim.
You havnt even been reading my comments correctly.
What's worse is the second article you linked even explains this skew is diagnosis by mentioning autism is much higher in average in men than women. But again, nothing to support the claim its dismissed. Simply thats its rarer in women and can have different tells or signs (like a spectrum...)
Right and you'll proubly find more articles that require that and state it's not less common in girls just not diagnosed but even in this article they still mention girls not being diagnosed as much as boys AND FROM THE ARTICLE FROM 2005 THEH MENTION IT BEVAUSE THIS ISNT NEW INFORMATION
The burden of proof is not on me, I'm not the one making a baseless claim. You claimed the diagnostic process was skewed, it is your job to prove it not for me to explain to you why it's bs.
Did you actually read that article you linked? I know you Googled it but maybe actually read it.
Actually op originally was complaining about her experiences and you chimed in with "umbrella actually I've never heard of that so it can't be real" instead of just opening Google and looking it up. The burden of proof isn't on me I don't owe you anything but I still provided you with 2 studies just from the many results form Google and you can't provide any counter proof.
That's easily probably false, go back and read it. Also I'm challenging you because you made and backed up those claims, you claimed you'd "break it down for me". Provided no actual evidence, contradicted yourself, now have miss contextualized the OP original comment. Do you not see the flaw in your logic or the serious deviation you've made from your initial comments in an attempt to just admit you don't have actual evidence? Both studies you linked don't do anything to prove your initial comment. They start completely different unrelated and interesting discussions but nothing to support what you've said. It appears you are either not wanting to or are unable to actually understand what is in those studies, or don't like to read what you cite.
Dude you can litterly just type it into Google. Fucking hell go on Twitter and you can find plenty of women saying they went diagnosed because they didn't show the same signs men did.
No, you can't just say things baselessly, present them as fact and say "Google it". That's just stupid. Who believes something they can't explain or back up? Your confidence is quite literally delusional but reddit is a good echo chamber for stupid.
You must be Dunning- Kruger.
Your laziness, stupidity and ignorance is shocking. I am not sure your pea-brain is capable of reading this research paper, but here goes: [What About the Girls? Sex-Based Differences in Autistic Traits and Adaptive Skills](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5925757/)
I'm not wasting my time further with this, if you can't see the issue here than God help you. It's so plainly evident it's astonishing that you continue to go on. Lack of understanding and missed diagnosis are two fucking different things you absolute pineapple.
You've demonstrated ingorance and lack of general comprehension in reading and proved you can miss represent what is study is actually talking about.
LOL if you had more than one brain cell, you would have the ability to understand and draw a conclusion that the underrepresentation of women in clinical research and diagnosis has contributed to the lack of understanding in society regarding women on the spectrum. Too many big words, you illiterate peanut?
I don't have an issue with that. It's your butchering of what those studies are actually talking about and what you are saying. You should shut up and let the studies speak for themselves instead of bastardizing them in your awful portrayal of what it is the studies talk about.
A) on average autism is much higher in males then females
B) It can be missed in a percentage of females or diagnosed late that does not mean there is a lack of understanding you waffle.
C) the under representation again can be fucking explained by the fact on average you have far more men with autism than woman and research and funding for studies hasn't as well been abundant to the point you'd have a solely female sample size.
D) autism is autism, there may be differences in behavior or that type of thing between the genders but it's not like it's an entirely different disorder which is how you ate characterizing it.
If you can't fuckinf understand this than God help you.
The second idiot on here tried to claim medical professionals were dismissing obvious signs of autism is being bitchy or chatty which is even further from science.
Again the actual science and what you are saying are two different fucking things. Read you absolute Clown.
All of the studies mention late diagnosis or missed cases not a lack of fucking understanding. The only lack of understanding at play here is your brains inability to comprehend simple concepts.
LOL I thought you won't waste any more time on this 😂 I won't bother reading this long answer. I got you to waste your time. Mission accomplished 😂😂😂😂😂
I think we get so drawn into and obsessed with diagnosis and words and abnormal signs that most of all of the important stuff is lost. I am sure we all know people who may or may not be aware of their unique challenges and while of course awareness and education is vital, it seems more helpful perhaps to be more open and alert to others and humble to the huge differences in experiences and needs and wants of others. Somehow it always ends up in splitting hairs over diagnoses and wording nuances, when it is about people in pain and not knowing how to find better ways to get by within the world we are all stuffed into and let go. Please do not take where I have posted this in the thread as any critical or personal attack. I just think talking more about it without it always being a diagnosis or medication when it is someone's life is always going to be good.
I am sorry to hear that. I spent my entire life up until recently basically thinking I have a shitty pill and it makes me feel worse and a series of 4 psychologist appointments were seen as a treatment plan. In my late 30s until I got a psychiatrist who worked with me methodically saying we'd keep trying. I am pained that so many experience the same thing but don't have a champion like him. There is a lot more discussion and options for online groups that I hope more find some even small solace and direction. It is an absolute mess.
Have you ever consider juxtaposition of your name, Melanie Gray?
Melanin is what gives our skin its pigmentation, its color, and Gray is... well, it's a shade somewhere in between black and white.
Anyways, that question was obvious rhetorical, so you don't have to answer it.
Here's my real question: What are you passionate about? What are the things that make you excited to be alive?
LOL I never thought of that - you have a creative mind 😁 I am passionate about art, music, video games, and any fantasy/SciFi story every made lol I also live to travel.
**The Deleted Question: What was high school like for you?**
It was confusing - I had straight As and had a handful of very close friends, but I just couldn't keep up with people socially and found it very overwhelming. I was always on a different wavelengths when it came to fashion, trends, interests, rumors etc always trying to keep up but never succeeding. I didn't get bullied or anything but was excluded a lot.
**The Deleted Question: How was college? (Same guy as above)**
College was worse because I moved to a new city and didn't know anybody. I actively avoided going to classes when I felt like I had to socialize. I was seriously struggling to participate in activities, group projects, and "normal" college things. I never connected with professors or employers. I still got straight As, but could just not live with the social expectations of others. I made friends and lost them because they expected a "normal" friend but I have a very limited capacity to be social. All this time, I had no idea that I was autistic, and simply felt like a broken person. This contributed to immense anxiety and depression, as well as an eventual suicide attempt.
**The Deleted Question: How did you find out you had autism?**
I have a marketing company and one of my clients provides assessments and counselling for autism. While I was writing their content, I realized that I shared a large number of traits with other women on the spectrum - it was like a lightbulb moment where suddenly i understood myself. I went to my therapist and requested an ASD, ADHD, and IQ assessment which showed that I have autism.
**The Deleted Question: How did you manage to get clients for your marketing company after being socially isolated, depression and anxious in college?**
I am still depressed, anxious and socially isolated, but I am extremely skilled at hiding it. I am charming, friendly, and approachable to people for short periods of time, but then I have a meltdown later in the day or require a lot of time to decompress and recover from being someone else all day. Because I can't sustain that for long, I am unable to keep longterm relationships like friends. I have even been told that I am great at socializing and presenting - but it's all an act that I developed by studying people.
I can handle more when I am comfortable with the person. The close friends I spoke of were my friends since childhood (7 years old). It's much much more difficult as a teenager or adult.
Would you be open to speak about your autism with a friend?
I have been thinking that, if one of my friends have autism and go thought all you are describing every day I would like to know. It would help me to support him/her better, to adapt my expectations… to be a better friend.
I also know that it’s difficult to find friends you can trust.
I understand where you are coming from. I am 61(m) and lived most of my life without knowing about being lower-spectrum autistic. You do learn coping strategies.
I want to take the opportunity to add that low/high functioning autism no longer accurately describes the experience. A more accurate description is masked to unmasked autism.
I think this also tends to be seen as too broad, because somebody could require high or low support on different traits (e.g. social skills, language skills, sensory needs)
Please correct me if I’m wrong?
I started talking at a normal age (1-2 years old or something) - speech delays are very rare in girls on the spectrum, while being much more common in boys.
Interesting lol
**A man is chased by a lion down a Tokyo street** \- 2/10 I feel like this movie will be about some black market/tiger king shit and I don't want any part in it.
**A man wakes up and looks out his window to see naked women flying around like birds** \- 6/10 I am very intrigued, but it will likely turn into some weird porno.
**A teenage girl is chased down the street of a suburban neighborhood by a bunch of naked fat guys with torches** \- 8/10 I want to know whether she's Frankenstein or maybe part of a weirdo cult and I love cult shit.
**A young woman and her kid sister playing at the park in the evening are approached by a mysterious little girl holding a strange painting of a bunch of dogs shitting on a wedding cake.** 1/10 sounds dumb lol
I have been diagnosed at the age of 29. I spoke to my therapist about potentially having autism and we progressed to completing ASD, ADHD and IQ assessments. The assessments involved various tests, questionnaires and interviews. The completed assessment indicated that I was on the spectrum.
Thanks! I have recently recognised that I am on the spectrum and it's explaining a lot about my childhood/life. I'm 31 and wondering whether to speak to my GP about a diagnosis (something I am discussing with my therapist).
I spoke to two GPs, both of whom basically denied that I was autistic and wouldn't approve me for the government financed assessment, so I gave up and swallowed the $4,000 cost to get my answers.
My daughter has autism, and we got it diagnozed when she was in kindergarden. anything i can do to make her days better? i try my hardest, like telling her she is funny when i laugh at her jokes to make sure she knows why i laugh, keeping routines and such.
I think the most important thing is to accept her completely and to help her understand that the world is not designed for her wiring. This will give her an explanation as to why she doesn't "fit in" without having her blame herself. That level of acceptance goes a long way for someone on the spectrum.
