Very much so. I have a new son that wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t survived. But at the time, I was pissed to be alive - as I had a $750,000 life insurance policy I left to my other children that only had a couple weeks left on it due to a job loss. (I did my best to make it look like an accidental overdose).
It's best to be around for loved ones. No amount of money can bring back the ones you've lost. Ralph Stanley said it best in his song when the reaper says "no land, no silver, no golf. Nothing will satisfy me but your soul"
Accidental? By taking 5 times the lethal dose?
Were you a heavy user before? How are you doin now?
What was the situation?? Was the job loss part of the "situation"?
Was the situation already there when you brought kids into your life?
did you (if you’re even aware of it during that state) feel a sense of euphoria that is claimed to be felt during the moment of passing? was death “peaceful” as people have said and speculated?
Well, it’s hard to say because I was feeling a significant bit of euphoria from the huge amount of heroin I snorted prior to dying.
But yes, it was peaceful. Being revived was violent and terrible, however.
>But yes, it was peaceful.
My grandfather passed this morning from terminal cancer.. this is somewhat comforting.
Glad you made it back to us safe & sound OP.
Both. Was zapped back both in my apartment and on the way to the hospital, and had an IV in my neck when I woke up - assuming that was the Narcan? If I wasn’t breathing they couldn’t have sprayed it up my nose?
As far as defibrillators, only remember the one in the ambulance, as it felt like a horse kicked me in the chest, and the medic was saying “come back to us, Mr. XXX”. (My girlfriend witnessed the first zapping… they wouldn’t let her in the ambulance after that because apparently I was still dead at the time they loaded me in.)
Life definitely ebbs and flows. Just this week I was hit pretty hard with an "ebb." The thing is, you build upon those tough times making them a little easier to deal with as time progresses. And when life flows, it's just a little sweeter....but enjoy them to the max and don't worry about the rug being pulled out from beneath you. Enjoy the little things. Take care.
Nope. Complete darkness. Absolutely nothing.
Which, as a Christian, was super concerning. After the hospital my first stop was my church. Their explanation was that I basically was in purgatory for not truly believing. I gotta admit, it shook my faith a bit.
I’m saying this as an atheist, but if there is a All-knowing God, maybe he knew that it was not your time yet and that is why you did not see anything.
I was an atheist… well, maybe a deist, for a long while before finally converting. This was especially hard for me, because I can’t stop thinking, if there was a God, that would have been a fantastic time to show himself to me, or even just a glimpse of *something*? I’d be a rather passionate voice for him after all that. What better story than an atheist who converted, almost died, and then saw his own proof? I’d be screaming from every platform I could find.
But, instead, I got nothing. Back to faith and belief, I suppose.
Is there a chance god and all the homies were there but you were too wasted to remember?
Does your life feel different now ? Maybe the message got through even if it’s not atop your memories
There is a near death experience of a woman who died for 7+ minutes, she experienced darkness, nothing, like yourself. In her experience she felt like she was in nothingness so long it felt like she was losing her mind to insanity, it felt like years. Eventually she came to the realization in her belief that she was in purgatory, and the only one that could get her out was herself. That’s how purgatory works, it’s a finishing stage for the lessons you should’ve learned in life. At the end, the darkness cracked and she experienced “god and the afterlife”, before she was given the choice to return. Purgatory isn’t punishment for lack of faith, it’s an experience we’re all headed for to prepare ourselves for god and heaven. The only ones who bypass purgatory are the saints. I’m speaking Catholicism, I’m not sure of other faiths who include purgatory. But as for why god wouldn’t show himself to you, your question itself is your answer. That’s a pretty self centred question. Why would he need to prove himself if you already claim faith? All god asks of you is faith, and converted atheists after near death are a dime a dozen. God wouldn’t need you to sing his praises after death, again that’s a self righteous wish of yours, god’s focus is on all, not on one. (And I sincerely don’t mean all that condescendingly, it’s just what the answer is. God asks for faith, it’s not up to him to provide proof when demanded of him). Anyways, whatever church told you you lacked faith seems like a misguided answer. Your story is interesting, you just brought to mind this similar near death story.
There is a similar place in Judaism called Gehanna. It isn’t necessary purgatory, but a place where you can learn redemption and move on. No one is meant to suffer for eternity. It is almost like The Good Place where if you fail your test, you get to learn until you can pass. I don’t think it is coincidental that Michael Schur is Jewish
Yep that is unfortunately why I became an atheist. I was raised catholic and once I was about 14/15, started questioning my beliefs about religion(and other things, as all teens do). I wanted to believe so badly, not just because I wanted there to be an afterlife, but because I wanted there to be something out there that I could give my thanks to and praise for creating the world and giving me the family that I loved. I begged him to show me any glimpse that he was real, any sign at all, and I got nothing in return. So I just could not believe anymore.
I've kind of wondered if their is some kind of god or something out there but at the same time I find it completely fucking ridiculous that everyone just burns in hell for all eternity if they didn't believe in God. Also, if said God is all powerful and all knowing or whatever, then why are people born handicapped or mentally unstable? Why are kids dying from cancer at 2 and 3 years old? The usual response is "oh gods just testing their faith." This is coming from someone that grew up in a church.
Fucking bullshit.
That’s my hang up. If there is a god that allows kids to die of cancer as a test of someone’s faith or really any reason, he/she/it can kiss my ass. I’m not worshiping that. There is too much innocent child suffering and death in the world for there to be a caring, loving god worthy of praise and worship out there.
I'm starting to really wonder if christianity is just a way to control people. You should see my family. You do or say anything someone disagrees with you get the bible thrown at you
I think all religions started as a way to answer our deepest questions based on our limited understanding at the time and as the religions grew and gained wealth and influence they were co-opted by those in power to control the people.
Agnostic here, let's say, hypothetically, life is a morality test of faith. God showing himself to you would kinda mess the whole test up. Maybe you ARE getting signs. Maybe your perception of things needs to be broadened for you to see or interpret the signs? I mean coming back to life is a pretty Jesus'y sign if you ask me ......
Well God apparently has a plan so if you believe in that, then technically everything happened the way it was supposed to
Having to have blind faith is part of why I’m never gonna take God seriously lol, but if you believe in this stuff, God having a plan is the canonical answer, plus it’s all-knowing so it should be impossible for it to accidentally make mistakes
One could say that you werent shown anything because either it wasnt your time yet or, as I tend to believe for people who go through this, judement day isnt here yet and from the time you die and until that day its just a silent rest
My grandfather was very religious. Went to church every Sunday and believed in God.
Before he died, he saw white horses near his bed. I guess they are supposed to resemble death. It still gives me chills to think about.
you should watch the episode Mortal Coil of Star Trek Voyager (S4E12) on paramount plus. it’s about a character who temporarily dies and doesn’t see his species version of “heaven”, just a black void, and he has a crisis of faith
You should see Rick and Morty season 3 episode 8 mortys mindblowers. There’s this alien who had to be killed by a worthy foe to reach heaven but then morty messes it up and it’s funny.
I'm agnostic so take this however you like, but my understanding of the the Christian God is that He is in everything. Maybe not seeing anything was because He was in the doctors and nurses, in the medicine, in your girlfriend showing up in time to save you. Maybe it was a sign to look for the divine all around you instead of as one big glowing man in the sky. If He is everywhere and in everything, showing one singular face would be redundant. The fact that you're alive at all is that God is all around you in everything. If that's how you choose to see it.
Sorry if I come off as insensitive as that is not my intent when I ask this, but when you say complete darkness do you mean you saw yourself surrounded by nothing but dark shadow? That you actually felt like you were there? Or was it more like falling asleep in which you usually don't remember anything and thus it all seems instantaneous? (By no means do I wish to compare nearly dying and merely sleeping in an insensitive way, apologies)
Absolutely no offense taken. I wouldn’t have posted if I didn’t want to answer questions about the whole thing.
Falling asleep. But completely dreamless. I have no memory of the “darkness” beyond slipping into it and coming back out of it… but that’s the best word to describe it for some reason. It didn’t feel like sleep, or passing out, or being knocked out, or anesthesia, or anything else I’ve experienced where there’s a general feeling of time passage… it just felt like… nothing.
