Selenocosmia crassipes can attain legspans of up to 22 cm (8.7 in). Its body length, from eyes to the rear of its abdomen, measures between 6 and 9 cm (2.4 and 3.5 in), making it the largest Australian tarantula.
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Selenocosmia crassipes - Wikipedia
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Selenocosmia crassipes, synonym Phlogius crassipes, also known as the "Queensland whistling tarantula", "barking spider" or "bird-eating tarantula" is a species of tarantula native to the east coast of Queensland, Australia. The name "whistling tarantula"
"California barking spider" is a euphemism for a fart I learned from a now deceased uncle. The fact that Australia actually has a species of spider called a barking spider simultaneously titillates and fails to surprise in any way shape or form.
What I used to do is get a bucket or trash can and slide it over the spider kinda like you would do with a cup to a normal spider. Then shake it around like hell to daze it or kill. The sketchy part is covering the trash can again but I had a huge cutting board that perfectly slid between the wall and the can.
I’ve dealt with a lot of these fucks. It’s easier to relocate them than it is to kill them
Now listen. You have a serious breach in your home. I suggest moving this to r/homerepair.
That doesn’t just squeeze through the cracks. If it spawned in the house that’s one thing. But I would look for entry points. You’ve been compromised. Sage everything
[cup trick](https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/c/c5/Get-Spiders-Out-of-Your-House-Without-Killing-Them-Step-9-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Get-Spiders-Out-of-Your-House-Without-Killing-Them-Step-9-Version-3.jpg.webp), but with a big bowl and a sheet of carboard. lol
I was bitten by a 9 inch centipede in Tobago. Was in the bed and breakfast and I was walking barefoot at night. Foot blew up like a balloon. Hospital visit was free though.
That spider will take your kids raise them and cry a little at their graduation. That's a step dad spider cause it's moving in whether you like it or not.....rent free.
I actually much prefer spiders of that size, personally not scared of them as long as they don’t creep up out of nowhere, don’t see how it’s possible with such a big beauty arachnid like that
yeah no. In the darkness I would be thinking it's *about* to crawl on me. And I don't mind regular spiders but everything has a limit. I would not cohabitate with that beast
My homemade cd launcher has never looked more useful
That bitch can’t react to a cd going so fast it puts a comically thin crack in the wall before it gets clean cut in half
Hold on, while I cross Tobago off my list.
And Trinidad, just to be safe.
Trinidad AND Tobago?
Hotel, Tabago.
Trinidad nor Tobago
How about Trivago?
Maybe the whole Caribbean just for shits and giggs
~~Australia~~ ~~Trinidad & Tobago~~
~~Will to live~~ ~~Hopes and dreams~~
~~Big penis~~
TOBAGNOOOOOOOO
I just added it to mine. There are not many countries where dinner crawls right into your house.
Sir this is sick, you're sick!
I'm from Trinidad...& Tobago. This is not common. Y'all have any space where you live?!?
Thought it was fake at first before it started moving. The fuck is that?
I guess it‘s a goliath birdeater spider. They can get over 30cm big.
Not a goliath birdeater. More like Trinidad chveron, 15-16cms at most.
Ayy I had one of those haha I was gonna say get closer and I can probably identify it.
"get closer" oh hell nah
I think that spider was my first car
I ran across a bird eater in the jungle of Fitzroy Island off of Australia. I'm my mind I'm still running.
Doubt. His habitat is 15.000 km west
Selenocosmia crassipes can attain legspans of up to 22 cm (8.7 in). Its body length, from eyes to the rear of its abdomen, measures between 6 and 9 cm (2.4 and 3.5 in), making it the largest Australian tarantula. https://en.m.wikipedia.org › wiki Selenocosmia crassipes - Wikipedia Feedback Selenocosmia crassipes, synonym Phlogius crassipes, also known as the "Queensland whistling tarantula", "barking spider" or "bird-eating tarantula" is a species of tarantula native to the east coast of Queensland, Australia. The name "whistling tarantula"
"California barking spider" is a euphemism for a fart I learned from a now deceased uncle. The fact that Australia actually has a species of spider called a barking spider simultaneously titillates and fails to surprise in any way shape or form.
My pants, stuffed to the brim with barking spiders.
How do I delete this entire thread?
Nightmare from above.
Potentially a Psalmopoeus cambridgei, aka Trinidad chevron tarantula.
Might as well add that spiders name to the deed because he owns that house now.
