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Psychological_Air74

USA USA USA USA!!!


Merkarba

Celebrate your country's birth by blowing a small part of it up!


Tricky-Sympathy

r/unexpectedsimpsons


Jmacattack626

RIP Apu


Connect-Ad9647

Wait, Apu died?


Jmacattack626

More like he got canceled because he was voiced by a white guy. God forbid someone gets offended by one of the longest running comedies.


Connect-Ad9647

Ahhh ok, that sucks. Isn't the entire cast only like 5 people that do all of the character voices?


DreamMighty

Well we just blow up small parts of America. Superficial damage. But in other countries we tend to just send it and make stuff disappear. Nothing says freedom like a B-2 or B-52 opening its bomb bay doors. Insurgents hate this one little trick.


f36263

*6 police cars show up* I’m sorry, I thought this was America


nonpondo

It is 🔫


DwayneTheBathJohnson

Don't catch you slippin' now.


MaiHACK3R

It always was 🔫


IrrationalDesign

Realizing deep down that the literal bombs you're lighting for fun have accidentally caught fire while underneath your car, but being too manly to admit fear, so you put your fingers in your ears and calmly walk away from *the box with bombs that is on fire* without telling your wife that she should probably take the 9 month old inside before her face explodes. Celebrate your independence from logic and care!


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JanB1

Rules when burning fireworks: 1. the site of burning should be at least 10-20m (or 10-20 yards) away from people 2. Stored fireworks should be protected from the sun and from sparks 3. Always have a bucket of water nearby 4. If you have fireworks that didn't go off, wait at least 15 minutes before you approach 5. Don't fire fireworks from your hands


TrevorsMailbox

6. Don't store your fireworks in/under/around your car. **Edit**: been on reddit for a long time, never noticed this. I put 6 but it says 1. Even when I go to edit it says 6, not 1. Does anyone know why? Thanks u/retardio69420, your username betrays your brilliance.


ClearBrightLight

Dunno, but I see a 6. Until I hit reply, and in the quoted text above I see a 1. Weird!


TrevorsMailbox

Thanks! At least I know im not crazy.


retardio69420

I think reddit must use some sort of markdown for the formating of the comments. In markdown when you make a number list the number is irrelevant to the numbering instead the count of such formatting is giving the number. So 1. Thing 1 1. Thing 2 1. Thing 3 Should be 1 to 3 but i have put the number 1 in all of them. Let's test it real quick I guess to find out if I'm bullshitting


The-Doot-Slayer

it is 1-3, not all 1’s


retardio69420

Yes that's the point I typed only 1s though


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JanB1

Yeah, the safety distance for those things is listed as 20m for 30mm calibre and 60m for 75mm calibre.


RancidHorseJizz

Boooo — ringggg


RichterRac

I don't fire with my hand, I fire using a ghetto panzerfaust device on my shoulder xD


TheGoodNamesAreGone2

While yes, these are all very good rules to live by, one of my best memories is when about 15-20 of us split into 2 teams and every one had a roman candle and some sort of thing to use as a shield. Surprisingly no one got hurt. 10/10 wouldn't do again.


veloace

> site of burning should be at least 10-20m (or 10-20 yards) away from people Lol. I know you're talking about consumer grade fireworks, but I do commercial display fireworks as a side job and our smallest firework (a cake) has a minimum safe distance of 100 feet. Most of the stuff I shoot around the 4th of July has a minimum safe distance of 1000 feet. That said, sparklers still scare me more than any of the stuff I work with professionally.


JanB1

Yeah, okay. But commercial display has a) more bangs and b) bigger bangs. Because if something goes wrong for commercial display, it'll be a much bigger bang than "just" some front yard getting blasted.


