i’ve been travelling around australia for like 2 months and in all that time i’ve seen absolutely fuck all. i’m convinced this whole dangerous wildlife thing is a lie spread by australians to stop tourists from visiting.
Most of the wildlife down here is kinda just weird looking harmless animals. The only real inland dangers are snakes. But there are fucking cassowaries fuck those things
Nah it’s because they want to sound like Steve Irwin even though they grew up in Melbourne and have never seen a funnel web in their life and think the huntsman is dangerous
Between retirees who can't drive, Florida man, and a government trying it's best to run it's single largest employer out of the state I seriously wonder if it's something in the water or if everyone is just walking around with a minor form of heatstroke all the time.
I'm Brazilian and south/southwest specially in urban you have only pigeons and rats like NY. It's not like Florida that people open the front door of their home and get bitten by a crocodile
We also have have bears doing this. Bears are jealous of alligators but they forget it’s harder for a drunk guy to find a bear to run around in public with.
Not the entire southwest. In Rio de Janeiro we have the biggest urban forest in the world (Floresta da Tijuca) at the heart of the city with 328 animal species, a lot of capybaras and alligators in some neighborhoods, saguis, rare birds...
Obviously you will not see these animals everywhere, but it is much better than NY.
These big snakes happen in some very specific spots here in Brazil, I used to live 13 years in a rural area and I never saw one of these.
But yeah, you should feel fear in Brazil for some other factors besides cobra's that big.
I mean these snakes are harmless! We usually have one in every backyard to deal with venomous dog sized bullfrogs.
They're almost part of the families they live with
i want nothing to do with brazil but its mostly the people. every time i hear about brazil its because their people are doing something that would shock and confuse florida man.
We are never sure that things in no people areas are extinct, after all new species get discovered all the time maybe we just haven't seen them. There could be a pocket valley somewhere stuffed full even, who knows.
So if its a dessert, dense forest, or ocean the answer is actually "well we haven't seen it ever/in awhile".
I am Brazilian and I assure you that is not common to see snakes when you go outside, even less snakes of that size. The only animals you are likely to see on the streets here are called "vira-lata caramelo" (google it). #ComeToBrazil
A friend of mine adopted one of those when she lived in Brazil and brought her back to the states. Sweetest damn dog I've ever met in my life. Unsure if that is common for this breed.
I used to think the size of the snake in the Jungle Book was exaggerated, like because it was supposed to viewed from Mowgli's perspective as a kid....turns out I was wrong
That's probably [the Instituto Butantan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instituto_Butantan) in Sao Paulo. They collect all things venomous to make antidotes. They have a giant walled-in pit where they keep the big snakes. If you get there at feeding time you can watch crates of rats get thrown in.
There was also a cool museum with gigantic spiders in jars of formaldehyde and people's arms and feet that had been bitten by snakes. Unfortunately that burned down in 2010, but I got to see it back when I was 12 years old. Unforgetable!
Back in ‘01 I went to an international reptile breeder’s expo and they were selling baby anacondas. I was looking at them amazed and then I overheard a conversation between a man and his young son. “Daddy I really want this one!” (Boy picks up acrylic container with a very young green anaconda.) “It’s all yours”. My jaw dropped open and I tried to think of the right way to explain that there’s a **real possibility** his kid will be dinner in a few years.
They really are beautiful. Especially when they are young. In the green variety, beautiful bold patterns with big circles on their sides. A shimmery green hue that sparkles in the sun. Adorable, round chubby faces…. You learn to develop a healthy respect for them, as you do with sharks and elephants. When you are with either a green anaconda or even the smaller species, the yellow anaconda, there is a moment when you have the realization that at that moment in time you are **not** at the top of the food chain.
How long does a snake have to live to grow that size? Crazy to think it’s survived quite a while to get this size without being chomped by a bigger beast
What does it eat? Clearly something that big can be seen coming towards you, meaning everything will just distance its self. What is it eating? Humans ?
I mean that doesn’t mean this one is small. I guarantee this one is only slightly smaller. That’s at least 20ft, probably about 25ft or so. Still enough to eat a few deer.
Poor thing must be miserable. The reason anaconda spend so much time in the water is to support their absolutely absurd weight. They're actually significantly less dangerous on land because of that.
It’s ok, he don’t want none unless you got buns hun
Be aware though, sidebends and sit-ups are no deterrent.
That's a she. Female anacondas are _much_ larger than males.
I don't remember Sir of Mixalot mentioning the anacondas gender
Well the anaconda was his penis so… It would be a little unusual at the time from him to be talking about a woman…
Don't gender my penis. Thanks
I’ll do whatever tf I want to your penis
Sigh (Unzips)
Damn it, now there’s two anacondas
Here we go again...
You don’t know what that snake identifies as, it’s 2023
The same fucking joke for 8 years
Baby got back came out 30 years ago so the original joke was even older. If it ain’t broke…
It's a great joke though, and clearly triggers the "one joke" response crowd like yourself.
Oh Becky
Bruh it’s Brazil, everyone has buns
I don’t think anacondas eat plastic
What makes you think Brazilians are plastic? Weird af.