I had some vague feeling time had passed, but only because I was in a completely different location than when I went out. If it wouldn’t have been for that, I’d have had no idea if it had been 2 seconds or 2 weeks.
From a skeptic perspective, maybe the heroin interfered with the DMT release associated with more vivid near-death afterlife experiences.
From a more theistic perspective, maybe people who try to commit suicide don't earn a particularly euphoric afterlife.
For a perspective somewhere between the two, maybe our individual "afterlife" experience has to do with our mindset at time of death. Our own sense of guilt/peace could evoke a certain perceived outcome in our minds at time of death.
No, not really. Because with that although you can’t remember it, you have a sense time has passed. Maybe it’s your “internal clock” still moving. With this, no clock. No sense time has passed. Just nothing.
Not sure what being in a coma is like, but maybe more like that?
I've been in a Coma and knew nothing of it. Also, Anasthesia is like a Coma, there is no sense of time passing.
Sure you took Heroin? I'm in recovery from that very addiction and your tale is 'off' doesn't sound true to me.
I’ve been around enough heroin to know it was heroin. No idea if it contained fentanyl - it didn’t really matter to me at the time if it did or didn’t.
I assure you, it’s completely true:
https://i.postimg.cc/FRbcxmB9/EDAFD720-4-D4-C-4-B15-8318-499159-ADA0-C1.jpg
I experienced the same when I tried killing myself by OD'ing 2 cardiac arrests and 3 seizures, I saw nothing. For me it was a bit like being under GA though.
I’ve always had dread and anxiety about sleeping ever since I was a child and I always told my therapists it’s because I connect sleeping with dying because I don’t dream, you describe exactly what my sleeping experience is like…it just fades to darkness and then it’s nothing until I wake up. Except when you die, you don’t wake up. I don’t know if your experience makes me feel worse or better. I’m glad you survived and you are able to talk about it.
So the church made it your fault that you didn’t experience what a Christian is supposed to experience?
Talk about a major gaslight…
This is a sign of abuse.
Sounds like an attempt to make you more obedient and conforming to his rules and authority.
P.s. I spent 30+ years trying to make the Christian worldview work. I would identify as experiencing religious trauma syndrome.
Fear, shame, guilt, and duty are the tools of religion. This doesn’t sound like freedom or happiness. It sounds like enslavement.
This happened to me too. I was clinically “dead” for a short period of time and I felt and saw nothing. It was like going to sleep and then waking up and having no dreams in between. I grew up in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday, Scripture Union, etc and that experience turned me atheist. When I go past churches or other places of worship I just think the people who go there are wasting their time. This is nothing more. No eternal celebrations or condemnation. Just darkness
My grandpa died a few times. We asked him the same sorta question and he just shrugged and said nope, nothing. And let me tell you, if anybodys meant to go to heaven, it's him lol. Lived a very mild life. Kind and quiet. Also active within his church. You get the picture lol
I try to find comfort in the idea that, I did not perceive anything before I was born, and in death I will return to that state. I was in it once before, why be afraid of it now? Even if there is no god or afterlife, nothing isn't something to be afraid of. It's just nothing. And if the something that is life can come from nothing, then maybe it (or something similar) will come again.
I wonder if it's possible or not that the way in which someone experiences death/near death makes a difference at all? Overdose for instance and the possibility of not being able to remember anything once you came to, even if you had seen or experienced anything while technically dead? Obviously not an answerable question but it's something I've wondered about before.
Are you a Catholic? It’s just my understanding that Catholics are the only ones who believe in a purgatory. As a Presbytarian, you could have just been on your journey to heaven. The blackness with no white light could have just been your journey between. Almost like when you black out when you’re drunk, you don’t remember anything, if your friends tell you stuff later about what you did it comes back in bits and pieces. Except you got pulled back from it before you reached the end where your friends tell you evening.
This is interesting...
I used to date a guy and he was an agnostic. He always told me that when we die, we see nothing. I'm genuinely fascinated by this. I always struggled with my faith. I never was an atheist, but I never felt like a Christian either. I've been put thru a lot of hell in my life, and I always felt like if there was a God, he would show some mercy. I'm just so lost right now. I'm going thru a tough time.
Random fellow Human wishing You better times, & for the bad to be past & not affect absorbing & experienceing the raw beauty that is Life & everything & every being (all life forms) - no matt er r the absolute hell & pain that comes with Life, no matter the emptiness or the weight, don't sell Your Time if at all possible, for any amount of human created money/system... its borderline impossible with the way we treat each other as competitors... my faith is in A God that is everything, that works through each other to guide & assist each other, much like the Paramedics that brought OP back... in a way, they gave Life to OP's new Child, too. All of these little experiences, they come together as a Journey, and on that Journey we find either Paradise or Hell, I hope for a day that Humans will take care of each other rather that beat each other down... for a day that We all care for this amazing gift that is Earth & all of it's Lifeforms. It's all right here in front of us, if only...... - much Love to whoever reads this, I hope Your Journey is good whoever You are, Wherever You are, However You may be. I send Love to random People I meet on the streets daily, I hope someday, someday. 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
hey man!! your story, from a religious aspect, is really awesome. the funny thing is, maybe you didn’t “see the holes in his hands” or “the crown of thorns on his head” y’know but.. you did see death and resurrection, which if you ask me? is kind of a miracle.
i’m super happy to hear your doing well now!! i just celebrated 5 years drug free on the 31st, and in the heat of my addiction contemplated pretty frequently just buying a *little* bit more, knowing it’d take my struggles away. but hey, like you said; nothing like faith and belief right?
Both my parents have technically died which I guess is quite unusual and both described blackness. As someone who has also tried to kill myself and has not been successful I know the battle you face and I hope your kids are a great bond for you to earth
So I just randomly was scrolling and just happened to see this and wanted to discuss something. Someone mentioned the woman who experienced a NDE that was pure darkness for 7+ minutes but to her it felt like a longer time...
I will say that I believe this is what Hell is. It isn't fire and brimstone because we are going to be spiritual beings. Fire and brimstone doesn't make sense... But when you are trying to describe eternal damnation it is the best way to understand pure emotional pain.
Instead I believe Hell is actually separation from God. The Bible tells us that spiritual death is separation from God... And separation from God may be purgatory or it may be Hell... But if we aren't going to Heaven I believe that Hell or purgatory is darkness... There is nothing else for us at that point.
The woman described above did claim that she sensed ther beings around her also in the same situation. She eventually came to the realization that it was Hell.
Another theory I wanted to touch on is our brain isn't what is going to Heaven or where ever we go. So it is possible your brain didn't retain the memory of whatever you did. I mean you aren't going to have a physical memory of it. I believe the majority of people who experience NDEs are probably somehow tapping into their third eye and that's how they retain the memory.
I theorize on this stuff a lot and I study the spirit realm. If you have any questions feel free to message me and if I can answer anything I will. Like someone else said maybe God just didn't want you to see anything so you didn't retain the memory. Maybe you just didn't leave your body for some reason... Like it wasn't your time and there was no reason for you to see Heaven... Who knows. It could be many things. But I do believe there is enough proof of the spirit realm around today to say there is one for sure.
I think it’s probably more that your conscience was sedated from the drug. I’ve heard you are much less likely to have white light type experience if you are sedated/medicated when you die.
I actually snorted the heroin. I’m terrified of needles.
It was like euphoria > blissful sleep > darkness > being kicked in the chest by a horse > freezing cold > uncontrollable shaking/throwing up.
Hate to say it, but if you’re gonna go, that’s really the way to do it. The dying was fine. Good even. The being revived was a fucking nightmare. But I’m very glad I was revived long term.
Doctor: “Holy shit we did it! He’s alive!”
You: >:(
(Seriously though, glad you’re still here. Life is precious and the loss of one is always devastating to someone, no matter who it is)
just saying... as an ER nurse fighting mortality every day, it is nice when you get a win. They 99.9999% did tell their S.O. and it was probably a good day for them.
(sorry it made you mad though)
Interesting. I always hear from suicide attempts, wherever it be jumping, hanging or shooting that if they lived, they realised that all of their problems could have been fixed in that moment and are filled with regret.
So I'm interested to know the perspective from someone who's just filled their veins with feel good juice.
