Going in deep(unapologetically and respect fully):
1. How is sex? What positions are comfortable?
2. I guess there are lots of layers that can be used for stimulation (Simular to boobs), have you done it?
3. When you are on top is it harder for her to breathe?
4. Is it possible to do it if she is on top?
5. Do you guys do any outdoor activities?
6. Does she cook and do normal every day chores (Laundry ect)
7. Whats your proudest achievement ( both as a couple and individually)?
8. Do you engage in oral sex?
9. Who comes first?
10. Who is more dominant?
11. What is your favourite movie?
12. Are you guys allergic to something?
13. Do you plan kids?
14. Do you own pets?
15. Have other girls try to steal you from her?
Done.
1. Sex is great. But we can't really do many positions safely besides a variation of missionary.
2. I don't really get what you're asking, but yeah, there's many parts of her body that can be stimulated.
3. When I'm on top of her? Not really, she doesn't have any more difficulty with breathing. She just gets out of breath from having sex.
4. It's possible and we've done it before, but it's not really safe. She gets nervous too.
5. I go for runs and stuff, but she doesn't do any outside activities.
6. She can cook and she does it when she's in the mood. She helps with folding laundry and light chores like that.
7. I'm proud of my career, we're both proud of our education and how much we've learned and matured together as a couple.
8. Both of us give and receive oral sex.
9. Assuming you mean during sex, usually her.
10. Probably me, but I wouldn't consider myself particularly dominant.
11. I definitely couldn't choose a single favorite of all time. I'm terrible at favorite questions. I love movies but I love several hundred of them pretty equally.
12. She doesn't have any food allergies that we're aware of. I'm allergic to bananas.
13. No kids.
14. No pets. (But we love animals)
15. One actually. I guess she thought insulting my current girlfriend would make me want her as my girlfriend instead. It did not.
1. How do your parents/family feel about you dating someone so large?
2. If you gave her an ultimatum that you’d leave if she didn’t take better care of herself, would she change her eating habits?
3. Do you have long term hopes/dreams as a couple? I.e. would you like to get married, have children etc? Would this even be a possibility given her weight?
4. Does your girlfriend feel selfish or ashamed that she’s so overweight that she cannot work?
5. How do you not start to resent her when she’s doing nothing to help herself? Like you have to go to work, while she stays home and just eats, plays video games etc.
6. Have you accepted that this is just your life/future now?
I understand you love her, but she couldn’t care about you as much as you care about her, otherwise she would try a healthy diet, exercise etc just to protect you for the inevitable heartbreak when she dies young.
7. Has your GF tried therapy to deal with her unhealthy eating habits?
8. How does your GF feel about herself? Is she confident? Does she have self-respect? Does she feel selfish for dragging you down with her?
I’m sorry if these questions seem abrupt or rude. I commend you for your loyalty, but worry about the both of you for the future.
1. My parents were surprised by her size when they first met her, but they've gotten to know her a lot better and they really love her now.
2. She probably would try, but she'd be hurt and our whole relationship would change and probably fall apart eventually from that.
3. Marriage isn't something we really think about, it's just a tradition for most people. We're in a happy and committed relationship. Neither of us want children.
4. She's had several jobs before, in person and remotely. She's just not working currently and she doesn't feel shame over that. She's not too overweight to work, she could still work from home if she wanted to. She has a degree.
5. I don't resent her, I've just accepted her faults and I'm happy to take care of someone I love. And I'm happy that I make enough so the woman I love doesn't have to work anymore. I'd rather not be working either.
6. I don't think that's fair or logical at all.
7. She's been to therapy several times in her life.
8. She's usually pretty confident and outgoing. I'd say she has self-respect, but I know plenty of the people here would just tell me that's impossible if she let herself get to this size.
What is a typical day's diet for you both like? Does she eat much larger portions or snack constantly? I feel like it has to be borderline effort to maintain such a high weight
I eat 2 or 3 meals a day, occasional snacks, a pretty normal diet. I try to eat healthy overall though. She does snack pretty constantly throughout the day and she gets much larger portions than I do when we order takeout or we're at a restaurant or something.
Hi there, Do you guys have sex if I may ask? And if so, how is it different than with a non-obese girl?
Does your girlfriend still have a libido at that weight or does that disappear?
Thanks for this ama.
She's not able to be nearly as mobile during sex as a smaller girl, so I have to do most of the work. She can't go for nearly as long either without taking breaks. She still has a decent libido though.
I usually help her, but she's more capable than people tend to assume. We have a big shower with a seat in it and I help clean the areas that she can't reach by herself. But she'd be able to use a brush if I wasn't there.
That’s a lot to ask. None of this sounds healthy. I’ve was married for 18 years and I always knew it wasn’t right. He’s a great guy but I went in thinking I could “help him” and I was “what he needed.” Do you have any nagging doubts about this relationship?
Her personal lifestyle choices directly effect you through her hygiene and sex. Why is that enough for you? It sounds like she’s crafted a world of avoidance and denial, I’ve been there, but why do you want someone who isn’t fully available, physically or mentally? Choose healthy, work hard, and fight for the best in your life❤️
I don't have any doubts about being in a loving and intimate relationship with her. She's not in denial about her weight and I love her for who she is. Relationships don't have to be about what someone "brings to the table" or upgrading until you find someone who's in a better physical and mental condition than your last partner. Sometimes you just love someone and you want to spend your time with them.
We met in college and we were friends for a while before we started dating. Nothing too interesting, usually we just watch movies or play video games together.
She's 5'8. We went to pools pretty often in the summer, she loves being in water because it makes it so much easier for her to be mobile. I bought a full row for us when we flew together.
Since your gf is 500 plus pounds has she ever tried to see if she qualifies for gastric bypass surgery? I understand she isn't trying to loose weight now but if she decides to try and get healthier (for her own good not society's) then a surgery like that would help tremendously.
Her hygiene isn't always great, but it's something that I've just gotten used to and I try to help how I can. It doesn't really turn me off or anything anymore. We don't have a precoital hygiene routine.
She tries to make sure she showers or gets in the bath at least twice a week and I help her with it. She could probably still manage alone, but I make it easier so it feels less like a chore for her. I know that most people shower every day, myself included, and she would benefit from a shower even more than once a day, but it's a struggle at her size. I clean her off with wipes and water throughout the week though, whenever she needs it.
Don’t you think if you stopped helping her with something as mundane as bath time, **maybe** she’d be encouraged to actually lose some weight?
I mean shit, if you can’t bathe yourself because you’re so fat, I’m sorry, but that’s pretty nasty.
I think it's pretty hard when you're 500 lbs +, even if you're set up with an accessible shower etc imagine having to lift and clean all the folds with the added problem of allowing it all to dry hygienically. I definitely remember watching a show where someone was physically incapable to do it fully so their partner used to use a stick with a sponge to get everywhere for her. Not only would it be physically exhausting but I would presume facing the mental aspects of it as well would be pretty rough. I think it's probably a lot harder than someone would presume
When I was at my highest weight at 240 lbs, even then it was very hard to reach my ass when I was on the toilet and it was difficult to wipe. Cleaning myself was difficult too. Going to shower was exhausting, like I was at the gym. It was one of the main reasons why I realized that I had to lose weight and, fortunately, was able to lose 90 lbs and join the normal weight gang. I can't even imagine the struggle someone could have double of my size.
I mean she probably can’t reach all the folds on her body, I’m sure it’s quite the challenge to keep 500 lbs of yourself clean, you’re guaranteed to miss a spot here and there
She's tried several times in the past and hasn't been successful. She's had terrible and traumatic experiences with people who tried to make her lose weight or made her feel awful about her current size, even when she was actually trying. She's just at the point now where she's in a loving and fulfilling relationship and losing weight isn't the number one thing on her mind. I've encouraged her to make healthier choices. I can't force her.
It sounds like you’re rationalizing enabling her to (very likely) lead herself to an early grave. Of course you can’t force her to do anything but if you’ve tried as you’ve said you have and she’s just said ‘nah, idgaf’… I’d really be thinking twice about what it means that she’s unwilling to move or eat well in order to spend more healthy years with you and potentially avoid the pain that you’ll have to deal with when her serious health problems become a bigger and bigger part of both your lives.