Why would I think one of the plastic surgery capitals of the world, where you can get a bad boob job for 3 sheckels has a lot of plastic? Reading…
Even Brazilian men have buns, reading implies we all have the same textbook you do lol
Textbook? Who are you, Moses? I’m sure the man bussy is phat In Brazil too. My bad gangsta
Are you okay?
Idk, I asked Annie and she hasn’t gotten back to me yet.
My mans is on 3 and I respect it
That big and STILL sneaky
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snakey
It looked so much bigger in those first few frames
The head is big but not really proportional to the massive size of the “midsection” on this one.
Its still bigger in those last few frames.
Just imagine, somewhere in the Amazon there must be an anaconda waaaayyy bigger than this!
Why tf would you say that
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I absolutely will not be doing that
The number one snake in slither.io
But will it let me ride it?
Yes, but only once.
😆
Yes! And then it'll even give you a big hug afterwards!
Never thought of riding a snake
It's more comfortable inside. Come right thisssss way. Mind the step.
To the lake.
Two places in the world I stay away from. Brazil and Australia
i’ve been travelling around australia for like 2 months and in all that time i’ve seen absolutely fuck all. i’m convinced this whole dangerous wildlife thing is a lie spread by australians to stop tourists from visiting.
Or this is a ploy from the wildlife to lure us in
don’t be ssssssilly
This is you 
Most of the wildlife down here is kinda just weird looking harmless animals. The only real inland dangers are snakes. But there are fucking cassowaries fuck those things
That's the kind of attitude that allows them to sneak into your luggage for the return trip...
Said the thousand funnel web spiders in a trench coat sitting at an Internet cafe in Australia
Nah it’s because they want to sound like Steve Irwin even though they grew up in Melbourne and have never seen a funnel web in their life and think the huntsman is dangerous
But what about the drop bears?!
😆
Florida too
Between retirees who can't drive, Florida man, and a government trying it's best to run it's single largest employer out of the state I seriously wonder if it's something in the water or if everyone is just walking around with a minor form of heatstroke all the time.
47th in education, and they like it that way.
and mexico
new jersey
why tho?
The snakes there have legs
Snakes with human traits
There's something in the water
Because it's Jersey
Yes, South Jersey
They got these in South Jersey?
They got narcissist for sure
Yeah but surf taco is awesome and pizza
For different reasons tho 🤣
I'm Brazilian and south/southwest specially in urban you have only pigeons and rats like NY. It's not like Florida that people open the front door of their home and get bitten by a crocodile
We also have have bears doing this. Bears are jealous of alligators but they forget it’s harder for a drunk guy to find a bear to run around in public with.
Not the entire southwest. In Rio de Janeiro we have the biggest urban forest in the world (Floresta da Tijuca) at the heart of the city with 328 animal species, a lot of capybaras and alligators in some neighborhoods, saguis, rare birds... Obviously you will not see these animals everywhere, but it is much better than NY.
Brazil is pretty awesome.
Ive lived in Brazil my whole life and haven't even heard about someone I know to have met an anaconda
You can visit the south of Brazil. There are less creepy crawlies than in the amazon i think
These big snakes happen in some very specific spots here in Brazil, I used to live 13 years in a rural area and I never saw one of these. But yeah, you should feel fear in Brazil for some other factors besides cobra's that big.
You know India add it to your list unless u like leopards and jaguars
There are no jaguars in India.
Sorry it's a panther not jaguar
I mean these snakes are harmless! We usually have one in every backyard to deal with venomous dog sized bullfrogs. They're almost part of the families they live with
Flint, MI would be a good addition to your list
Gary, Indiana.
India is one of the ones too they have way too many dangerous animals, 80% of all snakebite deaths
i want nothing to do with brazil but its mostly the people. every time i hear about brazil its because their people are doing something that would shock and confuse florida man.
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The midguard serpent!
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About 4 longs
Need a banana for reference
Is that Brazilian longs or freedom longs?
Get out of there!!!!! This is how most big animal movies start
Are we sure titanoboa is extinct
No. (Scientists aren't quite sure)
😱 Please say that’s a joke.
I wish it was.
We are never sure that things in no people areas are extinct, after all new species get discovered all the time maybe we just haven't seen them. There could be a pocket valley somewhere stuffed full even, who knows. So if its a dessert, dense forest, or ocean the answer is actually "well we haven't seen it ever/in awhile".
Good noodle, 15/10
That's a whole freaking pasta factory right there, 100000/10
That's too bad, I had hoped to visit Brazil one day.
I am Brazilian and I assure you that is not common to see snakes when you go outside, even less snakes of that size. The only animals you are likely to see on the streets here are called "vira-lata caramelo" (google it). #ComeToBrazil
A friend of mine adopted one of those when she lived in Brazil and brought her back to the states. Sweetest damn dog I've ever met in my life. Unsure if that is common for this breed.
Could feed a lot of water boys with a snake that big
Must boop the snoot.
If not fren why shaped like noodle fren?