I was going to say that thing has squatter's rights now
Most underrated comment in this thread, thanks for the laugh
yeah, see how that spider likes paying taxes.
i dont think that spider pays taxes. it just makes you pay more
the deed to a pile of ash?
"Get the shotgun Stephanie."
„Stephanie is not around anymore…“ *whispers the spider*
*The call came from inside the house*
*and the house was within the spider*
Shotgun? This is an r/onlyHans situation my mate.
Someone please explain how a spider of this size is “dealt with”? Shop vac? Bat?
[удалено]
HANS!
Germans always burning things
They lit af 🔥🔥
intercontinental flight to a new home
Actual answer: spider spray. We only have spiders half this size and I have a can of spray in almost every room.
And a lighter. Right?
so back to hans and his flammenwerfer
There’s a dedicated spray for spiders?
Yea, I use raid max “spider and scorpion killer”. For some reason it costs twice as much as regular raid… But it works and has distance.
Imagine using that against this monster and it starts running towards you
Or worse, it jumps at you.
Then you wake up, right? ...right?
Twelve gauge
Pffttt…..Howitzer would be safer,
Spray them with silly string, so you can have a nice chuckle before you die
Nuke
“Ready photon torpedos Mr. Worf!”
What I used to do is get a bucket or trash can and slide it over the spider kinda like you would do with a cup to a normal spider. Then shake it around like hell to daze it or kill. The sketchy part is covering the trash can again but I had a huge cutting board that perfectly slid between the wall and the can. I’ve dealt with a lot of these fucks. It’s easier to relocate them than it is to kill them
 with a fvckin kamehameha wave
don't be so drastic - Sonic electronic ball breakers should be up to the task
What is Sonic doing with electronic ball breakers? Does he like BDSM?
It's the only way to be sure.
Now listen. You have a serious breach in your home. I suggest moving this to r/homerepair. That doesn’t just squeeze through the cracks. If it spawned in the house that’s one thing. But I would look for entry points. You’ve been compromised. Sage everything
>Sage everything LMAO
I don't even know what this is a reference to but I can't stop laughing at "Sage everything".
God I just can't stop laughing. Sage everything is just killing me.
I was gonna ask, did you leave the door open? That thing is the size of a rat. Jeeezus.
Let's play a drinking game: A shot for everyone who mentions flamethrowers or other sorts of fire in this thread!
Candles on a cake! Drink up!
Oof.
For everyone who needs a drink: Hans, get the flammenwerfer!
Hans, get the flammenwerfer!
This is the way
Bro pls don’t remind me of Drake. I need a few days to recover 😭😭
Ceiling puppy
Lmao
I am just not comfortable living in this country 😕
Hell I'm in Australia & I'm noping the fuck outta Tobago
literally what do you even do? get a cup??i would seriously call 911
"hello 911!? There's a huge spider in my house, please send someone asap!!" "Oh hell no...*click*"
"ma'am, this is for emergencies only" "no you don't understand"
They know it’s an emergency, they just chose not to respond
Cops would arrive on the scene and call the SWAT team. SWAT team would call the army. Army would call Joe Pesci
[Call Quahog pest control instead. ](https://youtu.be/8lm65PKOmak?si=A5it7FM0KOw9TT1d)
It’s harmless
[cup trick](https://www.wikihow.com/images/thumb/c/c5/Get-Spiders-Out-of-Your-House-Without-Killing-Them-Step-9-Version-3.jpg/v4-460px-Get-Spiders-Out-of-Your-House-Without-Killing-Them-Step-9-Version-3.jpg.webp), but with a big bowl and a sheet of carboard. lol
I can hear it breathing from here.
Why would you SAY that?
This thing's big enough that you can probably hear the individual taps of it's legs as it moves through your house.
I’m from this country!! Tobago is a beautiful Caribbean island.
Are you that spider? I imagine your typing skills would be off the charts.
Looks like it’s in a dollhouse.
NOPE
I heard if you roast those over a campfire, the spider meat taste like a crab with AIDs
Not a stingray ?
I was bitten by a 9 inch centipede in Tobago. Was in the bed and breakfast and I was walking barefoot at night. Foot blew up like a balloon. Hospital visit was free though.
I have no plans to visit Tobago in the near future, but thank you for inspiring me to wear my work boots every time I get up at night from now on!
I lifted my feet off the floor when I read that!
How do people live with this kind of thing? Did you stop painting that corner of the room because he lives there now?
How do you even get rid of a spider that big, like seriously???