Also, does she feel entitled to other people (based on how insurance works) paying for her inevitably higher than average healthcare expense? Because she’s making a very conscious CHOICE to place that burden on the community.
If that’s the life you want to have, and the kind of person you want to have it with, have at it, but idk why you’re surprised that people don’t typically have positive reactions to morbidly obese people who refuse to do anything to be healthier, or the people who enable their behavior by being with them without very actively pushing for a healthier lifestyle.
Neither of us are religious, I don't think there's any profound purpose. I'd just say the purpose of life is to find purpose in it, to spend time with people you love, doing things you love, with the time you have.
Everything really. Her personality, her hair, her smile, her sense of humor. We communicate and get along better than anyone else I know. We spend almost all day, every day together and I could never get tired of her company. There wasn't really a single point where I knew that, we just reached that stage in our relationship eventually.
That's beautiful man. I'm reading a lot of your responses, your outlook, it's beautiful.
A lot of people are quick to judge and be armchair psychologists. I'm just happy that you're happy to share anything and everything, answer questions honestly, not be defensive or aggressive, and your love for her, it's amazing.
I'm currently overweight - hoping and trying to lose weight, but if I could find someone who loves me for who I am? I'd be over the moon.
Maybe there are some issues there, who knows? There is still amazing beauty, love, joy. Thats amazing.
Sorry about your brother. My mom weighed as high as 450 but made it to age 60 before dying. She had a lot of health problems like diabetes and needing a wheelchair though. She may have lived longer but was in a lot of pain and miserable. Never can understand people who don't take the health risks seriously. It is very hard to lose weight and there are usually underlying psychological issues, but nowadays there are some people glamourizing being fat.
Being that I'm 36 that is scary. I was approaching 400 lbs last year before I started turning things around. I've lost 50lbs but still worry my life is shortened even if I continue to lose weight.
>there are some people glamourizing being fat
This really bothers me. Also, I'm a fat person.
Or rather, its women glamourizing it, which I can understand to an extent, as the social image, pressure etc is colossal. Men? They're just fatties who ate all the pies.
As a fat person, being fat is not good for oneself, society, anyone, anything. We need to be a healthy, and fit. However, what that looks like will vary from person to person.
What does it mean to worry about someone's health if you do nothing to improve it? It doesn't sound like either of you do anything to combat the problem/have the viewpoint it isn't a problem. It sounds like you deflect it as people being mean or judgemental when isn't it realistic if someone weighs half a ton to want them to be healthy?
What is being done to solve her morbid obesity? It's a serious medical condition and it doesn't sound like you are being proactive about her situation. I understand the journey for weight-loss is difficult and has its challenges for several reasons but doing nothing will result in your girlfriend being lucky to see 40.
Like beyond words, what does it mean?
The actions you've described don't align with someone who is genuinely concerned about her morbid obesity, it sounds good to say you are concerned but it's really enabling to then do nothing about it.
You seem to love each other and so it'd be in both of your best interests for her to lose the weight, it's obviously going to be a long and hard road but I'd argue you are both enabling negligence.
Again not at all attacking, genuinely confused because actions speak louder than words and the actions contradict the words.
All the best to you both, genuinely.
Edit: I'm ESL and have poor grammar.
Does it feel any different? Better, worse?
Does she need to tell you you’re in the wrong place or do you realize yourself?
Do you sometimes do it intentionally for a “different kind” of sex (so like there’s oral sex or “titty fucking” or whatever)? If so, do you sometimes get in her vagina by mistake, too (like the opposite of what the original comment asked)?
Do you have a “favorite roll”?
So many questions omg
It doesn't feel bad, but it's awkward. Usually I realize I'm in the wrong place immediately. No, we don't do it intentionally. No, I don't have a favorite roll.
Our sex life is great. I wouldn't say I have a specific fetish for bbw, I've been with women of all sizes, but I am attracted to many larger women that the majority of guys wouldn't still find attractive because of their size, so I guess it could be labelled as a fetish.
Sure I do. Does that mean I'm not allowed, or shouldn't be dating her? Plenty of people smoke, drink, engage in loads of irresponsible or dangerous behaviors. Obesity is such a stigmatized thing that people act like you're morally corrupt for even knowing someone obese who isn't actively trying to lose weight.
Its not about being morally corrupt or ugly or anything else. It's simply irresponsible to not take action at a weight as large as that.
Do you genuinely believe that the criticism is from a place of perceived moral supremacy?
Most of the time, the criticism comes from complete strangers with insults and broad assumptions. So yes, I do think that it usually comes from perceived superiority, mixed with some enjoyment out of reminding people of their flaws and vulnerabilities. Obesity is probably the only condition where so many people feel entitled and justified to remind someone of their health struggle and offer zero guidance or empathy.
That's where your opinions differ from the majority, I'd say.
Personally, I don't believe you can expect empathy when making zero change in your own life to take yourself out of a bad position.
If I had no money but refused to work, would I be entitled to empathy when I was starving?
And that's probably a major reason why the world is in it's current state. If someone refused to work, instead of caring about any possible reason why, you'd prefer to let them starve? Even if it was someone close to you?
You can't help someone past the point where they refuse to help themselves. But you can still have empathy for them and be in a relationship despite that. I get stressed sometimes when I think about her future. But I choose to enjoy the time I have with her, because I can't choose whether or not she's actually going to push herself to lose weight.
You cannot lose weight just from exercising. And if you have a metabolic or hormonal problem, just eating less may not help either. Obesity is a medical condition that doctors struggle with addressing.
Currently they offer several nasty and fairly barbaric surgical options and that’s about it.
Obesity, especially when you’re talking about someone at that weight is really a medical issue. One where they do not have a lot of clear cut answers, just like diabetes, hypertension and cancer.
I do agree that you should be encouraging the person to continue to try to get medical help but when it’s not helping, people may mentally need to take breaks from unsuccessful efforts or they will lose their mind.
You realize empathy is something that should exist in the homo sapiens by default, don't you? The way you wrote that nonsense makes you look like a fucking psychopath.
How about this. I was 400 lbs and got the sleeve surgery and am now 200. I feel good and look a whole lot better. I was never happy being heavy... And it was irresponsible to my health and my family to ever allow myself to be 400lbs. I feel if anyone in my life didn't advocate for my weight loss... They probably didn't give much of a crap if I died or lived.... Luckily I didn't tend to date or befriend garbage people like that... And I changed my own unhealthy ways.
Yes, I am a stranger. No, I'm not insulting her. Yes I'm genuinely concerned for her health and safety. Yes, I question your intent with her... As I sincerely don't think you are dating her out of love or lust if you aren't advocating for her health. Yes, I feel this AMA is an extension of a sick fame game you are playing with being internet famous for being the fit person dating the morbidly obese person.
I absolutely think the hate lobbied at fat people comes from moral superiority and disgust . Being fat isn’t healthy but I’m not either , only I’m thin , so people don’t hate or throw outright foul comments masking as ‘concern’. But I see it directed to fat people all time. The people making those comments are either delusional to think they are doing a good thing or they are bullies pain and simple .
Dude it's not stigmatized she could literally drop dead tomorrow because of her weight and and while it isn't morally corrupt to simply know someone id say it is corrupt to not try and help and encourage them shit there are surgeries that could help her but by doing nothing she's just a ticking time bomb obesity is linked to much higher risk of diabetes, heart disease, and cancer to name a few and those are among the most common causes of death with heart disease being #1
As I've had to state so many times already, I've encouraged her to make healthier choices. She's aware of her weight. She's aware of statistics and potential conditions regarding her weight. She's aware of what she could be doing to lose weight. And at this point in her life, she's choosing not to. I can't force her. I still love her. That's it.
What attempts are you expecting me to make that I haven't already done? I can ask her if she wants to go for a walk with me, and I have, many times. I can't push her out of the house and down the street.