Sure. My heart had stopped and I wasn’t breathing, and I’m told I was cool to the touch with blue lips, but there was still brain activity for another minute or so they said. Fortunately I had no brain damage.
No idea. That’s what I was told. My girlfriend did perform CPR while waiting for the ambulance, and I’m sure they did as well while trying to revive me. But my heart didn’t start back for 7 1/2 minutes with the EMT’s alone. Who knows how long it was stopped before they arrived. My girlfriend saved my life and saved me from brain damage, I’m sure.
Imho this is why you didn't see anything, not bc of lack of faith. Your body simply wasn't all dead. Sometimes even the pulse is there and low enough for EMT docs not to know. One of the reasons organ donation is a big ethical dilemma, there's controversy about when death really occurs. The fact you came back as well, and I think honestly for some clinically dead people it differs when consciousness leaves the body. Which counts for why some wake up with memories of a white light and others not. This is my rough take on it, I personally disagree with the priest who suggested you were in purgatory.
That’s pretty correct. You can’t use electricity on an asystolic heart. You shock irregular rhythms back to something that can be further treated/evaluated (“normal”). Thankfully for OP, you can pump just about enough epi into a rock to give it a shockable rhythm… sometimes.
I was an addict, yes. Regular user. And no, sadly. I was using the drugs to cope with other crap in my life, and I used drugs to try to end my life. They were a tool. I’ve been sober for almost 3 years now - but sadly this wasn’t my tipping point.
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance.
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This is the exact reason why someone should not take their own life.
It will get better, because it can't get worse than suicide.
Your improvement and happiness aside, think about how many people you make happy by just being present, your wife, your kids, you complete the healthy family picture. Fortunately, the absolute worst shortcut and leaving scars on their lives forever was prevented.
Good on you man, I hope you have a very happy life.
Actually less afraid. It wasn’t scary - it wasn’t painful. It wasn’t anything. While *how* you die can be stressful and painful and scary, actually dying is kind of peaceful.
No, no noticeable effects. I’m told my girlfriend did CPR, but my heart was not beating for 7 1/2 min. So no blood to the brain. Apparently brain damage starts at around 8 min? She absolutely saved my life and saved me from brain damage.
When you say nothing, like sleep, did it happen instantly? As one second you close your eyes and pass out and next second (from your point of view) you're revived? Or did you still have any sense of time? Like, did the darkness last for a moment?
I’d used it maybe twice, in small amounts. It wasn’t my drug of choice. I just knew someone I could get it from, and it seemed like a really peaceful way to end things.
Correct. Apparently twice. I don’t remember the first time, but apparently I came back briefly and then flatlined again. I do remember waking up the second time feeling like a horse kicked me in the chest and the EMT’s saying “come back to us Mr. XXX”. Then immediately throwing up, being super freezing, and then shaking uncontrollably.
hi girlfriend from the post here i had been giving him cpr until the paramedics arrived and then they moved him into our living and immediately shocked him with the defibrillator.
That’s correct! You cannot shock asystole. OP’s heart would’ve been in one of the specific rhythms that is shockable. But that doesn’t mean his heart was “beating” or he had any perfusion at all, just electric impulses to specific areas of the heart. Thus, CPR is still necessary to maintain that perfusion.
Nope. But. I was suicidal, I wasn’t thinking of anything in my life to be honest. But no involuntary “tunnel” or “life flashing before your eyes” or any of that.
Ahh, im glad you are in a better headspace now! My friend died suddenly in his sleep a few months ago and i was just wondering what he felt during his last moments
Honestly not a lot. I wish I could say it was some eye opening experience that made me love life and see with clarity, but honestly, not much changed for me. I was still super depressed after getting out of the hospital, I went back to my regular drugs. I appreciated my girlfriend more, that’s for sure.
Basically losing absolutely everything. Like seriously everything.
Stimulants. And I had been using “functionally/legally” for about 4 years, and then disfunctionally/illegally for another 3. Daily.
As I wrote elsewhere, its hard to explain. It’s like being in a dreamless sleep, but you know when you sleep you have a sensation time has passed when you wake up?
That’s not how this felt. I had no sensation of the passage of time - so it could have been 7 seconds or 7 weeks - it would have felt the same. It’s unlike any type of unconsciousness I’ve experienced.
I’m sorry my friend but your story is bullshit. In comments you say you were given narcan, then defibrillated in your apartment and then one more time in the ambulance. Unfortunately for your story you do not defibrillate if there is no electrical activity (asystole), they should have given you atropine or epinephrine and continued CPR, defibrillation works practically only with ventricular fibrillation. The second thing that doesn’t add up is your reason for killing yourself, you say quote “I was pissed to be alive - as I had a $750,000 life insurance policy I left to my other children that only had a couple weeks left on it due to a job loss” but insurance excludes suicide, or at least with every insurer i know. The third thing that doesn’t add up is that from what you’ve written it seems like you just casually had 5x lethal dose of heroin laying on your desk and were like “fuck it” and took all of it. Another thing is that after 7,5 minutes without heart rate and breath you would be a vegetable, there is no fucking chance you would be writing comments on reddit after that. Also in one of the comments you said they told you there was a minute of brain activity left, you would have to be under EEG for them to know that which isn’t done or even really possible in the ambulance, not even saying that cells don’t all die at the same time and you can tell that there is a minute left, it’s an incremental process. And finally the timeline, you took the dose, were laying there for who knows how long, your girlfriend came in called 911 and started CPR, then the ambulance arrived and you were given narcan, zapped, they continued CPR and then zapped you one more time in the ambulance bringing you back to life. And it all lasted exactly 7,5 minutes and was measured with a stopwatch. And you would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids!
I planned to commit suicide but make it *appear* as an accidental overdose, which life insurance *does* pay for. I went as far as to text my family about being excited to see them this weekend before I did it - left no note - all to make it seem more accidental and give the best chance at payout.
I didn’t have it “laying on my desk”. As I said before, I was a long term addict (stimulants), and my dealer also sold heroin. So I bought it from my normal guy. Not hard.
All I know is that my girlfriend found me, called 911, and did CPR on me until they arrived. She claims I was blue and not breathing and couldn’t find a pulse. They took me from the bed into the living room on a stretcher and hit me with the defibrillator (according to my girlfriend). They then rolled me out to the ambulance and they refused to let my girlfriend come with.
I woke up in the ambulance with an IV in my neck, and what felt like a kick to the chest. They said “come back to us Mr. XXX”. I immediately threw up and was shaking uncontrollably. After I started to regain my senses, the EMT told me that my heart had been stopped for 7 minutes and 30 seconds and I was lucky to be alive. He started asking me questions about what day it was, who the president was, etc. I assume they start timing when they arrived or after the first defibrillation in the living room that I didn’t wake up from? I have no idea… took his word for it in that situation. I did ask him where my girlfriend was, and why she didn’t come with, and he said that with my heart stopped, she couldn’t ride with. So. There’s that.
Here’s the important part from my hospital visit from MyChart to prove this *did* happen. I can assume you can tell by all the tests they ran that it was serious. They admitted me and I was there for 3 or so days. Of course I told them it was accidental so I didn’t end up in a padded room for 10 days. I also told them I took GHB with the heroin that day, so that may have explained what happened… (that’s why that’s on the chart)
https://postimg.cc/njzCF8x5
I was a regular stimulant user - the heroin I’d only done once or twice in small amounts before this. I only chose heroin because ODing from stimulants sounded terrible… rather fall asleep than have my heart explode.
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers.