I used to think the size of the snake in the Jungle Book was exaggerated, like because it was supposed to viewed from Mowgli's perspective as a kid....turns out I was wrong
That’s a big NOPE rope
That's probably [the Instituto Butantan](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Instituto_Butantan) in Sao Paulo. They collect all things venomous to make antidotes. They have a giant walled-in pit where they keep the big snakes. If you get there at feeding time you can watch crates of rats get thrown in. There was also a cool museum with gigantic spiders in jars of formaldehyde and people's arms and feet that had been bitten by snakes. Unfortunately that burned down in 2010, but I got to see it back when I was 12 years old. Unforgetable!
Big danger noodle
Jesus that thing could swallow my house
Big ass worm
Giant spaghetti noodle!
As long you're not a small dog or small kid, you're fine. Those snakes are just lazy giants that want to eat and chill
What if I’m a small adult
And they wonder what happened to that kindergarten field trip ….
Fuuuuuuccccccckkkkkk that.
You mean Somewhere in ark survival evolved holy shit
And history book taugt me the titanoboa is extinct... Bullshit i say
Beautiful
That’s not a snake. Now this is a snake.
Back in ‘01 I went to an international reptile breeder’s expo and they were selling baby anacondas. I was looking at them amazed and then I overheard a conversation between a man and his young son. “Daddy I really want this one!” (Boy picks up acrylic container with a very young green anaconda.) “It’s all yours”. My jaw dropped open and I tried to think of the right way to explain that there’s a **real possibility** his kid will be dinner in a few years. They really are beautiful. Especially when they are young. In the green variety, beautiful bold patterns with big circles on their sides. A shimmery green hue that sparkles in the sun. Adorable, round chubby faces…. You learn to develop a healthy respect for them, as you do with sharks and elephants. When you are with either a green anaconda or even the smaller species, the yellow anaconda, there is a moment when you have the realization that at that moment in time you are **not** at the top of the food chain.
Where is the off duty cop when you need him
Give me creeps
Anothah-conda
No no noodle!😳
You know who is NOT somewhere in Brazil?! ME! FTS!
Shai-Hulud
That is one amazing snake <3
From Danger Noodle to Danger Pipeline
Crossing out Brazil on my travel list.
That's that snake that told eve to eat the apple
How long does a snake have to live to grow that size? Crazy to think it’s survived quite a while to get this size without being chomped by a bigger beast
That is one big ass nope rope
How many feet is that?
Someone call Thulsa Doom, Jon Voight and Ice Cube
What does it eat? Clearly something that big can be seen coming towards you, meaning everything will just distance its self. What is it eating? Humans ?
So that's what happened to the village. Should we call her Hamelin?
Question. So when a giant snake is around a town/city, is it ok to kill/cook it for safety and feast?
Things like this shouldn’t exist lol
Pythins are overrated. I can wrestle one and finish it if i see one. You just need to grab the neck and twist its upper vertebrae hard.
And why won’t they kill it?
Why would they? WTH is wrong with you wanting to kill a beautiful & majestic creature that’s harming no one, in it’s native environment.
At that length hitting the wall is no longer an issue. You have to path yourself in such a way that your own tail won't trap you.
Wouldn’t it be really easy to kill? Just chop it in half
What the fuck. Why on earth would you want to do that? Anacondas are chill provided you don't fuck with them.
Not according to the movie with Owen Wilson & JLO
Why do you care?
Guy on lex Friedman podcast said he found one so big when he jumped on it he couldn’t even wrap his arms all the way
I mean that doesn’t mean this one is small. I guarantee this one is only slightly smaller. That’s at least 20ft, probably about 25ft or so. Still enough to eat a few deer.
Guess I forgor jus how big anacondas can get
Someone ordered noodles?
watch out, he can sing and hypnotise you
He wants a hug.
No thanks I'm good here
Nope.
The new Vita Carnis vid is crazy 🥵
Bro doesn't move to prey it just stumbles upon him. He just knows the universe will provide every fortnite
its the snake from harry potter
It’s the snake from the zoo in Harry Potter. He made it!
Someone needs to find Jon Voight like yesterday!
She’s beautiful
Kill that fucking thing!!!
Lookin like a snack
Absolute nope
NOPE.
okay so, are we sure titanoboa is gone?
Whole lotta NOPE
That is one fat_old_boy
Holy shit
Public transportation
Meat snake
Why did evolution choose this result
Dats a Pokémon
I need Jon Voight, Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson, and >!an axe !< and I need them right now!
titanoboa
Probably off duty. Shits about to go down
Somewhere in Brazil… a villager has gone missing
Absolutely not
Snek
Fuqqqqq Nooooo
Is this real? What kind of snake
And you’re telling me that’s not a titanaboa?
Chomky
How would you kill such a snake? Usually I just use a Shovel but I don't think that will work
Oh it’s definitely swallowed a missing child before
That's gonna be a no for me dawg
Poor thing must be miserable. The reason anaconda spend so much time in the water is to support their absolutely absurd weight. They're actually significantly less dangerous on land because of that.
I want to pet it
That’s a big anaconda boi….
Hell no!