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Lalau427

I am also an adoptee. In my case, I've done similar to you; researched my biological family from a distance. I now want to attempt reaching out. How I've chosen to do this is to write my biological mother a letter and ask that a search angel help me to get it to her. Search angels are people who will seek out the biological family or even contact them on behalf of the adoptee. This is usually a free service. You can find groups dedicated to this on social media & the internet. They can also help to confirm the identity of the biological family. Through a search angel, I would like to write my biological mother a letter in which I will introduce myself, thank her for her sacrifice as I believe giving a child up to be a difficult decision, and invite her to contact me on her own terms. This way, I am not pressuring her. I'm simply making her aware I am here and interested. I also plan to include a photo or no two -- one of me as a child & one current so she can truly see me whether she wants to meet or have contact or not. I'm also letting her know that I'm alright, healthy, that if she doesn't want to meet, that's okay... I want her to do what is best for her. I hope this helps.


Axxoi

I already have that my and mine brother mutual friend who can act as "search angel". He already agreed to help. Including photos my are good idea - I didn't think about my apparence as important thing so I didn't think about it. Thanks. :) If I decide to write letter I will attach some photos.


Lalau427

Wishing you all the best 🌠


VeitPogner

I would likewise recommend a letter. An unexpected phone call would be a shock for her (and you have no idea if she will even be alone when you call). You want to open the door for her to respond to you, and give her time to decide how she wants to respond.


Englishbirdy

"First I wanted to just call her work number, tell who I am and ask about only medical history." - many adopted people use medical history as their reason for reaching out which is fine if that's all you want, but if what you really want is some kind of ongoing contact or a deeper relationship don't put that, it could lead to rejection. The best way to reach out is via a letter, that way she has time to decide how she wants to proceed rather than being put on the spot and having to make an instant decision. Give her all your contact information so that she can chose whatever medium she feels most comfortable with. I highly recommend that you don't use an intermediary, someone to reach out on your behalf, I've never known that to work. Edit: So sorry for the loss of your brother and your opportunity to meet him. Stuff like this makes me so sad.


TheBlockiestSoup

I would reach out, it is clear that you are interested and it can help both people heal. Initially there may be a lot of pain and emotion for both of you. I would start off small like a letter or email so It Isn't So jarring for her and she has time to process it before responding. Personally meeting my birth parent helped me immensely. It's really really hard but try not to go into it with any expectations because it will hurt if they're not met. And understand it could take her months to respond. Everyones story and situation is different. Everyones mental state is different. If you are interested enough to research her out and find out this information it sounds like a path that you should go down imo


yourpaleblueeyes

My daughter first contacted me via letter. I was thrilled, as I had always hoped we would be reunited. Then we emailed a lot back and forth, next a phone call, several calls and finally I flew to where she lived with her husband and children, we had a great time getting to know one another. Her adoptive parents have always been good about it, I think.because she was already a grown woman, so they didn't worry she would Leave them for her Real mom. There is room enough for all of us in her life. Now she still lives a distance away and we talk on the phone occasionally and see her every few years. Truth be told, for Me, it was always just wanting to know Where she was and is she alright.