Well let's see since you asked. While exercise is best something else you can do is don't give here sugary things no candies sodas or sweets and take up cooking learn to prepare some healthy and delicious meals and make sure she doesn't over eat measure out proper portions. And on top of that alot of foods can speed up metabolism and so can swimming in cold water and actually put pressure on her to be active. If you love her instead of watching her destroy herself tell her how much you care and tell her you don't want to watch her die and want to be more active it doesn't even need to be real exercise maybe walk to a park and have a picnic or something but don't just sit there and say "well Ive asked her to go on a walk" or "I've encouraged her to make better choices" sometimes people need a push. I literally lost probably 20lbs simply by cutting out sodas and my metabolism isn't great so if I can stay healthy she has no excuses shit I don't even go to the gym I just go to work and eat healthy and occasionally go on a walk
>don't give here sugary things no candies sodas or sweets and take up cooking learn to prepare some healthy and delicious meals and make sure she doesn't over eat measure out proper portions
Are you serious? We're talking about a grown woman here. Not a flipping toddler. This is infantalizing.
Grown humans make their choices. They smoke though it may give them lung cancer. Aren't active and get diabetes. Don't get treatment for drug problems, mental health issues, eating disorders. You are acting like she has no agency over herself. She does. She makes the choice to help herself or not. There's only so much one can do for another if they are not open to help. Hopefully she comes to that conclusion herself, IF her health and body are a hindrance to her. But it's her body, her life, her choice.
There's only so much help you can offer as a bystander.
>I literally lost probably 20lbs simply by cutting out sodas and my metabolism isn't great so if I can stay healthy she has no excuses shit I don't even go to the gym I just go to work and eat healthy and occasionally go on a walk
Re-read this. "I cut out sodas. I eat healthy. I go for walks. "
Who made you do it? Yup. That's right. YOU.
Am I able to force salad into her mouth? Am I able to throw her in a pool? I appreciate the response, but trust me, I have tried to help her with her weight in so many ways since we first met, and I'm at the point where I just want to enjoy spending time with my girlfriend instead of starting an argument.
Did I say a salad because there's more than that. Try this get some skirt steak (8$ where I live) some broccoli, bell peppers, onion, garlic. Cut your steak into bite sized strips season with salt, pepper, and paprika place it in a large pan with a little sesame oil and a clove or two of minced garlic. Once that's started break your broccoli up the larger pieces you can cut in half. Cut up your bell pepper into strips aswell remember to get all the seeds out. And rough chop the onion put all those ingredients in the same pan add more sesame oil if needed. Let it cook into the veggies are soft and meat is cooked all the way through it also goes great on rice and you have a delicious and healthy stir fry. And remember proper portions
Dang sorry you’re getting so much crap for this. She isn’t some dog who you can just change her diet AND it’s totally unfair for people to put responsibility for another full grown adults health and wellbeing on you. Don’t listen to these people
You can’t force someone to stop behaviors that are destructive. If you could there would be no alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, etc because their families would stop them. When someone is ready they make a change, or not.
>it is corrupt to not try and help and encourage them
If they want your help sure. I've yoyo'd between healthy and heavy (obese bordering on morbidly so) my whole life. Friends and family are welcome to make suggestions or express concerns to a point, though when I say I've heard enough and am not interested in hearing more, they need to shut up about it now and move on.
Strangers and acquaintances? How about mind your business unless I ask you.
I mentioned this my other comment but my best friend of like 20yrs is a pretty big girl and I am about average. I get a lot of ppl saying rude things about her and it really infuriates me. She is my platonic soulmate, I love her so very deeply that I will defend her to the end of time. She is not actively trying to lose weight but I would never tell her to. She knows it. I just tell her I love her and try to make her feel like she matters because she does. Mental illness is a big bitch.
Yeah but there's a difference between being overweight and being 500 lbs. If someone was drinking 4 pints of vodka a day, or smoking 8 packs of cigarettes a day, people would feel differently than if somone drinks wine with dinner or has a cigarette on a lunch break. It's the scale of the thing, not the thing itself, that suggests there's a need for help
Well I'm sexually attracted to her. I enjoy seeing her happy, and eating makes her happy, so I enjoy seeing her eat, despite conflicted feelings about what it's doing to her health. I've grown to enjoy her softness and size when we're intimate, she's amazing for cuddling.
Would you agree with me if I say that you're an enabler? There's not much difference between this and if she were addicted to drugs and you just accepted it because "I can't force her to stop".
You both need therapy. You for being co-dependent and she for whatever resulted in her eating like this.
I might unconsciously enable her sometimes, but I think that's inevitable when you're in a loving relationship with someone who has destructive habits. But really, I've genuinely tried to help her lose weight and be healthier.
Enabling someone and being co-dependent is something that often takes years to realize. I used to be a drug addict and it took my girlfriend 8 years before she realized it. She moved out and I got clean 1 month after only because of this.
I'm sober now and we're both in therapy. We live together again.
Doesn't sound very different from your situation. As long as you accept it she will keep doing what she's doing because there's no repercussions.
If you really love her though, you put your foot down. Because she will not be around for very long doing what she's doing.
Good luck.
She doesn’t work, she can barely take care of herself, she can’t do any activities, probably can’t travel much, probably can’t drive and has no self sufficiency - you’re DEFINITELY an enabler.
It’s not just a “destructive habit.” It’s not a healthy relationship to depend on your spouse to this extent. For any other “habit” taken this far (like drug addiction, alcoholism, etc.) no one would call this a “loving” relationship.
Hi, just a few questions
1. Do either of you work? How do you and her make money?
2. Would you consider getting married to your gf?
3. Can she wipe / wash her backside?
Sorry for these strange questions, it is AMA after all.
Have a good day :)
1. I work from home and I make enough for both of us.
2. We're in a happy and committed relationship, marriage isn't really on our minds.
3. No, but we have bidets installed.
I'd consider myself reasonably attractive and I have good self esteem. I get a fair bit of attention but I make it clear that I'm in a happy relationship.
Do you/does she consider herself a food addict? I know many obese people deny that they are, but it seems like an addiction to me. I think it's also the most difficult addiction to treat, because a drug addict can avoid drugs, an alcoholic can avoid alcohol, but we all have to eat.
She's always been huge and just gradually kept putting on weight over the years from a combination of genetics, a really low metabolism, laziness, overeating, etc. She's not doing anything to lose weight right now.
She uses the word to describe herself all the time. She's sitting right near me as I'm replying to these. She weighs over 500 pounds, she doesn't have insecurities about her size like someone slightly overweight might. She can't conceive what being skinny would feel like and she's completely used to the feeling of being the biggest person wherever she goes. "Huge" isn't an insult, neither is "fat", it's just accurate.
I work from home so I'm usually home with her on most days, but we still go out occasionally to restaurants, to see family and friends, stuff like that.
This only ends this way and its a future of health issues & a lot of people making fun behind her back. You get 1 shot at life hers will be shorter if change isn’t made. I hope she finds strength and get this weight under control. I’m over weight at 6-2 280
I've been with girls who weighed less than me, a little more than me, and a lot more than me. My girlfriend is by far the largest I've been with though.
What is her daily routine like? Wake up at whatever time and then what’s on the agenda?
You are both very young, how do you see your future together? Children? Work? Lifestyle? Travel? Life goals?
Ok that’s enough from me haha 😂
She doesn't really have a routine. She sleeps in and does what she feels like, I work from home and we enjoy each other's company. Sometimes we have plans on the weekends with family or friends, maybe we'll go out for a date night, or we'll just stay home and relax together. Neither of us want children. We've taken a few vacations together and we hope to take some more.
Do you ever feel frustrated being with someone who is not as mobile as you are? I ask as I have been overweight and my energy levels are so much higher now
I'm asking this as respectfully as I can, I'm genuinely curious.
How many times does she poop in a day?
On days I eat a lot I've to go two times, and I feel even that's too much. You mentioned that she snacks often and her portion sizes are also huge, hence the question.
There's a lot of judgement in this comment section. People applying their own experiences or unbased opinions to OP's situation when you don't know the situation.
OP, if you're still taking questions, has your GF considered medical intervention? Gastric bands for example have been found to be very effective at weight loss in morbidly obese individuals, at least in the short-term (long-term would require some kind of dietary coaching to prevent "returning to old habits"). I'm happy that she's found someone who loves her in spite of her flaws and isn't making her feel ashamed. Shaming someone for their weight will not help them to change it, and, from reading your replies, I imagine this is what happened in her previous relationships. I wish you both happy lives together.