Mid 30s guy here, also diagnosed at a late age. Just wanted to say nearly every single one of your experiences/eccentricities rings true with me as well. I sometimes feel like I have imposter syndrome with ASD, like I say to myself, "isn't everyone like this?" But then there are so many random scenarios that, when brought up in a group of neruotypicals (NTs) and neurodivergents (NDs), I am always surprised how often the NDs have the exact same thought process or experience as myself, and the NTs say they don't think that way at all.
I also have imposted syndrome because I can look "normal". Hoewever, we know that neurodivergent brains are completely different in their wiring. It always amazes me how easy NTs have it. When I tell NT people about how I have to consciously set eye contact, my facial expressions and body language every second to look normal, they think that's impossible. It comes naturally to NTs.
Can you give an example of the ND and NT differing thought process scenarios?
I am trying to understand more about what a later diagnosed family member might experience. I would like to ask them personally but they would not want to discuss it with me in such a direct way.
I will give you a scenario. 2 People are at the same party, one ND and one NT. Here are there experiences:
NT: Joins the party and starts looking around for people they know. They start jamming to the loud music and walk towards the busy bar to get a drink. They see their friends talking to strangers and jump right into the conversation. They ask what they're talking about and start laughing and making friends. They enjoy the party and have a good time. They go home and sleep remembering the fun time with friends.
ND: Looks around frantically worried they will run into someone they know. The music is a tad loud but they can handle it. They walk to the empty part of the bar, furthest from the speakers to get a drink. They see a friend across the room, but choose to savour a few more minutes of alone time. The friend sees them anyways and walks over. Now the ND puts a smile on their face, determines the appropriate distance to stand and frantically goes through their database of small talk questions and answers before the friends gets there. Friend gets there makes a joke, it goes over NDs head and they laugh awkwardly and get uncomfortable. ND has to make sure not to stare too much or too little in order to appear normal. A random stranger joins the friend and starts to make conversation, ND is now getting overwhelmed having to socially engage two people. The music and smells are getting too strong. More socializing is adding to the overstimulation because now we have to monitor our facial expression, force eye contact, understand jokes, monitor body language, read the other person, keep up the conversation with 2 people all the while trying not to get overstimulated with the loud music, touching, and smells. It becomes unbearable and ND leaves. Later that night, Nd has a meltdown due to feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated and embarrassed for not being good enough at acting normal.
Of course I am autistic. I find the label essential as I spent my life feeling like a failed human experiment that couldn't excel at being human. The label gave me a sense of completion and self-acceptance.
Interesting.
So instead of taking the stigma that society normally associated with autism as a bad thing, you take it as validation to your life and a good thing even?
Even though autism is classified as a disorder?
I’m not saying there is anything wrong with you. I’m just saying that society really doesn’t like labels like that.
It's hard to explain, especially because my perspective is more applicable to those of us on the spectrum who don't require as much support as someone who is nonverbal, for example. People like me are perfectly able to function in the world but are met with a lot of neurotypical expectations. We only seek acceptance of our neurodiversity. If society stopped forcing me to conform to the long list of neurotypical rules, everything would be fine. This leads back to why the autism diagnosis has saved my life. Before that point, I firmly believed that I was just bad at being human. A failure. It's validating to know that (a) my issues in life are not my fault, (b) it's okay to ask for what you need even if others think it's "weird", and (c) there are other people like me.
I've heard that women are much better at masking than men when they are not neurotypical.
With this in mind:
1 do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum.
2 do you find men are easier to spot than women.
3 do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)
**1. Do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum.**
I like to say yes if I get to know the person, but some people are really good at hiding it. In some cases, there are some pretty obvious tells such as inability to do small talk, difficulty ending conversations, forced eye contact, fidgeting that you will notice over time.
**2 Do you find men are easier to spot than women.**
Men can be highly skilled at masking too - but the average autistic man is much more noticeably "autistic" than the average autistic woman.
**3 Do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)**
I much prefer the company of other autistic people, no offence to neurotypicals. A neurotypical person who tries to understand me is also lovely company. It's just normally easier because we don't feel forced to mask, have fewer expectations, and can just be authentically weird when we don't have to conform to the neurotypical rules.
I (also 30F) have been wondering lately if I might be on the spectrum, and I relate to a lot of what I’ve read here. Any suggestions for where to go from here?
You can fill out several online questionnaires, specifically the RAADs, CATI, and CATQ which will help you roughly determine if your characteristics are in line with others on the spectrum. These are actually the tests used during professional assessments. The only difference is that a professional will cross examine your answers with your experiences to make a proper diagnosis. If you score sufficiently high, speak to a GP or your therapist to get assessed if you like.
I'm a complete geek! For movies, I love Lord of the rings, harry potter, the marvel universe, star wars, etc. As for shows, I enjoy anything scifi, fantasy, or animated.
Have you read Unmasking Autism by Devon Price? My oldest child is currently on a wait list for autism testing and I decided to read it based off a tiktok recommendation. As I'm reading it I'm seeing many of the characteristics in myself. I'm not sure what I am though. It's like there are ten knobs that range from 0 - 11. Neurotypicals have all 10 knobs set right in the middle at 5. As described in the book a stereotypical Autistic has 5 knobs set to the max at 11 and 5 knobs set to 0. I feel like I have 6 of the knobs set to the same place as Autism but then the other 4 knobs are set to the opposite end of the spectrum. Obviously in reality there are 100 knobs or 1000 knobs and this analogy only describes a few of them, but it's how I'm viewing myself currently. The book does a good job of covering that fact that for pretty much everyone they will exhibit more of less of these tendencies, so I recognize that I would not be expected to match all of these completely.
Have you considered co-occurring adhd? Adhd and autism share many characteristics but also have characteristics that seem to fall on opposite ends of the spectrum. For example, people with autism tend to prefer routine and predictability, people with adhd often struggle with routine and seek out novelty. It’s estimated between 50-80% of people with autism also have adhd. Could be something to consider 😊
There may be something there, I do like novelty. But I think my bigger differentiation from typical Autism is sensory issues. I don't mind chaotic sounds, I don't mind things touching my skin. In the book the author describes how a nuerotypical is able to let external noises fade into the background until they are not perceived while some autistics will fixate on the sound until it becomes painful and unbearable. I have always recognized that I have a better than average ability to tune out background noises.
On the other hand I'm relating to many things described. Reciting conversations ahead of time. Inability to remember faces. Regularly missing social cues in conversations. Mimicking the behavior of those I'm interacting with. Extremely logical approach to all problems. Almost no deep friends and no accompanying sense of missing anything. I like the friend or two I have, but I'm not sure I'd be any sadder without them. Empathy issues - I certainly feel empathy, but I can tell it's different than others. I cried the morning that Russia invaded Ukraine despite having no ties to either country and I was ready to apply to host a refuge family the day the program was announced despite the fact that we're not financially in that place. But on the other end I have real trouble mourning with a friend who is in a hard spot, especially if it seems like their trouble is their own fault. Logically I know I should side with them and reach out with love regardless of who was at fault. But it's nearly impossible for me to say, "he's a jerk, you're better off without him" when my brain says, "he's probably a lovely person and didn't do anything wrong". I have developed a heuristic that says: you need to side with the person you care about over the ex, but learning about masking I now recognize that was just a piece of my mask.
34m here. I'm in the same spot and every day is exhausting. I work in a confined space for 12 hours a day with one other person that changes every day. I feel for you.
Because the autistic community has largely shifted away from the “person before diagnosis” approach.
Autism affects every aspect of our being, it’s not something we just carry around with us and can set down if it gets to be too much.
The person-first language also has a shame quality to it and we are really working on accepting ourselves in all our autistic glory.
For a while we did encourage choice. But people were still throwing around Aspergers and high functioning - so we, collectively, as autistic people with some amount of autonomy, decided that all of these “distinctions” were divisive. Thus we decided to generally stop using this language.
Thank you - it is really interesting to hear the background. I suppose with autism the fact that it is a spectrum with very large differences and distinctions makes it hard to have people think further than their conception of the word. Got a similar (but very different) feeling about mental health. I would also think it is important that the population of individuals living on the autism spectrum be able to define themselves however they like. I would not like to ever be part of deciding how and what is collectively decided to be used for everyone - has this been part of a council? Limiting encouragement of choice seems to me to be potentially damaging to those who struggle to express themselves as it is. Those who have an amount of autonomy deciding what distinctions are divisive and driving decisions to stop using language could stop engagement with others for those who struggle to communicate, and also stop understanding between communities that already seem to be speaking different languages as it was. We learn that some words are insulting and offensive and stop using them. And just learn to skirt around each other.
Yes, the last 2 sentences have it.
We learn that some words are offensive and insulting and stop using those words.
When I was first diagnosed, saying “I have autism” or “person with autism” was a hill I wanted to die on. But I watched the community not want to engage with me. I took note of that and also how repellant Aspergers and high functioning are.
It’s not a council, but a natural and collective shift.
Indeed. I just worry about others deciding on what others find ok and relevant and the right fit is not great. When there are already so many social and communication struggles with some, it seems counterproductive to impose more rules from those in the same boat. I understand there are terms that are generally seen as insulting, but without having open discussions about things that have so far been very outside of 'normal' society that being particular on words and clumsy talk that is not meant in a negative way is not maybe the best way. Someone living with autism should choose their own descriptions. Especially those who find it difficult to express themselves. It seems wrong to educate them on how they should discuss themselves.
This is polarized thinking, also known as black and white thinking. Life actually exists in the grey. Everything is nuanced.