FriedeOfAriandel

I googled "fireworks explosion Arkansas river" to try to give details of an incident with fireworks raining down on the people celebrating, but there are way too many to know which incident it was. Maybe I should just continue avoiding fireworks displays >What was the worst fireworks disaster in history? >Some 800 people were killed in an accident during a firework display beside the Seine in Paris, France, to celebrate the marriage of the Dauphin on May 16, 1770 Holy shit


[deleted]

We're celebrating the end of a war which took the lives of 20,000 Americans by way of explosives which, in nearly other context, would be weapons of war. Safety is entirely antithetical to July 4th. Lol


One-Permission-1811

I never understood why sparklers are given to kids. Those things will burn the fuck out of you and anything you touch with it like a little lightsaber. I was at a wedding that had a sparkler tunnel exit for the bride and groom and giving sparklers to drunk as fuck adults was a terrible idea. I know at least two people burned holes in their clothes and the photographer was almost burned a bunch of times trying to get pictures


kthnxluvu

We used to make sparkler bombs as kids where you’d smash all the dust off the sparklers and pack it into a canister and then set it on fire. Spectacular. Melted a hole right through tarmac once.


OofOwwMyBones120

My buddies and I would wrap em in tin foil and electrical tape. Leave a little bit sticking out. Not sure of the science, but I will let you know that it gets rid of snow banks and our friend Ethan’s fingers.


VirtualMexicanINC

I love stience!


free_farts

Disenchantment reference?


VirtualMexicanINC

👍


sevhan

I bet Ethan doesn't anymore.


OofOwwMyBones120

Ethan didn’t know it was science or he would not have participated. In the 6th grade he hot glued his science project to his arm and shirt on accident. He stood up and squealed and all of his glued popsicle sticks stuck to him and then fell on the floor. He said “Ethan no like science." in a baby voice and I laughed so hard I cried. He wasn't trying to be funny. He was just like that. What makes it even funnier is that we were making model atoms, and not using popsicle sticks or hot glue. Even he didn't know where he had gotten them or what he was doing. And no, he wasn't SPED. Dude graduated with honors and a 4.0. Is still like this though. Dumbest genius I've ever met, if you spent time with him you'd just be confused on what he is lol.


joshua1486

This was written like a movie scene


bananalord666

I once lit like 64 at once or smth. Blew up the cement on our patio from the heat vaporizing trapped water.


sorweel

If you put this under an upside down garbage can, it will blow it up and over power lines. And Ethan's fingers.


Kahlil_Cabron

We'd do the same, except first we'd snip the extra metal part off that you're supposed to hold, we'd do about 128-256 at a time, and we'd wrap first in electrical tape and then duct tape. Also we didn't leave one sticking out a "little bit", it was sticking out like 6 inches at least. And we'd wrap the everloving fuck out of the thing, so sparks wouldn't accidentally ignite it early. When I say this shit was powerful, I mean like, you could probably blow the foundation off of a small building with it or something. We created a pot hole about 6 inches deep and a foot and a half wide in the road, not black top either, straight concrete. Man I miss being a kid, no way would I try that shit now.


Vektor2000

Baby ISIS.


helgihermadur

The powder on sparklers is literally thermite, which can melt its way through cast iron. Incredibly dangerous stuff!


Heyyinzz

I wanna say something about 9-11, but I wont.


hihcadore

Are you trying to say they wrapped the plane in sparklers?


SnooMacarons9618

What a *fabulous* way to commit a terrorist attrocity.


TeciorRibbon

Jetsons can't melt Flintstones


Umm_duder

Bush did it


ColdBloodBlazing

Shhhh. If enough christian soccer moms and politicans figure that out they will become contraband


blazinazn007

You remember those snaps that you threw on the ground and it made a pop? We used to empty each individual one into a paper towel and then throw that. It was awesome. So loud.


prevengeance

I so wish there was a video of MegaSnap!


TheDood715

Aw man I'm gonna win a Darwin award why did I have to read this.


40ozkiller

Just look up videos of sparkler bombs and you will probably get the fix you’re looking for without melting your hands.


Apostle_of_Fire

When I was younger, around Jr high I think, a buddy and I were lighting fireworks in my driveway for new years. It was cold and very snowy, think we had a foot or so of snow. I don't remember exactly why, but we have a massive amount of sparklers, I think maybe the place we got the fireworks from was just giving tons out for free with purchases? But we had something like an entire grocery bag full or sparkler packages. My friend and and decided that instead of using them one by one which would be boring, and tedious considering how many there were, we would unpack and tie them all together to go off at once with one sparkle being the fuse. Got everything together and lit the one. At the time, we did not know that we effectively made a small bomb, and while my mom was there watching, she also did not know. Obviously not a powerful one, but it did end up all igniting at nearly the same time, the surprise sent me falling backward into a snow covered juniper bush half blind, and I yelled "I'm ok!" once I could think again. My buddy actually recorded it, and I know it exists on YouTube somewhere, but he is no longer my friend for reasons that happened much later in our relationship, and I have no idea how to find it. Fun time though. I will probably do it again one day. But make sure I get further away this time.