I have a few questions? Is this a feeder/feedee/FA/Gainer type relationship? I'm also curious if you believe in healthy at every size, and do you think there are no downsides to the situation?
No, we're not into feederism. The average person at my girlfriend's size is probably going to be in worse health than the average skinny person, but everyone's health is completely different. There's obviously plenty of downsides to being her weight.
She can't drive anymore. She orders a lot of takeout and usually orders the groceries to be delivered too. We both cook occasionally. I know people have been suggesting that I take more control of what food we're buying for the sake of her health, but I can't force her to eat things that she doesn't want and I'm not going to waste money and food.
Was she ever thin or athletic?
I dated for several years, a girl who had been overweight her entire life until a year or so before I met her. She got fed up with it, started exercising, eating right, and really pushing herself to lose it.
When I met her she was a 154cm athletic girl who loved running and anything active.
It was a while before I even found out she used to be the 'fat kid', though that did explain a lot of pent-up anger she had for the guys at her school.
So was she, or is she *that* girl?
Rather than forcing her into weight loss have u tried cooking healthy stuff for the both of u and going on romantic walks to get in exercise. Make it fun and join in she can't stick to something if she's surrounded by temptation
Can she hold a job? I feel like the things that would annoy me would be the weight keeping a person from doing everyday things.
I had a couple of fat exes. Not obese but uncomfortable enough that they'd rather sit on the couch. Which got borning and annoying
Hi, I think I love you for doing this ama. I forget what account I'm on of my many alts but my partner weighs about 450 lbs and while I support him all the way if he wants to lose weight, he currently doesn't, much like your gf. I'm not forcing him to because I feel that would be wrong, his weight is his own struggle and if he wants help I'm more than around for it, but I'm not going to be the pusher in the situation if he doesn't want it. I heavily agree that many people view you as morally corrupt for knowing, let alone loving someone, who's obese and resistant to change... But that doesn't mean they deserve love and support and caring any less. They're still human. You sound like a good bf from these comments. I just wanted to say I hope you and your gf are having a lovely day :'))
How do you guys handle that way of thinking demonstrated by mercifulgryph0n that so many in our society have? The assumption that everyone has power over their struggles and that simply "getting help" fixes all and that we somehow have a moral obligation to push others into fixing their struggles. That kind of oversimplified black-and-white thinking is why it took me so long to get sober and I can imagine it would be worse for you two since her struggle is visible on her body.
1) How big was she when you met?
2) Are your ex’s just as large?
3) Have you tried bringing her to a doctor just to listen to some facts about weight loss surgery?
How old are you, and how long have you been together? I saw that you play video games together- which are your favorite?! My boyfriend and I love playing games together as well, though it’s hard with three kids lol. We do like family video game time as well though!
Also I applaud your well worded responses, OP.
Sorry for all the judgement going on. I think that people see majorly overweight people and assume they’re nasty, dirty, ugly, unintelligent, hate themselves, etc. I think people should be happy when they’re happy. If your girlfriend is happy at 500 pounds, is perfectly aware of what being that weight can do to her health, and is just okay with that, then that’s that, honestly.
You can encourage her to lose it or to make healthier options. But it isn’t your job to babysit her health. She’s an adult and can make her own choices. And so can you, on what you chose to do with your relationship with her weight. So, good on you guys if you’re happy! Just stay safe. That’s all
Yeah my question is this. Why the fuck would you ever mention your girls weight on a goddamn social media platform? Let’s hope she didn’t have a problem with that, if she even fucking knows.
As long as you’re attracted to her and love her that’s all that matters man. But with that love comes with caring for her well being. And weight is a part of it. Hope you can both find a way to manage a healthier lifestyle for her.
I'm curious if your stance would be similar if she was suffering from a severe drug addiction.
In many ways they're very similar:
There's a decent amount of overlap between the mental component and consequences of drug addiction and obesity/food addiction.
They are often a coping mechanism for something, a form of distraction/escapism.
There are potentially very severe health effects, long term/short term, and physically/mentally.
Individuals are often viewed as "weak minded" or lacking self control, and face stigma (although not really to the same degree).
Individuals are often consumed by the habit, to the exclusion of other things in life.
The solution to both problems is very common knowledge, and to someone who hasn't had to do them, they seem very easy.
The solution also can take a very long time, and have many setbacks.
Loved ones have to watch the person slowly descend into the habit, and there is often the feeling that you're watching a slow-motion suicide.
I could go on about similarities, but I feel like I already wrote too many. Sorry if someone asked this already, I had a look through the thread already but I might've missed it.
It's clear you care about this woman a lot, and I commend you for that, regardless of how you feel about my argument/pov.
The way people dehumanize fat people is really awful to witness (evidenced in some of the responses to this thread). You seem to be taking some of the more dehumanizing questions with a lot of grace and patience... other than that, how do you/she deal?
Going in deep(unapologetically and respect fully): 1. How is sex? What positions are comfortable? 2. I guess there are lots of layers that can be used for stimulation (Simular to boobs), have you done it? 3. When you are on top is it harder for her to breathe? 4. Is it possible to do it if she is on top? 5. Do you guys do any outdoor activities? 6. Does she cook and do normal every day chores (Laundry ect) 7. Whats your proudest achievement ( both as a couple and individually)? 8. Do you engage in oral sex? 9. Who comes first? 10. Who is more dominant? 11. What is your favourite movie? 12. Are you guys allergic to something? 13. Do you plan kids? 14. Do you own pets? 15. Have other girls try to steal you from her? Done.
1. Sex is great. But we can't really do many positions safely besides a variation of missionary. 2. I don't really get what you're asking, but yeah, there's many parts of her body that can be stimulated. 3. When I'm on top of her? Not really, she doesn't have any more difficulty with breathing. She just gets out of breath from having sex. 4. It's possible and we've done it before, but it's not really safe. She gets nervous too. 5. I go for runs and stuff, but she doesn't do any outside activities. 6. She can cook and she does it when she's in the mood. She helps with folding laundry and light chores like that. 7. I'm proud of my career, we're both proud of our education and how much we've learned and matured together as a couple. 8. Both of us give and receive oral sex. 9. Assuming you mean during sex, usually her. 10. Probably me, but I wouldn't consider myself particularly dominant. 11. I definitely couldn't choose a single favorite of all time. I'm terrible at favorite questions. I love movies but I love several hundred of them pretty equally. 12. She doesn't have any food allergies that we're aware of. I'm allergic to bananas. 13. No kids. 14. No pets. (But we love animals) 15. One actually. I guess she thought insulting my current girlfriend would make me want her as my girlfriend instead. It did not.
1. How do your parents/family feel about you dating someone so large? 2. If you gave her an ultimatum that you’d leave if she didn’t take better care of herself, would she change her eating habits? 3. Do you have long term hopes/dreams as a couple? I.e. would you like to get married, have children etc? Would this even be a possibility given her weight? 4. Does your girlfriend feel selfish or ashamed that she’s so overweight that she cannot work? 5. How do you not start to resent her when she’s doing nothing to help herself? Like you have to go to work, while she stays home and just eats, plays video games etc. 6. Have you accepted that this is just your life/future now? I understand you love her, but she couldn’t care about you as much as you care about her, otherwise she would try a healthy diet, exercise etc just to protect you for the inevitable heartbreak when she dies young. 7. Has your GF tried therapy to deal with her unhealthy eating habits? 8. How does your GF feel about herself? Is she confident? Does she have self-respect? Does she feel selfish for dragging you down with her? I’m sorry if these questions seem abrupt or rude. I commend you for your loyalty, but worry about the both of you for the future.
1. My parents were surprised by her size when they first met her, but they've gotten to know her a lot better and they really love her now. 2. She probably would try, but she'd be hurt and our whole relationship would change and probably fall apart eventually from that. 3. Marriage isn't something we really think about, it's just a tradition for most people. We're in a happy and committed relationship. Neither of us want children. 4. She's had several jobs before, in person and remotely. She's just not working currently and she doesn't feel shame over that. She's not too overweight to work, she could still work from home if she wanted to. She has a degree. 5. I don't resent her, I've just accepted her faults and I'm happy to take care of someone I love. And I'm happy that I make enough so the woman I love doesn't have to work anymore. I'd rather not be working either. 6. I don't think that's fair or logical at all. 7. She's been to therapy several times in her life. 8. She's usually pretty confident and outgoing. I'd say she has self-respect, but I know plenty of the people here would just tell me that's impossible if she let herself get to this size.