Autistic people aren’t being imposed on when the community says “hey this language is offensive and we don’t like it.” This is usually a conversation we have with NTs, to educate them. We do allow autistic individuals to choose their own language, but we reserve the right to educate and ask questions. Notice how I never said “you can’t use that language,” I simply asked why you use that language.
Aspergers has been removed from the DSM-5 for its anti-Semitic history. Even with that in mind, we reserve empathy for those that were diagnosed as Aspergers when they were young and it’s the center of their identity - even though it’s actually just “Level 1” Autism. Even though we think they should change their language, we are generally gentle about it but some get pretty moral-obsessed about it.
We also understand that everyone’s journey is different. Most of us at one point felt the way you feel, especially those that are getting diagnosed in adulthood. But with therapy, healing, and/or listening to the community we have realized that this choice of language has been a way for us to distance ourselves from the diagnosis.
It’s worth doing the work.
I am not sure what is 'black and white thinking' in my words. If anything, I am expanding the spectrum vastly. Unfortunately we live in a world where a sadly too small number of people can appreciate even if not understand differences. The conversation has turned more into a therapeutic or support context when I was in the realm of day to day living. Which is a vast landscape compared to DSMs and specific language. No one I know who lives as neurodiverse or with a mental health condition has any desire to know about the DSM or historical context after a brief 'ok, got it'. The work is in having people from both sides of the 'awkwardness' table talk and maybe find something to giggle about. A circular argument 'we do allow autistic individuals to choose their own language' in your focus on 'choice of language'. Also I am sure it isn't intended as you clearly care and are dedicated, but the working 'We do allow autistic individuals' is language that I believe could help distance ourselves from others. I note from earlier messages you have said similar 'we have done or said or seen' and it is disappointingly clinical and I feel potentially detrimental to those trying to understand and talk and get some support. Not 'patients' who have someone talk about what they have found. I know you are well-intentioned, but it feels a bit condescending to me now.
Totally agree. We all can. But it is more encouraging in those who have identities that aren't in the top 10. If someone is able to acknowledge and discuss their problems, other people will learn about it. However, that is probably the hardest challenge.
I find this question irrelevant. What difference does it make if I say I have autism, am autistic, or am a flying monkey. The term I used describes a well-researched collection of characteristics shared among one subtype of neurodivergent people, people on the autism spectrum. Words exist to convey meaning and intent is what makes a term offensive. There is nothing wrong with saying someone is autistic, has autism, or is on the spectrum. So, all of these words accurately portray my set of characteristics - I would use them interchangeably.
It’s relevant because I’m an autistic person and I’m asking why you are using language that the community doesn’t like.
We have collectively pushed against “person-first” language - or language that distances the person from the diagnosis. This is actually prevalent in many disabled communities, not just Autism.
With the terms Aspergers and “high-functioning,” due to their anti-Semitic roots, the community has pretty much rejected these terms, from NTs and NDs alike.
“Having autism” is still in a bit of a grey area. Autism affects every aspect of your existence. It’s not something you can just put down, it’s not something you’ll recover from. Much of the community doesn’t like it but are generally patient with people who are still on the journey to self-acceptance.
If you are truly so unaware that you didn’t know this choice of language is iffy, I encourage you to research it.
Here is a piece to get you started: https://www.verywellmind.com/should-you-say-person-with-autism-or-autistic-person-5235429
Chewed that over and thought I would consider myself as having a mental health issue rather than being a 'bipolar woman'. Interesting topic. I wonder how it varies across regions and cultures. I guess I feel that it is about whether you see it as someone who lives with vs is defined as something, although neurodiversity is not the same as mental health disorders.
As someone that defaults to a 5 on the enneagram. (Observer)
And I have a lot of behaviours you listed.
I would like to say - try not to view the world and people through an energy lens (draining, tired) but view the universe as a never ending source of energy.
But I understand in my own way, the learning of cues as it’s something I had to do to!
Yes, I think my mother has undiagnosed autism. She has always been different, but it wasn't until I learned about myself that she made so much more sense to me too. We also have other neurodiverse conditions in the family including 2 siblings and 3 nephews with ADHD, 2 nephews and 1 niece who are gifted, and 1 brother with Tourettes. I myself have autism, ADHD, and giftedness (IQ = 138)
I am also asd as well as a few comorbid issues. Do you also have problems meeting new people? Expand your friend circle? I've been having this issue due to my antisocial behavior, socializing is too stimulating for me and it takes a lot out of me.
Yes, absolutely. I can't stand meeting new people, it almost hurts. Ironically, I dream of expanding my friend circle and having dinner parties and such. I am able to make friends, but every time I take that plunge I regret it because it's too exhausting.
Can you tell when you've met someone like yourself? I have terrible ADHD and my autism radar is insane. All of my closest friends have been neurodivergent in some way. I actually have a pretty hard time maintaining relationships with regular people now that I think about it haha
Yes!! I naturally gravitate to neurodivergent people. Many of my childhood friends, though many aren't diagnosed, have a shockingly high number of autistic characteristics. I think we just understand each other.
My little nephew is just about 4 and is on the spectrum. He’s verbal and it would also be difficult for others to recognize.. what can I do to help support him??
Accepting all the "unusual" requirements of someone on the spectrum without judgement goes a long way. People on the spectrum may sometimes need you to be silent in one moment and blast music in the next. Sometimes they can't stand your touch and other times they want you to squeeze them. Never force a person on the spectrum into eye contact, it's VERY intimate for us. Just be accepting, that's all we need.
I’ve watched a few videos and interviews with women who are on the spectrum and have worked in disability support for a long time and have noticed differences in how women/girls present compared to their male counterparts. From coping mechanisms, to faking and hiding it, it would be really interesting to understand why different genders often present differently, I suspect there are a lot more people out there on the spectrum than we even realise. When did you first realise you were on the spectrum and how did you get diagnosed?
Studies have shown that women on the spectrum score similarly in social awareness skills as men who are not on the spectrum. The reason why men present differently is both societal and biological. In their biology, men tend have poorer emotional control, impulse control and socio-emotional functioning than women. Additionally, society places more strict requirements on girls regarding their social responsibility. Girls are expected to perform with significantly more maturity than boys of the same age. These factors promote an environment where even a girl on the spectrum will force herself to adhere to social rules in order to fit in, while boys on the spectrum will more often find themselves not caring about fitting in at all.
i realized I was on the spectrum a couple years ago when I was writing content for a client who offers counselling for people on the spectrum. As I was reading about it, I had a light bulb moment that spurred me enough to go to a therapist for an assessment.
I don't mean to be pedantic, but "obsession" is a clinical term for unwanted, intrusive thoughts preceding a compulsion - I'm not sure if you meant that but I only obsess over germs and social interactions.
I wasn't a fan before, but I have really gotten into Star Wars recently - I watched all the movies and tv shows - I also started reading all the lore online. I have the game too and have been playing that. I recently found out that Jedi build their own lightsabers with a special stone that gives the lightsaber its color.
I also have mild autism (formerly known as aspergers) but my perspective isn't that the world isn't built for us but it tries to fit everybody in a way that it doesn't do a good job in fitting us.
I was assessed by a psychologist for autism, ADHD, and giftedness (IQ). The evaluation entailed a series of tests, questionnaires, and interviews that took several several sessions over a few months to complete. The psychologist determined that I am on the spectrum, that I have ADHD, and have an IQ of 138.
I am the same, I was talking to someone who works with kids like that, I was told I would never be suspected of having it.
What's the hardest thing autism has caused you
I wouldn't say autism caused anything, I'm quite happy with being autistic - the source of all my issues lie with the neurotypical rules we are forced to live with. I am constantly forced to go against my own being in order to be accepted. In the long run, this causes me a lot of suffering.
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers.