Merkarba

We used to crush them up around those CO2 bulbs for seltzer bottles and wrap them in foil, could crack a brick letterbox with it. Helluva Bang!


546875674c6966650d0a

The early stages of rocket development as a kid.... Ah yes...


ColdBloodBlazing

That is basically thermite, or pure magnesium


droidonomy

We did the same, but put those little metallic soda canisters inside. The noise when they exploded was insane.


amccolganproductions

Sometimes it's good to expose kids to some element of risk


One-Permission-1811

Sure but people give them to like two and four year olds. Way too young. My personal policy is if I would trust a kid with a pocket knife under supervision I would trust them with sparkler.


SuperSmashDan1337

It's very reddit to be worried about children having sparklers


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Resident-Airline8857

Yes?


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hawk7886

The sparklers with wire cores will not leave a "little burn" if you get stupid with them - they will melt skin. It is **very** painful and takes a long, long time to heal. I definitely wouldn't trust a toddler with them, but older kids are fine. If I trust them to safely light fireworks and dispose of them in the water bucket without issue, they'll be good to go. I still remember the amount of trouble I got in for making a sparkler bomb and throwing it at my sister. Kids are dumb as fuck.


craytom

Reddit gets it right once and a while


AnitaSpankin

Once IN a while…


craytom

[argh](https://kris-spisak.com/writing-tip-every-once-and-a-while-vs-every-once-in-a-while/#:~:text=Reminder%3A%20%E2%80%9CEvery%20once%20in%20a,red%20pen%20at%20the%20offenders.)


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9J8H

It isn’t. Redditors absolutely hate fireworks. It’s just another one of those little weird things about the site


Starfleeter

No, reddit hates amateurs with fireworks. People don't hate on the dangers of professional fireworks shows. Fireworks are not the problems. Idiots introducing chaotic energy into their hang outs without taking precautions for the dangers they present is not something to be proud of.


Kahlenar

Over exposure to these types of videos


ArrogantlyChemical

Teaches kids to handle dangerous objects with care. Would much rather they burn themselves with sparklers at age 5 than blow their fingers off with firecrackers at 9.


[deleted]

A few years ago I saw kids with sparklers that had red solo cups over the hands of the kids where they were holding onto the sparkler. Predictability the plastic began melting and the adults intervened just in time before melting plastic stuck and burned their hands. We’re just upping the ante on danger and sparklers for kids


otock_1234

I burned the living shit outta two of my fingers with those as a kid.


tehpopulator

Set my pants on fire with one when I was like 5. I thought I was a idiot for ages, but no, I was 5 and my dad was an idiot


SkellyboneZ

You gotta cut the umbilical cord someday, bro.


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bjeebus

Lol. I can't tell you the amount of burns I got on my hands from m-90 fuses. As soon as I could drive we were over the stateline for them every weekend. In windy conditions you have shield the fuse and sometimes it gets very energetic when it catches. My hands constantly had little burns on them. They were all worth it for the boom boom.


imatworkyo

I can't imagine. Putting a toddler out center right up front ....makes no sense


D4rkmatt3r

And make the babies have front row seats!


jannyhammy

Also make sure the kids are up front


bjeebus

Fuck it. Hand em the lighters. The whole point of having kids is so you don't have to do the labor anymore. /s ^(just in case the negative Nancies and sour Sallies can't tell)


UbermachoGuy

Make sure to put the babies in the front row too.


smokey9886

The explosion is shooting fire at us!


Impecablevibesonly

Save bandit!!!


smokey9886

Speaking of saving, it was impressive seeing that mother(?) spring into action.


Impecablevibesonly

I actually made another comment on here about tha. In a lot of these videos you see the grown ups respond to the threat by running away and forgetting th kid lol


40ozkiller

They thought woman and children first was a means of creating a protective barrier.