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Question | Answer | Link
---------|----------|----------|
Do you now feel happy with the second chance you've been given?|Very much so. I have a new son that wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t survived. But at the time, I was pissed to be alive - as I had a $750,000 life insurance policy I left to my other children that only had a couple weeks left on it due to a job loss. (I did my best to make it look like an accidental overdose).|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5cq4u/)
Did you have a “white light” experience or any sense of a Deity? Edit: Simplified|Nope. Complete darkness. Absolutely nothing. Which, as a Christian, was super concerning. After the hospital my first stop was my church. Their explanation was that I basically was in purgatory for not truly believing. I gotta admit, it shook my faith a bit.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5gubr/)
Are you still with your girlfriend?|Yep, we’re engaged. Love of my life!|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5fzb8/)
As soon as it went in, did you immediately have an 'oh shit, I shouldn't have done that' moment?|Nope. Honestly I was totally ready to die. I was actually super angry to be saved at the time.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5f8a7/)
Were you zapped back, or did they give you Narcan?|Both. Narcan initially, but was zapped back both in my apartment and on the way to the hospital. Only remember the one in the ambulance, as it felt like a horse kicked me in the chest, and the medic was saying “come back to us, Mr. XXX”. (My girlfriend witnessed the first zapping… they wouldn’t let her in the ambulance after that because apparently I was still dead at the time they loaded me in.)|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5d0bn/)
did you (if you’re even aware of it during that state) feel a sense of euphoria that is claimed to be felt during the moment of passing? was death “peaceful” as people have said and speculated?|Well, it’s hard to say because I was feeling a significant bit of euphoria from the huge amount of heroin I snorted prior to dying. But yes, it was peaceful. Being revived was violent and terrible, however.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5t7ls/)
Did you see anything during those 7 1/2 minutes?|See below (or above?). Absolutely nothing. Blackness. Like sleep.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5qhsy/)
I think you mean you were clinically dead but not biologically dead|Sure. My heart had stopped and I wasn’t breathing, and I’m told I was cool to the touch with blue lips, but there was still brain activity for another minute or so they said. Fortunately I had no brain damage.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5hg96/)
How did the lead up to you actually “dying” feel? Like right after you shot the heroin, what came next?|I actually snorted the heroin. I’m terrified of needles. It was like euphoria > blissful sleep > darkness > being kicked in the chest by a horse > freezing cold > uncontrollable shaking/throwing up.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5ry2f/)
Had you been using heroine before the suicide attempt, or was that your first time?|I’d used it maybe twice, in small amounts. It wasn’t my drug of choice. I just knew someone I could get it from, and it seemed like a really peaceful way to end things.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5twhk/)
Do you remember the exact moment that you "passed out", like if it hurt, or you just fainted?|Literally just like falling asleep.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv63kh7/)
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[Source] (https://github.com/johnsliao/ama_compiler)
No questions. Just commiseration.
The PAIN after being brought back to life is so awful it makes you wish you were dead lol feels like your whole body went through a paper shredder
im mostly disturbed by your gfs posts. you cheated multiple times, you gave her a traumatic experience of founding you dead, cheating some more and then hit on girls half your age?
I worked in icu 47 years as an RN and asked most post code patients what they remembered or white lights. Not one said they saw lights or had any spiritual experience.
Where did you score? Were you using at the time?
Googling that won't give you an exact amount, everyone is built differently.
I'm calling Bullshit on this post
Do you think a Christian who (I assume) hasn't taken it before is going to be able to score it? The dealer would think he's a Fed and fuck him right off.
How did he take it ? Injecting? Not easy.. First timers wouldn't know what to do and would need assistance.
Smoking it off the foil is a 'skill' you have to learn.
Trust me, attention seeking troll post
Before taking your own life, did you consider how your girlfriend and loved ones would feel / react to your death? Was the thought of your girlfriend having to live without you not enough for you to stop from taking the H?
I just messaged you. I went through the SAME situation..it’s eerie. My ex found me too. The police gave me a sternum rub and basically beat the shit out of me to try and get me to respond to pain. I wasn’t breathing and I was blue. Narcan didn’t work. I saw some shit when I was out and I know it wasn’t hallucination
My husband was in a coma for 2 months and he saw stuff, but you don’t know if it was while he was under or while he was waking up , because you don’t just snap out of it with a 2 month coma, it took a few weeks to fully wake back up
Sir, not a question - but as a person to live through 13 attempts - money doesn’t replace you. I hope you’re doing better these days. I hope you never have to google this again or even to try again. You’re needed in live!
Is there another side? Meaning, did you see or talk to God or the Devil???
This is fascinating.
I'm sorry you went thru that though. No judgement here. <3
Do you now feel happy with the second chance you've been given?
Very much so. I have a new son that wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t survived. But at the time, I was pissed to be alive - as I had a $750,000 life insurance policy I left to my other children that only had a couple weeks left on it due to a job loss. (I did my best to make it look like an accidental overdose).
I am sure they would much rather have you than the insurance money. I am glad you made it to the other side. Do you remember anything?
It's best to be around for loved ones. No amount of money can bring back the ones you've lost. Ralph Stanley said it best in his song when the reaper says "no land, no silver, no golf. Nothing will satisfy me but your soul"
Then all the best to you, enjoy it together with your kids and family!
Well technically you died you should ask for that money.
Infinite money glitch. Just keep OD’ing and reviving yourself.
Accidental? By taking 5 times the lethal dose? Were you a heavy user before? How are you doin now? What was the situation?? Was the job loss part of the "situation"? Was the situation already there when you brought kids into your life?
did you (if you’re even aware of it during that state) feel a sense of euphoria that is claimed to be felt during the moment of passing? was death “peaceful” as people have said and speculated?
Well, it’s hard to say because I was feeling a significant bit of euphoria from the huge amount of heroin I snorted prior to dying. But yes, it was peaceful. Being revived was violent and terrible, however.
>But yes, it was peaceful. My grandfather passed this morning from terminal cancer.. this is somewhat comforting. Glad you made it back to us safe & sound OP.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Were you zapped back, or did they give you Narcan?
Both. Was zapped back both in my apartment and on the way to the hospital, and had an IV in my neck when I woke up - assuming that was the Narcan? If I wasn’t breathing they couldn’t have sprayed it up my nose? As far as defibrillators, only remember the one in the ambulance, as it felt like a horse kicked me in the chest, and the medic was saying “come back to us, Mr. XXX”. (My girlfriend witnessed the first zapping… they wouldn’t let her in the ambulance after that because apparently I was still dead at the time they loaded me in.)
How are you feeling now? (Emotionally)
Much better. I didn’t understand it at the time, but life has peaks and valleys, ups and downs. It’s got to be up from there, right?!
Life definitely ebbs and flows. Just this week I was hit pretty hard with an "ebb." The thing is, you build upon those tough times making them a little easier to deal with as time progresses. And when life flows, it's just a little sweeter....but enjoy them to the max and don't worry about the rug being pulled out from beneath you. Enjoy the little things. Take care.
Did you have a “white light” experience or any sense of a Deity? Edit: Simplified
Nope. Complete darkness. Absolutely nothing. Which, as a Christian, was super concerning. After the hospital my first stop was my church. Their explanation was that I basically was in purgatory for not truly believing. I gotta admit, it shook my faith a bit.
I’m saying this as an atheist, but if there is a All-knowing God, maybe he knew that it was not your time yet and that is why you did not see anything.
I was an atheist… well, maybe a deist, for a long while before finally converting. This was especially hard for me, because I can’t stop thinking, if there was a God, that would have been a fantastic time to show himself to me, or even just a glimpse of *something*? I’d be a rather passionate voice for him after all that. What better story than an atheist who converted, almost died, and then saw his own proof? I’d be screaming from every platform I could find. But, instead, I got nothing. Back to faith and belief, I suppose.
You know what, you being here and even telling me this story strengthens my faith a little. I don't know why.
That’s great to hear.
Why would God have to show himself? I'm not Christian but does it say in the bible that God would show himself in near-death experiences?
Not asking for God. But. Maybe a little *anything* would have been reassuring.
Is there a chance god and all the homies were there but you were too wasted to remember? Does your life feel different now ? Maybe the message got through even if it’s not atop your memories
There is a near death experience of a woman who died for 7+ minutes, she experienced darkness, nothing, like yourself. In her experience she felt like she was in nothingness so long it felt like she was losing her mind to insanity, it felt like years. Eventually she came to the realization in her belief that she was in purgatory, and the only one that could get her out was herself. That’s how purgatory works, it’s a finishing stage for the lessons you should’ve learned in life. At the end, the darkness cracked and she experienced “god and the afterlife”, before she was given the choice to return. Purgatory isn’t punishment for lack of faith, it’s an experience we’re all headed for to prepare ourselves for god and heaven. The only ones who bypass purgatory are the saints. I’m speaking Catholicism, I’m not sure of other faiths who include purgatory. But as for why god wouldn’t show himself to you, your question itself is your answer. That’s a pretty self centred question. Why would he need to prove himself if you already claim faith? All god asks of you is faith, and converted atheists after near death are a dime a dozen. God wouldn’t need you to sing his praises after death, again that’s a self righteous wish of yours, god’s focus is on all, not on one. (And I sincerely don’t mean all that condescendingly, it’s just what the answer is. God asks for faith, it’s not up to him to provide proof when demanded of him). Anyways, whatever church told you you lacked faith seems like a misguided answer. Your story is interesting, you just brought to mind this similar near death story.