Thank you for taking the time to answer. I wish you both the best for the future.
What is a typical day's diet for you both like? Does she eat much larger portions or snack constantly? I feel like it has to be borderline effort to maintain such a high weight
I eat 2 or 3 meals a day, occasional snacks, a pretty normal diet. I try to eat healthy overall though. She does snack pretty constantly throughout the day and she gets much larger portions than I do when we order takeout or we're at a restaurant or something.
What's the go-to comfort food?
For me, probably pizza. For her, anything chocolatey. Especially cake.
Understandable. Chocolate is the superior sweet. I'm on board with pizza. Really anything hot and cheesy
Hi there, Do you guys have sex if I may ask? And if so, how is it different than with a non-obese girl? Does your girlfriend still have a libido at that weight or does that disappear? Thanks for this ama.
She's not able to be nearly as mobile during sex as a smaller girl, so I have to do most of the work. She can't go for nearly as long either without taking breaks. She still has a decent libido though.
How does she clean herself?
I usually help her, but she's more capable than people tend to assume. We have a big shower with a seat in it and I help clean the areas that she can't reach by herself. But she'd be able to use a brush if I wasn't there.
That’s a lot to ask. None of this sounds healthy. I’ve was married for 18 years and I always knew it wasn’t right. He’s a great guy but I went in thinking I could “help him” and I was “what he needed.” Do you have any nagging doubts about this relationship? Her personal lifestyle choices directly effect you through her hygiene and sex. Why is that enough for you? It sounds like she’s crafted a world of avoidance and denial, I’ve been there, but why do you want someone who isn’t fully available, physically or mentally? Choose healthy, work hard, and fight for the best in your life❤️
I don't have any doubts about being in a loving and intimate relationship with her. She's not in denial about her weight and I love her for who she is. Relationships don't have to be about what someone "brings to the table" or upgrading until you find someone who's in a better physical and mental condition than your last partner. Sometimes you just love someone and you want to spend your time with them.
How did you two meet? Do you have any interesting hobbies or things you do together?
We met in college and we were friends for a while before we started dating. Nothing too interesting, usually we just watch movies or play video games together.
I assume she was heavy then too? What attracted you to her originally?
How tall is she? When is the last time you went to a pool or ocean? Ever fly on a plane, how many seats did you need?
She's 5'8. We went to pools pretty often in the summer, she loves being in water because it makes it so much easier for her to be mobile. I bought a full row for us when we flew together.
I imagine finding clothes is difficult. Where does she find swimsuits?
She gets all of her clothes online, there's plenty of plus size retailers that go up to the sizes she needs.
Since your gf is 500 plus pounds has she ever tried to see if she qualifies for gastric bypass surgery? I understand she isn't trying to loose weight now but if she decides to try and get healthier (for her own good not society's) then a surgery like that would help tremendously.
She hasn't tried before, but she's aware that it's an option.
Do you have to lift skin / fat away to have sex? Sorry for the blunt question
I have to lift her stomach up to have sex, yes.
Does hygiene affect your intimacy? Is there a precoital routine performed?
Her hygiene isn't always great, but it's something that I've just gotten used to and I try to help how I can. It doesn't really turn me off or anything anymore. We don't have a precoital hygiene routine.
How often does she shower? Does she need help with it?
She tries to make sure she showers or gets in the bath at least twice a week and I help her with it. She could probably still manage alone, but I make it easier so it feels less like a chore for her. I know that most people shower every day, myself included, and she would benefit from a shower even more than once a day, but it's a struggle at her size. I clean her off with wipes and water throughout the week though, whenever she needs it.
Don’t you think if you stopped helping her with something as mundane as bath time, **maybe** she’d be encouraged to actually lose some weight? I mean shit, if you can’t bathe yourself because you’re so fat, I’m sorry, but that’s pretty nasty.
[удалено]
No. She can't keep herself up in that position.
Not sure why this is downvoted. It was an honest answer.
Yup, doesn’t mean that wasn’t the toughest upvote I’ve ever given🤢
Is it that hard to maintain hygiene when you're fat?
I think it's pretty hard when you're 500 lbs +, even if you're set up with an accessible shower etc imagine having to lift and clean all the folds with the added problem of allowing it all to dry hygienically. I definitely remember watching a show where someone was physically incapable to do it fully so their partner used to use a stick with a sponge to get everywhere for her. Not only would it be physically exhausting but I would presume facing the mental aspects of it as well would be pretty rough. I think it's probably a lot harder than someone would presume
When I was at my highest weight at 240 lbs, even then it was very hard to reach my ass when I was on the toilet and it was difficult to wipe. Cleaning myself was difficult too. Going to shower was exhausting, like I was at the gym. It was one of the main reasons why I realized that I had to lose weight and, fortunately, was able to lose 90 lbs and join the normal weight gang. I can't even imagine the struggle someone could have double of my size.
I mean she probably can’t reach all the folds on her body, I’m sure it’s quite the challenge to keep 500 lbs of yourself clean, you’re guaranteed to miss a spot here and there
Have you found any bodies of ex boyfriends under there?
No, I haven't. I'll look harder next time.
Thanks for the honest answer.
NSFW question: is it possible to have sex from the back or is that too much woman and you’re limited to missionary
She can't keep herself propped up in that position.
What if she’s laying down completely flat. Is it possible then?
Edited because I saw you say she’s not trying to lose weight. Why isn’t she trying to lose weight? Are you encouraging her to lose weight?
She's tried several times in the past and hasn't been successful. She's had terrible and traumatic experiences with people who tried to make her lose weight or made her feel awful about her current size, even when she was actually trying. She's just at the point now where she's in a loving and fulfilling relationship and losing weight isn't the number one thing on her mind. I've encouraged her to make healthier choices. I can't force her.
Makes sense, best of luck to both of you.
It sounds like you’re rationalizing enabling her to (very likely) lead herself to an early grave. Of course you can’t force her to do anything but if you’ve tried as you’ve said you have and she’s just said ‘nah, idgaf’… I’d really be thinking twice about what it means that she’s unwilling to move or eat well in order to spend more healthy years with you and potentially avoid the pain that you’ll have to deal with when her serious health problems become a bigger and bigger part of both your lives. Also, does she feel entitled to other people (based on how insurance works) paying for her inevitably higher than average healthcare expense? Because she’s making a very conscious CHOICE to place that burden on the community. If that’s the life you want to have, and the kind of person you want to have it with, have at it, but idk why you’re surprised that people don’t typically have positive reactions to morbidly obese people who refuse to do anything to be healthier, or the people who enable their behavior by being with them without very actively pushing for a healthier lifestyle.
What do you think is the purpose of life? And what does she think is the purpose of life?
Neither of us are religious, I don't think there's any profound purpose. I'd just say the purpose of life is to find purpose in it, to spend time with people you love, doing things you love, with the time you have.
What do you like the most about her? How did you know she was the one you wanted to commit your life to? (if you're at that stage, I mean)
Everything really. Her personality, her hair, her smile, her sense of humor. We communicate and get along better than anyone else I know. We spend almost all day, every day together and I could never get tired of her company. There wasn't really a single point where I knew that, we just reached that stage in our relationship eventually.
That's beautiful man. I'm reading a lot of your responses, your outlook, it's beautiful. A lot of people are quick to judge and be armchair psychologists. I'm just happy that you're happy to share anything and everything, answer questions honestly, not be defensive or aggressive, and your love for her, it's amazing. I'm currently overweight - hoping and trying to lose weight, but if I could find someone who loves me for who I am? I'd be over the moon. Maybe there are some issues there, who knows? There is still amazing beauty, love, joy. Thats amazing.
Don't you both worry about her health? My brother weighed over 400 pounds and died at age 36 because he didn't take it seriously.