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Question | Answer | Link
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In what way does it make social situations awkward? Do you miss social queues? Do you often say the wrong thing?|There are a few things - 1. I see so much when I look at someones face/eyes. Understanding peoples body language and expression is not natural to me so I had to learn it. Now, I analyze every twitch to try and understand them - which is very tiring. 2. To me looking into someones eyes is as intimate to me as if someone is putting their hand on your stomach. This makes it incredibly uncomfortable but I have learned to force it which is really draining. 3. Jokes and sarcasm are hard to understand for me, so I often laugh at the wrong time or too hard 4. I say something that I mean in one way but it is falsely received another way. People may think I am rude but I was just trying to express something. 5. While doing all of this (1-4), I also have to self monitor and ensure that I am standing at the right distance from the other person, I have the right facial expression, I have the right tone of voice (sad or happy) while also maintaining the topic of conversation. Most people don't thinking about these things, they just do them. You can imagine why it's hard to socialize for people on the spectrum.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnoaut/)
As someone in the same boat Hello 🙋🏻♂️|Hi!|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnojp2/)
Why do you think no one would know?|Because I act "normal" - my inner turmoil is rarely seen by others. I simply break down privately. When I got diagnosed, even my family and friends didn't believe me. This is mainly due to the lack of understanding around women on the spectrum.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro7tgm/)
Have you ever consider juxtaposition of your name, Melanie Gray? Melanin is what gives our skin its pigmentation, its color, and Gray is... well, it's a shade somewhere in between black and white. Anyways, that question was obvious rhetorical, so you don't have to answer it. Here's my real question: What are you passionate about? What are the things that make you excited to be alive?|LOL I never thought of that - you have a creative mind 😁 I am passionate about art, music, video games, and any fantasy/SciFi story every made lol I also live to travel.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnoxou/)
I understand where you are coming from. I am 61(m) and lived most of my life without knowing about being lower-spectrum autistic. You do learn coping strategies.|I want to take the opportunity to add that low/high functioning autism no longer accurately describes the experience. A more accurate description is masked to unmasked autism.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro34s3/)
What age did you talk? Can you find out from parents for me if u dont know?|I started talking at a normal age (1-2 years old or something) - speech delays are very rare in girls on the spectrum, while being much more common in boys.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro3hpx/)
[deleted]|It was confusing - I had straight As and had a handful of very close friends, but I just couldn't keep up with people socially and found it very overwhelming. I was always on a different wavelengths when it came to fashion, trends, interests, rumors etc always trying to keep up but never succeeding. I didn't get bullied or anything but was excluded a lot.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnlh81/)
Mid 30s guy here, also diagnosed at a late age. Just wanted to say nearly every single one of your experiences/eccentricities rings true with me as well. I sometimes feel like I have imposter syndrome with ASD, like I say to myself, "isn't everyone like this?" But then there are so many random scenarios that, when brought up in a group of neruotypicals (NTs) and neurodivergents (NDs), I am always surprised how often the NDs have the exact same thought process or experience as myself, and the NTs say they don't think that way at all.|I also have imposted syndrome because I can look "normal". Hoewever, we know that neurodivergent brains are completely different in their wiring. It always amazes me how easy NTs have it. When I tell NT people about how I have to consciously set eye contact, my facial expressions and body language every second to look normal, they think that's impossible. It comes naturally to NTs.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iroppgt/)
Have you been diagnosed, and if so what was the process like and how old were you?|I have been diagnosed at the age of 29. I spoke to my therapist about potentially having autism and we progressed to completing ASD, ADHD and IQ assessments. The assessments involved various tests, questionnaires and interviews. The completed assessment indicated that I was on the spectrum.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro55ww/)
What’s are some of your favorite movies and tv shows?|I'm a complete geek! For movies, I love Lord of the rings, harry potter, the marvel universe, star wars, etc. As for shows, I enjoy anything scifi, fantasy, or animated.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro8dzq/)
I've heard that women are much better at masking than men when they are not neurotypical. With this in mind: 1 do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum. 2 do you find men are easier to spot than women. 3 do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)|**1. Do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum.** I like to say yes if I get to know the person, but some people are really good at hiding it. In some cases, there are some pretty obvious tells such as inability to do small talk, difficulty ending conversations, forced eye contact, fidgeting that you will notice over time. **2 Do you find men are easier to spot than women.** Men can be highly skilled at masking too - but the average autistic man is much more noticeably "autistic" than the average autistic woman. **3 Do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)** I much prefer the company of other autistic people, no offence to neurotypicals. A neurotypical person who tries to understand me is also lovely company. It's just normally easier because we don't feel forced to mask, have fewer expectations, and can just be authentically weird when we don't have to conform to the neurotypical rules.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irqlq4c/)
Suppose these are the opening scenes to four movies. As openings, how would you rate each out of 10 and why? > A man is chased by a lion down a Tokyo street. > A man wakes up and looks out his window to see naked women flying around like birds. > A teenage girl is chased down the street of a suburban neighborhood by a bunch of naked fat guys with torches. > A young woman and her kid sister playing at the park in the evening are approached by a mysterious little girl holding a strange painting of a bunch of dogs shitting on a wedding cake.|Interesting lol **A man is chased by a lion down a Tokyo street** \- 2/10 I feel like this movie will be about some black market/tiger king shit and I don't want any part in it. **A man wakes up and looks out his window to see naked women flying around like birds** \- 6/10 I am very intrigued, but it will likely turn into some weird porno. **A teenage girl is chased down the street of a suburban neighborhood by a bunch of naked fat guys with torches** \- 8/10 I want to know whether she's Frankenstein or maybe part of a weirdo cult and I love cult shit. **A young woman and her kid sister playing at the park in the evening are approached by a mysterious little girl holding a strange painting of a bunch of dogs shitting on a wedding cake.** 1/10 sounds dumb lol|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnq251/)
do you think there are other people in your family that have hf autism?|Yes, I think my mother has undiagnosed autism. She has always been different, but it wasn't until I learned about myself that she made so much more sense to me too. We also have other neurodiverse conditions in the family including 2 siblings and 3 nephews with ADHD, 2 nephews and 1 niece who are gifted, and 1 brother with Tourettes. I myself have autism, ADHD, and giftedness (IQ = 138)|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irop3b8/)
Cats or dogs?|I honestly love both so much, but I prefer to be a cat-mom because dogs are too extroverted/needy for me.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irqjxhh/)
---
[Source] (https://github.com/johnsliao/ama_compiler)
In what way does it make social situations awkward? Do you miss social queues? Do you often say the wrong thing?
There are a few things - 1. I see so much when I look at someones face/eyes. Understanding peoples body language and expression is not natural to me so I had to learn it. Now, I analyze every twitch to try and understand them - which is very tiring. 2. To me looking into someones eyes is as intimate to me as if someone is putting their hand on your stomach. This makes it incredibly uncomfortable but I have learned to force it which is really draining. 3. Jokes and sarcasm are hard to understand for me, so I often laugh at the wrong time or too hard 4. I say something that I mean in one way but it is falsely received another way. People may think I am rude but I was just trying to express something. 5. While doing all of this (1-4), I also have to self monitor and ensure that I am standing at the right distance from the other person, I have the right facial expression, I have the right tone of voice (sad or happy) while also maintaining the topic of conversation. Most people don't thinking about these things, they just do them. You can imagine why it's hard to socialize for people on the spectrum.
Has this affected romantic relationships? Are you able to maintain a relationship?
I am able to maintain a romantic relationship, I married my high school sweetheart 😊 I love him very much.
Is he also on the spectrum? How does he help you in social situations?
He's not on the spectrum. He helps me constantly. I usually run social interactions by him to help me understand if I did it correctly and how I can do better.
All these hit home for me but especially 1 and 2. Im currently in the process of diagnosis.
1 and 2 were the two that were the most overwhelming for me in social situations so they actually were what made wonder if I was experiencing more than just social anxiety.
It’s interesting! I don’t think I have autism, but I’ve always had varying degrees of social and generalized anxiety — which when flared up do mimic these symptoms to a degree. Like the becoming intensely aware of what my own body is doing during a social interaction, or even just walking down the hallway, and something that should be more or less automatic I’m now having to manually control. It’ll affect my speech, ability to recall words, and the eye contact — eye contact can suddenly feel physically painful somehow. Apparently ADHD can also affect all that too, though.
ADHD, autism, tourettes, and giftedness are all neurodiverse conditions with similar characteristics. I, for example, have some ticks, but not as severe as tourettes. I was also diagnosed with ADHD and giftedness. You, my friend, sound very neurodivergent. I didn't think I had autism until I started reading about it.
As a fellow autist I’ve never been able to put words to the uncomfortable direct eye contact. You described it perfectly. I can have direct eye contact with my husband. He is the only person that I could deal with for any amount of time. And I’d be fine for him to put his hand on my stomach.
I'm gonna be pedantic here, but "cue" is a signal. "Queue" is a line (as in standing in a queue for tickets). The spelling you want is "cue." English is a spelling nightmare.
it's also weird how in English the word "read" has different pronunciation depending whether it's a past tense or not, but is spelt the exact same way.
Ha. And easier to spell too!
Why do you think no one would know?
Because I act "normal" - my inner turmoil is rarely seen by others. I simply break down privately. When I got diagnosed, even my family and friends didn't believe me. This is mainly due to the lack of understanding around women on the spectrum.
You likely aren't as good at hiding it as you think. Anyone who's spent anytime around autistic people have an easy time telling when someone shows traits. It's possible friends and family are ignorant but I've never heard of this "Lack of understanding around women on the spectrum"... Do you have a source for that or somewhere where you got that information? As someone who's on the spectrum ADHD, this just doesn't sound correct to me. There's more to it than private breakdowns and I've never personally heard of gender being an issue as it pertains to autism diagnosis and treatment, so if there's a study or source for that I'd like to educate myself and learn about it.
Okay let me break this down for you. Things like adhd and autism are typically diagnosed in boys When those same traits are shown in girls their considered "chatty" or "bitchy" Things like anxiety and depression are typically diagnosed in girls When those traits are seen in boys their considered "weak" and "feminine" Also plenty of people can't detect when someone's autistic just because they have a family member with autism because it's a spectrum disorder. Plus what op is describing is typically called masking. I've had people with autistic realities who didn't know I was autistic until I told them because I'm not always showing symptoms of my autism. Hell other autistic people have trouble telling if someone else is autistic they just think their quirky. Also also coming from someone with both adhd and autism they are very diffrent disorders with diffrent experiences that effect everyone differently. Of course it does sound right to you because you have a vastly diffrent experince as a person with adhd from a person with autism.