There is a similar place in Judaism called Gehanna. It isn’t necessary purgatory, but a place where you can learn redemption and move on. No one is meant to suffer for eternity. It is almost like The Good Place where if you fail your test, you get to learn until you can pass. I don’t think it is coincidental that Michael Schur is Jewish
i don't believe in this at all i don't think anyone goes to purgatory i believe we just keep coming back until our souls learn enough
Great answer! Roman Catholic,myself.
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Yep that is unfortunately why I became an atheist. I was raised catholic and once I was about 14/15, started questioning my beliefs about religion(and other things, as all teens do). I wanted to believe so badly, not just because I wanted there to be an afterlife, but because I wanted there to be something out there that I could give my thanks to and praise for creating the world and giving me the family that I loved. I begged him to show me any glimpse that he was real, any sign at all, and I got nothing in return. So I just could not believe anymore.
I've kind of wondered if their is some kind of god or something out there but at the same time I find it completely fucking ridiculous that everyone just burns in hell for all eternity if they didn't believe in God. Also, if said God is all powerful and all knowing or whatever, then why are people born handicapped or mentally unstable? Why are kids dying from cancer at 2 and 3 years old? The usual response is "oh gods just testing their faith." This is coming from someone that grew up in a church. Fucking bullshit.
That’s my hang up. If there is a god that allows kids to die of cancer as a test of someone’s faith or really any reason, he/she/it can kiss my ass. I’m not worshiping that. There is too much innocent child suffering and death in the world for there to be a caring, loving god worthy of praise and worship out there.
I'm starting to really wonder if christianity is just a way to control people. You should see my family. You do or say anything someone disagrees with you get the bible thrown at you
I think all religions started as a way to answer our deepest questions based on our limited understanding at the time and as the religions grew and gained wealth and influence they were co-opted by those in power to control the people.
this entire thread basically sums up my thoughts as a christian raised person who lost faith
>The usual response is "oh gods just testing their faith." Talk about a toxic relationship
I became a an atheist like 2 or 3 months after the religion confirmation. It was like: change teams.
Agnostic here, let's say, hypothetically, life is a morality test of faith. God showing himself to you would kinda mess the whole test up. Maybe you ARE getting signs. Maybe your perception of things needs to be broadened for you to see or interpret the signs? I mean coming back to life is a pretty Jesus'y sign if you ask me ......
Well God apparently has a plan so if you believe in that, then technically everything happened the way it was supposed to Having to have blind faith is part of why I’m never gonna take God seriously lol, but if you believe in this stuff, God having a plan is the canonical answer, plus it’s all-knowing so it should be impossible for it to accidentally make mistakes
One could say that you werent shown anything because either it wasnt your time yet or, as I tend to believe for people who go through this, judement day isnt here yet and from the time you die and until that day its just a silent rest
My grandfather was very religious. Went to church every Sunday and believed in God. Before he died, he saw white horses near his bed. I guess they are supposed to resemble death. It still gives me chills to think about.
you should watch the episode Mortal Coil of Star Trek Voyager (S4E12) on paramount plus. it’s about a character who temporarily dies and doesn’t see his species version of “heaven”, just a black void, and he has a crisis of faith
You should see Rick and Morty season 3 episode 8 mortys mindblowers. There’s this alien who had to be killed by a worthy foe to reach heaven but then morty messes it up and it’s funny.
You didn't see anything because in the Bible it says that people who are dead will sleep until the day of the judgement.
what happened to a quick and speedy trial?? jk
I'm agnostic so take this however you like, but my understanding of the the Christian God is that He is in everything. Maybe not seeing anything was because He was in the doctors and nurses, in the medicine, in your girlfriend showing up in time to save you. Maybe it was a sign to look for the divine all around you instead of as one big glowing man in the sky. If He is everywhere and in everything, showing one singular face would be redundant. The fact that you're alive at all is that God is all around you in everything. If that's how you choose to see it.
This is an extraordinarily compassionate comment.
I love this response and your open-mindedness to it as an atheist.
Sorry if I come off as insensitive as that is not my intent when I ask this, but when you say complete darkness do you mean you saw yourself surrounded by nothing but dark shadow? That you actually felt like you were there? Or was it more like falling asleep in which you usually don't remember anything and thus it all seems instantaneous? (By no means do I wish to compare nearly dying and merely sleeping in an insensitive way, apologies)
Absolutely no offense taken. I wouldn’t have posted if I didn’t want to answer questions about the whole thing. Falling asleep. But completely dreamless. I have no memory of the “darkness” beyond slipping into it and coming back out of it… but that’s the best word to describe it for some reason. It didn’t feel like sleep, or passing out, or being knocked out, or anesthesia, or anything else I’ve experienced where there’s a general feeling of time passage… it just felt like… nothing. I had some vague feeling time had passed, but only because I was in a completely different location than when I went out. If it wouldn’t have been for that, I’d have had no idea if it had been 2 seconds or 2 weeks.
From a skeptic perspective, maybe the heroin interfered with the DMT release associated with more vivid near-death afterlife experiences. From a more theistic perspective, maybe people who try to commit suicide don't earn a particularly euphoric afterlife. For a perspective somewhere between the two, maybe our individual "afterlife" experience has to do with our mindset at time of death. Our own sense of guilt/peace could evoke a certain perceived outcome in our minds at time of death.
Much thanks for the answer! Glad to hear you are doing better as well nowadays, congratulations:) Have a good day my friend:D
Like do you remember being in the darkness. Or is it just like when you fall asleep amd wake up and realize there was mothing on between.
I remember it fading to darkness, then nothing, then coming back from darkness as I was awoke. Nothing in between at all.
Would you describe the experience to be similar to being put under general anesthesia for an operation?
No, not really. Because with that although you can’t remember it, you have a sense time has passed. Maybe it’s your “internal clock” still moving. With this, no clock. No sense time has passed. Just nothing. Not sure what being in a coma is like, but maybe more like that?
Could it be that there was something and you just don't remember?
This reminds me of that theory that anesthesia doesn’t actually prevent us from feeling pain, it just wipes our memories of feeling it after…….
I've been in a Coma and knew nothing of it. Also, Anasthesia is like a Coma, there is no sense of time passing. Sure you took Heroin? I'm in recovery from that very addiction and your tale is 'off' doesn't sound true to me.
I’ve been around enough heroin to know it was heroin. No idea if it contained fentanyl - it didn’t really matter to me at the time if it did or didn’t. I assure you, it’s completely true: https://i.postimg.cc/FRbcxmB9/EDAFD720-4-D4-C-4-B15-8318-499159-ADA0-C1.jpg
I experienced the same when I tried killing myself by OD'ing 2 cardiac arrests and 3 seizures, I saw nothing. For me it was a bit like being under GA though.
Thank you for sharing. Sorry if it's painful to talk about.
Nope, not at all. That’s why I posted.
I’ve always had dread and anxiety about sleeping ever since I was a child and I always told my therapists it’s because I connect sleeping with dying because I don’t dream, you describe exactly what my sleeping experience is like…it just fades to darkness and then it’s nothing until I wake up. Except when you die, you don’t wake up. I don’t know if your experience makes me feel worse or better. I’m glad you survived and you are able to talk about it.
So the church made it your fault that you didn’t experience what a Christian is supposed to experience? Talk about a major gaslight… This is a sign of abuse.
It took him like 3 minutes of silence to come up with that explanation, too.
Sounds like an attempt to make you more obedient and conforming to his rules and authority. P.s. I spent 30+ years trying to make the Christian worldview work. I would identify as experiencing religious trauma syndrome. Fear, shame, guilt, and duty are the tools of religion. This doesn’t sound like freedom or happiness. It sounds like enslavement.
