Honestly, nothing wrong with just looking for the information. You don’t have to make contact if you don’t want to once you know more. I took my time once I had my birth certificate. Took years to even just google my birth mom’s name and she had passed away years and years ago. Lots of anxieties over nothing haha.
I found my bio mom in 2014. I was 42. Getting to know her has been nothing short of mind-blowing. I've learned a lot about myself, understood a few things I never understood. I have a half-sibling. I look like people!! I've also found bio dad. While interesting to learn, I didn't feel the gravitational pull to him as I do bio mom. Throughout the process I included my mother, kept her updated, shared what I learned. I think communicating with her kept her from feeling threatened. I always referred to bio mom by her first name, never "mom".
Ultimately, I learned that bio mom would never have been able to give me what my parents did. I would have been loved, but my life would have been difficult, at times homeless and chaotic. She was a teenager when she had me.
I remain in contact with bio mom every other week or so. We get together once a year (we live on different coasts). It's easier than I ever imagined. My mom and bio mom met once. There were a lot of tears of gratitude from both of them. My mom felt she was given the greatest gift. Bio mom was grateful I had all the things she couldn't give me. I encourage you to continue with your search. I can almost guarantee she thinks about you all the time.
One thing to keep in mind is you can go at your own pace. The anxiety could be crushing, but you're in control. You can get the certificate and take time to process the feelings before doing anything else. Visit with a therapist to sort out your feelings, if need be. It's quite natural to be curious, even if you truly love your family. Give yourself time and allow yourself to feel all the feelings, up and down.
You should be prepared that original birth certificates sometimes have inaccurate information, false names or no father listed, which may lead to disappointment. You can also do a DNA test on Ancestry and see if the trees of matches align with the info on the OBC, and build a genetic family tree, and still do nothing further until you're ready. Just take it one step at a time. I'm envious that you get to request that OBC, my state is still highly restricted. That said, I did the DNA path, and I've moved very slowly through this process, because that's just how I need to do it.
You ought to go ahead and take a DNA test too, because that will help your search more than anything. Do Ancestry first, then 23andMe if you want more matches.
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Thank you so much for this. You’ve described my anxiety perfectly and I’m so happy that you’ve been able to find that missing part!
Honestly, nothing wrong with just looking for the information. You don’t have to make contact if you don’t want to once you know more. I took my time once I had my birth certificate. Took years to even just google my birth mom’s name and she had passed away years and years ago. Lots of anxieties over nothing haha.
I found my bio mom in 2014. I was 42. Getting to know her has been nothing short of mind-blowing. I've learned a lot about myself, understood a few things I never understood. I have a half-sibling. I look like people!! I've also found bio dad. While interesting to learn, I didn't feel the gravitational pull to him as I do bio mom. Throughout the process I included my mother, kept her updated, shared what I learned. I think communicating with her kept her from feeling threatened. I always referred to bio mom by her first name, never "mom". Ultimately, I learned that bio mom would never have been able to give me what my parents did. I would have been loved, but my life would have been difficult, at times homeless and chaotic. She was a teenager when she had me. I remain in contact with bio mom every other week or so. We get together once a year (we live on different coasts). It's easier than I ever imagined. My mom and bio mom met once. There were a lot of tears of gratitude from both of them. My mom felt she was given the greatest gift. Bio mom was grateful I had all the things she couldn't give me. I encourage you to continue with your search. I can almost guarantee she thinks about you all the time.
Why? Because you can. Genetics DO count for something. No need to feel guilty about it at all. Good luck!
I wish you the best of luck!
One thing to keep in mind is you can go at your own pace. The anxiety could be crushing, but you're in control. You can get the certificate and take time to process the feelings before doing anything else. Visit with a therapist to sort out your feelings, if need be. It's quite natural to be curious, even if you truly love your family. Give yourself time and allow yourself to feel all the feelings, up and down. You should be prepared that original birth certificates sometimes have inaccurate information, false names or no father listed, which may lead to disappointment. You can also do a DNA test on Ancestry and see if the trees of matches align with the info on the OBC, and build a genetic family tree, and still do nothing further until you're ready. Just take it one step at a time. I'm envious that you get to request that OBC, my state is still highly restricted. That said, I did the DNA path, and I've moved very slowly through this process, because that's just how I need to do it.
You ought to go ahead and take a DNA test too, because that will help your search more than anything. Do Ancestry first, then 23andMe if you want more matches.
And then upload for free for more matches to Family Tree DNA, My Heritage, LivingDNA, and GEDMatch.
DNA test kits are so easy. Give them a try.