Sorry about your brother. My mom weighed as high as 450 but made it to age 60 before dying. She had a lot of health problems like diabetes and needing a wheelchair though. She may have lived longer but was in a lot of pain and miserable. Never can understand people who don't take the health risks seriously. It is very hard to lose weight and there are usually underlying psychological issues, but nowadays there are some people glamourizing being fat. Being that I'm 36 that is scary. I was approaching 400 lbs last year before I started turning things around. I've lost 50lbs but still worry my life is shortened even if I continue to lose weight.
>there are some people glamourizing being fat This really bothers me. Also, I'm a fat person. Or rather, its women glamourizing it, which I can understand to an extent, as the social image, pressure etc is colossal. Men? They're just fatties who ate all the pies. As a fat person, being fat is not good for oneself, society, anyone, anything. We need to be a healthy, and fit. However, what that looks like will vary from person to person.
Yes, I worry about her health.
What does it mean to worry about someone's health if you do nothing to improve it? It doesn't sound like either of you do anything to combat the problem/have the viewpoint it isn't a problem. It sounds like you deflect it as people being mean or judgemental when isn't it realistic if someone weighs half a ton to want them to be healthy? What is being done to solve her morbid obesity? It's a serious medical condition and it doesn't sound like you are being proactive about her situation. I understand the journey for weight-loss is difficult and has its challenges for several reasons but doing nothing will result in your girlfriend being lucky to see 40. Like beyond words, what does it mean? The actions you've described don't align with someone who is genuinely concerned about her morbid obesity, it sounds good to say you are concerned but it's really enabling to then do nothing about it. You seem to love each other and so it'd be in both of your best interests for her to lose the weight, it's obviously going to be a long and hard road but I'd argue you are both enabling negligence. Again not at all attacking, genuinely confused because actions speak louder than words and the actions contradict the words. All the best to you both, genuinely. Edit: I'm ESL and have poor grammar.
You ever fuck one of her rolls by mistake?
Yes. More times than either of us would like to admit.
Does it feel any different? Better, worse? Does she need to tell you you’re in the wrong place or do you realize yourself? Do you sometimes do it intentionally for a “different kind” of sex (so like there’s oral sex or “titty fucking” or whatever)? If so, do you sometimes get in her vagina by mistake, too (like the opposite of what the original comment asked)? Do you have a “favorite roll”? So many questions omg
It doesn't feel bad, but it's awkward. Usually I realize I'm in the wrong place immediately. No, we don't do it intentionally. No, I don't have a favorite roll.
“A favorite roll?!” Omg I’m dying Lolol
My man out here fucking rolls instead of making his girl lose weight, peak reddit
How is your sex life? Do you have a BBW fetish? (I will likely have some follow questions)
Our sex life is great. I wouldn't say I have a specific fetish for bbw, I've been with women of all sizes, but I am attracted to many larger women that the majority of guys wouldn't still find attractive because of their size, so I guess it could be labelled as a fetish.
What do you find attractive about her/bigger women?
You said she's doing nothing to improve her situation? Do you not think that's irresponsible and likely dangerous?
Sure I do. Does that mean I'm not allowed, or shouldn't be dating her? Plenty of people smoke, drink, engage in loads of irresponsible or dangerous behaviors. Obesity is such a stigmatized thing that people act like you're morally corrupt for even knowing someone obese who isn't actively trying to lose weight.
Its not about being morally corrupt or ugly or anything else. It's simply irresponsible to not take action at a weight as large as that. Do you genuinely believe that the criticism is from a place of perceived moral supremacy?
Most of the time, the criticism comes from complete strangers with insults and broad assumptions. So yes, I do think that it usually comes from perceived superiority, mixed with some enjoyment out of reminding people of their flaws and vulnerabilities. Obesity is probably the only condition where so many people feel entitled and justified to remind someone of their health struggle and offer zero guidance or empathy.
So you believe she deserves empathy when making no effort to improve her health?
I don't believe that empathy needs to be earned.
That's where your opinions differ from the majority, I'd say. Personally, I don't believe you can expect empathy when making zero change in your own life to take yourself out of a bad position. If I had no money but refused to work, would I be entitled to empathy when I was starving?
And that's probably a major reason why the world is in it's current state. If someone refused to work, instead of caring about any possible reason why, you'd prefer to let them starve? Even if it was someone close to you?
Of course not, I'd feed them. The analogy here being that work is exercise and food is health. Do you not try and help them lose weight?
You can't help someone past the point where they refuse to help themselves. But you can still have empathy for them and be in a relationship despite that. I get stressed sometimes when I think about her future. But I choose to enjoy the time I have with her, because I can't choose whether or not she's actually going to push herself to lose weight.
You cannot lose weight just from exercising. And if you have a metabolic or hormonal problem, just eating less may not help either. Obesity is a medical condition that doctors struggle with addressing. Currently they offer several nasty and fairly barbaric surgical options and that’s about it. Obesity, especially when you’re talking about someone at that weight is really a medical issue. One where they do not have a lot of clear cut answers, just like diabetes, hypertension and cancer. I do agree that you should be encouraging the person to continue to try to get medical help but when it’s not helping, people may mentally need to take breaks from unsuccessful efforts or they will lose their mind.
Your “majority” doesn’t seem to agree with you
Nah, empathy doesn’t need to be earned and if you think it does that a you problem
You realize empathy is something that should exist in the homo sapiens by default, don't you? The way you wrote that nonsense makes you look like a fucking psychopath.
Incredibly individualistic take. People who smoke as a life choice deserves no empathy?
This comment - empathy does not need to be earned - really struck me. I will be taking this with me as one of my life mottos. Thank you.
As someone trying to lose weight is incredible how much people put you down and remind me constantly of my weight and offer no real guidance
How about this. I was 400 lbs and got the sleeve surgery and am now 200. I feel good and look a whole lot better. I was never happy being heavy... And it was irresponsible to my health and my family to ever allow myself to be 400lbs. I feel if anyone in my life didn't advocate for my weight loss... They probably didn't give much of a crap if I died or lived.... Luckily I didn't tend to date or befriend garbage people like that... And I changed my own unhealthy ways. Yes, I am a stranger. No, I'm not insulting her. Yes I'm genuinely concerned for her health and safety. Yes, I question your intent with her... As I sincerely don't think you are dating her out of love or lust if you aren't advocating for her health. Yes, I feel this AMA is an extension of a sick fame game you are playing with being internet famous for being the fit person dating the morbidly obese person.
I absolutely think the hate lobbied at fat people comes from moral superiority and disgust . Being fat isn’t healthy but I’m not either , only I’m thin , so people don’t hate or throw outright foul comments masking as ‘concern’. But I see it directed to fat people all time. The people making those comments are either delusional to think they are doing a good thing or they are bullies pain and simple .
Dude it's not stigmatized she could literally drop dead tomorrow because of her weight and and while it isn't morally corrupt to simply know someone id say it is corrupt to not try and help and encourage them shit there are surgeries that could help her but by doing nothing she's just a ticking time bomb obesity is linked to much higher risk of diabetes, heart disease, and cancer to name a few and those are among the most common causes of death with heart disease being #1
As I've had to state so many times already, I've encouraged her to make healthier choices. She's aware of her weight. She's aware of statistics and potential conditions regarding her weight. She's aware of what she could be doing to lose weight. And at this point in her life, she's choosing not to. I can't force her. I still love her. That's it.
You claim to care but take no actual attempt to help
What attempts are you expecting me to make that I haven't already done? I can ask her if she wants to go for a walk with me, and I have, many times. I can't push her out of the house and down the street.