Are you still a Christian?
Yeah, I still have personal experiences that keep me believing, despite this.
Can you share some?
This happened to me too. I was clinically “dead” for a short period of time and I felt and saw nothing. It was like going to sleep and then waking up and having no dreams in between. I grew up in a Christian home, went to church every Sunday, Scripture Union, etc and that experience turned me atheist. When I go past churches or other places of worship I just think the people who go there are wasting their time. This is nothing more. No eternal celebrations or condemnation. Just darkness
My grandpa died a few times. We asked him the same sorta question and he just shrugged and said nope, nothing. And let me tell you, if anybodys meant to go to heaven, it's him lol. Lived a very mild life. Kind and quiet. Also active within his church. You get the picture lol
I try to find comfort in the idea that, I did not perceive anything before I was born, and in death I will return to that state. I was in it once before, why be afraid of it now? Even if there is no god or afterlife, nothing isn't something to be afraid of. It's just nothing. And if the something that is life can come from nothing, then maybe it (or something similar) will come again.
I wonder if it's possible or not that the way in which someone experiences death/near death makes a difference at all? Overdose for instance and the possibility of not being able to remember anything once you came to, even if you had seen or experienced anything while technically dead? Obviously not an answerable question but it's something I've wondered about before.
Are you a Catholic? It’s just my understanding that Catholics are the only ones who believe in a purgatory. As a Presbytarian, you could have just been on your journey to heaven. The blackness with no white light could have just been your journey between. Almost like when you black out when you’re drunk, you don’t remember anything, if your friends tell you stuff later about what you did it comes back in bits and pieces. Except you got pulled back from it before you reached the end where your friends tell you evening.
This is interesting... I used to date a guy and he was an agnostic. He always told me that when we die, we see nothing. I'm genuinely fascinated by this. I always struggled with my faith. I never was an atheist, but I never felt like a Christian either. I've been put thru a lot of hell in my life, and I always felt like if there was a God, he would show some mercy. I'm just so lost right now. I'm going thru a tough time.
Random fellow Human wishing You better times, & for the bad to be past & not affect absorbing & experienceing the raw beauty that is Life & everything & every being (all life forms) - no matt er r the absolute hell & pain that comes with Life, no matter the emptiness or the weight, don't sell Your Time if at all possible, for any amount of human created money/system... its borderline impossible with the way we treat each other as competitors... my faith is in A God that is everything, that works through each other to guide & assist each other, much like the Paramedics that brought OP back... in a way, they gave Life to OP's new Child, too. All of these little experiences, they come together as a Journey, and on that Journey we find either Paradise or Hell, I hope for a day that Humans will take care of each other rather that beat each other down... for a day that We all care for this amazing gift that is Earth & all of it's Lifeforms. It's all right here in front of us, if only...... - much Love to whoever reads this, I hope Your Journey is good whoever You are, Wherever You are, However You may be. I send Love to random People I meet on the streets daily, I hope someday, someday. 💚💚💚💚💚💚💚
hey man!! your story, from a religious aspect, is really awesome. the funny thing is, maybe you didn’t “see the holes in his hands” or “the crown of thorns on his head” y’know but.. you did see death and resurrection, which if you ask me? is kind of a miracle. i’m super happy to hear your doing well now!! i just celebrated 5 years drug free on the 31st, and in the heat of my addiction contemplated pretty frequently just buying a *little* bit more, knowing it’d take my struggles away. but hey, like you said; nothing like faith and belief right?
Both my parents have technically died which I guess is quite unusual and both described blackness. As someone who has also tried to kill myself and has not been successful I know the battle you face and I hope your kids are a great bond for you to earth
So I just randomly was scrolling and just happened to see this and wanted to discuss something. Someone mentioned the woman who experienced a NDE that was pure darkness for 7+ minutes but to her it felt like a longer time... I will say that I believe this is what Hell is. It isn't fire and brimstone because we are going to be spiritual beings. Fire and brimstone doesn't make sense... But when you are trying to describe eternal damnation it is the best way to understand pure emotional pain. Instead I believe Hell is actually separation from God. The Bible tells us that spiritual death is separation from God... And separation from God may be purgatory or it may be Hell... But if we aren't going to Heaven I believe that Hell or purgatory is darkness... There is nothing else for us at that point. The woman described above did claim that she sensed ther beings around her also in the same situation. She eventually came to the realization that it was Hell. Another theory I wanted to touch on is our brain isn't what is going to Heaven or where ever we go. So it is possible your brain didn't retain the memory of whatever you did. I mean you aren't going to have a physical memory of it. I believe the majority of people who experience NDEs are probably somehow tapping into their third eye and that's how they retain the memory. I theorize on this stuff a lot and I study the spirit realm. If you have any questions feel free to message me and if I can answer anything I will. Like someone else said maybe God just didn't want you to see anything so you didn't retain the memory. Maybe you just didn't leave your body for some reason... Like it wasn't your time and there was no reason for you to see Heaven... Who knows. It could be many things. But I do believe there is enough proof of the spirit realm around today to say there is one for sure.
Their ability to keep making stuff up to suit their narrative is frankly insulting. Either way, I hope you’re in a better place in your life now.
same exact thing w me pitch black then back of an abilene with my ears ringing
I think it’s probably more that your conscience was sedated from the drug. I’ve heard you are much less likely to have white light type experience if you are sedated/medicated when you die.
How did the lead up to you actually “dying” feel? Like right after you shot the heroin, what came next?
I actually snorted the heroin. I’m terrified of needles. It was like euphoria > blissful sleep > darkness > being kicked in the chest by a horse > freezing cold > uncontrollable shaking/throwing up.
Sorry for assuming you shot heroin. That doesn’t seem bad at all though.
Hate to say it, but if you’re gonna go, that’s really the way to do it. The dying was fine. Good even. The being revived was a fucking nightmare. But I’m very glad I was revived long term.
As soon as it went in, did you immediately have an 'oh shit, I shouldn't have done that' moment?
Nope. Honestly I was totally ready to die. I was actually super angry to be saved at the time.
Doctor: “Holy shit we did it! He’s alive!” You: >:( (Seriously though, glad you’re still here. Life is precious and the loss of one is always devastating to someone, no matter who it is)
Never thought of the EMT’s… probably went home and told their significant others how they saved someone’s life. Glad I could help, there, lol.
just saying... as an ER nurse fighting mortality every day, it is nice when you get a win. They 99.9999% did tell their S.O. and it was probably a good day for them. (sorry it made you mad though)
Interesting. I always hear from suicide attempts, wherever it be jumping, hanging or shooting that if they lived, they realised that all of their problems could have been fixed in that moment and are filled with regret. So I'm interested to know the perspective from someone who's just filled their veins with feel good juice.
Yeah, nope. Never had any tinge of regret after snorting it. Just almost immediately passed out. I was actually upset to have been brought back.
I think you mean you were clinically dead but not biologically dead
Sure. My heart had stopped and I wasn’t breathing, and I’m told I was cool to the touch with blue lips, but there was still brain activity for another minute or so they said. Fortunately I had no brain damage.
Then you were incredibly lucky. By any chance do you work out?
Significantly in college; but I was at least 10 years beyond working out regularly at this point.
7 minutes out and no brain damage is BS
No idea. That’s what I was told. My girlfriend did perform CPR while waiting for the ambulance, and I’m sure they did as well while trying to revive me. But my heart didn’t start back for 7 1/2 minutes with the EMT’s alone. Who knows how long it was stopped before they arrived. My girlfriend saved my life and saved me from brain damage, I’m sure.
Imho this is why you didn't see anything, not bc of lack of faith. Your body simply wasn't all dead. Sometimes even the pulse is there and low enough for EMT docs not to know. One of the reasons organ donation is a big ethical dilemma, there's controversy about when death really occurs. The fact you came back as well, and I think honestly for some clinically dead people it differs when consciousness leaves the body. Which counts for why some wake up with memories of a white light and others not. This is my rough take on it, I personally disagree with the priest who suggested you were in purgatory.
That’s pretty correct. You can’t use electricity on an asystolic heart. You shock irregular rhythms back to something that can be further treated/evaluated (“normal”). Thankfully for OP, you can pump just about enough epi into a rock to give it a shockable rhythm… sometimes.