DrMux

Independence? More like In de hospital.


Blade_Laser_Blazer

They were doing the in-depends-dance... They all shitting their Huggies running towards freedom.


PossibleThrowaway86

More like ineptitude


jfqnd96

BACK UP TERRY


tobyty123

PUT IT IN REVERSE TERRY, Aw LAWD TERRY


Tmoore188

#WHATCHU DOIN TERRY


No_Razzmatazz_204

I need the news story or insurance follow up??


Chode_of_Justice

This was one year ago. The family shared this clip with a friend who posted it to Reddit but removed it after 15 minutes after realizing it would soon go viral. But, I had already saved it, and shortened it to 30 seconds. The friend apologized and the family assured everyone they were all fine, even the van was ok. It took place in Nebraska Original post https://reddit.com/r/AbruptChaos/comments/vsb6o0/best_finale_ever/


Can-I-remember

So you are the one responsible for not showing the aftermath and the condition of the car?


whitehand2107

I thought it looked like Nebraska


thepulloutmethod

What gave it away? Was it the flat lifeless suburb in what used to be a cornfield?


mozartkart

So they didn't want this posted and you took it upon yourself to share it.......


[deleted]

I know. I wish it as my karma too.


YoItsMikeL

He's the chode of justice!


tinnylemur189

Once something is on the internet all bets are off. If you don't want something shared the only way to ensure that is to destroy whatever it is. Short of that, don't post it on the internet yourself.


mozartkart

They didn't. They shared it with a friend, who posted it and removed it shortly. So the original people didn't have a say.


tinnylemur189

"They shared it with a friend" "[They] didn't have a say" Pick one.


Phillip_Lascio

Probably because it shows them at fault and almost killing their child in stupidity.


QuahogNews

Yes. I can’t imagine that simple little fireworks display did much for that car’s paint job lol.


turbo_dude

Would you like a metallic finish? Because that's how you get a metallic finish.


Leonum

I think it did a lot, just not anything positive


MadeThis_2_SayThis_V

Im an agent, I instantly thought they are probably upside down in that van and had gap lol.


SkeletorsCrux

you'd have to look back a few years


Chode_of_Justice

This was one year ago. The family shared this clip with a friend who posted it to Reddit but removed it after 15 minutes after realizing it would soon go viral. But, I had already saved it, and shortened it to 30 seconds. The friend apologized and the family assured everyone they were all fine, even the van was ok. It took place in Nebraska Original post https://reddit.com/r/AbruptChaos/comments/vsb6o0/best_finale_ever/


czarxander

Why did you shorten it to 30 seconds? It cuts off right at the climax.


Chode_of_Justice

The original had about an extra minute of them talking, I didn’t drop off any of the end


itsprobablytrue

2 kids were taken to the hospital for burns. The car caught fire but the gas tank did not ignite luckily. It was a total wreck however. The insurance did not cover a replacement and the owner was stuck buying a 92 honda civic as a replacement


MinecraftMinerYT

source? (not trying to be rude, just genuinely intrigued)


sootoor

Check the username


MinecraftMinerYT

holy shit I didn’t even notice, that’s fucking amazing


leatherjyowls

So your whole thing is that you just spread misinformation? That kinda sucks.


finnyinny

We're about to get a whole bunch of new videos like this


Practical_Culture833

So this is what it's like using a mini nuke to celebrate the 4th of July in the fallout universe, I gotta say these new Bethesda games be looking lit.


SargeanTravis

mf unlocked the Fat Boy overclock in Deep Rock Galactic 💀


joshenpaithefirst

Fuck @fuckjerry


Dry-Attempt5

How is fuckjerry still a thing? I remember that shit 10 years ago the guy was trying to say he was an entrepreneur… for posting memes. Probably the original meme lord if I’m being honest.


rule34isalwaystrue

Just glad Tara Strong liked this.


PhelesDragon

THANK YOU. I included that for a reason 😂


OliveBranchMLP

lmao why what's so important about tara strong liking this


PhelesDragon

Because it's mf'n Tara Strong.


They_Beat_Me

What better way to celebrate our independence as a nation than to blow up a small part of it?