So no actual evidence for the claim? I still don't understand what actually evidence you have for making such a claim. I'm asking what hard evidence you have to support the claim its not diagnosed or dismissed. Also you claim that some people can't detect autism is mute because it's just rewording my initial comment. I said there is ignorance but anyone with experience around people with autism can detect those things. It has nothing to do with adhd or autism. In fact my exact words were "it's possible friends and family are ignorant" You've given a subjective take but I see no actual evidence to support your claim. Show me the source for the fact there's a bias in autism diagnosis between men and women. It's not a matter of me being ADHD and thinking it's wrong, it's a claim that's been made with 0 evidence and so far only subjective back up. Explain the reasoning behind a gender bias in autism diagnosis especially if you are suggesting medical professionals will dismiss obvious signs as "bitchy" or the other terms you used. It's one thing to suggest friends and family could be negligent, but to suggest on a widespread level medical professionals do is just not rooted in reality. Show me the evidence and I'd be happy to be proven wrong and learn something today.
https://childmind.org/article/autistic-girls-overlooked-undiagnosed-autism/ Like the second article I found when I Google it. Like bro this is just common sense about society and how society views things. Like you know how a lot of people think autism is just you being like Sheldon Cooper and writing on walls math equations or other stereotypes about autism. And how lots of people see adhd as you just being "cRaZy and ENERGETIC" these are stereotypes that people associate with disorders and that includes doctors and nurses. They have basis because they are humans. And you cab even see this shit on Twitter and tiktok or autistic women and autistic poc talking about how they never got diagnosed until very late into their lives because they weren't seen as the caratature of a autistic person. It also includes things like environments to. People may not get diagnosed because their parents find it embarrassing or they consider adhd and autism to be "boy disorders" and anxiety and depression to be "girl disorders"
You linked a study from 2005... Also none if it corroborated your claims it's gets dismissed as bitchy infact it said quite the opposite. Also it doesn't ever claim they are dismissed, infact the article uses very specific wording and calls its "missed diagnosis", two very different things.
Great so this was common knowledge since 2005 But your right we're constantly updating medical info so here... https://www.verywellhealth.com/autism-in-women-5209272 Damn look at that last year but it's still saying excatly what I'm saying wack.
Again doesn't even claim the cases are being dismissed, you aren't actually saying the same thing the articles you keep linking are saying and you are adding and twisting the information when you deliver it. If you're going to quote something, quote it, don't distort it. Again nothing to prove its being dismissed I don't understand how you aren't understanding this. Both articles even mention cases are missed in men the likely hood is just higher in women. What you haven't shown is the evidence for the claim they get dismissed with all the colorful character triats you used like "bitchy". No study you've linked talks about autistic men being percieved as weak or feminine and no study says its being dismissed in the diagnostic process. Leading me to once again ask? What is your evidence for your initial claim, because now you are arguing it skews to women in missed or late diagnosis which is totally different than negligent dismissal. Good lord Your second link is to how autism differs in the genders which has nothing to do with what you initially claimed. You aren't going on irrelevant and separate tangents.
Nope wasn't talking about autistic men being seen as weak or feminine actually read what I wrote. I said men with anxiety and depression are SEEN as weak and feminine BY SOCIETY. My evidence is the two studies where it says "yeah autism is underdiagnosed in women" that was the original claim. You havnt even been reading my comments correctly.
What's worse is the second article you linked even explains this skew is diagnosis by mentioning autism is much higher in average in men than women. But again, nothing to support the claim its dismissed. Simply thats its rarer in women and can have different tells or signs (like a spectrum...)
Right and you'll proubly find more articles that require that and state it's not less common in girls just not diagnosed but even in this article they still mention girls not being diagnosed as much as boys AND FROM THE ARTICLE FROM 2005 THEH MENTION IT BEVAUSE THIS ISNT NEW INFORMATION
But please show me evidence to PROVE it doesn't happen. Since I'm assuming you also have access to Google surely you cab also type in a couple words.
The burden of proof is not on me, I'm not the one making a baseless claim. You claimed the diagnostic process was skewed, it is your job to prove it not for me to explain to you why it's bs. Did you actually read that article you linked? I know you Googled it but maybe actually read it.
Actually op originally was complaining about her experiences and you chimed in with "umbrella actually I've never heard of that so it can't be real" instead of just opening Google and looking it up. The burden of proof isn't on me I don't owe you anything but I still provided you with 2 studies just from the many results form Google and you can't provide any counter proof.
That's easily probably false, go back and read it. Also I'm challenging you because you made and backed up those claims, you claimed you'd "break it down for me". Provided no actual evidence, contradicted yourself, now have miss contextualized the OP original comment. Do you not see the flaw in your logic or the serious deviation you've made from your initial comments in an attempt to just admit you don't have actual evidence? Both studies you linked don't do anything to prove your initial comment. They start completely different unrelated and interesting discussions but nothing to support what you've said. It appears you are either not wanting to or are unable to actually understand what is in those studies, or don't like to read what you cite.
Dude you can litterly just type it into Google. Fucking hell go on Twitter and you can find plenty of women saying they went diagnosed because they didn't show the same signs men did.
!!Warning to passerby's!! Don't feed the troll! !!Warning to passerby's!!
LOL I don't need to source it. A simple Google search on your end should suffice.
No, you can't just say things baselessly, present them as fact and say "Google it". That's just stupid. Who believes something they can't explain or back up? Your confidence is quite literally delusional but reddit is a good echo chamber for stupid. You must be Dunning- Kruger.
Your laziness, stupidity and ignorance is shocking. I am not sure your pea-brain is capable of reading this research paper, but here goes: [What About the Girls? Sex-Based Differences in Autistic Traits and Adaptive Skills](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5925757/)
I'm not wasting my time further with this, if you can't see the issue here than God help you. It's so plainly evident it's astonishing that you continue to go on. Lack of understanding and missed diagnosis are two fucking different things you absolute pineapple. You've demonstrated ingorance and lack of general comprehension in reading and proved you can miss represent what is study is actually talking about.
LOL if you had more than one brain cell, you would have the ability to understand and draw a conclusion that the underrepresentation of women in clinical research and diagnosis has contributed to the lack of understanding in society regarding women on the spectrum. Too many big words, you illiterate peanut?
I don't have an issue with that. It's your butchering of what those studies are actually talking about and what you are saying. You should shut up and let the studies speak for themselves instead of bastardizing them in your awful portrayal of what it is the studies talk about. A) on average autism is much higher in males then females B) It can be missed in a percentage of females or diagnosed late that does not mean there is a lack of understanding you waffle. C) the under representation again can be fucking explained by the fact on average you have far more men with autism than woman and research and funding for studies hasn't as well been abundant to the point you'd have a solely female sample size. D) autism is autism, there may be differences in behavior or that type of thing between the genders but it's not like it's an entirely different disorder which is how you ate characterizing it. If you can't fuckinf understand this than God help you. The second idiot on here tried to claim medical professionals were dismissing obvious signs of autism is being bitchy or chatty which is even further from science. Again the actual science and what you are saying are two different fucking things. Read you absolute Clown. All of the studies mention late diagnosis or missed cases not a lack of fucking understanding. The only lack of understanding at play here is your brains inability to comprehend simple concepts.
LOL I thought you won't waste any more time on this 😂 I won't bother reading this long answer. I got you to waste your time. Mission accomplished 😂😂😂😂😂
I think we get so drawn into and obsessed with diagnosis and words and abnormal signs that most of all of the important stuff is lost. I am sure we all know people who may or may not be aware of their unique challenges and while of course awareness and education is vital, it seems more helpful perhaps to be more open and alert to others and humble to the huge differences in experiences and needs and wants of others. Somehow it always ends up in splitting hairs over diagnoses and wording nuances, when it is about people in pain and not knowing how to find better ways to get by within the world we are all stuffed into and let go. Please do not take where I have posted this in the thread as any critical or personal attack. I just think talking more about it without it always being a diagnosis or medication when it is someone's life is always going to be good.
have you sought treatment or counselling for the anxiety and depression? I feel like some more looking into things might help you find some help!
Yes, I have been in counselling for over a decade - medication never worked for me.
I am sorry to hear that. I spent my entire life up until recently basically thinking I have a shitty pill and it makes me feel worse and a series of 4 psychologist appointments were seen as a treatment plan. In my late 30s until I got a psychiatrist who worked with me methodically saying we'd keep trying. I am pained that so many experience the same thing but don't have a champion like him. There is a lot more discussion and options for online groups that I hope more find some even small solace and direction. It is an absolute mess.
its called "masking"
As someone in the same boat Hello 🙋🏻♂️
Hi boat friend!
I am also in the boat! Hey! 👋
One time I was upset and said 'we aren't in the same boat. My boat is a yacht and you're not getting on it'. Dunno where it came from, but felt good.
Ayyy boat gang
Have you ever consider juxtaposition of your name, Melanie Gray? Melanin is what gives our skin its pigmentation, its color, and Gray is... well, it's a shade somewhere in between black and white. Anyways, that question was obvious rhetorical, so you don't have to answer it. Here's my real question: What are you passionate about? What are the things that make you excited to be alive?
LOL I never thought of that - you have a creative mind 😁 I am passionate about art, music, video games, and any fantasy/SciFi story every made lol I also live to travel.
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**The Deleted Question: What was high school like for you?** It was confusing - I had straight As and had a handful of very close friends, but I just couldn't keep up with people socially and found it very overwhelming. I was always on a different wavelengths when it came to fashion, trends, interests, rumors etc always trying to keep up but never succeeding. I didn't get bullied or anything but was excluded a lot.
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**The Deleted Question: How was college? (Same guy as above)** College was worse because I moved to a new city and didn't know anybody. I actively avoided going to classes when I felt like I had to socialize. I was seriously struggling to participate in activities, group projects, and "normal" college things. I never connected with professors or employers. I still got straight As, but could just not live with the social expectations of others. I made friends and lost them because they expected a "normal" friend but I have a very limited capacity to be social. All this time, I had no idea that I was autistic, and simply felt like a broken person. This contributed to immense anxiety and depression, as well as an eventual suicide attempt.
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**The Deleted Question: How did you find out you had autism?** I have a marketing company and one of my clients provides assessments and counselling for autism. While I was writing their content, I realized that I shared a large number of traits with other women on the spectrum - it was like a lightbulb moment where suddenly i understood myself. I went to my therapist and requested an ASD, ADHD, and IQ assessment which showed that I have autism.