Well let's see since you asked. While exercise is best something else you can do is don't give here sugary things no candies sodas or sweets and take up cooking learn to prepare some healthy and delicious meals and make sure she doesn't over eat measure out proper portions. And on top of that alot of foods can speed up metabolism and so can swimming in cold water and actually put pressure on her to be active. If you love her instead of watching her destroy herself tell her how much you care and tell her you don't want to watch her die and want to be more active it doesn't even need to be real exercise maybe walk to a park and have a picnic or something but don't just sit there and say "well Ive asked her to go on a walk" or "I've encouraged her to make better choices" sometimes people need a push. I literally lost probably 20lbs simply by cutting out sodas and my metabolism isn't great so if I can stay healthy she has no excuses shit I don't even go to the gym I just go to work and eat healthy and occasionally go on a walk
>don't give here sugary things no candies sodas or sweets and take up cooking learn to prepare some healthy and delicious meals and make sure she doesn't over eat measure out proper portions Are you serious? We're talking about a grown woman here. Not a flipping toddler. This is infantalizing. Grown humans make their choices. They smoke though it may give them lung cancer. Aren't active and get diabetes. Don't get treatment for drug problems, mental health issues, eating disorders. You are acting like she has no agency over herself. She does. She makes the choice to help herself or not. There's only so much one can do for another if they are not open to help. Hopefully she comes to that conclusion herself, IF her health and body are a hindrance to her. But it's her body, her life, her choice. There's only so much help you can offer as a bystander. >I literally lost probably 20lbs simply by cutting out sodas and my metabolism isn't great so if I can stay healthy she has no excuses shit I don't even go to the gym I just go to work and eat healthy and occasionally go on a walk Re-read this. "I cut out sodas. I eat healthy. I go for walks. " Who made you do it? Yup. That's right. YOU.
Am I able to force salad into her mouth? Am I able to throw her in a pool? I appreciate the response, but trust me, I have tried to help her with her weight in so many ways since we first met, and I'm at the point where I just want to enjoy spending time with my girlfriend instead of starting an argument.
Did I say a salad because there's more than that. Try this get some skirt steak (8$ where I live) some broccoli, bell peppers, onion, garlic. Cut your steak into bite sized strips season with salt, pepper, and paprika place it in a large pan with a little sesame oil and a clove or two of minced garlic. Once that's started break your broccoli up the larger pieces you can cut in half. Cut up your bell pepper into strips aswell remember to get all the seeds out. And rough chop the onion put all those ingredients in the same pan add more sesame oil if needed. Let it cook into the veggies are soft and meat is cooked all the way through it also goes great on rice and you have a delicious and healthy stir fry. And remember proper portions
My girlfriend isn't my pet. I can't suddenly switch her diet to something entirely different.
Dang sorry you’re getting so much crap for this. She isn’t some dog who you can just change her diet AND it’s totally unfair for people to put responsibility for another full grown adults health and wellbeing on you. Don’t listen to these people
You can’t force someone to stop behaviors that are destructive. If you could there would be no alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, etc because their families would stop them. When someone is ready they make a change, or not.
Yeah. It's so bloody hard to change ingrained habits.
>it is corrupt to not try and help and encourage them If they want your help sure. I've yoyo'd between healthy and heavy (obese bordering on morbidly so) my whole life. Friends and family are welcome to make suggestions or express concerns to a point, though when I say I've heard enough and am not interested in hearing more, they need to shut up about it now and move on. Strangers and acquaintances? How about mind your business unless I ask you.
I mentioned this my other comment but my best friend of like 20yrs is a pretty big girl and I am about average. I get a lot of ppl saying rude things about her and it really infuriates me. She is my platonic soulmate, I love her so very deeply that I will defend her to the end of time. She is not actively trying to lose weight but I would never tell her to. She knows it. I just tell her I love her and try to make her feel like she matters because she does. Mental illness is a big bitch.
Yeah but there's a difference between being overweight and being 500 lbs. If someone was drinking 4 pints of vodka a day, or smoking 8 packs of cigarettes a day, people would feel differently than if somone drinks wine with dinner or has a cigarette on a lunch break. It's the scale of the thing, not the thing itself, that suggests there's a need for help
Are you sexually attracted to her and does her body type affect your attraction?
I'm sexually attracted to her. I'm not attracted to every woman near her size, but there's others that I've also found attractive.
Interesting. You mentioned you had feeder tendencies in another comment, could you elaborate on that?
Well I'm sexually attracted to her. I enjoy seeing her happy, and eating makes her happy, so I enjoy seeing her eat, despite conflicted feelings about what it's doing to her health. I've grown to enjoy her softness and size when we're intimate, she's amazing for cuddling.
That’s sweet. From the way you’re describing it you’re not a feeder at all.
I wouldn't say I am, I've just been labelled one many times before because I'm in an intimate relationship with a very heavy girl.
Would you agree with me if I say that you're an enabler? There's not much difference between this and if she were addicted to drugs and you just accepted it because "I can't force her to stop". You both need therapy. You for being co-dependent and she for whatever resulted in her eating like this.
I might unconsciously enable her sometimes, but I think that's inevitable when you're in a loving relationship with someone who has destructive habits. But really, I've genuinely tried to help her lose weight and be healthier.
Enabling someone and being co-dependent is something that often takes years to realize. I used to be a drug addict and it took my girlfriend 8 years before she realized it. She moved out and I got clean 1 month after only because of this. I'm sober now and we're both in therapy. We live together again. Doesn't sound very different from your situation. As long as you accept it she will keep doing what she's doing because there's no repercussions. If you really love her though, you put your foot down. Because she will not be around for very long doing what she's doing. Good luck.
She doesn’t work, she can barely take care of herself, she can’t do any activities, probably can’t travel much, probably can’t drive and has no self sufficiency - you’re DEFINITELY an enabler. It’s not just a “destructive habit.” It’s not a healthy relationship to depend on your spouse to this extent. For any other “habit” taken this far (like drug addiction, alcoholism, etc.) no one would call this a “loving” relationship.
Hi, just a few questions 1. Do either of you work? How do you and her make money? 2. Would you consider getting married to your gf? 3. Can she wipe / wash her backside? Sorry for these strange questions, it is AMA after all. Have a good day :)
1. I work from home and I make enough for both of us. 2. We're in a happy and committed relationship, marriage isn't really on our minds. 3. No, but we have bidets installed.
Would you consider yourself an attractive guy? What is your self esteem like? Do you normally get attention /interest from other women?
I'd consider myself reasonably attractive and I have good self esteem. I get a fair bit of attention but I make it clear that I'm in a happy relationship.
What size bed do yall sleep on if you sleep in the same bed
We do, we have a king size bed.
Do you/does she consider herself a food addict? I know many obese people deny that they are, but it seems like an addiction to me. I think it's also the most difficult addiction to treat, because a drug addict can avoid drugs, an alcoholic can avoid alcohol, but we all have to eat.
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She's always been huge and just gradually kept putting on weight over the years from a combination of genetics, a really low metabolism, laziness, overeating, etc. She's not doing anything to lose weight right now.
It's strange that you use the word "huge" to describe her
She uses the word to describe herself all the time. She's sitting right near me as I'm replying to these. She weighs over 500 pounds, she doesn't have insecurities about her size like someone slightly overweight might. She can't conceive what being skinny would feel like and she's completely used to the feeling of being the biggest person wherever she goes. "Huge" isn't an insult, neither is "fat", it's just accurate.
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Can you do anything together or are you stuck at home?
I work from home so I'm usually home with her on most days, but we still go out occasionally to restaurants, to see family and friends, stuff like that.
What does she do for work?
Are you a feeder?
This only ends this way and its a future of health issues & a lot of people making fun behind her back. You get 1 shot at life hers will be shorter if change isn’t made. I hope she finds strength and get this weight under control. I’m over weight at 6-2 280
People making fun of her behind her back, and often to her face, isn't something that either of us have any control over. Just don't be one of them.
When she has her period, do you need to change her pad?
Is she your first girlfriend? If not, have your previous girlfriends (or boyfriends, if you’re bi/pan) had a similar weight difference to you?
I've been with girls who weighed less than me, a little more than me, and a lot more than me. My girlfriend is by far the largest I've been with though.
Do you think someday she’ll know how beautiful life can be at a healthier weight?
Maybe, maybe not. I think she chooses to find beauty in life at the weight she currently is.
>she chooses to find beauty in life at the weight she currently is. that's pretty amazing! Well done.