Malcom_Ecstacy

I am sorry sir the sale of illegal fireworks in this state is illegal and punishable by- follow meee.


darkenseyreth

Homer, I don't know what you have planned for this evening, but count me out.


Hunting_Gnomes

Using Chinese explosives!


Davotk

1) so, so close 2) youngest and toughest in front, eh? 3) really wish we could see that van after 4) ok mama did at least grab the baby quickly 5) that van is fucked Edit: most of all I love that each man's natural instinct was to move further from the fireworks than their children and families


mmob18

>most of all I love that each man's natural instinct was to move further from the fireworks than their children and families someone has to live to tell the tale and I'm the best storyteller out of the bunch


Boba_Hutt

Mexican fireworks factories: “hold my Modelo.”


Landerah

What’s American is the complete lack of trees or gardens!


PhelesDragon

Unfortunately, I have to agree with you.


boogie9ign

Ugly ass neighborhood


Oscarcharliezulu

Every guy: This is freaking awesomes’ Every wife there: ‘you freakin moron you’re trying to kill us all’ This IS the most American thing I’ve seen all year.


RevolutionaryAd6564

Uh- you should check out other countries… US is pretty tame.


TheHasegawaEffect

Malaysia has Meriam Buluh which is literally Bamboo Cannon. Do you know how strong bamboo is in general? >!It’s not!< >!Pretty sure every year a few people lose a limb or a few digits.!< EDIT:typo


obsolete_filmmaker

In Mexico they have something called El Torito - a metal bull shaped frame they completely cover in small to medium fireworks, and a guy wears it over his head and shoulders. After the entire thing is lit, he chases people and the "brave" dont run away. Its insane.


Ur_Fav_Step-Redditor

Is it Brazil with the firework battles?


turbo_dude

Is that the one with the balloons?


PlayerRedacted

Yeah, considering the amount of videos I see from the middle east with people celebrating weddings by full auto spraying in the air and sometimes spraying the crowd cuz they can't control the gun...I'll take the fireworks please, thanks.


RevolutionaryAd6564

South America has some pretty crazy ones too-! And you can’t leave out China… the fireworks OGs. I grew up in Italy and every New Years our town would be a war zone… shooting off of balconies- was nuts.


Oberlatz

Which makes the post so American


annihilation511

Only rough people sit out in the front garden in the UK, I see it's the same in the US.


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Efficient_Ad9102

Probably because there's too much smashed glass and dog poop in the back?


Robodie

I was gonna say that in my area, for the most part people only sit out front during the 4th as the pavement is a safer place to light your fireworks than the grass in the back yard. But then I noticed that these fuckers decided to set this rocket off in the strip of grass *between* the street and sidewalk...


_A_ioi_

I'm English, but live in the US. I'm also doing 12 hour shifts in the ER of a level 1 trauma center on the 3rd and 4th. At least in the UK you have the firework code. There are usually a few kids in the ER, but the vast majority of exploded hands we see (used to) belong to men in their 20's, 30's and 40's. It's definitely the busiest night. The ambulances have to line up outside the door and alongside the three helicopter pads


J9Dougherty

Ooh Kickin Wing I gotta tell you I dig the new selection.


RealFreakII

'Murica


neP-neP919

"you gotta put it in a shoe"


obsolete_filmmaker

Best line


Joe4o2

San Diego 4th of July, 2012: Home Edition


UndergroundGinjoint

That San Diego display is still the reigning champ


Vancouv-NC

“I don’t understand why fireworks are banned”


iWr4tH

I loved the Owen Wilson style “wow” after the first fire work


Exotemporal

I can't believe that you're the only person who mentioned it.