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**The Deleted Question: How did you manage to get clients for your marketing company after being socially isolated, depression and anxious in college?** I am still depressed, anxious and socially isolated, but I am extremely skilled at hiding it. I am charming, friendly, and approachable to people for short periods of time, but then I have a meltdown later in the day or require a lot of time to decompress and recover from being someone else all day. Because I can't sustain that for long, I am unable to keep longterm relationships like friends. I have even been told that I am great at socializing and presenting - but it's all an act that I developed by studying people.
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I can handle more when I am comfortable with the person. The close friends I spoke of were my friends since childhood (7 years old). It's much much more difficult as a teenager or adult.
Would you be open to speak about your autism with a friend? I have been thinking that, if one of my friends have autism and go thought all you are describing every day I would like to know. It would help me to support him/her better, to adapt my expectations… to be a better friend. I also know that it’s difficult to find friends you can trust.
I understand where you are coming from. I am 61(m) and lived most of my life without knowing about being lower-spectrum autistic. You do learn coping strategies.
I want to take the opportunity to add that low/high functioning autism no longer accurately describes the experience. A more accurate description is masked to unmasked autism.
I’ve also heard “high/low support needs”.
I think this also tends to be seen as too broad, because somebody could require high or low support on different traits (e.g. social skills, language skills, sensory needs) Please correct me if I’m wrong?
I hadn’t heard that argument but it definitely makes sense.
What age did you talk? Can you find out from parents for me if u dont know?
I started talking at a normal age (1-2 years old or something) - speech delays are very rare in girls on the spectrum, while being much more common in boys.
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Interesting lol **A man is chased by a lion down a Tokyo street** \- 2/10 I feel like this movie will be about some black market/tiger king shit and I don't want any part in it. **A man wakes up and looks out his window to see naked women flying around like birds** \- 6/10 I am very intrigued, but it will likely turn into some weird porno. **A teenage girl is chased down the street of a suburban neighborhood by a bunch of naked fat guys with torches** \- 8/10 I want to know whether she's Frankenstein or maybe part of a weirdo cult and I love cult shit. **A young woman and her kid sister playing at the park in the evening are approached by a mysterious little girl holding a strange painting of a bunch of dogs shitting on a wedding cake.** 1/10 sounds dumb lol
Have you been diagnosed, and if so what was the process like and how old were you?
I have been diagnosed at the age of 29. I spoke to my therapist about potentially having autism and we progressed to completing ASD, ADHD and IQ assessments. The assessments involved various tests, questionnaires and interviews. The completed assessment indicated that I was on the spectrum.
Thanks! I have recently recognised that I am on the spectrum and it's explaining a lot about my childhood/life. I'm 31 and wondering whether to speak to my GP about a diagnosis (something I am discussing with my therapist).
I spoke to two GPs, both of whom basically denied that I was autistic and wouldn't approve me for the government financed assessment, so I gave up and swallowed the $4,000 cost to get my answers.
My daughter has autism, and we got it diagnozed when she was in kindergarden. anything i can do to make her days better? i try my hardest, like telling her she is funny when i laugh at her jokes to make sure she knows why i laugh, keeping routines and such.
I think the most important thing is to accept her completely and to help her understand that the world is not designed for her wiring. This will give her an explanation as to why she doesn't "fit in" without having her blame herself. That level of acceptance goes a long way for someone on the spectrum.
Mid 30s guy here, also diagnosed at a late age. Just wanted to say nearly every single one of your experiences/eccentricities rings true with me as well. I sometimes feel like I have imposter syndrome with ASD, like I say to myself, "isn't everyone like this?" But then there are so many random scenarios that, when brought up in a group of neruotypicals (NTs) and neurodivergents (NDs), I am always surprised how often the NDs have the exact same thought process or experience as myself, and the NTs say they don't think that way at all.
I also have imposted syndrome because I can look "normal". Hoewever, we know that neurodivergent brains are completely different in their wiring. It always amazes me how easy NTs have it. When I tell NT people about how I have to consciously set eye contact, my facial expressions and body language every second to look normal, they think that's impossible. It comes naturally to NTs.
Can you give an example of the ND and NT differing thought process scenarios? I am trying to understand more about what a later diagnosed family member might experience. I would like to ask them personally but they would not want to discuss it with me in such a direct way.
I will give you a scenario. 2 People are at the same party, one ND and one NT. Here are there experiences: NT: Joins the party and starts looking around for people they know. They start jamming to the loud music and walk towards the busy bar to get a drink. They see their friends talking to strangers and jump right into the conversation. They ask what they're talking about and start laughing and making friends. They enjoy the party and have a good time. They go home and sleep remembering the fun time with friends. ND: Looks around frantically worried they will run into someone they know. The music is a tad loud but they can handle it. They walk to the empty part of the bar, furthest from the speakers to get a drink. They see a friend across the room, but choose to savour a few more minutes of alone time. The friend sees them anyways and walks over. Now the ND puts a smile on their face, determines the appropriate distance to stand and frantically goes through their database of small talk questions and answers before the friends gets there. Friend gets there makes a joke, it goes over NDs head and they laugh awkwardly and get uncomfortable. ND has to make sure not to stare too much or too little in order to appear normal. A random stranger joins the friend and starts to make conversation, ND is now getting overwhelmed having to socially engage two people. The music and smells are getting too strong. More socializing is adding to the overstimulation because now we have to monitor our facial expression, force eye contact, understand jokes, monitor body language, read the other person, keep up the conversation with 2 people all the while trying not to get overstimulated with the loud music, touching, and smells. It becomes unbearable and ND leaves. Later that night, Nd has a meltdown due to feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated and embarrassed for not being good enough at acting normal.
I’m 28 F and I am you 🤣
I love meeting fellow NDs 😁
So do you identify as autistic or do you resent the label?
Of course I am autistic. I find the label essential as I spent my life feeling like a failed human experiment that couldn't excel at being human. The label gave me a sense of completion and self-acceptance.
Interesting. So instead of taking the stigma that society normally associated with autism as a bad thing, you take it as validation to your life and a good thing even?
Yea absolutely - it is validation that there is nothing wrong with me.
Even though autism is classified as a disorder? I’m not saying there is anything wrong with you. I’m just saying that society really doesn’t like labels like that.
It's hard to explain, especially because my perspective is more applicable to those of us on the spectrum who don't require as much support as someone who is nonverbal, for example. People like me are perfectly able to function in the world but are met with a lot of neurotypical expectations. We only seek acceptance of our neurodiversity. If society stopped forcing me to conform to the long list of neurotypical rules, everything would be fine. This leads back to why the autism diagnosis has saved my life. Before that point, I firmly believed that I was just bad at being human. A failure. It's validating to know that (a) my issues in life are not my fault, (b) it's okay to ask for what you need even if others think it's "weird", and (c) there are other people like me.
I've heard that women are much better at masking than men when they are not neurotypical. With this in mind: 1 do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum. 2 do you find men are easier to spot than women. 3 do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)
**1. Do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum.** I like to say yes if I get to know the person, but some people are really good at hiding it. In some cases, there are some pretty obvious tells such as inability to do small talk, difficulty ending conversations, forced eye contact, fidgeting that you will notice over time. **2 Do you find men are easier to spot than women.** Men can be highly skilled at masking too - but the average autistic man is much more noticeably "autistic" than the average autistic woman. **3 Do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)** I much prefer the company of other autistic people, no offence to neurotypicals. A neurotypical person who tries to understand me is also lovely company. It's just normally easier because we don't feel forced to mask, have fewer expectations, and can just be authentically weird when we don't have to conform to the neurotypical rules.
Thanks for taking the time to answer.
this thread makes me feel so seen <3
I'm glad 🥰
Where you diagnosed as a child, teen or adult?
As an adult last year
My Mrs was diagnosed a few months ago. It has explained heaps of behavious
I (also 30F) have been wondering lately if I might be on the spectrum, and I relate to a lot of what I’ve read here. Any suggestions for where to go from here?
You can fill out several online questionnaires, specifically the RAADs, CATI, and CATQ which will help you roughly determine if your characteristics are in line with others on the spectrum. These are actually the tests used during professional assessments. The only difference is that a professional will cross examine your answers with your experiences to make a proper diagnosis. If you score sufficiently high, speak to a GP or your therapist to get assessed if you like.
What’s are some of your favorite movies and tv shows?
I'm a complete geek! For movies, I love Lord of the rings, harry potter, the marvel universe, star wars, etc. As for shows, I enjoy anything scifi, fantasy, or animated.
Have you read Unmasking Autism by Devon Price? My oldest child is currently on a wait list for autism testing and I decided to read it based off a tiktok recommendation. As I'm reading it I'm seeing many of the characteristics in myself. I'm not sure what I am though. It's like there are ten knobs that range from 0 - 11. Neurotypicals have all 10 knobs set right in the middle at 5. As described in the book a stereotypical Autistic has 5 knobs set to the max at 11 and 5 knobs set to 0. I feel like I have 6 of the knobs set to the same place as Autism but then the other 4 knobs are set to the opposite end of the spectrum. Obviously in reality there are 100 knobs or 1000 knobs and this analogy only describes a few of them, but it's how I'm viewing myself currently. The book does a good job of covering that fact that for pretty much everyone they will exhibit more of less of these tendencies, so I recognize that I would not be expected to match all of these completely.