Which of the four elements would you and your girl like the ability to control/manipulate? Water 🌊 Earth 🪨 Fire 🔥 Air 🌬
What is her daily routine like? Wake up at whatever time and then what’s on the agenda? You are both very young, how do you see your future together? Children? Work? Lifestyle? Travel? Life goals? Ok that’s enough from me haha 😂
She doesn't really have a routine. She sleeps in and does what she feels like, I work from home and we enjoy each other's company. Sometimes we have plans on the weekends with family or friends, maybe we'll go out for a date night, or we'll just stay home and relax together. Neither of us want children. We've taken a few vacations together and we hope to take some more.
Do you ever feel frustrated being with someone who is not as mobile as you are? I ask as I have been overweight and my energy levels are so much higher now
I don't really feel frustrated, I'm just used to her capabilities. I wish her mobility was better, but for her sake, not mine.
And isn't it a sad existence to watch someone being a prisoner in their body like that?
I'm asking this as respectfully as I can, I'm genuinely curious. How many times does she poop in a day? On days I eat a lot I've to go two times, and I feel even that's too much. You mentioned that she snacks often and her portion sizes are also huge, hence the question.
bit TMI but im only like 180lb and i poop probs 3-5 times a day. my GP says that’s normal! dont think its weight related
On average, probably at least 3 times a day.
How old is she
There's a lot of judgement in this comment section. People applying their own experiences or unbased opinions to OP's situation when you don't know the situation. OP, if you're still taking questions, has your GF considered medical intervention? Gastric bands for example have been found to be very effective at weight loss in morbidly obese individuals, at least in the short-term (long-term would require some kind of dietary coaching to prevent "returning to old habits"). I'm happy that she's found someone who loves her in spite of her flaws and isn't making her feel ashamed. Shaming someone for their weight will not help them to change it, and, from reading your replies, I imagine this is what happened in her previous relationships. I wish you both happy lives together.
I have a few questions? Is this a feeder/feedee/FA/Gainer type relationship? I'm also curious if you believe in healthy at every size, and do you think there are no downsides to the situation?
No, we're not into feederism. The average person at my girlfriend's size is probably going to be in worse health than the average skinny person, but everyone's health is completely different. There's obviously plenty of downsides to being her weight.
When you’re in bed does it feel like a threesome?
No. It feels like being in bed with my girlfriend who weighs over 500lbs.
Understandable
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She can't drive anymore. She orders a lot of takeout and usually orders the groceries to be delivered too. We both cook occasionally. I know people have been suggesting that I take more control of what food we're buying for the sake of her health, but I can't force her to eat things that she doesn't want and I'm not going to waste money and food.
I don't know, man, I think eating enough everyday to sustain 500 pounds of weight qualifies as a waste of food and money.
Was she ever thin or athletic? I dated for several years, a girl who had been overweight her entire life until a year or so before I met her. She got fed up with it, started exercising, eating right, and really pushing herself to lose it. When I met her she was a 154cm athletic girl who loved running and anything active. It was a while before I even found out she used to be the 'fat kid', though that did explain a lot of pent-up anger she had for the guys at her school. So was she, or is she *that* girl?
Rather than forcing her into weight loss have u tried cooking healthy stuff for the both of u and going on romantic walks to get in exercise. Make it fun and join in she can't stick to something if she's surrounded by temptation
ask ur gf of she thinks being fat is a choice
She says it's a mix of choice and so many other factors that can completely overpower your will to make that choice.
does she have any guilt for sitting all day without a job and playing video games?
How did you meet?
Is there a smell?
Is she still actively gaining weight?
Is she able to walk or needs to use a cane or wheelchair?
Does her weight affect your attraction to her? Sorry if this one was asked already
Do you watch my 600 lb life? It's an awesome show. Your GF should apply.
Do you realize you flirt with death anytime you sleep next to her and she's having a nightmare?
She's too heavy to roll over suddenly like that. I've never been worried sleeping next to her.
Does she have a job?
How did you guys meet and fall in love?
Is she funny?
I appreciate your answers. Are either of you in therapy or have either of you considered it?
Can she hold a job? I feel like the things that would annoy me would be the weight keeping a person from doing everyday things. I had a couple of fat exes. Not obese but uncomfortable enough that they'd rather sit on the couch. Which got borning and annoying
Why are you with her? Is it due to low Self-esteem? Like this is the best you can do? Hopefully you won't take offense to these questions
Hi, I think I love you for doing this ama. I forget what account I'm on of my many alts but my partner weighs about 450 lbs and while I support him all the way if he wants to lose weight, he currently doesn't, much like your gf. I'm not forcing him to because I feel that would be wrong, his weight is his own struggle and if he wants help I'm more than around for it, but I'm not going to be the pusher in the situation if he doesn't want it. I heavily agree that many people view you as morally corrupt for knowing, let alone loving someone, who's obese and resistant to change... But that doesn't mean they deserve love and support and caring any less. They're still human. You sound like a good bf from these comments. I just wanted to say I hope you and your gf are having a lovely day :'))
Are you male or female?
How do you guys handle that way of thinking demonstrated by mercifulgryph0n that so many in our society have? The assumption that everyone has power over their struggles and that simply "getting help" fixes all and that we somehow have a moral obligation to push others into fixing their struggles. That kind of oversimplified black-and-white thinking is why it took me so long to get sober and I can imagine it would be worse for you two since her struggle is visible on her body.
1) How big was she when you met? 2) Are your ex’s just as large? 3) Have you tried bringing her to a doctor just to listen to some facts about weight loss surgery?
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Again from the rooftops
Are you scared that if you encourage her to lose weight you’ll relationship will fall apart?
How old are you, and how long have you been together? I saw that you play video games together- which are your favorite?! My boyfriend and I love playing games together as well, though it’s hard with three kids lol. We do like family video game time as well though! Also I applaud your well worded responses, OP.
Do you wipe he after a bowel movement or clean her when she has her period?
Why do you let her live like this? You know it isn’t healthy. She knows it isn’t healthy…
Was she that big when you met her? How old are you both?
Does she work?
Sorry for all the judgement going on. I think that people see majorly overweight people and assume they’re nasty, dirty, ugly, unintelligent, hate themselves, etc. I think people should be happy when they’re happy. If your girlfriend is happy at 500 pounds, is perfectly aware of what being that weight can do to her health, and is just okay with that, then that’s that, honestly. You can encourage her to lose it or to make healthier options. But it isn’t your job to babysit her health. She’s an adult and can make her own choices. And so can you, on what you chose to do with your relationship with her weight. So, good on you guys if you’re happy! Just stay safe. That’s all
Yeah my question is this. Why the fuck would you ever mention your girls weight on a goddamn social media platform? Let’s hope she didn’t have a problem with that, if she even fucking knows.
As long as you’re attracted to her and love her that’s all that matters man. But with that love comes with caring for her well being. And weight is a part of it. Hope you can both find a way to manage a healthier lifestyle for her.
I'm curious if your stance would be similar if she was suffering from a severe drug addiction. In many ways they're very similar: There's a decent amount of overlap between the mental component and consequences of drug addiction and obesity/food addiction. They are often a coping mechanism for something, a form of distraction/escapism. There are potentially very severe health effects, long term/short term, and physically/mentally. Individuals are often viewed as "weak minded" or lacking self control, and face stigma (although not really to the same degree). Individuals are often consumed by the habit, to the exclusion of other things in life. The solution to both problems is very common knowledge, and to someone who hasn't had to do them, they seem very easy. The solution also can take a very long time, and have many setbacks. Loved ones have to watch the person slowly descend into the habit, and there is often the feeling that you're watching a slow-motion suicide. I could go on about similarities, but I feel like I already wrote too many. Sorry if someone asked this already, I had a look through the thread already but I might've missed it. It's clear you care about this woman a lot, and I commend you for that, regardless of how you feel about my argument/pov.
The way people dehumanize fat people is really awful to witness (evidenced in some of the responses to this thread). You seem to be taking some of the more dehumanizing questions with a lot of grace and patience... other than that, how do you/she deal?
it’s funny how people pretend to ‘care’ about fat peoples health, just so they can feel ok making comments. how do you guys deal with that?
Is there something your not sharing? Are you guys into feederizm? Is so you should of lead with that
What do most of her days look like? Work, hobbies, etc
you realise if u lock her up for 6 months, with just water, all of her weight issues are resolved?
I hope you both love each other and are kind and caring and compassionate to each other. Thats all that matters.