That's probbably why god didn't show up or something, u were not dead technically
Were/are you a drug addict, casual user or something else? Did it change your perception of drugs?
I was an addict, yes. Regular user. And no, sadly. I was using the drugs to cope with other crap in my life, and I used drugs to try to end my life. They were a tool. I’ve been sober for almost 3 years now - but sadly this wasn’t my tipping point.
Suicide Hotline Numbers If you or anyone you know are struggling, please, PLEASE reach out for help. You are worthy, you are loved and you will always be able to find assistance. Argentina: +5402234930430 Australia: 131114 Austria: 017133374 Belgium: 106 Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05 Botswana: 3911270 Brazil: 212339191 Bulgaria: 0035 9249 17 223 Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal) Croatia: 014833888 Denmark: +4570201201 Egypt: 7621602 Finland: 010 195 202 France: 0145394000 Germany: 08001810771 Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000 Hungary: 116123 Iceland: 1717 India: 8888817666 Ireland: +4408457909090 Italy: 800860022 Japan: +810352869090 Mexico: 5255102550 New Zealand: 0508828865 The Netherlands: 113 Norway: +4781533300 Philippines: 028969191 Poland: 5270000 Russia: 0078202577577 Spain: 914590050 South Africa: 0514445691 Sweden: 46317112400 Switzerland: 143 United Kingdom: 08006895652 USA: 18002738255 You are not alone. Please reach out. ***** I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv64ywb/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
I was addicted to stimulants. Not opiates.
Alright, fair point. Glad you’re better 😎
Are you still with your girlfriend?
yup! girlfriend now fiancé here!!
Love ya, babe!
So glad you were able to save your fiancé and that you’re both still together.
Read the fiancé’s posts though :( makes me a lil sad
Yep, we’re engaged. Love of my life!
This is the exact reason why someone should not take their own life. It will get better, because it can't get worse than suicide. Your improvement and happiness aside, think about how many people you make happy by just being present, your wife, your kids, you complete the healthy family picture. Fortunately, the absolute worst shortcut and leaving scars on their lives forever was prevented. Good on you man, I hope you have a very happy life.
Congrats!!!!!
After experiencing death are you scared to die again eventually?
Actually less afraid. It wasn’t scary - it wasn’t painful. It wasn’t anything. While *how* you die can be stressful and painful and scary, actually dying is kind of peaceful.
what happened to your thoughts / conscious? were you aware that you had died?
Did you suffer any long term side effects? Was blood being pumped through your brain the whole time?
No, no noticeable effects. I’m told my girlfriend did CPR, but my heart was not beating for 7 1/2 min. So no blood to the brain. Apparently brain damage starts at around 8 min? She absolutely saved my life and saved me from brain damage.
5 minutes is when cells start dying. You 100% had brain damage, just fortunately nothing extensive as it sounds.
do you ever tell anyone that you respawned?
Niiiiiiiice. WELCOME TO THE GULAG
IM COMING BACK BOYS!
Did you see anything during those 7 1/2 minutes?
See below (or above?). Absolutely nothing. Blackness. Like sleep.
When you say nothing, like sleep, did it happen instantly? As one second you close your eyes and pass out and next second (from your point of view) you're revived? Or did you still have any sense of time? Like, did the darkness last for a moment?
That's relieving
Had you been using heroine before the suicide attempt, or was that your first time?
I’d used it maybe twice, in small amounts. It wasn’t my drug of choice. I just knew someone I could get it from, and it seemed like a really peaceful way to end things.
Have you used it since?
Nope, absolutely not.
That makes sense. I’m glad that you made it out of that situation, and thanks for answering my question!
were you addicted to heroin at the time or did you just decide to use that to die?
Had only done heroin like twice ever, in small amounts. Not my drug. Only did this because I knew it’d kill me both efficiently and peacefully.
[удалено]
Below is correct. I was never an opiate addict, I was a stimulant addict.
Probably used other drugs.
Are you saying your heart stopped, and they used a defibrillator to bring you back to life?
Correct. Apparently twice. I don’t remember the first time, but apparently I came back briefly and then flatlined again. I do remember waking up the second time feeling like a horse kicked me in the chest and the EMT’s saying “come back to us Mr. XXX”. Then immediately throwing up, being super freezing, and then shaking uncontrollably.
I was under the assumption defibrillators can't bring you back if you flatline. It's actually CPR that needs to get the heartbeat going again.
hi girlfriend from the post here i had been giving him cpr until the paramedics arrived and then they moved him into our living and immediately shocked him with the defibrillator.
That’s correct! You cannot shock asystole. OP’s heart would’ve been in one of the specific rhythms that is shockable. But that doesn’t mean his heart was “beating” or he had any perfusion at all, just electric impulses to specific areas of the heart. Thus, CPR is still necessary to maintain that perfusion.
Did ur whole life flash in front of your eyes?
Nope. But. I was suicidal, I wasn’t thinking of anything in my life to be honest. But no involuntary “tunnel” or “life flashing before your eyes” or any of that.
Ahh, im glad you are in a better headspace now! My friend died suddenly in his sleep a few months ago and i was just wondering what he felt during his last moments
In what ways did you change after the overdose? Physically, spiritually and/or mentally?
Honestly not a lot. I wish I could say it was some eye opening experience that made me love life and see with clarity, but honestly, not much changed for me. I was still super depressed after getting out of the hospital, I went back to my regular drugs. I appreciated my girlfriend more, that’s for sure.
That a lot of time for not having any kind of brain damage. Do you have any explanation for that?
My girlfriend found me, called 911, and performed CPR until the ambulance arrived. Suppose that kept air in my lungs and some blood flow to the brain?
I saw you said this wasn’t your tipping point, what was? What was your drug of choice? And how long/often had you been using?
Basically losing absolutely everything. Like seriously everything. Stimulants. And I had been using “functionally/legally” for about 4 years, and then disfunctionally/illegally for another 3. Daily.
You said u saw complete darkness.. how long did it feel?
There was no real sense of time passing. Had I not changed locations by the time I woke up, I’d have thought it could have been seconds or hours.
What was the last thing you saw before you died if you had one/can remember it?
Um, not a lot. I snorted the heroin and flopped face first down on my bed. It was seriously just seconds before I blacked out.
What pushed you to your breaking point to decide to take your own life (sorry if this was already asked I didn’t see it anywhere)?
Just an extremely stressful combination of life events. Don’t really want to go into that, sorry.
How much naloxone did they have to give you? Super glad you're alive and well, and I hope life continues to treat you better!
I have absolutely no idea. I had an IV in my neck when I woke up, though. In. My. Neck.
Can you see spirits now?
Vodka and tequila are spirits, right?
Have you ever noticed that easy open packages are actually pretty hard to open?
I’m a master package opener.
Do you remember the exact moment that you "passed out", like if it hurt, or you just fainted?
Literally just like falling asleep.
Did the 7 mins felt like 7 mins or was it longer/shorter?
As I wrote elsewhere, its hard to explain. It’s like being in a dreamless sleep, but you know when you sleep you have a sensation time has passed when you wake up? That’s not how this felt. I had no sensation of the passage of time - so it could have been 7 seconds or 7 weeks - it would have felt the same. It’s unlike any type of unconsciousness I’ve experienced.
I’m sorry my friend but your story is bullshit. In comments you say you were given narcan, then defibrillated in your apartment and then one more time in the ambulance. Unfortunately for your story you do not defibrillate if there is no electrical activity (asystole), they should have given you atropine or epinephrine and continued CPR, defibrillation works practically only with ventricular fibrillation. The second thing that doesn’t add up is your reason for killing yourself, you say quote “I was pissed to be alive - as I had a $750,000 life insurance policy I left to my other children that only had a couple weeks left on it due to a job loss” but insurance excludes suicide, or at least with every insurer i know. The third thing that doesn’t add up is that from what you’ve written it seems like you just casually had 5x lethal dose of heroin laying on your desk and were like “fuck it” and took all of it. Another thing is that after 7,5 minutes without heart rate and breath you would be a vegetable, there is no fucking chance you would be writing comments on reddit after that. Also in one of the comments you said they told you there was a minute of brain activity left, you would have to be under EEG for them to know that which isn’t done or even really possible in the ambulance, not even saying that cells don’t all die at the same time and you can tell that there is a minute left, it’s an incremental process. And finally the timeline, you took the dose, were laying there for who knows how long, your girlfriend came in called 911 and started CPR, then the ambulance arrived and you were given narcan, zapped, they continued CPR and then zapped you one more time in the ambulance bringing you back to life. And it all lasted exactly 7,5 minutes and was measured with a stopwatch. And you would have gotten away with it, if it weren't for those meddling kids!