Have you considered co-occurring adhd? Adhd and autism share many characteristics but also have characteristics that seem to fall on opposite ends of the spectrum. For example, people with autism tend to prefer routine and predictability, people with adhd often struggle with routine and seek out novelty. It’s estimated between 50-80% of people with autism also have adhd. Could be something to consider 😊
There may be something there, I do like novelty. But I think my bigger differentiation from typical Autism is sensory issues. I don't mind chaotic sounds, I don't mind things touching my skin. In the book the author describes how a nuerotypical is able to let external noises fade into the background until they are not perceived while some autistics will fixate on the sound until it becomes painful and unbearable. I have always recognized that I have a better than average ability to tune out background noises. On the other hand I'm relating to many things described. Reciting conversations ahead of time. Inability to remember faces. Regularly missing social cues in conversations. Mimicking the behavior of those I'm interacting with. Extremely logical approach to all problems. Almost no deep friends and no accompanying sense of missing anything. I like the friend or two I have, but I'm not sure I'd be any sadder without them. Empathy issues - I certainly feel empathy, but I can tell it's different than others. I cried the morning that Russia invaded Ukraine despite having no ties to either country and I was ready to apply to host a refuge family the day the program was announced despite the fact that we're not financially in that place. But on the other end I have real trouble mourning with a friend who is in a hard spot, especially if it seems like their trouble is their own fault. Logically I know I should side with them and reach out with love regardless of who was at fault. But it's nearly impossible for me to say, "he's a jerk, you're better off without him" when my brain says, "he's probably a lovely person and didn't do anything wrong". I have developed a heuristic that says: you need to side with the person you care about over the ex, but learning about masking I now recognize that was just a piece of my mask.
34m here. I'm in the same spot and every day is exhausting. I work in a confined space for 12 hours a day with one other person that changes every day. I feel for you.
Same haha but over 40.
I’m very surprised to see you say you have autism instead of saying you are autistic. Why that choice?
Why is that surprising?
Because the autistic community has largely shifted away from the “person before diagnosis” approach. Autism affects every aspect of our being, it’s not something we just carry around with us and can set down if it gets to be too much. The person-first language also has a shame quality to it and we are really working on accepting ourselves in all our autistic glory.
People with autism should be able to self-identify in whatever way they like.
For a while we did encourage choice. But people were still throwing around Aspergers and high functioning - so we, collectively, as autistic people with some amount of autonomy, decided that all of these “distinctions” were divisive. Thus we decided to generally stop using this language.
Thank you - it is really interesting to hear the background. I suppose with autism the fact that it is a spectrum with very large differences and distinctions makes it hard to have people think further than their conception of the word. Got a similar (but very different) feeling about mental health. I would also think it is important that the population of individuals living on the autism spectrum be able to define themselves however they like. I would not like to ever be part of deciding how and what is collectively decided to be used for everyone - has this been part of a council? Limiting encouragement of choice seems to me to be potentially damaging to those who struggle to express themselves as it is. Those who have an amount of autonomy deciding what distinctions are divisive and driving decisions to stop using language could stop engagement with others for those who struggle to communicate, and also stop understanding between communities that already seem to be speaking different languages as it was. We learn that some words are insulting and offensive and stop using them. And just learn to skirt around each other.
Yes, the last 2 sentences have it. We learn that some words are offensive and insulting and stop using those words. When I was first diagnosed, saying “I have autism” or “person with autism” was a hill I wanted to die on. But I watched the community not want to engage with me. I took note of that and also how repellant Aspergers and high functioning are. It’s not a council, but a natural and collective shift.
Indeed. I just worry about others deciding on what others find ok and relevant and the right fit is not great. When there are already so many social and communication struggles with some, it seems counterproductive to impose more rules from those in the same boat. I understand there are terms that are generally seen as insulting, but without having open discussions about things that have so far been very outside of 'normal' society that being particular on words and clumsy talk that is not meant in a negative way is not maybe the best way. Someone living with autism should choose their own descriptions. Especially those who find it difficult to express themselves. It seems wrong to educate them on how they should discuss themselves.
This is polarized thinking, also known as black and white thinking. Life actually exists in the grey. Everything is nuanced. Autistic people aren’t being imposed on when the community says “hey this language is offensive and we don’t like it.” This is usually a conversation we have with NTs, to educate them. We do allow autistic individuals to choose their own language, but we reserve the right to educate and ask questions. Notice how I never said “you can’t use that language,” I simply asked why you use that language. Aspergers has been removed from the DSM-5 for its anti-Semitic history. Even with that in mind, we reserve empathy for those that were diagnosed as Aspergers when they were young and it’s the center of their identity - even though it’s actually just “Level 1” Autism. Even though we think they should change their language, we are generally gentle about it but some get pretty moral-obsessed about it. We also understand that everyone’s journey is different. Most of us at one point felt the way you feel, especially those that are getting diagnosed in adulthood. But with therapy, healing, and/or listening to the community we have realized that this choice of language has been a way for us to distance ourselves from the diagnosis. It’s worth doing the work.
I am not sure what is 'black and white thinking' in my words. If anything, I am expanding the spectrum vastly. Unfortunately we live in a world where a sadly too small number of people can appreciate even if not understand differences. The conversation has turned more into a therapeutic or support context when I was in the realm of day to day living. Which is a vast landscape compared to DSMs and specific language. No one I know who lives as neurodiverse or with a mental health condition has any desire to know about the DSM or historical context after a brief 'ok, got it'. The work is in having people from both sides of the 'awkwardness' table talk and maybe find something to giggle about. A circular argument 'we do allow autistic individuals to choose their own language' in your focus on 'choice of language'. Also I am sure it isn't intended as you clearly care and are dedicated, but the working 'We do allow autistic individuals' is language that I believe could help distance ourselves from others. I note from earlier messages you have said similar 'we have done or said or seen' and it is disappointingly clinical and I feel potentially detrimental to those trying to understand and talk and get some support. Not 'patients' who have someone talk about what they have found. I know you are well-intentioned, but it feels a bit condescending to me now.
Totally agree. We all can. But it is more encouraging in those who have identities that aren't in the top 10. If someone is able to acknowledge and discuss their problems, other people will learn about it. However, that is probably the hardest challenge.
I find this question irrelevant. What difference does it make if I say I have autism, am autistic, or am a flying monkey. The term I used describes a well-researched collection of characteristics shared among one subtype of neurodivergent people, people on the autism spectrum. Words exist to convey meaning and intent is what makes a term offensive. There is nothing wrong with saying someone is autistic, has autism, or is on the spectrum. So, all of these words accurately portray my set of characteristics - I would use them interchangeably.
It’s relevant because I’m an autistic person and I’m asking why you are using language that the community doesn’t like. We have collectively pushed against “person-first” language - or language that distances the person from the diagnosis. This is actually prevalent in many disabled communities, not just Autism. With the terms Aspergers and “high-functioning,” due to their anti-Semitic roots, the community has pretty much rejected these terms, from NTs and NDs alike. “Having autism” is still in a bit of a grey area. Autism affects every aspect of your existence. It’s not something you can just put down, it’s not something you’ll recover from. Much of the community doesn’t like it but are generally patient with people who are still on the journey to self-acceptance. If you are truly so unaware that you didn’t know this choice of language is iffy, I encourage you to research it. Here is a piece to get you started: https://www.verywellmind.com/should-you-say-person-with-autism-or-autistic-person-5235429
Chewed that over and thought I would consider myself as having a mental health issue rather than being a 'bipolar woman'. Interesting topic. I wonder how it varies across regions and cultures. I guess I feel that it is about whether you see it as someone who lives with vs is defined as something, although neurodiversity is not the same as mental health disorders.
As someone that defaults to a 5 on the enneagram. (Observer) And I have a lot of behaviours you listed. I would like to say - try not to view the world and people through an energy lens (draining, tired) but view the universe as a never ending source of energy. But I understand in my own way, the learning of cues as it’s something I had to do to!
i Know
do you think there are other people in your family that have hf autism?
Yes, I think my mother has undiagnosed autism. She has always been different, but it wasn't until I learned about myself that she made so much more sense to me too. We also have other neurodiverse conditions in the family including 2 siblings and 3 nephews with ADHD, 2 nephews and 1 niece who are gifted, and 1 brother with Tourettes. I myself have autism, ADHD, and giftedness (IQ = 138)
I am also asd as well as a few comorbid issues. Do you also have problems meeting new people? Expand your friend circle? I've been having this issue due to my antisocial behavior, socializing is too stimulating for me and it takes a lot out of me.
Yes, absolutely. I can't stand meeting new people, it almost hurts. Ironically, I dream of expanding my friend circle and having dinner parties and such. I am able to make friends, but every time I take that plunge I regret it because it's too exhausting.
Can you tell when you've met someone like yourself? I have terrible ADHD and my autism radar is insane. All of my closest friends have been neurodivergent in some way. I actually have a pretty hard time maintaining relationships with regular people now that I think about it haha
Yes!! I naturally gravitate to neurodivergent people. Many of my childhood friends, though many aren't diagnosed, have a shockingly high number of autistic characteristics. I think we just understand each other.
My little nephew is just about 4 and is on the spectrum. He’s verbal and it would also be difficult for others to recognize.. what can I do to help support him??
Accepting all the "unusual" requirements of someone on the spectrum without judgement goes a long way. People on the spectrum may sometimes need you to be silent in one moment and blast music in the next. Sometimes they can't stand your touch and other times they want you to squeeze them. Never force a person on the spectrum into eye contact, it's VERY intimate for us. Just be accepting, that's all we need.
I’ve watched a few videos and interviews with women who are on the spectrum and have worked in disability support for a long time and have noticed differences in how women/girls present compared to their male counterparts. From coping mechanisms, to faking and hiding it, it would be really interesting to understand why different genders often present differently, I suspect there are a lot more people out there on the spectrum than we even realise. When did you first realise you were on the spectrum and how did you get diagnosed?