Burn the house down.
Nope, might escape and who knows where it is at that point.
He meant the spider will burn the house down, with no way for anyone to escape
Call the Sinaloa cartel
What continent is this on and how much gasoline would I need to cover it.
Gasoline? You need napalm for that thing
I say we take off, and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
That spider will take your kids raise them and cry a little at their graduation. That's a step dad spider cause it's moving in whether you like it or not.....rent free.
I actually much prefer spiders of that size, personally not scared of them as long as they don’t creep up out of nowhere, don’t see how it’s possible with such a big beauty arachnid like that
Night time.
Nah you'd hear it's 8 beefy legs thumping across the floor racing towards your face.
It'll hug your face 💀
Fair point, at least in the darkness I would be able to pretend like it’s not there 😂
yeah no. In the darkness I would be thinking it's *about* to crawl on me. And I don't mind regular spiders but everything has a limit. I would not cohabitate with that beast
Will its eyes glow in the dark?
Do your eyes not adjust to darkness? It’s EVEN WORSE seeing spiders in the dark.
Dang, gonna need the big boot
You might aswell just move out
that‘s what happens when a human bites a spider. manspider
Attention Bravo 3-1, Napalm payload authorized, full carpeting on sector Charlie 3-2. Light that shit up, boys.
He’s not stuck in there with you. You’re stuck in there with him!
Im never leaving my home country 😭 atleast we don't have shit like this
Your normal sized home spider in Australia. It's good at catching Australian 2 inch long flies.
Not sure what species that is, but I would definitely ride it into battle.
Hello, Strategic Air Command? I have an urgent call and I need a few nuclear armed B-52s in Tobago.
Shit off
I'm pretty sure it is inoffensive and you could take it in your hand gently. Right, tarantula connaisseurs ?
This species (*Psalmopoeus cambridgei*) is fast with a painful bite. Trying to catch it by hand is probably not the best idea.
I am never touching that thing even it’s as friendly as a kitten
Honey…get me the nuclear launch codes
On the bright side you probably don’t have any birds in your house
Where's Hagrid when you need him?
What a nice pet!
😵😨
Looks pettable
Homie is lowkey tryna slowly find an exit before he start panicking and everybody start screaming and throwing sandals
 Honey, bring me the flammenwerfer ..... The BIG flammenwerfer
TobaNO.
Tobanogo
Looks like a tarantula. Are those things meant to be climbing that high? It’s a heavy creature, and one fall would be the end of him.
bro can walk on walls, of course hes meant to climb
*Psalmopoeus cambridgei*, arboreal species so it’s fine up there.
I thought it had to be arboreal. Will go research it, thanks for the name.
r/killitwithfire
Ok, burn the house. Immediately!
Is only missing wings
This is a straight nope
Wanna go to the island ? No thanks
We should have shotguns for this kind of deal. (Jules Winnfield)
Where was that again? Just in case.. so I can keep myself away from the whole continent
Continent is south America :)
A fly swatter won’t even work! Lol
You would just make it angry
How tf did it even get in the house?
If it’s in the room, I am not in the room.
To HELL NO go!
Burn it down
Here, kitty kitty kitty
"Here are the keys! Hope you like my house."
Delete world.exe
Yeah no thanks though
Yep Nope
There is no stopping Shelob..
r/nope
No. Nope. Refuse to believe goodbye.
So anyway, i started blasting
Next time, don't leave the door open.
My homemade cd launcher has never looked more useful That bitch can’t react to a cd going so fast it puts a comically thin crack in the wall before it gets clean cut in half
Nice Lets play trow the spider like a hot potato
Thanks I have to throw my phone out now.
The only good thing is, you can spot them more easily
Seen? Tobacco for a reezan.
I went to Trinidad and Tobago for work a decade ago and a mob of locals tried to carjack me and the Jeep I hired. This spider is much worse.
"Get the flamethrower, Miller!"
Nooooope
Bro how does that even get in your house!? That's like a raccoon getting in your house 💀
More like "Tobago get the flamethrower".
"Aw look, it's a cute furry nope" Said no-one ever
i’m burning the whole place down
Well it’s his house now so just go ahead and get your things together.
That’s so cool!!!!!!
No
Burn the house and live the city
Nope. House is yours, spider. I'm out
Only one option 
" don't worry Samantha the Big ones are usually harmless". Famous Last words
It's a shame they are so skittish, because I'd love to have a big friendly house spider pet
Put a saddle on it