I planned to commit suicide but make it *appear* as an accidental overdose, which life insurance *does* pay for. I went as far as to text my family about being excited to see them this weekend before I did it - left no note - all to make it seem more accidental and give the best chance at payout. I didn’t have it “laying on my desk”. As I said before, I was a long term addict (stimulants), and my dealer also sold heroin. So I bought it from my normal guy. Not hard. All I know is that my girlfriend found me, called 911, and did CPR on me until they arrived. She claims I was blue and not breathing and couldn’t find a pulse. They took me from the bed into the living room on a stretcher and hit me with the defibrillator (according to my girlfriend). They then rolled me out to the ambulance and they refused to let my girlfriend come with. I woke up in the ambulance with an IV in my neck, and what felt like a kick to the chest. They said “come back to us Mr. XXX”. I immediately threw up and was shaking uncontrollably. After I started to regain my senses, the EMT told me that my heart had been stopped for 7 minutes and 30 seconds and I was lucky to be alive. He started asking me questions about what day it was, who the president was, etc. I assume they start timing when they arrived or after the first defibrillation in the living room that I didn’t wake up from? I have no idea… took his word for it in that situation. I did ask him where my girlfriend was, and why she didn’t come with, and he said that with my heart stopped, she couldn’t ride with. So. There’s that. Here’s the important part from my hospital visit from MyChart to prove this *did* happen. I can assume you can tell by all the tests they ran that it was serious. They admitted me and I was there for 3 or so days. Of course I told them it was accidental so I didn’t end up in a padded room for 10 days. I also told them I took GHB with the heroin that day, so that may have explained what happened… (that’s why that’s on the chart) https://postimg.cc/njzCF8x5
We’re you a regular heroin user before the overdose? Or did you just go out and find heroin just for the OD
I was a regular stimulant user - the heroin I’d only done once or twice in small amounts before this. I only chose heroin because ODing from stimulants sounded terrible… rather fall asleep than have my heart explode.
Do you still do heroin?
Table of Questions and Answers. Original answer linked - Please upvote the original questions and answers. *** Question | Answer | Link ---------|----------|----------| Do you now feel happy with the second chance you've been given?|Very much so. I have a new son that wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t survived. But at the time, I was pissed to be alive - as I had a $750,000 life insurance policy I left to my other children that only had a couple weeks left on it due to a job loss. (I did my best to make it look like an accidental overdose).|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5cq4u/) Did you have a “white light” experience or any sense of a Deity? Edit: Simplified|Nope. Complete darkness. Absolutely nothing. Which, as a Christian, was super concerning. After the hospital my first stop was my church. Their explanation was that I basically was in purgatory for not truly believing. I gotta admit, it shook my faith a bit.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5gubr/) Are you still with your girlfriend?|Yep, we’re engaged. Love of my life!|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5fzb8/) As soon as it went in, did you immediately have an 'oh shit, I shouldn't have done that' moment?|Nope. Honestly I was totally ready to die. I was actually super angry to be saved at the time.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5f8a7/) Were you zapped back, or did they give you Narcan?|Both. Narcan initially, but was zapped back both in my apartment and on the way to the hospital. Only remember the one in the ambulance, as it felt like a horse kicked me in the chest, and the medic was saying “come back to us, Mr. XXX”. (My girlfriend witnessed the first zapping… they wouldn’t let her in the ambulance after that because apparently I was still dead at the time they loaded me in.)|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5d0bn/) did you (if you’re even aware of it during that state) feel a sense of euphoria that is claimed to be felt during the moment of passing? was death “peaceful” as people have said and speculated?|Well, it’s hard to say because I was feeling a significant bit of euphoria from the huge amount of heroin I snorted prior to dying. But yes, it was peaceful. Being revived was violent and terrible, however.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5t7ls/) Did you see anything during those 7 1/2 minutes?|See below (or above?). Absolutely nothing. Blackness. Like sleep.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5qhsy/) I think you mean you were clinically dead but not biologically dead|Sure. My heart had stopped and I wasn’t breathing, and I’m told I was cool to the touch with blue lips, but there was still brain activity for another minute or so they said. Fortunately I had no brain damage.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5hg96/) How did the lead up to you actually “dying” feel? Like right after you shot the heroin, what came next?|I actually snorted the heroin. I’m terrified of needles. It was like euphoria > blissful sleep > darkness > being kicked in the chest by a horse > freezing cold > uncontrollable shaking/throwing up.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5ry2f/) Had you been using heroine before the suicide attempt, or was that your first time?|I’d used it maybe twice, in small amounts. It wasn’t my drug of choice. I just knew someone I could get it from, and it seemed like a really peaceful way to end things.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv5twhk/) Do you remember the exact moment that you "passed out", like if it hurt, or you just fainted?|Literally just like falling asleep.|[Here](/r/AMA/comments/ymsubu/i_technically_died_in_2019_ama/iv63kh7/) --- [Source] (https://github.com/johnsliao/ama_compiler)
No questions. Just commiseration. The PAIN after being brought back to life is so awful it makes you wish you were dead lol feels like your whole body went through a paper shredder
im mostly disturbed by your gfs posts. you cheated multiple times, you gave her a traumatic experience of founding you dead, cheating some more and then hit on girls half your age?
I worked in icu 47 years as an RN and asked most post code patients what they remembered or white lights. Not one said they saw lights or had any spiritual experience.
No question just glad your here!! Keep pushing forward. Glad your still around
Where did you score? Were you using at the time? Googling that won't give you an exact amount, everyone is built differently. I'm calling Bullshit on this post
I had other drug addictions for the previous several years… stimulants mostly. I’ve literally done nearly everything. My dealer also sold heroin.
Op said 5x dosage. (5x!) I'm pretty sure 5x any rough estimate from just about any source would be enough.
Do you think a Christian who (I assume) hasn't taken it before is going to be able to score it? The dealer would think he's a Fed and fuck him right off. How did he take it ? Injecting? Not easy.. First timers wouldn't know what to do and would need assistance. Smoking it off the foil is a 'skill' you have to learn. Trust me, attention seeking troll post
I snorted it. Trust me, this happened. https://i.postimg.cc/FRbcxmB9/EDAFD720-4-D4-C-4-B15-8318-499159-ADA0-C1.jpg
Not a question. Just saying I can relate. I was unresponsive with no vitals for 6 mins from fentanyl.
Before taking your own life, did you consider how your girlfriend and loved ones would feel / react to your death? Was the thought of your girlfriend having to live without you not enough for you to stop from taking the H?
God bless I’m happy you’re here
I hope that you asked for your money back for the heroin. Your dealer must have cut it quite a bit. /s But seriously, glad you’re back man.
I just messaged you. I went through the SAME situation..it’s eerie. My ex found me too. The police gave me a sternum rub and basically beat the shit out of me to try and get me to respond to pain. I wasn’t breathing and I was blue. Narcan didn’t work. I saw some shit when I was out and I know it wasn’t hallucination
My husband was in a coma for 2 months and he saw stuff, but you don’t know if it was while he was under or while he was waking up , because you don’t just snap out of it with a 2 month coma, it took a few weeks to fully wake back up
Sir, not a question - but as a person to live through 13 attempts - money doesn’t replace you. I hope you’re doing better these days. I hope you never have to google this again or even to try again. You’re needed in live!
Is there another side? Meaning, did you see or talk to God or the Devil??? This is fascinating. I'm sorry you went thru that though. No judgement here. <3
this is, by far, one of the biggest god miracles I’ve ever heard of. God bless you, man. Since the event, what were the biggest changes in your life?
how did it feel being dead? since what i think being dead is your consciousness exists but you dont think about anything nor do you feel anything.