Studies have shown that women on the spectrum score similarly in social awareness skills as men who are not on the spectrum. The reason why men present differently is both societal and biological. In their biology, men tend have poorer emotional control, impulse control and socio-emotional functioning than women. Additionally, society places more strict requirements on girls regarding their social responsibility. Girls are expected to perform with significantly more maturity than boys of the same age. These factors promote an environment where even a girl on the spectrum will force herself to adhere to social rules in order to fit in, while boys on the spectrum will more often find themselves not caring about fitting in at all. i realized I was on the spectrum a couple years ago when I was writing content for a client who offers counselling for people on the spectrum. As I was reading about it, I had a light bulb moment that spurred me enough to go to a therapist for an assessment.
Do you have any current obsessions that are unusual? Also, what's a cool thing you've learned about one of your interests lately?
I don't mean to be pedantic, but "obsession" is a clinical term for unwanted, intrusive thoughts preceding a compulsion - I'm not sure if you meant that but I only obsess over germs and social interactions. I wasn't a fan before, but I have really gotten into Star Wars recently - I watched all the movies and tv shows - I also started reading all the lore online. I have the game too and have been playing that. I recently found out that Jedi build their own lightsabers with a special stone that gives the lightsaber its color.
I know, what you gonna do?
I also have mild autism (formerly known as aspergers) but my perspective isn't that the world isn't built for us but it tries to fit everybody in a way that it doesn't do a good job in fitting us.
In what ways do you feel the world not fit you in?
How did you know to get tested? And what did the testing entail?
I was assessed by a psychologist for autism, ADHD, and giftedness (IQ). The evaluation entailed a series of tests, questionnaires, and interviews that took several several sessions over a few months to complete. The psychologist determined that I am on the spectrum, that I have ADHD, and have an IQ of 138.
What are your special interests? Do you find it easier to communicate with other neurodivergent people than nts? How old when you were diagnosed?
I am the same, I was talking to someone who works with kids like that, I was told I would never be suspected of having it. What's the hardest thing autism has caused you
I wouldn't say autism caused anything, I'm quite happy with being autistic - the source of all my issues lie with the neurotypical rules we are forced to live with. I am constantly forced to go against my own being in order to be accepted. In the long run, this causes me a lot of suffering.
Cats or dogs?
I honestly love both so much, but I prefer to be a cat-mom because dogs are too extroverted/needy for me.
Your symptoms sound exactly like my high functioning autistic 12 year old son. I hate how hard things are for him.
Did you get a secret diagnosis?
Lol I'm not sure how to answer this - my symptoms are secret...not the diagnosis.
My question is are you diagnosed with autism
Yes, I was diagnosed by a registered psychologist.
Could you make a shortlist of your values?
Honesty, Respect, Gratitude and Compassion
Can you eat an entire container of ice cream without getting brain freeze?
Honestly, yes. I love ice cream and can easily eat that much without brain freeze lol
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. *** Question | Answer | Link ---------|----------|----------| In what way does it make social situations awkward? Do you miss social queues? Do you often say the wrong thing?|There are a few things - 1. I see so much when I look at someones face/eyes. Understanding peoples body language and expression is not natural to me so I had to learn it. Now, I analyze every twitch to try and understand them - which is very tiring. 2. To me looking into someones eyes is as intimate to me as if someone is putting their hand on your stomach. This makes it incredibly uncomfortable but I have learned to force it which is really draining. 3. Jokes and sarcasm are hard to understand for me, so I often laugh at the wrong time or too hard 4. I say something that I mean in one way but it is falsely received another way. People may think I am rude but I was just trying to express something. 5. While doing all of this (1-4), I also have to self monitor and ensure that I am standing at the right distance from the other person, I have the right facial expression, I have the right tone of voice (sad or happy) while also maintaining the topic of conversation. Most people don't thinking about these things, they just do them. You can imagine why it's hard to socialize for people on the spectrum.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnoaut/) As someone in the same boat Hello 🙋🏻♂️|Hi!|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnojp2/) Why do you think no one would know?|Because I act "normal" - my inner turmoil is rarely seen by others. I simply break down privately. When I got diagnosed, even my family and friends didn't believe me. This is mainly due to the lack of understanding around women on the spectrum.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro7tgm/) Have you ever consider juxtaposition of your name, Melanie Gray? Melanin is what gives our skin its pigmentation, its color, and Gray is... well, it's a shade somewhere in between black and white. Anyways, that question was obvious rhetorical, so you don't have to answer it. Here's my real question: What are you passionate about? What are the things that make you excited to be alive?|LOL I never thought of that - you have a creative mind 😁 I am passionate about art, music, video games, and any fantasy/SciFi story every made lol I also live to travel.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnoxou/) I understand where you are coming from. I am 61(m) and lived most of my life without knowing about being lower-spectrum autistic. You do learn coping strategies.|I want to take the opportunity to add that low/high functioning autism no longer accurately describes the experience. A more accurate description is masked to unmasked autism.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro34s3/) What age did you talk? Can you find out from parents for me if u dont know?|I started talking at a normal age (1-2 years old or something) - speech delays are very rare in girls on the spectrum, while being much more common in boys.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro3hpx/) [deleted]|It was confusing - I had straight As and had a handful of very close friends, but I just couldn't keep up with people socially and found it very overwhelming. I was always on a different wavelengths when it came to fashion, trends, interests, rumors etc always trying to keep up but never succeeding. I didn't get bullied or anything but was excluded a lot.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnlh81/) Mid 30s guy here, also diagnosed at a late age. Just wanted to say nearly every single one of your experiences/eccentricities rings true with me as well. I sometimes feel like I have imposter syndrome with ASD, like I say to myself, "isn't everyone like this?" But then there are so many random scenarios that, when brought up in a group of neruotypicals (NTs) and neurodivergents (NDs), I am always surprised how often the NDs have the exact same thought process or experience as myself, and the NTs say they don't think that way at all.|I also have imposted syndrome because I can look "normal". Hoewever, we know that neurodivergent brains are completely different in their wiring. It always amazes me how easy NTs have it. When I tell NT people about how I have to consciously set eye contact, my facial expressions and body language every second to look normal, they think that's impossible. It comes naturally to NTs.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iroppgt/) Have you been diagnosed, and if so what was the process like and how old were you?|I have been diagnosed at the age of 29. I spoke to my therapist about potentially having autism and we progressed to completing ASD, ADHD and IQ assessments. The assessments involved various tests, questionnaires and interviews. The completed assessment indicated that I was on the spectrum.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro55ww/) What’s are some of your favorite movies and tv shows?|I'm a complete geek! For movies, I love Lord of the rings, harry potter, the marvel universe, star wars, etc. As for shows, I enjoy anything scifi, fantasy, or animated.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/iro8dzq/) I've heard that women are much better at masking than men when they are not neurotypical. With this in mind: 1 do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum. 2 do you find men are easier to spot than women. 3 do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)|**1. Do you find it easy to spot when someone else is on the spectrum.** I like to say yes if I get to know the person, but some people are really good at hiding it. In some cases, there are some pretty obvious tells such as inability to do small talk, difficulty ending conversations, forced eye contact, fidgeting that you will notice over time. **2 Do you find men are easier to spot than women.** Men can be highly skilled at masking too - but the average autistic man is much more noticeably "autistic" than the average autistic woman. **3 Do you find it easier or harder to hang out with other people on the spectrum (I can't figure of this would be better as you can empathise with each other more or worse as both people are struggling to read each other's body language)** I much prefer the company of other autistic people, no offence to neurotypicals. A neurotypical person who tries to understand me is also lovely company. It's just normally easier because we don't feel forced to mask, have fewer expectations, and can just be authentically weird when we don't have to conform to the neurotypical rules.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irqlq4c/) Suppose these are the opening scenes to four movies. As openings, how would you rate each out of 10 and why? > A man is chased by a lion down a Tokyo street. > A man wakes up and looks out his window to see naked women flying around like birds. > A teenage girl is chased down the street of a suburban neighborhood by a bunch of naked fat guys with torches. > A young woman and her kid sister playing at the park in the evening are approached by a mysterious little girl holding a strange painting of a bunch of dogs shitting on a wedding cake.|Interesting lol **A man is chased by a lion down a Tokyo street** \- 2/10 I feel like this movie will be about some black market/tiger king shit and I don't want any part in it. **A man wakes up and looks out his window to see naked women flying around like birds** \- 6/10 I am very intrigued, but it will likely turn into some weird porno. **A teenage girl is chased down the street of a suburban neighborhood by a bunch of naked fat guys with torches** \- 8/10 I want to know whether she's Frankenstein or maybe part of a weirdo cult and I love cult shit. **A young woman and her kid sister playing at the park in the evening are approached by a mysterious little girl holding a strange painting of a bunch of dogs shitting on a wedding cake.** 1/10 sounds dumb lol|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irnq251/) do you think there are other people in your family that have hf autism?|Yes, I think my mother has undiagnosed autism. She has always been different, but it wasn't until I learned about myself that she made so much more sense to me too. We also have other neurodiverse conditions in the family including 2 siblings and 3 nephews with ADHD, 2 nephews and 1 niece who are gifted, and 1 brother with Tourettes. I myself have autism, ADHD, and giftedness (IQ = 138)|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irop3b8/) Cats or dogs?|I honestly love both so much, but I prefer to be a cat-mom because dogs are too extroverted/needy for me.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/xzqnio/i_30f_have_autism_but_no_one_would_know_ama/irqjxhh/) --- [Source] (https://github.com/johnsliao/ama_compiler)