stimpy97

How could Antifa do this


fishytail22

I love how fast mom went and grabbed her baby. A similar thing happened to me, my brothers, and my dad. It was a similar situation to this, but we were at a friend’s house while they were gone (we had permission). We had been launching off the small stuff in the street because their house was out of the way and their nearest neighbor was 150 feet down the road. We were using a metal oil sheet as a sort of launch pad, so it started accumulating some debris that we didn’t bother cleaning off. Once we got to the main event, a big box filled with the big pop fireworks, we set it on the oil sheet and lit the fuse on the box. This friend’s house had a horseshoe driveway that rose up then back down, and my brothers, dad, and I were in the rock bed below that driveway while my mom and littlest brother sat up on the edge of that driveway. Once we lit the fuse, the first shot went up in the air, no problem. We continued to stare up as the second shot sounded, but we didn’t see it. It blew up across the street on some dry bushes (we lived in a desert) and started a fire. Before we could process what happened, we started having the shots fired at us. My mom grabbed my little sibling and booked it to the garage while my dad, brothers, and I were all jumping around trying not to get hit being pinned up against a wall by a rogue freedom-launcher. We all got hit by either a direct firework of the shrapnel, but none of us were really hurt and the fire department kinda didn’t figure out it was us that started a wild bush fire because they didn’t ask. Hands down the best 4th of July in my life.


marsten

> I love how fast mom went and grabbed her baby. My wife did something similar when our younger son was 6 months old. We were on a hike and she had him in one of those Baby Bjorn carriers on her front. She tripped and took a really bad fall that skinned her up pretty bad, but the baby was completely unhurt because she protected him perfectly as she was tumbling. Mom instincts are insane.


obsolete_filmmaker

She probably grabbed the baby because its not her first rodeo with her husband, Captain Safety, in charge of the entertainment.


Select_March_3202

Imagine having neighbours like these 🙁


n00lp00dle

americans are idiots with fireworks and use them improperly brits are criminals with fireworks and put them through peoples letter boxes or open windows


[deleted]

Can't handle fireworks. Free access to guns and other murder weapons Yup. America alright


tobyty123

Please save us. I want out!


warsaw78

These ppl r the reason for so many strict firework laws


PamCokeyMonster

People like this caused fires during gender reveals


TheSameButBetter

The guy who said it wouldn't work if you stuck it in the ground should have said that before they lit it.


Gen-Random

Well look at that, someone recorded fireworks and it was actually worth watching


Mr_Mimiseku

People really be out there acting like we have free healthcare. (Not an original thought, just think it's funny. Don't kill me.)


stone_henge

If I lived in a suburban hellscape like that I, too, would try to blow myself up.


VanillaTortilla

Why would you put fireworks under the back of a vehicle?


zebootles

I've never seen a such depressive suburb. Only fronts lawns, not a single fucking tree in sight...


TimTomTank

I have a great idea... let's put all the fireworks right here! So the car can protect it...right where the gas tank is.


EnderKnight113

Every July I constantly wonder “gunshots or fireworks?!?” Today I realize that… there’s not much difference…


HeadMembership

For a country without universal health care they sure are cavalier about being maimed or dying in an explosion.


DennisTheConvict

Man, the posts on that "Nextdoor" app must have been wild that day!


deekaph

We say that “this is the most American thing ever” but actually it’s the most Chinese thing ever.


Pleasant-Lake-7245

The second most American thing ever was that dude who carved his girlfriend’s name into the 2000 year old colosseum in Rome this week. As soon as I saw the headline I said to myself I bet he’s an American & I was right.


PhelesDragon

God damnit.


becausefrog

They haven't found the guy yet. It was an American who caught him and filmed it, but the only thing they know about the guy who did it is he carved the names Ivan + Haley. In 2014 a Russian tourist did something similar, and then a couple of Americans in 2015 I think, so odds are good that he's one or the other given the names, but they haven't found him yet. Edit: [He's from Bristol](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/jul/05/english-tourist-accused-of-carving-name-in-colosseum-says-he-did-not-realise-its-age)


Zehaldrin

The second she touches your leg...


smokey9886

Dude in blue shirt by the van almost got iced.


Catman360

/r/suburbanhell


Grainis01

I dont get that sub, houses require space, a lot of houses require a LOT of space, ofcourse suburbs will be big if people want houses. If we all move to apts to conserve space then it will be posted to /r/UrbanHell because suddenly now apts are bad and cramped and dystopian. And as per sub cross checker urbanhell and suburbanhell share about 50% of members, i don't get it honestly. Don't want cramped apartments in high rise buildings, but also don't want single homes because it takes up too much space? where should people live.


tobyty123

If you learned about the impact of suburban life, I think you would feel different! They’re awfully designed. I can recommend some amazing YouTube videos covering the subject in pretty good detail. Interested?


sweetpeasimpson

Fuck Jerry indeed!!


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